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Skodwarde


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144a. My Achy Sinky Heart

SpongeBob and Patrick are on Skodwarde's front lawn, rocking out to the newly released rap remix of Billy Ray Cyrus' Achy Breaky Heart. Skodwarde, hearing the commotion, tells SpongeBob and Patrick to get off his damn lawn, but Patrick tells Skodwarde that he can't choose whether to listen to the ABH sequel on his lawn or SpongeBob's. Skodwarde uses his god powers to transport SpongeBob and Patrick to their own lawns and put up a barrier around his lawn that SpongeBob and Patrick can't enter.

SpongeBob and Patrick, horrified at the prospect of not being together to listen to the achy breaky remix, devise a plan to get around the barrier. SpongeBob tries to cross the street, but he's too much of a pussy. Patrick tries to mail himself to SpongeBob, but he's too much of a fatass. Finally, SpongeBob and Patrick decide to build a tunnel between their houses, and once they do, they get out a radio, turn on the Achy Breaky 2 rap remix, and twerk it.

Skodwarde is in his house, masturbating the newly released Sports Illustrated Anemone Edition cover, when the musical stylings of Billy Ray and Buck 22 fill the room again and cause him to go soft. Furious, he looks outside the window for SpongeBob and Patrick, but they're nowhere to be found. He jumps up and down in frustration, and his house sinks into the tunnel that SpongeBob and Patrick created. Skodwarde screams at SpongeBob and Patrick and tells them to shut off that godawful music and dig his house back out. SpongeBob and Patrick turn off the music, but they're unable to dig out Skodwarde's house.

Skodwarde tells SpongeBob and Patrick if they don't dig out his house by the count of three, he'll grind them both to chum. SpongeBob and Patrick, terrified, tunnel their way to the other side of the Earth, causing every building in the ocean to sink into the tunnel, and forcing their inhabitants to create a new, underground civilization. Thousands of years later, the fish population has evolved into underwater mole people. Scientists wonder what could have caused such a phenomenon to occur. Meanwhile, in a tiny little shack, Mole-SpongeBob and Mole-Patrick are listening to the recently-released Achy Breaky 666. Mole-Skodwarde walks into the shack, and fulfilling his great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather's promise, he turns them into chum. It was delicious.

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144b. The Karate Rick

SpongeBob is in his house attempting to catch a fly with chopsticks, for sponge who catches fly with chopsticks can accomplish anything. The fly, fed up with SpongeBob's bullshit, flies into his mouth, causing him to choke. Patrick walks into the house and sees SpongeBob choking, so he punches him in the gut, causing the fly to come back out. The fly sticks up his middle finger and tells Patrick to bring it on. Patrick takes SpongeBob's chopsticks, catches the fly with them, and throws the fly in the trash.

SpongeBob thanks Patrick for saving his life and asks what he can do in return. Patrick tells SpongeBob that he's always wanted to learn karate, so SpongeBob refers him to Skodwarde, the karate master. Patrick goes to Skodwarde's house, and Skodwarde agrees to teach him karate. He takes Patrick upstairs for his first lesson, which is to give Skodwarde a back massage. Patrick starts rubbing Skodwarde's back, but Skodwarde tells him that he has to wax on, wax off during the massage and reminds him not to forget the happy ending.

After Patrick gives Skodwarde the massage, Skodwarde gives Patrick a pair of hand sanders and tells him to sand Skodwarde's floor. Patrick tells Skodwarde that the floor is all sand, and Skodwarde tells him to shut the fuck up and do what he says. Patrick sands Skodwarde's floor, going in right circles and left circles like Skodwarde told him, all night long. Once Patrick is finished, he's about to go to sleep, but then Skodwarde drops a bucket of blood in front of him and tells him paint Skolliam's house with the blood, wrist up, wrist down, mouth quiet.

An exhausted Patrick returns to Skodwarde's house that afternoon and yells at Skodwarde for making him do errands instead of teaching him karate. Skodwarde reveals that he has actually has been teaching Patrick karate, because wax-on, wax-off, right-circle, left-circle, and wrist-up, wrist-down are all important karate techniques. Patrick asks him why he didn't just teach him those techniques straight, and Skodwarde says that he needed somebody to do those errands. Patrick, now seeing Skodwarde as a father figure, albeit an abusive, neglectful one, bids him adieu and uses the techniques he learned to win karate tournaments and the attention of slutty mermaids all over Bikini Bottom.

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145a. Buried In A- Fuck It, You Don't Remember This Episode Anyway

In the days before SpongeBob, when Skodwarde could masturbate for hours on end without interruption, his semen flowed freely althroughout Bikini Bottom drowning many. Mr. Krabs eventually had to buy a 9-Thousand Gallon Tankard from Hank Hill of Strictland Propane And Propane Accessories to hold it all. But now, in the present day, Skodwarde's semen output has decreased drastically, and the tanker is no longer necessary.

One day at the Krusty Krab, SpongeBob runs out of mayonaise and he accidentally stumbles upon the tankard, and proceeds to use Skodwarde's jizz as mayo on Krabby Patties. It's such a huge hit that Fat Greedy Dumbass Mr. Krabs decides to make the tankard a time capsule, and throw old stuff into the tankard full of Skodwarde's manblasts. Skodwarde jumps into the tankard to relive his creamy memories, and for good measure, let's say SpongeBob, Patrick, and Carl Grimes fall in too.

Skodwarde goes slowly insane being trapped in a semen tank with SpongeBob and Patrick, and Carl being on his period doesn't help either. Eventually, Carl gets fed up with Sponge and Pat's bullshit and tells them he doesn't need them anymore, bitches. He swims out of the semen and tells Plankton to steal the formula while no one's there because Carl's just a kid and man you know what kids are like these days. Meanwhile, SpongeBob absorbs all the semen in the tankard. Patrick tells him not to spit it out, otherwise the scene will be unsatisfying if you know what I mean. They all escape the tanker.

Carl leaves the house the Cum Bucket and returns to Zombieville and Plankton follows his advice and tries to steal the formula, but by some coincidence, Skodwarde steps on him and Plankton eats the formula, and the episode ends with Plankton trying and failing to shit it out hard. Really hard. But it wouldn't matter if he did because no one remembers this is an episode.


145b. Enchanted Space Jam Land

Skodwarde is trying to relax at home and watch his newest DVD that came in the mail, Anal Mer-Sluts 6, but SpongeBob and Patrick are outside listening to Imagine (Sea)Dragons and Squidboy Q albums (heh, sea puns. those are still funny right) and thus, Skodwarde can't jack it, yo. Skodwarde uses his God powers to make Sponge and Pat shut the fuck up, but over the course of 7 Seasons and a movie SpongeBob and Patrick have gotten really sick of that God Powers shit so they shock Skodwarde with an electric eel for fun. Skodwarde runs inside and cries because SpongeBob and Patrick's dumb shit has really taken a toll on him.

SpongeBob and Patrick laugh at Skodwarde's misery and go home and watch internet videos. They get particularly inspired by this video for some reason:



They then feel remorse for being assholes to Skodwarde for no real reason and decide to create a world for him to live in, again, for no real reason at all. Skodwarde wakes up depressed and uses his God powers to open the door (he lazy bruh). When he opens, Michael Jordan welcomes Skodwarde to a land he can truly enjoy: An Underwater Space Jam! Skodwarde teams up with SpongeBob, Patrick, Michael Jordan, and the entire Looney Tunes gang for a basketball adventure the whole family will love. Eventually though, in the last quarter against the Monstars, Patrick fucks up and slam dunks the ball...into the support beam that's holding up the fake world he and SpongeBob built. Skodwarde cries again, as everything seems lost, but there's still hope, as long as Michael Jordan, Star NBA player is around!

Skodwarde uses his god powers and transforms Michael into a swing, as he rams SpongeBob and Patrick in da bootay over and over again. SpongeBob and Patrick both agree it could be worse, looking at the Monstars beating the crap out of Bugs and Daffy as the episode ends.

its yo chance do yo dance
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146a. The Abusive Side

 

SpongeBob is waiting at the bus stop with two tickets to Glove World. A fish comes up and asks if he can cut in front of SpongeBob. SpongeBob says no, so the fish pulls out a gun and asks again. SpongeBob lets that fish cut in front of him, and then a second fish points a gun at him, and he lets that fish cut, too. One minute later, SpongeBob is at the back of a line of armed fish. Patrick gets to the bus stop, disappointed that they weren't first in line, but SpongeBob reassures him by saying that they'll still be on the first bus to Glove World.

 

Sandy stops SpongeBob just as he's about to go on the bus with Patrick. She tells him that there's something he needs to do at the treedome that's urgent. SpongeBob tells Patrick that he'll catch the next bus, and he goes to the treedome with Sandy. There, he's made to charge up Sandy's vibrator by running on a hamster wheel. Once Sandy reaches orgasm, he runs back to the bus stop.

 

Mr. Krabs come out of a nearby clinic and tells SpongeBob that Pole has her heart set on a new pair of breasts, and that SpongeBob needs to tell her no. As SpongeBob does that, the next bus passes, and after bearing the brunt of Pole's A-cup anger, SpongeBob is ready to take the next bus to Glove World. However, SpongeBob's grandmother calls him from the other side of the street and asks him to help her cross it. As he does that, a bus runs over him.

 

Later that day, Patrick comes back from Glove World, and SpongeBob catches up with him, saying that he would have gone to Glove World with Patrick, but that everybody kept asking him to do shit for them. Patrick tells SpongeBob that he needs to grow some balls and say no more often, and, reminded of his balls, asks SpongeBob if he can give him a handjob. SpongeBob complies, then he goes home and complains to his pet that he doesn't have thick enough skin. Gary, reading through an issue of Playsnail, sees an ad for a stick-on abrasive side for sponges, and he proceeds to order it.

 

It turns out that Skodwarde, working part-time at Playsnail, got Gary's order, and he uses his god powers to send a demented, alcoholic abrasive side to SpongeBob's house. SpongeBob sticks it on happily, and he walks down the street as the abrasive side screams Nazi slogans and gives the middle finger to strangers. His grandma asks him if he can help her cross the street again, but the abrasive side takes over and tells her that he fucked her dead husband. SpongeBob regains control, tells her grandma to have a nice day, and keeps walking.

 

SpongeBob passes Sandy's treedome, and Sandy tells him that he's right on time to help her test out one of her inventions. SpongeBob's abrasive side calls Sandy a whore and tells her to blow a guy. She proceeds to do just that, and SpongeBob walks over to the Krusty Krab, where Mr. Krabs asks him to work several more hours for free. SpongeBob's abrasive side tells him to fuck off and stuff his money up his anus. Mr. Krabs proceeds to do just that, and then SpongeBob walks to Skodwarde's house.

 

Skodwarde immediately falls in love with SpongeBob's abrasive side, finding it to be more beautiful than he imagined. They get married and have half-Skodwarde, half-abrasive-sponge children. Everything goes well at first, but SpongeBob's abrasive side starts to drink more than usual. He insults Skodwarde's art, Skodwarde's musical talent, and Skodwarde's creativity in bed. Once Skodwarde has had enough, he rips off the abrasive side from SpongeBob and throws it in the fireplace. SpongeBob, though saddened that his abrasive side is gone, realizes that he's better off being his old pussy self, and once again, everyone lives happily ever after. (Except Mr. Krabs, now permanently constipated due to stuffing too much money up his anus. You can't win them all.)

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146b. Ear Rape

 

It's closing time at the Krusty Krab, the perfect time for SpongeBob to spew sexually provocative lyrics written by his favorite band, The Bonars:

 

Take me out to the ballsack
Right in front of a crowd
Rubbing my square nuts so I can jack
Stimulating my porous buttcrack
'Cause it's root, root, root for my white stuff
If I don't wank it's a shame
For with one, two, three strokes
It's out of the old ballsack!

 

Mr. Krabs comes out of his office and asks what the commotion is, and SpongeBob says he's just playing with his musical doodle. Old man Krabs walks away in disgust and Skodwarde is appalled that SpongeBob would dare to start an episode of his show off with a gratuitous musical number, so he uses his god powers to infect SpongeBob's ballsack with the musical doodle he won't stop singing about.

 

I'm flippin' and floppin'
I'm tippin' and toppin'
I'm drippin' and droppin'
On my old ballsack!

 

Fed up with these mind-numbing lyrics, Mr. Krabs banishes SpongeBob from his restaurant for the night. Of course, that doesn't stop the lad from singing it on his way out.

 

For with one, two, three strokes

I's out of the old ballsack!

 

As if listening to it on his little handheld radio wasn't enough, SpongeBob blows this year's salary on a record copy of Take Me Out to the Ballsack and forces Gary to play it repeatedly through the night against his will.

 

Take me out to the ballsack
Right in front of a crowd
Rubbing my square nuts so I can jack
Stimulating my porous buttcrack
'Cause it's root, root, root for my white stuff
If I don't wank it's a shame
For with one, two, three strokes
It's out of the old ballsack!

 

The next morning, he's tired as crap at work. Mr. Krabs comes in to tell SpongeBob to pick up the pace and out of nowhere turns into a musical doodle and starts singing.

 

'Cause it's root, root, root for my white stuff
If I don't wank it's a shame
For with one, two, three strokes
It's out of the old ballsack!

 

Turns out, Skodwarde actually used his god powers to cause SpongeBob to fall into a mind-screwing sleep. Mr. Krabs wakes SpongeBob up and demands that he make patties to which the sponge obliges.

 

Think you control it
But it's way too hard
Every time it plays
There's an electric charge

 

SpongeBob takes these lyrics as sound advice that he shouldn't fight Skodwarde's infectious deed and instead roll with it. Unfortunately SpongeBob does this to a more literal meaning and starts fapping while the song runs through his head. The customers start to get pissed and begin to flee from the Krusty Krab because they keep finding white stuff on their patties. Mr. Krabs returns to the kitchen to yell at SpongeBob and finds the lad in a hopeless mental gridlock, unable to fight the musical doodle. He then releases the singing, fapping, mental case known as SpongeBob into the wild unaware of what has yet to come.

 

There's mental corruption
As you try to flee
The song is erruptin'
On both land and sea

 

Sandy watches as SpongeBob runs into the main city, continuing to fap and sing about his musical doodle. She realizes that this could be great danger for SpongeBob. Apparently Skodwarde gave him some kind of an infection called "Ear Rape" and if they don't act soon, it could proof fatal. His friends follow the lad as he heads towards his house.

 

They trap him in his house and tie him to a chair. Sandy holds a magnifying glass up to his head and, from the sight of the musical doodle humping his brain, confirms that he indeed is suffering from Ear Rape. Mr. Krabs wants to rip the doodle out for his own naughty reasons, but Sandy says the only way to cure Ear Rape is to come up with a song that's even more sexually entertaining! Mr. Krabs steps up and sings an old song from his favorite errotic money film.

 

Twenty and thirty and forty and fifty
Look at these dollars, it's certainly nifty
If I had another I'd be sure to savor
That dollary, papery, money-ish flavor!

 

Unfortunately this song just pisses off the musical doodle, so Sandy tries to entertain the doodle with a western hoedown tune she played back in Texas.

 

Oh, life on the prarie is lonesome indeed
Not a friend in sight among the rustling weeds
There's no one here for howdy y'alls
So ah'll go ahead and rub my balls

 

The musical doodle is even more pissed off that Sandy has apparently forgotten she's a girl, so it starts humping SpongeBob's brain even harder than before. Skodwarde decides his little prank isn't funny anymore, so he pulls out his clarinet and plays the main theme from the erotic film Banana on it.

 

You gotta chill out and let yourself loose
Calm yourself down by rubbing your goose
Spankin' and wankin' all around the clock
That's the way to make your body rock!

 

Turns out the musical doodle hates Banana so much that its boner immediately subsides and it slithers away out of SpongeBob's head. Everybody rewards Skodwarde's good deed with a huge and invades his personal space, so he burns them to a crisp with his god powers.

 

Heh, that was a pretty catchy tune.

 

You gotta chill out and let yourself loose
Calm yourself down by rubbing your goose

 

Yep. Skodwarde sure knows how to play a good song.

 

Spankin' and wankin' all around the clock

 

...

 

That's the way to make your body rock!

 

...AWW CRAP!

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While CNF finishes 147...

 

148a. Skodwarde's Masterpiece

 

Additional writing by: SOF and CDCB

 

One day, SpongeBob was putting his grill in ignition, and was ready for a long day of work. Mr. Krabs walked out of the kitchen to see that the Krusty Krab was emptier than the Cum Bucket. He asked Skodwarde if he had something to do with this, and Skodwarde says it wasn't him...this time. Mr. Krabs goes on to investigate, while Skodwarde is watching a German drama on the television. After a dramatic cliffhanger reveal that Hitler's cousin is secretly a porn star, the episode cuts to a commercial, pissing Skodwarde off, who now has to wait until next week for it to be resolved. The commercial is about a new Kentucky Fried Chicken in Bikini Bottom.

 

 

Mr. Krabs, furious, pulls out a telescope from his pants (don't question it) and sees a giant line of customers at the KFC. Mr. Krabs is pissed that some whack chicken shack stole his customers, so he sends SpongeBob over there to investigate. SpongeBob decides to take on this deadly mission, but he needs a disguise. Skodwarde uses his god powers to give SpongeBob the perfect disguise, which consists of an afro, a boom-box that plays Kanye West, Lil' Wayne, French Montana, Drake, and other famous rappers' music, a basketball, a can of grape soda, and a basketball jersey. SpongeBob thinks this disguise is perfect, and he goes over there. While waiting in line, he gets out a walky-talky and begins to report his findings to Mr. Krabs. He notices a giant statue of Foghorn Leghorn that the kids are playing on. SpongeBob tells Mr. Krabs about the statue, and Mr. Krabs decides they must make their own statue. SpongeBob finally enters inside and sees people eating, gasping over, bowing down to, jerking off to, and especially bowing down to the chicken there, taking one photograph of this with his camera:

 

screen-shot-2011-06-09-at-8-46-33-am.png

 

SpongeBob then says the place smells like shit, which offends all the customers, and they are about to beat him up, but they get distracted by the delicious chicken. SpongeBob finally makes it to the cashier, but the cashier refuses to take his order because "headband and yellow = no service". SpongeBob is greatly offended by this rule and begins to call racism, but a security guard (JCM in a cameo) kicks him out. SpongeBob goes back to the Krusty Krab, and tells Mr. Krabs the people there are assholes. Mr. Krabs agrees, because they are stealing his money, and says they need to build an epic sculpture. Skodwarde says he can build one, and Mr. Krabs pops a boner in excitement. Skodwarde then uses his god powers to strip Mr. Krabs naked of his clothes, and Mr. Krabs is offended by this. Skodwarde says he is going to make a sculpture out of Mr. Krabs, and Mr. Krabs feels violated, but Skodwarde prefers to call it "expressing himself artistically". Skodwarde begins to observe Mr. Krabs, and is crafting a sculpture. After a montage and a random Family Guy-esque chicken fight that has nothing to do with this episode, Skodwarde manages to craft this beautiful piece of art:

 

THINKER_side_columns.jpg?itok=1kC8XqY3

 

Mr. Krabs feels insulted, and says that is terrible. Skodwarde actually agrees, and says he has another idea in mind. He begins to look at Mr. Krabs's dick (no homo) and Mr. Krabs covers it up, and says that they are done, but Skodwarde tells him he needs his dick for the sculpture. SpongeBob says that's an excellent idea, and Mr. Krabs says "YOU'LL NEVER GET ME JEWEL ALIVE!" but Skodwarde uses his god powers to restrain Mr. Krabs, and SpongeBob ties him up. Eventually, Skodwarde finishes the sculpture, with Mr. Krabs' clothes back on, but he tells Skodwarde and SpongeBob if they ever do that again, he will beat them with a dildo. Skodwarde tells them to close their eyes and they go outside to see the sculpture. They open their eyes, and see a bunch of kids playing on a giant golden dick resembling Mr. Krab's, with these words encrusted at the bottom:

 

"A statue dedicated to Mr. Euguene Krab's golden jewel. Also built because he is in fact, a dick."

 

"SKODWARDE!!! SPONGEBOB!!!" Mr. Krabs yells, as he chases after them with a giant dildo.

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Sorry for the wait guys. To keep you all satisfied, I'll go ahead and post 147a right now (147b will come later):

 

147a. Masturbate and Then What Happens?

 

One sunny day in Bikini Bottom, Patrick and SpongeBob were outside secretly masturbating to the Bikini Bottom Bathing Suit Ladies Competition across the street from their homes. Patrick ends up masturbating so much that he rips his dick off, which surprisingly is the only feature a starfish can't grow back!

 

After 2 hours of bitching and screaming in pain, Skodwarde has enough and repairs his dick. To prevent this from ever happening again, Skodwarde makes Patrick forget how to pleasure his weenie, completely!

 

After Skodwarde disappears to his fortress of solitude, SpongeBob attempts to re-teach Patrick the ways of the handjob, but Patrick, being the dumbass he is, ends up thinking masturbating is another word for hide and seek. Because of this, SpongeBob must search for Patrick all over the ocean.

 

SpongeBob eventually comes across THE END OF THE WORLD WHERE THE DEVIL REIGNS AND HIS EVIL DEMONS RAP-oh it's just a Cafe and Gift Shop, never mind. Anyway, SpongeBob meets Patrick NOT Star inside the Cafe area who teaches SpongeBob that as long as you had fun, it doesn't matter whether you find him or not.

 

For giving SpongeBob such idiotic advice, SpongeBob kicks Patrick NOT Star in the balls and retreats back home. When SpongeBob arrives, he finds the real Patrick masturbating to a porno. Apparently a minute after SpongeBob left to go hunt for Patrick, Patrick quit and remembered how to masturbate again.

 

SpongeBob later passes out and dies because of shock. 

 

RIP SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS (1986-2014)

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Sorry for the long wait y'all! Here's 147b:

 

147b. Pornographic Shenanigans

In this next exciting adventure of Skodwarde that no one will read because CNF took too long to complete the damn thing, SpongeBob is revived because fuck continuity in this show. With everything back to normal, Plankton of the Cum Bucket begins his latest scheme to steal the Krabby Patty formula!...impersonating SpongeBob's pet snail Gary (desperate much?). Anyway, Plankton sends Gary off to Pornographic School to learn how to become a porno-star cause who wouldn't want to do that, amirite? While SpongeBob is distracted, Plankton slips into his home and puts on his snail suit and pretends to be SpongeBob's snail.

 

In the process, SpongeBob catches on (sorta) and sees that Gary is now green and is now talking to him (*coughdumbasscough*). SpongeBob immediately assumes he is sick and takes him to the hospital.

 

Chaos ensues - after 5 hours of painfully taking large pills of viagra, the lady fish doctor with no name concludes that Gary will die. Because of this, the fake Gary wishes to have a Krabby Patty as his dying wish.

 

While at the Krusty Krab, Plankton slips away from SpongeBob and attempts to grab the secret formula, but the real Gary ends up coming back from his little trip because he realized like as a pornographic star isn't what it's all cracked up to be (nah jk he got a chick pregnant). The real Gary then steps back and claims his territory, and kicks Plankton out (tl;dr - he peed on the floor and Plankton got too sick, running out of the Krusty Krab while puking, and passing out next to the Cum Bucket due to lack of body fluids).  SpongeBob steps in and doesn't pick up on that something big just happened. All's well that ends well.

 

Oh, and CNF was burned on a stake for taking 2 weeks to complete this episode. May he rest in peace.

 

R.I.P. CLASSICNICKELODEON FAN 1 (SEPTEMBER 7TH, 2011 - APRIL 19TH, 2014)

 

DEATH TOLL: 2 (don't worry it'll be gone next time cause again, fuck continuity).

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While waiting for CD to finish 148b...

 

149a. You Don't Know Jack About Sponge

 

One day, SpongeBob and Patrick were at the Krusty Krab making loud orgasm sounds in the kitchen, while irritating Skodwarde. SpongeBob makes the sound of an orgasming dolphin, while Patrick makes the orgasm noises of a great blue sperm whale. Skodwarde is pissed off by this, so he charges into the kitchen, and uses his god powers to put dildos in their mouths to silence them. He then removes them, and SpongeBob explains it was an activity in their magazine called "Simple-ton" - a ton of simple moronic things to do that will annoy people by the name of "Skodwarde". Skodwarde teleports back into the cash register boat, while SpongeBob and Patrick decide to do a quiz.

 

SpongeBob reads the first question, which asks: "What is your best friend's favorite sexual activity?" SpongeBob answers "Blowjob", but Patrick says that is incorrect, and says he much prefers...but then realizes he does like blowjobs. SpongeBob proceeds onto the next question, which asks: "Does your best friend masturbate with his left or right hand?" SpongeBob sees Patrick jerking off to a magazine with his right hand, and SpongeBob says "right", which surprises Patrick. SpongeBob then asks Question #3, which is: "Is your best friend's penis circumcised?" SpongeBob closes his eye, and Patrick covers his "genius" with a cash register, realizing he wasn't wearing any underwear. SpongeBob guesses "no", and Patrick looks at his "genius" to realize SpongeBob is correct, that he never had his pink "genius" circumcised.

 

SpongeBob decides to let Patrick have a turn, and he will answer the questions now. SpongeBob asks: "What is your best friend's favorite sexual activity?" Patrick says that's a tough one, and has a tough time thinking. He then answers "John Legend", which is incorrect. SpongeBob says it was "Blowjob". He then proceeds on to the next question, which asks: "Does your best friend masturbate with his left or right hand?" Patrick thinks for some time, and answers "Right!" SpongeBob says he jerks off with both hands, and Patrick is disappointed again. SpongeBob then asks the next question: "What is your best friend's favorite porno?" Patrick answers "Plankton's Cum", but SpongeBob says it is "Anemone Gone Wild". SpongeBob decides to try a new tactic, and ask new questions not in the magazine. SpongeBob asks Patrick: "Does your best friend have a penis or vagina?" Patrick pulls down SpongeBob's pants, and investigates his "genius". "Hmm...this is a tough one. I'll pass," Patrick replied. SpongeBob asks one final question, which asks: "What shape is your best friend?" Patrick replies with an "Uh....man, this one is going to require a lot of thinking power."

 

*30 minutes later*

 

"Uh...CIRCLE!"" Patrick finally answered, with SpongeBob disappointed. They show the results to Skodwarde, who laughs his ass off, saying Patrick doesn't know jack shit about SpongeBob. SpongeBob disagrees, and says Patrick will always be by his side. He then sees Patrick run off to go buy some ice cream, and says he bought SpongeBob his favorite kind, the Condom Deluxe. SpongeBob says that is Patrick's favorite ice cream, and SpongeBob begins to cry, feeling he doesn't even know Patrick anymore. He then runs away. He sobbed. He cried. He went through denial. He was undermined. However, SpongeBob was not deterred. He decided to grow the balls to speak to Patrick again, and saw him hanging out with Hunka Hunka Larry. SpongeBob asks what Patrick is doing with him, and Patrick says Larry was helping him to buy a present for his friend SpongeBob. He gives him the present, which is a Gilbert Gottfried mask, and SpongeBob puts it on. Skodwarde then makes Gilbert Gottfried (guest starring as himself) appear in the place of SpongeBob. Patrick panics on where SpongeBob went, so he shits his pants and runs away.

 

 

149b. Tunnel of Sex

 

One day, Pole and her two friends that shan't be named were at Glove World. They were ready to lose their virginities in the new ride called the "Tunnel of Sex". SpongeBob and Patrick appear in line, and one of Pole's friends ask if SpongeBob is Pole's hot date, to which Pole tries to deny. Both of Pole's friends take a picture of them together and post it on Instagram as Pole's "#mancrushmonday". Her friends then go into a boat together, and start making out in the tunnel where nobody can see them, keeping their lesbian nature hidden from Pole. Unfortunately, this means Pole has nobody to go with, but SpongeBob steps forward, and she gets stuck with him. Patrick decides to stay behind and eat on snacks like the slob he is.

 

SpongeBob shares some stories to Pole, like the time he took her to prom, the time he made his first Krabby Patty, the time he first masturbated, and the time he first lost his virginity. None of these interest Pole in the slightest, and she gets bored, BEING A TEENAGER AND ALL. Pole tries to leave, but SpongeBob restrains her, as Pole accidentally launches SpongeBob out of the boat. He hits the ceiling, as some hearts come down and jam the gears in the jizz-colored lake below, but SpongeBob lands back in the boat. The ride starts to malfunction, and it is sealed off for repairs, leaving SpongeBob and Pearl trapped inside. The press and Funky Cops are outside to investigate, as Patrick sees a report in the place he is eating. He then goes off to rescue SpongeBob, but the line is crowded, so he decides to go to the Glove World Power Plant. He sees a generator shaped like SpongeBob, so he turns into LEEEERRRROOOOYYY JEEEENNNKKKIINNNS and tears it out, causing the electricity to go out in the tunnel. SpongeBob asks Pole if she can give him a blowjob after being scared by the darkness, but she says no, so they get out of the boat and walk through the tunnel to find a way out. SpongeBob warns her that some creepy monsters are lurking in the tunnel, one of which being JCM in a cameo, but they both realize that's normal. However, some robots pop down and scare the shit out of them, so they run back to the boat.

 

Back in a sub-plot that may or may not relate to the main plot, Patrick is playing chess with the generator, when a electrician appears. Patrick accuses him of torturing, kidnapping and raping SpongeBob, but the electrician says "Boy, what the fuck have you been smoking?" He then fixes a light in he power plant, and Patrick is impressed that he really is a magician, but that doesn't excuse what he did to his friend. He then sits on a lever, and the mechanic yells "NOOOO!!" The tunnel then goes into SUPER ULTRA MEGA HYPER DEUS EX MACHINA MODE, and the boat speeds back into the Hall of Sex, which has many robots in sexual positions. Patrick then presses a button that makes the robots come alive, and they start to attack SpongeBob and Pole. Lastly, Patrick takes a dump in the water supply room which causes the water supply to overflow. The tunnel is flooded, as SpongeBob and Pole are flushed out to safety. She regroups with her friends outside, and she admits that was kind of fun. She then gives SpongeBob a blowjob, to the disgust of many people and Wumbology....but UH OH...

 

The Spandy fandom is pissed at this ending, and Skodwarde is pissed at not being included in this episode, so they have kidnapped jjsthekid and forced him to rewrite the ending against his will. The episode then ends with Patrick and the mechanic having an epic battle in the style of "They Live":

 

 

So yeah, the episode ends with Pole giving SpongeBob a blowjob. Or it ends with a cool fight scene. Take your pick. Also, Patrick still thinks the generator is SpongeBob.

Edited by jjsthekid
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It's about time...

 

 

148b. DEM WHELKS Are Cumming!

 
SpongeBob and Patrick are doing what they do best in Jellyfish Fields--capturing poor innocent jellyfish so they can sexually molest them and releasing them into the wild so they can repeat the molestation cycle all over again. Just as SpongeBob is on his 47th round of jellyfish, Patrick notices a very unattractive beast behind them that makes both of their boners instantly subside. Patrick asks SpongeBob what the barnacle this sexually unappealing monster is but before SpongeBob can give Patrick an answer, the duo gets squirted with gooey jizz. SpongeBob and Patrick flee the scene and head to Sandy's place. After all, she is an expert in the field and can surely tell them whatever they would like to know about sexually squirting things.
 
They bang on Sandy's door and she chews them out for engaging in such behavior on her property. SpongeBob explains that this is typical behavior--when they get nervous, they get active. Sandy of course doesn't know what the flim flam that means, so Patrick explains that they saw a freaky jizzy creature in Jellyfish Fields earlier. After a momentary discussion about what "freaky jizzy creatures" are, Sandy concludes that these are none other than... DEM WHELKS! What are DEM WHELKS, you ask? Well, in Bikini Bottom when someone sees something sexually interesting, they don't crap bricks. They crap... DEM WHELKS! From Sandy's experience in the field, she concludes that the WHELK they saw had existed for such a long time that the jizz inside it caused it to grow to monstrous proportions and the act of squirting at them was not an act of sexuality but rather a futile attempt to deflate itself.
 
Before Sandy can share further observations, an entire army of DEM WHELKS surrounds the treedome. The three of them head for the escape pod to have a final orgy, but alas DEM WHELKS jizz all over the treedome which has an acidic effect on the polyurethane and shatters the glass. With DEM WHELKS blocking the entrance to the escape pod, the only option they have left is to run, which provokes a cliched chase scene. As DEM WHELKS go after SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy, one of them takes a pit stop to the Cum Bucket and puts an end to Plankton and Karen's cybersex by jizzing all over the W.I.F.E. Tragically, the jizz gets into Karen's air vents and clogs them up, suffocating her and leaving Plankton without a way to get wasted.
 
Anyway, SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy make their way into the Krusty Krab and hide in the kitchen. With only a matter of time before DEM WHELKS catch up with them, Sandy asks SpongeBob to give her his testicles for examination. SpongeBob asks what purpose that served and Sandy explains that his balls had DEM WHELK jizz on them, and if she performs a few tests, she'll be able to figure out what the problem is. Patrick points out that they already covered that in Paragraph 2 and Sandy nervously returns SpongeBob's square nuts.
 
Suddenly, SpongeBob is hit with an epiphany. Out of nowhere he recalls the Season 1 classic where he had the SUDs and proceeds to smother himself all over DEM WHELKS, absorbing the jizz and shrinking DEM WHELKS back to their normal size. Everybody rejoices but then Skodwarde comes and reveals that Sandy's theory was a bunch of bullshrimp and he is actually responsible for DEM WHELKS invading Bikini Bottom and that the jizz SpongeBob absorbed is actually poison jizz which kills the poor lad in about 5 seconds. Mr. Krabs decides to take advantage of this and charges $10 per person to mourn the untimely death of SpongeBob.
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Jizz. That's all I gotta say...

 

150a. Krusty Wieners

One day at the Krusty Krab, Mr. Krabs and the Krusty Crew were masturbating on the Krabby Patties for "extra" flavoring. The crew, to get a laugh, also squished the patties together into the shape of dicks (obviously). Of course they weren't going to sell them, but SpongeBob, being the idiot he is, accidently sends one out to a customer. Surprisingly, the customer loves the "extra" flavoring which causes a frenzy of people wanting to try these Cum Burgers.

 

To avoid infringement with the Cum Bucket next door, the name was christened THE KRUSTY WIENER!

 

And so for the next 5 minutes chaos ensues because Mr. Krabs gets rid of the Krabby Patty which causes SpongeBob to have a shit fit and go on a fucking rampage around the restaurant, much to the displeasement of fellow employee Skodwarde.

 

5 minutes later, Skodwarde says fuck it and uses his godly powers to set the Krusty Krab on fire and flies back home to fuck to his Nazi porn.

 

(P.S. Coyote caught the Road Runner. :o)

(P.S.S. That totally wasn't random)

(P.S. Well yah know what?)

(P.S.S. What.)

(P.S. ...idk)

(P.S.S. ...)

And that folks, was useless filler. You will never get that time back. Think about it. Onto 150B!

 

150b. The Wreck of the Absolution

One day in Bikini Bottom, SpongeBob and Patrick were skipping around like dumbasses when all of the sudden...they fall down a cliff (gee how original). However, what they see is quite interesting. It would seem as if the props department fucked up and replaced a old wooden ship with a property from Cartoon Network: The Absolution!

 

So as two little yellabellies would do, the two fuck around with the system controls and even come across something really old called a TOM. They name it Futuristic Thing You Fuck Around With.

 

The next day, Patrick, being a loudmouth that he is, talks about his and SpongeBob's legendary find (while Skodwarde gets a cameo in the background cause he gets no screen time in CNF episodes god dammit). Mr. Krabs overhears this and sees it as yet another golden opportunity to grab some greenbacks.

 

The venue is a success for Mr. Krabs, as the lines to get a look inside the Absolution are horribly long. However, things go downhill as The Intruder pops in and eats every visitor. Luckily, TOM 5 steps in and defeats the beast (and Skodwarde and TOM have super mega awesome DBZ brawl hehe).

 

So in the end, TOM offers 50 grand to get the prop back and flies off into space, never to be seen again (until Saturday that is...)

 

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151a. New God In Town

The episode starts with Skodwarde watching his cowboy porn video shared to him by his good friend CumBob.



Skodwarde claims after busting his ass, literally, he is finally almost finished with the eargasm. But before he can finish, the sound of SpongeBob and Patrick startle him and cause him to accidentally burn the computer with his godly laser vision. Outside we see SpongeBob and Patrick next to Patrick's rock where they're nailing a "for rent" sign and of course each other.

Skodwarde teleports to where they are and tells them he can't even hear himself masterbate to his electronics with this racket. Patrick explains that he's renting out some space to raise enough money for the Fault in Our Stars movie. Then Patrick and SpongeBob decide to go theatre to get them spiked on their crappy chickflick and ask Skodwarde to watch for buyers. Skodwarde gives them the bird (or the scallop, lulz underwater animal puns) before teleporting back to his house and raising his burnt computer from the dead. SpongeBob and Patrick go to spike themselves on teenage sap stories anyways even though the more logical thing would be to stay and look for buyers.

Back home with his video, Skodwarde is ready to put the "snake" in his "boot" when all of a sudden a large black hole appears outside and engulfs the sky with darkness. Skodwarde goes outside to see who poisoned his waterhole when a figure appears out of a larger version of himself's a-hole. They came out of a portal from hell with smoke, laser effects and all that glitzy presentation.

He arrives on the sea bed and introduces himself as the self proclaimed Hoewarde, the serial rapist/demi god who would like to rent out the space near Patrick's (So he could take over this town eventually). However American's favorite mass murder octopus still couldn't give a crap less about the fake immortal. That is until Hoewarde pulled out his favorite torture books, Mein Kampf, some My Little Pony brony coloring books, Adam Sandler family flicks and the new Fifty Shades of Gray movie to show Skodwarde he's legit nasty in his ways. Skodwarde now found favor in this half fish, half god and decided to make Hoewarde his understudy. There's a long montage of over used fatherly cliques that lasts for a few weeks.

 

 

Then Hoewarde invites Skodwarde to his little hell hole of a home to which Skodwarde agrees to go. The fish uses his signature thunder clap and takes them there. They enjoy hot cups of cremated children's tears while Hoeward shows Skodwarde the worst room in his home, his gassing showers. Then he shows him his wild teenaged girl eating clam in his backyard. Hoewarde explains that he can't stand living near those dramatic and romantic seeking harlots and they were the reason why he moved in the first place. Skodwarde agrees saying they're definitely not good for their brains at least.

And as if on key or because of the Skodwarde torture writers (either one is normal) appears no other than The Notebook asswipes themselves, SpongeBob and Patrick. They instantly notice Hoewarde's dungeon and walk up to it. Skodwarde's squiddy senses tingle from the dungeon and he realizes they're coming. He tries to hide it from his butt buddy but to no prevail because Hoewarde can sense them too. Skodwarde distracts Hoewarde by asking if he wants to practice blowjobs on each other which he accepts. Meanwhile, SpongeBob and Patrick think their new neighbor is probably shy so they leave him alone and instead talk about their suggestive fantasies with Grace Lancaster the main star and how everything is a goddamn metaphor for a metaphor in the film.

Not wanting to loose his understudy, Skodwarde takes matters in his own tentacles. He tells Hoewarde to wait a second and flys to where SpongeBob and Patrick are. Skodwarde uses his unlimited strength to grab them by their sweaty, jizzed trousers and throws them and their houses off a cliff, hoping they will die from the impact. And of course they don't. Hoewarde is fed up waiting and decides to find out just what the hell is going on. When Hoewarde sees SpongeBob and Patrick singing Pride and Prejudice love songs, he goes to shut them the hell up. However, while he's walking up to them he starts humming the tunes. Somehow his mortal side of him takes delight in white girl fantasies. Seeing this Skodwarde finds Hoewarde and is appalled to find him like SpongeBob and Patrick now. So Skodwarde throws them all in Hoewarde's gassing showers and ends the day by coloring in his favorite book while finishing the rest of that video from earlier.

 

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151b. Lady Skoga: Wanna Poke Her Face
 
It's another typical day in the Krusty Krab. Grease dripping from the ceilings, Skodwarde looking at PlaySkod, SpongeBob sexualizing about Krabby Patties... yep, everything is going smoothly until some hot lady who goes by the name Lady Skoga comes in through the Krusty Krab doors and proceeds to place an order. Unfortunately Skodwarde is turned on by this lady's godly appearance, so all he can do is hit her with a large assortment of Puff Mama's rakes until SpongeBob tells him to get a grip. Right in front of him is his first godly equal--surely he can find it in himself to interact with her in a way that doesn't involve assaulting her with gardening tools. Skodwarde uses his god powers to force comprehensible words out of his mouth and finally begins having a normal conversation with this woman. Through this process he learns that she too is a talented musician and somewhere along the way, they arrange to meet for dinner at 8pm the next day. 
 
Unfortunately in his lovestruck madness, Skodwarde has forgotten how to be divinely sexy, so he calls upon love experts to assist him.
 
 
When that doesn't work, he turns to SpongeBob for help. Unfortunately the lad knows nothing about love, but Skodwarde decides that he isn't going to get anything better so he makes use of what he has. SpongeBob says that before they can even discuss how to properly interact with a female, he needs a woman for them to practice on. However, budget cuts forbid more than three characters in this episode so Skodwarde opts to use his god powers and turns SpongeBob into a woman instead. 
 
Skodwarde and the now feminized SpongeBob smoke some seaweed and fly on over to the Cum Bucket for a romantic meal. Plankton is so thrilled that he has two customers that he commands Karen to synthesize up a meal, so she synthesizes up some of her finest cum burgers. Unfortunately Skodwarde hates these cum burgers, so he zaps Karen's screen with his god powers and turns Plankton into a dildo as payback. Skodwarde and Feminized SpongeBob decide they'll have better luck at the Krusty Krab, so they go there. Unfortunately, Mr. Krabs is too busy raping his lucky dollar to allow any customers today so he banishes them from his greasy spoon and continues soiling his dollar with krusty kum.
 
Feminized SpongeBob is beginning to grow impatient from waiting for his--err, her dinner for so long, so she starts getting on Skodwarde's case about how this is the worst date she's ever been on. Skodwarde is just about ready to put an end to this date, but Feminized SpongeBob warns Skodwarde that ladies hate when people use their god powers to stop a relationship. Reluctantly Skodwarde agrees to continue with this, but only on the condition that they dine at his house to prevent any more time wasting paragraphs in this episode.
 
Things don't go well at all. Feminized SpongeBob pisses the crap out of Skodwarde with her constant complaints about how the food is cooked, insisting that Skodwarde burn it to a crisp with ridiculously precise timing. Just as Skodwarde finally prepares the food exactly as requested, Feminized SpongeBob decides that she isn't hungry anymore and would rather move onto the premarital penetration. Skodwarde happily agrees as this is his specialty, so before long, Feminized SpongeBob is one of the lucky few to experience some Skoddy Sex. 
 
Unfortunately Skodwarde's dream girl walks in just as this is taking place and Skodwarde is forced to awkwardly explain himself. Fortunately the musician, who reveals herself to be none other than the famous Lady Skoga, is very understanding and thinks alulterers are totally dreamy. As a matter of fact, she finds this so attractive that she writes a new song in Skodwarde's honor.

Ohohohoh
I love his cute ass
Ohohohoh
I love his cute ass
 
Cute ass! Cute aaaaaass! Cute ass! Cute aaaaaass!
Cute ass! Cute aaaaaass! Cute ass! SKOGA!
 
When he cums I want sums, I want pints and quarts at least
Skodwarde's ass, it's got class, he's a sexy frackin' beast
Surely he, has the D, but it isn't what I seek
There's a breeze when I squeeze either one of his ass cheeks
 
We'll get it on, get it on, on!
To him I'm drawn, him I'm drawn!
 
I'm just a mortal in a portal, I'm not worthy of this god
I'll come clean, it's my dream, to caress his Skoddy bod
I do not want his heart, that's not my kind of part
This Lady Skoga lass just needs some Skodwarde ass
 
Ohohohoh
I love his cute ass
Ohohohoh
I love his cute ass
 
Cute ass! Cute aaaaaass! Cute ass! Cute aaaaaass!
Cute ass! Cute aaaaaass! Cute ass! SKOGA!

 

The two lovebirds walk away rubbing each other's genitals leaving poor Feminized SpongeBob with the tragedy of an incomplete session. It happens.
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152a. Big Cousin Cammie
 
Patrick is cleaning his rock, expecting a visit from his big sister Samantha. When the bus comes, however, his big cousin Cammie comes out instead. It turns out that Samantha is currently on the run from police for ripping the cocks off several male prostitutes and that she sent Cammie in her place. Skodwarde, hearing the bus drop Cammie off, leans out of the window and asks Patrick who the fat bitch is. Cammie screams that that's no way to talk about her "lil cuzzin", and in a fit of rage, she picks up Patrick's rock and throws it at Skodwarde's house, destroying both.
 
Skodwarde, furious that Cammie destroyed his house, uses his god powers to turn Conch Street into a giant battle arena. He challenges Cammie to a duel, and Cammie asks whether it's to first blood or to the death. Skodwarde rips off his shirt, revealing his spectacular abs, and he says "to the death". Patrick immediately gets between them and tells them to forget their worries and sing about flowers and shit. Cammie knocks Patrick out of the way, saying it's between her and "big nose".
 
Patrick lands through the window of SpongeBob's bathroom, where SpongeBob is masturbating to a picture of Skodwarde's abs. SpongeBob says that in his defense, Skodwarde's abs are magnificent. SpongeBob and Patrick run out of SpongeBob's house just in time for the duel to begin. Skodwarde goes Super Saiyan, flies into the sky, and uses pew pew laser eyes on Cammie. Cammie dodges, pulls Skodwarde back down, and then queefs in Skodwarde's face. Skodwarde summons the strength of a thousands gods and prepares to strike Cammie with a fatal force, but before he can, he gets hit by a flashy boatmobile driven by Samantha.
 
Patrick runs up to Samantha as she comes out of the boatmobie and hugs her. Samantha says hello to her "lil brubber" then thanks Cammie for visiting him in her place. She gives Cammie a bag of dicks as a token of gratitude, then she and Patrick walk off into the sunset together. Cammie looks at Skodwarde's unconscious body and believes that he is dead. A few seconds later, she's surrounded by police cars. Thinking she'll be arrested for murder, Cammie starts to cry, but when one of the policemen ask her what he's doing with a bag of severed penises, she realizes that she's been mistaken for Samantha. She laughs maniacally in the back of a police car as it drives away. Seeing everything that happened, SpongeBob shrugs and goes back into his house to masturbate to Skodwarde's abs.
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152b. Perfect Cum-istry
 
Sandy and SpongeBob are working on a nut transporter in Sandy's treedome. Sandy asks SpongeBob to grab her nuts so she can transport them, and a confused SpongeBob reaches for Sandy's crotch. Sandy slaps SpongeBob and says that she was talking about acorns. SpongeBob chuckles nervously, says that he knew that, and gets the acorns for Sandy. Sandy puts the acorns in her nut transporter and says that she'll transport them to Texas because why the fuck not. She's only able to transport them a couple feet away, however, so like any good scientist, she quits.
 
Meanwhile, at the Cum Bucket, Plankton creates a device that will allow him to enter the Krusty Krab in a gaseous state, because why the fuck not. As a gas, Plankton floats through the door of the Krusty Krab, but he accidentally flies into Skodwarde's face. Skodwarde, smelling Plankton's teen spirit, coughs a manly cough, sending the gaseous villain right back out of the Krusty Krab.
 
Plankton ends up at Sandy's treedome, and Sandy, delighted that he was able to convert himself to gaseous form, asks him if he wants to fuck. Despite being two different species and two different states of matter, Sandy and Plankton somehow manage to have hot, raucous sex, while SpongeBob watches awkwardly. When they're done, Sandy converts Plankton back into a solid using a jar and freezer and other types of sorcery. Plankton notices the nut transporter and asks what it's for. Sandy says that it's supposed to transport acorns, but it can't because it sucks. Plankton offers to fix it in his lab, and then he turns around to give Shakespearean monologue about how he'll use the nut transporter to steal the Krabby Patty secret formula and take over the world and yadda yadda yadda.
 
When they get to Plankton's lab, Sandy plugs her nut transporter into Plankton's solid-to-gas conversion doohickey, and it finally works. Plankton and Sandy have even hotter, even more raucous sex to celebrate, and SpongeBob, feeling rejected, starts to leave. Sandy tells SpongeBob that he can't leave yet, though, because he needs to wear a monkey suit. SpongeBob asks why, and Sandy tells him that it's a fetish thing, I mean, she needs him to test out the invention as a test monkey. SpongeBob happily puts the suit on, and then he gives a Shakespearean monologue about how he'll steal Sandy back from Plankton using his prowess as a lab monkey and the male enhancement pills he bought online.
 
Sandy connects the transporter to SpongeBob, but when Plankton turns it on, it only transports his balls. SpongeBob laughs and says that it really is a nut transporter. At the Krusty Krab, Skodwarde is flipping patties when he smells another foul scent. He turns around, and a pair of yellow testicles appear behind him. Skodwarde runs to Mr. Krabs' office and tells him there's something in the kitchen he needs to see. When they get back to the kitchen, however, all that's left is the awful smell. Mr. Krabs tells Skodwarde to stop farting up his restaurant, then he goes back to his office.
 
After more failed tests and fart jokes, Sandy and Plankton are finally able to transport SpongeBob's entire body. Plankton then turns on SpongeBob and Sandy by locking them up in a cage. Sandy asks Plankton what the 50 Shades of Grey shit is for, and Plankton says that he was just using her because he's an asshole. After Plankton transports himself to the Krusty Krab, SpongeBob despairs that Plankton won, but Sandy reveals that she knew what Plankton was plotting all along and that she out-gambited him with science. She unlocks the cage and transports the secret Krabby Patty formula to the Cum Bucket. Plankton ends up in a bottle in Mr. Krabs' safe, and when his gas residue leaks out of the safe, Mr. Krabs sniffs and yells "Skodwarde!"
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153a. Assidents Will Happen

Mr. Krabs is doing crazy sex stuff with his money again when he's interrupted by what sounds like a mutiny outside of his office. Customers are complaining that "the dude in the boat, man" isn't in the boat, man, anymore. Mr. Krabs asks SpongeBob where Skodwarde went, and SpongeBob says that he went into the supply room to jack off. Mr. Krabs rushes into the supply room, and he sees Skodwarde laying on the ground with a broken ass. Skodwarde blames a faulty shelf for his fractured posterior, and thinking that he'll have to pay a fine for getting Skodwarde injured on the job, Mr. Krabs starts to kiss up to him.

SpongeBob, having broken his ass in the past, knows just what to do. He sticks his hand deeeeeeep into Skodwarde's anus, and Skodwarde, though liking it at first, eventually tells SpongeBob to back the fuck up. SpongeBob, complying, takes his hand out of Skodwarde's asshole, and after he examines his hand, he determines that Skodwarde will require surgery. Skodwarde says it's obvious that he will require surgery, and he threatens to call the Office Workers Safety Department if Mr. Krabs doesn't get the happy ass molester away from him. Mr. Krabs stuffs SpongeBob into his work hat and kicks him to Venezuela, and then he asks what else he can do to keep Skodwarde from calling the OWSD.

On Skodwarde's orders, Mr. Krabs carries Skodwarde to a table and gives him a pillow for his butt. While Mr. Krabs fluffs the pillow, Skodwarde asks him if he can take over for Skodwarde at the register. Mr. Krabs refuses, but as soon as Skodwarde mentions the OWSD, Mr. Krabs runs to the register like a diaper-shitting baby. Mr. Krabs is relieved that business is slow that day, but as soon as that thought crosses his mind, the anchovies from Help Wanted appear because the universe fucking hates him. SpongeBob then flies into the restaurant with a hydrodynamic spatula he got from Venezuela, along with oral herpes. After making the anchovies their burgers to the catchy tune of Livin' in the Sunlight, Lovin' in the Moonlight, he gives Mr. Krabs an OWSD form, which Mr. Krabs promptly destroys.

Mr. Krabs tells SpongeBob to investigate what happened in the supply room himself, and SpongeBob gets Patrick to help him so he can abuse Patrick to the audience's amusement. Meanwhile, Mr. Krabs is feeding Skodwarde grapes on the roof of the Krusty Krab. Skodwarde tells Mr. Krabs to massage his tentacles, and when Mr. Krabs puts his foot down, Skodwarde takes out a phone and dials the OWSD's number. Mr. Krabs eats the phone and goes downstairs to get some lube for Skodwarde's tentacles, but he starts to get stomach problems because he ate a fucking phone and projectile vomits everywhere. The customers leave the restaurant in disgust as an OWSD employee walks in. SpongeBob comes out of the supply room to tell Mr. Krabs that he called the OWSD employee to help with the investigation and also that he killed Patrick, and Mr. Krabs projectile vomits again.

The OWSD employee is about to charge Mr. Krabs a dollar for critically endangering his worker, thanks to Bikini Bottom's wonderful labor laws, but Mr. Krabs remembers a surveillance camera he intended to place in the girls' bathroom but left in the supply room. The OWSD employee asks why Mr. Krabs would put a camera in the girls' bathroom, and Mr. Krabs ignores him as he gets the camera and rewinds to the part where Skodwarde gets injured by the shelf. He finds out that Skodwarde endangered himself not by jacking off like a hero but by sleeping on the job. Enraged at how Skodwarde played him, Mr. Krabs turns into Moar Krabs and goes to the roof to tell Skodwarde off. Skodwarde asks Moar Krabs where the lube is, and Moar Krabs kicks him off the roof, injuring the rest of Skodwarde's body. Skodwarde ends up in intensive care, Krabs ends up having to pay another dollar to the OWSD employee, and SpongeBob ends up in jail for murdering his best friend and anally sodomizing Skodwarde. In the end, everything ended relatively well for them.

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153b. The Flappy Patty

Plankton has come up with a brilliant desperate plan to forage through the dumpster outside the Krusty Krab for Krabby Patties. When he finds one, Mr. Krabs catches him but tells him to go on his jolly little way with the Krabby Patty. Despite the fact that this is an obvious trap, Plankton runs off to the Cum Bucket with the patty, and surprise surprise, it blows up in Plankton's face. Mr. Krabs reveals that all his patties now self-destruct whenever they go ten feet beyond the Krusty Krab. Meanwhile, a fish who ate a bunch of Krabby Patties whole leaves the Krusty Krab and ends up dying in a horrific explosion. Ignoring the fact that Mr. Krabs just committed murder, Plankton whines about how Mr. Krabs won't let him steal the Krabby Patty formula and ruin Mr. Krabs and his restaurant.

Skodwarde gets tired of the repetitive, boring Mr. Krabs and Plankton storylines, so he uses his god powers to create the Flappy Patty restaurant and its signature dish, the Flappy Patty. Flappy Patties, though frustratingly difficult to eat, are incredibly addictive for the feeling of accomplishment people get every time they manage to get one down. Suddenly, people start comparing their "Flappy Patty scores", or the number of Flappy Patties they can eat in one sitting. People constantly go back to Flappy Patty just to beat their previous Flappy Patty scores, and due to this, Flappy Patty becomes the most popular restaurant in Bikini Bottom.

Mr. Krabs realizes that his customers have deserted the Krusty Krab in favor of Flappy Patty. Instead of trying to attract his customers back with better offerings and fewer self-destructing food items, he teams up with Plankton to get Flappy Patty away from their territory, Mafia-style. Since the line to Flappy Patty is too long for Mr. Krabs and Plankton to infiltrate the restaurant in a timely manner, Mr. Krabs screams that the fish hooks are here, causing the fish to run away and trample both of them. After they become un-trampled using cartoon magic, they notice a Help Wanted sign in the Flappy Patty window. They walk into Flappy Patty asking for jobs, and the chef hires both of them and tells them to memorize the Flappy Patty formula.

It turns out that the Flappy Patty is made from expired fish meat. Even though he sells patties made from his own jizz, Plankton is horrified, and he threatens to expose the chef's recipe to the world. Skodwarde, who was the chef all along, takes off his costume and says that he built Flappy Patty to teach Mr. Krabs and Plankton a lesson about what happens when they piss him off. Skodwarde agrees to shut Flappy Patty down, as there's nothing he hates more than pleasing customers, and he just wants everything to go back to normal. After Skodwarde shuts Flappy Patty down, however, Flappy Patty clones pop up all over Bikini Bottom, including Patty Flappy, Flappy Burger, and Flappy Golf, which serves golf balls instead of food. Mr. Krabs and Plankton team up once again to take on the bastard children of Flappy Patty, and this time, Skodwarde joins them.

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