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181b. Skod Baby

Awww sheee my mang let me spin you a story of the time SpongeBob, Patrick and also the writers f'ed up so badly that the world famous and critically acclaimed Skodwarde Testicles nearly died of a mental disease. The cries and sorrow of his entire kingdom violently yelled out how such a thing almost happened to their beloved sex god. 

 It all started on a beautiful day in Skodwarde's wild man eating clam abode. He was soaking in the blood of his enemies with his gal pal (at least for the episode), Amanda Bynes in her Jacuzzi. 


While he tried to slip a roofie in her mango smoothie, the high pitched erotic screams of his fellow neighbors clouded his intelligent vision and intimate thoughts, and just annoyed the hell out of him frankly. With one clap, he teleported his naked self outside to see SpongeBob and Patrick playing with SpongeBob's baby dildos and other things his mother had given him as an infant. Skodwarde was sicken by their childish behavior and was going to sentence them to be taxidermy moose on Planet Canada for sick bestiality practicers, eh? But all of a sudden, he tripped on one of the toys and hit his head on a mailbox. When he awoke, he didn't remember who his neighbors were or even who he himself was. The god cooed and cried and even got a diaper out of nowhere thanks to the Skodwarde animators. In fact, he was a SKOD BABY!

SpongeBob and Patrick thought they could get a sick laugh out of this (by not taking him to the doctors) and made it a whole dollar bet on not telling Baby Skodwarde who he really was. They had nothing to fear since the mailbox slapped the adult juice out of Skod's jizzed out body. So they told infant Skod he was a frequently unemployed loser who often had bad luck in anything and could never get girls due to the small size of his...wadge. Skodwarde cried in his shitty diaper, and wanted to stay at SpongeBob's home until he finds a job. SpongeBob excepted because he wanted to see how far Skodwarde would sink. And Patrick joined for the shizz and giggles. Inside SpongeBob's home, Patrick played gangbangers with Baby Skodwarde and told him it was a game little kids like him usually played. Patrick thrust him so hard he hit the ceiling and SpongeBob had to climb up to reach him. Later, SpongeBob gave him a plate of stuff from Gary's litterbox and served it to Skodwarde on the booster seat he stole from Plankton. Baby Skodwarde using his godly powers, teleported the snail crap to SpongeBob's face and whacked him with it. And Patrick licked it up all over SpongeBob's facial area. They then showed the little god how to do handjobs which Skodwarde picked up how to do quickly. He grew tired of this game so he crawled out of SpongeBob's haven'tyoupeopleeverheardofclosingthegoddamn door. Baby Skodwarde almost got hit by a truck but due to his super strength, he falcon punched the truck into another dimension. SpongeBob and his lover being impressed, wanted to see if little Skod could falcon punch their privates for their own sick and perverted pleasure. When Baby Skodwarde declined, the two of them put the toddler into a baby fence as a prisoner. 

Skod cried again as SpongeBob felt sorry keeping him in the fence and let him out. After days of crying and obvious Rock-a-Bye Bivalve references, SpongeBob remembered he had a job. So he thought it was time for little Skod to start supporting his own ass anyways. SpongeBob asked Patrick if he could watch Skodwarde while he worked, but Skodwarde had turned Patrick into a large loaf of canned bread. At the Krusty Krab, Mr. Krabs ordered Skodwarde to work despite his very apparent concoction and mental illness. Cheapstakes amirite. SpongeBob set Skodwarde in the cashier boat as the krustomers came pouring in. The first customer Skodwarde sucked and slobbered on (don't get any wrong ideas). Then, baby Skod drew balls all over the customers faces, which one of them yelled out for their face, also leg but mostly their face. Eventually SpongeBob remembers he hadn't changed Skodwarde since the beginning of the episode. He tried to find somewhere to change him but no one wants to smell that or see Testicles' testicles (the bathroom would be a good place to change him you know). Before he can successfully change Skodwarde, Skodwarde speaks in his normal, booming adult voice. The godly creature zaps his diaper away and hovers in mid air in all his powerful appearanceHe tells the absorbent head that everything went according to plan and SpongeBob looks at him confused. Skodwarde explains that when he saw SpongeBob's baby dildos a few days ago, he thought he could fake a concoction so that he could play with his two neighbors in diapers for his own sexual pleasure. But that he got bored and wanted to go back to normal. Though Spongebob had not been listening to a word Skodwarde was saying. So out of anger, Skodwarde turns him and everyone in the Krusty Krab into taxidermy moose after all. As the credits role, the episode ends with them being sent to Planet Canada and Canadians in a flea market eyeing and paying for a sweet piece of that furry carcass ass, mhm.

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181a. License To Jerkshake

It's another normal day at the Krusty Krab, and Skodwarde is-

Y'know what? No. Fuck that shit. Done with these generic and bland ass Krusty Krab episodes, man.

It's a fucking crazy ass day at the Krusty Krab. Like fuckin' batshit insane. Skodwarde is standing over a ravenous group of hungry rabid fish, because... uh, let's say that SpongeBob's milkshakes aren't doing the job. They're trash. They taste like absolute shit. Like nasty ass Jazz restaurant food, maybe even worse. And why is this? Well, it's up to Mr. Greedy Red Fat Bastard to figure that out. He busts into the kitchen with a gang of pimps, ready to beat the crap out of SpongeBob for fucking around, and to his surprise, he finds SpongeBob jacking off to episodes of Gravity Falls on his computer. Mr. K walks up to him and asks him just what the fuck is goin' on, and SpongeBob replies that he's watching Continuity Porn. Mr. Krabs is not amused at the shitty pun, and he tells SpongeBob to make some milkshakes and get off the damn computer so he can watch some. While observing SpongeBob out of the corner of his eye, he sees SpongeBob fapping into the milkshake (standard procedure), and discovers that SpongeBob isn't producing nearly enough jizz. Mr. Money-Fucker then realizes that SpongeBob is suffering from over-fap and can't produce enough nastiness to make a good milkshake, meaning that his Jizz License has expired. 

SpongeBob too realizes this, and cries, knowing he may lose his job and have to go into the stripper business again. Mr. Krabs handwaves this and tells SpongeBob that all he needs is a lesson in foulness from the foulest people to ever live. SpongeBob asks where he can find these people, and Mr. Krabs sends him to the Semen-tary (you know, where people get buried and stuff) to revive Hitler, Joseph Stalin, George Bush, and Adam Sandler. Forming an alliance, the four tell SpongeBob they can change the world and get his jizz's yummy milkshake flavor back. They begin to put him through tests of endurance and strength.

Hitler tells SpongeBob to start by collecting all the Jews in Bikini Bottom and kill them all, but SpongeBob thinks that that's pretty fucking stupid, considering Underwater Judaism doesn't exist. Hitler tells him to just find all the fish with big noses then, and burn them all. SpongeBob replies that 

A) Fish don't have noses, and 

B ) They're underwater, so nobody can get burned.

Hitler realizes that SpongeBob is right, and then realizes that since they're underwater that he shouldn't be able to breathe, and he drowns, but it's cool, because it's Hitler, and nobody really gives a fuck about that guy. He's pretty terrible.

Next, Stalin tells SpongeBob to not jack off for an entire week. SpongeBob doesn't trust Stalin, so he tells Skodwarde to use his God powers to just send Stalin into North Korea, where he's subjected to slavery at the hands of Kim Jong Un for the rest of his undead life. Or something like that. SpongeBob is getting fouler and the milkshakey flavor is slowly returning to his loins. 

George tells SpongeBob to do the worst thing he can possibly think of. SpongeBob goes and brings back George a really mediocre sandwich. George applauds SpongeBob, but tells him that he could do worse. SpongeBob asks him what could possibly be worse than a bad sandwich, and George winks at him and tells him to watch as he goes above the sea and wins the 2000 presidential election. 

After SpongeBob watches George push the American economy into turmoil and increase the National Deficit by trillions, he is exposed to true evil. Or maybe it's just a dumbass in the White House, but regardless, it's some twisted shit, man. And so now, all that leaves is Adam Sandler. He tells SpongeBob that he's proud, and that he's almost made it. He just has to witness one last awful transgression. Sandler straps Sponge to a chair and holds his eyes open Clockwork Orange style, and makes SpongeBob watch the worst thing ever opened up to mankind.

Adam Sandler and Kevin James' 2015 film, Pixels.

Hours of unfunny jokes and shitty plotting take SpongeBob over the edge, and Sandler smiles, telling SpongeBob he's earned his Jizz License. However, SpongeBob has seen so much awful garbage over the course of the episode, and he beats Sandler to a pulp, telling him that if he ever makes another movie, he'll kill him and set fire to his family and loved ones. Sandler replies with something about Rob Schneider and a Grown Ups 3, but SpongeBob kicks him in the face and tells him to just fucking try it and see.

SpongeBob returns to the Krusty Krab, now a certified hardass. He comes back, and Greedy Red Fatass asks him what he's been doing, and SpongeBob flashes his new License, and Mr. Krabs nods solemnly. SpongeBob sorts through the crowd, makes some fire ass milkshakes, and gets the rabid crowd away from his restaurant. SpongeBadass steps outside the kitchen and asks Skodwarde why he didn't use his God Powers to get those bitches away. He smiles and says that he wanted a good strong plot and a great episode. SpongeBadass stares at Skodwarde and tells him that this is a Casey Alexander/Zeus Cervas episode in Season 9a and that a good strong episode is a fucking joke. Everyone laughs, except SpongeBadass. He stares at the camera, long after everyone has stopped laughing.

"SpongeBob?" Mr. Krabs asks. Silence. Then- 

"It's lit." SpongeBob says.

The End

(rodeo in stores now its lit)

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Oh look at this, it's a special out of order Halloweeeeeeeeeen Skodwarde!

187a. Hooky 2: Electric Hook-aloo

It was just a normal night at The Reef(er) and SpongeBob, Patrick, and Skodwarde were all about to see movies. Skodwarde was going to see Skod out of Water for the millionth time today, while SpongeBob and Patrick were going to watch a horror porno titled “It Came from Bikini Bottom”. Skodwarde warns the duo that they should not watch the film, as the film will give the two extreme night terrors and erectile dysfunction forever. SpongeBob and Patrick do not believe him and bet that if the film does scare them, then Skodwarde can have their souls forever. They set out to prove Skodwarde wrong and enter the room showing the movie.


The film starts out in Make-Out Reef and Billy and Jennifer are about to make some sweet love, when suddenly, a hook lands near them. But it was no ordinary hook. This hook belonged to none other than…………..The Dickerman! The hook captured Billy and sent him up to the surface only for him to be made into sweet, tasty Starkist Tuna! And he was never seen again… SpongeBob and Patrick attempt to close their eyes for the scary parts, but when they open their eyes, the movie ends each time. They try to stay awake for the entire movie, but the movie is so scary, that they end up scaring themselves to sleep. The usher tells them “Pack up your shit and head home, the movie is over, you bums.”


So they head home and get frightened by everything that they believe is The Dickerman. Even ol’ innocent Slasher McGee, who had recently stopped killing ever since he converted to Fishtianity. SpongeBob and Patrick both want to go home, but they are too scared that The Dickerman will get them. Skodwarde uses his godly powers to send SpongeBob and Patrick back home, but to no avail. They still end up screaming and costing Skodwarde his sleep. Annoyed, he decides to dress up as The Dickerman and scare SpongeBob and Patrick.


As Skodwarde attempts to capture Patrick, Patrick ends up screaming and heads to SpongeBob’s house. “Patrick, what the ever loving fucks are you doing here?” SpongeBob asks. Patrick tells SpongeBob that The Dickerman is out to get them. They run around and scream for a while because post-movie and decide to board up the room and avoid the evil Dickerman.


“This is it, man! Game over! Game over!” SpongeBob says. “Before I go, I just want to let you know that……..I always loved you.”

“Oh, I want to confess something too!” Patrick says. “While you were gone, me and Gary smoked your entire marijuana stash!”

“Wait, you did what?” SpongeBob interrupted.


As SpongeBob and Patrick were about to get eaten, they notice Skodwarde’s head pop out. They think that The Dickerman attempted to eat their best buddy, Skodwarde. Wanting to defend him, SpongeBob and Patrick go all NFL on The Dickerman (or just Skodwarde) and send him to a world of pain (AKA Weenie Hut General).



Skodwarde learns his lesson at the end. “I should have never scared those motherfucking morons. Of course, they would mistake me for a villain from a horror porno movie. But I sure hope that those motherfuckers learn a lesson about going to R rated movies that they should not be going to. At night.” The Dickerman may be gone now, but something tells me he might return soon. Maybe next Halloween…

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The original guest writer returns 4 years later!

Episode 180b: Crack Ball

Skodwarde is waking up one morning, hungover worse the Doug Billings, when he sees SpongeBob’s pineapple house animatedly moving back and forth on its own. Incensed that someone else is doing rather godly things that would normally be reserved for him, Skod teleports into the house to see Gary is moving it back and forth trying to knock the snail chow bag off the shelf it’s on. Pissed, Skod uses his God powers to curse Gary with buck front teeth and an insatiable craving for crack. Gary, not knowing what crack is since Snails don’t do drugs, just begins to bite everything that can be bitten. SpongeBob wakes up to see that his alarm clock needs to be given last rites, that his tooth paste dispenser is in worse shape than Lieutenant Dan, and his cereal bowl is just daggone broken.

SpongeBob gives his pet snail an aggravated glare before realizing he probably has cavities. However as he can’t afford a trip to the dentist, being in debt to those loan sharks and all, decides he’ll go get him a dildo to chew on instead. At the pet store, the two see Patrick eating Worm intestines advertised as worm food.

“Patrick, what are you doing?” SpongeBob asked condemningly.

“I heard worm food makes you more attractive if you eat 5 pounds a day. I’ll start by getting “free samples” from the store.” Patrick said with a :smirk:

“I’m pretty sure that’s a load of seahorse shit, but I don’t have the time to deal with you, so good luck with that.” SpongeBob rushed away.

SpongeBob handed Gary a little fire hydrant, which squirted jizz all over his face.

“Yeah, this toy isn’t for you.” SpongeBob chided as he stuck it in his own pocket.

A little red ball bounced up and down on top of the ball rack, catching no one’s attention. After a few fruitless minutes, it finally does a Mario style ground pound onto SpongeBob’s head, cracking it open, but it didn’t actually hurt since he’s a sponge and all. It then rolls off of SpongeBob’s exposed head and in front of Gary, who takes a bite of it. As he does, it shoots a shot of cocaine out Gary’s mouth, fueling the addiction. Gary begins the never ending cycle of biting and ingesting cocaine.

“Awww, do you like your new toy Garbear?” SpongeBob asked adoringly.

As SpongeBob leans down to pet Gary, he gets after SpongeBob like:


SpongeBob just backs away quietly without a word.


After escaping the store without paying Getting home, Gary didn’t even bother to eat or piss, just heading straight to more crack ball. SpongeBob doesn’t bother at first, and just heads upstairs to play with the jizz hydrant. Several hours pass by, and SpongeBob finally gets bored of the jizz hydrant so he decides to check in on Gary who, for some reason, is having a tea party with his ball.

“Gary, this is borderline B-horror movie.” SpongeBob chided. “I think you need to take a break…”

Sipping the tea cup, it was clearly not tea, but a white powder.

“Too much sugar.” SpongeBob obliviously remarks as he spits it out on to the floor.

Gary’s already headed out to the newly appeared as of this morning garage, so SpongeBob follows him. After trying to take the ball out of Gary’s mouth, SpongeBob is magically levitated and trapped under the garage door, and none of this is questioned for whatever reason. A couple more hours pass with SpongeBob entrapped in his new garage, and when he finally gets out, he sees a sloppily written note on his door, but is so pissed at Gary, he doesn’t even bother to read it. Instead, he finds Gary and his balls slipping SpongeBob’s credit cards out of this wallet.

“Gary! You know I cancelled all my credit cards to avoid the loan sharks!” SpongeBob chided once more. “I think you need to take a break from thi-“

While SpongeBob was saying this, the ball squirts a dose of cocaine on his arm, invoking Gary’s urge once more. Despite his best resistance, Gary bites SpongeBob’s arm, stunning his owner. SpongeBob falls into disbelief, and runs out the door fearing of his new possible rabies infection. Gary introspectively just stares at a reflection of himself in the mirror, but then goes back to crack ball. A few minutes later, Gary realizes he still never ate breakfast and is actually starving. Crack Ball turns away, and Gary growls at him, showing some resistance to his addiction for the first time today. The ball then forms a fist out of crack punches Gary to the ground. The crack then forms into the shape of Skodwarde, who reveals to have been in control of Crack Ball all along.

“Puny snail! Feel my wrath!” Skodwarde commands.

Gary and Skodwarde then engage in an epic battle, Gary’s only weapon the jizz hydrant and Skod’s cocaine blasts. Gary deftly evades a blast, engulfing the TV in flames, while Skodwarde deflects a jizz attack into the kitchen stove. This goes on for several issues minutes before Gary deflects a cocaine blast right into Skodwarde’s right nostril which happens to be his weak spot. Gary then uses an incredible burst of speed to escape the house, past a group of fish thugs who burst their way in.

“Ok Mr. Squarepants time to pay u-” And then:


Gary then goes to a park bench not too far away, where SpongeBob is being harassed by a nematode gang, wearing half ripped clothes and a black eye.

“Oh Gary, did you come back to me?” SpongeBob asks lovingly.

“Meow.” Gary says with an eye pointed at the eviscerated pineapple house.

“I guess we’ll go live with Skodwarde for awhile…” SpongeBob says.

Gary then howls like a feral cat and SpongeBob decides that they’ll lodge with Patrick instead. And it all got resolved in another episode.

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182a. Little Yellow Cock

One day, Skodwarde is taking advantage of a slow day at the Krusty Krab by listening to the audiobook of Mein Kampf in his boat. When he rises again, there's a line stretching to the door. He yells at SpongeBob to get the anchors out of his pants and cook up some Krabby Patties, but SpongeBob is too busy orgasming in a barrel to hear him. Skodwarde marches into the kitchen and pulls SpongeBob out. It turns out SpongeBob is texting a girl he met on tinder. Skodwarde confiscates SpongeBob's phone and tells him he won't be getting it back until he behaves himself. SpongeBob cooks the patties, squeezes them into his holes then does obscene things with condiments that are too disgusting even for this spin-off to describe. Once he's finished, he shoots them into buns and walks out, leaving a partly disturbed and partly aroused Skodwarde in the kitchen. 

While SpongeBob serves his freshly made health hazards to the customers, Skodwarde goes through SpongeBob's phone, where he finds a treasure trove of nude photos. Skodwarde realizes it would be wrong to send the photos out to all his friends, but he also realizes he doesn't give a shit and promptly sends the photos out to all his friends. SpongeBob walks back into the kitchen and asks for his phone back. Skodwarde returns the phone and walks back to the register. He notices customers looking at their phones and laughing aloud. One customer asks Skodwarde where he got those pictures, and he says he stole them. A random fish tells Skodwarde that stealing is wrong, and Skodwarde, not a fan of being lectured, kills him JCMovies-style.

A few minutes later, SpongeBob runs out of the kitchen in tears, saying his dick (or lack thereof) is on the front page of every porn site in the world now. He wonders what insensitive douchebag could have leaked the photos, and all the customers point to Skodwarde. SpongeBob, feeling betrayed, runs out of the Krusty Krab crying more than ever. Skodwarde starts to feel bad but then remembers that the episode calls for him to be an asshole, so he quickly snaps out of it. Mr. Krabs, whose stingy senses are tingling, comes out of his office and demands to know what's going on. Skodwarde tells him what happened, and Mr. Krabs orders him to go after SpongeBob and apologize. Skodwarde grumbles and leaves the Krusty Krab as the customers, who were laughing at his stolen pictures just minutes ago, chastise him for scaring away the guy who cooks their food.

Skodwarde waves for a taxi on his way home, but the taxi driver decides his money isn't worth it because he invaded the privacy of some random sponge. Skodwarde returns home to find that his house is being repossessed because of the strangely specific clause in his contract that says he can't leak nude photos of coworkers. Skodwarde sleeps on a bench but gets harassed by cops despite not breaking any laws. Tired of being treated like a black person in New York City, Skodwarde seeks SpongeBob out and begs for his forgiveness. SpongeBob is happy to give it because the leaked photos made him such a celebrity that he has his own reality show coming up. He then says that Skodwarde only looked at his work phone and that the real embarrassing stuff is on his personal phone. Skodwarde then steals SpongeBob's personal phone because, once again, he's an asshole, and the episode ends because resolutions are for nerds.

Edited by jjsthekid
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Oh look, a crappy guest write. *sigh*

I know this episode sucks I'm sorry plz don't kill me it was my first ep I'm sorry


Well, here it is:

182b. Operation: DrugBob

A student at Puff Mama's Boating School is doing perfectly on the driving test and repeats everything he does because he's so fucking perfect. Puff Mama expects to have another fucking perfect student, and then SpongeBob just has to show up because it's the law of Skodwarde. Puff Mama is devastated because wouldn't you be if you had do deal with that little shit? So, the village idiot starts driving. SPOILER ALERT!!!111!!!1: He fails.

So the fat egg DESTROYS the entire driving course. Wow, that's gonna go on the bill. So two kids are watching some movie called "Going Bananas in 3D" about some fatass drunk guy until the little yellow book destroys the movie. Then Puff Mama gets so pissed, she verbally shits on SpongeBob. "YOU FUCKING SUCK AT DRIVING YOU LITTLE SHIT" and then SpongeBob's poor feelings are hurt.

Puff Mama is getting sick of the drill so she devises a plan. "What if I gave that idiot drugs? Would he drive better? Ah, what the fuck. I've got nothing more to lose." And so Puff Mama ventured to a dark alley and met some homeless guy and smuggled the drugs into her home. She had a plan. Operation: DrugBob was in effect.

SpongeBob came to boating school, prepared for a normal day. Then Puff Mama gave him the stuff. "STUFF THIS DOWN YOUR PIEHOLE" SpongeBob took the drugs and got in the car. He started driving, and he was so drugged up, it actually made him drive good, repeating "Focus on the road" as that was all he saw along with other strange psychedelia, none of the real world. Puff Mama as amazed it worked. "I should feed all my students drugs". The sponge's images were known to be demonic and disturbing, so I'm gonna pull some other image out of my ass. Here you go:


So, in the middle of driving, Skodwarde realizes he isn't he isn't going to be in this episode. Skodwarde then uses his god powers to drug SpongeBob. The porous moron then realizes "Oh fuck, now what?". SpongeBob goes on to the highway where he probably killed some fish after crashing into so many. Chaos ensues, and we watch the hilarious death of innocent Bikini Bottomites! World-class children's television. Wait a minute, people consider Skodwarde children's television? Fuck, this world is screwed.

So after more deaths the yellow puppet caused, he parks the boat, making him pass his driving test! Yay! We can finally stop writing forced episodes of this dead horse! But, Skodwarde uses his god powers to make SpongeBob's license get revoked because Skodwarde loves having sex with that status quo. You're invited to the two's next orgy in my next guest write.

Edited by jjsthekid
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183a. Damn! A Prostitute!

another day another god-fucking damned krusty fuckin krab episode

It's a regular day at the Krusty Krab, but it's slow, so Skodwarde decides to spice it up. He gets his best interior designers to trick that bitch out, and turn into the most poppin' strip club around, fam. For hours, the newest club in town, "The Krust", is jumpin', attracting only the finest honeys and babes around, you feel?

You feel. :smirk:

So, it's been a long day, and SpongeBob is scooping up all the dollars on the ground. He goes to Mr. Krabs' office to put it in the safe, when he notices a lot of unnamed fluids emitting from behind it. He gets excited and grabs a rag and a can of cleaning spray. However, during this cleaning period, he accidentally brushes against something squishy. Fearing the worst ("What if it's... *gulp* the glory hole?") SpongeBob gets old Mr. Krabs and Skodwarde, and they tell him to chill out. "It's just a fuckin' diseased, whored-out, coked out stripper, me boy," Mr. Krabs says, laughing misogynistically. "Get the shovel and let's bury her slutty ass." SpongeBob and Skodwarde both get out the shovels, but it turns out, the prostitute is alive! She reaches towards them, asking for a lap dance, but no one's in the mood to get chlamydia today. Everyone freaks out and runs the fuck away, while the diseased stripper crawls across the floor, begging for money. Also, heroin.

Mr. Krabs runs out to the crowd and tells them to stay calm, there's just a creature full of disease crawling around the back area. Everybody runs out and Mr. Krabs writes a note to himself.

"Stop being a dumbass," it reads.

Soon, SpongeBob, Skodwarde and Mr. K are holed up on the grill, praying to Neptune to send them a savior, while the prostitute claws at them from the floor.


Suddenly, Plankton walks in, with a new plan to finally steal that secret patty formula ("They'll never recognize me if I'm wearing a strap-on!"), but quickly gets involved with the slutty shenanigans. Mr. Krabs is mad that Plankton's here ("We have enough sluts in here already!"), but Plankton has a plan involving a robot that he's absolutely sure won't fail. 

After Plankton's plan involving a robot fails miserably and absolutely, the gang is at a loss. The prostitute crawls up to the gang, and looks up, and to everyone's surprise, it's Caitlyn Jenner! (oh shit look at that edgy controversy dammmnn) This gives Mr. K an idea, and he looks at Plankton's strap-on greedily. After fully dressing Plankton up like a big-dick pimp, they send him out to meet Caitlyn. Caitlyn leaps at the first chance for money and drugs, and starts to chase Plankton, and they get into the freezer. Mr. Krabs freezes Caitlyn and Plankton escapes, yelling that he'll never be a pimp again, and goes to fuck his computer wife (which sounds really painful, but hey, different strokes ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) for different folks). 

Mr. Krabs tells SpongeBob to take Caitlyn far away, and he goes above land to drop her back off with the Kardashians, but Kanye comes to the door and tells him that "we off that shit, man. get that bitch outta here"  and SpongeBob drops Caitlyn off on someone's doorstep in a far away country he doesn't know about, waving goodbye before hopping into the ocean.

Kim Jong-Un steps outside and looks at Caitlyn on the ground, and smiles.


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183b. Skod Defense

One day, SpongeBob is playing with a whip in the Krusty Krab. He accidentally hits Skodwarde, who then asks him what the fuck he's doing. SpongeBob says he's practicing for an intense night of BDSM with Sandy, right after a karate session. SpongeBob offers to take Skodwarde to the karate session with him so he can learn how to defend himself against creepy assholes, adding that if he wants to stick around for the BDSM, there's plenty of room for that, too. Skodwarde declines both offers on his way out of the Krusty Krab.

Skodwarde is taking a bag of groceries through an alley when he sees a creepy asshole coming towards him. Skodwarde loses his shit and runs to SpongeBob's house. SpongeBob is watching some pretty hardcore anemone porn, so he doesn't hear Skodwarde's knocks at first. When he does let Skodwarde in, Skodwarde says that he's been attacked, even though he wasn't attacked and is just a giant pussy. He begs SpongeBob to teach him karate, and SpongeBob obliges, though he's also shit at karate, so he tells Skodwarde to seek out Sensei Cheeks instead. Skodwarde wonders how he can learn about karate from a pair of ass cheeks, but he follows SpongeBob to Sandy's treedome and they continue from there.

Before she can teach him, Sandy makes Skodwarde promise that he won't use karate for revenge. Skodwarde, who plans to use karate for revenge, says he won't despite that being total bullshit, and they go through several training exercises which he fails at because he doesn't give a fuck. Sandy gives up after a day of trying to teach Skodwarde karate, and she heads to her tree to masturbate to the latest Magic Mike flick, but SpongeBob begs her to Skodwarde one last chance. She thinks for a second, then she decides to make Skodwarde do her household chores, hoping that Karate Kid shit would work on him. Surprisingly, it does, as after finishing the chores, Skodwarde becomes good enough at karate to hurt a motherfucker. Sandy reminds Skodwarde not to use karate for revenge, and he says he won't before leaving the treedome to use karate for revenge.

Skodwarde goes into the same alley expecting the man from before to appear, and he does because the story demands it. Instead of using karate, Skodwarde just throws stuff at the man even though he could have done that the entire time. The man, who is justifiably confused, asks why Skodwarde is attacking him, and Skodwarde responds that it's because he's a creepy asshole. The man says Skodwarde's the asshole and that he was just trying to return the shit Skodwarde dropped when he saw the man in the alley and ran away like a fucking baby. Then SpongeBob and Sandy randomly appear to lecture Skodwarde about breaking his promises, and to make matters even worse for him, the God of Supremacy Orange Cop randomly appears to arrest Skodwarde for assault. On the way to prison, the God of Supremacy Orange Cop asks Skodwarde why he spent the episode learning karate when, according to Episode 144b, he was already a karate master. Skodwarde replies that it's just a show and he should really just relax. They then drive off into the night, as Skodwarde prepares for his upcoming career as a very successful prison rapist.

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since my computer is fried here's a mobile skodwarde :swag:

first skod of the new year fam let's get it

184a. Anal Rape!

well if it isn't another fucking krusty kr-

Oh, damn, a Plankton episode that has nothing to do with that shitty place. Rock on.

Plankton done did it this time. His hairbrained scheme to cook meth with Patrick and sell it across Bikini Bottom finally blew up in his face after 5 seasons of great, great television, and now Plankton's in jail, trying to navigate the pitfalls of prison life. His biggest problem? Skodwarde has made everyone in the prison super horny for his own amusement, and Plankton's got the sweetest, tightest ass in the whole jail. Everyone wants a piece of that green lovin', but Plankton declares that he's a married man, and the only person getting any booty action from him is his wife.

And Mr. Krabs. :funny:

Plankton decides he's going to figure out a way to get the hell out of there, but Plankton in his current form is less of an evil genius and more of an evil dumbass, so let's say that he takes a few months to come up with a plan. That's a long time without any computer pussy (or as Plankton calls it, "compussy") or internet porn, and Plankton begins to feel the horniness as well. He decides to give in and takes the prisoners into consideration, and gives everyone who wants some of his holes a look. They look back.


Plankton then realizes that he's gotta get the fuck out of that place before these people break his dick off.

Plankton forms a team of irrelevant side-characters to help him escape the prison. Plankton claims that they've gotta go old-school (like, 2008 level old) and make some meth to sell to the police officers so they'll get high enough to let him go. Plankton tells them that the secret ingredient to his meth is the shitty ass chum he makes, and so he takes a random prisoner and chops his body up in a random act of violence, Quentin Tarantino-style. Now with freshly ground chum, Plankton and his cronies move to the basement and cook hella methamphetamines. Plankton sells some to Jimmy, the prison guard who goes to a strip club every Friday before going home to his wife. Jimmy hits his bros up with that ice, and then they get high as fuck and party!!!

Then they all overdose on the meth and die.


(this PSA has been brought to you by the FDA)

Using their deaths as a distraction, Plankton and his crew of real ass homies escape, and they go to that god-forsaken place, the Krusty Fuckin' God Damn Season 8 and 9 headass Krab to steal the plot device secret formula. However, since this is Skodwarde's world and he really likes the status quo, he pulls some shit that only Luke Brookshier, Marc Ceccarelli, and Mr. Lawrence could've thought of out of his ass, and makes the entire police force suddenly appear and take Plankton and his crew back to jail.

"You're gonna get fucked in the ass for a VERY long time, Sheldon," The police officers laugh as they take him away. Mr. Krabs smiles and waves, laughing. SpongeBob appears for his cameo, asking why Plankton has to be such an asshole all the time. Mr. Krabs tells SpongeBob that with all the penises Plankton's going to recieve in jail, he's only gonna have an even bigger asshole when he comes back. SpongeBob shakes his head at the fat, red dumbass.

"That's not what I meant."


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I wrote this months ago and it's probably cringey as fuck now, but jjs liked it when I first gave it to him so I hope it still holds up


184b. The Evil Spatula Dildo

   SpongeBob has always been quite well known at just being way too fucking good at his job, especially compared to Skodwarde. While SpongeBob makes the food and interacts with customs (and a few sexual bribes to Krabs don’t hurt), Skodwarde likes to slack off and jack off. Usually both at the same time, as well. Usually, he doesn’t give a shit was SpongeBob does especially since he has god powers so he can do whatever the fuck he wants, but today was the last straw. While SpongeBob and Krabs are off creating a Krabby Patty meat batch laced with various poisons, Skodwarde takes the chance and goes to SpongeBob’s spatula, takes off his pants (…??) and uses his magical SKILSAW® circular saw penis to cut a little piece of the spatula, so next time SpongeBob uses it either for work of quite possibly sexual purposes, the spatula will cut in half.

When SpongeBob goes to work next day, he gets his spatula and starts forcing it up his asshole. Like expected by Skodwarde, the thing snaps in half with the bottom half in his hands and the other half deep into his anal cavity. He lies on the floor and starts crying like the little weirdo he is while Skodwarde cannot stop laughing. SpongeBob knew that he’d have to buy another spatula. Once the shift was over and his ass is now finally free of anything inside it, he sees a new special store while heading home. The store was called Harvey’s Spatula ‘n Dildo Emporium. It turns out that this store sells spatulas that can also be reliably used as sex toys without the possibility of a circular saw dick getting in the way.

There was a wide arrange of spatudildo’s at the store. Red ones, blue ones, green ones, long ones, short ones, new ones, used ones, anything you want in a spatula+dildo combo can be found at this magical store. SpongeBob does some browsing until he sees Plankton looking around in this store as well. Of course, SpongeBob is puzzled, not because he thought Plankton wouldn’t be interested, but more by the fact that Plankton can’t really use one of the spatulas on his tiny little ass. Plankton tells SpongeBob that he is an enthusiast of spatula-sex toys, despite not being able to use them. Then, he tells SpongeBob about the amazing collection of them he has, and of course, SpongeBob is intrigued to see.

When they head to the Cum Bucket, Plankton shows him to his room filled with spatudildos. Most of them were quite standard, stuff that SpongeBob saw at the Emporium, but one caught his eye immediately. It was colorful and long enough to suit him just right. He asked Plankton about it, and Plankton said it was called the Majestic Sizzlemasturbator. It can flip burgers perfectly fine, but it does even better at satisfying your sexual needs. It has eight different vibrate functions and an adjustable neck to suit and asshole.  SpongeBob begged Plankton if he could have it, and Plankton let him have it. What the perverted sponge DIDN’T know was that there was a hidden camera and microphone on the Sizzlemasturbator that Plankton would use to fap to SpongeBob using it for sexual purposes.

Of course, Plankton would have to be patient, as SpongeBob would have to use it for work purposes first. SpongeBob tends to have sex with his spatula at work, but today, his hole was way too sore to do anything during his shift. One boring and non-sexual workday later, SpongeBob finally gets to his house, and Plankton is quite excited. Sadly, because he was still sore, he didn’t use it at home either. This pissed Plankton off quite a bit. His plan was to try and convince SpongeBob to use it sexually with the microphone, pretending to be the spatula itself. During work the next day, the Sizzlemasturbator suddenly starts talking, and SpongeBob freaks out. The spatula tells SpongeBob that his sexual desires should probably be fulfilled before his dick explodes.

SpongeBob pretends to fall for it, but he knew it was Plankton talking through the microphone. He knew the exact way to get revenge on that tiny little piece of shit. He knocked on the door on Mr. Krabs’ office, and gave it to him. Krabs didn’t know why he was given it, but because he had sexy urges as well, he started using it. Plankton expected something hot for him, but what he got instead was a Krusty Krab Ass, and of course, it was way too gross for him. Plankton was so traumatized by the inside of Krabs’ asshole that he hung himself shortly after. SpongeBob goes into Krabs’ office again to take the Sizzlemasturbator back, as now it can’t be used by a perverted stalker. Once the shift is over, SpongeBob heads to his house, cleans off the Krusty Kum and vows that he will never trust Plankton on sexual advice ever again.

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