Skodwarde

[Sweat]

That's just sad. XD

[kev]

Hilarious Episode Gotta Guest Write on Episode 169b before someone call dibs on it

 

[box]

An episode of Skodwarde, written by yours truly.

 

109A: Blowjob Buddies

One day, as usual, SpongeBob gives Gary some good old fashioned snail porn but not before he has to brush every last inch of his body. Gary causes a ruckus and just takes the porn from him anyway, and throws Wild Anemone Action right in his face from four seasons ago. Meanwhile, Skodwarde is wanking extremely hard and when I mean hard I mean hard. SpongeBob hears a strange noise and comes down to the street to investigate the matter Sherlock Holmes-style. After 10 minutes of hunting he finds Skodwarde masturbating and concludes this was the strange noise. Skodwarde uses his god powers and freezes SpongeBob in place to tell him that he'll give him all his tentacle porn if he leaves him alone for the day. Unfortunately Skodwarde has already gave Sponge all his other porn yesterday to leave him alone for then. So, as all gods would do, Skodwarde tails it out of there.

 

SpongeBob however wants to show Skodewarde his own porn Sponges At Night and begins running after him. Skodwarde then makes into his boatmobile which unfortunately had been stained from Skod's last night hoes he invited from Rock Bottom and he can't find the keys. SpongeBob catches up to him as Skodwarde gets the stained keys and throws a jizzed-on wallet in his face, and then he proceeds to drive at the speed of light as all gods do. Unfortunately, he drives into a sex toy factory and wrecks the place, leading to the God Of Supremacy Orange Cop, Skodwarde's #1 enemy to come face to face with him. They have a minor debacle and God Of Supremacy Orange Cop gives him a ticket and revokes his fucking license. Skodwarde then goes back to the place he learned in order to get his fucking license - Mrs. Puff's Blowjob School of Sex and Supremacy On Top.

However, Skodwarde's #2 worst enemy, SpongeBob is enrolled into Mrs. Puff's Blowjob School of Sex and Supremacy On Top and unfortunately he'll be stuck with him for the day it takes to get a license. Mrs. Puff enlists a fuck war if you want your seat - and it's a mess in there indeed. Skodwarde might enjoy this but every single one of his...classmates are some dirty ass ugly sons of bitches, espically SpongeBob, so he throws all of them into their seats and settles for wanking in class. He sadly has to settle for sitting next to SpongeBob who gives him an un-natural stare which is hard not to notice espically for a god. Mrs. Puff asks why he is enrolled in school. Skodwarde comes up and draws a mass orgy in class which gets everyone kind of sweaty. Mrs. Puff loses weight off the affair alone but ultimately must ask SpongeBob to share his side of the orgy. SpongeBob then draws a gigantic swaying anemone which prompts everyone having to go get a Kleenex from Mrs. Puff's desks to block the jizz from that alone. Lunchtime comes and Skodwarde wants to find someone to sodomize over lunch but SpongeBob gets all the ladies because of the anemone from earlier.

 

Skodwarde uses his god powers to teleport himself into the bathroom where he gets beat up by Sir MacGuffin, the guy who the class voted "Most Likely To Protest Condoms". Skodwarde gets furious when Mrs. Puff requests him to teach SpongeBob how a fucking session is done and he uses his god powers again to warp everyone into his jizz-stained boatmobile with 99 cent store Halloween costumes. They then go into a lab where the scientists are attempting to perfect virtual sex. The sex-crazy mailman goes wild and the group return to the Blowjob School where Skoddy is once again beat up by Sir MacGuffin. The class has a test about the porn they watched earlier, which so happens to be Wild Anemone Action XxHARDCORExX!, the one SpongeBob has never watched. So they both fail the test and Skodwarde ends the episode by faking his fucking license and hightailing it out of there because only he knows what could go on there tomorrow.

 

 

109B: The Krusty Kronicle

Mr. Krabs is having a good time pretending to fuck his very first dime but after leaving his office he discovers no new customers have entered the Krusty Krab since last week's incident with the public money sex. He asks SpongeBob how things are going but he hasn't seen any new Krustomers since then. Mr. Krabs says he's put an ad in the Bikini Bottom Examiner because, well, that was the only one left. He sees all the fish masturbating outside in a group ritual and interferes when he finds they're all wanking to the XXREALBikiniBottomfeederXX newspaper full of sex scandals and secluded tits and asses for all fish to cum to, wink wink. Mr. Krabs reads one of the headlines "Jessica Carpington Found Braless" and gets so sweaty he'd burn all his money right then and there.

 

He decides he wants to put his advertising in there but they charge a $1 per word, surprisingly high for a porn tabloid. So Krabs creates his own little paper with Sponge and Skodwarde, The Krusty Kronicle. Mr. Krabs decides to pick the sexiest guy around who knows how to write a hot and dirty paper.. SpongeBob! Skodwarde is furious and storms down a nearby village, especially with the sea ants stealing his gold encrusted condoms. SpongeBob begins by interviewing the sexiest man he knows, Patrick, who tells him he's having an affair between Mrs. Stick and Little Miss Stripper Pole He Found At Dirty Sal's. SpongeBob floods the ocean with jizz as soon as he finds this out and immediately begins writing a story about this amazing event. When the thing gets published all the fish get erectile dysfunction it's so not sexy. So Krabs tells Sponge he's gonna have to find hotter stories or lie about it.

SpongeBob then writes a story about Mrs. Puff having a hot and dirty sex life with Mr. Herring the boating teacher from Ukelele Bottom. Mrs. Puff and Herring are shocked when the story appears and they break up, leaving both to a life of daytime television. However, this Krusty Kronicle story is a hit and Skodwarde has to use his god powers as a janitor for more than 2 hours of overtime. Then SpongeBob writes a story about Larry Lobster leaving his undergarments at the gym after a hot and sweaty night of in-and-out burger. When this story appears, the Gym Leader uses his Onix to ban Larry from the gym forever. The story is once again a success with the easily-impressed sex-derived fish of Bikini Bottom but Larry's life is ruined by the affair and he is forced to watch All My Children for the period. The cycle of half-assed stories continues - Sponge writes a story about Plankton using a digital sex program with Karen, and the Cum Bucket is closed - and then he writes a story about Sandy inviting some buff man squirrels from Texas for a bit of an orgy.

 

All the stories are successes and Mr. Krabs has a group orgy with all the money' he's earned. Krabs enlists Sponge to write the WILDEST story ever.. and Sponge sure does. He writes a story about Mr. Krabs' money sex which is totally not sexy at all and because of the fishes' permanent erectile dysfunction they get all their money back from Krabs via force. At the end of it all, Mr. Krabs starts printing counterfeit money for whatever reason - and Skodwarde busts in and storms the printing machine because he didn't get any screen time at all in this episode. Patrick then comes in and asks them to make a Krabby Party for himself since his affair was found out by Little Miss Stripper Pole He Found At Dirty Sal's.

[SpongeOddFan]

oh my god, that was hilarious , Box xD

[Clappy]

You can't have a Skodwarde premiere week without the rights owner.  Trophy will be back later with 110B, so here is my entry.

 

110A. Slumber Party Massacre

 

Pearl Krabs, an 18 year old teen decides to throw a slumber party while her dad is away and Mr. Krabs trusted employee SpongeBob is given the job of checking in on the girls during the night. That morning she gets up, dresses and heads to school. Meanwhile, a mass murderer with a fondness for power drills and is long, tan, and handsome, Octavius Rex, has escaped from prison, killed a telephone repair woman with a power drill and steals her van. Pearl meets up with her friends Tina, Mary, and Judy and the girls on her cheer team. The popular girl, Julie Fish, is invited by Pearl, but refuses after hearing Judy talking cruelly about her.

 

Octavius Rex watches the girls leave school from the van and a girl named Girly TeenGirl goes back inside the school to retrieve something, but is attacked by Octavius Rex and murdered with a power drill. That evening, the party and the bloody decimation begins of the girls, as they smoke pot and talk about boys. Julie Fish lives next door conveniently and is babysitting her younger sister Julia. Judy's boyfriend Billy Fishkins and two other guys from school Jeff Flounder and Young Man Jenkins arrive who spy on the girls undressing. Octavius Rex kills SpongeBob, drilling through his neck, and meanwhile, Julia is begging Julie to go crash the party, but Julie protests. Judy begins making out with Billy in the car and after she gets out to ask Pearl permission to go off with Billy, she comes back to find him decapitated. Judy tries to flee, but is murdered with the drill.

 

While the girls are on the phone with their coach, Mrs. Naomi, a drug addict from a faraway place Bikini Top, the pizza guy is discovered dead, with his eyes gouged out. Coach Naomi hears the girls screaming as she snorts her last ounce of coke and calls Julie to check on them. Coach Naomi starts on her way to the girls house but is too drugged up to drive. The teens arm themselves with knives and Jeff and YMJ try to run for help, but are gorily killed by Octavius Rex. Rex gains entry to the house, murders Mary and chases Tina and Pearl upstairs. Julia and Julie go over to the house, but find the house empty and dark, unbeknownst to the horror that has happened. Pearl and Tina have barricaded themselves in Pearl's bedroom. They hear Julie, but ignore her, thinking she may be the killer's friend.

 

Octavius Rex enters the bedroom through a window and stabs Tina to death. Pearl flees and hides. Julia and Julie enter Pearl's house and find Tina dead. Octavius Rex attacks them and Julie escapes to the basement while Julia hides under the couch. Coach Naomi arrives and seeing the killer, she beats him with a fire poker but he quickly murders Coach Naomi. Pearl manages to stab Octavius Rex with a butcher knife, but this barely slows him down. Julie runs up with a machete and chases Octavius Rex out the backdoor, managing to cut off the drill bit, sever his hand and slash his stomach, forcing him into the swimming pool. A shaken Julia, Julie and Pearl embrace but Octavius Rex arises and attacks the girls. There is a struggle but Octavius Rex proceeds to fall onto the machete accidentally, finally killing him. The girls then begin to sob softly except for Julia, who looks on, as police sirens are heard in the distance.

 

Skodwarde then wakes up and realizes that it was all a sad dream parody of 1982 slasher flick The Slumber Party Massacre. He then comes to an unsure realization. What the hell is Bikini Top?

 

[So Sejima]

Yeah, here it is, fresh from my award cabinets.

 

110b. Grooming Skodwarde On National Porn Day

 

Hello there, I am the trophy for the Bikini Bottom Pet Contest. You may be wondering what I am doing telling you this. This is what Skodwarde the mighty God of the sea did on the day he won me. First, he woke up to tell SpongeBob to shut up or he will force SpongeBob to eat a million snapping clams. He then went to get his condom for his daily dose of porn on TV. Then he realized that it was "National Porn Day" and it was time for him to go mess up people. Skodwarde found nobody to share his porn with, so he used his magical god powers to force people to stop eating mutated cum from Plankton at the Cum Bucket and dance to some anemone porn he stole from SpongeBob. With his magical powers, he fucks up his house, bringing it alive to start a porn parade. He does it for the next hour, which has the parade people tired and bored out of their minds, ending the day of porn. So how did he win me, you ask? Well, after that, Skodwarde saw SpongeBob actually win a trophy (a.k.a. me) from some stupid pet contest that was so insignificant we didn't feel like putting it into this episode. Skodwarde challenged all pets to a fight. First, he turned himself into a clam with god powers so he could turn back to normal. In an arcade like background, SkodClam defeats Gary by swallowing him and then spitting him out. He does that to everyone else but PatDog who turned back to Patrick and ran away in fear. SkodClam won and turned him back to normal and took me from that bitch SpongeBob. He took me home to watch some more porn. Also, Gary tried to attack Skodwarde, but failed. That's how Skodwarde won me. Thanks for reading all!

 

Epilogue: *shown reading cards* I am telling you here that *flips card* we at Skodwarde hurt no animals in the making of this episode. *screen fades to black*

[Wumbo]

Episode 111: Skodwarde Testicles vs. The D

 

It's a hot and steamy day at the Krusty Krab, and Skodwarde is considering breaded calamari cosplay to please his goddess bitches. Mr. Krabs sees that Skodwarde is cracking up and decides to move the Krusty Krab to the middle of the ocean. Patrick and Sandy arrive because they heard there'd be breaded calamari cosplay. But Patrick's fat ass tips the surfboard where the grill is. Somehow, everybody falls into a Skodwarde-concocted tidal wave, sending Skodwarde (and unwittingly SpongeBob and Patrick) to Makeout Reef, Mr. Krabs the Davy Jones' Locker/The Flying Dutchman's sex chamber, and Sandy just goes to a random island with no name. Okay.

 

SpongeBob, Patrick, and Skodwarde come across a group of pot-smoking boozehounds doing what people who go to Makeout Reef do: making out. They notice the stranded trio, and after half-baked complaints of harshing one's mellow, they take pity on them and decide to invite them to their own sex chamber, made out of Chuck Norris's pubic hair. They tell the trio that the only way out of this reef is to perform a sex ritual unlike any other. And they have to perform it with... The D.

 

Meanwhile, The Flying Dutchman tortures Mr. Krabs by stealing his cash register. Krabs' sexual fury erupts into him evolving into Armor Abs Krabs, resulting in a fight. But that's not interesting, so let's get back to some hot Skodwarde action. The locals try to teach the trio how to sex it up, but Skodwarde's godlike ego gets in the way. Unable to handle him, the locals send the trio to Scott Tahiti Dmitri, or STD for short. STD is a master at... well, masturbation. (The name is kind of an irony, that's a subtle technique we Skodwarde writers use.) The trio watch in awe as he demonstrates how masturbation can be a fascination! Skodwarde then smites Wumbo for awkward Lil Wayne-type rhyming. After finishing, STD sets fire to the rain (hey, it makes as much sense as underwater). He tells them to look into the fire, but Skodwarde refuses, saying he's pissed out better fires than that.

 

Meanwhile, Sandy's built an entire city because she's just so goddamn smart. It's too bad she's not smart enough to lead an interesting plot. Despite all the benefits of living in a city that you created yourself, Sandy feels homesick and wants to get back to her barefoot jackrabbit porn, so she heads home. Meanwhile, Armor Abs Krabs uses his six-pack power to send The Flying Dutchman all the way to Mike Nesmith's Locker. Anyway, back to the main plot. STD is still trying to teach the trio how do sex it up. But then the bitches at his sex chamber give him a call on his shell phone (haha, get it because shell... oh, never mind), so he ventured off. The curious trio decides to follow.

 

When they reach the sex chamber, it begins to rain men. STD tells them that, first of all, don't ever stalk me again, and second of all, it's that time of year again. The time when The Weather Girls make it rain men... which causes The D to awaken. He tells them that the time has cum: SpongeBob, Patrick, and Skodwarde must shake what their mothers gave them with The D, or else be stuck on Makeout Reef forever. Skodwarde doesn't seem too concerned, but SpongeBob and Patrick are intimidated, because they don't have what it takes to be on Makeout Reef 24/7. STD continues to say that a sex ritual with The D requires a sacrifice. Skodwarde nominates both SpongeBob and Patrick like the asshole that he is, but there is no time to nominate, as The D has arrived, and is feeling quite horny. It's now or never.

 

Almost immediately, The D rejects SpongeBob and Patrick, and instead decides to sex it up with Skodwarde, naturally. Somehow Mr. Krabs shows up, because plot twist, and his being sweaty and old throws off The D's groove. To save the group from imminent disaster, STD jumps in and offers himself as a sacrifice to The D. The D is proud that he has finally willed STD to sacrifice himself to him. So happy that he lets the trio of knucklehead mcspazatrons, plus Mr. Krabs, go. But he orders the cash register to stay, for he has the same money fetish as Old Man Krabs. Skodwarde then gets everybody back home with his god powers, except he stays to dominate The D. Meanwhile, Sandy crashes her helicopter because squirrels can't drive. SpongeBob adds this to his list of squirrel jokes.

[Jjs Goodman]

Time to finish off the premiere week.

 

112a. SpongeBob's a Rich Bitch, Believe It!

 

One day, SpongeBob and Patrick were exploring Jellyfish Fields for their daily fetish purposes, and they heard a loud shriek noise. Behind some bushes, they saw a clam choking on a golden pearl. The clam then coughed that fucker up, and it ran away. SpongeBob and Patrick looked at the golden pearl in wonder.

 

Both went to the Porn Store, where a shady man offered SpongeBob lots of cash for that golden pearl. SpongeBob accepted it, and giant trucks filled with cash parked outside SpongeBob's house, delivering him the money. SpongeBob smiled at this, while Skodwarde was pissed on why SpongeBob never told him he was a rich bitch. SpongeBob, Patrick, and Skodwarde then began spending their money everywhere, and SpongeBob became a famous rich bitch to the citizens, making new friends.

 

Out of nowhere, SpongeBob suddenly bought a new mansion, and a fancy new getup. Unfortunately the money goes to SpongeBob's head, and he completely ditches Skodwarde and Patrick. He then becomes a powerful man. He gets all the bitches, stars in various pornographies, and has sex with those said bitches 24/7. Skodwarde and Patrick decide to visit SpongeBob at his new mansion, but there was a bouncer outside. Patrick distracted him by making him think he had a boner, and they both ran inside to see SpongeBob surrounded by hookers. Skodwarde then tells SpongeBob he has gone mad with power, but SpongeBob ignores him. Skodwarde then uses his god powers to make SpongeBob see what he has become, and he is stripped of his wealthiness, causing everyone to leave. SpongeBob then sighs, and he meets up with Patrick again. They make up with each other, and SpongeBob apologizes for his selfishness, while Skodwarde just walks away to watch porn. Patrick then pulls out of his ass the Holy Grail, because why the fuck not. He then asks if he should trade it in for cash.

 

 

112b. Skodwarde of the Opera

 

The episode opens with Skodwarde on a stage at a Bikini Bottom Musical.

 

“Two households, both alike in dignity, in fair Verona, where we lay our scene, from ancient grudge break to new mutiny-” Skodwarde began speaking.

 

"Wrong play you hack!" A fish yelled.

 

"My apologies, buffoons. I shall now tell the tale of how I got stuck with performing with this bane of my existence!" Skodwarde said, referring to SpongeBob, who was ready to sing.

 

It was thou starting off as no other day. I got into my fancy shower, used thou god powers to make thyself sparkling clean, and got ready for thy performance at the Choir. Unfortunately, a villain awaits in this story...an evil yellow, porous, and spongey demon. While using my Pimp God Boat to travel the far way to the Choir Building, the demon struck! Reciting as many fe-gah-rohs as I could, I would not let him undermine my attempts. I raced onward in my boat, but that demon was a fierce one! He followed me everywhere, and sick of his antics, I tied the demon to a stripper pole in a Strip Club. Leaving him for the sluts' bait, I finally went to the Choir Building, safe and sound.

 

Sadly, my enemy was not rid of! He somehow gained the magic of my god powers and used "fe-gah-roh" to save himself from the strip club, and get carried away by strippers, appearing right in the front of the Choir Building! Furious, I tried to yell as loud as I could with my biggest fe-gah-roh, but sadly all my yelling strained thy throat! Now, I am stuck with this buffoon, who must sing for me, while I have to be resorted to turning simple paper pages for him.

 

The audience applauded as Skodwarde finished his tale, and SpongeBob kept on signing, as Skodwarde kept flipping pages for him, with Skodwarde pissed beyond belief. He then used his god powers to make the same strippers from earlier appear and carry him away from the Bikini Bottom Musical, as he rode off with them away in his Pimp God Boat.

Edited January 11, 2018 by jjsthekid

[Old Man Jenkins]

113a. BAH GAWD

One day, the WWE rolled into Bikini Bottom on their way back to the states after a tour of Japan. Mr. Krabs, looking to cash in on the opportunity, sells some cut-rate, bootleg WWE merchandise at the event in yet another one of his kooky 'get even more rich quick' schemes. His sweaty ass gets caught with his pants down but not before he gets a whiff of the action taking place in the ring between featured stars, Dean Ambrose and The Brian Kendrick, and the thousands in attendance who are willing to shell out a bunch of clams just to watch a bunch of Roid monkey, pretty boys simulate sex with each other. Krabs would spend the rest of the night erecting something fierce in the back of the Krusty Krab.

After a night of blood, sweat and tears, but mostly his cum, Krabs unveils the Krusher Arena, made out out of the same shit Krabby Land was made out of, to SpongeBob and Skodwarde, who both want a piece of this sweet action. But Krabs informs them that they're both just too small below the waist and in general to wrestle for his company. Patrick arrives extra early to just stand in line and say "uuuuuuhhhh" and Mr. Krabs, realizing that Patrick has his ideal size, offers him the first spot on the Krusty Krusher Khampionship (don't ask) Wrestling roster. Mr. Krabs then goes to the Salty Suck n' Blow to add some more stock(y) characters to his roster and even reaches out to the likes of Sandy Asscheeks, Flats the Pounder, Bubble Ass and Hunka Hunka Larry to fill the roster out for the night's inaugural show. Skodwarde and SpongeBob continue to insist that they be on the show, leading Mr. Krabs to schedule them for the opening segment of the night.

As Monday night falls on Bikini Bottom, hundreds upon thousands of cockous fans turn out to shut Krabs up and give him their money. Mr. Krabs opens the shows and welcomes the fans' money to Monday Night Rawfish before calling Skodwarde and SpongeBob out (all the way, boi!) to the ring. He shit talks them before telling them that if they want a spot on his roster, they should get get down on their knees and kiss his ass. SpongeBob, already being the ass kisser that he is, proceeds to do so no problem but Skodwarde, not amused by this attempt to humiliate and insult him, uses his god powers to shove his clarinet up Mr. Krabs' candy ass to cheers from the crowd. Mr. Krabs leaves the ring in humiliation and grabs a steel chair and beats it against the entrance ramp, breaking a hole into it, before announcing that a tournament will take place that night to crown the KKK's first world champion and that Skodwarde and SpongeBob will get their wish and take part in it.

SpongeBob enters the tourney as the SpongeBuddy while Skodwarde takes on the moniker "Skod Cold" Warde Testicals. SpongeBuddy supermans his way through Bubble Ass and Flats while Skod Cold uses his god powers to squash Larry and Sandy. In the semi-finals, SpongeBuddy finds himself up against Pat "My Name's Not" Rick and Mr. Krabs inserts himself into the tourney to derail Skod Cold's train of momentum. In a rematch from "The Fry Cook Games" SpongeBuddy goes over Pat Rick big time and moves onto the finals. And despite the best efforts of his big meaty claws, Skod Cold completely buries Mr. Krabs to face SpongeBuddy in the main event of the evening. SpongeBuddy Mania runs wild in Bikini Bottom as SpongeBob comes out to a big pop from the crowd. The glass shatters and Skod Cold trots out to the ring flipping the crowd off to even more cheers. SpongeBuddy and Skod Cold circle each other in the ring before the bell sounds for the match to commence.

After some nautical nonsense involving kocks to the face, arm licks, tipping, shovels and Montreal screw jobs, Skodwarde nails his patented CHODESLAM to secure himself the victory and the World Championship. Skodwarde tells Krabs to "GET ME A FUCKIN MIC" and proceeds to cut a promo on SpongeBob and everyone else saying that he came from humble beginnings as the star of a joke spinoff that only had a line or two of actual storytelling and that he's now a World Champion in this wall of text. He shouts to SpongeBob that "TESTICALS 6:13 SAID I JUST CREAMED YOUR ASS!" Perch Perkins goes crazy on commentary, shouting "SKOD COLD! SKOD COLD! SKOD COLD!" Skod Cold proceeds to have himself a jizz bash and jizzes all over the ring to the send the crowd (and our readers) home happy after all this. Backstage, the roster approach Mr. Krabs for their pay but Krabs was all like "lolpay?" And the KKK immediately and not-so-quietly folded after only one show.

In the year 2007, Bikini Bottom police are called over to Conch Street to investigate an alleged murder-suicide. A yellow sponge and squid nazi were found choked to death and bibles laid near their bodies. Their neighbor, a pink starfish, was found hanging from a poorly neglected bowflex under his rock. Their mutual friend, Mr. Krabs, never read his text in time.

[Jjs Goodman]

113b. Skodwarde Discovers Yu-Gi-Oh!

 

One day, Skodwarde was watching his daily anime channel, when he saw a new program named "Yu-Gi-Oh!" on it. Skodwarde pondered what the hell this shit could be, so he tuned in to see what the fuss is about.

 

"IT'S TIME TO DUEL!" blasted through his television, and we see a bunch of anime characters battling each other with cards.

 

"This is the greatest thing ever," Skodwarde says, as he further observed it.

 

He then discovered it had three sequels: one with the words "GX" in the title, one with the players dueling on motor bikes, and one more name "Zexal".

 

"Alright, card games on motor bikes? What the fuck is this I don't even," Skodwarde says. "This is the best pot trip ever."

 

He then decided to have some fun with himself, so he used his god powers to bring Yugi to life so he could duel him. Their match begun with Yugi announcing this:

 

 

Skodwarde then played out a giant dildo, while Yugi played out Blue Eyes White Dragon and it destroyed the dildo. Skodwarde then played out a nazi soldier which fired at the dragon, but the dragon blasted fire back at it, destroying it, and bringing down Skodwarde's life points. Yugi would not surrender, because he's that damn good. They continued battling and Skodwarde was about to be defeated in life points, so he used his god powers to send Yugi back from where he came, and he blasted back into the television. Skodwarde then proceeded to continue marathoning the four Yu-Gi-Oh! shows.

 

Oh yeah, and there's also a sub-plot with SpongeBob wanting to protect a Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy card from Patrick.

[kev]

Oh yeah, and there's also a sub-plot with SpongeBob wanting to protect a Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy card from Patrick.

 

I died here.

[SpongeOddFan]

love it.

 

i also liked the part where Skod brought Yugi to challenge a duel match.

[Jjs Goodman]

114a. Dear Nazis

One day, Mr. Krabs got a brilliant idea in his pants, and opened a new promotion at the Krusty Krab - new sized cups. Small penis sized, normal guy sized, and Nazi sized. SpongeBob asks what is a Nazi, and Skodwarde laughs at this. He then brags about how Nazis were the most amazing men ever, under the reign of Fuhrer Hitler. He says they were the best "exterminators" of "pests" in Germany. SpongeBob is fascinated by this, and wishes he could meet them. Skodwarde makes his wish come true, so he used his god powers to make a World War II Nazi Tank fly out of the sky and smash down into the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob then pops a boner when he sees this.

 

"Holen Sie sich den Schwamm und Squid!" one Nazi yelled, and they kidnapped Skodwarde and SpongeBob, bringing them into the tank. They then drove away from the Krusty Krab, but Mr. Krabs wasn't paying attention because he lost interest in this episode what felt like eons ago, like most of you probably have. After some more German gibberish, the Nazi General says the names of the soldiers there are all Olaf, while the general's name is Fred Phelps. Anyways, after some more filler, the tank somehow crashes into an iceberg...wait, how the fuck did the tank drive through water? Hey, the Nazis can breath underwater, and there's a German Nazi Squid with god powers, so obviously, we just can!

 

After some panicking from the Nazis, SpongeBob slings himself into a hole to suck up the water, the tank is saved, and not a single fuck was given that day.

 

This episode then was somehow nominated for a Golden Raspberry Award Emmy, along with somehow getting its own DVD, and all Skodwarde fans backlashed this as the worst episode ever.

 

 

114b. Fuckin'

 

One day, SpongeBob jacked off from Puff Mama's Boating School to fuck some hookers in the street. Unfortunately, the rest of this episode is so unremarkable jjsthekid couldn't be bothered to write more, so Skodwarde is going to take over the rest of this episode. He used his god powers to teleport SpongeBob out of his class cutting, and they both got high to some subliminal messages below.

 

 

 

 

Edited March 11, 2017 by jjsthekid

[Clappy]

115A. The Skod Family Tree

 

After finding out that Mr. Krabs, whose old enough to be his grandfather, has a grandfather still alive, Skodwarde decides to take this opportunity to discover who his grandfather is. Skodwarde then gloats in front of the whole Krusty crew and Patrick that his ancestors will be far more special than an eldery krab who is being masqueraded by Dennis Quaid. So Skodwarde spends the rest of the night getting high and going through The Skod Family Tree on ancestry.com, he then realizes that his grandfather is......

 

 

...that's right. Some person that is not known outside of meme central Cheezburger.com. Skodwarde did a Google search and not once did he find out who this Yanmarr person is except that Cheezburger thinks he looks like him. Skodwarde despises that site and it's annoying lolcats so he decides to hide this information from his co-workers and that annoying pink starfish who is always there too.

 

The next day, SpongeBob, Patrick, Mr. Krabs, and Dennis Quaid Krabs all decide to pester Skodwarde over who his ancestors are, so Skodwarde decides to spin this into a different story as he says that his ancestors are the Hitlers like he always hoped and dreamed of being. Suddenly, this Yanmarr fella comes into the Krusty Krab saying that he is looking for his long lost grandson Skodwarde. Ashamed and embarrassed, Skodwarde realizes...he has god powers. So he uses his god powers to rearrange his family tree and get rid of this stupid Yanmarr look alike memes existence. Oh and he shuts down Cheezburger and stops the lolcat meme fad...if that still exists.

 

Skodwarde then rushes to his computer to figure out how his god powers rearranged his family tree.  He then realizes that his ancestors originated from:

 

 

Aqua Teen Teen Show's Frylock. Talk about being unsure.  

[Jjs Goodman]

115B. Skoduminati

 

One day, Skodwarde left the Krusty Krab to attend his "secret cult meeting". Mr. Krabs, not wanting to question him, just let him go off on his business. SpongeBob, being the curious sap he is, decided to follow Skodwarde, and Patrick got in on it too. They followed Skodwarde to some house, and Skodwarde was entering the basement of some lonely 23 year old squid. Skodwarde was in some sort of cult society with a bunch of other squids, and they were worshipping pictures of Hitler. They were a secret society of Nazi Squids. Here is an artist's depiction of what these Nazi Squids looked like:

 

 

SpongeBob and Patrick broke into the house and slowly tipped toed down the basement, but they both fell down to the bottom, with both yelling "HI SKODWARDE!" The fellow Nazi Squids asked if Skodwarde knew these two, in which he replied "Fuck no", but SpongeBob and Patrick kept insisting they knew Skodwarde. 

 

The Nazi Squids were pissed, and kicked SpongeBob, Patrick, and Skodwarde out of the basement and out of the house, landing on the street. The head Nazi Squid told Skodwarde no outsiders are allowed. Skodwarde is now extremely pissed at SpongeBob and Patrick, saying he's going to ruin them, but just then, the leader came outside again, and stripped Skodwarde's god powers, saying he does not deserve them. He also stripped off Skod's Nazi Squid clothes, leaving him naked. He then went back inside, as the other Nazi Squids laughed at him. Skodwarde was now extremely furious, and yelled at SpongeBob and Patrick, and they both laughed like oblivious buffoons. Skodwarde then began to cry, and SpongeBob and Patrick promised him they could join their new club, the Horny Friends. Skodwarde was then given a porn star suit, and Skodwarde was still angry, yelling he wanted to be back with his cult. SpongeBob and Patrick finally agreed they would make it up to him, and they decided to invade the cult's house by disguising themselves as a giant dildo.

 

The giant dildo began chasing the Nazi Squids around, and Skodwarde appeared to stop it, and he did. The Nazi Squids praised Skodwarde, but SpongeBob and Patrick appeared out of the giant dildo suit, applauding. All three then got kicked out again, with Skodwarde even more pissed off than before. SpongeBob and Patrick then decided to initiate Skodwarde into the Horny Friends club, so they both pulled out their dicks and tried to sting Skodwarde with them, as he ran away terrified. Of course, due to the status quo, Skodwarde will get his god powers back next episode anyways.

[Clappy]

116a. Skod’s Visit to Hell

 

SpongeBob really wants Skodwarde to visit his house, but Skodwarde doesn't want to suffer eleven minutes of hell. Skodwarde says no and decides to re-read Mein Kampf for the 116^th time. SpongeBob then makes his house exactly like Skodwarde's right down to the obscene Nazi paraphernalia so Skodwarde will finally visit. Afterwards, he steals Skodwarde's weed, which makes Skodwarde come to take it back, which was Patrick's idea so that the two of them can get high and watch a man get hit on the head with coconuts all night long.

 

Skodwarde puts his hashless brownies in the oven and then comes to SpongeBob's house and sees the exact replica of his living room. He is a little annoyed. Skodwarde sits on the exact replica of his chair and saw his coffee table. He sees his blow and Mein Kampf. He saw his penis pump SpongeBob was pumping. It looked like the one Skodwarde's Mother made for him. Then Skodwarde sees his hallway, and he saw the chip in the Hitler photograph from when he moved into his own house. Then he saw his bathroom. He sees his medicinal marijuana cabinet and he sees his moisturizer. But when SpongeBob shows up, Skodwarde screams and he slips on the moisturizer too many times and his head falls on the toilet, giving him a concussion.

 

Skodwarde wakes up and thinks he had a dream about himself visiting SpongeBob. But he wasn't dreaming. Skodwarde screams to SpongeBob. He tells SpongeBob he has to go to the bathroom again, but it was a lie. He runs upstairs, looking for his weed. Skodwarde exactly opens the door, and turns on the light, he finds out he is in the God room and spots all 492 selfies hanging on his FishBook wall. We interrupt this episode to tell you that tonight’s episode is brought to you by FishBook. FishBook is from the creators of Bikini Top. Sign on today and keep in touch with all your friends from Bikini Top High. Where the unnecessary drama matters more than actual story arches. Now back to Skodwarde’s trip to hell.

 

Skodwarde becomes scared, but then he get mad. He looks for his weed in the closet and finds it, but it is stuck in the closet. Skodwarde pulls until his weed comes out. The weed hits Skodwarde and he crashes into his FishBook wall, tilting his selfies. He falls down the stairs, and he spits out the weed, and he walks out of SpongeBob's house, but when he goes outside, he realizes that his house had vaporized due to a fire. Skodwarde had forgotten to take out the brownies which was later on fire and caused Skodwarde's house to burn up. SpongeBob then told Skodwarde to stay at his house. Skodwarde imagined what it would be like.

 

 

So instead of feeling unsure, Skodwarde looks throughout this episode for a logical loophole. He finds one in the fact that there was fire underwater, so Skodwarde uses his god powers to resurrect his house, decimate SpongeBob’s carbon copied house with his pew pew laser eyes, and sends this episode through the Fly of Despair.

 

 

 

116b. Freaky Friday

 

Skodwarde was loathing another shift at the Krusty Krab when he realized something. SpongeBob was going through a midlife crisis because he had to wear round pants instead of square pants. So he decides to make his life easier by making SpongeBob go completely out of character for nearly eleven minutes while Skodwarde decides to get high off angel dust he obtained from Aaron Hernandez in the bathroom since Skodwarde is a god after all.

 

Next thing you know, Skodwarde is freaking out since he realizes that SpongeBob is walking around half naked and paranoid because he got rid of his round pants and Sandy was coming onto him by calling him “SpongeBob UnderPants” pretty much regaining his former identity back. Skodwarde then goes to New England and asks for Aaron Hernandez. He finds out that Aaron Hernandez has been arrested for murder and Skodwarde takes this opportunity to try out for the New England Patriots to be there new starting tight end. He gets the job and becomes a Pro Bowl caliber football playing king in space. With a mustache.

[Wumbo]

Episode 117a: Shuffleboarding

 

Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are having sexual fantasies about Fishwoman when SpongeBob and Patrick arouse them... from their sleep. Mermaid Man attacks with his Merma-dildo, but ends up injuring himself and Barnacle Boy in the process, because he's a sexually unstable old coot.

 

At the hospital, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy receive a call from the Geriatric Sex Club saying it's their night to perform. However, due to Mermaid Man's ineptitude, they are unable to perform. So they send SpongeBob and Patrick in their place, in costume (or lack thereof). They're told to return immediately after to give back the costumes.

 

Skodwarde censors the Geriatric Sex Club scene because it's a little raunchy. So now we see SpongeBob and Patrick walking back to the hospital with a bunch of dollar bills stuffed in their G-strings. SpongeBob wants to return to Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy to return the costumes, but Patrick decides that the world needs somebody to take over the role of two geriatric sex machines. So they go around Bikini Bottom, delivering the goods to people, whether they need it or not.

 

As their sexual crusade continues, they run into Manly Man Ray at the Laundromat. They decide that Man Ray of all people needs to have some lovin'. So they take action. They try to persuade Man Ray to join them in the sexiest threesome in Bikini Bottom. But Man Ray refuses, saying he's only there to make his laundry nice and clean, not the other way around. But SpongeBob and Patrick will have none of it. They force Man Ray to participate. After the threesome is complete, SpongeBob and Patrick return their costumes to Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy, who are still confined to wheelchairs from the dildo incident. An angry mob then chases after them, angry to have been their supposed sex slaves. Meanwhile, SpongeBob and Patrick pat each other on the back for a job well done.

 

117b: Professor Skodwarde

 

Skodwarde watches Skolliam play the sexy saxophone. He exhibits the Deadly Sin of Envy, but because he's a god and all he can do that. When Skolliam is finished, Skodwarde leaves (when he started, Skodwarde came). He decides to use his god powers to fool people into thinking he is Skolliam. Just then, two random mortal fish walk up and ask Skodwarde, whom they think is Skolliam, to teach a class of students whose bodies are ready to play the sexy saxophone. He begins by donning some Old Spice to smell like a man, man. A student asks him to jizz his name on the board, prompting Skodwarde to force the mouthy kid to jizz his own name on the board. Afterwards, Skodwarde asks how that felt. The kid replies that it felt okay. Skodwarde tells him to sit his ass down, when suddenly SpongeBob and Patrick come waltzing in, not recognizing Skolliam to be Skodwarde, because obviously Skodwarde knows his shit when it comes to disguises and just about everything being omniscient and all. He tells SpongeBob and Patrick to sit their asses down as well, and he continues to teach.

 

He is soon interrupted by SpongeBob laughing his seated ass off. Skodwarde demands to know what the hell is so funny, and SpongeBob replies that Patrick was attempting foreplay. Patrick denies it, proclaiming that his foreplay is no laughing matter. SpongeBob finally admits that he was touching himself and it tickled. Skodwarde tries to wash that mental image out of his omniscient brain and continue to teach, but SpongeBob interrupts him once again with his laughing. This time, it was Patrick doing foreplay after all. Apparently, it is a laughing matter.

 

Skodwarde continues to teach about the notes that make people orgasm the most. Patrick remarks that this lesson reminds him of a time he went to a huge orgy, and it turns out he brought a souvenir condom. Skodwarde tries to get him to put that thing away, because there are like, children here, but then he remembers what he's teaching and figures he's already scarred them enough. However, Patrick's ego gets crushed all the same, and he shrinks down to the size of M for Mini. However, I set it to W for Wumbo, and Patrick returns to normal size, except much sexier.

 

Skodwarde continues his lesson by teaching about the rhythmic stylings of George Michael's "Careless Whisper". SpongeBob and Patrick disrupt this lesson, however, by breaking out into Wham!'s "Wake Me Up Before You Go Go". Just as Skodwarde is ready to hang them like yo-yos, a People magazine photographer comes in to take pictures of the sexiest teacher alive! But then they notice SpongeBob and Patrick breaking it down and are far more interested in covering that story. Skodwarde kicks the reporters out, and suddenly the bell rings. SpongeBob and Patrick finish their dance, and the lingering aura of Wham! makes them forget where they are. Their super George Michael powers enable them to recognize Skodwarde as Skodwarde, and they call him out on it like the douches they are. Skodwarde is arrested by the police for impersonating a sex god, but then they realized that he is a sex god, so they let him go.

[Jjs Goodman]

118a. Pervs or Pests

 

One day, SpongeBob and Patrick found a dirty worm in a bush, and SpongeBob brings it back home. Unfortunately, Skodwarde thinks this episode is boring as hell, so we'll just recap it in a sentence: Gary gets jealous, worm runs away, worm left babies for SpongeBob, SpongeBob tries to bring it around go around town to give them to someone, keeps failing, the apocalypse is starting, Jjs becomes a monkey's uncle, Skodwarde does something in the episode, Larry forgets who SpongeBob is, and in the end Mr. Krabs uses the worms for entertainment to make you guessed, it money.

 

There you go, a two sentence wikipedia recap summary of jjs's least favorite episode ever. Much better than the original.

 

118b. The Angry Computer Game Nerd

 

One day, Plankton played a computer game on Karen (no, this is not an innuendo, mind you), and got all pissy at how hard it was. He began shouting random swears, saying "FUCK SHIT ASS CUM THIS IS GODDAMN HARD FUCKITY DOUCHE SHIT ASS FUCK". Karen told Plankton to quit bitching like the Angry Video Game Nerd and Nostalgia Critic, and this made Plankton hatch a brilliant idea. He would make his own web series where he criticizes computer games. 

 

Plankton went out to a flea market, and bought the cheapest computer games that nobody remembers, such as Heretic, The Longest Journey, and Quake. He began yelling and bitching on them, and he published his episodes. To his surprise, they became smashing hits. Plankton kept reviewing more obscure computer games, and even going as far as to reviewing that Farmville game hipsters play on Facebook. Along the way, Plankton met two video game nerds like him named Max and Box, and they helped criticize games with him in his videos.

 

Plankton had hoped he could show his videos to Thatguywiththeglasses.com to make some cash, but the Angry Video Game Nerd (guest starring as himself) caught wind of this and sued Plankton for copyright. In the end, Plankton lost the case, and realized criticizing isn't his strength, so he goes back to the old basics.

 

In the end, Plankton invented three robots to steal the Krabby Patty formula, and hijinks ensued. That's really not the most important part, though.

 

Also, Skodwarde makes a cameo in scene 23 so Trophy can't complain.

Edited March 11, 2017 by jjsthekid

[Cha]

10/10 best thing I ever read.

[So Sejima]

*still complains anyway*