SBCinema

**Clappy** · August 3, 2014

This still exists? I guess so...oh wait. It's the Big 5-0. Better do something super special to celebrate it's 50th anniversary.

50. And Then There Were Less

Film: And Then There Were None

Eight people, all total strangers to each other in real life, are invited to small, isolated island off the coast, by Mr. and Mrs. One. They settle in at a mansion tended by two newly hired servants, Clappy and Jelly, but their hosts are absent. When the guests sit down to dinner, they notice the centerpiece, ten figurines of SBCers in a circle. Afterward, Clappy puts on a record, from which a voice accuses them all of murder:

-General JP Nuggets of ordering his wife Skype's lover, Dylan, to his death

-The Great Aya, of the death of her beloved Gaston

-Dr. Terminoob, of public intoxication which resulted in his once glorious beard dying

-Prince Darkstar, of killing a couple just going for a nice flight simulation.

-CowBob RanchPants, of murdering a Cat and a Cha

-Judge Jjs, of being responsible for the hanging of an innocent man and riffing his hanging.

-Old Man Jenkins, of trolling 21 tribesman of the Refugee

-70s, of perjury, resulting in a long abscene

-Clappy and Jelly, for lowering the age demographic of the site with their decrease in activity

It turns out that none of the ten knows or has even seen "Some. 1," as he signed his instructions to Clappy; they suddenly realize it stands for "someone." The guests decide to leave, but Clappy informs them that the boat will not return until Monday, and it is only Friday.

Darkstar screams that he does not have multiple personality orders. Then he takes a drink and dies from poison as everyone rejoices…then Darkstar resurrects himself under a different name…but dies again. The next morning, the guests learn that Miss Jelly has died in her sweet wet dreams of Paulie. Jjs reports that Clappy found one figurine broken after Darkstar's multiple demises. Now another is missing. With two deaths matching the Ten Little SBCers nursery rhyme, they search the island for "Mrs. Someone" without success. After General Nuggets is stabbed in the back for the amount of death threats he has given over the months, Jjs arrives at the only explanation: Someone must be one of them.

Another day passes. Everyone votes secretly for whom they suspect. Only Clappy receives two votes, and is sent to spend the night in the woodshed. After locking the dining room, they give Clappy the key. The next morning, however, they find him dead, his head split open with an iPad. CowBob RanchPants persuades The Great Aya to reveal that she had Gaston placed in a reformatory, where Gaston hanged himself for losing the Beauty to the Beast. Later that day, The Great Aya's body is found after being powerbombed through a table . Terminoob discovers his figurine is missing. Jenkins admits he had a revolver, but it is lost as well.

At dinner, Jjs confesses he sentenced an innocent riffer to death (JCM in a cameo) so he can have JCMovies to riff. Terminoob then admits to posting while drunk, with fatal results. 70s grudgingly discloses that he perjured himself to kick an innocent man off the forums, where he died. Jenkins merely states that the accusation against him is true. When it is RanchPants's turn, she excuses herself to get her cowgirl hat. The others hear her shriek and rush to her. In the confusion, a single gunshot is heard. They find CowBob shaken after being brushed by seaweed hanging from the ceiling, which she mistook for a cold hand. They also spot Jenkins's gun, and Jjs apparently dead from a shot to the head.

RanchPants insists she is innocent, but Terminoob contends that only a person who had not committed a crime would want to meet out "justice" and locks her in her ask thread. Later that night, she wakes to find Jenkins lurking her ask thread. After he gives her his gun, she lets him inside. He persuades her to admit that it was her sister who killed Unlimitedcat, and CowBob helped her cover up the crime and unofficially took the blame, caring for her sister until she died. They hear someone going downstairs. Upon investigation, they realize that Terminoob is missing.

The next morning, 70s is struck while outside by stones from the floor above. Jenkins takes the binoculars beside the body and sees what 70s had -- a corpse on the beach. It is Terminoob. RanchPants pulls out the gun, certain that Jenkins is the killer. Jenkins tells her that his real name is Pablo_808, and that he impersonated his friend to discover if the invitation had anything to do with his friend's suicide.

CowBob fires, and he drops. She returns to the mansion to find Jjs very much alive. The judge tells her that all his life he had searched for perfect justice. After learning that he was terminally ill, he concocted this plan. He persuaded Terminoob to fake his (Jjs's) death, supposedly to help catch Someone, then murdered Terminoob. He tells CowBob RanchPants that she can either hang herself or be sent to the gallows (as the only possible perpetrator). He drinks poisoned whiskey, but he sees Pablo_808 before he dies and realizes that his scheme has been foiled. CowBob had missed intentionally. Boat owner Zaidcatdog returns to the island, asking Pablo_808 and CowBob if “The party is ready to leave :funny: ”, to which they reply, "You are the party! :funny: ", and run off together on the boat.

**Clappy** · September 15, 2014

Not my best work, but this needs a bump.

51. Charriet The Spy

Movie: Harriet the Spy

Charriet is an eleven-year-old sixth grader and a young spy/writer who is best friends and legally married to Nuggets and Sauce. She lives a privileged life with her parents and her nanny, Aya "Ole Golly" who's the only person who knows all the things that Charriet has been snooping on and watches anime with her. Charriet and her friends are enemies with mainly SG. For a while, Charriet lives life very well with being a spy and having fun with Golly.

One night, Golly invites their homie over and Charriet, Golly and homie go to dinner

and a movie

where things turn into a disaster. Mrs. DadMom fires Golly for letting Charriet stay out late and then begs her to stay. Golly tells her that Charriet is old enough to take care of herself, much to everyone's protests. After Charriet bids Golly goodbye, she becomes depressed and withdrawn. She even gets caught when investigating the nether regions of Dave.

The next day, she plays with her friends at the park, and disaster strikes. SG finds Charriet's private notebook and begins reading all of Charriet's vindictive comments on her friends out loud, such as how she suspects Sauce "doesn’t brush her teet at night" and mocking Nuggets obsession with Kanye West.

Everyone finds that they're all cruel and hurtful, and even Nuggets and Sauce turn their backs on Charriet. The kids then create a Spy-Catcher club and torment Charriet on her spy routes.

After running into the director in chief :whitney: , and then getting zeroes on her schoolwork from Mrs. Fifi, Charriet gets her notebook taken away by her DadMom. Her DadMom tell Mrs. Fifi to search Charriet every day for notebooks, much to Charriet's embarrassment. One day, during art, SG "accidentally" pours blue paint all over Charriet, who does things to get back at everyone individually, then exposes to them that SG's father left her because he never loved her.

Charriet's DadMom find out what she has done to her classmates and send her to be evaluated by a psychologist (JCM in a cameo), who assures them that Charriet is fine and that she should bump his ask thread.

Charriet then tries to apologize to Nuggets and Sauce (who later quit SG's bully group) and soon gets appointed as the editor of the sixth grade paper by her classmates who get SG's occupation as the editor voted out. Through one article, she apologizes to everyone including SG and all is well. On opening night of the 6th Grade pageant, Sauce, Nuggets and Charriet light off a stink bomb as revenge on SG and dance to Bruno Mars “Marry You” after reciting their vows.

**Zaid** · September 16, 2014

can i do a movie?

**Clappy** · September 21, 2014

Message me with more info first before you do so.

**Clappy** · October 5, 2014

52. Odd and Otter

Film: Dumb and Dumber

SOF and CDCB are best friends and roommates living in Canada who struggle at every aspect of life. SOF, a bus driver, falls instantly in love with Unlim Cha, a woman he is driving to the airport. She intentionally leaves her briefcase in the terminal; SOF, unaware that it contains ransom money for her kidnapped husband Zaid, retrieves it and tries to return it to her, but her Japan-bound plane has already departed.

Fired from his job, SOF heads back to his apartment and learns that CDCB has also been fired from his job as an otter groomer. Two of Zaid's kidnappers, Dylan "3005" and J.P. Nugs, follow SOF home from the airport in pursuit of the briefcase. Mistaking the crooks for debt collectors, the duo flee the apartment and return later to find that 3005 and Nugs have decapitated CDCB's otter Butter. Upset about their situation, SOF suggests they head to Japan to find Cha and return the briefcase, hoping she can "plug them into the social pipeline eh." Initially opposed to the idea, CDCB soon agrees to SOF's proposal and they leave the next day. 3005 and Nugs find out about their plans and follow them.

3005 and Nugs catch up to the duo at a motel that night. Posing as tv star Donald Glover, 3005 is picked up by CDCB and SOF the next day, while Nugs follows them in pursuit. During a lunch stop, the duo accidentally kill 3005 with rat poison (which he planned to use on them) after they mistake it for his medication. Nearing Quebec, SOF takes a wrong turn and ends up driving all night in the wrong direction. After waking up and realizing SOF's mistake, CDCB angrily gives up on the journey and attempts to return home, but SOF persuades him to continue their trip after trading their van for a mountie (Wumbo in a cameo, eh).

The duo soon arrive in Japan but are unable to locate Cha. After a short scuffle that night, the briefcase breaks open and they discover the money. Low on cash and needing somewhere to stay, they "borrow" some of the money for a luxurious hotel room, in addition to 1990 cartoon cassette tapings and a VHS player. They soon learn that Cha and her family will be hosting a gala and prepare to attend. At the dinner gala, CDCB, attempting to lure Cha over to SOF, reluctantly agrees to watch Kappa Mikey with her the next day and lies to SOF that he got him a date. The next day, SOF finds out CDCB lied to him after waiting all day for Cha at the XAT.

SOF incapacitates CDCB with an overdose of laxatives in retaliation, after which SOF arrives at Cha's house and informs her he has her briefcase. SOF takes her to the hotel room and shows her the briefcase. SOF confesses his love to Cha, but is rejected. JCM, a confidant and the mastermind behind Zaid's kidnapping, arrives at the hotel with Nugs and, upon learning most of the ransom money has been spent by SOF and CDCB and replaced with IOUs, takes SOF and Cha hostage, as well as CDCB after he returns to the hotel. Before JCM can kill them, XAT bots raids the hotel room and arrests him and Nugs. After the incident, Cha and Zaid are reunited, much to the jealousy of SOF.

The film ends with CDCB and SOF walking home. All of the items they bought with the ransom money were confiscated and Wumbo went back to college. The two unknowingly decline the chance to be oil boys for a group of OMJ approved Hawaiian Tropic bikini girls.

After which CDCB ironically tells SOF that they will get their "break" one day. They then play a friendly game of tag, continuing their walk home.

~~Metal Snake~~ · October 5, 2014

Pretty enjoyable read, I always liked that movie.

**Clappy** · October 27, 2014

Time for my entry in the Scary Story contest.

53. The Canadian Chainsaw Massacre

Film: Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

On October 31, 2014, five young adults, Sauce, her boyfriend Shin, Kan, Wumbo, and Cha, are on their way to a Our Lady Peace concert after returning from America, to buy “sandwiches”. As they drive through Waterloo, Canada, they pick up a distraught hitchhiker (JCM in a cameo) they spot walking in the middle of the road. After trying to talk to the hitchhiker, who talks incoherently about "a hot tempered man", he pulls out a .357 Magnum and shoots himself in the mouth.

The group goes to a nearby eatery to contact the police where The Great Aya tells them to meet the sheriff at the mill. Instead of the sheriff, they find a little boy named Omair who tells them that the sheriff is at home getting drunk when the sheriff should be drowning his sorrows in Nutella. Sauce and Shin go through the woods to find his house, leaving the other three at the mill with the boy. They come across a Waterloo plantation house where Sauce is allowed inside by the owner, an amputee an proud Waterlooian named Jenkins, to phone for help. When Sauce finishes, the old man asks her for the validity of her eyelashes. Shin goes inside to look for his boo and is bludgeoned with a sledgehammer by ______ aka:

Hot tempered, he drags Shin's body into the basement to make a new face

and discovers a small black box that falls from Shin's pocket. Opening it, he discovers an engagement ring intended for Sauce.

Meanwhile, Sheriff Elastic arrives at the mill and disposes of the hitchhiker's body, wrapping JCM in plastic wrap and putting him in his trunk. Sauce returns and finds that Shin is still missing. Wumbo and Sauce go back to Waterloo Jenkins's house, where Sauce distracts him while Wumbo searches for Shin. Jenkins realizes Wumbo is inside and summons _____ by the name of Future Writer…Cartoon Fan…Enigma, who attacks them with a hot tempered stunner.

Sauce escapes and heads towards the woods, but Enigma slices Wumbo's leg after he refuses to Shake It Off. Enigma carries him to the basement and impales him with a meat hook clothesline before rubbing salt on Wumbo's stump and wrapping it in butcher paper.

Sauce makes it back to the mill but before she can leave, Sheriff Elastic shows up. After spotting marijuana on the dashboard, he orders Sauce, Kan and Cha to get out of the van so he can get high as a kite. Elastic gives Kan the gun he took from JCM and tells him to reenact how JCM killed himself. Kan, scared and disturbed by the sheriff getting blazed, attempts to shoot, after listening to Jjs in his head tell him how to do it, only to find the gun is unloaded. Sheriff Elastic handcuffs Kan and drives him to Jenkins house (a drive which includes a verbal berating), taking the van's key with him. Sauce manages to hot wire the truck, but one of the wheels falls off, and Enigma begins chainsawing through the roof.

When Cha attempts to flee she is chased and killed by Enigma for her preferences for Lilcorey. Sauce, who sees that Enigma is wearing Shin's face as a mask, runs and hides in a nearby trailer with two women inside, an obese middle-aged women known only as 'The Negi', and a younger women named Jelly, presumably her daughter, who offer her tea and try to soothe her. The women talk strangely, and after telling Sauce they don't have a phone for her to call for help, a telephone rings and Jelly tells someone on the other end "she's jere". Sauce discovers they have kidnapped a child when she sees that the baby with them is the same child in a photograph with JCM. However, the tea is drugged and she passes out before she can leave the trailer. Sauce wakes up at the house surrounded by

:

Enigma, The Great Aya, Sheriff Elastic, Waterloo Jenkins, and little boy Omair.

The Great Aya tells Sauce that her excuse for her actions is that Enigma was hot tempered his whole life, because of a skin disease that left his face disfigured and she felt no one cared for her family besides themselves. Sauce is taken to the basement, where she finds Wumbo. After several unsuccessful attempts to help him off the meat hook clothesline, she kills him to end his blog’s suffering.

Afterwards, she finds a crused Kan handcuffed in a bathtub. Omair, who does not agree with his community’s actions, leads them out of the house. Omair rejects Sauce's plea to come with them, and distracts Enigma long enough for them to escape. Sauce and Kan find an abandoned shack in the woods and barricade themselves inside. Enigma breaks in and discovers Sauce, but Kan attacks Enigma, causing him to drop his chainsaw. Hot tempered, Enigma lifts Kan entangling his handcuffs into the Canadian flag, and slices his groin, killing him. Sauce runs out of the shack and escapes through the woods.

While pursuing her Enigma trips over a wired fence and cuts his own leg with the chainsaw. Sauce finds a Tim Horton’s and hides under a table. Enigma opens the doors across from hers and she attacks him with steaming hot coffee, burning off his right arm. Sauce runs outside and flags down Jensen Ackles, whom she tries to convince to drive away from the community. But he stops to find help at the spooky haunted house full of supernatural occurrences. Sauce sees The Great Aya and Sheriff Elastic talk to Jensen Ackles, and Jelly watching over the kidnapped baby in a highchair. When Jelly walks outside to join The Great Aya and Sheriff Elastic, Sauce sneaks the baby out of the eatery and places her in Jensen’s Impala, before hot-wiring it. Elastic notices her and tries to stop her, but she runs him over repeatedly until he is dead. Enigma suddenly appears in the road and attempts to stop her with his chainsaw

But he is too hot tempered, and Sauce escapes with her babe.

Sauce Mama · October 27, 2014

What an extremely happy ending ifyaknowwhatimsayin.

**OWM** · October 27, 2014

I feel like your writing was too hot-tempered in this one.

**Old Man Jenkins** · October 29, 2014

54.

Film: Insidious

The Sponge Family; chemist/spin-off literary teacher Steel, muppeteer/songwriter Deli, their sons Fa and BeachBob, and their newborn baby Sabre all move into a new sharing time. One night, after Steel comes home from a long day of teaching nobody the wrong and right ways of writing a spinoff, Fa gets drawn to some creaking noises that he hears coming from the attic while he's by himself playing with his Lego Woody. He sees the door open by himself so he decides to go investigate on his own. He hears some pretty beastly rants about how Stephen Hillenburg and the old crew should return to SpongeBob, which startles him off the ladder he was climbing on to find a fuck he could give to this disembodied voice and ends up breaking his leg. Fa screams "My Leg!" And his parents run up to his aid. They declare the attic off-limits and by the next morning, Fa has fallen into an inexplicable coma.

Their doctor, Mr Dr Professor Patrick, tells Deli and Steel "don't touch me, I'm sterile" and gives them an explanation for everything that goes on the technical administrative side of things in the community, except for how Fa entered his comatose state in the first place. After three months of the best coding hilaryfan80 could offer to help, Steel and Deli are finally allowed to take a still comatose Fa home. Deli soon begins to notice increasing strange activity in their sharing time. From some of her muppets going missing, to BeachBob complaining that he sees Fa having all nighters...at night, Deli hearing "FEED ME MORE" continuously over on Sabre's baby monitor when she had already fed him, to finally seeing a rather disturbing figure in her baby's room.

The figure vanishes once Steel comes in after hearing Deli's screams. One morning while changing Fa's sheets, Deli notices a bloody Hillenburg face on the sheet. Deli later voices her concerns and thoughts about moving out to Steel, who has been staying at work late to teach nobody some more and tries acting oblivious to what she's say is happening. Steel tries being all scientific and reasonable by telling her there's a right way and wrong to go about this and Deli is choosing the wrong way, which just pisses Deli off and she makes him sleep on the couch. That night, someone or something kept spamming their fail alarm, prompting Steel to investigate for himself. While he does this, Deli gets attacked in her own room by the same disturbing vile fiend from her baby's room. After securing their home, Steel goes up to her rescue, but the fiend has vanished again. Deli pleads with Steel in tears that they should just move. Steel finally agrees and they all abandon thread.

In their new sharing time topic, similar activity continues to occur. Deli (and I'm sure most of us) failed to see what appeared to be a little boy tweeting in the corner while she goes to dump some topics and posts in the trash.

As she returns, she notices the boy on her family's turntable playing "Living in the Sunlight, Loving in the Moonlight" by Tiny Tim and twerking to it. She rushes inside to investigate herself, finding herself continuously terrorized as the boy runs rampant throughout her thread, presumably looking for the bathroom from the looks of that tweet. She sees him make a break for BeachBob's room. She looks around but nothing seems out of the ordinary until the boy pops out of the closet and is all like "and here you are, still gay AND SUCK MY DICK!" And using his ghostly powers, tries doing so before running off to find the bathroom again.

Deli contacts Steel's mother, Jelly, because Hispanics got this paranormal shit on lock amirite? Steel is surprised to see Jelly there, who proceeds to tell them about a dream she had where she was wandering around their new home and came into Fa's room to find herself face-to-face with a tall, tan (and handsome) figure. Jelly asked who it was and what it wanted. It had told her that it was a "guest" and that it wanted Fa. Jelly comes to the conclusion that was either an el kukui, el chupacabra, el lobizon or el pombero before seeing the very thing from Star Wars Episode I standing behind Steel as she was talking to them.

Fa suddenly gets attacked in his room while this unfolded and they find the room in disarray with the same bloody Hillenburgs now scattered everywhere. Jelly messages over nerdy pokemon-playing cashiers, Dragiiin and Ex as well as CF, who seems to have a past history with Jelly and Steel. The trio investigate around the house, Ex coming across the spirits of an overweight pair who seems to be way too into their flight simulators by the looks on their faces. They head into Fa's room next and CF sees something above him that instantly overcomes her with shock. She describes what she sees to Drag, who draws it out as a black dick with a thick bush and a red head hovering over Fa's bed. CF gets after him for not drawing it the way she really described as Deli flicks the lights on to see for herself but the penis is gone.

CF explains to them that it's not the site that's haunted (HEYO), it's their son and that where she comes from, Fa is not in a coma, he had logged out of his account while he was asleep. She elaborates that he has been doing this for a while now and has become very accomplished at it, but he got too big headed about it and logged out for increasingly longer periods of time. When he logs out, he travels into a place she calls "Dark Waters", a place unseen on the site that is inhabited by conflicted guests, lurkers and accounts of the banned which is no place for a regular user like Fa. She explains that Fa was born with his gift to log out, a gift he inherited from his father. With his account unoccupied, guests, lurkers and the banned trolls are clamoring at a chance to hack into him and not so they can play sports on weekends, but to have a second chance at life again in the community. But the thing she saw in Fa's room, it's something more powerful and demented and is the closest to hacking into him than the others for it is the thing that drew Fa out into Dark Waters in the first place. CF calls it an infamous (HEYO) deviant with a devious

This person wants to hack into Fa's account with the sole purpose to spread and torture others with his views over how it thinks Stephen Hillenburg and the old crew should return to write for SpongeBob again. Steel gets all practical and scientific again, much to Deli's dismay, and explains that there is a right way and wrong way of doing this, and in his scientific opinion, CF is just a deranged psycho bitch who is only looking to exploit his family's situation for doubloons. He sends CF and her team on their way and she kindly wishes em luck with what they're about to face for what could be the rest of their e-lives. Steel goes into Fa's room, begging in tears for something practical and rational to happen, until he notices the pictures Fa drew hanging on his wall of his various logging out "dreams"

Seeing this as rational and practical enough, Steel calls CF and company back to perform a seance schmeance, as Steel calls it. CF and Drag take a few hits from the gas mask before finally making contact with Fa. Drag questions the boy on his whereabouts and his surroundings as CF relays the info to him. Fa cooperates, telling them he's being kept locked up in a dark place and cries for his mommy and daddy all while Drag writes what he's saying as "you filthy fucking whore, I kill you!" because he's Drag like that. Dragiiin tells him to grow the fuck up and that's when Fa's cries start getting louder, telling Drag that "he knows he's talking to them." Drag asks who and Fa replies "The person with Stephen Hillenburg on his mind." The Person takes over from there, assaulting everyone in the room and showing Ex just what a Stephen Hillenburg bitch slap feels like, all while the Disturbing Vile Fiend, the Tweeting Boy, and the Flight Simulators also launch their attack. CF manages to drive the Person away with some post-movie episodes and the activity dies down (much to Crushing's dismay). Ex shows Drag a still frame from the recording of the seance, showing that Fa was indeed possessed.

CF reveals that her relationship with Jelly and Steel stems back to when Steel was a child, a time when he too was haunted by the parasitic spirit of a Rock Goddess. She and Jelly had to repress Steel's memories of his ability to log out and it also explains why Steel never posts pictures of himself since every picture he would take as a child, the Rock Goddess could be seen getting closer and closer to him. Ex suggests possibly getting a psycho-type pokemon like Drowzee or Hypno to assist them against these dream ghosts, but he gets a kind-hearted CF slap back to reality for his troubles. Steel states that there's a right way and wrong way of saving Fa, and the right way would have to be him going back into Dark Waters himself in order to rescue his son. CF places him in a trance and he finds himself sinking deeper and deeper into Dark Waters. CF warns him not to make contact with any wayward user, but Steel does the opposite the entire time. Steel comes across the spirit of JCM in a cameo, who shows Steel the way to find Fa: in his family's old sharing time. Steel comes across the whole family of Flight Simulators, who seem to have met their grisly end when one of them decided to post some Lemon Party on the forum.

The family attacks Steel, but he manages to lose them as quickly as they lost their breath trying chase him. Steel comes across the Tweeting Boy trying to find the bathroom again before finally coming across a mysterious yellow door in the attic. Before he can meet his fate, he gets attacked by the Disturbing Vile Fiend and gets his ass kicked for like the third time until CF reminds him that he's still an active user which makes him more powerful than that world's inhabitants. Steel manages to get the fiend the fuck off before making his way into the Person's lair. Steel soon comes across a locked and chained Fa and frees him. This gains the attention of the Person, who was a bit busy playing around with the muppets he stole and sharpening up his Stephen Hillenburg arguments all while "Living in the Sunlight, Loving in the Moonlight" by Tiny Tim plays in the background because it's soooo pre-movie.

Steel struggles against the Person before successfully escaping with Fa. They traverse Dark Waters again, right as swarms of guests and lurkers who wish to hack into their accounts lay siege to both them as well as Deli and the others in the Community. Deli and CF reaches out to both Steel and Fa on the other side, trying to show the, the way back to their accounts. Ex and Drag help in fending off the unwanted guests by flashing large fleshlights at them. When Steel and Fa make it back to the new topic, Steel comes face to face with the Rock Goddess who haunted his nightmares as a kid. He tells Fa to go while he takes care of business. Fa also finds himself pursued by the Person again, but successfully manages to escape his Hillenburgs for good while Steel shouts at the Rock Goddess, "pics or gtfo!" She sinks back into the darkness, leaving both Fa and Steel to re-awake in their own accounts and the guestly activity ceases.

Steel and CF are alone together as the others celebrate with a rousing game of Eelz & Escalators. CF soon senses something is amiss when she notices that Steel isn't grumbling about the state of spinoffs and posts a picture of him onto SBC. Steel is none too pleased about this and assaults CF, smothering her with the same pillow he uses when he goes to Make Out Reef. Deli enters the room to find CF banned. She searches around the topic frantically for Steel, but soon comes across the picture of Steel that CF posted and notices something terribly wrong.

Steel comforts her from behind out of nowhere, Deli turns toward him, frozen in fear. CUE THE VIOLINS.

**Old Man Jenkins** · November 5, 2014

55. Back to the 70s

Film: Back to the Future

One day (November 5, 2011 to be exact), high school student Marti Reynolds decided to pay his old crackpot conspiracy theorist/inventor friend, Doctor Yannis L. Sex, a visit before schoolio, but he was nowhere to be found. So Marti just cranked up Doc's obscenely large self-made sex doll and blasted dat for a hot second. After hitching many rides to school, Marti meets up with his girlfriend, Jellifer, who rides on his ass before riding on his ass for not being active at school once again. They both get caught in the act by principal Crushing, who assigns them both detention for their insubordination to comply with forum rules. Marti meets up with his Glee Club later, where they do a cover of some Huey Lewis and the News for an American Psycho play they'll be putting on, but Marti fails to land the lead role of Patrick Bateman. He goes home to his family: his sexually conflicted father Calvin, who is endlessly bullied and taking orders from his manager, tvguy, and his co-worker from Best Buy. His mother, Sara, who is unhappily married and it really shows. And Marti's older and younger siblings, Nick and Prudence, but that's all you need to know about them. Sara begins reminiscing her old romance with Calvin how it first started when he was hit by her dad's car and how she never put herself out unlike Jellifer, who posts new photos of herself every time she comes around. Marti meets up the Doc later that night, who wants Marti's help on a little experiment he's got going on in the parking lot of Glove World.

Doc unveils a time machine made out of a modified 02 Volvo s60 2.4T AWD (bitch!)

The vehicle's "flux capacitor" is powered by nostalgia, but Marti asks if the flux capacitor is supposed to look like a uterus and Doc goes on about how he got the idea for the flux capacitor after a hot and steamy night with this crazy broad almost 40 years ago, which is where the nostalgia powering the vehicle is coming from. Doc and Marti first tests the Volvo out with Sex's dog, Elastic, inside and it's a successful trip two minutes into the future. Doc sets the date coordinates to November 5, 1975 but before he can relive that night, they're suddenly aerial attacked by Shin and some North Koreans who are none too pleased about Doc stealing their car. Doc gets gunned down but Marti escapes by inadvertently using the Volvo to go back in time to November 5, 1975.

After causing a WhaleBlubber scare, Marti decides to hide the Volvo and wanders around 1970s SpongeBob Community, seeing his football playing, play acting father still being egged on by tvguy and lackeys, Ex, hilaryfan80 and Drag. Marti sees Calvin giving head to his co-worker in the middle of the road and saves his father from getting hit by a car, but gets hit by his grandpa instead. He awakens to find Sara at his side, thinking this is all a dream, but it soon turns into a nightmare when he sees younger Sara being infatuated with him and taking lewd photos with her son. She calls him Banana Republic since it says so on his underwear so Marti weirds out and leaves to find 1975 Doc and his dog, Santa, right after Doc's hot and steamy with that crazy broad, Mcpon14. After much convincing and gin and juice, Doc tells him that it'll take 1.21 gigawatts of nostalgia to power the Volvo, which is only capable by a xat full of nostalgiatards. Marti brings up the wiki pages for both the Nostalgia Era and Nostalgia Night 1975 coming up in a few days. In a time and place when nostalgia was rampant, they decide that'll be the night they'll get Marti back from the 70's. Doc formulates a plan to harness all that nostalgia while Marti works on getting Calvin and Sara together to ensure his own existence after seeing pictures of Nick and Prudence slowly disappear from his family photos.

Marti goes to great lengths to set up Calvin and Sara, but constantly finds himself at odds with tvguy, who only pisses Marti off even more when he calls Marti "gay" in the derogatory term. Marti gets a sucker punch in on tvguy and leads him and his lackeys on a wild goose chase around the Sponge Square, inventing the skateboard in the process and causing tvguy to crash into a truck full of WhaleBlubber's shit. Marti also tries warning Doc about his future demise, but Doc ain't having it because it'll fuck with the natural flow of time and some shit like that. When Sara asks Marti to the Pineapple Under The Sea Dance at the xat, Marti devises a plan to take advantage of his own mother so that Calvin could come rescue her and she'll fall back in love with him, but Calvin has also become infatuated with Marti and wants Marti to give him head, which Marti very reluctantly does to get Calvin's head back in the game (haha), but Calvin ends up saying that was like receiving head from his brother. Which I guess he did to know what that feels like. Marti also writes a PM for Doc all about the night he goes back to 1975 in order to warn him of his fate.

On the night of the dance, Sara ends up taking advantage of Marti and makes out with him, but also says that it felt like kissing her brother. Which I guess she did as well to know what that feels like. As if things couldn't get weirder enough, a drunken tvguy, Ex, Drag and hilaryfan80 show up and pull Marti out so that tvguy can get his freak on with Sara next. Ex, Drag and hilaryfan80 lock Marti in the trunk of a car. The car's owners and entertainment for tonight's dance, played by JCM and The Cameos, arrive after blazing it cuz every musician was doing it at this time. They chase Ex and the others off, free Marti, and JCM messes up his hand while doing so. Meanwhile, Calvin goes through with Marti's plan but finds tvguy taking advantage of Sara instead. tvguy quickly wrenches away at Calvin's arm, calling him "gay" in the derogatory term. This ignites so much anger in Calvin that he knocks tvguy out with one right hook before beating his face into the pavement. Calvin escorts Sara to the Pineapple Under The Sea Dance and Marti helps out JCM and The Cameos with performing Earth Angel, but Calvin's co-worker from Best Buy cuts in and Calvin and Sara's moment and tries taking Calvin to the back for some more head. Marti begins to fade away from existence, but Sara butts back in and kicks Calvin's co-worker in the balls, not taking that shit anymore and fully cements her relationship with Calvin as they share their first dance and kiss.

Marti stops fading from existence and sees that his brother and sister and himself are back in his family portrait. Marti celebrates by leading the students in a Gleekified version of Johnny B. Goode. JCM gets inspired to write a FOX-broadcasted show about a super mcfly guy leading a bunch of musical kids in school just in case his music career falls flat and thus JCMovies was born. Marti loses his audience when he throws shave ice at them, but tells them all that their kids are gonna love it then hate it. Marti parts ways with his parents, saying this experience has been "out of sight" and hopefully out of his mind when he goes back home. Marti meets up with Doc in the Sponge Square. Doc discovers Marti's PM and trashes it, saying it could have destructive repercussions on the future. One of the wires needed to channel all the nostalgia to the Volvo breaks apart so Doc works on reconnecting the cable while Marti gets the Volvo going at 88 mph. Doc manages to reconnect the cables right as the nostalgia comes flowing in on cue, sending Marti back to 2011 just minutes before he initially went back in time.

The Volvo loses gas so he has to run back to the Glove World parking lot, but finds Doc already shot up by the North Koreans and his counterpart heading back to 1975. Marti mourns the loss of his friend, but Doc rises up from the ground. Marti knocks him out with an anchor yelling "DIE ZOMBIE" but Doc explains he didn't empty out his trash and kept the PM Marti had written him throughout the years, revealing that he was wearing gladiator armor under his nostalgia glasses, blocking the bullets. Marti brings up the whole "destructive repercussions on the future" thing but Doc replies "fuck the future, I wanna bet on the results of every soccer game :troll: " He drops Marti back home before speeding off in the Volvo towards the future.

Marti wakes up the next morning to find his family drastically different. Nick was renamed Maxwell after Maxwell's Silver Hammer and became a household name along with Prudence, Sara is now a happily married milf, Calvin is now the Main Admin of the SpongeBob Community while tvguy is now his bitch, everybody loves but now hates JCMovies and Drag co-starred in James Cameron's Titanic. His parents fail to notice the resemblance their son has to their high school mutual friend and, well, it explains where Calvin got the name Marti from. Marti's life has also taken a turn towards the better, having landed the part of Patrick Bateman in his school play and is now the proud owner of a 2014 Volvo s60 (bitch!) Jellifer pops up, asking for a "ride around town" (HURRHURRH) but they get cockblocked by a hipster-looking Doc Sex, who tells Jellifer and Marti that they must come with him right away. Marti jokingly asks "what, we didn't name our kids after Beatles songs or something?" But Doc tells them that the Community is going to be run by a black man! They all get into the new and improved 02 Volvo s60 and Doc hands Marti and Jellifer a condom because where they're going, they're gonna wish they used one. They blast off, back to the future!

Edited January 7, 2019 by jjsthekid

**SpongeOddFan** · November 5, 2014

Great Scott!

that was amazing, OMJ

~~Metal Snake~~ · November 7, 2014

Pretty good, OMJ!

**Clappy** · November 8, 2014

Deed well done sir.

**Clappy** · December 26, 2014

It's Christmas special time!

56. How The Brat Stole Christmas

Film: The Grinch

On the forum of SBC, everyone celebrates another successful year with much happiness and joy, with the exception of the cynical and misanthropic Brat, who despises Christmas and the SBCers with great wrath and occasionally pulls dangerous stunts and repeats lame memes on them. As a result, no one likes or cares for him. Meanwhile, Ozu's daughter, Granola Gwen, who is seventeen years old, believes everyone is missing the point about Christmas when they are more concerned about the gifts. After finding him messing up the PMs in the inbox, Granola Gwen becomes aware of the Brat's existence, and starts to become interested in the Brat and his history, asking everyone what they know about him, and soon discovers that he has a tragic past.

The Brat actually arrived on SBC by mistake due to a wrong wind when he was on the XAT. Although he showed some sadistic tendencies as a fail troll, he was not the annoying selfish person who he later became; he was ridiculed because of his obsession with flight simulators, with the exception of The Great Aya, who was courted by the Brat. On Christmas, he made a gift for Aya, but attempted to change his face, cutting himself and opening himself to the ridicule of his classmates. He lost his temper, wreaked havoc in the classroom, and ran away to live on Mt. Darkstar. He never returned home, and became an urban legend with multiple personalities.

Granola Gwen, touched by this story, decides to make the Brat the main participant of the Snowcember Ball, to the great displeasure of Crushing, who doesn’t want things to change and wants SBC to gain more activity. The rest of the community meanwhile has been warmed by Granola Gwen's generous spirit. When Granola Gwen goes to Mt. Darkstar and offers an invitation to the Brat, he turns her down. He gradually changes his mind, however, due to the promise of an award, and arrives late to the proceedings, but is forced to participate in the celebration. Just as the Brat is enjoying himself and is almost won over, he reads the new Community Deathmatch as a present, reminding him of his humiliation and angering him. Crushing then asks SBC why the forums are dead, promising them activity in return. The ensuing laughter from all of SBC causes the Brat to openly criticize the SBCers for thinking that cyberbullying is not a joke and that THEY will just dispose of them later, in the hopes of making them too ashamed to celebrate the holiday. He then goes on to ruin the activity and upset Granola Gwen.

When he realizes his attack has not removed the spirit of Christmas from SBC, the Brat becomes outraged, and concocts a plan to steal all of their presents while they sleep. Creating a fake identity that portrays a 16 year old black kid, the Brat goes around SBC pretending to be Christmas Nuggets, stealing all of the SBCers' Christmas gifts in hopes that the site dies. He is almost discovered by Granola Gwen, but concocts a lie that allows him to get away saying that he has to go meet Kanyeezus. The next day, the SBCers discover the Brat's scheme, and Crushing denounces the lack of activity as the root of the catastrophe. However, JCM, in a cameo, reminds everyone that they still have the SBC Spirit and that the principal meaning of Christmas is to spend it with family and friends….and to read JCMovies. The people accept his speech and begin to play SBC Music. Hoping that the change of mood would inspire the Brat, Granola Gwen goes to Mt. Darkstar to find him.

The Brat reveals that he intends to destroy all of the stolen gifts after he hears the SBCers crying. However, instead of crying, he hears the joy they are having at SBC Music. Frustrated at the failure of his plan, the Brat realizes that SBC means much more than posting and games section posts counting, an insight that profoundly touches him and makes his personalities grow three times its original size. When the stolen gifts begin to fall off the cliff, the Brat desperately tries to save them to no avail. However, when he realizes Granola Gwen has come to wish him a Merry Christmas and is in danger of falling off the cliff with the sleigh, the Brat finds enough personalities to lift the gifts and Granola Gwen to safety. After a long descent down Mt. Darkstar, the Brat returns to the Community with Gwen and the gifts. He confesses to the burglary and apologizes for his actions towards the SBCers, who reconcile with the Brat. The redeemed Brat starts a new life with SBC and commemorates the Christmas feast with them in his Chatzy….

Only for him to make a complete 180 and to turn into multiple Brats once more three days later.

**Clappy** · January 12, 2015

Ok so my Christmas special wasn't one of my best to be honest. I mean if I am going to parody ACS, I have to do it right.

With that being said, due to controversy: http://www.sbmania.net/forums/statuses/user/4598-theoria/?status_id=24570

This installment of SBCinema is only playing in select SBCinemas, but will be available for streaming. You don't need cable or satellite! How much does it cost? $9.99! I would like to thank OMJ for not only that one liner, but for helping with the images in this installment.

57. The JCMterview

Film: The Interview

In the opening scene, a little IAVA girl is singing the Team Rage national anthem, which features hateful and violent lyrics against SBC. Then in the next shot, a virtual nuclear missile is launched into the sky. CNF from SBC News stations report on the controversial actions of Team Rage, and comment on the leadership of ACS.

Meanwhile, Clap is the host of a critiquing talk show called "Clap Tonight" in Downtown Bikini Bottom. He starts his show by interviewing Juicy J Nuggets (appearing as himself). Clap's producer and best friend Old Man Jenkins is in the control room with the crew. Clap asks J about the offensively stupid lyrics to his songs. J says most of them stem from personal feelings about that accident while very casually letting it slip that he's white. The crew freaks out and decides to strike while the iron is hot and exploit this. Jenks tells Clap what to ask while he and the crew celebrate Juicy J revealing his real race on their show.

After the episode is done, Clap takes Jenks out at night to a surprise posting party that they hold for Jenks in celebration of airing 1,000 episodes. There, Jenks meets the only person that he was active in their ask thread for named JCM, in a cameo. JCM criticizes Jenks for selling out and reporting on stupid SBC centric stories while JCM is working at "JCMterviews". This bothers Jenks and makes him self-conscious over his work.

Clap has SOF as a guest on the show, where the user reveals that he is block. He reveals himself:

but the show is interrupted by more news on the RACB and their supply of virtual nukes. After the taping, Jenks talks to Clap about doing more serious stories. Clap agrees to help Jenks with this.

Jenks is on the phone with President Squidward's office to book an important figure for a guest, when Clap comes in and shows Jenks the SBC Wiki page for ACS. Apparently, he is a big fan of "SBC lits". This inspires Clap to try and have Jenks book an interview with the reclusive fatass. Jenks decides to go for it, saying that he can get in touch with an office in IAVA that holds their Chatzy. One of the crew members then comes in and says there's a video of CDCB having sex with Jelly Otter ("CD otter fuck!"), which they NEED to get on.

Jenks gets a phone call from a representative of the I.A.V.A. (International Aviation Viagra Association), inviting him to travel to SBM chat to meet with SBM officials to determine what to do with securing an interview with ACS. Jenks makes the trip to SBM, hiking all the way to the top of the mobile mountain near the IAVA border. He collapses with exhaustion and is awoken by a simulator descending. Darkstar Bunch soldiers step out, followed by the fearless creator named Aya. She gives him instructions on what to do when meeting ACS. There will be written questions for Clap to ask ACS, scripted by his followers. They leave him there with a small bottle of SBC’s favorite what’re ya drinking, water.

Returning to Downtown Bikini Bottom, Jenks tells Clap and everyone at the studio of his experience. Clap gets excited and brags to everyone on live TV that he has scored an interview with ACS. He is subsequently criticized by other critics like

Bubblerock: I give this interview a rating of B^U out of 8D

Steel: Kanye West doesn’t sample.

Clap thinks they're just jealous, and he later does an ask me thread back and forth with Jenks about skepticism, The Walking Dead, and wrestling to name a few topics.

The next morning, the guys are visited by Agents Saucey and Chawin from the F5. Clap is immediately attracted to Saucey as she tells them the reason for her visit. Since they are going into IAVA, the F5 has decided to use them to assassinate ACS. This is so that a coup d'etat by the IAVA military can happen and the people of YS Flight can finally have a suitable leader. Clap immediately accepts, but Jenks pulls him into another room and tells him that Saucey is probably trying to "magically magic" them by exploiting her eyelashes to rope them into a plot like this.

Clap and Jenks go to the F5 headquarters where Saucey briefs them on their mission. She warns them that ACS is a master personality manipulator and that the people have spread rumors like that he doesn't go to the bathroom, but Clap and Jenks argue that everyone pees and poops. The plan is to use a ricin-laced twinkie to poison ACS when Clap shakes his hand. Clap thinks a better plan would be to blow ACS and his multiple personalities up on live TV, and then get rescued by one of their bromantic friends. Saucey comments on how stupid and unsafe this is, and that the ricin twinkie is simple and more effective. They test it out with Clap, but he accidentally puts it in his mouth when sneezing. They leave with the twinkie, which Clap put in a wrapper instead of the bag that the CIA gave him, because he thinks ACS would get suspicious if he saw Clap with a bag but no greasy fat food in that bag. The two walk out before a crowd of cameramen to whom Clap brags about meeting him and "giving him something using a hand".

The two travel to IAVA and are welcomed by a big crowd at the airport near the capital city of Chatzy. Aya guides them through the city to dispel the rumors of YS Flight's famine. They drive by a supermarket and see a chubby kid on the street to convince Clap and Jenks that the people there are not starving. Aya takes them to ACS's palace outside the city in a wooded area and introduces them to Officers Darris and Felix. Felix looks through Clap's bag and finds the twinkie. Panicking, he and Jenks say it's a delicious chocolaty treat. Felix chews it and then spits it out saying that he knows what chocolate is faggots. The guys are then escorted to their room and they scan the place for listening devices using a watch from the F5. They contact Saucey and inform her that they lost the twinkie and if she can use her Maddie’s Magical Magic to conjure up a new one.

That evening, Sauce uses her magic and with the bat of a lash, a replacement Twinkie is sent to be dropped in a package. Jenks is forced to put on his darkest of hoodies and sneak out of the hotel to retrieve the package while communicating with Clap and Saucey. While out there, he encounters a panda. Jenks makes a run for it and the panda chases him. He is saved when the package lands on the panda and kills it. Jenks gets the package and then hears from Saucey that Momo was killed…and also soldiers were coming. Clap tells Jenks to hide the package in his butt. Jenks reluctantly does so and is taken back to his room by Team Rage soldiers. They strip the old man nude but find nothing. Jenks removes the package from his butt and shows it to Clap. They find that there are two twinkies in there in case they messed up again.

Later, ACS shows up to Clap's room and is excited to meet him.

He invites Clap to join him on a tour of his land. They hang out in his tank and listen to Iggy Azalea's "Fancy" and drink SBC’s favorite drink….WATER, even though ACS was previously ashamed of liking shitty pop music. He plays outdated video games with Clap and talks about how he has been trying hard to carry on his legacy. ACS surprises Clap by inviting a bunch of gorgeous YS Flight community women so they can all party together.

The guys are invited to a state dinner with a theatrical performance from the kid from Alexander and the Terribly Long Movie Title. Jenks notices Felix looking sweaty and unwell as the ricin is starting to take effect. He motions to Clap, who notices. Felix stands up and vomits blood. Darris tries to calm him down. Felix takes out his gun to kill himself, but he ends up shooting Darris in the head, spraying blood everywhere. ACS cries for them, as does the rest of Team Rage.

Afterwords, this incident gives Clap doubts on the mission, and he throws the Twinkie away in a fountain against Jenks's protest.

ACS goes to Clap's room again to invite him to another dinner. Jenks sticks his hand out with the other twinkie in his palm to poison ACS himself, but Clap stops him. At this dinner, the once-charming ACS reveals his true aggression and violent nature when he threatens nuclear warfare against every SBC user of his in retaliation for the deaths of his two best brothers. He then goes an incredibly unfunny rant about every single user he loathes on SBC.

Clap leaves frightened. On the streets, he walks past the forums and finds that it's all a fake and that no one actually posts on his forum about flight simulators. His trust for ACS has completely gone.

Aya visits Jenks in his room as he is trying to get the twinkie off his hand. They acknowledge their attraction for each other and start to try having over the top cyber sex, but they stop when Aya says she gave Jenks false information regarding her age and what grade she was in. Clap comes in, forcing Aya to hide. He tells Jenks of his distrust for ACS and blurts out the assassination plot. Aya gets up and admits her hatred for ACS and plans to manipulate the interview so that they can catch ACS in a moment of weakness so that all his people will stop viewing him as a god.

Clap: Ready to ass-assinate the 500 pound menace? :funny:

Jenks: It’s a date braddah. :laugh:

The time comes for the interview to take place. ACS and Clap prepare themselves while Jenks and Aya operate the control room. ACS gives Clap a puppy as a gift to remind Clap of his dog Murphy. Both SBC and all of SBM watch the event. Clap begins by asking ACS the scripted questions as instructed about ACS's life and upbringing. Clap slowly builds up to sensitive topics until he asks ACS why he gets so defensive about the IP addresses of Team Rage all being the same. ACS counters this by saying that we are all using separate computers from opposite rooms. His brother is a ship boat captain while a few of his brothers are also famous Hollywood actors who have small roles in Bonnie & Clyde and other works. As Clap's questions get more intense, Team Rage member Wolfie gets in the control room attempts to cut the feed, but Jenks fights him off. Wolife bites off two of Jenks's fingers while Jenks bites off one of his fingers and causes Wolfie to sit on a control stick that gets shoved up his ass. Aya shoots Wolfie in the head before he can kill Jenks. Meanwhile, Clap brings up the XAT, ACS's bullying, and then starts singing "Fancy" to cause ACS to break down in tears and even shit himself. The Team Rage crew start arguing and can't believe what they're seeing from their leader. In his rage, ACS pulls out a gun and threatens Clap. He shoots Clap in the chest on live TV. Clap falls to the floor as ACS leaves. Clap stands up and reveals he was wearing a bulletproof vest and that no one buries the King of Kings.

Team Rage storms toward the control room.

Aya shoots them all down. She and Jenks reunite with Clap and Murphy. ACS learns that Clap survived and gets angry because he got "honeybadgered" by Clap when he was already trying to "honeybadger" him. Clap, Jenks, and Aya attempt to escape the outdated internet meme when they see more members heading toward them. Clap runs back to commandeer ACS's jet plane and run the soldiers over. ACS gets in his fighter pilot and prepares to launch a virtual nuclear strike that would make past historical travesties look like his shitty re-enactments of them. The fighter pilot fires at the three in the jet. Clap aims the jet at the chopper and launches a rocket, obliterating ACS in a fiery blast, and holding off the launch.

Aya leads Clap and Jenks to a mining tunnel that will take them west to the SBC coast. She and Jenks part with one last passionate kiss. He and Clap make it far enough and are rescued by Wumbo’s blog. Wumbo takes the guys home. As they surf across the internet, the two reflect on their adventure as Wumbo rants about the lack of passion in Maroon 5’s modern music.

Back home, Clap writes a tell-all review on his mission. YS Flight is shown to be prospering with democratic elections starting to take place. Jenks also manages to keep in touch with Aya through Skype, but gets booted off so Dylan and Nugs can resume their three-ways.

**SpongeOddFan** · January 12, 2015

The is amazing epsode I've read.

awesome job, Claps

Sweat · January 12, 2015

11/10

**kev** · January 12, 2015

Bang Bang · April 18, 2015

OMG YES! YES! YES!

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