Skodwarde

[Young Nug]

sorry for the delay, good people

 

174a. Skeets!

 

It is a quiet day in Bikini Bottom. Skodwarde is trying to piece back together the shambles of his life now that he has no money after betting all and losing on the Mayweather and Pacquiao fight. During one morning when his house is being repossessed, Skodwarde hears the moaning of Gary, and storms into SpongeBob's house. Skodwarde uses his God powers to give Gary a muzzle, but Gary's moans still prevail. When Skodwarde asks why Gary won't shut the fuck up, SpongeBob says he's in heat and needs some sweet snail lovin'. Skodwarde materializes Snellie from thin air to do the nasty with Gary. However, when Gary sees Snellie, Skodwarde realizes Gary's real problem: Gary realizes that it's that time of season for Richard Pursel to write an episode about him and fuck up his entire life for 11 minutes, and after the events of Pet Fucker Pat, Gary's just fucking done man. He eats Snellie's shell and halfway mauls her to death, and then sulks away to his room, ashamed of his actions. Skodwarde feels bad for the little guy, and in an act of kindness, he sets Richard Pursel's house on fire, and then goes to the factory for Gary's favorite treats, and infuses them with some dank kush and blows a load in the formula for good measure.

 

The next day, Gary eats some Treats, and falls in love with the new formula- mostly because the weed gets him higher than Juicy J on a good day. Gary, in his Snail Bite induced high, begins falling in with the wrong crowd, like snails that do bath salts (heh salt). When SpongeBob runs out of Snail Treats, Gary and his goons hit up the Krusty Krab, and hold SpongeBob at gunpoint until he gives them the goods, nahwhatImeanslime? High Gary and the goons force SpongeBob to go to the manufacturing plant, but SpongeBob quickly learns that the weed has prompted all the workers to sit around, smoking the treats instead. Gary's goons shoot everybody in the factory up except the manager, and demand to know where the fuck the treats at, son. The manager tells him that there's this dope cook down in Downtown Bikini Bottom, and so Gary makes SpongeBob jack his car and they head down.

 

SpongeBob and Gary and the goons arrive at the trap house, and are introduced to the best weed infusing cook under the seas: Snoop Sealion! Gary and the goons enter the trap house and party hard af until 3 in the morning to songs by the Seaknd (hilarious right) and SpongeBob waits outside all night. Eventually, Snoop Sealion comes out and tells SpongeBob the dizzle. There are no more Snail Trizzles, see here, young nizzle? SpongeBob looks at his newly thugged out Snail and his gang and pleads with Snoop Lion to at the very least give him some weed before he dies, but Snoop says nah, fam, cuz he's gotta get high off his own supply. Dejected, SpongeBob gets dragged home by Gary's gang, who prepare to beat him within an inch of his life for no reason, but Skodwarde intervenes, giving SpongeBob the Snail Treats formula that he made himself. The snail gang agrees not to beat the shit out of SpongeBob as long as he makes the treats. 

 

For the next two weeks, SpongeBob is subjected to slave labor, making the special weed and skeet treats for the snail gang, and SpongeBob is forced to watch as Gary parties nightly, bringing home slutty women snails and fucking them on his mattress. One day, Patrick and Snoop Sealion come over for a party, and the morning after, when SpongeBob is shoveling the vomit up, he has a conversation with them. Patrick tells SpongeBob that he's being subjected to slave labor by a bunch of snails and he really needs to man the fuck up and get assertive. Snoop Sealion agrees and says that SpongeBob should change his name to SpongePussy BitchAss since that's what he's acting like. SpongeBob gets super pissed off, runs into Gary's room, where he's doing some crystal meth and chilling with some snail bitches. SpongeBob says "get the fuck up out my pineapple you skank ass skanks" and they follow suit. Gary's goons begin attacking SpongeBob, but he pulls some salt out of his kitchen and burns the fuck out of the goons. They all start crying and run out, and then only Gary is left. He stares down SpongeBob, growling fiercely. SpongeBob stares at him, also growling. Then, suddenly, SpongeBob walks towards Gary, bends down, and looks him in the eye.

 

"Ain't no more Snail Treats, bitch. Fuck outta here with that shit."

 

Gary looks at SpongeBob, and nods, a symbol of respect, and goes outside to start cleaning up. Meanwhile, Patrick and Snoop Sealion are back at home, jacking off to pictures of Kim Fishassian and eating boxes of Snail Bites, laughing. However, when Patrick eats the last box, he and Snoop Lion look at each other sadly. Snoop Lion asks what they should do, and Patrick pulls out his bandanna, grimaces, and says it's time to get back to the drug trade.

 

Spoiler

Next time:

[Guest]

That's got to be one of the best Skods I've read in a while. Great job, Nuggets

[Jjs Goodman]

Note that 175 was already posted on Page 21 if you want to re-read it in its intended order. Now, here's 176a.

 

176a. Super Evil Aquatic Villain Orgy Is Go!

 

One day, SpongeBob and Skodwarde were walking down the street (with machine guns ready to go). SpongeBob began to sing another obnoxious song, and Skodwarde, not wanting to hear another annoying song from SpongeBob, used his god powers to zip his mouth shut. SpongeBob begs to have his mouth back, so Skodwarde complies, as he summons his Pimp God Boat and drives off in it to the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob then hears someone crying, so he walks into an alley, and sees Plankton crying like a fucking baby again over a broken device. SpongeBob asks what Plankton is having yet another suicidal depression over this time, and Plankton explains one of his inventions failed again. He says he wanted to make a vibrator disguised as a doomsday device that would end the world, causing the apocalypse, erupt volcanoes, cause flash flooding, and make everyone bow down to his tiny green dick, but all the invention did was spark and do jack shit. He keeps bawling, and SpongeBob tells him to shut the fuck up. SpongeBob, Skodwarde, Mr. Krabs, the Skodwarde writers, and most likely the Skodwarde fandom, are getting sick and goddamn tired of all these repetitive Plankton episodes this season, especially since this is about SKODWARDE. SpongeBob suggests that Plankton gets a friend or something, because he needs a life. However, Plankton only heard the word "friend" from SpongeBob's rant, so he then brags how he'll try to find a butt buddy to join his quest in evil, and begins to laugh evilly. SpongeBob then shrugs and pulls a phone book out of his ass, handing it to Plankton. Plankton looks through the book and finds an ad for Man Ray, saying "Evil Sidekick for Sale: Good for certain "naughty activities", bowing down to any guest, even the most ridiculous request, and the perfect apprentice for any evil overlord", under the "Fiends" section. SpongeBob points out he's looking at the fiends section, not friends, but Plankton says he knows, and continues laughing like a maniac. SpongeBob then says, "Well, good luck with that" and walks off to the Krusty Krab.

 

Man Ray is then seen at the porn store, re-stocking some pornographic films on the shelves, when Plankton approaches him.

 

"FELICITATIONS, MALEFACTOR! We meet at last, Man Ray!" Plankton spoke to him, as Man Ray seemed confused.

"Is this the customer from earlier? I told you, I'm out of the wee-" Man Ray was saying.

"No no no! I'm Sheldon, we talked on the phone, I want you to be my sex sl-I mean, evil apprentice!" Plankton reassured.

"Oh, whew. I thought you were with the po-po," Man Ray replied.

"No. Anyways, I have a formula so secret, that it has the plans for world domination! It can be found right out at the Krusty Krab, run by that fat ass Krabs! But I need YOU to help me break in!" Plankton offered.

"It's a deal!...as long as I get some checks with little poodles on them. I'm on hard times, man" Man Ray replied.

 

At the Krusty Krab, everything seems normal. Skodwarde is sitting in the boat, doing his thang and reading a porn magazine, as Mr. Krabs walks across the restaurant. Suddenly, a 12-inch measuring dildo appeared across the floor, as Mr. Krabs was about to ask if SpongeBob was playing with Skodwarde's toys again, when Plankton was revealed to be carrying it.

 

"PLANKTON!" Krabs yelled.

"KRABS!" Plankton yelled.

"PLANKTON!!" Krabs yelled.

"KRABS!!" Plankton yelled.

"SKODWARDE!!" SpongeBob yelled.

"SPONGEBOB, GO AWAY!!" Skodwarde yelled.

 

Plankton begins to ramble on about how he is measuring the restaurant to find out where to put his hot tub when he takes over, and Mr. Krabs picks him up, as he walks outside about to toss him into the Cum Bucket. Plankton then laughs, as he warns him that its his way or the highway, bitch, or he'll call in his new apprentice to fuck Krabs up. Krabs is about to laugh at Plankton having an apprentice, when suddenly Man Ray comes jumping in. Mr. Krabs runs back into the Krusty Krab like a diaper-shitting baby, and begins to panic, as Skodwarde just kind of shrugs it off, still reading his magazine. He tells Skodwarde and SpongeBob to hold onto their glasses, and SpongeBob removes his ass, as he only heard the "asses" part. Mr. K tells SpongeBob to get his ass up to the emergency Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy spotlight pronto, because they have a code red emergency. SpongeBob puts his ass back on and does so, as he goes to the roof and activates the switch. The light shines in the sky, and he's confident they'll show any minute now. However, they don't show immediately, and SpongeBob ponders if this only works at night time, and he should fucking know, since he made a spotlight before in Night Light. Anyways, Skodwarde uses his god powers to seal the entrance, but Man Ray uses his laser gun to blast through it, making an ejaculation like noise, as it burns through the entrance. Skodwarde then shrugs and says "Well, I did the best I could".

 

SpongeBob is then seen running to Shady Shoals like Usain Bolt, and runs into the check-in counter. He begins to babble about Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy, but the two fish there think he's tripping balls and throw him out. SpongeBob then looks in through the window and sees Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy sitting on the couch, as they are having old people sex with two ladies while they're asleep (don't ask how that works, just don't). SpongeBob begins to make a tapping noise, as Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy wake up to the pleasure of the two old ladies. Mermaid Man yells "WHORES!" and they run away in panic, as he wonders what that banging noise is. Barnacle Boy thinks it's the gosh dang air conditioner again, so Mermaid Man punches it out of its hole, and it lands on SpongeBob. Back at the Krusty Krab, Man Ray and Plankton have Skodwarde and Mr. Krabs held up at gun point, Grand Theft Auto style. Mr. Krabs asks why Skodwarde can't use his god powers to get them out of this shit, and he really has no fucking idea why, but Skodwarde says jjs probably has some excuse pulled out of his ass coming up to explain why. In fact, I do, as Man Ray reveals he's made his belt resistant to Skodwarde's powers, so Skodwarde can't use his god powers to make him orgasm to laughter again. Plankton tells him to cough up the formula, bitch, but Mr. Krabs tells him that there's no way he'll find out the secret to making Krabby Patties, or the fact that he masturbates to money everyday-whoops, did he say that out loud? Man Ray is then confused, thinking this was a formula for world domination and eating dirt, not for food. Plankton then explains to him that conquering a restaurant is the first step in conquering the food business, and then the world yada yada or some crap like that. Mr. Krabs asks Skodwarde to do something, but Skodwarde says he too is getting sick of this Plankton BS, and isn't getting paid enough, so he bails.

 

Back at Shady Shoals, SpongeBob makes himself look like an old crusty sponge by dehydrating himself, and he somehow is able to pass it off. He then notices Shady Shoals is having its "First Annual Ladies Orgy Choice Dance", as he walks around to see tons of old fish "dancing" (yeah, let's go with that). Unfortunately for our heroes, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy aren't getting any pussy after MM's outburst earlier, so they're just standing at the punch table like old coots. SpongeBob tries to get to them, but an old lady approaches him and wants to "dance". He does so, and another old lady approaches him. Suddenly, he starts getting gang banged by the old women, as Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy walk out, with BB saying "I never liked these things, there's too many skanks." Back at the Krusty Krab, Man Ray and Plankton are at a table, and Skodwarde delivers them two Krabby Patties, reminding them "we serve shit here, sirs". Man Ray then devours the patty whole, and enjoys it quite a lot. Plankton asks him if he's ready to take over the world now, but Man Ray replies he needs to try another before deciding. He then steals Plankton's patty, and is satisfied again. Plankton asks if he's done yet, but Man Ray says he needs to do more "research", as he asks Skodwarde for another plate of some of those dank patties (and surprisingly yes, Skodwarde can cook patties now). 

 

Back at Shady Shoals again, SpongeBob slips on a wet floor and crashes into Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy's room, who wake up from their nap. SpongeBob begins to ramble and run around in circles, talking about the "Plankton and Man Ray thing", but Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy don't really give two shits. They tell them that they just woke up from their nap, and after nap time, the beautiful women there give the old men lap dances. They then tell SpongeBob to be his own hero or some crap, so he goes off back to the Krusty Krab like Usain Bolt, as Skodwarde is really pissed the fuck off, saying he's been covering for SpongeBob for a whole 69 minutes, and his wittle god arm is getting tired. SpongeBob then asks how Skodwarde was able to cook perfect Krabby Patties, and he says he didn't. He actually put some of his Snail Treats formula into the patties, and now Man Ray is starting to become an addict, demanding for MOAR patties. SpongeBob then says he'll take it from here, and cooks up a shit ton of Patties in less than 3 seconds. He then delivers it to Man Ray, who consumes them all. He then becomes a fat fuck, as he collapses to the ground. Plankton is pissed off, saying they are done being friends with benefits. Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy walk in and arrest Man Ray, dragging him off. He asks them how the hell they found him, and Barnacle Boy tells them a certain yellow sponge tipped them off, as Man Ray sighs, saying "This wasn't my plan, time to go back to the drug business". Mr. Krabs then gives Plankton a bill longer than his dick for Man Ray's purchases, as Skodwarde, SpongeBob, and Mr. Krabs laugh their asses off.

[JCM]

176b. Cum Dickassee

 

One day, Skodwarde is complaining about his job again when Mr. Krabs tells him to shut his whore mouth because he couldn't run a restaurant half as well as Krabs does. Skodwarde disagrees, saying he could run a restaurant twice as well as Krabs, and Krabs laughs his fuckin' ass off. Skodwarde, feeling disrespected, walks out of the Krusty Krab's doors, but then he turns around and screams at his skinflint boss that his know-how would make even a restaurant like the Cum Bucket a success. Krabs is too busy laughing to hear him, but Plankton hears him loud and clear, offering Skodwarde a position as manager of the Cum Bucket in exchange him making it successful. Never one down to turn down an opportunity to fuck with Krabs, Skodwarde accepts the offer.

 

Skodwarde tours the Cum Bucket, suggesting an amenone poster here, a sex robot there, and Plankton asks what any of that has to do with making the Cum Bucket a success. Skodwarde criticizes Plankton for not trusting him, and then he introduces the thing that would make his restaurant famous: the Cum Dickassee. Plankton wonders if he meant Cum Fricassee, and Skodwarde explains that it tastes like fricasse, but what really makes it great is that it's shaped like a penis in a butt. That and his grandmother's secret ingredient. Mostly the penis in a butt stuff. Plankton is doubtful, but Skodwarde assures him that after the Cum Dickassee cooks for 24 hours, Plankton will understand.

 

86400 seconds later, Skodwarde gives Plankton a batch of his Cum Dickassee, and after Plankton tries it, he gets so horny that he immediately starts fucking Karen, jizzing so hard in her that she short-circuits. He tells Skodwarde that Cum Dickassee will make him a star, and Skodwarde is so excited at that prospect that he ejaculates all over the Cum Bucket, much to Plankton's delight. They start selling Cum Dickassee to the masses, and it's an instant hit. When Krabs hears about it, though, he won't have it, so he goes to Cum Bucket with SpongeBob. For some reason, Krabs dresses up like a rich senator and SpongeBob dresses up like his mistress. They aren't let in nevertheless, as they have to join a two year waiting list.

 

Meanwhile, Skodwarde is enjoying the fruits of success, as women line up just to suck his cock. He calls out to Plankton to ask what the hold-up with the Cum Dickassee is, and Plankton says he's distracted by the customers having an orgy in the dining area, and he has to wait 24 hours for the Cum Dickassee to cook. Skodwarde orders Plankton to fuck the rules and serve the Cum Dickassee anyway. Krabs and SpongeBob are sitting on some random street because why not, and some random guy gives them his Cum Dickassee he probably waited days for, because again, why not. Krabs and SpongeBob eat the Cum Dickassee Lady in the Tramp-style, and as their lips touch, the psychosexual effects of the Cum Dickassee take hold, and they start to have hot, passionate sex.

 

At the Cum Bucket, Skodwarde is serving up a fresh new batch of Cum Dickassee when his grandmother rolls in with her pimpin' walkers. Her dickassenses told her that her grandson was cooking the Cum Dickassee wrong, so she used her goddess powers to destroy the Cum Bucket and stuff the undercooked Cum Dickassee down Skodwarde's throat. Before he realizes it, Skodwarde is pissing and shitting and vomiting all at once. Grandma Skodwarde tells him that's why he needs to wait 24 hours, and the customers, seeing what the Cum Dickassee did to Skodwarde, run away vowing to never eat at that restaurant again. Plankton asks Grandma Skodwarde what the secret ingredient to the Cum Dickassee is, and she says it's ecstasy, of course. SpongeBob and Krabs walk by the remains of the Cum Bucket with their clothes torn, and they ask who the fuck everybody's looking at.

[Jjs Goodman]

While waiting for CNF for 177a, I'll get this one out of the way. The origin of this idea is very...interesting. Back in October 2012 or so, CDCB & I were speculating on what the actual Move It or Lose It episode would be about, and we came up with an idea where "Bubble Bass gets his butt stuck in the Boating School entrance". We jokingly said it was the synopsis to some people, and so, we decided to use the idea for this. Credit to CD for helping co-write this.

And yes, I'm aware this has absolutely nothing to do with the episode it is based on. Who said originality couldn't hurt?  

177b. Move It or Lose It

One day, SpongeBob gleefully skipped to Puff Mama’s Boating School (which has been rebuilt thanks to the hardworking Mexicans) in hopes of fixing their friendship after Demolition Douchebag. As he was skipping, SpongeBob walks right into a giant familiar ass stuck in the door. When the ass's owner complains about a spongy sensation in his buttcrack, SpongeBob realizes the owner is none other than Bubblebath! Bubblebath slaps his ass cheeks together, and SpongeBob goes flying backward, through the window of Dil’s Dildos. When he returns, Bubblebath warns that any further attempts to extract his ass will be punished with sexual harassment charges. Also, here is an artist's depiction of the scene:

 

SpongeBob however, was not deterred. SpongeBob charges forward into Bubblebath’s butt again, but unbeknownst to him, a dildo was stuck to his head. Bubblebath’s giant cheeks absorb the dildo, and SpongeBob falls to the ground. SpongeBob then decides to stop being insertive and tells him to “move it or lose it, bitch”. Bubblebath just laughs at him, saying “not today, SquarePants!”, and SpongeBob SquarePants does not give up after being laughed at. So SpongeBob goes to Sandy for help, as they do a bunch of calculations and mathematical crap on how to remove the ass, but SpongeBob falls asleep during Sandy’s explanation. Sandy then suggests to teach him some kah-rah-tay to gain the power to lift his ass up. This makes SpongeBob pop a boner in excitement, and he does a Rocky training montage with Sandy.

After the montage, SpongeBob gains the courage and balls to go back, as he grabs Bubblebath’s ass and tries to yank it out of there. He breaks his arms off in the process, and he sighs. SpongeBob then puts his arms back on, as he tries to karate chop his buttcheeks, but they bounce him back all the way to Dil’s Dildos, getting yet another dildo stuck in him. He then buys a forklift, and drives it to the Boating School. He tries to lift up the fat fuck, but even his ass is too powerful for the forklift, and it explodes. SpongeBob then steals a shotgun from Elmer Fudd, and shoots at Bubblebath’s buttcrack, but he absorbs the bullets and shoots them back at SpongeBob, who runs away like a pussy. SpongeBob then starts to have some extreme ideas, such as infiltrating North Korea and stealing Kim Jong-Un’s torture devices, as he uses them on the butt, but they have little effect. SpongeBob asks Patrick for advice, but Patrick tells him to “clear his mind and do nothing”. SpongeBob does just that, and he wanders off into The Unknown, where he meets The Beast. He asks him to remove a big butt, but The Beast shows him his true form, which makes SpongeBob shit himself and wake up. After more nautical nonsense involving Looney Tunes slapstick, SpongeBob still fails to remove the butt, and feels like he’s out of ideas, so he sighs and has to go for the last option: Skodwarde. (about time)

He goes to Skodwarde’s house and babbles to him that a giant butt is stuck in the entrance to Puff Mama’s Boating School, and Skodwarde just looks at him like he’s on crack. SpongeBob asks if he put it there, and Skodwarde says it wasn’t him… this time, no really, it wasn’t. Not everything has to be caused by Skodwarde’s god powers. But Skodwarde can’t resist the temptation of a giant butt, so he follows SpongeBob to the scene of the crime and gives Bubblebath a godly ass fucking. This proves to be too godly an ass fucking for Bubblebath to handle, so his ass spontaneously combusts into oblivion, leaving him assless and freeing up the doorway. Bubblebath runs off in defeat like a fucking crybaby, as he breaks some of the doorway behind him. SpongeBob and Skodwarde enter in to see Mrs. Puff very angry. SpongeBob says he is so happy to see her and says that for some reason a giant butt was stuck in the entrance. But Mrs. Puff does not share his amusement. She reveals that she was the one who put Bubblebath’s ass there in the first place as a way to show she’s still butthurt (haha, butt puns) about Demolition Douchebag, as M. Night Shyamalan shouts “WHAT A TWIST!” in the distance.

SpongeBob then laughs and asks “good one Mrs. Puff, so when can I take my test?” She then says she meant it, and wants him to keep the hell away from her, or she’ll get a restraining order. Suddenly, a bunch of North Korean troops surround the Boating School, who have traced the thief of Kim Jong-Un’s torture supply to this location. They warn them to move it or lose it, or the great one will nuke the area. Mrs. Puff then tries to get out of there, but SpongeBob tells them he was just using them to remove a big fat ass. Suddenly, upon hearing “big fat ass”, Nicki Minaj arrived, riding a bunch of men and twerking, causing Mrs. Puff to have a heart attack, while the troops get distracted by Nicki's ass. As Mrs. Puff recovers, a bunch of nukes then head toward the school from North Korea, causing her to have yet another heart attack, as Skodwarde uses his god powers to make the troops and Nicki all disappear, and also freezes the nukes. He then ponders what to do with so much power in his testicles tentacles, and SpongeBob then realizes they are about to go into their 9th season, making Skodwarde one of the longest running shows on air. This reminds Skodwarde that he has a ton of competition right now on television running longer than him, so he wants to nuke the competition, literally and figuratively. Therefore, he does what any sane man would do. He then teleports the nukes to several locations in many animated series, such as Quahog, Ooo, Beach City, Gravity Falls, The Park, The Unknown, Dimmsdale, Springfield, Lake Hoohaw, blowing them all off the map, destroying their studios, causing World War III-

That’s called overkill, ladies and gentleman.

Edited July 10, 2017 by jjsthekid

[Pearl]

all these episodes

[ClassicNickelodeon Fan 1]

Wow, I finally finished this! Here's 177A! (One more episode of Season 8 folks!)

 

177A. The Shameless Promotion of a Burger Flipping Krustacean

 

One day at the Krusty Krab, good ole Mr. K is stalking through the super duper Krusty Krab telescope, spying on the goods of such wonderful female fishes in the deep blue sea. In order to preserve the "goods," good ole Mr. K takes pictures using his new fangled whatchamacallit camera thing. However, deciding that this wasn't enough to satisfy his desires, he calls in his trusted employees SpongeBob and Skodwarde into The Batcave his office. He gives each of them a mission: track down each of them and bring them back to his torture lair...I mean office...right. Skodwarde, obviously not giving a flying fuck about anything Mr. Krabs has to say, declines the offer and goes back to reading Neo-Mein Kampf (because we've ran the Mein Kampf joke into the ground already). This leaves SpongeBob, ready as ever can be, to take on the task- CARTOON CHASE SCENE STYLE!

 

 

After that lovely scene, Patrick pops out of god knows where to help out SpongeBob in his quest for THE HOLY GRAIL Mr. Krab's bitches.

 

After three hours time, every female fish in Bikini Bottom was captured to fulfill Mr. Krab's devilish deeds. However, SpongeBob and Patrick get pissed off that they aren't getting some of the goods, and proceed to get into a fist fight with Old Iron Abs Krabs.

 

Twenty hours later, it is revealed that SpongeBob and Patrick have died of exhaustion from punching Mr. Krab's iron abs for twenty four hours straight. But don't worry kids, cartoons can't die!...unless they meet THE DIPPPPPP!!!!!!111

 

 

And everyone lived happily ever after...oh I'm sorry, I thought I was writing a script for the sequel to Frozen. My bad.

 

EPILOGUE:

Skodwarde, in a devious attempt to make this episode better, summons the Bikini Bottom SJWs to write an article about the unfair treatment of female fish in this episode. Skodwarde gets a good laugh out of it, and then proceeds to fap to his vast collection of porn magazines.

[Guest]

One more for season 8!

[Young Nug]

178. Hello Justin Timberlake!

 

Skodwarde is sitting and relaxing in his chair in his house, reading the latest edition of Playgod magazine, when he is disturbed by the sounds of SpongeBob fapping, but this time...It's different. Skodwarde walks to the window and sees SpongeBob isn't fapping, but playing his nose as a flute, which looks pretty similar to fapping if you catch my drift. Skodwarde returns to looking at his magazine and pulls out the lotion, but SpongeBob's music is too distracting, and so Skodwarde begins yelling at him in the midst of his session. The sounds of arguing, fapping, and music attract the world's poppiest metrosexual in music: Justin Timberlake, who swims underneath the sea to find talent. He tells SpongeBob and Skodwarde that their sound is a totally different thing, never seen before! He tells them that it could be a new genre entirely: musical nose fetish porn! Skodwarde is reluctant to work with SpongeBob at first, but when he learns that this new brand of creepy music porn can garner him worshippers and his own church, he agrees. And SpongeBob is just really fucking dumb so he agrees to go along with it. 

 

However, Mr. Krabs hears about money and decides to come in and threaten to ruin the entire episode decides that Justin Timberlake just needs to get the fuck out. Our boy JT protests, but Mr. Krabs decides that there's an even better way to make money on the road, after watching the acclaimed film Magic Mike and it's sequel: Singing strippers! Mr. Krabs forces Skodwarde, SpongeBob, and JT to form a trio of musical strippers who go around making money by almost showing important body parts to desperate females and males.

 

JT says that they're gonna need equipment, so Mr. Krabs breaks out his Navy gear, his machete, and his AK 47, and begins a mission of vigilante justice as he travels above the sea, goes to the hottest strip club in Atlanta, bombs it, and then takes all the residual clothes off of the dead strippers. Then Mr. K breaks into Patrick's family reunion, kidnaps him because he needs a roadie, and eats at least three more bites of turkey than is normally allowed. Then, finally, Mr. Krabs steals Mrs. Puff's party bus but not before he has a pice of that thick puff mama booty mmmm. Now that Mr. Krabs has made the final transformation into a full-blown terrorist, he says it's time for the guys' first gig. Their first stop: The supermarket! Skodwarde, SpongeBob, and an ashamed JT rock those bodies for the middle aged fat mommy fish that roam the supermarket, and the performance goes well until everyone leaves and Mr. Krabs realizes the crew has made no money. Mr. Krabs makes the boys eat dog food while he spanks them for being very bad strippers, and then they hit up their next gig: a retirement home!

 

The old people don't appreciate how loud the deep, booming, hippity-hop music of today's youth is, and so they give the strippers two choices: Get out and don't get paid, or get involved in a gang-bang with all these old people. Skodwarde and SpongeBob decide to just take the brunt of Mr. Krabs' wrath, but JT stays for the gangbang, and begins crying as "Strawberry Bubblegum" plays in the background as the old people begin unzipping. With only two strippers and Patrick left, Mr. Krabs begins rethinking his life, but suddenly, the Atlanta police and JT's record label come down under the sea and engage the crew in a high-speed chase, wanting to take in Mr. Krabs for his terrorist actions above the sea. Mr. Krabs drives the party bus off of a cliff and crashes it, momentarily escaping the feds. Mr. Krabs begins running away with Patrick as a hostage, but Patrick threatens to cap his ass, so Mr. Krabs complies and sets him free. Skodwarde lights a joint and begins to walk away, but when SpongeBob plays the flute with his nose while he faps to the sunset, Skodwarde remembers the good times and decides to stay. 

 

Skodwarde uses his God powers to send the police back up to the surface, kills all the old people in the retirement home (they all had one foot in the rave anyway) and saves JT from a few years as a sexual slave, and sends Patrick to a Preschool so he can be educated not to talk to strangers. Finally, Skodwarde uses his powers to put Mr. Krabs in hiding with Osama Bin Laden's dead body, General Zod, and George Bush, and he prays nightly. 

 

Later that week, everyone is at Skodwarde's house, lighting up and watching Magic Mike XXL, when suddenly, Skodwarde remembers that Mr. Terrorist sold the Krusty Krab to make money for the tour, and the gang, along with JT head down to the thrift shop to get it back. When they get there, a mysterious voice in a chair talks to them, before suddenly turning around.

 

"What's the dizzle, nizzles? Y'all want the Krusty Krizzle? Well, y'all ain't gonna get that unless you deliver-izzle the monizzl-"

 

Skodwarde snaps Snoop's neck, and the gang takes the Krusty Krab and leaves, laughing, because this is Skodwarde and it's okay to do that. 

[Guest]

Let Season 9 begin!

[Jjs Goodman]

Let Season 9 begin!

 

Skod Out of Water will be next. Then Season 9. Stay tuned...

[SpongeOddFan]

can we agree this was Skod's best season yet?

[Jjs Goodman]

It's time for...

 

 

THE SKODWARDE MOVIE: SKOD OUT OF WATER!

 

I was originally going to post all three parts of the movie together when it was finished, but it would be very long if I did that for one post, so I've ultimately decided to just post the 3 parts separately like the original film. So, as a Labor Day weekend present, I'll be posting a part today, tomorrow and Monday (hopefully Part 3 is finished by then, that is). I hope this makes up for the break, now enjoy!

 

 

THIS FILM HAS BEEN RATED "NSFHB" (NOT SAFE FOR HUMAN BEINGS) BY THE SPONGEBOB COMMUNITY STUDIOS

 

CREDITS

Written by: Jjsthekid, JCM, ClassicNickelodeon Fan 1, CDCB, Old Man Jenkins and Aquatic Nuggets

Directed by: Tommy Wiseau

Producer: Jjsthekid

Executive Producer: Jjsthekid

Songs written by: CDCB

Prop images made by: Old Man Jenkins

Skodwarde T-Rex image by: Some guy on DeviantArt (I don't know his name, but if he wants to sue, that's okay)

 

Starring...

 

Skodwarde as Skodwarde

SpongeBob as SpongeBob

Plankton as Plankton

Patrick as Patrick

Sandy as Sandy

Mr. Krabs as Mr. Krabs

Antonio Banderas as Burger Balls

Ron Jeremy as Lord Buttholes

JCM in a cameo

and a bunch of other celebrities who probably shouldn't be here

 

 

PART 1 (written by Jjs and JCM, "Thank Skod It's Monday" written by CDCB):

 

Our story opens on the island of Bikini Atoll. A strange, pedophiliac butt pirate named Burger Balls (played by Antonio Banderas because he has nothing better to do) is seen on the beach. He pulls out a map, and he sees a sign saying Booby Traps (heh, booby). He slices his way through weed bushes with his dildo sword, and we see skeletons lying on the ground, which is some necrophiliac shit. He then comes to a clearing and sees his booty in the distance. A bunch of phallic-shaped spears shoot out from the ground, and he dodges them with Michael Jackson dance moves. He approaches a skeleton holding a Playboy Magazine. He takes the magazine from the skeleton, as it collapses. Burger Balls is happy, as he jerks off to the magazine. However, the skeleton gets up, which is again, more necrophiliac shit that we, the Skodwarde staff, do not advocate. Burger Balls and the skeleton duke it out, but in the end, the skeleton eats Popeye’s magic spinach and punches Burger Balls up into the air, and he goes smashing onto his ship nearby, filled with annoying stereotype pigeons who are singing Can't Stop by the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

 

The pigeons stop singing and then fly away as Burger Balls lands, as Burger Balls continues to jack off to the magazine. Once he’s done with that, he flips to one of the boring, boobyless pages of magazine and starts to read a story about a quiet little redneck podunk white-trash mountain town called Bikini Bottom. In that town, a sex-crazed, psychotic Nazi squid known as Skodwarde worked at the Krusty Krab. Once Burger Balls gets to that part of the story, the pigeons return and start singing Uptown Funk. Burger Balls threatens to kill them and do necrophiliac shit to them like he did to the last birds that annoyed him, shutting them up, and they listened as he read more of the story.

 

Skodwarde worked with a relentlessly optimistic sponge, SpongeBob, who loved everyone and anything, including (and especially) his job at the Krusty Krab. His love of cooking Krabby Patties was matched only by the customers’ love of eating (and jerking off to) them, leading one to question why fish would love greasy, unsanitary burgers that were slowly killing them and raising the obesity rate of Bikini Bottom, which was shown with Bubblebath, who was eating a meal when suddenly his fat ass broke his chair and he fell to the floorboard. What about Krabby Patties made them so delicious? Most Bikini Bottomites didn’t give a shit, but Plankton did. He constantly tried to steal the Krabby Patty’s formula so he replicate the Krusty Krab’s success at his own restaurant, the Cum Bucket, but SpongeBob always fucked up his schemes. Today however, would be different...

 

---

 

Before we move on with our story, Skodwarde demanded the inclusion of an epic opening musical number. Since we’re afraid to get singed by his godly powers, we’re including it anyway, and also this movie needs some music.

 

Thank Skod it’s Monday

Fuck everyone day

A damned old curse that I brought upon

You, the sole reason for a gun

Is Monday

Thank Skod it’s Monday

 

Thank Skod it’s Monday

Fuck everyone day

Fat cats are happy and smoking on weed

Donald Trump’s campaign’s gonna succeed

On Monday

Thank Skod it’s Monday

 

Skodwarde starts masturbating and making sexual grunts to the tune of his song, but SpongeBob interrupts him with his pleas for mercy. Skodwarde tells him to shut the fuck up and enjoy this glorious day of relentless torture, but SpongeBob can’t bear the anticipation of what horrible things Skodwarde might bring upon him on this dreadful Monday. Skodwarde scoffs him off ‘cause fuck everybody else’s feelings. The complaints ain’t over yet though as Patrick comes up to share his angst.

 

Patrick:

Aw fuck, it’s Monday!

Unfunny fun fun day!

The sky rains condoms and dicks erupt

I sure hope my ass doesn’t get fucked

On Monday

Aw fuck, it’s Monday!

 

The entire town starts singing along and spreading the word all over Bikini Bottom, giving Skodwarde all the more reason to make their lives miserable.

 

Aw fuck, it’s Monday!

Aw fuck, it’s Monday!

A-W, F-U-C-K!

A-W, F-U-C-K!

It’s Monday!

Aw fuck, it’s Monday!

Aw fuck…. it’s Mondaaaaaaaay!

 

Later, SpongeBob is throwing out the trash and talking to Patrick’s stomach because he’s weird like that, when Plankton flies in with some military swag. Plankton’s plane drops a giant jar of cum, as Mr. Krabs is out in the front counting the dough. SpongeBob walks to the front and thought they had their cum delivery on Thursday, when Mr. Krabs looks up and the jar hits the ground, exploding all over them and the Krusty Krab. Plankton keeps doing show-off moves in his airplane, and Mr. Krabs tells Plankton of course he realizes, this means war! Within seconds, the Krusty Krab becomes a battlefield thanks to Skodwarde’s god powers. He reminisces over the military attire, reminding him of the wars in Nazi Germany. “Ah, Nazi Germany. Good times, good times,” Skodwarde reminisced, as he then read a porn magazine. Mr. Krabs then checks on the formula bottle and hopes it is safe in the safe, to which the Department of Redundancy Department will have his ass booked for that. Meanwhile, on the roof, SpongeBob and Patrick shoot potatoes, dildos, and whatever other sex related objects you can think of at Plankton’s plane. Below, Sandals is happy that it’s raining potatoes, dildos, and whatever other sex related objects you can think of. Plankton then tells them it’ll take more than potatoes, dildos, and whatever other sex related objects you can think of take his plane down, but Skodwarde is tired of this pitiful war, so he uses his god powers to tear off the plane's wings, to which Plankton adds, “or maybe not”. His plane goes crashing and explodes into the ground, causing a WTF boom. The crowd in the Krusty Krab cheers, because ding dong, the Plankton is dead!

 

However, the Plankton was not dead, as a tank came flying down from the parachute! Plankton inserts a dick-shaped pickle into the canon, and tells Krabs he’s really in a pickle now (BOO, YOU STINK!). He fires it at the Krusty Krab, as SpongeBob and Patrick jump off and it destroys their battle station. It then rains pickles onto Sandals, who is orgasming over the objects, when he gets crushed by Plankton’s tank (RIP Sandals). It charges forward, as SpongeBob panics and calls Sandy, but she is too busy ordering from the drive thru (which the Krusty Krab magically gained). He then calls Skodwarde, but Skodwarde tells him to fuck off, who is still reading the porn magazine. He then calls Mr. Krabs, and Mr. Krabs orders him to release the condominents. SpongeBob gets out a gun that shoots jizz, piss and condoms, while Patrick holds a giant jar of cum. SpongeBob fires at once, but he runs out. Patrick then throws the jar, and it explodes a nasty mess in front of Plankton’s tank. Plankton drives forward and it explodes, as SpongeBob and Patrick cheer again. However, Plankton’s tank then turns into an anime mecha robot that he got from Team Rocket’s budget, because chicks dig giant robots. It crushes open the Krusty Krab and Skodwarde still doesn’t really care, as he starts jacking to his magazine. However, the robot then bursts into Mr. Krabs’ office and is about to finger him with the giant hand, when it suddenly stops. Plankton’s robot runs out of gas, and he knows he should’ve gotten the turbo. He then hops out and tries to bribe Krabs with money, but he realizes his wallet is empty due to him spending it all on crack and weed. He says that all he has left is a measly penny, and Mr. Krabs offers to take it off his hands. He gives it to Mr. Krabs, saying Mr. Krabs already took everything else of Plankton’s, and Mr. Krabs throws it into his safe. Mr. Krabs, Skodwarde, and SpongeBob laugh at Plankton like a group of sitcom characters. Plankton asks them what they’re going to do, and Skodwarde says he’ll go Super Saiyan on his ass. However, in the end they just tell him to gtfo. Mr. Krabs yells “SO LONG, SHRIMP!” and Plankton walks off defeated, as the customers applaud. Plankton continues crying like a fucking baby against a pole.

 

Meanwhile, inside of Mr. Krabs’ safe, the front side of the penny opens to reveal another Plankton inside. Plankton pops out of the penny, stretches, and takes out a walkie talkie. Plankton (codename Big Dick) talks to Karen (codename Sweet Tits) through the walkie talkie, and Karen complains about her codename, causing Plankton to throw the walkie talkie away. Plankton sees the secret formula and starts to approach it, but he notices a pressure plate around it. He replaces the bottle containing the secret formula with another bottle containing a blank piece of paper. Mr. Krabs is outside, rubbing his crotch in the other Plankton’s face and gloating, when he notices a string coming out of Plankton’s skin, and he pulls it, revealing a robot underneath. Just as he does that, SpongeBob goes into Mr. Krabs’ office to find Plankton stealing the secret formula. Startled, Plankton accidentally knocks the bottle over, triggering a lockdown that covers every window and door in the restaurant with steel. Just as Skodwarde is about to ejaculate to his porn mag, he gets covered in steel as well. Mr. Krabs tries to get in before the lock, but no dice, as the Krusty Krab is completely covered in steel.

 

SpongeBob starts having a tug-o-war with Plankton over the formula bottle. Plankton offers SpongeBob to join the dark side, because he has cookies and porn, but SpongeBob refuses. Plankton then tells him he’s his father, but SpongeBob tells him to fuck outta here with those Star Wars references. Skodwarde uses his god powers to free himself from the metal, and goes into the office to put an end to this douchebaggery. Skodwarde, SpongeBob and Plankton start getting into a threesome over the bottle, as they jack it in their directions. Armor Ass Krabs then rips open the steel entrance, and yells “PLANNNKKKKKTTTOOONNNNN!!!!!”. As the three stooges kept jacking the bottle in their directions, it suddenly disappears! Plankton then thinks to himself that he proved 69 times that molecular decomposition was impossible, Skodwarde realizes he doesn’t even know what he’s doing here, and SpongeBob realizes he forgot to empty Gary’s litter box (which is a real dirty piece of shit btw). Mr. Krabs bursts in, and seeing the threesome over nothing, he asks where the fuck his formula is. Plankton tells him it disappeared, and Mr. Krabs isn’t falling for that Houdini shit. SpongeBob tells him that for once, he’s right, and that it really disappeared. Skodwarde also says for once he agrees with SpongeBob, because he saw it with his two eyes, and swears on his balls he didn’t make it disappear….this time. Mr. Krabs grabs Plankton and uses his 50 Shades of Grey merchandise to tape him to his desk. Mr. Krabs rubs his claws together and gives a creepy laugh, and Plankton begs to not be anally raped. Skodwarde and SpongeBob ask if Mr. Krabs is really going to rape him, and he says no, that’s too fucked up, even for Skodwarde. He demands Plankton to Gimmy back his formula. Plankton then tells him that was a terrible attempt to torture him and that Karen does a much better job, when Skodwarde makes ear plugs appear for him and Mr. Krabs. SpongeBob then gets the joke and starts laughing his ass off with his obnoxious laugh, as Plankton’s ears feel raped due to the laughter and he screams.

 

The customers, craving Krabby Patties like crack, including JCM in a cameo, knock on Mr. Krabs’ door and demand refunds. The word “refunds” easily makes it through Mr. Krabs’ ear plugs, and getting scared, he sends SpongeBob into the kitchen to make Krabby Patties and Skodwarde into the dining area to calm down the customers. Mr. Krabs prepares to rape Plankton’s ears with Jason Derulo this time, but Plankton escapes before he’s able to. SpongeBob screams like a girl, and when Mr. Krabs runs into the kitchen, he screams like a girl, too, when he finds out that their Krabby Patty vault is empty. He asks SpongeBob if he’s got the formula memorized, and SpongeBob reminds him of a bunch of legal mumbo jumbo from the employee handbook that basically says they’re shit outta luck. Instead of calming down the customers, Skodwarde continues reading his porn mag, and they’re on the verge of destroying the restaurant when Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob emerge from the kitchen. Mr. Krabs assures the crowd that he isn’t their enemy and that Plankton is their enemy, Skodwarde then makes a bad anemone pun, so Mrs. Puff makes her contractually obliged appearance to tell him his joke sucks. Mr. Krabs leads the customers out of the Krusty Krab to look for Plankton, and once they find him, they plan to eviscerate him and fuck his corpse, because necrophilia is apparently a big thing in this movie. SpongeBob convinces Mr. Krabs to let him do the honor of disemboweling Plankton, but once Plankton’s in his hands, SpongeBob blows a giant bubble that takes him and Plankton somewhere over the rainbow, way up high. But this ain’t called the Skodwarde movie for nothing, and Skodwarde wants to see what adventure they get into with this threesome, so he uses his god powers to teleport him into the bubble. He also makes a holographic clone of himself appear in the boat so Krabs doesn’t ask where he is. SpongeBob is happy to see Skodwarde, and says “WELCOME TO OUR CLUB WELCOME SKODWAR-” but Skodwarde cuts him off.

 

-------------

 

Stay tuned tomorrow for Part 2!

[Cha]

well now I know what necrophiliac means

[Jjs Goodman]

PART 2 (written by CNF1 and CDCB, "Partners" and "Squeeze Me" written by CDCB)

 

After Skodwarde, SpongeBob and Plankton take their flight up to the Great Beyond…*cough* the sky, Mr. Krabs comes to the realization that without the formuler and his best cook, Bikini Bottom will fall into an apocalyptic state filled with nothing but people jacking off in the streets and giving the Krusty Krab a one-star rating on those thingama-jiggers they call phones! And this, as Burger Balls says, concludes the tale of the random story they oddly decided to include in a pornographic magazine. But the pigeons say fuck that and start ripping the magazine page by page until they find the rest of the story (it has become clear that pigeons do not like boobs). A mysterious page of mysteriousness floats down to the bottom of the ocean...

 

After the live-action interruption, we find ourselves back in the ocean where not a damn thing has changed. Somehow though, Patrick the dumbass manages to completely be out of the know on the apocalypse and tries to order a Krabby Patty from Skodwarde’s clone in the boat. Skodwarde’s clone kindly replies, “Fuck off, there’s no Krabby Patties left in the entire world,” and continues to read his porn magazine. Patrick goes ape shit and joins the crowd of citizens masturbating across Bikini Bottom and using their mobile devices to post crappy ratings about a restaurant on social media (geez don’t these guys have anything else better to do?). Back in Bubbleland, SpongeBob, Skodwarde and Plankton decide to work as a “tyeam,” except for the fact that Plankton has no idea what a “tyeam” is and it takes him the same amount of times SpongeBob failed his boating example to figure it out (for a guy who went to college he sure is dumb as fuck amirite?). Although SpongeBob isn’t the same ass fucking sadist Mrs. Puff is and encourages Plankton to keep trying, Skodwarde gets sick of Plankton’s dipshittery and uses his god powers to transition to the next scene.

 

Meanwhile, things are still fucked up as ever in Bikini Bottom, but somehow Sandy has managed to escape the terror in the safety of her torture treedome. She pigs out to a delicious Krabby Patty like any normal Bikini Bottomite would do while watching the latest episode of The Old and The Collected on good old Texas TV. Realizing that nobody gives a shit about soap operas anymore, she turns the tube to Bikini Bottom’s local newscast, where Perch Perkins is reporting about the chaos in Bikini Bottom. He exclaims to the camera, “WHITE STUFF ON THE STREETS! WHORES EVERYWHERE! THE WORLD TAKEN OVER BY MINIATURE DEVICES! THIS IS THE END OF HUMANITY! ALL BECAUSE OF THE NON-EXISTENCE OF A SANDWICHHHH!!!” Just then, the mysterious page of mysteriousness seen earlier floats down conveniently near Sandy’s treedome. Sandy decides to take the case and dawns the cloak of...GUMSHOE SQUAREPANTS...err, I mean SQUIRREL. Oh, and Patrick gets pissed at Sandy for eating the last Krabby Patty ever made, but do you really want to know about that?

 

Back in the little floaty thing, Plankton is still struggling to pronounce one damn word, but all he can do is make toast inside his single celled noggin. Skodwarde can only handle so many references in once sentence, so he throws Plankton into the Fly of Despair for a moment’s peace. While Plankton is discovering just how big an acid trip can be contained in a single zipper, SpongeBob suggests the three of them could team up and find out what the hell happened to the formuler. Skodwarde reluctantly agrees, removes Plankton from the innermost depths of Despair’s zipper, and pops the bubble with his god powers because normal popping is for pussies. The newly formed trio scouts around Bikini Bottom for potential recruits and they come across Patrick, who’s… raping his house. Realizing Patrick is either too desperate for action or just plain fucking stupid, our heroes move on to Mr. Krabs, but the Krazed Krustacean tries sword fighting them with his favorite dildo. SpongeBob tells Plankton they should go to Skodwarde’s house and see if he can help, but Skodwarde is RIGHT FUCKING HERE, BITCH! After that moment of idiocy, SpongeBob, Plankton, and Skodwarde continue their quest to recruit more people for Idiot Boy’s Gang of Complete Dumbasses! Unfortunately, things don’t go that well as now Sandy has succumbed to the madness. She goes on and on about how some Sandwich Gods are upset with Bikini Bottom or something like that...here, just watch this and you’ll get a good idea of how she acted:

 

 

 

 

SpongeBob and the gang thus get weirded out and move on in their quest for dumbasses...but we’ll have to wait for that because it’s time for another live-action scene!!!!!11!

 

Back on the ship, those damn seagulls start bitchin’ about gaping plot holes in Burger Balls’ story. To cover his ass, Burger Balls recounts a traumatic experience in which he told his shipmates about his asspirations to become a famous chef known for his sexually provocative burgers. The secret ingredient? Pirate jizz! But at that very moment, as he raised his arms in triumph, he accidentally tore off his clothes with his sword, revealing the tiny barnacle underneath. The shipmates all laughed at him, for he could never get a sustainable enough supply lugging that thing around. To get his revenge, he stole this enchanted porno magazine and as he reveals, using a magical dildo he also stole, makes anything he writes in the magazine come true! They are so powerful that they even rival Skodwarde’s god powers. Burger Balls demonstrates by enlarging his barnacle and then shrinks the seagull’s own barnacles cause meh, he’s a cruel bastard.

 

Back into the land of water, the quest for complete dumbasses is coming to an end, with the grand finale at...SpongeBob’s pineapple? Yes, it’s true, SpongeBob and the gang have trekked miles and miles for the best damn dumbasses you can find, and the last house they’re going to is their own leaders’ home (of course, Skodwarde and Plankton would disagree about this self-entitled leader position, but let’s not get carried away now). The gang has come to ask none other than Gary The Snail himself to join the crew (what the fuck can he do for realz). However, upon opening the door to the pineapple, the gang comes to the realization that it has been turned into a library a Snail Empire, with Gary himself at the throne! As he is about to order his gang of snail thugs and snail bitches to attack, the gang just says fuck it and decide to move to a remote location in the middle of nowhere and think about how to retrieve the formula in the morning. As The Sandman whisks away his magic dust upon SpongeBob, the bastard Plankton decides to “dig deep” inside SpongeBob’s body to find the formula for himself (Skodwarde is fapping off to a porn magazine he got at The Party Store off-screen, not giving a damn about Plankton’s attempts to anally rape SpongeBob for his own needs). However, Plankton finds a world full of sex clubs and jizz filled rivers inside SpongeBob’s ass. Plankton has finally reached Nirvana. After what seems like a lifetime inside the little yellow sponge’s anus, Plankton walks out, only to find that SpongeBob is beginning to wake up. SpongeBob is like “What the fuck were you doing in my anus?”. Plankton spills the details, and they both sing a lovely musical number about teamwork.

 

SpongeBob:

Partners

We can do anything as partners

Don’t you agree with it?

 

Plankton:

Partners?

What the hell? Don’t startner

Your song is pure bullshit!

I’m far from my wife and I need a good fuck

 

SpongeBob:

So what do you do to get out when you’re stuck?

 

Plankton:

This ditty is shitty

So I’m gonna splitty

 

SpongeBob:

But partnering up is good for your wang

Listen to all the words that I sang...

You can be brave and I’ll act all wussy

You be the dick and I’ll be the pussy

You be the ass and I’ll be the crap

 

Plankton:

Your singing makes it hard to fap

 

SpongeBob:

Come on! I’ll fuck your ass and you can fuck mine

Oh, the sensation is so divine!

In an ass we can have a blast

‘Cause nothing stops getting it on….

When we’re partners!

 

Though pissed by the shitty song, Plankton decides perhaps partnering up with SpongeBob is the way to go. Together with Skodwarde, they come up with the idea of going back in time to before the formuler disappeared ‘cause hey, it’s not like Skodwarde cares enough to get off his lazy ass and bring back the formuler with his god powers. Eh, but then we wouldn’t have much of a movie, would we? Anyway, SpongeBob starts laying out plans for the time machine when Plankton realizes they need a processing unit or some shit ‘cause this is some high quality time travel stuff they’re building. Since Karen is the only one with a processing unit capable of powering a time machine, they head over to the Cum Bucket to fetch her. Unfortunately, the Cum Bucket is now heavily guarded by all those crazy ass citizens. Skodwarde uses his god powers to summon Princess Scarlett Johansson (wooo, cameo, and reference to the first movie!). The sudden allure of her tits is too much for the guards to ignore, so our heroes make their way inside as the guards make Neptune’s beloved daughter increasingly uncomfortable.

 

They find Karen locked in a cell and chained against a wall with Patrick right outside in a chair, naked… sleeping... As luck would have it, the key is hanging on a necklace Patrick’s wearing. Fearing the job is too dangerous, SpongeBob and Plankton tell Skodwarde to use his god powers to take the key off Patrick’s neck. He obliges but then decides to troll them by jamming the key around Patrick’s dick. SpongeBob grabs the key and carefully slides it off, but the sensation is far too pleasing for Patrick to stay asleep. He wakes up and asks for more, but when SpongeBob refuses, Patrick threatens to blow their cover. Thinking fast, Plankton tells Patrick the story of the fatass who went to sleep. When that doesn’t work, Skodwarde says fuck it and uses his god powers to knock Patrick into a temporal coma. With no time to waste, SpongeBob unlocks the cell door, frees Karen, and they all head to an abandoned strip club to build the time machine using a photo booth, Karen (no shit), a cuckoo cock, and some used condoms. With the great unknown of time travel awaiting them, Plankton pulls the lever, sending them on their way.

 

Yeah! Here we go now!

Yeah! Here we go now!

 

Play with us before we cum

Everybody’s getting some

The best part is the middle of it

I’m your partner and I love it

I’m better than dildos, won’t you believe me?

Yeah!

Squeeze me!

Squeeze my sack

Until I jack

 

After a complete acid trip of crashing through giant dildos and complete mind fuckery, the trio ends up in the future with old ass Patrick. They ask what happened and Patrick explains that only four days have gone by and the Skodwarde clone lost his shit, burying everything in sand. Morbidly disturbed, SpongeBob, Plankton, and Skodwarde return to the time machine for another acid trip.

 

Yeah! Here we go now!

Yeah! Here we go now!

 

Ding, ding, dingy-dong

Everybody on an assrape train

A brand new shine you must explain

Wipe it up but leave a stain

Thereby punished with brutal pain

For the shit that’s on my brain

The job done now

 

After that acid trip, SpongeBob, Plankton, and Skodwarde end up in the CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE (copyrighted and trademarked). While there, they come into contact with a magic talking dolphin named Lord Buttholes, who is the supreme overlord of every planet (except Earth because some super saiyan bastards defeated him). Afraid that these time traveling goofballs might be in league with someone more powerful than himself, he treats his guests like royalty, allowing them to look over his domain while he slips away for a long overdue dump. When he returns, he finds out that every single planet blew each other up! Lord Buttholes then goes berserk, shooting lazers left and right, and changing into his final golden form to kill these foes, now likely in league with the “saiyan monkey bastards.” SpongeBob, Plankton, and Skodwarde quickly exit stage left to go through a final acid trip to retrieve the formula seconds before it went missing, thus leading into YET ANOTHER LIVE-ACTION SCENE!!!!!!!1!

 

Up on land, Burger Balls takes it upon himself to drive his pirate ship (yes, you heard me) all over the landlubbers on the Natural Tanning Salon and parks his vehicle to reveal...IT’S REALLY A FOOD TRUCK!!!...no shit sherlock, you’d have to be an idiot to not see that coming. Burger Balls tries to scare away the pigeons by breaking out his shiny metal dick, but ends up attracting them even more. Rainbows were then seen over the horizon.

 

Back in the ocean (present day), it’s found out that the dumbass in SpongeBob kicked in: he grabbed the wrong formula! All those acid trips for nothing (well...maybe not)! SpongeBob, Patrick, and Skodwarde walk away from the time machine in discouragement, only for sneaky bastard Patrick to take a joyride in the time machine (or is it a DeLorean?) himself, going back in time to 1993, the era of dinosaurs on the big screen! Patrick ends up in Morningwood at Universal Studios itself, on the set of Jurassic Park, where Steven Spielberg is planning on testing out a dinosaur based upon the remains of the long lost Skodasaurus Rex!

 

 

A younger Karen makes a cameo appearance as Steven Spielberg’s tech assistant, where the inexperienced computer accidently sets the dinosaur on a rampage, resulting in Karen’s 9,001st death in Skodwarde history. Patrick gets scared and runs back off to present day Bikini Bottom.

 

In present day Bikini Bottom, Plankton bitches at SpongeBob for being a knucklehead mcspazatron due to him grabbing the wrong formula, even though it’s all Plankton’s damn fault in the first place for not even mention that there WAS a wrong formula in the first place and that HE himself put it there! SpongeBob thus has a mental breakdown and starts firing his lazers all over the place in an epic showdown that’s too good to summarize into words:

 

 

This results in the town of Bikini Bottom going even more batshit crazy than it already was and decides to sacrifice SpongeBob and Skodwarde once and for all.

 

-------------

 

Stay tuned later this month for Part 3!

[Jjs Goodman]

Sorry for the delay.
 

PART 3 (written by Old Man Jenkins, Jjsthekid, and Aquatic Nuggets, rap battle written by CDCB)

 

But before they can even lay a fin(ger) on the overly nazi squid, Skodwarde and SpongeBob uses their Jackie Chan moves to karate their way through the maddening crowd of deviants. In a final act of defiance, Skodwarde uses his crane kick powers to hit Krabs on the head with SBM a dumpster and frees Pole and the rest of Old Man Krab's sex slaves before embarking on a perilous journey through the barren wastelands to find them true, lasting salvation. Not amused, Krabs readies a motorized battalion of his aptly named "Fuckboys" to bring his girls back. Fueled by their jizz bag, Plankton, and spraying jizz all over their mouths, they ride, ready to die historic on the Krabby Road! And then cut to live-action scene!

 

Jjs: Umm, OMJ.

 

OMJ: What? Can't you see I'm about to live, die and live again?!

 

Jjs: Yes, just like me waiting for your contribution to this movie, but we're done with milking out all the post-apocalypse stuff for all it's worth, we can't keep dragging it on like this show. We have to move onto land now.

 

OMJ:

 

So the BDSMites firmly grasp SpongeBob and take him to be sacrificed at a temple they had erected in veneration of the great sandwich god, Jared Fogel. However, he deemed their sacrifice to be "too old". Krabs then tried to persuade Jared that SpongeBob was at least "a child at heart" but Jared was having none of it and returned to doing what all sandwich gods do in their spare time, having sex with minors, and even invited Skodwarde over for a sloppy second or two but Skodwarde smited him, cuz even we here at Skodwarde don't condone that shit. And we condone a nazi squid, so that's saying something. Fortunately for everyone, Skodwarde catches wind of some shit brewing thousands of miles away. Having a feeling in the pit of his wallet that this may somehow in some way be formuler-related, Krabs releases Skodwarde and, along with everyone else, strip down and all come to their senses, finally realizing that all that tight leather was cutting off blood circulation. Skodwarde takes charge and leads everyone to the source of the brewing shit, not by way of god powers, but on foot. Cuz he's a dick li'dat.

 

After thousands of miles of (wait for it)...(let it sink in a bit)...nautical nonsense involving fucking about the trenches from the first movie because we have some continuity dignity, braving a category 5 shit Storm on SBM and becoming the first aquatic creatures to fuck about on the moon (minus Sandy because Sandy's Rocket and Mooncondom), they finally reach the shit at it's source: Savannah, Georgia. I guess filming in, say, Hawaii or something was out of our budget. Nevertheless, Skodwarde bitches about how they won't be able to last one minute breathing in that air because, contrary to Pressure beliefs, Savannah's practically next to the birthplace of coke or some shit. "COKE?!" everyone shouts in joy, but their boners are insta-killed when Skodwarde informs them that he meant Coca-Cola. No longer feeling like they have a purpose in this movie, all secondary characters proceed to head home thousands of miles back thataway. Skodwarde tries to dig out too but Mr. Krabs is all like "git yer mediocre ass back here or yer fired", causing Skodwarde to question whether or not his ass is really mediocre. Patrick complains that his dick hurts from all the fucking about but SpongeBob reminds him that he doesn't have a dick. Patrick proceeds to bitch about how SpongeBob has a dick, Sandy has a dick, even SKODWARDE has a dick and it barely even shows without pants. Skodwarde then literally slaps Patrick with the reality that he, in fact, has four dicks and is damn proud of it (hence why he doesn't wear pants). SpongeBob reminds them that it's not about dicks, it's about teamwork! Skodwarde, ever the skeptic, tells him bluntly that "unless some other fairy god mother somehow changes the setting to Hawaii, there's no way they're stepping one foot in Savannah. Haven't you played Season 1 of Telltale's The Walking Dead?!" While all this dick measuring is going on, Plankton manages to stow away in one of SpongeBob's condoms.

 

Suddenly, the Lord formerly known as Buttholes beams onto the scene, having travelled back in time to thank SpongeBob for freeing him from his dead end job as God, our heavenly father and reminding him who he really is. Buttholes wants to return the favor by saving them Skodwarde's constant bitching and getting them safely to the surface. He orders them to "cling tenaciously to his buttocks" before taking off. Krabs and Skodwarde are being total homophobes atm, Krabs saying "if I had a dollar for each time I heard that one, I'd've made me first million in the Navy." But to save us their bitching, Buttholes sucks them all into the gaping namesake butthole on his head and they take off flying, in style. Skodwarde bitches about the lack of leg room in Buttholes' butthole, causing Patrick to lash out "well, maybe if you didn't have four dicks!" Plankton pops back up to remind us he's still here by informing us to "never stow away in a used condom."

 

 

That Somalian kid's got nothing on this. Buttholes finally shits them out in CGI form (much like the actual people behind the actual movie when they thought that this was a good idea) on the nearby beach in plain sight, none of the Georgians paying this any mind at all, must be a recurring sight. Explains where our budget went. Buttholes bids auweidersehen before beaming off to work on his résumé since this movie will no doubt leave a stain on it.

 

The gang goes STEPPING ON THE BEACH exploring around, as Skodwarde is disgusted by all of the half-naked people lying around on the beach, when says quite a lot considering the whole theme of this show. He calls America "a disgusting, STD, whore, marijuana, alcohol, Donald Trump infested place"...which he realizes is kind of like Bikini Bottom, so he actually warms up to this setting. Patrick then looks at a chubby man lying on the ground, claiming he found ACS' mother a beached whale washed up on shore (though he could very well pass for ACS). They decide they must get him back underwater, as they all start to roll him. As they try to push him, he falls on top of them, so Skodwarde uses his god powers to throw him into the ocean. The man wakes up and yells he's drowning, but nobody really gave a shit. After nautical nonsense involving cotton candy, group orgies, Nuggets and Milkmaidman cameos, and the other joys of Georgia, Skodwarde smells the scent of Krabby Patties, as he follows the trail. The gang finally finds Burger Balls cooking Krabby Patties and wonder who the fuck this fool thinks he is. They approach his stand, as they are about to gangbang him, as Patrick orders a large double olive and 3am Krabby Patty. Burger Balls pops a boner in surprise that they are real (or maybe he's just really high) and explains them that he is the man they have been searching for, as he pulls the Krabby patty formula out of his pants. He also shows the magic porn magazine, revealing he used a magic porn magazine (and dildo) to obtain the Krabby Patty formula. With SpongeBob and friends confused and disgusted that he kept the formula in his pants, Skodwarde threats him by saying, "Alright boi, give us that kush back now or we're gonna-", when Burger Balls takes the magic porn magazine and writes "The brave, sexy, handsome, stud, but especially sexy, Burger Balls banished our poor heroes to become stranded on the Lost Island."

 

The gang is then teleported to the Lost Island, filled with unanswered mysteries and plot holes from the television series that will still never be answered after its end. But let's save the Lost bashing for another day, because last time we slandered other shows, the network wasn't too happy. Anyways, Skodwarde is pissed, claiming only HE can teleport people to uncharted islands without their permission! He is curious that someone has powers that rival his, and they wonder how they'll get home. Mr. Krabs says they'll have to eat each other alive and then bang their corpses like he did in the navy when they run low on food, but SpongeBob says he could just use the book page Sandy found. Mr. Krabs then goes "Oh...right me laddy!", as he was seen about to put mustard on Patrick's leg, which he didn't mind.

 

Using the power of the mysterious page of mystery to transport them all back to Savannah in order to save not only the formuler, but Skodwarde the time to use his god powers like he could've been using this entire movie, SpongeBob also intentionally added an extra ingredient on the to-do list he had written for when they get back: Chemical X, finally realizing that to take on a threat played by Antonio Banderas, they need more to fight back. They'll need all the god power they can muster, they all must embrace their inner meme. That's right, 8 seasons, 1 movie and 1 crossover special of build-up you may or may not have noticed has all lead up to this, folks...And thus, Injustice: Skods Among Us were born! Using their ultra god meme powers, Skodwarde, Spengbab, Morbid Patrick (or Pathulu, whichever one gives Patrick a dick) and Moar Krabs have now dedicated their lives to wasting time and getting back the formuler! Spengbab declares "there's gonna be some srs ass kicking here" before all four of them proceed to kick all the bystanders' asses for not clearing out of the way. Burger Balls in shock because this ain't SBC, where you get banished and come back in like a month or two, let alone a minute or two. Spengbab has Skodwarde clear the rest of the area with the sound of his orgasm, driving Burger Balls' customers further away. Morbid Patrick/Pathulu then uses his god powers to summon forth all the dildos in the immediate area, after which he gloats "can your four dicks beat all of these, Skodwarde?!" Morbid Patrick/Pathulu and Skodwarde get into it again and wipe out half of Georgia in the ensuing pissing contest.

 

Meanwhile, Burger Balls attempts to have them all banished to some faraway place again like Dollywood, but Moar Krabs intervenes and restrains Burger Balls with his detract-able big meaty balls. Moar Krabs decides this isn't enough and wants MOAR, looking to tear Burger Balls as much new ones as he possibly can, but SpengBab reminds him that it's against their moral code, to which Moar Krabs responds "this show ain't got no morals!" And they proceed to wipe out another quarter of Georgia off the map. While all this is going on, Burger Balls frees himself of Moar Krabs' big meaty balls and pussies out, but not before using the power of the skin mag to kill Agent Coulson for shits and giggles. Skodwarde and the others immediately cease their cosmic dick measurements and realize the fatal consequences of their inaction. SpengBab is suddenly reminded of the whole "tyeamwork" thing he's been preaching about through the entire movie, he uses it to rally the Skod crew and declare that they stop Burger Beard for Coulson. "For Coulson!" they belted out before finally coming together for "dicks in the middle". They each whip out their dicks in unison, even Sandy, who they're frightened of as she finally makes landfall as Hurricane Sandy and wipes out the last quarter of Georgia with just her presence alone.

 

 

Burger Balls decides shit has gotten a little too communist weird and begins booking it to his ship to get away. Spengbab creeps over in a creepy creeper way to get to the ship, Moar Krabs tries to infect Burger Balls and his entire ship with vaginal crabs, but realizes quickly that Burger Balls has no cooch to speak of. Meanwhile, Skodwarde rides that Hurricane Squirrel ass to get to that greasy, STD infested, neckbeard of a pirate, but not even Skodwarde can get to the ship quick enough, and the ship begins to take off! The 5 pals unite, running at the ship as it takes off through the city, and the gang all shoots blasts of thick jizz at the ship, but Burger Balls takes the loads in stride. The gang is confused (as well as kinda creeped out) by his affinity for being covered in nasty loads, but Burger Balls tells them that once the filming wraps for this, that he's going to try to get business in a different type of movie. Skodwarde applauds Burger Balls' dedication to make the transition, but Spengbab slaps him in the back of the head ( ) and reminds him that Burger Testicle-Slang Word is the enemy. In their discussion about the porn industry and all the problems it has, everyone realizes that they've let Burger Balls get away. Angry as fuck, everyone begins to take piss-shots at each other, but then Creepy Face Patrick decides that it's time to finally take a stand. Patrick decides it's time to finally bring in the biggest celebrity cameo that we can afford that he knows: Caitlyn Jenner! But the censors decide that that's WAY too controversial for a show that airs on a SpongeBob site, so they get the next best thing, and bring Plankton back because hey, why the hell not? They've also given him a beefed up appearance, a 3 inch dick (which is a 2 and 9 centimeter increase over Plankton's original dick), and a disgustingly tight leotard, which gives him the name "Plank-Thong". Plank-Thong says he fucked with the porn magazine and wrote in his own power while also taking some Viagra. He then pretty much does this to Burger Balls:

 

 

 

Plank-Thong finishes beating the shit out of Burger Balls, and throws him and his punk ass all the way back to Bikini Atoll. Everybody decides to smoke a joint in honor of beating a pedophile and saving the butts of young children everywhere, even though weed isn't legal in Georgia. Yet. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 

As the gang gets more lit than the cast and crew of That 70's Show during their circle sessions, Spengbab looks at Plank-Thong, fondling the formuler. He wonders if Plank-Thong is going to revert to his depressing Nazi-emo tendencies, but decides to not be a dick and gives the formuler to Moar Krabs, who grabs it and immediately absorbs it and becomes one with it. Plank-Thong says he finally understands the meaning of being partners, even though SpongeBob's song was still unadulterated shit. The crew begins to go back down to the sea, away from the evils of society and Donald Trump's fucking awful hairstyle, before realizing that they've destroyed all of Georgia. Skodwarde laughs and marks it down as another landmark that he's destroyed on American soil, and that's not even counting Afghanistan and Haiti. However, it becomes a lot less funny when the CIA finds the gang and threatens to probe them anally to discover just what the fuck they really are. It's here that Skodwarde decides it's finally time to use his goddamn God powers, and warps everyone back to the sea which no longer looks like North Korea, making it just another regular day in the Krusty Krab, one where Patrick continues to be a dumbass by approaching the cashier to ask the Skodwarde clone for his food, to which it replies "Fuck off", and as he keeps asking again and again and again, the clone keeps replying "Fuck off, fuck off, fuck off". Sandy continues to be a weird ass scientist cowboy lesbian, Mr. Krabs continues to be a cheap motherfucker that smells like a French whore-house, and SpongeBob continues to exhibit symptoms that exhibit a manchild with mental disabilities that functions at a high level. Skodwarde smiles and blesses the land under him, saying "All is right."

 

 

As if Burger Balls getting stuck in stand wasn't bad enough, the seagulls seal the deal (say that three times fast) by singing the Skodwarde Testicles theme song.

 

Seagulls:

Who lives in an island head in the ocean?

Skodwarde Testicles!

Who's godly and sexy and getting it on?

Skodwarde Testicles!

If godly ass fuckings are what you desire

Skodwarde Testicles!

Then go piss off Skodwarde and that'll transpire

Skodwarde Testicles!

Skodwarde Testicles

Skodwarde Testi--

 

Before the seagulls can finish their song, Lord Buttholes reappears and takes it upon himself to show them how terrible they are.

 

Lord Buttholes:

Your song's shit levels are an abnormality

And those who sing it should face mortality

You've had your fun, now I'll review this shit

I'll show you bitches what real music is

First things first, gotta change your topic

Gods are the worst, they're deranged, so just stop it

The fuck with it all, you're not worth my time

Just don't sing at all and you'll be just fine

 

Seagull:

You think you're the shit, but now your reign is

Over, you're pathetic; you're named after an anus

You think you can sing but you don't know squat

You couldn't find talent if you smoked on pot

 

Hitler:

Ach! Das ist Sheiße! Der Film ist zu lang!

 

Seagull:

Der Führer is right; let us finish our song

 

Lord Buttholes reluctantly complies and uses his anal retentive powers to bring the seagulls back in time to before they were interrupted.

 

Seagulls:

Skodwarde Testicles

Skodwarde Testicles

Skodwarde Testicles

Skodwaaaaarrrrrddddeeee Testicllllleeeeeesssss!

Just as the movie comes to a close, Lord Buttholes reappears once again and admits the theme song was actually pretty damn good.

 

...

 

As a bonus, here's a secret ending, written by OMJ:

 

We cut back to Burger Balls after the rap battle, his head (which one exactly is up to your imagination) still sticking out of the sand. He is being tortured one last time by those goshdang diddly darned seagulls into giving them permission to gangbang him so that it wouldn't be considered rape (but still be considered bestiality). Seeing his life (and movie career) going nowhere from here, ole Burger Balls could no longer cock block dear Kyle and finally gives him and the rest of the seagulls his consent to formally gangbang him, giving them the happy ending they deserve to hear. Before they can hassle his sandcastle, The Lord formerly known as Buttholes beams onto the scene, blasting Burger Balls' head apart with a pew pew butthole lazer, abruptly putting an end to the possible orgy because we had enough of that necro shit at the beginning of this movie.

Buttholes: I'm afraid there will be no "happy endings" for this movie! Not as long as I have anything to do about it!

Black seagull: Who the fuck are you, bitch, comin' up in here like you own the place?! Bitch ass, punk as mark for yourself dats what, dis muh'fucka havin' the gall to step up to The Seagullz! Cock blockin' cunt, bonafide B-I-ITCH erry scene in this muh'fucka!

Buttholes: I AM BUTTHOLES, your superior, your ruler, your master of your domain. I am nobody's bitch! you are mine. I don't need to know you, you only need to know me.

The scene cuts to flashbacks of Skod-Cano.

 

Everybody prays to Skodwarde to open the Mayor's jar of pickles, oh, and ease the volcano's fury but they fail to realize that Skodwarde just doesn't fucking like all of them. All hope seems loss until a lone Dolphin Warrior enters the shelter and tells everyone "Heavens to murgatroid!" as well as his backstory such as how his people fell victim to the very same volcano long before Bikini Bottom came to be and how he's the very last of his people still alive today. How he is, I do not know.

 

Buttholes: I AM THE LAST ONE!

The scene cuts to more flashbacks of Skod-Cano. The continuity is strong with this one.

 

 

He proceeds to take his wrath out on the Bikini populace when the Dolphin Warrior is all like "Heavens to murgatroid! You all did it, you threw him in, you broke the seal, even!" Everybody has the biggest "what the fuuuuuu-" looks on their faces as the Dolphin Warrior explains how episodes 140-142 were all just apart of his elaborate scheme to get revenge on Skodwarde for being the real reason why his people were wiped out many years ago.

 

Buttholes: AND I WILL BE THE LAST ONE to survive.

 

 

Pathulu rises from The Glory Hole and takes control of his chosen vessel, Patrick Star by shoving itself straight up his ass. The Dolphin Warrior is all like "Exit! Stage left!" and attempts to leave Skodwarde and the Bottomites to their fate by riding on his dildo, but Skodwarde uses his trusty pew pew eye lazors to smite the last of the Dolphin Warrior race.

 

The seagulls go back to humping Skodwarde's leg by attacking Buttholes, engaging him in just an epic battle of history. Buttholes fights off wave after wave of gulls, breaking neck, wings and beaks with each one that steps up to him and pew pew butthole lazering the unfortunate few who deserve it. In the end, the scene pans out on the Atoll, slowly revealing the sheer amount of flocks of seagulls flying in in droves only to be annihilated, possibly representing the attitude of most fans towards the seagulls.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

-------------

 

That's all folks, see you soon (space cowboy) for Season 9.

Edited September 27, 2015 by jjsthekid

[JCM]

179a. Extreme Jackoffs

One day, SpongeBob and Patrick are at a nude beach. SpongeBob is enjoying the feeling of heat on his balls while Patrick is eating the yellow sand again. Suddenly, a mob of naked fish run toward Sand Mountain, where Johnny Krill, Not Dead Ted, and Grand Maul Granny are performing stunts for their newest Jackoff movie. Johnny Krill launches himself out of a cannon while masturbating, and once he's reaches the top of a sand hill, he cums all over it and drops a cherry on top. The crowd applauds. Not Dead Ted is next, masturbating while flying on a hang glider, but he loses control of the hang glider and crashes into a sand hill. The crowd gasps. Not Dead Ted sticks out a thumbs up to indicate he's okay, but the sand hill then collapses, killing him for real. Patrick laments that Not Dead Ted being dead is false advertising.

Johnny Krill asks if there's anyone in the crowd who can replace his fallen friend. Everybody in the crowd screams and raises their hands, but a few seconds later, all of them drop to the ground paralyzed. All of them except one: Jackoff's biggest fan, Skodwarde. Johnny welcomes Skodwarde to the team and tells him to show them what he's got. Skodwarde cracks his naughty tentacles and uses Grand Maul Granny as a sled with which he slides up and down mounds, masturbating all the way. Once he's finished, Johnny Krill and a sand-covered Grand Maul Granny clap. Johnny tells Skodwarde that he'd make a great addition to the team, and Skodwarde is so overjoyed that he gives the fish in the crowd the ability to use their limbs again.

SpongeBob and Patrick run up to Jackoff team and ask if they can join, too. Skodwarde tells them that they absolutely can...not, but Johnny's more open to the prospect. He asks the two to show them what they've got, so SpongeBob rides a motorcycle through three (count 'em three) sand hills. Grand Maul Granny says there's not enough jizz. SpongeBob jizzes through the holes he made in the sand hills, and she tells him that's much better. Patrick stands on the edge of a cliff, terrified, and Grand Maul Granny, at the bottom of the cliff, taunts him and calls him "tubby". Patrick sheds a single tear, and then in a fit of rage, he jumps off the cliff, lands, and beats the everloving shit out of Grand Maul Granny. Johnny manages to pull Patrick off, but by then, it's too late and Grand Maul Granny is deader than Not Dead Ted at this point.

Having lost both of his original teammates in one day, Johnny decides that risking his life on a daily basis for cheap orgasmic thrills was no longer worth it. He gives the reigns of Jackoff to Skodwarde and bids him adieu. SpongeBob and Patrick ask Skodwarde if they can become his new teammates, and Skodwarde, more overjoyed than ever before, still says no.

 

[Guest]

Sweet! Season 9 is here! Better get going on that guest write

oh wait spoilers

[SpongeOddFan]

179b. Spin Me Round Like A Squirrel Record 

One day at the Krusty Krab, Skodwarde was sleeping because he is lazy like that, when he is woke up by the sound of his phone's ringtone, which is the Germany National Anthem, "Deutschlandlied". He then notices it is quitting time, so he looks in the kitchen to see SpongeBob sexually seducing patties on the grill. Wishing he never saw that, he tells him it's quitting time, bitch! SpongeBob however, is still acting like a fucking creep and making sexual acts on patties, so he doesn't pay attention to Skodwarde. Skodwarde bitch slaps him, as SpongeBob is pleased and asks Skodwarde if he wants to join in, because there's room for one more. Skodwarde then walks out of the Krusty Krab and makes his Pimp God Boat appear, driving off. As he drives off though, Skodwarde decides to use his god powers to make this episode go somewhere, so he makes a pile of shit appear in the trashcan. As SpongeBob is about to get it on with some patties, he smells it and it interrupts his strange acts. He then decides it's his duty (hehe) to take it out, so he gets a gas mask and throws it into the dumpster. Before throwing the pile of shit away, he sees some words written on the dumpster, such as "Krabs is a motherfucker" and "SBM is trash". He laughs and then throws the bag into the dumpster, when he then notices a book in there. He is about to pick it out, when a giant, disgusting, pile of shit rises out of the dumpster, as SpongeBob panics, but it then dissolves to reveal it is just Sandy. 

SpongeBob asks Sandy what she was doing in there, and she explains to him she was trying to break the record for dumpster diving longer than anybody else. She reveals to him the book is called "The Puinness Book of Records", and she explains to him she wants to break every record in the book. SpongeBob agrees, as he is shown in her treedome. First up, they try to break "World's Longest Dick". Since Sandy is a girl (!), that removes her from the equation. SpongeBob pulls down his pants, but she says that won't do. She is about to get a giant penis stretcher from her sexual toy supplies, but SpongeBob replies that won't be necessary, as he already knows someone who can break the record. SpongeBob then calls Mr. Krabs to use his giant cock to help them break a record. He doesn't care at first, but SpongeBob offers him money and bitches, so he agrees. He comes over there right away and reveals his prized possession, as Sandy stares in awe. Sandy then stretches it out even further, and after doing her scientific measurements, she concludes they broke it. Mr. Krabs then asks where the money and bitches are.

The next record is to eat raw cum. They go to the Cum Bucket and ask Plankton for some raw cum. He tells them nobody has ever eaten raw cum alive, but Sandy said it shouldn't be difficult. He then shrugs and gives them some. Back at the treedome, SpongeBob feeds her the raw cum, and she swallows it whole. She then feels no effects at all, and says that was easy. She then says she can't wait to show them there record people for her accomplishments, and SpongeBob goes off to get a camera. When he comes back, he sees all of Sandy's sex robots from "Sittin' On Sandy's House Reveals The Cure For AIDS" (gasp continuity). She then asks SpongeBob to take picture of her breaking the woodchuck fucking record, and she explains to him all the robots are keeping track of her broken records and all that scientific crap. She asks SpongeBob to keep taking pictures of her achievements, and he does so.

We have then a montage of Sandy breaking records such as Sucking the Most Dick, Putting the Most Dicks Into Your Mouth, World's Largest Breasts, World's Largest Vagina, etc. SpongeBob takes pictures of her accomplishments and gets hurt in the process. After taking a break, SpongeBob goes off to clean Gary's litter box (which really is a dirty piece of shit), and says he thinks Gary has made a world record for World's Shittiest Litter Box. He decides he is fed up with Sandy's torture and feels she has become too obsessed with the book. He claims "the book is evil, it must be DESTROYED!" Mermaid Man is seen sleeping at Shady Shoals and wakes up, knowing there is a disturbance of EVIL!!! SpongeBob sneaks into Sandy's treedome by disguising himself as a robot. He then finds himself in a line of robots, and sees them being exterminated. Sandy is trying to break the record for most robots built and destroyed in a day, and SpongeBob tries to flee, but the robot brother tells him they're in it together. After one robot is destroyed and then rebuilt, it complains its stomach is funny, when SpongeBob falls out of it. 

SpongeBob tells Sandy he is here to save her from the book, but she tells SpongeBob she has broken every record. She then fangirls in excitement that the author is coming to see her records, but they are surprised when Skodwarde walks into the treedome (without a helmet because he's cool like that). He reveals to them HE wrote the book! SpongeBob and Sandy then realize that explains the creepy records. He also reveals to them that book is over 30 years old, and the book wasn't even officially released. He just put in the dumpster to fuck with them. Sandy then has a realization she wasted a whole episode being a disgusting slut for a book that was fake, and SpongeBob also realized he got hurt for nothing. Skodwarde tells them though that they did make two records: Sandy for being the world's sluttiest slut and SpongeBob for having the world's most injuries. He then gives them medals of congratulations. All's well that ends well.

[Jjs Goodman]

180a. Patman: The Pink Pimp Rises

One day, after SpongeBob feeds Gary, he is about to walk out the door to go to work, when he sees Patrick outside making a sad puppy face. He then starts crying like a wittle baby, as he keeps bawling when he walks into SpongeBob's house, and he collapses onto SpongeBob's couch, where he continues sobbing. His crying makes a soap opera that may rival SpongeBob's constant crying from All That Glitters, when SpongeBob can't take it anymore and asks him what the fuck the problem is (and that's hypocritical considering how he acted in the aforementioned episode). Patrick explains he is upset because of SpongeBob's work hat, as it reminds Patrick he has no job, and his cruel fate of being stuck on unemployment like he has been all series. He then goes on a long tangent on how unemployment leads to a depressing life with no endgame, and the inevitably of death, but SpongeBob shuts him up because we have no room for that philosophical shit. Patrick says he wants a "special worky place" too, and when SpongeBob asks what he likes to do for a living, Patrick replies "fucking bitches, getting money". SpongeBob then tells him good luck, as he walks off to go to work, as Patrick stays in SpongeBob's house because he can just crash in anybody's house whenever he wants.

Patrick tries to think for once, but his head explodes. It then magically regrows due to cartoon animation and he shrugs it off like nothing happened. He then sits down and watches tv like the productive being he is. He flips through the channels, passing by an ad from the US Military asking for your help in fighting ISIS, The Simpsons doing some gimmick-y episode (because it's still somehow relevant haha), MTV (with unsurprisingly no music), a presidential debate with Donald Trump being himself, when he sees an episode of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. The two heroes are seen stuck on a conveyer belt, as it leads into a penis slicer machine. Man Ray laughs, but Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy manage to escape as Barnacle Boy uses his laser penis to fry themselves free, and Man Ray is seen tied up. He yells "curses, foiled again", as Mermaid Man goes onto some philosophical shit about how you can be your own hero. As Patrick wonders what to do with his life now, he then steps on a Mermaid Man sex doll, which shouts "FIGHT THE EVIL RIGHT UP THE PUSSY!". His genius then shows (as he isn't wearing pants now), and remembers hearing "FIGHT THE EVIL RIGHT UP THE PUSSY" and "be your own hero" from some old guy with wisdom and experience, so he decides to become a superhero! He puts a cone on his head, a mask, a cape, underwear, and letters on the belt saying "TPP", which stands for The Pink Pimp. He then jumps into the Patmobile and races off.

At the Krusty Krab, Mr. Krabs is angry that Skodwarde is doing nothing. He then replies he has nothing to do if nobody is here, as he points to the empty restaurant. Mr. Krabs then asks where the fine money and bitches are at, and he asks Skodwarde to make them appear. He then replies he's not a miracle worker, when suddenly the Patmobile crashes into the sign pole (and also probably caused lots of car accidents along the way but anyways). The Pink Pimp gets out and walks through the doors. Mr. Krabs is pleased to see Patrick and tells him he better pay for that broken pole or he's going to kick his ass, when Patrick tells him he is now The Pink Pimp, and that he does not know who this Patrick is. Mr. Krabs laughs at his attire, and tells him to lay off the drugs. Skodwarde says he's open to this change, and SpongeBob just asks who Patrick's dealer was, because he got his money's worth. Patrick tells them he has found his calling in life. As The Pink Pimp, he will clean the city up, by bringing justice to Bikini Bottom, making sure criminals are put behind cold bars, gaining the attention of slutty mermaids, and he says he will beat anyone's ass that dares get in his way, so DO NOT fuck with him (!). He also tells them to keep the identity of The Pink Pimp a secret, and that if anyone asks, he is not Patrick Star. They all kind of just think he is tripping balls though, but decide to play along anyways. He then yells "to the Patmobile, AWAY!", as he does a backflip through the window and fails to break it, as he yells "to the Patmobile, AWAY!" again, running out the doors. He then comes back less than a millisecond later (probably scientifically impossible but who gives a shit), and holds money asking for some food.

At Bikini Bottom High School, The Pink Pimp is looking around for any trouble, as he complains it smells like shit, reeking of alcohol, marijuana and STDs around the campus. He then sees a female fish going around the school with a male fish. They start fucking each other, as she is about to give him a blowjob, when The Pink Pimp jumps into the scene, cock-blocking this mess. The guy asks what the fuck gives, when The Pink Pimp uppercuts him in the jaw, as he goes flying to the ground. The girl fish then runs away to rethink her life decisions, as The Pink Pimp is happy he successfully stopped a sexual assault. He says to the boy "you make me sick", as he raises his arms in happiness, when his underwear falls down. He says to all the kids they hoped they learned violence solves nothing and to not do drugs, when a janitor passes by and says "dude, put that thing away, there are like children here". He then tells him this environment isn't kid-friendly to begin with, as he punches the janitor and he falls to the ground, as well. Meanwhile, Mr. Krabs is about to help an old lady cross the street, when he sees a dollar on the ground. He is about to grab it, but Skodwarde is watching from the side, as he uses his powers to blow the dollar away. Mr. Krabs tells it to get back here, as he chases after it and leaves the old lady in the middle of the street. A bunch of boatmobiles go flying by, as she gains ninja moves and does a karate chop on an incoming car. She then picks it up and tosses it into a building, as Fred yells "MY LEG". She then happily keeps walking and makes it to the other side. Mr. Krabs keeps chasing the dollar, and is about to jump in to pick it up when The Pink Pimp stops him in his tracks, and takes the dollar away. Mr. Krabs asks what the fuck he thinks he is doing, and The Pink Pimp replies he was trying to steal this nice dollar. He then slaps him, and blows it away, as Mr. Krabs cries in anger. The dollar then goes flying, as it lands in front of the same old lady from earlier. She reaches over to pick it up, but breaks her back. Poor old lady.

The Pink Pimp is seen outside Drug Funnie's Dank Doughnuts flirting with some mermaid workers there, when he hears a cry for help. He then runs off to where the yelling is coming from, which is at Puff Mama's Boating School. Nat is seen stuck inside a boatmobile, as Mrs. Puff is grabbing onto it hard, trying to jerk it off. The Pink Pimp then grabs her and arrests her, saying sexual assault on students makes him sick, as he slaps her across the face. She then pleads she was only trying to help get him out, but he ain't falling for that mind game shit, so he ties her up and puts a note on her. Nat cries for help still, as The Pink Pimp zooms off in the Patmobile, wrecking the boating course. The Funky Cops then arrive (yep, they're back) and see the scene. One of them does a dance move and reads the note from The Pink Pimp, which says "4 POPO: DIS IS BOTE THEEFE", and that is good enough for them, so they toss poor Puff Mama into the back of their police car. As the Funky Cops drive off, Donna happens to be in the seat next to Mrs. Puff, who asks "So what's for dinner tonight Puff Mama, pussy?", as Mrs. Puff screams, not wanting another hallucination. Poor Nat is also still stuck under the boat. If you see him, please send help.

At the Krusty Krab, as SpongeBob is making orders for the krustomers, the krustomers start complaining about The Pink Pimp. They start saying things such as "Hopefully The Pink Pimp doesn't take my fucking food next!", "He better not take my virginity away!", "He already took mine away for thinking my vagina was evil!", "He burnt my shake!", and "He burned our crops, poisoned our water supply, and brought a plague down upon our houses!". SpongeBob is concerned with these vicious protests that may put the Westboro Baptist Church's to shame, and feels the power has gone to Patrick's head. The Pink Pimp is then seen crawling across the floor, and SpongeBob asks what he is doing. He says he is looking for evidence to unmask one of Bikini Bottom's greatest enemies, as he takes a paper from SpongeBob, thinking he uncovered a terrorist plot. SpongeBob says to him it's just a recipe for coral bits, and that he needs to stop this superhero persona. He says he has gone fucking batshit insane (like he did in Barnacle Faise, Pet Fucker Pat, Bubble Buddy II and Faise, Freeze! back in Season 8 ) and has to end it. The Pink Pimp then sheds a tear, as he gets angry. He storms into the room and asks which one of them is a villain in disguise. He begins grabbing people's faces to find a villain, as the krustomers start leaving, feeling violated. Mr. Krabs smells the scent of angry customers, so he goes in to see The Pink Pimp groping people's faces. Skodwarde just sits back and records it, laughing his ass off, when The Pink Pimp grabs onto the old lady from earlier's face. SpongeBob grabs him to make him stop, but he keeps jerking it, as he pulls off the old lady's head to reveal the Dirty Bubble (what a twist). He then laughs, and The Pink Pimp asks "dammit, I wanted Man Ray, can I get a do over?". The Dirty Bubble is pissed his cover has been blown, and says Patrick has been a naughty boy, so he makes going to make sure he "cleans" his behavior. SpongeBob asks what the plan is, and The Pink Pimp says he'll use his superpowers. He throws random customers and objects at him, destroying the Krusty Krab in the process, but they keep going through him because he is a bubble, as one hits Skodwarde on the head. He then gives The Pink Pimp the middle finger, as Patrick panics when he runs out of things to throw.

SpongeBob tells Patrick this is the one time he has to do something heroic, and that he has a chance of doing something good. He compares his career to every Nicholas Cage film in an inspiration speech, saying 99% of the time he does terrible with movies, but he keeps trying no matter how bad they were received, and one time he was able to pull it off with Red Rock West. He convinces Patrick he has the chance to get that 1%. The Pink Pimp says he is Nick Caging this shit, and throws SpongeBob at the Dirty Bubble, who eats SpongeBob, trapping him inside. Patrick then has a realization he just sacrificed his best friend forever, so he snaps out of it and drops his underwear. Mr. Krabs and Skodwarde look away in disgust, as he sends an odor from his genius at the Dirty Bubble, but the bubble eats it and SpongeBob smells it, nearly fainting. The Dirty Bubble has had enough of this, so he goes charging toward The Pink Pimp, who bends over to pick up a quarter, when his cone pops The Dirty Bubble, freeing SpongeBob from the gas bubble. SpongeBob then tells everyone to give a "hip hip hooray" for The Pink Pimp, but the customers just say "BOO YOU STINK!". SpongeBob asks what The Pink Pimp's next mission is, but he throws off his superhero costume, leaving his body exposed, saying that having a job is too stressful, and that SpongeBob was right. He keeps the cone on his head though, but Mr. Krabs asks him to use his powers one last time to clean his shit up, as he gives him a broom and dustpan. The Funky Cops then arrive, saying they got reports of "an insane druggie pretending to be a superhero" and ask if they were here. SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs and Skodwarde remember they kept his identity a secret, and a promise is a promise, so they don't rat him out, claiming the culprit they are looking for is not here. The Funky Cops bid farewell, but one of them tells Patrick to put some clothes on and get that cone off his head.