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  1. So out of nowhere, my loving cat Jack was feeling very sick, couldn't eat, only drank, didn't use the bathroom really, had black spots on his nose, probably bleeding from his mouth and nose a bit, didn't meow, get up, slept on the ground, looking at us, and I was worried the inevitable was about to happen to another cat of mine at a young age (he may be 11 but I don't care, always wanted my cat to live til 20), and this morning, I didn't get to say goodbye to a loving pet in my family. He was a nice fella, coming in to my room, pawing at me, he acted like a dog sometimes, just kissing your hand and biting it. He was super nice. Never really growled or hissed. Never got angry really. And now. I never get to see him ever again. And I'm depressed about it. Love and cherish your pets. You'll never know when the awful day comes, especially if they were acting normal just a few days ago. I'll miss you, Jack. Hopefully there's an afterlife and you're reunited with your loving brother Elliott who passed in 2013, as well as your friend Ralphy and Tomas. Took this a few weeks ago too. I'm so sad... 2011 - 2022
    6 points
  2. (Credit to Kieran for the amazing poster) Teams Mania (credit to SOF for the name) will be our final ultimate teams event, lasting from July 11th to July 31st. The Krusty Krew, Chum Buddies and Solos will face off for their final time. Teams as a feature has run its course, so we're going to send it off with one last intense showdown. The timing is also poetic as it's been a decade since the concept was first introduced to the site. Here's a run-down of the games to expect. Jackbox: Every Monday night during the event, there will be a Jackbox game hosted on Discord! Weekly Surprises: Every Tuesday night during the event, there will be a unique surprise game! Kahoot: Every Wednesday night during the event, participate in a Kahoot trivia game! The first one will be based on the history of SBC teams. Jigsaw Puzzles: Every Thursday night during the event, solve the most jigsaw puzzles! Cards Against Humanity: Every Friday night during the event, play in a CAH game! SpongeBob Pictionary: Every Saturday night during the event, play in a Pictionary game! The themes will be SBC Teams, SpongeBob sports episodes and mixed in that order. Among Us: Every Saturday night after Pictionary, we'll (hopefully) prove this game isn't quite dead yet with more Amogus! Wiki Write-Offs: Every Sunday night during the event, see who can edit the most on our wiki! This will be the last time we do this game. Trophy Hunt: Search for trophies (the user doesn't count) in the largest scavenger hunt ever done on SBC! Bikini Bottom Top Chef: Compete in this delicious small group of side quests! Team Spirit iFish Contest: Show your team spirit by dressing up your iFish in another contest! Deep Fry Pole Vault: See how far you can fly and which team scores the most points in this minigame! It's okay if you can't participate in every game of course, your team will appreciate even a small contribution. This will be your last time working together with your fellow teammates, so have fun strategizing. Which team will get the golden W? Will Krabs lead the Krew to victory again, will Plankton pull a trick to help the Buddies, or will the Solos finally win in an unexpected turn? This could go any way, and I'm excited to see how it plays out. Whichever team wins in the end will receive these grand prizes: 10,000 doubloons, 500 experience points, Tyeamwork badge, Victory Trophy item for your iFish, access to your team mascot's account and eternal bragging rights.
    2 points
  3. Week of June 26, 2022 to July 2, 2022 Total Cartoon Legends! - 256 ( @4EverGreen ) SBCinema - 107 ( @Jjs Goodman ) Jjs' Riffing Theater 3000: Family Guy Funny Moments - 39 ( @Jjs Goodman ) One-Time Star Wars Characters: Where Are They Now? - 26 ( @OWM ) Oh Yeah! Collections - 23 ( @Steel Sponge ) Tiki Land -21 ( @Steel Sponge ) SpongeBob SquarePants: Lost in Translation - 20 ( @Steel Sponge ) Power Rangers: Multiverse Force - 15 ( @Rebel the Wolfgirl ) Mabel's Fables - 11 ( @JCM ) Red Flag Savior: Rebirth of a Storm - 8 ( @Steel Sponge ) Doubloons will be handed out later this week
    2 points
  4. Late but might as well wing something for this: Long Gone Summer I had just finished the best day of my and every seventh grade student's year: the last day of seventh grade. I was sitting in front of the middle school, playing my Nintendo DS in the parking lot as I waited for my parents to pick me up. Rafael Hernandez, my best friend (and only friend) grabbed my shoulders from behind, startling me. "What the heck, dude?" I said. "I was about to punch you in the face!" "Sorry," he said, smiling. "I still might," I muttered. "What's got you so down? School's over! We're free!" "Until September, anyway." "There you go, seeing the negative side of everything! That's why nobody wants to hang out with you!" I shrugged. "There just isn't a lot to be positive about right now," I said. "What do you mean? According to my parents, the economy's starting to get better, meaning people can work again. We just made that Obama guy president, meaning racism is officially over. There couldn't be a better time to be alive!" "Yeah, I guess, but...I don't know. In school I had a routine. Now I'm going home for three months to burn my eyes out playing Pokemon. Maybe we'll go to the movie theater to watch Up a few more times, but that's it. We can't afford to do anything else." "So it's money you need? I can help with that!" "How?" "Well, my science teacher started watching this show Breaking Bad...it's boring, I wouldn't recommend it, but it gave my teacher the idea to sell meth, and he wanted my help, since...well..." "Since you're Hispanic?" "Well, yeah." "I thought you said racism was over." "Anyway, I did some research, and it turns out you can make a lot of money selling that stuff." "Jesus, Raf, you want to sell meth?" "No! God, no! The margins on meth are terrible! I want to sell heroin." I closed my DS and stood up. "I'm not having this conversation anymore," I said. "We can get in trouble just for talking about this!" "Come on! I have some connections back home in Colombia, and they were able to send me a kilo of the stuff. I'll give you half, and you'll be able to get 50, 60 bucks from that alone," said Rafael. "No," I said. "I am not selling heroin." By the end of June, I had sold my half-kilo of heroin, and I met with Rafael at his house to get another. "Oh, I'm so proud of you boys!" said Rafael's mom. "Not even 14 yet, and you're already successful businessmen!" "Go away, mom. You're embarrassing me," said Rafael. "Alright, alright. As soon as your friend gives me my cut, I'll go," she said. "Her cut?" I said. "Oh, yeah," said Rafael. "My mom's kind of in control of the whole operation, so she takes 20%." I rolled my eyes and took $10 out of my pocket before giving it to Rafael's mother. "Thank you so much, dear," said Rafael's mom. "And remember if you ever 'forget' to pay me, I'll send people to your house to kill your family. Oh! The cookies are almost ready!" Rafael's mom ran into the kitchen, and Rafael rubbed his arm with a sheepish look on his face. "My mom can be kind of intense sometimes, but she means well," he said. "I can't believe I can actually make my own money now," I said. "A trip to Disney World would probably cost us $400 which, taking your mom's cut into account, would be five kilos. Think we can make it happen?" "Absolutely! We were just being tested with the half-kilo to make sure we wouldn't smoke the product or do anything dumb like that. Five kilos is nothing." I tried some of Rafael's mom's cookies, making sure to keep my distance from her, and I left with the five kilos. My parents thought I got a job delivering newspapers, so once I got back home, I told them I was taking the bike out for work, and they didn't ask any questions. I rode my bike to the bad part of town, and it didn't take long for me to sell the five kilos. I returned Rafael's house, and his mom was surprised to see me when I walked in. "You already sold the product? You were only gone an hour," she said. I gave Rafael's mom five 20s. "Yep, it's sold, and there's the proof," I said. Rafael's mom smiled. "How would you like a bigger role in the organization?" she said. "What? Why are you promoting him and not me!" said Rafael. "Have you even sold your half-kilo yet?" his mom said. "N-no, but I'm working on it," said Rafael. Rafael's mom put a hand on my shoulder. "You are a golden boy. The best worker we've ever had. Enjoy your trip to Disney World. You have earned it," she said. I smiled and returned home just as it started to get dark. I surprised my parents with the $400 that night, and I hadn't seen them that happy since my dad got his hours cut due to the recession nearly a year before. I realized I had a special ability, an ability to sell heroin not just to drug addicts but to all kinds of people, even people who never thought they would do drugs in their wildest dreams. I was to heroin what Steve Jobs was to phones, what Bill Gates was to computers, and it was a gift I had no intention of letting go to waste. By the end of the summer, I was selling thousands of dollars of heroin a week. My relationship with Rafael went sour, probably because his mother liked me more than him, but I didn't care. I was able to buy my parents a new car with my "newspaper" money, and while I'm sure it didn't take them long to realize I didn't actually deliver newspapers, they didn't care to ask about it as long as the money kept coming in. I was on top of the world, believing nothing could stop me until the day before Labor Day and two days before the start of eighth grade, when everything came crashing down. I met a potential buyer near the lake, a tall man wearing sunglasses who had called me earlier that day saying he wanted to buy 100 kilos, which a lot more than anyone had ever requested from me. I called Rafael's mom right after that, and she told me that this could be a trick and that I would need to have a gun on me, but that it was fine to make the sale as long as I was safe. "Hello, there," said the buyer, waving as I approached him. "Can I see what you have?" "Can I see the money first?" I said. "Of course, of course." The buyer unlocked a briefcase to reveal lines and lines of hundreds inside. It was like something out of a movie. I had to stop myself from drooling as I looked at the money with my mouth agape. The buyer locked the suitcase again. "Your turn," he said. I unzipped my backpack to reveal the bags of heroin inside. "Can I try a sample?" said the buyer. I dipped my finger into one of the bags an rolled it around until my finger was completely white. I then let the buyer sniff my finger. "Wow, that's pretty strong!" said the buyer. "I guess now's a good time to tell you that I work for the DEA and that you're under arrest for the possession of drugs." My heart sank when I heard this, and for moment, I thought about getting the gun I buried under the bags of heroin and shooting the DEA agent, dumping his body in the lake, and pretending like none of this ever happened. The agent took off his sunglasses and glared at me in a way that made it crystal clear he knew what I was thinking. "If there's a gun in there, you'll be charged for that, too, and if you want to use the gun on me, well, I can't stop you, but it will make what is already a bad situation a whole lot worse. The DEA knows your name, they know where you live, and they know you're the biggest heroin distributor in this city," said the agent. I began to cry. I didn't want to give that smug agent the satisfaction of knowing he broke me, but it was all too much. The agent handcuffed me and threw my bag into the trunk of his van before making me get into the backseat. I spent the next few months in a holding facility being questioned, but I didn't give them any names, knowing my entire family was good as dead if I did that. I pled guilty to everything they charged me with and did three years in juvie before getting released for good behavior. If I could do it again? I would, because for that summer, that long gone summer, I felt invincible. I know now that I'm anything but, which is why I've retired from the drug trade, but that feeling, as fleeting as it was, is one I'll never forget.
    2 points
  5. Week of June 12, 2022 to June 18, 2022 Total Cartoon Legends! - 202 ( @4EverGreen ) SBCinema - 110 ( @jjsthekid ) Tiki Land - 65 ( @Steel Sponge ) One-Time Star Wars Characters: Where Are They Now? - 37 ( @OWM ) SpongeBob SquarePants: Lost in Translation - 26 ( @Steel Sponge ) Patrick Star in the Multiverse of Madness - 25 ( @JCM ) Oh Yeah! Collections - 20 ( @Steel Sponge ) Most Wanted - 19 ( @jjsthekid ) Mabel's Fables - 18 ( @JCM ) Power Rangers: Multiverse Force - 18 ( @4EverGreen )
    2 points
  6. https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/movies/movie-news/joker-2-lady-gaga-joaquin-phoenix-todd-phillips-in-musical-1235154135/
    2 points
  7. Week of June 5, 2022 to June 11, 2022 Total Cartoon Legends! - 273 ( @4EverGreen ) SBCinema - 100 ( @jjsthekid ) Jjs' Riffing Theater 3000: Family Guy Funny Moments - 39 ( @jjsthekid ) One-Time Star Wars Characters: Where Are They Now? - 29 ( @OWM ) Oh Yeah! Collections - 19 ( @Steel Sponge ) SpongeBob SquarePants: Lost in Translation - 18 ( @Steel Sponge ) Patrick Star in the Multiverse of Madness - 16 ( @JCM ) Power Rangers: Multiverse Force - 15 ( @4EverGreen ) Most Wanted - 13 ( @jjsthekid ) Mabel's Fables - 9 ( @JCM )
    2 points
  8. I can't believe I don't have one of these already from back in the day Ask me anything please i'm so bored. it can be funny, serious, I do not mind, i'm an open book and wanna get candid
    1 point
  9. Man, Splinter didn't have to go that hard on the national anthem.
    1 point
  10. I'm not resurrecting the old thread but I am bringing this back for June to coincide with the Spin-Off Festival. The top ten will be posted every week until July 3 and the authors who are top 5 in views by then will get as many doubloons as they have views. A spreadsheet with the raw values I'm using for the new SpongeBoard has also been pinned to the #writing channel of the Discord. Week of May 29, 2022 to June 4, 2022 Total Cartoon Legends! - 261 ( @4EverGreen ) SBCinema - 75 ( @jjsthekid ) SpongeBob SquarePants: Lost in Translation - 66 ( @Steel Sponge ) Most Wanted - 52 ( @jjsthekid ) One-Time Star Wars Characters: Where Are They Now? - 31 ( @OWM ) Patrick Star in the Multiverse of Madness - 29 ( @JCM ) Power Rangers: Multiverse Force - 23 ( @4EverGreen ) Oh Yeah! Collections - 17 ( @Steel Sponge ) Supreme: The Ivory Icon - 10 ( @Rebel the Wolfgirl ) Jjs' Riffing Theater 3000: Family Guy Funny Moments - 9 ( @jjsthekid )
    1 point
  11. Here's my final SBCinema, with a parody more relevant than ever. It's been an honor running the theater for the past two years. 139. Hippocracy Film: Idiocracy In 2022, U.S. Army librarian Corporal Hippy is selected for a suspended animation experiment as the “most average” individual in the entire armed forces. Lacking a suitable female candidate, the military hires an artist named Jane by bribing her agent (and secret crypto scammer) Spongybobgod. When the officer in charge, Illiniguy, is arrested for running his own crypto scam ring under Spongybobgod's tutelage, the experiment is forgotten. Over the next five centuries, societal expectations lead the most intelligent humans to choose not to have children while the least intelligent reproduce indiscriminately, creating increasingly dumber generations. In 2522, Hippy and Jane's suspension chambers are unearthed by the collapse of a mountain-sized garbage pile; Hippy's chamber crashes into the apartment of CDCB. Wandering around what was once Washington, D.C., Hippy finds a population that has become profoundly anti-intellectual speaking only low registers of English and memes, wallowing in overconsumption and crass popular entertainment. Technology is still advanced but often malfunctioning, driven by garish commercialism, cryptocurrency or extreme simplicity, such as healthcare workers handling computer equipment akin to elementary education software. Believing he is hallucinating after a year of hibernation, Hippy enters a hospital and realizes the truth. Arrested for not having an NFT tattoo to pay for his doctor's appointment, he is put on trial (let’s use that loosely), presided by the Honorable Judge JCM in a cameo. Hippy is provided the incompetent and unprepared CDCB as his lawyer, who would make Saul Goodman shake his head. Hippy is then sent to prison. Jane also leaves her chamber, resuming work as an artist, but soon realizes that people have become so stupid that NFTs are the only artwork they recognize now, thus putting her out of work. Hippy is renamed "Unsure" by a faulty speech-recognition NFT machine and takes a rudimentary IQ test, then tricks a guard by claiming that he is meant to be released, and simply runs out the door, successfully escaping prison. He finds CDCB, who reveals that a “time masheen” exists to return him to 2022, and Hippy bribes him with promises of riches through compound interest on a bank account and Nickelodeon archive he will open for CDCB in the 21st century. Leading Hippy and Jane to the time machine, CDCB takes them into a gigantic Amazon store, where Hippy is identified by a NFT scanner and apprehended. Taken to the White House, Hippy is appointed Secretary of the Interior, as the IQ test identified him as the most intelligent person alive. President Prez introduces Hippy to the cabinet, and gives him the impossible job of fixing the nationwide food shortages, ludicrously high gas prices, dust bowls, and crippled economy within a week. Hippy discovers that the nation's crops are irrigated with Branade, a “thirst mutilator with a bold new taste" whose parent corporation owns the FDA, FCC, and USDA. When Hippy has the irrigation system replaced with water, Brandade's stock plummets, causing massive layoffs and riots, without any visible agricultural improvement. Hippy is sentenced to die in a monster truck demolition derby featuring undefeated "rehabilitation officer" Cyanide Fishbone. However, Cyanide's oversized vehicle is crushed trying to enter the arena, and Hippy manages to defeat the other vehicles. Jane and CDCB discover that Hippy's reintroduction of water to the soil has allowed vegetation to grow. Showing the sprouting crops on the stadium's Wumbotron prompts Prez's presidential pardon. Hippy and Jane decide to stay in the future, although later they discover they had no choice as the "time masheen" CDCB mentioned is merely a childishly inaccurate history-themed amusement ride. Following Prez's term, Hippy is elected president and marries Jane. They conceive the world's three smartest children, while new Vice President CDCB launches Nickstory, a successful archive documenting Nickelodeon’s scheduling to help set history straight. The film ends with Hippy's inaugural speech, where he praises earlier civilizations for their technology and wonders, and expresses hope this society will one day as well. The series finale will be written by Clappy to round everything out, coming soon!
    1 point
  12. GUYS IM HYPED I FINALLY GOT SOME FANTASTIC 91X NEWS GOT AN AD RIGHT NOW FOR A 4TH OF JULY EVENT WHERE THEYRE GOING TO BE PLAYING THE TOP 20 OF EVERY YEAR SINCE 1983 FROM THE TOP 91 AND IF YOU LOOK AT TOP 20S FROM EVERY YEAR, YOU GET A LOT OF INTERESTING SONGS THAT NEVER GET PLAYED AGAIN AS WELL AS THE HITS ITS GOING TO BE PERFECT AHH FINALLY SOME VARIETY https://www.91x.com/top-91/
    1 point
  13. Episode V: Screams of Silence: The Story of Brenda Q
    1 point
  14. Week of June 19, 2022 to June 25, 2022 Total Cartoon Legends! - 210 ( @Australia ) SBCinema - 145 ( @Swiss Cheese ) One-Time Star Wars Characters: Where Are They Now? - 21 ( @Chad ) Most Wanted - 17 ( @Swiss Cheese ) SpongeBob SquarePants: Lost in Translation - 15 ( @We Forgive You Germany ) Mabel's Fables - 15 ( @Egypt ) Power Rangers: Multiverse Force - 14 ( @Australia ) Jjs' Riffing Theater 3000: Family Guy Funny Moments - 11 ( @Swiss Cheese ) Oh Yeah! Collections - 9 ( @We Forgive You Germany ) Tiki Land - 6 ( @We Forgive You Germany )
    1 point
  15. SpongeBob SquarePants: Friday, July 22nd: 7:00pm EDT: Captain Pipsqueak (277A): Plankton joins the League of E.V.I.L. 7:15pm EDT: Plane to Sea (277B): SpongeBob and Patrick take Squidward on a plane to a tropical resort. The Patrick Star Show: Friday, July 22nd: 8:00pm EDT: Nitwit Neighborhood News (113A): Patrick and Squidina report the news around Bikini Bottom. 8:15pm EDT: Mid-Season Finale (113B): The Patrick Star Show! presents the epic conclusion to the first half of its first season.
    1 point
  16. Round 1 (Part 2): Match 10: Larry the Floor Manager vs Call the Cops Match 11: My Leg! vs The Night Patty Match 12: Fun-Sized Friends Match 13: Appointment TV vs Bunny Hunt Match 14: Cave Dwelling Sponge vs Man Ray Returns Match 15: No Pictures Please vs The Check-Up Match 16: The String vs High Sea Diving Match 17: Chatterbox Gary vs Drive Happy Match 18: Bottle Burglars vs Bubbletown You have until Sunday June 26 at 1PM to vote. Enjoy and feel free to talk about your choices here.
    1 point
  17. Supreme Court my ass
    1 point
  18. Fuck America. Phoebe Bridgers is right. That's all I want to say for now. Frustrated to hear the Roe v Wade overturn.
    1 point
  19. Chapter 14 Octavian, King of Galacia, stood in his room, looking out the window of his palace as Livian, King of the Visigoths, approached it on a horse. The guards in front of the palace ordered him to drop his spear and swords before entering the palace, and he complied. Livian reached Octavian's room less than a minute later. "Did you hear the news carried by the raven?" asked Livian. Octavian pretended he didn't hear Livian at first, continuing to look out the window, but then he nodded. "The wizard Merlin has left and the witch Grimhilde has died, meaning there is nobody in New Britain powerful enough to repel an invasion," said Octavian. "With the combined strength of our armies, New Britain wouldn't stand a chance against us," said Livian. "And why exactly would I want to work with you?" asked Octavian. "I know about our history, brother, but right now, I'm focused on the same thing you are: getting Prince Charming out of there!" Octavian finally turned around to face his brother Livian. "I never should have let that monster take him from me," said Octavian. "I would love nothing more than to kill Merlin, but I suppose burning his kingdom to the ground and killing his wife will be good enough." "And I'll make sure you get to do both those things," said Livian. "Very well. I'll accept your help. But this doesn't change things between us." "No, of course not. After I help you get your son back and take my share of the riches from plundering New Britain, I'll return to my lands and stay out of yours." Octavian nodded again. "I'll get my soldiers ready," he said. "We leave at dawn." The first thing the Blue Fairy noticed as she regained consciousness was the smell of porridge in her nose. She looked up to find Evelyn stirring in a large pot with a wooden spoon. "W-what happened?" said the Blue Fairy. "You were defeated by Grimhilde," said Evelyn. "Then I killed her with a knife." "You didn't need to do that," said the fairy. "Well, I was quite tired of her going around and eating people, so I put a stop to it," said Evelyn. "You're welcome, by the way." The Blue Fairy stood up and found Soos at the kitchen table with an empty bowl. "Are you okay?" asked the fairy. "I will be after I try whatever Evelyn's cooking!" said Soos. Evelyn poured some of her porridge into Soos' bowl, and he finished it in seconds. "I do appreciate you keeping the boy alive," said the fairy. Evelyn poured porridge into a dog bowl then whistled. The Big Bad Wolf ran into the kitchen so quickly that he nearly sent the Blue Fairy back to the ground. Once he got to the dog bowl, he slurped up Evelyn's porridge. "I still don't know if I can trust you two," said the fairy. "But I suppose we'll need all the help we can get stopping Merlin, and you two know him better than anyone else." "That we do," said Evelyn. "But before we stop Merlin in his realm, we'll need to settle affairs in our own. Octavian and Livian have likely gotten word about Merlin and Grimhilde by now, so they'll be preparing their armies to invade New Britain, and without the magical defenses someone like you can provide, we'll lose." "I'm sorry," said the fairy. "The Council prohibits us from getting involved in human conflicts. We're allowed to help individual mortals with their problems, like I've done with Pinocchio, but anything that may have wider consequences, and especially anything that would determine the outcome of a war, is off-limits for us." "You don't understand," said Evelyn. "The Galacian and Visigothic kingdoms won't invade our lands seeking surrender. They'll be seeking to kill every man, woman, and child within these borders." "Why do those guys hate you so much?" asked Soos. "Octavian tried to invade once before, shortly after Merlin came to power. He lost, and to punish Octavian, Merlin kept his firstborn son, Prince Charming, as a prisoner." Soos gasped. "That's the dude I was with in the dungeon!" he said. "Yes, and he's also the heir to the Galacian throne," said Evelyn. "So, why don't you just give him his son back and call it even?" asked Soos. "I can't just 'call it even'. He already coveted these lands, and kidnapping his child was a transgression he will not forgive. War is coming, and without the Blue Fairy's help, New Britain won't exist for much longer." "Like I said, I can't help you," said the Blue Fairy. "You know what happened to the elves. I can't allow that to happen to my species." "What happened to the elves?" asked Soos. Evelyn sighed. "Many centuries ago, there was a thriving population of elves in these lands," said Evelyn. "One of the ancestors of the king who came before Merlin wiped them out when they supported a peasant uprising that ultimately failed. It's one of the first stories I was told on the manor I grew up on." "And it's why I cannot help you," said the fairy. "My recommendation is that you leave these lands before Octavian and Livian enter them." "This is my home," said Evelyn. "And with Merlin gone, I'm its sole ruler. I cannot abandon New Britain in its greatest time of need." Soos looked down at his empty bowl and saw a faint reflection of himself in it. "I'll help," said Soos. "What was that?" said Evelyn. "I'll help you in your war." "Why? You weren't born here. You were brought here by a madman, a madman I used to love, but a madman nevertheless." "You saved my life, so I can't just leave you here to die. Let me fight for you." "Have you ever even handled a sword?" "I can learn!" "This is crazy!" said the Blue Fairy. "Our focus needs to be on getting you back to where you came from. If the queen wants to die at the hands of hostile invaders, let her, but you don't need to get involved." "All my life, I've wanted to be a part of something bigger than myself," said Soos. "Bigger even than the Mystery Shack. This is my chance." Soos put his empty bowl on his head then knelt in front of Evelyn. "My queen, what are your commands?" he said. Evelyn blushed. "Okay," she said. "You're officially a soldier in the Royal Army. I'll let General Shang give you your instructions once he gets here." The Blue Fairy rolled her eyes. "If you two want to discuss suicide, so be it, but I'll have no part in it," the fairy said. The Blue Fairy disappeared, leaving nothing but blue specks of fairy dust behind. General Li Shang was the top military commander in China before escaping during the fall of the Han dynasty. He had spent nearly a decade traveling the continent as a merchant before being summoned to New Britain by Merlin, whose wife had taken great interest in a rare artifact he carried: the frozen egg of a dragon. After buying the egg, Merlin offered Shang a high-ranking position in his own army, and Shang rejected the offer at first, preferring his life as a merchant over the chaotic, often dangerous life he had as a commander. Once he saw Queen Evelyn, the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, he changed his mind, and it didn't take him long to become the Royal Army's top general. Merlin, who had constantly been away from the palace searching for ways to expand his kingdom, entrusted General Shang with his palace's protection while he was gone. The more time he spent with Evelyn, the closer they had become, and eventually, they started an affair. The dragon egg Merlin purchased from Shang was unfrozen and hatched, and the dragon grew quickly, becoming a cornerstone of the Royal Army in less than a decade. Barbarian invaders were turned to ashes within seconds by Excalibur, which Merlin named the dragon. This led to a long period of peace and prosperity within the kingdom, and while Merlin thought about expanding it eastward or even capturing Galacia and the Visigothic Kingdom to the west, his ambitions grew with Excalibur, and he knew he wanted to take his kingdom somewhere no man had ever taken a kingdom before. As quickly as Excalibur grew, his death was just as sudden. Shang thought about it many times in the years since then. The dragons he heard legends about during his childhood were known to live for hundreds of years, and this dragon they had hatched and nurtured like a child of their own hadn't even lived for 20 years. Perhaps it had something to do with it being frozen in an egg for so long, or perhaps those legends he heard about were just legends and nothing more. Whatever the reason was for Excaliber's early demise, it caused Shang and Evelyn to drift apart, and he started having lower-ranking officers defend the palace when Merlin was gone instead of doing it himself. He suspected that Merlin knew about their affair but that the wizard king did not want to interfere with Evelyn's happiness, as when Shang informed him that he no longer wanted the castle guard duties, Merlin almost seemed relieved to hear it. Shang now stood at the palace doors for the first time in years, and when he knocked, the doors flung open, and Evelyn, as beautiful as he remembered, was now standing in front of him. "Hello, General Shang," she said. "Hello, Queen," responded Shang, trying to sound as formal as he could. Evelyn let Shang inside, and once they reached the kitchen, Shang noticed Soos, who was eating more of Evelyn's porridge. Soos looked up and waved with his mouth full. Shang hesitantly waved back. "Who's he?" asked Shang. "That's Soos, a visitor from another land," said Evelyn. "He couldn't have picked a better time to visit," muttered Shang sarcastically. Soos ran up to Shang and saluted. "As the newest soldier of Her Majesty's Royal Army, I am prepared to receive orders from you, SIR!" said Soos. "Really?" said Shang. "This is what I have to work with? You may as well offer my head to Octavian on a silver platter." "Come on," said Evelyn. "Assuming the Galacian and Visigothic forces leave at dawn, they won't get here for four more days, giving you four days to train Soos up into a proper soldier." "I'm a commander, not a magician," said Shang. "If we had our magicians, I wouldn't need to be here." "Please, Mr. Shang! Just give me a chance!" said Soos. Shang sighed. "Alright," he said. "Have you ever used a sword before?" "I have!" said Soos. "You have?" "Not!" "Come on, man." "I have used one of those fake lightsabers. Does that count?" "I don't even know what that means!" "Then no, I haven't." "Alright, alright. Have you ever used a bow and arrow?" "I have!" "Not?" "How did you know I was going to say 'not'?" "Listen," said Shang. "You clearly don't have the agility to become a capable swordsman in the time I have to train you, but I can teach you to be an archer, even a good archer, if you listen to exactly what I tell you to do between now and the start of our first battle." "You got it!" said Soos. "Great. Let's depart, then," said Shang. Shang and Soos left the palace, and Shang untied a pair of horses that had their reins connected. "Get on. We don't have all week," said Shang. "About that," said Soos. "I don't know how to ride a horse, either." "You have to be kidding me," said Shang. "We don't ride horses where I'm from!" explained Soos. "I would never want to live somewhere as primitive as wherever you're from," said Shang. "Get on." Shang tied the two horses together again, and he climbed onto a horse before helping Soos climb onto it behind him. "I'll make a man out of you yet," said Shang as he pulled the reins of the horse and they were carried off at a speed that startled Soos so much he nearly fell off. The sun began to set as Shang and Soos rode through the fields outside the castle, and Shang pulled the reigns tighter to ensure that they wouldn't have to spend too much time riding with only the stars lighting their path ahead. Shang knew that the next time the sun peeked out of the horizon, the armies of Galacia and the Visigoths would begin marching towards them, and while he had experienced fear many times during his military campaigns, he had never experienced a fear quite like this one. He didn't know what Evelyn saw in the kid riding with him, but he hoped that training him would help them get exactly what they would need to win this war: a miracle.
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  20. "Push" - Matchbox 20
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  21. I promised I'd do it and now that there is enough 2021 movies I have seen it. it's here. at last WHOBOB'S TOP 10 MOVIES OF 2021 but first, honorable mentions. Compared to previous years (well, i only did 2015 to 2017 for movies but still), my honorable mentions are short, so let's get them out of the way Honorable Mentions: Alright, time to get into top 10!!! Now for my #1 which is gonna shock all of you because even I am shocked. Thanks for reading my list. I'm still gonna do annual best tv shows and movies list after this but I'm gonna miss these annual best and worst entertainment threads for coming together and talking about what impacted us in each passing year. Thank you Clappy for creating this wonderful collab and thank you everyone for contributing to this wonderful annual event. See you in another collab.
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  22. Patrick: "Hey rock, I got an award! Hey Jellyfish, I got an award! (ZAP!!!!) Hey Island, I got an awa--!" (Loses his breath, and falls back into the ocean!)
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  23. Congratulations to @4EverGreen, who is crowned this year's and last Festival King! He put forth a lot of work with his writing and it paid off, that word count is nothing to scoff at. (which is the highest word count anyone has achieved from the three times we've done this) Wear that crown proud, true believer. Thanks to anyone who contributed to this festival, and a special thank you to everyone who's written works on SBC over the years.
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  24. 133. The Bobfather Film: The Godfather Don Terminoob, leader of the SpongeBob Community crime family, is with his family and various family friends at the wedding between his daughter, Cha, and her fiance Poison Ivy. Terminoob is constantly distracted by people at the wedding who want him to do favors for them, much to Cha's annoyance, and Terminoob's youngest son, jjsthekid, is reminded of him doing something similar during his marriage to WhoBob, making him glad that he and his husband aren't involved in family affairs. Cha quickly forgives her father when the wedding's special guest, hip hop superstar Li'l Nas X, appears to sing at her wedding. WhoBob wonders how Terminoob was able to get someone that famous to perform, and jjsthekid reveals that Li'l Nas X owed Terminoob a favor for jumpstarting his career by threatening to kill his old record producer if he didn't let Li'l Nas X out of his contract to do a song with Billy Ray Cyrus. WhoBob is horrified when he hears this, and his resolve to keep jjsthekid away from the family strengthens. Terminoob finally joins Cha right before her nupitals, briefly dancing with her before she and Poison Ivy say their vows. The next morning, a lawyer for SBC visits the president of Viacom in Hollywood, letting him know that teenj, one of Terminoob's godsons, has been training his entire life to be a writer for SpongeBob and that Terminoob would appreciate it a lot if the president hired him. The president refuses, insulting the SBC family and making it clear to the lawyer that the tactics they used against Li'l Nas X's record producer won't work on him. He kicks the lawyer out, and the morning after that, he wakes up to find the severed head of his prized racing horse chilling with him in his bed. The lawyer returns to SBC's headquarters in New York shortly after that to give teenj the good news that he'll be hired to write for SpongeBob, after all. The lawyer arranges a meeting between himself, Terminoob, and Terminoob's oldest son, Clappy. They discuss an offer by Canadian mob boss sblover to pay him to distribute maple syrup through Terminoob's network. Terminoob believes it would be too dangerous, as they would go from simply being federal criminals to being international criminals if they got involved in the syrup trade. The lawyer believes, however, that if they don't do it, one of the other families in the city will, reducing SBC's influence as the other families become richer and more powerful thanks to the sweet, sweet syrupy gold. Terminoob still refuses to take sblover up on his offer, preferring to keep his business as clean and non-sticky as possible. Terminoob becomes curious about a rival family partnering with sblover and has one of his goons spy on the family. The goon gets caught, and after the family murders him, they order a hit on Terminoob. Terminoob is at Whole Foods using his ill-gotten gains to buy overpriced organic meat, gluten-free beer, and whatever kombucha is when he notices sketchy characters in the parking lot. Before he can get away, they gun him down. JCM, in a cameo as Terminoob's second-oldest son as well as the only son lame enough to want to go shopping with him, cries over his wounded father. Terminoob slaps him, telling him that a man doesn't cry, and then the don passes out from his injuries. jjsthekid is coming out of a theater with WhoBob after watching an early release of a quirky sci-fi movie known as Star Wars. WhoBob remarks that while it has an interesting premise, it will never catch on. jjsthekid agrees, and then he's horrifed to find headlines about his father's attempted murder in the newsstands. Clappy is trying to learn everything he can about Terminoob's would-be killers, prepared to start a war with the rival family as the SBC family's new leader. sblover meets with SBC's lawyer about brokering a peace between the families and getting Clappy to do the maple syrup deal Terminoob wouldn't. The lawyer, fearful of a war and greedy for syrup profits, agrees to do both things. sblover is disappointed later on to find that Terminoob survived the attack. During a meeting with jjsthekid and Clappy, the lawyer is unable to convince Clappy to call off his planned retaliation against sblover and the rival family even after revealing sblover has the entire Canadian police force on his payroll. jjsthekid has the idea to meet with sblover as a representative of the family at a public restaurant in order to guarantee his safety. One of their goons would hide a weapon where only jjsthekid would find it at the restaurant, and then when the time is right, jjsthekid would use the weapon to kill sblover. Clappy is surprised by his youngest brother's cunning but worried that if the plan goes sideways, not only would jjsthekid die, but Canada would declare war on the US to protect its maple syrup cartel. jjsthekid promises that he will be careful, so Clappy gives him the go-ahead, saying weird Italian stuff like "bada bing, bada boom" while he does it. sblover has a limo driver take him, jjsthekid, and a Canadian police escort to a restaurant only he supposedly knows about. jjsthekid follows sblover and the policemen into the restaurant, and after they talk about life, love, and syrup, jjsthekid excuses himself to go to the restroom. He finds the gun exactly where Clappy said it would be, and as soon as he leaves the restroom, one of the Canadian policemen notices the gun and lunges as jjsthekid, forcing him to shoot the cop and the other Canadian policemen before shooting a fleeing sblover. jjsthekid drops the gun and steps over sblover's body, checking his pulse to make sure he's dead, before leaving the restaurant. He then takes a cab to the airport and buys a plane ticket to Italy where he would spend the next few years in hiding. As predicted, Canada declares war on the United States after jjsthekid's murders, and more locally, SBC declares war on the rival family with murders orchestrated by Clappy. The mob war ends after Clappy is killed by mysterious assassins and Terminoob, now fully healthy, arranges a truce between the warring families, and the Canadian-American War ends after Canada burns down the White House (again) and the Ford administration is pressured into legalizing maple syrup. jjsthekid has many exciting adventures in the small Italian town he lives under a different identity in, and he even starts a relationship with a young woman who nearly makes him forget about WhoBob. The rival family is able to track jjsthekid to the small town, and the woman is killed by an explosive meant for jjsthekid when she starts his car. Terminoob arranges for jjsthekid's safe return to the US shortly after that, and after learning of Clappy's death, jjsthekid decides to start working for his father full-time. jjsthekid finds WhoBob, who is unhappy to learn jjsthekid has returned to the family business but who believes his claim that once he takes over the business he'll clean it up. As jjsthekid meets with Terminoob to discuss retaliation for Clappy's death, Terminoob laments that he couldn't keep jjsthekid away, and jjsthekid insists that he'll be fine. While playing with the son of jjsthekid and WhoBob in a garden, Terminoob drops dead from a heart attack. Now with full control of the business, jjsthekid has the head of the rival family murdered, and then he has the leaders of the rest of the Five Families killed for good measure. He has the person responsible for blowing up his mistress during his exile murdered next, leaving just one name on his list: Poison Ivy. jjsthekid meets with Poison Ivy, ostensibly to congratulate her on the girl she recently had with Cha but really to question her about what happened the night of Clappy's death. Poison Ivy reveals that Clappy believed in traditional marriage and preferred that Cha marry somebody who wasn't a living plant. In order to protect her marriage, Poison Ivy worked with the head of one of the other Five Families to have Clappy killed. She doesn't bother trying to lie to jjsthekid because she could tell he knew everything before she said a word, and jjsthekid confirms this. He takes out a herbicide and sprays Poison Ivy with it, killing her. Cha screams at jjsthekid as soon as she finds out about it, saying he's no better than his father, and jjsthekid ends the movie looking out of the window of his room in his penthouse, out at the city that is now his city, and a city he does not intend on relinquishing anytime soon, or at least until the paychecks for two lucrative sequels and two Oscar nominations come in.
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  25. Why is this thread a thing? Honestly, i'm mad. After the whole announcement of Wonder Man show announcement today, I just groaned like hell. Mainly because 1) I'm so sick and tired of Disney giving any Marvel character a show except queer characters. BUT BUT LOKI IS QUEER, pls one line mention isn't a representation, it's bread crumbs. Cranking up that many shows is a waste of my time, I don't feel the need to watch anything from this universe that doesn't interest me. I'd rather stick to shows that actually have something to say. 2021 had 5 fucking Marvel shows and 4 movies, you can see why overarching narrative in MCU stopped being interesting. 2) Wonder Man is such a lame character. To sum up his character in comics, he is an Avenger whose brain was used to make vision, so vision is basically his brother and you wanna know what Wonder Man does after Wanda and Vision split up, Wonder Man sleeps with Wanda and dates her. Talk about cringe. And he is a dumbass pascifist that made his own movie cuz he wants that much attention, he wants his ego stroked. He is also friends with Beast who is a war criminal now. So yeah. He SUCKSSSSSSSSSSSSS. I don't care about a loser white superhero show when I already have one and it's way way way better. I'd rather watch ten more Sony Spidey villain movies than a fucking Wonder Man show. So yeah, I'm pissed because superhero shows CAN be good. I have seen a lot of superhero shows, old and new that challenge the viewers, have good storytelling and have something to say. Disney just loves to milk the shit out of Marvel and make these characters incredibly dull and basic, so it got the point where I said ENOUGH. So I'm just gonna highlight these shows instead. NOTE: This list includes no MCU show whatsoever, which means no Disney+ shows you'll see here. Also this isn't a ranking list, so might as well get that out of the way. So lets begin. The Boys (Amazon Prime): You can't start off a list without mentioning The Boys. Recent hit from the creator of Supernatural tackles superheroes who have fame and glory and are controlled by corporates. This is just a damn good example of how to subvert the concept of superheroes. While the comic this show is based on is very brutal, offensive and childish, this show uses best stuff from the comics and recontextualizes them. It's bloody fun with impressive violent action scenes and crude humor but the main drive for me is how characters deal with popularization of superheroes. Even superheroes who have committed really awful shit have moments where you can sympathize or feel bad for. Doesn't change who they are but those moments add content in why these superheroes are fucked up. And you'll get variety of superhero characterizations here. Our protagonists aren't goody two shoes either and as you watch the show more and more, you'll see how they'll get messy in order to achieve their goals. Guest stars such as Aya Cash and Jensen Ackles have given great amount of spotlight and their acting is tested to limits here. This isn't your mother's superhero tale. It's a gritty and devilishly humorous show that tells us why we should never meet our heroes. It's so diabolically good. Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (ABC): Okay, I cheated, this is technically an MCU show but given the fact that Feige ignored everything about the show, I might as well put it here. I kinda have to address the fact that this show isn't gonna win you over by the very first episode. If you aren't feeling first few eps, you don't need to waste too much time getting to the good stuff and the show is a follow up to Avengers and later on, Captain America: The Winter Soldier but if you say you are patient enough to get to where the show really kicks off, it rewards you magnificently that you'll take a look at first few eps of the show and see how simple and innocent those were. After winter soldier tie in episode (Turn, Turn, Turn), everything changes for these characters and (in an ironic way), the show gains an identity and stops being MCU callout the show. The concept is really simple. Spies doing sci-fi covert missions. And all of these spies get a lot of character development, even those who were never in a marvel comic before the show. The show resonates with MCU fandom for a reason, it's a damn good serialized show that has mature themes, kickass action, surprisingly good budget for CGI, loveable characters, actual good humor that doesn't wanna make you scream and intriguing story arcs. This is a show you don't wanna sleep on if you like MCU. Daredevil (formerly Netflix, now Disney+): Yeah yeah we all know the character Daredevil was put on MCU, as well as his nemesis Kingpin and honestly it doesn't change the fact that this was pretty much ignored by Feige until fan demand for these actors to return to their roles. Now there's gonna be a disney+ show and we don't know whether that is a soft-reboot or a pure reboot but I honestly don't wanna check it out due to my confidence in Disney+ shows being so low. Just watch first three seasons of this iconic show and if you wanna check out the upcoming Disney+ show, I won't get in your way. But anyway, there is a reason why this show as well as this character is so popular. Matt is a catholic blind lawyer who deals with a lot of guilt because he does vigilante work as Daredevil. He often questions whether he is doing the right thing or the wrong thing, who he can trust and him doubting his faith in God as well as himself. It's a dark and grounded (mostly) tale of a man without fear. It has an amazing supporting cast (Karen MVP), cool but tragic villains, really impressive action scenes that will make your jaw fall and complex themes. Disney+ focusing on this particular character now is only gonna make me worry on how trimmed and safe his show is gonna be and i really hope they don't screw this up but who am i kidding? They will. Also take a note that after season 2, the show leads up to defenders but don't watch defenders, it's really bad. Just read the wikipedia synopsis and skip to season 3. Doom Patrol (HBO Max): Here's a show for you if you like really weird shit. Probably my favorite modern superhero show out of all here (almost). If The Boys is about a tale of corrupt superheroes, Doom Patrol is a tale of superpowered beings who all suffered tremendous trauma and just wanna lose contact with outsider world until something makes them leave their comfort zone and deal with their trauma and suffering. The show is great for many reasons. It deals with really dark problems people face everyday. Child abuse, homophobia, sexual assault, sexism, racism, parental neglect etc. Really about the underdogs who have been wronged by the world and they wanna deal with the trauma they faced and how that trauma led to them making really terrible choices along the way. The show is not just that but also embracing the weird and unusual around the world. These characters have really weird powers and they are put in situations where it goes completely off the rails and everything gets crazy. It's a really damn trippy show that will make you go WHAT THE FUCK as Robotman says. It's very experimental and mature and it'll make you lose your shit. It's a good time. and a really traumatic experience but totally worth it. Peacemaker (HBO Max): You want a show about a sad and pathetic white superhero? Look no further than Peacemaker. Seriously tho, this show is a complete gem. I now realize why they had confidence in the show and the character way before the release of Gunn's Suicide Squad which features the character. John Cena is a fucking gem. Going from wrestling to being a meme and lastly acting, the guy went into places. If you think John Cena cannot act and the only reason why they hire his ass for projects is because he is a famous and noticable wrestler like The Rock, oh boy you have never seen this show ever. He is fucking perfect for this show and he does so well here. Just to be clear, i think the show becomes more special if you watch Gunn's Suicide Squad. It's a really great movie but if you wanna just skip to this gem, it's alright. It's accessible and it gives you speed on what happened to Peacemaker in that movie. The show is James Gunn to the extreme, really weird cringe humor, childish characters that have a lot of baggage, awful parents, kickass soundtrack, stylized action, you name it. It's that awesome. Characters are endearing, especially Vigilante who steals the show in every scene he is put in. I'm just glad DC is giving us these creative freedom shows that have personality and are allowed to do whatever the fuck they want. Harley Quinn: The Animated Series (HBO Max): Did I say DC? Well damn me. Here's another cool show. And look ma, it's animated. Harley Quinn is a character DC loves to exploit. From adding her to a lot of comics to having her played by iconic Margot Robbie and soon Lady Gaga, it's a character they know people love and hate, so she gets a lot of material. This show tho? Absolutely my favorite take on Harley ever. Even surpassing her role in Batman: The Animated Series. The show is just good shitposting material and not in an out of context good way like Teen Titans Go is usually. It's actually really well-thoughtout for a shitpost. Harley just goes through different phases in life and how she deals with it. Going from Joker's girlfriend to making her own supervillain team. It's just interesting and fun. A lot of people criticize Harley's recent characterization for being too wacky and not tragic and sad but the show acknowledges how fucked up she is. She gets serious moments along the way that makes you sympathize with her and it doesn't forget some of shit she pulled is really bad. The highlight tho is the relationship between Harley and Poison Ivy. Their chemistry shines throughout the show and the development they are given is totally rewarding. I'm just gonna spoil it and say "yes, Harley and Ivy love each other romantically" because the comics tried to make Harlivy canon for so long and it was only alternate universes that actually made Harlivy a thing but the show was one step ahead of canon comics and made it real and they didn't queerbait us for it. The build up was amazing and I think mentioning this should make it less worrisome for people to watch the show. Also Ivy still gets to be her own character without relying on Harley. Humor slaps like it makes Jim Gordon into the butt of the joke with him being so pathetic and lonely. And yet he still is a damn fleshed out character and one of the best parts of the show. Any character here is amazing tho, hello King Shark. So yeah, love Harley, hate Harley, see this ASAP. Legion (FX): I was having issues whether I should put it here or not because I have never finished it. Well fuck it, this show is amazing. It's a really fucking incredible psychological thriller about a mutant who deals with multiple personalities and multiple superpowers and he cannot tell what is real or not because he may or may not have a parasite inside him. What's so good about the show is that while it's very weird, confusing and mindfucking, it's a very serious, dark, mysterious and messy show. How it manages to answer questions people ask while creating even more questions makes it so engaging. It just grips you tight. I have finished season 1 and I can say that it's really amazing but I have heard season 2 and 3 are pretty messy because the show loses the complexity and goes weird and confusing for no reason, so it might get harder for you to finish it, i only watched two eps of season 2 and i still have a hard time going back to it but it's an ambitious show that takes risks and whether that pays off or not, it consistently makes you interested and not bored. For all its flaws, you cannot miss it. I love it so much. Invincible (Amazon Prime): Last entry and gonna go out with another animated entry because animation rocks. So does this show. It's a bloody ass superhero show that takes no punches. Actually it takes a lot of punches and it's glorious. It's very gorey like holy hell. Action scenes are brutal and insane. I lose my shit whenever it goes out of control. But the story matters too right? The show is about a teenage dude whose dad is the most famous superhero and he waits so long for his powers to kick in and when he eventually gets it, he starts becoming a superhero. Yeah, it seems basic as shit but it's only the surface, you are not ready for what is hidden in the show if you aren't spoiled by now. What I love about the show is the legacy and how father-son dynamic is put to the test. Mark, the protagonist of the show, has a lot to live up to when his father can take any challenge. Mark gets his ass kicked a lot and only that way he learns a thing or two. And the show subverting cliched superhero tropes and making it look like how would superpowered indivuals be like if they were put in real life makes the show cool. It's still a superhero show that has action, humor and romance and blah blah but I really dig the story of Mark and Omni-Man. It has an all-timer cast too. Did I mention that? Steven Yeun, J.K. Simmons, Sandra Oh, Mark Hamill, Clancy Brown, Jon Hamm, Zachary Quinto, Seth Rogen, Zazie Beetz, Mahershala Ali etc. Animation may look choppy in certain aspects and I wouldn't blame you for it. With that cast, the budget will be trimmed a bit but when it comes to action, animation just goes wild. It's uncertain when the show will return but it's already renewed for two more seasons, so you know it's damn good. Go give it a try. Honorable Mentions (only watch these at your own risk): - Swamp Thing (More of a horror show than a superhero show, ended too soon) - Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes (same as Swamp Thing) - Jessica Jones season 1 - DC's Legends of Tomorrow (like S.H.I.E.L.D., It takes a while to become good but it's worth it, I didn't put it on the list tho cuz it's a lil inaccessible due to it being Arrow and Flash spin-offs and it crossing over with them in each season as well as Supergirl) - Vixen - The Spectacular Spider-Man (this one hurts because Disney purchasing rights for Spider-Man cartoons ended the show, sad. Best Spider-Man adaptation tho, sorry Raimi) - Arrow season 1-2 - The Flash season 1 - Luke Cage (second half of season 1 sucks but first half is good and season 2 is amazing) - Black Lightning season 1 Alright, that's about it, I need a break oh boy. I hope you enjoyed this list.
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  26. I’m not afraid of death. What can death bring that I haven’t faced? I’ve lived; life is the worst. Listen to me, I’m a philosopher. Joe, you must do this. You must must must.
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  27. The climactic third act of Patrick Star in the Multiverse of Madness was released last night, and the thirteenth chapter of Mabel's Fables will be released tomorrow. Finally, The Bobfather, a parody of The Godfather, will be released for SBCinema this Saturday.
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  28. based, 12:15 PST, my request http://player.listenlive.co/36281
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  29. Act III (Ianus circles the five Patricks in his UFO.) Ianus: Yes, yes, you'll do fine. Realistic Patrick: What do you mean "it's a Patrick that we're fighting"? One of us created that rift? Ianus: Yes. You see, in the trillions of universes out there, every single one has its own Patrick Star. You all come with a unique ability to mold the universe you're in and even travel between universes, but only one of you has actually discovered this ability, and unfortunately, he does not seek to use it for good. Squidina: What's that Patrick trying to do? Ianus: Destroy the multiverse using its own energy. That rift takes in energy from every universe it appears it, and it appears in a new one every second. Once that rift is in enough universes, it won't be able to contain all of that energy, exploding and turning every universe that has ever existed into little more than space dust. SpongeBob: Neptune! That's awful! CGI Patrick: Why would one of us want to do that? Ianus: I haven't spoken to this Patrick, but I imagine he's given up on life and wants to take as many lives as possible with him. Realistic Patrick: And how are we supposed to stop him? Ianus: Since a Patrick opened the rift, only a Patrick can close it, but it's so powerful by now that we'll need up to five of you to close it successfully. (The original Patrick looks at the others.) Patrick: Well, what are we waiting for? Let's save the multiverse! PSS Patrick: Yeah! CGI Patrick: Yeah! Lego Patrick: Yeah! Realistic Patrick: (rolls eyes) Whatever. Ianus: All right, get in. There's enough room for all of you. (The Patricks jump into the UFO, and Ianus flies it into the rift, leaving SpongeBob, Sandy, and Squidina behind.) SpongeBob: I hope they come back okay. Sandy: I still can't believe any of this. There's a multiverse, it's ruled by a two-headed amphibian, and the most important person in every universe is Patrick? The book I write about this will make me rich! Squidina: If you live to write it, anyway. Sandy: (nervous) Y-yeah! If I live to write it. (Ianus lands with the other Patricks in a universe where everything is chrome.) Lego Patrick: Where are we? Ianus: This is the original universe. The one that started it all. (Ianus points to a large chrome statue of a Patrick wearing no clothes.) Ianus: This Patrick died thousands of years ago and is currently worshipped as a god. Patrick: Why? He doesn't even know to wear pants! PSS Patrick: And I thought we were dumb! Ianus: Every universe is different, Patricks. Now let's focus on what we came here for. (Ianus and the Patricks walk through the streets, which are littered with the bodies of dead animals.) Patrick: What happened here? Ianus: The people of this planet attempted to create a device that would allow them to travel between universes many years after their Patrick died, but without a Patrick to assist them, the device failed horribly, wiping this planet's population out. Many other people in many other universes have tried the same, but without a Patrick's help, they all met a similar fate. PSS Patrick: Man, we must be really important. Ianus: Indeed, you are. (CGI Patrick notices Realistic Patrick keeping his distance from the others. He slows down until he and Realistic Patrick are beside each other.) Realistic Patrick: What do you want? CGI Patrick: You seem lonely. Do you want to be friends? We have so much in common! Realistic Patrick: No thanks, Stop Motion Patrick. CGI Patrick: Hey, I'm not stop motion! That's Lego Patrick! (Lego Patrick turns his head without moving the rest of his body.) Lego Patrick: Did somebody say my name? Realistic Patrick: Don't freakin' do that! That's weird as shit! Lego Patrick: You swear a lot. Realistic Patrick: Well, I'm a grown-up. That's what we do. Now, look at where the hell you're going. (Lego Patrick frowns and turns his head again.) CGI Patrick: Why don't you want to be friends with me? Is it my breath? I probably shouldn't have had those fried oyster skins for breakfast. Realistic Patrick: Your breath certainly isn't helping, but it's mostly that...friends inevitably disappoint you. I'm better off without them. Ianus: We're here. (Ianus and the Patricks approach a large building.) Ianus: This is where the device was built and likely where that rift came from. Patrick: Do you think that evil Patrick is in there? Ianus: I know he is, so make sure you're on your toes. Patrick: But I don't have toes! Ianus: You know what I mean! Patrick: Not really. Ianus: (sighs) Just be careful. (Ianus and the Patricks walk into the building to find a Patrick wearing the original Patrick's pants with a black shirt facing away from them, typing into a keyboard connected to a big machine which is connected to an even bigger monitor. The monitor contains several small lines of code beneath a large, constantly increasing number.) Evil Patrick: I was wondering when you'd show up. (Evil Patrick turns around to reveal that his face is also similar to the original Patrick's but with a mustache.) Patrick: Oh, man! I could never grow a mustache! Ianus: Step away from the machine, Evil Patrick. Evil Patrick: Is that what you're calling me? I wouldn't say it's wholly inaccurate, but it's also not very original. Ianus: We're closing that rift. (Evil Patrick pulls out a knife.) Evil Patrick: No...you aren't. (Ianus charges at Evil Patrick and misses every knife strike before knocking the knife out of his hand and pinning him to the ground by his neck.) Evil Patrick: (hoarsely) It's too late! We've already reached the inflection point of 300,286 universes with a rift! Ianus: Really? (Ianus looks at the monitor with one face to find that the number on it is 300,285. Evil Patrick discreetly pulls a second knife out of his shirt and stabs Ianus with it before his second face can respond.) Evil Patrick: No, but we will now! (Evil Patrick pushes Ianus off him and presses the Enter button on the keyboard, causing the number on the monitor to increase by one before flashing red. The other Patricks watch in horror as Ianus lays bleeding and unresponsive on the floor and Evil Patrick stares at the monitor with a huge grin on his face.) Evil Patrick: The resetting of the multiverse...has begun. (End of Act III)
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  30. 1 point
  31. 6. Ohana (Family) After a long night of slaying lava creatures alongside his partner, SpongeBob, Koamalu was in another deep slumber. Each night his dreaming was becoming more lucid, although he’s been experiencing the same dream as before where he saw himself in a vibrant background with a variety of different flashing colors and the sound of a voice unfamiliar to him, but with different fragments of his memories being revealed to him. Things still appeared to be a blur to the sleeping sea dragon. While we can now remember the voice calling to him, he still couldn’t make out the face of this character that he’s been communicating with. “It’s so nice to be speaking with you again, Koamalu.” The voice spoke, feminine in tone. “But I still don’t know who you are and why I’ve been hearing your voice…” Koamalu said. “I’ve been telling you, this will all make more sense the more that we meet,” the voice continued. “I only have the power to enter your dreams and provide you more lost memories about yourself a few at a time. Now tell me, Koamalu, what do you see?” Mental images of Enakai began to fill Koamalu’s mind and so he responded to the voice after a brief silence, “I see Enakai again. He’s been in my life for the longest time, but I’ve been thinking that’s been hiding something from me as well, and I need to know what it is that he’s hiding from me.” “I wouldn’t get your head wrapped too much around that. I do have one question to ask, though. What does Enakai mean to you?” The voice inquired. “He’s the one person that I know that I’ve considered as family. I trust him because there’s no else that I know to trust until I met other people like SpongeBob. Although, after regaining memories about myself, and they all had little to do with Enakai…my mind’s been in a blur.” “I understand how you feel. Have ever thought about where you really came from.” Koamalu thought hard on that question for a moment and responded with a firm “No.” “Have you ever thought about where Enakai came from?” “I’ve been realizing that he’s from a world that’s different from my own. Where I come from is something that I’d really want to know, and why we became family.” “I’m sure you’ll find out those answers by talking to him if you can reach the pocket dimension that he houses in. I won’t be able to lend some more information to you there since time doesn’t move in those realms, and I should warn you about how Enakai’s dimension disregards the passage of time since time can still move freely where you are now.” “Can you at least tell me more about Enakai now before I enter his dimension?” “You and your friend are pursuing the Lava King, who came from the past, correct? Enakai exists from the future. These two are connected to you because-“ Before Koamalu could be able to hear the rest of the explanation, he reappeared inside Sandy’s lodging with SpongeBob after a rude awakening from Mr. Krabs, who was outside the hut, yelling for him, SpongeBob, and Sandy to step out. “Come on out and get to work, all of you slackers!” Mr. Krabs exclaimed. “SpongeBob, Sandy, and…the other feller, whatshisname, the Lava King needs ye!” “What’s going on? It must be very important,” the half-asleep SpongeBob said. Sandy walked out of her hut to approach Mr. Krabs with cracks in her eyes, and fired back at him, saying, “Well, I’m not coming out! I’m in the middle of reaching a scientific breakthrough!” “I don’t care, the Lava King needs ye to help build this island in his image,” Mr. Krabs replied. “It’s his orders, so you’ll have to do what he says.” “Since when did you care about that good-for-nothing tyrant?” Sandy asked. “I ain’t postponing my work to follow his rules!” “You don’t want to turn into stone do ye? Well, neither would I, so get your captain’s quarters out of here and quit worrying about your fancy science project!” “Oh, I know how it is, huh. The Lava King suddenly decided to make you the boss of all of us, but I’m more worried about not being able to find a solution to this problem than I am about turning into stone!” As Sandy continued to protest, Mr. Krabs dragged away from the hut by the tail with his pinchers. “Hey, let me go! Don’t forget, I know karate!” SpongeBob and Koamalu saw the commotion between the two creatures as they stepped out of the hut. “Golly, Mr. Krabs isn’t acting like himself,” SpongeBob remarked. “What about Sandy?” Koamalu asked. “I know Sandy can get aggressive sometimes, but it’s clear that she’s been overworking herself, so she could use some time away from her science,” SpongeBob replied. It wasn’t long until Sandy used her karate skills to flip Mr. Krabs over before he touched down onto the ground. While the crustacean was too stunned to get up, Sandy walked over to SpongeBob and said, “SpongeBob, the Lava King is pushing us to do his dirty work, but somehow, Mr. Krabs is involved with this scheme of his, so now I’m unable to continue inventing a solution to this space-time disruption! King Neptune gave you and that other critter some sort of powers, so surely you can use that to do something about all this!” “We’re trying Sandy, but we aren’t quite at the point where we can fix this problem,” SpongeBob responded. “It’s that we just need some more time is all.” “Well, can’t you see that we’re running out of time!?” Sandy argued. “That hole in the sky is going to keep expanding until it wipes us out!” “I must go back…to sleep…I need to know more….about Enakai…” Koamalu said drowsily, his head slumping against SpongeBob’s. “We’ll have to talk about this later, Sandy,” SpongeBob finished before pulling Koamalu straight towards the cafeteria hut. “Just give us a few days and we might be able to bring Bikini Bottom back to the way it was.” SpongeBob and Koamalu started their usual daily shift in serving soup to the other inhabitants. However, Koamalu was dozing off more and more during these work shifts, so SpongeBob had to push a little effort into making him look like he’s working whenever the Lava King was around to survey them. Taking notice of the news about the Lava King tightening up his rules, the Bikini Bottom citizens looked unhappier when SpongeBob gave each of them their helpings for the day, Sandy especially. “I know you’re mad, but you need a break from the science for once,” said SpongeBob. When he presented the squirrel with her bowl of soup, she chugged it down her throat in less than 10 seconds. “How can I relax when the darn Lava King is going to even prevent me from continuing my work?” Sandy responded. “I’ve been committed to figuring out a solution, and so far, I haven’t gotten close!” “That’s why you got to trust me and Koamalu, Sandy Squirrel,” SpongeBob replied. “It’s ‘Cheeks’,” the squirrel corrected with a stern tone. “Yes, right, my apologies. I’ve been hard at work too, so I haven’t been thinking certain things straight. Look, I know you may not take a liking towards him, but Koamalu is going to be the key towards bringing us back to Bikini Bottom.” When SpongeBob saw the ground beneath him get warm, he stood on the counter until the lava subsided, signaling the end of his and Koamalu’s shift. The burning hot sensation of the floor beneath the sleeping sea dragon woke him up. “You can go back to your work now that the Lava King is off the clock for now.” As he returned to the kitchen, he said to Koamalu, “Our shift is done, good work there, buddy!” “Don’t mention it, lad,” Mr. Krabs chimed in. “I’ve been dealing with this for a while now.” “I was referring to Koamalu, Mr. Krabs,” SpongeBob clarified. “Don’t think I didn’t notice that feller sleeping on the job,” Mr. Krabs replied. “I could’ve notified the Lava King about him if it weren’t for the two of ye sticking together, being fated to save Bikini Bottom and all.” “I wouldn’t allow for Koamalu to become a statue when he’s important to this mission that I’ve been trusted with. Besides, you’ve been behaving differently, from when I saw you yelling at Sandy and the others to do some work for the Lava King. I sure hope he hasn’t done anything to Patrick.” “Oh no, I haven’t noticed anybody else turning into statues. This is all part of me own job in ensuring that everyone is safe.” Mr. Krabs lied, as he abstained from mentioning what happened to Plankton earlier. SpongeBob and Koamalu both gave Mr. Krabs a look of skepticism. SpongeBob breaks the awkward silence by then saying to Mr. Krabs, “Okay, I trust you. We’ll see you later, okay? Koamalu and I will be off to do some more Totem God stuff.” As SpongeBob and Koamalu exited the cafeteria hut, they were confronted by Patrick, who wore a frantic and exasperated look on his face. “Oh Patrick, it’s good to see that you’re still alive and well,” said SpongeBob. “How come you don’t you want to play with me anymore, SpongeBob!?” Patrick exclaimed. “Come on! Let’s do something together right now! You can’t just replace me as your best friend with this…weird guy.” “I would never replace you as a best friend,” SpongeBob reassured. “I’m just really tied up right now, so I was just leaving with Koamalu to go and-“ “Why is it you always want to hang around with him all of a sudden?” Patrick inquired. He turned around to look at Koamalu in the eye. He began to speak directly towards the sea dragon while his anger built up. “You, this is your fault, all of it! If you hadn’t showed up, I wouldn’t be losing my best friend and be told to do something that I can’t do by some giant volcano! I may not understand a lot of things, and I may not understand you or know who you are, but I think I understand that you don’t belong here! So why don’t you just get out of here…you….you big dummy!?” Patrick’s harsh words stunned both Koamalu and as well as SpongeBob, Patrick’s own self-proclaimed best friend. SpongeBob broke the silence and said to Koamalu, “I’m so sorry about Patrick. I can try to reason with him-“ “No, it’s fine,” Koamalu interrupted in a quiet yet sincere tone. “Patrick is right. I don’t belong in this world, since I’m not from here.” Before he continued to speak, he turned his head for a moment to view the cave in the distance that he recognized as the dimension where Enakai resided in. He looked back and then said, “I take responsibility for what happen to your own world. Enakai is my responsibility too, so…I think I’m better off facing him by myself.” Without warning, SpongeBob saw as Koamalu tapped over to the cave and went through it. “No, wait!” SpongeBob called out. “...Thanks a lot Patrick. I have to go and get him out now.” “So? He most likely would’ve been lost there anyway,” Patrick heckled. “Now that he’s not here, I do can whatever I want with you now, right?” “Our world is in peril and all you care about is yourself!” SpongeBob snapped, as he was about to unleash a part of the powers against him. “Do you realize what you just did to Koamalu? If you could just let us help, then maybe we can have fun together like we usually do, but now is not the time!” When he finished speaking, he used his powers without restraint to freeze Patrick, covering him in a wall of ice. Some of the Bikini Bottom citizens who have observed this quarrel crowded up and looked at SpongeBob with discontent. SpongeBob realized his mistake and immediately conjured heat to thaw out Patrick from his state and ran up to the cave entrance housing Enakai’s dimension before Patrick could say something. When SpongeBob entered Enakai’s cove, it was like a labyrinth inside, so in a cosmic sort of sense, he figured that Patrick was right in assuming that Koamalu would get lost in place like this, much like he is now. Small serpent-like creatures that resembled Enakai’s image, akin to the Lava King’s creatures, emerged in front of SpongeBob, prompting for the sea sponge to conjure whirlwind magic to ward them off every few times they showed up to guard the domain. After what felt like hours having passed to him, SpongeBob would find Koamalu, who was curled up and sitting around idly half-asleep. “I found you, Koamalu, and you’re unharmed! Do you have any idea how much of a relief it was for me to find you?” “But what if Enakai found you already?” Koamalu questioned. “No, I thought you went looking for him.” SpongeBob replied. “Of course I did, I was just resting.” Koamalu replied. “I’m still sorry about Patrick. I rushed over to you here because I had a squabble with him, and I ended up using the powers lend to me without control, so…I guess we’re even. We’re both fugitives for the time being, huh?” Though Koamalu was too tired to be conversing with SpongeBob, talking to him had made him feel better about himself. “I know this is a weird question to ask, but since we’ve known each other for a while, I’ve been wondering if you have any family, if you remember having any family.” “I don’t think so. I would’ve called Enakai family if I still didn’t know much of him, but now that I am learning more about him, I’m trying to not to think about it. He’s keeping some things from me, I can tell. ” “That’s a shame. Maybe you’ll remember sooner than later.” Both Koamalu and SpongeBob began to sleep within in their little cubicle. Koamalu remember the voice’s warnings about the rules of Enakai’s dimension as he hasn’t been able to see himself return to his realm of dreams while keeping his eyes shut. He couldn’t forget his very previous meeting with the said voice, from when he napped during his shift, although it was very brief. “You do have family, Koamalu, though you were taken from it. I could tell you more, but I don’t think you’d be able to handle the truth hidden about yourself just yet. From what I can tell you, the Lava King and Enakai are connected to you because they both wanted to raise you in their own way and of course, Enakai was able to take custody of you. While the Lava King is an entity from the past and Enakai from the future, you could say that I’m in-between those lanes. I am a Totem God just like you, whereas I categorize myself as a dream weaver. I’ve talked with you before, but it seems that Enakai had wiped out most of it and I was blocked off from accessing your dreamscape until the worlds collided. Before you return to the real world, I needed to let you know that I would’ve taken you in as my family and raised you with love and care if neither Enakai nor the Lava King interfered…” Back outside the cave entrance, the island was close to going dusk. Patrick was still beside the cave waiting for SpongeBob to come back, and he stood there until he was confronted by the Lava King. “I couldn’t help but notice that you may be…missing someone who is important to you,” the Lava King spoke. “How do you know?” Patrick questioned. “Just a guess,” the Lava King replied, although lying. “Say, I could be turning you into a statue right now, but I figured I could spare you if you agree to do one…very easy job for me.” “What kind of job are you talking about?” “Bring me Koamalu and only Koamalu. I’ll be willing to return the favor by bringing your sponge friend back from Enakai’s dimension as well.” Patrick wasn’t smart enough to understand anything that the Lava King was saying, but he agreed to the offer without much hesitation.
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  32. Hey Dhar Mann Fam! Always remember: Being successful won’t always make you happy. But being happy will always make you successful.
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  33. That's my boy right there, we go wayyy back
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  34. Imagine still shitting on Twilight in 2022
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  35. I'll take the mitten badge and the tunnel of love badge please
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  36. Chapter Nine: Enlightened Path Outside of the base, a hole has been dug. Jacques’s body is dragged by two assassins toward it. One of them notices the black book along with the decoder, taking both from him. “What’s this book? What language is this?” The assassin asked, trying to read it. “It’s a decoded list of criminal contacts across the sea. We’ve got the keys to the kingdom. Tony is gonna love this.” Another assassin spoke, flipping through the pages. Jacques’s corpse is thrown into the hole and unceremoniously covered up. The assassins walk back inside, handing Hopper the contact book. Jacques’s blood stain is left on the floor. “Damn, actual spy symbols and everything. Looks like I did you all a solid. That agent could’ve ruined your whole revolution, which yes, I know all about. I’m serving as a messenger for the Soprano Mafia who’ve been onto your plan. If we and that agent can figure it out, then you didn’t cover your tracks well.” Hopper said smugly, smiling and looking through the book. “Yeah, we know.” Kara replied, rolling her eyes and thinking about the tracker. She looks outside through a window and notices the mafia plane landed in the forest nearby, realizing that’s how they got here. She’s also repulsed by the plane’s design. Hopper then places the book and decoder on the table. “You have no idea how foolish you are for killing an agent. Interpol will hunt you down until you’re dead or behind bars.” Clay warned. “That is unless of course, I make it look like you’re the ones who killed him. After all, it appears the homie was hunting you. Not many would question that story.” Hopper blackmailed threateningly. The team relents, knowing they can’t argue much with that. “Okay…can I just ask: who the hell are you?” Kara asked, having a tough time processing the events transpiring before them. “That’s Hopper, my first ever bounty. June and I caught him together thirteen years ago.” Vexacus explained, as June looks over. “In the flesh.” Hopper replied, honored, as he sits back on the couch. “Alright, and how did you find us?” Daisy asked annoyed. “You can thank Clay’s friend Sneed. He went peacefully, just so you know.” Hopper said, as Sneed’s bloodied axe is seen attached to his belt Clay lets out a solemn look and tries to hold back his fury. He figured Hopper must have found out about their shootout with the Dusk Raiders and tracked Sneed from there. In retrospect, they could’ve been less flashy with that attack, but live and learn. Can’t change the past. “You’re sick.” Sarge said, about to attack, but the assassins step forward, forcing him to stand down. “In case you try attempt any other bold moves, I’ll alert the Don and his entire mafia force will be here faster than I can swing a bat. You may be able to take on small time criminal chumps, but we both know you’d be outmatched against an entire army.” Hopper threatened, holding out his phone to call Tony with just in case. “Fine. But I want your word June will not be harmed. Remove the demanding cloth and let her speak.” Vexacus demanded. “Chill, I got no reason to hurt her, she’s integral to this gathering.” Hopper replied, as he takes off the cloth over June’s mouth. “Hi Vex. I know it’s, uh…been a while. Not how I wanted to meet again…but I’m glad you’re alive.” June awkwardly greeted to Vexacus. “Believe me, the feeling is mutual.” Vexacus replied, looking at Hopper on edge. Hopper forces June to sit down on the couch across from him. Her arms and legs remain shackles, still unable to properly move. “Alright, now listen up: everyone else get the hell outta here. Only June, Vexacus and I can be in this room for the enlightenment that is about to occur. I’d truly love to have a session with the whole family, but I ain’t here for them.” Hopper demanded. The team worries for Vexacus, but he gives a signal indicating them it will be okay and to do as he says. “I want your word they won’t be harmed either.” Vexacus said. “They won’t, as long as they behave." Hopper replied. Clay, Sarge, Kara and Daisy are forced into the kitchen by the assassins, as they lock the door behind. Hopper stares at the remaining assassins in the room. “You too, grunts.” Hopper said to them. The remaining assassins either go outside or into the kitchen to watch over the team. Now the room was truly just Hopper, Vexacus and June, the original trio that started this path. Hopper then gets up and begins pacing around the room, analyzing June and Vexacus. “Alright, what do you want, you psychopath?” Vexacus asked. “Easy boy. We’re on the same side, even though you don’t see it now.” Hopper replied. “How can we possibly be on the same side when you work for our enemies?” Vexacus asked. “Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer, yeah? As I explained to your lady friend here, I hold no grudge for you locking me up. In fact, it made me a better man. It gave me all the time in the world to read literature from the world’s greatest minds. It enlightened my own mind and illuminated my current path forward. The three of us were destined for something big together. It’s time the stars align to see that prophecy through. The universe has big plans for us.” Hopper explained ominously. June and Vexacus recall his parting conversation to them when he was apprehended, about how “they were destined for a cycle” and that “they’d see each other again.” They had wished the latter wouldn’t come true, but here they were. “Whatever delusions of grandeur you have, she has no interest in them. She’s out of the game.” Vexacus said, but Hopper ignores him. “You two are like heroes to me. Two heroes I got off on the wrong foot with, not gonna wash that away. But it was a turning point in my story nonetheless. And something tells me it was a turning point in your stories too.” Hopper said. “I mean, it was our first bounty mission together, but bounty hunting wasn’t for me. I wouldn’t say that was a turning point.” June replied. “Oh, but it was, my sister. The day we met set in motion a series of events leading to this very moment. Destiny has bound us together.” Hopper replied. “Can you get to a point already?” Vexacus demanded. “Believe it or not Vex, but you and I have a lot more in common than we think, especially when it comes to revolution. However, we perceive it in different days. Let me regale you with a beautiful tale. When I was released from prison, and man was I a good boy, I had to return back home. Startin’ over from scratch. Hadn’t been back there since I was little, when people didn't think much of me. It actually reminded me of a dream I used to have, that I would one day own that town, that the very land everyone walked on, slept on, would be mine.” Hopper was saying, and June hides her annoyance due to his first psychotic story still fresh in her mind. “Settle in, this looks like it's gonna be a long one.” Vexacus said to June, also annoyed by this rambling. “…Except there I was, back home with those same dumbasses who didn't believe in me said I wouldn't amount to nothing. This time, they was wrong. I had tools now. I had vision I didn't have before. So I started hustling. I set up shop couple of corners here and there. At first, on my own. Then a few cartel members got impressed, joined in. They welcomed me in like family. Couple of block battles but nothing we couldn't handle. Matter of fact, it was easier than ever. And like a virus, we multiplied. Within 42 days, I took down every gang. From there, it was easy to get to the politicians. Once that domino fell, we took control of all the favelas. I was running everything and everyone from the president to the campesino. And by day 99, I finally had my own city. Then on the 100th day, I got bored. I had everything I ever wanted, but all I felt was emptiness. One day, an associate brings this crazy old shaman who says he can help me. So I said, “All right, let him in.” He sat my ass down, prepared me a cocktail of this powder pink powder, red blood mixed in with some milk. He looked into my eyes and said, “You're asleep. It's time you wake up.” Then held the cup to my lips. You wanna know what I did? I gulped that shit down. And then I just gotta be real with you, it tasted awful. Then I puked myself. Back and forth, back and forth, til all of the puke poured out of me. The shaman then takes my face in his hands, says “It's time for you to go home.” I didn't know what to think. I told him I was home. And then it hit me why I was feeling empty that whole time. Home isn't where you from. It's where you supposed to be. I was born there, but Itolis… that’s my home. That’s where I thrived. And there I laid, weeping like a bitch, telling the shaman I could never go back. I failed there. Tony would never let me back. That path was closed to me. Shaman shook his head no. Told me I had to reopen that path to enlightenment, that I had to reconcile with the ones who closed it. For they were meant to be my partners. Then and only then can I go home again. So I grew a pair of balls and reached out to Tony. He was impressed with my power, and offered me to rejoin. I finally returned to Itolis, doing more of the mob’s errands, but it was then where I finally realized what the shaman truly meant by home: the criminal underworld as a whole. That’s why we sitting here right now, Vex. That's why I came back. I owned the wrong place, I thought too small. I'm gonna take over the whole dang criminal empire, and you gonna be my side when I do. You too June, with that legal mind of yours to help me out of tight spots. So what you think?” Hopper rambled to the two. “I think you’re out of your mind. I’m becoming a lawyer to help the innocent, not to bend the law for people like you.” June said, as Vexacus can only echo the sentiment. “Ah, but you see, you would just be another slave to the law. Is that not what we three are, slaves to different parts of the imaginary rules? The law has only existed to divide us, but what if we are meant to be together?” Hopper questioned. June shakes her head and decides to keep quiet, knowing there’s no reasoning with this madman. “I want to own every corner of the world, from the oceans to the land above. I want them all pushing my product, and I mean everyone. Not just drug dealers and soldiers. Every business, every storefront, every city, every town, every billboard, every train in every tunnel, every plane in every sky, every domicile, every pig in blue, every government, every syndicate. From the night ladies walking the streets to the day ladies, from the vilest fiends down in lockup to the ones in the high-rises. I wanna roll five boroughs into one blunt, smoke that shit as I count my cash and ash on the bald heads of every man in power. That is my master vision, and that Vex and June, is what I want. I wanna own the entire dimension.” Hopper revealed, as he and Vexacus pace around the room while June nervously watches on. “…So let me see if I got this. You wanna get into real estate. Is that it? Is that what all this is about? Is that really your groundbreaking epiphany here? No. That can't truly be it, is it? In your word salad, I heard something about drug dealing. So what…you just want to become a master drug kingpin? That’s nothing unique. It’s even more ridiculous than my revolution, since there’s at least a small goal. Good luck trying to rise against your masters and not invoking their wrath. Unless you’re after a monopoly on stupidity, please tell me you have more. Please tell me you didn’t waste my time when you could have just enrolled in some night classes at a real state school.” Vexacus scoffed, unimpressed by his vision. “This ain’t about being no landlord, my brother. It’s about power. And I’m gonna be real with you, nobody gives a shit about bounty hunting. There is a tangible market for esteemed product such as mine, but who truly cares about bounty hunters? That’s where you have your revolution all wrong. I travel in worlds you can’t comprehend.” Hopper retorted. “At least I’m not foolish enough to think I can control all of society or “the entire dimension” as you put it. Do you know how deranged that sounds?” Vexacus replied. “Bold plans always sound insane on paper, but they require bold visionaries to execute them! You understand that, yeah? Look at what you’ve accomplished despite nobody believing in you. I have to give your team props for pulling off what you have so far. I see talent and beauty in the most obscure of places. Killing a dictator, taking on the Dusk thugs, blowing up the Shadow ninjas, even robbing thieves themselves, you can’t make that shit up. That’s why I want to recruit you. Your power is misplaced on a fool’s errand, but when that mind is set to a visionary like me’s goal…there’s no telling what we could do together. We can take down that fat bastard Tony and his mafia together.” Hopper offered. June thinks over what she’s hearing, realizing Vexacus has really gotten himself into something deep since they last met. She knew he would only delve further into the criminal life, which she’d be disappointed by, but too much was going through her mind to care that much. Vexacus could tell the disappointment from the expression on her face. He couldn’t blame her, as even he was feeling this went too far after Jacques’s death and seeing how he put everyone he cares about in danger. “No thank you, my revolution was never supposed to grow this large. It was for us. We’ve already put enough people in danger, I’m not going any further.” Vexacus replied, thinking about Jacques and June. “It was for your team, huh? Are you sure about that, bro? I get it now. That’s why you started this revolution, isn’t it? You want to wash away your sins and make yourself look like the better man. You never cared about being a holy savior to your fellow hunter sisters and brothers. You just wanted power, like me. Control, the top of the food chain. We’re more alike than you think, accept the truth!” Hopper realized, the words piercing through Vexacus. Vexacus knew deep down it was true, all his life he wanted to be the one in control. “Whatever helps you sleep at night.” Vexacus scoffed, trying to not let him get to him on the surface, but knowing he already did beneath. He then eyes Hopper’s gun left behind on the table. Wanting to end this nonsense, he quickly grabs it. Hopper turns to see Vexacus pointing his own gun at him. He pulls the trigger, but nothing releases. Hopper lets out a mighty laugh. “My boy, did you really think I would’ve left that with ammo inside?” Hopper questioned, as Vexacus throws the gun to the floor. Hopper then grabs the axe and holds it close to June’s neck, who looks on nervously. Vexacus is angry he put her in further danger and steps back, trying to calm Hopper. “Please don’t do this…” June begged to Hopper. “She’s right, don’t have her pay for my insolence. She’s not in the game and shouldn’t have been involved in this.” Vexacus begged. “I’m making a point, she’s the only leverage I have over ya. Another brash move like that and I’m taking your girl’s head clean off. I still can’t trust for certain you cleared out all of your weapons. We understand each other, yeah?” Hopper asked to Vexacus. “Yes, I promise there’s no more weapons on me. If I did, I would’ve used them by now instead of your own weapon.” Vexacus replied, lifting up his arms and emptying his pockets “I like the way you think, my man. You’re a details person, the kind of one I need by my side!” Hopper replied, impressed by Vexacus’s attention to detail. Hopper moves away from June, as she lets out a sigh of relief. In the kitchen, the rest of the Tidal Nova team are being eyed cautiously by the assassins. Th team’s hands are tied behind their backs with duck-tape, as they awkwardly stand around. One of the assassins is making lunch for themselves and carelessly leaving a mess in the kitchen. “Great, yet another thing to clean up.” Kara sighed to herself. “Maybe we’re actually the lucky ones here, since we don’t have to hear that pretentious rambling.” Sarge whispered, faintly making out some of Hopper and Vexacus’s conversation from the door. “No funny business.” An assassin reminded to the four. “Aye, captain.” Daisy replied snidely, pretending to salute, but couldn’t due to his restraints. Clay eyes around the kitchen, looking for potential points of escape. He notices the silverware on a counter, which while would be suitable to cut through their tape restraints, getting there undetected is easier said than done. Kara, Daisy and Sarge see what Clay is looking at and are onto his plan. They get an idea to distract the assassins. Sarge gets in front of an assassin’s path, obscuring their view. “Hey buddy, while we’re gonna be here for a while, how about we have a nice talk? Topic can be anything you want.” Sarge offered, weirding the assassin out. “Umm…sure?” The assassin replied awkwardly. “Got any favorite sports teams?” Sarge asked, breaking the ice. “Yeah, there’s a big one we run bets for back in Itolis. And it’s not just about the money, okay well that is part of it, but we’re passionate about ‘em.” The assassin replied. Kara and Daisy also distract two assassins, trying to talk to them. “Do you fly in planes often?” Kara asked one. “Not particularly. We tend to stick to our homeland and don’t want to attract attention. You’re a special exception.” The assassin replied. “Well, it just so happens I’m the team’s pilot and with all due respect, your plane could use work. I can help you make it even better. The mafia deserves worthy vehicles, no?” Kara chatted. “I suppose so ma’am. I’ll send your complaint to the boss and see if he gives two damns.” The assassin replied, shrugging. “Thank you for the consideration, kind sir.” Kara replied, teasing. “I’m glad organizations like the mafia recognize badass women like us. Even though we’re on the opposite side, I’m sure you’re great at your job.” Daisy said to a female assassin, noticing she has one of her swords on her belt. “Hey, thanks.” The assassin replied gratefully. As they distract the assassins, Clay carefully makes his way to the counter. The remaining assassin nearby keeps an eye on Clay, who then stands there for a few. Not suspecting anything, the assassin then turns their attention to the conversations. Clay quickly heads to the counter, cutting his tape through a knife. He frees himself and pockets the knife along with another. He throws the tape into a trashcan and holds his hands behind his back to keep the illusion, then casually walks back. “Alright, enough chatter, prisoners.” The assassin demanded to the team, ending their conversations. Back to the living room, Hopper continues pacing around the room, carelessly swinging the axe around. “I believe we’ve clearly set the stage of our play, so now it’s time to get to the real act. Vex, if you’d be so kind, take a seat across from your girl.” Hopper said, pointing to the other couch with the axe. “Before I do though, I want June untied. You already know she can’t harm you. Make it so we’re on an equal playing field. If you want me to take your word at heart, then do this.” Vexacus demanded. Hopper laughs again. “Allowing her to speak wasn’t enough? She must really mean something to you if you’re batting this hard for her.” Hopper noted. Vexacus and June understand the insinuation, deciding not to acknowledge it as this situation is already awkward enough. “But I am a man of my word and I promised I wouldn’t harm your girl, so fine. I admit, you know how to bargain. You’d be one hell of a salesman.” Hopper replied. He holds out a blade. He uses it to cut open the rope binding Joe’s arms and legs. June can finally move, relieved. Vexacus sits on the couch, and awkwardly looks across at June. “I want to get your real comfortable. And I mean, super relaxed, because that couch is the last form of comfort you’ll get before I ask you a real difficult, painful question.” Hopper explained, confusing Vexacus. “I’ve been through many near death experiences, I doubt a question will hurt me, but sure, get on with it.” Vexacus replied. June looks worried, knowing what’s to come and that she told Hopper about it. “Okay, don’t say I didn’t warn you. Now, here’s my riddle you must answer: What is Karmania?” Hopper asked curiously. Vexacus taken aback by this. How would he of all people know about it? “…What?” Vexacus asked. “Ms. June told me that name means something to you. I need it to understand you. For all my knowledge, even I don’t know what it means, so if I can’t decipher it, it must be something real special to you. So tell me: What is it?” Hopper asked. Vexacus knew June was coerced into it, so he can’t be mad at her. Still, this further made him regret revealing the truth to her three years prior. “You probably won’t believe it, but given your mental sanity, maybe you will, who knows.” Vexacus replied. “Try me. I’ve heard many crazy tales.” Hopper replied, wanting to hear. "It’s a magical world on another plane of existence, connected to Posidonia. Sea unicorns, mystic mermaids, ancient monsters, strange creatures from beyond, and magical kingdoms, you name it all. You allegedly love reading so much, try reading history books about it sometime. But it’s no mere fairy tale. It’s real, and I was there.” Vexacus revealed. Hopper is taken aback by this. He wants to call bull, but…he senses Vexacus is telling the truth. “…You’ve traveled to other worlds too? I knew we were both brave travelers, but you…you’ve gone the extra distance. You’ve made me realize I’ve still been thinking way too damn small. There’s another dimension for me to rule. And you can be my guide through there.” Hopper offered. “No way, I’m done with that place. It’s in the past. Even if I wanted to return, I have no way back. Trust me, it’s not worth it. If you still naively think conquering this world is a breeze, your brain can’t comprehend what’s in that world.” Vexacus replied. “Why would you not want to return to such a divine place with this potential? Unless…it brought you pain?” Hopper suggested, realizing. Vexacus doesn’t respond. “Ms. June, did he tell you about his work in this Karmania?” Hopper asked. “Yes, he did. He went through many struggles there. I wasn’t sure if I could fully believe it, but the stories he told, they sounded too real to be made up.” June confirmed. “What kind of struggles?” Hopper asked Vexacus. “…I was repeatedly defeated by mermaids and armored warriors, served as a flunky for insane kings and a witch, stranded in a desert, imprisoned, nearly killed by a dragon, lost my arm, cursed, and finally, imprisoned again. I went into a world I was not prepared for and suffered. It made me realize how depressing and unfulfilling bounty hunting is. That’s why I started this revolution, to make up for all of those failures. I wanted to prove I’m still a great warrior. I wanted to break the cycle and rise to the top.” Vexacus revealed, broken. June finally understands Vexacus’s struggle, even if she didn’t agree with his methods, and gives him a solemn look. In the kitchen, one of the assassins notices Clay’s hands are freed. Clay strikes and stabs him multiple times with the knife. He thought about taking his gun back for a moment, but knew it’d alert Hopper. The other assassins notice and before they draw their guns, Sarge, Kara and Daisy tackle the three to the floor and beat on them. Daisy’s assassin is the one she spoke to earlier, noticing her sword on the belt. She cuts the tape against it, takes the sword back and stabs her. Clay frees Sarge and Kara, handing them the knives. Sarge slashes his assassin’s throat. The remaining assassin pushes Kara off of him. She quickly gets up and punches him in the face, sending him against the fridge. She then strikes the knife right through his chest, as he collapses to the floor, finishing him. The hunters take their confiscated weapons back from the assassins and look at the bloody kitchen. “Sorry about the mess.” Sarge said awkwardly to Kara, who can’t be bothered by it right now. Back in the living room, Hopper begins shedding tears, touched by Vexacus’s story. He is so fixated on his situation he doesn’t make out the commotion from the kitchen. Hopper sets Sneed’s axe onto the table. He approaches Vexacus, who tries to get away from him, but Hopper consoles him. June quietly gets up with Hopper’s back turned. “Get away from me!” Vexacus demanded. “No, I did this for you! I did this because I could see this wound on your face. I just wanted to show you the light!” Hopper revealed. “This is nonsense!” Vexacus replied. “Ain’t no nonsense, bruh. The only thing that happened just now is that you finally faced the truth. You’ve been looking away from your greatest failure. And now that you know the truth…you can use it. See, this shit you went through, most people don't know pain like that. They never will. And if they did, it would end them. But the people who dig in, the ones who keep surviving, those are the ones you can't bat. Those are the ones no one can bat. Because once you've weathered a storm like yours. You become the storm. You hear me? You are the storm. And it’s the rest of the world that needs to run for cover. Your resolve is beautiful Vex, it’s special. Don’t you believe that?” Hopper concluded. “…I don’t know.” Vexacus replied. “Do you wanna believe it?” Hopper asked. “I just don’t want to be a slave anymore.” Vexacus replied. “Hey. You aren’t. I see you now.” Hopper said boldly to Vexacus, looking at him in the eye. Hopper stares at him for a few moments. Suddenly, he lets out a heavy grunt. He looks down at his chest to see the axe piercing through it. Vexacus is stunned, stepping back. Hopper collapses to the ground, bleeding out. June is seen standing behind, holding the bloodied axe in fear. She had her first kill, and she’s horrified at what she’s done, dropping the axe. Clay, Serge and Kara burst into the room and lower their weapons, just as shocked at the sight before them. They can tell they missed a lot. Notes/Trivia: -Death: Hopper
    1 point
  37. Act II (Lego versions of SpongeBob and Patrick are working at a construction site in the city of Brickini Bottom.) Lego Patrick: (sighs) This job is so exhausting, SpongeBob! Lego SpongeBob: I know, but when we're finally good enough to become Master Builders, it will all be worth it! (Suddenly, a giant hole appears in the sky above them.) Lego Patrick: What's that? Lego SpongeBob: Don't touch it, Patrick! (Lego Patrick's eyes sparkle as he stares at the hole in the sky.) Lego Patrick: But it's...so captivating. (Lego Patrick grabs Lego bricks from the construction site and uses them to build a staircase.) Lego SpongeBob: Patrick, no! (Lego Patrick reaches for the hole in the sky from the top of his staircase, and within seconds, he's sucked in.) Lego SpongeBob: Patrick! (In the Patrick Star Show universe, Patrick, PSS Patrick, and CGI Patrick are in Sandy's treedome with SpongeBob, Sandy, and Squidina.) Sandy: So wait, you're telling me that you met your Sandy at summer camp when you were a kid? CGI Patrick: Yeah! Sandy: And Treedome Enterprises was willing to send a critter that young underwater? CGI Patrick: I have no idea! Sandy: (scratches chin) Interesting. (Suddenly, Lego Patrick falls out of the hole in the sky and lands right in front of the treedome.) Squidina: Another Patrick! Sandy: How many of y'all are out there? (In a darker version of Bikini Bottom from a different universe, a hyper-realistic Patrick walks past many failing buildings until he sees one with a number on its door that he recognizes.) Realistic Patrick: Here it is. (Realistic Patrick walks into the building and sees several fish inside it smoking cigars and playing poker.) Realistic Patrick: Hello. I'm wondering if there's anyone here who has seen a friend of mine. He goes by the name of SpongeBob. (As soon as the fish hear that name, they all pull out their guns and point them at Realistic Patrick.) Realistic Patrick: It seems I've struck a nerve. Voice: Hey, hey! Put that shit away! (The owner of the voice comes out of another room to reveal it's a hyper-realistic SpongeBob. The fish put their guns back into their pockets and resume playing poker.) Realistic SpongeBob: Sorry about that. We have some bad people after us, so we can never be too careful. Realistic Patrick: It's good to see you again, anyway. Realistic SpongeBob: So, are you here because you're ready to join the business? Realistic Patrick: (shakes head) No. Drugs destroyed this city. If you went out once in awhile, you would see it. Kids addicted to whale blubber, people shooting up in the streets. I'm not here to join but to beg you to shut the operation down. Haven't you made enough money from it? Realistic SpongeBob: There's no such thing as "enough money". Sandy's pregnant again, didn't you hear? Realistic Patrick: She is? Damn, I thought she dumped your ass by now. Realistic SpongeBob: She's more understanding of what I do than you are. I'm trying to provide my kids with life I could never have. I want them to move a better city, go to a good school, become doctors, lawyers, start families of their own, and to allow them to do that, I've gotta keep the business going. Realistic Patrick: Come on, SpongeBob. You and I both know this isn't about the kids. You've been doing this for so long you don't know what else to do. You caught lightning in a bottle, cooking up shit nobody in this town ever tasted before. And you're afraid to drop the spatula and move onto something more respectable. (Realistic SpongeBob turns around and thinks for a moment.) Realistic SpongeBob: Maybe I am. It doesn't matter. I ain't shutting the business down, and if you think I am, you need to get those thoughts out of your head right now. Realistic Patrick: Then you can have this back. (Realistic SpongeBob turns around to find a ring with "BFF" engraved in it in Realistic Patrick's open palm.) Realistic SpongeBob: (gasps) Our friendship ring! Realistic Patrick: I can't be friends with somebody who continues to hurt people. (Realistic SpongeBob takes the ring, and his eyes fill with tears as he looks at it.) Realistic SpongeBob: Fine, then. Leave and don't come back, cause next time my people are preparing to blow your brains out, I won't intervene. (Realistic Patrick leaves the building and goes into his apartment building several blocks away. He's about to go to sleep in his room on the 21st floor of the building when he notices something outside the window.) Realistic Patrick: What the hell? (Realistic Patrick opens the window and sees clearly that it's a large red hole floating in the space in front of him. As he gets closer to it, he feels it pulling him in, and before he can get away from it, the hole consumes him and spits him out into the Patrick Star Show universe. Sandy and Squidina run to him and cover their mouths in horror once they see his face.) Realistic Patrick: Where am I? And why's everything look like a comic strip? Squidina: (whispering) This is definitely the ugliest Patrick. Realistic Patrick: Hey! I heard that! And you're no spring chicken, yourself! (Realistic Patrick stands up and brushes himself off.) Sandy: Welcome to our universe! You're the fourth Patrick to come from that rift in the sky today, so we think something big is about to happen that involves y'all! Realistic Patrick: Fourth Patrick? (Patrick, PSS Patrick, CGI Patrick, Lego Patrick, and SpongeBob join them.) Realistic Patrick: Yeah, screw this. I'm out. (Realistic Patrick jumps as high as he can, but he can't reach the interdimensional rift.) Realistic Patrick: Can somebody give me a hand? Squidina: No can do! Before we send you back to your universe, we have to find out why you and the other Patricks were sent here! Realistic Patrick: Maybe this all is just a coincidence. Sandy: I thought that could have been a possibility after the third Patrick, but now it's obvious this is anything but coincidence, and we're going to get to the bottom of it! Realistic Patrick: We aren't going to do anything! (Realistic Patrick grabs Lego Patrick and sticks his head into the ground.) Lego Patrick: Help! I don't consent to this! Realistic Patrick: I'm getting away from this freak show! (Realistic Patrick jumps onto Lego Patrick and reaches for the hole in the sky. Before he's able to enter it, a UFO flies out of it, knocking Realistic Patrick off of Lego Patrick.) SpongeBob: What the? (The UFO's window opens to reveal a frog with two faces inside of it.) Frog: Good! Everyone's here! Squidina: Who are you? Frog: I am Ianus, King of the Multiverse. I've brought these five Patricks together to help me stop the man who created this interdimensional rift you see behind me. Sandy: Why does it need to be Patricks? Ianus: Because, dear Sandra, it's a Patrick that we're fighting. (End of Act II)
    1 point
  38. Useless Twist Fact #6: The only reason Hanna-Barbera Animation used so many of the same twist animation move cycles over and over, was to streamline production costs and to keep the animation industry alive.
    1 point
  39. Say what you will about "American Dad", at least THEY tend to be more consistent in terms of writing, ideals, and characterization! Enough said, true believers!
    1 point
  40. Episode III: Not All Dogs Go to Heaven
    1 point
  41. Ah, this episode. An episode so controversial, that some people consider it both the worst special AND the worst episode of all time, while others consider it middling or good. Back in 2016, I claimed that this episode was overhated, but as I started to look at my old review, I realized that this episode had quite a few noteworthy problems that I have failed to address back then. One thing that really stood out like an ugly wart was the reference to unemployment. Truth be told, I never took that into account back then, but it really annoyed me when Patrick thought that being unemployed is awesome. No, sir, it's not. This episode really did disparage those who rely on social service programs to, well, survive. I'm middle class, but I can definitely say that the vast majority of people that rely on safety net programs aren't lazy. It's just a terrible stereotype. Political messages in SpongeBob can work, but here, it was just botched. At least SpongeBob did say "unemployment may be fun for you, but I need to get a job" in a relatable way, which meant that SpongeBob was indeed motivated to get back to work. All in all, the rather unfortunate portrayal of unemployment wasn't the worst part of this special, but it's still worthy of attention. From the get go, the conceptualization of SpongeBob being fired from his job was pretty derivative. SpongeBob's been fired from his job twice: once in Karate Choppers, and once in Squid on Strike. Here, the reason that Krabs fired SpongeBob was just....preposterous to say at the least. He fired the little sponge over a nickel. It's the equivalent of a manager firing someone just because the manager didn't like the color of that person's hair. Pretty illogical, right? Well, that really took Krabs' greed up to eleven. Krabs' greed in Penny Foolish was also pretty bad, but Penny Foolish was at least somewhat interesting and creative. SpongeBob, You're Fired, on the other hand, is the opposite of innovative. It appropriated so many ideas from seasons past, like Le Big Switch, Bummer Vacation, and Krusty Dogs. I get that coming up with unorthodox storylines for a show that's been on TV for well over a decade is not the easiest feat, but I don't really think that's a valid excuse. Many s11 episodes are proof that the writers can still come up with experimental ideas, and the funny thing is that the entirety of s11 came out after this episode. SpongeBob spent a great deal of this episode completely dejected. While being fired from a job can be absolutely devastating for a lot of people, SpongeBob's job is not his only personality trait. If it was, it would make him a flat character. Plus, Bummer Vacation portrayed SpongeBob's workaholic side in a much better way. Well, I will say that SpongeBob did show his caring side towards Gary, which was quite nice considering the trainwreck that was A Pal for Gary. Also, SpongeBob's depression was portrayed in a genuine way. After SpongeBob and Patrick visit Sandy, SpongeBob is motivated to find another job. SpongeBob tried finding employment at 4 different restaurants, but to no avail. Ok, while I definitely think that SpongeBob saying his classic catchphrase was the best part of the episode since it brought back all of those good pre-movie and early post-movie (s4 and s5) vibes, it was ruined by a parade of filler. Filler isn't inherently bad, but if I can cut out large parts of the episode and lose nothing of substance, it can be a problem. Pointless would be the best word to describe the scenes where SpongeBob worked at 4 different restaurants. Again, it really felt like a poor man's version of Le Big Switch, due to SpongeBob turning everything into Krabby Patties. In Le Big Switch, SpongeBob tried to use all sorts of ingredients, but they all turned into Krabby Patties. It was ridiculous, but hilarious nonetheless thanks to the overall absurdity. In this episode, on the other hand, there's no absurdity or hilarity in the restaurant scenes. Just derivative, unfunny, and tired dreck. Inoffensive, but uninspired. Another thing that really irked me was that SpongeBob was able to successfully prepare delicious food for Gary and Patrick, and he did it without having to put their food between two hamburger buns. Consequently, this rendered the restaurant scenes completely useless. We then get the weenie guy, the pizza man, the taco dude, and the noodle mate all fighting over SpongeBob, until a giant Krabby Patty comes and rescues the sponge. I'll be frank: I actually really enjoyed the fight scene. Quite a bit, as a matter of fact, because it's the most captivating part of the whole episode. It was all the better to realize that the giant Krabby Patty was indeed Squidward, which was a pleasant surprise. Unfortunately, Squidward's reason for saving SpongeBob was not out of the kindness of his heart, but rather due to his disdain for the smell of burnt Krabby Patties. I will give benefit to the doubt that Krabs at least regretted his decision to fire SpongeBob, but it was not enough to redeem his character here. In fact, Krabs installing a pay toilet contradicted his decision in a really mindless way. Ok, in spite of my utter disdain for Krabs, the uninspired plot, and the loads of booooring padding, I actually don't find this episode an abomination. Don't get me wrong; I still don't like this episode at all, but it definitely had a few redeeming qualities that saved it from being a complete and total pain to watch. I liked the very beginning with SpongeBob preparing Krabby Patties as per usual; it was indeed adorable and very SpongeBob-esque. The scenes with Patrick's mutated head were all pretty comical as well. Definitely bizarre, but I would rather have something hilariously ridiculous than painfully boring. SpongeBob caring for Gary was genuinely heartwarming; it was a breath of fresh air to see SpongeBob look after his snail after seeing the sponge severely mistreat him in A Pal for Gary. Heck, SpongeBob himself wasn't half bad in this special. Sure, he did cry for a whole minute, and he did show off his workaholic tendencies, but it was delightful to see SpongeBob return to his good-natured self. It was proof that SpongeBob really does mean well, and he is a genuine nice guy most of the time. Also, it was cool to see Squidward save SpongeBob, despite the fact that Squidward stated that he hated the smell of burnt patties. With all of that being said, this special is still quite boring, unoriginal, and redundant. The plot had very little merit, and the positives are greatly overshadowed by the negatives. I wouldn't recommend this episode to anyone unless they are a dedicated fan of the show. At least it wasn't as bad as The Clash of Triton, but still. In my opinion, this episode is worthy of a 3/10. in hindsight, it's pretty fun to evaluate one of the most controversial SpongeBob episodes.
    1 point
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