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JCM last won the day on November 7 2020

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About JCM

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    Avatar by Patty Sponge
  • Birthday 11/06/1995

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    Reading, writing, and vidya
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    In your worst nightmares
  • Favorite Episode
    The Soup Nazi
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    Gregory House

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  1. Patrick Sings a Silly Song Narrator: And now it's time for Silly Songs with Patrick, the part of the show where Patrick comes out and sings a silly song. So without further ado, Silly Songs with Patrick. (Patrick is wearing a cowboy hat and sitting on a fake horse in front of a Wild West-themed backdrop.) Patrick: The Water Buffalo Song! (Music plays.) Patrick: (singing) Everybody got a water buffalo. Yours was fast, but mine was slow. Oh where'd we get them, I don't know, but everybody got a water buffal- (Squidward runs on stage.) Squidward: Stop it! Stop! Stop right this instant! What do you think you're doing!?! You can't say everyone got a water buffalo when everyone does NOT have a water buffalo! We're going to get nasty letters saying, "Where's my water buffalo?" "Why don't I have a water buffalo?" And are you prepared to deal with that? I don't think so! Just stop being so silly! (Squidward storms off.) Patrick: What's his deal? (A water buffalo swims up beside Patrick.) Water Buffalo: Beats me. (What a twist!)
  2. (We begin in Patchy's house in Encino, California.) Patchy: Hi, kids! It's me, Patchy the Pirate, president of the SpongeBob SquarePants fan club! I can't wait to show you all of the Mermaid Man figurines I've collected today! (Patchy looks both ways.) Patchy: Potty! What did you do with my Mermaid Man figurines! (Potty flies onscreen.) Potty: Squawk! I don't know what happened to your toys! Patchy: They're not toys! They're action figures! And I told you to look over them! Potty: You never do anything for me! Patchy: Potty, I don't have time for this! Potty: Squawk! I want to break up! (Potty flies into Patchy's room then flies back out with a treasure chest.) Potty: This is my half! Patchy: Get your filthy talons off my booty! (to audience) Hey, that reminds me of the time SpongeBob and the gang stopped Thanos from wiping out half of all life in the universe! Want to hear the story? Kids: No! Patchy: Well, you're going to hear it, anyway! (muttering) Ungrateful brats. (We are now in King Neptune's castle. Neptune is sitting on his throne with his squire standing beside him.) King Neptune: Squire, I haven't had a prisoner presented to me all day. Don't tell me we're getting soft on crime. Squire: I apologize, King Neptune. I'll have someone arrested right away. (As the squire leaves the castle, he sees a spaceship land in front of him.) Squire: Oh, Neptune. I've got to tell Neptune! (The squire runs back to Neptune's throne.) Neptune: Why haven't you brought me a prisoner? Squire: A strange ship has landed in front of the castle! Neptune: Did you see who was in it? Squire: Well, no. I... Neptune: (scoffs) What do I even not pay you for? (Suddenly, the sounds of fish screaming fill the palace.) Squire: That...that sounds like the guards! (Neptune grabs his trident.) Neptune: Whoever has breached my castle won't be coming out alive! (Thanos walks into the room with an infinity gauntlet covering one hand and blood covering the other.) Thanos: Won't I? (Neptune blasts Thanos with his trident. Thanos easily avoids the blast and uses the power stone in his infinity gauntlet to weaken Neptune.) Neptune: What...what have you done? (Neptune drops the trident, no longer strong enough to hold it.) Squire: You...you're not going to kill me, right? Thanos: No, I've already killed half of the people here. Squire: I'll take it! (The squire leaves the palace.) Neptune: Traitor! (Thanos approaches Neptune.) Neptune: What do you want? Thanos: Your trident. (Thanos picks up the trident Neptune dropped and snaps it in two, retrieving the space stone from it.) Neptune: No! (As Thanos adds the space stone to his gauntlet, a familiar face enters the room.) Neptune: Mindy? (Mindy, no longer wearing glasses or a bow and now wearing a black catsuit that starts at her neck and covers her tail, swims beside Thanos.) Thanos: Oh, have you met my right-hand woman? Mindy: I go by The Black Widow now, father. Neptune: Why would you associate yourself with this...monster? Is this your idea of a teenage rebellion? Mindy: You may think this is suffering, father, but no. It is salvation. Because of the sacrifice your guards have made, the universal scales tip toward balance. Neptune: My guards? Those were our guards. You...you've known them since childhood. Thanos: As touching as this reunion is, we must get going. Neptune: First you kill my guards, then you destroy my trident, and now I find out you've corrupted my daughter. You have no idea who you're dealing with! (Neptune overcomes the power stone's weakening and runs towards Thanos from behind.) Neptune: I am a GOD! (Thanos turns around and punches Neptune, sending him across the room. Neptune lands so hard on his throne that he destroys the throne, injuring himself in the process.) Thanos: Puny god. (A week later, fish in black suits and sunglasses walk into Shady Shoals Rest Home.) Receptionist: Who are you? (One of the fish reveal a badge.) Fish: We work for the Pacific Government. We're here to bring Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy back into our custody. (Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy get into a black van with the fish.) Barnacle Boy: Who are you two? Fish: We work for a secret government agency that has been tracking your exploits for decades: S.H.E.L.L. Mermaid Man: Shell? Like the gas station? Fish: S.H.E.L.L. is short for the Strategic Headquarters for the Extermination of Lawless Lemons. We were created in the early 1940s as a response to all of the super-powered humans showing up underwater, some with noble goals like you two but others with more...nefarious goals. Barnacle Boy: So, what do you want with us now? Fish: Neptune, king of the Seven Seas, was attacked by an extraterrestrial being last week. He told us that this being, Thanos, is more powerful than any he had ever encountered before. He'll need a super squad to take him down, and that's why we're re-assembling the greatest super squad this world has ever known. Barnacle Boy: The International Justice League of Super Acquaintances? No, we're much too old for that. Fish: Don't worry. S.H.E.L.L. has a fix. (Hours later, Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, and the S.H.E.L.L. agents walk into a government facility, where older versions of The Quickster, Elastic Waistband, Captain Magma, and Miss Appear are already waiting in the lobby.) Captain Magma: Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy! Late at usual! Barnacle Boy: Captain Magma. Hotheaded as usual. Mermaid Man: (nervous) Hi, Miss Appear. Miss Appear: (chuckles) After everything we've been through, you can move past the formalities, Ernie. Mermaid Man: We're still riding that invisible boatmobile you got us. Still runs great. Miss Appear: (nods) That's good to hear. (The superheroes hear the elevator ding, and a gold-colored man wearing a hairnet over his head walks out.) Barnacle Boy: (gasps) Pi-Right? The Quickster: I thought you died! Pi-Right Ponderer: Officially, I am dead. Unofficially, I've been working for S.H.E.L.L. this whole time. Elastic Waistband: You haven't aged a bit. Pi-Right Ponderer: Oh, I have aged! But I was able to bring myself back to my physical prime using an invention I completed just last month, and based on recent events, the timing couldn't have been better! (The superheroes join Pi-Right Ponderer on an elevator.) Pi-Right Ponderer: Brace yourselves. This will be a bumpy ride. (The elevator quickly drops to the bottom floor, disturbing the older people on the elevator.) Captain Magma: What are you trying to do, kill us? The Quickster: I haven't gone that fast in over 30 years! Pi-Right Ponderer: Sorry about that, but it will all be worth it soon. (Pi-Right Ponderer leads the heroes to a large machine.) Pi-Right Ponderer: Here it is, my De-Aging Booth! You just walk inside it, and after I enter a few commands, it will restore your body to its peak condition! Barnacle Boy: So, I get to be a hunk again? Out of the way! (Barnacle Boy runs into the machine, and after Pi-Right Ponderer pushes some button on it, steam comes out, and the door opens up to reveal a younger-looking Barnacle Boy inside of it.) Barnacle Boy: My back...my knees...they aren't sore anymore! (flexes) I feel like a million bucks! (The rest of the superheroes go into the machine, and all of them come out looking younger.) Elastic Waistband: Alright, where's this Thanos fellow? I can't wait to kick his butt! Pi-Right Ponderer: Unfortunately, the seven of us might not be enough. With the power stone, Thanos was already the most powerful creature on the planet. With the space stone...we'll need more heroes. Miss Appear: Where are we supposed to find more heroes on such short notice? Pi-Right Ponderer: Your adventures have inspired many over the last several decades. I believe I've found a way to get in touch with them. (The next morning, SpongeBob bangs on Patrick's rock. The rock opens with Patrick stuck to it, and he yawns.) Patrick: What's going on? SpongeBob: Did you read the latest Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy newsletter? Patrick: You know I can't read! SpongeBob: Sorry, I forgot. Anyway, the IJLSA just sent out a call for heroes! Apparently, something big is threatening Earth, and they'll need all the help they can get to stop it! Patrick: What does that have to do with me? SpongeBob: I think it's time to bring Patrick-Man out of retirement! Patrick: Who's Patrick-Man? SpongeBob: You know, your superhero identity! (SpongeBob reveals an empty ice cream cone.) SpongeBob: He had this as a hat! Patrick: Oh...Patrick-Man! I still don't remember. Was that season 9a or 9b? SpongeBob: (sighs) Maybe Sandy can help. (SpongeBob and Patrick walk into Sandy's treedome.) Sandy: Howdy! SpongeBob: Hi, Sandy. Sandy: What brings y'all here? SpongeBob: I wanted to see if you had something that could help Patrick jog his memory about Patrick-Man. Sandy: Patrick-Man? SpongeBob: That's what Patrick called himself when he turned into a superhero. (SpongeBob gives Sandy the ice cream cone.) SpongeBob: He wore this on his head. Sandy: Sounds like Patrick. SpongeBob: We need Patrick-Man back, because there's something really evil out there, and Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy can't defeat it alone! Sandy: Y'all don't worry yourselves none! I'll be back in a jiff! (SpongeBob and Patrick are now asleep in the middle of the treedome. Sandy comes out of her tree with a metal cone.) Sandy: It's done! (SpongeBob and Patrick wake up, startled.) Sandy: Just put this on your buddy's head, and you'll have your superhero! (Sandy gives SpongeBob the metal cone, and he puts it on Patrick's head.) SpongeBob: Do you remember now? Patrick: Yes. I remember...everything. And that's not all I can do! (Suddenly, the cone expands to cover Patrick's entire body with metal.) SpongeBob: Wow, you're like an iron man! (Suddenly, a pair of Disney lawyers appear.) Patrick: I'll stick with Patrick-Man. (The Disney lawyers disappear.) Patrick: Look at what else I can do! (The bottom of Patrick's feet turn into rockets, and he flies around the treedome.) SpongeBob: How is he doing this? Sandy: The helmet I made for Patrick takes advantage of the parts of his brain he isn't using. There's even more of it than I thought! (Patrick lands beside SpongeBob, and his suit contracts back into a helmet.) Patrick: I'm ready to save the word! (SpongeBob and Patrick leave the treedome.) SpongeBob: Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy said to meet them at the Bikini Bottom Convention Hall. That's where all the heroes will be. Patrick: You coming with? SpongeBob: I wish, but I've got to go to work. Patrick: I'll tell you how it goes! (After SpongeBob and Patrick go their separate ways, Patrick sees a building on fire. Fish hurry out of the building, but one woman stops.) Woman: Oh, no! I left Harry in there! (A worm sticks its head out of a window and pants.) Woman: Somebody help! Patrick: She could really use a superhero. (pauses) Wait! I'm a superhero! (Just as Patrick is about to spring into action, he notices a giant urchin crawling into the room the woman is in. A few seconds later, the urchin, which is actually a boy dressed as an urchin, jumps out of the building with the worm.) Woman: Thank you so much! Boy: No problem! (The boy gives the woman her worm, and she pets it.) Woman: Say...aren't you a little too young to be rescuing animals from burning buildings? Boy: Yes. Yes I am. Woman: What do I call you? Boy: Call me...Urchin Man! Patrick: Urchin Man? (As Urchin Man walks off, Patrick follows him.) Patrick: Hey, are you a superhero? Urchin Man: I guess you could call me that. Patrick: That's great! Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy just sent out a call for superheroes! We're all meeting at the Bikini Bottom Convention Hall! Urchin Man: (checks watch) I have class in five minutes...but I guess I can skip if it's really important. Patrick: It is! We're fighting something horrible! Like, a wedgie you can't get rid of no matter how hard you pull it down horrible! Urchin Man: (laughs) Hey, what's your superpower? Patrick: I can show you! (Patrick's helmet expands to cover his body in metal again.) Patrick: Hop on! Urchin Man: Hop on what? Patrick: On me, silly! (Urchin Man climbs onto Patrick's back, and Patrick generates rockets under his feet again, shooting himself and Urchin Man into the sky.) Urchin Man: Wow! Patrick: To the Convention Hall! (Patrick flies to the Bikini Bottom Convention Hall with Urchin Man on his back. When they walk inside, they find dozens of other fish dressed like superheroes around them.) Urchin Man: I didn't know there were this many of us. Patrick: Look! It's the IJLSA! (Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, The Quickster, Elastic Waistband, Captain Magma, Miss Appear, and Pi-Right Ponderer walk onto the stage.) Urchin Man: They look just like they do in the show. How is that possible? The show is over 50 years old now. Patrick: They must use really good skin cream. Pi-Right Ponderer: Thanks to all of you for coming here today! I'm sure you have many questions, but for now, I would like to focus on what we're going up against. (A poster of Thanos unravels behind the heroes on the stage.) Pi-Right Ponderer: Thanos, known by many as the Mad Titan, is a genocidal warlord from another planet who is currently on a quest to collect ancient artifacts known as Infinity Stones. It is said that when all six Infinity Stones that exist are collected, you will have the power to do anything you want throughout all of time and space. (Another poster showing the Infinity Stones unravels behind the heroes.) Pi-Right Ponderer: I believe that once he has all of the Infinity Stones, he will use their power to destroy half of all life in the universe! (Everybody in the crowd gasps.) Pi-Right Ponderer: The reality stone and soul stone are on different planets, but the time stone is in my possession, and the mind stone has been entrusted to a close ally. Thanos will be back, and we'll all need to be prepared to fight him. Many of you won't survive... Fish 1: Wait, what was that? Fish 2: Nobody said anything about dying! Fish 3: I just wanted Mermaid Man's autograph. Pi-Right Ponderer: Just wait a minute! (The fish in the crowd start loudly complaining.) Pi-Right Ponderer: If you aren't ready to lose your life for this mission, you can get out right now! (All of the costumed fish except Urchin Man and Patrick leave the building.) Pi-Right Ponderer: Well...that didn't go as I expected. Mermaid Man: Who are you two? Urchin Man: I...I'm Urchin Man. Patrick: And I'm Patrick-Man! Mermaid Man: Welcome to the IJLSA, Urchin Man and Patrick-Man! (On the planet of Vormir, Thanos and Mindy walk of out of their spaceship.) Thanos: The soul stone is here. I feel it. Mindy: Did you have to kill all of those creatures to get the reality stone from Knowhere? They weren't putting up a lot of resistance, and that talking racoon was actually pretty cute. Thanos: Remember what we're here for. (Thanos takes a knife out and balances it on his finger.) Thanos: Perfectly balanced. As all things should be. Mindy: That magic trick was a lot more impressive when you didn't have a reality-altering stone on your knuckles. Thanos: (laughs) This will all be over soon. And we will rule the universe as its saviors. (Thanos and Mindy approach Man Ray at the top of a mountain.) Man Ray: (to the audience) Yeah, I'm dead. Get over it. Thanos: Who are you? Man Ray: My name is Man Ray. In one final, desperate attempt to take over the seas, I tried to ambush King Neptune's castle, just like you did. However, I wasn't successful. Neptune killed me with his trident, and instead of sending me to the Great Beyond, the space stone sent me here to be the guardian of what I believe you're looking for: the soul stone. Thanos: How do I get it? Man Ray: The soul stone isn't something you just "get". It requires a soul. The soul of the person you love most. Once that person is sacrificed, you shall have the stone. (Thanos thinks about what Man Ray said for a long time. He then turns to Mindy.) Mindy: Well, it looks like we'll have to find some other way to balance the universe! Bye, creep with the weird mask! (Mindy starts to walk away, but Thanos grabs her.) Thanos: I'm sorry, Mindy, but I've come too far to abandon my quest now. Mindy: But...you said we were going to rule the universe together. Thanos: And I believed we would, but it seems...that can no longer happen. (Thanos picks Mindy up.) Mindy: No! Please don't do this! There must be another way! Thanos: (crying) There isn't. (Thanos throws Mindy off the mountain, and a few seconds later, the soul stone appears in his hand.) Man Ray: I am...free. (Man Ray floats into the Great Beyond as Thanos adds the space stone to his gauntlet.) Thanos: Only two more to go, and I know exactly where they are. (Back in Bikini Bottom, SpongeBob is cooking patties in the Krusty Krab when he feels the ground shake.) SpongeBob: What's happening? (SpongeBob runs out of the Krusty Krab to find Squidward and Mr. Krabs looking up with their mouths agape. SpongeBob sees Plankton, now so massive that his antennae touch the sky, looking down at them.) Plankton: This is your last chance, Krabs! Give me the Krabby Patty secret formula or I'll crush you under my feet! Mr. Krabs: Never! Plankton: Okay! Don't say I didn't warn you! SpongeBob: Plankton, don't! (As Plankton raises a leg, he sees a spaceship crash in the distance.) Plankton: No...it can't be happening so soon. Mr. Krabs: What's happening? (Thanos appears in front of the Chum Bucket.) Squidward: Where did he come from? Plankton: Stop, Thanos! I know what you're here for! Thanos: Ah, Plankton. You're...bigger than I remember. Plankton: That's thanks to my newest invention! And if you do put a hand on my computer wife, I'll crush you like I'm about to crush my enemy! Thanos: I'll risk it. (Plankton runs towards Thanos, and Thanos raises a hand, causing Plankton to stop, slip, and fall backwards. Mr. Krabs, Squidward, and SpongeBob get out of the way as Plankton lands, leaving a large dent in the middle of the street.) Plankton: I have to call Pi-Right. (Plankton returns to his smaller form and takes out his cell phone.) SpongeBob: Wait, Pi-Right? You know Pi-Right Ponderer? Plankton: Yeah, he was a professor at the college I went to. We did some research together. As thanks, he gave me this thing called a mind stone, and I used it to create Karen. (Plankton runs to the Chum Bucket with the cell phone to his ear.) Plankton: Pi-RIght! Thanos is about to get the stone from Karen! No, it's too late to send help. Just make sure you protect yours no matter what! (Plankton enters the Chum Bucket to find Thanos holding Karen by her stand.) Thanos: Oh, hi! You're just in time to see the fireworks! Plankton: Don't! Karen: Plankton, I love y- (Thanos smashes Karen's monitor and pulls out the mind stone before throwing her to the side.) Plankton: You're not going to win. (Thanos adds the mind stone to his gauntlet.) Thanos: I know what it's like to lose somebody you love. Soon, many more people will know that feeling. (Thanos disappears.) Plankton: He isn't going to win. (Plankton stares at what remains of Karen.) Plankton: He can't. (In front of the Bikini Bottom Convention Hall, Patrick and Urchin-Man are eating nachos as the rest of the IJLSA are by their boatmobiles talking.) Captain Magma: What do we do? If Thanos already has five infinity stones, there's no way we stop him! Elastic Waistband: We may need...him. Captain Magma: No! There's no way! It's out of the question! The Quickster: Let's face it, Cap. A guy who shoots lava out of his head won't be enough. Not for this coming battle. Captain Magma: I...I can't control him. Miss Appear: What do you think, Pi-Right? Pi-Right Ponderer: (sighs) We'll see. But for now, we have one more reinforcement coming. (King Neptune pulls up in his chariot.) King Neptune: What is this? Where's my army? Mermaid Man: We have two more over there. (Mermaid Man points to Patrick and Urchin-Man, who wave with cheese-covered hands.) Neptune: We're going to die. (Thanos appears beside Patrick.) Patrick: How's it going, magic purple man? Want a nacho? Urchin Man: Mr. Star, I think that's the evil dude trying to kill everyone! Patrick: Really? (to Thanos) No nacho for you! (Neptune jumps out of his chariot.) Neptune: Where is my daughter, Thanos? Thanos: She died. I had to sacrifice her for the soul stone. (Neptune covers his face and grabs his chariot to keep his balance as he sobs at the news.) Thanos: If it matters to you at all, I did love her. (Pi-Right Ponderer turns to Captain Magma.) Pi-Right Ponderer: Okay. Do it. Bring him out. Captain Magma: You sure? Pi-Right Ponderer: I'll find some way to explain it to S.H.E.L.L. (Captain Magma closes his eyes, and then he transforms into a huge, fiery monster.) Urchin Man: What is that thing? Patrick: I've never seen that in the show before! Barnacle Boy: It's...Krakatoa. (Krakatoa runs to Thanos, roaring and shooting magma everywhere. Thanos raises a hand, which causes Krakatoa to stop for a moment and shake his head before charging at Thanos again.) Thanos: What? (Krakatoa punches Thanos with all his might. Patrick and Urchin-Man get out of the way as Thanos flies into the convention hall.) Pi-Right Ponderer: Now! Focus on nothing else but retrieving the infinity gauntlet! (The Quickster speeds into the hole Thanos left in the convention hall, finding Thanos on the ground unconscious.) The Quickster: Bingo. (The Quickster tries to pull the infinity gauntlet off Thanos' hand.) The Quickster: It's on pretty tight! I'll need help! (Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy swim into the convention hall, while Elastic Waistband stretches himself inside. They help The Quickster pull at the infinity gauntlet, and it finally starts to move.) Elastic Waistband: We're making headway! (Thanos wakes up, and he immediately tightens the infinity gauntlet to his hand again and sends Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, The Quickster, and Elastic Waistband flying out of the convention hall.) Thanos: I tried to do this diplomatically... (Thanos climbs out of the convention hall, and he grabs Patrick by his neck.) Urchin Man: No! Leave Mr. Star alone! (Urchin Man jumps onto Thanos' face, and Thanos pulls him off and throws him into a pole. Urchin Man uses his sticky fingers to latch into the pole.) Urchin Man: Please! Stop! You'll kill him. Thanos: That's the plan. Unless Pi-Right Ponderer removes that mental cloud he's formed over the time stone, his newest friend will die, and I'll kill everybody else in the IJLSA until I get what I want. Pi-Right Ponderer: (sighs) Stop. (Pi-Right Ponderer opens a hand to reveal the time stone inside of it.) Pi-Right Ponderer: Here it is. The final piece to your puzzle. Now let the starfish go. (Thanos drops Patrick and takes the time stone from Pi-Right Ponderer.) Mermaid Man: What have you done? (Pi-Right Ponderer walks to Patrick and helps him up.) Pi-Right Ponderer: We're in the Endgame now. (Krakatoa runs to Thanos again, but Thanos easily avoids him as he adds the time stone to his gauntlet. The Quickster runs at him now, and Thanos uses the time stone to slow him down.) The Quickster: How...fast...do...you...think...this...will...go? Thanos: (snaps fingers) Just like that. (The Quickster's speed returns to normal, and he turns to dust before he reaches Thanos.) Miss Appear: The Quickster! (Miss Appear disappears. Urchin Man is with Patrick again, and he drops to his knees.) Urchin Man: Mr. Star? I don't feel so good... Patrick: It's probably those convention hall nachos. They wreak havoc on your insides. (Urchin Man vomits.) Patrick: Better? Urchin Man: Better. (Urchin Man fades to dust.) Patrick: I don't remember nachos doing that! (People disappear all around Bikini Bottom. In the Krusty Krab, Mr. Krabs comes out of the office just as half his customers turn to dust.) Mr. Krabs: Me money! (Squidward turns to dust.) Mr. Krabs: Me cashier! (Thanos is now inside of the Soul Stone. Mindy, who now looks like Mindy in The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie again, swims up to him.) Mindy: Did you do it? Thanos: Yes. Mindy: What did it cost? Thanos: Hundreds of thousands of dollars of royalties. (The Disney lawyers are back now and laughing as they hold fistfuls of cash.) Thanos: Vultures. (To Be Concluded)
  3. my only experience with among us definitely wasnt playing on random server killing everyone and getting kicked
  4. Happy day of birth mother of sauce
  5. For those of you who are active on Discord, I've reset the chat economy run by UnbeliavaBoat, and starting today, I'm implementing a system to turn UnbelivaBoat's money into cold hard cashdoubloons. At the end of every month, I'll give the top three on UnbeliavaBoat's leaderboard however much money they have in doubloons. There are three main ways make money in the chat, which are commands that work only in the #robot-pirate-island channel: $work - This is the safest option, where you do honest work to earn money, but the potential profit isn't as high as with the other options $slut - You can whore yourself out to get more money than you would doing regular work, but there's a 20% chance of getting caught and paying a hefty fine $crime - This is the riskiest option, where you do very illegal things to make money, but it also has the highest potential profit. There's a 40% chance of you getting caught, and if you are, you'll pay a steeper fine than you would for $slut, so be careful with this command The $work command can only be used once an hour, and the $slut and $crime commands can only be used once every two hours. You can also use $rob to steal money from other members, but the chance of a robbery being successful is lower the less cash that other member has on hand. The easiest way to keep yourself from being robbed is simply to use the $deposit command to deposit your money into your personal bank account (use $dep all if you want to deposit all of the cash you currently have on hand). Whenever you need money again to play games or feed your animals or whatever, you can do $withdraw with however much you want to take from your bank account. The leaderboard will be reset on the first of every month starting in March. Loyal Customers will get 50 gold a day from the bot. Each message you make in chat also gives you a chance of between 10 and 20 gold per message. If you aren't on track to finish in the top three at the end of the month or don't care about getting doubloons on here, you can use your money to buy an item from our store, play games like blackjack or roulette, or buy and feed animals. There are a lot of other things UnbelievaBoat can do, but I'm focusing on its economy commands because that's where I've made the biggest overhaul. If you have any questions about UnbelievaBoat or whenever Robot Jones is coming back (hint: the answer is never), let me know.
  6. Since Flash died a couple of weeks ago, I've converted many of the games to the Flash emulator Ruffle so they'll still work in your browser. The games that actually work in Ruffle have been separated for your convenience: You can find the page again at this link if you lost it for some reason. Please, test the games out as much as possible and let me know if there are any glitches that weren't there before. If Ruffle ever does expand support for games made in newer versions of Flash, I'll make sure to let you know here. Happy gaming!
  7. JCM


    JCM Kills a Bill (Clappy walks into his history class with the anthopomorphic bill from Schoolhouse Rock.) Clappy: Hey, everyone! Since we've been talking about US politics, I brought in a special guest! Bill, introduce yourself. Bill: (singing) I'm just a bill. Yes, I'm only a bill, and I was languishing on Capitol Hill... (Clappy is nodding and snapping his fingers.) Bill: (singing) When a bunch of fucking assholes came to burn the place down. I was barely able to escape from all of those clowns. And that's how I ended up in here! (imrustyokay raises his hand.) Bill: Am I supposed to...call on him? Clappy: Yeah, that's generally what we do. imrustyokay: What exactly do you do, bill? Bill: I make healthcare free for all Americans. imrustyokay: So you have no chance of ever becoming a law? Bill: Pretty much. (JCM runs into the classroom.) Clappy: JCM, what are you doing here? JCM: I was sent by Mitch McConnell! He told me that a socialist bill escaped the Capitol, and I needed to bring it back so it could be put out of its misery! (The bill grabs imrustyokay and puts a knife to his throat.) Bill: Don't come any closer! I refuse to meet my demise to the Grim Reaper! (The Grim Reaper strolls into the classroom.) Grim Reaper: Did somebody say my name? Bill: I wasn't talking about you! Get the fuck out! Nobody likes you! (The Grim Reaper leaves the room sadly.) Clappy: Come on, bill. You're a talking piece of paper. You know nobody can take what you're doing seriously. Bill: You're one to talk, you Hamburger Helper-looking motherfucker! Clappy: The fuck did you just call me? (Clappy takes out a lighter.) Bill: Put that thing anywhere near me and the kid dies! imrustyokay: (crying) Please do what the bill wants! Clappy: (puts lighter away) Okay, what do you want? Bill: I want a ticket to Canada! They fuck with socialized healthcare up there! (Clappy nods to JCM, and JCM hurries out of the room.) Clappy: That it? Bill: Yeah, that should do. (JCM returns minutes later.) JCM: One free ticket to Canada! (The bill snatches the ticket out of JCM's hands while still holding imrustyokay.) Bill: Hmm...seems legit. (The bill drops a terrified imrustyokay and leaves the classroom.) imrustyokay: You...you're just going to let that monster walk free? JCM: Of course not! That ticket to "Canada" is actually going straight to Washington, D.C.! (Hours later, the bill walks into the Washington Dulles International Airport.) Bill: Wait a minute...I know this place! (A turtle approaches the bill, licking its lips.) Bill: Mitch! Please! Don't! Turtle: Don't worry, bill. You won't feel a thing. Bill: You're lying! Turtle: Okay...you'll feel it a bit...but I don't give a fuck. (The bill tries to run away, but the turtle extends its tongue like a frog's and wraps it around the bill. The turtle then pulls its tongue back into its mouth and swallows the bill.) Turtle: (burps) The deed is done. (The turtle looks around at the people staring at him in the airport.) Turtle: The fuck are y'all looking at? (The End)
  8. JCM


    JCM Un-ironically Saves a Superhero (Again (in HD!)) (JCM is in Fred's English class.) Fred: Today, we're going to learn about irony. Can anybody here give an example of something ironic? (dmandaman raises his hand.) Fred: dman? dmandaman: When it rains on your wedding day? Fred: No, you fucking idiot. That's coincidence. JCM: Don't swear at students, Fred. Fred: What the FUCK are you doing in my classroom? JCM: jjs gave me the day off teaching PE so I could monitor the other teachers and write a report for the state superintendent. Fred: Couldn't they have given the job to somebody else? Like, anybody else? JCM: I was the only person the superintendent trusted to write an accurate report. Fred: Fuck the superintendent, and fuck you too! (JCM starts writing.) Fred: No...don't write that...goddamn it. I'm a year away from tenure. I don't need this shit. (Suddenly, a man wearing a mask jumps into the classroom from an open window.) Man: AAAH! I'm the Open Window Maniac! (The students start talking to each other loudly.) Fred: Shut the fuck up! I mean, shut the heck up! Bro, this is too hard. (Fred stares at the man in the mask.) Fred: And who the hell are you supposed to be? Man: Like I just said, I'm the Open Window Manic, but you can call me OWM for short. Fred: I'm not going to do that. Whoever you are, get out of my classroom, and that goes for you too, JCM. JCM: Wait, the Open Window Manic? I read about you in the newspaper yesterday! dmandaman: They still make newspapers? JCM: You've been terrorizing open windows all around Circuit City! OWM: (blushes) I'm happy you appreciate my work. What are you doing tonight? Fred: Go flirt somewhere else! I have a class to teach! (The next morning, HawkbitAlpha, Lightning McStorm, and Patback walk out of a smoothie shop together. They see Person walking towards them, and they immediately walk in the other direction.) Person: Hey, guys! Wait up! HawkbitAlpha: Oh! Person! We, uh...we didn't notice you! Person: It's been forever! How have you guys been? Patback: We've been okay...I guess. Person: So, what are y'all about to do? I'd love to join! HawkbitAlpha: Uh...we'd rather you not. Person: Why not? I'm reformed, just like you guys! Lightning McStorm: I...highly doubt that. Person: Fuck you! I'll show I'm a good guy now! I'll...I'll bring back Superhero! Patback: That alter ego of yours nobody likes? HawkbitAlpha: As somebody who used to love taking on other identities, it doesn't matter who you become if who you are is a piece of shit. Person: You're wrong! I'm going to become Superhero, I'm going to beat up some bad guys, and people will love me again! (Person runs away in tears.) Lightning McStorm: Person's going to get himself killed. What do we do? HawkbitAlpha: He probably won't listen to any of us, but maybe there is somebody he'll listen to. (A few hours later, Person is in his apartment, watching the news in a Superman costume that is clearly too small for him now.) Reporter: This just in, the Open Window Maniac has struck again, this time at an apartment building on the corner of 4th and 8th street. Person: Wait...that's my apartment building! (Person looks out of his open window and finds OWM crawling out of the window of an apartment a few floors below him.) Person: Hey! OWM: (looks up) Hey! What's up? Person: You're a bad guy! OWM: Yeah, I guess I am! (Person sees a tree branch across from him and takes a few steps back before running, jumping, and grabbing onto the tree branch.) Person: Success! (The tree branch breaks, causing him to fall to the ground hard on his back.) OWM: (laughs) That was funny! Remember to close your window, or I'll be paying you a visit tonight. Person: (crying) Fuck you! (OWM drives away in his car, and Person forces himself onto his feet, limps to his car, and gets in before speeding after OWM.) OWM: (notices Person in the rearview mirror) What the fuck? (OWM tries to lose Person, but Person remains on his tail. OWM abandons his original destination and heads for the SpongeBob Community School with Person still behind him. Once they reach the school, JCM and HawkbitAlpha walk out.) JCM: OWM? I thought we agreed last night that you weren't going to hit the school anymore. OWM: I'm not. I hoped you could do something about this clown in a Superman costume. JCM: Person? How ironic! We were just talking about him! HawkbitAlpha: JCM, I think that's coincidence. JCM: Who cares? Irony and coincidence are basically the same thing anyway! HawkbitAlpha: They really aren't. Person: What the fuck is this conversation? (points to OWM) You need to stop going into open windows this instant! OWM: If you don't want me to go into your building's open windows anymore, you can pay me off like JCM and dozens of others before him did. Person: Never! (Person runs towards OWM, and OWM shoots him in the chest twice.) JCM: No! (JCM grabs Person before he hits the ground. Person coughs up blood.) JCM: I tried to save you! I tried! Person: Well...you failed. (Person dies in JCM's arms.) OWM: You...both saw him try to assault me, right? JCM: I also saw you commit several acts of trespassing. OWM: Touché. (OWM gets into his car and drives off.) HawkbitAlpha: I'll...leave you to this. (HawkbitAlpha gets into his car and drives off. A few minutes later, jjs comes out of the school.) jjs: JCM, dump that asshole's body in a river somewhere and come back! I don't pay you to loaf around! JCM: Sorry, Mr. theprincipal! (The End)
  9. Added two new winter games: SpongeBob Snowshredder and Winter Run-derland. I also got a request for Soccer Shootout by email, so that's been added too. If there are any games you remember playing that aren't on the site, let me know, because you have just over a month left to play it now.
  10. Our long national nightmare is finally over.
  11. I've added 30 new games to the Games page, with alternating red and green colors for Christmas/winter themed games. There's just under two months to play these games before the death of Flash, so make sure you get on those as soon as possible if there's a few you're just dying to play. In addition, the new SpongeBob movie will be streamed on Discord tonight at 7 PM EST, so make sure to join us for that!
  12. The surprise is 3 new Halloween themed games and 30 non-Halloween games added to SBC's games page! The Halloween games are in orange. The rest of the games I've saved will be added to the page by the start of November, giving everybody two months to play the games before Flash is killed and the page goes into limbo.
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