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Old Man Jenkins

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Everything posted by Old Man Jenkins

  1. “Scream (2022)”, a very serviceable requel. I’d say it’s up there with the first two installments, not to say that 3 & 4 are anywhere near bad.
  2. It’s been pretty poop for a while, but here’s to things going smoother in 2022. About to watch the new Scream movie in a couple hours, so things are looking up already. Hope thing’s been going good for you!
  3. Episode 3) 52 is the Loneliest Number First discovered in 1989 by a team at the Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution (who came up with that name with a straight face), the sound of the 52-hertz whale has since become a siren’s song of sorts. A phenomenon that has lured many-a-human to the deep blue in order to find the anomalous source of such an unheard of sound. What makes the sound of this particular whale so unique is that it’s the only one of its kind. Blue whales are known to vocalize at 10-39 hertz whereas the fin whale vocalizes at a frequency of just 20 hertz. This stark difference in frequencies has thus made 52 completely unable to communicate with any of its own kind. What might come across as the sound of a tuba to humans, is a completely different language for other whales. As a result, the 52-hertz whale has gone down in internet history as the world’s loneliest whale. For years, scientists have surveyed its apparent roaming grounds, and the one thing that became a constant throughout each passing season was the sound of that 52-hertz. A constant that still goes on to this very day, proving that despite any possible deficiencies or defects the whale may have, it has seemingly gone on to mature and has proven to be perfectly capable of surviving completely on its own. As stated previously, Whale 52 has become something of a modern Moby Dick, but with a more conservational edge to it. But despite researchers’ best efforts, ironically enough, it appears as though they might just be calling out to nothing. But that’s just what separates other researchers from Graphic Nature’s own Nigel Darnell. In 2010, signs of a possible second 52-hertz whale were first recorded in unison with the original’s. Breaking away from the pack, Nigel Darnell would shift his focus and efforts entirely on the second ping. And in doing so, he has managed to do what no one else has done, not even the great French Barbeau; he has found the source! Tracking the 52-hertz down to a humble convenience store located in the underwater sanctuary town of Ukulele Bottom, Darnell finds one of the most elusive whales in the world stocking shelves for a modest living. The newly discovered blue whale-fin whale hybrid didn’t even have a name to put on its name tag, so Darnell, being the first to inform the whale of his vast importance, took it upon himself to name this new 52, “Hitori the Malformed”. But contrary to popular belief, Hitori wasn’t as alone as most would’ve thought. Despite his inability to communicate with his own species, and thanks to new nautical dating innovations such as Blowholer, The second 52-hertz whale seems to have finally found the one to answer his call. Hitori the Malformed agrees to have Nigel document this groundbreaking, once in a lifetime experience in its entirety. Later that night, Hitori the Malformed approaches his potential mate’s door, and upon seeing a note on the door telling him that there’s a spare key under the welcome mat, he proceeds to let himself in. And there his date was, locked in a passionate embrace with a male humpback whale. His hopes and dreams for a pod of his very own crushed, just like that. She notices Hitori the Malformed standing there in the doorway. He tried to get a word in, but it was useless, they never understood it. And such is the life of one of the world’s loneliest whales, Hitori the Malformed leaves to wander the streets alone, only left with his unintelligible thoughtS. The female whale asks Darnell if that was a good take, to which Nigel bluntly replies that it wasn’t. He couldn’t possibly cap this latest piece off with a huge cuck out moment. And with Hitori the Malformed’s heart not in it the way that he anticipated, Nigel orders Amaqjuaq and his raft of sea lions to dispose of the female and her acting companion “for him”. They’ll just have to edit it all in post. Trivia Hitori in Japanese stands for “alone” or “one person”
  4. Heyo Sistah Kat!! It’s been a while
  5. “Belle”, makes me really wanna finally watch Summer Wars even more than I already wanted to
  6. Having a pretty bittersweet last day or two, tho idk if that’s even the correct term to use.
  7. Episode 2) Shark Gang Wars When Sharkey Two-Times and his Bloodtips rejected the once in a lifetime offer to become a featured attraction on the Graphic Nature Channel, how could the Bronzies possibly pass it up? If you haven’t already heard of The Bronze Whalers, then congratulations. That makes you and about most every other normal, everyday, working bodies. More commonly known as copper sharks, they’ve taken quite nicely to the moniker because it makes them feel more powerful than they actually are. When people hear the word “whaler” they think of something capable enough to take down an entire whale. In the shark world, such a feat would be considered legendary. It’s not something that even the greatest of great whites can accomplish. But the Bronze Whalers are opportunistic little scamps. They know full well just what human beings have been capable of throughout the years. They know exactly where to gather and at just the right time when a whale has just finished getting the shit harpooned out of it. They take credit for the Herculean feat, and they get fed very nicely in doing so. It’s a hustle that has provided greatly for them throughout multiple centuries. Though their methods of doing so , however, shouldn’t exactly win them any third place trophies. About tenth, at least. And at the top of the tenth rate food chain is “The Copper Head” himself, Rust. Don’t let the name fool you, he’s still far from showing any signs of rust. And as the self-appointed head of the table, it is his duty to provide for his shiver of sharks. Rusty likes to fashion himself a fundamentalist and he certainly perceives himself as being a cut above the Sharkey Two-Times way of running things, but in all honesty, they’re not all that different. Sharkey has his bloody fangs cinched in deep to Bikini Bottom. He and his bloodtips provide a sense of security that no policing body can hope to provide and they make a killing off it. Sharkey claims to be looking out for the little guys, but fail to pay him back in full, and you’ll find yourself at the bottom of his food chain. Rust, on the other hand, claims to look out for his fellow shark. A whole whale carcass can provide well beyond his shiver’s means, so he isn’t beyond sharing the spoils and spreading the wealth…for a nominal fee, of course. And expecting payment from a species that most of whom haven’t accepted or flat out don’t believe in the concept of “money” isn’t going to win you much support. But their support is the least of Rust’s concerns. The real bread and butter lies on the surface. For many years, human-shark relations have been strained. The Bronze Whalers are one of the very few who seem to have some form of symbiosis with their neighbors up top. As well as being one of those lesser known species that can easily disappear in a crowd, Rust has decided to use that to his advantage. Sending members of his shiver out into areas frequented by the likes of dusky, sandbar and even the versatile bull shark, Rust has coordinated and carried out many planned attacks on humans, with some fatal, and most of which the blame fell on to other species. With the reputation of his rivals taking the hit for his actions, the Bronze Whalers are free to push in on their territory as humans start to retaliate in kind. As previously stated, the copper sharks are an opportunistic and greedy lot. Which makes them the perfect subjects for the Graphic Nature Channel to further research on. But if they think, even for a second, that they can strong arm us for clout, then Mr. Darnell has enough evidence here that can really fuck up their day. Trivia Sharkey Two-Times is a featured character in the licensed PC video game, “SpongeBob Diner Dash 2”
  8. Plot French Barbeau’s groundbreaking research on the underwater community of Bikini Bottom has turned the world of oceanography on its head. Many sea creatures are exhibiting intelligence on the same level as that of modern day humans, a feat they seem to have long accomplished years ago. Bikini Bottom has been officially recognized as the first of possibly many undersea sanctuaries, housing all those who wish to live safely away from the perilous wilds of the vast open ocean. Various defense measures have been observed being taken in order to enforce peace in this city, such as the establishment of its very own police force. However, not ALL of its denizens are so civilized. Television producer and weekend marine biologist, Nigel Darnell, dives headfirst into the dark side of these underwater “civilizations” in a major effort to get the whole story of this latest step in evolution told, and his findings show that feral, animalistic activity still takes place in spite of the progress that Bikini Bottom has made. Darnell seeks to answer whether undersea civility is truly a possibility, or if predation is ultimately an inevitability. Characters Nigel Darnell: A “contemporary” of French Barbeau’s. He is opportunistic and ambitious, and it’s plastered all over his work for the Graphic Nature Channel. Kana: One of Darnell’s “roster of stars”. She is an octopus dubbed by Darnell as the “Cephalo Serial Killer”. She appears to loathe her species’ existence and sees only futility in the idea of civility. She also looks down on a lot of her own kind for degenerating into a bunch of mindless, pompous interpretive dancers. The Yellow Goatfish: Kana’s crew of six, her “hunting party”, so to speak. They mysteriously flocked to her one day and they’ve been joined at her hip ever since. They don’t appear to be capable of speech like other modern fish, suggesting they may not be as evolved as others Rust: The latest ratings success in Darnell’s “roster of stars”. Darnell markets him as “The Copper Head”. He is a copper shark and the leader of the Bronze Whalers. Most shark species know better than to associate themselves with a sensational figure like Darnell, but Rust sees it as a prime business opportunity to put more of the spotlight on his own kind. Hitori: Darnell’s biggest meal ticket. He is a blue whale-fin whale hybrid who also happens to be one of the few 52-hertz whales in the world. This is less of an honor and more of a curse as this distinction deprives Hitori of the ability to communicate with any of his species. Amaqjuaq: One of Darnell’s longest-tenured stars. He is a Steller’s sea lion who was once part of the US Navy’s Marine Mammal Program. This special training makes him and his raft of fellow sea lions more than a formidable threat to the likes of sharks and even orcas, which makes him all the more essential to Darnell. Episode 1) Psycho Killer One fine evening, a male octopus is seen escorting his female companion back to her humble home, which is made out of two halves of a coconut. She comments on how “The Table for Two” was an even more thought provoking experience than the original “The Table” movie. There’s just something about two people coming together for dinner, having a friendly conversation as equals, that really captivates her. The film consisted mainly of improvised, natural dialogue and it carried the movie mighty fine throughout the entirety of its three hour runtime. The male octopus agrees with her assessment, stating that it’s funny how getting a little food in your system can bring a pair so close together. The male octopus leans in for a kiss goodnight, but the female pulls back and opens the front door behind her. She invites him instead, saying “why should the night end here”. The male accompanies her inside and closes the front door behind him. She leads him upstairs to the master bedroom. Upon opening the door, she’s greeted by the unwelcome sight of six yellow goatfish picking off the scraps of the house’s original owner. The female thinks fast by locking onto the male in a tight embrace kisses him passionately in order to take away his full attention while the goatfish scramble to hide the body in plain sight. The female sends a tentacle out to get a feel of the goatfishes’ progress and once they’re finally done, she pulls the male’s almost motionless body over to the bed. She had already pierced him with her razor sharp beak and inflicted him with her bodily toxins. The male lies helpless, paralyzed, as the female proceeds to have her way, strangling and slowly devouring him with each dislocation of his tentacles. The goatfish witness the act unfold, waiting to eventually get their turn. Some time passes before the female decides that she’s had enough. The goatfish quickly swarms over, but she punches one of them back, not pleased at how their cover was almost blown. Again. She wonders aloud, “just why do I keep you lot around? You’re more liabilities than anything!” But regardless, she allows them their share. Loyalty is a hard thing for Kana to come by, and while they may annoy the shit out of her, the goatfish make good company, if anything. Kana gets on a nearby shellphone and makes a courtesy call to her paymaster. She asks if Darnell was able to get all of that, to which Darnell replies that he did. In Darnell’s words, “it was yet another exemplary showcase of what the night octopus can do”. She inquired about the ratings, since she heard reports that they weren’t as strong as they once were. She lets Darnell know that if there’s anything he wants for her to change up, to just tell her and she’ll do it. Darnell assures her that as long as these current numbers maintain, she’ll be guaranteed a renewal. He tells her to keep doing what she’s doing, and he’ll be in touch. The line goes dead. Kana places the phone back on the nightstand, still unsure of what to make of that. If she has to watch another artsy fartsy art house shit show again, she’s gonna upchuck her last few meals. She hates what the world has become. Things seemed to make a lot more sense when it was still dog eat dog, survival of the fittest, that kinda shit. Having eight tentacles used to mean something so much more than just interpretive dancing and clarinet playing. Nine brains, and the most that octopi can wrap their nine minds around is whether or not their next loaf of bread should come in a can. Civilization expects octopuses to put their vast intelligence to work by working menial 9-5’s when they were once the only sea creature who could even use tools in the first place. She doesn’t need to “buy” her bread in a can, she can go out and make her own out of the internal entrails of her prey. Just the way nature had intended. And now she’s been branded as some “serial killer” just for going by her sheer instinct? What a load of barnacles nature can be sometimes. This feral phobia needs to stop, she thought. It’s not doing the ocean any good. Kana collects all her hunting buddies and leads them out of the house before setting the coconut ablaze. She slinks away into the darkness, flanked by her yellow colored crew. Sirens can already be heard in the far distance. Stressing over this subject always leaves her drained, both mentally and physically. The night is still young. The female octopus can still go for seconds. She pulls up the “Packeter” app on her phone for another match. Oh joy. Another starving artist type. Yet another up and coming pupil at the dance academy. Who’s up for some more homemade takoyaki? Trivia Kana is named after Kanaloa, a Hawaiian god who is represented by the octopus Kanaloa is often associated with fellow god, Kāne, commonly portrayed as being complementary powers to each other. Representing the divine duality of wild and taming forces, Kanaloa embodies the wild whereas Kāne embodies the taming Takoyaki is also known as “octopus balls”. The double entendre game is on point
  9. 5) Prelude to Badass: Duology The big rematch is finally upon us; Badass vs Flatass. 20 years and 5 spun-off episodes in the making. One embraces the violence, the other desperately tries to avoid it. Who will leave this clash of ideologies with their pride still intact? SpongeBob looks down at his fallen best friend, Patrick, who looks as if he just passed a kidney stone. His eyes start to well up but he immediately sucks the coming tears back up into his porouses. The emotion appears to leave his body as he turns to face his bully. If life really were like a bucket of wood shavings, then Flats just kicked that bucket over. Unless those wood shavings were in a pail. In that case, Flats just went and kicked that pail over. SpongeBob squares up, much to Flats’ amusement. Flats wonders aloud if SpongeBob will finally put some back into it. SpongeBob wonders the very same about Flats. Flats gets heated upon hearing that, sending him into a blinding rage. His fists connect with SpongeBob’s body, which is also his face, continuously. SpongeBob sends a kick flying at Flats’ face, but the flounder is able to catch hold of that skinny toothpick and uses SpongeBob’s momentum to send the sponge flying back-first into his own front door. SpongeBob slumps down against his door and before he can even see it coming, Flats’ throws a right hand powerful enough to break the door off its hinges, with SpongeBob eating the full force of the blow. The door crashes to the ground outside with SpongeBob laid out on top of it. SpongeBob then quickly kips up off of it, landing back on his feet as if nothing even happened. SpongeBob claims he put more back into his kick than Flats did with his punches, and he’s only an invertebrate! Flats flies into another rage and really lets SpongeBob have it. SpongeBob takes everything that Flats has got and doesn’t register any of it. This only sends Flats further off the deep end as he digs deeper and deeper inside himself to muster the strength necessary to leave lasting damage. SpongeBob knows full well that this will be another war of attrition, but not wanting to have to deal with Flats in his daily life for the next day or so like last time, he decides to skip right to the end. SpongeBob. Like a pied piper, SpongeBob resolves to literally lead Flats down violence road and right back to Boating School. SpongeBob walks right up to the school’s doorstep with Flats right behind him, furiously trying to end this thing before it gets there. SpongeBob walks to the front of the class, interrupting the substitute’s lesson about the order of vehicle operations, or PRNDL. The class suddenly comes to life, bearing witness to the third school fight in just one week. Flats starts to gas out, struggling to come to grips that he just can’t kick SpongeBob’s butt no matter how hard he tries. He breaks Puff’s desk in frustration as the class starts to laugh at the futility of his efforts. Steaming and sweating profusely, Flats threatens to kick the butts of the entire class. The class, consisting of teens, adults and elderly, all take a step back as Flats stomps his way toward them, winding up his fist to clock one unlucky classmate. SpongeBob attempts to put himself between the bully and the class, but Flats faceplants onto the floor from before he can intercept. SpongeBob’s plan to wear Flats out again has proven successful, but the class interprets this as all of them having just kicked Flats’ butt themselves. They pat each other on the back before the Hall Monitors are brought in, out of their jurisdiction, to restore order to the classroom. The class, riding off the high of having just “kicked” the bully’s butt, rebel against the Hall Monitors. Meanwhile, SpongeBob is taken aback by the violence he helped sow into his fellow classmates. He remembers what Sandy told him before about the Cooling Factor and slowly cools himself down in order to regain his composure in the face of all this chaos. The entire school is ultimately shut down for the remainder of the semester in order to give Mrs. Puff more time to recover, deal with all her legal proceedings and hopefully regain control of her student body. Word of the class’ feat spreads like wildfire through the community bulletin board. The entire class, SpongeBob still included, is seen as badasses in each of their own right. However, it soon dawns on all of them that there can only be one badass to rule them all. Sensing the trouble that’s brewing, SpongeBob decides that he must be the one to return order to his school. And in order to do that, he must undisputedly take the title of Boating School Badass as his own! Boating School Badass will return in May 2022 with its next major story arc, “Badclass”! Be there, or be SQUARE!! Truancy would be the cooler option though.
  10. Welcome to “OMJ’s MocvtWorld Showcase”! In which I will unveil a few new projects I’ve got cookin’ as well as address some of the other projects that I already have going on. Why “MocvtWorld” and just WTF is a “Mocvt”, you might be wondering? Well going forward, most of my spin-off projects will be posted in the tv.com format as a way of helping to keep the legacy of that site alive, and because I’ve gotten pretty lazier and a tad bit busier in my old(er) age. At this point in the game, I just wanna get the main idea for most of my shit out there if anything. Of course, I’ll still post long-form shits for any forum contests I may want to partake in or the occasional one-shots, but I can’t see myself doing anymore full-length series like a Community Deathmatch or anything of the like for the foreseeable future. Hope y’all understand. So without any further ado, let’s get on with the showcase! *snaps* Wait, I think that’s only for Directs. So let’s just forget that snap even happened. The last time I did one of these big ass updates, I failed miserably trying to upkeep it throughout the past year. Let’s hope for the opposite with this year’s newest slate! (tentatively titled) “Squidward Torture Porn”: In what will probably be one of my main focuses for the immediate future, join Squidward Tentacles as he’s unwittingly cast to star in the violent nature docuseries, “Fall Prey”, only on the Graphic Nature channel! Inspired by Rockstar Games’ “Manhunt” and Tripwire’s “Maneater, Squidward must tap into his latent animal instincts in order to combat all threats and ratings grabs put in his way. Will he survive the season, or will he ultimately Fall Prey? Watch new episodes next-day on Breakthrough+ starting in February 2022! “Ghost of Krustshima”: That’s right! The One-Shot Glory-winning one shot has finally been given the green light to be adapted in the tv.com format. With the Blandy Empire encroaching on businesses across all of Bikini Bottom, Mr. SquarePants is the Krusty Krab’s last hope for survival. Inspired by Sucker Punch’s “Ghost of Tsushima” and that one throwaway gag where SpongeBob commits seppuku, join SpongeBob as he seeks to tear down the Blandy establishment board by board! Will he honor the traditions that Mr. Krabs instilled in him, or will he carve out a new, destructive path to a brighter future for The Krusty Krab? Find out when The Ghost returns from the battlefield Late 2022! Wait…*best Nintendo presenter impression* Woah, is that a SHARK in the water?! “Sea Dogs”: First announced back in July 2020 under the working title “Megalo Don”, OMJ’s brand of sharks looks to finally make its splash in 2022! Expanding upon SpongeBob’s underwater world, “Sea Dogs” follows finless spurdog, Cur, as she strives to fulfill the purpose that is expected of her species. Though, this fulfillment is not without many complications. Under the wing of a troubled bull shark and based in a city under constant siege, can she surpass her limitations and prove herself necessary to the ecosystem? “Sea Dogs” will breach the surface come Shark Week 2022! Well, that’s everything brand new that’s currently on tap. Up next, here are some updates for current ongoing projects! “Boating School Badass”: After an extended break, SpongeBob is back on track to becoming Mrs. Puff’s #1 Badass! In (much belated) celebration of “BadBob CoolPants’” 10 year anniversary, bear witness as SpongeBob finally embraces both the gift and curse that comes with being a total badass when the “Prelude to Badass” saga concludes later this week! Production of (tentatively titled) “Squidward Torture Porn” will interfere a bit with the making of Badass’ next major story arc, “Badclass”, but you can expect to see that drop in May 2022, just in time for Summer Vacation! *best Nintendo presenter impression* Fuckin’ cherry. “Wumpa Defender! Crash Bandicoot!!”: I’m currently in the process of redoing the story and working out many of its kinks. The characters and the main basic plot line will stay intact, I’m just “repaving” the road that gets us from beginning to end since I was dissatisfied with how quite a few episodes turned out. I tried basing each episode off of each level from the first game one by one, but I realized that doing things that way kind of put a limiter on what I could do and it just disrupted the flow I was going for. I just have to re-tool the format a bit. It’ll return, although I can’t say when exactly. I don’t want to put too much on my plate, otherwise I’ll be more likely to burn myself out, lose the spark yet again and end up having another unproductive year. This is a project that is still very near and dear to me, so rest assured that it will return. I’m aware that it was nominated for a couple GCAs this last round, and I very much appreciate that support! “Super Mario Bros Z: Kong”: After much deliberation, I’ve decided to, unfortunately, pull the plug on this for now. I’m trying to clear up my plate to make way for those newer projects and SMBZ: K is the one I’m most willing to part with. There’s always a chance of it returning, tho I’d say its chances are way slimmer than Wumpa Defender and the next project I’m about to bring up. I can’t recommend the original Super Mario Bros. Z enough, and last I heard, the reboot is still a thing. Go support Alvin-Earthworm’s efforts if you were a fan of my own! “Cherish”: I very much want to see this one through to the end. It’s a short enough miniseries that I wouldn’t mind resuming the long-form style for it. I have my fingers crossed for an October 2022 return for Cherish. But don’t quote me on it. “OMJ’s Die-In Theater”: I don’t see this returning this year, especially with Cherish in the cards for October. I honestly don’t know if I even want to re-open the Die-In. It’s fun to do, but writing and formatting it all on my phone seems kinda humbug nowadays. For now, unfortunately, I’d consider the Die-In to be closed. I was pleasantly surprised to see that it got an award last month as well. I’m very grateful for the support it got! I hope the theater served its purpose well. But with that being said, I guess can announce here that I’m officially on board for the Riffing Theater’s upcoming return! So I still got some riffing’ left in the tank. “Skodwarde”: I absolutely refuse to call it “Skodwarde Expanded Universe” because there is nothing to even expand on. The final installment of Skod on the Run will be posted hopefully by month’s end. And that will be it for the squid nazi. I’d like to thank jjs for helping me bring this one last movie parody to life! Without his input and motivation, I would’ve just left Skodwarde to rot in Davy Jones’ Locker with that crap original ending. He’s put up with all my crazy ideas for this one and he really helped carry the load for me these last couple months while I checked myself out of writing duties for personal reasons. I can’t say appreciate him blatantly going behind my back to produce “spin-offs” for this spin-off, but he’s earned my thanks and gratitude for all the work he’s put in for SOTR. Now please, just kindly stop with the Mein Kampf Koral bullshit. Nobody needs “Skodwarde Kids”. Just look how well that shit turned out for Yogi Bear. And that’s it’s for this very first MocvtWorld Showcase! There may be more later on down the road, but I’m digging this current roadmap right now so I just might not fuck with it. Here’s to getting some shit done in 2022! Otherwise, I’ll never post in this thread again. Probably.
  11. Really sucks to hear that the WWE’s monthly culling continued over in NXT today, William Regal’s release probably being the most jaw dropping for me. And from the sound of things, a lot of the others were also Triple H guys. Black & Gold NXT may have lost to AEW and it didn’t necessarily “move the needle” the way some would hope an actually good wrestling product would, but it has consistently been the best thing that WWE had going for the last, what, 8-9 years now. Hell, I still remember that time when NXT gave us the best episode of Smackdown in recent memory because Vince left his wrestlers high and dry in a foreign country. It all ultimately comes down to business and I get that, but Triple H and his team gave us something real special with their NXT and their passion showed all throughout the years. That passion and focus is something that Vince’s WWE sorely lacks.
  12. Goddamn man, talk about one last gut punch. Everyone was getting hyped for her 100th, articles and all that stuff about how she made it to the big triple digits and there was even gonna be a theatrical birthday celebration special I was planning on going to before Covid cases drastically increased here. Really fucking sucks to hear this, man. May she rest peacefully knowing all the years of joy and laughter she brought.
  13. We need dat prequel where his dad never hugged him
  14. What the hell?? I never signed off on any “spinoffs”, dude.
  15. Blu-ray of the entire Grimgar anime series Funko pop of pikachu looking angry and on all fours Palamute amiibo What looks to be a locally-made shirt that probably doesn’t have the rights to use Luigi on its design WWE 2K Battlegrounds for the Switch Two new phone charging chords Wireless earbuds Two $50 gift cards for GameStop A holiday snack mix my friend makes every year, a gift basket of assorted local snacks and an Itadakibox full of green-colored Japanese snacks
  16. dat One-Time SpongeBob Characters HOF induction has been a long ass time coming, mang I don’t know if the Die-In will open back up, but huge thanks to anyone who still voted for it, even with it being dead for damn near a year. And yes, my plan to dick ride Keanu Reeves to the moon has paid off
  17. Straight Outta Nowhere: Scooby-Doo! Meets Courage the Cowardly Dog i couldn’t help but have the biggest smile on my face through the whole thing. I think they did a good job of meshing both series’ formulas together and it all in all felt like a really nice love letter to the Cartoon-Cartoon that I loved the most as a kid. Definitely needed this after the day I’ve had. And I’m glad we get to hear Muriel one more time. Rest In Peace, Thea White.
  18. Sorry for the wait! Skod on the Run Part IV: SQodwarde We return to see Skodwarde 420 passing the dutchie on the left hand side in his home of Dimension 420. However, he soon realizes that there’s no one in the house to pass it to, so just who did he pass the dutchie to? He turns almost an exact copy of himself, an exact copy who he imagines looks hot in his unmentionables. Thinking this is just a bad trip, Skodwarde 420 laughs it off. He loses his ability to laugh when the copy uses his god powers to forcibly remove Skodwarde 420’s laugh box and then proceeds to shove it up his own ass. The copy’s god power appears to increase upon insertion as Skod 420 slowly dies on the floor. 420 asks just who this exact copy is, to which the exact copy responds “I’m you, but better.” Dimension 420 is then completely wiped off the face of the multiverse. Elsewhere in the Skodwarde Multiverse, Keanu Reeves, Painty and Steven Ogg arrive at their desired destination; a somewhat old western town located somewhere on the outskirts of the entire multiverse, seemingly untouched by Skodwarde’s influence. Steven tells them that the group they’re looking for is based in a saloon right over there. Painty sheds a painted tear, knowing he’s finally accomplished the mission that he and Patchy worked so long and so hard to accomplish, just like his painted dick right now. Keanu Reeves is still rather wary though and keeps his guard up. They enter the nearby saloon to find that is occupied by the likes of *carefully reads down the list of the Truth or Square cast on the SB Wiki* Ricky Gervais, Rosario Dawson, Eddie Deezen, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, the Taco Bell Chihuahua, Johnny Depp, Cap’n Crunch, LeBron James, Tina Fey, Tina Turner, Will Ferrell, Craig Ferguson, Popeye, The Guy on the Penny, Queen Elizabeth II, P!nk, P!nk’s band, Bruce Willis and Gwyneth Paltrow. But the name the jumps out Keanu Reeves the most is Ian McShane, who jumps out and scares Keanu with some surprise buttsex, saying that was to get Keanu back for their last encounter. Keanu is shocked, thinking he had put a phallic object firmly up Ian’s ass, and that he was Fred Phelps! McShane explains that was simply just a cover identity necessary to perform some triple agenting. Fred Phelps was just a role he had to play in order to get closer to Skodwarde, the one that Keanu is after. But with Skod Wick’s demise personally at Skodwarde’s hand, he had to abandon the character or else raise suspicion. Keanu can’t help but go “whoa” as he struggles to take all of this information in. Steven Ogg pushes by Keanu and leans in to kiss Ian, making very little effort to hide his obvious jealousy. Ian introduces Steven Ogg as his latest lover in a vain attempt to make Keanu Reeves jealous. Painty cuts the sexual tension by asking Ian if he’s the one in charge here, but Ian claims that he is not. Suddenly, the man in charge makes his demonic presence known, and it is none other than Danny Trejo! BECAUSE HE’S IN EVERY MOVIE!!! Danny Trejo demands to know who these outsiders are. Painty introduces himself as the intro guy, the one who’s been blowing the whistle on Skodwarde’s grand illusion since the very beginning. Painty introduces Keanu Reeves as the newest president of the Skodwarde Hate Club. Keanu flashes the presidential ID card he received from Patchy as proof. Danny Trejo destroys the card with his rather satanic pew pew eye lazors and sends Keanu flying over the bar of the saloon. We have a bar fight on our hands boys, so buckle those belts tight. After some nautical nonsense involving celebrity guest stars, a pencil, and the swift removal of life with said pencil, Keanu Reeves dispatches all of the celebrity guests with relative ease. All that leaves now is Danny Trejo, who welcomes the worthy challenge. Before they can engage in mortal combat, they’re broken up by Snoop Dogg, who is raging because the noise they’re all making seriously fucked his game up during his Twitch stream. He demands to know what fuck y’all doin here, to which Painty replies “to Be The Elite”. Snoop says that they don’t just let anyone join The Elite, but Painty reminds them all that Snoop whores himself out at every opportunity he gets. Snoop can’t argue with that, so he agrees to let Painty and Keanu Reeves join their ranks. However, they must prove their worth to the group by taking out a huge problem before they letting them in on the secrets of their secret society. And seeing how well Keanu handled himself just now, he might just be the man to get the job done. Steven Ogg voices his doubts about Keanu, admitting that he himself wasn’t even able to take out “The President”. Ian McShane, however, vouches for Keanu, saying that he’s a man that is capable of taking out just about anyone, maybe even God himself. Snoop Dogg is too high to listen to this bullshit and just tells them to get the fuck on. Steven Ogg, however, opts to stay behind to spoil Ian while Keanu’s gone, but Keanu once again doesn’t take the bait. Danny Trejo decides to tag along in Steven’s place, wanting to keep close tabs on this Keanu Reeves character. Taking off in their Space-Time Machine, Painty takes the time to go over their mission specs. He’s shocked to see who their target is, being none other than Donald Trump in the spray tanned flesh. Danny Trejo tells them how Trump was once a member of The Elite, having previously been sent to acquire the rights to Skodwarde in hopes of gaining control over the squid nazi god. However, Trump went mad with power and eventually cut The Elite off entirely. In the main continuity, the Skod Crew was able to win the rights back, but with the multiverse now in play, a separate spun-off universe has emerged in which the Skod Crew failed and Trump has since used his connection to Skodwarde to become the President For Life of that universe. Essentially becoming a Far Cry villain. Trump has also rallied up a group of his own to foil The Elite at every chance he gets, a group that has come to be known as QAnon. Trump and the QAnon followers all take their orders directly from a mysterious figure known only as “Q”. The Elite have reason to believe that this “Q” character could very well be that universe’s version of Skodwarde, so they want to be able to take out three birds with one stone. That one stone being Keanu Reeves. Trejo admits that he also has been unable to take Trump out despite all the hellfire currently flowing through him, putting over Trump’s threat even more. They finally arrive in the “Sold Out” universe, where Donald Trump succeeds in securing the rights to Skodwarde all the way back in Season 4. They’re immediately greeted with anti-Elite sentiment, included some especially sharp barbs pointed directly at Tom Hanks for some reason. Danny Trejo reiterates to Keanu and Painty that these people have it all wrong about his group. The Elite definitely do not traffic and kill children in order to gain dark, satanic powers by having orgies in their spilled blood. Danny Trejo then proceeds to wipe out all the surrounding QAnon followers with his devil powers. This act of Satan is enough to attract the attention of none other than President For Life, Donald Trump, who sends alt-right versions of the defeated Skod Crew over as his secret service in order to pick the three up for a presidential banquet in their dishonor. Ushered all the way to the Whiter House, they are welcomed with closed, tiny fists by the President For Life. Trump says that Q told him to throw this banquet for them, hoping that doing so will help Q come to a business arrangement with The Elite so that they can all finally put this bad children blood behind them. Oops. That one slipped. Danny Trejo wants to cut through the bullshit and get straight to the part where they assassinate his orange ass. Danny Trejo rains hellfire on Trump with some more of his devilish eye lazors, but Trump comes out of it completely unscathed. Q wishes that it didn’t have to come to this. Trump uses the power invested in him by Skod Almighty to smite Danny Trejo where he stood, snidely calling him a textbook example of a “bad hombre”. Seeing Trump’s skodly power in action for himself, this is pretty much the closest Keanu has ever been to the squid nazi. Not wanting to blow this chance at testing Skod’s power for himself, Keanu immediately blows it by slipping and knocking himself out on the ground. When Keanu Reeves comes to, he finds himself strapped in an ambulance of some sort. He asks what happened and Painty informs him that Trump used his god powers to make Keanu slip on an ice cube. They’re currently being transported to a place known only as “Weenie Parler Jr’s”- oh wait, that got shut down. Make that “Super Weenie Parler Jr’s” instead, for immediate “revisionist re-education”. Donald Trump says that Q sees potential in Keanu Reeves as a soldier for his cause. Keanu bluntly refuses to follow the squid nazi who killed his beloved pet, Gary. The Donald laughs at the insinuation that Skodwarde is the method behind his madness. Donald confirms that holding the rights to Skodwarde does indeed give him access to the vast god power that comes with it, but Skod’s certainly in no position to be pulling the strings in this universe. The President is aware of Keanu Reeves’ vendetta against Skodwarde, and he claims that he can get Keanu closer to the Skod he’s after more than The Elite ever could. All Keanu has to do is pledge his life and loyalty to Q’s gospel. Keanu firmly stands his ground and refuses The President’s offer. Not one to take “No” for an answer, Donald Trump uses his god powers to convince Reeves otherwise, but his god powers now seemingly have no affect on him. Keanu wills himself to break free from his bonds takes the fight back to Trump. Their scuffle causes their armored transport to crash and burn. Keanu continues beating Trump out of the rubble. Before he can strike the final blow, a voice suddenly calls out to him, telling him to stop. Keanu realizes that the voice belongs to none other than Q. Painty, having placed his full trust in The Elite, can’t hear Q and thus he thinks Keanu Reeves is just going batshit crazy. QAnon followers, am I right? Q finally shows himself to Keanu, revealing that he is in fact...Q from Season 2 of “SBC Parallel Universe”!?! Q reveals that when the Skodwarde Multiverse was spawned, it opened the door for endless possibilities, including a possible crossover with jjsthekid’s “SBC Parallel Universe”. I mean, Skodwarde crossed over with Storm Racers that one time, so ya never know. And SBC*holds nose*PU already has a tailor-made plot to tie it in seamlessly. I mean, “Parallel Universe”. Anyway, Q still feels butthurt by how his character arc wrapped up in SBC*holds nose*PU, having had his contributions to the story completely glossed over by pro-SBC propaganda. This revisionist history somehow motivated him to oppose the SBC establishment and let his truth be heard. And somehow that miraculously snowballed into the wider QAnon Movement we all know and loathe after he effortlessly recruited the president and his followers to his cause by whispering sweet nothings into their ears. Q thought having god on his side would be enough to have his truth heard, but what he really needed all along was man power, the mana, provided only by the great Hawaiian actor Keanu Reeves. Yeah, this miniseries is getting weird, man. Q repeats Trump’s offer for an alliance that would be mutually beneficial but Keanu Reeves simply shoots Q square in the head, saying that he doesn’t even know who Q is supposed to even be even after all that exposition. Trump comes to and sees what Keanu has done to his meal ticket. The President musters all the god power in his being to strike Keanu Reeves down, but is ultimately stopped thanks to the timely arrival of the Skodwarde copy from the beginning of the episode. This Skodwarde forcefully strips Trump of his Skodwarde rights and finishes him off with an Ultima, the hallmark of all true Skodwardes. This Skodwarde assimilates the rights into his being, seemingly becoming even stronger than he just was. He gains a robe and fully formed monobrow with this latest Dragon Ball-styled god power boost. Painty: Skolliam?! Arrr! But Keanu can only see a mere Skodwarde in his sights so he empties his entire clip on him, to little to no affect. “Skolliam” only stares at Reeves, looking very sure about what he’s about to do next. “Skolliam” uses his god powers to send yet another universe into oblivion and dips. Much too far away from their Space-Time Machine, Keanu Reeves and Painty can only brace themselves for the worst as the “Sold Out” universe is taken out of continuity.
  19. Haven’t watched it yet, but you can’t go wrong with a Hanna-Barbera smorgasbord by the lad C.H. Greenblatt
  20. Enough to make a goddamn grown man cry. This is why I love professional wrestling.
  21. I’m currently watching a BIG3 basketball game and there’s literally a team called the Ball Hogs and I can’t help but think of that one Fairly OddParents episode
  22. Watched Black Widow this past Monday. I thought it was really good for the most part. I didn’t mind the Taskmaster twist as much as most people since at least there was a whole storyline reason for why it was instead of it just coming completely out of nowhere and feeling too forced, but I’m still a tad disappointed since I think the Taskmaster as I know him from the comics could still translate pretty well into the MCU without too big of a change up. And this movie would’ve benefitted a lot from just coming out before Infinity War in general. It also didn’t really feel like as big of a farewell to Black Widow, at least to me. It felt more about introducing and building things up for the future which, unless Scarlett Johansson’s coming back as Natasha in the future, felt kinda jarring. But this was a good final hoorah as far as action goes if this is it.
  23. My boi did it, he finally fuckin did it!
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