Skodwarde

[box]

Good God, I want to guest write for this.

What he said.

[Clappy]

Since jjs asked for someone else to write episode 101B, allow for me to take over.

101B. Skodwarde Meets David Eisley and Bob Kulick

Plankton breaks out of jail and arrives back at the Cum Bucket, only to be kicked out by a selfish Karen. He then sees SpongeBob who is singing a song about the Krabby Patty. Plankton then plots on stealing the formula by asking SpongeBob the words of his song. When he does, SpongeBob thinks that Plankton wants him to join his band, Plankton and the Patty Stealers. SpongeBob goes to Patrick to see if he wants to join too. Plankton agrees so before Skodwarde comes outside and SpongeBob asks him to join their band. Skodwarde turns down the offer and says that it just so happens just so happens that HE DOESN'T sell fast food, HE DOES have a band, and they're going to play that Bubble Bowl! Plankton then says that the battle of the bands at the Bubble Bowl is on. However, Skodwarde doesn't actually have a band. He then decides he needs to drum up a band and fast...hehe drum...band humor.

So Skodwarde decides to post flyers all across Bikini Bottom in hopes of assembling a band and fast. He arrives late to the first practice because the music store clerk couldn't tell the difference between an oboe and an elbow...hehe oboe...more band humor. However it just so happens that none of the Bikini Bottomites know a thing about music with one of them asking if mayonnaise was an instrument. However with Skodwarde's help, they attempt to practice for The Bubble Bowl. Not without some incidents occurring though.

During their one week of training, the band performs consistently badly and fails to improve at all. This includes the drummers throwing the sticks pinning Skodwarde to the wall almost killing him. Sandy gets in a fight with Pathulu due to Pathulu kicking Sandy, as a result he gets a trombone stuck up him. He thought the figure of speech 'Start kicking' meant to kick someone.

On day two, while practicing a march, two flag twirlers are killed when they fly into the air and crash into a blimp, as result of them spinning too fast, at Skodwarde's demand. They all begin to mourn and play Butterfield's Lullaby except for Skodwarde, who just disappointedly curls up.

On the third day, Plankton's cousin Clem plays his harmonica, but becomes exhausted from having to run from one place to another since he is very tiny and collapses.

On the last day of practice, Skodwarde says if everyone plays loud they'll be good but instead they play so bad Skodwarde changes the idea of loud to quiet. A heckler accuses Mr. Krabs for playing so badly due to his big meaty cock. Krabs gets in the idea and everyone gets into a huge brawl smashing the instruments and hurting people offensively, causing the band to break up. At this time, a grieving Skodwarde expresses his disappointment in all of them and goes home to grieve over his failure.

On the day of the concert, Plankton and the Patty Stealers show up to see Skodwarde's failure, and he claims that his band died in a marching accident. But surprisingly David Eisley and Bob Kulick (guest starring as themselves) show up and claim to be Skodwarde's band, thus they are forced to go through with the performance. They enter a large glass dome, which rises up and takes them to a live-action football field for a team called the Showboats, complete with human fans. First up, Plankton and the Patty Stealers perform...until they realized they didn't have any songs. So they improvised and gave the fans this:

Next up was Skodwarde. He turns his head away from the band before they begin, assuming that the performance will be a disaster, but the band is tremendously successful, playing a rock ballad:

Plankton goes into a state of shock and faints. SpongeBob and Patrick mark out like fangirls, while Skodwarde jizzes over this musical masterpiece. He later jumps into the air in a joyeous state.



Photo cred goes to Cha.

[Old Man Jenkins]

I wish I can like it twice.

[Supergameman]

Nicely done. Great picture.

[So Sejima]

Thank you Cha.

[sbl]

lol

FIVE MONTHS LATER:

SpongeBob's Fishbook status: it's been 5 months with my gurl Patty! i luv u so much babe fuck me one more time

yes, i am off track.

Do skodwarde in clarinet land!

Your show is awesome!

REALLY AWESOME

[ClassicNickelodeon Fan 1]

Dude stop triple posting. Edit your post if you want to post other things.

[sbl]

I tried to delete the 2 other posts but there is no delete post.

[So Sejima]

I DARE YOU TO LET ME GUEST WRITE FOR THIS. ALL I'LL NEED IS A TITLE, AND A PLOT. I WILL DO MY BEST!

[Clappy]

Sorry for the delay, but the GCA for Best Creation has come back.

102A. Condom Foolish


While going thrift shopping one day with twenty dollars in his pocket, Mr. Krabs spots SpongeBob picking something up, and Mr. Krabs thinks this is fucking awesome. It is a perfectly good condom, but he decides it was just a condom, so he forces himself to forget about it. But on the way home from town, every time he sees some big chested ladies, he keeps having visions of fucking their brains out, and becomes obsessed. The next day he asks SpongeBob if he found anything, only for SpongeBob to reply that he found a brand new dildo, not a condom. Time and time again he tries to crack SpongeBob to give him the condom, until finally he builds a brothel behind the Krusty Krab, and he makes admission one condom, so he will get SpongeBob's condom, but he does not have one, so in frustration he destroys the brothel. But not before having unprotected sex with all his whores because he is Krab Daddy and he is fucking awesome. Mr. Krabs decides he will have a peep show at the Krusty Krab, to show how he does not have a condom, but SpongeBob still does not have a condom, so Mr. Krabs breaks. Later, he breaks into SpongeBob's house with a dildo detector to find the condom, and when SpongeBob comes in, he shows him it was not a condom, but a used up bottle of lotion, for his lotion collection, Mr. Krabs leaves and SpongeBob discovers that it was a bottle of lubricant, meanwhile Mr. Krabs is still digging for the condom, all over Bikini Bottom…because god forbid Mr. Krabs can’t tell what the hell lubricant looks like. How he mistakes it for a condom is beyond me. Dirty bastard.

Skodwarde meanwhile spends his time trying to make sense that this episode was delayed for so long to spawn this horrible piece of shit of a story.


102B. Skodwarde Makes Up For That Horrible Episode By Tripping Major Ballsack

 

Skodwarde decides to make up for that mess by smoking weed with Snoop Lion and tripping major ballsack to NES games.
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh and apparently there is a side story involving SpongeBob almost getting his driver license's from Puff Mama's Rearing School.

 

Edited March 11, 2017 by jjsthekid

[sbl]

ha

[Clappy]

Going to do half now and the other half later:

103a. Skodwardacus: Blood and Sand


The story begins with an unnamed Rockian's involvement in a unit of Bottomian auxiliary in a campaign against the Krabay (Conchian tribes that occupied the regions of the Lower Danube, in what today is Bikinia and Bottomiania) under the command of the legatus, Sheldon Plankter. In 72-71 BCE, Bottomian general Marcus Terentius Patrico Lucullus, proconsul of the Bottomian province of Glovonia, marched against the Krabay, who were allies of Bikini Bottom's enemy, Neptune of the Gods. The Krabay frequently raid the Rockians' lands, so the Rockians are persuaded by Plankter to enlist in the Bottomians' service as auxiliaries. Plankter is persuaded by his wife Karen to seek greater glory, decides to break off attacking the Krabay and directly confront the forces of Mithridates in Asia Minor. The Rockian, feeling betrayed, leads a mutiny against Plankter, and returns to find his village destroyed. The Rockian and his wife Sandra are captured by Plankter the next day; the Rockian is condemned to die in the gladiator arena for his crime, while Sandra is taken away, condemned to slavery. The Rockian is shipped to Capua in Italy, a center of gladiator training. Against all odds in the arena he slays the four gladiators appointed to execute him and becomes an instant sensation with the crowd. Senator Albinius commutes the punishment from death to slavery. The prisoner's true name unknown, Eugene Krabius, the owner of a ludus in Capua, suggests to name him "Skodwardacus", because he fought like the ferocious Rockian king of that name.

Noting well the Rockian's fierce raw talent and popularity with the masses, Krabius purchases him for training within the walls of his ludus under the tutelage of Pole, a former gladiator and fellow slave. He is befriended by Patrico, a Bottomian who sold himself into slavery in order to pay his debts and support his family. He is harassed by more senior gladiators, notably Spongicus, an undefeated sponge, and Garya, a snail. Skodwardacus soon learns that Sandra was sold to a Syrian slave trader. Krabius, who has been unable to control Skodwardacus during his first days of training, promises to find Sandra and reunite them in exchange for the promising neophyte's cooperation in the arena.

After many near-fatal ordeals and much further training Skodwardacus attains the status of a living legend and is named the "Champion of Capua". Krabius arranges the purchase of Sandra, but she is delivered mortally wounded, supposedly having been waylaid by bandits en route. Her murder was secretly ordered by Krabius to keep Skodwardacus loyal and focused. Skodwardacus casts off his heritage as a Rockian and forgets his dream of freedom, becoming content with life as champion.

The turning point comes when Skodwardacus is set to fight his only friend in the ludus, Patrico, in an exhibition match celebrating the coming to manhood of the Capuan magistrate's son, Numerius. Karen, who has hated Skodwardacus since he embarrassed her husband Plankter by his mutiny, seduces the young man and convinces him to demand death for the loser of the match. Skodwardacus wins (as expected), and when the young man gives the "thumbs down", Krabius, wishing to ingratiate himself with the boy's powerful father, forces Skodwardacus to comply and kill Patrico. While suffering from both his wound in this match and his remorse and sorrow over having to kill his friend, Skodwardacus has fever dreams that lead him to discover that Krabius arranged Sandra's death. Knowing that it is all or nothing when it comes to resistance of his enslavement, he resolves to "kill them all" and lead a revolt against the ruling house he once fought for.

In order to get his revenge, Skodwardacus enlists the help of Spongicus and the rest of the gladiators to defeat the house of Krabius once and for all. A battle to the death between Spongicus and Skodwardacus is arranged for the Capuan elite at the ludus. Pole (whom Krabius refers to by her real name, Polemaus) confronts Krabius about Garya's death. Skodwardacus gains support and is tasked with opening the gate to the villa from the training area. Spongicus resists aiding Skodwardacus in hopes of reuniting; however, after learning he was weakened to ensure Skodwardacus' victory, at the last moment he joins with Skodwardacus. Pole initially stops Skodwardacus from killing Krabius. In the ensuing chaos of the gladiators killing the guards and some guests, Spongicus persuades Pole to join him with Skodwardacus, Karen escapes and has her guards seal the door to the ludus from the outside, Pole, making good on his word, tries to kill but ends up being eluded, Spongicus grievously wounds Krabius' wife, Puff Mamia, with a sword stab to her abdomen piercing her womb and killing their unborn child, after revealing to him that Patrico was her husband, and Skodwardacus finally kills Krabius in front of the seriously wounded Puff Mamia. After the massacre, Skodwardacus vows to make "Bikini Bottom tremble".

[Old Man Jenkins]

I need to start catching up with Spartacus now.

[Clappy]

I need to start catching up with Spartacus now.

I only watched the first season and had to get a couple refreshers from people. But otherwise, yes you do.

[So Sejima]

its later. Over 1 month later

[JCM]

In honor of Spin-Off Festival 4, here's a new Skodwarde, guest written by me!

 

103b. Suction Cup Sodomy

Skodwarde is masturbating furiously in his bedroom when he hears a loud clanging outside. He looks out his window and sees a construction worker putting up a sign saying "Bikini Bottom Symphony Orchestra - Original Compositions Wanted". Skodwarde imagines a life of fame, fortune, and fuck-buddies as the most famous cumposer in the land. Suddenly, he hears more clanging, looks outside, and sees another sign which says "Due Tomorrow". Skodwarde screams, masturbates a little more, then screams again. Daunted with the task of creating an entire musical composition in one day, he prepares to give up, but SpongeBob, peppy little asshole he is, appears out of nowhere and offers to help. Skodwarde says no. Patrick appears. Skodwarde asks Patrick what he's doing in his house. Patrick says he's funny. Skodwarde uses his god powers to make SpongeBob and Patrick spontaneously combust.

 

After almost an hour of anguishing over an empty piece of paper, Skodwarde takes out his bong, smokes some o' dat mary jane, and has an epiphany, writing whole notes and half notes and quarter notes as the colors of the rainbow fly out of his head. Once he gets sober, he realizes that the composition he just wrote is a piece of shit, but he can't think of anything better, so he puts the paper away and goes to sleep. The next morning, he takes the composition to the maestro of the Bikini Bottom Symphony Orchestra, and after looking over the piece several times, the maestro decides that he will use it. The orchestra performs Skodwarde's composition that night, with Skodwarde himself at the helm, and to his surprise, the audience loves it. Flowers and chocolates and women's underwear get thrown at Skodwarde, whose dreams of being a successful cumposer have now been realized. The episode freeze-frames with Skodwarde in his now-familiar pose.

 

[Supergameman]

Hilarious.

[Jjs Goodman]

104a. SpongeBob The Nazi

 

One day, SpongeBob and Patrick were watching some Anemone Gone Wild, masturbating as hard as they could. "OH YES!" SpongeBob and Patrick both yelled, getting orgasms. This ruckus annoyed Skodwarde, who teleported into SpongeBob's pineapple. Skodwarde complains SpongeBob is a strange ass weirdo and he is not normal. SpongeBob then says he is perfectly normal, to which Skodwarde disagrees. Skodwarde then decides to give SpongeBob a trial, which SpongeBob openly accepts. He uses the magic invested within him to transform SpongeBob into...a German Sponge! Now SpongeBob will join the Nazism forces with Skodwarde, side by side! "Now I will fill your mind with subliminal messages.." Skodwarde said, showing SpongeBob this video on his TV:

 

"Ich gehorche, Führer Skodwarde!" The new normal SpongeBob yelled. Patrick was upset his best friend had turned into a Nazi, so he went out and got drunk at an ice cream parlor. "I'VE GOT TO SAVE MY BUDDY!" Patrick decided. He then saw SpongeBob picking out Nazi uniforms with Skodwarde, and Patrick tried to get SpongeBob to do several things like watching porn, but SpongeBob denied, saying with his sharp German accent "Ich werde nicht zusehen porn Sie Fett Idiot". Patrick began to cry, as it was too late to save his buddy.

 

Just then though, Skodwarde put on a new uniform that looked like Adolf Hitler. This scared the ever lasting shit out of Patrick and SpongeBob, and it caused SpongeBob to turn back to his normal self. Patrick began to hug SpongeBob, so happy his buddy was back. Skodwarde was furious, saying he put on this Hitler costume for nothing and it would cause complaints from the viewers. Because of this, Skodwarde decides if you can't beat em, join em, and rips off the costume. He then turns into a buffoon like SpongeBob and Patrick.

 

And so, the episode ends with them having a wild night of watching Anemone Gone Wild. Yeah.

 

 

104b. Gone With The Wind

 

One day, SpongeBob woke up in his bed, and Gary went missing! SpongeBob looked everywhere for him, but to no avail. He then began walking around Bikini Bottom. Dead silence. Nobody he knew and loved was anywhere. Skodwarde? Gone. Sandy? Gone. Mr. Krabs? Gone. Patrick? Gone. Everyone was gone.

 

This had seriously upset SpongeBob. Everything he knew and love was gone. Had the apocalypse come? SpongeBob continued to walk around Bikini Bottom, pondering his existence. He then found the nicest boat he had ever seen while at Puff Mama's Boating School. "I'll call you..boaty" SpongeBob said to the beautiful boat.

 

One month later...

 

We see SpongeBob had married the boat, and had small mini toy boats as "kids" (hey, it's a cartoon, screw physics). "The weather seems sunny today, dear!" SpongeBob said to the boat, getting inside of her. He said goodbye to the toy boat kids, and left them on his bed to rest. "Howdy do, empty downtown!" SpongeBob said, driving through the empty downtown Bikini Bottom all cheerful. "Nothing can ruin this day!" SpongeBob yelled, driving Boaty.

 

Just then, an orange bus was approaching SpongeBob, and he began to flip out. He then tried speeding up, but as the bus came close, SpongeBob smashed the breaks, and Boaty and the bus collided into each other. Boaty's front end was heavily damaged. SpongeBob began to bawl in tears, and we saw all of his friends come out of the bus. "Sponge boy me bob, what are you cryin over?!" Mr. Krabs asked. SpongeBob then was confused as to where they all decided to go, and they revealed they were celebrating National No SpongeBob for One Month. SpongeBob was honored he had an entire holiday dedicated to him, and then Patrick revealed the next holiday was National No Skodwarde for One Month. Everyone got into the bus, and they left Skodwarde on the road.

 

"Oh well, I need some time away from those morons anyways, I need my masturbation privacy!" Skodwarde exclaimed. We then see he used his god powers to transform the remains of Boaty into his Pimpin' God Boat (yeah!), and he drove off into the sunset, going to live the next month to his fullest by himself.

Edited March 11, 2017 by jjsthekid

[SpongeOddFan]

i loved it, jjs

[ClassicNickelodeon Fan 1]

Very good job jjs. Your titles are way better than mine.