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202b. Skod Mail

One day, SpongeBob is horny and bored (borny?), so he decides to write a letter to a pen pal containing all his sexual fantasies. He gets so into writing that he ends up jizzing all over it, smudging the word "frying" (as in "I love frying my ass on the stove") so it now looks like "flying", setting up hilarious sitcom-style misunderstandings. SpongeBob puts the letter in an envelope as-is then puts it in his mailbox.

A couple of days later, JCM (in a cameo as a mailman) opens SpongeBob's mailbox to find SpongeBob squeezed inside of it. SpongeBob sticks out his tongue, and JCM, who's clearly getting tired of this shit, puts the mail on SpongeBob's tongue and goes to the next house. SpongeBob reads through the mail as he returns to his pineapple, and among it is a letter from his pen pal. The pen pal says that he's never seen somebody fly on a stove before and that he'd love to see it for himself before he died at the end of the week.

SpongeBob, horrifed to learn that his pen pal is dying, decides the best course of action to take is to continue playing him like a bitch. He writes about his adventures flying on a stove, meeting people all over the ocean to hear their stories before inevitably having hot, steamy sex with them. Satisfied with the fabricated letter, he sends it off, and a couple more days later, JCM the mailman walks up to SpongeBob's house, where SpongeBob's tongue is already waiting for him. JCM drops the mail on the tongue, wondering what the fuck he's done with his life.

SpongeBob reads the newest letter from his pen pal, who wants to meet SpongeBob at the local stove flying convention and see his moves. Realizing he's about to get found out, SpongeBob positively loses his shit, and Gary, who's still a character on this show, throws water on him. SpongeBob decides to get help from Sandy, who is also still a character on this show. Sandy runs him through a stove flying simulator, which he fails horribly. Sandy tells him that if he tries to fly a stove at the stove flying convention, he'll die. SpongeBob says that's a risk he's willing to take.

At the flying stove convetion, a crowd of people with nothing better to do watch as stove pilots perform various death-defying tricks. Once it's SpongeBob's turn, he prays to his deity of choice and gets onto his stove. He presses the button to make the stove fly, and he actually does a pretty good job at controlling it...for about seven seconds, after which it veers wildly off course and explodes into the crowd, killing everybody in the crowd and badly wounding SpongeBob. 

SpongeBob notices a mail truck in the distance, and he slowly crawls toward it. Once he reaches the mail truck, he finds JCM inside it with Skodwarde, eating popcorn. SpongeBob asks Skodwarde what he's doing there, and Skodwarde says he couldn't miss his pen pal fly a stove for the first time, right before breaking into laughter. SpongeBob asks JCM if he knew about this, and JCM says with regret that he did. JCM offers to make it up to SpongeBob by driving him home, and SpongeBob gets into the back of the truck with a ton of envelopes.

As they drive home, Skodwarde asks JCM if he'll ever see JCM again. JCM shakes his head, saying that this is going to be his last cameo. Skodwarde thanks JCM for his contributions, and once they reach their destination, Skodwarde gives him a big bear hug. They go to the back of the truck to take out SpongeBob only to find that he has died from his wounds and from a shit-ton of paper cuts. Skodwarde asks JCM if he would like to stick around a bit longer to dissolve SpongeBob's body in sulfuric acid, and JCM says that he wouldn't like anything more. As they carry SpongeBob's body into Skodwarde's house, the song "We'll Meet Again" plays, and it continues playing throughout the episode's end credits.

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203a. Plankton vs. Gary! Decisive Pineapple Battle?!

One day, Plankton is seen at the Cum Bucket, hatching his next ingenious plan. He puts himself into a wagon, and it goes rolling straight into the Krusty Krab. From underneath the covers, a skunk is thrown out (mindfuck, but it's wearing a water helmet, so not really). Some of the customers think it's a cute cat (the fuck they on, that ain't no cat smh). Plankton makes the skunk, which he names Pepe le Pew, set off its stink with a bee (which is also somehow underwater, and insert obligatory Bee Movie reference if you please). Pepe releases his stench through the Krusty Krab, making it smell like several dozen people all died in there. The customers, SpongeBob, Skodwarde, and Mr. Krabs all flee from the restaurant, while Skodwarde wears a gas mask while running to protect his beautiful nose and face from the shitty stench. Mr. Krabs then realizes Plankton is inside the Krusty Krab all alone now, so he uses one of SpongeBob's arms as a nose plug, much to his pleasure, and gets his ass right on in there. Krabs storms into the office to find Plankton surrounded the safe with dynamite (dynomite!). Boom goes the dynamite, but unfortunately for Plankton, the safe has another safe inside of it (mindfuck). Krabs then crushes Plankton, and sends the lil' fucker flying out of the Krusty Krab, yelling "SO LONG, SHRIMP!", to which Plankton replies "I WENT TO COLLEGE!", as he slams into the Cum Bucket.

The HAZMAT Unit comes to take care of the stench, as they fetch Pepe out of there. Pepe is sent back up to the surface in a basket of balloons, but the little number of balloons brings him back down into Bikini Bottom, as he is sent flying through downtown, terrorizing everyone with his stench. Anyways, Krabs is worried something like this may happen again, so he asks SpongeBob a very special favor: to take the secret formula bottle home with him, while he works on fixing the safe's security. Plankton however, managed to overhear this conversation with his broken antennae, and gives out an evil laugh. SpongeBob makes his way home, but gets a nervous feeling that...SOMEONE WANTS TO SELL HIM SOMETHING! He carefully looks around, as two chocolate bar salesmen are seen hidden behind a rock, with one saying "I told you he was onto us!". SpongeBob happily continues on his way, when Plankton greets him. The two decide to have a friendly conversation about anime, religion, politics, death, all that good stuff. After that morbid conversation, SpongeBob happily excuses himself back to his pineapple, while Plankton gives out another evil laugh. The two chocolate bar salesmen from earlier accidentally step on Plankton, as the one asks if they heard a tiny person cry out in pain, and the other replies that the weed is going to his head. Plankton reforms himself from the splat, and pulls a death laser out of his ass, vaporizing both of the salesmen. He steals all their remaining chocolate, and gives out another evil laugh, following SpongeBob to his house.

The next morning, SpongeBob gives Gary a status update on what's going on, telling him he must protect the secret formula with his life. He tells him to not let in Plankton, pedophiles, shady salesmen, Jehovah's Witness, robbers, snail nappers, or a combination of those. Plankton is spying on them with a large ass cartoony telescope, as SpongeBob leaves for work. Plankton then disguises himself as a chocolate bar salesmen, using the outfit from the two guys he killed yesterday. He rings the doorbell, and Gary answers. Plankton tries to ask if he'd like some chocolate, but Gary closes the door on his fake ass. He then tries to sell him snail products, but Gary closes the door on his fake ass again. Next up, Plankton enters in dressed as a prostitute, offering to satisfy Gary's needs, and also offers him free snail viagra. Gary then pushes the sofa with Plankton's fake ass outside, and locks the door. Plankton rips off his ugly prostitute disguise, and angrily throws the viagra to the ground in his tantrum, which explodes. From the remains, Plankton notes that nitroglycerin is not a good replacement for sildenafil.

While Gary keeps watching the outside like a hawk, Plankton is able to distract Gary with a fake cut-out of himself. He then sneaks in through the window like the thug he is, and begins searching the crib for the secret formula. Plankton trashes SpongeBob's room, his library, the kitchen, and even the bathroom, but no sign of the damn bottle. Suddenly, Gary confronts Plankton, growling angrily. Plankton asks him to be nice, but unfortunately Gary still isn't very happy at him for the time he tried to impersonate him. Gary then proceeds to beat the ever-living shit out of Plankton in an anime style duel. After the two spend a five episode arc (with some filler in-between) duking it out across the house, meeting many sexy anime waifus for Gary's slimy harem, and also dealing with them being murdered by Plankton, Gary gets his revenge by still beating the fuck out of Plankton anyways. Plankton's genius then begins to show (eww), as he gets an idea, thinking the formula is inside the snail's shell. So Plankton penetrates himself inside Gary's shell, much to Gary's displeasure. Gary gets pissed, as nobody intrudes on his crib, so his eyeball chases Plankton throughout the shell. SpongeBob then comes home, horrified at the condition of his house, and the fact there are dead anime waifus on the ground. However, he is happy to see the formula bottle is safe, revealing it was on top of his television this whole time, which Plankton somehow didn't notice (what a fuckin' dumbass). SpongeBob notices there is something wrong with Gary, probably the fact his eyeball is stuck up his ass-I mean shell, so he takes him to the vet. Inside the shell, Plankton makes it to the center, and sees what he thinks is the formula, so he grabs it, and gets the fuck out of there. However, it turns out he was tripping balls due to the fumes inside Gary's shell, and what he really grabbed was Gary's anime watchlist. Plankton happily runs off into the sunset with it, still drugged out of his mind. They all lived happily ever after, except for the waifus that died. Oh well.


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203b. Salsa Fillercus

One day, Plankton, not yet wising up to the fact that if he couldn't get the secret formula the first umpteen times he sure as fuck ain't gonna get it the next buhmillion, plagiarizes a snide ass idea from his side bitch (cuz we all know he's got Krabs at this point), Karen, and decides to use all his scientific resources that very well could cure cancer to somehow make Krabs too dumb to live so that he'll just hand him the formula personally. Karen equates this to making a date rape drug and things get dark right quick.

Skodwarde catches wind of all this, and sensing that a pointless filler episode, as well as Flats the Butt Pounder (because I'm the only one that cares about this plot thread), is on the horizon, decides to do everything within his god power to drag this son of a bitch out for as long as possible. So he uses his god powers to add an extra ingredient to the concoction, Patrick's cum, which Plankton manages to easily obtain because, if you remember, Patrick likes to make giant cum balls as seen in Skodwarde Season 4. Upon completion of the salsa fillercus, Plankton sneaks a taste and immediately becomes too dumb to live, much like Patrick. Seeing the success of his unholy sauce, Skodwarde uses his god powers to have it merge with a low lying rain cloud, which then pours down its contents on the unsuspecting Bikini Bottomites below. Firmly securing the W, Skodwarde calls it a day and proceeds to spend the rest of it listening to Taylor Swift's new song and then bitching about it online.

The next day, Sandy's dome turns out to be some convenient plot armor when she heads out and notices that everybody is too dumb to live, just like Patrick. From SpongeBob and Gary to Mr. Krabs and Mrs. Puff, everybody is just living life by a thin membrane in their noggins. And Patrick finds this all highly offensive to him and the integrity of his character. Sandy gets to the bottom of this by going to the only motherfucker who went to college in this town, this being the closest to her in intellect, Plankton. There, Karen informs her of Plankton's experimental date rape drug and they both join forces to make him smart enough to repair all the damage that he's done. But when feeding him deez nuts doesn't work out as planned, Sandy decides that they're gonna have to do this the hard way: everybody must go to college.

When the prospect of a free education isn't common enough sense for these dolts, Karen manages to get everybody in town to enroll by flashing them Sandy's breasts. And from there, an entire four years goes by and Skodwarde spent that entire time still shitting on Taylor Swift's new song. But unbeknownst to him, Flats has decided to enroll into the school as its newest student, looking to investigate why this fucking filler has kept the show on life support for four whole fucking years, as well as to pick up where he left off in community college. 

Flats reconnects with his old community college buddy, Pathulu, and they proceed to make up for lost time by fucking everybody's butts just like the good ole days. While that's happening Plankton, who is the only one that's been slacking off on the curriculum, bullies Krabs mercilessly with strong homosexual undertones on graduation day. And this all boils over to a final confrontation where Plankton corners Krabs in a bathroom stall and demands that he gives him the f, ya know, for formula. But it all turns out to be Krabs' final test for self-defense, which he passes with flying colors.

When the time to walk the line finally arrives, they're all horrified to see that the entire graduating class has been fucked in the worst way. Flats informs them that this shit show is over. They all don't believe that he means it, but he immediately proves them otherwise by mercilessly fucking Pathulu squarely in the butt. Seeing that he means it the more that Pathulu is fucked out of existence, they can only watch in terror as Pathulu asks his community college buddy why he would stab him in the back. Flats responds

"I'm not stabbing you in the back, I'm just fucking you in the butt!"

Flats then puts on the same shit eating grin he had in the garbage truck and fucks Pathulu until he is nothing more than Patrick Star. Deciding to save Patrick as sloppy seconds for later, he sets his sights on SpongeBob, promising to fuck him twice as harder than when he previously made that threat to him back in Season 3. As Flats busts out his "nut cracker" once again, he is once again cockblocked by Skodwarde, who says that

"Nobody fucks with anybody on MY show except for ME!"

Skodwarde proceeds to use the full extent of his god powers to fend off Flats, who tanks everything thrown at him from pew pew eye lazors to ultimas to vanishing swedish barnacle balls to, finally, even a vanishing Swedish barnacle ball/Krakatoa combo. Once that last desperation attack fails, Flats proceeds to beat Skodwarde into submission with god-like fury. On his last legs, Skodwarde looks to take his fucking like a man, but Flats decides to save him for last, as he had always intended, before informing Skodwarde that

"This will bring me much more pleasure than when I fucked Handsome Squidward's butt!"

Shifting his attention back to SpongeBob, Flats makes his approach. Sandy channels some of her latent Hurricane Sandy energy, but she gets flicked aside effortlessly by Flats' finger. Mr. Krabs tries putting his self defense classes to good use again, but doesn't fare any better when he loses his dick again. Karen even stands up for the little square dude, but Flats just tips her over and breaks her monitor. All on his own now, SpongeBob accepts his fate just as he did before. Flats promises to make it slow and proceeds to fuck him in the butt, but he can't quite penetrate him. After a handful of strong efforts to break through, Flats turns back to see that Skodwarde is still out cold and isn't the one doing the blocking this time. Flats back to SpongeBob to see only Spengbab! He discovers that Spengbab's power denies Flats's flat dick entry into all of Spengbab's holes. Spengbab warns him that

"As long as my dick and as long as the Speng is bab, I will not let this show down!"

Not wanting to take another L, Flats muscles in anyway, only for Spengbab to show him horrors he couldn't possibly fathom. Flats lets out a scream of agony. Everybody wakes up hours later, fuck free, and the graduation ceremony goes on as planned. Skodwarde asks the others what the fuck happened after he got knocked the fuck out and SpongeBob informs them that he made sure that Flats won't fuck anybody's butt again, at least for the rest of the season. Sandy makes it a point to remind everyone that their diplomas should be coming in the mail in the next couple of days.

A couple of days later, the diplomas arrive and everybody is shocked to see that they have all graduated to star-status on the show. No one is a guest star or a recurring character any longer. The Skodwarde cast has grown to lengths unseen by even The Walking Dead and Game of Thrones, motherfuckas. Sandy and Karen reveal that they took these measures in order to make sure that pointless filler plots like this never take place again. But not only that, with threats to the show like Flats still lurking around every corner, this will also help Skodwarde fight back against him with a main cast that all aren't too dumb to live. Skodwarde is amused and jizzes himself in knowing that he can now use his god powers to fuck up more than just SpongeBob's day from now on.

Everybody then spends the rest of their day basking in their starring roles. All except Patrick and Plankton, who are both still too dumb to live yet still do by some miracle anyway.

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204a. Mutiny On The - Oh Shit, God Battle

It's another day at the Krusty Overused Plot Hub, and Skodwarde is bored as shit (probably due to last week's near-death experience with filler), when he suddenly realizes that it's the last episode of Season 9! He looks back upon the two years it's taken him to get to this point, and realizes that since it's the season finale, some cool ass shit needs to go down. He uses his God powers to create a big storm (and for good measure t's raining semen. You knew it was coming. You know what this show is about) and proceeds to go home and take a nap with some thicc ass babes. Mr. Krabs wanders outside and wonders what the big deal is, and realizes that with a storm, he can bring in more customers and force them to eat his food! But he also realizes he's become a pretty big pussy since he left the Navy, and wonders how he's gonna intimidate the customers with his sweaty flab. Suddenly, inspiration falls from the sky, in God Jizz form! Mr. Krabs accidentally swallows some of Skod's jizz, and it gives him God powers as well! Because that's how that works. 

Mr. Krabs uses his God powers to turn the Semen storm into a full blown Cumnado, and flies through Bikini Bottom, capturing every rich motherfucker and locking them in the Krusty Krab. The customers complain that Mr. Krabs is being a huge bitch, but he says

"Don't call me Krabs anymore. That was me slave name. Now, you'll refer ter' me as... Kreus." 

"Like Zeus but with your name added in?" SpongeBob asks.


"That's not very clever."

"It's more clever than Pathulu!" 

"It's actually a lot fuckin' dumber," SBC's OMJ says, mad that he even had to show up in this episode.

Mr. Krabs tells SpongeBob to shut the fuck up, boyo, and he lifts the Krusty Krab into the Cumnado, trapping everyone in the overpriced restaurant. Skodwarde wakes up from his nap with the thicc sea babes and sees that some crazy ass God shit is happening, but he has nothing to do with it. Skodwarde leaves his house and realizes that he's created a monster. Skod flies into the Krusty Krab, where everyone has been turned into Kreus's sex slaves.

Even Officer Nancy.

Skodwarde won't stand for misogyny that isn't dealt out by him, and he flies in that bitch like a boss ass motherfucker, ready to beat down some sweaty red ass, but Kreus sends his sex slaves at Skodwarde in waves, and they're eventually too much for him. Kreus beats the shit out of Skodwarde and leaves him with a 28 inch horse dildo shoved in his ass before kicking him out of the restaurant. 

"There's only room for one God in this bitch, Mr. Skodwerde! And it's me!" 

Skodwarde wanders the cummy streets of Bikini Bottom, wondering how he's going to live now that he's not the only God. Skodwarde flashes back to Season 7 and remembers how he got rid of the God in "New God In Town" but realizes that his gas chambers are being cleaned right now. Dejected, Skodwarde becomes a God hobo, living in a box for a couple months. Suddenly, the ghost of Roger Ebert returns from Plankton's #1 Fan, and for good measure, let's say Eugene's Mom because of the whole extended cast thing that happened last episode. Roger's ghost tells Skod to man the fuck up and become the fucking machine he's always been, and together the two go on a Rocky training montage. Once Skodwarde has his confidence back, he flies back up into the Cumnado with Roger and Kreus's mom. The two Gods fight for a while with Dildo swords., before Kreus reveals his plan to take over the sea with his sex slave army and fuck everyone on the planet. He slams Skod down on the floor and prepares to make him his first victim. Suddenly, Skodwarde realizes that Kreus can't fuck everyone in the world, because his mom exists, and even though this show is fucked up, it's not THAT fucked up. Kreus realizes his plan his dumb as shit, and taking advantage of his distraction, Skod uses his God powers to reverse time before he made the Cumnado. Now that everything's back to normal, Skod wonders if maybe he should turn over a new leaf and stop fucking with everyone's lives so much.

Then he said, "nah, fuck that shit" and started jacking off to thoughts of a simpler time, back when these episodes were sometimes less than a paragraph long.

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Skod S9 is finally over folks, with my first episode as a staff writer:

204b. A Whole Tooth of Shit

One day, SpongeBob, Patrick, and Scott go to the Bikini Bottom Fair, where they eat a shit ton of candy and sweets. Unfortunately, Patrick starts to feel pain in his mouth. SpongeBob tells him he needs to go to the dentist, but Patrick says no. Patrick is terrified over the thought of visiting the dentist, thinking he'll be raped and murdered there. He then runs off like a big baby faster than Usain Bolt. Scott decides to stay behind and do random things.

Meanwhile, Skodwarde is taking a stroll, when suddenly, Patrick slams right into Skodwarde's face with his ass. The impact causes one of Skodwarde's legendary teeth to crack! Skodwarde is furious, as SpongeBob catches up to Patrick. Patrick tells Skodwarde he is sorry and that he wants him to use his magic powers to fix his tooth so he can avoid going to the scary dentist. Skodwarde tells him to fuck off, pissed about the tooth. Skodwarde fixes it with his god powers, smiling in the mirror. SpongeBob tells Patrick the dentist won't rape and murder him...maybe? That cheers Patrick up, so they go to the dentist. Patrick is seen in a room, and Dr. House (surprise old character return) appears, who is now a dentist. Patrick begs not to be raped, and Dr. House tells him to relax. This relieves Patrick, so Dr. House investigates what's going on in his mouth. Patrick asks if he has tooth cancer, and Dr. House replies no. He tells him he just has a loose baby tooth that really needs to get the fuck out of his mouth. Patrick is upset, since he doesn't want to let the tooth go like a baby.

Patrick then runs away Scooby-Doo style, as SpongeBob meets back up with him. SpongeBob tells him a story about "Tooth Island", a place where the tooth deviant herself Tooth Fairy sends baby teeth after they are pulled out of someone's mouth. Later at the Krusty Krab, Patrick feels moar pain in his mouth. Patrick finally decides he must get his baby tooth to the Tooth Fairy, making Skodwarde laugh. He claims there is no such thing as the Tooth Fairy, calling her a fabricated bitch. He bets that if SpongeBob and Patrick can prove the Tooth Fairy really does exist, he will eat his own shit, which disgusts them. SpongeBob suggests to Patrick it's time to have his tooth removed by Dr. House, but Patrick is still scared of that thought, so he runs away Scooby-Doo style.

After a Scooby-Doo chase scene, SpongeBob catches Patrick. SpongeBob shows him pictures of how his teeth were handled, cheering Patrick up. Skodwarde is disgusted by this sappy resolution, so he appears, and slaps his tentacle across Patrick's face, telling him to get his ass over to the dentist now, fed up with this shit. Dr. House gently takes Patrick's baby tooth out, which doesn't hurt at all. At night, Patrick puts his tooth under the pillow, eats his 3am Krabby Patty, and goes to sleep. SpongeBob sneaks in and takes the baby tooth, but Skodwarde appears, because everyone is breaking into Patrick's house, duh. Patrick wakes up, and Skodwarde says he has caught SpongeBob in the act. Patrick wonders if they are having a threesome, but Skodwarde claims SpongeBob is trying to steal his tooth, meaning there is no Tooth Fairy. SpongeBob tells him the Tooth Fairy does exist, as the three teleport to the docks, showing them a cruise named the Tooth Ferry (haha get it). Skodwarde's jaw drops, as SpongeBob lets Patrick's baby tooth go, and it boards the boat, setting sail on its journey. Patrick bids farewell, and the two remind Skodwarde about their bet. Skodwarde sighs, knowing a bet is a bet. He proceeds to eat his own shit because this episode was lacking dirty humor.

See you guys later this fall for the start of Season 10.

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205a. Hyper Exaggerated Cartoony Bullshit and Really Loud Screaming For No Reason 

 Another day, another season. Things are as they always are in Bikini Bottom: the breeze is wonderful, the girls are thicc, the pornography industry is chuggin' right along. But lately, our good friend Skodwarde had been noticing how quiet the sea had been. He would pass SpongeBob's house on the way to work, and noticed how quietly the sounds of SpongeBob jackin' it were. He would go to work, and Mr. Krabs and Puff Mama wouldn't moan as loud while they fucked on the job (not that he minded that). And even when he would have hot and filthy sex with the prostitutes he found down on the skanky streets of Downtown Bikini Bottom, they seemed to be having less fun then they used to, back in the Golden Age of Porn Skodwarde fucking them. In a last ditch attempt to get everyone to get lively again, Skodwarde used his God Powers and gave everyone in Bikini Bottom a couple milligrams of Adderall, ecstasy, and for good measure, Viagra (this is Skodwarde after all). 

But he miscalculated. 

Instead of the normal dosage, Skodwarde amped up the supply for each fish in Bikini Bottom to a normal dosage for Skodwarde, who, in addition to being a God, is also a hardcore junkie with the tolerance of an elephant. Needless to say, everyone in Bikini Bottom goes fuckin apeshit. Instead of just doing normal things, everyone is hopped up on addies, x pills, and viagra, and act like fuckin lunatics, screaming really fucking loud and fucking anything that moves, and acting really hyper for no apparent reason. Skodwarde enjoys this at first, but soon, it just gets... really fucking annoying. Skodwarde looks upon his awful creation, and weeps. 

Somewhere above the sea(men (haha funny get it, cuz sperm)), Vincent Waller smiles. 

so yeah thats your explanation for that

= = =

The adderall kicks in really hard for a particular fish, who, for the particulars of this episode, we'll just say is the fish version of Seth Rogen, who works on this brand new... helicopter invention? I dunno. It sounds really fuckin stupid. The point is, now you can rip off your dick and fly it around and shit. Which is something you've always wanted to do, right? Right. So naturally, SpongeBob and Patrick are interested in this, and proceed to buy the new product, being billed as "Whirly Dicks" (now available at any local adult retailer within a 5 mile radius of the concept of stupidity). SpongeBob and Patrick have a lot of fun sticking their dicks in where they don't belong, like church, people's food, and Mrs. Puff's ass (she's really not into that extreme shit man, just ask Krabs). Eventually, they fly their dicks into the yard of none other than Old Man Jenkins!

Not the SBC one. 

Anyway, Old Man Jenkins doesn't understand this new fangled technology (read: having a dick that actually works) so he tells SpongeBob and Patrick he's keeping their dicks. Sponge and Pat tell him to go fuck himself, and laugh and leave. However, later, at their regularly scheduled 11:30 PM jack session, they realize the grave error of their ways. SpongeBob decides they should ask Sandy to help, since she understands what it's like to not have a dick ("Sandy's a girl?" Patrick asks. Yep, we're doing the shoehorned references to older seasons in this season too). Sandy goes with the two to Old Man Jenkins' house, and they beg and plead with him to return their dicks, because they've gotta get back to fucking! Old Man Jenkins tells SpongeBob and Patrick that if he can't have fun with his dick, no one can. SpongeBob, Patrick and Sandy look at each other and smile. They know what to do. 

They light Old Man Jenkins' house on fire and burn him alive, calmly walking out with their dicks. 

You don't fuck with someone's Whirly Dick.

Welcome to Season 10, bitches. We dark and shit now. 

Trivia: This episode was originally titled "Twisty Dicks" "Whirly Dildos", and "Lots and Lots of Screaming"

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206a. Unreal Prostate

SpongeBob cleaned the barnacles off his favorite pals, Barnacle Boy and Pearl's face as he did every regular Monday. After his mass murder of these barnacle creatures, he cooled off with a nice iced cup of grounded down baby scallops. (From that one adventure he had many moons ago with burger love making.) While Skodwarde was painting beautiful things in his beautiful house.


"NOW THIS IS ART!" Skodwarde proclaimed happily.

But SpongeBob had different plans, he squirted the dead baby juice all over Skodwarde's masterpiece. The juice entered every orficie of Skodwarde and inflated him as the fetish artists flocked to him. But he exploded into a million pieces. Skodwarde wish SpongeBob would just move away already, even though he had done so in plenty of unchronological and noncanon episodes beforehand. Then SpongeBob and Skodwarde made up after that and gave each other a hearty laugh. They decided then to go to Goofy Goobers. They chugged dick with their good yato and human chums all from that one unnamed SBC fanfiction. Skodwarde, SpongeBob, Patrick, Kamui, Abuto, No Man, Takasugi and Katsura through the rest of the day until its end. And it was incredible. At least for Takasugi and Katsura. Those two decided to leave the scene and go off for 11 minutes somewhere else for more of a throwdown dickdown with each other. During all this chug down, SpongeBob kept sneezing all over everyone. At least he wasn't sneezing all over the Krusty Krab, home of the famous Krabby Patty (with extra onions). He then figured out he might be allergic to dicks, the biggest tragedy to fall on himself since realizing his TV show would probably outlive everyone by the amount of seasons it fucking has at this point. 

The rest of his friends, family and other unnamed loved ones disowned him at this point and until further on in his existence of his life. He sat alone, depressed, and heartbroken at that one stormy diner where he wore his shirt backwards and lost his shit over a rectangular card with his name on it.

The rain was beating down hard and he wish he was beating on some of those Krusty Krab Mr. Krabs' meat with extra onions. But alas Eugene was on vacation and this sponge unfortunately was allergic to meat. Luckily SpongeBob closes friends in the entire universe came into that diner, Hank Hill and the guys from the alley. They sat in the booth with him and ordered him a chicken and potato dinner, on them.


"I tell ya h'wut SpongeBob, you go out there and you grill yourself a fine piece of steroline meat in another man's grill. Who cares if you're allergic to the meat. If it's there in the open, it must be beat." Hank Hill told him.

"You can always get some allergy medication for it. I know of this lovely shop that sells all sorts of Meatery products." Bill said licking off the mysterious yellow stain from his white tanktop.

"yaItellyawhutmanyoujustgodownthereinanothermansholeandyaweeweeweeeweeeinsideofititelluwhutman." Boomhauer added.

"What my gentlemen pals above typed out and that I'm too lazy to say!" Dale said proudly.

"Thank you guys, your words are most encouraging, especially yours world famous singer and nifluence on the entire rock generation of music, Sir Paul McCartney." SpongeBob pointed to the British man who came out of nowhere and laid on their table over SpongeBob's dinner.

"Anythin' I cahn do for yah, SpongeBahb boi." He tipped his billion dollar ring to him. 

"Can we please get over this. I have a very important business meeting to attend to. A bomb one. I'm going to the bomb pie factory and I must have one more picture with CheeseHead BrownPants before I go." 

"Why it's world reowned terrorist Katsura and his giant pet duck, Elizabeth!" The alley guys and SpongeBob exclaimed as the man and the giant came in and sat down.

They all laughed, walking out of the diner without eating the food or paying for it into the bright orange sunset.

"Thank you... my friends..." SpongeBob said with teary eyes, arm and arms with the Texans, terrorist/his pet duck and world reowned singer and songwriter, Sir Paul McCartney.

They went to the adult store to pick up some anti-dick allergy medication for the absorbent man as Skodwarde wish he was never conceived so he wouldn't have been written in this story. 

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205b. Mermaid Rants

It was Superhero Appreciation Day in Bikini Bottom. Spongebob and Patrick were all dressed up at the local convention and ready to meet the heroes they had already disturbingly tracked down many times before. (Seriously, does Shady Shoals have identity protection?). Sadly, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy's panel booth was emptier than a box of Skodwarde's tissues, as most of Bikini Bottom had now moved onto the antihero fad. Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy were dismayed as it was likely to be their last public gig/speaking appearance. Just as Spongebob/Patrick were about to console them, Bubblebath walked by, chortling at the turn-out.

"This isn't right, Patrick!" Spongebob snapped. "Where is Bikini Bottom at as a society if it doesn't worship the people/TV characters that shaped us into the adults we are today?". Patrick, who was trying to lick a jizz stain off his underwear, agreed wholeheartedly. 

"Well that's just it, kid. We haven't been on the air in years, and we're in no condition to gain a following back now." Barnacle Boy conceded.

"We've just gotta face that not every generation is going to know who we are or care about us." Mermaid Man lamented. 

Just then, Spongebob's brain tingled without the help of drugs. He excitedly grabbed Patrick and they went to meet the duo's old personal agent. (StalkerBob levels intensify). After some ridiculously successful pitches and a surprising lack of copyright obstacles, "The New Adventures of Mermaid Pants and Barnacle Star" is ordered to cable series. Because anyone can be on TV and anything can be rebooted/re-imagined. Bikini Bottom stations are not picky.

The next day at the Krusty Krab, Spongebob and Patrick perform the new theme song to Skodwarde. However, Skodwarde can only hear it in German on account of forgetting to turn off his god power English to German/German to English language translator, which he was using to listen to the soothing sound of Hitler's speeches the night prior. He sets himself back to plain English and then gets an interesting proposition from the two stooges. They want him (and Mr. Krabs) to join the show as antagonists. Most of Bikini Bottom's villains refused to sign the contract to appear in brand new episodes, so they need the edgiest motherfucker alive and the greediest motherfucker alive to dress up and take their place as the most prominent baddies. Skodwarde and Krabs agree, on the condition that their personas could be as perverse and mind-polluting for children as possible. Thus Doctor HIV-Positive and Captain Cumwad debuted.

Against all odds, "The New Adventures of Mermaid Pants and Barnacle Star" took off big time as every kid in Bikini Bottom's new favorite show. Unfortunately, not every demographic would be so happy....

Bubblebath sat in his room, clicking thumbs down on every Mermaid Pants and Barnacle Star video that popped up on his computer. He was enraged by the lack of actual crime fighting, tasteless "morals", and Hyper Exaggerated Cartoony Bullshit and Really Loud Screaming For No Reason that he felt were stealing his childhood. Yes, Bubblebath had undergone a stereotype transformation of the highest degree. From obnoxiously picky about his food to obnoxiously picky about geek culture. Embracing his entitlement, he began to upload clickbait reviews of every episode. He amassed a cult of whiny adult subscribers with which to do his bidding. 

"Sad!" "Pathetic!" "Mediocre!" "Sub-par!" They cried on every message board. But it wasn't enough for Bubblebath. There was only one way to forge ahead, by himself and to get everyone involved fired. He fit his giant ass into some tight spandex and donned an alter-ego known only as.....Bathman. 

Bathman made his way down to the set where they were filming the 200th episode. He chucked bars of soap that he was storing in his anus at each director, knocking them out. Mermaid Pants and Barnacle Star charged towards him, but he threw a bath duck grenade at the two, which set off an explosion of bubbles blasting them away. Captain Cumwad grabbed his check out of a director's pocket and ran for the hills. It was just Skodwarde (who quit roleplaying) vs. Bathman. 

Skodwarde dodged flying soap bars and made a retort about hoping Bathman wasn't that clumsy with soap in prison. Bathman scowled and pulled a hot water/cold water gun out. He set it to cold and froze Skodwarde, and then set it to hot to scald Skodwarde. Skodwarde was no longer amused with the bath-themed bullshit, so he used his god powers to summon a bathtub to fall on Bathman, for the irony. Bubblebath got a concussion and was taken into police custody.

"I have a feeling we'll be seeing that Bath-tard a lot more often." Skodwarde said as his exiting one-liner. 

By the time Mermaid Pants and Barnacle Star got back, they realized that Skodwarde had been the real hero of this installment and were feeling like they had let down Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy.

"Gee Patrick, if I had known we were going to inspire that amount of psychotic hate, I would've never messed with the nostalgic balance of the universe." Spongebob said, wondering if they should scrap any sequel episodes to this adventure.

"Cheer up boys. You've actually done us a great favor," Mermaid Man said, conveniently walking onto the scene with Barnacle Boy.

"People are talking about us more than ever. We're getting placed on quite the pedestal. Everybody wants to relive our classics now as a sign of defiance to your abomination." Barnacle Boy said graciously. 

"In that case, let's see what we can ruin next!" Patrick said a little too optimistically, while holding up his Man Ray action figure.

Narrator: "And so ends another cancerous episode of Skodwarde. Tune in next time for more unsubtle satire. I and these staff writers really have to find some better jobs."

Edited by jjsthekid
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207a. Gimmick Madness

One day, SpongeBob was playing around in the Krusty Krab kitchen, using his sponge body to mimic other people such as Donald Trump, Skodwarde himself and Hank Hill. Skodwarde gets really damn pissed off. However, he's not pissed off because of SpongeBob's antics or because this episode is starting at the Krusty Krab for the umpteenth time. There's a more sinister and meta reason he's angry this time. Skodwarde has come to an unfortunate realization: the show's ratings are declining! :o That's right, the day he has long dreaded has finally happened. After looking at the recent ratings for the past two years, and the dwindling fanbase on both The Skodwarde Community and SkodBuddy Mania, ol' Skodwarde has sadly realized the show is not as popular as it once was. A fresh new show on Dickelodeon named "The Lewd House" has been sucking up his ratings, much to his grief. It's getting so popular that it's even already getting a movie after a season! What the actual hell kind of bullshit is this!? Skodwarde is heartbroken, and he can't even make another Nazi related joke or get angry at SpongeBob. This is sad as shit, man. Had the show finally gotten as stale as The Simpsons and run its course? Perhaps the cartoony bullshit and really loud screaming this season wasn't cutting it. He uses his god powers to stop SpongeBob's mimicking acts, and calls for a mandatory cast meeting. Skodwarde, SpongeBob, Patrick, Mr. Krabs, Plankton, Sandy, Gary and even Scott (because why not) have a meeting in Krabs' office, who isn't even jerking off to his money. That's how serious this shit is. Skodwarde says they need fresh new ideas on how to get the ratings up and keep the show relevant. Hell, the writer can't even properly Skodify the original episode because it was too kino as was! He wants an idea that isn't the 57454894534th Plankton scheme or 42942854375349th episode of SpongeBob and Patrick dicking around. He tells them to get off their asses and think of ideas pronto because ALL of their asses are on the line. He then proceeds to read Mein Kampf for the I legit have no clue how manyth time at this point while listening, since it's the only way to ease his nerves.

Patrick suggests they could turn the spin-off into a Power Rangers show, but Skodwarde shoots that idea the fuck down, stating they already parodied Power Rangers three (count em, three) times in "The Clash of Tritawn!", "Attack of the Shit That Came From Goo Lagoon!" and in "Skodwarde, You're Fucked", two of which were in the same season! Can they really milk that theme anymore!? Hell, they're even copying the meta of You're Fucked, one of the most controversial base breakers in the run, that's how much trouble this spin-off is in! Mr. Krabs suggests they could have another episode all about money, but everyone tells him to fuck off with that shit. SpongeBob suggests that they could parody President Trump again, but Skodwarde isn't for that either. Everyone is mocking Trump, can they add anything new to the table anymore!? Not to mention Skodwarde doesn't want to risk losing whatever conservative base he has left...if any. Sandy suggests they could add another reoccurring female character that isn't Pole to gather some female attention, but Skodwarde isn't for that either, stating he doesn't want to cave to the feminists! Scott suggests they could have another crossover, but Skodwarde isn't for that either, telling Scott straight up his idea is absolute shit! He says the Handsome Squidward and RRR crossovers were soulless cash-ins as was, they don't need anymore! Not to mention, what the hell could they crossover with!? Skodwarde in Community Deathmatch!? Please, Skodwarde has no time for wrastlin'! Plankton then suggests he could finally win to shake up the status quo, but they already did that with the first movie, bitch...despite questionable continuity with it now, but yeah! Gary just meows some stuff, which gives SpongeBob another idea to have Gary actually talk! Skodwarde says that'd be the ultimate shark jump in spin-off history (this will be ironic come next season, foreshadowing)! Skodwarde is pissed off and appalled at these shitty, lame ass and gimmicky ideas. Then suddenly...it hits him. Skodwarde realizes what he must be done. He walks out of the room in a moment of spiritual development. 

Skodwarde says in order to keep the show alive, he does need gimmicks. Just not those. Actual ballsy gimmicks that will gather multiple audiences. Skodwarde gets to work at once, rolling up a bong of weed, and dips some of his favorite beer into it for good measure. He could feel inspiration coming (hehe) to him. Yes...he could feel it! Throughout the night, Skodwarde brainstorms the most batshit crazy gimmicks on how to change the spin-off. After six hours of no sleep, he's done with his pitches. He shows them to the producers, who look at the scripts in awe. They orgasm at the artisan masterpieces knowing they will save the show. Later in the day, the world of Bikini Bottom begins to change. Skodwarde uses his god powers to implement every gimmick he pitched. The first change is that SpongeBob and Sandy have finally been married. They did the deed, and now have produced their own sponge/squirrel hybrid offspring, much to the joy of many shippers everywhere. The next change is that Scott has been turned into a token transgender character, because he finally decided SOMETHING needed to be done with a gimmick and pointless character only added for fanservice sake. Scott gets a sex change, becoming Scottie. Many LGBT groups and liberal outposts praise Skodwarde for the boldness of its execution. Following that trend of political correctness, Skodwarde decides to have many new background characters of different races, ethnicities and religious backgrounds to further make the liberals orgasm. And yes, we are fully aware of the delicious irony to a Nazi squid doing something like that. Next up, it's time for the obligatory character death: Mr. Krabs dies of old age because they've run out of things to do with him other than the 7000th money joke. Oh well. A funeral is held for him, as many critics praise the spin-off for how maturely it was handled for something that was just a dirty parody of SpongeBob episodes. Skodwarde then decides to fuck off from following real world events, and to avoid risking angering either side of the political spectrum with further Trump appearances, uses his god powers to remove Trump as president. He replaces him with President Kanye West, much to the joy of many.


Skodwarde decides to finally give Patrick some long needed development. He uses his god powers to make Patrick finally get an education, becoming an esteemed philosophy professor. Pole is finally turned into Pearl, because we could only keep milking the pole jokes for so long. However, Pearl is made to be as sexually attractive as possible for any weirdos on the internet to whack it to. This concerns some feminists, but Skodwarde doesn't really care, as he laughs at the debate this causes, which gives the show even MOAR attention. Plankton has a multi-part arc where he joins forces with Pathulu (who was brought back again because why not) and Skolliam, inciting a war on Bikini Bottom. There's many anime references in it to gather attention from the anime community. It ends with Plankton seeing the error of his ways, as Pathulu and Skolliam both die. Plankton finally becomes good, as Karen and him finally leave the Krusty Krab alone, which SpongeBob is now in charge of after Krabs' death. That's right, no more tired Plankton schemes. As for Gary, Skodwarde brings Snellie back from the void of anti-continuity, giving Gary a permanent girlfriend again. Lastly, Skodwarde adds his nephew to the cast, Skoddy D, to add some extra laughs and attract younger views. It was done. The world had transformed due to using every known rating grabbing gimmick in the book. The show continues to do its normal thang dirtying up SpongeBob episodes, but with all these changes to the characters and status quo to spice it up! Skodwarde's ratings skyrocket thanks to all these gimmicks and status quo changes, as The Lewd House is quickly forgotten, especially not helped by a scandal involving its creator that Skodwarde incited ( ;) ). Skodwarde is happy, as his show continued to be famous once more. However, some problems start to emerge (what'd ya expect). Due to the resurgence of Skodwarde's popularity, many many new members join The Skodwarde Community and SkodBuddy Mania, much to the annoyance of the old members on both. The longtime fans are not happy with the changes made, as they childishly conflict with the newer viewers. 

But that's not the only problem. The network fires jjs, Nuggets, Hayden and SOF from the staff, hiring a bunch of fresh, newer and younger writers to handle things. Due to the surge of newer viewers, many began to question if a main character who is a Nazi and uses overpowered god powers is ideal in today's time, with many calling Skodwarde a "racist Mary Sue". Many began to petition for Skodwarde to change his character, or else they'd threaten to stop watching. Skodwarde cannot bring himself to change, but...he has to. For the show and his people. Skodwarde uses his god powers to turn himself from a Nazi to a feminist with no god powers. He had officially transformed into Skodwarde, the feminist atheist. Many longtime viewers officially jump off the Skod train, furious at how drastically his character had changed. This was the jumping the shark moment for many longtime fans, while the newer viewers appreciated these changes. But even the rest of the main cast had wondered if this had gone too far. Skodwarde then came to a sad realization: 

...The entire show had no identity anymore. Can the show even call itself Skodwarde now? Not just that, who the fuck is he? Is he even Skodwarde without his god powers or Nazism? Had the gimmicks gone too far? Had he finally sold out? Skodwarde flees into a cave, where he sings a heartfelt song about "hoo" he truly is. SpongeBob, Sandy, Patrick, Plankton, Gary, Skoddy D, Scottie, and Krabs' rotting corpse (eww) all find him. They tell Skodwarde they're not happy with these changes anymore, feeling they have betrayed their fans on what made the spin-off special to begin with. But Skodwarde cannot hear them. He has been lost to an identity crisis. They try to snap him out of it, but to no avail. His radical change in characterization has made him forget everything now. They all continue to remind Skodwarde of the good times they used to have, saying this isn't him and that he should wake the fuck up. SpongeBob then gets an idea in his pants, literally and figuratively. He pulls Mein Kampf out of it, and shows it to Skodwarde. It jogs his memory, as it grants him his god powers and Nazi ideals back! Skodwarde is proud to be back. He realizes he never needed all these gimmicks to keep the show afloat. He doesn't care if his ratings get bad, as long as he has fun doing what he wants. He thanks them all for helping him, even despite what an asshole he has been to them for the past seven years. He uses his god powers to reset the events of this entire mess of an episode, flashing right back to the beginning.


One day, SpongeBob was playing around in the Krusty Krab kitchen, using his sponge body to mimic other people such as Donald Trump, Skodwarde himself and Hank Hill. Skodwarde wants to get annoyed, but he doesn't. He has a good laugh, and uses his god powers to mimic people as well. Skodwarde is actually happy again.

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208a. Booze You Lose

One day, Skodwarde is trying to get his beauty sleep, since he hasn't slept in three day! THREE DAYS! Unfortunately for him, SpongeBob, Patrick and Scott were goofing and dicking around in SpongeBob's house, getting drunk off their asses on some sweet booze. In S10 fashion, they scream really loudly and do other exaggerated cartoony things. Their obnoxious noises wake Skodwarde up from his godly slumber. Skodwarde is pissed and not in the mood for this shit, as he's had enough of these tired plot lines. Realizing what the original episode was going to do, Skodwarde uses his god powers to spice it up, in his own twisted way.  :hands:  He makes The Three Stooges get so drunk that they awake the next morning with major hangovers and raging...headaches. Not everything has to be a boner joke on this show, folks. However, Scott is so drunk that he cannot wake up, and the two realize he has to get to his pedicab job! So SpongeBob and Patrick decide to help their friend by pulling a Weekend at Bernie's on him. They go inside of him in some freaky Season 6/7 level shit, and decide to control his body so he can do the job. Skodwarde laughs at Scott's circumstance, since he gets to avoid the abuse for today. He then proceeds to watch a German porno.

While in control of Scott's body, the two dick around in Bikini Bottom. SpongeBob and Patrick make Scott's body drunkly walk along, with some fish looking at him like he's a goddamn weirdo (which he is). They finally get to Scott's apartment, where his pedicab rests. Using Scott's body, the two take the pedicab, looking for any customers. A woman tries to hop in, but she is too repulsed by Scott's appearance thanks to SpongeBob and Patrick being inside of him. She sprays the body with pepper spray, slaps him across the face, and runs off. Scooter walks by, asking Scott if he's alright. SpongeBob and Patrick make Scott say he's doing fine, and ask if he'd like a ride, as SpongeBob briefly pops out of Scott's mouth, and puts himself back in there. Scooter, after seeing that, decides he'll pass. He walks away, takes out some alcohol, and begins drinking, hoping to forget what he just saw. The two look around for anymore takers, but unfortunately nobody wants a ride with what a creepy fuck Scott looks like right now. They worry they have ruined Scott's job, saying they never should have drank so much, and that alcohol is EEEEVVIIILLL! Suddenly, some members of the Bikini Bottom Mafia run out of the Bank of Bikini Bottom Bank. They are coked up, and holding lots of bags of stolen money. Several security guards chase after them, firing gunshots. They hop in the pedicab, and tell Scott to step on it, telling them to visit a warehouse in Da Hood (yay moar continuity). SpongeBob and Patrick are happy to get some customers, so they comply and use Scott's body to run off.

The pedicab makes its way to the warehouse, as the mafia member get out. Suddenly, several cop cars surround them, including the Funky Cops and God of Supremacy Orange Cop. The mafia members think Scott set them up, so they hold him hostage, pointing their guns at him. SpongeBob and Patrick panic, as they get out of his body. Scott wakes up after hearing sirens and LOUD SCREAMING. He wonders what the hell is going on, as Patrick's squirming makes one of the mafia members drop their cocaine, and it smashes into Scott's face. Scott goes loopers, as he punches the mafia members in the faces. He grabs their guns, and opens fire like a batshit crazy maniac on them. The mafia members drop dead to the ground. The cops let Scott off the hook for self-defense, as they take the bodies away. Skodwarde watches from the distance, who is pleased with this bloodshed. Scott's cocaine rush wears off, and impressed with what he just did, once again asks what the hell happened. SpongeBob and Patrick laugh, as they walk away with him, telling him it's a long story. The Three Stooges promise not to do anymore illegal substances anytime soon, as they walk off into the sunset. Skodwarde is not pleased with this happy ending, but lets it pass because it's still better than the original episode. He then continues watching his German porno, which involves a sexy elephant mafia led by Hitler in a clown suit. wat

Edited by jjsthekid
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209b. Karen Gets the Boot

One day at the Cum Bucket, Plankton is developing an Anal-lyzer. However, Karen starts to bug him by bitching about needing a new screensaver. The Anal-lyzer analyzes Plankton's ass, declaring it "100% fatass", while praising Karen's screensaver. This infuriates him, while Karen is glad someone pays attention to her for once. From there, Plankton and Karen get into an argument yet again. And you know what? Plankton has just...fucking had it. Holy shit. Enough's enough, man. No more does he want to hear Karen's bitching or nagging anymore. He can't stand the constant arguments they keep getting into whenever it's most convenient. Plankton decides to leave Karen, but not in the way you'd expect. He seeks the service of Skodwarde, asking for his god powers. He wishes that Karen was no longer his wife. As Karen demands for cybersex, she suddenly disappears. Gone, she was. Karen had gotten the boot (it's smelly and she has to wear it all day, wherever she is). Ah...peace. At long last, Plankton finally had peace. 

Plankton tried to steal the formula again in a convoluted scheme involving the Anal-lyzer, but failed, again. However, upon his return to the Cum Bucket with the classic "SO LONG, SHRIMP!" by Krabs, Plankton felt...okay. There was no Karen anymore to mock his failures or nag at him. But yet, Plankton felt something was off. As if there was a disturbance in the force (there's Star Wars reference for ya). He takes a stroll around, and hears odd noises from Skodwarde's house. He peers in the window to see...Skodwarde having cybersex with Karen! :o He would be furious, but realizes what his exact wish was. He then laughs at Skodwarde getting stuck with her nagging, and walks away, whistling. 

One day later, and Plankton starts to feel lonely. Something is missing in his life. Deep down, he begins to actually...miss Karen? Maybe all the two needed was time apart from each other. Plankton runs to Skodwarde's house, knocking on the door. Skodwarde opens it, as Plankton begs for Karen back. Karen approaches the door, annoyed at his pleas. She finds it ironic that he is the one that wants her back after wishing her away, furious at him. Plankton begs Skodwarde to give her back, but Skodwarde says no deal, because cybersex is an interesting experiment he's never tried before. Karen says Skodwarde can take her nagging like a real man, actually shows affection for her, is nice, all three traits Plankton does not have. She declares this as her goodbye to Sheldon. She throws the smelly boot, crushing Plankton. After the door closes, Plankton comes to a sad realization: In the end, it was he who got the boot, not Karen. 

Devastated, Plankton wonders how to make himself a nicer person. He then goes to SpongeBob next door for help, bawling his eyes out to him about everything that happened. SpongeBob agrees to help, as Plankton does several good deeds, such as scratching Patrick's back, which he despises. SpongeBob and Plankton decide to have some fun together, watching a black and white romantic drama. (fun fact: the following items make cameos during their movie night: Twisty Dicks, Krusty Krab Pizza, Eels and Escalators, and Skodwarde: The Game) But Plankton still misses Karen. SpongeBob then determines Plankton can't be changed from the inside, so they need to work on changing the outside. He gives him several makeovers, but Plankton hates them all. Plankton then hatches a genius idea in his brain, saying SpongeBob needs to disguise himself as a robot. He pretends to be "Shelby Naughtyca", a female robot that Plankton pretends to date. He shows "Shelby" next door to Skodwarde and Karen, deciding to have an awkward double dinner date. Plankton and Shelby brag about how much they love each other and how they want to have 69 children (...). They then proceed to make out, and Karen is surprised Plankton found a girl, but is happy for him, as strange as it is for her to say that. Skodwarde isn't sure how to respond. Plankton is frustrated, and confesses to the ruse, revealing SpongeBob is the robot. Plankton proclaims he loves Karen and wants her back. Karen is touched that Plankton went to all of the trouble to do this for her. She apologizes for her angry attitudes to him, revealing she was having computer PMS. The two make up, as Karen kisses Plankton. She turns on a sexy screensaver, but Plankton calls it disgusting. Karen then gets angry again, as Plankton runs out of the house with Karen chasing him. Skodwarde stands there at the doorway, a tear falling down his eye knowing he may never have cybersex ever again. SpongeBob also stands there in his robot costume, knowing his true love has left him. The two hug and share a tender moment.

Edited by jjsthekid
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206b. The Passion of the Skod: Code Reckoning

It has been foretold for years that this is the day that the shitty writing will be too much for Skodwarde and eventually overcome him, setting in motion events that will change the course of Skodwarde history forever. The ancients told him to prepare, told him to prevent the really loud cartoony shit that happened at the beginning of the season. Skodwarde didn't listen. And now, the day has finally come, and Skodwarde has no idea because he doesn't have a proper calendar. (which is a shame, being organized is really important) 

And now he will pay. 

On this fateful day Skodwarde is in Downtown Bikini Bottom, spittin' game to a bish, you know how it be in the streets. He bags dat hoe and takes her to his crib to get in them guts, but after he pulls down his non-existent pants, the girl fish starts laughing at his dick size, and subsequently leaves. Normally, Skodwarde would just increase his dick size with his God powers and murder the girl's entire family, but Skodwarde has been getting real self-conscious about using his God powers as a cop-out lately, so he decides to change himself the old fashioned way: hard work, a healthy diet and dedication dick enlargement surgery!  He heads down to the doctor to get a cock job, but little does he know, SpongeBob is following him (just like the prophecy foretold). SpongeBob, under direct orders from the ancients, impersonates a doctor and begins Skodwarde's dick enlargement surgery. Skod lays down on the operating table.

"You done this before, doc?" Skod asks. SpongeBob, assembling the tools of dimensional ascension, shakes his head. 

"No. Now anyway, I'm about to give you the anesthesia, so -" Skodwarde gets suspicious and realizes that this doctor is SpongeBob, and then a bunch of unfunny cartoony doctor bullshit happens for the next 11 minutes. Eventually, SpongeBob corners Skodwarde in an operating room and starts laughing maniacally. Suddenly, the door flies open, and Pathulu and Moar Krabs walk in. At this, Skodwarde remembers the prophecy and falls to his knees (ohoho). SpongeBob explains that it's time for Skodwarde to atone for all his world-altering activity over the past 8 years, and the other god figures are here to do it. SpongeBob's eyes glow white, he begins flying, and he points at Skodwarde. 

Directly at his dicc.

Moar Krabs and Pathulu begin chanting a rhythmic hymn, the room begins to glow red, energy swirling everywhere. Skodwarde prepares for the worst, and then, Moar Krabs stops the chant - now everyone is pointing at his dicc.

"AYE YO DICK SMALL AS SHIT BRUH LMAO," Moar Krabs laughs. SpongeBob and Pathulu join in with him, and then every member of Bikini Bottom joins him in laughter. As Skodwarde realizes he's been the butt of a cosmic God joke, he slinks away to his abode and plots revenge. He begins devising the most destructive scheme of all time, but then, is alerted to a startling fact - his ratings are declining, and he can't get his revenge if there isn't a show. 

TO BE CONTINUED IN 207a: Gimmick Madness!

207b. The Passion of the Skod II: Ominous Subtitle

Following the Kanye-filled antics of Gimmick Madness (which technically never happened), Skodwarde has saved the show and realized that all this plot-laden bullshit needs to go, so he quickly devises his plan to get revenge on SpongeBob so the show can go back to the everyday cartoon God adventures that have been on hiatus for like a month or whatever. Skodwarde decides that from now on, he's using his God powers full force, and figures that the best revenge on SpongeBob would be to have him contract gonorrhea or something, so that's what he decides to do. Realizing that that's not enough solid material to last a whole 11 minutes, he hits up the underwater version of Rick Ross (let's call him... Fish Ross. I don't know. Help me) to bring some diseased ass bitches to SpongeBob's house. Since Season 8, Gary has become very big in the rap game, cameoing in videos by Future and featuring on a couple Young Thug songs, so when Fish Ross strolls through, it's a muhfuckin party. 

Eventually, SpongeBob gets really sick of these bitches with STDs partying in his house (and on the real, how many more times are they gonna do this plot? This episode is already literally Pet or Pests 2 and that episode was basically a rehash of - y'know what nvm let's just see how SpongeBob handles this), so he tries to appease Fish Ross. Fish Ross has been living in SpongeBob's house for so goddamn long at this point that he's started to resemble the motherfucker, so when SpongeBob goes in his room, he sees that motherfucker lookin like a low quality photoshop jpg


SpongeBob asks him to leave, Fish Ross tells him to fuck off, and SpongeBob goes to see Skodwarde to ask him to stop Fish Ross. Skodwarde tells SpongeBob to apologize for making fun of his dick. SpongeBob, now absolutely fed up with Skodwarde's shit, tells him that if he wasn't a prideful bitch and hadn't ignored the prophecy that he could've just made his dick bigger in the first place, completely invalidating the need for this overlong two parter. Skodwarde takes this into account, and in realizing that SpongeBob never even got the gonorrhea that the whole plot was put in motion to do, he realizes it's time for everything to go back to normal. 

= = =

It was a Monday morning at the Krusty Krab. Everyone was screaming really really loud, Ben Gruber was in a corner working on like 40 episodes at the same time, Skodwarde's dick was at least 5 inches, and somewhere above the sea, Nuggets was very behind on writing episodes of Skodwarde.

All was well.

Image result for but wait there's more

207c. Patrick Takes A Shit

Because there wasn't enough time to fill in the episode, here's a prequel to 207b. where Patrick takes a shit for three minutes. At the end, he comes out of the stall, and as he's washing his hands, he sees Fish Ross doing the same. They say "whassup" to each other before they leave.

yeah that's all you're getting 

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209a. Skodwarde: Civil War (aka SpongeBob's Killer Jizz Patties)

One day, people were straight up climaxing over some goddamn burgers down at the Krusty Krab and a particularly French customer in particular wanted to personally give SpongeBob a handjob for crafting such a delicacy with his own hands, BUT it turns out ton only a ruse to get close to SpongeBob as the particularly French customer reveals himself to be none other than the French Chef from the "Le Big Switch" episode that Wumbo failed to give a proper name to. He is here to finally enact his five year revenge scheme after SpongeBob and The Krusty Krab brutally put his fancy French restaurant, Le Chateau, out of business. He attempts to assassinate SpongeBob with a flurry of French words out of context in order to grant him a swift death, but SpongeBob sort of racistly tells him to "slow down, it's like you're speaking some other language!" The French Chef with no name obliges with giving him a slower, more painful and just as confusing death, but Mr. Krabs steps in to save his moneymaker by becoming Moar Krabs and proceeds to overwhelm the Discount Gordon Ramsey with MOAR Lazers.  With Discount Gordon Ramsey defeated and SpongeBob saved, Moar Krabs says that they should all celebrate with a round of Krabby Patties at double the price! 

During the celebration, Skodwarde attempts to cause some civil unrest by saying that people are calling the Krusty Krab the "Krusty Sponge" again, which begins to trigger Mr. Krabs because nobody wants to see a rehash of anything from season 5 again. A green fish that stands out from the rest of the background characters bounces off of what Skodwarde said and starts a petition to have The Krusty Krab renamed to The Krusty Sponge for the remainder of the series. The petition gains some steam with a whopping 16 signatures, but Krabs refuses to give in. Skodwarde reminds him of the Training Video episode and how he explicitly said "the money is always right" or some shit, but Krabs doesn't want to rehash that neither, as good as it was.

This causes dissension in the Krusty Krew because Krabs is so much of a dolphin noise while SpongeBob couldn't give two shits about it really, and would STILL gladly jerk off his wallet. Krabs goes so far as to perform a seance in order to conjure up malevolent ghosts to drive his moneymaker away from the restaurant so that he could prove once and for all why he is the "Krusty" in "Krusty Krab". And prove it he did by whipping up food that would make Skodwarde's look edible and begs one to question how this sweaty idiot made it into the food biz in the first place with head chef of the S.S. Diarrhea on his résumé.

Meanwhile, SpongeBob seeks to please his incessant need to flip meat by torturing Gary, but seeing as how we've had enough of that with Pet Fucker Pat, he winds up making The Krusty Sponge a thing once again, but seeing as how there's a still a stigma on that brand name (thanks to his killer jizz patties), SpongeBob changes the name up to SpongeBob's Killer Jizz Patties. SpongeBob's Killer Jizz Patties begin to sweep Krabs' customers off their feet and into his house. Damn Sponge, at least buy them dinner firs- oh wait nvm. Back at the Krusty Krab, Krabs loses whatever customers (and readers of this spinoff) that he has left by insulting their intelligence, which actually worked at first but then he had to go and rub it in their face because he is a dolphin noise li'dat. He goads them into his office, where he prevents them from leaving by killing them off-screen. He then buries the bodies right there, under the floor boards, but not before stripping them...of their money.

On the way home, he sees that business at SpongeBob's Killer Jizz Patties is bustling. Once inside, SpongeBob shows that he's made more money than he knows what to do with. The green fish that sticks out from the crowd from earlier in the episode pops in and says that SpongeBob's even tried getting married and divorced 8 times just to get rid of some of it. So in a jealous fit of rage, Mr. Krabs challenges SpongeBob to "Cash me outside, how bout dat boyo!". SpongeBob doesn't know what to do because he doesn't even know what that means. The green fish that sticks out pops in again and tells SpongeBob that his place lacks the atmosphere that The Krusty Krab has. SpongeBob now knows what he must do. 

Everybody makes their way outside expecting a long awaited scrap between these two, only to see SpongeBob proceeding to give Krabs 99% of his business like the fucking cuck that he is, effectively "cashing him outside" and ending this Patty Hype bullshit. Health Inspector Yellowdick (it's the best I could think of on such short notice) arrives on the scene to shut the place down since he knows from personal experience what SpongeBob's jizz can do to a living organism, but they inform him that he's too fucking late and to not cash that gratuitous cameo cheque.

Everybody returns to The Krusty Krab, where Skodwarde has spent the entire episode trying to blow himself without the use of gqod powers. The green fish that stands out from the rest of the background characters bounces off this and manages to coerce everyone into sharing a good hearty laugh at Skodwarde's expense. They proceed to spend the rest of the day doing just that as things return back to normal at the Krusty Krab. Thought this was gonna be a plot heavy episode, right? Full of big formula-changing developments?


Also, while everybody else is busy laughing at Skodwarde, the green fish that stands out from everybody is seen crossing something off a list that he has on a clipboard, exclaiming "that's enough development for one episode!"

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211a. Plankton Fucks Up

Cowritten by SOF

One day, Skod decide to shit things up by plotting to make things interesting, because why not. The sky was bright blue, the scallops were chirping and the flower clouds were there for no damn purpose as always. He thunder clapped and traveled into Plankton's body by mistake. 

"Oops wrong location, damn it reeks in here." The demigod just shrugged it off and warped into the Cum Bucket, with angry and violated Plankton glaring at him from below.

Plankton thought this was last straw, he told the testicle faced man that this life just wasn't for him. Day after day stealing greased up piles of grounded piles of cannibal crab meat, aka Krabby Patties (which is Bikini Bottom's lead in obesity) and maybe a dry hump from his laptop wife and Krabs himself. What did he have to look forward to in this mediocre life of his? While he was internal monologuing, Skodwarde had left 20 minutes ago. Sheldon played some sad defeat music as he buried the Cum Bucket along with his deactivated wife under the sand. (He literally buries her in there in the real ep, like wtf.) A sign that read "Gone to be a Good Guy" could be seen on the remains of his restaurant. 

SpongeBob took a notice of this display as it was rather large and unneededly dramatic as Krabs was using his spongey buns to clean the glass walls of the Krusty Krab. (random skeleton fish: That's disgusting!) Out of sheer curiosity (and the Health Department chasing after them with a find of SpongeBob's previous indecent exposure) Krabs and his little twink followed Plankton all the way to Danville, USA. They watched as Plankton bought a bunch of adult pleasure shit and a fedora (damn) Plankton then arrived at some placed called Organization Without a Cool Acronym or O.W.C.A. for short. Once again intrigued, Krabs and SpongeBob followed him from closely behind. 

Inside the building was a white haired man who was using a camera to record a message to someone... he also didn't have pants on but that didn't really matter at the moment. Plankton casually walked up to him and then saluted. 

"Ah, Agent S! Sorry we couldn't give you the name 'Agent P' but that title is already in use by another agent of ours. Pfft 'Sheldon'.." The man started to chuckle as he looked at Plankton's résumé.

"Sheldon Plankton is really a name that should walk the PLANK, eh?" A redhead appeared from no where between the man and Plankton.

"CARL! Stop trying to enter conversations like you're all cool and wipe that froth from your face! Which reminds me under my camera again in twenty minutes!" Monogram yelled.

"Sorry Sir." The twink wiped the monojuice off his mouth and left the scene, only to be killed by SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs busting a wall down on him. 

After 5 seasons of fighting and three episodes of bonus content, it was found out Plankton was a robot! (Gasp!) The real Plankton was making a giant robot dildo to destroy Skodwarde once and for all for earlier that day and just in general for annoying the shit out of him. But then SpongeBob and Krabs turned out to be robots too! (Gasp!) The real Krabs, SpongeBob and Sheldon (ppfft) were just still in Bikini Bottom. Skodwarde and the giant dildo fought for 8 seasons including 40 bonus content scenes and storyboards from its DVD. But it was too late Skodwarde was penetrated by the giant throbbing robotic thingy-a-mahbob dildo. But then Skodwarde revealed to be a robot too. (Gasp!) The real Skodwarde had made this robot to convince Plankton to cum back home, as he missed fucking around with him. Plankton agreed and they all had a salutatory gangbang with everyone, robots and Major Monogram, Carl who miraculously came back to life and the OWCA members included.

Later robots all agreed this was a mistake and violence is never the answer. So Robot Krabs, SpongeBob, Plankton and Skodwarde flew in the sun together with the giant dildo and lived a happy, healthy life as a foursome. And then the authors decided to finally put an end to this ep's madness.

Or is it...

Because this isn't really SpongeOddFan and Cha, it's Robot SpongeOddFan and Cha! gasp.

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