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Old Man Jenkins

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  1. I actually went and made a best movies of 2022 list for this “podcast”/not-a-podcast that I do with a few friends on weekends over Facebook Messenger. I originally had multiple lists done up for different genres of movies, but I’ll spare y’all the drivel since my friends seemed to think it was a bit much lol 1) Everything Everywhere All at Once (Very good, very emotional. Great action, great laughs, great performances. A huge W for Asian-American cinema. This is the very tippy top for me) 2) Puss in Boots: The Last Wish (watch this shit y’all, I want this to succeed in the face of Avatar 2. Every major character felt like a big deal with their own compelling thing going. It didn’t have to go this hard, but it did, and it was all the more better for it. Dreamworks takes the cake this year. Here’s to more great content from them. I still very much need to watch The Bad Guys tho) 3) Bullet Train (fun movie all around, made even better when watching this on the biggest screen with the best crowd possible. A movie like this is what the movie theater experience is tailor made for.) 4) Marcel the Shell with Shoes On (legit made me cry in the theater. A movie that hit me harder on a personal level than I ever thought it would.) 5) X/Pearl (Mia Goth deserves awards for the performances she turned in for these, Pearl most especially. These movies really broaden the horizons of what horror can be capable of when in very imaginative hands) 6) Barbarian (Another strong ass movie for the horror genre, in a stacked year that’s considered one of the genre’s best) 7) Jujutsu Kaisen: The Movie (I was on a real Jujutsu Kaisen kick earlier this year) 8 ) Bodies Bodies Bodies (One of the funniest movies this year for me) 9) The Batman (Real strong yet still slow at times start for Matt Reeves’ take. Love the emphasis on the actual detective side of the character. Hopefully more pieces of the Batman character will be put into place as Battinson continues on for however long we have ‘em) 10) The Northman (I was all there for the craziness and the twists and turns that this movie takes) 11) Belle (Very good, very emotional. A huge reminder that I still need to watch Summer Wars) 12) Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (MCU’s strongest outing this year. Maybe a lil too long, maybe some stuff could’ve been shaved off. Faced really tough competition from the movies above it on this list) 13) The Menu (I never felt more vindicated being that one person who always orders the burger and never finishing their food) 14) Nope (A nice mix of sci-fi, western and existential horror. I place it right in the middle, behind Get Out but ahead of Us. Can’t wait to see what Jordan Peele cooks up next)
  2. Good, I don’t have to hear the words “Wumpa League” again for the rest of my goddamn godforsaken life. Based on what I’ve read, and on the vibe I get from this trailer, it’s reminding me a lot of Pokémon Unite. And I swore off Pokémon Unite after about a month or two I’ll more than likely check this out to support my favorite orange boi, but I expect the same thing to happen if this is indeed like Pokemon Unite.
  3. I remember using this map as a reference when making S(lums)BU back in the day lol So much to go off of.
  4. Was originally gonna make this my entry for Scary Story Contest, but I ended up going with something more one-shotty. Was on the fence whether I’d actually post this or not, but hey, it’s Halloween, everyone’s entitled to one good scare. And November is already gonna mark a whopping 10 years since my first SpongeBob w/zombies attempt, The Walking Sponge, why not sorta celebrate that shit? Unfortunately for my old hyphenated pals @Cosmic-Loop and @Patrick-Man!, The Walking Sponge will never see a conclusion, but this one has a better chance to! This will be my main focus once MegaloMania is officially in the books. Plot: Plankton has been unusually more inactive these last couple of months, and seeing this as a sort of calm before the storm, Mr. Krabs decides to reinstate the Spy Buddy division in order to carry out some corporate espionage on his behalf. Agent SquarePants has been sent out into the field alone and hasn’t been heard from in days, until a distress call reaches the office of Mr. Krabs…from inside The Chum Bucket. Agent SquarePants is only able to relay the atrocities he’s witnessed in a few short words before the line goes dead. Mr. Krabs ultimately decides to mount a rescue mission, not wanting to lose his prized moneymaker to whatever Plankton has cooking. When the water around The Chum Bucket and it’s surrounding property is ominously bathed in red, Krabs decides to arm himself in preparation for whoever, or whatever, awaits him. Episode 1: Live Bait A lone boat mobile speeds down a lonely stretch of road as the sun starts to set in the distance. The usually flowery skies appear far more red and much less flowery than usual. It appears as though the vehicle has entered an ever thickening fog. The boatmobile takes a hard left turn and immediately stops in the courtyard fronting The Chum Bucket. Krabs notes that it seems Plankton’s done a little remodeling. Krabs exits the vehicle and brandishes an experimental gun created and patented by Sandy herself: the Irukandji Edge. Harnessing the fierce heart-stopping power of the irukandji jellyfish, even just a graze from one of its bullets will have the target begging for death. Agent Squidward insists on staying with the vehicle and reading the latest issue of Interpretive Dance Monthly, promising that he might spring into action at the first or second sign of trouble or something. So Krabs heads out into the red mist alone. He comes across numerous hideously malformed creatures roaming the courtyard, trashing all the outdoor seating. These hostiles quickly turn their attention to Krabs and lay siege to him. Krabs thinks fast and shoots one, but it appears impervious to the agonizing sting of the irkandji! Krabs let’s loose with more bullets, eventually gunning the creature down into fleshy bits. He reloads with the nearly limitless supply that Sandy lent him and blows the rest of the creatures to little bite sized pieces. Krabs soon notices a stranger in a lab coat being attacked by these bloody things and appears to save them in the knick of time, but it’s soon revealed that the creatures have taken huge chunks out of the lab fish’s body. With every last breath he could muster, the lab fish reveals to Krabs that he’s an employee for the Chum Bucket and that they were working on their own “secret formula”, but the manager went crazy and “placed the entire staff on the menu”, turning all their experiments against them. This lab fish was the only one who managed to make it this far out, the rest are still trapped inside the establishment with the worst horrors imaginable. The lab fish hands Krabs a Chum Bucket company picnic photo, begging him to please save as many of his fellow co-workers as he can before the lab fish finally succumbs to his wounds. Krabs picks his pockets for any loose change before continuing further into the property. After taking out more waves of monstrosities, he finally catches his first glimpse of Agent SquarePants, who is lying helpless on the ground with none of his limbs intact. Krabs goes up to check on him, but Agent SquarePants warns him that “they’re using them as boomerangs!” Krabs is suddenly blindsided by an oncoming object. The creatures are revealed to be throwing around SpongeBob’s disembodied arms and legs, having fashioned them into makeshift weapons. They throw more, but this time, Krabs manages to shoot them down in midair. A dog-like creature bursts out from the Bucket and pounces down onto Krabs, biting at his shell in hopes of breaking through. The dog is driven off him after a couple more stray gunshots can be heard. Pieces of flesh fall on to Krabs’ face as the dog retreats back. Agent Squidward approaches with his own Irukandji Edge locked and loaded. The dog proceeds to speak, taking them off guard. With a voice eerily similar to Plankton’s, the dog mocks Agent Squidward, saying that his aim is as mediocre as his clarinet playing. The dog then grabs what’s left of SpongeBob with its mouth and sprints off. The fry cook can only scream as Krabs and Squidward frantically try to stop it in its tracks, however their shots are pretty much all evaded. Their shots continue to mostly miss even as the dog creature scales the walls of the Chum Bucket, eventually retreating into the opening of the Bucket up top with SpongeBob in tow. Krabs quickly deduces what Plankton’s game is; to use SpongeBob as bait in order to lure him right into a slaughter. With a renewed fire lit under him, Agent Squidward opts to join Mr. Krabs as he pushes on to enter the house that Plankton built. They blast through more waves of malformed and approach the front doors leading into the restaurant. Krabs says a quick prayer for them both, not to Neptune, but to Davy Jones himself, praying that there will be enough room in his locker for Plankton and all his abominations. Krabs and Squidward kick the doors down and storm in, guns blazing Featured Creatures “Plankton’s Regulars”: Basic enemies made out of chum that came from the dead meat of all the poor souls unfortunate enough to stop into Plankton’s establishment looking for a quick bite. “Chum Dog”: A hellhound-like creature molded from the chum of Plankton’s victims, but the basic design comes nowhere close to the doggos and puppers we know and love. Has been conditioned to follow Plankton’s orders right down to the letter. Would be a good boy if it weren’t the product of something so heinously evil. Notes First appearances of Mr. Krabs, Agent Squidward, Agent SquarePants, Lab Fish 1 and “The Hound” Death(s): Lab Fish 1 The Chum Bucket company picnic photograph showed that the Chum Bucket had at least 10 workers in its employ before the incident broke out Sandy is Krabs’ equipment supplier, much like her role was in the original Spy Buddies episode, except this time, he’s actually forking out money to loan them out from her, showing how serious this mission is for him Trivia The “Irukandji Edge” name is a reference to the Samurai Edge, a firearm made famous in the video game series, Resident Evil. The story’s mainly inspired by the horror light gun shooter video game, The House of the Dead in general. Krabs’ prayer about there being enough room in Davy Jones’ Locker is a subtle nod to Dawn of the Dead’s tagline, “When there’s no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth. The functionality of the Irukandji Edge is mostly inspired by the jellyfish gun that was used in the SpongeBob flash game, Zombie Breakout
  5. Episode 5: Swamp Bros We open up to the Green Gills investigating the bloodbath that took place at the Palauan Marine Sanctuary. Shark on shark violence isn’t uncommon, but attacking the conservationists is especially alarming. The reef sharks who frequent the nearby waters take great care to avoid predation on humans, leading Roderick to believe that they either have a rogue reef shark on their hands, which is rare, or a complete outsider took it upon themselves to raid the place. The bite patterns definitely indicates that a shark had carried out the attack, but it’s too large to be that of a mere reef shark. The mangled state of the conservationists also seem to indicate that this wasn’t for just nourishment, the attack appears to have been carried out with prejudice and malicious intent. Their instincts tell them the attacker appears to be set on a course towards Indonesia. They quickly follow suit. Following the untimely collapse of their illegal hot sauce business, croc brothers; Buford, Cletus and Luther have since discovered that there’s far more money to be made in the reptile hunting industry. They built up their reputations hunting down scores of problem pests in their native swamp and eventually, they successfully shopped a show about their new ventures to the Graphic Nature Channel, their main selling point being “We’re fighting fire with fire. What other hunting show could be better than crocodiles hunting other crocodiles?!” They’re already three seasons deep into their series and they just finished wrapping up a recent tour of Micronesia, applying their trade to hunt down problem sharks in the area and bringing back with them such souvenirs as shark teeth and fins. Currently, they’re back in the swamp preparing to hunt down a newer, bigger threat than anything else they’ve encountered. Their target is Baya, bane of the swampland and devourer of both croc and men alike. Legends state that Baya has inhabited Indonesian swamps for centuries, while some even say, millenniums. Steadily replenishing food sources has forced Baya to take up cannibalism and add humans to its menu. The legend of Baya becomes more and more of a harsh reality to swamp denizens with each and every attack it cruelly carries out. The Swamp Bros have now taken it upon themselves to end its reign of terror for good. The Swamp Bros set up a snap trap to snare the elusive beast. They originally intended to use spare body parts from previous crocs that they hunted as bait to lure the monster out of hiding, but with attacks on humans spiking to an all time high, they’ve opted to abduct some people from nearby villages as a more effective alternative. Their piercing screams gets the job done with Baya taking the bait hook, line and sinker. Blood fills the entrapment, signaling the Swamp Bros to spring into action. Buford pops some shots into the prone Baya with nine shotgun blasts, more than they ever had to fire at anything else. Cletus and Luther both wrestle the injured Baya with deadly ferocity, simultaneously rolling it into submission with spinning in opposite directions, even managing to rip a limb off in the process. They truss Baya up and take its carcass back to their home as a huge feast for their families. The Bros’ wives prepare dinner, frying Baya’s enormous amputated leg and heating up a pot of fresh shark fin soup. Their children play along the docks that connect their shacks together. When the dinner bell starts to ring, the children don’t answer its call. Manny observes the crocs from a distance, chewing and then spitting out a pair of small shoes. Kepanilā appears from above, telling Manny that all sharks’ power comes from mana. Mana can only be gained through two means; acts of violence or sex, and since Manny doesn’t seem like he’s getting any action in bed anytime soon, violence appears to be his only option. The mana that Manny’s gained through his actions thus far should be enough to take on these new foes, but one of their targets does carry a weapon of man with them, which muddies the water a bit when it comes to Manny’s chances. Crocodiles, on the other hand, operate on a different level spiritually, but that doesn’t make them any less dangerous in their own right. Kepanilā advises that once he’s ready to engage, it’s imperative that Manny takes the shotgun out of play first. Once that’s done, it should all be mince meat from there. Manny lets his instincts take over, diving into the shroud of the swamp water to mask his approach. The Swamp Bros, alarmed by the sudden disappearance of their kids, head out into the swamp to go looking for them, leaving their wives open to attack. Manny takes Cletus’s into the swamp and then Luther’s. Buford’s wife is the one preparing the shark fin soup. Manny smells his own family brewing in the pot. It’s their fins she must be using. They were the ones that did it. She leaves the pot to survey the swamp for herself, but this makes it all the more easier for Manny to attack from behind. The Swamp Bros return by themselves, not being able to locate their children, and they come to find that their wives are now missing as well. They’re able to smell their blood in the water nearby. Cletus and Luther instantly recognize it all as their wives’. Buford catches a separate scent, leading him over to the pot, in which his wife’s severed head is being boiled. Buford grips his shotgun tight and hollers out to his brother, but Manny comes out from hiding behind the pot and knocks it over with a powerful tail whip, causing its heated contents to spill out onto Buford. Manny bites the arm carrying the gun and thrashes away, trying to at least rip it out of Bufords’s grip. Cletus and Luther rush over and wrestle Manny off of Buford, hold him down with their jaws long enough for Buford to get a shot out, blasting Manny back into the swamp water below. Cletus, Luther and Buford submerge themselves into the swamp in pursuit, hollering that no one knows this swamp better than the Swamp Bros and vowing revenge for their fallen family members. They catch up to a bleeding Manny and brawl with him in the swampy depths. Buford whacks him in the nose with butt of his shotgun, disrupting Manny’s sense of balance greatly. Cletus clutches Manny’s right fin in his jaws and attempts a death roll, but Manny spins his body in the same direction, preventing it getting ripped off and driving Cletus head first onto the swamp floor. Manny gets a gnarly bite in on Cletus’ neck. Buford attempts to shoot him off his brother and gets another shot in. He reloads for a third time but Manny hears this and manages to move away, leaving Cletus to take the shot point blank in the snout. Blood pours out of Cletus’ head as floats up to the surface with his mouth open. Luther catches Manny’s entire body in his jaws and thrashes about recklessly, angered at losing yet another family member. As this is all going on, Kepanilā approaches Baya, still hung up over on the dock. He knows that Baya still lives and implores him to walk it off already, stating that he’s “the mighty croc of Indonesian legend for my sake”. Baya’s eyes stirs open, recognizing Kepanilā upon first sight. Baya reminds the shark god that no sharks are allowed back in his waters, but Kepanilā reminds the legendary croc that the only reason that is the case is because he lent the croc a fin years ago against a common enemy. And now, Kepanilā is calling that favor in. Luther holds Manny down for Buford to get one more blast in, but before Buford can proceed he’s chomped down from above by Baya, who whisks the Swamp Bro further down the swamp and leaving behind a blood trail. This catches Luther completely off guard, giving Manny the opportunity to break free from his death grip and putting Luther into one of his own. Manny and Baya both devour their victims whole. Manny hops back onto the dock and into the gaping maw of Baya. Baya thrashes Manny around and throws him into one of the Swamp Bros’ shacks. Baya states he’s held up his “end of the deal”, now the sharks are to leave his territory immediately. Kepanilā is looking to collect Manny and oblige when the Green Gills suddenly launch their attack. Baya is infuriated at the sight of even more sharks encroaching on his territory and accuses Kepanilā of trying to take it all like “Sura before him”, but the shark god denies any association with the Green Gills. Baya leaves Kepanilā to deal with them and retreats deeper into the swamp. Kepanilā thinks fast and tail whips Manny into the swamp water and tells his protégée to flee while he distracts the Green Gills. Kepanilā raises his fins in surrender and gives himself up to them. Roderick recognizes Kepanilā, commenting that he’s been praying to see this “war criminal” be brought to justice in his lifetime. Roderick grabs hold of the shark god in his jaws and flips him over, inducing tonic immobility to make transporting him easier. An injured Manny witnesses this, powerless to do anything but swim away. This entire ordeal has taught Manny that he can’t continue down this path alone. His enemies aren’t just growing in size and power, but in numbers as well. He’s gonna need help and he knows where to get it, but they won’t be excited to see him. Notes It’s revealed that Baya and Kepanilā have a history dating back to the Great Shark War. It’s revealed that The Swamp Bros are indeed the ones who finned Manny’s family and left them for dead. It’s shown that sharks and crocodiles have an ancient rivalry that’s been going on for hundreds of millions of years. Sergeant Roderick claims to know what Kepanilā really is, suggesting even more history between the shark god and the original founder of the Green Gills. Trivia The character of Baya is inspired by a story from Indonesian folklore that details the mighty crocodile’s bitter feud with the equally mighty shark, Sura. They would constantly fight over food and superiority, culminating in a legendary battle that resulted in Baya driving Sura away from the land. The real life Indonesian city of Surabaya would go on to be named after both of them. It’s implied in this episode that Kepanilā had assisted Baya in securing this major victory. Buford, Cletus and Luther previously appeared in the SpongeBob SquarePants episodes Swamp Mates and One Trick Sponge. Might be busy with other Halloween plans tomorrow. So I might not get everything I had planned up by then. Hopefully I’ll get at least the sixth episode up tomorrow with the other two to follow in the coming days.
  6. Prey for the Devil: Huuuuge step down from the horror movies I’ve watched in my last couple posts. The premise sounds interesting and what they’re trying to build up for a possible franchise going forward has potential to be something better, but it was just so damn boring. Perhaps if there were better cooks in the kitchen, it could’ve made me want to see more, but this was not the right foot to get off on (pause?). Not to mention that exorcism movies have become so overdone and passé nowadays, a lot of stuff this movie tries to do has definitely been done a lot better in other movies. There was only like one decent setup for a scare and the rest is just cheap, lowest common denominator shit. Was hoping this one would surprise me like Smile did, but you win some and you lose some. If a horror movie is boring enough to damn near put me to sleep, there’’s a whole lot wrong there.
  7. Episode 3: The Frenzy We return a day later, to Manny still cradling his family’s husks in his arms. He finally decides what his next move is going to be. He apologizes to his family one more time before turning over on his back, appearing to self induce tonic immobility in order to suffocate himself and finally bring an end to his misery. As the trance of tonic immobility gradually takes hold, over him, he starts to see a figure swimming a distance over him, blocking out the sunlight above like a moving eclipse. Manny is startled to see the same imposing figure brush past his body down below. He looks back up to see the sunlight again. This much larger mauve colored shark had tinges of a darker pink on his underbelly. It appears to be looking directly at Manny, but the moment he swims past Manny like he doesn’t even exist again, does Manny realize what this shark is really after. The shark sniffs Kai and then the kids. It seems to have found its next meal. Manny begs the shark to leave them be and to claim him instead. The shark still refuses to acknowledge him as it begins to open its jaws over his wife’s body. Manny breaks out of the trance he was putting himself in and springs into action, shoving the other shark a couple inches away with all his strength. This finally catches the other’s attention. The shark comments that Manny “still has some fight in him after all”. This shark confesses that he had witnessed everything that transpired, including Manny’s continuously pathetic display. Manny refuses to take a lecture from both his family and some stranger, vowing to protect their bodies in death. They get into an argument over whether a burial is the way to go, with Manny saying that it’s the proper way to about it and the opposing shark arguing that it desecrates their memory and deprives them of their “final act”, the act of giving back vital proteins and nutrients to the ocean in death, which is something he looks to claim for himself. Manny musters up the strength and courage to wrestle the other shark for ownership of their bodies, but his already weakened state sees him get easily overpowered and absolutely bodied. The shark grabs Manny by the dorsal with just his mouth and slams him back on the ground next to his family, a defeated and bloodier mess. The shark lays the truth on him that it doesn’t take a marine scientist to know that he and his family were betrayed. A shark finning operation this close to a shark sanctuary? Gives off the scent of an inside job. Manny refuses the possibility, but the shark asks just where is everybody he was with. They staged the whole thing, got the juicy stuff that they wanted and then left them for the frenzy to take care of the rest. Manny looks all around himself to see swarms of sanctuary sharks all throughout the distance, chomping at the bit to claim him and his family, but it appears something is holding them all back. Is it this shark, himself? The dark shark gives Manny the opportunity to allow his family their one final act. Claim their proteins and nutrients as his own and gain greater strength from it. He’s gonna need it for what comes next. Manny asks what comes next. The dark shark responds, “you’re gonna make them bleed.” Manny looks at his family, extremely conflicted over what he must do to survive. He looks back up and finds that the dark shark is gone, and that the sanctuary sharks no longer have anything holding them back. The sanctuary sharks go into a frenzy and frantically make their approach. The frenzy’s approach causes Manny to flashback to when his kids were in danger of being predated on by members of their own group, Manny tried to talk them down but his wife took action and fended the lemon sharks off herself. She came out of the encounter far from unscathed. This was the moment that caused them to flee the group and find a new life of their own. Pan and Kai’s last words then echoed through his head. Manny comes to realize that maybe he did make them weak, but it was all in the hope of living a better, more civilized life. But THIS is the life and, ultimately, death his efforts have given them. Even when living in a civilized world, his family still came to a barbaric end. There is no such thing as civilization. Civilization is just a myth. It’s a ruse, an excuse to change the pecking order, a pecking order where sharks were once on top. Sharks have been reduced to being the ones in need of protection. It’s time to change all that. Manny snaps himself out of his stupor to see reef sharks closing in on his daughter, Thalassa, but before they can sink their teeth into her, Manny manages to sink his in first. He quickly devours her entire body and tails whips the sharks away. He turns his attention to Pan, also swiping him away and devouring him whole. Manny can feel a sudden surge of energy flowing through him. His kind of power in the wrong shark’s hands could prove deadly, but in his it’s even deadlier. Reef sharks have already started nibbling on Kai, but Manny wrestles a large chunk of her away from them and claims it for himself. It feels as though the souls of his family are coursing through him, adding to his own. He’s never felt this before, this great. This was exactly what he needed to save his family earlier. Tears well up and evaporate in his eyes as the weight of his actions, as well as the circumstances that led to this point, catches up to him, but quickly takes it all in stride. He has to, in order to carry out what comes next. “MAKE THEM BLEED” The waters within the zone of protection slowly start to run red. Marine biologists and conservationists out in the field take notice of the startling change when a limp and heavily injured leopard shark is suddenly flung over their way, hitting one of them into the water. Some of them check on the condition of the leopard shark while some of the others check on their fellow conservationist who fell in, calling for them but are only answered by increasingly bloodstained water and torn body parts emanating from the bottom of their boat. A rogue lemon shark breaches the water and lunges at their boat. What follows is pure bloodshed. Notes The first instance of Manny embracing his primal instincts. The Dark Shark is implied to be something grander and more supernatural in nature, but what exactly it is remains to be seen. Featured shark(s): lemon shark, grey reef shark, leopard shark, white tip reef shark, ??? (Dark Shark) Trivia The shark sanctuary in Palau was established in 2009, to preserve and protect sharks from being targeted in commercial fishing activities. One such activity being shark finning. The energy that courses through Manny’s body as his primal instincts take hold of him is called “mana”. Stay tuned for more on this subject. Episode 4: The Green Gills We open up to Sergeant Roderick and his Undersea Defense Force special operations unit, The Green Gills, executing a mission to liberate a reef community known as Barrier Bottom from the jaws of an overly ambitious tiger shark known only as The Dump Truck. The Dump Truck has been occupying the town for months and has been keeping its inhabitants tightly pressed under his thumb. The Dump Truck is an imposing force of nature who has committed similar acts of violence in the past against other communities, leaving nothing but death and carnage in her wake. The Green Gills have finally been deployed to deal with her threat personally. Sergeant Roderick’s team consists of himself and other bignose sharks; Greg, Rowley, Fregley, Mudd and Patty. They infiltrate Dump Truck’s compound, managing to free some of Barrier’s imprisoned citizens in the process. They finally have Dump Truck in their sights and attempt to take her down in a coordinated attack, but they are soon laid siege upon by a small army of tapeworms, having appeared from inside Dump Truck. Dump Truck is surprised that the Green Gills have gotten this close to her, a true testament of their hunting abilities. She reveals herself to be the one in charge of this small army. She says that she’s come to a working agreement with her parasites. They can continue to feed off of her as long as they help keep her well fed. A mutually beneficial relationship, as she puts it. Roderick’s team fights off the tapeworms in order to reach their leader, but their numbers prove to be more formidable than they anticipated. Greg manages to break away from the fray long enough to attack Dump Truck himself. His efforts are valiant, but the tiger shark manages to shut him down with her superior bite power. She crushes his skull between her teeth and gnashes life out of him before swallowing him whole. Upon seeing this, Roderick breaks off two teeth from his mouth and uses them as makeshift dual blades. The rest of the team follows suit and do the same thing to better cut down on the tapeworms’ numbers. Roderick fights through scores of them, eventually carving out a path right to Dump Truck, herself. The tiger shark sees this and attempts to make a move on him before he can on her. She charges him into the walls of the compound, biting away at his torso. Roderick bites her on the dorsal fin and tears away at it, wrestling her down to the ground. Dump Truck tries bucking him off like a horse would do to its rider, but Roderick hangs on by his teeth and stabs her right in the eye with one of his improvised tooth blades. He dismounts as she trots around in pain with the tooth still lodged in her eye. Disoriented from the attack, she still opts to charge him, landing a blow right to Roderick’s nose. This stuns him momentarily, but he’s able to sense her charging over again and this time, he greets her with the end of his second improvised blade. The blade breaks skin under her chin and down her underbelly, the forward momentum from her charge causing the blade to effectively gut her down the middle. Blood, innards and even more tapeworms gushes out of her, as does Greg’s mangled, slightly digested body. Any surviving tapeworms notice this and flee the compound while they can. Roderick and his team reconvene and finish Dump Truck off by devouring what’s left of her, giving each of them a boost in power and vitality. Meanwhile, back in the Palauan Marine Sanctuary, the lemon shark circles a heavily damaged boat, hiding underneath the thick blood that’s coating the water. A lone survivor on the vessel attempts to call for help, saying that one of the sharks has gone horrifically rogue. But before they could receive an answer, the lemon shark breaches the water and falls directly on the boat, engulfing both the conservationist and their radio in his mouth. The damaged boat collapses under the weight as the lemon shark drags his victim deeper into the water. Manny awakens in a fright, covered in sweat and appearing very manic. He finds himself somewhere in the open ocean, far from where he last remembered himself being. Was it all just a dream? Did he go off to find the help he was seeking? The sunlight shining down on him appears to have been blocked out again. He looks up and sees nothing this time, only to be startled when he looks back down to see the same dark shark from earlier floating right before him. The dark shark informs him that it was all very, very real. He taunts Manny that he’s wasted the best years of his life on such frivolous bullshark shit, and that this is every shark’s true calling. Manny asks why he doesn’t remember making his way all the way down here. The dark shark responds that it’s because Manny let his instincts take over. His instincts “brought him catharsis, some closure and they also brought him here, right to me”. Manny questions just who this dark shark is exactly, and why the sudden interest. The dark shark claims its name to be Kepanilā. Manny claims to have heard that name somewhere before, like out of an old story or something. Kepanilā claims himself to be “a god among sharks”, alongside others. They had all taken part in the Great Shark Wars centuries ago. Most of his kindred became casualties, believing himself to be the only one still left on the board. He has spent countless years roaming the world’s oceans alone, save for a traveling companion or two. Kepanilā long thought that he no longer had a purpose after the wars ended, but the ocean’s tide brought them together when they both needed a savior most. Manny’s already getting weird vibes from this guy, to which Kepanilā says is good. Those are his instincts still kicking in. Kepanilā confesses that he wants to be able to help someone again like the good old days, before the wars tore the shark gods all apart. He sees Manny as his chance to finally get redemption. He’s already helped guide Manny to the false sanctuary, but there’s still more stops to make, and more blood to spill before he can truly redeem himself. Kapenilā tells Manny that his instincts have already brought him this far, it’d be best to continue following them. Manny doesn’t even know who or what they’re even leading him to. Kapenilā advises Manny to think back to when he and his family were initially ambushed. The men who de-finned his wife and children did so all the way at the bottom of the ocean. No man is capable of such a feat unless he were a merman. But those weren’t mermen that he smelled. Manny smelled that they were crocodiles, in men’s clothing. Kepanilā compliments him on his deduction skills. And where do the scaly bastards usually tend to shack up? The swamps, and they will run red tonight. Back in the newly liberated Barrier Bottom, Roderick and his team honor their fallen comrade, Greg, with a brief vigil. Greg had no family that he knew of to notify in the event of his passing. Their vigil is suddenly interrupted by the untimely arrival of Gill Hammerstein and a film crew, on behalf of The Hieronymus Glove Company. Hammerstein compliments Roderick and his crew on a job well done, it all looked great on camera. Roderick refuses to give him permission to use that footage in any way. Hammerstein cuts straight to the point and asks Roderick and his team to become the new faces of Glove’s MegaloMania. Roderick doesn’t know what Gill expects him to say the second time and refuses once again. Gill knows what the Green Gills put themselves through and he wants to give them a platform to show the entire world just that. Roderick shoots that Hammerstein only wants to trivialize what they do, and that what they really do isn’t meant for the entire world to see. Roderick angrily tells Hammerstein to make a spectacle out of someone else. A defeated Gill promises to burn the footage, but he’s already got a copy made and sent out to Nigel. The Green Gills receive some surprising intel from their superiors about a vicious attack that was carried out at the Palauan Marine Sanctuary. The casualties include both human and shark. Hammerstein snidely comments that he may have just found that spectacle. Roderick informs his superiors that The Green Gills will head down there right away. Roderick orders to have Greg’s body brought back to Bikini Bottom for a proper burial since they can’t bring themselves to consume a fallen brother in arms. The Green Gills take their leave, but Hammerstein secretly bribes some of the UDF personnel into handing over the body to him. Notes It’s heavily implied that Gill Hammerstein and Sergeant Roderick have a history serving in the Undersea Defense Force together. The Great Sharks Wars was a civil war involving various shark clans over surface world relations. It is believed that entire species went extinct during this time. Featured shark(s): bignose shark, tiger shark, lemon shark, hammerhead shark, a literal shark god Trivia Gill Hammerstein previously appeared in the SpongeBob SauarePants video game, “Lights, Camera, Pants”. Sergeant Roderick previously appeared in the SpongeBob SquarePants episode, “Mrs. Puff, You’re Fired” as the substitute teacher for Mrs. Puff. He even offers bonbons to the tapeworms as a callback to said episode. The Green Gills name comes from two different sources of inspiration: the real life Green Berets and the son of the shark god, Keali’ikau ‘o Ka’u, who was a green shark born from a union between the god and a human. The improvised weapons used by The Green Gills were inspired by ancient Hawaiian weaponry, which utilized shark teeth. Also by the fact that sharks have an endless supply of teeth that regenerates throughout their lives The scientists who tagged Roderick and his team and gave them names were, in fact, inspired by characters from the Wimpy Kid books. Dump Truck’s name is inspired by the fact that tiger sharks are known as “the dumpsters of the sea”, due to their diet of eating just about anything Don’t worry, I may be hella ass late for Shark Week but I plan on wrapping this up for spoopy season! Expect the remaining 3 episodes to be posted before the month concludes. Yup, it’s 7 episodes altogether, one for each day of Shark Week! There might even be another extra festive surprise thrown in for good measure. I’ll have more to say on the future of this shit once it’s all said and done.
  8. There Was One Kid Here Earlier It’s been going on 22 years now since Monroe Rechid went missing. A single witness who last saw the boy claims he was out at the carnival by himself. This claim baffled the citizens and local authorities. There was no carnival in town at the time of the disappearance and further investigation found that the area where this purported carnival was operating was completely deserted, with no sign of any recent activity. The witness was brought in for further questioning, but the starfish was written off as a mentally stunted fool. He was later let go once it was abundantly clear to investigators that he was “too stupid” to have played any active part in Monroe’s disappearance His parents, Fred and Sadie, both vehemently deny to this day the notion that Monroe had any reason to run away from home. They love him, and have always supported him in everything that he does. Monroe is their only child, their miracle baby. A miracle in that it was once thought impossible that the couple would ever have a child with Fred’s leg the way it is. The couple did everything in their power to have the family that they always wanted, but when those efforts weren’t proving to be enough, the couple decided to go beyond that. The couple embarked on seeking help from a higher power. They began by hoping and praying to Neptune in hopes that he may bless them with what they desired. When Neptune didn’t answer their prayers, they turned to Poseidon, to whom their prayers also fell on deaf ears. All hope appeared to be lost. The couple were slowly but surely coming to terms with the reality of their situation. When familial dreams appeared to be behind them for good, they claimed that a friend approached the couple with a pamphlet about a new temple of worship that was being established in town. Hesitant at first, as Neptune and Poseidon were all they knew their entire lives, the couple would decide to attend congregations and during those congregations, they came to know Dagon as the Babylonian fish god of fishermen and, most importantly, fertility. They handed off their lives to be in service to Dagon, and when the couple had given up enough of themselves as they could, they believed that Dagon finally blessed them with the gift of life. Monroe would soon be born and The Rechids now had someone else to dedicate all their time and energy to. When Monroe disappeared, the couple alleged that members of the temple had something to do with it as a sort of retribution for moving on and turning away from Dagon. Investigation into these claims came up with surprisingly zero results. There has been no Temple of Dagon operating in Bikini Bottom, there isn’t any evidence of it ever operating anywhere else. The temple of worship they claimed to have attended on a weekly basis was no longer there, nor was there any evidence that anything even operated in the area. It is just an open clearing, much like where their son was last seen. Even the friend who they say introduced them to the religious group never existed. The pamphlet they claimed to have received, no longer in their possession and now vanished without a trace. The search parties were soon called off and the case inevitably closed. The couple once again turned to prayer, hoping their boy would safely return back to them. A package would later arrive at their doorstep. It was a round aluminum container, not much different from any regular can you’d find in stores. The couple thought nothing of it at first until they saw the label. It was branded “God of the Sea® Tuna”. They said that the container gave off a horrible, unending scent of mayonnaise. They even claimed to hear the voice of their son calling out to them, begging and pleading to be let out. They couldn’t bring themselves to open it, fearing what might really be inside in such a horribly cramped, vacuum sealed state. The couple contemplated simply ridding themselves of the cursed container, but it is now the closest that they have to finally having their son back. The sounds and smell would go on to torment them, soon opting to seal the container away in a specially built storage room, behind multiple layers of concrete, located in their basement. They claim to still smell and hear it to this day, even when others don’t.
  9. Smile: Another solid horror entry to add to 2022’s stacked plate. Creature design was pretty damn sick. Sosie Bacon killed it. Halloween Ends: I ended up liking this more than most, but I wouldn’t say it’s one of the better horror movies of the year. I can appreciate the risks it takes in its effort to defy fan expectations and bring something new to the franchise. There’s definitely worse Halloween movies in my book. Black Adam: Really wanted to like this, but it turned out to be a mess. Each time it did something I remotely liked (which wasn’t a whole lot), it did something to undo whatever good will it built for me. It’s very akin to Morbius in that it just feels like something to sit through just to get to the post-credits scene. Tho the action sequences were on point and there were characters like Dr. Fate and Hawkman who stood out alongside the leading man. Atom Smasher was pretty cool. Cyclone needed more stuff to say and do, I feel.
  10. Can’t think of a better movie to send this lit out on (except maybe The Mask). Bravo, braddah, bravo!
  11. “Beast”: A decent creature feature, but I just end up feeling bad for the lion, mang. You can telegraph how the ending is gonna go like 10 minutes in, which kinda took the wind out of the sails for me when it finally went down. ”Pearl”: Great period/throwback horror entry from A24. They really crafted something special and most of all, unique, here and gives us a more fleshed out character that can really challenge your ability to empathize and relate. I’d say I enjoyed this one more than X (not to throw any shade at X). Mia Goth definitely deserves an award of some sort for this one, mang. Her monologue at the end was top notch. Also has one of my favorite ending credits ever. Can’t wait to see how the story continues post-X in MaXXXine! ”Don’t Worry Darling”: It’s a case of being a movie that I wanted to love, but only ended up kinda liking since I did really enjoy Olivia Wilde’s other film “Book Smart”. It’s really well made and shot beautifully, the 50s aesthetic and soundtrack is real appealing but the story just feels like something I’ve seen done better in other movies and tv shows. There are some story beats that I do like, but not enough to fully keep my attention throughout the entire runtime. Florence Pugh did her best for this one, definitely the performance that carried this whole thing. Harry Styles was aight, pretty laughable at parts where he really had to emote. All in all, doesn’t come close to Pearl for me. ”The Greatest Beer Run Ever”: Managed to watch this in theaters since it was Regal Cinema’s movie of choice for its $5 Monday Mystery Movie event last night. I was hoping for Terrifier 2 (but that’d be too wishful thinking) since spoopy month is coming up or Amsterdam if it had to be something that wasn’t horror-related. I still ending up liking this one tho, I thought Zac Efron did good and it’s always cool to see the likes of Russell Crowe and Bill Murray. I knew virtually nothing about this until yesterday when the reveal got spoiled for me on Facebook. It’s been received most unfavorably online so I don’t know if I just have bad taste or if there’s something more controversial going on about this flick since it is based off a true story and is based around the Vietnam war, but still, I ended up liking it. It’s like one of them 70s road trip movies, just with the Vietnam War as its backdrop. It’s an Apple TV+ movie and those are rare to see on the big screen in these parts, so I feel like I bored witness to a special event. I hope they do more of these mystery joints. Had pretty good turnouts, I like seeing it.
  12. “Barbarian”: The best Resident Evil movie without being a Resident Evil movie. And getting to see Justin Long on a big screen again is another plus, even if his character is an absolute asshat.
  13. Just gonna look over my regal account here and try to give a run through of all my theater adventures since at least June: Lightyear: I thought it was harmless fun. I can get the Toy Story fans being less than thrilled with it, but I personally thought it was aight probably because I’m a sucker for space shits. Probably would’ve been much better served as it’s own separate IP. Jurassic World: Dominion: There’s definitely more to dislike than like with this one. Definitely the Rise of Skywalker of this World trilogy. Shame since the base concept sounds like great popcorn fun on paper. The Black Phone: A fun lil horror/thriller shit. I feel there’s a good message in it under all the swearing and violence. Minions: The Rise of Gru: A fun lil animation shit. I don’t mind the Minions as much as the next person. There was nobody in suits when I went, no banana throwing smh Thor: Love and Thunder: This shit was fuckin disappointing, mang. Lightning struck for Ragnarok, but hell if it struck a second time here. Felt like a juvenile Thor parody more than anything. Lots of things got mishandled, the personal biggest flub for me being the Jane Foster cancer storyline. I should’ve felt a lot more for her character at the end than I ended up feelin. Honestly the weakest Phase 4 entry for me. Probably of the entire MCU, if I’m being completely honest with myself. I like Taika, he’s proven himself very capable of balancing serious and comedy before, but they need to hand over the reins next time. Elvis: Had fun with this one. You definitely feel that long ass runtime watching it but it also didn’t lose my attention at all during, so that’s somethin. Probably not something I’d watch again anytime soon, which is something I say about most every musical biopic I’ve seen after first watch. Nope: I really like it, and I really like how it’s different from Peele’s other movies. I appreciate the slight change of pace and all the experimentation he does with this one. It’s like Jaws if it were also kind of a western while still being a sci-fi movie. An odd combination I can get behind and be there for. Can’t wait to see what crazy shit Peele does next. Marcel the Shell with Shoes On: I went into this thinking it’d be like a Paddington sorta deal, ya know. Cute with the feels, somethin Rotten Tomatoes eats up. But I wasn’t expecting to go on the feels trip of my fuckin year so far, mang. I never thought I’d ever relate so much with a freakin talking shell with little ass shoes until I watched this shit. And to experience something like this movie so soon after something else that happened recently in my personal life, I was honestly not ready for Marcel the Shell with Shoes On. This movie was absolutely merciless when it came to my emotional state. I don’t if it’d exactly be other peoples’ cuppa tea since my thoughts on it come from a very personal place, but it’s up there for me. DC League of Superpets: Ended up liking this more than I thought I would. I grew up loving the Krypto cartoon, so I was always probably gonna end up thinking this would be at least decent. I’d personally place it above Lightyear and Rise of Gru. Easter Sunday: As a half-Filipino, I felt obligated to watch this. I’m not entirely familiar with Jo Koy’s brand of comedy but I’ve heard good things from other Filipinos in my family. A bit heavy on the stereotypes but overall it was aight. Pretty mid. Basic ass story. Some mild laughs and hearty chuckles were had on my part. But I do very much appreciate that this movie even exists and the representation it brings to the movie biz. Ya love to see it. Bodies Bodies Bodies: Safe to say this is like Gen Z the Movie, but that’s not a negative for me at all. I ended up liking this a lot. It provided the kind of laughs for me that Easter Sunday lacked, in comparison. I say it’s Gen Z the Movie because I think this movie flew over a lot of heads, at least of the audiences that I watched it with both times. Like absolutely no audience reaction aside from the other few younger people that were laughing along with me during my second watch. My first watch was just crickets mang and it was a pretty good audience turnout for premiere night. A lot of the humor regards more modern shit, a modern flavor, but it’s not like it was cringe like new Saints Row’s attempts at the same style of humor or anything. Like a few people were getting up and leaving during it and shit lol. It’s an A24 joint I think so I know people hold those up to a higher standard. I’ve seen clips of audience reactions on YouTube that looked like they were having a grander time and I wish I was in that kind of a crowd. I guess what I’m trying to say is that a bad audience can really kill the mood of a movie you end up liking. I liked the ending, as divisive as it is and I can understand. But like Nope, I appreciate it being ballsy and going against expectations. If they gave me any other ending than the one I got, I probably would’ve walked out more disappointed than the people who were actually disappointed by it. Dragon Ball Super: Super Hero: I’m a DB fanboy with low expectations at this point, and Super Hero checked all the right boxes for me. Could it have been better? Definitely. But what we got was still fun, and at the end of the day, Dragon Ball is just turn off your brain fun for me. I loved the mad spotlight that Piccolo had here. Mah boi is more or less back to being a major player on the board once again and I am here for it. The Invitation: This movie was straight ass, mang. The two trailers for this that I’ve seen countless times now are prime recent examples of “hey, let’s just give the whole movie away!” I give it a chance because I saw one of the tv spots say that there’s “a twist that you won’t see coming”, and I since I figured the trailers did a good job conveying the whole damn thing, I thought maybe just maybe there was an off chance that the trailers didn’t exactly gave absolutely everything away. So I watch it and there wasn’t any damn twist that I didn’t see coming. It was all the ass I was expecting by just watching the trailers. So if you didn’t watch those, you’re good to go for a still shitty movie. And it sucks because the main actress honestly did good with what she was given and I thought her character had potential, if only her character was in a better movie. and saving my personal best for last Bullet Train: There hasn’t been a lot of shit out recently that really catches my eye so I’ve watched this joint fuckin 8 times already since it’s been out, and I can’t say that I’ve noticed any sorta dip in quality after any those subsequent viewings. This movie is what the theater experience is motherfuckin made for. It’s great on the biggest screen and loudest speakers possible, it’s great with a good enough crowd. I’ve taken every opportunity I’ve been presented to watch this shit again with any friend who hasn’t seen it yet. It’s just my kind of movie, it checks all the right boxes in the action and comedy department, the cast is great, the characters are greater, the soundtrack is bangin, it’s gorgeously shot, it’s like watching a live action anime in the best way, the story and dialogue keeps my interest every single time despite how convoluted it gets by the end. It’s like this movie was made specifically for me. This movie has been palate cleanser following shit like The Invitation. This is the kind of movie I’ve been waiting for since theaters reopened. In my opinion, it’s freakin great, best of the summer hands down, it’d probably be high up on my best of/year end list if I were to ever make one. Probably high up there alongside Everything, Everywhere, All at Once and Marcel the Shell with Shoes On. and no, I haven’t watched Top Gun: Maverick yet. And I haven’t because I haven’t even watched the first Top Gun yet. I’ve heard plenty of good things about Maverick, but I feel I need to watch the first in order to fully appreciate Maverick, and I’m just in no rush to watch that cheese fest lol
  14. Episode 2: Return to Form Manny remains with his family. With their boat mobile heavily damaged by the shark finners and no signal to be had on his shellphone, seeking out any help feels far too unrealistic at this point. Manny can only hope now to provide them some comfort. Kai is able to regain her bearings enough to faintly speak to her husband. She laments their current situation, bringing up how they left their original group in order to escape the barbarity, only to face sheer brutality and suffer this barbaric fate. She’s come to regret leaving since the numbers meant safety. Manny brings up that members of their own tried to prey upon their pups, they had no choice but to leave that life behind. Kai says that sharks were meant to keep order in the ecosystem, how it’s in their nature to keep that ecosystem strong by weeding out the weak. How their children may not’ve lived long, but at least their deaths would’ve meant. She sees no meaning in them dying like how they are now. Inching ever closer to death’s door, Kai realizes she made many mistakes in her life. Perhaps she wouldn’t be literally drowning in her sorrow right now if she hadn’t stepped up as parent for Pan and Thalassa. Kai’s parents abandoned her like all sharks would and she got to live a fuller life. Perhaps if Pan and Thalassa weren’t so coddled, they could’ve become stronger than they are now and probably wouldn’t even be in this situation. Manny sees little point in dwelling on the hypotheticals and what-ifs, Kai interrupts him by posing the thought that maybe this all wouldn’t’ve happened if she had just cut ties with Manny like she was supposed to. Sharks have never been meant to mate for life, let alone commit themselves to union through marriage. Love was never meant to be in the cards. She admits they’ve only committed taboo, and perhaps this is their punishment for it. Manny committed to MegaloMania to show the world that sharks can live peacefully and normally, but he’s only gonna show the world just how weak they truly are by straying from their true natures. Manny can’t find the words to retort to any of this. Kai notes that she and especially the pups haven’t much time left, but there’s still a window of hope that their deaths can still mean something. Manny just needs to muster up the strength to grant them that serenity, which his nature won’t allow him to do. This draws the ire of his son, Pan, who uses his final breaths to insult his father. He grills Manny for his weakness, reiterating what his mother said earlier about they weren’t meant to weed out the weak. Manny should be dying alongside them right now, he’ll, he should be dying INSTEAD of them. Pan says that being a shark used to mean something, they would command fear and respect, but now they are the ones being constantly disrespected and living in constant fear. And all in some useless effort to fix something that isn’t broken. Pan attempts to lunge at Manny, teeth out, but he his injuries prevent him from doing so. Pan repeats that “we don’t need fixing” until his final breath. Pan’s body trickles down to the ground along his sister’s, eyes open and glazing over. Having missed his opportunity to grant his children peace, Manny vows to Kai that he won’t let their deaths mean nothing. Kai voices her doubts, telling him that becoming even more sob stories to garner more pity for their species isn’t “something”. And just as sharks should find the concept of love meaningless, so too should they find holding grudges and seeking revenge. Emotion is a shark’s true killer. Kai passes on, leaving Manny with nothing but those words. Manny breaks down in prayer. He prays to Neptune, to somebody, anybody, to help ease his own pain, but he stops himself. He deserves to suffer through every bit of it, for as le long as he continues breathing. The finale of the three-part “Sharky Road Trip” with the surprise ending proved to be a hit with audiences, becoming the first piece of MegaloMania programming to beat Shark Week in the ratings. Darnell is pleased with the results, but Hammerstein is fuming at all the abrupt changes to his original ending. Hieronymus Glove wasn’t amused either by the shock, bloody ending to a program that was meant to be entirely educational and approachable to younger audiences. Darnell argues that the ratings prove that what they put out there was approachable to ALL audiences, the demographic analytics tell the story: People want to see sharks do what they do best, and that’s get bloodied. And the grisly fate of the Mangroves will only serve to strengthen shark conservation efforts. Darnell reiterates that MegaloMania is meant to be a celebration of ALL things shark, which includes all the bad things that come with them. No matter if they’re the ones attacking or being attacked, this is what gets people tuning in to Shark Week every single year. Hammerstein slowly warms up to the idea due to all the story possibilities that could be at MegaloMania’s disposal. Hieronymus mulls it all over. With their original star becoming a victim, he wants MegaloMania’s next star to be anything BUT. They need a killer instinct, a will to survive. He also wants a shark that’s lovably marketable and who can carry the brand for years to come. Hammerstein has just the shark in mind. Hieronymus sends out an edict that’ll affect all MegaloMania programming going forward: More Violence, More Grit, and More of Life’s Harsh Realities. No more coddling, no more pity parties. MegaloMania shall become the destination where sharks of all shapes and sizes return to form.
  15. Back on the horse doing something productive, baby. Previously announced as “Sea Dogs” during my last extravagant announcement post and initially announced as “Megalo Don” two years ago, I’m finally ready to sea this thing through just in time for Shark Week Plot The Graphic Nature Channel is rolling out their very own answer to Shark Week in the form of “MegaloMania”, another week-long celebration of all things shark. However, the producers and network executives never counted on the water in that well of content to run red. Characters Manny Mangrove: A mild-mannered and wimpy lemon shark who has moved his family away from their original group after an incident that almost resulted in the predation of his two kids. Since moving out to Bikini Bottom, he’s cultivated a career in showbiz, taking up roles that most sharks would never consider doing. He hopes to use his career as a platform to show the world that sharks aren’t mindless killing machines. Kai Mangrove: Manny’s wife and mother to their two pups. She saved her children from a near-fatal encounter with another adult shark in their group. In contrast to what’s customary for most sharks, she and her husband take care of and raise their kids themselves rather than leaving them alone to their own devices. Pan & Thalassa Mangrove: Manny and Kai’s pups. They are regularly ridiculed by their peers for being so easy to step on despite the fact that they’re apexes. Nigel Darnell: Once seen as a serious rival to Frenchy Barbeaux in the field of marine biology, he has since devolved into an overzealous, opportunistic content producer for The Graphic Nature Channel. The creator and innovator of the first annual “MegaloMania” television event, failure to produce ratings against Shark Week could mean the end of his tenure with the network. Hieronymus Glove: Founder of the Hieronymus Glove Company and creator of all things glove-related in your childhood. However, most members of his own species collectively frown upon his “contributions” to the world, seeing him as profiting off the suffering of other sharks by marketing the image of man’s glove for his benefit. To help preserve the good image of both himself and his company, he bought out The Graphic Nature Channel to have it serve as a platform to better represent his species (and to pump more content into his Glove+ streaming service). Kea Blanco: A great white shark handpicked by Darnell and Glove to be the official “Face of MegaloMania”, their “Megashark”. Having previously sold his soul to shill Anchor Arms, Blanco has somehow sunken even deeper, morally speaking. Sergeant Sam Roderick: A sleeper shark and an active duty member of the Ōma’o Corps. Descended from sharks who fought in The Great Shark Wars many years ago, the Sergeant dedicates his life to carrying on the good fight as they once did. Gill Hammerstein: A hammerhead shark and executive producer for “MegaloMania”, who was personally recruited by Glove himself following a private screening of the “Hammerstein Cut” of the Mermaidman and Barnacle Boy Movie. Episode 1: Breakthrough Following another eventful day of bringing park goers smiles and happy memories as a cast member at Glove World, Manny Mangrove is scouted by producers for The Graphic Nature Channel and is offered what’s described as a “breakthrough role” for the channel’s upcoming MegaloMania marathon, finding the story of the Mangrove family to be something worth documenting. Manny finds it hard to refuse such a tempting offer, so he eagerly accepts, convincing his family that it’ll get their story out there and send the message that not all sharks have to be violent, bloodthirsty and without emotion. Manny strongly believes that his family is living proof that sharks are perfectly capable of going about healthy, non-violent lives as a cohesive family unit. Manny and his brood are instructed by Darnell and Hammerstein to undertake a long, quirky road trip to The Palauan Shark Sanctuary, where their story will conclude. However, a quirky shark family road trip just isn’t enough to beat Shark Week on Night 1 of the ratings war, prompting Nigel to take some “creative liberties” over the direction of MegaloMania going forward. Before the Mangrove family could even reach Palauan waters and educate viewers on all the species who found salvation there, their boat mobile is violently intercepted by a crew of hunters. Manny offers to pay them with some of the MegaloMania money that he’s earned to make up for whatever they may be after, but the hunters won’t bite. The Mangroves are all forcibly removed from the vehicle and are about to be hooked to lines that will drag them up to the ocean’s surface. Manny begs for help from anybody on the Graphic Nature crew documenting their journey, but his begging falls on deaf ears. Manny is mocked on camera for crying out for help when he’s perfectly capable of defending himself and his family. Kai and the pups are at least putting up a struggle against their attackers, but they’re each viciously clubbed for their efforts. Manny tries reasoning with the hunters, but it gets him nowhere as he gets dropped onto his back and clubbed as well. This act puts Manny into a state of tonic immobility. He watches helplessly as his children are hooked up and yanked to the surface, leaving a bloody trail behind them as they ascend further and further. Kai is somehow able to break free from her line, though still pierced by the hook. Without hesitation, she swims up after her captive children. Manny is left behind as the hunters quickly give chase to her at speeds that seem very inhuman for the normal, everyday human. One of the hunters appeared to be bleeding heavily, possibly Kai’s doing. Manny then appears to lose consciousness. 15 minutes later, he awakens to the sound of a few splashes on the surface. He finds that he is now able to turn himself over upright, but grimaces from the injuries he received. He looks up and sees three familiar figures floating down towards him. Believing that Kai was successful in rescuing the pups, he rushes upward to reunite with them. What he finds is, indeed, his family, but he finds them in a state that Manny wouldn’t even wish on his enemies. Their fins had all been cut off. Their bodies, now incapable of even staying afloat, discarded like trash. Trivia Manny’s first SpongeBob appearance as the “before image” in the Anchor Arms commercial is referenced while he is listing off his acting credits to Gill Hammerstein. SpongeBob’s casual racism towards Manny and his family during the events of “SpongeGuard on Duty” is mentioned specifically by Manny when convincing his family to sign on for MegaloMania.
  16. Happy birfday, pard!! Hope it’s a good’un
  17. Well, buh bye crushing. To say I’m disappointed would be an understatement. Life moves on, I hope you’ll be able to as well, my old friend.
  18. Oh I’ve been subscribed for a while now and nice, welcome to the club! Can’t wait for Horizon Forbidden West to drop in a few days
  19. Happy birfday, sistah sauce! Hope it’s a good’un
  20. I got Like a Dragon for Christmas and it looks pretty damn fun. I’ve warmed up to turn based joints a lot in recent years so I can’t wait to get to that one. The Judgement games look like good spin-offs too. And I can co-sign that Game Pass is pretty great.
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