Skodwarde

[Wumbo]

Sorry for the wait guys.

89a. The Krusty Sponge

A food critic comes along to critique the Krusty Krab. Now, this is a food critic, not a health inspector, so everything should go off without a hitch, right? Hahaha... WRONG! Skodwarde lays his vicious tongue upon him as soon as he enters the door (he insulted him, perverts), and after one tongue-lashing too many, the food critic leaves angrily. Mr. Krabs tries to beat Skodwarde with his big meaty claws, but Skodwarde resists with his god powers, and also because Mr. Krabs is kind of a wuss. At the last minute, SpongeBob launches a Krabby Patty down the food critic's esophagus, in a last-ditch attempt to make nice with him. Only time will tell.

Later that night, the Krusty Krew tunes into a channel that actually has somebody reviewing restaurants. They catch the review of the Krusty Krab, where the food critic says that it smelled like a dirty hoe's ass and that the service was somewhat less than godlike. Skodwarde proclaims that he hates this channel and proceeds to change it as the customers leave as they realize that yeah, it does kinda smell like the back end of a hoe, and Skodwarde is kind of a dick. But before they leave, the critic also mentions that the Krabby Patty he unwittingly indulged is the greatest damn thing he's tasted in his life, and if the management knows what he's doing, he needs to sponge it up.

Mr. Krabs heeds his advice and turns up the sponge. Suddenly, everything is SpongeBob-themed. Mr. Krabs is even charging people to ride the SpongeBob train (innuendo? Maybe). But things turn awry as Mr. Krabs comes up with the brilliant idea to make SpongeBob jizz on every Krabby Patty. As we all know from Season 3's Nasty Patty, SpongeBob's jizz is lethal. Thus, every customer who tries a Sponge Patty dies instantly. This turns into a big fat lawsuit where the people of Bikini Bottom face Mr. Krabs. Skodwarde manages to bribe the judge into letting Mr. Krabs go (he IS a god, after all), but the deal involves promising that Mr. Krabs and the judge would ride the SpongeBob train together. Doing away with the SpongeBob theme, Skodwarde settles down to read another chapter of Mein Kampf. All in a day's work.

89b. Sing a Song of Patrick

One day, Patrick decides to be an asshole and steal SpongeBob's crack change to mail in an entry to write a song to be performed by some underground hipster band that's not really underground because they're publishing contests in newspapers. As he gets the creative process flowing, he finds that the words just write themselves. Yes, yes, they keep going, as if the pen is in control, rather than the mind. He can't stop. But he has to! Finally, after a couple of hours, it is finished.

Patrick mails his song in, entitling it "Gloomy Sunday". Even before the band opens the envelope, they can already tell it has a depressing vibe. After playing the song, the members get so depressed that they form a murder-suicide pact amongst themselves. Somehow, Patrick is convinced that this means that they really liked the song, as they died in its honour. He convinces SpongeBob to go with him to the radio tower and broadcast "Gloomy Sunday" across Bikini Bottom. Many suicides ensue, along with divorce, floods, and whatever else. At the end of the episode, it is revealed that Patrick was being possessed by a demon sent by Skodwarde to stir shit up. And stir shit up he did. All in a day's work.

[Clappy]

Sorry for the delay guys. How dare I allow this to get to Page 2.

90A. Crabs in Her "Dome"

SpongeBob and Patrick are so sad that Sandy has gone to Texas for a whole two minutes. So they decide to throw her a welcome home party. During their party, SpongeBob and Patrick notice that Sandy is scratching and biting her privates. Sandy explains that upon her return from a science convention in Texas, she unknowingly brought back crabs. Sandy asks SpongeBob to open her briefcase and take out her shampoo and medications. The crabs jumps out of her privates and lands on SpongeBob. SpongeBob gets bitten and grabs the shampoo. The crabs then lands on Patrick and bites him, causing Patrick to take the shampoo. They fight over the shampoo, then Sandy grabs the shampoo and wraps it around all three of them. The crabs then reproduce, causing the shampoo to be taken away, rending it useless. Crabs take over Sandy's treedome, and no one can escape the dome. Patrick blames SpongeBob for throwing the party and getting infected, then blames Sandy for bringing the crabs. Skodwarde then appears and saves this episode from a terrible ending by using his god powers to push all the crabs into Angelina Jolie’s crotch. Then he puts all the water in the ocean into Sandy’s tree dome leaving no water left in the ocean, with only Skodwarde surviving due to him being a god.

90B. An Episode Whose Existence is of Shame

Skodwarde tells a tale of pointlessness. SpongeBob and Patrick take one too many shots of Southern Comfort and pass out. The next morning, Patrick eats SpongeBob’s doughnut. Patrick feels guilty, but SpongeBob gave him the doughnut all along. There, Skodwarde saved you eleven minutes. But he still has a few more minutes left to spare…thus he tells you another tale:

90C. The Krusty Plate

Yep, another three minute special. Skodwarde decides to be an ass and use his god powers to make one plate particularly unwashable. Around closing time at the Krusty Krab, SpongeBob finishes washing dishes. However, he finds Skodwarde’s spot that takes a long time to get it off the plate. SpongeBob attempts various methods, to the point of destroying the Krusty Krab. Skodwarde proceeds to spend his days off while the Krusty Krab is being restructured doing blow and waiting for The Warriors to come out and play Parcheesi with him.

[Wumbo]

Hey, one good ep deserves another.

91a. Goo Goo Gas

Plankton has created a spray that turns people into babies, for some reason. I think it's his latest plan to RULE THA WORLD or something. Anyway, his Goo Goo Gas, as he calls it, has turned both SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs into babies. SUCCESS! But then Plankton gets thrown into the deep recesses of SpongeBob's diaper. Not a success! Basically, the episode this is based off of was so forgettable that It's not even worth more than one paragraph. I'd write more, but Skodwarde is already pissed at me for not including him in this story, so I'll stop here.

91b. Le Big Switch

Today, Skodwarde is watching Wife Swap and enjoying a chuckle or two about the lives of dysfunctional families. He figures that he can cook up a similar plot at the Krusty Krab, and bribes Mr. Krabs into calling the producers to create a spin-off show called Chef Swap. The producers like the idea, mostly because they'll jump at any new blatant spin-off. So, it's settled. Mr. Krabs tries to fool SpongeBob by saying that it's some "employee exchange program" or some shit like that, but even SpongeBob knows that it's not. Finally, Mr. Krabs makes the ultimate sacrifice: he bribes SpongeBob to play along with the whole thing. As SpongeBob takes his money, Mr. Krabs sighs, knowing that the money would be used for spending on more volumes of anemone porn, rather than being enjoyed for itself.

The Krusty Krab ends up exchanging with the prissy-ass restaurant down the road, Le Chateau. A restaurant so snooty it needs to italicize its name and use French words without context. Anyway, Le Chateau sends one of their cooks with a hilarious French accent. He says "ze" instead of "the"! Oh, mercy. Anyway, that guy starts working at the Krusty Krab and SpongeBob starts working at Le Chateau. SpongeBob's work performance is less than stellar, because he hasn't mastered the arts of fine dining and breathing. The Skodalgics cry foul at this plot rehash, but the show must go on. Suddenly, it turns out that SpongeBob's Krabby Patties are a big hit in the restaurant, prompting Le Chateau to completely overhaul its menu. They make Krabby Patties the only thing you can order, and if you don't like it, you can get outta town!

Meanwhile, shit is going down at the Krusty Krab. Deep shit. The new French cook is spending money like a big booty hoe, driving the Krusty Krab out of business. Mr. Krabs is forced to partly give up his sexual partners in order to pay for everything. All of a sudden, SpongeBob returns with a plethora of people wanting to escape the demon fortress known as Le Chateau. Mr. Krabs feeds them Krabby Patties against their will, just to gain back profit. Mr. Krabs smiles as his revenue comes back, and Skodwarde smiles because his actions have caused misery to nearly all. He smites Mr. Krabs just for good measure.

[Macseed]

Wow... these episodes of SB look like ones you guys don't like.

Keep up the good Skodwork!

[Old Man Jenkins]

Well, I put this off long enough. I apologize for the long wait, but how about an all-new Skodwarde special to make up for it?! Yes? No? Maybe so? Ah, whatever.


92. Atlantis: The Skod Empire

We open things up to a shot of Patchy the Butt Pirate (it's a special so bear with us) stuck in traffic coming home from God knows whatever the fuck he does for a living. Pillage shit? I don't know, nor do I want to. He's just stuck in traffic, throwing a bitch fit over how bad the traffic is in Encino and how he's gonna end up missing the new Hotel Eroticanemone coming up on HBO. Well, it doesn't help him any that he's operating a boat on a goddamn interstate. Somehow avoiding highway patrol, Patchy tries to play his Peter Frampton cassette to calm his nerves but his bad history with the VCR proves to be his comeuppance once again. Patchy calls up Potty to record Hotel Eroticanemone for him but Potty acts like a bitch as always until their call gets dropped. After calling Potty a "little pain in the ass" and crusing AT&T, Patchy tells the poor schmuck who's been riding his ass for the past mile, "No one rides the ass of a Butt Pirate!" which proves to be more than enough to get him to back off because I'd just stare at them like an idiot too if I saw a guy driving a boat on the interstate. Traffic finally starts moving and Patchy immediately makes it back home to Encino, defying all logic in doing so, but comes to find that his home is now just a barren desert wasteland. After crusing his map on his new iPhone 5, Patchy breaks down in tears and somehow ties all this nonsense in with another lost city known as Atlantis and we finally get to what you've all been waiting for. Yeah, I couldn't give two fucks about what happens to Patchy, either.

92. Atlantis: The Skod Empire (Forreal)

We see Spongebob and Patrick trying to make a sex tape of some sort in the middle of Jellyfish Fields like we always have them doing. Being the lovable idiots we make them out to be, they're trying to see which one of them can experience the longest orgasm but they always find themselves dying down after about three seconds of ecstasy. They somehow improv a song about the entire ordeal but you wouldn't want to hear. Spongebob begins blowing Patrick's whistle and this sexual exploit takes out of the comfort of their open fields. Patrick is worried yet aroused, but Spongebob insists that he's going for a record here. They find their way into some cave and are ultimately cock blocked by some rather blunt object conveniently located in there. After contemplating shredding, burning and burying it, they decide on just giving it away to the local museum. Meanwhile, outside the museum, Mr. Krabs, in yet another desperate attempt to build upon his already vast wealth, begins performing sexual favors for a nominal fee. He's almost caught in the act by a police officer but you know Mr. K, always willing to serve the boys in blue.

 

Inside the museum, Skodwarde is busy vandalizing a painting of King Neptune, slapping on some dicks here and there, crusing the Greek God and saying that he should be worshipped instead. Skodwarde catches wind of Spongebob, Patrick and their blunt object and accuses them of stealing it from the museum. He uses his god powers to swipe it and nearly shits himself when he sees that is actually the lost second half of the Amulet. Spongebob and Patrick begin talking about how they like their eggs as Skodwarde tells them that the Amulet will help them find the lost city of Atlantis. Eugene wants in on this action and has an orgasm at the mear mention of diamond lightbulbs for some reason. Skodwarde goes on about how Atlantis is home to vast riches and shit and how they invented electricity and just about everything you can find at Wal-Mart. Sandy wants in on it now because this can't be a total sausage fest. Atlantis also happens to be home to the oldest dildo in the world, which tickles Spongebob and Patrick's fancy. They slap the amulet together and summon forth a hot rod/bus thing.

Everybody gets comfy and Skodwarde is given a complementary best hand job he's ever had until they find out that the bus is low on gas. Skodwarde uses his god powers to take them to a gas station, only to find out that the Atlanteans created everything except, of course, fossil fuels. The on-board navigator decides to tell them NOW (GPS's, amirite people?) that the Atlantean vehicle is only powered by song. Great, a musical. So our nautical crew members improv some of the most vain lyrics known to music about all their desires going into Atlantis. Spongebob sings about the dildo, Mr. Krabs sings about the money, Sandy sings about finally being accepted for who she is (a plot which the writers only now pick up on), Skodwarde sings about being worshipped like the god he is, and Plankton, because this episode already isn't a clusterfuck as it is, sings about the fires that will burn down the whole town and uranium bombs. Patrick doesn't nail the low note so they come crashing into Atlantis.

 

They are greeted to longer than necessary staircase and the apparent Atlantean King. After some nautical slapstick involving leather, he introduces himself as the Lord Royal Highness, or as everyone better knows him as, David Bowie. That's right, David motherfucking Bowie. He takes them out for a night on the town as our minuscule menace struggles to get out of his booster seat in the bus. David Bowie shows them their locked armory that houses all the Atlantean weapons. He tells them that Atlantis can't afford to be ravaged by war and like all problems that our world is facing, we should just lock them away behind a large door. Krabs want Bowie to "SHOW ME THE MONEY!" and they go do that as Plankton sneaks in and nearly jizzes himself as he looks upon fleet after fleet of weapons of mass destruction that puts the Third Reich to shame. Take that Skodwarde.

We head back to Patchy in Encino but let's just skip that since nothing productive happens anyway. After some nautical nonsense involving some lyrical money orgies, science orgies video game parodies, weapon orgies and just plain blood orgies in Skodwarde's honor, as well as some pretty blatant Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory ripoffs, David Bowie finally shows Spongebob and Patrick the Atlanteans most prized ancient relic and greatest gift to the world, the dildo. The oldest dildo to be exact, which the Atlanteans brought to Earth from their home planet. I guess that makes them aliens then. What a rip. Bowie decides to leave this most prized, fragile and ancient relic alone with two complete strangers who just so happen to be two of the most idiotic life forms in all the undersea floor. They immediately try to break that baby in but they break it mid-record-setting-orgasm. In the dining hall, Skodwarde proclaims he is never leaving Atlantis, Mr. Krabs is in a catatonic state from all the money he's taken and Sandy shows off her latest milestone invention from the Atlantean laboratories that allows her to have sex underwater without having to remove her suit instead of more useful things like, say, the cure for cancer.

 

Spongebob and Patrick rush in non-nonchalantly and David Bowie inquires how their time with the dildo was. Spongebob says that they all must leave and makes up an excuse that he has diarrhea. It nearly works until Patrick blurts out they've destroyed their most prized possession. As a man who appreciates dark humor (and this show is full of it), David Bowie laughs it off and tells them that they just broke a prop used to entice tourists and that he is actually in possession of the real dildo, which he keeps up his ass as it should be (ha). Patrick is all like, "touch." and breaks it on contact, which gets Bowie's panties in a twist as he sends the royal guards at them. Having enough of this nonsense, Skodwarde uses his pew pew eye lazors to take out the royal guards and just be done with it but finds themselves blocked by Plankton, who is operating a volatile sex machine.

We check in on Patchy again, who is near-death from thirst and starvation. He is haunted by hallucinations of Potty and the Devil before being saved by a celestial hallucination of Skodwarde, played in live-action by Sir Patrick Stewart, who tells Patchy to grow a pair and use his "IMAGINATION". Patchy imagines himself back in Encino, California doing some rather lewd things and eating some ice cream with Servin' Up Smiles, who is from that general area I'm sure. Patchy snaps out of this heatstroke-induced hallucination after Smiles shows him that her eyelashes is, indeed, real. Potty brings Patchy a sandwich, which pleases our butt pirate until he finds out there's mayo in it, which is like the end of the world to him.

 

Back in the story that matters, Planktons has everyone in range of fire and unleashes the full power of the Atlantean sex machine, which proceeds to cum all over everyone. Everybody shares a good laugh because after all, it was called a sex machine for a reason. David Bowie decides to take in Plankton as a "replacement relic" and puts Plankton out on display for everyone to say hi to. Bowie also hastily kicks Skodwarde and the others out of his underwater utopia and even goes as far as to have Lou Reed (in another cameo) dispose of the Atlantean Amulet by throwing it in the dumpster. I'm guessing the Atlanteans also didn't invent recycling. As the hot bus takes them back to Bikini Bottom, everyone looks back on their time in Atlantis. Spongebob tries cheering them up with the discomforting sound of his voice, prompting Skodwarde to use his god powers to make the lost city of Atlantis lost again...forever, giving us a somewhat logical explanation as to how Plankton escaped Atlantis, I guess. Captivity. Back in the lost city of Encino, Patchy comes across an alien species that looks similar to Smiles, judging from their eyelashes. The head alien introduces himself as Smile's Pa and explains to Patchy how his naughty little girl, Smiles, disobeyed his orders and wound up shrinking the entire town of Encino. He threatens to cut Smiles off again unless she unshrinks the town, which she reluctantly does. Smiles' Sauce Mama tells her to get back to SoCal as she faces stern punishment from her Pa. Patchy is just glad to be back home after all the mindfucks we went through in this episode but is crushed by Potty, who is an even bigger pain in his ass now.

[Old Man Jenkins]

93a. Picture Day

One day, it was picture day at Mrs. Puff's Boating School and Spongebob beats his alarm clock to the punch when it came to waking up bright and early. After sodomizing Gary like he usually does in the morning, he slaps on some Crayola Brand teeth whitener and heads out for his big day. Skodwarde, who is not amused at the the thought of this being another three parter, uses his god powers to stir shit up as usual in protest by tossing a used condom onto Spongebob, sullying his good image. After picking himself up and dusting himself, Spongebob decides to start all over again. This time, Skodwarde makes today Garbage Day as Spongebob is dumped into a garbage truck and thrown back out like yesterday's garbage. Spongebob thinks third time's the charm but Old Man Jenkins cums all over him just cause. Spongebob slaps on some of his patented "SpongeGloss" to prevent anymore "accidents" but Skodwarde then uses his god powers to make school get out early, enticing all the young hipsters to tear through town blasting their Dubstep. The rebellious scamps forcefully give Spongebob a whole new paint job, slapping some stunna shades, a v-neck, and a scarf for good measure. Time's running out so Spongebob rushes to Mrs. Puff's, who is all up in Spongebob's fries because he's late. Spongebob begins tearing up at the thought of having his picture taken as a hipster but the photographer flashes Spongebob in order to get him to smile before flashing him for real. Spongebob looks back on this day at the end of the year and says that "I'd do me." before listening to some Skrillex. Skodwarde proceeds to spend the rest of this time finding new ways to exterminate the entire hipster population.

93b. Pat No Pay

One day, Patrick felt like having some dirty "sloppy seconds" after having his nightly 3 A.M. Krabby Patty so he grabbed his shell phone (haha, nautical humor) and calls over a call girl. When it's all said and done, Pat kicks her out to the curb of her corner without paying because he's the phattest, pinkest starfish in Bikini Bottom. And that's all she wrote as Skodwarde continues to plot the downfall of the hipster subculture.

93c. Slapjack

One day, Skodwarde, still not amused at the thought of this three segment bullshit, uses his god powers to arrange the early release of Slapjack Squarepants. Spongebob receives a letter from big Cousin Slapjack that looks like it came from the Zodiac, telling him that he is out of prison and went to see Spongebob's parents. Slapjack challenges Spongebob to a "wrestling match" if he ever wants to see them again. Spongebob looks back at how Slapjack would ejaculate into his hand and slap Spongebob in the face with it (hence, why he's named Slapjack), how he would always call Spongebob "Little Man" because of how small his penis was compared to his (hence, another reason why he's named Slapjack) and all the times would he just outright rape Spongebob in their wrestling matches(hence, why he was probably sent to prison). Spongebob finally grows some balls and accepts Slapjack's challenge for the sake of his parents. He packs up all his essay dildos and heads over to his parents' house, which seems to be quarantined and taped off like a crime scene. Spongebob knows he has to be tough in order to take on Slapjack and he charges and tampers with the crime scene, dildos blazings. As expected, no one's home but there appears to be signs of a struggle. Spongebob decides to go Dateline in this bitch and uses his handy dandy UV Scanning Fleshlight to see that entire house was smothered with jizz, a lot of it.

Spongebob finds another Black Dahlia-inspired letter from Slapjack that tells him that he has his parents and that Grandma is next. And to grandma's house we go, but Spongebob is too late, as Grandma Squarepants looked as if she just had Slapjack's "piping hot piece of steamed coral". She tells Spongebob that he just missed Slapjack and that he just left to "tie up loose ends". Spongebob fears the worse as he heads to his Uncle Captain Blue (no relation), who just so happens to be a retired cop with nothing left to lose. After some nautical nonsense involving a lot of misunderstood sexual favors, Spongebob finally convinces Uncle Captain Blue to take him to Cousin Slapjack's sex shack next door. Uncle Captain Blue warns Spongebob that he is no match for Slapjack and that he better prepare to live the rest of his life in an iron butt. Uncle Captain Blue leaves Spongebob to fend for himself because as it turns out he does have something left to lose, his virginity. Spongebob sneaks inside and ventures into the basement to find his parents bound and gag in some kinky BDSM shit.

Spongebob frees them only to find out that they were merely trying to spice up their relationship by using Slapjack's leather gear. Mrs. Squarepants explains to Spongebob that their house was quarantined off because it was being fumigated. Spongebob brings up the mess he found and how it looked like a crime scene. Mr. Squarepants replies that the only crime there was his wife's sluttiness, to which Mrs. Squarepants retorts that it was the fumigator's fault before blushing a little and bringing up how her husband hardly spends any time with her due to him "always working late" at his job. They go on to explain that Slapjack has renounced his criminal ways and that he went out of his way to help them salvage the sanctity of their marriage. Spongebob brings up Grandma and they tell him that Slapjack merely gave her a piping hot piece of one his homemade steamed coral. Spongebob brings up Uncle Captain Blue and his parents remind him about all the times they told him to stay away from that man. They assure Spongebob that never again will Cousin Slapjack ever perform willful Joe Pesci impersonations. Slapjack enters the room and asks the Little Man if he's ready to get down and dirty. Spongebob decides to go out fighting until he realizes that Cousin Slapjack is a lot smaller downstairs than he remembered. They all spend the rest of the night sharing a good laugh because this episode needs to redeem itself somehow. Meanwhile, Skodwarde invents his own genre of music called "Skodstep" in an effort to make Dubstep so two thousand and late.

[Clappy]

Sorry for the delay guys. The fact that this fell to Page 3 is....take it away Earl of Lemongrab.

My apologies again.


94a. Hardened Sponge

SpongeBob has a wet dream where he has to please Scarlett Johansson sexually until he sees her male equivalent in terms of sexuality….and ex-husband Ryan Reynolds. Reynolds challenges SpongeBob to a “fuck off”. It was a nightmare and SpongeBob loses the battle. His nightmare wet dreams disturb Gary's sleep all night. So SpongeBob goes to his bathroom to take a hot shower and brush his teeth. SpongeBob cannot open his toothpaste, so like the genius he is, he uses a wrench to open it. But he accidentally gets the wrench stuck in his eye lid so he gets a hideous black eye. So whenever people notice SpongeBob's black eye, he tells them that he was fucking Scarlett Johansson and then was challenged to a fuck off against Ryan Reynolds (who he thought was actually fake), and he got the black eye from doing that.

Later, when Ryan Reynolds arrives at the Krusty Krab, millions of cherries were popped and said he is looking for SpongeBob, the customers tell Reynolds the story SpongeBob said. SpongeBob was very afraid and wanted to tell him the truth so he went back home and gets the wrench and the toothpaste. SpongeBob demonstrates it to Reynolds what really happened to him. SpongeBob then got a second black eye. Reynolds then tells him that he just came to the Krusty Krab because he has heard that SpongeBob makes great Krabby Patties, and he is hungry for one. SpongeBob then served him delicious Krabby Patties but because he had two black eyes he could not see very well. The patties then went flying to Reynolds. Ryan Reynolds then challenges SpongeBob to a “fuck off” with Pole. SpongeBob thought he won the first time but did not know that Ryan Reynolds cheated by using the Grubby Grouper trump card to make Pole orgasm faster. Plankton then came in to steal the secret formula, but slipped on the jizz all over the floor and sued the Krusty Krab for $100,000,000.

Skodwarde apologizes for the waste of eleven minutes as he continues to masturbate to the nude photos of Scarlett Johansson on the internet.


94b. Mermaid Man vs Skodwarde: IN SPACE

SpongeBob convinces Mr. Krabs to use Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy for a new theme the Krusty Krab. The Krusty Krab has things to rub the egos of the elderly super duo such as a play pen, Mermaid Man themed kids meal, and the employees dressed up. Plankton goes to Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy as a Door to Door salesman. He erases their minds by applying mind control shampoo. Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy go to the Krusty Krab for a press conference where Plankton hides in Mermaid Man's brain to make him say he hates Krabby Patties and would rather eat cummy joes at the Cum Bucket.

Everyone follows them out to the Cum Bucket but Skodwarde knows it is Plankton controlling Mermaid Man. So he challenges Mermaid Man to a fight of epic proportions. Mermaid Man accepts this challenge as Plankton transforms him to his Adam West-esque state as Skodwarde uses his god powers to lift himself and Mermaid Man-Plankton out of the ocean, breaking the fourth wall of Clappy’s laptop, and into outer space. Mermaid Man uses Raging Whirlpool. The move is super effective. Skodwarde uses his pew pew laser eyes. The move is a critical hit. Mermaid Man uses Super Strength. Skodwarde takes a massive hit. Skodwarde knows that he needs only one move to take down Mermaid Man and get Plankton out of their with his mind controlling. Skodwarde decides that he has no other choice. He uses his god powers to create a black hole which sucks Plankton right out of Mermaid Man’s head and into the dark abyss. Then Skodwarde uses his pew pew laser eyes to shoot Mermaid Man down back to Earth, back into Clappy’s laptop, and back to the ocean.

SpongeBob feeds his fallen hero Krabby Patties to try and make him come back but then realizes that they need fiber. After giving him boxes upon boxes of bran flakes, he makes Mermaid Man able to come out of his comatose state again and they go back to the Krusty Krab. Meanwhile, Plankton ends up in a dimension where he is now known as anemone porn star Big Green. He bangs a lot of hot anemones, but then the episode gets reset and he is back in Bikini Bottom and being a loser at the Cum Bucket.

[Jjs Goodman]

95a. The Inmates of the Shawshank Redemption

One day, at the Bikini Bottom docks, SpongeBob prepares for a cruise to "Children Paradise (Pedo-Free)". Suddenly, Patrick comes running to SpongeBob with his bag full of playboy magazines, dildos, condoms, and more, mentioning to him that he never told him that he was leaving. They both were crying and hugging each other suggestively as the other campers went on the Children Paradise boat. Skodwarde was spying on them for the lulz, and he used his god powers to make the Children Paradise boat leave without them, and made the "Shawshank Island" boat appear in its place. Once SpongeBob and Patrick finish crying, they board the boat, not aware of the fact this isn't the boat to Children Paradise. Patrick pays the unnamed guy at the boat entrance (JCM in a cameo) with a playboy magazine for holding his luggage.

The unnamed warden greeted the prisoners to Shawshank Island, but got assaulted through the sound of cheering from SpongeBob and Patrick. The warden even got annoyed when SpongeBob whispered to Patrick that he felt like eating him and banging his corpse afterwards. Patrick felt kind of hungry and the warden gave SpongeBob and Patrick tires with cocaine stashed inside of them. The warden and the others were amused about both of them eating the tires and the warden had SpongeBob and Patrick digest the tires in a low, narrow hole with cum buried on top of them. Three days later, the warden let SpongeBob and Patrick out of the hole, but they didn't feel punished since they thought it was a fun experience, which frustrated the warden more.

After some more time at Shawshank Island, SpongeBob comes to a strange conclusion that Patrick and him are having more fun than the other prisoners. Patrick suggests that they do a fun activity altogether, then they would be having the same amount of fun as each other without raping each other in the prison showers or fighting over who gets the top bed in the bedrooms. This hatches an idea in SpongeBob's pants, so he works on a play all night. The warden finds the script and in the morning and yells at the prisoners to find out which one of them wrote the paper. SpongeBob speaks out and says it was a play for "amusement and inspiration".

SpongeBob builds a boat for the play to take place in. One of the prisoners notices that they could use the boat to escape. After a play involving some nautical nonsense of singing and Shawshank Redemption references, the prisoners attempt to escape from the island, until they realize that the boat is just a prop then, leading them to sink. The prisoners swim back to the island, and the warden is now furious, ready to rape them in the shower, as the prisoners each picked up their soap bars, ready to drop em hard. Suddenly, the pedo-like counselor of SpongeBob's camp comes to Shawshank Island, to retrieve SpongeBob, who was absent from his camp. The prisoners, seeing their chance, all say that they are SpongeBob so they can be taken to Children Paradise. The warden asks the counselor what kind of activities they do at this "Children Island". The counselor says that they make peace signs, protest against pollution and bullying, and help support the economy. He also mentions the children take showers while he watches them non-suggestively. So, at the end, the inmates, prisoners, and SpongeBob and Patrick in the shower were scrubbing and dropping soap bars with the counselor watching like a pedophile (boy, those signs sure do they lie, don't they?). Skodwarde is furious at the lack of Shawshank Redemption references in this episode despite the title, so he uses his god powers to rent a bootleg copy and watch it.

 

 

95b. To Save a Skanky Squirrel

SpongeBob and Patrick are seen running around like two nutjobs from some unknown beast and they run into Sandy, explaining that a beast is chasing them. The "beast" is really a dirty hooker who wanted more sex from SpongeBob and Patrick. They then notice Sandy is packing food, water, playgirl magazines, dynamite and tents in her jeep. SpongeBob and Patrick asks why she is packing and Sandy explains that she is packing for a camp in the wilderness.

SpongeBob and Patrick ask if they could come and Sandy says no because the camp is dangerous and not meant for two pussies like them. When Sandy gets in her jeep, SpongeBob and Patrick sneak in her junk in the trunk to go to her camp. SpongeBob and Patrick fall out of the jeep when they are on their way there, but the good news is that they fall out with food, water, a tent, and one of her playgirl magazines, which they decide to look at, but quickly close it. Patrick asks why, but SpongeBob says that wasn't a playboy magazine with girls, and Patrick seems shocked with him saying "Those are boys?"

While lost in the wilderness, SpongeBob tells Patrick that he will set up the tent while Patrick starts a campfire. When the tent is set up, Patrick is finished with the campfire. SpongeBob then noticed that Patrick didn't make a campfire, he burned their food and playgirl magazines (but it's not like they had any use for them...or did they?). SpongeBob tries to put out the fire with the tent, but that just set the tent on fire. Patrick then remarks that we are underwater, which makes the fires go out automatically, as SpongeBob looks annoyed at the Skodwarde writers for forgetting their own setting! But mind the 4th wall breaks, let's get back to the story.

By now, SpongeBob and Patrick burned their food, ruined their tent, and lost their water. While exploring the spooky woods, they find a spooky cave, and they go inside of it. They then find an old man who resembles OMJ in the cave, because hey, why not? The old man explains that they are stuck in the cave now and that he has been in this cave for over 69 years. SpongeBob and Patrick try to make shelter, but then SpongeBob is then convinced that Patrick wants to eat him. The old man explains to SpongeBob to eat Patrick before he eats SpongeBob. SpongeBob and Patrick then make attempts to eat each other like wild animals. The old man is impressed, and he then reveals that he is really Sandy (WAHT A TWIST). Sandy then gives SpongeBob and Patrick survivor badges revealing this was all a test, and SpongeBob and Patrick are happy. But they then ask what the playgirl magazines were for, and Sandy then goes quiet. SpongeBob and Patrick are starving as fuck, so they want to eat Sandy now.

However, out of nowhere, Skodwarde appeared in the cave, and was furious at his lack of screentime in this episode, so he made a giant orgy party in the cave, teleporting a bunch of random people inside. Not paying attention to the party, Sandy kicks SpongeBob and Patrick in the nuts, saying "Next time, I'll bring more viagra. Also, stay out of my playgirl magazines, ya neanderthals."

Edited March 11, 2017 by jjsthekid

[JCM]

Good God, I want to guest write for this.

[Clappy]

Good God, I want to guest write for this.

We always welcome guest writers. I'll message you when we have a spot open for you to write.

[Old Man Jenkins]

After the last Patchy episode proved to be a ratings flop, we have relegated him to a stop-motion cameo again. It wouldn't make sense to use him anyway since this is an episode about cowboys and we wouldn't want him out of his tolerable zone like in Skodwarde BC. Ah fuck it, happy thanksgiving pilgrims!

German Narrator: Patchy ze Buut Pirate Prezuntz!

*Patchy's basement door opens*

Patchy: *stops fapping to Skodwarde* A BOY?! *grabs a pack of condoms* It's a Skodwarde special!

96. The Good, The Bad and The Scheisse!

One day, Spongebob was shoving his ass in everybody's face and Skodwarde didn't even wanna know until Patrick came in yelling about how "the Japanese are attacking!" Patrick then tells them all about his great, great, great, great, granduncle's son's cousin's roommate, Patorikku, who was Hirohito's inside man during the attack on Pearl Harbor. It was shown that Patorikku was the one who coordinated the kamikaze strikes and was ironically killed when a Japanese plane crashed into him on the U.S.S. Arizona. Mr. Krabs waltzes up and thinks he can one-up Patrick by telling them about his grandpappy Red Beard Krabs but that's a story for another day. Spongebob has no famous relatives except for his Uncle Sperm who can...oh, can't you just tell by the name?! Skodwarde catches wind of this and begins to gloat about his famous ancestor, himself. He uses his god powers to whisk us all back to better times, as he calls it, the Third Reich.

Nazi Germany was at the pinnacle of their power and Adolf Hitler had his answer to Captain America in the form of Skodwarde, who would use his god powers to almost single-handedly wipe out the Jewish population in Poland, save for a select few who Skodwarde kept around for shit's and giggles. One of them was a boy wearing striped pajamas who would casually talk with the nazi captain's son about those Dodgers. When Skodwarde inevitably caught wind of their casual liaisons, he used his god powers to send them both into the gas chamber, no doubt making this sound like a good movie to film and making audiences cry everywhere. After Skodwarde took over and occupied France, Hitler promised him all the zickes. Skodwarde, however, wasn't very amused at the time he found out that Hitler allied with Imperial Japan, finding them to be overcompensating little fucks. This caused a rift in their relationship as the war waned on, leading Skodwarde to use his god powers to bring about the downfall of the Axis powers and organizing the Neo-Nazi movement. But while Hitler was backed into a bunker, Skodwarde found himself dealing with Holocaust survivor, SpongeBen SteinTrousers. SpongeBen would shove his skinny, yellow ass in everybody's face and Skodwarde wouldn't even want to know until Patorikku came bowing in, ranting about how "The Mongols are attacking!" Red Beard Krabs would raid and pillage the concentration camp and try to one-up Patorikku by bringing up his ancestor, William Krabs, but that's a story for, well, now, as Skodwarde begins to tell them about his famous ancestor...himself back in the Old West.

Using his god powers, he whisks us all back to Bikini Gulch, circa 1875. Skodwarde, who was known as Hopalong Testicles at the time because Skodwarde is packing 12 inch guns under that holster. Working as a silver prospector, Skodwarde had Bikini Gulch all in his suction cup. He used his eye lazors to attack the native starfish and send their tribes off on the Trail of Tears. Any starfish foolish enough found themselves working the silver mine's. Skodwarde's reign as Kaiser would be challenged in the form of a drifter known only as The Yellow Avenger, who would attack Skodwarde's mining operations and steel as much silver as he can before riding off into the sunset to give out to the people of Bikini Gulch only to return a week later to lather, rinse and repeat. The Yellow Avenger, however, lived a double life under his real name, SpongeBuck. SpongeBuck was cooking chili for dinner at the Krusty Kantina, owned by Sir William Krabs, revered as one of the fasting drawing claws in all the western sea floor. Krabs retired from gunfighting and used the money he had accumulated to open the Krusty Kantina. William loved money but hated Skodwarde more for forcing him to pay such high taxes in order to keep the Kantina floating. SpongeBuck's best hombre, Penos Star, was forced into hiding in the Gulch in order to escape the cruel fate that his people were thrusted in.

One day, a new critter arrived in the Gulch going by the name of "The Buffalo Soldier", a squirrel who fought against Skodwarde for her freedom, as well as the freedom of all land critters during the battle of the Alamo. Skodwarde caught wind of this and placed a bounty on the soldier's head, forcing SpongeBuck to get back into the game and save the land squirrel from extinction. Working together to gun down many of Skodwarde's men, they escaped into the Kelp Forest where Penos Star lived off the land. Penos took them and taught them about his tribe's way of life, each of them learning a little something more about each other. The Yellow Avenger and the Buffalo Soldier agreed to help Penos finally liberate what's left of his people, but Penos' pacifistic way of life conflicts with their plans of action. Penos showed them the way through the kelp forests and back to town, where Skodwarde's men are about to lynch young Marty McFly. Before they could act, Marty is saved by Sir William Krabs who guns down all the men and shoots him down from the gallows single-handedly with his dual meat shooters. After forcing McFly to pay him a minimal fee for saving his life, Marty is reunited with the Doc and they go do their time travel thing.

Meanwhile, The Yellow Avenger and his posse approach Krabs about working together to free the starfish but Krabs asks, "Why? What have the starfish ever done for me?" After baiting Krabs with some of the silver he stole, Krabs willingly jumps on board. Penos is reluctant and ultimately decides not to join them before going back into hiding. Their plan is eavesdropped by renown outlaw, Dead-Eye Plankton, who was in the middle of pulling off a heist on the Kantina at the time. He rounds up a posse of his own and, despite putting up a valiant fight, surprises, overwhelms and captures the Krusty Posse and takes them back to Skodwarde's estate, where they are sentenced to death by eye LAZOR, a sentence he says could be lessened if they reveal the whereabouts of the last starfish, Penos. The Yellow Avenger and the Buffalo Soldier refuses to tell. Skodwarde tries bribing Krabs with more silver, and although tempted, his contempt for Skodwarde prevails, saying that he would just tax the silver back anyway. Back in town, Penos, having witnessed his friend's capture, tosses his beliefs aside and embraces the proud warrior nature of his people, arming himself to the teeth with improvised bows, arrows and tomahawks. He infiltrates Skodwarde's mining operations right as they are about to be executed by Dead-Eye Plankton and his men, but using his expert precision, Penos dispatches the executioners in a hail of arrows. Taking advantage of the distraction he has provided himself, Penos heads down and frees his posse from Skodwarde's clutches.

The Krusty Posse fights through waves of Skodwarde's guards as they make their way down the silver mine's to free the starfish. After freeing his people from their shackles, Penos rallies them up and leads them out to freedom just as more of Skodwarde's men arrive. With just a couple of men between them and freedom, Penos leads the charge against the Skods, providing The Yellow Avenger and the others with an opening to head on out for Skodwarde. The Buffalo Soldier secures them a wagon to travel on as The Yellow Avenger and Sir Krabs fights off Krabs' arch rival, Dead-Eye Plankton, and his gang. The Krusty Posse gallops out with Dead-Eye hot on their trail as the starfish fight for their freedom. They eventually arrive to Skodwarde's estate and lay siege to the fortress. Dead-Eye Plankton threatens to halt them but Krabs decides to stay back and duel the minuscule menace to the death, allowing the Avenger and Soldier to head deeper into the fortress. After single-handedly gunning down all of Dead-Eye's men, Sir Krabs and Dead-Eye finally partake in their heated duel. The Avenger and Soldier shoot their way to Skodwarde, but are slowly being overwhelmed as Skodwarde could be buying all this time to escape. The Buffalo Soldier arms herself with a repeater and tells the Yellow Avenger to hit off Skodwarde before he can escape, assuring him that she can handle herself here, having fight off hundreds of men by herself in the Alamo.

The Yellow Avenger manages to catch up to Kaiser Skodwarde and challenges the squid nazi to a showdown at high noon. Kaiser Skodwarde complies as The Avenger arms himself with his trusty peashooter. Skodwarde charges up his eye lazors but is too slow to shoot and is ultimately gunned down, putting an end to his reign. The Yellow Avenger meets back up with the Buffalo Soldeir, who has dispatched all of Skodwarde's men. They leave the fortress heroes, regrouping with Sir Krabs, who had defeated Dead-Eye Plankton in his duel by stepping on him. They had back to town, where Penos Star, his people, as well as all the fine folk of Bikini Gulch are free from Skodwarde's treachery. Skodwarde uses his god powers to save face and vows to get back at The Yellow Avenger's great great great great great great grandson ten-fold. The people melts down all of Skodwarde's silver in order to erect (hurrr) a giant statue of The Yellow Avenger, which supposedly still stand to this day.

Back in the present day, Spongebob is elated to know that he does have a famous ancestor after all, causing Skodwarde to realize that he has thwarted his own plan to dishearten Spongebob. He uses his god powers to take his frustrations out on the giant shit stain in the town square, but is not amused to find out that this shit stain was in fact the statue of The Yellow Avenger he had previously went through all the trouble to defecate. Spongebob and the rest of Bikini Bottom spend the rest of the day praising their long forgotten folk hero while Skodwarde takes advantage of this situation in order to be first in line to see the "Django Unchained" premiere.

Meanwhile, thousands of years ago, SpongeBuck and Penos Patrick entertain the people of Bikini Gulch in the newly renovated Krusty Kantina by singing about the wonders of jizz due to lack of jizz jokes in this episode.

[Jjs Goodman]

97a. 69,000 Overused Gags Under The Sea

(Author's note: Count how many times 69 appears in this episode!)

While filming a pornography at Jellyfish Fields one day, SpongeBob and Patrick find an odd object sticking out of the grass. They decided to dig it up, and they discover an old fucked up Yellow Submarine (and the Beatles fans went wild) and they decide to bring it to the Krusty Krab to show Skod and Mr. K. Meanwhile at the Krusty Krab, Skodwarde and Mr. Krabs think of ideas to bring customers to the Krusty Krab. Skodwarde suggests that they throw a hot tub orgy party, but Mr. Krabs says that is too expensive, much to Skodalgics complaining about Mr. Krabs' greediness again, but of course, that's off-topic.

Anyways, SpongeBob and Patrick drive the submarine into the Krusty Krab, which makes Mr. Krabs hatch a brilliant idea in his pants, and Mr. Krabs offers the two to use the submarine as a mobile Krusty Krab. SpongeBob drives the submarine out to the city, and says bye to everyone, and even says "Bye Skodwarde" twice, because apparently the new SpongeBob is homosexual, so that's just further complaints from old fans. We take a look at how Plankton is doing at the Cum Bucket and he gets upset since he had the idea of a mobile restaurant 69 years ago, because of course we can never have too much Plankton. He takes the fist of the Cum Bucket and uses it as a mobile Cum Bucket and decides to get into another corporate cock contest with the Krusty Krab.

SpongeBob and Patrick take the submarine into town and are unsuccessful with their first customer, so they offer to pay them. Meanwhile, Plankton attempts to sell his cum to a child, but the parents think he is trying to molest their kid, so he insults the child and a grandmother, telling her he'll send her down a stream of cum as a condom. Then, the child's parents, great grandmother, some random background character, JCM in a cameo, and Ryan Reynolds (continuity for once? Praise the lords!) gang up on Plankton and sack him with hard rocks. Soon, they run out of rocks, but since Patrick wasn't paying attention to the Krabby Patties that were burning on the grill, they have turned to rocks. SpongeBob and Patrick are able to sell the rock patties to the mob as they continued to sack Plankton with them, and the two head off to sell more.

Then suddenly, the two were too busy fapping to jellyfish in Jellyfish Fields and they weren't paying attention to where they were going! They then fell into an abyss and woke up a sea monster named Gene Simmons, but of course, this will result in another complaint from Skodalgics for tarnishing another celebrity. The monster says he has been asleep for 69 years and says he is pretty damn hungry from that long nap, so SpongeBob and Patrick give him 69 Krabby Patties, which pleases the fatass monster. Plankton comes along, and attempts to get the monster to refuse the Krabby Patties, but Plankton got covered in dirt, and the monster mistakes him for a piece of shit, and Plankton runs away as the monster chases after him. Because they are down in the abyss, SpongeBob and Patrick have to let go of all the money they have earned. Instead they bring back 69,000 pounds of decorative undersea rocks disguised as cocaine, much to Mr. Krabs' disappointment. Skodwarde uses his god powers to turn the 69,000 rocks into playboy magazines, thus giving Skodwarde a lifetime supply of pornography, so at least he wins, happy now Skodalgics?

97b. Battle of Pointlessness

One day, Patrick and SpongeBob were at the mall getting their groove on, and find shirts that say Best Friend with a penis shaped arrow pointing. The arrow points to the side, but Patrick's points to a hooker, and this makes him upset, because it is not pointing to his butt buddy SpongeBob. SpongeBob buys one, but his arrow points to a stripper, and porn apparently won't make either of them happy today. They then decide to look for other clothes to show their friendship.

After some silly nonsense involving a battle debating if "clean" or "dirty" is better, Skodwarde puts an end to this. He realizes this episode is a tale of pointlessness, has no reason to exist, and is already pissed he is nowhere in sight in this episode. He also doesn't want the audience to sit through another gross-out episode, so he decides to watch MTV and laugh at its current state.

[SpongeOddFan]

i've spotted *69* five times, do i win?

[Clappy]

i've spotted *69* five times, do i win?

Yes you win. You win a brand new Skod special.

98. Whatever Happened to Skodwarde?

Due to the ratings drop, even with one line from Patchy, Patchy has been cut from this special and presumed to still be fapping in his basement.

Skodwarde wakes up on a normal day as usual: re-reads Mein Kampf, trips acid, faps to Anemone Gone Wild. He then looks out his window and sees the mailman riding by on his bike. He says "Heil Hitler" to the mailman. This causes the mailman to get distracted and the mailman is killed by a truck that crashes into him. After that, Skodwarde wants to preach Naziism to his casual acquaintances; however, he ends up pleasing them. He accidentally makes Gary talk, bakes Patrick's cake, repairs Sandy's robot and saves Mr. Krabs' money. Skodwarde decides to leave Bikini Bottom, as all his friends start to like him (and cruelly calling him "my hero"). As he leaves, he is raped by canibals who attempt to kill & devour him. While he runs from the canibals, he falls off a cliff and bumps his head, he gets a lump but his Mein Kampf hits him on his head knocking him unconscious. Back in Bikini Bottom, Patrick and Sandy (who had supposedly come over to please Skodwarde sexually for the other day) find Gary who is extremely huge and overweight and a note from Skodwarde, explaining that he has left forever. Everybody is upset and guilty that Skodwarde is gone.

Meanwhile, Skodwarde wakes up with amnesia. A couple of fish give him a new name, "Adolf Hitler", so that they can steal his possessions and take advantage of his amnesia. All Skodwarde has left is his copy of Mein Kampf which he calls his manifesto. He wanders around until he ends up in underwater Berlin where he attempts to get a job. Each time he gets a job he uses his Nazi beliefs to help him, but this strikes fear into all the residents of the city. This activity attracts the attention of the Inglourious Basterds and their leader, Lieutenant Aldo Raine (guest star Brad Pitt) who have scared the city into never promoting Naziism. Skodwarde uses his re-discovered god powers to get rid of the group and is rewarded by getting the position of leader of the Third Reich of Berlin.

Back in Bikini Bottom, Mr. Krabs is hoping for the return of Skodwarde so he can please him sexually, while Patrick and Sandy want their friend back. SpongeBob returns from New Jolly City where he was mayor for a day as CheeseHead BrownPants and reluctantly chooses his love of Skodwarde to rally a search party to locate him. The trio see a newspaper stand showing news of Skodwarde's position as leader of The Third Reich, but when they go to Berlin to retrieve him, he cannot remember them.

They then manage to kidnap Skodwarde and return him to the Krusty Krab, but he wants to return to Berlin and lead his extermination. SpongeBob decides that the only way to remind Skodwarde of who he actually is by asking him if this looks unsure to him:

The impact of the meme gives Skodwarde his memory back, and Mr. Krabs, Sandy, and Patrick apologize for thanking him out of town. But even so, Skodwarde still wants to return to his position as leader of the Third Reich, because he feels Naziism needs to be commonplace in Berlin society. At that moment a news report comes on the television saying that the Naziism in Berlin are causing trillions of dollars in debt, and Skodwarde is being threatened by an angry mob. Upon hearing this, Skodwarde has second thoughts about going back and decides to stay in Bikini Bottom.

Trivia: This special is also known as WhoSkod JizzWarde

[Old Man Jenkins]

Decided to just post this up here a lil early considering Clappy has something pretty cherry planned for episode 99. Just to help get y'all hyped up.

100a. Banned in SBC

One day, Skodwarde slapped on his "I Really Wish I Was Having Some Sloppy Seconds Right Now" button and made his way to the Krusty Krab for what looks to be another Mr. Krabs-centric episode. Not having it, Skodwarde uses his god powers to have the Krusty Krab shut down by tainting the food, causing the deaths of all it's patrons by chronic diarrhea. Meanwhile, in SBC. Multiple users such as Box, CNF, and Unlimitedcha have been getting grounded for being caught reading Skodwarde due to the spin-off's raunchy, controversial and offensive nature(for storyline sake, people) and the staff have taken notice as of late. User, PatBack, has taken it upon himself to boycott the series, condemning it for it's graphic and mature content. The staff thinks nothing of this and the show continues to air. The issue is brought up on the SpongeBob Community Xat, sparking a heated debate on censorship between PatBack and practically everybody else logged on (minus ACS, of course, who is most likely banned or kicked by now).

Back in Bikini Bottom, another debate flares up over whether or not Krabby Patties should banned in the town and everywhere else for that matter. Mr. Krabs makes an appearance at a press conference regarding the matter and tells the town that Krabby Patties aren't to be blamed for the tragic (and insensitive) event that transpired in their town but that the finger should be pointed at things like "those games these kid's are playing nowadays! And Lil Wayne for churning out these young people music that could quite literally make people shit themselves." Krabs even goes as far as to say that they should serve Krabby Patties in schools. Despite his best efforts, Krabby Patties are banned by Michelle Obama and her very influential husband, Barack Obama, after his arguments were made null and void when Joe Biden laughed at him. Desperate and with no money coming in, Krabs turns into MOAR Krabs once again and strikes a deal with Skodwarde to use his god powers in order to open up a spankeasy, illegally selling Krabby Patties to the depraved masses.

Back in SBC, the umpteenth Xat debate of the year takes an ugly turn for the worse when SBM is somehow brought into the equation. PatBack defends SBM and puts down SBC as Dylan brings up the new design that SBM is using that he believes infringes his own planned design. ACS wants to wage his twelfth all-out war with SBC but Ex and Elastic double kick him for no reason before banning him forever because "booty boy!" CNF breaks his pinky swear and throws out some volatile F-Bombs like no one's business as the others continue to bash SBM. Dylan leads the charge on SBM with SOF holding his jock, shouting "SBM Sucks!" Dylan and Aqua begin to deconstruct PhilipB until Box voices his utter distaste at the thought of Aqua being a Mod. They go at it as ACS is unbanned by Dylan, but is kicked out by Ex and Elastic again before he even had a chance. JCM mentions an award that he believed OMJ received at the GCA's unfairly but is shot down by the likes of Ex, Elastic, Drag and Jjs. CDCB gets into it with Dylan over their opposing political views and participate in fisticuffs, with SOF torn between who he is rooting for here. Lurker was lurking as he joined in with Ex and Elastic in sexually harassing Spongebobandsandy=<3 and CNF. CDCB Kicked Dylan to the curb before joining in on this hot action. CF is just witnessing this all unfold as Jjs berated her for being so goddamn kind all the fucking time before kicking her but Robert Ryan Cory comes to her rescue as he signs up and calls Jjs out on his unfair criticism of CF's character as well as his own work on SpongeBob. Nathan logs in for the first time in forever and everybody focuses their anger at him as CD yells at them to "LEAVE NATHAN ALONE!" Everybody proceeds to kick CD and Nathan into oblivion. Dylan says he's a better leader than 70s ever was, which brings back That 70s Guy, who calls Dylan out on his real age. 70s kicks Dylan around before WhaleBlubber logs in and tells everybody 70s' real age, which Dylan proceeds to call 70s out on. 70s and Dylan simultaneously have breakdowns and threaten to kill themselves. Sara logs in and makes things even more grim. Lurker reveals himself to be Dragiiin saying, "IT WAS ME FUCKERS! It was me all the time, Fuckers!" He finds himself disappointed as imposter Lurkers played by various other SBC members reveal themselves. Teenj and Steel kicks Dylan out because they think he's turning SBC into a business but Dylan exclaims, "for the last fucking time! We're not a business!" before consulting them about advertising. PatBack tries to bring up the subject of vulgarity again but is kicked for his efforts as the SBM bashing continues. Dylan calls all the Good Noodles "fucking idiots" and everyone gangs up to kick him some more. All the while, ACS and SpongeSebastian are recording all of this for their own devious purposes as SSJ screen caps everything to call everybody, especially Dylan, out on later. Tensions eventually die down and everybody logs off for the day until the next big xat fight, which would most likely take place the day after. Skodwarde remains on the air as the Skod Crew, who all barely ever go on the xat, shake their respective heads before flushing the urinals they were pissing in. Except Clappy, who kicks Nathan around because lolnathan. BAN THIS!

Back in Bikini Bottom, Moar Krabs and Skodwarde's illegal operations are uncovered by the President's queen bitch, Mrs. Brittlepussy aka Hilary Clinton, and her husband, Bill, after being snitched on by SpongeBob, whose house was used to cover up their shady deals. They all get into a big debate over this shit until Mrs. Brittlepussy finally hits menopause and stops PMSing over a fucking sandwich while there are other more pressing matters going on in the world for the President to worry about like gun control. She proceeds to eat some patties but is too hit by diarrhea and gets a concussion. Satisfied by the eventual return of his wealth, MOAR Krabs regressed back into Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob is finally taken in for animal abuse. Skodwarde proceeds to spend the rest of the day posting food porn on Instagram, knowing that his show will continue to air and see the light of day.

100b. This Is Stanley S. SquarePants

One day, SpongeBob's cousin, Stanley S. SquarePants (no relation), is shipped off Express to Bikini Bottom by famous Uncle Sperm, who has disowned Stanley because he

Fucks up everything he touches. And sucks eggs at life.

SpongeBob shows Stanley around the house, who proceeds to fuck up Gary and SpongeBob's tv. Now without his anemone porn, SpongeBob decides to take Stanley along to meet Sandy, who is fucked up on sight. Visibly depressed by this unsuccessful social activity, Stanley resolves to go kill himself since he's such a failure at life and how he can't do anything right. This prompts SpongeBob to bring Stanley to Patrick, who just so happens to have a Ph.D in asshattery and he does hold the title of doing nothing longer more than anyone else. Patrick teaches Stanley the ancient art of nothing by phasing out of consciousness at will, but Stanley can't even do nothing right. Patrick kicks them out and tells them to find himself a new mentor before phasing back into nothingness. Stanley is about to put the noose over his square head until SpongeBob convinces him to meet Skodwarde, who is not amused by the thought of having two SpongeBobs around. Skodwarde turns his god powers up to eleven before killing Stanley with fire, slowly putting the poor bastard out of his misery. SpongeBob is pleased knowing that his plan to get rid of Stanley worked as Skodwarde proceeds to spend the rest of his day watching Christopher Guest films.

Meanwhile, at 3 AM...Patrick snaps out of his nothing trance, but something seemed off about him. His eyes became pitch black, like bottomless black holes with no life in them whatsoever. He had a blank expression on his face as he made his way to his bed and pulled a Krabby Patty out from under his pillow. Patrick was just emanating utter blankness with that grim look on his face. It was as if his trance made him one with the Bottomless Pit he would retreat back into. It was as if he embodied absolutely...nothing.

This should keep you all salivating your pants until Season Six

Well, beautiful friends. This is it. This is your Old Man's final Skodwarde broadcast...

Spoiler

As a full-time member of the crew. Jjs will step up to full-time and I'll still pop up now and then with a guest write. Stay gold. Bang.

[JCM]

Clappy has something pretty cherry planned for episode 99.

I just realized that 99 is the episode with Handsome Squidward. Now I'm really excited.

[ClassicNickelodeon Fan 1]

OMJ, best episode ever. You will be greatly missed.

[Clappy]

Sorry for delays once again. This took longer to complete and it was harder to write than I thought it was.

99A. A Crossover With Handsome Squidward is Inevitable (Part 2 of 3): The Handsome Clause

After making his godly appearance at the end of the first installment (see: Handsome Squidward), Skodwarde came seeking revenge.

“I’ve been summoned due to copyright infringement. Now who may I ask is breaching it?” Skodwarde questioned.

“Damn son, you have a very bad case of the ugly. Allow me to help. Judo chop!”

And with one judo chop, Skodwarde was able to bring it around town and transform himself into….Handsome Skodwarde.

“Holy shrimp, my handsome powers….they are weakening…”

So Semi-less Handsome Squidward and Handsome Skodwarde ventured out to visit the God of All Things Handsome….Mark Harmon. As they explained what just happened, Mark Harmon explained that due to meme infringement, only one meme based off of Squidward had to have the powers and once Handsome Squidward passed his powers of handsomeness over to Skodwarde, he is starting to de-evolve into simply regular Squidward. At first, Handsome Skodwarde didn’t mind the fact that he was a handsome god, until he realized that Naziism was banished from this spin-off…plus he was having drug withdrawls. The only way they could resolve this dilemma is to save SpongeBob from becoming SpengBab by freeing him from Moar Krabs clutches. Because not only will this resolve in Skodwarde being freed from Handsome Squidward’s spin-off, but it will also get Handsome Squidward the fuck out of Skodwarde.

So the duo traveled by map out of Hollywood to Moar Krabs lair at Make-Out Reef. Moar Krabs was dangling SpongeBob off the cliff over the portal to memegenerator.net. Oh and he was spreading the ugly to all the love sick teenagers at Make-Out Reef. But as Semi-Handsome Squidward was reminiscing over the good times he had at the Reef as a young squid, he turned into regular Squidward. Handsome Skodwarde then realized that he knew what he had to do. He shot handsome lasers out of his pew pew eyes and made Moar Krabs become Un-Moar….and also got him complete nude.

Un-Moar Krabs proceeded to get arrested for public nudity charges with intention of jacking it in San Diego. Meme Generator’s portal was shut down. SpongeBob didn’t become SpengBab and Skodwarde gave up his handsome powers as Handsome Squidward was once again beautiful.

So all was right in the meme world and Handsome Squidward was summoned back to his spin-off…

99B. A Crossover With Handsome Squidward is Inevitable Part 3: Stereotypical Song and Dance Party at the End of Animated Movies

….but not without having a twerk contest first that Handsome Squidward ended up winning due to him being so damn handsome.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9oSJcFYPQ9c

Skodwarde then banished Handsome Squidward from his spin-off as he proceeded to get high off his medicinal marijuana as he looked up “twerking” on Urban Dictionary to figure out how he lost.

Oh and before Handsome Squidward left, he “lunged” himself into Pole.

[Jjs Goodman]

Time for the Season 6 premiere of Skodwarde..hopefully this doesn't go down as the worst season like many are expecting it to be.

101a. Hausu Fancy

One day, Skodwarde got bored and decided to watch his favorite show "House Hunters" to see what homes he can mock about. However, he nearly pops a boner when he sees SKOLLIAM on House Hunters! It turns out his house has been considered "fancy" by Andromeda Dunker, the host of House Hunters. Skodwarde is enraged by this, and decides to see why this fucker has chosen Skolliam's house.

Skolliam brags about how fancy his mansion is and shows it off like a smug jackass, by showing his hot tub elevator, his sex room where he bangs prostitutes every night...uh, never mind that one, and the top of his mansion which has a sculpture of a golden condom built out of over 300 golden condoms. Skodwarde is furious so he calls up Andromeda Dunker and claims his house is fancier than Skolliam's, so she says she'll be over in an hour. This gives Skodwarde plenty of time to pimp up his house with his god powers.

Outside of Skodwarde's house, SpongeBob is being a weird creeper and peeks in his home, to see Skodwarde using god powers to transform his home. SpongeBob asks if he can help, but Skodwarde tells him he has it handled. SpongeBob begs him to help, and Skodwarde says he can help move some sofa, but SpongeBob fucks it up and it causes this to happen..

...of course, Skodwarde just happens to magically gain a toe nail during this episode (hey, I'm not going to question it, so neither should you). But anyways, I digress, and we move onto the rest of the episode, if you haven't left already from that cringing scene.

SpongeBob is then entrusted to run a vacuum cleaner to clean up Skod's home, but it ends up sucking everything up in sight and the vacuum starts to overload. Skodwarde panics and tries to use his god powers to stop the vacuum, but someone begins to bang on the door. Patrick barges down the door and tells Skodwarde he has to take a huge dump in his bathroom. He unleashes the Kraken in there, and his toilet dies as a result. This pisses off Skodwarde as he read some heavy porn on that toilet in the past. Patrick also throws SpongeBob's brain into the vacuum, revealing SpongeBob lent his brain to him for god knows why. The vacuum can't suck up anymore and Skod's home explodes.

Andromeda Dunker and Skolliam visit by Skod's home and he knows he is doomed, so he's not even going to bother using his powers to cheat his way out of this one. However, Dunker tells Skodwade that his house represents ancient buildings of the past (whatever that shit means) and she is impressed with the architecture of how the explosion made everything land in weird places. Dunker then declares Skodwarde's home fancier than Skolliam's, which makes him faint to the ground and cry like a pussy. SpongeBob then tries to confront Skolliam by telling him he'll help renovate his home for him, which makes Skolliam cry even more.

Skodwarde then decides to spend the rest of the day watching Hausu in his new home, or whatever the hell it is, on his fancy new TV.

Welp, that's all for now, I'll do 101b at a later point in time.

[SpongeOddFan]

nice work jjs