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JCM

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  1. JCM

    Ask Miss Smiles!

    What did you do over the holidays?
  2. This is my thoughts on the movie, truncated from a longer blog post I wrote on my relationship with Spider-Man in general: So, I give it a 5/5, two thumbs up, and a standing ovation, and even though it's not a good time to go to a theater, I'm happy I made the trip and paid the inflated movie prices to watch this. What people said about seeing Avatar and Endgame in theaters is exactly what I felt watching this, and the personal connection made it all the more special to me. Now that I've said all I wanted to say, I'm going to retire from movie criticism after this brief return. Maybe I'll unretire again in the future, idk. Writing these things is hard. That's enough, true believer!
  3. Hello everyone! Welcome back to the 15th Golden Community Awards. Your host JCM is back, live from another dimension. Now we get to the good part: the voting stage! You can send me your votes through here or through Discord (my username is in my profile)! But do remember–you can only vote for one nominee per category! There is no deadline yet, but once there is, and once it is reached, the winners will subsequently be announced. Voting Rules 1) As stated above, please PM/DM your votes to me via the contact method you choose. Do not post them in this thread or you’ll get a whack on the head. 2) You cannot vote for yourself in any category for which you are a nominee. This also applies to anything you have made in the Writing categories. 3) You can vote for only one nominee per category. 4) You must vote for at least one section. You are welcome to skip a section if you’re not comfortable voting in that field, but it would be most appreciated for the holiday season if votes could be given in all of the categories. Prizes Now, here's the goodies–if a nominee wins a GCA, they'll receive: 1000 doubloons (per category), 200 experience points, an exclusive winner badge (if not already obtained from previous years), a GCA trophy for your iFish, and a graphics piece with your name and the corresponding category, which they are then free to place in their signature or profile! Nominees And now...your feature presentation-I mean, the GCA XV Nominees! MEMBERS: Funniest Member: OWM Fred Slug Cha dman Spongiest Member: NegiSpongie 4EverGreen Winter Carotte Salmon Kindest Member: Cha Patty Rose SOF Mythix SpongeKid Storm Maturest Member: Jjs Hawk Wumbo OMJ Nuggets Best Gamer: dman Slug DarknessDG Ding Fa Most Cinematic Member: WhoBob Clappy Nuggets Katniss Kev JCM Geekiest Band Geek: Wumbo Katniss Kev Kylie Prez Fred Most Artistic Member: Kieran Patty Cha Salmon Jane Dreaded Patrick WRITING: Best Creation: One-Time Star Wars Characters: Where Are They Now? (OWM and jjs) SBCinema (jjs/Clappy) Wumpa Defender, Crash Bandicoot! (OMJ) SpongeBob SquarePants: Lost in Translation (Steel) Power Rangers: Multiverse Force (4EverGreen) Best Miniseries: The Critic Chronicles (jjs and crew) Skod on the Run (OMJ and jjs) Duck Dodgers 40,000 (Renegade) Forum Wars (WhoBob) Old Man Squidward (Winter) Best Ended Creation: JCMovies (JCM) The Silly Adventures of Patrick Star (JCM) The Misadventures of Casper and Wendy (Appy) Bikini Bottom Nature Watch (OWM) Sub-Tropical Academy (Steel) Best Episode: The Wall (The Critic Chronicles - jjs and crew) Prelude to N. Sanity (Wumpa Defender, Crash Bandicoot - OMJ) World’s End (Pirate Legends - jjs) Reunion (Storm Racers - jjs) Patrick-Man: Endgame (The Silly Adventures of Patrick Star - JCM) I’m scared. (Lost in Translation - Steel) Best Comedy: One-Time Star Wars Characters: Where Are They Now? (OWM and jjs) The Critic Chronicles (jjs and crew) Battle for Bikini Bottom - A Nonsensical Parody (Kieran) OMJ’s Die-In Theater (OMJ) SpongeBob SquarePants: Lost in Translation (Steel) Best Storyline: Pirate Legends (jjs) Wumpa Defender, Crash Bandicoot! (OMJ) Skod on the Run (OMJ and jjs) Power Rangers: Multiverse Force (4EverGreen) Forum Wars (WhoBob) Best Protagonist: Keanu Reeves (Skod on the Run - OMJ and jjs) Lettuce (Power Rangers: Multiverse Force - 4EverGreen) Squidward (Old Man Squidward - Winter) Crash (Wumpa Defender, Crash Bandicoot - OMJ) JCM (JCMovies - JCM) Best Antagonist: Skodwarde (Skod on the Run - OMJ and jjs) Lennett (Pirate Legends - jjs) Cortex (Wumpa Defender, Crash Bandicoot Thanos (The Silly Adventures of Patrick Star) Beryl (Power Rangers: Multiverse Force - 4EverGreen) HALL OF FAME: Honorary Creator: Cha Renegade 4EverGreen OWM Nuggets Honorary Creation: SpongeBob SquarePants: Lost in Translation (Steel) One-Time SpongeBob Characters: Where Are They Now? (Wumbo) Squid (tvguy/jjs) Miss Appear (teenj12) Honorary Staff Member: teenj12 OMJ CDCB OWM Honorary Member: OMJ NegiSpongie Storm Fa Steel There is no deadline as of yet to submit your votes, so take your time...until a deadline is set! Now, get to voting, sailors!
  4. never officially announced this but the rest of the tv.com forum archives have been added to https://www.thesbcommunity.com/archive/ and a new page with archives of spongebob's tv.com reviews can be found at https://www.thesbcommunity.com/reviews
  5. Hello, everyone! It’s that time of the year again. It’s time for the Golden Community Awards! A previous host returns after 5 years…JCM in a cameo! That's me! Let’s dive right in. Of course, this show can’t start without nominating some people for the awards! First, let’s go over the rules: 1) Don’t nominate yourself. After all, we are a community! As you can see, I've already put the “Golden” in Golden Community Awards, and when we start nominating we’re putting the “Community” in there too! 2) You may nominate between 2 to 5 choices for the Members section and can only nominate 2 categories for the Hall of Fame categories. 3) If you really don’t know who or what to nominate for a particular category, you are most welcome to skip that category. However, don’t do this for every category otherwise you may as well just not nominate. 4) Don’t copy/paste other members' nomination lists. I’m sure you may have similar choices as others...but the entire list? Come on, be original! 5) Don’t get upset if you aren’t nominated in this topic. There’s always next year! Now, here are the categories! CATEGORIES: MEMBER CATEGORIES: (Note: Two new categories have been added: Most Cinematic Member to recognize users passionate about film, and Geekiest Band Geek to recognize users passionate about music. Best Gamer was previously named Most Competitive Member.) Funniest Member: Spongiest Member: Kindest Member: Maturest Member: Best Gamer: Most Cinematic Member: Geekiest Band Geek: Most Artistic Member: WRITING CATEGORIES: (Note: You are no longer required to nominate for these, the staff will choose and reveal categories when it’s time to vote. However, if a member passionate about spin-offs and literature really wants to nominate works as a “guild member”, they can contact us privately.) HALL OF FAME CATEGORIES: (Note: For this section, you only nominate 2 for category.) Honorary Creator: Those who have had a profound impact on SBC fanfictions will be nominated and inducted. Sabre, Wumbo, jjsthekid, OMJ, Clappy, Steel Sponge, teenj12, JCM, tvguy, Fa and NegiSpongie have won previously and cannot be nominated. Honorary Creation: Creations that have had a profound impact will be nominated. "Adventures in the Underground City", "Storm Racers", "Jjs' Riffing Theater 3000", "JCMovies", "Team SpongeBob", "SBCinema", "Community Deathmatch", "Mystic Guardians", “My Leg!”, “Skodwarde” and “The Silly Adventures of Patrick Star” have won previously and cannot be nominated. Honorary Staff Member: Those who have had a profound impact on SBC can be nominated. Former staff can also be nominated for this award. tvguy347, jjsthekid, CNF, Wumbo, Nuggets, JCM, Clappy, Patty Sponge, Cha and Fred have won previously and cannot be nominated. Honorary Member: For ordinary members who you feel deserve special recognition, whether it be based on behaviour, activity, or their contributions in general. Current staff – jjsthekid, JCM, Fred, OWM, Trophy, Patty Sponge, sbl and Aquatic Konquest – cannot be nominated for this award. Cha, WhoBob, SOF, HawkbitAlpha, sbl, and Katniss have won previously and cannot be nominated. There is no deadline...yet. But the higher-ups say there will be one soon, so make sure to submit your nominations when you can, and we'll make sure to get this whole shebang going as quickly as we can!
  6. Looks like I was early but I'll be Incidental 24.
  7. I said this already in the shoutbox, but this is the best superhero movie since The Dark Knight. It blends action, comedy, pathos, and social commentary better than almost any movie I've seen, and it's only more proof that Warner Bros allowing directors to have more creative control over films set in the DC universe is the right decision, even if it naturally leads to results more hit-and-miss than what we've gotten from Marvel over the last decade. I liked Black Widow, but it frankly doesn't hold a candle to this or to Zack Snyder's Justice League, which were clearly the result of an artist's singular vision and not of a hyper-efficient movie-making machine. Guardians of the Galaxy was actually the second MCU movie I watched after the The Incredible Hulk, and while The Suicide Squad obviously has similarities, being written and directed by the same person and also being about a group of misfit antiheroes learning how to bond and fight for something bigger than themselves, it's a more confident movie. Losing the shackles Kevin Feige and Disney put on him allowed James Gunn to show us what he was really capable of with a big budget and a property as dark and as strange as this one. The promises of the original Suicide Squad's trailers, which disappointed almost everybody who watched the actual movie, are fulfilled here. It's like a comic book come to life, but more violent, more profane, and more willing to go completely off the rails than most mainstream superhero comics are. The world is a better place with The Suicide Squad in it, and if you can only watch one movie from 2021, it needs to be this one.
  8. You're way too small for an adult-sized Krabby Patty, you'd never finish it.
  9. Blue. Brown is poo color and I'm just not into that
  10. This time two weeks ago, I was on top of the world. I had just gotten my first kiss, I got to see other members of my immediate family for the first time in a year and a half, and I was starting to enjoy work again for the first time in years. I thought I could actually find some sort of happiness in my life, which has seemed unattainable for so long.

    Now, that relationship that I thought might happen clearly won't, I've been fired from my job, and I've lost a member of my immediately family for the third time in five years. It's just so deflating having the possibility of happiness dangled in front of me just to have it yanked away for yet another reminder of how alone I really am in this world.

    This isn't a sympathy post. I'm not about to do a fake resignation like the developer before me. I know I earn a lot of the mockery I get on SBC and Discord, particularly because I have a tendency to speak without thinking. I've made sure to get a good night of sleep (or as good of a night of sleep as my chronic insomnia and stress will allow) before typing this up, so I hope there aren't any misunderstandings:

    I do care about SBC. I wouldn't still be keeping it online if I didn't. I've been here for close to ten years, and the majority of that time, SBC has been an escape from the worst parts of my reality. I'm hoping it can still be that for other people, but it isn't that for me anymore. The mockery, deserved or not, has worn me down, along with all of the RL stuff I've already elaborated on.

    So, I'm taking a break. It's been a long time coming, and it's something I was planning before things went from bad to worse for me yesterday. Hopefully, I can find some happiness under this avalanche of misfortune, but I'm going to have to do it independent of SBC this time. I'll still be on Discord in general, and I'll stay on Hawk's Discord named after that Lorde song unless he deletes it or kicks me out for not paying rent, but my time on SBCCord is over, at least temporarily. I also won't be posting on the forums much, but I haven't been posting here much, anyway.

    I do hope I'm back sooner rather than later, but I can't give an estimate of when that could happen. Maybe it will be a month from now, maybe a year from now, maybe this will be the last thing anybody sees from me. If something on SBC breaks, message me and I'll fix it. Otherwise, you probably won't get a response. Please don't take it personally if that happens.

    See y'all later.

  11. JCM

    JCMovies

    JCM Begins a New Legacy (JCM walks into jjs' office covered in bruises.) jjs: The fuck happened to you? JCM: We started dodgeball in PE today. It didn't go well for me. jjs: Shit, I'm sorry. You want something to do that's less likely to end with you getting pummeled? JCM: Sure! jjs: I'm supposed to meet with the people at Paramount about doing an official collaboration with SpongeBob, but I don't want to, so as long as you promise not to fuck it up, I'll send you there in my place. JCM: Oh, my gosh! We'll have SpongeBob SquarePants in the flesh at this school? jjs: Only if the meeting goes well, so I want you to promise me you won't ruin it. JCM: I promise! jjs: Alright, the plane will be outside. If you don't get a deal with Paramount, don't bother coming back. JCM: What do I do if they ask about you? jjs: Tell them I couldn't make it due to irritable bowel syndrome. Now, scram. (JCM leaves the school to find a plane already waiting for him. He goes into the plane, and it flies him to the Paramount Pictures studio in Hollywood, where he meets a guide. After taking him on a tour through the studio, the guide leads JCM into a boardroom filled with Paramount executives.) JCM: Hi, soulless corporate penny pinchers! I'm JCM, and I hail from the SpongeBob Community School in Circuit City! Executive: One: fuck you. And two: the meeting's about to start, so find a seat. (JCM sits down, and a few seconds later, a hologram of Aquatic Nuggets appears on a stage in the back of the boardroom.) JCM: Oh, my gosh! You're Aquatic Nuggets! (JCM jumps and waves his hands.) JCM: Hey, Nuggets! It's me, JCM! Nuggets: Jesus Christ. Where the fuck is jjs? JCM: He couldn't make it due to...uh...irregular bowling syndrome? Nuggets: Sure. Well, since I left SBC six years ago, I've done exactly what I wanted to do: I made a name for myself, worked my way to the top of one of the biggest studios in Hollywood, and now, I'm going to unveil one of the biggest innovations in the history of innovations: the Paramount ServerVerse! (Nuggets turns on a screen that reveals the landscapes of several planets modeled after ViacomCBS properties, including SpongeBob, South Park, and Mission: Impossible.) Nuggets: With the ServerVerse, we'll be able to generate new shows and movies, whether it's reboots or spin-offs of the stuff you already love, or "original" works simply tweaking the formulas of stuff we've already put out, without needing to hire actors, writers, or directors to help us produce the new content, saving us shit-tons of money in the long run. Make sure you get that down: "shit-tons of money". (The executives in the room are furiously writing as JCM looks at the screen with a concerned face.) JCM: W-wait a minute. If you no longer have to hire people to write or animate stuff for your new shows and movies, what will happen to SBC, considering we only exist to train future SpongeBob writers and cartoonists? Nuggets: Well, I imagine you would have to shut it down, but you've had a hell of a run. JCM: No! I don't accept that! Nuggets: (sighs) I wish jjs were here. He would understand. Plus, I'll be hiring him for a position with us, anyway. JCM: What about me? Nuggets: What about you? (JCM jumps out of his seat in rage, and he punches the hologram several times.) Nuggets: You do realize I'm not actually here, right? (JCM keeps punching the Nuggets hologram until he's forced to stop out of exhaustion.) JCM: (gasps) Did you feel that? Nuggets: No. JCM: Oh, well! I'm off to destroy the ServerVerse now! (JCM runs downstairs to find two large guards blocking the entrance to Paramount's server room.) JCM: Hey, guys! Think you can step out of the way for a second? Guard 1: No. Guard 2: Suck my dick. JCM: Okay, I may be tired, but I'll always fight for SBC! (JCM raises his fists, and both guards immediately die of heart attacks.) JCM: Wow! That worked better than I thought! (Suddenly, Aya appears.) JCM: W-where did you come from? Aya: I came from the Underworld. I just wanted you to know that the devil is on your side. I also killed those guards to make it easier for you to destroy that shitty propaganda for a streaming service nobody is going to care about five years from now. JCM: Thanks? Aya: No problem. Now, go in there and save SBC! (JCM nods then runs into the server room and presses the first button he sees.) JCM: I think that's the button to shut it down. (Suddenly, JCM disappears then re-appears on the virtual planet of Highlandia.) JCM: Where am I? (Beavis and Butt-Head approach JCM.) Beavis: Hey, old man. Get the fuck away from here. You're cramping our style. JCM: Old man? I'll have you know I've only been a member of AARP for 70 years! Butt-Head: He said "member". (Beavis and Butt-Head chortle for the next five minutes.) JCM: You done? Beavis: You're like a fucking skeleton. I bet you remember when MTV only played music videos. JCM: (sighs) Is there some way out of here? Butt-Head: We built a spaceship for our science project you can use. Anything to get your wrinkly ass away from us. (Beavis and Butt-Head show JCM to their spaceship, and he uses it to fly off the planet. As he passes the other planets, he realizes where he is.) JCM: I'm in the ServerVerse! (JCM lands the spaceship on a planet themed on The Godfather. He finds Vito Corleone's office and waits until he's allowed to go in. Once he does, the elder Corleone smokes from a cigar and motions for JCM to start.) JCM: (clears throat) Don Corleone, I am lost. Somebody I used to respect has betrayed me, and now I must find some way to protect everything I hold dear to me. (Vito Corleone mumbles incoherently.) JCM: W-what? (Vito sighs before taking cotton out of his mouth.) Vito: Make him an offer he can't refuse. JCM: (thinking) Of course! Also, lay off on the smoking. I'm sure the last thing you want to do is drop dead while you're in the middle of playing with your grandkids. Vito: That's...oddly specific. JCM: (laughs) Yeah, I know how everyone here dies! I think your family's cursed or something. Anyway, catch you later! (JCM leaves a confused Vito alone in his office. He gets back into his spaceship and continues flying until he notices a planet made of water with a familiar-looking island on top of it.) JCM: Oh, my gosh! (JCM flies into the planet and lands in front of the Krusty Krab. As JCM leaves the spaceship, Aquatic Nuggets leaves the Krusty Krab and immediately sees him.) Nuggets: JCM! How's it going? (JCM runs to Nuggets and pushes him to the ground.) Nuggets: The fuck? JCM: Looks like you aren't a hologram now! Nuggets: No, but I'm also not the real Nuggets. I'm a virtual clone. There are hundreds of me in the ServerVerse. JCM: Well, can you tell me how to get out of the ServerVerse? Nuggets: Sure! All you have to do is talk to D. JCM: D? Nuggets: Deez nuts! Sandy: (offscreen) Did somebody say nuts? Nuggets: Fuck off, Sandy! (to JCM) No, I'm not going to tell you how to escape the ServerVerse. You're staying right here so you aren't able to mess my plans for the ServerVerse up. JCM: What if if make you an offer you can't refuse? Nuggets: I'm listening. JCM: One game of dodgeball. You can choose whoever you want from the ServerVerse to play with you, while I get to play with the main cast of SpongeBob SquarePants. If you win, you get to shut down SBC and do whatever you want with the ServerVerse, but if I win, you shut the ServerVerse down forever. Nuggets: And why would I agree to that? JCM: Because I've got the Underlord on my side! (In the real world, a giant, Satanic creature appears in Nuggets' office at the studio.) Nuggets: What the fuck? Creature: You will play that game of dodgeball, or you will die! Nuggets: Fucking deus ex machina motherfucker! Fine! I'll play that stupid game of dodgeball! (The next day, Nuggets enters a dodgeball arena with Optimus Prime, Kung Fu Panda, Sonic the Hedgehog, Reptar, Michelangelo, Spock, and Æon Flux. JCM enters with SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward, Plankton, Gary, Sandy, and Mr. Krabs.) Squidward: Is it too late to turn back? Gary: Meow. (Squidward and Gary immediately get pelted by dodgeballs, eliminating both of them.) JCM: Well, that's not ideal. (Sonic throws a dodgeball at SpongeBob so fast that it goes through his body, leaving a dodgeball-shaped hole.) SpongeBob: Fuck me. (SpongeBob passes out.) JCM: You monster! (JCM throws a dodgeball at Sonic, but he easily dodges it. JCM runs out of the arena then returns with 100 dodgeballs seconds later.) JCM: Eat rubber! (JCM throws dodgeballs at Sonic at a rapid pace, but Sonic avoids every single one. He then throws a dodgeball at JCM, and JCM manages to catch it.) Sonic: Fuck! (Sandy hits Reptar with a dodgeball.) Sandy: Get the fuck outta here, you jurassic bore! (Reptar leaves sadly. Patrick then hits Kung Fu Panda with a dodgeball.) Patrick: I did something! (Michelangelo then hits Patrick with a dodgeball.) Patrick: I lose! (Spock reads Plankton's mind as Plankton raises a dodgeball, and after he throws it, Spock easily catches the ball.) Sandy: Cheating asshole! (JCM then hits Spock with a dodgeball.) Nuggets: What the fuck? Spock: I couldn't read his mind. There was nothing there. Nuggets: Makes sense. (Spock does the Vulcan salute.) Nuggets: Uh...may the force be with you? (Spock shakes his head and leaves. Sandy then throws a dodgeball that bounces off of Michelangelo and hits Optimus Prime, eliminating them both.) JCM: Alright! We have the advantage now! (Æon Flux hits Mr. Krabs with a dodgeball.) JCM: Shoot! Alright, it's just me, Nuggets, and our token women now. Sandy: The fuck did you just call me? JCM: I...have many female friends. (Sandy punches JCM in the face before getting hit with a dodgeball by Nuggets.) Sandy: Worth it. (Æon Flux throws a dodgeball at JCM, but he catches it.) JCM: Just me and you now, Nuggets. Nuggets: I'm not letting you destroy everything I've worked for. JCM: I'm not letting you kill SBC. (Nuggets throws a dodgeball at JCM, and JCM spins around it before throwing a ball at Nuggets, which Nuggets manages to avoid at the last second. JCM then throws another dodgeball at Nuggets, and this one hits him square in the back.) Nuggets: No! I...lost. JCM: And I redeemed myself! (JCM gets pelted with a dodgeball by Sandy.) Sandy: You still fucking suck, by the way. Nuggets: Ha! (Sandy hits Nuggets with a dodgeball, too.) Sandy: You don't think I forgot "fuck off, Sandy"? You two deserve one another! Nuggets: Well...a deal's a deal. Goodbye, JCM. (JCM disintegrates, and just a moment later, he's back in the server room, where two more guards are waiting to escort him out.) JCM: I assume I won't get the goody bag they give to all of the other visitors? (The guards throw JCM out of the studio.) JCM: Can I at least get a flight home? (JCM sighs before walking off. A week later, he's back in jjs' office.) jjs: So...no deal? JCM: No deal. jjs: You do know this means I have to fire you again, right? JCM: But...I saved SBC! I won the most high-stakes dodgeball game ever! jjs: You also lost me millions of potential dollars as a ViacomCBS executive. Not everything is about SBC or your bullshit attempts to be the star of a campy sports movie. JCM: I'm blacklisted from Hollywood, so that can't happen anyway. jjs: It's time for you to move on, JCM. It's been ten years, and everybody's changed except you. JCM: But...this was supposed to be my legacy. jjs: Find a new legacy. (JCM leaves the school. He notices the charred trunk of a nearby tree his scooter exploded into several years before, and he continues walking.) JCM: Goodbye, SBC. (The End)
  12. (We begin at S.H.E.L.L. headquarters, hours before Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy arrive and a day before their fight with Thanos. Pi-Right Ponderer is sitting at a supercomputer with a S.H.E.L.L. agent.) Pi-Right Ponderer: I've just run 14 million simulations of our coming battle with Thanos. Agent: In how many of them do you win? Pi-Right Ponderer: One. Agent: Million? (Pi-Right Ponderer shakes his head.) Agent: Thousand? (Pi-Right Ponderer shakes his head again.) Agent: Hundred? Pi-Right Ponderer: (sighs) This is going to be a lot harder than I thought. (Patrick is with the IJLSA outside of the Bikini Bottom Convention Hall. Urchin Man has just turned to dust in front of him, while The Quickster and Miss Appear have also vanished.) Mermaid Man: Quickster! Miss Appear! (Barnacle Boy grabs Mermaid Man's shoulder before he turns to dust.) Mermaid Man: Tim! No! Pi-Right Ponderer: Mermaid Man, don't panic! Focus on (Pi-Right Ponderer turns to dust before he can finish his sentence.) Mermaid Man: Focus on what? (Mermaid Man sees Thanos meditating.) Mermaid Man: (growls) Thanos! (Mermaid Man charges towards Thanos, but before he can reach the Mad Titan, Thanos gets hit by an invisible force, knocking him a mile away.) Mermaid Man: What? (Miss Appear reappears inside of her invisible boatmobile.) Mermaid Man: Miss Appear! You're alive! Miss Appear: I thought we were done with formalities. Mermaid Man: Sorry, Jane. (Elastic Waistband joins Mermaid Man and Miss Appear.) Elastic Waistband: So are the others...gone? Mermaid Man: (sighs) Looks that way. (Neptune, who has been crying his his chariot this entire time, turns around.) Neptune: Where is he? Miss Appear: Thanos? (points) He's over there. (Neptune pulls a sword out of his chariot.) Neptune: I'll be quick. Mermaid Man: Neptune, wait! There may still be time to reverse the snap! Neptune: I don't care! I've already lost the only person who matters to me. (Krakatoa, who has been watching the events unfold, roars.) Mermaid Man: Oh, great. Now he's lost his temper. (Krakatoa runs towards Thanos.) Neptune: Wait! I wanted to kill him! (Neptune follows Krakatoa, and Thanos, who was knocked unconscious by the fall, wakes up just as they reach him and disappear.) Neptune: Huh? Where did he go? (Krakatoa roars again before rampaging through the city, kicking all of the now-driverless boatmobiles sitting on the street into nearby buildings.) Elastic Waistband: S.H.E.L.L. won't be happy about this. Whatever's left of S.H.E.L.L., anyway. Mermaid Man: We have more pressing matters, like finding Thanos. (Patrick runs up to Mermaid Man.) Patrick: Mermaid Man! My friend had a really bad allergic reaction to the nachos, and now he's gone! Mermaid Man: It wasn't the nachos, boy. It was Thanos. Patrick: Nachos, tacos, burritos, Thanos! What will they think up next? (A limo appears, and a fish wearing a black suit and sunglasses walks out.) Fish: I know how to find Thanos. Miss Appear: Who are you? Fish: I'm Agent Phil Carpson. I work for S.H.E.L.L. (looks around) Where's Pi-Right? Mermaid Man: He didn't survive the snap. Phil: (sighs) Very well. Come on. Elastic Waistband: What about Captain Magma? Phil: You gonna try to tame that...thing down? He'll come when he's ready. (Mermaid Man, Miss Appear, Elastic Waistband and Patrick join Phil in in the limo, which he carefully drives around stopped boatmobiles on the way to S.H.E.L.L. headquarters.) Phil: Pi-Right knew he had a very good chance of losing the time stone, so he put a tracking device inside of it. (Phil takes the others into the building and brings them to a massive supercomputer, even bigger than the one in the prologue. He presses a button, and a map of the known universe appears on the supercomputer's monitor.) Phil: According to this, Thanos is...back on his homeworld of Titan. (Neptune breaks into the room.) Neptune: How dare you leave your king to go off on another one of your adventures! Mermaid Man: Well, I'm sure you'll be happy to hear this: we found Thanos. (Neptune smiles.) Phil: Unfortunately, the chaos with everybody disappearing and Krakatoa destroying the city will make it hard for us to clear a spaceship for our use anytime soon. Neptune: Don't worry about that! If I want a spaceship, your government shall give me a spaceship! (Mermaid Man, Miss Appear, Elastic Waistband, Patrick, and Phil are sitting in the waiting room of a federal building as Neptune speaks to a receptionist.) Neptune: That's Neptune: N-E-P-T-U-N-E. I demand to speak with the people in charge of our space program at once! Receptionist: Are you okay with waiting a day or two, Mr. Neptune? Half of the program's leadership disappeared today, so we're still figuring out who's in charge of what. Neptune: I'm in charge of everything, and I want a spaceship now! Receptionist: I'm sorry, sir, but you will have to wait. Neptune: Blast this government bureaucracy! (Neptune returns to the others in the waiting room. Neptune: There's nothing I can do. (Everybody walks back into the waiting room, and Neptune charges to the receptionist with his sword raised.) Neptune: You will give me my spaceship, or you shall die! Receptionist: (sweating) Congratulations. We've just cleared the spaceship for your use. (Neptune puts the sword back into its sheath.) Neptune: Thank you. (Mermaid Man, Miss Appear, Elastic Waistband, and Neptune squeeze into a spaceship while Patrick and Phil watch.) Patrick: Why can't I come with? Neptune: The last time you had a spaceship, you crashed it on the moon! Patrick: (chuckles) Oh, yeah. Elastic Waistband: Next stop: Titan! (Neptune flies the spaceship to the planet of Titan. He and the others find Thanos meditating in the center of a crater and approach him slowly.) Thanos: Titan was like most planets. Too many mouths, and not enough to go around. And when we faced extinction, I offered a solution. Miss Appear: Genocide. Thanos: But at random, dispassionate, fair to rich and poor alike. They called me a madman. And what I predicted came to pass. (Thanos motions at the barren, desolate wasteland all around him.) Elastic Waistband: (rolls eyes) Congratulations. You're a prophet. Thanos: I'm a survivor. Mermaid Man: Who murdered trillions! Neptune: Enough! (Neptune pulls out his sword and points it at Thanos' neck.) Neptune: Tell me what you did with the infinity stones, and perhaps I'll give you mercy. Thanos: No, you won't. And besides, I've destroyed the stones. Mermaid Man, Elastic Waistband, and Miss Appear: WHAT? Thanos: The universe required correction. After that, the stones served no purpose, beyond temptation. Elastic Waistband: W-we'll find some way to stop this. I know we will. Thanos: The work is done. It always will be. I am... inevitable. (Neptune uses his sword to cut Thanos' head off.) Neptune: And now you're dead. (Neptune wipes his hands and heads back to the spaceship.) Neptune: Nothing else to do here! Come on! Miss Appear: But...how are we going to reverse the snap? Neptune: Not my problem. I came here to kill Thanos, and I have done that. The rest of your mortal problems you can figure out amongst yourselves. (Back on Earth, Patrick walks into the Krusty Krab. He finds SpongeBob sitting in the order station.) SpongeBob: Patrick! You're alive! Patrick: I am! At least, last time I checked, anyway. (scratches chin) What happened to the guy who used to sit there? SpongeBob: Squidward? (look downs) He disappeared, along with half of Bikini Bottom. At least Mr. Krabs is still here, and until he can find someone to replace Squidward, I'll be our cashier-slash-fry cook! Patrick: Ooh, does it come with a raise? SpongeBob: (laughs for a long time) Good one, Patrick. (Plankton runs into the Krusty Krab.) Plankton: Hey, idiot! Patrick: Yeah, what's up? Plankton: What happened to all of those superheroes you were just with? Patrick: I think they're on another planet. Why? Plankton: I've figured out how to reverse the snap! Patrick: You have? This sounds like a job for...er...um... SpongeBob: Patrick-Man? Patrick: Patrick-Man! (Patrick runs into the restroom then runs back out minutes later with his underwear now over his shorts, a pair of kitchen gloves over his hands, and a metal cone over his head.) Plankton: Huh? Patrick: Let's go, little guy! (The cone on Patrick's head expands to cover his body in metal, and he picks up Plankton before flying to S.H.E.L.L. headquarters. Mermaid Man, Elastic Waistband, and Miss Appear are standing outside with Phil Carpson as Patrick lands in front of them.) Plankton: I think I'm going to be sick. Phil: What did you bring him here for? Plankton: Nice to meet you too, mister. Phil: We've been monitoring your communications. We know about your plans for world domination. Patrick: Plankton, is this true? (crying) I feel betrayed! Plankton: Clam up, starfish. Until we bring everyone back, my plans for world domination are on hold. Phil: (rolls eyes) What a saint. Plankton: Now, if Thanos was able to eliminate half of all life with the infinity stones, we should be able to reverse that if we collect the infinity stones and fashion a gauntlet to use them in. Elastic Waistband: But how are we supposed to collect them? Thanos destroyed them all. Plankton: I wasn't planning on trying to take them from Thanos in the present, anyway. We need to go back in time and retrieve every infinity stone when they get found. Then, we come back here and use them to reverse the snap. Phil: That's the dumbest thing I ever heard, and I've spent hours listening to Patrick! Patrick: Hey, I take defense to that! Phil: Besides, where are we supposed to find a time machine? Mermaid Man: Uh...did Pi-Right not mention that he built a time machine back in the 80s that he left for me and Barnacle Boy for safekeeping? Phil: (turning red) No, he didn't mention that. Plankton: It's settled, then! There are six of us, so we should be able to split up and get the stones back as quickly as possible! Phil: Actually, I've done some research on the Soul Stone, and while I don't know a lot about it, I do know it's on the planet Vormir, and two people are required in order to extract it. Plankton: (scratches chin) Who else can we bring with us? (Captain Magma appears.) Captain Magma: What's up, guys? Elastic Waistband: Magma! Are...are you okay? Captain Magma: Yeah, I just lost my temper there for a bit. Miss Appear: So...are we doing this? Phil: I still think this is a dumb idea, but I can't think of any better. Plankton: Great! I'll get the mind stone. Elastic guy, you get the space stone. Fire guy... Captain Magma: (growls) Captain Magma. Plankton: ...Captain Magma, you get the power stone. Phil, you get the time stone. Mermaid Man and Miss Appear, help Patrick get the Reality Stone before getting the soul stone together. Patrick: Why do I need help? Plankton: Because, my friend, you are an idiot. Patrick: (nods) True, true. (Plankton takes out a large notepad and begins to write.) Plankton: For each stone, we'll go further and further back in time. Once you've found your stone, go to one of these benchmarks in the future, where the person ahead of you should be waiting. Make sure you're in the exact time and place I write down so we know where and when to find you, and, I hope this goes without saying, but make sure you don't die. Patrick: Aye aye, sir! Captain Magma: Who made the tiny dude leader of this thing? Plankton: Well, this was my idea, so I should have some say in how it goes. Phil: Fine, but if it backfires, it's on you. Plankton: Don't worry. It won't. (Mermaid Man, Miss Appear, Elastic Waistband, and Captain Magma get into an invisible boatmobile while Phil, Plankton, and Patrick get into Phil's black van. They drive to a warehouse, and when they walk inside it, they see Mermaid Man's time machine in the back.) Plankton: Remember, you can't meet yourself in the past or change history because yadda yadda paradoxes and yadda yadda alternate timelines. You've heard this before. Patrick: I haven't! Plankton: Let's go. (Plankton jumps onto the time machine and presses buttons on it. Seconds later, the warehouse falls in front of the Chum Bucket in 1999.) Plankton: This is the day I used the mind stone to create Karen. I've left the coordinates here. Once you've gotten the rest of the stones, bring the time machine back. (Plankton leaves, and everybody else uses the time machine to travel to different points in time until it's just Mermaid Man, Miss Appear, and Patrick in the warehouse.) Patrick: It's cold! Where are we? Miss Appear: We're on Knowhere. Patrick: (laughs) We have to be somewhere! (whispers to Mermaid Man) And I thought I was the dumb one. Miss Appear: No, it's...nevermind. Let's get this stone. (The three of them walk to a containment facility for the Reality Stone. Before they're able to go inside, two aliens wearing police uniforms block them.) Mermaid Man: Who are you two? Alien 1: We're the Guardians of the Reality Stone! And who are you? Mermaid Man: We're...uh...the guardians of the galaxy! Alien 2: Really? Can we see your badges? Mermaid Man: We left them in our spaceship. Alien 1: We can wait. (Mermaid Man leaves nervously with Miss Appear and Patrick right behind him. Several minutes after the aliens return to their post, the door to the containment facility quietly opens, and the reality stone floats out without the aliens noticing. Once the reality stone reaches the warehouse, Miss Appear, who had been holding the stone this entire time, makes herself visible.) Mermaid Man: One down, one to go. (Miss Appear reads the coordinates on the notepad Plankton left and pushes the buttons for them on the time machine. Seconds later, they're on Vormir.) Mermaid Man: Stay here, Patrick. Patrick: You don't have to tell me twice! (Patrick falls asleep. Mermaid Man and Miss Appear leave the warehouse and trek to the top of a mountain. There, they're greeted by Man Ray.) Man Ray: Hello, old friend! Mermaid Man: W-what are you doing here? Man Ray: I'm here to tell you what you need to do to get the Soul Stone. That's what you're here for, isn't it? (Mermaid Man and Miss Appear look at each other, then Mermaid Man nods.) Man Ray: In order to get the stone, you must sacrifice the soul of the one you love most. A soul for a soul. Once you've done that, the stone is yours. (Mermaid Man and Miss Appear look at each other again, this time with pained expressions on their face.) Mermaid Man: Jane, I love you, but you're not the one I love most. (Mermaid Man turns to Man Ray.) Mermaid Man: It's you, Jack. It was always you. All those years we spent fighting each other were simply meant to hide our love from a world that wasn't ready to accept it yet. I knew it, but did you? Man Ray: I...I don't remember...I... (Mermaid Man takes off Man Ray's mask to reveal a human underneath, a human who is now crying.) Mermaid Man: Goodbye, Jack. (Mermaid Man pushes Man Ray off the mountain, and the soul stone appears in his hand seconds later.) Miss Appear: So...so it's true. Mermaid Man: You can believe what you want to believe, Jane. (They stand in silence for a moment.) Mermaid Man: Let's go back. (Mermaid Man and Miss Appear walk back to the warehouse, where Patrick is still asleep. They use time machine to pick up Phil, then Captain Magma, then Elastic Waistband, and finally Plankton, who all got their infinity stones in time for the others to pick them up. Once they're in the present, they leave the infinity stones in the warehouse as they walk out.) Phil: We had engineers at S.H.E.L.L. build a gauntlet after we first heard about the stones, but I don't think anybody there will be strong enough to contain the energy from those stones. Just holding onto the time stone for as long as I did nearly crippled me. I can't imagine what six of them will do. Elastic Waistband: We need somebody with a high tolerance to nuclear energy. Mermaid Man: (sighs) I have an idea, but I don't think you all will like it. (Later that day, they bring the Atomic Flounder, who looks like his younger self again, to the warehouse.) Atomic Flounder: I wish I knew about that De-Aging Booth before! I feel amazing! Phil: Just don't try anything funny. Atomic Flounder: Don't worry. I have grandkids I lost because of Thanos. I would love nothing more than to undo the havoc he has wrought. (Phil gives the Atomic Flounder an infinity gauntlet, and he slides an arm into it before going into the warehouse and adding each of the stones to the gauntlet. He closes his eyes, snaps his fingers, and screams as the energy from the stones pulsate throughout his body. When Mermaid Man, Miss Appear, and Elastic Waistband walk into the warehouse, he's on his knees.) Atomic Flounder: D-did it work? Mermaid Man: I guess there's only one way to find out. (Everyone drives to the Bikini Bottom Convention Hall. Once they get there, they find Pi-Right Ponderer, the Quickster, Barnacle Boy, and Urchin Man alive again.) Captain Magma: We did it! We really brought them back! (Suddenly, a fleet of spaceships appear over Bikini Bottom.) Pi-Right Ponderer: This isn't over yet. (One of the spaceships fly to the convention hall, and Thanos walks out.) Thanos: It's time to finish this once and for all. Elastic Waistband: How are you here? We saw your head get chopped off! Thanos: Yeah, but...I got better. (The Atomic Flounder shoots an atomic blast at Thanos from his mouth, but Thanos easily avoids it.) Thanos: You could not live with your own failure. And where did that bring you? Back to me. Miss Appear: Actually, you kind of came to us. Thanos: Be quiet! I'm in the middle of one of my famous monologues! You know what, forget it! I'm taking that gauntlet, and then I'll use it to destroy the universe, and then I'll remake the universe into a better one. (Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, The Quickster, Elastic Waistband, Miss Appear, Captain Magma, and Urchin Man get in between Thanos and Atomic Flounder.) Mermaid Man: If you want the gauntlet, you'll have to go through us to get it. (Thanos speaks into a communicator on his wrist.) Thanos: Now. (Aliens descend from the rest of the spaceships on ropes. The Atomic Flounder breaks some of the ropes with his atomic breath, and Captain Magma does the same by shooting lava from his head.) Captain Magma: There's too many of them! (Pi-Right Ponderer holds out a hand, and Bikini Bottomites start to manifest around them, including SpongeBob, Sandy, and the fish who left the meeting he set up at the convention hall.) Pi-Right Ponderer: I know the thought of dying scares many of you, but if we don't eliminate this threat, it will kill not just us but everyone we've ever known. (The fish, some of them still dressed like superheroes due to getting snapped before they could change, talk among themselves.) Sandy: Well, I don't know about you guys, but I'm ready to kick some alien butt! (As an alien lands, Sandy punches it.) Sandy: Hi-ya! (The rest of the fish swarm the other aliens as they land, and they start to fight as Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, The Quickster, Elastic Waistband, and Captain Magma charge at Thanos. Miss Appear stays with Atomic Flounder and uses her powers to put a veil over him that renders him invisible.) Miss Appear: Protect the gauntlet at all costs. Atomic Flounder: You got it. (SpongeBob runs up to Patrick and Urchin Man, who are drinking soda.) SpongeBob: Why aren't you two fighting with the others? Urchin Man: I'm still thirsty from the nachos. Patrick: And I'm thirsty from him being thirsty. (SpongeBob sighs. Captain Magma is the first of the superheroes to reach Thanos.) Captain Magma: I may not be that monster anymore, but I can still pack a punch! (Captain Magma throws his fist at Thanos, but Thanos grabs the fist, picks Captain Magma up, and uses him to shoot lava at the other superheroes. The Quickster easily avoids the lava blasts and grabs Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, and Elastic Waistband to get them away from Thanos.) Barnacle Boy: Where's Miss Appear at? Mermaid Man: Keeping Atomic Flounder safe. Barnacle Boy: (nods) And why is Atomic Flounder with us, again? Mermaid Man: Trust me, we'll be able to answer all of your questions after we stop Thanos. (Miss Appear disappears right before Thanos is able to shoot her with lava. Thanos squints and notices footprints in the sand heading towards Phil's van. Thanos follows the footprints to the van, and Phil appears from behind it with a gun.) Thanos: Don't waste your bullets. (Phil shoots Thanos, and Thanos ignores the gunshots as he slams the owner of the footprints into the van several times. Thanos feels someone kick him from behind, and he picks the invisible kicker up and squeezes until it's revealed to be Miss Appear.) Miss Appear: (weakly) Stop. Thanos: It's way too late for that, dear. (Miss Appear goes unconscious, and Thanos feels an atomic blast hit him in the back seconds later. He turns around to find the Atomic Flounder, now visible again, staring back at him.) Atomic Flounder: I won't let you get this gauntlet. Thanos: I'm not giving you a choice. (As the Atomic Flounder and Thanos fight, Captain Magma catches up to Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, The Quickster, and Elastic Waistband, and they all run towards Thanos. At the same time, the Bikini Bottomites manage to overpower the aliens, and they retreat back into their spaceships. The Bikini Bottomites cheer, and when they notice Thanos struggling with the Atomic Flounder, they run towards him. Patrick, still by the invisible boatmobile with Urchin Man and SpongeBob, watches all of the events unfold, and with his cup of soda now empty, he throws it to the ground and steps on it.) Patrick: I'm tired of doing nothing! Stay here, SpongeBob! Live to tell our stories! SpongeBob: You can tell them yourselves! (The cone on Patrick's head expands to cover his body in metal again. He grabs Urchin Man and flies towards Thanos just as he wrestles the infinity gauntlet from the Atomic Flounder's arm. Thanos slides the gauntlet onto his arm and punches Patrick just as he gets there, causing the metal suit to retract again as Patrick falls to the ground. Phil shoots at Thanos again, and Thanos raises him into the sky with a gesture before sending him a mile away. The Quickster reaches him, and he easily avoids the Quickster's rapid punches before picking him up and throwing him into the rest of the heroes further out, sending them all into the ground. The Atomic Flounder uses what's left of his energy to shoot one last atomic blast from his mouth, but it does nothing to Thanos. Urchin Man grabs the Atomic Flounder and crawls under the van with him before Thanos can retaliate. Pi-Right Ponderer, who is now at the front of the group of Bikini Bottomites marching towards Thanos, stops them.) Pi-Right Ponderer: Wait. With that gauntlet, he is too powerful even for all of us to take on. Sandy: So, what do y'all reckon we do now? Pi-Right Ponderer: Hope for a miracle. (Before Thanos can raise the arm he's wearing the gauntlet on, Patrick, who no longer has the metal cone on his head, jumps on his arm, forcing Thanos to shake him off.) Thanos: It's like I told those heroes of your before. I am...inevitable. (Thanos snaps his fingers, but nothing happens. He then looks down to see that Patrick now has the metal cone on his arm, with all of the infinity stones attached to it.) Patrick: And I am...Patrick-Man! (Patrick snaps his fingers, and Thanos disappears. Patrick then passes out just as SpongeBob reaches him.) SpongeBob: Patrick! (SpongeBob shakes Patrick, but he doesn't move. The metal cone slides off Patrick's arm, which has now been burnt to a crisp.) SpongeBob: Patrick, you did it! You saved the world! (starts to cry) You saved us all. (Urchin Man climbs back out from under the van with the Atomic Flounder.) Urchin Man: Mr. Star? (SpongeBob shakes his head. Pi-Right Ponderer and the Bikini Bottomites approach the scene, and the heroes, who regain consciousness shortly after, do the same. Later that week, they're all standing around a large rock in the middle of a cemetery with Patrick's name etched onto it.) SpongeBob: He was more than a hero. He was a friend. My friend. Let us never forget the sacrifice he made for us. (SpongeBob returns to Mr. Krabs and Sandy in the crowd, and later that night, after everybody leaves, the large rock moves, and Patrick climbs out from under it.) Patrick: Man, I just had the craziest dream! (looks both ways) Wait, where am I? (What a twist!)
  13. Here is the first part of the Silly Adventures finale to get you up to speed before I post the second part this week: (We begin in Patchy's house in Encino, California.) Patchy: Hi, kids! It's me, Patchy the Pirate, president of the SpongeBob SquarePants fan club! I can't wait to show you all of the Mermaid Man figurines I've collected today! (Patchy looks both ways.) Patchy: Potty! What did you do with my Mermaid Man figurines! (Potty flies onscreen.) Potty: Squawk! I don't know what happened to your toys! Patchy: They're not toys! They're action figures! And I told you to look over them! Potty: You never do anything for me! Patchy: Potty, I don't have time for this! Potty: Squawk! I want to break up! (Potty flies into Patchy's room then flies back out with a treasure chest.) Potty: This is my half! Patchy: Get your filthy talons off my booty! (to audience) Hey, that reminds me of the time SpongeBob and the gang stopped Thanos from wiping out half of all life in the universe! Want to hear the story? Kids: No! Patchy: Well, you're going to hear it, anyway! (muttering) Ungrateful brats. (We are now in King Neptune's castle. Neptune is sitting on his throne with his squire standing beside him.) King Neptune: Squire, I haven't had a prisoner presented to me all day. Don't tell me we're getting soft on crime. Squire: I apologize, King Neptune. I'll have someone arrested right away. (As the squire leaves the castle, he sees a spaceship land in front of him.) Squire: Oh, Neptune. I've got to tell Neptune! (The squire runs back to Neptune's throne.) Neptune: Why haven't you brought me a prisoner? Squire: A strange ship has landed in front of the castle! Neptune: Did you see who was in it? Squire: Well, no. I... Neptune: (scoffs) What do I even not pay you for? (Suddenly, the sounds of fish screaming fill the palace.) Squire: That...that sounds like the guards! (Neptune grabs his trident.) Neptune: Whoever has breached my castle won't be coming out alive! (Thanos walks into the room with an infinity gauntlet covering one hand and blood covering the other.) Thanos: Won't I? (Neptune blasts Thanos with his trident. Thanos easily avoids the blast and uses the power stone in his infinity gauntlet to weaken Neptune.) Neptune: What...what have you done? (Neptune drops the trident, no longer strong enough to hold it.) Squire: You...you're not going to kill me, right? Thanos: No, I've already killed half of the people here. Squire: I'll take it! (The squire leaves the palace.) Neptune: Traitor! (Thanos approaches Neptune.) Neptune: What do you want? Thanos: Your trident. (Thanos picks up the trident Neptune dropped and snaps it in two, retrieving the space stone from it.) Neptune: No! (As Thanos adds the space stone to his gauntlet, a familiar face enters the room.) Neptune: Mindy? (Mindy, no longer wearing glasses or a bow and now wearing a black catsuit that starts at her neck and covers her tail, swims beside Thanos.) Thanos: Oh, have you met my right-hand woman? Mindy: I go by The Black Widow now, father. Neptune: Why would you associate yourself with this...monster? Is this your idea of a teenage rebellion? Mindy: You may think this is suffering, father, but no. It is salvation. Because of the sacrifice your guards have made, the universal scales tip toward balance. Neptune: My guards? Those were our guards. You...you've known them since childhood. Thanos: As touching as this reunion is, we must get going. Neptune: First you kill my guards, then you destroy my trident, and now I find out you've corrupted my daughter. You have no idea who you're dealing with! (Neptune overcomes the power stone's weakening and runs towards Thanos from behind.) Neptune: I am a GOD! (Thanos turns around and punches Neptune, sending him across the room. Neptune lands so hard on his throne that he destroys the throne, injuring himself in the process.) Thanos: Puny god. (A week later, fish in black suits and sunglasses walk into Shady Shoals Rest Home.) Receptionist: Who are you? (One of the fish reveal a badge.) Fish: We work for the Pacific Government. We're here to bring Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy back into our custody. (Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy get into a black van with the fish.) Barnacle Boy: Who are you two? Fish: We work for a secret government agency that has been tracking your exploits for decades: S.H.E.L.L. Mermaid Man: Shell? Like the gas station? Fish: S.H.E.L.L. is short for the Strategic Headquarters for the Extermination of Lawless Lemons. We were created in the early 1940s as a response to all of the super-powered humans showing up underwater, some with noble goals like you two but others with more...nefarious goals. Barnacle Boy: So, what do you want with us now? Fish: Neptune, king of the Seven Seas, was attacked by an extraterrestrial being last week. He told us that this being, Thanos, is more powerful than any he had ever encountered before. He'll need a super squad to take him down, and that's why we're re-assembling the greatest super squad this world has ever known. Barnacle Boy: The International Justice League of Super Acquaintances? No, we're much too old for that. Fish: Don't worry. S.H.E.L.L. has a fix. (Hours later, Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, and the S.H.E.L.L. agents walk into a government facility, where older versions of The Quickster, Elastic Waistband, Captain Magma, and Miss Appear are already waiting in the lobby.) Captain Magma: Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy! Late at usual! Barnacle Boy: Captain Magma. Hotheaded as usual. Mermaid Man: (nervous) Hi, Miss Appear. Miss Appear: (chuckles) After everything we've been through, you can move past the formalities, Ernie. Mermaid Man: We're still riding that invisible boatmobile you got us. Still runs great. Miss Appear: (nods) That's good to hear. (The superheroes hear the elevator ding, and a gold-colored man wearing a hairnet over his head walks out.) Barnacle Boy: (gasps) Pi-Right? The Quickster: I thought you died! Pi-Right Ponderer: Officially, I am dead. Unofficially, I've been working for S.H.E.L.L. this whole time. Elastic Waistband: You haven't aged a bit. Pi-Right Ponderer: Oh, I have aged! But I was able to bring myself back to my physical prime using an invention I completed just last month, and based on recent events, the timing couldn't have been better! (The superheroes join Pi-Right Ponderer on an elevator.) Pi-Right Ponderer: Brace yourselves. This will be a bumpy ride. (The elevator quickly drops to the bottom floor, disturbing the older people on the elevator.) Captain Magma: What are you trying to do, kill us? The Quickster: I haven't gone that fast in over 30 years! Pi-Right Ponderer: Sorry about that, but it will all be worth it soon. (Pi-Right Ponderer leads the heroes to a large machine.) Pi-Right Ponderer: Here it is, my De-Aging Booth! You just walk inside it, and after I enter a few commands, it will restore your body to its peak condition! Barnacle Boy: So, I get to be a hunk again? Out of the way! (Barnacle Boy runs into the machine, and after Pi-Right Ponderer pushes some button on it, steam comes out, and the door opens up to reveal a younger-looking Barnacle Boy inside of it.) Barnacle Boy: My back...my knees...they aren't sore anymore! (flexes) I feel like a million bucks! (The rest of the superheroes go into the machine, and all of them come out looking younger.) Elastic Waistband: Alright, where's this Thanos fellow? I can't wait to kick his butt! Pi-Right Ponderer: Unfortunately, the seven of us might not be enough. With the power stone, Thanos was already the most powerful creature on the planet. With the space stone...we'll need more heroes. Miss Appear: Where are we supposed to find more heroes on such short notice? Pi-Right Ponderer: Your adventures have inspired many over the last several decades. I believe I've found a way to get in touch with them. (The next morning, SpongeBob bangs on Patrick's rock. The rock opens with Patrick stuck to it, and he yawns.) Patrick: What's going on? SpongeBob: Did you read the latest Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy newsletter? Patrick: You know I can't read! SpongeBob: Sorry, I forgot. Anyway, the IJLSA just sent out a call for heroes! Apparently, something big is threatening Earth, and they'll need all the help they can get to stop it! Patrick: What does that have to do with me? SpongeBob: I think it's time to bring Patrick-Man out of retirement! Patrick: Who's Patrick-Man? SpongeBob: You know, your superhero identity! (SpongeBob reveals an empty ice cream cone.) SpongeBob: He had this as a hat! Patrick: Oh...Patrick-Man! I still don't remember. Was that season 9a or 9b? SpongeBob: (sighs) Maybe Sandy can help. (SpongeBob and Patrick walk into Sandy's treedome.) Sandy: Howdy! SpongeBob: Hi, Sandy. Sandy: What brings y'all here? SpongeBob: I wanted to see if you had something that could help Patrick jog his memory about Patrick-Man. Sandy: Patrick-Man? SpongeBob: That's what Patrick called himself when he turned into a superhero. (SpongeBob gives Sandy the ice cream cone.) SpongeBob: He wore this on his head. Sandy: Sounds like Patrick. SpongeBob: We need Patrick-Man back, because there's something really evil out there, and Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy can't defeat it alone! Sandy: Y'all don't worry yourselves none! I'll be back in a jiff! (SpongeBob and Patrick are now asleep in the middle of the treedome. Sandy comes out of her tree with a metal cone.) Sandy: It's done! (SpongeBob and Patrick wake up, startled.) Sandy: Just put this on your buddy's head, and you'll have your superhero! (Sandy gives SpongeBob the metal cone, and he puts it on Patrick's head.) SpongeBob: Do you remember now? Patrick: Yes. I remember...everything. And that's not all I can do! (Suddenly, the cone expands to cover Patrick's entire body with metal.) SpongeBob: Wow, you're like an iron man! (Suddenly, a pair of Disney lawyers appear.) Patrick: I'll stick with Patrick-Man. (The Disney lawyers disappear.) Patrick: Look at what else I can do! (The bottom of Patrick's feet turn into rockets, and he flies around the treedome.) SpongeBob: How is he doing this? Sandy: The helmet I made for Patrick takes advantage of the parts of his brain he isn't using. There's even more of it than I thought! (Patrick lands beside SpongeBob, and his suit contracts back into a helmet.) Patrick: I'm ready to save the word! (SpongeBob and Patrick leave the treedome.) SpongeBob: Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy said to meet them at the Bikini Bottom Convention Hall. That's where all the heroes will be. Patrick: You coming with? SpongeBob: I wish, but I've got to go to work. Patrick: I'll tell you how it goes! (After SpongeBob and Patrick go their separate ways, Patrick sees a building on fire. Fish hurry out of the building, but one woman stops.) Woman: Oh, no! I left Harry in there! (A worm sticks its head out of a window and pants.) Woman: Somebody help! Patrick: She could really use a superhero. (pauses) Wait! I'm a superhero! (Just as Patrick is about to spring into action, he notices a giant urchin crawling into the room the woman is in. A few seconds later, the urchin, which is actually a boy dressed as an urchin, jumps out of the building with the worm.) Woman: Thank you so much! Boy: No problem! (The boy gives the woman her worm, and she pets it.) Woman: Say...aren't you a little too young to be rescuing animals from burning buildings? Boy: Yes. Yes I am. Woman: What do I call you? Boy: Call me...Urchin Man! Patrick: Urchin Man? (As Urchin Man walks off, Patrick follows him.) Patrick: Hey, are you a superhero? Urchin Man: I guess you could call me that. Patrick: That's great! Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy just sent out a call for superheroes! We're all meeting at the Bikini Bottom Convention Hall! Urchin Man: (checks watch) I have class in five minutes...but I guess I can skip if it's really important. Patrick: It is! We're fighting something horrible! Like, a wedgie you can't get rid of no matter how hard you pull it down horrible! Urchin Man: (laughs) Hey, what's your superpower? Patrick: I can show you! (Patrick's helmet expands to cover his body in metal again.) Patrick: Hop on! Urchin Man: Hop on what? Patrick: On me, silly! (Urchin Man climbs onto Patrick's back, and Patrick generates rockets under his feet again, shooting himself and Urchin Man into the sky.) Urchin Man: Wow! Patrick: To the Convention Hall! (Patrick flies to the Bikini Bottom Convention Hall with Urchin Man on his back. When they walk inside, they find dozens of other fish dressed like superheroes around them.) Urchin Man: I didn't know there were this many of us. Patrick: Look! It's the IJLSA! (Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, The Quickster, Elastic Waistband, Captain Magma, Miss Appear, and Pi-Right Ponderer walk onto the stage.) Urchin Man: They look just like they do in the show. How is that possible? The show is over 50 years old now. Patrick: They must use really good skin cream. Pi-Right Ponderer: Thanks to all of you for coming here today! I'm sure you have many questions, but for now, I would like to focus on what we're going up against. (A poster of Thanos unravels behind the heroes on the stage.) Pi-Right Ponderer: Thanos, known by many as the Mad Titan, is a genocidal warlord from another planet who is currently on a quest to collect ancient artifacts known as Infinity Stones. It is said that when all six Infinity Stones that exist are collected, you will have the power to do anything you want throughout all of time and space. (Another poster showing the Infinity Stones unravels behind the heroes.) Pi-Right Ponderer: I believe that once he has all of the Infinity Stones, he will use their power to destroy half of all life in the universe! (Everybody in the crowd gasps.) Pi-Right Ponderer: The reality stone and soul stone are on different planets, but the time stone is in my possession, and the mind stone has been entrusted to a close ally. Thanos will be back, and we'll all need to be prepared to fight him. Many of you won't survive... Fish 1: Wait, what was that? Fish 2: Nobody said anything about dying! Fish 3: I just wanted Mermaid Man's autograph. Pi-Right Ponderer: Just wait a minute! (The fish in the crowd start loudly complaining.) Pi-Right Ponderer: If you aren't ready to lose your life for this mission, you can get out right now! (All of the costumed fish except Urchin Man and Patrick leave the building.) Pi-Right Ponderer: Well...that didn't go as I expected. Mermaid Man: Who are you two? Urchin Man: I...I'm Urchin Man. Patrick: And I'm Patrick-Man! Mermaid Man: Welcome to the IJLSA, Urchin Man and Patrick-Man! (On the planet of Vormir, Thanos and Mindy walk of out of their spaceship.) Thanos: The soul stone is here. I feel it. Mindy: Did you have to kill all of those creatures to get the reality stone from Knowhere? They weren't putting up a lot of resistance, and that talking racoon was actually pretty cute. Thanos: Remember what we're here for. (Thanos takes a knife out and balances it on his finger.) Thanos: Perfectly balanced. As all things should be. Mindy: That magic trick was a lot more impressive when you didn't have a reality-altering stone on your knuckles. Thanos: (laughs) This will all be over soon. And we will rule the universe as its saviors. (Thanos and Mindy approach Man Ray at the top of a mountain.) Man Ray: (to the audience) Yeah, I'm dead. Get over it. Thanos: Who are you? Man Ray: My name is Man Ray. In one final, desperate attempt to take over the seas, I tried to ambush King Neptune's castle, just like you did. However, I wasn't successful. Neptune killed me with his trident, and instead of sending me to the Great Beyond, the space stone sent me here to be the guardian of what I believe you're looking for: the soul stone. Thanos: How do I get it? Man Ray: The soul stone isn't something you just "get". It requires a soul. The soul of the person you love most. Once that person is sacrificed, you shall have the stone. (Thanos thinks about what Man Ray said for a long time. He then turns to Mindy.) Mindy: Well, it looks like we'll have to find some other way to balance the universe! Bye, creep with the weird mask! (Mindy starts to walk away, but Thanos grabs her.) Thanos: I'm sorry, Mindy, but I've come too far to abandon my quest now. Mindy: But...you said we were going to rule the universe together. Thanos: And I believed we would, but it seems...that can no longer happen. (Thanos picks Mindy up.) Mindy: No! Please don't do this! There must be another way! Thanos: (crying) There isn't. (Thanos throws Mindy off the mountain, and a few seconds later, the soul stone appears in his hand.) Man Ray: I am...free. (Man Ray floats into the Great Beyond as Thanos adds the space stone to his gauntlet.) Thanos: Only two more to go, and I know exactly where they are. (Back in Bikini Bottom, SpongeBob is cooking patties in the Krusty Krab when he feels the ground shake.) SpongeBob: What's happening? (SpongeBob runs out of the Krusty Krab to find Squidward and Mr. Krabs looking up with their mouths agape. SpongeBob sees Plankton, now so massive that his antennae touch the sky, looking down at them.) Plankton: This is your last chance, Krabs! Give me the Krabby Patty secret formula or I'll crush you under my feet! Mr. Krabs: Never! Plankton: Okay! Don't say I didn't warn you! SpongeBob: Plankton, don't! (As Plankton raises a leg, he sees a spaceship crash in the distance.) Plankton: No...it can't be happening so soon. Mr. Krabs: What's happening? (Thanos appears in front of the Chum Bucket.) Squidward: Where did he come from? Plankton: Stop, Thanos! I know what you're here for! Thanos: Ah, Plankton. You're...bigger than I remember. Plankton: That's thanks to my newest invention! And if you do put a hand on my computer wife, I'll crush you like I'm about to crush my enemy! Thanos: I'll risk it. (Plankton runs towards Thanos, and Thanos raises a hand, causing Plankton to stop, slip, and fall backwards. Mr. Krabs, Squidward, and SpongeBob get out of the way as Plankton lands, leaving a large dent in the middle of the street.) Plankton: I have to call Pi-Right. (Plankton returns to his smaller form and takes out his cell phone.) SpongeBob: Wait, Pi-Right? You know Pi-Right Ponderer? Plankton: Yeah, he was a professor at the college I went to. We did some research together. As thanks, he gave me this thing called a mind stone, and I used it to create Karen. (Plankton runs to the Chum Bucket with the cell phone to his ear.) Plankton: Pi-RIght! Thanos is about to get the stone from Karen! No, it's too late to send help. Just make sure you protect yours no matter what! (Plankton enters the Chum Bucket to find Thanos holding Karen by her stand.) Thanos: Oh, hi! You're just in time to see the fireworks! Plankton: Don't! Karen: Plankton, I love y- (Thanos smashes Karen's monitor and pulls out the mind stone before throwing her to the side.) Plankton: You're not going to win. (Thanos adds the mind stone to his gauntlet.) Thanos: I know what it's like to lose somebody you love. Soon, many more people will know that feeling. (Thanos disappears.) Plankton: He isn't going to win. (Plankton stares at what remains of Karen.) Plankton: He can't. (In front of the Bikini Bottom Convention Hall, Patrick and Urchin-Man are eating nachos as the rest of the IJLSA are by their boatmobiles talking.) Captain Magma: What do we do? If Thanos already has five infinity stones, there's no way we stop him! Elastic Waistband: We may need...him. Captain Magma: No! There's no way! It's out of the question! The Quickster: Let's face it, Cap. A guy who shoots lava out of his head won't be enough. Not for this coming battle. Captain Magma: I...I can't control him. Miss Appear: What do you think, Pi-Right? Pi-Right Ponderer: (sighs) We'll see. But for now, we have one more reinforcement coming. (King Neptune pulls up in his chariot.) King Neptune: What is this? Where's my army? Mermaid Man: We have two more over there. (Mermaid Man points to Patrick and Urchin-Man, who wave with cheese-covered hands.) Neptune: We're going to die. (Thanos appears beside Patrick.) Patrick: How's it going, magic purple man? Want a nacho? Urchin Man: Mr. Star, I think that's the evil dude trying to kill everyone! Patrick: Really? (to Thanos) No nacho for you! (Neptune jumps out of his chariot.) Neptune: Where is my daughter, Thanos? Thanos: She died. I had to sacrifice her for the soul stone. (Neptune covers his face and grabs his chariot to keep his balance as he sobs at the news.) Thanos: If it matters to you at all, I did love her. (Pi-Right Ponderer turns to Captain Magma.) Pi-Right Ponderer: Okay. Do it. Bring him out. Captain Magma: You sure? Pi-Right Ponderer: I'll find some way to explain it to S.H.E.L.L. (Captain Magma closes his eyes, and then he transforms into a huge, fiery monster.) Urchin Man: What is that thing? Patrick: I've never seen that in the show before! Barnacle Boy: It's...Krakatoa. (Krakatoa runs to Thanos, roaring and shooting magma everywhere. Thanos raises a hand, which causes Krakatoa to stop for a moment and shake his head before charging at Thanos again.) Thanos: What? (Krakatoa punches Thanos with all his might. Patrick and Urchin-Man get out of the way as Thanos flies into the convention hall.) Pi-Right Ponderer: Now! Focus on nothing else but retrieving the infinity gauntlet! (The Quickster speeds into the hole Thanos left in the convention hall, finding Thanos on the ground unconscious.) The Quickster: Bingo. (The Quickster tries to pull the infinity gauntlet off Thanos' hand.) The Quickster: It's on pretty tight! I'll need help! (Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy swim into the convention hall, while Elastic Waistband stretches himself inside. They help The Quickster pull at the infinity gauntlet, and it finally starts to move.) Elastic Waistband: We're making headway! (Thanos wakes up, and he immediately tightens the infinity gauntlet to his hand again and sends Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, The Quickster, and Elastic Waistband flying out of the convention hall.) Thanos: I tried to do this diplomatically... (Thanos climbs out of the convention hall, and he grabs Patrick by his neck.) Urchin Man: No! Leave Mr. Star alone! (Urchin Man jumps onto Thanos' face, and Thanos pulls him off and throws him into a pole. Urchin Man uses his sticky fingers to latch into the pole.) Urchin Man: Please! Stop! You'll kill him. Thanos: That's the plan. Unless Pi-Right Ponderer removes that mental cloud he's formed over the time stone, his newest friend will die, and I'll kill everybody else in the IJLSA until I get what I want. Pi-Right Ponderer: (sighs) Stop. (Pi-Right Ponderer opens a hand to reveal the time stone inside of it.) Pi-Right Ponderer: Here it is. The final piece to your puzzle. Now let the starfish go. (Thanos drops Patrick and takes the time stone from Pi-Right Ponderer.) Mermaid Man: What have you done? (Pi-Right Ponderer walks to Patrick and helps him up.) Pi-Right Ponderer: We're in the Endgame now. (Krakatoa runs to Thanos again, but Thanos easily avoids him as he adds the time stone to his gauntlet. The Quickster runs at him now, and Thanos uses the time stone to slow him down.) The Quickster: How...fast...do...you...think...this...will...go? Thanos: (snaps fingers) Just like that. (The Quickster's speed returns to normal, and he turns to dust before he reaches Thanos.) Miss Appear: The Quickster! (Miss Appear disappears. Urchin Man is with Patrick again, and he drops to his knees.) Urchin Man: Mr. Star? I don't feel so good... Patrick: It's probably those convention hall nachos. They wreak havoc on your insides. (Urchin Man vomits.) Patrick: Better? Urchin Man: Better. (Urchin Man fades to dust.) Patrick: I don't remember nachos doing that! (People disappear all around Bikini Bottom. In the Krusty Krab, Mr. Krabs comes out of the office just as half his customers turn to dust.) Mr. Krabs: Me money! (Squidward turns to dust.) Mr. Krabs: Me cashier! (Thanos is now inside of the Soul Stone. Mindy, who now looks like Mindy in The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie again, swims up to him.) Mindy: Did you do it? Thanos: Yes. Mindy: What did it cost? Thanos: Hundreds of thousands of dollars of royalties. (The Disney lawyers are back now and laughing as they hold fistfuls of cash.) Thanos: Vultures. (To Be Concluded)
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