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Time for the final season premiere. Long ago in the ancient past, jjs wrote a story called SBC Parallel Universe about opposite versions of SBC users, and it stunk. But what if…he had a chance to do a hopefully better take on this idea? Episode 57: What If…SBC Held Opposite Day? One day on the Discord server, during a productive session of shitposting and brainstorming in the #staff channel, sbl comes up with a new event idea: Opposite Day! Users would participate in a special Stop What You Are Doing forum event centered around the titular SpongeBob episode. True to its name, this event would last a single day, making it a unique mini event. Fitting timing with a recent meme boom for the real estate lady too. Users would reserve their opposite names and include a description of their opposite to roleplay as during the event. SWYAD sign-ups are posted in advance, and after a few days, here’s what the reservations look like: Jjs —> Qqz: Qqz is a random background character nobody knows anything about. Pay no attention to the dude behind the curtain! Sbl —> Sbh (aka Spongebobhater): Sbh is exactly what he’s advertised as: A strong SpongeBob and Family Guy hater. JCM —> MCJ: MCJ uses “lel” instead of “lol”, considers video games an inferior art form, his favorite SpongeBob episode is One Coarse Meal, and his favorite sport is tennis. Dman —> Bman: Bman hates math and blue people! His favorite letter is G, but not because it starts giraffe. Trophy —> Participation Ribbon: Participation Ribbon loves sports players that put in zero effort, dislikes Yu-Gi-Oh, and thinks Pranks a Lot is the greatest achievement in animation history with not even any anime comparing. HawkbitAlpha —> DovebitOmega: DovebitOmega loves train simulators and still regularly keeps up with SpongeBob. DarknessDG —> LightnessBG: Lightness is the most normal person to ever exist, in addition to being very talkative and gregarious. Dislikes Pokemon and prefers Digimon. Zaid —> Naid: Naid is an anime weeb who likes football, Control Alt Delete and Modern Farmhouse design. Clappy —> Snappy: Snappy has zero interest in films, thinks Diamond Axe Studios is a great music critic, is an Xbox fan, and is a master of snapping his fingers. Wumbo —> Mini: Mini loves double posting, is American (and wishes his politicians were more like Doug Ford), wants to comfort Arlo from The Good Dinosaur with blankets, and doesn’t see the need for random SpongeBob quotations. Old Man Jenkins —> Young Man Jenkins: Young Man Jenkins procrastinates less and gets a lot of writing done, is a big Mario and Nintendo fanboy, hates the movie theater experience and does really well in crowds. Honest Slug —> Dishonest Snail: Dishonest Snail as his name implies is not very honest. He also hates Mario, doesn’t care about politics and loves modern Simpsons. Steel Sponge —> Wood Brick: Wood Brick is an AI artist who defends that slop with all of his dishonor. His all-time favorite band is Swans and his favorite cartoon is Kid vs. Kat. He writes Family Guy-esque stories. Ex —> Why: Why is confident, selfish, humorless and falls asleep during movies. A true stickler. WhoBob —> MeBob: MeBob is an overconfident straight guy who is pro-Erdogan and hates superheroes. As for Doctor Who, who indeed? Carotte —> Bob Potato: Bob Potato talks non-stop and is a Bloc Québécois supporter because he wants Quebec’s independence from Canada. He is also a modern SpongeBob hater and enjoys the YouTuber Awe. Katniss —> Peetaloathestacos: Peetaloathestacos is not silly at all, doesn’t thirst over celebrities and doesn’t care about any media. Also a big taco hater as the name implies. Salmon —> Flounder: Flounder has no passion in art (you could even say he flounders in it), loves SpongeBob Season 13, and loves robots instead of scaled creatures. WinterArcanine —> SummerMedicham: Medicham is his favorite Pokemon and he loves pizza! President Squidward —> Plebeian Squilliam: Plebeian Squilliam is a proud Squilliam lover, hates furries, loves Mark Pritchard, and is allergic to the radio. Sophlez —> Hophsavage: Hoph prefers being alone, doesn’t like any Disney cartoons, and types with perfect spelling. Fa —> Af: Af doesn’t care for Ace Attorney or sports, still posts early 2010s memes, and thinks Red Dead Redemption 2 is one of the worst games ever made. The event starts and the entire community magically turns into their opposite versions. Something about this event very different though, but nobody was quite sure why. Nonetheless, they kept partying and roleplaying. A special minigame is held where users reenact Opposite Day scenes with their opposite personas. Real Estate Lady: What kind of fool do you take me for!? He’s Squilliam, he's Squilliam, you're Squilliam... I'm Squilliam! Are there any other Squilliams I should know about?! Dishonest Snail: Meow. Real Estate Lady: I'm outta here. Plebeian Squilliam: Ma'am, please! What about my house?! Real Estate Lady: I wouldn't sell a house for you if you were the last Squilliam on SBC! Plebeian Squilliam: Wait! MeBob: Don’t... Flounder: …Go! Plebeian Squilliam: [holding onto her leg and she leaves] No! No! No! No! No! Real Estate Lady: Stop! Stop! Plebeian Squilliam: PLEASE, SELL MY HOUSE! Real Estate Lady: Never! [gets in her boat and leaves] There are also thought-provoking and entertaining discussions between opposites held on the Discord: “We must annihilate the godless blue people from society!" Bman announced as an ice breaker. “Hello world, I hope you all have an amazing day! Nice of the princess to invite us over for a picnic, eh Luigi?” Lightness said energetically. “lel severance is mid“ MCJ boldly proclaimed. “Every tv show is mid tbh” Peeta apathetically proclaimed. “Phineas and Ferb sucks!” Hoph proclaimed. “This is a Jojo Reference.” Naid said calmly. “LIKE A BOSS!” Af shouted. “If Doug Ford ran for President of the United States he would honest to god get my vote.” Mini proudly proclaimed. “FREE QUEBEC! GO BLOC AND THE RULE OF LAW!” Bob Potato posted over and over. “Oh snap, new Diamond Axe Studios just dropped! See you all in an hour!” Snappy snapped. “Pizza Hut is the best restaurant on this planet!” SummerMedicham proclaimed. “Gonna do a Top 10 Swans song list whether anyone likes it or not.” Wood Brick announced. “Sup my fellow Bobbies, who wants to join my Mario Party session?“ Young Man Jenkins asked. “Anyone want to watch me stream Train Life?” Dovebit asked. After a fun day of opposite antics, it’s time for the event to end. The clock strikes midnight…and Opposite Day keeps going? Huh. You’d think the staff would’ve taken all the decorations down, but nope, the party keeps going! Now they are stuck in a never ending loop of repeating Opposite Day quotes and having mundane conversations with their new personas. Subconsciously they knew this sucked and they begged for their normal selves back, but they’re unable to, as if they were trapped in a simulation. They keep reliving Opposite Day over and over again. But amongst the repetitive roleplay, Participation Ribbon notices something strange: a fellow staff member has been completely absent during all these shenanigans… “Hey, where has sbh been?” Participation Ribbon asked, getting his participation dialogue in. Nobody sees him anywhere around. He was also the one who originally suggested this event idea to begin with. Very suspicious. The opposites all suddenly have flashes of their original lives, and are able to break from their trances for the moment. They search far and wide for sbh’s whereabouts, eventually finding him sitting in a comfy chair in #secreterbox. He’s been observing the event through computer screens the whole time and has set up other bizarre technology in the room. “What are you doing here?” Why asked. “What is all this, a test? Reveal your intentions!” Bman demanded. “Dang, it seems my programming is faulty. But first before I answer your questions, would you like to sign this?” Sbh shadily asked, holding a lengthy insurance paper. The users don’t like his tone, so they reject this deal and tie him up. Sbh is put in the comfy chair for interrogation and they’re about to question him like he’s been replaced by a robot. Suddenly, they hear banging from a closet door and Qqz opens it, revealing the REAL sbl tied up! Sbl is freed and thanks them, revealing he’s been held hostage by this impostor for over a week. It turns out the guy they have tied up is neither sbl nor sbh, what’s going on here!? Scooby-Doo style, the SBC users rip off sbh’s mask to reveal…oh my god. It’s one of SBC’s most dreaded and vile villains ever. A demonic being so foul I actually have to spoiler tag this… It’s Liberty Biberty himself. What, were you expecting WhaleBlubber or another disliked member? Nope, we’re subverting that cliche! The users have questions ranging from “Biberty is real?” to “Why do you hate SBC?” to “what the actual fuck?” to “why the actual fuck?” Biberty explains (through a neatly prepared PowerPoint presentation) he’s hacked into sbl’s account using a Liberty Insurance Discord scam and it was he who suggested the Opposite Day event idea in his place! He trapped everyone in a simulation shadow game hoping to numb them all so he could get them to sign his ultimate insurance scheme. He saw SBC was amongst the internet communities making shitposts about him and was infuriated by this. He envies that people love another yellow mascot, but not him. He is the true SpongeBob hater and needed to seek his wrath on a place worshipping this false god. The users facepalm, calling this the dumbest revenge schemes in SBC history, and that’s saying something given the competition. They don’t even know this thing! The users channel their inner power of friendship to break free from Biberty’s opposite hold over them. They spam Opposite Day quotes to overwhelm him, beat him with hammers, and deliver the final blow with Squidward’s bulldozer from the very episode. Biberty concedes defeat and says he’ll undo all of this if they stop the quotes. The users revert back to their normal selves. Biberty is then given the banhammer and banished to the Shadow Realm for all eternity. After their cheering of defeating another pathetic villain, they suddenly come to an eerie revelation: How much time truly passed while they were in their opposite trance? Were they even in the original time anymore? Mermaid Man, where are you!? “…What year is this?” Jjs asked. Suddenly, the Real Estate Lady appears before them and gives a menacing stare. The event’s over, why is she still here? Everyone looks around waiting for another user to reveal they’re controlling her, but nope. She’s no gag account, she’s the real deal. Everyone is confused on what the meaning of this is. Maybe they’re on a whole other dimension of SpongeBob reference brain rot they’re all collectively hallucinating her. Yeah, that’s gotta be it, right!? “I won’t be taken for a fool ever again. HAPPY OPPOSITE DAY!!!” Real Estate Lady yells in a demonic scream, blacking out the entire forum. … Everyone wakes up the next morning and SBC is back to normal. Life seemingly goes on. What just happened? Did everyone die? Was any of that even real? The world may never know.

fight the real enemy: mr krabs talking in the third person

this is you

It can be argued that every character in SpongeBob SquarePants brings something unique to the show that none of the others can. SpongeBob has his never-ending optimism, Squidward has his grumpy nature, even the background fish have their casual assholery. But there's one character that the show cannot possibly do without: Gary the Snail. We all know him, we all love him, and we all know about his unfortunate passing in season 14. However, after a certain ScreenRant article was recently brought to my attention, it makes me wonder...what if season 14 wasn't the first time? What if this "Gary" that we've known for so long isn't the same as the one we grew up with? What If...? Episode 59: What If...Gary Died and Was Replaced? For those who don't feel like subjecting themselves to ScreenRant today, I'll give you the rundown of the article. The theory presented by the author posits that the original Gary died sometime early in the show's run, specifically during the first movie. They even go as far as to suggest that it was Plankton's mind control helmet that killed him. But the smoking gun is his name: SpongeBob calls him "Gary Wilson Jr." in a season 8 episode, and since the family tree in a season 4 episode states that Sluggo is his father instead of "Gary Sr.", this implies there must have been a different Gary before this one! Since this show is well-known for its strict adherence to continuity, I see absolutely nothing wrong with this theory and now treat it as canon. Except...there's actually more to this story. You see, I was just going to write a silly little hypothetical like we always do in this thread, but I did some digging in Nickelodeon's dumpsters the other month, and I discovered a VHS tape containing a long lost alternate cut of the classic episode "Have You Seen This Snail?". And boy, let me tell you. What is on this tape will shock you, surprise you, and change your view on SpongeBob SquarePants forever. Are you ready? SpongeBob: So...did you hear any of that, or do I have to repeat myself? Gary: Meow. SpongeBob: Okay, good! He embraces Gary with a hug, then puts him down and starts walking home. For whatever reason, Gary doesn't follow. SpongeBob: I promise Gary, things are gonna be different between- Suddenly, a 2010 Mercedes-Benz E-Class Coupe comes speeding down the street. SpongeBob turns around. SpongeBob: GARY, LOOK OUT! Gary is hit and mangled beyond belief. SpongeBob: AAHHHHH, GARY!!!! That's right. Not only is Gary Sr. dead, but so is Gary Jr.! "So how is Gary alive in the later seasons?", I can already hear you asking. Well, here comes the even crazier part: the episode keeps going. Yep, what was once an ending to a beloved special is now only the halfway point, making this episode a TV movie. Had it actually made it to the air, it would've been the show's first, but some things are too good for this world. I would describe the whole thing here, but I'm afraid that Viacom would copystrike me to oblivion if I reveal too much, so I'll just put some dialogue snippets here and you'll just have to make do with that. SpongeBob is visiting the pet store to look for a new snail. SpongeBob: What do you say, buddy? Do you want to be Gary III? Snail: Meow... SpongeBob: He's perfect! You're coming home with me! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- SpongeBob: Ewww, I didn't notice it before, but your shell's all cracked! We gotta get that thing replaced, Gare-Bear. Now if you'll excuse me... He grabs Gary's shell and tries to take it off, but it won't budge. SpongeBob: What is this, did someone use Forever Glue to attach this to you? He pulls as hard as he can, but instead of Gary's shell coming off, Gary as a whole flies into the air and smashes into the ceiling, killing him. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- SpongeBob: Alright, let's see what the sports channel is playing at this hour... He sits down to a cracking noise, followed by a splat. SpongeBob: Oh, Gaaaaryyyyyyyyy! Ready to watch some ball? Silence. SpongeBob: Gary the Fourth, where are you? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- SpongeBob: Thanks, pet shop lady! Owner: Don't come here again. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Squidward: Would you like to hear some music by your namesake? Upon hearing Squidward's music, the snail immediately jumps out the nearest window. Squidward: Oh, barnacles. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- SpongeBob: WHY...CAN'T...I...STOP...KILLING...SNAILS?!?!? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Patrick: I'm sorry SpongeBob, but it looks like if you want a new snail now, it's going to have to fall right out of the sky or something. Right on cue, a bunch of snails fall out of the sky. One snail, looking exactly like Gary, lands right in front of SpongeBob. Snail: Meow! Patrick: Oh, could I get some ice cream with that? Two scoops of ice cream fall directly into Patrick's eyes. Patrick: Yay! SpongeBob: I don't know, Patrick. With all the bad things that have happened to my snails recently, can I really be trusted to own this one? The same car from earlier speeds down the road again, but before hitting the new snail, it inexplicably swerves out of the way, drives off a cliff, and blows up in a nuclear explosion. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- SpongeBob: You're Gary the Twenty-fourth, but to save money on a new dish, I'll just call you Gary Jr. and pretend this whole thing never happened! Seymour Skinner: That's really a cheat, isn't it? SpongeBob: Who the *dolphin noise* are you? And that's the (partial) story of how Gary XXIV became the snail we would get familiar with for a good 10 seasons. Some will argue that Nickelodeon made the right choice by trashing the full version of this episode, considering its morbid nature. I disagree; this episode gave me a unique view into the many lives of Gary, and a little bit of cartoon violence is a small price to pay for such a wealth of information. I definitely made the right choice bringing this home instead of that tape labeled "IWATG deleted scene", or whatever it was. In the end, this Gary would go on to be the one that died in season 14 in the aptly titled "Gary Dies", leaving SpongeBob to find yet another snail. It's anyone's guess how long this snail will last, but one thing's for certain: Gary Jr. will remain. Hopefully this snail will be funnier than 24.

The Lurker: Ahhh, Goo Lagoon…will not be in this What-If! I just really wanted to say that. But what WILL be in this What-If…is a timeline, one of infinite possible timelines, a hypothetical timeline in which the events of The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water played out a little bit…differently. At one point, SpongeBob made the big brain move to bestow upon himself and his friends a particular set of skills. Today, this lurker begs the question; Episode 58: “What if…SpongeBob and Friends kept them shits and disrupted the status quo”? In the immediate aftermath of the battle with Burger Beard, SpongeBob and co. reconvene in Georgia before booking their trip back home. Plank-Ton: All right, SpongeBob. Take us home. Invincibubble: Thanks! *gasps* Squidward! Sour Note: Oh yeaaah. Invincibubble: Come on! It’s time to go back and open up The Krusty Krab! Sour Note: Are you out of your patty-flipping mind? I’ll never leave this place! I mean, look at me. I’m a GOD! Invincibubble: You know what, Squidward. You’re right! And just like that, from then on out, the hierarchy of power in the SpongeBob Universe was about to change. The Lurker: Hey! You’re not the one lurking here! Rock “The Dwayne” Johnson: The Lurker: Go cast yourself as Johnny Bravo and slap your brand onto the Hanna-Barbera Cinematic Universe, you popcorn fart! One Month Later Sour Note has since gone clarinet solo and not only that, he has since gone over to the dark side after refusing to pay his electric bill because being a superhero doesn’t exactly pay bills. The BBPD are seen responding to a bank robbery in progress, orchestrated by Sour Note himself, using his powers of super sucking at composing music to force the bank tellers to hand over all their money to get him to stop. However, Sir Pinch-A-Lot soon arrives to deal with the situation, and he intervenes just in the knick of time right as Sour Note was about to Sindel a crying baby’s head for not remaining silent during his performance. Sir Pinch-A-Lot shoots out one of his rocket claws to get the baby out of range of Squidward sucking. Krabs’ recent hero work has since given him standards, appalled that Sour Note would do harm to such an innocent child. Krabs vows to put an end to his former cashier’s tyranny, clamping his cold, iron claws tight as blood comes gushing out from them like a mini waterfall. Krabs glances over at them, failing to process what he had just done before tossing whatever was left onto the cowering civilians lying on the ground. Pinch-A-Lot’s greed overtakes him as he demands to be let into the vault. He fires lasers at the tellers who won’t cooperate and manages to pull the heavy vault door open himself. He and Sour Note agree to a 20-80 split, with Krabs taking the lion’s share of the loot. Word of this tragedy quickly gets out and Invincibubble is disheartened to see another ally fail to pay his electric bill and having to turn to crime to keep the lights on. Invincibubble sets out to confront Sir Pinch-A-Lot and implores him to just return the money and hand himself over quietly, promising to help pay his bill for Pearl’s sake while he’s in prison. Pinch-A-Lot proceeds to kick Invincibubble’s fucking ass all over town, leaving him a broken and bloody heap through the floor of what used to be the Krusty Krab. Sir Pinch-A-Lot: Think, me boy! I’m at least a millionaire! I already have money to pay for the electric bill! I just don’t want to! I don’t need a reason to go evil! I just am! You either die with the lights on, or you live long enough to realize that you is lemon. And almost as if to spite his former fry cook with those infinitely quotable words, Pinch-A-Lot flies off, leaving Invincibubble looking not so Invincibubble. Mr. Superawesomeness and The Rodent later arrive and collect their wounded comrade before coming up with a strategy to combat their two rogue tyeammates. With Invincibubble out of commission, The Rodent deems it necessary to call upon the help of their sixth ranger, Plank-Ton, who more or less stayed the course and returned to his formula-stealing ways following the events of the second movie. He refuses at first, considering himself fully retired from the “tyeam” business. But once The Rodent informs him of the fate of his former tyeammate, SpongeBob, at the hands of his arch rival, Plank-Ton dusts off his speedo and springs into action in order to engage Sir Pinch-A-Lot alone. This leaves Sour Note to Mr. Superawesomeness and The Rodent. Patrick and Sandy track Squidward down to the big Kelly G concert, where he subjects everyone in attendance to excruciating disasterpieces that causes everybody to bleed out from their ears. The three are about to has fight when Mr. Superawesomeness uses his powers to swipe away an ice cream cone from a grown eel and stabs Rodent with the sharp end of the cone. Super Sour Awesomeness Team-Up is Go! as they proceed to funnel tangible music notes down her throat and bury her under a mountain of ice cream. Elsewhere, Plank-Ton lures Sir Pinch-A-Lot to him by announcing aloud that he has the secret formula in his possession, claiming to have salvaged it from the ruins of the Krusty Krab. Plank-Ton can’t comprehend why Krabs would literally break apart the loving relationship he had with SpongeBob. Pinch-A-Lot refuses to divulge any further, leaving them no choice but to has fight until Invincibubble arrives to break it up. SpongeBob can’t bear to see his super tyeam tear itself apart, so if he can’t help them fight their evil ways, he’ll just have to join them. Invincibubble and Sir Pinch-A-Lot team up on Plank-Ton, squishing him with an armored boot made out of a bubble. The Rodent uses the strength she has left to burrow under the ice cream and uses her heightened senses to track Plank-Ton’s flattened body down. She pulls his flattened carcass under the pavement and brings him back to her Treedome in order to recuperate and plan their next move. Coming to the conclusion that they’ll need help to even the odds against this fearsome foursome, Rodent and Plank-Ton covertly make their way into Shady Shoals in order to request the help of not just one, but two veteran superheroes; Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. Plank-Ton has obvious reservations about recruiting a couple of dementia patients, but the retired duo don’t just want to sit idly by while their city is being accosted by these unknown supers. Plank-Ton’s frustration over the situation boils over, culminating in him suddenly turning on The Rodent, who is capable of fighting him off one-on-one. As they has fight, Mermaid Man reminisces about the days when super powers all came with the costume. Barnacle Boy comments that they’ve been coming up with ways to explain away their origins for years, but giving yourself super powers by writing so in a book is “just ridiculous”. Barnacle Boy presses a button under their tv watching couch, pulling up the bodies of all four of her former tyeammates, now encased in frozen tartar sauce. He uses his sulfur vision to unfreeze them. Invincibubble comes to and wonders aloud why they’re in the retirement home. The others are simply just as confused and fuzzy. Barnacle Boy: Sea creatures Mermaid Man closes his eyes and concentrates very intensely, manifesting his own thoughts in the form of brainwaves and projecting them onto Invincibubble, Mr. Superawesomness, Sour Note and Sir Pinch-A-Lot. Mermaid Man: ATTACK The Rodent connects the dots as the truth behind her tyeam’s descent into darkness finally comes to light. Invincibubble and the others join Plank-Ton in attacking Rodent, who somehow manages to valiantly fight all of them off simultaneously through sheer force of will. Barnacle Boy thinks fast to put a halt to her momentum. The senior citizens of Shady Shoals all stop what they’re doing, remaining motionless for a few seconds before they each grab a nearby object and begin harming themselves with their makeshift instruments of self destruction. Sandy pleas for them all to stop, with Barnacle Boy telling her that they’ll only be called off once she stands down. Sandy begrudgingly halts all effort, allowing herself to be defeated by her former allies as Barnacle Boy takes his sweet time to get the senior citizens to stop and put their weapons down. A beaten Rodent challenges Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy to fight her themselves. Mermaid Man: Oh, we will. We most certainly will. But not before we give you your own supervillain origin story. Drunk with power that you so selfishly gifted yourselves, you all come into agreement that the best course of action would be to lay siege to our home and take out the biggest threats to your reign. But as always, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are able to persevere and save the day. And we will then go on to have ourselves this little dance for one heck of a long time. That’s what will be remembered. I’ll personally see to that. Barnacle Boy: Good bad guys are getting harder to come by these days. You can only beat the piss out of the same mooks for so long before it gets old and tired out. Either that or they’re just too incapable of getting back up when we tell them too. You know how it goes, those old bones just don’t work like they used to. Every fall may well be their last! So we gotta pump more out of the woodwork. A grey sphere suddenly rolls in her direction, emitting even more brainwaves that causes Sandy to lie helplessly in an idiotic stupor. Mermaid Man: Our powers may be limited to just the denizens of the deep, but that’s where the Orb of Confusion comes in quite handy. A device capable of neutralizing threats both above and below. Barnacle Boy: We probably could’ve used it a lot sooner without the need to employ all the theatrics, but what’s a good battle between good and evil without some heightened stakes? Mermaid Man orders their caretakers to detain The Rodent and wheel her into “surgery” as Barnacle Boy removes a blue rubber helmet with piercing red eyes, an assortment of saws and a belt with a padlock for its buckle from their wall of gadgets. Barnacle Boy: A fine replacement. Mermaid Man: You are the villains Bikini Bottom needs. We’ll keep on being the heroes it deserves. The Lurker: With great power there must also come great responsibility. So drink responsibly.

Boys boys, let's all calm down here and keep this on topic! I know we all have passionate views on my story, but no need for name callin'. Remember these claws ain't just for attracting mates! But anyways, unless my memory be messin' with me, I'm pretty sure it was 'Nam I fought in. The S.S. Diarrhea, good times, good times...

said the guy who has never posted here before lmao

WE ARE BOB COMMONS.

Scooby Doo's wedding ring has a "Scooby Ruby" on it...

This is a personal list of some of my favorite bands from down under, many of which sing some great songs in my opinion. Men At Work Little River Band Icehouse INXS The Monitors Mondo Rock Crowded House Pseudo Echo The Bee Gees Savage Garden

I had this question in my mind. The Coral Bits from SpongeBob, and whether or not you think you'd try them or not.

you people are disgusting

Habeas corpus Our absorbent attorney SpongeBob SquarePants, Attorney at Law Episode 5: Canine-Feline Court Litigation (SpongeBob and Rufus are playing Eels and Escalators in SpongeBob’s office.) SpongeBob: Aww, eels again! Voice: Nice place ya got here! (SpongeBob looks down to find the voice belongs to a blue mouse that just walked out of a hole in the wall.) SpongeBob: (shrieks) A mouse! Rufus, kill it! Mouse: Whattya, nuts? (Rufus chatters angrily.) Mouse: He’s right! Where do ya get off, tellin’ him to kill a fellow rodent? I’m here to hire ya! SpongeBob: Hire me? Mouse: Yeah, the state’s suing me for illegal experiments! Can ya believe it? SpongeBob: Why would they think you’re performing illegal experiments? Mouse: Remember twenty-something years ago, when those conjoined twins were all over the news: CatDog? SpongeBob: (shrugs) No. I’m not from here. (Rufus speaks excitedly.) Mouse: Glad someone here knows about it! Those two guys, Cat and Dog, they’re my roommates! SpongeBob: And you say they’re conjoined twins? Mouse: Yeah! Here’s a picture of ‘em! (The mouse takes a photo of Cat and Dog out of his overalls and gives it to SpongeBob.) SpongeBob: Barnacles! That’s the most horrifying thing I’ve seen since the last time I was in Patrick’s restroom! Mouse: Who’s Patrick, and what’s in his...you know what, never mind. (The mouse puts the photo back in his pocket.) Mouse: Some big shots got the idea now that I’m responsible for this, and they want me in court tomorrow. Your face is on billboards all over town. You’re the only one I trust to get me out of this. Please...will youse guys help me? (SpongeBob turns to Rufus, and they whisper to each other for a moment.) SpongeBob: It’s agreed! We’ll take the case! Mouse: Great! I’m Winslow, by the way. SpongeBob: SpongeBob. (SpongeBob shakes Winslow’s hand, then Rufus introduces himself and shakes Winslow’s hand next.) SpongeBob: So, how long have you known Cat and Dog? Winslow: I’ve known ‘em since they was a kitten and a pup! SpongeBob: And they were this...thing when you first met them? Winslow: Yeah, they’ve always been that way! SpongeBob: Rufus, start writing this down. (Rufus salutes, puts on glasses, and takes out a small pen and notepad.) SpongeBob: Do you know anything about their parents? Winslow: Their folks come by the house a lot, but they’re adopted, and nobody knows who really popped ‘em out. SpongeBob: Do you think it’s possible that they were the product of illegal experiments? Winslow: Anything’s possible, but all’s I know is whatever made ‘em, I had nothing to do with it! SpongeBob: What do you know about their origins? Anything that could help us out? (Winslow scratches his chin.) Winslow: Oh! When I first met them, the dog was playing with a ball that had the word “Nearburg” on it. I figured that was just where they was from, but it ain’t anywhere near here! SpongeBob: Rufus, could you do some research on this place Nearburg? (Rufus nods.) SpongeBob: All right! (The next morning, SpongeBob and Winslow walk into the courtroom, where Jack is already waiting for them.) SpongeBob: Give it to me straight, Jack. Why are you going after Winslow now? He’s lived with Cat and Dog for years! Jack: New evidence has come to light that makes us believe the blue mouse is responsible for that thing’s creation. (Dog, who is chewing on a bone at one of the tables, looks up.) Dog: What thing? Cat: They’re talking about us, Dog. Dog: Ooh, are we like that horror movie monster, Franky-stein? Cat: Frankenstein wasn’t the monster, Dog. He was the scientist. So it would be more accurate to say that Winslow is like Frankenstein. SpongeBob: Allegedly like Frankenstein! Winslow: Come on, Cat! I ain’t no mad scientist! You know me! Cat: (shakes head) I should have eaten you when I had the chance. (Winslow looks down sadly and he and SpongeBob walk to their table. Judge Leghorn appears at his bench minutes later.) Judge Leghorn: Court, I say, court is now in session. (Jack paces back and forth in front of the jury.) Jack: One fine day, there was a woof and a purr. A baby was born, and there was quite a stir. That’s the story we were all told about this...impossibility, this apparent miracle, this CatDog. The story has turned out to be false, however. CatDog is not a result of nature but a result of illegal and unethical genetic experiments performed by that mouse right there… (Jack points to Winslow, who shudders.) Jack: ...allegedly. (Jack sits down, and SpongeBob stands in front of the jury next.) SpongeBob: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the accused here is not a scientist: he is just a mouse. He likes to eat cheese, not perform illegal experiments. The state has no case against him, and they know it. Jack: (smiles) We’ll see about that. SpongeBob: I guess we will! Judge Leghorn: (bangs gavel) Order! End your opening arguments and get to callin’ witnesses! Jack: (clears throat) My first witness...Cliff. (Cat and Dog shiver as Cliff, a large brown dog, walks past them and up to the witness stand.) Jack: How do you know CatDog? Cliff: Me and my friends beat up on CatButt every day! Jack: And why do you beat up on them? Cliff: Cause they’re different! It’s only natural to want to pound on something that’s different from you! Jack: Did you ever wonder why CatDog was so different? Cliff: (shrugs) Not really. Jack: If you found out they were made by somebody, somebody who knew just how different they would be, what would you think of him? Cliff: Well, I would think whoever made them, knowing how much of a freak they would be and how much guys like me would want to beat up on them...I would think whoever did that was evil. (There are murmurs of agreement in the jury.) Jack: No further questions. (SpongeBob stands up.) SpongeBob: Cliff, tell me...have you always been a bully? Cliff: Uh, yeah...as long as I remember. SpongeBob: Have you ever thought about being anything else? Cliff: I mean...I’ve thought about it, but here’s the thing: it’s a dog eat dog world. Either you’re doing the eating, or you’re getting eaten. SpongeBob: So you’re afraid that if you ever stop eating, you’ll someday become the eaten? Cliff: I ain’t afraid of nothing! Jack: Objection! Relevance? SpongeBob: I’m attacking this witnesses’ credibility! Judge Leghorn: Fair enough. Overruled. SpongeBob: I’ll ask you the same thing Jack asked you: why do you beat up on CatDog? Cliff: Like I told Jack, I do it because they’re different! SpongeBob: And you think it’s bad that they’re different? Cliff: Of course I fuckin’ do! SpongeBob: Do you really? (Cliff begins to sweat.) SpongeBob: I asked you if you really think it’s bad that CatDog’s different? Cliff: (sighs) No. I...uh...I actually think it’s cool that they’re willing to leave their house at all...looking like they do. (Shriek and Lube, Cliff’s friends who are in the stands with the jury, gasp.) Shriek: I can’t believe he would say that! Lube: I, uh, can’t believe he would, uh, say, uh, wait, what did he, uh, say again? Cliff: I don’t hate CatButt at all. Dog being so happy all the time despite having a cat for a butt...it makes him more of a dog than any of us. SpongeBob: So...assuming they were made...you wouldn’t actually call who made them evil? Cliff: No, I wouldn’t. SpongeBob: No further questions. (As SpongeBob sits down again, Winslow jumps onto his shoulder.) Winslow: What are you doing? I thought we were trying to convince the jury they wasn’t made! SpongeBob: (whispers) Until we see all of the state’s evidence, we need to cover every base. Even if the jury believes you did these experiments, they could still find you not guilty if any of the jurors believe you did them with good intentions. Jack: My next witness...CatDog’s Mom. (Mom, a large Sasquatch, walks up to the stand.) Jack: Do you consider yourself CatDog’s mother? Mom: I do. Jack: But you aren’t their biological mother? Mom: Well, no. Jack: Do you know who their biological mother is? Mom: (shakes head) Nobody knows. Jack: How do you think...something like CatDog...happens? Mom: I’ve never really thought about it. Jack: What about Dad? Mom: Dad was proud. He didn’t care how. (Cow and Chicken, who are also in the stands, look at each other.) Mom: We’ve wanted kids for so long, but me being Bigfoot, and Dad being a frog, it was...difficult, to say the least. CatDog was a blessing for us. Jack: A blessing, or a curse? SpongeBob: Objection! Leading the witness! Mom: Just a blessing. Jack: You sure? Mom: Yeah. SpongeBob: (whining) Judge Leghorn! Judge Leghorn: Sustained. Your leading the witness ain’t even work, Jack. Jack: (sighs) I know. No further questions, your honor. Judge Leghorn: Court, I say, the court will now adjourn for a recess! (Judge Leghorn bangs his gavel, and a few minutes later, SpongeBob and Winslow are jumping on a trampoline.) SpongeBob: I think...this trial...is going well! Winslow: I think...I’m gonna...be sick! (Winslow hops off the trampoline as Rufus climbs onto it.) SpongeBob: Rufus! You’re here just in time! (Rufus speaks excitedly.) SpongeBob: You found what in the library? Hey! Winslow! (Winslow is vomiting into a trash can as SpongeBob approaches him.) SpongeBob: We’ve got everything we need to clear your name now! Winslow: (weakly) Gee...great. (After the recess ends, everybody is in the courtroom again.) Jack: I would like to call Officer Brian Griffin to the stand. (Brian Griffin, a white dog, walks up to the witness stand.) Jack: Officer Griffin, where were you on the night of October 7? Brian: I was investigating a laboratory on the outskirts of town. After what happened with Dexter, I figured it would be another meth lab, but it turned out to be much more interesting than that. There were machines I had never seen before, all kinds of chemicals, and fur everywhere. Jack: And what color was the fur? Brian: Some of it was blue, and some of it was orange. Jack: Would you say the blue fur matches the fur of our defendant, and the orange fur matches the fur of CatDog? Brian: I would say that, yes. Jack: Did you bring in additional officers after discovering the laboratory? Brian: I did. We conducted further investigation and brought back everything we needed to the station. Jack: Including the fur? Brian: Yes, including the fur. Jack: And what were the results of the DNA testing of that fur? Brian: We confirmed that it belonged to the defendant, Winslow T. Oddfellow, and CatDog. Jack: No further questions. (SpongeBob replaces Jack in front of the witness stand.) SpongeBob: Brian, you’re a dog, right? Brian: Yes. SpongeBob: And it’s common knowledge that dogs hate cats, isn’t it? Brian: (laughs) I’m not like most dogs. I’m completely fine with cats. SpongeBob: But what about CatDog? You felt no repulsion when you first learned about them? Brian: There was some repulsion. They’re a cat and dog conjoined at the waist, for Christ’s sake! SpongeBob: But you wanted to know why they existed, didn’t you? Brian: Of course it’s something I would have liked to know. You don’t just look at something like CatDog and not wonder where it came from. SpongeBob: But you didn’t just want to wonder, did you? Brian: I beg your pardon? SpongeBob: You wanted an answer, even if it meant inventing the answer in your head. Even if it meant planting evidence! Am I wrong? Brian: Absolutely, you’re wrong! I would never do something so unethical! SpongeBob: Why were you at the lab in the first place? Brian: As I told Jack, I wanted to see if meth was being cooked there. SpongeBob: What’s your history with meth, Brian? Brian: I...I beg your pardon? (SpongeBob takes a cell phone out of his pocket.) SpongeBob: Dexter was one of my clients, and he was gracious enough to let me borrow his phone for this trial. (SpongeBob scrolls through the list of contacts on the phone, stops in the middle of it, and shows it to Brian with his finger pointing to one of the names.) SpongeBob: Do you recognize this name, Brian? Brian Griffin: (sweating) Yes. It’s my name. SpongeBob: If I tap this name, will it call your phone? Brian Griffin: Absolutely not! (SpongeBob taps the name, and moments later, Brian’s cell phone begins to ring.) Brian Griffin: I...I’m not a meth-head. I’m not! (Brian runs out of the courtroom in tears.) SpongeBob: No further questions, your honor. Jack: (growls) I call CatDog to the stand! (Cat and Dog walk up to the witness stand, with Dog taking the microphone first.) Dog: Hi! We’re CatDog! No relation to Snoop Dogg, though we’re both big fans! (Cat forces Dog under him and away from the microphone.) Cat: I’ll do the talking for us. Thank you. Jack: Is Dog right? Are you both fans of Snoop Dogg? Cat: No, I abhor rap music. Jack: You and Dog are conjoined at the waist, is that right? Cat: Yes...as you can see. Jack: So, how exactly do you shit? Cat: Do you really want to know? Jack: (pauses) Never mind. Forget I asked. (SpongeBob turns to Rufus, who is now on his shoulder.) SpongeBob: (whispering) How close is our surprise witness? (Rufus whispers in SpongeBob’s ear, and SpongeBob nods.) Jack: How has life been as a celebrity? Cat: I don’t feel like a celebrity. I get my ass beat by the Greaser Dogs every day, I have to come up with new scams all the time just to survive, I’m not loved or respected by anyone, I...I’m a mistake. Dog: That’s not right! Cat: Dog, I told you not to speak. Dog: You’re loved and respected by me. Jack: Moving on, how does it feel knowing Winslow allegedly created you two as a lab experiment? Cat: I feel...betrayed. He’s lived with us as long as I remember and he’s never even hinted at being responsible for us. Winslow: That’s because I ain’t! Judge Leghorn: (bangs gavel) Order! You ain’t the one testifying, rat, so keep it shut! Winslow: I...I’m not a rat. Judge Leghorn: (bangs gavel) One more squeak outta you, and I’m adding “contempt of court” to your list of charges! (Winslow is about to say something else but SpongeBob covers his mouth.) Jack: No further questions, your honor. (Rufus starts to chatter excitedly.) SpongeBob: He’s here? (SpongeBob leaps out of his seat.) SpongeBob: Judge, I would like to call...Rancid Rabbit to the stand! Jack: Rancid Rabbit isn’t on the witness list! Judge Leghorn: I’ll allow it. (A green rabbit in a suit walks up to the witness stand.) SpongeBob: How do you know CatDog? Rancid Rabbit: I don’t, really. I read about them in the news when they were first discovered, and I thought they were pretty gross, but I haven’t thought about them since then. SpongeBob: Really? Rancid Rabbit: Really. (SpongeBob pulls a ball with the word “Nearburg” on it out of his pocket.) SpongeBob: Do you recognize this ball? Rancid Rabbit: Yes, I do. SpongeBob: Because it was created by Nearburg Enterprises, which my enterprising clerk just found out is a company that you’re the CEO of! Jack: Objection! I haven’t heard a question here! SpongeBob: Let me rephrase: is it true that you’re the CEO of Nearburg Enterprises, the creator of this ball? Rancid Rabbit: Yes, but I don’t know what that has to do with CatDog. (SpongeBob bounces the ball in his hand.) SpongeBob: In addition to products like this one, Nearburg is known for its cutting edge research, research that has led to the creation of many abnormalities, like...for example...a blue mouse more inclined to trickery than your average mouse. (Winslow gasps.) SpongeBob: Is Nearburg Enterprises responsible for Winslow’s creation? Rancid Rabbit: (looks down) Yes. SpongeBob: And is it true that his creation led to your company settling out of court on charges of illegal animal experimentation? Rancid Rabbit: Yes. SpongeBob: And is it true that your company created CatDog using those same methods? Rancid Rabbit: Fuck you. SpongeBob: Answer the question! Rancid Rabbit: Yes! (Cat’s jaw drops, and Dog temporarily stops chewing on a bone to look Rancid Rabbit’s way.) SpongeBob: Why did you do it? Rancid Rabbit: The goal of our research was to create the most miserable living thing in existence, and what would be more miserable than a cat and a dog, natural enemies, forced to share the same body? People don’t buy things from Nearburg or any other company because they’re satisfied with their current lives, with how they look, with how the world treats them. Misery is the engine that fuels our economy, and by creating CatDog, we created our best customer. Tell me, Cat, who do you think is responsible for all the shit you buy for your scams, the shit you buy to try to make people like you better, the shit you buy to try to make Dog a slightly less annoying roommate? Cat: N-Nearburg. Rancid Rabbit: And what company are you currently millions of dollars in debt to? Cat: (sighs) Nearburg. Rancid Rabbit: So I’ve done what I was supposed to do, I’ve done what was best for our shareholders, and none of you can hate me for that! Winslow: I hate you for it. (The jury mutters in agreement.) SpongeBob: (shakes head) No further questions. (Rancid Rabbit passes Cat and Dog without looking at them as he heads for the exit.) Cat: Hey, Dog? Dog: Yeah, Cat? Cat: How about you chase the rabbit, and after you catch it, I do the killing? SpongeBob: I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that! But here’s my card...just in case. (SpongeBob slides his business card into Dog’s mouth, and then Dog runs out the exit Rancid Rabbit went through, Cat happily bouncing behind him) Judge Leghorn: (bangs gavel) The state has announced that they’re dropping the charges against the defendant! Trial’s over! Go home! (Jack walks from the judge’s bench to SpongeBob’s table.) Jack: Thanks for helping me get my job as state prosecutor back, by the way. SpongeBob: Hey, you’re good at this! You beat me, anyway. Jack: And I promise you: I’m going to do it again, even if it’s not today. SpongeBob: You wanna head to Goofy Goober’s with me, Rufus, and Winslow? Jack: Oh, no! Ice cream is terrible for my figure! SpongeBob: Come on! Just this once? (Jack smiles.) Jack: Alright, but you’re paying. (SpongeBob, Jack, Rufus and Winslow head for the exit the jury is going through.) Winslow: By the way, Roof, who do you get your haircuts from? (Rufus responds.) Winslow: It’s always like that? You lucky motherfucker! (The End)

Good evening, folks! Regis Philbin here, back from the dead, here to offer you yet anothah one of these harebrained scenarios… Episode 60: What If… SBC Went On Who Wants to be a Millionaire? Regis: Good evening, and welcome to night 60! Tonight we have a very special episode of Who Wants to be a Millionaire, in that all the people who have called in are members of… The SpongeBob Community? You’re telling me we can get eight contestants from a SpongeBob forum, yet some nights we can’t even get one woman? Well, let’s welcome them with open arms anyway. We have! Wumbo, from Carneyville, Canada! Katniss, from Normgenie, Georgia! Prez, from Temper City, California! Jjs, from Albuquerque, New Mexico! Steel Sponge, from Chemistbob, California! SpongeBob’s #1 Fan, who already knew where these people were from! Maroon 5, from… really, the whole band? Maroon 5? …Okay? And sbl, known for the groundbreaking journalism of SBLNN, from Yahoo, Canada! Those are our eight contestants tonight, let’s PLAY… WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE! Who Wants To Be A Millionaire Full Theme As always, we start with our Fastest Finger question, so players, if you’re ready, here we go: Put these cherry cheese cakes in order from tastiest to ickiest. A) Yahoo Cake Mix B) Hot Toddy Cherry Blaster C) Rogers “We Got You” Cake Mix D) Cherry Seinfeld And the correct order is… BADC! And the fastest time was… Wumbo, from Carneyville, Canada! How ya doin’ tonight, Wumbo? Wumbo: Maybe soup then, maybe NEVER! Regis: Come again, son? Wumbo: Oh. Sorry Regis! I’m just such a big fan of your computer game that I couldn’t resist quoting one of its most iconic lines at you on TV! As we all know, famous people love it when you do that! Regis: …okay, fine. Now Wumbo, are you ready to play Millionaire? Wumbo: Let’s PLAY! Regis: I get to say that. Millionaire begins Regis: Alright Wumbo, for $100… Who was the host of the short-lived Canadian version of this series? A) Lloyd Robertson B) Pamela Wallin C) Peter Jennings D) Tom Green Wumbo shakes head knowingly Regis: You know this one, Wumbo? Wumbo: Regis… I’m gonna throttle you. Regis: What? Wumbo: I said, I’m gonna throttle you. It’s a line fr- Regis: SECURITY! Wumbo (getting taken away): Hey wait, you can’t do this! I’m Millionaire’s biggest fan! I have a Regis tattoo on my ass! B! THE ANSWER IS B! FINAL A... Regis: We’ll cut to commercial. Board Game - 1996 - Perfection Commercial (Capture 2) Regis: Okay, we’re back! Sorry about that folks, I don’t know how that guy got past our screening. I guess it’s time for another Fastest Finger! Put these US Senate members in order of birth year by how many “I”s appear in their Roman Numeral equivalent, starting in the middle: A) Chuck Schumer B) Chuck Grassley C) Chuck Norris D) Chuck E. Cheese Time’s up, let’s see who got it right! None of you? Screw this, I’m outta here. See ya later. Floor Director: Uh, Regis? New contract says that we can’t continue the show with new contestants until we go through all these SBC members first. Regis: Ya gotta be KIDDIN me! Alright, fine. But I’m too tired to do anything tonight. So we’ll see you next time on… a spin-off of this spin-off? WHO’S RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS? Zoom out to Wumbo, drafting Who Wants to be a Millionaire: SBC Edition as its own spin-off Wumbo: Heh heh. Ain’t I a stinker? Looney Tunes - That's All Folks Yes, a spin-off of this spin-off! Coming soon! Thanks to jjs for letting a yahoo like me write for this wonderful series. Maybe soup now?

Ah, the sweet serenade of the jiggly puff, its melodic tune as alluring as a siren. Growing up, I think we can all agree that Jiggly Puff's voice was our first idol (other than SpongeBob of course). I was just rewatching some Indigo League and couldn't help appreciating a true musician

Just saw these at my local Barg'N Mart. Of course that meant I had to buy them all. Well, guess who will be eating ramen for a while. I'll give ye all an update on taste

Jigglypuff my beloved...

"IT'S DANGEROUS TO GO ALONE! TAKE THIS."

Who lives in a pineapple pipe house in the seas of World 9? SpongeMario PlumberPants Who uses warp zones and says everything's fine? SpongeMario PlumberPants If saving the Invertebrate Kingdom, let's give it a whirl... SpongeMario PlumberPants Then run to World 8 and save Princess Pearl!

I updated my cover photo on my profile.

Sony hears you: They know you don't want a burnt bagel in your game boxes, and they still don't care.

Hello, everyone! Halloween is almost here, I just have one question, who or what is everyone here dressing up as for Halloween? I, for one, have planned this since last summer, I'm dressing as a hula dancer.

Toys "R" Us, originally owned by Geoffrey, Inc., is one of those special cases, where the chain went bankrupt in 2018 as a result of private equity mismanagement by KKR Investments, Vornado and Bain Capital, only to return a few years later under a new owner, Tru Kids Brands, with flagship stores, stores inside Macy's and temporary holiday pop-up stores. Each of those experiences, from what I've heard, feels different from the big box toy store it used to be... Toys "R" Us was able to last eight years longer in Canada, when the chain was sold to Fairfax Financial while their U.S. counterpart was closing stores in 2018, but now Toys "R" Us Canada is struggling, as many locations have dealt with delinquent rent payments under the ownership of Doug Putnam Investments in 2025, resulting in the downsizing of the chain. Toys "R" Us Canada replaced their video game selection with a miniature record store operated by HMV Canada in the early 2020s, another one of many retailers Doug Putnam acquired in the past.

I'm going to dress as The Flying Dutchman

wheres tones and i

Today, I bought myself a SpongeBob sticker book. The cashier smiled, because she was happy, I found what I wanted. No judgment. Why can't more of life be like that

out of respect for the voice actors who have passed i will not name them, man this is crazy its like an anime!! in a respectful way of course

Which do ye think it was, lads?

Hey, where did me wallet go!?

Can I have the adult sized Coral Bits

chud jack theory: he is the unholy return of bl4ze the main gamer

I've been here for 16 years and I literally do not fucking know you.

Imma try watch it for spoopy season Candle 3:

very "normal" way to make a first impression

Transparent Starfishman Render Jumpscare!

Actually wait I got too excited over the 3d stuff that I forgot to show some Spongebill and Sneaky Hermit doodles I recently did oops-

*casually just.... sliding this over.* Yep....!

I had four biscuits, and I ate one. Then I only had three.

Episode 54: What If...Band Geeks Was a Season 7 Episode? Bonjour. It is me, the French Narrator. I have been locked into the Tidal zZne and I cannot leave until I narrate this what if scenario to you. Chocolate with Nuts. Dying for Pie. Krusty Krab Training Video. The Camping Episode. Truth or Square. Wet Painters. What do these episodes have in common? They’re all classic episodes of the show that are some of the most beloved episodes ever. But if you asked every single person who ever watched SpongeBob what their absolute favorite episode is, the most common answer would be Band Geeks. It is by far the most famous and well loved episode of the show. But what if it wasn’t a good episode at all? What if it was a shitty and infamous season 7 episode? In this universe, Band Geeks was produced and aired early on in Season 7’s life instead of season 2, resulting in a much worse episode. The episode starts with Squidward playing his clarinet. He keeps trying to play it, but is disrupted by strange sounds coming from his front yard. Eventually, he finally starts playing, but an even louder sound is heard, causing him to jolt in surprise, accidentally poking the tip of his clarinet into his eye, which gets painfully stuck in it. He tries pulling it out of his eye, but in the process, he ends up also ripping off his entire skin in the process, showing his entire innards in oddly good detail. Squidward: SPONGEBOB! PATRICK! WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING OUT HERE??? SpongeBob: Hi Squidward! Me and Patrick are pretending to be dying animals! Squidward: ….pretending to be dying animals? Patrick: Uh-huh! Here, let me show you: AUEUEUEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (This causes lots of spit to fly right into Squidward’s face) SpongeBob: You should join us Squidward! It’s really fun! Squidward: …No. SpongeBob: ok. Bye Squidward! We love you! Squidward returns into his house where he gets a phone call. Squidward: Hello, you’ve reached the house of unrecognized talent. Squilliam: Hey loser! I mean Squidward, sorry I mix up those words sometimes. Squidward: SQUILLIAM FANCYSON??? MY RIVAL AND ARCH-ENEMY FROM BAND CLASS? Squilliam: Don’t say it like people don’t know, Squidward! I’ve actually succeeded in life, unlike you. And you’ve NEVER beaten me in anything, ever! Squidward: Okay, and what have you succeeded in Squilliam? Showing off to random nitwits? Squilliam. Being richer than you. And more famous than you. And being more handsome than you (he waves his unibrow even though Squidward can’t see that). And being way better at the clarinet than you. In fact, my band is supposed to play at the bubble bowl next week! Squidward: The buh-buh-buh... The buh-buh-buh... The buh-buh-buh...?! Squilliam: That's right. I'm living your dreams, Squidward. The problem is, I'm busy next week and can't make it. So, I was hoping you and your band could cover for us. Squidward: Oh, uh, I, uhh... Squilliam: I knew it! You don't even have a band! Well, I'll just let you get back to the cash register at the Krusty Krab now. Squidward: Hold it! It just so happens that I don't sell fast food, I do have a band, and we're gonna play in the- Patrick (from outside): AUEUEUEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Squidward: Jolts and stubs his tentacle on his kitchen table, which is shown horribly cut up in graphic detail while Squidward jumps in pain for 10 seconds OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW THAT STUPID IDIOT I’M GONNA- Squilliam: Good luck with the Bubble Bowl, Squidward! You’re gonna need it. Hangs up Squidward: Oh Neptune, how am I gonna make a new marching band before the bubble bowl? What am I gonna do? SpongeBob: Suddenly in Squidward’s house I’ll join your band, Squidward! Squidward: AHHHH-SPONGEBOB, WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE? SpongeBob: I just wanted to smell your living room! Sniffs ahhhhh, it smells so great when you just played your clarinet with your amazing clarinet skills! Your band is gonna be soooo good, especially with me on it! Squidward: Sigh I guess I’m desperate enough to take you on. Fine, SpongeBob, just be at the Krusty Krab with an instrument tomorrow night. SpongeBob: Got it, Squidward! Patrick (Who is also suddenly now in Squidward’s house): And I can be the lead singer! Begins trying to make dead animal sounds again Squidward: Stops Patrick from making his sounds again No thanks, we don’t need a singer. Squidward proceeds to bring flyers across all of Bikini Bottom inviting the citizens to join his band. Practice starts at 8:00 PM at the Krusty Krab, because for some reason every season 7 episode needs to make sure the Krusty Krab is in it. He explains what the point of the band is, and begins asking about what instruments people are going to play. SpongeBob: Does my penis count? Squidward: No. (Note: This scene was cut from the episode and has never actually been seen. The only reason we know it exists is because of an edit to the List of Deleted Scenes page by an anonymous user on the SpongeBob Wikia who added it to the list. This is a very reliable source, so we do know it really did exist) Patrick: I’m gonna play the Mayonnaise. Squidward: Patrick, that’s not an instrument! Patrick (Holding a jar of Mayonnaise): Yes it is! Opens the jar of Mayonnaise and proceeds to eat it in the grossest possible way, burping loudly after every time he swallows some of the mayonnaise. This scene goes on for 50 seconds with nothing else happening during that time. Squidward: …so anyway, let’s try starting to play our instruments. Try to repeat after me Plays a bad note on his clarinet Okay, everyone else, try to play what I just did. The rest of the band plays terribly, with SpongeBob in particular doing really badly with his drumming Squidward: SpongeBob…what was that? How does that sound ANYTHING LIKE MUSIC??? SpongeBob: I just copied what you did Squidward! It really captured that nice, unique quality of your clarinet playing! Squidward: GRRRRRRR….. The first day didn’t go so well, but hopefully day two goes better, when they do an actual marching performance. Squidward: Okay, that's perfect, everybody! Bubble Bowl, here we come! Flag twirlers, really spin those things! Okay, turn! Flag twirlers, let's go, I wanna see some spinning! Police Officer: Do you have a license to be running a marching band here? Squidward: Um….Yes Police Officer: Can you show your license? Squidward: Well, I…..um…..left it at home. Police Officer: Hmm. Interesting…. The flag twirlers spin so hard that they lose grip of the flags and accidentally throw them at the police officer, the flags falling to the ground afterward. Police Officer: Litter! We can’t be having that here. This marching band is being shut down! Gives a $10000 fee to Squidward for littering Squidward: GRRRRRRRR….. Day Three: Squidward: How's that harmonica solo coming, Plankton? Plankton: It's tremendous! You wanna see? Plankton begins playing the harmonica, playing it perfectly despite his small size. There is no joke, fuck you, this is season 7. However, this is not the real Plankton, it’s a robot clone of him while the real Plankton sneaks into Mr. Krab’s office and blows up the safe, taking the secret formula for himself. This almost works, until a loud sound from the instruments causes him to fall over. Mr Krabs: Noticing the sound of Plankton falling PLANKTONNNNNNNNNN GET BACK HERE WITH ME FORMULAR This causes chaos throughout the Krusty Krab, while Mr Krabs chases Plankton, instruments are damaged or the people are injured, and people keep fighting each other. Patrick: I’ll help you, Mr Krabs! With my special technique: He “plays” the mayonnaise, which doesn’t help in any way. Squidward tries to get everyone to calm down, but eventually Plankton and Mr Krabs end up near Squidward, who ends up getting thrown into the kitchen and into the fryer, where he gets horribly burnt. Squidward: Typical. Day 4: Squidward: Okay everyone, now let’s practice this section of the s- Patrick: I’m hungry! I need food! Squidward: It can wait until- Patrick: NO! NOW!!! Squidward Sigh SpongeBob, can you make us all krabby patties as a food break? SpongeBob: Sure thing Squidward! He makes Krabby Patties and hands them out to everyone. Mr Krabs: Hey wait a minute, why isn’t anyone payin' for our Krabby Patties??? Squidward: Well Mr. Krabs, I did say we would provide free food for everyone- Mr Krabs: But it’s MY restaurant! These people need to pay! Otherwise I’m losing money! Runs over to a person eating a Krabby Patty You sir, you need to pay right now! Incidental 89: No I don’t, it’s free! Mr Krabs: No it’s NOT! Rips patty from the fish’s hands And you’re not getting this back unless you pay! Patrick: Wait, are we doing a food fight? FOOD FIGHT!!!! This ends up escalating into a huge fight between everyone, with people throwing food all over the place, attacking people with their instruments, and so on. Eventually, the entire Krusty Krab is destroyed, and everyone sees Squidward sadly staring at them. Squidward: Well, you did it. You took my one chance at happiness... and crushed it. Crushed it into little, tiny, bite-sized pieces! I really had expected better of you people. I guess I'm a loser for that, too. Don't bother showing up tomorrow... I'll just tell them you couldn’t make it. So, thanks! Thanks for nothing! SpongeBob: What kind of monsters are we? Squidward just wanted us to be a good band for the bubble bowl, to beat his arch-rival, and all we did was refuse to learn, and fight each other. We need to make it up to him and become the great band he wanted us to be! The next day, Squidward is sadly walking over to the entrance to the bubble bowl. Squidward: I should’ve known I couldn’t do it. I’m gonna have to tell them they need a different band. I just hope that……SQUILLIAM DOESN’T FIND OUT! Squilliam is on the other side of the cave entrance, watching Squidward. Squidward: Squilliam, what are you doing here? Squilliam: I wanted to watch you blow it, Squiddy. So, where’s your band? Squidward: They…..um……couldn’t make it. Squilliam: Then who’s that? Pointing behind Squidward Squidward: That would BE MY BAND??? SpongeBob: Hi Squidward! We’re ready for the performance! Staring at Squidward in a way like he wants to fuck him Squilliam: What’s with that guy? Squidward: That’s his….um…..that’s how he always is. Squilliam laughs while Squidward looks down in despair, fearing that the performance would be a disaster. They enter a platform with a glass bowl over it, which rises up to enter the middle of a football stadium on land, which is created using absolutely terrible CGI. CGI that’s somehow even worse than THE TERRIBLE CGI. Mr Krabs: Wow. I never knew the land above water looked so ugly. SpongeBob: Or that the humans were so loud. Patrick: Woah, this is some tasty looking mayonnaise! Squidward: PATRICK! This is the land you buffoon! Patrick: Oh. Wait, what’s mayonnaise again? Squidward: GRRRRRRR….. Announcer: Okay, football fans, put your hands together for the Bikini Bottom Super Band! Squidward: Okay, everybody... glances at Squilliam, who grins smugly Let's get this over with. One, two, three…. four….. The performance is a disaster. The music is just a horrible loud cacophony of sounds, and they barely even get to play any music before they stop playing because of how awful it is. The crowd erupts in roars of pain before boo’ing them. Squilliam is literally on the floor uncontrollably laughing, while Squidward is so stunned at how awful it was that he can’t even move. It was so bad that the band itself exploded, with the instruments completely destroyed and half the fish being taken away on a stretcher due to how injured they are. Squilliam (after finally finishing laughing): Even I wasn’t expecting your band to be so awful, Squidward! That’s almost impressive! Well, luckily my own band is here to save the day! Squilliam’s band performs a song named Sweet Victory, which is different from our own universe’s Sweet Victory. This song is actually super mid, and no one really cares about it, but in the episode itself, everyone loves it and considers it amazing. Sandy: See Squidward, this is why you should NEVER try to follow your dreams! It never works out at all and always ends up failing! So it’s better to just not try at all! Squidward tears up partway through the performance in sadness about how bad his band ended up being and how much Squilliam beat him, yet again. A policeman appears and asks Squidward if his clarinet is his, and when Squidward says it is, the policeman confiscates and destroys his clarinet, and sentences him to six years of community service for how horrible his performance was. This causes Squidward to cry even more, but this is interrupted by Patrick suddenly feeding him some of his mayonnaise, causing Squidward’s own head to explode, while the rest of his body is taken away in a stretcher. The episode ends with Squilliam jumping up in the air in happiness, like how our version of Band Geeks ends with Squidward. Well, there you have it. That’s how Band Geeks is like in that universe. It truly is a Season 7 episode, that’s for sure, with many “beloved” Season 7 features like Squid Abuse, annoying Patrick, unfunny jokes, an unneeded Plankton trying to steal the formula subplot, random grossout that didn’t need to be included, and a terrible Sandy moral. The episode became very infamous among SpongeBob fans, being known for being one of the worst episodes of the series. The episode gave Mr. Enter depression for five days, was listed as “SCUMBOB” by PieGuyRulz, peaked at #4 on SBC’s Worst Episode List, and is the fifth lowest rated episode of the series on SBM. Oddly enough though, it actually initially had a quite positive reception on tv.com. Many users praised the episode upon its airing, with many saying it was a return to form and even as good as pre-movie classics like Pizza Delivery and Stuck in the Wringer. User jjsthekid said it was one of the funniest episodes in recent times, and user Wumbo said he loved the mayonnaise gags. User JCM said that he was shocked that they managed to make a better Squilliam episode than his introductory episode “Squilliam”. Clappy said that he liked the song a lot, and Sebby said that it was one of the best episodes of the whole show. I have showed jjs his former comment regarding the episode and this is what he had to say: Jjs: what the fuck

What an idiotic take. That isn't close to working with is age and the geopolitical state of bikini bottom. Educate yourself before posting on this forum.