Skodwarde

[Clappy]

Another one? Why not.


76a. The Bulge


Skodwarde wants to watch anemone porn in peace and silence. However, SpongeBob and Patrick keep breaking into his house and asking him questions about the hot porn star with the big penis (special guest star Ron Jeremy). He made Skodwarde keep changing the channel. Finally, he gives up his TV time to watch his favorite porn star to his most dismayed neighbors and go ride his chopper. However, a cement truck loader carries him and the truck crushes him with lots of cement. The cement soon dries up and Skodwarde turned into a long and hard cement penis, called The Bulge and he ends up in Jellyfish Fields.

There, Skodwarde complains/mutters about himself. He's hungry, lost, tired, unable to use his god powers, nicotine cravings, and the only good thing he has is no SpongeBob. However, SpongeBob and Patrick are jellyfishing. Then, they spot The Bulge. They both try to figure out what it is by rubbing it, sucking it, and getting it hard, until SpongeBob and Patrick think that The Bulge is an endangered species. SpongeBob and Patrick decided to take The Bulge home. The Bulge tries to get back in his house but Patrick tells him that Skodwarde is in the house. In SpongeBob's pineapple house, they name him Big Dick Johnson and soon Gary attacks him. SpongeBob and Patrick decide that Big Dick Johnson should be Patrick's pet. In Patrick's rock home, Patrick wants to play with his balls with Big Dick Johnson. However, his balls get ricocheted, and soon Big Dick Johnson gets so angry that he throws Patrick’s balls. Patrick is suddenly very afraid and calls the Animal Control. The police arrive very quickly and catch the Bulge at the Easter Island head.

SpongeBob tries to defend the Bulge but the police officers in the battle and they place Big Dick Johnson in the zoo exhibit Unknown Species. SpongeBob and Patrick visit the zoo and think that it's not right for Big Dick Johnson to live a miserable life being laughed at by people at the zoo. The people that laughed at it should be ashamed of themselves for making fun of Big Dick Johnson. At nighttime, they get inside his zoo cage and try to free him. However, the police surrounds them and jump into the Bulge's zoo exhibit to capture SpongeBob and Patrick. They run back inside the Bulge's home cave and dive into a sewer hole while the police officers run through the sewer hole lid. While walking into the sewer, SpongeBob and Patrick find a mysterious rainforest with species that look exactly like the Bulge. SpongeBob and Patrick decide to let the Bulge live the animal species. The animal species carry the Bulge to their home, and soon the Bulge realizes that they live with Ron Jeremy. Skodwarde decides to enjoy life and watch Ron Jeremy churn butter, but soon the swaying to the butter churning causes the Bulge's cement skin shell to break, and Skodwarde is free but is still with the species. Then the Bulges and Ron Jeremy proceed to rape Skodwarde as more Skodalgics get mad about the Skod abuse in this episode.




76b. SpongeSebastian's Street Magic Special


SpongeBob is on YouTube watching the first three editions of the parody David Blaine’s Street Magic (even he knows the ones that follow are utter bullshit) and sees a commercial about buying David Blaine Street Magic’s magical magic kit and decides to order it, and so he makes an envelope and places it in the mailbox and then grabs the mailbox and places it and himself in the "Outgoing Mail" slot. Four to six weeks later, the mail fish puts the magic kit and SpongeBob in SpongeBob’s mailbox.

Meanwhile Skodwarde is sunbathing to look good for the Mr. Universe competition and SpongeBob wants to do a card trick for him as his magician alter ego SpongeSebastian.



While SpongeSebastian is busy reading the magic book, Skodwarde uses his god powers to take him anywhere far away from his house, more on that later. Then Tom and his son Monroe drive by. Monroe is upset because he got pistachio ice cream, but his father can’t understand why since that's the flavor he asked for. He angrily tosses the ice cream cone is tossed out of the boat mobile and lands in Skodwarde’s chair as Tom goes home to beat his son for being a brat. The ice cream melted into the shape of Skodwarde's head. Which is ironic...? SpongeSebastian stops reading David Blaine’s Street Magic book, sees the ice cream cone and concludes that he turned Skodwarde into that ice cream cone! At first, he is delighted at the thought that he is a level ten magician, but after some unsuccessful attempts at changing "Skodwarde" back, he becomes worried.

Therefore, he puts the "Skodwarde" cone in the freezer and puts a strawberry cone in too so they can have some nice hot ice cream sex. Then Patrick arrives and while SpongeSebastian is explaining the situation, Patrick is eating the "Skodwarde" ice cream cone. Aghast, SpongeSebastian stops him and they go to see David Blaine (as himself) to ask him to help change "Skodwarde" back.

SpongeSebastian and Patrick go on set to David Blaine’s next super duper magic trick. David Blaine was getting ready to do the Dive of Death into a Pull of Radioactive Sharks and a Bunch of Other Super Dangerous Cool Stuff, until SpongeSebastian finds and tells David Blaine what he did. David Blaine starts making excuses about why he can't help him, until Patrick discovers that David Blaine was actually tied to a clear colored bungee cord and that he is a big fat phony. David Blaine admits that he can’t do magic and only does these stunts to earn money. He also reveals to them that he is not behind the hilarious YouTube parody videos as well. Then SpongeSebastian becomes hysterical over all this as David Blaine calls security as SpongeSebastian and Patrick get thrown out.

They return home where SpongeSebastian is again hysterical over what has just happened. In despair, SpongeSebastian starts to shout stereotypical magic words and as he does, Skodwarde comes home and tosses the melted ice cream away because he hates pistachio. SpongeSebastian opens his eyes and, seeing Skodwarde standing there, believes he has successfully changed him back. He then asks to turn Skodwarde into something else. Skodwarde uses his god powers to vanish again. Patrick asks SpongeSebastian to turn him into a jar of lubricant so he can pleasure himself, and amazingly, it works!

Meanwhile, Skodwarde heads back to the same location he was at before, which was the Jersey Shore. He goes there to tan himself some more for the Mr. Universe location, but it’s so frustrating as he can’t take all those false Guidos from the reality series. When Skodwarde returns to the Jersey Shore the second time, he gets into a fight to the death with the cast and aborts Snooki’s demon spawn. Skodwarde wins the Jersey Shore Battle Royale as he fistpumps people's faces. He celebrates by going to party in the L.I. (Long Island) with Zack Ryder and his broskis as Skodwarde makes an appearance at the end of the latest edition of Z! True Long Island Story with Zack Ryder.

[Old Man Jenkins]

Great batch of eppies, my man. Marked out at Big Dick Johnson and Ron Jeremy churning butter.

[Wumbo]

WARNING: These episodes contain severe amounts of douche.

77a. Driven to Douche

SpongeBob has failed his boating exam yet again. Puff Mama comments that she just wasn't feelin' it, dawg. SpongeBob hangs his kingly head in shame as he walks off, vowing that someday, he will conquer the foul beast that is Puff Mama. A group of Nazis might have appeared behind him cheering at that point, if Skodwarde wasn't already in possession of them. Skodwarde catches wind of SpongeBob's failure once again and decides that he can humiliate SpongeBob even further by getting his license. He walks in and passes before even taking the test, 'cause he's a god, don't ya know. This makes SpongeBob jealous (here at Skodwarde, we cater to a growing Spuff Mama fanbase).

Now that Skodwarde has his license, he rubs it in SpongeBob's face. Seriously, he horribly deforms SpongeBob's face by literally rubbing his license in it. He also uses his god powers to tamper with the mathematical system, making him the one millionth to get their boating license, earning him a free boatmobile. After getting horny with the horn, he drives around his house for a couple hours just to spite the little square dude.

After hours and hours of douche, Skodwarde is finally cited for distracted driving. (That anemone porn is sometimes just too good to pass up!) He uses his god powers to distract the police officer by saying "Look, a distraction!" Avoiding persecution yet again, Skodwarde finally decides to throw away his boatmobile because he figures he's humiliated SpongeBob enough.

77b. Rule of Douche

A starfish cums to visit Patrick to give him a "special delivery". But Patrick, fearing the sexual advances, hides out at SpongeBob's house. SpongeBob says that it'll be just like the foreplay in the tent, only you're doing it to yourself. Patrick, having experience with such things, confronts the starfish, who gives him a pack full of Trojan condoms. Believing himself to now be ruler of a Trojan empire, Patrick takes out his daddy issues on everyone who steps in his path. What a douche, eh?

After more acts of douchebaggery, Skodwarde finally catches wind of this. Outraged that Patrick is acting as if he has god powers, he uses his god powers to make Patrick hideous. Worried that he's losing his dashing good looks because of the condoms, Patrick gives them back to the starfish, saying that he can't handle the responsibility. The starfish coincidentally realizes that the Trojans were actually for Gary, and everybody lives happily ever after. Except for the Skodwarde nostalgics, who complain that a happy ending is "far too commercial".

[Clappy]

EDIT: DAMMIT WUMBO D:

I JUST WROTE THE SAME EPISODES WHILE YOU MANAGED TO POST THEM BEFORE ME!

Looks like back to the drawing board for me then.

Men, we really need to plan these episodes better.

[Ron]

You can always sell that extra content, Clappy, in Glove World for Skodalgists, or whatever you call your fans. xD

[Clappy]

Yeah I think I might just do that. Smart idea tvguy xD.

[Wumbo]

Yeah, let's plan ahead some more.

The next few episodes are Born to Be Wild/Best Frenemies, The Pink Purloiner/Squid Wood, and Best Day Ever/The Gift of Gum. Who wants what?

[Old Man Jenkins]

I feel your pain, Claps. Lord knows I've been on the wrong side of that stick before.

I already got Best Sex Ever/Gift of Cum covered. You guys can split the rest.

And great eps btw ;3

[Wumbo]

I'll just take whatever's left over.

[Clappy]

I'll just take whatever's left over.

Well with that, I'll give you the next ones since I have some ideas in mind for both 79A and B.

Btw, didn't mean to make too much of a scene earlier, my apologies men.

[Wumbo]

Haha, no worries bro. I'll have the new ones up lickety-split.

[Wumbo]

78a. Born to Be Wild

SpongeBob is frolicking gaily in Jellyfish Fields when he notices a motorcycle gang zooming by on the road. Always having a fetish for motorcycles, he grabs on to one of their jackets and cums along for the ride. He notices that they are called the Ild Ones and is turned on even more by their bizarre name. Unfortunately for him, the jacket tears and he falls off. He notices that the piece of jacket in his hand has a W for Wumbo on it (shameless self-promotion). He realizes that the bikers were actually called the Wild Ones, which turns him on further. But then a farmer comes by to slap some sense into him, telling him that bikers are not to be toyed with, that they are dangerous. SpongeBob, being the naive cube that he is, doesn't heed the farmer's warning. Instead, he decides to use this tale to keep everyone away from the bikers so he will have them all to himself.

He first decides to tell Mr. Krabs, who is strangely aroused by the danger. He welcomes the bikers into me restaurant, saying that he feels young again. Failing with Mr. Krabs, he decides to target Skodwarde next, who uses his god powers to sense SpongeBob's coming and transports him to Patrick's before he gets the opportunity to bother him. SpongeBob tells Patrick about it, but Patrick chides him for not initiating the "secret handshake". After some shaking, SpongeBob finishes his story. Once again he fails, as Patrick is aroused and insists on meeting these fine handsome young men. SpongeBob sighs, but relents. He instructs Patrick to be a good wingman and keep it cool. Patrick responds, "Cool. Right."

They put on biker gear in hopes of arousing the bikers. They ride to the Krusty Krab before Mr. Krabs can get his big meaty claws on them. They insist that Mr. Krabs allow them to go first, and Mr. Krabs grants approval, figuring they'll make quick and disappointing work of the two bumpkins.

Skodwarde, who has taken his reading of Mein Kampf position at the Krusty Krab, really doesn't see what all the hubbub is about. (Puff Mama does, but I believe that was another story.) He thinks that SpongeBob and Patrick are wasting their orgasms on these phonies. Just then, the bikers show up. Patrick is intimidated by their sexual aura and runs and hides. Skodwarde decides to put an end to this madness by transforming them all into geriatric old men. SpongeBob is now repulsed by anything biker-related, but the old men appear receptive to his own biker gear. They close in on SpongeBob as Skodwarde laughs with glee.

78b. Best Frenemies

One day, Mr. Krabs notices that not as many people are coming on down to the Krusty Krab as usual. He notices that they're all flocking to this new shake place. Even SpongeBob, his most faithful ward, has stopped by to get a patented Cum Shake. Skodwarde shows no interest in this, as he makes his own Cum Shakes at home. I doubt he'll be present for much of the episode. Anyway, Mr. Krabs decides to tear down the building with his big meaty claws, but then notices that Plankton's attempting to run them out of business as well. He realizes that hiring a poor sap to do his dirty work is a lot easier than doing it himself, and therefore "partners" up with Plankton to retrieve the formula for a Cum Shake.

Because they're both fucking idiots, neither one of them thinks of simply buying a Cum Shake, and thus they resort to the most harebrained schemes possible. Just as they have just about had it with each other, SpongeBob finally feels the need to tell them that you are allowed to purchase Cum Shakes. Because Mr. Krabs is a cheap-ass motherfucker, this scheme is almost as hard as the previous ones. But he finally hands over the dollar, and they take the shake down to Plankton's lab for analysis.

They figure out that the only ingredient is semen, and Mr. Krabs and Plankton both realize that they could have just sold these themselves. But first, they decide to drink it. Both of them spit it out, saying it doesn't taste authentic at all. But soon they become addicted, and drink more. And more. And MOAR! Mr. Krabs and Plankton set out to get some more, but soon realize that the drink also has an ingredient that turns everybody into furries. Since everybody looks freakish, nobody is the more beautiful, and things go back to normal. Sort of.

[Clappy]

79a. The Pink Dickhead

During an annual Jellyfish orgy, SpongeBob and Patrick come to Jellyfish Fields to rape several rare and exotic species of Jellyfish including the speckled squirter, the two-fisted Jumper, and the gold-throated stinger (I kid you not, all these jellyfish have sexual innuendos). The two begin molesting jellyfish, with SpongeBob using his special dildo Ol' Reliable. At the end of the day, SpongeBob was very successful while Patrick was unable to fuck anything. SpongeBob boasts the superiorities of his junk to Patrick’s, who says "I would kill for a prosthetic penis like that! (You know, because I can’t reproduce)". The following morning, SpongeBob finds Ol' Reliable missing, and begins panicking, posting missing dildo posters all over town with the promise of sexual favors, even interrupting the newest episode of Anemone Gone Wild to announce this.

SpongeBob is unsuccessful in his search, and gives up on finding Ol' Reliable. That night, he sees Patrick happily playing with his balls before he goes to bed, and when SpongeBob realizes that Patrick's dildo disintegrated yesterday, believes that he has stolen Ol' Reliable. The following morning, he attempts to make Patrick confess to this, resorting to many absurd tactics, including having a lovely conversation with Pedo-Bear, all of which go by without Patrick showing any sign of having stolen the net. He eventually sees Patrick carrying a box, and uses a false mustache from the Phoney Bologna Mustache Emporium to disguise himself as a bodyguard who is interested in purchasing what's inside the box. To his great surprise, it is revealed that the box contains a dildo built by Patrick for SpongeBob to replace Ol' Reliable with. SpongeBob is torn between gratitude for Patrick's generosity, and guilt for accusing his friend falsely.

Patrick gets upset at SpongeBob for ever suspecting him, and prepares to leave Bikini Bottom, much to the delight of Skodwarde. The bus arrives and Patrick is about to climb aboard when SpongeBob grabs hold of him, begging his friend not to go while pleading earnestly for Patrick's forgiveness. The bus driver demands to know what the hold-up is, and when he sees that it is SpongeBob and Patrick, he gives SpongeBob Ol' Reliable, saying he left his dildo on the bus (as he does every week).

To make up for his accusations against Patrick, SpongeBob performs fellatio and then gives Ol' Reliable to his friend. Patrick is utterly overwhelmed by this gesture, and immediately decides to forgive SpongeBob for his thoughtlessness, and stay in Bikini Bottom after all, much to the disappointment of Skodwarde. Everyone on the bus cheers, much to the chagrin of the bus driver, who claims that the two do this kind of thing all the time and that he enjoyed this scene better in Casablanca. SpongeBob and Patrick then run off to Jellyfish Fields together to enjoy their new dildos during the last days of the Jellyfish orgy.

Meanwhile, Skodwarde smokes a big fat one over his lack of screen time during this dull, uninteresting episode. He then finally understands why The Critic has such a cult following as he has a spiritual conversation with Jon Lovitz, who guest stars as himself, finally cutting all loose ties this season with Skodwarde and The Critic.

79b. Skod Wood

SpongeBob repeatedly annoys Skodwarde by asking Skodwarde if he wants to fuck, but everytime Skodwarde says "No!", SpongeBob thinks he wants to fuck later every time he says that. After Spongebob asks Skodwarde to play a numerous number of kinky games with him, Skodwarde loses his temper and yells at SpongeBob, "...I will never fuck you...EVEEEEERRR!!!". After throwing him down a conveniently placed hole (which SpongeBob drilled when he entered that bathroom) and covering it with his fridge, SpongeBob still thinks Skodwarde doesn't want to fuck yet. He runs to his house and creates a wooden, mini-version of Skodwarde, and calls him "Mini Skod". After hearing that Mini Skod will be fucking with SpongeBob if Skodwarde doesn't want, Skodwarde becomes incredibly enlightened.

While Mini Skod makes SpongeBob jizz twice, Patrick walks by and thought the Mini Skod was Skodwarde, and also thought he's gotten smaller and shaved his pubes, even though Skodwarde doesn't have pubes, confusing Spongebob and Mini Skod. At the Krusty Krab, Skodwarde makes a suggestive pun to two customers, but they didn't laugh because of his mood while telling the pun. As SpongeBob and Mini Skod come in, the two customers start to favor him. Skodwarde takes a custormer's order, but he doesn't like his attitude. Mini Skod takes Skodwarde's job as Cashier and takes the customer's order, and the customer likes his attitude. Spongebob cooks the patties and Mini Skod delivers them to the customers. He told Skodwarde's pun to the customers and they laughed because of his happy mood while telling the joke. Skodwarde starts to get mad at Mini Skod for stealing his joke. A lady wanted to give Mini Skod a $300,000 tip. Skodwarde takes his hat and his job back, but Mr. Krabs tells him that he prefers Mini Skod because he's making him plenty of money and changes Skodwarde's job to ass clown.

Soon, Mini Skod starts impressing the customers with some Dirty Dancing. Skodwarde realizes that they were his moves and starts to dirty dance, but the customers finds him lacking talent. Mini Skod and customers soon start dancing like Baby from Dirty Dancing because nobody puts Baby in a corner. Afterwards, Skodwarde gets mad at Mini Skod for stealing his life and starts squeezing him, bashing him, stomping him, and mauling him. Suddenly, Abraham Washington tells Skodwarde to stop mauling the head of his "new client". Skodwarde realizes the man is a talent scout and former horrible talk show host on WWECW. Skodwarde thought he was there to sign him to a talent contract with the Prime Time Players, but AW takes Mini Skod. He's offering Mini Skod a $1,000,000 contract, a sequent suit, and to have former WWE legend Tony Atlas to follow him and laugh at his jokes. Skodwarde tries to impress him, but fails with AW essentially telling him that he will never become famous just like his former clients Primo & Epico. SpongeBob bids goodbye to Mini Skod.

Skodwarde starts to sob because Mini Skod stole his dream, but realizes he'll never see him again. SpongeBob then picks up a wooden, mini-version of himself. The two started laughing after each other, annoying Skodwarde. This causes Skodwarde takes an arrow to the knee so he can rid himself of SpongeBob and Mini Bob. He then goes home and smokes marijuana while playing Skyrim, wondering if he should get his arrow removed from his knee.

Meanwhile, Mini Skod becomes famous with the Prime Time Players as they make millions of dollars. Millions of dollars. Millions of dollars. Millions of dollars. Until, they finally lose the tag team championship and Mini Skod turns on his former stable mates. Mini Skod becomes a jobber and eventually starts to get suspended for failing drug tests. Mini Skod goes on a downwards spiral, until he starts to kiss Triple H’s ass and gets a massive push to the top of the card as Mini Skod main events Wrestlemania. So yeah, Mini Skod pretty much has a better wrestling story than HBK and The Miz combined...except Mini Skod never finds Jesus like HBK does.

[Old Man Jenkins]

Now, without further ado. The moment hove all been waiting for...THE INCOMPARABLE SKODWARDE! Doo Doo Doo Doo! Da Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo! Der der der Doo DAH!


80a. Best Sex Ever

One day, the sun rose from the east like a bat out of hell as Spongebob breaks out in song and dance.

Spongebob: Mr. Sun came up and he smiled at me!

Mr. Sun: It's gonna be a good one just wait and see!

Spongebob: He jumped in my bed and gave me two scoops, both were spoon fed! I felt I was nearly do thee wed! It was the BEST SEX EVER!

After, well, that...we suffer about another minute of this interpretive dance scene as Spongebob tells Gary about how today's the day that he has the BEST SEX EVER for whatever reason that makes this specific day important. Gary couldn't give not one fuck, but Spongebob tells him anyway since we have an episode to move along here. Spongebob says that this will be the day that he "breathes life into a whole new generation of dee-licious Krabby Patties!" Oh you know that sounds dirty. Followed by a "vigorous midday KAH-RAH-TAY session with Sandy" before "an afternoon conjugal in Jellyfish Fields with Patrick", where he will unveil his ubercool, state of the art, Dildo Composite Pro in order to jack that rear into gear and give him a whole new paint job, which is pretty much a slap to Patrick's face in The Pink Dickhead. And he'll pop the cherry on top as he and all his special friends gather around for Skodwarde's uber reichous White Power Rally for a big ole' HAPPY ENDING! Spongebob's so excited that he could just EXPLODE! And he does...what, no jizz jokes? This season was chock-full of em'. Spongebob then nonchalantly walks out of his house, completely unscathed, continuing his musical sexual merriment as if he didn't just EXPLODED not ten seconds ago. Fuck it, HAPPY ENDING!

Skodwarde catches wind of all this and is simply not feeling it today since people, even his own creators, have completely forgotten about the Show's one year anniversary last month. Not even his success at the GCAs is enough to quell his PMS. In an attempt to no doubt ruin Spongebob's day of having the BEST EVER, he uses his god powers to make it rain on his parade by making it rain on the Krusty Krab...with his sperm. Ah, jizz jokes! The Krusty Krab is then deem unsanitary, as if it wasn't in previous episodes, and is quarantined, thus denying Spongebob his chances at having greasy sex with those delicious, little Krabby Patties. Deciding to save Skodwarde's cum for the next segment, Spongebob heads about doing the next thing on his list: Sandy. Spongebob breaks and enters the Treedome for about the umpteenth time in order to surprise Sandy with his super sticky, non-leakage, Best Condom In Town (remember kids, safe sex is better than no sex at all). They proceed to "spar with each other" as the sexual tension seeps out as with most Spongebob and Sandy karate scenes. Skodwarde can hear it all the way from his lair so he uses his god powers to spring a leak into the condom, causing Sandy to blame Spongebob for everything before knocking him the fuck out. Hoping he did not just have sexual relations with that woman (yes, Sandy's a girl), he goes to have that much belated conjugal. When Spongebob gets to Jellyfish Fields, he nearly came as he sees Patrick playing with himself out there in the open. He whips out his (t)rusty Dildo Composite Pro and gayly (happily, guys) comes on down. Skodwarde senses this and uses his god powers to something harshly drastic. Spongebob comes down and sees Patrick lying there in fetal position. Patrick says that his dildo got bent in half. And now comes a time in every sponge's life where every sponge must decide as to whether or not he will allow his significant other his permission to use his Dildo Composite Pro, complete with pulsating electroshock action for those thrill seekers. Spongebob Allows Patrick permission to use his Ole Reliable (in yet another slap to the previous episode's face) and Patrick somehow breaks that too without Skodwarde's assistance. And now comes the time where, oh forget it. Patrick gladly takes the Dildo Composite Pro and is too busy jacking his rear into gear to include Spongebob in the fun. With no happy endings in sight, Spongebob hopes to salvage what's left of this day at Skodwarde's rally.

Skodwarde, having spent his entire day ruining Spongebob's, realizes that he isn't prepared to make his rant if he has no rant to scream on about. Skodwarde proceeds to break down in fetal position after realizing his dreams to usher in the Thousand Year Foruth Reich has once again been crushed. Spongebob, wanting a HAPPY ENDING, spanks some sense into Skodwarde and tells him that he'll eat lightning and spit out thunder because Spongebob loves ya! Spongebob even feels the need to give Skodwarde fellatio cause why not? Skodwarde is all like "kthnx" before making his way inside, leaving Spongebob stranded as the bouncer at the door denies him entry. The Spongebob tries buttering up the bouncer, but it fails to work. He then tries buttering him up literally but is knocked the fuck out for his troubles. Mini Bob makes a cameo appearance, luring the bouncer away with some free deals on AOL, but Spongebob is halted at the door by the Mini Bouncer, since he apparently watches Skodwarde. Spongebob then decides to be more blunt (ha blunt) and proceeds to sex up the bouncer in exchange for entry. It was apparently so good that Spongebob was allowed VIP access, but is too late as he takes his seat right as Skodwarde finished ushering in the Fourth Reich. Not amused, Spongebob tells all the skinheads to "sit the fuck down!" and forcefully makes Skodwarde duckwalk from backstage in order to continue the night's merriment. Spongebob goes so batshite insane that not even Skodwarde wants to fuck with him. Spongebob takes the time to inform everybody in attendance about how today was the day he was supposed to have the Best Sex Ever and get a Happy Ending to top it all off, but everybody tells him "TMI". Spongebob even rips a guy's cock for trying to leave during his life story. He says this was all to celebrate his friend Skodwarde, who recently made one year on the spin-off airwaves.

But then, his friends (so just Mr. Krabs, Sandy and Patrick) gathered around to cheer up their sex deprived deviant of a friend, basically telling him that he should put their happiness before his own (which is pretty much what they were saying in the real ep). They decide to make it up to him and make up for this episode by getting into a steamy foursome right in the middle of the stage. Skodwarde, finally amused after learning of Spongebob's good intentions, uses his god powers to make this shindig one big orgy. Plankton is all like, "mmmm steamy" before getting in on this sweet action. Puff Mama's got no bills to pay, so she has time to kill by partaking in this drivel, making some Krusty Love with Mr. Krabs. Hunka Hunka Larry pounds on Sandy's chest, interpret that as you may. The Flying Dutchman poofs in and says "sex prevents scurvy" before sodomizing everyone with his sweaty, old rape sock. Flatts is touched by this scene and proceeds to remember it by fucking everyone in the butt. Bubble Buddy says, "things are getting a little weird here" but joins in on the fun anyway. Mermaidman unbuckles his belt and takes off his bra as Barnacle Boy shows why they call him Barnacle Boy. Gary shows up and gets bestial. Skolliam enters the fray and gets down and dirty because he's filthy fucking rich! The Skod Crew decides they want in as Clappy gives everyone the clap, everybody wants a piece of the Wumbooty, and OMJ makes love to the young people knowing no good would come from them anyway. Pole cries her way through sex, and why even Mr. Sun makes an unprecedented appearance at night to heat things up. Skodwarde finally dives in as they have the BEEEEST SEEEEX EEEEVEEERRR! About 69 hours later, everyone has fatigued libidos while Spongebob and Skodwarde are the last men pulsating. Everyone else resolves to let Spongebob and Skodwarde have their fun because fuck it

[HAPPY ENDING]

Happy 1 Year, Skodwarde!


80b. The Gift of Cum

One day, the main cast of Skodwarde decided to exchange gifts in order to commemorate Skodwarde's success at the GCAs. Skodwarde, who is pressed on time for not acquiring gifts any sooner, decides to give all the little twerps a gum ball. Patrick does one better as he bestows upon Spongebob the gift of cum (there it is, I said it!). Patrick has accumulated all the dried up cum he has ever ejaculated and has somehow molded it all together into a huge sphere of magical unicorn mayonnaise because what else does Patrick do under that rock all day besides eating a Krabby Patty at 3 a.m. and doing pretty much...nothing. Spongebob is honored and breaks down in tears at how shitty his gift to Patrick is compared to the Cum Ball, which turns out to be a new sentient sex doll that doesn't take any quarters in order to operate it. Wut, how is that shitty? You've given him countless sex toys and all he gives you is a fucking ball of dried up semen? I digress. Patrick decides to break his new sex doll in while Spongebob proceeds to kill a goat in order to appease the cumball. Meanwhile, Skodwarde burns all his gifts because he bears no such qualms for such materialistic things...my ass.

Spongebob pulls his groin trying to get the appropriately named "Cummy" into his humble abode, but is even more disgusted at the various miscellaneous objects such as the bent dildos, used condoms, bloody tampons and years old pizza that adorns the sticky sphere. At one point, an old pair of Patrick's underwear, no doubt used during one of the fap sessions that contributed to this abomination's creation, crawls up to Spongebob and tells him "I came." Spongebob spazzes and resolves to get rid of Cummy. He tried burying, shredding it and burning it before deciding to just throw it all away. Patrick, who is wearing a robe because his gift has made him Hugh Hefner, catches wind of this and confronts Spongebob about these suspicious circumstances. Spongebob thinks quick to pull an excuse out of his ass and tells him that he was simply "dressing Cummy up." Patrick compliments that Cummy does look quite dashing and leaves to to sex up his barbie doll some more. Spongebob then tries burying it, but Patrick, who was conveniently having sex with his barbie doll in the bulldozer Spongebob planned on using, is alerted of this ruse and demands an explanation. Spongebob said it was because a dingo ate his baby and Patrick acquits him of the accusations before putting Cummy up on display on Spongebob's house. Patrick makes his leave, saying that "he's gonna learn how to use a spoon" to which the barbie doll quips, "learning how to spoon, daddy."

Spongebob laments over his dire situation and confides in Gary over what to do about their sticky situation (ha). Gary suggests telling Patrick, you know, the truth, but Spongebob misinterprets it as staging a robbery and continues to neglect Gary as he gets into his Krabby Patty Burgerlar get-up. Later that night, he puts his plan into action but finds himself coming across a few lost souls trapped inside Cummy, asking to know if they made it over the border yet. What is this? I don't even...After sugar freeing the illegal aliens so they can take our jobs, Spongebob proceeds to get himself stuck In the cum for his troubles. Karma's a bitch. Sandy walks by and gets herself stuck to, causing irreparable damage to Ole Blue for talking back to her during her escape attempt. This, in turn, causes the cum to ooze all over Skodwarde's lair. Skodwarde is not amused at these turn of events and proceeds to use his god powers to do something about it, but Cummy overpowers and consumes him too, slowly siphoning his god powers away as Cummy becomes stickier and more unstable. Yes, we're revisiting that plot device again.

Patrick comes over and nearly jizzes in excitement at what Cummy has become. The barbie doll tries to give Patrick a hand job but Patrick is not having it. Spongebob and Patrick share a hallmark moment I'm sure before Patrick becomes an Indian giver and proceeds to consume Cummy, who pleads with it's master but Patrick is having it. The excess cum causes Patrick to shit himself, once again releasing Cummy into Bikini Bottom and we are left at a cliffhanger, Skod faithful. Will Cummy be vanquished? Find out...

Spoiler

Now.

Skodwarde, not amused at the ridiculousness that is this season, grows a pair and goes off-script by using his god powers to take the ridiculousness and moving it somewhere else. He then grew a mustache, changed his name to Ben Dover and they all lived happily ever after. That's it. The episode is over. What did I say about no jizz jokes earlier? This entire segment was ONE BIG JIZZ JOKE. That's my gift to you.

Spoiler

Spoiler

See you in Season 5, America!

[Clappy]

This was bloody brilliant. I love it.

[Wumbo]

Season 5!

Episode 81: Friend or Foe?

Hey, look kids! It's Patchy the Pirate with a part-time job because he can't pay the rent!

Patchy: GET THAT MUTHAFUCKING CAMERA OUTTA MY-

PLEASE STAND BY

Patchy: Ha-ha! Hi, kids! Don't pay any attention to that dangblasted narrator, he don't know his own ass from a croissant. Hey, to take the focus off of me for a while, how'd you like to see another episode of Skodwarde?

Skodwarde fans (collectively): That's what we're waiting for, dipshit.

Patchy: Oh! All righty then! But let's start with a segment where my parrot and I yell at each other for a couple minutes.

Patchy and his parrot yell at each other for a couple minutes. Patchy sulks, because he thinks that he's lost his only friend who treats him like shit all the time and God this guy's life sucks. Anyway, on with the show!

Plankton is once again trying to steal the Krabby Patty formula. He almost succeeds, but SpongeBob uses his oral powers to snag the formula from Plankton's clutches. (Fun fact: SpongeBob swallows.) Mr. Krabs kicks Plankton out of me restaurant again, but SpongeBob, always wanting to appreciate the sentimental value of everything, demands to know what caused Plankton to be so cruel. Mr. Krabs says that you might as well blame Skodwarde. Skodwarde demands to know what the fuck he's talking about, so Mr. Krabs begins his story...

The story begins in innocent grade school, with Mr. Krabs, Plankton, and Skodwarde being in the same class. Skodwarde leads the class in a rallying cry of "Rag-boy" to belittle Mr. Krabs, because we all know he's an asshole like that. Mr. Krabs looks ashamed, mostly because his clothes really are made out of dirty rags. His only friend was Plankton because the kids at that school were really shallow. Well, that, and Skodwarde controlled their minds to make them hate Eugene and Sheldon. Why? Well, that's another story that we'll probably never cover.

One day, Eugene and Sheldon were strolling in a sleazy carnival when Eugene discovered the sexiest thing he'd ever laid his eyes on: a penny. It was then that he began his descent into monesexuality. He tried hiding it by buying Sheldon a balloon, but when Sheldon flew up in the air because he's apparently lighter than a balloon, Eugene found the perfect opportunity to go home and masturbate to the thought of money.

The next day, Eugene and Sheldon venture off to Stinky's burger joint, where Stinky (great name) makes burgers for all of the popular children. Obviously holding a prejudice against the squares, he turns away Eugene and Sheldon. Meanwhile, after eating burger after burger, Skodwarde decides that he wants a piece of this action and uses his god powers to let loose a series of plagues in Stinky's, causing the health inspector to shut 'er down. When Eugene and Sheldon hear about this, they decide to open a restaurant all on their own, in the middle of a garbage dump because they have little to know business skills.

When Skodwarde hears about this, he makes sure that Eugene and Sheldon have no success by using his god powers to make the burgers that they made taste vile and disgusting. But because the kids in the town have no class, they'll eat anything. So Eugene and Sheldon still become successful. But power soon goes to Sheldon's head. He wants to take over the world, and when Eugene chimes in with shit about the customer, Sheldon replies, "FUCK the customer!" Eugene realizes that his recipe is in dangerous hands, and he and Sheldon slap-fight until Sheldon gives it up, vowing Eugene that he will be back with vengeance the next day... and the next day... and the next...

Back to present day, where Plankton calls Mr. Krabs out on not telling the story right. His spin on it involves a young Eugene thinking of all the sexytimes he can spend with the money that he earns, and wanting to earn more money to have bigger orgies. This time, the shoe is on the other foot, so to speak. It's pretty much the same story, except Eugene's being the jackass.

Skodwarde, meanwhile, in the present day, fails to see how any of this has anything to do with him. He then recalls the real story, which goes as follows:

Skodwarde notices that Eugene and Sheldon have become popular with their burgers. Devastated, he tries to concoct a scheme that will ruin their reputation for good. He uses his god powers to make their burgers lethal. Meanwhile, Eugene and Sheldon decide to give a Krabby Patty to OMJ while he was taking care and spiking his hair. OMJ eats it, then dies a horrible death. Sheldon and Eugene have a falling out over whose fault it was, and that's why things are the way they are today.

When Mr. Krabs and Plaknton hear the real story, they decide to make amends. But Skodwarde uses his god powers to harden the Krabs' heart, and he would still not let his patties go. Maintaining the status quo, this story has come to an end.

Oh, and Patchy got fired. What a fucking loser, can't even work in the fast food industry.

[Jjs Goodman]

82a. The Original Fry Cook

It is a normal day at the Krusty Krab. Skodwarde is masturbating to a magazine at the boat, Mr. Krabs is orgasming over some moolah, and SpongeBob is doing his thang on the grill. Suddenly, a golden pimp limousine appears outside the Krusty Krab. A fat, greasy fish appears out if named Jim, who was the original Krusty Krab fry cook long before SpongeBob! Jim walks in, as Skodwarde and Mr. Krabs nearly pop a kidney stone when they see him come back. He, Mr. Krabs, and Skodwarde remember back when the Krusty Krab had class. Skodwarde reminisce to when there was no SpongeBob, he had amazing golden hair, and when people knew the Krusty Krab served shit there...good times, good times.

To show SpongeBob what he can do, Jim pulls a magical Krabby Patty out of his ass in five seconds, and SpongeBob eats it. SpongeBob then has a trippy hallucination and SpongeBob loves it, and fears his makings are nothing like Jim's. He wants to cook like Jim, and Jim says not to step on the patty, since the customers run over a Krabby Patty made by SpongeBob when headed to greet Jim. SpongeBob becomes furious with jealousy and wants to beat Jim in a cock contest. Unfortunately, Jim has a much bigger cock, so Jim decides to train SpongeBob in the art of patty making. His advice is to of course, make the patty. Then add some nice shit as a condiment, and finally, spray some jizz on it for extra measure, and wala! SpongeBob tries these methods, but Skodwarde sabotages SpongeBob's training with his god powers, and SpongeBob does bad, and cannot reach Jim's standards. Jim laughs at him by sticking his hairy cock into a failed patty of SpongeBob's. SpongeBob is tired of Jim being better than him, so he decides to resign and give his job to Jim.

Jim laughs, and nearly pops his kidney stone when he tells SpongeBob he quit because Mr. Krabs laughed at him when he asked for a raise. Mr. Krabs had popped his kidney stone back then as well (yup, we're just killing it!). Jim then quit after that, like the cold stoner he is. Mr. Krabs reveals that SpongeBob has one thing Jim doesn't have: he's a cheap bastard! Jim tells SpongeBob that he could be an even greater fry cook, but only if he leaves the Krusty Krab which he calls a shit sty. After that, SpongeBob says that the restaurant isn't a shit sty, but Mr. Krabs says it is his shit sty, and laughs.


82b. Night Light

One dark and cold night, SpongeBob reads a scary story before going to bed. It is about a fish going into a dark train, and being raped by the engineer! Skodwarde catches wind of this, and decides to make SpongeBob see rapists in the dark such as Rusty Wilkerson, Billy Glaze, Tony Alamo, Danny Rolling, and some other names you may not give two shits about. Because of that, he sees rapists when he turns off the lights. When at the Krusty Krab, he tells Mr. Krabs that if he blinks, he sees a rapist. Mr. Krabs tells SpongeBob to get a night light so he won't be scared of the dark. SpongeBob goes to the Barg N' Mart to buy some night lights. However, he buys moar and moar when he finds more darkness in the house. He puts fancy colored night lights everywhere, from the bottom of his toilet, to his nightstand, and all the way to a shadowed corner in the part of the room nobody cares about.

Patrick thinks SpongeBob is throwing a wild party and goes there, but SpongeBob warns him about the dark so he brings his rock inside SpongeBob's pineapple. While getting more night lights, Skodwarde complains that he can't masturbate because of all their bright lights. He tells SpongeBob that he played a prank on him to make him see rapists, but SpongeBob doesn't believe him, so Skodwarde just leaves and goes back to masturbating at his home. While getting a lighthouse, it makes the Batman Symbol-I mean, MermaidMan and Barnacle Boy symbol in the sky, so Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy come, but get angry that SpongeBob didn't really summon them.

Meanwhile, The Killer Moth, one of Mermaid Man's old enemies, who he has been searching 69 years for, finds the light, but SpongeBob traps him inside the lighthouse. However, The Killer Moth carries the lighthouse along with the pineapple away. Mermaid Man calls it a night, and drives away with Barnacle Boy, questioning who those two ugly-ass creatures of the dark were (referring to SpongeBob and Patrick). SpongeBob and Patrick are alone in the dark until the sun comes up. Patrick goes up to get it, thinking it is a light and SpongeBob falls asleep. Patrick comes down again with his ass on fire, screaming "TOO MUCH LIGHT!"

In loving memory of Ernest Borgnine (January 24, 1917 – July 8, 2012)

[Clappy]

Good job men! I sure hope Season 5 isn't our worst season like so many people are predicting.

I'll have episodes 83 A, B, and C up today.

[Old Man Jenkins]

Great episodes, me bois! It looks like I have 84.

[Clappy]

Sorry for delays, I blame no internet.


83a. Rise and Shine, Motherfuckers

SpongeBob wakes up one morning and looks out the window. He asks Gary about ever wondering what Skodwarde does every morning. We then Skodwarde wake up and pleasure himself to some anemone porn. He then fondles himself him in the shower and dries off. He then smokes some of that strong shit and starts to preach to himself thinking that he is preaching to real people.

As Skodwarde continues to Cape Fear it, he then realizes he has a bad case of the munchies, so he goes for his pork grinds. But alas, he is all out of pork grinds. So he goes for the second best option: Scooby snacks. Skodwarde then uses his god powers to break the fourth wall and arrive at the Mystery Inc van. Skodwarde proceeds to get high again with Shaggy, Scooby, Fred, Daphne, and Velma. He then asks for a Scooby snack, but the Mystery Inc gang are being massive assholes about it since they are trying to solve The Case of the The Stalling Storyline. Skodwarde uses his god powers to deduct that Clappy is the one that is terrorizing the readers with this lagging story. He uses his pew pew laser eyes to stop him and Clappy would have gotten away with it too if it wasn’t for those meddling kids, their dog too, and that Skod. Skodwarde finally gets his Scooby snacks, but realizes that he is late for work.

He re-enters his universe, takes some eye drops to get rid of his red eyes, and exits his house. SpongeBob asks Skodwarde how his morning was and Skod says “Oh, the usual.” They walk past Patrick’s house as they hear him yelling at his alarm clock.



83b. We Are Running Out of Actual Plot Ideas!

Skodwarde is re-reading Mein Kampf for the 234983024^th time. He realizes that this is much better than the 234983023rd time he read this book. However, he hears some obnoxious noise going on from outside. He looks out his window and sees SpongeBob standing next to his mailbox. He keeps watching him figuring out what he is doing, but he is just standing there doing nothing. Skodwarde says that this story has to be leading to somewhere, so he just watches patiently. But the thing is, nothing exciting happens. I mean he just stands there, he karate flips Sandy, which Skodwarde found arousing, and he yells at his snail. Where is the excitement? What is the point of all this?

Soon after, things get enticing as Patrick joins SpongeBob, but once again. They just stand there once again. This storyline is just boring the hell out of everyone involved, including the writer, so let’s fast forward to a mail man coming with a package. Skodwarde wonders if this package contains something exciting that will be a great pay off to all this damn waiting, but it’s just a toy. A toy so cheap that it can entertain the world’s biggest moron for days, but the world’s biggest moron (aka Patrick) ends up breaking it. He then sees the two of them crying and yelling and just being happy rolling morons, so Skodwarde realizes that enough is enough.

He exits his house and asks SpongeBob for the 411 and SpongeBob sadly explains that they were just waiting for his cereal prize. Skodwarde grabs the toy and puts it back together and shows them that the toy is suppose to do that. SpongeBob doesn’t give a shit and hugs Skodwarde and asks what he can do for fixing his toy. Skodwarde then comes up with a brilliant idea. The scene fast forwards to after the series is over as SpongeBob and Patrick exterminate everyone under Skodwarde’s Nazi supremacy regime.



83C. Herpes Among Us

Gary is hungry for food and wakes up SpongeBob for breakfast. SpongeBob gives him some new Organic Health food from the SeaWhole Foods Market. Gary hates that organic shit and wants some actual food. He finds this fungus shit and starts eating. SpongeBob gets mad and shoos Gary away from the fungi. SpongeBob says that they live in a green pineapple now and they are going to eat healthy from this point forward, but you’ll have to excuse SpongeBob’s hypocrisy as he goes to work for his fast food chain.

As SpongeBob is leaving for work, he realizes that he got that bumpy fungus shit on him, so he tries to wash it off. However it’s not going away and he gets Patrick to help, but of course Patrick doesn’t know any better since he is losing more and more brain cells the further they get each season, which pisses off Skodalgics. SpongeBob goes to the Krusty Krab and tries to hide the bumps, but it ends up going on to his nose, his arms, his penis, and everywhere. Skodwarde ends up calling the S.W.A.T. Team after realizing that is no ordinary fungus, it's herpes. The S.W.A.T. Team arrives immediately and take SpongeBob home. Surprisingly, the restaurant still doesn’t get shut down for violating yet another health code violation, but screw logic, right? Oh and Skodwarde ends up getting hit by a spark of herpes. When Skodwarde touches Old Man Jenkins' hand at the register for the change, Old Man Jenkins gets herpes on his nose and gives it to JCM in a cameo, who then gives it to Clappy, Wumbo, and their intern jjs, who officially can become crew relatively soon. Soon, Skodwarde is panicked about the herpes on his nose.

Back at home, SpongeBob wakes up where the SWAT team has placed him in a bubble to help contain the herpes outbreak and Gary is trapped in a bubble too. Patrick comes over and SpongeBob tells him to be careful but Patrick asks to play a game of "Butt Pirate Wrestling". SpongeBob agrees but his prosthetic penis destroys his bubble. Back at the Krusty Krab, Mr. Krabs is worried that SpongeBob is not flipping the Krabby Patties, and Skodwarde is driven to the kitchen. Skodwarde spreads the herpes to the Krabby Patties and French fries. After Skodwarde gives the customers the herpes-contaminated food, the fish get herpes on their skin and the restaurant still doesn’t get shut down.

Back at the pineapple, Patrick pops SpongeBob's bubble but blows him back a new bubble, which makes SpongeBob think that he can go back to work at the Krusty Krab. All the fish and the Skod crew are angry when the herpes infects them and blames Krabs. Mr. Krabs blames Skodwarde, then Skodwarde blames SpongeBob, and everybody tries to destroy SpongeBob's bubble. Gary manages to get to the Krusty Krab by the garbage but not before the entire bubble explodes and everybody is now covered in herpes infecting their skin. Soon, Gary eats all the herpes away because this is an animated cartoon and herpes can go away instantly in this universe! Mr. Krabs makes a $5.00 plus Krabby Patties charge to get the herpes eaten away. SpongeBob's herpes is now gone and everybody has their herpes away making the Krusty Krab back to normal. And this is still shockingly Clappy’s least favorite episode no matter how lulzy he tries to make this premise seem in the Skod universe.