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Here’s the most divisive SBCinema episode ever.

119. SBC Wars Episode VIII: The Last SJW

Film: The Last Jedi

Shortly after the battle of Starkiller Discord, General Cha is leading the Community forces in evacuating their base when the First Order fleet arrives. Against Cha's orders, Slug leads a costly counterattack that destroys a First Order dreadnought. The remaining Community escapes into hyperspace, but the First Order uses a device to track them, and attacks again. Kylo Renegade hesitates to fire on the lead Community ship after sensing his mother Cha's presence on board, but his wingmen destroy the bridge, killing most of the Community's leaders. Cha is dragged into space but survives by using the Force. While Cha recovers, Vice Admiral Kylie assumes command of the Community. Running low on fuel, the remaining fleet is pursued by the First Order.

On Spotify-To, Katniss attempts to recruit Fred Skywalker to the Community. Under self-imposed exile, Fred refuses to help and says that the Jedi should end. After encouragement from Robot Jones, he agrees to give Katniss three lessons in the ways of the Force. Katniss and Ren begin communicating through the Force, which puzzles them both. Ren tells Katniss that Fred feared his power; in a revelation that will infuriate many fans, Fred confesses that he momentarily contemplated killing Ren upon sensing that Joker was corrupting him, which prompted Ren to destroy Fred's new Jedi Order. Convinced that Ren can be redeemed, Katniss leaves Spotify-To. Fred prepares to burn the Jedi library but hesitates. The spirit of Fred's master YOWMda appears and destroys the library by summoning a bolt of lightning. He encourages Fred to learn from his failure.

Meanwhile, Slug entrusts FinnDinner, mechanic Disneygirl, and Chuu with a secret mission to disable the First Order's tracking device. SG directs them to the shady casino town of Crypto Bight, where they meet the hacker Drifter. (Note: JCM makes a cameo as a Crypto Bight patron) Pursued by the local security, they escape Crypto Bight with the help of stablehand children and NFT monkeys they set free. FinnDinner, Disneygirl, and Drifter infiltrate Joker's flagship but are captured by Captain Mothra. Ren brings Katniss to Joker, who reveals that he connected their minds to discover Fred's whereabouts.

Kylie plans to evacuate the remaining members of the Community using small transport vessels. Believing her plan cowardly and futile, Slug leads a mutiny. A recovered Cha stuns Slug with a blaster and proceeds with the evacuation. Kylie remains aboard the ship as a decoy to mislead Joker's fleet as the others flee to an abandoned base on Forumotion. Drifter buys his freedom by revealing the Community's plan to General Hayden, and the First Order fleet begins firing on the evacuation transports, destroying many.

Ordered to kill Katniss, Ren instead kills Joker and defeats his Gamer Guard with her help. Katniss hopes that Ren has abandoned the dark side, but he instead asks her to rule the galaxy with him. Refusing, she battles him for control of Fred's lightsaber, bisecting the weapon. Kylie sacrifices herself by slicing through Joker's flagship at lightspeed, crippling the First Order fleet. Katniss escapes the destruction while Ren declares himself Supreme Leader. Chuu frees FinnDinner and Disneygirl; they defeat Mothra and join the survivors on Forumotion. When the First Order arrives, Slug, FinnDinner, and Disneygirl attack with obsolete speeders. Katniss and G4ry draw TIE fighters away in the Millennium Hellcat, while Disneygirl stops FinnDinner from sacrificing himself. The First Order penetrates the Community fortress using a siege cannon.

Fred appears and confronts the First Order, allowing the surviving Community to escape. Ren orders the First Order's forces to fire on Fred, but they fail to harm him. He then engages Fred in a lightsaber duel; upon striking Fred, Ren realizes that Fred is not physically present, but projecting his image through the Force. Katniss helps the remaining Community escape on the Hellcat. Exhausted, Fred dies peacefully on Spotify-To, becoming one with the Force. Katniss and Cha sense his death, prompting Cha to tell Katniss that the Community can rise again.

At Canto Bight, the stablehands recount the story of Fred Skywalker; afterward, one of them moves a broom with the Force and gazes into space. This film would then spawn a very divided and vitriolic reaction online, so we'll course correct the next movie.

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120. SBC Wars Episode IX: The Dead Speak!

Film: The Rise of Skywalker

Following a threat of revenge by the resurrected Emperor WhaleBlubber (“Somehow, WhaleBlubber returned.”) because we’re out of villains, Kylo Renegade obtains a Sith wayfinder that leads to the planet Spamegol. There, he finds Blubber, who reveals that he created Joker to rule the First Order and lure Ren to the dark side. Blubber unveils the Final Order—a secret armada of superlaser-equipped Star Destroyers—and tells Ren to find and kill Katniss, who is continuing her Jedi training under Community leader Cha. Slug and FinnDinner deliver intelligence from a spy (JCM in a cameo) that Blubber is on Spamegol; Katniss reads in Fred Skywalker’s notes that a Sith wayfinder can lead them there. Katniss, FinnDinner, Slug, G4ry, Chuu, and MEE6 depart in the Millennium Hellcat to Googanna, to find a hidden clue leading to a wayfinder.

Ren initiates a Force bond with Rey to discover her location. He travels to Googanna with his warrior subordinates, the Knights of Supreme. With Goobz Calrissian's help, Kat and her friends find the clue—a dagger inscribed with Sith text, which MEE6's programming forbids him from interpreting—and the remains of a Jedi hunter named Appy and his ship. Kat senses Ren nearby, and faces him. The First Order capture the Hellcat, G4ry, and the dagger. Attempting to save G4ry, Kat accidentally destroys a First Order transport with Force lightning. Believing G4ry is dead, the group escape on Appy's ship.

They travel to Bingjimi, where a droidsmith, Patty, extracts the Sith text from MEE6's memory, revealing coordinates to a wayfinder. Kat senses G4ry is alive, and the group mount a rescue mission to Ren's Star Destroyer. Kat recovers the dagger and has visions of Appy killing her parents. Ren informs her that she is Blubber's granddaughter; Blubber had ordered Appy to recover the young Kat, but her parents hid her on Instakku. General Hayden saves Slug, FinnDinner, and G4ry from execution, revealing himself as the spy because he’s a petty brat and wanted to undermine Ren’s regime. After allowing the group to escape, Hayden is discovered and executed by Allegiant General 4EverGreen. The group fly the Hellcat to the wayfinder's coordinates on a moon in the Twittendor system.

Katniss retrieves the wayfinder from the crashed second Death Xat, but she is met by Ren, who destroys the wayfinder and duels her. In a dying act, Cha calls to Ren through the Force, distracting him as Katniss impales him. Sensing Cha's death, Katniss is overcome by guilt. She heals Ren and takes his TIE fighter to exile herself on Spotify-To. There, Fred’s Force ghost encourages Kat to face the music and Blubber, so he gives her Cha's lightsaber. Kat leaves for Spamegol in Fred’s X-wing fighter, using the wayfinder from Ren's ship. Meanwhile, Ren converses with a memory of his father, Hawk Solo. He throws away his lightsaber and reclaims his identity as Ren Solo. Sensing Cha's death and Ren's redemption, Blubber sends a Star Destroyer to destroy Bingjimi, as a show of force, which pretty made that whole segment of the movie pointless.

Kat transmits her coordinates to Robot Jones, allowing the Community—now led by Slug and FinnDinner—to follow her to Spamegol. There, she confronts Blubber. He demands she kill him to allow his spirit to pass into her. The Community launch an attack on the Sith fleet and Goobz arrives with reinforcements from across the galaxy. Ren overpowers the Knights of Supreme and joins Kat, but Blubber drains their power to rejuvenate himself. He incapacitates Ren and attacks the Community fleet with Force lightning. Weakened, Kat hears the voices of past Jedi, who give her strength. Blubber attacks her with lightning, but Kat deflects it using Fred and Cha's lightsabers, finally killing Blubber for good (well we hope, but this is definitely his final SBCinema appearance since there's only so many times you can re-use the og villain) before dying herself. Ren uses the Force to revive Kat, and dies. The Community defeats Blubber's remaining forces, while people across the galaxy rise up against the First Order.

The Community celebrate their victory, resetting the galaxy back to where Return of the King ended more or less. Kat visits Fred's abandoned homestead on Xatooine and buries Fred and Cha's lightsabers. A passerby asks her name; seeing Fred and Cha's Force spirits nearby, she responds, "Kat Skywalker”. Roll credits.

 

And that's a wrap on S6. See you this spring for SBCinema Season 7!

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Starting the final season with a parody I'm genuinely surprised we haven't done before.

121. The Big SBLebowski

Film: The Big Lebowski

In the early 1990s, Los Angeles slacker Jeffrey "Hawk" Lebowski is assaulted in his home by two enforcers for drug kingpin Jjs, who is owed money by the wife of a different Jeffrey Lebowski. One of the goons urinates on Hawk's favorite rug before they realize they have the wrong man and leave. Advised by his bowling partners, Vietnam veteran Dman and Salmon, Hawk visits wealthy philanthropist Jeffrey ("sbl") SBLebowski, demanding compensation for the rug. Sbl refuses, but Hawk tricks sbl's assistant JCM in a cameo into letting him take a similar rug from the mansion. Outside he meets SOF and her Canadian nihilist friend Omni. Soon after this, SOF is apparently kidnapped and sbl hires Hawk to deliver the requested ransom money, one million dollars. That night, a different pair of thugs accost Hawk, taking his replacement rug on behalf of sbl's daughter Cake, who has a sentimental attachment to it.

The kidnappers arrange to collect the ransom. Convinced that SOF "kidnapped herself", Dman concocts a scheme to keep the ransom money by substituting it with a briefcase full of his dirty laundry. Although things do not go entirely according to Dman's plan, the kidnappers leave with Dman's laundry, and Dman and Hawk return to the bowling alley, leaving the ransom money in the trunk of his car. While the bowlers bowl, the car is stolen from the parking lot. Revealing SOF is one of Jjs's actresses, Cake agrees that SOF staged her own abduction and asks for Hawk's help to recover the money, which her father illegally withdrew from the family's foundation. Later, Hawk is separately confronted for his failure to deliver the ransom by both sbl and a trio of Canadian nihilists who identify themselves as the kidnappers. Cake is able to confirm that the Canadians are SOF's friends.

Hawk's car, minus the briefcase, is recovered by police. Driving home after a meeting with Cake, Hawk finds homework stuffed down in the seat, signed “Coffee Lover." Dman and Hawk confront Coffee at his father's home, interrogating him about the missing briefcase. When he is unresponsive, Dman bashes a new sports car parked outside, thinking the teen had used the money to buy it. The car's actual owner, a neighbor, appears and retaliates by bashing Hawk's car, mistaking it for Dman’s. Hawk returns home, where he finds Cake. She later tells Hawk that her father has no money of his own; the family fortune belonged to her late mother who left him none, the final piece of information which Hawk needs to work out the entire scheme: after SOF left town, her nihilist friends faked her kidnapping to extort money from her husband. Sbl withdrew the ransom from the family trust but kept it for himself, not caring what happened to his wife, giving Hawk a briefcase containing phone books instead.

In a final confrontation outside of the bowling alley, the nihilists set Hawk's car on fire, and demand the ransom money. Dman violently fends them off, but during the scuffle, Salmon dies from a heart attack. Before scattering Salmon's ashes from a cliff overlooking the Pacific Ocean, Dman delivers a eulogy that turns into a diatribe about the Vietnam War. He scatters the ashes, which an updraft blows back over himself and Hawk. Hawk chastises Dman for the eulogy and Dman apologizes; the two go bowling.

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122. Memegascar 3: Europe’s Biggest Clowns

Film: Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted

Following the events of the previous film, the penguins—Jjs, Clappy, Trophy, and Storm—and the chimpanzees OWM and JCM in a cameo leave Afurrica for Monte Carlo in their modified airplane. When they do not return, Rusty the lion convinces their friends Omair the zebra, Dman the giraffe, and Katie the hippo that they should go find them and return to their home at the Central Park Zoo in New York City. With their lemur friends friends from Memeagascar—King 4EverGreen, Renegade and Appy—they find the penguins and chimpanzees at the Monte Carlo Casino. Chaos ensues, and the animals barely escape from Cha DuBois, a merciless Animal Control officer who is determined to add Rusty's head to her taxidermy collection.

When their plane crashes, the animals board a departing circus train. The circus animals—WhoBob the sea lion, Fa the jaguar, and Steel the tiger—are suspicious of outsiders, so Rusty lies about them being American circus animals. The circus is headed for a performance in Rome, followed by one in London where they hope to impress an American promoter in order to get their first American tour. To allay suspicion, the penguins purchase the circus from its human ringmaster. In Rome, Rusty becomes enamored with Fa while 4EverGreen meets performing bear SG. Cha pursues 4EverGreen and SG, but fails to catch them and is arrested. The performance at the Rome Colosseum is a disaster: the animals' acts go awry and they are chased off by the angry audience. WhoBob explains to Rusty that the circus was once famous and Steel was its star, skillfully jumping through ever-smaller hoops. However, one day he tried to jump through a flaming ring-sized hoop and the olive oil he used as lubricant caught fire. The accident caused Steel to lose his passion and the entire circus suffered as a result. Rusty convinces the circus animals to come up with a new and exciting all-animal act that will restore their former glory. Omair and WhoBob find a new passion in being shot out of a cannon, while Dman and Katie become adept at dancing on a tightrope. Dman also invents a hip new craze called Afro Circus which makes the world go wild. Fa persuades Rusty to teach her "Trapeze Americano.” Meanwhile, Cha escapes from prison and resumes her pursuit.

In London, Steel is afraid of failing again and is about to run away, but Rusty helps him rediscover his passion for performing the impossible. At Rusty's suggestion, Steel lubricates himself with hair conditioner and succeeds in jumping through the hoop from all those years ago. The show is a spectacular success, and the promoter signs the circus to a contract. Cha shows up and, though the penguins foil her, the document she was carrying reveals that Rusty and their friends were all along zoo animals. Feeling betrayed and used, the circus animals eject the foursome.

After 4EverGreen and SG get into an argument, the zoo and circus animals go their separate ways but arrive in Central Park at the same time. Looking in at their old home, the zoo animals realize how much their adventures have changed them and decide that their true place is with the circus. They are then ambushed by Cha, but before she can behead Rusty, the zoo staff arrive and incorrectly believe that she is returning the missing animals. 4EverGreen makes it back to the circus with the news and Fa and Steel convince the others that they should rescue their friends. The zoo animals awaken in their old enclosures, now surrounded by high fences. Cha is being honored by the zoo staff, but secretly loads a poison-filled dart and takes aim at Rusty. They are soon rescued by the circus animals and together they defeat Cha. Rusty and their friends permanently join the circus, while the penguins ship Cha and her men in crates to Memeagascar, reminiscent of the first movie. And that's a wrap on this trilogy.

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123. Drift

Film: Drive (2011)

An unnamed Drifter works as a mechanic, a stunt double, a stunt driver, and a criminal-for-hire getaway car driver in Los Angeles, California. His jobs are all managed by music shop owner Cyanide, who persuades mobster OMJ and his partner Trophy to purchase a car for the Drifter to race. The Drifter meets his new neighbor, Sauce Mama, and grows close to her and her young son, Winter. Their relationship is interrupted when Sauce's husband, Sauce Papa, arrives after his release from prison. Papa owes protection money from his time in prison and is assaulted by gangster Fred, who demands that Papa rob a pawn shop for $40,000 to pay off the debt. Fred forces Winter to keep a bullet as a symbol that he and his mother are in danger. Learning this, the Drifter offers to act as the getaway driver for the pawn shop robbery.

While the Drifter is waiting outside the pawn shop with Fred's accomplice, Fa, the store owner kills Papa. The Drifter and Fa are then pursued by another car. The Drifter hides with Fa in a motel where he learns that the pawn shop owner claims Papa was the sole perpetrator and no money was stolen. He threatens Fa when she lies about being oblivious to the second car. She admits that the bag contains $1 million, and she and Fred planned to re-steal the money for themselves using the car that chased them. While Fa is in the restroom, she is killed with a shotgun by one of Fred's henchmen. The Drifter fatally stabs the gunman before killing another one with the shotgun.

At the auto shop, Cyanide offers to hide the money, but the Drifter declines. He tracks down Fred to a record shop, threatens to kill him, and force-feeds him the bullet that he had given to Winter earlier. Fred reveals that Trophy was behind the robbery. The Drifter calls him, and Trophy dismisses his offer of the money, instead sending a hitman (JCM in a cameo) to the Drifter and Sauce's apartment building. The Drifter tells an angry Sauce about his involvement with her husband's death. When the pair enter an elevator, the Drifter notices JCM, he kisses Sauce and then brutally stomps the hitman to death, horrifying Sauce. Knowing that someone may have leaked the Drifter's whereabouts for Trophy to know his address, the Drifter confronts Cyanide, who reveals that he also unwittingly mentioned Sauce. Drifter tells Cyanide to flee.

At his pizzeria, Trophy reveals to OMJ that a low-level Philly mobster from the Italian “East Coast mob” stashed the money at the pawn shop with plans to use the money to set up a new operation. Since anyone tied to the robbery could lead the East Coast Italian Mafia to them, they need to kill everyone involved. He convinces OMJ to follow his plan. OMJ murders Fred, as he is the sole witness to their agreement. After Cyanide refuses to divulge the whereabouts of the Drifter at the auto shop, OMJ beats him with a mallet, killing him.

Enraged at finding Cyanide's corpse at the auto shop, the Drifter disguises himself with a rubber stuntman's mask, follows Trophy from the pizzeria to the Pacific Coast Highway and rams his car onto a beach. The Drifter chases Trophy towards the ocean and drowns him. He calls Sauce and tells her that he will not return, also letting her know that she and Winter were the best part of his life. The Drifter meets OMJ, who promises that Sauce will be safe in exchange for the money. Upon giving him the money, OMJ stabs him in the stomach before the Drifter pulls out his own knife and stabs OMJ to death. The Drifter manages to escape, while OMJ's corpse lies in the parking lot next to the cash. Sauce knocks on the Drifter's apartment door and walks away when no one answers. Albeit wounded, the Drifter drives into the night.

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124. Life of Kev

Film: Life of Pi

In Canada, a young writer, Wumbo, meets a middle-aged Kev. Wumbo has been told that Kev's life story would be a good subject for a book. Kev tells the writer the following story about his life:

Kev's father names him Kevscine Molitor after Piscine Molitor, a famous swimming pool in France. He is raised in a Hindu family, but at 12 years old, he is introduced to Christianity, and then Islam, and decides to follow all three religions as he "just wants to love God". His mother supports his desire to grow, but his rationalist father tries to secularize him. Kev's family owns a zoo, and Kev takes interest in the animals, especially a tiger named Winter. After Kev gets dangerously close to Winter, his father forces him to witness the tiger fighting a goat. When Kev is 16, his father announces that they must move to Canada, where he intends to settle and sell the animals. The family books passage with the animals on a Japanese freighter. During a storm, the ship founders while Kev is on deck. He struggles to find his family, but a crewman (JCM in a cameo) throws him into a lifeboat. A freed zebra jumps onto the boat with him, breaking its leg. The ship sinks into the Mariana Trench, drowning his family. Kev briefly sees what appears to be a survivor, but it turns out to be the tiger, Winter. After the storm, Kev awakens in the lifeboat with the zebra and is joined by a resourceful orangutan. A spotted hyena emerges from under a tarpaulin covering half of the lifeboat and snaps at Kev, forcing him to retreat to the end of the boat. The hyena kills the zebra and later the orangutan. Winter emerges from under the tarpaulin, killing the hyena before retreating back to cover for several days.

Kev fashions a small raft from flotation vests which he teathers to the lifeboat to which he retreats for safety from Winter. Despite his moral code against killing, he begins fishing, enabling him to sustain the tiger as well. When Winter jumps into the sea to hunt for fish and then comes threateningly towards Kev, Kev considers letting him drown, but ultimately helps him back into the boat. One night, a humpback whale comes too close to the boat, destroying the raft and its supplies. Kev trains Winter to accept him in the boat, and realizes that caring for the tiger is also helping keep himself alive. Weeks later they encounter a floating island of interconnected trees. It is a lush jungle of edible plants, freshwater pools and a large population of meerkats, enabling Kev and Winter to eat and drink freely and regain strength. At night, the island transforms into a hostile environment. Winter retreats to the lifeboat while Kev and the meerkats sleep in the trees; the water pools turn acidic, digesting the fish in them. Kev deduces that the island is carnivorous after finding a human tooth embedded in a flower.

Kev and Winter leave the island, eventually reaching the coast of Mexico. Kev is saddened that Winter does not acknowledge him before disappearing into the jungle. He is rescued and brought to a hospital. Insurance agents for the Japanese freighter company interview him, but do not believe his story and ask what really happened. He tells a different story, in which the animals are replaced by human survivors: his mother for the orangutan, an amiable sailor for the zebra, and the ship's brutish cook for the hyena. In this story, the cook kills the sailor and feeds on his flesh. He also kills Kev's mother after which Kev kills him with a knife and uses his remains as food and fish bait. The insurance agents are dissatisfied with this story, but they leave without questioning Kev further.

Wumbo recognizes the parallels between the two stories, noting that in the second version Kev is actually Winter. Kev says that it does not matter which story is the truth because his family still died either way. He then asks which story the author prefers, and the author chooses the first, to which Kev replies, "and so it goes with God". Glancing at a copy of the official insurance report, the writer reads aloud that Kev survived his great adventure "in the company of an adult tiger.”

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125. Wake Up Samurai, We Have a Village to Burn

Film: Seven Samurai

In 1587, a bandit gang discusses raiding a mountain village, but their chief, Illiniguy, decides to wait until after the harvest. The villagers overhear this and turn to OMJ, the village elder and miller, who declares that they should hire samurai to protect them. Since they have no money and can only offer food as payment, OMJ advises them to find hungry samurai. Several villagers go into town and eventually find Trophy, an aging but experienced ronin, whom they see rescuing a young boy, Mythix, held hostage by a cornered thief (JCM in a cameo). A young samurai named Slug asks to become Trophy's disciple. The villagers ask for Trophy's help, and though initially reluctant, he agrees. He then recruits his old comrade-in-arms Fa, along with BenPaz, PatBack, and Hawk, a taciturn master swordsman whom Slug regards with awe. Rebel, a wild and eccentric ronin, is also accepted despite attempts to drive her away.

Upon arrival, the samurai find the villagers cowering in their homes, refusing to greet them. Insulted, Rebel rings the village alarm, prompting the villagers to come out and beg for protection. Slowly, the samurai and farmers learn to trust each other. Later, the samurai are angered when Rebel brings them armor and weapons, which the villagers acquired by killing other samurai injured or fleeing from battle. Rebel angrily retorts that samurai are responsible for much of the suffering farmers endure, revealing her origin as an orphaned farmer's daughter. The samurai's anger turns to shame.

Trophy arms the villagers with bamboo spears, and divides them into squads to prepare defences and train. Three bandit scouts are spotted; two are killed, while the survivor reveals the location of their encampment before being slain by the villagers. The samurai burn down the camp in a pre-emptive strike. SB&P, a troubled villager aiding the samurai, breaks down when he sees his wife, who was kidnapped and made a concubine after a previous raid. Upon seeing SB&P, she runs back into a burning hut to her death. PatBack is killed by a gun shot while rescuing SB&P. The saddened villagers are inspired by Rebel, who raises a banner PatBack made to represent the samurai and the village.

When the bandits finally arrive, they are confounded by the new fortifications, which include a moat and high wooden fences. They burn the village's outlying houses, including OMJ's mill. OMJ's family tries to save him when he refuses to abandon it, but all perish except a lone baby rescued by Rebel. The bandits then besiege the village, but many are killed as the defenders thwart every attack, which include cavalry charges that are allowed through a breach so that they could be ambushed. The bandits possess three matchlock muskets. Hawk ventures out alone and retrieves one; an envious Rebel abandons her squad to bring back another. However, Rebel's absence allows a handful of bandits to infiltrate her post and kill several farmers, and BenPaz is slain defending his position. That night, Trophy predicts that the bandits will make one final assault due to their dwindling numbers. Trophy and the villagers intervene; Fa reasons that such a coupling is normal before battle and that they should be forgiven, but the social shame is irreconcilable.

The next morning, the defenders allow the remaining bandits to enter the village and then ambush them. As the battle winds down, Illiniguy hides in the women's hut armed with a musket, and shoots Hawk dead. An enraged Rebel charges in and is shot as well, but kills Illini before dying. The remaining outlaws are slain. In the aftermath, Trophy, Slug and Fa watch from the funeral mounds of their comrades as the joyful villagers sing whilst planting their new crops. Trophy reflects to Fa that it is another pyrrhic victory for the samurai: "The victory belongs to those peasants. Not to us."

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126. Finding Cha

Film: Finding Dory

Cha, the regal blue tang, gets separated from her parents as a child. As she grows up, Cha attempts to search for them, but gradually forgets them due to her short-term memory loss. Later, she joins Kieran the clownfish, looking for Salmon. One year after meeting Kieran and Salmon, Cha is living with them in their reef. One day, Cha has a flashback and remembers her parents. She decides to look for them, but her memory problem is an obstacle. She suddenly remembers that they lived at the "Jewel of Morro Bay, California” across the ocean when Salmon mentions the name.

Kieran and Salmon accompany Cha on her journey. With the help of Steel, their sea turtle friend, they ride the California Current to California. Upon arrival, they explore a shipwreck full of lost cargo, where Cha accidentally awakens a giant Humboldt squid (JCM in a cameo), who pursues them and almost devours Salmon. They manage to trap the squid in a large shipping container, and Kieran berates Cha for endangering them. Her feelings hurt, Cha travels to the surface to seek help where she is captured by staff members from the trio's nearby destination, the Marine Life Institute.

Cha is placed in quarantine and tagged. There she meets a grouchy seven-legged octopus named Fred. Cha's tag marks her for transfer to an aquarium in Cleveland, Ohio. Fred, who fears being released back into the ocean, agrees to help Cha find her parents in exchange for her tag. In one exhibit, Cha encounters her childhood friend Katie, a nearsighted whale shark, who used to communicate with Cha through pipes, and Aya, a beluga whale, who mistakenly believes he has lost his ability to echolocate. Cha subsequently has flashbacks of life with her parents and struggles to recall details. She finally remembers how she was separated from her parents: she overheard her mother crying one night, left to retrieve a shell to cheer her up, and was pulled away by an undertow current out into the ocean.

Kieran and Salmon attempt to rescue Cha. With the help of two lazy sea lions named Omair and PatBack, and a common loon named Jane, they manage to get into the institute and find her in the pipe system. Other blue tangs tell them that Cha's parents escaped from the institute a long time ago to search for her and never came back, leaving Cha to believe that they have died. Fred retrieves Cha from the tank, accidentally leaving Kieran and Salmon behind. He is then apprehended by one of the employees and unintentionally drops Cha into the drain, flushing her out to the ocean. While wandering aimlessly, she comes across a trail of shells; remembering that when she was young, her parents had set out a similar trail to help her find her way back home, she follows it. At the end of the trail, Cha finds an empty brain coral with multiple shell trails leading to it. As she turns to leave, her parents arrive. They tell her they spent years laying down the trails for her to follow in the hopes that she would eventually find them.

Kieran, Salmon, and Fred end up in the truck taking various aquatic creatures to Cleveland. Katie and Aya escape from their exhibit to help Cha rescue them. Once onboard the truck, Cha persuades Fred to return to the sea with her, and together, they hijack the truck and drive it over busy highways, creating havoc, before crashing it into the sea, freeing all the fish. Cha, along with her parents and new friends, returns to the reef with Kieran and Salmon.

In a post-credit scene, the Tank Gang, still trapped inside their (now covered in algae) plastic bags, reach California one year after floating across the Pacific Ocean, where they are picked up by staff members from the Marine Life Institute.

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127. OBAB the Hedgehog 2

Film: Sonic the Hedgehog 2

Several months after defeating Doctor Steel and being adopted by Fred and Cake as their son, OBAB the Hedgehog attempts to help the public as a vigilante to little success. Fred advises OBAB to remain patient for the day his powers will be needed before he and Cake depart for her sister Krystal's wedding in Hawaii. OBAB plans to have fun while home alone, but is attacked by Steel, who has returned with the help of Nuggets the Echidna. Nuggets desires to honor the legacy of his extinct tribe and demands the location of the legendary Master Emerald, an ancient relic that allows its possessor to bend reality to their will.

OBAB is rescued by Winter Prowler, a two-tailed fox who idolizes him and came to warn him about Nuggets. OBAB convinces Winter to help him find the Master Emerald, while Steel reunites with his assistant Stone and, scheming to steal the emerald for himself, offers to help Nuggets. OBAB and Winter follow clues on a map from OBAB's deceased guardian Patty to Siberia, where they find a compass within an old temple. Steel and Nuggets track them and pursue OBAB and Winter down a mountain. During an ensuing avalanche, Steel and Nuggets steal the compass. Fred rescues OBAB and Winter by using a ring to teleport them to the wedding.

Krystal's fiancé and his wedding guests (one of them JCM in a cameo) reveal themselves as undercover agents of the Guardian Units of Nations (G.U.N.) and capture OBAB, Winter, and Fred. Irate with the truth about her fiance, Krystal works with Cake to rescue them while Steel and Nuggets find an underwater temple containing the Master Emerald. OBAB goes to the temple and fights Nuggets, but Steel steals the emerald and leaves Nuggets to die with OBAB as the temple collapses. OBAB and Nuggets escape and agree to work together as Winter rescues them in a biplane. Steel absorbs the Master Emerald and becomes omnipotent.

In Green Hills, Steel destroys G.U.N.'s forces and creates a giant robot resembling himself. OBAB, Winter, and Nuggets work together to fight the robot and reclaim the Master Emerald, but it shatters, releasing the seven Chaos Emeralds. Fred and Cake rescue OBAB, who uses the Chaos Emeralds to transform into Super OBAB. He destroys the robot before dispersing the Emeralds and reverting back to normal. Nuggets restores the Master Emerald from the remaining shards and agrees to safeguard it with OBAB and Winter. The three resume an idyllic life with Fred, Cake and Krystal.

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128. Pattyton

Film: Paddington

In the deep jungles of Darkest Peru, a British geographer discovers a previously unknown species of bear. He learns that the bears are highly intelligent and that they have a deep fondness for marmalade. He names them Ariel and Sebastian and gives them his hat as he leaves, telling the bears that they are always welcome if they wish to go to London. 40 years later, the two bears are living in harmony with their orphaned niece until an earthquake destroys their home, forcing them to seek shelter underground. Sebastian fails to reach the shelter in time and is killed by a falling tree. Ariel encourages her niece to go and find solace in London, while she moves into the Home for Retired Bears.

The young bear arrives in London on a cargo ship and eventually reaches Pattyton Station. She meets a family who take her home and name her after the station they found her in. Doogal, one of the fathers and a devoted risk analyst, does not believe Patty's story and is adamant that Patty stay only one night, but his husband and their two children, find her endearing, as does Mrs. SG, the housekeeper.

Patty thinks she can find a home with the explorer who met Ariel and Sebastian, but does not know his name. After finding no mention of his expedition on the Internet, Doogal takes Patty to JCM in a cameo, an antique shop owner who discovers that the hat bears the stamp of the Geographers' Guild, but the Guild has no record of an expedition to Peru. With the help of Doogal, Patty infiltrates the Guild's archive and discovers an expedition to Peru was undertaken by the explorer, whose name is Kieran Patrick (although the Guild erased their record of the expedition).

Meanwhile, the hateful museum taxidermist Dreaded Patrick kills and stuffs exotic animals to house in the Natural History Museum. When she learns of Patty's existence, she immediately sets out to hunt him down. The Doogal family departs for the day, leaving Patty home alone. Scheming with their nosy next-door neighbour, Mr. 4EverGreen, Dreaded sneaks in and attempts to capture Patty; she manages to defend himself, but inadvertently starts a fire in the process. Patty tries to tell the Doogals his story of Dreaded's kidnap attempt, but no one believes her.

That night, Patty leaves the house and attempts to track down Kieran herself, using the phone book to find the addresses of every "K. Patrick" in London. She eventually finds Dreaded's house, and learns that Kieran, who was Dreaded's father, died a long time ago. Dreaded resents her father for losing his Guild membership after he refused to bring a Peruvian bear specimen home and subsequently opened a petting zoo. She tranquilizes Patty and prepares to stuff her, but when Mr. 4EverGreen discovers her true intentions, he warns the Doogal family and they come to save Patty. They rescue her, and when Dreaded is about to shoot Patty on the roof, Mrs. SG opens a hatch, pushing her off.

In the aftermath, the Doogals allow Patty to stay in their house permanently. Dreaded is arrested and sentenced to community service in her father's petting zoo. Patty writes to Aunt Ariel, saying she is happy and has finally found a home.

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129. Pattyton 2

Film: Paddington 2

Patty, having settled with the Doogal family in Windsor Gardens, has become popular in her community, offering people emotional support in various ways. To purchase a unique pop-up book of London in JCM's antique shop for his aunt Ariel's 100th birthday, Patty performs several odd jobs and saves her wages, but the book is stolen. Patty gives chase, but the thief escapes, and Patty is framed. The thief returns home and is revealed to OWM, an open window maniac who lives near the Doogals. Patty appears in court, and although JCM states that he does not believe that Patty stole the book, with no evidence of the thief's existence, Patty is convicted and sent to prison.

While in prison, Patty befriends many of the inmates, including the short-tempered chef Trophy, who recruits Patty, impressed by her marmalade sandwich recipe. The Doogals work to clear Patty's name, putting up sketches of the thief. OWM uses the book to locate a series of clues within London's landmarks, which he believes will unveil the location of a secret treasure. During their efforts to prove Patty's innocence, the Doogals encounter a fortune teller, Katie, who informs them that the book leads to the hidden fortune of the original author. With Patty inside, the prison is a much livelier place, but Patty struggles to remain positive when the Doogals are unable to prove her innocence, but keep hunting. Trophy, Hawk and Slug later tell Patty that although the Doogals mean well, they will eventually forget about her. Becoming convinced that OWM is the culprit, the Doogals look for the stolen book inside his house. They find a secret attic where OWM's various costumes are stashed, including the costume of the thief. OWM returns home and they are forced to leave. Meanwhile, the Doogals' investigation causes them to miss visiting Patty in prison.

Patty, thinking that the Doogals have in fact forgotten her, joins Trophy, Hawk and Slug in a prison break. They promise to aid in proving her innocence, but after escaping, they promptly abandon the idea in order to leave the country, inviting Patty to join them. Patty refuses and, while avoiding the police, uses a public telephone to contact the Doogals, who assert that OWM is the real culprit. To catch him, they arrange to meet at Patty Station, where a carnival train carrying the supposed location of the hidden fortune is due to leave.

Patty reaches the station, disguising herself as a litter bin to avoid the police, and boards the train just as it leaves. The Doogals pursue on a LNER Peppercorn Class A1, at the opposite platform. OWM finds the hidden fortune but is thwarted by Patty who takes back the book. Doogal, his husband and Mrs. SG catch up and board the other train to confront OWM, who overwhelms them and escapes. He severs the coupling of the train's rear carriage (with Patty locked inside), but is photographed by Doogal’s husband while holding the book, before Doogal knocks him out.

Patty is left stranded in the rear carriage, which crashes into a nearby river. SG tries to rescue Patty but struggles to open the locked carriage; she is soon assisted by Trophy and the other inmates, who had a change of heart and decide to help Patty as promised. Patty becomes very ill and falls into a coma, but wakes up on Ariel's birthday. She learns that she has been exonerated, and that OWM has been arrested and the book with the hidden fortune on the train are being kept by authorities. She is disappointed that he cannot give Ariel the book, which was taken in as evidence, but soon discovers the Doogals, with the help of various other people in the neighbourhood, made sure Ariel could come to London and see it for herself. When answering the door to her, Patty rushes up and hugs her, wishing her a happy birthday.

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130. A Few Good Members

Film: A Few Good Men

At the SBC Naval Base in Cuba, Private Salmon is a weak marine, has poor relations with other members, and has broken the chain of command to ask to be transferred away. Lieutenant Colonel Fred advocates that Salmon be transferred; however, Base Commander Colonel Trophy orders Salmon's platoon commander, Lieutenant OWM, to "train" Salmon. Salmon dies shortly afterwards. Marines Dman and Darkness are accused of his murder and face a court-martial.

While it is believed that the motive in Salmon's murder was retribution for naming Dman in a fenceline shooting into Cuba, Naval investigator and lawyer Kylie suspects Dman and Darkness carried out a "code red" order: a violent extrajudicial punishment. Kylie wants to defend them, but the case is given to lieutenant Jjs, a callow lawyer with a penchant for plea bargains. Kylie is bothered by Jjs's blasé approach, and Jjs resents Kylie's interference.

Jjs and Kylie question Colonel Trophy and others at the base. Under questioning, Trophy claims Salmon was set to be transferred the next day. When Jjs negotiates a plea bargain with the prosecutor Captain JCM in a cameo, Dman and Darkness refuse, insisting that OWM gave them the "code red" order and that they never intended Salmon to die. Dman sees Jjs as dishonorable by pursuing a plea bargain over defending their actions. Jjs plans to have himself removed as counsel as he sees the trial as pointless. At the arraignment, Jjs unexpectedly enters a plea of not guilty. He explains to Kylie that he was chosen to handle the case because he was expected to accept a plea, and the matter would be kept quiet.

Fred meets Jjs in secret and says that Trophy never ordered a transfer for Salmon. The defense establishes that Dman had been denied promotion for smuggling food to a Marine who had been sentenced to go without food, painting Dman in a good light and proving "code reds" had been ordered before. However, Darkness, under cross-examination, reveals he was not actually present when Dman received the supposed "code red" order. Fred, ashamed that he failed to protect a Marine under his command, breaks his leg before he can testify. Without Fred's testimony, Jjs believes the case lost. He returns home in a drunken stupor, lamenting that he fought the case instead of taking a deal. Kylie encourages Jjs to call Trophy as a witness, despite the risk of being court-martialed for smearing a high-ranking officer.

Trophy spars with Jjs's questioning, but is unnerved when Jjs points out a contradiction in his testimony: Trophy stated his Marines never disobey orders and that Salmon was to be transferred for his own safety. Jjs asks why Salmon was in danger if Trophy ordered his men to leave him alone. Disgusted by what he sees as Jjs's impudence towards the Marines, Trophy extols the military's importance, and his own, to national security. Finally, Trophy bellows with contempt that he ordered the "code red". Trophy tries to leave the courtroom but is arrested.

Dman and Darkness are cleared of the murder and conspiracy charges, but found guilty of “conduct unbecoming" and will be dishonorably discharged. Darkness does not understand what they did wrong; Dman explains that they had failed to defend those too weak to fight for themselves, like Salmon. Jjs tells Dman that he does not need to wear a patch on his arm to have honor. Dman sheds his previous contempt for Jjs, acknowledges him as an officer, and renders a salute. Jjs and JCM exchange kudos before JCM departs to arrest OWM.

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131. The Jungle Literature

Film: The Jungle Book (1967)

Steel, a young orphan boy, is found in a basket in the deep jungles of SBC’s Kelp Forest by 4EverGreen, a black panther who promptly takes him to Cake, a mother wolf who has just had cubs. She raises him as one of her own and after ten years, Steel becomes well acquainted with jungle life and plays with his wolf siblings. 4EverGreen is pleased with how happy Steel is now, but also worries that Steel must eventually return to his own kind.

One night, the wolf pack parents meet at Council Rock, having learned that Shere Kev, a man-eating Bengal tiger, has returned to the pack's part of the jungle. Pack leader JCM in a cameo decides that Steel must leave the jungle for his own safety. 4EverGreen volunteers to escort him to a "Man-Village". They leave that very night, but Steel is determined to stay in the jungle. He and 4EverGreen rest in a tree for the night, where RDSP, a hungry python tries to devour Steel, but 4EverGreen intervenes. The next morning, Steel tries to join the elephant patrol, led by Colonel Slug. 4EverGreen finds Steel, but after a fight, decides to leave Steel on his own. Steel soon meets up with the laid-back, fun-loving sloth bear OMJ, who promises to raise Steel himself and never take him to the Man-Village.

Shortly afterward, a group of monkeys kidnap Steel and take him to their leader, King OWM the orangutan. King OWM offers to help Steel stay in the jungle if he will tell OWM how to make fire, like other humans. However, since he was not raised by humans, Steel does not know how to make fire. 4EverGreen and OMJ arrive to rescue Steel and in the ensuing chaos, King OWM's palace is demolished to rubble. 4EverGreen speaks to OMJ that night and convinces him that the jungle will never be safe for Steel with Kev around. In the morning, OMJ reluctantly explains to Steel that the Man-Village is best for him, but Steel accuses him of breaking his promise and runs away. As OMJ sets off in search of Steel, 4EverGreen rallies the help of Slug and his patrol. However, Kev himself, who was eavesdropping on 4EverGreen and Slug's conversation, is now determined to hunt and kill Steel himself.

Meanwhile, Steel encounters RDSP once again, who again attempts to eat him after hypnotizing him to sleep, but he wakes up and escapes thanks to the unwitting intervention of the suspicious Kev. As a storm gathers, a depressed Steel encounters a group of friendly vultures who accept Steel as a fellow outcast. Kev appears shortly after, scaring off the vultures and confronting Steel. OMJ rushes to the rescue and tries to keep Kev away from Steel, but is nearly killed. When lightning strikes a nearby tree and sets it ablaze, the vultures swoop in to distract Kev, while Steel grabs a large flaming branch and ties it to the tiger's tail. Kev, who is terrified of fire, panics and runs away.

4EverGreen and OMJ take Steel to the edge of the Man-Village, but Steel is still hesitant to go there. However, his mind abruptly changes when he is smitten by a beautiful young girl from the village who is coming down by the riverside to fetch water. After noticing Steel, she "accidentally" drops her water pot. Steel retrieves it for her and follows her into the Man-Village. After Steel shrugs to OMJ and 4EverGreen, to show that he has made up his mind and chosen to go to the Man-Village, OMJ and 4EverGreen decide to head home, content that Steel is safe and happy with his own kind.

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132. I Am Here

Film: I Am Legend

An attempt to genetically re-engineer the measles virus to cure cancer becomes lethal, infecting 99% of the world's population, turning those it does not kill into vampiric, albino, cannibalistic mutants called Redditors, who are extremely vulnerable to sunlight and prey on the few who are left unaffected. Three years after the outbreak, virologist JCM (in one last major role before the theater closes) lives an isolated life in a deserted SBC, unsure if any other uninfected humans are left in the world or internet. He thought he was "here," but was he truly? JCM's daily routine includes experimenting on infected rats to find a cure for the virus, searching for food and supplies, and waiting each day for any survivors who might respond to his continuous recorded radio broadcasts, which instruct them to meet him at midday at the old forumotion site. Flashbacks reveal his wife and daughter died in a helicopter accident during the chaotic evacuation of SBC as the military was enforcing a quarantine of the island. JCM himself stayed behind with other military personnel. JCM's only companion is his loyal dog G4ry and to cope with his loneliness, he regularly "talks" to some mannequins and the characters on film recordings from video stores. At night, he barricades himself with G4ry inside his heavily fortified home to hide from the Redditors.

One day as JCM hunts a deer, G4ry pursues it into a dark building. JCM cautiously goes in after her and locates the deer's corpse along with G4ry, but discovers the building is infested with Redditors. Both escape unharmed and the attacking Redditors are killed by the sunlight. JCM finds a promising treatment derived from his own blood, so he sets a snare trap and captures a female Redditor. A male Redditor (Jjs in a cameo to flip the script) attempts to pursue them but is halted by the sunlight and returns to the shadows. Back in his laboratory in the basement of his house, JCM treats the female seemingly without success. The next day, JCM notices "Fred", a mannequin usually at the local video store, positioned outside Downtown Bikini Bottom and shoots him in confusion. However, JCM realizes he is being watched by the Redditors from within nearby buildings. As he approaches Fred's body, he is ensnared in a trap similar to the one he used to capture the female and is rendered unconscious after hitting his head. By the time he wakes up the sun is setting and he is attacked by infected dogs. JCM and G4ry eliminate them, but G4ry is bitten during the fight. JCM injects him with a strand of his serum, but when she shows signs of infection, JCM is forced to strangle him to death as she begins to turn. Heartbroken and driven by rage, JCM ventures out and deliberately attacks a group of Redditors the following night, before he is rescued by a pair of immune humans, SpongeKid and a young boy named Mythix, who have traveled from Twitter after hearing his broadcast.

They transport the injured JCM back to his home, where SpongeKid explains they survived the outbreak aboard a Red Cross evacuation ship, and are making their way to a survivors' camp in a secret Discord server. JCM argues no such survivors' camp exists. As he continues working to cure the female Redditor, JCM theorizes by lowering her body temperature with ice, he can increase the treatment's potency. The next night, a group of Redditors, who tracked SpongeKid and JCM the night before, invade the house. JCM, SpongeKid, and Mythix retreat into the basement laboratory sealing themselves in with the female test subject. Discovering the last treatment was successful, JCM assesses the situation as the Redditor alpha male rams himself against a glass door to break in. JCM draws a vial of blood from the woman he cured, and gives it to SpongeKid, before shutting Mythix and her inside a coal chute in the back of the lab. JCM then kills both himself and the attacking Redditors with a grenade, saving the cure.

The following day, SpongeKid and Mythix arrive at the survivors' camp in the Discord server, where they are greeted by military officers and other survivors before SpongeKid hands them the cure. SpongeKid narrates how JCM's efforts and sacrifices to save humanity ultimately became legend.

Alternate Ending:

Spoiler

During the lab attack, the alpha male Redditor creates a butterfly shape while attempting to break through the glass to the laboratory. JCM realizes he is referencing the butterfly-shaped tattoo on the female Redditor's neck, and the alpha male is trying to recover his mate. JCM puts his gun down and returns the female. JCM and the alpha male stare each other down, where JCM apologizes after seeing the latter emotionally breakdown upon his mate's return. As the alpha male contemplates killing JCM, he eventually forgives him and departs with the rest of the pack. Once they are gone, a shocked JCM looks over at the many photographs of his test subjects and realizes he has become a monster in the eyes of the infected, showing remorse for the experiments he has undertaken over the years.

The next morning, JCM abandons his research and heads along with SpongeKid and Mythix to the Discord server as a changed man, in the hope of finding the survivors' colony. They cross the Terminoob Bridge, while SpongeKid delivers a hopeful monologue ending with the statement: "You are not lone. We're here."

 

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133. The Bobfather

Film: The Godfather

Don Terminoob, leader of the SpongeBob Community crime family, is with his family and various family friends at the wedding between his daughter, Cha, and her fiance Poison Ivy. Terminoob is constantly distracted by people at the wedding who want him to do favors for them, much to Cha's annoyance, and Terminoob's youngest son, jjsthekid, is reminded of him doing something similar during his marriage to WhoBob, making him glad that he and his husband aren't involved in family affairs. Cha quickly forgives her father when the wedding's special guest, hip hop superstar Li'l Nas X, appears to sing at her wedding. WhoBob wonders how Terminoob was able to get someone that famous to perform, and jjsthekid reveals that Li'l Nas X owed Terminoob a favor for jumpstarting his career by threatening to kill his old record producer if he didn't let Li'l Nas X out of his contract to do a song with Billy Ray Cyrus. WhoBob is horrified when he hears this, and his resolve to keep jjsthekid away from the family strengthens.

Terminoob finally joins Cha right before her nupitals, briefly dancing with her before she and Poison Ivy say their vows. The next morning, a lawyer for SBC visits the president of Viacom in Hollywood, letting him know that teenj, one of Terminoob's godsons, has been training his entire life to be a writer for SpongeBob and that Terminoob would appreciate it a lot if the president hired him. The president refuses, insulting the SBC family and making it clear to the lawyer that the tactics they used against Li'l Nas X's record producer won't work on him. He kicks the lawyer out, and the morning after that, he wakes up to find the severed head of his prized racing horse chilling with him in his bed. The lawyer returns to SBC's headquarters in New York shortly after that to give teenj the good news that he'll be hired to write for SpongeBob, after all.

The lawyer arranges a meeting between himself, Terminoob, and Terminoob's oldest son, Clappy. They discuss an offer by Canadian mob boss sblover to pay him to distribute maple syrup through Terminoob's network. Terminoob believes it would be too dangerous, as they would go from simply being federal criminals to being international criminals if they got involved in the syrup trade. The lawyer believes, however, that if they don't do it, one of the other families in the city will, reducing SBC's influence as the other families become richer and more powerful thanks to the sweet, sweet syrupy gold. Terminoob still refuses to take sblover up on his offer, preferring to keep his business as clean and non-sticky as possible.

Terminoob becomes curious about a rival family partnering with sblover and has one of his goons spy on the family. The goon gets caught, and after the family murders him, they order a hit on Terminoob. Terminoob is at Whole Foods using his ill-gotten gains to buy overpriced organic meat, gluten-free beer, and whatever kombucha is when he notices sketchy characters in the parking lot. Before he can get away, they gun him down. JCM, in a cameo as Terminoob's second-oldest son as well as the only son lame enough to want to go shopping with him, cries over his wounded father. Terminoob slaps him, telling him that a man doesn't cry, and then the don passes out from his injuries.

jjsthekid is coming out of a theater with WhoBob after watching an early release of a quirky sci-fi movie known as Star Wars. WhoBob remarks that while it has an interesting premise, it will never catch on. jjsthekid agrees, and then he's horrifed to find headlines about his father's attempted murder in the newsstands. Clappy is trying to learn everything he can about Terminoob's would-be killers, prepared to start a war with the rival family as the SBC family's new leader. sblover meets with SBC's lawyer about brokering a peace between the families and getting Clappy to do the maple syrup deal Terminoob wouldn't. The lawyer, fearful of a war and greedy for syrup profits, agrees to do both things. sblover is disappointed later on to find that Terminoob survived the attack.

During a meeting with jjsthekid and Clappy, the lawyer is unable to convince Clappy to call off his planned retaliation against sblover and the rival family even after revealing sblover has the entire Canadian police force on his payroll. jjsthekid has the idea to meet with sblover as a representative of the family at a public restaurant in order to guarantee his safety. One of their goons would hide a weapon where only jjsthekid would find it at the restaurant, and then when the time is right, jjsthekid would use the weapon to kill sblover. Clappy is surprised by his youngest brother's cunning but worried that if the plan goes sideways, not only would jjsthekid die, but Canada would declare war on the US to protect its maple syrup cartel. jjsthekid promises that he will be careful, so Clappy gives him the go-ahead, saying weird Italian stuff like "bada bing, bada boom" while he does it.

sblover has a limo driver take him, jjsthekid, and a Canadian police escort to a restaurant only he supposedly knows about. jjsthekid follows sblover and the policemen into the restaurant, and after they talk about life, love, and syrup, jjsthekid excuses himself to go to the restroom. He finds the gun exactly where Clappy said it would be, and as soon as he leaves the restroom, one of the Canadian policemen notices the gun and lunges as jjsthekid, forcing him to shoot the cop and the other Canadian policemen before shooting a fleeing sblover. jjsthekid drops the gun and steps over sblover's body, checking his pulse to make sure he's dead, before leaving the restaurant. He then takes a cab to the airport and buys a plane ticket to Italy where he would spend the next few years in hiding.

As predicted, Canada declares war on the United States after jjsthekid's murders, and more locally, SBC declares war on the rival family with murders orchestrated by Clappy. The mob war ends after Clappy is killed by mysterious assassins and Terminoob, now fully healthy, arranges a truce between the warring families, and the Canadian-American War ends after Canada burns down the White House (again) and the Ford administration is pressured into legalizing maple syrup. jjsthekid has many exciting adventures in the small Italian town he lives under a different identity in, and he even starts a relationship with a young woman who nearly makes him forget about WhoBob. The rival family is able to track jjsthekid to the small town, and the woman is killed by an explosive meant for jjsthekid when she starts his car. Terminoob arranges for jjsthekid's safe return to the US shortly after that, and after learning of Clappy's death, jjsthekid decides to start working for his father full-time.

jjsthekid finds WhoBob, who is unhappy to learn jjsthekid has returned to the family business but who believes his claim that once he takes over the business he'll clean it up. As jjsthekid meets with Terminoob to discuss retaliation for Clappy's death, Terminoob laments that he couldn't keep jjsthekid away, and jjsthekid insists that he'll be fine. While playing with the son of jjsthekid and WhoBob in a garden, Terminoob drops dead from a heart attack. Now with full control of the business, jjsthekid has the head of the rival family murdered, and then he has the leaders of the rest of the Five Families killed for good measure. He has the person responsible for blowing up his mistress during his exile murdered next, leaving just one name on his list: Poison Ivy.

jjsthekid meets with Poison Ivy, ostensibly to congratulate her on the girl she recently had with Cha but really to question her about what happened the night of Clappy's death. Poison Ivy reveals that Clappy believed in traditional marriage and preferred that Cha marry somebody who wasn't a living plant. In order to protect her marriage, Poison Ivy worked with the head of one of the other Five Families to have Clappy killed. She doesn't bother trying to lie to jjsthekid because she could tell he knew everything before she said a word, and jjsthekid confirms this. He takes out a herbicide and sprays Poison Ivy with it, killing her. Cha screams at jjsthekid as soon as she finds out about it, saying he's no better than his father, and jjsthekid ends the movie looking out of the window of his room in his penthouse, out at the city that is now his city, and a city he does not intend on relinquishing anytime soon, or at least until the paychecks for two lucrative sequels and two Oscar nominations come in.

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134. Guardians of the Community Vol. 2

Film: Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

A few months after the first film, 70s, Katie, Hawk, Rebel, and Baby G4ryoot are renowned as the Guardians of the Community. Negi, leader of the Spongie race, has the Guardians protect valuable batteries from Dragiiin, an inter-dimensional monster, in exchange for Katie's estranged sister Cha, who was caught attempting to steal the batteries. After Rebel steals the batteries for himself, the Spongie attacks the Guardians' ship with a fleet of drones. A mysterious figure destroys the drones, and the Guardians crash-land on a nearby planet. There, this figure reveals himself as 70s's father, Danny DeVito, and invites 70s, Katie, and Hawk to his home planet. Rebel and G4ryoot remain behind to repair the ship and guard Cha.

Meanwhile, Negi hires Jjs and his crew (one of which is JCM in a cameo), who have been exiled from the great Manager community for drug trafficking, to recapture the Guardians. They capture Rebel, but when Jjs hesitates to turn over 70s, whom he raised, his assistant Patty questions his objectivity, and his lieutenant Tvguy leads a mutiny with help from Cha. Tvguy imprisons Rebel and Jjs aboard the latter's ship and executes his loyalists by releasing them into the vacuum of space. Cha leaves to find and kill Katie, whom she blames for the torture inflicted on her by their father, Thanos. While imprisoned, Rebel and Jjs bond. G4ryoot and Patty, the latter having never intended to start the mutiny, free Rebel and Jjs, and they use Jjs's arrow to destroy the ship and its crew as they escape, but Tvguy warns the Spongie before dying.

Danny DeVito, a god-like Celestial that manipulated the matter around its consciousness to form his "home" planet, explains that he projected a humanoid guise to travel the universe and discover a purpose, eventually falling in love with a woman who'd eventually give birth to 70s. Danny hired Jjs to collect the young 70s after Sara's death, but the boy was never delivered, and Danny has been searching for him ever since. He teaches 70s to manipulate the Celestial power. Cha arrives at Danny's planet and tries to kill Katie, but the pair reach an uneasy alliance when they discover a cavern filled with skeletal remains. Danny reveals to 70s that in his travels, he planted seedlings on thousands of worlds that can terraform into new extensions of himself, but only the power of two Celestials can activate them. To that end, he impregnated countless women and hired Jjs to collect the children, but killed them all when they failed to access the Celestial power. At first under Danny's influence, 70s fights back when Danny reveals that he gave Sara the tumor that killed her due to the distraction she posed, forcing Danny to parasitically draw 70s's energy to activate the seedlings, which begin to consume every world.

Omni, Danny's naïve empath servant, grows close to Hawk and warns him of Danny's plan. Katie and Cha also learn of the plan as Rebel, Jjs, G4ryoot, and Patty arrive. The reunited Guardians travel to Danny's brain at the planet's core, during which Jjs reveals that he kept 70s to spare him from the fate of Danny's other progeny. As they come under attack from the Sovereign's drones, Rebel makes a bomb using the stolen batteries, which G4ryoot plants on the brain. 70s fights Danny with his newfound Celestial powers to distract him long enough for the other Guardians and Omni to escape. The bomb explodes, killing Danny and disintegrating the planet. 70s loses his Celestial powers soon after Danny's death. Jjs sacrifices himself to save 70s and dies in the vacuum of space. Having reconciled with Katie, Cha still chooses to leave and resume her quest to kill Thanos by herself. The Guardians hold a funeral for Jjs, which Patty and dozens of Manager ships attend, acknowledging Jjs's sacrifice and accepting him as a Manager again. During the funeral, Katie admits her feelings for 70s, and they become a couple.

Posted

135. Wreck-It Wumbo

Film: Wreck-It Ralph

Whenever the SBC Arcade closes and the owner (JCM in a cameo) leaves, the various video game characters leave their in-game roles and socialize via a power strip. At a support group, Wreck-it Wumbo, the villain of Mix-it Mythix, Jr., expresses frustration with his assigned role, as he is mistreated by his game's NPCs while Mythix is celebrated. When Wumbo is excluded from the game's thirtieth-anniversary party, he determines to win a medal and earn some respect. Overhearing that players in the first-person shooter Discorder’s Duty can earn medals, Wumbo sneaks in and steals one while the game's characters are fighting Ping-Bugs, an insectoid enemy. Wumbo accidentally launches himself in an escape shuttle with a Ping-Bug inside and crash-lands in the social media-themed kart racing game Social Rush. With Wumbo gone, his game is labeled out of order. Mythix leaves the game to find Wumbo, allying with Sergeant Krystal, the heroine of Discorder's Duty, as she tracks the Ping-Bug, which may become a virus.

In Social Rush, SOF steals Wumbo's medal and uses it to buy her way into the nightly race that determines which characters are playable the next day. King Leto forbids her to race, as she has a glitch that causes her to move and teleport erratically. Other racers destroy her kart until Wumbo intervenes. SOF promises to get the medal back if Wumbo helps her win; he reluctantly helps her build a new kart and teaches her to drive inside Twitter Mountain. Krystal and Mythix arrive in Social Rush, and Mythix explains that long ago, the titular hero of Morbin’ Time became jealous of the new racing game RoadRunners, and tried to sabotage it, causing both games to be unplugged. Mythix fears Wumbo might be "going Morbin", too. Krystal and Mythix fall into Insta-sand and work together to escape.

Meanwhile, King Leto hacks into Social Rush's source code and retrieves the medal, giving it back to Wumbo. He warns that, if SOF becomes a playable character, her glitching might cause someone to unplug the game as 'broken'. Wumbo decides he cannot allow SOF to race and destroys her kart. She breaks down in tears and runs away, labeling Wumbo a true "bad guy.” Mythix is captured at the palace by King Leto's assistant, BenPaz, while Krystal wanders the game alone, discovering the Ping-Bug has multiplied exponentially. Heartbroken and remorseful, Wumbo returns to Mix-it Mythix, Jr. and finds it abandoned. He angrily throws his medal, then notices that the Social Rush cabinet displays SOF as a playable character. Returning to Social Rush, Wumbo interrogates Ben, who admits that King Leto disconnected SOF's code and locked away the memories of the Social Rush characters so that no one knows her actual role. He explains that if SOF completes a race, all of King Leto's changes will be deleted and the game restored to normal.

Wumbo frees Mythix from King Leto's prison, fixes the kart, and reconciles with SOF, who enters the race. The Ping-Bugs emerge and start destroying the game; Krystal, Mythix, and Wumbo help evacuate the characters. Unaware of this development, King Leto attempts to ram SOF off the track, causing her to glitch. She reveals King Leto to be Morbius, who took over Social Rush when his game was unplugged. SOF flees as Morbius is eaten by a Ping-Bug, which fuses with him into an insectoid monster.

Everyone but SOF evacuates, as glitches cannot leave their games. Remembering from Discorder's Duty that a beacon will draw and destroy the Ping-Bugs, Wumbo battles Morbius and collapses the roof of Twitter Mountain, creating an eruption which destroys Morbius and the Ping-Bugs. SOF rescues Wumbo and crosses the finish line. The game resets, revealing her as the true ruler of Social Rush, though she keeps her glitching ability, considering it an advantage. Wumbo returns to his game, content with his role as "villain" and respected by his fellow characters. He watches as SOF become Social Rush's favorite character.

Posted

136. Sad Steel: Furry Road

Film: Mad Max: Fury Road

With the world becoming a desert wasteland following a societal collapse from warfare over resources, a survivor named Steel is captured and taken to Immortan OMJoe’s Citadel by his army of War Boys. Steel is imprisoned and used as a "blood bag" for a sick War Boy called Trophy. Meanwhile, Imperator Katniss, one of OMJ's lieutenants, is sent in her armored "War Rig" to extract gasoline and ammunition. When OMJ realizes that his five wives are fleeing with her, he leads his army in pursuit of Katniss, calling on the aid of nearby Gas Town and the Bullet Farm.

Trophy joins the pursuit with Steel strapped to his car, and a battle ensues between the War Rig and OMJ's forces. Katniss drives into a sand storm, evading her pursuers, except Trophy, who attempts to sacrifice himself to destroy the Rig. Steel escapes and restrains Trophy, but the car is destroyed. After the storm, Steel finds Katniss repairing the Rig, accompanied by the wives, the last of whom is heavily pregnant with OMJ's child. Steel steals the Rig, but reluctantly agrees to let Katniss and the wives accompany him. Trophy boards the Rig as it leaves and attempts to kill Katniss, but is overcome and thrown out, being picked up by OMJ's army.

Katniss drives through a furry biker gang controlled canyon, having bartered a deal for safe passage. The gang (their leader being JCM in a cameo) turns on her when they discover OMJ's army arriving, forcing her and the group to flee, while the furry bikers detonate the canyon walls to block OMJ. Steel and Katniss fight off the pursuing bikers as OMJ's car breaks through the blockade. OMJ catches up with the War Rig, allowing Trophy to board with the intent of attacking Katniss again; he fails, to the disappointment of OMJ. As the Rig escapes, one of OMJ’s wives falls off trying to help Steel and is fatally run over by OMJ's car. Katniss explains to Steel that they are escaping to the "Green Place", an idyllic land she remembers from her childhood. One of the wives finds Trophy hiding in the Rig, and consoles him as he laments his failure. Katniss and Steel slow OMJ's forces with mines, but OMJ's ally, Aya the Bullet Farmer, continues pursuit. After Katniss shoots Aya, Steel leaves to confront him and his crew, returning with guns and ammunition. During the firefight, Trophy emerges from hiding to help free the trapped Rig and joins the crew.

After driving the War Rig overnight through swampland and desert, the crew comes across a mysterious woman: Kylie. Katniss approaches her and states her history and clan affiliation. Kylie summons her clan, the Popheads, who recognize Katniss as one of their own who was kidnapped as a child. Katniss is devastated to learn that the swampland they passed was indeed the Green Place, now uninhabitable. The group then plans to ride across immense salt flats in the hope of finding a new home. After seeing visions of a child he failed to save, Steel convinces them to return to the undefended Citadel, which has ample water and crops, and to trap OMJ and his army in the bikers' canyon.

The group heads back towards the Citadel and engage OMJ's forces, with many of the Popheads and OMJ's forces killed, and Katniss gravely wounded. OMJ positions his car in front of the War Rig to slow it, while Steel fights OMJ's large adult son, WhoBob. OMJ captures one of his wives, who manages to distract him long enough for Katniss to kill him. Trophy sacrifices himself by wrecking the Rig, killing WhoBob and blocking the canyon, allowing the group to escape in OMJ's car. Steel transfuses his blood to Katniss, saving her life. Back at the Citadel, OMJ's subjects rejoice when Katniss shows them his dead body. Katniss, the wives, and the Popheads are cheered by the crowd. Steel and Katniss both share a glance of gratitude before he leaves.

Posted

137. Color’s Crossing

Film: Miller’s Crossing

Winter is the right-hand man for Loyal Customer mobster Prez, a political boss who runs SBC city during Prohibition. In Winter’s presence, Prez's rival, the Orange gangster Carotte, demands the right to kill bookie Slug, whom he suspects of profiting off of Carotte's match fixing scheme. Prez declares Slug off limits, setting off a group mob war between the various LC color factions.

Prez is seeing Slug’s sister, Cake, so he is not swayed as Winter presses him to give up Slug to Carotte. In vain, Winter tries to convince Prez that Cake is playing him to protect her brother. When the war heats up with an assassination attempt on Prez, Winter presses the point of Cake’s disloyalty by revealing he has been seeing her behind Prez’s back. Prez publicly beats up Winter and cuts ties with both of them.

Cast out and needing work, Winter turns to Carotte. As a loyalty test, Carotte commands Winter to kill Slug, an awkward request given Winter’s relationship with Slug’s sister. With Carotte’s henchmen (OBAB and JCM in a cameo) and in tow, Winter leads Slug to his execution spot in the woods at Color’s Crossing. Slug grovels for his life, pleading "Look in your heart.” Winter fakes the killing by firing his gun into the ground and orders Slug to leave town. Carotte’s henchmen, who are within earshot but cannot see the two men, are fooled and neglect to check for the body before leaving with Winter.

With Prez weakened, Carotte takes his place as city boss, controlling the police and using them to destroy Prez's operations. Within Carotte’s gang, there is tension between Winter and Carotte’s trusted enforcer, the brutal Dman. Upon learning that his team didn't actually see Winter kill Slug, Dman takes Winter back to Color's Crossing to verify that Slug's corpse is there. Winter expects to find no corpse and to be executed for it, but instead the group finds a decomposing body that had been shot in the face and disfigured beyond recognition by birds. Dman and his men assume the body is that of Slug’s, but it is actually that of the Dman’s friend, a man named RDSP, whom Slug had secretly killed and placed as a decoy where his own body should have been. Winter is now vulnerable if the Dman or Carotte discovers the identity of the body, a fact that Slug uses in attempt to blackmail Winter into killing Carotte.

With Slug supposedly dead, someone continues to cut into Carotte’s match fix, and Winter and the Dman both try to convince Carotte that the other is behind it. Winter uses the sudden disappearance of RDSP to sow suspicion about the Dman by insinuating that RDSP has gone into hiding after he and the Dman betrayed Carotte. Carotte must decide between Winter and the Dman, a dilemma he resolves by shooting the Dman in the head as Winter looks on.

Winter then thins out his rivals by engineering a surprise meeting between Slug and Carotte, knowing that the first one to be seen by the other is likely to be killed. Shortly after the arranged time, Winter arrives to discover that Slug has killed Carotte. Winter tricks Slug into surrendering his gun and declares his intent to kill him in retribution for his blackmail. Slug again begs for mercy, saying, as he did at Color's Crossing, "Look in your heart" but this time Winter asks rhetorically "What heart?" and shoots him.

With Carotte and the Dman dead, Prez resumes his post as the only boss in town. At Slug’s burial, Cake, now back in Prez's good graces, reacts coldly to Winter and walks back to her car. Prez notifies Winter that Cake has proposed to marry him. He offers Winter his job back but Winter rejects the offer and stays behind, watching Prez as he walks away.

Posted

138. Pimento

Film: Memento

We open with a Polaroid photograph of a dead man. As the sequence plays backward, the photo reverts to its undeveloped state, entering the camera before the man is shot in the head. The film then continues, alternating between black-and-white and color sequences.

The black-and-white sequences begin with Leedles, a former insurance investigator, in a motel room eating a pimento cheese sandwich, then speaking to an unseen and unknown caller. JCM makes a cameo as the motel clerk. Leedles has anterograde amnesia and is unable to store recent memories, the result of an attack by two men. Leedles explains that he killed the attacker who strangled his wife, but a second clubbed him and escaped. The police did not accept that there was a second attacker, but Leedles believes the attacker's name is "John G" or "James G". Leedles investigates using notes, Polaroid photos, and tattoos to keep track of information he discovers. Leedles recalls Ding, another anterograde amnesiac, from his insurance industry days. After tests confirmed Ding's inability to learn tasks through repetition, Leedles believed that his condition was at best psychological (and perhaps faked) and turned down his insurance claim. Ding's distraught wife repeatedly asked Ding to administer her insulin shots for her diabetes, hoping he would remember and would stop himself from giving her a fatal overdose. However, Ding continued to administer the injections, and his wife died.

The color sequences are shown reverse-chronologically. In the story's chronology, Leedles self-directively gets a tattoo of John G's license plate. Finding a note in his clothes, he meets SpongeKid, a bartender who resents Leedles because he wears the clothes and drives the car of her boyfriend, Hippy. After understanding Leedles's condition, she uses it to get Leedles to drive a man named Coffee out of town and offers to run the license plate as a favor. Meanwhile, Leedles meets with a contact, SB&P, who helps with Coffee, but warns about SpongeKid. Leedles finds that he had previously annotated his Polaroid of SB&P, warning himself not to trust him. SpongeKid provides Leedles with the driver's license for a John Edward Gammell, SB&P's full name. Confirming Leedles's information on "John G" and his warnings, Leedles drives SB&P to an abandoned building, leading to the opening where he shoots him.

In the final black-and-white sequence, prompted by the caller, Leedles meets with SB&P, an undercover officer, who has found Leedles's "John G", Hippy, and directs Leedles to the abandoned building. When Hippy arrives, Leedles strangles him fatally and takes a Polaroid photo of the body. As the photo develops, the black-and-white transitions to the final color sequence. Leedles swaps clothes with Hippy, hearing him whisper “Ding.” As Leedles has only told Ding's story to those he has met, he suddenly doubts Hippy's role in his wife's murder. SB&P arrives and asserts that Hippy was John G, but when Leedles is undeterred, SB&P says that he helped him kill the real attacker a year ago, and he has been using Leedles ever since. SB&P points out that since the name "John G" is common, Leedles will cyclically forget and begin his search again and that even SB&P himself has a "John G" name. Further, SB&P says that Ding's story is Leedles's own story, a memory Leedles has repressed to escape feelings of guilt.

After hearing SB&P confess all of this, Leedles burns the photograph of dead Hippy and of himself right after killing the real attacker a year ago, pointing to his chest where he would get a tattoo to document his successful revenge. In a monologue, Leedles explains that he is willing to lie to himself in order to get justice against anyone who has wronged him. He therefore targets SB&P by ordering a tattoo of SB&P's license plate number and writing a note to himself that SB&P is not to be trusted so that he will mistake SB&P for John G and kill him. Leedles drives off in Hippy's car, confident that, despite this lie, he will retain enough awareness of the world to know that his actions have consequences.

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