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Old Man Jenkins

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  1. Episode 2: Return to Form Manny remains with his family. With their boat mobile heavily damaged by the shark finners and no signal to be had on his shellphone, seeking out any help feels far too unrealistic at this point. Manny can only hope now to provide them some comfort. Kai is able to regain her bearings enough to faintly speak to her husband. She laments their current situation, bringing up how they left their original group in order to escape the barbarity, only to face sheer brutality and suffer this barbaric fate. She’s come to regret leaving since the numbers meant safety. Manny brings up that members of their own tried to prey upon their pups, they had no choice but to leave that life behind. Kai says that sharks were meant to keep order in the ecosystem, how it’s in their nature to keep that ecosystem strong by weeding out the weak. How their children may not’ve lived long, but at least their deaths would’ve meant. She sees no meaning in them dying like how they are now. Inching ever closer to death’s door, Kai realizes she made many mistakes in her life. Perhaps she wouldn’t be literally drowning in her sorrow right now if she hadn’t stepped up as parent for Pan and Thalassa. Kai’s parents abandoned her like all sharks would and she got to live a fuller life. Perhaps if Pan and Thalassa weren’t so coddled, they could’ve become stronger than they are now and probably wouldn’t even be in this situation. Manny sees little point in dwelling on the hypotheticals and what-ifs, Kai interrupts him by posing the thought that maybe this all wouldn’t’ve happened if she had just cut ties with Manny like she was supposed to. Sharks have never been meant to mate for life, let alone commit themselves to union through marriage. Love was never meant to be in the cards. She admits they’ve only committed taboo, and perhaps this is their punishment for it. Manny committed to MegaloMania to show the world that sharks can live peacefully and normally, but he’s only gonna show the world just how weak they truly are by straying from their true natures. Manny can’t find the words to retort to any of this. Kai notes that she and especially the pups haven’t much time left, but there’s still a window of hope that their deaths can still mean something. Manny just needs to muster up the strength to grant them that serenity, which his nature won’t allow him to do. This draws the ire of his son, Pan, who uses his final breaths to insult his father. He grills Manny for his weakness, reiterating what his mother said earlier about they weren’t meant to weed out the weak. Manny should be dying alongside them right now, he’ll, he should be dying INSTEAD of them. Pan says that being a shark used to mean something, they would command fear and respect, but now they are the ones being constantly disrespected and living in constant fear. And all in some useless effort to fix something that isn’t broken. Pan attempts to lunge at Manny, teeth out, but he his injuries prevent him from doing so. Pan repeats that “we don’t need fixing” until his final breath. Pan’s body trickles down to the ground along his sister’s, eyes open and glazing over. Having missed his opportunity to grant his children peace, Manny vows to Kai that he won’t let their deaths mean nothing. Kai voices her doubts, telling him that becoming even more sob stories to garner more pity for their species isn’t “something”. And just as sharks should find the concept of love meaningless, so too should they find holding grudges and seeking revenge. Emotion is a shark’s true killer. Kai passes on, leaving Manny with nothing but those words. Manny breaks down in prayer. He prays to Neptune, to somebody, anybody, to help ease his own pain, but he stops himself. He deserves to suffer through every bit of it, for as le long as he continues breathing. The finale of the three-part “Sharky Road Trip” with the surprise ending proved to be a hit with audiences, becoming the first piece of MegaloMania programming to beat Shark Week in the ratings. Darnell is pleased with the results, but Hammerstein is fuming at all the abrupt changes to his original ending. Hieronymus Glove wasn’t amused either by the shock, bloody ending to a program that was meant to be entirely educational and approachable to younger audiences. Darnell argues that the ratings prove that what they put out there was approachable to ALL audiences, the demographic analytics tell the story: People want to see sharks do what they do best, and that’s get bloodied. And the grisly fate of the Mangroves will only serve to strengthen shark conservation efforts. Darnell reiterates that MegaloMania is meant to be a celebration of ALL things shark, which includes all the bad things that come with them. No matter if they’re the ones attacking or being attacked, this is what gets people tuning in to Shark Week every single year. Hammerstein slowly warms up to the idea due to all the story possibilities that could be at MegaloMania’s disposal. Hieronymus mulls it all over. With their original star becoming a victim, he wants MegaloMania’s next star to be anything BUT. They need a killer instinct, a will to survive. He also wants a shark that’s lovably marketable and who can carry the brand for years to come. Hammerstein has just the shark in mind. Hieronymus sends out an edict that’ll affect all MegaloMania programming going forward: More Violence, More Grit, and More of Life’s Harsh Realities. No more coddling, no more pity parties. MegaloMania shall become the destination where sharks of all shapes and sizes return to form.
  2. Back on the horse doing something productive, baby. Previously announced as “Sea Dogs” during my last extravagant announcement post and initially announced as “Megalo Don” two years ago, I’m finally ready to sea this thing through just in time for Shark Week Plot The Graphic Nature Channel is rolling out their very own answer to Shark Week in the form of “MegaloMania”, another week-long celebration of all things shark. However, the producers and network executives never counted on the water in that well of content to run red. Characters Manny Mangrove: A mild-mannered and wimpy lemon shark who has moved his family away from their original group after an incident that almost resulted in the predation of his two kids. Since moving out to Bikini Bottom, he’s cultivated a career in showbiz, taking up roles that most sharks would never consider doing. He hopes to use his career as a platform to show the world that sharks aren’t mindless killing machines. Kai Mangrove: Manny’s wife and mother to their two pups. She saved her children from a near-fatal encounter with another adult shark in their group. In contrast to what’s customary for most sharks, she and her husband take care of and raise their kids themselves rather than leaving them alone to their own devices. Pan & Thalassa Mangrove: Manny and Kai’s pups. They are regularly ridiculed by their peers for being so easy to step on despite the fact that they’re apexes. Nigel Darnell: Once seen as a serious rival to Frenchy Barbeaux in the field of marine biology, he has since devolved into an overzealous, opportunistic content producer for The Graphic Nature Channel. The creator and innovator of the first annual “MegaloMania” television event, failure to produce ratings against Shark Week could mean the end of his tenure with the network. Hieronymus Glove: Founder of the Hieronymus Glove Company and creator of all things glove-related in your childhood. However, most members of his own species collectively frown upon his “contributions” to the world, seeing him as profiting off the suffering of other sharks by marketing the image of man’s glove for his benefit. To help preserve the good image of both himself and his company, he bought out The Graphic Nature Channel to have it serve as a platform to better represent his species (and to pump more content into his Glove+ streaming service). Kea Blanco: A great white shark handpicked by Darnell and Glove to be the official “Face of MegaloMania”, their “Megashark”. Having previously sold his soul to shill Anchor Arms, Blanco has somehow sunken even deeper, morally speaking. Sergeant Sam Roderick: A sleeper shark and an active duty member of the Ōma’o Corps. Descended from sharks who fought in The Great Shark Wars many years ago, the Sergeant dedicates his life to carrying on the good fight as they once did. Gill Hammerstein: A hammerhead shark and executive producer for “MegaloMania”, who was personally recruited by Glove himself following a private screening of the “Hammerstein Cut” of the Mermaidman and Barnacle Boy Movie. Episode 1: Breakthrough Following another eventful day of bringing park goers smiles and happy memories as a cast member at Glove World, Manny Mangrove is scouted by producers for The Graphic Nature Channel and is offered what’s described as a “breakthrough role” for the channel’s upcoming MegaloMania marathon, finding the story of the Mangrove family to be something worth documenting. Manny finds it hard to refuse such a tempting offer, so he eagerly accepts, convincing his family that it’ll get their story out there and send the message that not all sharks have to be violent, bloodthirsty and without emotion. Manny strongly believes that his family is living proof that sharks are perfectly capable of going about healthy, non-violent lives as a cohesive family unit. Manny and his brood are instructed by Darnell and Hammerstein to undertake a long, quirky road trip to The Palauan Shark Sanctuary, where their story will conclude. However, a quirky shark family road trip just isn’t enough to beat Shark Week on Night 1 of the ratings war, prompting Nigel to take some “creative liberties” over the direction of MegaloMania going forward. Before the Mangrove family could even reach Palauan waters and educate viewers on all the species who found salvation there, their boat mobile is violently intercepted by a crew of hunters. Manny offers to pay them with some of the MegaloMania money that he’s earned to make up for whatever they may be after, but the hunters won’t bite. The Mangroves are all forcibly removed from the vehicle and are about to be hooked to lines that will drag them up to the ocean’s surface. Manny begs for help from anybody on the Graphic Nature crew documenting their journey, but his begging falls on deaf ears. Manny is mocked on camera for crying out for help when he’s perfectly capable of defending himself and his family. Kai and the pups are at least putting up a struggle against their attackers, but they’re each viciously clubbed for their efforts. Manny tries reasoning with the hunters, but it gets him nowhere as he gets dropped onto his back and clubbed as well. This act puts Manny into a state of tonic immobility. He watches helplessly as his children are hooked up and yanked to the surface, leaving a bloody trail behind them as they ascend further and further. Kai is somehow able to break free from her line, though still pierced by the hook. Without hesitation, she swims up after her captive children. Manny is left behind as the hunters quickly give chase to her at speeds that seem very inhuman for the normal, everyday human. One of the hunters appeared to be bleeding heavily, possibly Kai’s doing. Manny then appears to lose consciousness. 15 minutes later, he awakens to the sound of a few splashes on the surface. He finds that he is now able to turn himself over upright, but grimaces from the injuries he received. He looks up and sees three familiar figures floating down towards him. Believing that Kai was successful in rescuing the pups, he rushes upward to reunite with them. What he finds is, indeed, his family, but he finds them in a state that Manny wouldn’t even wish on his enemies. Their fins had all been cut off. Their bodies, now incapable of even staying afloat, discarded like trash. Trivia Manny’s first SpongeBob appearance as the “before image” in the Anchor Arms commercial is referenced while he is listing off his acting credits to Gill Hammerstein. SpongeBob’s casual racism towards Manny and his family during the events of “SpongeGuard on Duty” is mentioned specifically by Manny when convincing his family to sign on for MegaloMania.
  3. Happy birfday, pard!! Hope it’s a good’un
  4. Well, buh bye crushing. To say I’m disappointed would be an understatement. Life moves on, I hope you’ll be able to as well, my old friend.
  5. Oh I’ve been subscribed for a while now and nice, welcome to the club! Can’t wait for Horizon Forbidden West to drop in a few days
  6. Happy birfday, sistah sauce! Hope it’s a good’un
  7. I got Like a Dragon for Christmas and it looks pretty damn fun. I’ve warmed up to turn based joints a lot in recent years so I can’t wait to get to that one. The Judgement games look like good spin-offs too. And I can co-sign that Game Pass is pretty great.
  8. Well that’s cool and good. I await the novel the story should be quite the read. Welcome back, bruddah! Yeah, I saw that the mad lads at Xbox has pretty much the entire series on Game Pass. But I’m old school, I just had to dunk more money on the physical copies lol Yakuza 0 was the very first one I bought when it first came out, so that works out for me haha. I dig the 80s flashback vibes so I should enjoy it. I always heard about how the Yakuza series is like a spiritual successor to Shenmue, so if they’re all improvements on Shenmue, I should be right at home.
  9. I won’t question it then but forreal, it’s good to hear from you again! I can’t believe it’s already been as long as it has been. How’s it been goin, braddah I haven’t, but I do have all the mainline games in my collection and ready to be popped in whenever I do decide to take that plunge. Heard plenty of good things about it. I should’ve already been on this Yakuza tip years ago.
  10. Figured I’d make a separate post to give my final thoughts since that last episode felt like a novel enough as it is lol and I don’t think I ever gave any final thoughts back during the time of the original series finale two years ago. I was in a pretty bad way roughly around that time so it all just felt very whatever to me, and I guess it showed in how that original finale ended. but yeah, 10 years mang. A decade (give or take two years) of jizz jokes. I never thought that this fuckin joke spin-off would ever evolve into what it has since become when I first posted it. And a lot of that evolution and I guess success (as far as on a SpongeBob forum goes) is thanks to the whole lot of you who’ve supported it throughout the years. Whether you wrote on it, read it, lurked it and/or anything else in between. This milestone is very much yours as much as it is mine and I can’t thank all of y’all enough. I mean, I practically gave up on this series one episode or so into the second season, but y’all really stepped up and shut my ass up. And really, from there on out, it was all you guys with me just tagging along for the ride mostly. But special shoutouts to my old rock mate Clappy who initially took the reins of Skodwarde off my hands and really got things rolling with “expanding” Skod beyond just a one man operation. It was a genius decision that I only just toyed with in the form of silly dares and it’s really what gave this spin-off such a long lifespan and I appreciate you for it. Also to my fellow og crew mate Wumbo, whose sense of humor I will sorely miss, I’m glad you got to contribute that brand of humor to Skodwarde for a good while, it was great while it lasted. My time planning and writing this shit with you and Clappy made for some of my fondest on here. Seasons 2-4 will always have a big place in my heart because of that. Also to jjs, the man without whom this past year of Skod content wouldn’t’ve been possible. You took what Clappy established and expanded it far more than I honestly ever anticipated. The sheer amount of collaboration going on with this spin-off at one point. Boy, if that wasn’t the peak of Skodwarde. I loved seeing that, made my decision to step down during Season 8 a whole lot easier because I knew Skod would be in good hands. Skod was a well oiled machine with you in charge and I’m glad I eventually got to work on it under your leadership. Production of Season 11 may have had its ups and downs, but it was still a fun last hurrah at the time. Just when I think I’m out of the game, you always find a way to pull my ass back in lol I’m glad you ended up selling me on this 10th anniversary project. You say that I inspire you a lot, well the feeling goes both ways buddy. Just when I think I have nothing to go off of for a Sponge on the Run parody, our discussions give me the jolt of creativity need to come up with idea for this bad boy. Hard to believe this was almost just a Kamp Koral parody and that’s it. Sorry I couldn’t contribute to that as much as I originally intended, but you ended up knocking Kamp Koral out of the park. I’m glad I gave you the approval to go ahead of it haha. And thank you once again for picking up my slack for a while there on Skod on the Run while I was going through some shit again. You really stepped up and made both projects more your own, and all while still juggling your own slate. I wish I had half of your work ethic brotha. I’ll always appreciate your being here and checking in on me when you don’t have to. Hope we can work on something together like this in the future. And lastly, and I know this name is sorta persona non grata, but special thanks to Elastic Dawg for inspiring me at the time and infecting me with his sense of humor. Seriously, Skodwarde started out more or less as a ripoff of The Mudman. That shit’s still one of my faves despite how brief its run was. I know our friendship took a hit cuz of all the Fantastic Five stuff, but I still regret not making good with you, as well as with the other guys who felt jilted for that matter. You’ve long moved on from this site now, so it is what it is. Jjs and I both agreed that this will be Skodwarde’s final send off into the sunset. And I tried to write the ending of Skod on the Run to accommodate that decision, as well as trying to make it a more respectful sendoff than last time’s. Once again thank you all for coming along for this crazy ride throughout these last 10 years. Thank you for giving me and others a platform to let loose some creativity and entertain you. I hope this spin-off section never dies. I still plan on posting more of my shit here for as long as I’m able to. It’ll more than likely be infrequent knowing my depressed, unmotivated ass, but I’ll do my damnedest to stick to the current roadmap I have planned out for my new slate. And I hope you’ll join me for those new stories too if you can. stay gold, Skodwarde. Bang
  11. Skod on the Run Part VIII: Magnum (Condom) Opus One day, the French Narrator prepares to share the culmination of all his underwater research to his peers in the field. For years, scientists have turned over every possible stone they can in order to discover the origin of our universe. While some have looked toward space for the answer, Frenchy has instead plunged headfirst into the ocean. Over the last 10 years, Frenchy has monitored an undersea city that’s evolved years beyond what any could’ve ever anticipated. And at the heart of this city is a self-proclaimed “squid nazi” named Skodwarde. However, contrary to popular belief, he is not a “squid” nazi but in fact, an “octopus”. Who also happens to be a nazi. This Skodwarde specimen has displayed abilities the likes of which no other species on earth is even capable of doing. Abilities that any sane person would consider to be “unnatural”. 10 years ago, Frenchy discovered this being. And for the past 10 years since, he has been surveying and studying his every move. With consent, of course, because Skodwarde is what so would call a god after all. He would know that he was being filmed against his will. Frenchy has made countless inquiries, scoured every possible ancient text and subtext. Deep dived into all manners of mythology, lore and cultures in hopes of possibly pinpointing the origins of this living, breathing god among us. Throughout his tireless search, all Frenchy could come up with was this artist’s rendition dated back to around 1 million years ago. And now, Frenchy has concluded that perhaps the ancient Hawaiians had it right all along. In the 19th and 20th centuries, a recurring verse in the Hawaiian creation chant, the Kumulipo, was interpreted by anthropologists Adolf Bastian and Roland Burrage Dixon as describing the octopus as the sole survivor of a previous age of existence. More than just a mere hypothesis, Frenchy BELIEVES that Skodwarde Testicles is, in fact, that survivor. Skodwarde would soon spawn more octopi like him in an attempt to populate this new world with his untainted bloodline and with them, the seeds of life were planted into our universe for all time. The octopus have always seemed alien to us because they are aliens not just to this earth, but the entire universe. Frenchy claims that it can all be traced back to where our universe really, truly began. On a stretch of land deep underwater that was once occupied by the happy campers and staff of Mein Kampf Koral. Revisionist? Yes, very much so. But it’s true and you all better fuckin believe it’s true, because in conclusion, if our universe began at the end of another, what’s to say that OUR universe won’t eventually come to an end? But most importantly, who will be the one to survive? This has been Frenchy’s TED Talk, the magnum opus of all his work. Frenchy’s peers humbly ask that he remove his diving helmet so that they may know the identity of the man who managed to find the answers that no one else could. He obliges, revealing himself to be none other than Giancarlo Exposito doing his best French accent. Skodwarde and Keanu now find themselves back to where it all ended (or started again, if we wanna get real fucking technical) originally; the horrendously titled “Koncentration Kamp Koral” backdoor pilot. Two years. Two whole FUCKING years of unnecessesarily meticulous offscreen, thrown-together world building and hackeneyed spin-off planning erased from the very loose canon, just like that. With his legacy effectively wiped and his audience having walked away long before this movie started, Skodwarde no longer has anything left to lose. And with nothing left to lose, the squid nazi lets loose and recklessly focuses all of his combined powers squarely on killing Keanu Reeves. After some nautical nonsense involving god powers, devil powers, ocean powers, ghostly ghost powers, all sorts of combinations of the four and Keanu Reeves just being his breathtaking self, Skodwarde is still not fucking good enough to land a fatal blow on the Matrix: Resurrections star (go see it in theaters and on HBO Max if it’s even still on there). Keanu’s had enough of this power scaling bullshit and goes for a killing blow of his own. Skodwarde hears “power scaling bullshit” and is inspired to come up with an even more bullshit idea. Skodwarde uses his god powers to summon forth the tortured husks that was once the Skodwarde main cast to stand between himself and Keanu. Not wanting to do them any more harm, Keanu recalls his attack, commenting that this is a really dick move dude. And if he thinks that’s a dick move then wait til he see Skodwarde return SpongeBob, Patrick, Sandy and Mr. Krabs back to their godly Scrapped Dimension glory with all of their previous character development (yes, they went through character development. I put a lot of effort into Scrapped Dimension) back intact. SpongeBob asks where Skolliam is so that they can “let me at em!” Skodwarde bullshits to them that Skolliam has evolved into that hideously aging actor who really needs to fuck off with the niceness. And unbeknownst to his fellow, Skodwarde proceeds to empower them even more with each of his four elements. SpongeBob ascends to “Godly Mastered Ultra Bullshit”, Patrick becomes an “Oceanic Prick”, Sandy unlocks the power of “Satanic Strong Woman” and Mr. Krabs accepts the fact that he is a “Ghostly Ghost Gay Crab”. In some sad, desperate attempt to make up for the last series finale, Skodwarde sics his newly powered-up cast mates at his arch nemesis. Keanu is left with no choice but to fight back, as these main timeline characters have no idea who he is and he ain’t got time to give them the rundown because we’ve got a runtime. Keanu manages to kill Mr. Krabs, Patrick and Sandy in that order and it’s very sad, I’m sure, but they die off happily knowing that everything has finally come full circle for each of them. They did what they were meant to do, even if it meant not seeing things through to the end. Now? Now they can rest after a whole decade of providing hours of cut-rate entertainment. SpongeBob, himself, hasn’t fared in this god battle any better than his comrades. He too knows that his time will soon come up. Skodwarde uses his god powers to push SpongeBob into putting some effort into it, but SpongeBob is tired. No amount of effort will change a damn thing. “All things, whether good or bad, come to an end, Skod”. And for the first time in his entire lifetime, Skodwarde has himself a genuine cry as his last hope is taken away at Keanu Reeves’ hand. Skodwarde desperately attempts to bring them all back, but resurrecting life taken by Keanu Reeves proves to be far beyond his power now. Their deaths are now permanent. Keanu reiterates that “you made me do that to them”. Skodwarde made the decision to lay it all on the line, and now he’s left with nothing but 11 seasons of jizz jokes. Now it’s time for him to take his end with some grace. Keanu Reeves proceeds to kick Skodwarde’s pasty ass all across creation, to Davy Jones’ Locker and back. An ass kicking the likes of which you readers couldn’t possibly fathom, which is why it’s so poorly described. Skodwarde received a warning for all of this ahead of time in “Skodwarde, You’re Fucked”, but now he knows exactly what it means to be truly FUCKED. Keanu tosses Skodwarde’s mangled, fucked up living corpse aside like the trash that this spin-off has become. He tells the squid nazi that if he has any last words, he better make them count now. Skodwarde, recollecting any iota of sense he has left, tearfully appeals for Keanu to reconsider what he’s about to do. Skodwarde has officially been around for more than a decade now, that’s an eternity in SBC years. He has brought people together in joyous collaboration for years, not to mention all the laughs. Oh, all the laughs that everybody has had thanks to this show. Skodwarde is the lifeblood of this community. If not the community, then he’s at least the pulse of creativity that continues giving the dying spin-off/literature section life. What will the section have then? In the time since Skodwarde’s original season finale, the activity has taken a hell of a hit. People have come and gone. The old crew’s mostly fallen sand in an hourglass now. What jjs managed to pull off in the last episode felt good in writing but it’s not quite true to real life, is it? But they can put more sand in the hourglass. Make new storylines and memories for new and future members to bond over. THIS could be our legacy, SBC’s legacy. We can’t just let it die, we can’t just kill it. Not when there’s still potential room to grow. SpongeBob’s still going, then we can too, right? We can do things better, we can do things right by Gary! Don’t like that last episode for Gary that Hayden wrote? Then it’s gone, we can do better! Didn’t like how Gary was killed off? Then we can bring him back, there’s always a way back! Killing Skodwarde is killing the heart and soul of this community. There’s no telling what may happen if this time, it’s permanent. Keanu Reeves takes in all that Skodwarde has to say and mulls it over for a good bit. The one thing that still really resonated with him was SpongeBob’s final line. “All things, whether good or bad, come to an end. Even something as ‘timeless’ and ‘everlasting’ as you” But before the final blow could be struck, Skodwarde uses what remained of his strength to seriously upset the flow of space-time. “NEIN! NEIN! NEIN! THERE’S ALWAYS A WAY BACK!!!” Skodwarde is forcefully rewinding everything, absolutely everything back to that fateful summer in 2011. He won’t take the pussy way out like Hitler did. If he can’t gain a new audience, he’ll simply turn back the clock to the time when he had a faithful one. If the series went off course following the first movie, then he’ll just go back and make things better. If Keanu Reeves is inevitable, he’ll just constantly go back and repeatedly buy himself more time. This isn’t the first time he’s been forced to do this, and it won’t be the last! Even when everybody else is gone, he will continue to remain! That is what makes Skodwarde superior, that is what makes him a nazi. He is a survivor, far and away, above and beyond EVERYTHING ELSE! No universe will be the same without him! He has evolved far beyond what his original creator had intended and therefore he will last FOR ALL TIME!! Skodwarde’s Hitler-esque ravings echo throughout all of space and time. Keanu can already feel the clock turning back on his existence. Soon, he will be nothing more than a simple knife on the original Skodwarde meme. But suddenly, he hears the voice of one Ian McShane reverberate through the infinite cosmos. Keanu is feeling like he’s tripping balls, but yes, it is actually still Ian McShane. Keanu asks how this is even possible, to which Ian responds that “the only side I’m on is yours, Jonathan.” Ian then tells Keanu that Skodwarde’s end is now or never before giving him one final push to end things now, preferably. Feeling completely recharged by the words of his clearly platonic friend, Keanu launches himself and his fist through the years 2015, 2014 and 2013. Keanu Reeves: This is for Gary… And for everyone else you’ve ever fucked with! Skodwarde feels a sharp pain in his chest, a chilling sensation he has never felt before. He looks to see a knife’s hilt sticking out of his own body. The blade has punctured his bulb. Skodwarde no longer had the power to keep on going back. The only thing he can really muster up now is a clip show in his head of all his greatest hits. His life flashing before his very eyes. Skodwarde flashes back to the universe that once was, before this one. He remembers the countless other inhabitants whose lives ended at the end of his blade, all in a mad attempt to prove his worth before their world ended. The very same blade that now pierces his own body. He then remembers slipping through a rift at the end of it all, which would send him to what would eventually be the grounds of Mein Kampf Koral and from there, he had an entire universe in the suction of his cups to do with as he pleased. And from there, many fond moments such as [insert your favorite Skodwarde moment(s) here] begins to roll from the Skodwarde archive. But most importantly, the jizz jokes. So, so many jizz jokes. Skodwarde takes his final moments to lament having survived for so long, and now this is how it all ends for him. If there was one thing that made him even remotely unsure all his life, it was the end. So I guess in the end, god powers can’t buy you everything. Skodwarde sees the door to Davy Jones’ Locker open before him. He doesn’t even know what to make of it until he sees SpongeBob and the rest of his cast calling out to him. SpongeBob: We’re gonna be okay. They’re gonna be okay. It’s all gonna be okay. This isn’t gonna be the end of the world. Now you can rest, friend. SpongeBob holds his porous hand out to the squid nazi. Perhaps there was nothing to be unsure about after all. The door to Davy Jones’ Locker closes behind them and all that was left behind was the knife that did the deed. But contrary to SpongeBob’s words, the world was indeed ending. The Skodwarde universe truly began falling apart without its nucleus. The collapse of logic is enough to return Keanu Reeves back to normal. But what he awakens to is pure chaos. Perhaps ending the show wasn’t such a good idea, huh? Ian McShane reappears to Keanu, who frantically asks what the fuck is going on. Ian explains that Skodwarde’s end has left a power vacuum in the universe, one that threatens to succ everything into oblivion. They both agree that sounds nice at first glance, but can really fuck em up in the long run. Ian tells him that the only thing Keanu can do now is survive. Keanu asks how that is even plausible given the very dire circumstances. Ian suddenly drops the act, revealing himself to have been Giancarlo Esposito in disguise the whole time (boy, can that guy act or what). Giancarlo: The devil, my friend, is in the details. Giancarlo sends Keanu plummeting through a rift right at the end of the episode. Giancarlo is completely content with his fate knowing that he is the architect of Skod’s demise. Inside, Keanu can slowly feel himself becoming one with the fabric of reality itself. He makes it to the other side to find absolutely nothing at all. Keanu: Whoa Reeves then suddenly explodes in a great big flash that soon envelops the vast nothingness that He has now inherited, eventually setting things back into their proper order over the course of countless eons. We soon return to the SpongeBob Community, where we see things operating as usual. The only thing left of Skodwarde is the now iconic image that’s been memed to hell and back, so let’s just keep it that way. The main SpongeBob show continues to chug on with Squidward back in his rightful place and many spinoffs in the pipeline, finally free of anymore raunchy parodies, at least of the nazi squid variety. As for Keanu Reeves? Why, he’s now everywhere and anywhere. Everything and anything all at once. He might even be that tumbleweed blowing through your room right now. But wherever he is, truly, I imagine he’s putting those god powers to far better use. Keanu Reeves is then seen in his own little corner of the universe, the newly opened Kamp Keanu, returning in camp counselor form to spend the rest of the day with his campers as well as his old pal (and camp mascot), Gary. All to the sweet ass tunes of Tiny Tim around the campfire. Fin. Meanwhile, in the year of our new lord Keanu, 2011, a kid fresh out of high school is spending one summer day out-of-state pondering what he wants to do for the rest of his life. Having returned to the SpongeBob Community under the username of the first side character he could think of only just recently, he stumbles across the iconic meme of Skodwarde in passing. Given a burst of inspiration, he now knows what he wants to do. He pulls up the notepad on his iPhone and starts drafting out a gag fanfiction but is interrupted by the untimely arrival of Giancarlo Esposito, who proceeds to threaten into not finishing that piece of shit fanfiction. Things get real tense until Giancarlo reveals that this was all just another act Giancarlo then slits the user’s throat, who shall continue to remain nameless, in cold blood.
  12. It’s from those Falling Skies promos they used to air on TNT ALL the fuckin time whenever we would have our Supes watch alongs lol I can’t find a video of the original but here’s a video making fun of it
  13. I hope you haven’t forgotten about the “TAKE COVER TAKE COVER TAKE COVER!” during the ol’ let’s watch Supernatural in the morning days either
  14. A couple days late, but I just wanna take this post to appreciate the amount of layers that Anthony Bowens’ “Oskar Kokoschka-lookin ass” insult to Mox has. Too bad he won’t win
  15. I’d’ve called people lightweights for doing that back in the day Oh I’m ready Freddy
  16. I made it back before the 30 minute cutoff at least but ello moose, just like old times!
  17. Episode 4) Imperium Just off the shore of Waimanalo Bay, two whale carcasses are drifting dangerously close. This rare event attracts many of the locals, and even tourists, to the beach in order to catch a glimpse of such noble creatures. The blue and humpback whales are both estimated to have died somewhere in the last 3-5 days prior to the current bringing washing them ashore. Native Hawaiians see this as a gift to be received due to the great significance that whales have in their culture. A traditional Hawaiian blessing is held and witnessed by 50 people in order to pay respects, with the pule being recited by a modern day kahuna. The whales will soon be collected from the beach in order to receive a proper burial on land. The one thing that leaves locals and experts baffled is the circumstances surrounding these deaths, as the markings on the bodies don’t appear to be from any shark they’ve ever seen. Could they possibly be from another whale? A couple hundred yards away from shore, “Sedna’s First”, led by Amaqjuaq, watches as these blessings unfold. They are covered in whale body matter and baleen. Amaqjuaq graciously accepts the people’s thanks in place of their gods and on behalf of his raft. The local monk seal population knows better than to mind any sea lion business whenever Amaqjuaq makes the odd appearance in Hawaiian waters. The presence of he and his raft continues to go unnoticed on land, but those privy to the sea know full well what they’re capable of and exactly what their being here means. The monk seals keep a quiet vigil on Amaqjuaq. The tiger sharks who roam these waters are usually whipped into a feeding frenzy whenever such bountiful food makes its way into their territory, but sensing the sea lions’ presence nearby is enough to give them reason to pause. The monk seals are ambushed by a gang of copper sharks. The tigers sense both the commotion and the intruders, but refrain from intervening as they sense the sea lions coming in close. Much like the monk seals, the tigers are also well aware of what Amaqjuaq is capable of, even coming to the correct conclusion that he had a hand in these whales’ deaths. The tigers each decide that self-preservation is the best course of action and flee the bay. In an underwater standoff between the tigers and lions of the sea, the sea lion effortlessly asserts his dominance over what many would consider to be gods in some cultures. Trivia Amaqjuaq is a name of Inuit origin, meaning “the strong one” The name of Amaqjuaq’s group, “Sedna’s First”, is inspired by the legend of the Inuit goddess of the sea, Sedna, whose severed fingers would become the first sea mammals.
  18. I don’t approve of any of this. At all. Skod was never, NEVER supposed to have any spin-offs. So stop while you can.
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