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194a. Skodwarde: The Game

SpongeBob, Patrick, and Skodwarde are outside, SpongeBob and Patrick playing Monopoly and Skodwarde smoking a joint. Skodwarde gets so angry hearing SpongeBob and Patrick play a bastardized version of the Monopoly he's familiar with that he throws his joint on the Monopoly board, setting it on fire. SpongeBob and Patrick start crying like pussies, so Skodwarde replaces the board with the version of Monopoly he played as a child. In it, you play the "obviously Jewish" Rich Uncle Pennybags and try to accumulate as much wealth as you can without getting caught by Nazi officers. Despite the eyebrow-raising nature of the game, SpongeBob and Patrick are excited to play it, so Skodwarde sets up the board and rolls first.

Skodwarde lands on a Go space and gets $200 from the bank. SpongeBob rolls next and lands on a piece of beachfront property. SpongeBob chooses to buy the property. Patrick rolls next, landing on a chest and drawing a "Move Three Spaces" card. He does that. Skodwarde rolls again and lands on a director space, getting $500 more, this time from the movie industry. SpongeBob rolls and buys a hotel next. Patrick rolls and lands on a space with the words "Go to Concentration Camp" on it. Patrick wonders why there would be a camp just for concentrating on things, and SpongeBob and Skodwarde don't have the heart to correct him. Skodwarde says that in order to get out of the concentration camp, he'll have to roll doubles on his next turn, and if he doesn't roll doubles, he'll automatically lose the game.

Patrick fails to roll doubles on his next turn, so he knocks all the pieces off the board in a fit of rage. Skodwarde tells Patrick to go to his room to think about what he's done. After Patrick does that, SpongeBob asks to start over, but Skodwarde's now bored of the game and tells him that if he can find other people who want to play it, he can feel free. SpongeBob runs around Bikini Bottom asking people to play his Nazi Monopoly with him, but nobody is interested. He goes back to Skodwarde's place, begging him to play the game with him one more time, but Skodwarde, who has taken way more drugs than he should have, is too busy trying to defeat the little monkey man and save the eighth dimension to pay SpongeBob any mind. SpongeBob goes to Patrick's place, thinking that he's cooled off enough by now to want to play the game again, but as soon as Patrick sees the game, he eats it, telling SpongeBob that it's for the best. He tells him that they're nothing more than pawns in the game of life, prompting SpongeBob to ask him if he smoked some of Skodwarde's drugs, to which he says "maybe".

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194b. Sewer Adventure ft. Giant Douche and Turd Sandwich

One day, SpongeBob is doing his thing at the Krusty Krab. He serves Scott up a sweet meal, who came in for a cameo. Skodwarde is reading a porn magazine at the cashier, when Mr. Krabs storms in with his latest money scheme of the week. He says that the stadium hosting tonight's presidential debate will be named after the Krusty Krab, who will in turn be sponsoring it. He says that employees have to stay at the Krusty Krab, while he gets to watch a giant douche and turd sandwich debate, and dick around from the sidelines, hopefully meeting bitches and getting money. Mr. Krabs puts Skodwarde in charge of the Krusty Krab, much to his amusement, as he runs off. Skodwarde decides to dick around, trolling customers. SpongeBob then gets an idea to flush things down a toilet for some reason. Scott and Skodwarde decide to tag along, which turns them on, as they flush various things down the toilet, including dildos, panties, food, JCM in a cameo, porn magazines, and the Secret Formula Safe. Skodwarde then freaks the fuck out realizing this, asking if they just flushed the formula safe down the toilet, and Scott says yes. Skod calls the two knuckleheads, as they then bop each other on the heads like the Three Stooges, yelling "Nyuk nyuk nyuk!". Skodwarde says the three of them will have to flush themselves down the crapper to get it. Scott says no way jose, but he pushes Scott into the toilet anyways, flushing him with his god powers. SpongeBob and Skodwarde then flush themselves down as well with cartoon magic.

Meanwhile, Mr. Krabs is seen at the debate stadium. He then meets nominee Donald J. Trump in a hallway, signing autographs. Mr. Krabs introduces himself, saying he likes money, and Trump says he also likes money. Mr. Krabs says he likes bitches. Trump also says he likes bitches, and insist to "grab 'em by the pussy". Mr. Krabs says he'll vote for him now for sure. He promises he's going to win bigly and Make America Great Again. Mr. Krabs then meets up with some crazy ass dude named Charlton, who talks to him about buying the stadium. Charlton says this pipeline system is really shitty and pissing him the fuck off, like, a lot. For starters, the stadium pipes have a reducer in them, and to make things worse, they are made of cardboard! Seriously, what cheap ass does that? Mr. Krabs doesn't really give two shits of a dime though, saying that makes things cheaper. Trump then goes out on the debate stage, facing his opponent, Mrs. Clinton, aka Turd Sandwich. Multiple people are in the audiences showing their support, with either Giant Douche or Turd Sandwich merchandise. The debate moderator then asks them the first question: "How would you defeat the Islamic State?"

"I believe we need strength among Americans, but Donald also needs to release his tax returns first, since he most likely has ties to Russia, which I believe is the key factor in helping us defeating-" Hillary was saying.

"No, you're wrong. Listen here now: Shut the fuck up, bitch. We will destroy ISIS by bombing the shit out of them. You can tell them to GO FUCK THEMSELVES! MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!" Trump replied.

The audience then applauded.

"Sir, it was still her two minut-" the mod was saying.

"Fuck off, smartass. We all know she spews bullshit from her mouth, nobody was going to listen anyways." Trump replied, as the audience cheered again.

"Alright, I think we can all agree my opponent is a liar and cannot be trusted-" Clinton was saying.

"I think we can agree you sure smell like bullshit." Trump said.

"Wow, she be a smelly Turd Sandwich." Mr. Krabs said from the sidelines.


"BILL CLINTON IS A RAPIST!" another spectator yelled.

"PEPEEEE!!!" another one yelled.

Meanwhile, heh, speaking of smelly, in the other half of our story, the Three Stooges are seen landing in the sewers. Scott, SpongeBob and Skodwarde explore around, trying to follow the formula safe. It goes floating down a lake, as they give chase, with SpongeBob singing "SEWER SEWER CHA CHA CHA!" like a weirdo. They then come to a weird ass part of the sewers, with drawings of some snake. Scott asks if they should be concerned, and Skodwarde tells him to don't be a pussy. They notice the safe goes falling down into pipes, as the three try to follow. Unfortunately, it gets stuck (wah wah wah). SpongeBob says they need to get it unstuck, and it magically becomes unstuck, floating off again into the sewers. The three gave chase, but a giant ass sewer snake emerges, roaring at them. Skodwarde then says "Aw shit".

Back at the debate stadium, it is the halftime break (which I know debates don't have, but this is a fanfiction, and it fits the original episode, so shh). Trump then meets up with Mr. Krabs and Charlton. Mr. Krabs says he's doing a great job kicking her smelly ass out there, feeling honored to meet Trump. Charlton then tells the two they have a serious problem, because people are going to use the bathrooms like crazy during the halftime break, something he calls the "halftime wave". He says that the sewer pipes won't be able to hold, but neither of them really care. Back in the sewers, the snake swallows Skodwarde, Scott and SpongeBob alive, much to their dismay. Scott asks if they have weird adventures like this all the time, and SpongeBob says "Pretty much". However, SpongeBob then spots the safe nearby in the stomach, but Skodwarde is freaking out, running around the snake to get outta there. The snake feels a tickle in its stomach, and vomits the three out (ew), including the safe, which hits Scott on the head. Back at the debate stadium, all the attendees do their business, as the sewers begin to overload. Charlton goes to a room, saying they are gonna blow. He says he's going to kill the person who implemented his design, and is pretty pissed off. However, Trump and Mr. Krabs still don't care, as they talk about money.

The sewer pipe explodes, as it floods the sewers, sweeping SpongeBob, Scott, Skodwarde, the snake, and safe away. The stadium is then flooded. Charlton then takes the call, as he activates a failsafe thing, which is essentially a large toilet hand pump that sucks away all the water, draining it. Everyone is saved, but the giant sewer snake rises up, pretty damn pissed. Charlton then pokes his large ass pointy nose into the snake, popping it. It then deflates like a wild balloon, and falls back into the sewer hole. Trump then asks if the debate is cancelled, and if so, states that he already won anyways. Clinton says that's simply not true, but he tells her to shut her damn mouth again. Back at the Krusty Krab, the safe goes exploding out of the toilet, floating into the dining area. SpongeBob, Scott and Skodwarde appear out of it. Skodwarde announces that they are back from the nastiness of the toilet, and SpongeBob asks who is hungry. The customers then run off like a bunch of pansies.


Edited by jjsthekid
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I'm not turning into CNF with being late, I swear :P


193b. Pink Pimp Patrick

It was another recovery period in Bikini Bottom because the people are savage bastards when it comes to 1% off on floor wax in malls, when Skodwarde heard about an upcoming movie so awful, that it needed to be seen. We mean downright painful worse than BDSM awful, not hilariously horrendous such as “sparkle sparkle sparkle.” After dealing with a ton of shit over the election cycle and watching the world burn before his eyes, this was just the break he needed. Also he fucking hates anyone who puts up anything Christmas related before Thanksgiving, like any sane person out there, so that’s a bonus escape! He pondered whether it would be Shark Exorcist levels of horrible borderline softcore pornography bad, but no, it was so awful that film critics everywhere could only use this as their anticipation image: WljWiiFXOdVt08tiHodzrjAR77N5rE56xuxfSrhRUcICfDEYz6C7HksdZssQYPEnePtM7G7pUUo-BL_M5ZgyyoCSd1mGPMZ563MQXK_N-Gsm6GA8JA7ERQm0koK4ABaqGkfM6C41

Skodwarde found out that the movie in question was...Emojimovie! Skodwarde feared this movie since the idea was announced, but figured he had to face it head on. Being the god that he is, he sped up the release date from August of next year and got an early screening at The Reef, where he was there to write a critical analysis since he’s now into that ever since Roger Ebert died. However, he couldn’t concentrate on the movie due to a certain fat pink pimp eating out the ladies in the row behind him. Patrick was getting the dams to burst like a true master. The cries of ecstasy unfortunately ruined the experience for Skodwarde, and he cursed Patrick, by taking away his appetite for his favorite Post-Thanksgiving meal: women! The worst part was he had a pimp battle against the longtime winner, Oswald McCunty, in the Krusty Krab within the next week! He promised the children everywhere that he would return the title to Bikini Bottom as their sole role model, even to a little boy who broke his leg while trying to get a blowjob from Suzy in the bike rack. Don’t ask him how it happened. All he remembered was darkness, then waking up in the ER. He also may have lost his college fund, but who honestly cares about that anymore when all that students do is burn fabric in silly protest to their mostly fair political system instead of trying to make a positive change in the electoral college to the popular vote? Patrick has one chance at redemption, and it’s to win the contest!

Being the old krusty motherlover that he is, Mr. Krabs is the one being forced to help Patrick out here. What else to do than your cliche training montage, except Mr. Krabs couldn’t find anywhere to do that as he didn’t have a legal search warrant. Pesky judicial branch, always interfering. It was decided that things had to be done the ol’ fashioned way, a fight to the death to steal someone else’s powers. There were 2 pink heavy eating pimps in mind, and Mr. Krabs was only able to obtain THE ALMIGHTY KIRBY! If Patrick could defeat Kirby in a fight, he would magically gain the blob’s appetite! This is definitely how physics work, I mean we have gods so why the fuck not?

Patrick spent many hours training in the art of the sword for this spectacular duel. It was finally time and...Kirby just ate him. Yup, anticlimactic you say. Except for the fact that PATRICK BURST OUT OF KIRBY CUTTING HIM OPEN FROM THE INSIDE! :o He weakened the magic of Kirby’s glorious mouth by scaring him with this little friend


Kirby bawled like a little kid as that shit’s scary for big eaters like him, and begrudgingly gave his powers to Patrick for the competition. The headlines were set, as this was going to be the women eating contest of the century! First off, Mr. Krabs went over film of Oswald, and he noticed one thing, OSWALD DIDN’T TAKE TIME TO ENJOY HIS WOMEN! To win, Patrick had to sloppily rush like a goddamned barbarian. During practice, Patrick really wasn’t up to that, but big ol Anchor Abs forced him or else he’d have to pay a lawyer for a shit ton of made up sexual assault court cases, and we don’t need another court fiasco. The contest started, and Oswald was getting it done, with a face showing he couldn’t even give a single fuck if he ever tried to. However, Patrick didn’t even try! It turns out part of the curse would be losing his mood to even try. The ladies said even if they were in the mood, it wasn’t gonna get done by themselves. All hope seemed lost, until he got sudden inspiration from the boy with the broken leg! His belief was enough to overcome the curse, giving Patrick the powers to make the girls explode at once with little to no effort! Both were tied at 999 women done, with a few seconds left, and both were tired as fucking hell, to the point where Oswald passed out! SpongeBob reminded Patrick that a true pimp needs to make the girls enjoy the process for the best results, and that it isn’t just a cheap slut that he works with, for the true PatPimp is way too good for your ordinary garden tools. To fully convince him, SpongeBob also brought in Former NFL Cornerback, FRED SMOOT, who blabbered on about Okra Patches, whatever the hell that meant, but it worked, as Patrick mustered the energy to make that last girl pass out from being too rough. At the end of the day, Patrick rejoiced with the belt, accidentally injuring the boys other leg, whoopsie. At least the court ignored that as they hightailed Fred Smoot over being on A MOTHERFUCKING BOAT with purple dildos and, yeah, that’s a story not needed to be repeated.

Edited by jjsthekid
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Guess who's back?! Back again?! Jenkins back! Tell a friend!


Episode 195a. Skodwarde SchlongPants

One day, Skodwarde comes across a billboard advertisement for Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy: The Dark Reboot Rises, directed by Bass Snyder, with the role of Mermaid Man instead being played by Gerard Butler, because he could use some work, in place of the deceased Ernest Borgnine. The movie's tag line being "This! Is! EVIIIIIILLLL!" Skodwarde, amused by this slap in the face to the original Mermaid Man and his fan base, suddenly feels a rather chilly sensation in his nether regions before realizing that the cause of his frigid schlong is the fact that he doesn't fucking wear pants. And almost as if like magic or god powers or somethin, Skodwarde suddenly finds himself recruited by a pants nazi and gets inducted into the ranks of the Pants Nazi Party, joining his fellow trouser troops in duck walking within the confines of their long, toasty pants for everyone in the appropriately named  (for this episode, at least) Bikini Bottom to see. Duck walking into the Krusty Krab, Skodwarde receives the love and admiration of everyone in the establishment because nobody else wears long pants in this town, apparently. Except maybe Fred. Why, even little Billy Lou, who? Had taken notice of Skodwarde's lack of leg skin, and feeling a distinct connection between himself and the squid nazi, went so far as to question his mother's fidelity by asking her if Skodwarde is his daddy despite not even being the same species as him in a gag that will certainly get all the Mr Enters of the world's panties in a twist. His mother nervously jukes the question by saying that she's too busy touching herself, dear.

Mr. Krabs changes his pants for the umpteenth time since Skodwarde came in before coming out and he's all like "Mr. Skodwarde, yer soiling all me pants!" and unofficially fires him out of sexual frustration. Out of a job, but not out of his pants, Skodwarde knows he's got legs and he certainly knows how to use them, so he takes his lack of services to the local gentlemen's club, where the horny elite pay copious amounts of money to watch people put their clothes on. 

Skodwarde later joins his new cultured, artsy, pants wearing friends; Clappy, Termi, Katniss and WhoBob in watching "Hoop La Land", directed by Damien Chajelly (hey, you try coming up with fish puns out of these names), which is about a guy shouting "HOOPLA!" for three hours. As this goes on, a lone gunman shoots up the premiere showing of the new Mermaid Man movie out of anger towards Ernest Borgnine's recasting while I die a lot inside for making that a gag and sinking Skodwarde that much closer to Family Guy levels of comedy and going so far as Seth MacFarlane's extreme lengths to have the show cancelled. When Hoop La Land finally finishes, Clappy, Termi, Katniss and WhoBob all sing their praises for it

Clappy, Termi, Katniss & WhoBob: ♪HEIL HOOPLA!♪

Katniss in particular relating to the Hoopla Guy's plight, but agreeing that him getting bricked at the end was completely realistic and totally what would happen. But Skodwarde is unamused by that huge load of hoopla and makes sure to let them know about it. Not amused by Skodwarde's inherent uncultured nature bursting from his pants at the seams, they contact their fuhrer, Fred Rechid (not the member, mind you), in a twist that'll make M. Night cry and call me daddy. Fred goes on all about how he founded the Pants Nazi Party after five years of abuse that Skodwarde's godly antics have brought upon his legs, and through it all, only his pants were there to shelter his broken legs from the cold. Or some asinine shit like that. So he made it his sworn duty to purge the world of knees highs and above, starting with the town so inappropriately named Bikini Bottom and then renaming it, Bell Bottom. Fred calls for Skodwarde's unclothed ass  to be purged from his ideal world, but after some (wait for it) nautical nonsense involving ripped pants, tearing ass and Dutch Oven gas chambers, Skodwarde uses his god powers to once again break the leg of Fuhrer Fred, but this time adding further injury to insult by breaking his other leg for good measure saying

Skodwarde: This is MY world, bitch!

Because we can't have an OMJ guest write without Skodwarde doing something halfway awesome. Skodwarde then uses his god powers to completely purge the entire Pants Nazi Party out of said world, leaving Fred as the sole survivor so that he can continue living out his pathetic existence of having his leg being constantly broken, thus keeping the Skodwarde formula intact. SpongeBob suddenly shows up covered in blood and armed with an AK-47. He asks Skodwarde how his day went, to which he replies he did some purging. SpongeBob has himself a good laugh and says he did some purging too before taking Skodwarde out for some Vietnamese in honor of Ernest Borgnine as Mermaid Man.

The next day, Skodwarde finds himself on the Maury Show with little Billy Lou, who? claiming that Skodwarde is his biological father. While Billy's "father" has his wife take a lie detector test to see if there's anymore affairs he should know about. The results for the lie detector test are in!

Maury Povich: Billy's mom, we asked you, "Did you cheat on your husband by having sexual intercourse with a squid nazi?" You said "No." and the lie detector determined...you  are telling a lie, you went nine full innings at Makeout Reef together in just your first date.

Skodwarde is amused at how accurate the lie detector was as little Billy Lou, who's? family unit crumbled at his feet. The results of the paternity test are now in!

Maury Povich: When it comes to 5-year old little Billy Lou, Skodwarde, you ARE the father!

Billy's father berates his wife for being a harlot and says he wants a divorce as little Billy Lou Testicles finally meets his real father, Skodwarde Testicles. Little Billy Lou greets him with a nazi salute, finally proving to Skodwarde that he really is his superior flesh and blood. He embraces his son for the first time and Maury then asks Skodwarde whether or not he will make an effort to now be apart of his son's life. Skodwarde replies with an emphatic "No." before using his god powers to take his son's life by leveling the entire studio with an atomic blast to make sure there are no survivors.


in a post-credits scene, Skodwarde teleports back to his easter island head abode in order to bathe in the blood of all his victims from this episode. After drying himself off, he finds himself once again confronted by Flats the "Butt Pounder" Flounder, who warns Skodwarde

Flats: You should've kept those pants on, would've saved you some time for when I fuck you.

Flats goes on to say that Skodwarde probs thinks that after 9 seasons he's untouchable, that this episode proves that nobody, not even his flesh and blood, can dare fuck with him. Absolutely nobody.

Flats: Except me.

Flats reminds Skodwarde that season 9 is winding down and his dick is going up. Skodwarde and everybody else on this show is fucked, and your little pedicab driven too. Nobody, no matter how new , is safe. Nobody matter how many times they save or shake up the formula. Skodwarde only saved his son from the fucking he knows that's in store. Having heard enough, Skodwarde proceeds to use his god powers on Flats, but they have no effect on The Fucker Incarnate. Flats suddenly teleports behind Skodwarde and uses god-like strength to smash him face first into the bathroom wall. He sniffs Skodwarde's bald head before loosening his grip on the squid nazi.

Flats: No, good things cum to those who wait.

Skodwarde spins back to find that Flats is gone. That smug snicker that Flats made with that shit eating grin in the garbage truck goes on repeat in Skodwarde's head. Skodwarde's end can't be this soon.

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196b. Moneylover

The episode begins with Plankton invading the Krusty Krab with an army of sea bears. Before Plankton can force Mr. Krabs to give up the Krabby Patty secret formula, however, SpongeBob tames the sea bears by offering to jack them all off. As the sea bears excitedly follow SpongeBob out the restaurant, anticipating their free handjobs, Mr. Krabs berates Plankton for costing Mr. Krabs money with another stupid plan. Plankton claims that money isn't everything, which Mr. Krabs doesn't believe. Plankton tells him that if he loves money so much he should just go ahead and fuck it. Mr. Krabs sadly says that he would if he could before kicking Plankton's green little ass to the curb.

That night, Mr. Krabs is walking home when he spots a feminine-looking wad of money crying on a bench. He takes the only tissue out of his pocket that isn't stained with cum and gives it to the money girl. She uses it to wipe away her tears and thanks Mr. Krabs, who's busy trying to hide his boner. Once he gets it tucked away, he asks the money girl why she was crying, and she says that she got stood up. Mr. Krabs is dumbfounded to hear that such a beautiful and legally tender girl would get stood up, and he offers to take her out to dinner to make up for it. The girl gladly accepts her offer, and they head to the nicest restaurant in town.

After doing the obligatory Lady and the Tramp reference, Mr. Krabs and the money girl, whose name is Cashina, leave the restaurant and go to Mr. Krabs' house, where Pole is waiting and, horrified at the prospect of having a new mom, proceeds to act like a total bitch before storming into her room. Cashina says that she'll talk with Pole, and after an hour of talking about tampons and other girly shit, Pole and Cashina leave the room as new best friends. Happy to see that his daughter and girlfriend are on the same page, Mr. Krabs asks Cashina if she'll allow him to fuck her brains out, and she tells him that she will. Mr. Krabs picks Cashina up and takes her to his room, where they spend the night making sweet, passionate love to the sound of Toto's "Africa".

The next morning, Mr. Krabs is working in his office when Cashina walks in with a noticiable baby bump. She tells him that he got her pregnant and that they'll have to get married immediately. Mr. Krabs orders SpongeBob and Skodwarde to set up a quick wedding in the Krusty Krab, and after the wedding's over, they drive to a nearby hotel to consummate their marriage several times. Laying in bed together, Cashina asks Mr. Krabs to tell her the Krabby Patty secret formula, but Mr. Krabs is too overcome with emotion to get it out, and he ends up sobbing like a baby. A tear falls into Cashina's mouth, and she explodes into an avalanche of money, revealing a robot controlled by Plankton inside of her. As Plankton braces himself for Mr. Krabs' reaction, Mr. Krabs simply shrugs and says "nobody's perfect".

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195b. Skod & Larry's Gym

Today marks the grand opening of a new gym in Bikini Bottom entitled "Skod & Larry's Gym". Larry wanted his name to be first, but Skodwarde insisted his should be first. Larry announces that everything is free for today, and customers go flying in like it's Black Friday. Customers work out pretty hard, following Larry's advice. Skodwarde however, isn't actually using the gym to get healthier, and is instead using it as a front to sell steroids to customers. Haha, silly Skodwarde. SpongeBob decides to exercise at this gym, but isn't very good at it. Regardless, Larry insist that everyone "stay hydrated" or some shit like that. Mr. Krabs also pays a visit to the gym upon hearing the word "free", and dicks around there for some reason. SpongeBob keeps hydrating himself, when Skodwarde offers him some of his steroids. Skodwarde insists "they'll make him stronger and sexier", so SpongeBob takes them. He turns into a big strong man, as everyone in the gym is impressed. Unfortunately, poor Larry is overwhelmed by all of his paperwork, and he begins to look out of shape. SpongeBob shows off his body to Larry, who is surprised by SpongeBob's sudden ripped appearance. SpongeBob says he got this way thanks to Skodwarde's "magic medicine". Upon learning Skodwarde is selling steroids to customers though, Larry bans Skodwarde from the gym, renaming it to just "Larry's Gym". Skodwarde doesn't care though, since he got the money he needed. Also, Mr. Krabs wipes his ass with a towel back and forth for the lulz. SpongeBob teaches Larry's classes for him, but he becomes overwhelmed by them. The two share a heartfelt moment about each other's issues, and Larry gives SpongeBob a big ol' hug. The hug is able to squeeze out all of the steroid juice from SpongeBob, turning him back to normal. They share a laugh, as Larry gets his exercising groove back on. Later, Larry goes into the steam room to cool off, when he finds Mr. Krabs in there. He asks Larry if he would like to "rub butter" on him. Larry then asks where, and Mr. Krabs gives a creepy smile, much to Larry's displeasure.

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196a. The Shit Bowl

Before all that ridiculous flash-forward shit happened though, it was a regular day in Bikini Bottom. Skodwarde was resting, holding his limp penis in his hand after a spirited jack session to Big Booty Beluga Whales 7. He sits up, wondering why he feels like he hasn't done anything for nearly two months, almost as if some black kid had neglected to sit down and write the motherfuckin goddamn episode for two months. :funny: After shrugging off the feeling, SpongeBob and Patrick come knocking on his door, begging him for some dildos. When he asks why, they reply that Sandy needs them for her newest science experiment: How many dildos fit in the average underwater squirrel's ass? (The answer is 12.) Intrigued, Skod gets all his fancy foreign dildos with the knobs and the vibration and shit and teleports them all over to the Treedome. When they arrive, Sandy tells them to hurry up and get those dildos in there, and SpongeBob and Patrick happily start shovin'. However, good old Skod notices that there's something wrong - Sandy's not even using any lube. Skod knows personally that that shit's gotta be mad painful, so while Pat and Sponge are shoving away, Skod goes into the tree. There, he finds Sandy controlling an ass expanding Sandy replica robot. She tells Skod that she's happier than a horny jackrabbit jumpin and humpin' in the middle of the heat of July to see him. Skod assumes that means she wants to get busy so he whips out the dicc and prepares for the suc-

"Put that thang away and come listen to mah' fantastic plan!"  Sandy says, and Skod puts his thang away and comes and listens to Sandy's fantastic plan. She says since the election, Steve Bannon Donald Trump has started sending members of the Alt-Right undersea to monitor them and make sure that the only thing they watch is Fox News. Sandy says that she struck a deal with Donald, and said that if she started spreading fake news to the idiots of Bikini Bottom, he wouldn't send members of the Russian Secret Service (is that even real? probably not) to murder her and her family (and she can occasionally watch one hour a year of Tomi Lahren's talk show) . 

"Donald's election margin was the largest in History since Ronald Reagan," the Sandy robot says.

"Wow," Patrick says, pulling out a dildo 20 inches in diameter, "if Sandy said it, it's gotta be true!"

Sandy then tells Skod that she needs to monitor SpongeBob and Patrick's reactions to the news to give to Trump. Skod teleports them all back to SpongeBob's pineapple, and Sandy turns on some fake Fox News, leaves some dildos and KY jelly, and tells them to just "let whatever happens, happen".

SpongeBob: :smirk:

Skodwarde and Sandy watch on the hidden cameras as SpongeBob and Patrick watch the news, and watch as the American people are lied to with extreme bias as a dummy, who, if he had a dollar for every brain he didn't have, would have one dollar, does dumb shit that will have shitty consequences on the economy, healthcare and the well beings of other humans down the line. Sandy and Skod begin to see the natural order of life break down as SpongeBob and Patrick start to have real, intelligent, political discourse. And then, the unthinkable happens.

Patrick gets a chub.

On the fuckin couch

SpongeBob starts yelling at Patrick that that's a really gross and shitty thing to do at a time like this. But Patrick turns off the Fox News, says he can explain, and pops in a copy of Big Booty Beluga Whales.

Big Booty Beluga Whales 8.

In only a few minutes, this hottest, wettest, latest installment of only the thiccest undersea creatures results in a room that's covered in nothing but white stuff, and it's not just because the guys stopped jacking halfway through to make mayonnaise sandwiches.

It's also because they decided that SpongeBob's house needed a new coat of paint. Skod and Sandy decide to intervene.

"Damn," Sandy says, walking in, "it smells like a real shit bowl in here!"

She tells SpongeBob and Pat that it was just a social experiment, and apologizes that this was the worst episode of Season 9B. Sandy then takes the footage and gives it to the Sea-O Nazi that has taken her family hostage. He takes the footage, swims to shore, and tries to cross the border to America.
But the wall.
...Doesn't exist yet, so he walks right across the border, obtains legal entry to the US over the course of a few complicated months, and then gives the tape to our President. 
For hours, Donald Trump looks at the footage. He stares at. Tries to touch it with his tiny hands. Analyzes it. Makes data tables about it. Dates it. Becomes it. But for as long as he stares at it, all he sees is this:
He puts his head in his hands and starts crying. The Russian Prime Minister (is that even a real thing? probably not) walks in and starts patting him on the back.
"It's okay baby. It's okay." As Donald softly cries into his chest, he reaches over to the computer, and types a search into Google.
"Big Booty Beluga Whales 9," it reads.
And so it begins.
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197a. Mall Cop Scott

One day, in the sub-plot, in order to rake in more dough to attend college, Scott decides to become a mall cop, and hopefully this episode won't be panned by like Paul Blart. He has a busy day ahead, as in the early hours of the morning before the mall opens, tons of wild animals are outside ready to barge in. Skodwarde, with nothing else better to do in this episode, decides to be an asshole and ruin Scott's day by using his god powers to conjure up robbers, delinquent teenagers, and customers with stupid questions. As you can imagine, this gives Scott one hell of a day. However, Scott learns that apparently three store managers have mysteriously gone missing, and money has been stolen from said stores...

Meanwhile, in the actual main plot, Pole (yup, a Pole focus episode, this will totally go well) talks to her friend Nixie on the phone. They discuss coral things and whatever else teenage girls are into these days, all that good stuff. Pole asks if she wants to come over, but Nixie replies that she has to work at Condoms & Tampons, a popular sex store at the mall. Pole tries to talk to Nocturna and Marina, her other two new friends that were just introduced in this episode, but they also have to work. Pole goes downstairs and wants to ask Mr. Krabs something, which he thinks is money. After having a realization, Pole has decided to get off her lazy ass and get a job at the mall, and Mr. Krabs is pleased, since he doesn't have to eat his wallet now (what). She tries going to where Marina works, which is Dick on a String. Unfortunately, Pole can't quite fit in the store at all, so that's out. She then tries to get a job at Condoms & Tampons, but they don't have any spots open. Finally, she tries to get a job at the Scorched Pussy, where Nocturna works, but let's just say that's full too. While Pole looks for a job, Scott has to deal with the shenanigans Skodwarde summoned. Poor Scott. Also, several characters such as Bubble Buddy, JCM, and Dougie Williams make cameos in the mall because why not.

Eventually, Pole finds a lonely store run by Betty White, who has returned since her guest appearance in "Have You Seen This, Bitch?", and is no longer a snail rapist (hopefully). The store is "Grandma's Apron" (whoa no sex pun!?), where tons of things for, as you guessed it, grandmas, are sold. Betty tells Pole she could use an extra hand, and Pole helps, cause why not. Pole's friends eventually discover that she is working at a lame and boring ass store, so they make fun of her like the bitches they are. However, Betty White ain't having that, so she bitch slaps all three of them, and sends them running off, telling them not to fuck with grandma. Pole thanks her, and decides to keep this job because her character needs something to do. Scott, after finally making his way through the shitstorm of wild animals Skodwarde made, appears and arrests Pole's friends. He explains he discovered they apparently had murdered their store managers, and were stealing money. Pole is reasonably creeped the fuck out by this, and wishes to never speak to her psychotic friends ever again. Also, SpongeBob makes a cameo at the end because he has to appear. Skodwarde also appears because he deserves the true final cameo for an episode not centered around him, and says that giving Pole and Scott an episode centered around them was a terrible idea. But nobody really cares, as everyone walks away and move on. Skodwarde then decides to to work at Scorched Pussy for the lulz, and that goes as well as you expect.

Edited by jjsthekid
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197b. Two Thumbs In 

We open on Spongebob and Patrick in Spongebob's house holding each other's hand and rubbing their thumbs on each other in a way that's not sexual at all. Spongebob gives Patrick a thumbs up for such a good time and realizes a new love for showing off his thumb to random strangers on the street. Patrick feels neglected and starts sucking on his thumb because he's a baby or something and it fits the thumb theme. After all of three sentences the Krusty Krab finally appears and our man of the hour Skodwarde has figured out what thing that happens in Spongebob's life is going on that is going to stop him from reading the same book he's read every day for 6 years. Slow reader, amirite? It turns out Skodwarde is quite jealous of the attention Spongebob is receiving because Skodwarde doesn't really have thumbs. He just has slimy tentacles. Skodwarde decides to use his god powers to grant himself some thumbs. 

Meanwhile Spongebob has the frailest bones in the world (if the fucker even has bones) and his thumbs have given out from getting overzealous with a simple gesture. He tries to work but Krabs "fires" him (that's happening a lot lately) and replaces him with Patrick, who is conveniently there and has unsanitary spit covered thumbs. Spongebob walks home while a somber and actually not annoying song plays in the background, describing all the uses thumbs have to sell the point of this actually not being as ridiculous of a loss as previously thought.

Back with Skodwarde, he's found some uses for his new thumbs that are all his own. Skodwarde has gone around town sticking his thumbs into all the ladies, giving them sexual pleasure. This writer isn't sure what to call that, but it's pretty damn similar to fingering. It also technically doesn't qualify as tentacle porn though, so don't get your mind too into the gutter. Anyways, Skodwarde loves his new appendages and intends to keep them forever. Will the status quo prevail?

Sandy comes over and helps Spongebob get to a doctor to undergo intense thumb surgery. She also trains him in thumb jitsu. Spongebob comes back to work with his thumbs in tip top iron strong shape, but Skodwarde isn't having it. Skodwarde challenges Spongebob to a thumb duel. If he wins, Spongebob must let Patrick continue to work at the Krusty Krab. Skodwarde probably hasn't thought these terms through but we get right to the action. Skodwarde's god powers convert his thumbs into sword length, but with some carefully timed thumb jitsu, Spongebob is able to snap Skodwarde's thumbs off. Skodwarde cries in agony and decides he never wants to feel that sort of pain again. He restores his hands to their original form. Suddenly, Patrick walks out of kitchen and it becomes public knowledge to the customers that his thumb germs have contaminated their patties. All the customers stick their thumbs down their throat and purge out Patrick's saliva patties, as another day sets on a thumbelievably awful day in Skodwarde's life.

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198a. Communists vs. Fascists

It was just another lonely night post-Krusty Krab closing time where SpongeBob was wiping the floor with the mop currently wedged up his ass. He was wiping the floor clean and hiding dirt and dust and jizz away like if the Malaysian Airlines flight flew into the Bermuda Triangle. You couldn’t see it with an electron microscope, not that you’d ever need one anyways. SpongeBob’s sweet hiding skills intrigued a group of Communist Wannabes who drove by in a car that was blasting the Soviet national anthem outside of its sickle shaped radio, how the manufacturers did that, we’ll never know. Seeing how he hid away secrets that the government needs to keep private better than Hillary’s emails, they wanted to rope him in on the spread of communism in southeast asia. SpongeBob questioned why the fuck anyone needed to establish anything in a ton of countries nobody gives a shit about, the Communists said that the Capitalists would try and start World War III because of it, because Americans are afraid of getting a goddamn paper cut. SpongeBob readily agrees and goes on the spread of communism, agreeing that Stalin needed to execute even MORE people than the 20 million he did, and that their ancestors would pay for the Soviets downfall.

Skodwarde then sensed a dark presence, and used his god powers to find a seer, who looked into a crystal ball and foresaw the rise of Communism being a potential threat. Skodwarde, not wanting to deal with these fuckers, went back to his cult from the Skoduminati, a season 6 episode which means you don’t have to remember any of it as Nick’s scheduling monkeys and the laziness of this parody’s writers has made everyone forget. Skodwarde and his cult are slightly different, but whether it be Nazism or something else, they’re all sorta Fascists when you break it down. Fearing that the Communists would try and become all super political and force everyone to drink vodka until their livers get out, they set out to conquer the 3rd world countries that nobody really gives a shit about. Why, because politics. However, they take a while as nobody knows where the fuck places like Moldova are on a map. Like 99% of the people, normal humans who don’t need a trivia win to rub in your face on how little sex they’ve ever had with anything that isn’t a blow-up-doll, or dry-humping a pillow.

The opposing powers and their nuclear warfare met at the battlefield of the 38th parallel, because they fucked up and just went to where Kim-Jong-Crazy is, deciding that nothing would be lost if he got blown up in the crossfire. SpongeBob eyes Skodwarde, and both command fire, sending all fucking hell and obliteration to the world as it’s on fire. Kim Jong Whoever the fuck it is the fifth is then born, then dies as he gets hit straight in the head by a warhead, causing Communistic North Korea to go batshit and try to fire on everyone, which inevitably failed because again, Kim-Jong-Crazy. With the world most likely going to turn a literal hellfire it was a miracle Satan himself hasn’t released Hitler for the hell (maybe intentional, maybe not) of it, the world was screwed no matter what.

When all seemed lost….a hero came in: CAPITALIST AMERICA FUCK YEAH


WITH THE POWER OF CAPITALISM, AMERICA WAS GOING TO NEGOTIATE A PEACE TREATY BETWEEN THE TWO OPPOSING SIDES OR BLOW THEM UP IN THE NAME OF FREEDOM! Oh shit wait Trump’s president….he just sides with Russia and backs the fuck away from any fighting. CAPITALISM WHOOO! YEAH! EAGLE POWER! Next thing we knew, Islamic terrorists came in wanting to blow everything up for their religion....despite part of that religion saying that murder is wrong. What a bunch of fucking hypocritical loons, at least they're nice enough to take themselves out as well and rid the Earth of their own logic. See, you can thank suicide bombers for something!Before anything more could go on, Skodwarde decided he had enough of this fucking shit, Trump spewing bullshit, feminists rioting about whatever causing infighting back home, Hitler’s death being thrown right back in his face, British politicians supposedly mouthfucking a pig during college, Skodwarde had to do the one thing he hasn’t done in forever: Time travel back and avoid all this shit. He concentrates all his power into a time vortext that takes him away from all of this communism vs fascism vs capitalism vs whatever….only to end up in the same situation before SpongeBob joined the Communists….because nothing changed. People still bitch, they still fight, they still try and spread peace but end up becoming even more triggered than the Superwholock fandom at the Madden GIFerator. (That's a thing that actually happened) The only difference was nuclear war that will just come anyways when we're finally not pussies like back in the Cold War, despite whatever the hell Johnson did to bomb Vietnam without an official war declaration. Realizing even a god can’t change shit about the awful direction of the world without going back before humans existed and frankly not caring to waste that much energy by going back that far, he says fuck it, and goes to play strip poker with a bunch of hookers and coke in Bass Vegas.

Edited by jjsthekid
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198b. CopyBob DittoPants: A Documentary in Stupidity

It was another average day in the world of Bikini Bottom, except for the god powers and excessive jizz sprayed out everywhere at the provocative bikini bottoms that the citizens wear. You know what that means? A break? PSYCHE! IT’S ANOTHER “STEAL THE FORUMULA FOR FAST FOOD DOMINATION DESPITE HAVING A SHITTIER RESTAURANT” EPISODE! You were expecting originality weren’t you? Hahahahaha, not in this show babe! I’m your host for today’s special,  “Name and Address Withheld” and you’re watching “Repeated Fuckups That Stopped Being Original in Season 5!”

So what ultimately doomed to fail plan does our little Plankton the eternal midget have today you ask? Clone SpongeBob in hopes of pissing off Skodwarde so much that he just gives up the formula to make it stop, and how does he do that you say? Order a shit ton of clones off of PirateBay of course! Unfortunately because he got it off of PirateBay the first time is only a trial run which lasts for one use…….WHAT THE FU-

Attepmt #1: Alright Plankton, you already fucked this one up, but you can still use one SpongeBob to just ask Krabs the formula since one wouldn’t overpower Skodwarde, simple as that you evil genius, Dr. Doofenschmirtz could really hire someone like you at Doofenschmirtz Aluminum Sliiding! Those answering machine ringtones cost a shit ton that you wouldn’t believe. Just send the SpongeBob clone which you got through jizz samples to the Krusty Krab, and you should be good as gold….Wow he did it. So far there’s no fanfare and the little fucker actually learned the formula! This has gone smoothly hasn’t it? Now just for him to exit the Krusty Kr-waaaaait a minute...the spongeslut is currently...double teaming Patrick with his original self….OK now we have to wait 3 months for shipping for that cloning machine to actually come in. Thanks a fucking lot Misaki, no good scam artist!

Attempt #2, 3 months later…

Well Plankton, you finally got that fully working copy machine you say? Great! Enough time for everything to be back to the social norm, while Patrick still gets assfucked like no tomorrow, now you can annoy Skodwar- wait what? Karen is he seriously going to attack Krabs again? Fine, fine, let’s just get this over with...the clones are now separate you say? Where the actual fuck was this made anywa…”IT’S NOT A FUCKING PHASE STAND BACK OR I’LL SLIT MY WRISTS AND REGENERATE MY ARMS TO JUST DO IT AGAIN! NOBODY GETS MY SUFFERING!”....Great, just what we needed, that emo kid who says Blood on the Dance Floor saved them from committing Seppuku, just fanfuckingtastic! What this documentary needed to be livened up, a little twerp who deserves a long hard spanking, and not in the naughty way! Plankton’s already got the Vodka courtesy of guest star Korpiklaani singer Jonne Jarvala, those Finns got it great with the alcohol, don’t they? So much that their most notable songs are about it!


Now the clones have DIFFERENT PERSONALITIES! This is what’cha get for not reading the small print! My favorites are personally the “Smugfaced Shitposter”, “The Forever Triggered”, “The V-Card (which can stand for both Victim AND Virgin!)”, “Everyone Else is a Dirty Fucking Cheater”, and most importantly, “Your Average Retail Customer”! His story is the most tragic, because he JUST WANTS HIS SLAW, GIVE THE MAN HIS DAMN SLAW ALREADY OR THERE’LL BE MUTUALLY ASSURED DESTRUCTION! 


Now that his clone army is assembled, the general leads his troops into the Krusty Krab, on what may very well be a suicide mission to steal the formula by flooding the place so much with shitposts that the very foundation of the building breaks and shatters at its’ might! We give to you, THE 4CHAN RAID...you say Skodwarde just got pissed off so much and that because they were only SpongeBob clones he slowed down the process of which they disintegrate because again, PLANKTON TRUSTED FUCKING PIRATE BAY WITH THIS SHIT! What did he do this for you ask? For them and Plankton to be eternal Sex Slaves of course! Plankton needed much therapy for the years afterwards, and to this day, they say he’s still in it, with little to no success.


‘Tis a shame, they usually say the third time's the charm yet this failed spectacularly before that even had a reasonable chance to happen. Oh well, JONNE, PASS THE VODKA! *heavy Finnish folk metal intensifies*

Edited by jjsthekid
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199b. Thanks, SpongeBama!

In a visualized ad campaign from SaveTheFood.org, a boatload of fortune cookies slumps into the ocean. However, the fortune cookies conveniently touch down onto SpongeBob's pineapple home. SpongeBob was in the middle of filter feeding before he sees that the sky delivered a multitude of babies. This was before the sea sponge realizes that the "babies" can tell one's fortune after cracking one up - and the particular one he opened up just so happened to read "You will drown in the fortune you receive." As grim as it sounded, SpongeBob was still astonished to see that his fortune was real. He also reads Gary's fortune, in which it states: "Happy trails will follow you always." SpongeBob is even more convinced that the fortunes are real, but Gary is convinced that he's being followed. SpongeBob then decides to go annoy Skodwarde and have him take a glance at his fortune, but for the fourth time this week, Skodwarde uses his god powers to shut him out by locking his door. But of course, today isn't Sunday, so it wasn't long before SpongeBob and Skodwarde realize that they have to head over to their job wat the Wusty Wab.

At first, Mr. Krabs refuses to let SpongeBob share the customers the fortune cookies, as he feels that he shouldn't make a profit of such a thing, even when he believes that they may contain subliminal messages from Davy Jones' Locker, and he thinks fortunes are complete B.S. However, a little after Mr. K. charges Skodwarde another dime for masturbating behind the register, SpongeBob decides to give Skodwarde his fortune by force-feeding him a fortune cookie. Skodwarde receives a fortune that says "Your reward will be unexpected." Skodwarde already has his doubts but that was until someone steps inside the Krusty Krab to tell Skod that he has received an award for Best Spin-Off Character With Godlike Super Abilities. Skodwarde then immediately strokes his own ego and accepts the prize with his award before Mr. Krabs snags away the money, but at the same moment Mr. Krabs agrees to let SpongeBob give out the fortune cookies to the customers. The fortunes have made the customers all happy, including the "My Leg!" guy, who wanted an excuse to get out of trial duty for his leg injury expenses. "Thanks, fortune cookies!" they would all say.

Normal for Plankton, he isn't quite pleased with what's giving the Krusty Krab so much attraction, so he creates his newest evil Krabby Patty formula scheme and give his business rival an epic fail supreme (with shit on top), by making fortune cookies of his own, but by putting evil and negative messages inside them. It was only a matter of time before Plankton's own brand of fortune cookies make their way to the Krusty Krab. Misfortunes started spreading through the restaurant, as some of them state "The Krusty Krab worships the devil," "The big-nosed cephalapod god has Ringworm," "Eating at the Chum Bucket increases your lifespan by 0.50%," and the most uncanny of them all "The Krusty Krew likes to watch Teen Titans Go. The Chum Bucket has better taste in cartoons." Given that the customers don't want to hang around in an unhealthy restaurant that supports everyone's favorite easy target when it comes to cartoon shows, they all came flocking to the Chum Bucket. SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs are disheartened that their fortunes have turned them into scapegoats, also given by the cries of "Thanks, SpongeBob!" The restaurant takes a turn for the worst when Mr. Krabs reads a fortune stating "Unless you give your sworn business rival the formula, you will be stuffed inside Davy Jones' Locker before you die (Captain Lou Albano approved)." Mr. Krabs then imagines his own funeral where Pole grieves the unfortunate death of his crustacean father before going off to use his fortune for butt implants.

Knowing that his life is more important than keeping the secret formula from Plankton, Mr. Krabs decides that it is time to give up the formula to Plankton. However, Skod decided to give the spin-off the status quo it could apparently use by using his god powers to crowd up the Chum Bucket, causing for Plankton to get constantly trampled by the customers before admitting that he wrote the uncanny misfortunes. The customers then contemplate on going back to the Krusty Krab immediately without any doubt as Plankton lies all alone, flattened before getting a fortune that says "This episode will be capped off with a moment in your life that's beyond reality." Of course, that is when Plankton gets launched into a live-action Chinese restaurant, before shattering the fabric of space-time continuum due to inadvertently proving the existence of cartoon characters.

Edited by Steel Sponge
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201a. Skodwarde's Nutmare

Scene begins at Sandy's treedome with an afternoon of Cummy Bunz® bite sized bun snacks, courtesy of the Krusty Krab... 's leftover garbage the trash man wouldn't pick up last Tuesday. Sandy and SpongeBob do a BJ war for the last one while Patrick's fat ass is secretly hammering a baker's dozen's dozen. Sandy wins naturally, with SpongeBob's strong disadvantage of asexuality. Beaten, he goes home in a crying puddle and bangs off to Snails Monthly while Gary knocks on the bathroom door wondering what the fuck is he doing with his mag. At least use this month's issue if u wanna do it right. Gary says in a normal human voice. SpongeBob agrees with him, wipes off his self pity snot from his nose and other regions and gets up. Next time Sandy wants to fight over a Cummy Bun, he will stand strong like his old Grandpa SquarePants said before getting ran over by a Cummy Bunz truck last Wednesday. SpongeBob wondered how he got a picture of his grandpa right before he got hit or why he didn't warn his grandpa about it coming while SB was taking it, but shrugged it off and tossed it in the garbage over his shoulder.

SpongeBob goes back into Sandy's treedome expecting to finish what he started with Michael Jackson's Be Startin' Something plays in the background. He comes into her treedome, shoulders back and snapping but instantly notices her tree is dying. His weak ass was relieved as he figured he could just use verbal violence instead of physical. Before he can slay on the sick disses about the only single thing providing her oxygen in her dome is wasting away, Sandy chimes in she can fix it using her good ol' Scientology book. A montage and a half later and her, SpongeBob and Patrick (who woke up in a heated sweat forgetting he was even in this episode) started to channel their alien god to help return Sandy's tree to all its nutty glory. Meanwhile Skodwarde is listening to Take Me Home (FUNKY DANCE REMIX) by Phil Collins when the Cult Signal starts ringing in its witty $0.99 ringtone that alerts him his ex-wife calling. (They had a small summer fling, you don't need to know about it.) He smoothly picks it up and casually listens to Sandy on the other line summoning his presence. His face is shocked and after the call immediately slams the phone back in. It's the worst thing in the world he thought... he realized he's still using Verizon Razr flip phone! In a state of fear, he zoom motherfuckers to the nearest Apple Store across from the abandoned Blockbuster's, Macy's and See's Candy. 

Sandy gives up and the episode ends. 

All of a sudden, their answers come true. The other Scientology god of masturbation prevention, Charmin appears before them in a heavenly light. He restores the tree back to health using his soft but affordable toilet paper to soak up the damage. With the tree in tip-top shape again, it provides a lot of nuts. He tells them to use the nuts to eat, not to leave their nuts in his people's land. ...one of many nut jokes in the actual episode. Motivated again, Sandy gets on making the nuts into edible food. Patrick uses and eats it all over his body. (Again, in the actual episode.) While SpongeBob, idk eats it like a normal decent person with a clean mind. Eventually everyone in Bikini Bottom wants a taste of Sandy's.. you know what. This episode isn't gonna quit with these not-so-subtle testicle puns and but I am. I'm out like Nuggets on SBM.

Basically Sandy learns not to abuse nature especially if it's the only goddamn thing provided you air in a bubble under thousands of pounds of water, Skodwarde gets his new iPhone 10 after spending two hours with the manger to figure out how to iCloud all his songs onto his new device, SpongeBob learns not to doubt the power of someone's lust for Cummy Bunz® and Charmin spreads the word of cleanliness with your body parts using his branded toilet paper on the nonstop Keep Your Hands Where I Can See Them: World Tour.

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201b. Troll Board

One day, at the Krusty Krab, Skodwarde is getting really tired of these repetitive and stale Krusty Krab openings. So he decides to suggest something batshit crazy and different to Mr. Krabs. He tells him he has a brilliant idea that will get the Krusty Krab rolling in dough. Krabs asks how in the world he can do that. Skodwarde replies that it's very simple: he'll make a forum for the Krusty Krab called B-chan, a place for trolls to come together, and say whatever the fuck the want about anybody or anything with no fear. He says he'll sponsor the Krusty Krab on it, and while Mr. Krabs would normally question having his business involved with a shady group, his wallet has been dry lately with money, and figures he has nothing to loose, so he agrees. B-chan is opened, and it's a hit with many creepy and handsome trolls across the world. The trolls band together and plot attacks against famous people such as Ariana Grande, President Trump (by spamming his twitter), JCM in a cameo, and some guy named SpongeOddFan. Krusty Krab gets some revenue from the activity. Patrick even tries to get in on the action, but doesn't understand how a message board works, and is insulted by an army of trolls out of there, with some calling him "tubby". Patrick gets triggered by this, and breaks his laptop (which wasn't even his) in anger, saying "nobody calls him tubby".

The next day, Skodwarde goes on the board, and reads the responses he got to a thread he made bashing social justice warriors. He is pleased with the replies that are praising his rant, when suddenly, he comes across a strange message calling Skodwarde a "Racist nazi sexist piece of shit asshole who should die" and other derogatory terms that are too cruel for the author to write. Skodwarde has been trolled (oh the irony). Although Skodwarde would normally consider this flattery and laugh it off, something about this just pissed him the fuck off to no end. He notices the same user, named "BubbleBlaze67", has trolled all of B-chan that same day. He plots to find out who this sick son of a bitch is. Using his god mod powers, he traces the IP of the troll, and it takes him to none other than Bubblebath's house! :oHe confronts Bubblebath face to face, who is busy flexing his big bubble butt, and stops upon Skodwarde's entrance.

Skodwarde tells him the jig is up, and he knows he trolled B-chan. Bubblebath is impressed, but asks what he's gonna do about it. Skodwarde then replies he has an offer: a challenge to see who is the best troll of the seven seas, by insulting each other the longest without slipping up. Bubblebath accepts the duel. And their battle happens. They start off by name calling each other, then it goes into major trash talking territory, with Skodwarde pointing out what an irrelevant fatass Bubblebath is (true), and Bubblebath saying Skodwarde is an overrated douchebag (true). Their troll war goes on for several hours, until Skodwarde finally breaks him with an ultimate rap insult. Bubblebath cannot make a witty remark to it, and accepts defeat, feeling shame. SKODWARDE WINS THE EPIC TROLL OFF! What an epic conclusion to this epic episode. Skodwarde bans Bubblebath from B-chan, and all is well, as the fellow trolls keep posting random shit in harmony. Unfortunately, some other trolls from 4chan raid B-chan and promptly hack it, resulting in its closure. Skodwarde decides to get payback by hacking 4chan with his god powers, turning it into "Skodchan". Skodwarde now has full control over 4chan, much to his pleasure. 

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200. Goodbye, Skodwarde?

One day, Mr. Krabs is shopping at a grocery store when he realizes that all of the cashiers have been replaced by machines that let customers swipe their own items. This give Krabs the idea to replace Skodwarde with a machine, and he starts shopping for robot cashiers. The next morning, Skodwarde walks into the Krusty Krab to find a robot sitting where he used to. He asks Krabs what the fuck is going on, and Krabs tells him that his services will no longer be needed.

Skodwarde storms out of the Krusty Krab, deciding that if he can't be a cashier anymore, he might as well follow his dreams of being a porn star. He takes a bus to Ass Angeles, the worldwide capital of porn, finds a sex doll and three homeless children, and walks into a talent agency with them.

"I've got a great act for you," Skodwarde tells the agent. "It's a family act!"

"I've seen too many family acts," said the agent.

"Not one like this!"

Skodwarde turns the sex doll over and puts a tentacle so far up its asshole that it comes out the other end. He uses his other five tentacles to sodomize the sex doll in even more ways, as the children and the agent watch with intrigue. Skodwarde motions for the children to get involved, and they start fucking the sex doll and tentacles like they've been doing it their entire lives. (Which they have, an unspeakable tragedy only Skod would take advantage of.)

Once they're finished, the talent agent says, "Goddamn, that's one hell of a good act. What do you call it?"

"The Aristocrats!" Skodwarde replies.

"Well, how'd you like to be a star?"

Skodwarde's pupils turn into star shapes, and he orgasms several hundred times at once. One of the homeless children tugs at Skodwarde's shirt to ask when they'll get paid, and Skodwarde tells the children to fuck off. He then proceeds to work with the agent to get himself roles in every upcoming porn movie. Skod is wildly successful, and a week later, he's the most famous name in porn.

Skodwarde returns to the Krusty Krab for a public appearance, and he's immediately swarmed by fans who want his autograph. Before he can sign anything, however, Mr. Krabs gets between him and the fans and tells them autographs are $1.99 each. After everybody pays for their autographs, Krabs asks Skodwarde if he wants his job at the Krusty Krab back, since his tentacles alone would double his business, and the robot he got to replace Skodwarde has the nasty tendency to murder his customers when they order too many things at once. Though Skodwarde used to do the same thing, he at least cleaned up afterward.

Skodwarde tells Krabs that his days as a cashier are over, that Krabs fucked up, and that Skodwarde will never set foot in the Krusty Krab again. Krabs is so offended that he tells Skodwarde his pornography isn't even that hot, and that he had better masturbation experiences watching documentaties of how coins are made. SpongeBob overhears this, and he runs out of the kitchen to beg Skodwarde not to leave again. Skodwarde ignores him as he storms out of the Krusty Krab once again and goes into his limousine, which is big, black, hard, and full of seamen.

That night, SpongeBob knocks on Skodwarde's door, and a valet lets him in. Skodwarde's house is now a huge mansion, with topless (and bottomless ಠ‿ಠ) porn stars everywhere. SpongeBob asks the valet where Skodwarde is. The valet points to the elevator and tells SpongeBob he's on the third floor of the Skodboy Mansion. SpongeBob takes the elevator to the third floor and finds Skodwarde laying on a bed with a bored expression on his face as people massage his tentacles. SpongeBob asks Skodwarde if this is really the life he wants to live. Skodwarde thinks about it. Though he loved the fame, fortune, and fucking at first, he had begun to tire of it, and spending his days sleeping at the cash register of the Krusty Krab didn't sound so bad anymore. It was certainly less work. He wasn't going to tell SpongeBob that, however, so he ordered security to throw him out. As he's dragged out of the room, SpongeBob simply says the words, "Et tu, Skodwarde?"

Skodwarde returns to his agent the next day and asks if there's any more work for him. The agent says there isn't. Skodwarde asks if he's been looking, and the agent says he has. Skodwarde goes to every porn shop in town, and his movies, which used to be front and center, aren't anywhere to be found anymore. He returns to his agent and asks what the fuck is up. His agent responds that porn changes at the speed of light, and what's hot one day won't even elicit a micro-boner the next day. Skodwarde says he wishes he knew this before he spent all of his money, and the agent asks him if he'll still get paid. Skodwarde uses his god powers to make the agent spontaneously combust just because he feels like it.

Skodwarde takes the bus back to Bikini Bottom, walks into the Krusty Krab, puts on his employee hat, and sits in front of the cash register. Mr. Krabs sees Skodwarde once he comes out of the office and berates him for crawling back without giving Mr. Krabs notice. Skodwarde tells Mr. Krabs to shut the fuck up and put him back onto the payroll, and Krabs silently goes into his office to do that. SpongeBob, who's in the kitchen behind Skodwarde, says with delight that everything is back to normal. Skodwarde tells him to shut the fuck up, too, and he does.

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199a. Thots!

One quiet morning in Bikini Bottom, Patrick is watching TV. Suddenly, a commercial for some action-packed TV show that Terry Crews is gonna be in flashes on screen. Patrick isn't really paying too much attention, so he only tunes in at a very inopportune time.

"I'm gonna buttfuck your mom and steal your house, bitch!" Terry Crews yells at some random guy. Because Patrick is dumb as fuck, he automatically assumes that Terry Crews is really going to buttfuck his mom and steal his house, so he automatically runs to SpongeBob's place and tells him that he's not safe anymore. SpongeBob offers Patrick an extended stay at his place, and the two watch porn together, day and night, very loudly. Skodwarde eventually gets fed up with this (and also wants to have some fun), so he uses his God powers and brings Terry Crews underwater. Terry Crews knocks on SpongeBob's door to ask what the fuck is going on, but when Patrick sees him, he screams and runs as far away in the other direction as humanly possible. The two go off the grid for a while, selling their bodies so they can buy soap and chocolate bars (don't ask what the chocolate is for. please).  

Meanwhile, Skodwarde is living in peace, happy that there's no more loud porn being blasted (:funny:) from the neighboring houses. However, one night, Skodwarde hears the sounds of nastiness, but it sounds too real. Too... Authentic. He checks under Patrick's rock and finds Patrick reluctantly having sex with a 57 year old slug woman. When Skod asks him what the fuck is the deal, Pat says that he and SpongeBob have to make ends meet, and becoming prostitutes is the only way that they could do it. Skodwarde asks Patrick what SpongeBob's been doing, and Patrick tells him that it's far, far worse. Skodwarde and Patrick venture into SeAIDS-infested Downtown Bikini Bottom, only to find SpongeBob in Crustacean Perry's dressing room, watching her dance routine. Skodwarde asks what's so bad about this, and then realizes that SpongeBob has been subject to watching several hours of this:

Saturday Night Live dance dancing snl saturday night live GIF

Skodwarde realizes he's gotta get SpongeBob the fuck outta there before he kills himself.

Against his better judgement, Skodwarde pistol whips Perry, and takes SpongeBob and Patrick back home. All's well that ends well, right? Hahahah-

Image result for wrong donald

(there's the only political reference you're getting from Nuggets in this episode!)

Terry Crews has taken over Conch Street, because he's mad as fuck at Patrick for how rude he was to him at the beginning of the episode. And, just like he promised, he's got Patrick's mom, a hard dick, and a ton of lube at the ready. And Andy Samberg's there too, for good measure.Patrick screams in anger, mad that Terry Crews and a cast member from fucking Brooklyn Nine Nine (Tuesdays on FOX!) has ruined his life yet again. He goes on a profanity-laden rage, and before Terry Crews even has a chance to butt-fuck his mom, Patrick beats the shit out of him and sends him packing back above the sea. 

They decide to let Andy Samberg stay though.

Next Time: Bikini Nine-Nine!

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202a. Porn Con Castaways

One day, Mr. Krabs eagerly bursts into the Krusty Krab, announcing that tomorrow is Porn Con. SpongeBob asks what that is, and Mr. Krabs tells him it's an annual event where the greatest porn stars and chefs compete to make the sexiest food alive. The winner receives the legendary grand prize: The Golden Dildo. Krabs is eager to win, so he drags Skodwarde, SpongeBob, Patrick and Scott (who happened to just be chilling at the Krusty Krab) along to the event. He takes them to his old ass car, showing he's got a shit ton o' patties in the back trailer to sell at the event. Skodwarde is not happy to be going, but Mr. Krabs tempts him by saying there might be a lot of hookers and drugs for him there, which amuses him. Thus, the gang goes off on their road trip.

While out on the road, SpongeBob, Patrick and Scott play "I Spy". SpongeBob says he spies with his little eye, a big nosed octopus in the front passenger seat. Skodwarde tells him to shut the fuck up, as he goes back to reading Mein Kampft for the who-the-hell-knows-at-this-point-manyth time. Patrick says he spies a big red crab driving the vehicle, and Krabs tells everyone to shut their damn mouths, so he can concentrate on driving, and doesn't want to hear another peep out of anyone. Scott says he spies with his eye a cliff up ahead. Skodwarde kindly tells Scott to shut the fuck up, saying Krabs doesn't want to hear another peep out of any of them, himself included, so he should probably stfu as well. However, SpongeBob gasps, yelling "PEEP!". Krabs continues driving anyways, and goes falling off a cliff named Peep's Cliff. The boat gets caught in a tornado sending them to Oz a desert. Unfortunately, the impact destroys the boat, and Patrick, like the fatass is he, ate almost every patty except for one. Krabs is still determined to make it to Porn Con, so he commands Scott, SpongeBob and Patrick to haul the trailer, while he and Skodwarde sit on top of it, which Skodwarde enjoys. He uses his god powers to make a whip appear, and cracks it at the three down below, ordering them to keep moving.

SpongeBob, Patrick and Scott are able to haul the trailer yonder through the desert, up a frozen mountain, and all the way to a forest. SpongeBob, Scott and Patrick are tired, and request a break. Krabs agrees, saying they are in no condition to move forward, and that they should take a rest for the time being. The five of them are around a fire, as SpongeBob says they need to guard the last Krabby Patty. Suddenly, a cute snail crawls out of the woods. Scott says it's cute, and then the snail turns into a large, winged Lovecraftian monster. Scott says he should probably stop opening his mouth, as the creature steals the last Krabby Patty, flying off. Krabs throws Scott at the creature, knocking the patty out of its claws. The creature takes a bite out of Scott, but spits him out in the disgust, as he lands on the ground, while SpongeBob grabs the patty. Skodwarde laughs at Scott's misery, pleased someone else is the butt monkey for a change. However, the creature flies back and picks Skodwarde up. Skodwarde smites the creature away with his god powers, as he lands on face first onto the ground, making Scott laugh.

Later, everyone except for SpongeBob begins to show signs of hunger, and they want to eat that patty. SpongeBob tries to convince them not to eat it, but now they want to eat it. Patrick tries to trick SpongeBob, but he isn't falling for it. Scott then offers SpongeBob some of his weed in exchange for the patty, but SpongeBob resists the urge. Skodwarde then tries to use his clarinet to put SpongeBob to sleep, but the winged creature comes back and attacks Skodwarde, picking him up and dropping him to the ground again. Skodwarde replies "Everyone's a critic". Krabs tries to trick SpongeBob into putting the patty inside a safe, but the safe leads into his mouth. SpongeBob has had enough of this creepy fucking shit, and offers them a solution: Nature Patties. He made these bad boys out of junk in the forest, including bugs, kelp, dirt, plants, worms, and all that good stuff. Patrick enjoys them, but Skodwarde, Mr. Krabs and Scott are not amused. The four chase after SpongeBob, as he runs like Forrest Gump. He eventually makes his way to the Porn Con.

Upon entering inside, SpongeBob quickly gives his patty to the judge (JCM in a cameo). However, it turns out he actually gave JCM one of his Nature Patties, and wonders what happened to the real Krabby Patty from earlier. Patrick reveals he switched it like the sneaky bastard he is, and eats it. SpongeBob is disappointed, but somehow, against all odds, JCM actually enjoys the Nature Patty. He declares the Krusty Krab the winners of Porn Con, and hands Krabs the Golden Dildo, as he pops a boner in excitement. The gang cheers for their victory, and Ron Jeremy (in a surprise cameo) accidentally sprays some of his magic butter into Skodwarde's face, much to his annoyance. Patrick is happy to see him there, asking what he's been up to. Skodwarde is about to smite Ron Jeremy, but stops when he sees hookers and drugs nearby. Skodwarde is glad this lazy and unoriginal adventure paid off, and is eager to get his tentacles on them.

Edited by jjsthekid
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