Jump to content
  • Advertisement



Recommended Posts

170a. Free Shit


One day, Plankton comes up with a "brilliant and original" idea to whore out the Cum Bucket. He decides he will sell FREE Cum Sticks to any brave soul that actually wants to eat them. Karen then tells him that's not original or brilliant at all, but he tells her to shut her skank computer mouth. He then goes outside and sets up a stand, selling "Free Cumsticks". He yells through a microphone that he is selling free shit, and a crowd of fish begin to gang bang the stand. JCM in a cameo asks if he's selling actual shit, as the first krustomer in line shouts "I'LL TAKE 20!" as he literally takes 20 off the stand. After only taking a bite of one, the customer starts to twitch, shit his pants and vomits all over the place. The fish begin to flip shit and chase Plankton back into the Cum Bucket, who is thankfully able to protect himself from the wild animals, who are fucking against the two doors. Karen asks how his genius idea is going, and Plankton goes into another suicidal depression on how he'll never beat Krabs and all that good shit. He then realizes nobody would do this if it were Krabs' food, and his genius begins to show (well, he isn't wearing pants) and hatches an idea: He'll disguise his shitty food under the Krabby Patty name!


He then begins to make Cum Burgers, and puts the shittiest ingredients known to man in them. He puts cum, shit, cocaine, and moar to form the shittiest burger that ever lived! He paints "FREE KRABBY PATTIES" over Free Cumsticks and yells through his microphone that he is selling Free Krabby Patties. The same crowd from earlier gang bangs his stand again and before they tear him apart, he tells them he apologizes for the awful batch from before, and promises this batch will make up for it. The krustomers are all morons and fall for it, as they begin to eat them like animals. Apparently none of them know by this point in the series that Plankton doesn't sell Krabby Patties... yeah, I dunno what to say there, since it wasn't really explained in the original episode, either. Let's just assume they're all idiots, okay? Charlie Sheen (guest starring as himself) is in the crowd and eats on a "Krabby Patty", as he begins to go more nuttier than he currently is. He begins to shout "I AM A NINJA WARRIOR FROM MARS! I AM INVINCIBLE!" Everyone begins to go insane, as vomit and shit fill the streets. Everyone is pissed off and before they can attack Plankton, he has already made it out of there. The crowd then goes to the Krusty Krab to get to the bottom of this shit. As the crowd leaves, Patrick is seen approaching the stand, as he takes a sample and chows down on it like a pig. He is satisfied with it, and steals a few more.


SpongeBob approaches the Krusty Krab, and the angry mob is gang banging the place. SpongeBob wonders if Mr. Krabs raised the prices again, and manages to slip inside with his spongey power. Skodwarde has used his god powers to make the Krusty Krab unbreakable, while Mr. Krabs is hiding under a table like a diaper-shitting baby. SpongeBob asks what the fuck is going on, as Mr. K explains the krustomers have committed mutiny and turned against the Krabby Patties! Skodwarde says he's probably getting out of here soon, and Mr. Krabs begs him to stay. SpongeBob asks if he raised the prices again, but Mr. Krabs says he swears on his big sweaty red balls and heart he didn't... this time. The fish begin to hold up picket signs, saying things like "KRUSTY KRAB UNFAIR", "KRUSTY KRAB FUNFAIR" (Patrick's sign), "PLOTTING IS IN SESSION", and worst of all, "KRABBY PATTIES TASTE TERRIBLE!" Charlie Sheen holds up a sign saying "DRUGS ARE BAD", and Skodwarde is about to point out the irony of that when SpongeBob is shocked to see people hatin' on da patties. Mr. Krabs decides to triple the prices, as SpongeBob and Skodwarde both neck the shit out of him for that terrible idea, especially after what SpongeBob has been warning him. He then decides to lower the prices...by one cent. SpongeBob holds Mr. Krabs and tells him the only way to get the crustomers back....is to...sell FREE KRABBY PATTIES. Mr. Krabs yells "FREE FOOD?!" and begins to pop an angry boner, one so red and large that it destroys Skodwarde's god shield and scares the angry mob away. 


After settling his little fellow down, SpongeBob tells him that no customers at all is worse than free samples, and Mr. Krabs sadly agrees. Skodwarde asks if they're whoring out the Krusty Krab now, and Mr. Krabs says he has no choice. The three are seen in the streets in the Bikini Bottom hood, as SpongeBob is cooking free patties on a grill and Skodwarde has summoned erotic strippers for entertainment. Mr. Krabs is beginning to have second thoughts, and says that there's some money he would rather jack off-I mean, attend to. Skodwarde gives an "aw hell naw" look and says they are sticking it the way through. Mr. Krabs is about to get the fuck out of there, but Skodwarde uses his god powers to chain him to a stripper pole. SpongeBob wears a Jesus suit and announces that Krabby Patties have returned to the people. Nobody answers, and SpongeBob wonders if the Jesus getup might be offensive. He then tries a backup plan: He forces Skodwarde to play a calliope while wearing a monkey suit, and he asks if this is some fetish SpongeBob has. He promises it's not, and says that it's going to get them so many customers. Skodwarde does his thang, as a woman who might be a teen mom (or fish) strolling her baby appears. Skodwarde dances an erotic dance, as the woman begins to check him out despite probably having a husband, but they are whoring themselves out after all! The baby laughs, and wants the monkey to dance, as jizzes all over Skodwarde, who is very furious. He rips off the suit, as he teleports away, also taking his strippers with him, as the woman leaves with her baby in disgust.


The same angry mob appears and sees SpongeBob is selling free Krabby Patties. They are very cautious and about to gang bang him and Mr. Krabs (who has escaped from his stripper pole). Mr. Krabs laughs and says that not even whoring the Krusty Krab out for free is good enough, and is then horrified at what he just said. Plankton is seen spying on them from afar like the weirdo he is and laughs, feeling that maybe, just maybe, one of his plans finally worked. SpongeBob then decides to announce that the Krabby Patties are "new and Jesus approved", referring to his Jesus outfit. The mob is still hesitant, but one fish's hunger begins to get the best of him, and he doesn't want to become anorexic. The fish beg for him to not give in, but he volunteers as tribute and approaches the grill. SpongeBob hands him a free Krabby Patty, as he eats it and has the loudest orgasm ever. He smiles so much and begins to jump high up into the air, yelling "I LOVE KRABBY PATTIES!" The customers begin to snack on the dope patties and even begin paying extra despite it being free, because they are that damn good. Mr. Krabs is pleased and begins to orgasm with SpongeBob. Plankton is confused about the sounds of joy he is hearing, and freaks out when he sees people loving the Krabby Patties again. He then has another suicidal depression, as a dump truck and helicopter dump money all over Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob. The money is flying everywhere, and it is a happy day. Mr. Krabs jumps into a pile and crushes Plankton, as he, SpongeBob, Charlie Sheen, and Skodwarde (who teleported back for the hell of it) all begin to make money angels, as they hear a loud screaming. SpongeBob asks what that was, and Skodwarde says to not question a good thing. Charlie Sheen tells them to fuck bitches and get money everyday, when suddenly a piano drops from the helicopter and crushes him. Skodwarde smiles and says "Winning", as they continue to dick around and make money angels.

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

170b. Home Sweet Rubbish

One day, SpongeBob wakes up in the morning (feeling like P Diddy), and is knocked out after all the money angels he made yesterday. As he walks through his pineapple home, he notices orange jizz juice begins to ooze from the walls! His house is beginning to rot and fall apart in a similar fashion to Season 1's Home Sweet Pineapple, but just so Skodwarde doesn't kill us for unoriginality, I promise it'll differ from that episode. Gary is bugging SpongeBob, telling him "yo bitch it's feedin time", but SpongeBob is too busy trying to fix his rotting pineapple. The ceiling begins to cave in, and SpongeBob uses his strength to hold it up like He-Man. Sadly, this is SpongeBob we're talking about, so he barely holds it up. He begins to cry for help, yelling "PATRICCCCK!", hoping the pink fool will hear him.

Patrick is seen sleeping on top of his rock, having a sex dream. He begins to dream about sitting in an office, with a bunch of strippers riding his dick under the desk. The phone on his desk says he has a message from Mr. SquarePants, and Patrick says to hold while orgasming. SpongeBob's voice yells "PATRICK, WAKE THE HELL UP, I NEED HELP!" through the phone, as Patrick holds an orgasm face in the dream and wakes up, as he immediately rushes like Usain Bolt to SpongeBob's rotting pineapple. He sees SpongeBob barely holding a giant dick-shaped part of the ceiling, and Patrick walks in. He then says this place looks like shit, as the top part of the pineapple crashes into Skodwarde's house. Skodwarde has a heart attack, waking up and begins to yell "THE D HAS RETURNED! THE APOCALYPS-" before he sees part of SpongeBob's house grinding against his house, and begins to get pissed. He then teleports inside of SpongeBob's house and asks what the fuck is going on, when Patrick grabs Skodwarde and begins to stretch him and his big dick across the house, keeping it from falling apart, as he screams in pain. SpongeBob is then seen holding a rotting piece of the pineapple from a window...wait a minute, I don't know how he escaped from holding the ceiling... once again, the original episode didn't say. Let's assume he can teleport now, mmkay? He then asks Skodwarde, who is tied together with his tentacles, if he summoned nematodes to do this again. Skodwarde says it wasn't him... this time, and demands he is let the fuck down. Patrick is holding Skodwarde's tentacles together, and SpongeBob tells Patrick to call Sandy.

"Hey, Sandy. This is Patrick," Patrick said, calling her.
"Howaday Patrack! Whatc'ah kallin meh for?" Sandy asked in her precious accent.
"Nothing much. Anyways, how's your sex life?" Patrick asked.
"Not bad actually, how are thangs goin for ya?" Sandy asked.
"Pretty good, pretty good," Patrick replied, as a part of SpongeBob's wall fell, and Sandy heard it.

SpongeBob then yells to Sandy through the line that his house is falling apart, and tells her to get her skanky squirrel ass over here pronto. She then gasps and runs over there like Usain Bolt. Sandy is about to knock on the door like the dumb squirrel she is, but SpongeBob tells her to stop, because one little touch could cause the house to fall. Skodwarde is still being used to hold it together, as he cusses under his breath. Sadly, he can't use his god powers due to his tentacles being stretched so far apart, so he's stuck there. Sounds like an ass pull I know, but I gotta keep the plot moving somehow. Mr. Krabs then runs over there like Usain Bolt, and begins to yell at SpongeBob, saying he and Skodwarde were supposed to be at work two hours ago! The scene then shows a line longer than SpongeBob's dick at Skodwarde's boat, as a customer is furious that the dude in the boat, man, isn't in the boat man, again. SpongeBob tells them his pineapple is rotting and falling apart, and he thinks he has the perfect squad to put it back together. Sandy agrees, saying she has her trusty toolbox to help and her scientific genius. Patrick says he's here to help with... and has a long pause, before panicking that he's having another questioning of his existence crisis. SpongeBob says it's not the time for that shit right now, and he says Skodwarde is still doing a great job holding it up, as Skodwarde is still pissed off. Poor Skodwarde. Mr. Krabs decides he'll help, for one week of SpongeBob's wages per hour. SpongeBob wonders if he should call up some others to help like Bubble Buddy, but Patrick immediately says that's not a good idea, referring to the events a few episodes ago. SpongeBob then agrees, saying he's probably busy, so he also calls up special guest star BOB THE BUILDER! Yes, we can fix it!

We then have a brief construction montage, as SpongeBob, Patrick, Sandy, Mr. Krabs and Bob the Builder are hard at work building a new house. Since we're in a construction montage, here's some good background music for it:


During the montage, Gary bugs SpongeBob, who has a can on his shell, but SpongeBob keeps ignoring him. However, everyone begins to model the house their own way, much to SpongeBob's disagreement of what he wants, but they ignore him like douchebags. He then asks Gary if he has ever felt like he's been ignored, as Gary looks at him with a "what do you think bitch" look. Patrick then uses his muscles to throw a boulder (It's not a boulder...IT'S A ROCK, A ROCK!) into the site, which will be used to help build the fancy ass house. After the building is finished, the pineapple has now become one pimp deluxe mansion, with a rock on the side, a hot tub full of hookers built by Mr. Krabs, and an observatory built by Sandy. SpongeBob is about to tell them he's not a fan, but he can't bring himself to be a dick, so he thanks them for their hard work and they all go home, except for poor Skodwarde who still has to hold it up. SpongeBob decides to take a dip in the hot tub with his strippers, but he doesn't feel it is the same. He explores the rest of the house and doesn't feel very satisfied. He then makes a strange 4th wall break and says "Well, it's no Home Sweet Pineapple, but it could be a lot shittier". He then goes into a hallway filled with dispensers, and presses a dispenser filled with "Patrick's magic jizz", and it splashes all over SpongeBob's eyes, which burns them and causes him to go into a panic. He then finds a luxury toilet in the new bathroom and washes his eyes out in it because he's too stupid to find a sink, and ends up getting sucked into the toilet, but manages to get out. He still feels very depressed, and Gary bugs him yet again. SpongeBob then realizes he forgot to feed Gary, so he goes to get a food can from the shelf. However, when he removes it, it turns out that was the only thing keeping Skodwarde's hands up, so he loses grip of the shelf and he begins to come unloose from the house, as his tentacles and dick fly everywhere, and the house falls apart. Wah wah wah.

Skodwarde cums out of the rubble and begins to yell at SpongeBob, saying if he ever does that again, he'll summon an army of nematodes to eat his house again. But his neck is too hurt from that shit, so he vows he'll do it another day and goes off back to his house. SpongeBob is still upset, when Gary bugs him for the umpteenth time, and SpongeBob opens the Deus Ex Machina can, which causes a brand spanking new pineapple to pop out. SpongeBob then feels like a moron for not noticing Gary, and reads the can which says "Freshly Smoked Pineapple". He then hugs Gary as hard as he possibly can, saying he's the best. Gary then says to himself "bitch, you know I am".


  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Why could it be?  Yes it is.  A Clappy guest write.


171B. NymphoSkodiac


It is a very fine day in Bikini Bottom, and down at the Krusty Krab, SpongeBob adds one percent too much jizz to the Krabby Patties. Mr. Krabs isn't happy with this as this gross excess of semen would lead him to bankruptcy down at the sperm bank, however, he assumes SpongeBob is a nymphomaniac, a disorder where a person has sexual prowess levels so high that Bill Cosby would be put to shame. So Mr. Krabs sends SpongeBob home to get more pootang.


SpongeBob has a hard time in the bed room, so he goes to Patrick's house. Patrick tries to help SpongeBob wank it by watching Kate Upton Cat Daddy in a bikini. This doesn't work, since Cat Daddy has lost SpongeBob at the line about flipping krabby patties. Then, Patrick takes SpongeBob to go see 50 Shades of Grey but it is really just a hilarious piece of shit than an erotic film about BDSM. Then, Patrick gives SpongeBob crack, which makes SpongeBob even more awake.




SpongeBob starts humping around, and starts hallucinating things, such as a talking dildo, a bunch of Skodwardes, etc. Then he hallucinates Patrick eating him out, thinking he's a “spongecake”. While SpongeBob is inside Patrick, he begs him to let him go for just five minutes, before he hallucinates Skodwarde the Hooded Drug Dealer.




Skodwarde gives Viagra to SpongeBob, then he gets a hard on again. When SpongeBob wakes up in Sandy’s bedroom in the tree dome, he gets his mojo back.


Realizing he's late for work, a very horny SpongeBob goes to Krusty Krab and humps a barrel of mustard. Mr. Krabs takes SpongeBob out of the barrel of ruined mustard, and wonders why SpongeBob couldn't hump his daughter Pole. The sponge confesses that Pole just doesn’t do it for him. Then he starts ejaculating mustard. He jizzes the perfect amount that is needed to be on the patties.


Meanwhile, Skodwarde is too busy shaking his head at the amount of fail that is the Frozen 2 topic since no one has yet to provide a valid reason why the movie is so terrible.



  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

New episode time:

171A. Karen 2: Electric Boogaloo

One day at the Cum Bucket, Plankton was gettin' it on with his computer-wife, when a thought popped into his head. Why the fuck am I fucking a computer? But he let that pass away as he decided Karen was no longer pleasuring him. He decided to BUILD A NEW KAREN!


This beast would be cleverly called...KAREN 2! (it's so creative I can hardly contain my excitement!)

So, as you can expect, Karen got super pissed off and taped herself into a box (with a little duck tape for extra measure) and shipped her off to fellow rival Mr. Krabs at the Krusty Krab.


However, when SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs turn her on after finding her in the middle of nowhere, she starts bawling her eyes out with digital tears. Pissed off that his computer won't shut the fuck up, Mr. Krabs takes a grenade and shoves it into Karen's cpu, literally blowing her brains out...


Unfortunately for us, that was only a wet dream.


In reality, the next day Plankton comes into the Krusty Krab with his shiny new Karen 2, just to brag the fuck out of her. However, Plankton notices something different. Could it be Skodwarde reading the Mein Kampf? No, he always does that...Could it be the walls oozing green slime...okay what the fuck am I going on about?


NO...IT WAS KAREN AIDING THE ENEMY! Plankton immediately orders Karen 2 to brawl Karen 1 TO THE DEATH!

Things take a turn for the worse as Skodwarde is forced by chains to be the referee for a BUDOKAI TENKAICHI SHOWDOWN!



All in all, Karen 1 wins, yay.


And in other news, it has become clear that CNF has completely bullshitted this episode just to get it over with, but hey, it's Skodwarde, so it all works out in the end, doesn't it?



  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Kudos to jjs for helping me write this and making the photos.

172a. Faise, Freeze!

One day, SpongeBob and Patrick are eating lunch at the Krusty Krab when out of nowhere they decide to start acting out their favorite sex positions. Mr. Krabs, hearing their commotion, gets a bad feeling in the pit of his wallet, so he leaves the office to check out what's going on. He tells both of them to knock it the fuck off right now, and goes into one of his old man stories. He begins to tell them about the “Orgasm Freeze”, and goes on to tell them about a fish that resembles Fred who loved to always make orgasm faces and do the whackiest sexual positions. One day, after fucking a bitch for the four hundred and sixty-ninth time, his dick literally got stuck in a hard-on position, along with an orgasm face, and was stuck with both forever. Then one day, it his dick fell off due to the freeze, and he forever lost his precious dick. SpongeBob and Patrick, scared to shit by his old man story, promise never to mimic sexual behavior ever again.

After work, SpongeBob and Patrick walk to their homes, and on the way, they notice a very pretty lady. Patrick jokingly pretends to jack off, but SpongeBob slaps him, telling him they promised Mr. Krabs they wouldn’t do that anymore. Patrick promises he won’t anymore, and gives a weird smile. SpongeBob then asks why Patrick is acting so goddamn weird lately, and Patrick says he’s always weird, but SpongeBob then says he’s weirder than usual, referring to events from Barnacle Faise and Pet Fucker Pat. He then says he’s probably smoked too much seaweed lately. SpongeBob then shrugs it off and they continue walking. SpongeBob then notices an even prettier lady than before, and without thinking, he starts pretending to jack off himself. Patrick punches him in the face and reminds him of their promise, but then SpongeBob realizes that nothing bad has happened and that Mr. Krabs has been bullshitting them all along. They both pretend to jack off for over a minute, “climaxing” with humongous orgasm faces.

Their faces look extremely fucked up, and they’re so fucked up that not even the staff at Skodwarde can show them because the fans would freak out. They then go running around Bikini Bottom and begin to scare the shit out of everyone with their faces, even JCM! The two then find Sandy at the Goo Lagoon, and she says they need help, because she’s a cold-hearted bitch. Later on in the night, Patrick and SpongeBob are in the tent with their freaky faces. They begin to make loud noises and laugh at each other’s faces. Skodwarde is reading and jerking off to Mein Kampf for the god-knows-how-manyth time in his bed, and begins to hear the two’s laughing, as he begins to get pissed. As they keep orgasming once more, he yells at them both to shut the fuck up. They then keep it down and decide to go to sleep.

The next morning, they wake up and realize their faces are frozen with their sexual orgasm faces, and their dicks are stuck in erections, meaning Mr. Krabs wasn’t bullshitting them this time. They both freak the fuck out, knowing Mr. Krabs can’t find about this or he’ll hang their butts on his wall again, and SpongeBob asks if Faise is available to fix this. Patrick says yes, but he’ll have to make this fast because he barely escaped the po-po last time. He then tries to fix their faces, but with no luck. They start to panic, and suddenly the song “Trumpets” by Jason Derulo plays on their radio. Patrick/Faise starts to go crazy, says “Is it weird your face reminds me of a Kanye West song?” and changes SpongeBob’s face into Kanye West!


SpongeBob screams, as Patrick goes off on a rampage through Bikini Bottom. He then says to a random fish, “Is it wrong your face reminds me of a Coldplay song?”, and as the fish is about to ask what the fuck he is doing, he changes the fish’s face into Chris Martin! SpongeBob sees Patrick has fucked with people’s faces, and he manages to find Patrick. He tackles Patrick to the ground and snaps him out of Faise. Patrick then apologizes, saying Faise is having some issues due to his jail time, so they’re shit out of luck. They then decide the last option is to visit Sandy.

Despite being a cold-hearted bitch, Sandy agrees to help them because it’ll be hard to do inhuman experiments on them in the future with their faces looking like that. She tries massaging their faces, then she tries massaging their cocks, but all she does is make their faces look worse, as Patrick is now stuck with a Lil’ Wayne face. Sandy shrugs, says “oh, well”, then kicks them out of her treedome because, once again, cold-hearted bitch. SpongeBob goes to the Krusty Krab with his face hidden, and when he gets to the kitchen, Skodwarde orders him to cook up a plate of Krabby Patties. SpongeBob is barely able to do that with his face the way it is, but when he finally finishes cooking the patties, Skodwarde tells him to deliver it himself because fuck ‘im.

SpongeBob takes the patties to a table, but his face offends the Taylor Swift fan sitting there. The Swifty takes her money out of the cash register, which is apparently completely legal, and walks out of the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs sees her leave and tries to stop her, but when he’s unsuccessful, he goes after SpongeBob and finds out that he's Kanye West now. SpongeBob admits to disobeying Mr. Krabs and getting Orgasm Freeze, and while Mr. Krabs yells at him, Patrick, who has apparently relapsed as Faise, runs in rambling about how he’ll fix their faces once and for all. Mr. Krabs gets so angry that he forms Moar Krabs and starts destroying everything in sight. Suddenly, police cars surround the restaurant, and the po-po stream in talking about a Faise sighting they received. Patrick runs into the kitchen with SpongeBob following him, and Moar Krabs, still pissed as fuck, chases them. Skodwarde goes into the kitchen to watch SpongeBob and Patrick try and avoid the wrath of Moar Krabs, and (fittingly enough) the episode ends with a freeze frame:


  • Like 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

172b. Condom R.I.P.


SpongeBob and Patrick have planned a very long and fun day at Glove World. However, the two are deeply stumped at the name of the place. It's quite plain, and not dirty at all. The two ask Skodwarde what's the dealio, yo. Skodwarde tells the two to think of a glove like a condom... For your hand. With this new knowledge, the two ran into Glove World, ready to be pleasured by the many hands that awaited them on the rides. However, upon entrance, they were stopped by the doorman, who happened to be another God of the sea: none other than Nicolas Cage!




He tells SpongeBob and Patrick to enjoy their last fuck-err-rific day at Glove World, because after today, it'll be closed forever. When the two ask why, Nicky tells the two that Glove World is a cesspool where the horny teenage youth come to have sex on rides and spread disease, and those two things have been the only reason anyone has been to Glove World in a very long time.


Also the funnel cakes are pretty good.


Mr. Cage goes into further detail, stating that Glove World, since the crack epidemic in the 80s, has been a popular spot for the young college fish to come and have sex, and so, naturally, it's responsible for the spread of undersea AIDS (which Sandy found the cure to recently). The massive lawsuits Glove World has gone through have been tough, and "Not even my lucrative career in film and television is enough money to save this place, man." SpongeBob and Patrick vow to find the good in Glove World and convince someone - Jesus, perhaps? - that it is good and can be salvaged. It's a Season 1 staple, after all. SpongeBob and Patrick go around, trying to clean Glove World and teach people of it's wonderfulness.


A young couple of college freshmen were sitting in a boat in the Tunnel of Sex, and when they were just about to do the nasty, SpongeBob popped up from below the water.


"Did you know that hundreds of couples have commemorated their marriages in that very boat?" SpongeBob asked, grinning. "I've fucked a couple times in it myself..." He continued, winking. The couple screamed and ran away in terror, screaming "SpongeRapist!" the entire way. Meanwhile, Patrick was sitting in a cart on the Hairy Wheel, and wheel in this case is slang for exactly what you think it is. Patrick tried to tell everyone on the Hairy Wheel about Glove World's joys, but they were too busy making out to listen. SpongeBob and Patrick met up at the concession stand, over by the condom-ents table. SpongeBob was writing "Herpes was here" on a wall in bright blue marker. Patrick took a look at it and thought.


"SpongeBob, maybe we should be trying to tell people NOT to have sex here!" SpongeBob agreed and called Patrick a genius. First, the two tried spreading cautionary tales of STD's being spread, but that didn't seem to stop anyone.Then, SpongeBob and Patrick played this:



The combination of Lil Wayne and Young Thug on one song was enough to drive everyone insane and out of the park. Patrick hit up his arsenal of sexy, thick french maids to come and clean Glove World, and in a matter of hours, they arrived, and began cleaning all of the sex goop from the rides, while SpongeBob and Patrick chained themselves to Glove World's gates, so no one could come in and fuck ever again. As they stood chained in their 1977-like resistance, Nicolas Cage returned to the boys, and asked them what they were doing. When they told him, he laughed.


"What's so funny, Mr. Cage?" SpongeBob asked. 

"If you had seen Kick-Ass, you'd understand. Also it's funny because you failed at your task and Glove World is going to be torn down tonight. But just look, friends!"


SpongeBob and Patrick looked over, and saw a sprawling land of sex themed rides: The Tilt-o-Dick, The Vibratoroller, The Anal Boomerang, and the Ladybug. SpongeBob and Patrick drooled. Nicky introduced it as Condom Universe, a sex themed upgrade of Glove World, since, in essence, a glove is just "a condom for the hand," as Nicolas put it. Nick bid his friends adieu as he went to his new job. SpongeBob exclaimed how he and Patrick had to get over there before Condom Universe got overrun with Sexual Diseases again, but Patrick insisted that the two were stuck, since the key to the locks was inside one of the french maid's asses (where no one would ever find it, along with Mr. Krabs' wallet and Plankton's secret stash of cocaine- I mean what). SpongeBob glared at Patrick and pulled out his blue 13 inch dildo and sighed.


"It's gonna be a long night. " He said.

"Literally!" Patrick laughed.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

And now, for a new episode of Skodwarde, written by me and CDCB! Enjoy! ^_^

173A. Skoditis

It's a normal day at the Krusty Krab, Skodwarde's cue to stir up some crazy shit. He turns to sexual fantasies to keep him sane from the reality of working at the most dead end job you could find in Bikini Bottom (although how about that Smoothie Shack in...wait wrong show).

After climaxing in his IMAGINATION, Skodwarde comes across the Krusty Krab devil *cough* I mean SpongeBob. Upon notice of Skodwarde, SpongeBob starts pissing the shit out of Skodwarde about his recent pubic developments. Skodwarde is so fucking annoyed by this that he devises a plan to get the fucker away from him. He decides to confess a dark secret... he has Skoditis, a very contagious STD which he got from fucking too many bitches!

After hearing this, SpongeBob pisses his pants and runs around all over the Krusty Krab building (even going so far as to run on the roof), places condoms on every “Krustomer’s” dick and vagina (yes this is a thing now) before exploding from that pie he ate years ago (don’t worry, he regenerates, we cant kill off the yellow freak or we die).

After that stunt, SpongeBob finally cools down and asks his cheap boss Mr. Krabs to examine Skodwarde the only way a slimey old coot can...by FREE FORM JAZZ.

After his FREE FORM JAZZ examination, Mr. Krabs determines that Skodwarde is just fine and tells him to go the fuck back to work and not to interrupt him for the next two hours for “reasons.”

SpongeBob breathes a heaving sigh of relief, thinking all is done and over. Ha, tough shit. Skodwarde uses his god powers to carry the joke further, and suddenly SpongeBob's worse fears come true--shrunken dick, pubic dandruff, an uncontrollable urge to fuck Sandy? Yes, he has Skoditis!

SpongeBob then precedes to use numerous home remedies, including but not limited to: pouring gas into his throat and then lighting a match and throwing it into his throat, masturbating to the PlayEel channel, becoming homosexual, lesbian, and transgender all at the same time, and the piece de resistance, EATING SWEDISH FISH!

Skodwarde is pleased with the results and decides to infect everybody in Bikini Bottom for more lulz. He turns to Plankton who offers Karen as a transfer unit. Skodwarde shoots a bolt of Skoditis at Karen, but it's too godly for her data processors, so it bounces off her screen, killing her with a deathly Trojan and infecting Skodwarde with his own virus.

So, Skodwarde ends up walking to his home to read Mein Kampf and fap to more anemone porn, only to find that Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob have broken into his house and are watching Tater and its 69 sequels. Skodwarde, rather than bitch about it, sits down with them to watch, then vaporize them with his godly powers.

In other news, Skodwarde has just received word that he has surpassed Cumrags as the longest running Dicktoon on Dickelodeon! Give Skodwarde a hand folks!...or a tentacle...or...nevermind.

  • Like 6
Link to comment
Share on other sites

173b. Demolition Douchebag
One day, Skodwarde is harvesting weed in his backyard when SpongeBob, excited for an upcoming driver's test, shoots out of his house on a unicycle like a badass. He lands smack dab in the weed and unicycles it all into Skodwarde's basket. Skodwarde, not sure what just happened, takes the weed and goes into his house to smoke it. SpongeBob keeps unicycling, doing several dank tricks along the way, until he reaches Puff Mama's Boating School. He gets into a boat with Mrs. Puff and immediately rams it into the boats in front of and behind them. SpongeBob, not to be deterred by the fact that he's a shitty driver, continues ramming into the boats behind and in front of him despite Mrs. Puff's pleas for him to stop. Mrs. Puff's fake breasts hit the window of the boat so much during the collisions that the window eventually breaks, sending shards of glass into Mrs. Puff's fake boobs, which make them swell to enormous proportions. SpongeBob feels a mixture of horror and arousal at the sight of his teacher's inflated breasts, which grow so large that they cause the boat to float into the sky. SpongeBob tries to steer the boat again, but it's useless, and they crash into a lighthouse.
Mrs. Puff wakes up in a hospital to find that her fake breasts are missing and SpongeBob is standing at her bedside with the doctor. She asks a doctor what happened to her boobies, and the doctor tells her that her that they exploded in the crash. Mrs. Puff, who spent her most of her retirement fund on those fake breasts, despairs that she'll never get to use them again. SpongeBob makes a bad joke about her bust going bust, and Mrs. Puff attacks him, forcing the doctor to tranquilize her. SpongeBob makes another bad joke about him "nipping that in the bud", so the doctor tranquilizes him as well. Later, SpongeBob returns to Mrs. Puff's bedside with flowers, and Mrs. Puff tells him to take them and shove them up his ass. SpongeBob does that, and he feels a sensation like he's never felt before. While SpongeBob butt-fucks himself with petunias, Mrs. Puff takes a tour of the hospital, and she notices a group of fish that got injured in a demolition derby. This gives Mrs. Puff the bright idea to enroll SpongeBob in a demolition derby where he'd surely get himself killed. She returns to her room and tells SpongeBob that she thought up a way for him to get extra credit. SpongeBob, too busy enjoying the pleasures of flowers up his anus to realize Mrs. Puff is trying to murder him, gladly accepts.
Mrs. Puff takes SpongeBob to the owner of the demolition derby, who remembers fucking her back when she still had her fake breasts and is happy to do her a favor. He covers SpongeBob's head with a condom, and he sends him into the derby. The other racers, who all have giant boats, laugh at SpongeBob's tiny machine, but when the race starts, SpongeBob's terrible driving works to his advantage, and he kills the other drivers handily in an extended race sequence that would make the Fast and Furious people shit their pants. Mrs. Puff, fed up with seeing SpongeBob win, commandeers a boat and goes after SpongeBob herself. SpongeBob drives like an even bigger madman to avoid his teacher's wrath, and they break out of the derby, running over much of the audience in the process. Mrs. Puff chases SpongeBob down the streets of Bikini Bottom, and they end up back at the school. SpongeBob, who can suddenly drive now, does a perfect 10 through the obstacle coarse, with a homicidal Mrs. Puff behind him. They crash into the school, and SpongeBob notices that Mrs. Puff's fake breasts have returned, despite her being told earlier in the episode that they would never return again. SpongeBob wonders how that could happen, and Mrs. Puff says that miracles are real. She then proceeds to have hot, slightly unethical sex with the same student she wanted dead a minute ago. Just as they climax, the school around them crumbles, killing them both.
Edited by jjsthekid
  • Like 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

174b. For Here or To Goatse
One day, Mr. Krabs announces the first annual seed counting contest, in which customers try to guess how much sperm is in a jar of Krabs' semen. The prize for getting the number right is a free Krabby Patty (ooh) and a free jar of Krabs' semen (ahh). Fred guesses three, and he gets his legs broken because that used to be a funny running gag. Nat guesses 42, and he gets a free copy of the Krusty Krab home game as a consolation prize for guessing the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything. Plankton tries to take a guess, but Krabs, who would never trust Plankton with his sperm, much less a Krabby Patty, tells him to fuck off. Plankton threatens to call the Bitchass Business Bureau due to Krabs' discrimination, but Krabs laughs it off, saying the Bitchass Business Bureau wouldn't care about his bitchass business.
Krabs is proven wrong a few seconds later, when agents of the Bitchass Business Bureau break through the roof of the Krusty Krab, including their leader, Agent Twirk, who lands right on Skodwarde. Skodwarde gets too much of a concussion to rage like he usually would, so he just asks what the fuck is going on, and Twirk, a tiny motherfucker with a huge Napoleon complex, tells him and the others that he got a call about unfair business practices at the restaurant. Krabs tells Plankton that snitches get stiches and refuses to let him guess how much sperm is in his cum jar. Twirk says that Krabs will have to let Plankton guess unless he wants to get shut down, and Krabs concedes defeat. Plankton uses his patented sperm counterTM to analyze the jar of jizz, and it spits out the right number. Twirk tells Krabs to give the prizes to Plankton, and Krabs tells him that a free puppet show is one of the prizes. Plankton calls bullshit, but Twirk allows it, so Krabs sets up a puppet theater. 

During the puppet show, a puppet resembling Plankton goes Hannibal Lecter on a "happy Patty Laddy", eating its face and causing it to bleed ketchup everywhere. After an hour of the Sesame Street-styled gorn, Plankton demands to get his patty, so Krabs ends the puppet show (to the disappointment of Skodwarde, who was loving the senseless violence) and begrudgingly tells SpongeBob to cook up a Krabby Patty. When SpongeBob finishes the patty, Plankton orders it to go, but Krabs says that he has to eat the patty right at that moment. Twirk, who doesn't even care anymore, allows it. Plankton eats the patty whole and hurries out the Krusty Krab. Krabs asks Skodwarde to help him stop Plankton from getting the formula, and Skodwarde agrees to do so in exchange for an encore of the puppet show. Mr. Krabs agrees, so Skodwarde uses his god powers to hack Karen with his mind.


Plankton runs into the Cum Bucket to ask Karen to get the patty out his stomach, and Karen displays a high-resolution picture of goatse. Plankton vomits out the Krabby Patty and says that'll do. He then demands that Karen analyze it, but the goatse on her screen simply changes to an animation featuring an 8-bit Skodwarde butt-fucking an 8-bit Plankton, with the words "u got pwned" flashing above them. Plankton screams. Later that day, Skodwarde and SpongeBob are watching the encore of Krabs' puppet show when SpongeBob wonders what happened to Twirk. Skodwarde smiles as he remembers grounding Twirk up into this show's "happy Patty Laddy", and he tells SpongeBob not to worry about it.

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...