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Everything posted by OWM

  1. EPISODE XLIX: LEGENDS Are these canon? Ah, who cares, let’s have some fun before the end of our tale. We like to believe there’s always truth in some legends. We have but one character left to cover, the most obscure of them all. Stay tuned.
  2. EPISODE XLVII: THE BITH BAND From one form of art to another, let’s see how the Bith Band’s legacy fared in the ever changing music industry. We’ve told you about their horrible death—and their sole survivor, Figrin D’an, but what about the others? they all look the same i'm not posting a picture of each one ok Tough times in the galactic music industry, hm? Next week we'll be diving into the hive of scum and villainy one last time.
  3. Well, it isn't fall yet. But it's sneaking up pretty fast!
  4. EPISODE XLV: POLITICIANS STRIKE BACK See you for the last season soon-ish.
  5. EPISODE XLIII: POLICE You know, these guys! Does anyone remember? No? Moving on.
  6. EPISODE XLI: FALLEN ORDER (and Squadrons!) Thank you EA, for granting us the ideas for our season premiere. That's the only time any of us will be thanking EA, mind you. Tomorrow we'll be examining people more in our corner---the type to write and record the passage of history.
  7. EPISODE XXXIX: MANDALORIANS By now I'm sure you know the story of at least one Mandalorian. Here's five! As you can see, the warriors live a lot more glamorous lives. The finale will focus on distant stories, far removed from any kind of canon, as if they were visions...
  8. EPISODE XXXVII: FARMERS City slickers will have to stray away from this episode. This will focus on the humblest people in the galaxy: the farmer, making his living through the seed and sickle. Well, metaphorically. Tomorrow, this series returns to the stories of the Rebels and Resistance. I mean, come on, they fought for the whole galaxy after all!
  9. EPISODE XXXV: THE LAW Not even the most foolhardy of one-timers can escape the wrath of the law. These five professionals have learned to navigate the system and supply some interesting tales throughout their careers. Well, you know what Shakespeare said about lawyers. Tomorrow we'll be returning to the world of podracing, to examine those racers who just couldn't make it.
  10. EPISODE XXXIII: DROID... WARS? DROIDS 4 One, two, one, two, I declare a droid war. Well, five of them, anyway. Here they are! OK, enough talk about metal and gears. Tomorrow's episode should get you in the mood for something more tasty.
  11. SEASON IV: A NEW... ONE TIMERS? STAR ONE-TIMERS? ONE-TIMER WARS? THE FOURTH SEASON War is upon us. The galaxy is collapsing. Disney is something something. Something something dark side. And the one-timers are back. EPISODE XXXI: TUSKEN RAIDERS We begin our fourth season with the stories of the Sand People. The galaxy sees them as nothing but mindless brutes, but maybe they’re just misunderstood? These stories suggest something different. OK, maybe they don't suggest anything new. But you should still watch out for them. Next episode coming tomorrow.
  12. My favorite thing that makes Lisa's Wedding so great is the emotional component--everything is obviously ridiculous in the Simpsons' future but you can tell how close the family still is and how that's carried them to where they are now. Whereas later on you got shit like Bart to the Future that has... none of that lmao. Holidays of Future Passed is the only other episode to match that as you've said. It's also very funny. King-Size Homer and Marge v. the Monorail are just super fucking funny and quotable with stupid premises, which is all I need sometimes. The most emotional they get is Homer poking a keyboard with a stick.
  13. Moderators are the backbone of the world, the glue that holds our fragile society together. Without us humans are mere animals, bound to the untempered laws of chaos. I expect to be treated as a true officer of the law. This is a real job
  14. As this year comes to a close, we have one final question to ask.
  15. "More seaweed medley, dear?" Any passerby may see this affectionate quote as the sign of a healthy relationship, one that may soon be tested after the aftershock of a surprise home invasion. But the average passerby is ignorant—uninformed to the struggles this couple had undergone and would continue to undergo well after the horrifying incident which would mar their lives. Incidentally enough, she'd actually known the assailant before—he was a boorish and obnoxious presence at the mandatory boating classes she'd been forced to take after her fateful DUI incident, a crash that had resulted in the death of an eight year-old lamppost. Was this something the masked man had gotten wind of, and wanted to strike fear and contempt in her heard as payback for the wretched deed she'd committed that evening? Fortunately, there was one man who'd continued to support her afterward, and that was the one licking his lips at the sight of her home cooking. He worked as a referee. It kept the lights on, yes, but it was never the kind of job he wanted. Half the time he kept getting mistaken for a burglar, and everyone else seemed to hate him for apparently giving one team extra favors. He craved care and recognition, but could never seem to have it within his reach. That is, until he met a sweet orange-finned girl who wore no clothes for some reason. But she was willing to give him her all. Regardless of their struggles, they'd stayed throughout the years, bearing the knowledge that literally no one else would take them. Just recently, they were attacked by a rabid crab with a stamp. Mild struggle was something they could never escape, yet it brought them closer together.
  16. LIBRAL SCOOL BE LIKE 9:00: GAY LESON!! 9:45: how to be be GAYY!! 10:30: TRANS LERNINNG!! 11:15: GAY RECESS!! 11:45: CROSDRESING HOUR!! 12:45: GAY LESON!!! 1:30: TRANGENER LUNCH!! 2:15: BLM PERIOD!!! 3:00: COMUNIS T HISTORY!! 3:30: TAKE NON BINAR BUS HOME!!
  17. EPISODE XXIX: THE OUTLANDER CLUB Our sources for this episode came from one Tera Sinube, who is completely delirious and lives under the impression that the Great Jedi Purge is still happening. But at least his knowledge of Coruscant's seedy underbelly is still sharp. Kalyn Farnmir Kalyn’s day took a turn for the interesting after seeing someone get their arm chopped off with a glowstick by a guy in pajamas. I mean, weird stuff happened around here, but nothing like that. She was only spending her downtime from her job as a bounty hunter, searching for those wishing to hide where they thought no one could look. But she'd definitely know if this next target was a changeling. I guess I'll have to keep looking, she thought, as she kept searching for her target, Elan Sleazebaggano. Ayy Vida After escaping the captivity of her former owner Hat Lo, Ayy Vida championed for sex worker rights across the galaxy, at one point staging a protest against the Empire’s treatment of her Twilek sisters. Many years later, during the New Republic when it looked like there was room for her to make a difference, she lobbied for them to crack down on trafficking. She also helped create the “content sharing” website known as OnlyTwileks, a safe haven for sex workers. It soon became one of the galaxy’s most famous websites, but also strife with controversy and at one point several investors threatened to pull their funding from it. This news caught the eye of young entrepeneur Zeff Lezos around 10 ABY. He offered Vida he’d invest in her website to help keep it afloat, and not having another choice, she accepted. OnlyTwileks started to lose its base after several controversial policy changes thanks to Zeff, twisting the site’s purpose. Vida was ashamed of herself for selling out the people she fought so hard for. Failed, she had, and went into exile. However, she still had the support of her Twilek sisters and other content creators, which warmed her heart. Achk Med-Beq Several rumors spread around the Outlander Club that Achk was secretly a Sith Lord or some other dark side user. How these rumors started, nobody knows for sure, but some suspect it was a joke that spiraled a tad out of control. Achk himself wasn’t aware of these rumors until his associate Faytonni informed him and was worried someone would take it seriously, but Achk paid them no mind and continued minding his own business at the club. That was until one eerie night, Achk went outside the club for a bit when he was jumped by an assassin: Fong Do, who believed the rumors. Achk tried to insist the rumors were simply an inside joke, but Do genuinely thought they were about to kill a Sith Lord. While nobody else was looking, Achk decided now was time to strike: he force choked the life out of Fong Do, and tossed their body into a dumpster. Achk smiled to himself, showing his yellow eyes in the darkness. Following that night, Achk stopped frequenting the Outlander Club, not wanting to risk getting caught, and nobody really knows where he is now, not even Faytonni. But little did they know, Achk went into the shadows deep in the Unknown Regions, biding his time to reveal himself to the galaxy… Dannl Faytonni Dannl, as one half of a con artist operation, was greatly disturbed to hear the news of his partner Achk’s disappearance. Could the power of the dark side have been the secret of their success? He was never quite sure until a fateful trip to Coruscant’s Galaxies Opera House, disguised as a high-ranking Republic bureaucrat he’d kidnapped and neutralized. Chancellor Palpatine’s mutterings about all-powerful Sith Lords and eternal life distracted him from the sea monkey ballet being performed before him, and more onto the sinister nature of the galaxy’s most powerful man. Could there really be latent dark side influence in the Republic too? But just as quickly as he noticed, the Chancellor had struck. Coruscant, along with thousands of other planets with the system, fell to tyranny. While Faytonni never regained his partnership or his past life as a con artist, he did start a new job as an Imperial assembly worker, putting together crappy little protocol droids that he hoped would ruin parties or burst into flames or make lives worse for the new guys in charge. Fight the power! Bufon Taire As the club’s chief bartender, Bufon had heard a long list of crazy stories and customers from his time serving, ranging from: divorces, heist plans, criminal underworld chatter, deeply dark drunken confessions, and rumors about a Sith Lord at the club. He respected the patrons’ privacy and never told what he overheard to anyone else. When Republic and later Imperial agents would approach him for intel on criminals, Bufon would never budge. He was a true friend ‘til the end. One day, the owners of the Outlander Club angered the Imperials because they were not playing their propaganda, a requirement for all establishments. The owners had a “civil discourse” with them, which resulted in management changes and a tightened Imperial presence. One of these changes resulted in Bufon being laid off, much to the dismay of many customers. Bufon told them to not shed any tears, as he packed his things and headed off into the Coruscant sunset, never to be seen again. Due to his firing and increased Imperial presence at the club, the customers eventually stopped coming and the club closed. Some still hold out hope Bufon is out there somewhere, and when he returns, the Outlander Club will be reborn. Our finale will delve into the stories of those who never had the chance to share one in the first place.
  18. EPISODE XXVII: EWOKS The Ewoks: one of the galaxy’s most beloved species, known for their plucky demeanor and countless merchandising tie-ins. Be sure to cuddle your favorite Ewok plushie when reading this—you’re about to hear an adorable tale of war, revolution, genocide, and mass slaughter. Kneesaa After the Battle of Endor, Kneesaa became the new chief of Bright Tree Village, taking over from her father Chief Chirpa. This newfound power let her gain supreme authority over her fellow Ewoks. Modernization efforts from the New Republic helped her transform the whole moon into a high-tech Draconian police state, watching the Ewoks at every turn and incinerating them into fine dust if they ever stepped out of line. Literally 1984. Logray Logray became the leader of the Yub Nub Resistance, a volunteer guerrilla army designed to fight against Chief Kneesaa’s tyranny. The two sides fought a horribly bloody war with sticks, rocks, and blasters until almost no one on either side remained. No one else in the galaxy really cared, though. It was kind of cute seeing those little guys fighting, to be honest. Chirpa Chirpa trusted his daughter completely. After all, he’d been teaching her how to rule the right way for her whole life. What could she possibly mess up? He simply ignored news about vast suffering and unrest in his homeland as he soaked in some sun on a distant beach planet, working on the perfect golf swing. Teebo Teebo had no time for any of this. If he was going to die, it wouldn’t be in this war. So the proud Ewok left his post as Kneesaa’s trusted shaman and fled into safety and obscurity, taking a few hundred refugees with him. For many years, knowledge of their whereabouts never surfaced until a New Republic investigation revealed they had survived—they had started a remote commune on Kashyyyk and lived in peace and quiet ever since. Somehow, the Wookiees couldn’t tell the difference. Pommet Warrick Wicket, as one of the few survivors of the Great Ewok Civil War, raised his son in a much quieter Endor, which was now absolutely swamped in dead teddy bear corpses now. Despite this, Pommet lived a happy childhood, and felt inspired to do some fighting of his own after hearing about the heroes in the Resistance. And so the cycle of violence continued. Tomorrow we’ll be exploring a furry, forest-dwelling species who lived in tribal societies in the trees. ...Wait, are we just covering Ewoks again? Stay tuned.
  19. Why did he leave you Eugene
  20. EPISODE XXV: REVENGE OF THE BOUNTY HUNTERS There are too many bounty hunters in this world. We didn’t understand just how many people had bounties on their heads until we started this. But they are characters too, and with characters, there are stories. C-21 Highsinger C-21 Highsinger snagged the occasional bounty throughout the Empire’s rise and fall, but he was essentially the bargain bin pick compared to the big guys like Fett and Bane. Clients didn’t seem to want to hire someone who could only communicate in ones and zeroes. Frustrated at his lack of opportunities, Highsinger decided to broaden his line of expertise along with fellow bounty hunter Robo-Dengar. For a sizable fee, the duo would take care of any job you wanted—they were robotic jacks-of-all-trades. They had hoped they’d get to do lots of killing, but they only managed to find work painting hangars and fixing people’s HoloNet connections. How boring. Amanaman After Jabba’s empire collapsed, Amanaman managed to hightail it off of Tatooine, never looking back. Amanaman continued taking jobs into the New Republic era and slowly made a bigger name for himself. One day during a job, he came across the abandoned, regenerated Baby Bossk, all alone...what a tragedy. He decided to take the baby in and nurse the fallen bounty hunter back to health. Amanaman: father by day, and hunter by night. He has his work cut out for him now, to say the least. Although he bears some similarities to the creature, please do not mistake him for the giant yellow bird from Sesame Street, which does not exist in Star Wars. Fong Do One night, Fong got drunk with his fellow bounty buddies in level 1313 of the Coruscant Underworld. He heard a rumor passed around about a Sith Lord at the Outlander Club. Half of them thought it was a bad joke, while others thought there was truth to it, and were scared to find out. Fong Do told them he’d investigate this for himself, to which his buddies cheered him on. He sobered up and went out to the Outlander Club to investigate the claims. He was never seen again by anyone else afterwards. His mysterious fate has been the subject of many myths and legends among other bounty hunters, but most can agree someone, or something, killed him...perhaps there will be more to this story later in the season (cough). Djas Puhr Djas Puhr had seen it all. He’d watched Han Solo shoot Greedo, clear the bounty on his head, and beat the most powerful Hutt on Tatooine within the span of just a few years. So why wasn’t he just as famous? As the bounty hunter took a long walk to try and ponder this, as the scalding Tatooine suns shone, he felt his thoughts grow hotter and hotter until he could no longer think, and he dropped to the ground dead. Puhr somehow never considered the poor logistics of having a shiny, black head while living on a desert planet. Chata Hyoki & Robonino Following the knuckleheads’ arrest, Hyoki and Robonino plotted their grand escape from prison, Alcatraz style. The two thought their plan was pure genius and that it had no chance of failure. They tried to gather several other inmates for their plan, but they laughed it off, saying it will never work. However, much to their surprise, and by sheer luck, their plan did work. It was a plan so stupid nobody saw it coming. The two escaped and ran for the hills, never looking back. It’s rumored from here they contacted an identity eraser who relocated them and the two have been off the grid ever since. The duo are now idolized by their former inmates who laughed at them, with many attempting to remake their escape attempt to no avail. A terrible, terrible profession to pick up these days, as you can see. At least they aren't as evil as some of the guys we'll learn about tomorrow.
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