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Wumbo

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Wumbo last won the day on December 23 2020

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9025 Karen

About Wumbo

  • Rank
    squidward
  • Birthday 06/19/1995

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    funny joke
  • Reddit
    funny joke

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  • Gender
    Male
  • Pronoun
    He
  • Interests
    steppin on the beach
  • Location
    That's not a state! It's a Canadian Province!
  • Favorite Episode
    Dying for Pie
  • Favorite Character
    Puff Mama

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  1. There's a peculiar thing about me. I love Christmas. I love music. I hate Christmas music. I think this is odd, but I suppose it would be like if you combined chocolate and pizza. Two things that are wonderful on their own, you combine the two, it gets a lil out of hand. You either end up with chocolate pizzas, or you end up with a Dominos slathered in Nesquik syrup. Not a pretty picture. Songs like Brenda Lee's "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" and Chuck Berry's "Run Run Rudolph". Those are the chocolate pizzas of Christmas music. Most everything else is akin to that second example. Where was my point? Oh yeah! I hate Christmas music. So join me as, based on brief rants I've had on Discord about xmas music, I get progressively tipsier off of blackberry cider and just rip into some really shitty Christmas songs. No particular order, no rhyme or reason. Consider this a dual Christmas/Festivus celebration as I air my grievances on Christmas music. Did anyone ask for this? I dunno. I may have just taken a suggestion and ran with it. But let's go! "Santa Baby/Buddy/Pally/Poppy" - Michael Bublay Michael Bubbly is one of the most reprehensible Christmas icons this side of Scrappy-Doo, if he ever appeared in a Christmas special. If he didn't pretend he did so my metaphor makes sense. ANYWAY, Michael Bubble has covered just about every Christmas song on the planet, to spread love and joy and cheer and all that crap. What we are missing from the equation is that Michael Bubsy is fucking terrible. Always has been, even outside of Christmas music. He wants to be this big epic crooner like sinatra back in the day, but he has such a goddamn annoying voice, and worse yet, he is Canadian. It was never gonna happen. So that brings us to this song, a staunch reminder of his projected masculinity if ever there was one. For you see, Michael Budlight has caught himself in a predicament. One so sticky that there aren't many ways to get out of it. Why, what shall he do? He has to cover every Christmas song, that's true, but if he covers a Christmas song that suggests he wants Santa to be his sugar daddy, well, that's just fucking GAY. It's Adam and Eve, not Michael Boob GAY. What is he gonna do? He's gonna alter the lyrics so that it's VERY VERY CLEAR that he and Santa claus are JUST FRIENDS and he is VEREY MUCH NOT HOMOSEXUAL. Would a HOMO SAPIEN want a STEEL BLUE car rather than a LIGHT BLUE one? I think not! And if you think otherwise, well, that sounds like projection! And of course he's not Santa's sugar baby! They are JUST FRIENDS. For example., he calls Santa not "Santa Baby", but rather "Pally,", or "Buddy", or... "Poppy"... Santa... "Poppy". Hmm. The problem here is that, in my version of the English language, "Poppy" pretty well translates to "Daddy". So essentially, Michael Benghazi has called Santa his sugar daddy, which is a thousand times gayer than if he just went with the original lines in the first place. Between this and the left-in references to "hurrying down the chimney" and "trimming the christmas tree", it... wait a second. Michael? Michael, are you... actually trying to tell us something? As you pull up in your Steel Blue convertible next to your trimmed Christmas tree with Mercedes Benz decorations? Like, it's a Christmas ornament, but it's a hood ornament! do you get it? Because he doesn't want jewelry! That is a lady gift. Michael Brawny is ALL MAN. Look, Michael, if you want to come out, just release a Buddy It's Cold Outside with Josh Groban and call it a season. speaking of... "Baby It's Cold Outside" - FUCKING ANYONE This song is a headache inside and outside of the discourse. So many people want this song to be banned. and on the other side, so many want to stand up for this song as a women's empowerment anthem in disgusie, back when women were to be more proper and not sleep with strange men who they met under snowy circumstances. There needs not be any discourse anymore, because the fact remains that the song just fucking sucks. Like, it sucks! It's not romantic to hear a man overly persuading a woman to stay and a woman acting coy because maaaaaybe she wants to leave but maaaaybe she wants to stay so tee-hee. And i'm not saying two sides of a story aren't important here, but the song scans so much nicer when the consent is implied and the song is called "Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow". That's a kickass Christmas song, and accomplishes everything "Baby, It's Cold Outside" does without being rapey and terrible. I don't care about the fucking discourse. You have to know that singing a song where a lady asks what the fuck is in her drink while the man tries to coerce her to stay the night is going to come out the wrong way. THIS SONG NEEDS TO FUCKING RETIRE IT'S THE FUCKING DUMBO CROWS OF CHRISTMAS MUSIC "Siiiiimply Haaaaving A WONDERFUL CHRISTMAS TIME" - (Well I was until) Paul McCartney (shat all over it with this thing) This song is worse than the fucking Chipmunks Christmas song. Because at least with the Chipmunks, you can conclude that they're vermin and will likely get shot by some hillbilly later. But man, this is Paul McCartney. What the fuck happened, man? How do you go from being in a great band to a mediocre one to... you know what never mind I type it and now it actually sounds like a logical regression in musical clout, carry on No Christmas song should start out with what sounds like a laser piercing your ears, much less continue with it the whole way through. This is the Christmas song equivalent of findign coal in your stocking. You just know it's not going to be a happy Christmas when this comes on. It's such a dumb and banal track, and most Christmas music is, but at least there's some winter flavour to it. LOOK AT THESE FUCKING LYRICS The moon is right The spirits up We're here tonight And that's enough Simply havin' a wonderful Christmastime Simply havin' a wonderful Christmastime The party's on The feelin's here That only comes This time of year Simply havin' a wonderful Christmastime Simply havin' a wonderful Christmastime The choir of children sing their song Ding dong, ding dong Ding dong, ding, ooh, ooh We're simply havin' a wonderful Christmastime Simply havin' a wonderful Christmastime The word is out About the town So lift a glass Ahh, don't look down Simply havin' a wonderful Christmastime The choir of children sing their song They practiced all year long Ding dong, ding dong Ding dong, ding dong Ding dong, ding dong Ding dong, ding, ooh, ooh THIS SONG SAYS FUCKING NOTHING IT'S LIJE HE WROTE THIS ABOUT A COOL CEREAL BOX HE SAW. CHRISTMAS DESERVES BETTER fuck holy shit what other things did the beatles do to ruin xmas "Happy XMAS (Did U Guys Know War Is Bad)" - John "Oi I Beat My Wife" Lemon and the Plastic Ono Experience fuck you "My Scope of Knowledge About Africa is from Riding Kiilimanjaro Safaris Once" - HOLY SHIT THE ACTUALLY CALLED THEMSELVES BAND AID Because Really, what we all need this holiday season is Bono telling us how shitty we are for wanting that U2 album off our itunes accounts to live prosperously while african children FUCKING DIE in a land WITH NO SNOW this song is the reason a group of brits is called a Smugness scientifically, but it's still better than any version of We Are the World, including the Canadian version which of course sucks. Speaking of Bryan Adams "Reggae Christmas Were having a reggae christmas, proclaimed the canadian white boy Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer this is so fucking aggressively unfunny and hokey. This is like if one of that stupid puppet comedian guy's puppets wrote song. like that purple fucker Yeah, imagine he wrote a christmas song. It would be Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer. Jeff Dunham, that's his name. Fuck you Jeff Dunham. Where am I "cold" - Maroon 5 this isn't even a christmas song but Maroon 5 sucks The Twelve Days of Christmas why the fuck in a "genre" already overpopulated with repetitive garbage would you make a song that repeats the same shit TWELVE TIMES fuck you fuck everything "The Little Drummer Boy" - Bob Seger I hate every version of this song because it's so dumb and pointless and "Maaaaaary Noooooodddddeeeed" is the worst filler lyric in history but I'm specifically linking the bob seger version for being the very worst of 80s bob seger, trying to insert that chevy truck commercial SOUL into a track about a crappy drum played for baby jesus "Oi to the World" - No Doubt I love No Doubt, but this is why you don't let ska bands write their own Christmas songs actually I take it back I like this one fine ok I'm done
  2. Hey guys! One more addition to this project in case you forgot: I am going to be making a list of my Top 100 Musicians and Bands of All Time. Preparing myself to be embarrassed, but hey, I've already done that multiple times over here.
  3. Ahh. We could all use a little positivity, couldn't we? These are my top 10 songs of Billboards' year-end history. Honestly did not think I would ever get to this point at times, but here we are. Now, as with the all-time worst list, I only limited myself to the #1 picks from each year. This means there are a lot of songs I love to pieces that didn't even qualify for this list. So, don't think of it as something all-encompassing. Think of it as a summary of what I love about music and why I've stuck around doing this all this time. These songs are the cream of the crop. The best of the best. The other cliché I just happened to think of. Let's go! Wumbo's Top 10 Billboard Year-End Hits of All Time
  4. somebody oughta put her in a box floatin down the river
  5. I could stay awake just to hear you breathing Watch you smile while you are sleeping While you're far away and dreaming I could spend my life in this sweet surrender I could stay lost in this moment forever Ooh, every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure Don't want to close my eyes I don't want to fall asleep 'Cause I'd miss you, babe And I don't want to miss a thing 'Cause even when I dream of you The sweetest dream will never do I'd still miss you, babe And I don't want to miss a thing Lying close to you feeling your heart beating And I'm wondering what you're dreaming Wondering if it's me you're seeing Then I kiss your eyes And thank God we're together And I just want to stay with you in this moment forever Forever and ever I don't want to close my eyes I don't want to fall asleep 'Cause I'd miss you, babe And I don't want to miss a thing 'Cause even when I dream of you The sweetest dream will never do I'd still miss you, babe And I don't want to miss a thing And I don't want to miss one smile I don't want to miss one kiss Well, I just want to be with you, right here with you Just like this I just want to hold you close I feel your heart so close to mine And just stay here in this moment For all of the rest of time Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah! Don't want to close my eyes Don't want to fall asleep 'Cause I'd miss you, babe And I don't want to miss a thing 'Cause even when I dream of you The sweetest dream will never do I'd still miss you, babe And I don't want to miss a thing I don't want to close my eyes I don't want to fall asleep 'Cause I'd miss you, babe And I don't want to miss a thing 'Cause even when I dream of you The sweetest dream will never do I'd still miss you, babe And I don't want to miss a thing Don't want to close my eyes I don't want to fall asleep, yeah I don't want to miss a thing
  6. GET OFF ME!! And I'm not Squidward!

    1. 4EverGreen

      4EverGreen

      Patrick: "Are you Squidward NOW?"

    2. Old Man Jenkins

      Old Man Jenkins

      You right, my bad

    3. Cha

      Cha

      r u mimi now

  7. "Band on the Run" - Wings
  8. So… it's come to this. We have finally reached the bottom of the barrel. The scum of the sea. The absolute, undeniable, WORST SONGS IN BILLBOARD YEAR-END HISTORY! I scoured through the 60-odd songs that I placed at the bottom of each of my Worst Lists for each Billboard Year-End chart. And after boatloads of memories came flooding back, I found the worst of that bunch. There is no place further for these songs to hide. They may have had their day in court, but now they will be subject to extra sentencing. Let's go! …But before we do, a couple of scattered shout-outs to specific songs and milestones: First, shout out to Captain and Tennille, who managed to top the worst list three separate times, yet were spared from the worst of the worst. Congratulations on being consistently, acceptably terrible. And RIP Daryl Dragon. Second, shout out to "You and Me" by Lifehouse, which is the only song to have repeated a top position on the worst list, appearing both in 2005 and 2006! Yet it does not make the list, because the nostalgia bug is just that potent. And finally, shout out to "It's Been Awhile" by Staind and "Nothin' My Love Can't Fix" by Joey Lawrence, which really aren't that bad and probably don't deserve to be mentioned here at all. But they grinded my gears at some point, so they sit at the "top" of this list regardless. Now! Let's get it started. Wumbo's Bottom 10 Billboard Year-End Hits of All Time Well, that was fun! Up next, of course, is the best list. Same rules, but in reverse. When will it come out? Who knows? I have a job now! You're lucky to get this! Stay tuned!
  9. What is the unfortunate event that immediately follows this gif?
  10. or the day after we're operating on covid 19 time here you can't expect me to be perfect Okay! Yes, I am back. Here to tell you that this project is NOT over. At least, not yet. I still have some unfinished business that I'd like to get to, and it is as follows: I will begin by posting my Bottom 10 Songs in Billboard Year-End History. These will be the most insidious songs from my Bottom 10 lists that have truly earned their spots as being the most rancid songs I've ever had the displeasure of listening to while doing this project. All #1 worst songs from every year are eligible. Next, I will reverse the message by posting my Top 10 Songs in Billboard Year-End History! These will be the songs from my Top 10 lists that stick with me most to this day. All the #1 songs will be eligible (yes, even that one). Finally, as a cap-off to this project, I will reveal my Top 100 Artists of All Time, regardless of whether they made Billboard year-end charts or not. I'm not doing a Bottom Artists list because that's too much negativity, and I want to end this on the most positive note possible. Stay tuned for all of these in the coming weeks and months!
  11. The last time I'll have to do one of these, as well: "Mrs. Robinson": Not exactly one of my fave Simon & Garfunkel songs, but certainly cemented its mark in music history. "Scarborough Fair": Even less of a favourite of mine, and I don't think this one has held up to the test of time. "Hello, I Love You": The Doors have always exuded this aura of coolness, but it's not really enough for this song to be top tier in their catalogue. "Sunshine of Your Love": Iconic guitar riff is enough to make it Top 20. "Mony Mony": I vastly prefer the Billy Idol version. "Magic Carpet Ride": In contrast to "Born to Be Wild", this song feels quite aimless by comparison. That's what you get when you completely pivot from your buildup in the intro into a perfectly normal verse. That said, I do like the song. John Kay has a really distinctive voice that carried this band. "Dock of the Bay": Classic. Untouchable. #14. I'm an idiot. "Young Girl": I wasn't really impressed with much of this group's output, but this one had a soaring chorus I just couldn't ignore, and Gary Puckett's voice does shine through here. "MacArthur Park": No version of this song is ever going to be good. Like, is it supposed to be a joke that the metaphor in the chorus is so lame? Are we supposed to think it's poetic? WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE "Green Tamborurine": Meh. "Suzie Q.": Love CCR, love Fogerty's iconic voice. Just another great song in their catalogue. "White Room": Eric Clapton may be a dick, but his guitar riffs really do Cream songs more justice than they probably deserve. "Do You Know the Way to San Jose": I'm sure this music appeals to somebody. You find them and play this song for them, and have a nice day. "Light My Fire": It doesn't match The Doors' original by any stretch, but an interesting take on the song nonetheless. The Rascals: I deeply do not care about The Rascals. Great Value version of a 60s group. "Delilah": how did we let this guy have a career "Lady Madonna": This is pretty low on the list of Beatles songs I'd like to hear again. Just kind of... annoying? "I've Gotta Get a Message to You": This is before the Bee Gees would really blow up, and it does kind of feel like proto-Bee Gees in that sense. "The Mighty Quinn": A song with a title like this should probably be more interesting. "(Sweet Sweet Baby) Since You've Been Gone": Aretha Franklin is a goddess. Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell: These are fine enough. I think Marvin Gaye has made much more thought-provoking and important music, but these are good. All right! So that's the end, right? Well... stay tuned for an announcement tomorrow.
  12. 1968! A good year for music? Yes! I have done 60 of these now, I've ran out of ways to introduce 'em. So fuck it! Let's gooooo Wumbo's Top 10 Hits of 1968 Full List:
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