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After a slight title change and a rewrite, my guest write (a Deadpool parody) is finally done! Note that, for all intents and purposes, Terminoob's name is spelled with no capital letters.

68. Banpool

Film: Deadpool

This story begins, as all stories of this type do, with an action scene. Whist "Angel of the Morning" by Juice Newton plays in the background, the opening credits ("borrowed" from SBC Honest Trailers, no less) introduces us to the cast and crew for this episode:














As the opening credits go by in slow-motion, we can see a highway shootout going on, with the instigator being a masked man in red-and-black spandex, with a set of pony ears and a horn being worn beneath the mask. This is the hero of our story...for a given definition of the word "hero". He's actually a psychotic mercenary on a quest for revenge. And his name...is Banpool. After Banpool kills everyone in sight, he says a short monologue:

"You're probably thinking, 'Clappy said this was a superhero episode, but that guy in the red suit just turned that other guy into a fucking kebab.' Well, I may be super, but I'm no hero. And yeah, technically, this is a murder. But some of the best love stories start with a murder. And that's exactly what this is: A love story. And to tell it right... I gotta take you back to long before I squeezed this ass into red spandex."

And so, our story begins, narrated by Banpool himself.

This episode of SBCinema begins, innocently enough, with a pizza delivery to an apartment complex, but the tenant in question, a Mr. 4EverGreen, insists that he didn't order a pizza. It turns out he didn't: Renegade the Unicorn, an ex-troll turned backseat moderator with a minor case of cerebral palsy and Aspergers syndrome, did so, in order to lure the pizza boy, a StormAllenBryant, to him. Renegade has been hired by Aya to handle Storm, who has been harassing and stalking her as of late. Renegade, seeing Storm is a young misguided troll looking for attention, lets him off with a warning (but threatens to kill Storm, lest he stalk and harass Aya again) and steals the pizza, which he had already been eating anyway. Another job well done, Renegade heads to St. Katniss' Home for Wayward Users, an abandoned ask/help thread where freelance backseat mods and Retired Employees can take jobs in helping other SBC users with their problems, run by SBC's founder and first admin terminoob. Renegade, who is "friends" with terminoob, orders a hard root beer and instigates a fight in order to fill his quota on the "ban pool", a wall where users place bets to see who gets banned next. 

    While at the thread, Renegade meets Saucenessa, a Japanese restaurant hostess and Ariana Grande fan. After a fun night out with her, the date culminates in a one-night stand which quickly blossoms into a relationship. Over the course of one year, the two have various fun nights together, especially on holidays (for example, during Lent, the two just sit around and watch Victorious all day)...until tragedy strikes. Renegade asks Saucenessa to marry him, but then passes out from unknown causes. Rushed to the hospital, Renegade is diagnosed by Mr. Dr. Professor Patrick with terminal cancer and given a short time to live. Saucenessa is distraught, but tells Renegade that they can get through this. Renegade is confident they can, after all, the cancer is in his liver, lungs, prostate and brain, all things he claims that he can live without.

     Back at the thread, Renegade is approached by a man calling himself the Recruiter (but mocked by Renegade as "OMJared" and alternatively "Stan Smith"), who tells Renegade that they can not only cure his cancer, but maybe something more: make him a superhero. He gives Renegade a card, and tells the self-proclaimed unicorn to contact him when he's ready. After an unsuccessful international search for a cure (or at least remission) with Saucenessa, Renegade abandons his girl late one night while she's asleep.

    Renegade is taken to a secret facility where he meets ACS, the head scientist of the project, and his right hand woman, the cyberslut Jenna. Injected with a serum to awaken his "latent mutant genes" by ACS, Renegade is put through constant torture to activate the process. However, much to ACS' frustration, Renegade's will (nor constant streams of sarcasm and wsecracking) break. Things only worsen when Renegade finds out that "ACS" isn't even his torturer's real name, but rather the humorous and non-threatening "Hawkbit". As a result, Renegade mocks ACS for it at every single opportnity. ACS, tired and furious, decides on one last-ditch effort to awaken Renegade's mutant genes: an oxygen decompression chamber that will cause Renegade to asphyxiate. The treatment works, and Renegade's healing factor is activated, curing Renegade's cancer as well as his disability, but at a cost: the cancer has spread through his entire body, scarring him and causing him to go entirely bald. 

    Once the treatment is complete, ACS asks Renegade what his name is in the hopes of finally breaking the user who has mocked and belittled him for so long. When Renegade does not give the answer ACS wants, he decides to activate the tank again simply because he wants to, and explains the true purpose of the experiments: he hopes to turn Renegade into a super soldier slave so that he'll work for the Rebellion Against Cyber Bullying, which ACS plans to use to attack SBC one day. Deciding to leave Renegade in the machine for the weekend, ACS and Jenna exit. Enough is enough, and Renegade decides to not only escape but to destroy the facility as well in the hopes of ACS and his organization not having the means to trick desperate people ever again. Using the oxygen tank and a lit match, Renegade burns the facility, where he has a battle with ACS (naked) and is impaled on rebar, left to die in the burning wreckage. 

All of this is intercut with scenes of the highway fight, where Banpool is in pursuit of a mysterious man on a motorcycle: ACS. Just as Banpool is about to have his long-desired revenge against the troll who scarred his face, he is apprehended by Chalossus and Negasandy Teenage Warhead, who have been pursuing Banpool in order to recruit him to the cause of the SBC-Men, led by Professor jjs. Now in handcuffs after several tries at punching Chalossus' groin area, Banpool urges the p.o.s. guest writer to get back to the flashbacks. 

    Oh, right, the flashbacks. Now, at this point is where the story would usually end, often sadly. However, Renegade survives the fight with ACS, and wants to reconnect with Saucenessa, who presumes that he's dead. Due to his own personal fears about how she would respond to his new appearance, Renegade holds back and becomes a (well-intentioned and misguided) stalker towards her. Back at St. Katniss' Renegade decides to take revenge on ACS and hopefully get his old face back. On advice from terminoob, Renegade becomes a masked vigilante named Banpool. After some initial costume fails (his first costume being a white ski mask, hoodie, and goggles), Banpool settles on red-and-black spandex. Over the course of yet another year, Banpool begins taking out ACS' associates through incredibly violent means (for example, the fate of OMJared is so brutal, Banpool actually urges the reader to look away), while having several encounters with Chalossus and Negasandy. Along the way, the antihero encounters SOF, a Canadian cab driver who is competing with his cousin ssj for the affections of a girl named Jelly, and Old Man Bran Flakes, a user with whom Banpool becomes roommates with. Banpool's mission culminates in the highway fight seen earlier, and now that we're all caught up, let's get back to the story, shall we? 

    Banpool decides to escape Chalossus' handcuffs by cutting off one of his hands, much to Chalossus' and Negasandy's disgust. Heading towards home, Old Man Bran Flakes gives Banpool romantic advice like any friend should...until the heartwarming moment ends when Banpool urges him to leave the room on the grounds of "I bet it feels really huge in this hand". Banpool's hand slowly regenerates overnight. Meanwhile, after his almost-death at the hands of Banpool, ACS and Jenna head to terminoob's thread, where they find out about Saucenessa and her connection to Renegade. After they get the information they need, the duo attempt to kill the ex-founder, only to find out that doing so, in terminoob's words, would be "a bad idea". ACS and Jenna take their leave, much to Wumbo's confusion. 

    terminoob heads to Renegade, and informs him that Saucenessa is in danger. The duo head to Saucenessa's work, where JCM (in yet another cameo) acts as a DJ performing at the restaurant. One of Saucenessa's coworkers tells her that someone wants to meet her out back, "something about an old boyfriend". That someone turns out to be ACS, who kidnaps Saucenessa and holds her hostage. He orders Renegade to meet up at Davey Jones' Locker for a final showdown. Knowing that he can't face ACS alone, Banpool reluctantly recruits Chalossus and Negasandy to help him. Getting as many guns as he can (including some from Bran) and stuffing them into a My Little Pony-themed backpack, Banpool recruits SOF to drive himself, Chalossus, and Negasandy to the Locker, and finds out that the Canadian has kidnapped ssj and intends to eliminate him from the love triangle, a fact that Renegade is secretly overjoyed to hear about. 

    Once the trio arrive, the battle begins...only for Banpool to have forgotten his backpack in the cab, the sole gun he has being a pistol belonging to Old Man Bran. Banpool decides that he must make do with what he has, and battles ACS and his mercenaries on top of Davey Jones' Locker, while Chalossus and Negasandy battle Jenna. Jenna takes advantage of Chalossus' chivalry and does a faked wardrobe malfunction, in which after she succesfully hits Chalossus in the groin. Negasandy, in revenge, uses her powers to fight Jenna, and she accidentally destroys the power cables keeping the Locker stable, scattering Banpool and ACS. Killing all of ACS' mercs aside from Spongetron, whom Banpool remembers from Scarlet's Web, Banpool uses their bodies to spell out the name HAWKBIT when confronted with the question of ACS' name. While Chalossus gets Negasandy and Jenna to safety, Banpool saves Saucenessa and confronts ACS about the cure. ACS laughs and informs him that there is no cure. Banpool is ready to kill ACS, but is stopped by Chalossus, who gives a speech on how little time it takes to be a hero...only for Banpool to kill him anyway, as Chalossus is taking too long. Saucenessa and Banpool reunite, and after unmasking him (twice-there is a cardboard mask of Clappy's face stapled onto Renegade's own), the two kiss, as the episode closes on an Ariana song.

    In a post-credits scene spoofing SOF's Day Off, Banpool tells the readers to get off their internet devices and go outside...only to announce a sequel parodying Deadpool 2. 

Edited by Renegade the Unicorn
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On 12/13/2016 at 1:27 AM, Renegade the Santacorn said:

Because I don't wanna see this great lit go to waste, I'd like to request a parody: Who Framed Renegade the Unicorn?

@Clappy, I bet you know what this is supposed to spoof. (smirk) 

It's funny that you bumped this when you did because I was working on a holiday episode for this week. :funny:

It's a Christmas Miracle!  New SBCinema, just in time for the holidays!


69. A SBChristmas Carol

Film: A Christmas Carol...any one of them.  No specific year.

On Christmas Eve, Terminezer Noob, a miserly old animator at a counting house, does not share the merriment of Christmas. He declines his cheerful nephew SOF’s invitation to a Gravity Falls dinner party and dismisses two boys collecting money to give OBAB a second chance on SBM. His loyal employee Fred Rechit offers Terminezer Noob to have Christmas off since there will be no business for Terminezer during the day. Terminezer agrees and leaves. In his house, Terminezer is visited by the ghost of his deceased business partner WhoBob Marley, who warns him to repent his wicked ways or he will be condemned in to a Chris Evans-less afterlife like he did, carrying heavy chains forged for his fanboy shipping ways. He informs Terminezer Noob that three sexy spirits will visit him.

At one o'clock, Terminezer Noob is visited by the It’s Lit Ghost of Bada Bing Past, who takes him back in time to his early life. They visit Terminezer Noob's tv.com days as he sees his sister Jelly, who’s activity died after giving birth to SOF. Terminezer Noob later begins a successful career in animation as an employee under Jjstheboss, and he becomes engaged to a woman named Sauce. However, the Lit Ghost shows Terminezer Noob how Sauce left him when he chose his wealth over her. A devastated Terminezer Noob extinguishes the spirit causing him no longer to be lit as Terminezer is rocketed back to the present.

At two o'clock, Terminezer Noob meets the merry Ghost of Crushing Present, which shows him the joys and wonder of activity on Christmas Day. Terminezer and the Ghost visit Fred and his wife Shego's house, learning his family is content with their small dinner as long as Wumbo updates his Billboard countdown thread, as Terminezer takes pity on Fred's ill son Tiny Tamatoa (Tiny Tam for short). The Crushing Ghost abruptly ages, commenting that Tiny Tam will likely not survive to see the activity next Christmas. Before dying, the crushing warns Terminezer Noob about the evils of "Teamwork" and "Blaze"; Big BAN begins tolling the hour as "Teamwork" and "Blaze" manifest themselves before Terminezer Noob as two wretched children who grow into spammy trolling individuals, leaving the spirit fading into dust.

The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Cameo (JCM in a festive bit part) arrives, appearing as a silent, cloaked shadow, and takes Terminezer Noob into the future. Terminezer witnesses the SBC staff discussing the death of an unnamed colleague where they would only attend his ask thread funeral if lunch is provided; Terminezer is then chased across SBC by the Cameo Ghost and later discovers that his possessions are stolen and sold by his llama Omair for more Nutella at Wegmans.  As he continues to be chased, he notices Kat and her Canadian Boyfriend who owed Terminezer Noob money are relieved he is dead, as they have more time to procrastinate off their debt. The cameoed spirit transports Terminezer to Fred's residence where he learns Tiny Tam had died. The Cameo Ghost escorts Terminezer Noob to a cemetery, where the Cameo Ghost points out his own grave, revealing Terminezer Noob was the man who died. Realizing this, Terminezer promises to change his ways just as the Cameo Ghost forces Terminezer to fall into his empty coffin sitting in a deep grave atop the fires of Chris Evans-less Hell.

Awakening in his bedroom on Christmas Day, with love and joy in his heart, a gleeful Terminezer Noob decides to surprise Fred's family with an updated countdown thread from Wumbo, and ventures out with the charity workers and the citizens of SBC to spread Stop What You’re Doing across the city. The following day, he gives Rechit a raise and becomes "a second father" to Tiny Tam, who escapes death. A changed man, Terminezer Noob now treats everyone with kindness, generosity, and compassion; he now embodies the spirit of Christmas.  The movie ends with Tiny Tam saying: “I’d rather be SHINY!”


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70 (part one). trbCv4X.jpg

Film: Split (2016)

We open up to a chat party actually being held at SBM chat. The SBM Five are running the show and everyone else in attendance are just glorified background characters. Also in attendance was Rugratskid, who was only invited to come onto chat out of pity. When the party eventually dies down due to petty drama, arguments and the like, it all comes down to just Tropical Nards, Grubby Grouper and Rugratskid. With the rest of the SBM Five off spamming their over the fucking hill inside jokes in the SBC ask threads, Grubby and Nards decide to include RK into their conversation. Suddenly, ACS pops up into the chat going by the name of Hunter Ace One. He nonchalantly interrupts their two sided convo and proceeds to knock both Grubby and Nards out with some non-lethal ammunition which he gathered from viewing said two sided convo. RK attempts to exit out of the chat but fails epically before giving Hunter ammunition to knock him out too.

Hunter brings the three to a windowless chat room on an unknown site. He picks Grubby out of the three and starts to bully "Big Sexy" out of the room. RK grabs hold of a frightened Grubby and tells him to "cry your eyes out" before Hunter can fully take him out. A few seconds later, Hunter kicks Grubby (who had indeed cried his eyes out all over Hunter) back into the room and leaves them be. Grubby tells the others that Hunter wanted him to "save the Delta Queen", which is unnerving enough. Nards wants for all of them to team up so they can outnumber and just wail on the guy 3-to-1 like usual, but RK is trying to remain calm about the situation and says that they need to at least hear Hunter out more before doing anything rash.

We then see a flashback in which Kid Rugratskid is being bullied by a bunch of kids from school over having Alvin and the Chipmunks dolls. His father and uncle then try to teach him to defend himself by getting angry.

Ssj receives a report, that a member actually sent in for once, about the disappearances of the three members. He then receives a PM from a member named CarolusJohanneus, saying that they need to speak and it is urgent to SBM-TF51 affairs. Carolus is a leading member of Task Force 51, as well as one of a buhmillion distinct personalities that are inside ACSBehemothHellcat's body. ACS holds meetings with Ssj in this personality regularly over keeping the peace between the Task Force in ACS's mind and SpongeBuddy Mania. Ssj inquires whether or not anything is the matter to justify the urgency of Carolus' previous message, but Carolus assures him that everything's fine and that he was just feeling under the weather and needed to know that Ssj was still willing to listen to them, even inquiring if Ssj has any backup plans in place should anything happen to him and SBM is left without a leader for them to backseat moderate. Ssj assures him that he has a qualified replacement in mind should that day ever arrive, which it won't, and that it shouldn't be keeping Carolus up at night touching himself.

Meanwhile, the three captives continue to find a way out of their situation. They manage to eavesdrop on a convo that Hunter is having with what seems to be a female member. Nards and Grubby both pop boners and call out to the female member for help, but their boners are instantly killed, as this movie parody's first fatalities, when they find out that it is just ACS clad in a dress, high heels and a blonde wig. This personality is named "Omnilectric", whose sole defining trait is that she is a very blonde girl apparently. Omni assures the three that their captor knows what they're here for and that "he is not allowed to threaten you. They listen to me. I am the one thin membrane, the one piece of ass, keeping a pack of raving man children from raiding your SpongeBob fan sites."

Ssj is in conference with the rest of his staff for a podcast, in which they discuss all the hoopla going on around SBM as of late. Ssj reveals that he has made a breakthrough discovery that ACS's team are, in fact, not all one and the same. Through his years of studying, he has come to the conclusion that ACS suffers from Dissociative Identity Disorder. Ssj talks about how some personalities have capabilities that the others may not possess, such as being very blonde or landing a starring role in an M. Night Shyamalan film, as well as his own sixth sense of telling just which personality has come to "the light" and is in control. He concludes the conference with the startling revelation that people with DID can change their body chemistry with their thongs. Shit, I mean't "thoughts". Stupid autocorrect.

The captives meet another personality named "The Grandmaster", who is a 69-year old man with the mentality of a 9-year old. He claims that "Lochinvar is on the move" and that he just had a Red Bull. Grandmaster elaborates to them that "Lochinvar has done horrible things to cyber bullies and Lochnivar will do horrible things to you." before informing them that he also had some Blue Bull too.  RK talks to Grandmaster in an attempt to get a way out by telling him that Omnilectric and Hunter are mad at him and that he's now in the same boat that he, Grubby and Nards are in. Grandmaster breaks down and leaves in distress. Using a hint that Grandmaster gave before leaving, RK and the others start looking for a way out in the walls that enclosed them. Nards finds a hollow spot in the chat room and starts breaking it out board by board. Grandmaster tries coming back, but RK and Grubby hold him back as Nards makes his escape. ACS reverts to Hunter and effortlessly knocks back RK and Grubby with the ammo they just gave him. Nards navigates his way through the unknown site, running for help. He finds a place to hide in, a section titled "The SBM Files, but he is Nards so Hunter uses that as ammo against him in order to immediately find him easily. He orders Nards out of the file cabinet before stuffing him back in and then forces him to take his glasses off, throw them on the ground and to put the now broken glasses back on. He then locks Nards in a private section of the site by himself.



Apologies, but I'm splitting this up into two parts in case it's getting pretty lengthy (also if some of the material is dated, but its dated for a reason. I'll just leave it at that). Second part will be up tomorrow or the next day.

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70 (part two). Multiple

Film: Split (2016)


In another meeting with Ssj, ACS returns as Carolus. Ssj doesn't believe that he is really speaking to Carolus, though. He is beginning to notice Carolus exhibiting characteristics and hostility that is normally seen in other personalities like that of Hunter Ace One. Carolus continues to insist that relations between the two sides have gotten better, great again, even. Ssj once again brings up the fact that ACS has a buhmillion different personalities and that each one of them serve their own purpose in the grand scheme of ACS. Ssj brings to the light the fact that the other, more benevolent, personalities have been passing along a sort of urban legend amongst their ranks during past meetings about there being a supposed "buhmillionth and first personality", one that can "post at lightning fast speeds, can tear people to shreds with through the force of his words alone and feed on their tears, can compel others to ride his dick and kiss his ass, as well as withstand any and all forms of bashing and flaming without so much as a scratch, all while having the ability to systematically and effectively shut down a forum." Carolus confirms to Ssj that there is absolutely so truth to such a tall tale and that Santi just made it up to to make them feel more empowered. Seeing that Ssj is still unconvinced that he is Carolus, Carolus tries proving his point by doing the one thing he knows Ssj would expect from him; posting up a picture of a metal band front man and claiming it to be himself. Ssj plays along and tells Carolus that it is his job to test him, much like how it is TF51's to test his patience, and ends their meeting there.

Some time after the meeting, Omnilectric visits RK and Grubby and feeds them more kindling to the fire. Grubby is forced to reveal himself in a reality image, while RK only posts up a doodle of himself and Vanessa Hudgens. Omni tries to do at least something with RK's hair while they eat, telling the two fun facts about how the fatwood that she's feeding them is called rich lighter in Louisiana before causing RK to jolt up in pain from her rough hair brushing. She allows RK and Grubby to step out of their chat room in order to have a more formal meal in the site's dining section. She prepares more kindling for them, but gets alarmingly upset when she burns them more than needed. Omni tries to calm the mood down by preparing a new batch of kindling and telling them more fun facts about how fatwood lights quickly even when wet, is very wind resistant, and burns hot enough to light larger pieces of wood.  RK starts a conversation by saying that he heard the smoke produced by fatwood is considered to be excellent bug repellent. Omni commends his fatwood knowledge and suggests that maybe SBC could use that method sometime.

Grubby takes advantage of the situation in order to slap Omni with a warning point and lands a kick from behind. Omni reels in pain as Grubby cheeses it out of the dining section. She grabs ammo to give chase. RK tries intercepting her, but she points the gun at him and orders him to get back to the chat room and lock it up, which RK obliges to.

Grubby finds himself in an awkward close up shot in what seems to be the main page of this site that they're trapped in. He tries clicking link after link desperately for a way out but they either don't load or lead to nowhere. Omni catches up to him, using the ammo that Grubby generously provided during his escape attempt to bully him and lock him away in another private chat.

Meanwhile, Ssj and his bottom bitch, Aya, debating over WWE matters while reviewing archives of the chat's daily happenings, specifically looking over activity that took place during just that day. They see that another spat went down between a couple of the members that ACS was logged in for. Carolus would log in not long after and remained silent throughout the whole thing before leaving. Ssj found this odd since the members of TF51, be they malevolent or benevolent, are usually never this shy about making their overinflated opinions about how a spongebob fansite should be run be known. Ssj ponders to himself just what is Hunter up to.

The next morning, Grandmaster, having spent the night sleeping with RK to keep him company now that Grubby is gone, talks to RK playfully. Grandmaster even asks RK for tips on how to flirt with girls since he had a crush on Aya and Cha, but "Hunter didn't abduct them with the other two" so he wants to make sure he brings his A-game for when the time does come. RK lectures him to the best of his abilities, using all the times he flirted with a Vanessa Hudgens poster as reference. Grandmaster mentions his music collection, saying that he likes to dance to some Ed Sheeran. RK asks him to show him his homepage so that they could listen and dance to some Ed Sheeran together, but really to find a way out. Grandmaster is hesitant about RK's intentions until RK earns his trust by telling him his deepest, darkest secret; that he killed his father in a freak accident. Grandmaster tells RK that he'll show him his homepage and "something cool" once Hunter gets back from his next meeting with Ssj, revealing how annoyed they both are by Carolus always finding a way back into the light while they sleep in order to contact Ssj.

We get another flashback to Kid Rugratskid, who has just come home from school, after another daily dosage of bullying, to find that his father has just discovered his secret stash of plush dolls. His father demeans him for this hobby and approaches his son with ill intent before the flashback ends.

During said meeting, Ssj is growing more wary as Carolus continues to reassure him that relations are still as great as they've ever been and that he just called for this meeting in order to make sure that ask is still listening to their backseat moderating. Ssj resumes imposing his stance that the "Carolus" he is meeting with right now is Hunter, to which Carolus continues to vehemently deny. This prompts Ssj to bring up an incident from the past where ACS was mourning the inevitable shutdown of the Delta Queen, when members of the SpongeBob Community came and bad mouthed him for it. The incident drove ACS to his breaking point and that Hunter Ace One eventually came into being in order to help him cope with it. Ssj assures Carolus that he doesn't see any of them as really bad guys and he knows that a lot of them have sincere, good intentions. Ssj theorizes that yet another traumatic event has happened to ACS online once again, which has given the likes of Hunter and Omni, who were both banned from "the light", the strength to take back control and help ACS through things again whereas the other personalities simply aren't as strong to do so. 

Ssj lets out that he has come to see the likes of Hunter as being "necessary" in ACS's online life, unlike this "Lochinvar" that he's been hyping up to scare everybody with. This moment rubs Hunter's ego enough to finally drop the charade and reveal himself to Ssj, who is glad to finally meet him one on one. Hunter responds to ssj's skepticism of Lochinvar by informing him that "Lochinvar is very real" although Hunter says that he, himself, has personally never seen Lochinvar yet since all of ACS's personalities reside in a single room in ACS's mind, all sitting in chairs with iPads, whereas Lochinvar is said to reside where "the twin towers fell".

Later that evening, Grandmaster sneaks RK to his homepage, where he spazzes out to "I'm a Mess" by Ed Sheeran. RK interrupts his rave to ask whether or not there are any windows for him to click on and totally not escape. Grandmaster uses this as ammo to grow wise to RK's ruse, but RK begs him in tears to not fib on him to the others, seeing this as his only chance to find any escape route. RK reminds Grandmaster that he wanted to show him something cool, to which Grandmaster reveals it was a new version of YSFlight that he got, because of course. RK sees this as his chance to escape and asks if he can play with it. Grandmaster tells him that he "can get a feel of the controls but that's it". RK ignites the plane and prepares for takeoff, trying to communicate with the control tower on his position and situation, but Grandmaster attacks and RK gets angry sends the Grandmaster reeling back in pain with a hard elbow to the chest. The contact made leaves a burn mark on Grandmaster's shirt. RK finds himself struggling with the controls for this comflab simulator as Omni logs back in to detain him before kindly removing him from the plane.

Back on SBM, ssj sees that his inbox is full of cries for help from ACS's many other personalities.



Hey, if you made it this far, it turns out I'm gonna be splitting this into three parts! Really wanna do the source material justice and make the most of it, ya know. Final part will be up tomorrow!

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70 (part three). Multiple

Film: Split (2016)


Omni escorts RK back to his chat room and tells him that Hunter "will be here shortly to inform you on the importance of tonight." Omni heads to the corner and switches around accounts, coming back logged in as Hunter. Hunter informs RK that he and the others are to be "sacred food". That they are about to witness the debut of "something greater." Hunter reveals that he originally planned to prepare five sacrifices, but that the "other three were absent, of all times" so he had to improvise and hopes that Lochinvar will still be satisfied. Hunter leaves RK alone in his chatroom as he heads off to continue preparations for Lochinvar's arrival.

Ssj visits TF51's base of operations, just as Hunter is about to log off. Hunter invites ssj inside so they can continue to discuss Lochinvar, as well as "The Club", which is the collective name given to Hunter, Omni, Grandmaster, Carolus, Santi etc by some of the other personalities. Ssj says that he sees everybody on SBM as his family, he's seen members come and go and get lost in the shuffle of life. In spite of their differences, he feels the very same towards ACS and his personalities as well, and he sees the potential in what they all can bring to the fold. But the idea of Lochnivar being real is still beyond him. Ssj soon becomes genuinely startled as Hunter goes on about the philosophies of Lochinvar, who believes that The Club shouldn't be considered less than by common members, but that they are capable of far more than both communities combined. Hunter also reveals that he had lied to ssj before. Hunter says that he has, in fact, seen Lochinvar, describing Lochinvar as being old, even older than The Grandmaster, but with a far stronger will, resolve and bod. Hunter claims that Lochinvar is beautiful, more beautiful than their fairest maiden, Omnilectric. He concludes by saying that Lochinvar is "the culmination of all the violence you see on your SpongeBob fan sites, the spawn of all your wildest wet dreams, the product of your weaknesses, Lochinvar spits in the face of SpongeBob, your lord. With Lochinvar, we are truly greater than. Lochinvar will be the one to cast judgement around here, Lochinvar will be the one to bully the cyber bullies. You should already know Lochinvar's greatness for you have already been in his presence." Hunter lets out that Omni thinks that ssj's way isn't working, and Hunter finds himself hard pressed to agree with her based on the daily happenings of SBM alone as well as the continued public scrutinization of The Club. Ssj despairingly believes that there must be a limit to what a human being can become and what they can do.

Reaching his own breaking point, ssj feigns enthusiasm in the philosophies of Lochnivar and tells Hunter that he would like to pick this up again during their next meeting. Ssj asks to go to the bathroom and while "afk", he sees a locked off private chat. Ssj codes his way inside to find Nards there; scared, alone and begging for help. Hunter catches wind of this development and informs Ssj that these SBMers will never reach their full potential. Ssj reminds Hunter that instead of a righteous act, he's, in fact, committing an egregious wrong and that this is the lowest that ssj's ever seen him sunk. Ssj tries talking sense to him, that Lochinvar has only emerged because of all his bad experiences on SBC and SBM. Hunter uses these unfortunate circumstances as ammunition to use against ssj and knock him out before he can help.

Hunter makes his way to New York, where the Twin Towers once stood. Nards and Grubby (being in the locked chatroom next to his) communicate through the walls and encourage each other to try and find a way out. Grubby puts his moderating skills to the test, trying to hack his way out of the chatroom. RK miraculously manages to hack his way  out of his chatroom and comes upon the The TF51 Files section. Blocked by another wall of code, RK tries his best to hack through it while sifting through TF51's many individual files, which includes Santi, JD, Felix, KD, Ed Oxenbould, and Carolus. Santi, JD, Felix and KD's are, more or less, the same with same ole anti-SBC rhetoric while Oxenbould's shows a meeting he was having with M. Night Shyamalan (in a super special guest cameo).  Carolus' chronicled his growing worries about some of the other personalities colluding against him and his gradual realization that there may just be a possibility of Lochinvar actually being real.

Hunter buys a bouquet of flowers before finally arriving at Ground Zero. He lays the bouquet down in remembrance of all those who lost their lives there and giving him the freedom to make a YSFlight recreation of it. Hunter officially logs out, giving way for Lochnivar to drop in and take control in an excruciating process for the New Yorkers to see. Now fully in control, and exuding an incredible amount of power and activity levels, Lochinvar quickly sprints his way back to his captives at breakneck speeds.

Ssj comes to, still in the TF51 site. He creates a new page on the site right as Lochinvar logs in and presses "submit". Lochinvar proceeds to thank ssj for always hearing them out and giving them the benefit of the doubt. Lochinvar glomps ssj before blurting out "if only that were the case". Lochinvar grips ssj in a tight bear hug, stripping ssj of his disguise and revealing him to be none other than hilaryfan80, who has been standing in for ssj at most of his meetings with TF51 in order to give him a break from their shit. hilaryfan80 tries to fight back by bashing Lochnivar, but finds that nothing he does can even faze Lochinvar. Lochinvar continues to constrict his arms around him like an anaconda. hilaryfan80 gets one more laugh in on TF51 by revealing that he's actually Face, who stood in for hilaryfan80 because twins, but it doesn't even faze Lochinvar, who finally breaks Face's spine in half.

Back in his chatroom, RK finally let's his anger flow through him and with a fireball, busting his way out of the file room and onto the main site. He finds an open chatroom, peering in to find Grubby Grouper's dead body, having had his tears fed upon right through the eye sockets. RK hears a noise coming from the chatroom next door and he reluctantly looks in to find Nards still alive on the floor, but he immediately gets dragged deeper into the room before he can say anything and gets torn to shreds by Lochinvar while also having his tears harvested. RK retreats and locks the chatroom. He then comes upon Face's lifeless account as well as the post that Face made, which instructed "Say his name- Landon Allen". RK then finds himself face to face with Lochinvar. RK screams his name repeatedly, which forces Lochinvar to log out and allowing Landon to log back in. We briefly see a flashback of a Kid Landon's earliest memories on the Internet being heckled by YouTube trolls, using his real name as his username.

Landon has no memories of what he's done, he then sees the havoc that his personalities have wreaked for himself and asks Rugratskid if its' still February 2011. When RK replies that it is not, Landon staggers back in fear. He tells RK that he has a shotgun and some ammo to use against him in his TV Tropes tab. He tells RK to do what must be done. RK proceeds to go ahead and do just that, but his personalities all start logging back in at once. MR17 breaks through first and says that the actions of The Club doesn't reflect all the other personalities such as himself so he should be exempt from any hateful fanfics about them. Ed Oxenbould interrupts and says that he's got to get on set for Alexander and the Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Movie 2. JD and Felix fly into an impotent rage before being sedated and thrown back into the subconscious by the real Carolus, who says that he's working to improve not only relations with the SpongeBob forums, but relations within himself. Carolus gets expelled from "the light" as Grandmaster logs back in and retakes control for The Club. He teases RK, saying that he shouldn't have tried to get in his flight simulator. Grandmaster rants about how everybody teased and made fun of him for being so old and so anal about a couple of children's forum, even going so far as to say that somebody like him in the world can't even be real. He praises Lochnivar for finally legitimizing him so that nobody can hatefully parody him ever again before handing the reigns off to Omnilectric, who taunts RK for being a mere child taking on the very best of what a human being can accomplish. RK says Landon's name again, which forces Omni to log out and puts Landon seemingly back in control.

RK tells Landon that he's stronger than them, and to remain in control. Landon tries holding The Club back before casually relaxing with a smirk on his face. RK asks who he's speaking to, to which Landon replies that he is ACSBehemothHellcat. ACS says that he hasn't worked this hard for six years to have it all be undone, so he put Landon to sleep far, far away "in the deepest dark" so spamming his name won't do anymore good. ACS elaborates that more sacrifices will be made, and that he knows just where to find them. ACS belts out that "this is only the start!" He proceeds to give RK a head start, wanting him at his best for Lochinvar. ACS logs out, allowing Lochinvar to log back in and forcing RK to run for his life. RK switches to the TV Tropes tab and finds the shotgun and ammo he needs, but Lochinvar is quickly catching up to him. RK makes another run for it in order to load the gun, but Lochinvar trips him and proceeds to tear RK all sorts of new ones, fucking up his leg and ripping off parts of his avatar and revealing part of RK's real reality image of himself. RK aims his gun back to see that Lochinvar has already retreated back. RK eventually finds himself cornered in a discord server, so he tears off what's left of his avatar to improve his vision, locks himself in and readies his gun for the worst.

Lochinvar lurks close by and declares that SpongeBob forum goers are impure, that they have not endured true suffering, bullying and misfortune. He rants about how they can dish out pain but cannot bear to take it, that they are untouched, unburned, unslain so they have no value in themselves and are unfit for this world. He lunges at RK, who gets a shot off and it makes contact, but it doesn't seem to slow down Lochinvar. Lochinvar tells RK that nothing can hurt him, he renders any and all ammo against him useless. He says that he is not human, that "Landon is ACS, I am much better!" RK unloads even more on Lochinvar, who tanks everything that Rugratskid can dish out and shakes it off little effort until RK runs out of ammo. Noticing that, Lochinvar proceeds to lay siege on RK, who resorts to getting angry in order to flame Lochinvar and set him ablaze.


But even then, the flames don't even seem to burn Lochinvar, who proceeds to lunge at RK just as he was, but stops himself suddenly. Lochinvar lays eyes on Rugratskid's exposed true self for the first time and sees the various mental scars that adorns him.

We get one final flashback to Kid Rugratskid at a funeral. His uncle approaches him and he tells the young boy that he's sorry for his lost, that spontaneous combustion runs in the family and even took the life of his own father. He informs Kid RK that he's gonna take care of him from now on and asks Kid Rugratskid whether or not he's gonna be a problem. Het gets no answer from the boy before angrily noticing the Simon Chipmunk doll that he's holding in his arms right as the flashback ends.

Lochinvar says that RK is "different from the rest" and proclaims that Rugratskid's heart is pure and tells him to rejoice, for "the broken are better". Lochinvar spares a flabbergasted RK and leaves the scene. Not long after, a staff member for the YSFlight HQ discovers a shell shocked Rugratskid within the confines of their ysflight community and gets him help. Rugratskid takes in the surroundings of where he's been this entire time. Rugratskid's uncle arrives to pick him up, but RK isn't having his abuse anymore.

Meanwhile, Landon is in his chatzy by himself, with The Club united and in complete control now, minus Carolus. Hunter logs in and says that the ammo didn't even pierce them while the flames extinguished without leaving any burns, they all came out of this parody completely unscathed and victorious. JD logs in and is amazed before rolling on the floor laughing over how "everything we do is just 2 SPOOKY!" Grandmaster also logs in, also amazed and rolling on the floor laughing, asking  "They're gonna believe that we exist now, right?" Omni logs in and replies that they're gonna have to. ACS logs in and tells the other that they'll all be safe now under Lochinvar's protection, all they have to do is just show him awe and THREATEN SBC. They make plans to show the SpongeBob Community what they're truly capable of, plotting to attack them through their own lits.

The last scene is an SBC News Report detailing The Club's crimes. SpongeSebastian reports that the Lochinvar personality is an amalgamation of all the notes and ammo that ACS compiled from both SBC and SBM throughout the years, countless tv tropes entries, as well as ACS's understanding of how satires work. He also reports on a freak fiery explosion that took place at the YSFlight Headquarters not long after RK was recovered. One of the members viewing the report, Spongetron, bad mouths The Club and brings up that one guy who usually makes cameos in each of these episodes.

Spongetron: This reminds me, whatever happened to that sarcastic guy who usually makes a cameo in these episodes? He had a name with three letters in it too. What was it?

The Good Guy: JCM, mang.

Spongetron: Oh yeah.



Crushing replies as he watches the report, deep in thought, weighing his options over what he's gonna do about this in a twist ending to an episode that's sure to baffle half the audience who don't watch wrestling or keep up with a certain other lit.

Credits music:

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I was holding this out to celebrate the Spin-off Festival, but I figured why not because you guys have been waiting long enough for a new episode.  Who knows, I might have another surprise one in store (smirk) .



71. Cameo Man v Supergameman: Dawn of Games Section Injustice

Film: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice


Nearly a year after the destructive battle with General Zaid in Spamopolis, Supergameman has become a controversial figure.  No longer in cameo, JCM, who has operated in SBC City as the vigilante Cameo Man for nearly two decades, sees Supergameman as a potential threat to ask me thread humanity. After learning of Cameo Man's form of justice, Bub Fehing, Supergameman's alter-ego, seeks to expose Cameo Man via Krabby Kronicle articles. JCM learns that yesteryear game trafficker Pakasa has been contacting SexCorp mogul Dr. Sex Suthor to guess the next poster. Meanwhile, Sex unsuccessfully tries to persuade SBMenator Amphitrite to allow him to import gametonite retrieved from the ocean following Zaid's terraforming attempt, claiming he wants to maintain it as a "deterrent" against Gametonians. He instead makes alternative plans with SBM'S immature subordinates and gains access to Zaid's body and the Gametonian scout ship.

JCM attends a party at SexCorp, where he meets a Yo-Kai Watch dealer named Spongetron RobotPants, and retrieves encrypted data from the company's mainframe. While decrypting the drive at the Cameo Cave, JCM dreams of a post-apocalyptic world, where he leads a group of cameos against a fascist Supergameman only to be overtaken by a higher unexplained power that will probably appear in future movies. He is snapped out of the vision by an unidentified being named The Who who warns him of Katie Kinks's crucial role in the future, and urges him to watch Legion, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., and Luke Cage to name a few because they will all appear on his best list.   JCM then snaps out of that vision snarkly questioning the extended future of this SBCinema Extended Universe.  The next day and back on focus of this SBCinema episode, JCM discovers that Sex is not only experimenting with gametonite, but also investigating metamembers. One of them is Spongetron herself, who is an immortal warrior. JCM admits to Old Man Jenkins that he plans to steal the gametonite to weaponize it, should it become necessary to fight Supergameman.

At a SBM hearing, as Amphitrite questions Supergameman on the validity of his actions, she notices a container of Sex piss, and a bomb goes off and kills everyone present logged on SBM but Supergameman. Believing he should have detected the bomb, and frustrated by his failure to save the people, Supergameman goes into self-imposed exile only to hallucinate his dead adoptive father Crushing telling him to spread the activity. Cameo Man breaks into SexCorp and steals the gametonite, planning to use it to battle Supergameman by building a powered exoskeleton, and creating a gametonite grenade launcher and a gametonite-tipped snark. Meanwhile, Sex enters the Gametonian ship and accesses details of a vast technology database accumulated from over 100,000 worlds because it’s supremely easy to access such a highly secure database.

Sex kidnaps Marthcha Fehing, Bub's adoptive mother, to bring Supergameman out of exile. He reveals to him that he manipulated Supergameman and Cameo Man by fueling their distrust for each other. Sex demands that Supergameman kill Cameo Man in exchange for Marthcha's life. Supergameman tries to explain the situation to Cameo Man, but instead Cameo Man fights Supergameman and eventually subdues him. Before Cameo Man can kill him with the snark, Supergameman urges Cameo Man to "save Marthcha", whose name is also shared with JCM's mother, confusing him long enough for Katie to arrive and reason with Cameo Man. Realizing how far he has fallen and unwilling to let an innocent die, Cameo Man rescues Marthcha, while Supergameman confronts Sex on the ship.

Sex executes his backup plan, unleashing a genetically-engineered monster with DNA from both Zaid's body and his own calling it Droid Wolf. Spongetron arrives unexpectedly, and revealing her metamember nature as Prankster Gangster, she joins forces with Cameo Man and Supergameman to fight Droid Wolf. It becomes clear that Droid Wolf can absorb and redirect energy, and outmatches Prankster Gangster, Cameo Man and Supergameman. Realizing that it is vulnerable to gametonite, Supergameman retrieves the snark. With Cameo Man and Prankster Gangster's help containing it, Supergameman impales Droid Wolf, killing it. In its last moments, Droid Wolf fatally stabs a weakened Supergameman with one of its bone protrusions.

Sex is arrested and Cameo Man confronts him in prison, warning Sex that he will always be watching him. Sex gloats that Supergameman's death has made the world vulnerable to powerful alien threats and many more extended universe movies that no one wants because this one can’t even be executed correctly. A memorial is held for Supergameman in Spamopolis. Bub is also declared dead, and JCM, Katie, Marthcha, and SpongeTron attend a private funeral for him in the television series Smallville. Marthcha gives an envelope to Katie, which contains an engagement ring from Bub. After the funeral, JCM reveals to Spongetron that he plans to form a team of metamembers, starting with those from Sex's files, to help protect the world in Supergameman's absence. After they leave, the dirt atop Bub's coffin begins to levitate because HE’S NOT DEAD LEL.


In a post credits sequence, JCM is in a subzero temperature climate stopping by a bar looking for Omair Irfan.  He finds him and tells him that he hears he can talk to llamas.

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In honor of the first day of the Spin-off Festival, I present to you...the immediate follow up to the last episode. (smirk)

72. The Do or Die Squad

Film: Suicide Squad


In the aftermath of Supergameman's death, intelligence officer Katniss Lovestacos tries to assemble The Todd Squad…only to realize they are watching a brand new episode of One Hit Wonderland.  So instead she assembles Task Force Ex, a team of dangerous banned members imprisoned at Industrial Park Prison consisting of in flashback form:

-Elite spam man Deadstorm, who never misses the chance to spam…except for when Cameo Man conveniently cameos in front of his backup ban-dodging account and doesn’t harass him.

-Former sexiatrist Jenna, who is solely here for nostalgia fan service and nothing else.

-Pyrokinetic ex-gangster Bl4ze, who has a tragic backstory about burning his bitches alive.  Hence why he doesn’t troll anymore.

-Opportunistic thief Captain Stancakes, who tries to hack a bank but gets stopped by another cameo from The Who.  As Stancakes whimpers and whines about being caught, The Who also recommends binging Arrow and that it’s well worth your time as legit programming.

-Genetic mutation Killer Cock (ACS), who became mutated after all his personalities meshed together to make a hideous green blob.

-And specialized harassin Person, who doesn’t get a backstory nor any real attention in this movie.

-And silent swordswoman Cherry, who also doesn’t get much focus and just randomly appears at will.

They are placed under command of Colonel Trophy to be used as disposable assets in high-risk missions for the SBC government. Each member has a nano bomb implanted in their neck, designed to detonate should any member rebel or try to escape.

One of Katniss's intended recruits is Trophy's girlfriend Dr. Marley Splinder, a former missing person possessed by a witch-troll known as the "The Wolverine". The Wolverine quickly turns on Katniss, deciding to eradicate humankind with a mystical weapon for not having Logan top the box office for multiple weeks. She besieges SBC City by transforming its populace into a horde of X-Men, and summons her brother Sabretooth to assist her. Katniss then deploys the squad to extract high-profile mark Jjs from SBC, whom is reported to be under a terrorist attack.

Jenna's homicidal poop obsessed lover, The Blubber, finds out about her predicament and tortures Industrial Park Security Officer OWM by threatening to shove poop down his mouth.  Not wanting such a fate, OWM leads him to the facility where the nano bombs are made. There, he tempts Dr. Professor Patrick with Sooyoung nudes into disabling Jenna's bomb. On approach, the squad's helicopter is shot down, forcing them to proceed on foot to their target. Stancakes inaccurately convinces Person that the bombs are a ruse to keep them in check; Person attempts to escape and Trophy kills him via his nano bomb and blasts the remains out of his cannon, while the squad is attacked by The X-Men.  Stancakes then sulks about how everything is his fault as everyone tells him to shut up with his self-loathing. They eventually fight their way through to a safe room, where they learn that their mark is not Jjs, but Katniss herself, who is attempting to cover up her involvement in The Wolverine's siege.

The squad escorts Katniss to a rooftop for extraction, but the arriving helicopter has been hijacked by The Blubber and his imitators, who open fire on the squad while Jenna climbs aboard upon Mr. Dr. Professor Patrick disarming the bomb. However, Katniss calls for The Todd Squad to pause the new One Hit Wonderland and shoot down the helicopter.  Jenna falls out while The Blubber is presumed dead, after which Jenna rejoins the squad. Alerted to Katniss's whereabouts, the fellow X-Men arrive and kidnap her. Deadstorm, using his stalking skills, finds Katniss's confidential files and learns the truth about The Wolverine. Trophy is then forced to confess the truth about how the movie Logan is only okay at best, causing the squad members to abandon him. With Katniss compromised, Trophy relieves the squad of the mission, but chooses to continue since it’s his last chance to go home. Realizing they have an opportunity to prove themselves, they soon rejoin him and locate The Wolverine at a partially-flooded first run movie theater. Killer Cock and what’s left of his Team Rage cronies, Lieutenant Ed Oxenbould and Hudgeratskid, go underwater to plant a bomb underneath Sabretooth. Bl4ze embraces his flaming abilities once more and distracts Sabretooth long enough for the bomb to detonate underneath, killing them both as well as Ed Oxenbould and Hudgeratskid.

The remaining squad members battle The Wolverine together, but are ultimately defeated. The Wolverine offers to fulfill their deepest desires in terms of who will replace Hugh Jackman in exchange for their allegiance, and Jenna feigns interest in sending sexual messages to Hugh in order to get close enough to cut out The Wolverine's heart. Killer Cock, upset by the loss of the only two people who truly bought his shtick, then throws explosives into The Wolverine' weapon and Deadstorm spams them, destroying the device. Trophy takes The Wolverine' heart and crushes it, finally freeing Marley from the curse. Katniss, still alive, emerges, and the squad members are returned to Industrial Park with ten years off their sentences. All but Captain Stancakes are allowed special privileges much to Stan’s bitching. The Blubber, alive and unscathed, breaks into the penitentiary and rescues Jenna with a bigger and badder cock.

In a mid-credits scene, Katniss meets with JCM, in a cameo, who agrees to protect her from the backlash against her role in The Wolverine's rampage in exchange for access to the government's files on the expanding metamember reports.  JCM also inquires with Katniss about what she knows of the metamember who is half metal, half snake.


Trivia: The Wolverine posted a reality image of herself on SBM that was really a missing person in South Carolina.  I kid you not.  That’s who Marley Splinder is in case you were wondering if that was a made up name.

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