Skodwarde

[Clappy]

I apologize for not writing an episode in almost two months...but time to fix that.

56a. Born Again Krabs

It is closing time in the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob finds an old batch of weed under the grill, which he comments could've rolled under years ago. He throws it in the bin, but Mr. Krabs refuses to let the weed go to waste and says that SpongeBob is never to make another Krabby Patty until the weed is sold.

Mr. Krabs continuously tries to sell the batch of green, with no takers, resulting in weeks without a customer. Mr. Krabs tries to show SpongeBob and Skodwarde that the weed is harmless by smoking it, and is rushed to the emergency room after having an episode and tells Skodwarde to put the weed back in the bag and that he isn’t finished smoking it. At the hospital, Mr. Krabs dies and is taken to Davy Jones' Locker, which is the underwater equivalent of Hell, by the Flying Dutchman. Asking why it smells so bad, the Dutchman explains that he-he-he-he wwwoorrrkkss ooouuuttt. Mr. Krabs desperately begs for another chance promising to become generous, and the Dutchman eventually grants him his life back, on the condition that he must forever be generous. He comes back to life, which is disappointing to Skodwarde who took Mr. Krabs nose hair clippers and was close to breaking into his safe.

Krabs makes good on his promise to be generous by providing excellent treatment to his customers and employees at the "Grand Reopening" of the Krusty Krab. He performs fallatio to every customer, gives every kid a free vibrator, allows Skodwarde to sleep with his hookers in his office on break, and has free in-meal anemone porn…until he sees the extremely high credit card bill and realizes that he is making no profits. He instantly reverts back to his old self, and goes on a rampage of greed, culminating in threatening to tear a man's arm off for a silly penny.

The Flying Dutchman appears to take Krabs back to Hell, but SpongeBob stands up for him to prove his generosity, betting his own soul that Mr. Krabs would not trade SpongeBob's soul for money. Mr. Krabs sells SpongeBob's soul for 62 cents, and the Dutchman takes SpongeBob to Hell. After Skodwarde praises Mr. Krabs for giving up SpongeBob for 62 cents, the Dutchman quickly reappears and gives SpongeBob back. The Dutchman is unable to stand SpongeBob’s babbling, and saying that having to deal with him is a fate worse than death. At the end of the episode, the Dutchman is seen in Hell, and gets a phone call from SpongeBob, who continues to talk to him about masturbating with Patrick.

56b. I Had An Accident

The episode starts with Patrick playing Shawn White Snowboarding for the PSP, but not paying attention to where he is going while snowboarding in real life. He flies off the mountain and crashes into another, dying in the process. But due to fan support, Patrick is brought back to life three seconds later. A few moments later, SpongeBob, falling off the same mountain, crashes into the ground butt-first after trying to perform the Grouchy Skodwarde, and is taken to the hospital. Dr. House (Hugh Laurie guest starring) says that it took 20 hours to staple, tape, and glue it back together, and that if he has another similar injury, he may end up with an "iron butt", a huge machine on wheels that proceeds to rape you where the butt used to be. SpongeBob goes on "around-the-clock butt patrol", and after seeing many potentially dangerous things outside, including a seven mile spanking machine that Skodwarde is busy participating in the rest of the episode, decides to stay home forever with his three in-door friends, a chip named Tostitos, Penny from The Big Bang Theory (as herself), and Used Tampon.

Sandy and Patrick try to persuade to get SpongeBob to come outside through many means. First they go jellyfishing, but SpongeBob is busy lint collecting. Then Patrick and Sandy try to celebrate with SpongeBob’s birthday, but SpongeBob is busy singing Soft Kitty with Penny. Finally, Sandy and Patrick stage a montage of activities from ice cream, catching clams, all the way to bathing an old person, which Patrick finds too much entertainment in.

Out of ideas, which the old person pops back up and suggest a three way before Sandy turns him down, they attempt to stage a fake gorilla attack. SpongeBob is unconvinced by this, until an actual (live-action) gorilla appears and attacks them. SpongeBob contemplates what to do about this by consoling his three indoor friends with Tostitos being the voice of reason and Used Tampon name calling. SpongeBob tells Tostitos to take care of Gary, but Gary eats Tostitos in a moment of cannibalism.

SpongeBob leaves the safety of his home to save his real friends, but is easily defeated by first a piece of paper, but then the gorilla. The episode ends with a massive non-sequitur: When SpongeBob asks how a gorilla can exist underwater, the gorilla says "George, they're on to us!" and a zebra named George appears as they run away together. Then, a bunch of stoners who were watching the episode calls this the best moment of Skodwarde ever as they take a massive hit from their bongs.

[Wumbo]

57a. Krabby Land

SpongeBob bursts through the doors of the Krusty Krab, singing about the joys of balmy nights at Makeout Reef, throwing used condoms around for all to enjoy. Skodwarde maintains that he's not much of a Makeout Reef person, but we all know that this isn't true. Meanwhile, Mr. Krabs hears about balmy nights and whatnot, and realizes that it's summer, which means it's time for him to watch for children... so they can spend money at his restaurant, of course. Gleefully putting his face up against the window, he anxiously waits for the children to eat out of his big meaty claws.

A day passes, and Mr. Krabs sees no children. Frustrated, he decides that he must find the children himself. He goes to the playground to spy on them, when suddenly, it hits him: if he wants children, he has to build a playground by himself. He builds an immaculate replica of Six Flags, but Skodwarde, just for shits and giggles, god powers it up and transforms Krabs' park into a shitty death trap.

The next day. Mr. Krabs unveils his new playground to the children that he mustered up. But before doing that, he picks up one of the children and asks what his name is. The kid replies "AAAAAAHHHHH" and Mr. Krabs says "Nice to meet you, Aaaaaahhhhh!", putting him down. He then finally reveals Krabby Land, complete with a Dildo Rodeo, Orgasm Fantastica, A Jizz'N'Slide, and the like. The kids are appalled, and so is Mr. Krabs. He decides to draw attention away from the park by teaching kids never to read over contracts as he hands them out. He then promises the children that Krabby the Clown will be here soon. The kids look confused, in a "Who the fuck is Krabby the Clown?"-type manner. As Mr. Krabs ducks out, SpongeBob realizes that it's time for him to teach the kids about safe sex. He goes on and on about how you should practice abstinence if in doubt, and use a condom, and blah blah blah...

Naturally, the kids find this lame. SpongeBob, trying to win back his audience, slips on a condom he used for a demonstration and unwittingly grabs the ass of a female fish walking by. The fish slaps SpongeBob with her purse, and SpongeBob finally realizes that he must use lewd acts of sexual misconduct to win these kids back! After hijinx involving boob-grabbing, underskirt-peeking, and a very erotic dance involving lima beans, SpongeBob has won the kids over. But now he is tired, and goes to ask Mr. Krabs when Krabby the Clown will get here. Mr. Krabs realizes that SpongeBob is trying to upstage him, and so, putting a dildo on his nose, Mr. Krabs IS Krabby the Clown!

SpongeBob won't let Mr. Krabs upstage him with such a lame act and decides to become a pimp, grabbing Mr. Krabs's money and giving it to hoes in exchange for their service. SpongeBob finally realizes that it's not all about Makeout Reef... it's about erotic pleasure wherever and whenever possible!

57b. The Threesome Episode

Skodwarde is settling down for the 7th day of rest, glad that SpongeBob and Patrick have gone off to become fuckbuddies or whatever. Suddenly, he hears giggling just outside his house. Unable to sleep, he comes out and demands to know what the fuck is going on. He spots SpongeBob and Patrick having a l'il bit of foreplay. Skodwarde activates Cockblock Mode and asks why the two aren't off in some God-forsaken forest or something. SpongeBob, a little upset that skodwarde interrupted the foreplay, curtly replies that it's not all about the forest... it's about erotic pleasure wherever and whenever possible! Skodwarde just warns them to keep it down before he smites them. SpongeBob replies, "Okay... have fun inside."

"Have fun inside" echoes through Skodwarde's head until he realizes the undertone in SpongeBob's voice means that he thinks that he can't do it like a dude! Irate, Skodwarde decides to set up his own tent outside and become a part of SpongeBob and Patrick's special night.

SpongeBob and Patrick are a little annoyed, but eventually decide, "Hey, the more the merrier", and let Skodwarde into their club. SpongeBob decides to commemorate Skodwarde's entry into the now-threesome party by making a romantic dinner over a campfire. Patrick then blows it into Skodwarde's face as part of a starfish mating ritual. Skodwarde, annoyed, wipes it off and uses his god powers to heal his third degree burns, asking SpongeBob and Patrick what is next on the agenda. SpongeBob and Patrick decide to show Skodwarde their rendition of

by Marvin Gaye.

After they finish, SpongeBob asks Skodwarde if he found that erotic. Skodwarde curtly replies no, and decides to show them how it's really done, with his own rendition of

by The Bloodhound Gang. Horrified, SpongeBob strangles Skodwarde until he finally stops playing. Skodwarde asks what the fuck that was for, and SpongeBob replies that sea bears come out around this time of night, and they hate Waffle House hashbrowns. Skodwarde replies that he doesn't believe in sea bears, and SpongeBob and Patrick tell him that they're true, holding up tabloid magazine covers cleverly disguising their porno magazines. Skodwarde still maintains his non-belief in sea bears, but then one comes along due to hearing Skodwarde's rendition of "The Bad Touch". He proceeds to maul Skodwarde, and casually swims away. Skodwarde once again uses his god powers to heal himself, and maintains that he is immortal, so he will never be affected by sea bears. SpongeBob and Patrick decide that it's therefore time for the threesome, and the three have a jolly old time in the tent.

[TJ]

Great episode

[Old Man Jenkins]

All excellent reads, Skod Crew and Jjs! You three deserve some congratulatory spankings for making this season the best yet. It makes me proud to see how far this spin-off has gotten since it's humble beginnings. I'll try to get one of my own up soon.

[Old Man Jenkins]

59. The Sponge Who Got Back (This ain't lost for nothin, baby)

Hey kids, now it's time to waste more time with your favorite booty lover and president of the Skodwarde Fan Club, Patchy the Pirate! He welcomes us all by saying, "Hey Kids! Now let me swab ye deck!" The show goes out of transmission but picks back up with Patchy saying he was just yanking our peg legs but Potty calls him a pedophile. Patchy has found himself a map that will conveniently lead him straight to the lost episode of Skodwarde. He puts on his wooden penis as he sets out in search of some booty. He first stops near a ho on the corner and shouts outs out "LAND HO!" He gets her to "swab his deck" for a buck-fifty to prove to us he is not a pedophile. His quest for booty leads him to a playground filled with children. After some nautical nonsense involving groping and fondling, the kids shout out "stranger danger" so the parents beat Patchy up. Having had himself a bit too much fun with the kids there has him fatigued as he finds the X that marks the spot. He proceeds to dig all the way to China, just like in the cartoons. Patchy takes a wrong turn at Albuquerque, where he comes across JCM in a cameo. JCM hands him the lost episode as he looks on at Patchy admirably. Patchy leaves saying, "I don't know either." He heads back home and asks Mrs. Johnson (hehe Johnson) if he could borrow some hand lotion before lathering it on his hook hand and popping that tape in, but it turns out to be a ten hour loop of anemone porn and various Spongebob walk cycling fan service to appease the likes of, say, Smiles or Unlimitedcha. Patchy is all like, "I can't fap to THIS!" before he rampages through his house and takes down all his dildos, vibrators, and various miscellaneous sex toys questioning as to why Skodwarde has betrayed him. After ten hours of this mindless, sex-driven drivel, the tape begins to play the real lost episode. Patchy supermans that ho and turns back time to restore his sex wax collection. He puts on his hook for a hand in preparation for his fap session as Potty takes a shit on the remote, which is what we expect our viewers to be doing right now after watching this. This mindless filler ends and we begin the real lost episode.

You know at the end that one episode in season one where I said Spongebob had a wet dream about flying with the jellyfish but that "it would be an episode for another day?" Well, your patience has paid off because one day, after an unknown amount of time following the events of Jellyfish Holocaust cause hey, this was lost, Spongebob fantasizes about flying and mating with the majestic jellyfish, culminating in an erotic Heavy Metal-inspired jellyfish sky orgy scene. Spongebob wakes up and begins singing a musical number (special guests, Sugar Ray, performing) about breeding with jellyfish and how he wishes to be one of them high up there in the sky. Then the words of Grandpa Squarepants begins to ring through his ears, "If we were meant to fly, we'd have little bags of nuts." And if you get that reference, you can have your cookie and stick it halfway up your ass, that's what you can do with it. How dare you be as well endowed Animaniacs-wise as I am. Spongebob does the next best thing and steals some of Old Man Jenkins' hemp from his marijuana farm and gets himself as high as a kite by then. Patrick joins in on the burn sesh and Spongebob begins slurring about wanting to fly and breed with the majestic jellyfish to help them repopulate after having been almost wiped out by our resident squid nazi. Patrick laughs it off, saying that it reminds him of what his grandpa used to tell him, "If we were meant to fly, we'd have little bags of nuts." Apparently, Grandpa Squarepants was a playa back in the day. They go out for some ice cream to satisfy their munchies before going about constructing a flying machine, while under the influence of cannabis no less. Spongebob checks the tire pressure and says, "this so totally gonna help me get laid with the jellyfish." Patrick helps him take off as Spongebob immediately nose dives into Farmer Jenkins' marijuana patch, setting the farm ablaze. Old Man Jenkins tells them "to git!" before shouting out some scathing conspiracies about how you city folks and your flying machines let 9/11 happen. Patrick tells Spongebob that they should do what he says, since he "writes some of our episodes." before stumbling off to the side.

Next, Spongebob pulls off a Wile E. Coyote and orders a bat suit from Acme to help him fly. The suit shows off Spongebob's superior posterior as he take flight on his maiden voyage. Things go swell for the first ten seconds until Spongebob tries performing the jellyfish mating ritual, which fucks up his flight pattern and sends him crashing to the ground below. Patrick proceeds to piss the flames out even though he isn't on fire. Spongebob questions about what went wrong, to which Patrick replies, "He doesn't wear hockeypads." and if you got that then congratulations, you've watched The Dark Knight. Moving on, Spongebob has done all the physics and he knows that this will guaren-bo-barens help him fly. The product of his hard work turns out to be a lawn chair with two balloons tied to it. Patrick asks, "is it Eeyore's Birthday?" Spongebob takes off the brick holding the contraptions down and bids Bon voyage to Patrick. He plops down on the ground to realize that his flying machine has gone on without him. He asks Patrick, "Are you fondling what I'm fondling?" Patrick replies, "I think so, but wasn't 420 a few days ago?" They head back to the drawing board as I take comfort in the fact that I'm not the only one who forgot about 420 here. Spongebob, having gone desperate, buys a kite from the nearest dollar store. In what seems like something out of Jackass, he has Patrick tie him to the kite and pull him from a string on the bike. "I'll fuck those jellyfish yet!" the playful sponge exclaimed with the utmost confidence. He starts to soar pass pedestrians as they all look on in awe and ask themselves, "who the hell is that guy?" and "what the fuck is doing?" Skodwarde catches wind of this (get it? Wind? ZING) and uses his god powers to make the bike swerve out of control, causing a lot of property damage, but it's all good for our playful sponge, Mrs. Puff bites the bullet for him again.

Spongebob goes to return his now-broken kite to the dollar store, which is quite redundant if you ask me, but hey, I'm writing it in anyway. The guy at the register says he's seen Spongebob before and shows him the picture he found on the Internet of Spongebob at the Christmas Party. Spongebob curses Patrick's name under his breath as he leaves the store. Skodwarde gets word of his recent exploits mainstream cause its already in the funny papers with a headline reading, "Local Man Child tries getting it on with Mother Nature." Spongebob is appalled at this blatantly obvious example of yellow journalism (get it? Yellow? I'm on a roll here) as he is clearly trying to get it on with some jellyfish and not Mother Nature. The townsfolk start laughing at him and calling him various bird puns such as cuckoo and dodo and Cock Man of Bikini Bottom. A boy asks his mother why Spongebob would want to have sexual relations with a jellyfish and his mom responds, "He must have a pea cock." and they both just laugh and laugh. A random guy shouts out, "he doesn't have a pea cock, he lays the eggs!" (Haha! Girly parts) Another random guy goes right in front of Spongebob and does his best funky chicken dance (which is even funnier because chickens can't fly). Spongebob begins preaching about his wet dreams and wanting to make them a reality or some shit like that, which pisses the townspeople off because Spongebob didn't take into account that other people have wet dreams too. Skodwarde takes charge and starts up an angry mob like a Gaston and they chase Spongebob off a cliff saying, "Fly your way out of that one, Cock Man!" Spongebob lands in a septic tank before ironically being tossed off into a truck that was conveniently carrying feathers. Spongebob begins to lament over his dire situation.

German Narrator: Vill Spongebab learn how to fly? Vill you give a flying fuck (hurr) to stay tuned and vind zout?

And we're back! Spongebob has just gotten himself home and took a nice, warm shower and made sure to clean the shit out of his holes. More fan service and takes off the towel that is covering his tick square body (SUS and UC, eat your heart out). He begins telling Gary how wet dreams are just sexual fantasies and have no place in reality or some shit like that, but Gary is just wondering when this bitch will get em his Snail-Po (epic foreshadowing). Spongebob uses a hair dryer (remember kids, you CAN use electrical appliances underwater) to dry off his bush. He slaps on a pair of pants as his phone starts ringing off the hook. He places his hair dryer in his pants since it's still a little moist down there and as he takes the collect call and it went a lil somethin', somethin' li'dis.

Spongebob: Hello? No, this isn't the Cock Man of Bikini Bottom. I most certainly have not seen the movie, "The Bird Cage"! Who is this? Mike Hawk? Well let me tell you something, Mike Hawk. I hate to break it to you, but I am just not a fan of Robin Williams.

As this goes on, the physics of having a hairdryer in his pants has somehow inflated his anal area, causing Spongebob to float off the floor and hit the ceiling. Skodwarde hangs up on Spongebob as the playful sponge notices that he has found the secret to flight, the almighty badonkadonk. Spongebob proceeds to neglect Gary more as he flies up out of there to shove his ass in everybody's faces. "Hey mom, isn't that the Cock Man?" the little boy from earlier asked aloud as he tugged on his mother's fishnets. "Wow, nice ass." his mother replied. Everybody admires the view as Spongebob shoves his ass in everybody's faces and soars towards Jellyfish Fields. Spongebob comes across Mrs. Puff, who's snail is stuck in a tree (how cliche). She breaks out into song as she begins telling her life story about how she's had her since she was a little girl (even though Snaily previously appeared in "The Great Snail Race" as Skodwarde's fine bitch, continuity error or artistic laziness on the animator's part) and how she was her only friend, sadly. Puff starts going pessimistic and fears for the worse (though if snails are like cats, she would land on her feet anyway). Spongebob swoops in and saves the day to get her to stop singing. Spongebob hits 500 mph as he flies next to a plane as a guy spazzes out to a stewardess about how there was a fine piece of ass on the wing of the plane, but nobody believes him. And that was our Twilight Zone reference for this episode.

Spongebob begins excreting fecal matter as the boy from earlier catches it with his tongue like snow. The boy would later be afflicted with salmonella. Revenge is a dish best served cold. Spongebob proceeds to return Mr. Krabs his dime that somehow made it's way to the top of a building and carries Patrick away in his arms from a street mime cause I guess Spongebob is just discriminatory like that. Spongebob then helps Plankton out of a bush. How you interpret that depends on how sick-minded you are. Meanwhile, Skodwarde is at home watching some mind-numbing television as word of Spongebob's more recent exploits hits the airwaves on the 5 o'clock news. They interviewed this guy who was all like, "He helped me find Waldo." and some kid who was like, "dat ass."

Meanwhile, thousands of miles away, the light of the Goo Lagoon Lighthouse has gone out and Sailor Jenkins is heading straight towards to coastline. After the loss of his prized marijuana farm, Old Man Jenkins spiraled into a deep depression and decided to end it all by taking his pontoon boat and crashing himself into the cliff, but Spongebob swoops in to change the lightbulb right as Old Man Jenkins pussies out at the last second, making it seem like Spongebob saved his life, adding one more accolade under his belt. This would only fuel the old curmudgeon's grudge against you city folk and yer flying' machines even more, but that will all come to a head later.

Spongebob is later stopped by Mr. Krabs, who proceeds to tap dat like no one's business. Soon enough, everybody else in town line up in unison to ride Spongebob home if ya know what I mean heehee! After a long, exhausting day of (sexual) favors, Spongebob can finally fulfill his dream of mating with the majestic jellyfish. But that is not enough for the townspeople, who are lining up in unison again. When Spongebob tries to make a break for it, Skodwarde stirs shit up by shouting, "There's Spongebob! Right there, out in the open!" blowing our playful sponge's cover. The Bikini Bottomites complain that Spongebob still owes them favors. Gee whiz, what a backward fucking town this is. Skodwarde uses his god powers to rally up a mob again like a Gaston in what will be another musical number.

Fish 1: We're not safe until he's dead!

Fish 2: He'll come stalking us at night!

Fish 3: Should we sacrifice our children to his sexual appetite!?

Mr. Krabs: We're not safe until his ass is mounted up on my wall!

Skodwarde: Well it's time to take some action, boys! It's time tooooo fooooollooooow meeeeeee! Through the jizz! Through the wood! Through the snarkness and the shallow! It's a nightmare but it's one exciting riiiide!

And Skodwarde would know that. Any who, they give chase to the fleeing Sponge, who can practically taste the jelly from where he's flying, but before he can make it all the way home, the man of a thousand faces, Old Man Jenkins, arrives on the scene and proceeds to ejaculate himself out of cannon as everybody are all like, "It's LEEROOOOOOOOOYYY JEEENKIIIINS! Go git em, Leeroy!" OMJ proceeds to shove his fist up Spongebob's ass, causing it to assplode (I kill me). Spongebob plummets to threaten below as Old Man Jenkins spanks himself for a job well done. The mob surrounds Spongebob where he lied, laying in a heap of his own ass. The Bottomites salvage what's left of dat ass and give it a proper burial. Spongebob wakes up hours later in a daze and laments over having blown off his only chance to join the jellyfish in the mile high club. The Jellies take pity on the poor, pathetic sponge, so they let him ride them home (once again, up to interpretation) as they break out singing "I Believe I Can Fly". Spongebob returns home hours later wher Patrick walks up to him to tell him that he's suing him for stealing his inflatable pants idea. Patrick then uses the power of his own donk to fly away, leaving us all totally speechless surely. Patrick would later settle out of court for a quarter to kickstart his sex doll again.

We return to Patchy, who liked he had quite the fap session. He goes to rewind the tape, but he fucks up and destroys our only copy. We at the Skod Crew would sue him too, but we settled for some fries. I'll give the honors of last line to Wumbo since Patchy is booty but not Wumbooty.

Wumbo: Who knew we had a fan club, eh?

Edited April 11, 2018 by jjsthekid

[Jjs Goodman]

What happened to 58?

[Old Man Jenkins]

What happened to 58?

My little joke on how 59 aired before 58 IRL ;P

[box]

I can't wait for Missing Identity.

[Clappy]

I can't wait for Missing Identity.

That's what you think...

58a. Missing Dildo

SpongeBob is at a diner, late at night. It is a dark and rainy night. A patron is looking for his identification, but he realizes that he lost his driver’s license. A waitress says he can borrow hers, and he does. SpongeBob says he once lost something more important than his identity, His dildo..

He recounts the events of last Monday. He wakes up, and throwing his blanket into the air, says "Hail Hitler!" to please Skodwarde. The blanket falls on him and SpongeBob, not being able to see, falls off his bed and his alarm clock falls on top of his head. He falls down the stairs and the alarm propels him into the window. He feeds Gary, and realizes that he has been feeding Gary snail food for years and doesn't even know what it tastes like. He tastes a little bit, and says it tastes like shit, and his disgust is even heard at the headquarters of the company that makes Gary's snail food with Peterson realizing that SpongeBob is onto their secret ingredient. He looks at the clock and realizes that he's late for work, so he quickly pleasures himself and skips to work.

While he skips to work, he says hello to Patrick, then says hello to Old Man Jenkins, Clappy, and Wumbo, then places a laxative on Mr. Krabs' desk. Then, Flats throws him into a dumpster and fucks his butt.

Later, as SpongeBob gives anal sex to a customer, the customer tells him that he should use a dildo so that she can actually orgasm instead of faking it. He assures her that he is wearing a dildo, but then sees nothing because of his lack of having a penis. He immediately hyperventilates, and tells Skodwarde that he has lost his dildo. SpongeBob faints almost immediately. When he wakes up, he asks Skodwarde what happened. His response is that he fainted because he lost his dildo. Skodwarde assures him that his dildo is not that important, but just as he says that Mr. Krabs informs them that there's a body inspection in one hour. Skodwarde tells SpongeBob that he should retrace his steps.

SpongeBob does, but is unsuccessful in finding it. Patrick suggests looking in the dumpster, and they go searching there. Patrick finds SpongeBob's dildo, but it seems to keep disappearing. SpongeBob is confused, but all the mysteries are cleared when Patrick says "At least I don't wear my dildo backwards!" SpongeBob then realizes that he had his dildo all along, he just put it on the wrong side of his body. At the uniform inspection, Mr. Krabs feels Skodwarde’s body and tells him if he shaves tonight, he passes. Then he smells SpongeBob and is horribly disgusted. He kicks SpongeBob out of the Krusty Krab.

SpongeBob finishes telling his story, and thanks the waitress for listening, calling her "Betty White". She says that her name is not Betty White; she just borrowed someone else's uniform while hers is getting cleaned. When SpongeBob learns this, he ends the episode doing a Jack Benny double-take.

I'll get around to episode 58b Plankton's Orgy a little later.

[TJ]

MI was just on too XP .

Anyway, 4 more eps to go ^^.

[Old Man Jenkins]

60a. Spongebob Meats The Strangler

One day, Spongebob starts the work day off by giving Mr. Krabs a hand job as the clock starts ticking. It slowly counts down the final second until it's 9:00 a.m. And Eugene still hasn't reached his sexual climax yet. Krabs gradually gets more and more stimulated, but it just isn't enough. "Hurry me boy!" Krabs yelled as krustomers awkwardly listen to all the commotion from outside. Spongebob proceeds to apply some hand lotion and rubs his palms together before proceeding to rub Krabs' hooha together. It's the final stretch (ha) and after two seconds of ecstasy, Eugene finally blows off steam and with a second to spare.

Spongebob's On-Time Percentage: 100%

Skodwarde awkwardly walks in, fashionably late as usual.

Skodwarde's On-Time Percentage: 69% (you saw that coming)

Eugene gives Skodwarde an earful about pleasing his superiors before telling Spongebob, "I suggest ye wash yer hands, boy. They don't call me Krabs for nothin'. Ar ar ar ar!" before kindly telling them to get the fuck out of his man cave so that he and the dime can have their privacy once more. Spongebob begins to continually ask Skodwarde, "Isn't it great to work here at the Krusty Krab?" to which Skodwarde brings up the abuse, the lack of benefits, the horrid working conditions and environment, the time Krabs used them both to wipe out almost the entire Jellyfish population for a fucking sandwich, how Krabs gives them bills instead of paychecks, the time Eugene wrongfully fired Skodwarde for stealing a dime of all things that sent both of their lives into a downward spiral, the time he wanted to rape Mrs. Puff, how he forced Spongebob to take Pole to her prom or get the boot, the time he actually put Pole, a teenager, in charge of Bikini Bottom's premiere fast food restaurant and subjected them both to tween culture, how he took them to some stinking lagoon and almost got them all killed for one measly dollar, how he put and Spongebob and Patrick (who isn't even employed) to hard labor without pay but with threats to paint his living room, I mean, they went on strike in that one episode for a fucking reason. Krabs is a Grade-A Asshole, that's what somebody wrote about him on a dumpster and with good reason and that things with Eugene will only get worse from here. We still have 5 seasons and a movie to go through where Krabs will be even more of a pain in the ass in. Spongebob stops Skodwarde's Hitler-esque tirade by saying "ok, I get your fucking point." Skodwarde goes to calm his nerves by reading Mein Kampf for like the buh millionth time as Spongebob heads out to clean up litter instead of his actual job of flipping that meat.

Spongebob cleans house and says to himself that he "deserves a BJ for this." More pieces of paper fall to the ground like kamikazes as Spongebob tries his hardest to clean up. He gets his panties in a twist and goes to find the culprit responsible for such a crime. His search leads him to some guy who's rolling up a couple of joints in his car. Spongebob bitches at him about how littering is a federal offense or some shit like that. The guy asks him, "What are you gonna do? Call the police?" and that's exactly what Spongebob did because he's a snitch bitch like that. The cops surround the guy and arrest him for littering, which is apparently a bigger offense than being in possession of marijuana in this hick backwards town. The authorities cuff him up like a motherfucker for God knows what, but hey they're cops, so that's a sexual nod right there.

Skodwarde catches wind of this and recognizes the guy as The Tattletale Strangler, something the cops failed to realize themselves. Skodwarde tells Spongebob about how he would strangle anybody who snitches him to the popo, kind of blowing things out of proportions at times to further instill fear into the playful sponge for his own amusement. Spongebob watches on as the Strangler proceeds to strangle the head rest of the driver's seat. How intimidating, I liked Flats fucking the Spongebob sand sculpture til it crumbled a lot better. The cops assure them that the Strangler will be locked up nice and tight, but Skodwarde uses his god powers to free the Strangler from his restraints, aiding in his escape. The cops realize this and are all like, "Not again!" Spongebob nearly shit's a brick (square humor is back in full force) as he asks the cops for protection and a ride home, but the cops reply "We're not escorts. Give us a call if you see him again, snitch." That's Bikini Bottom's finest for ya. Spongebob is desperate for an escort so he goes to Mr. Krabs of all people. Krabs tells him once again that he ain't called for Krabs for nothin' but he asks for too much money than Spongebob can afford. Spongebob would go all around town looking for some services but he's basically cock blocked each time.

Spongebob would later lament about his dire situation, saying that he should change his name to Ben Dover and grow a mustache, elope with Patrick and live happily ever after. Why does this seem familiar. But apparently, the Strangler beats Spongebob to punch on the pedo mustache idea as he offers Spongebob his services in an obvious ruse to get to him. He gives Spongebob his card, which has "Escort" scribbled over "Tattletale Strangler" and a badly drawn pedo mustache etched onto his face. Spongebob, being the expert on this stuff apparently, says that it looks legit as he gladly accepts his services. Spongebob explains to his Escort about his dire situation as he hopes that the Strangler's hands aren't dirty, at least. The Strangler doesn't wash his hands after wiping his ass, so no. The Strangler goes in for the kill but a bus full of school children drives by and the pedo mustache does it's job in unnerving them. The Escort says there are too much witnesses and that they shouldn't be out in the open because for all they know, The Strangler could very well be Clappy, Wumbo, Old Man Jenkins, or that receipt to the Phony Bologna Mustache Emporium which the Escort says belongs to him. Spongebob applauds the Escort for being so dedicated to his profession and tells him that "my body is in your hands." Spongebob asks where should they go from here and the Escort replies that they should go to a nice, quiet and secluded location. Like behind a dumpster or in a dark alley. Spongebob then suggests that the go to his house and turn off all the lights to which the Escort says, "Perfect! That way no one can hear you being STRANGLED- I mean, uh, MOANING." as random passerbys are unnerved at this conversation. But before they can make it home, they have a few errands to run.

At the supermarket, Spongebob is conflicted about which brand of condoms he should get since one says "Best Condom In Town" while the other says "Best Condom Around". Spongebob asks his Escort for his opinion, who says "whichever gets us home quicker." Spongebob ultimately decides to get them both, wasting an hour thinking on it for nothing. At the dry cleaners, Spongebob goes to pick up his speedos but isn't sure if the square ones are his. Spongebob then goes to pick up KY for Him for them both before finally heading home. Spongebob spends twenty minutes digging through his pockets for his keys but they're nowhere to be found. The Escort then suggests they go through the window and asks Spongebob for a boost. Spongebob proceeds to stick his trusty dildo from under his welcome mat up the Escort's butt. The Escort runs around aimlessly as he yells for Spongebob to take it out. Spongebob says he's trying but his dildo is stuck in his rectum. After six more hours of undersea hijinx involving profanity and anal pain, the Escort finally musters up the strength to yank the dildo out himself, tearing himself a new hole in the process. Spongebob then uses the key he keeps under the mat with his trusty dildo to get themselves inside, pissing the Escort off even more. They make their way inside as Spongebob turns off the light and closes the door. But before anything can be done. All of Spongebob's friends and family reveal themselves to have been waiting there for about six hours and twenty minutes in order to throw him a congratulatory surprise party for his perfect on-time record.Spongebob tries to act surprised even though he sent out invites. Spongebob has learned from his past mistakes in Skodwarde's Raging House Party and actually throws a hoedown where even Skodwarde is having the time of his life popping, locking and dropping on the living room floor with a lamp shade on his head. The Escort decides to sit this one out and let's the party run it's course. The party ends hours later and Spongebob bids his farewells to some of the minor characters in the episode, "Bye Mr. Krabs, bye Patrick, bye Sandy, by Mrs. Puff, bye Larry, bye Moe, bye Curly Joe, (played by Sean Hayes, Will Sasso, and Chris Diamontotototopopolu*fart*-superfluous respectively in what is obviously a cross-promotion. We're merely moving ahead in Hollywood and obviously not selling out) and byeeee the rest!" The Escort/Strangler is woken up from his nap by Spongebob, who tells him that they're all alone. This pleases the Escort which, in turn, pleases Spongebob as they both start hurring compulsively. The Escort asks again just to make sure as Spongebob reassures him that it's just them and the floorboards. Sounds like a heavy threesome in the making here.

They hurr again as a knock is heard at the door. It turns out to be the party guests from earlier who say that they're back to celebrate Eeyore's Birthday because that's what the invitation said and these people have no mind of their own whatsoever. Anyway, after some nautical nonsense involving crumping, passing the dutchie from the left hand side, some slapstick comedy courtesy of our special guests, and an orgy or two, Spongebob finally sees his guests out the door as the Escort/Strangler finally comes to after eating one too many brownies. He asks Spongebob once again to assure him that they're all alone. Spongebob can see the excitement in his Escort's eyes as he applies his KY Jelly. The Strangler puts his powerful and somewhat detailed hands around Spongebob's throat before lifting him into the air. The Strangler is all like, "NOW YOU'LL GIT IT TATTLETELL!" as this asphyxiation arouses Spongebob, who begs the Escort to strangle him harder since he's been bad! This is last straw as the Escort rips off his pedo mustache, saying he's not an escort but the Strangler. Spongebob, on the other hand, is amazed at how he managed to take it off without shaving cream. The Strangler reveals he bought it at the party store, causing Skodwarde to beam himself and all the other party guests back into the house asking, "Did somebody say PARTY?!" before they all stripped down to their speedos and began dancing around to some pretty cherry techno music. The Strangler proceeds to run off through the wall. Spongebob gives chase, realizing he is still paying him by the hour. Spongebob tries catching up to him to fulfill his sexual climax by shouting out, "Wait Escort! I need protection!" as he whipped out the Best Condoms in Town. The Strangler buys himself a first-class ticket all-roads nowhere as he takes his window seat, commenting on how he finally got away from that freaky little shit. In what seems like a scene out of a Bugs Bunny cartoon, Spongebob appears in the seat behind him saying, "Good idea, Escort. This way, we can both become members of the Mile High Club!" Clearly not on cloud nine, the Strangler makes a jump for it. He releases the parachute as Spongebob is shown as the parachute itself by saying, "Another smashing idea, Escort! Nobody's every tried having sex while skydiving before. The Strangler disconnects himself from the chute as he conveniently lands in the Bikini Bottom Police Department and behind bars. Spongebob offers himself as jailbait while the Strangler continues to convince him that he's not an escort. Before Spongebob can make the Strangler his bitch, two officers show up on the scene, taking credit for the Strangler's capture. They escort Spongebob out of the precinct before telling Spongebob that the Strangler is suing him for sexual harassment. They would settle out of court for Spongebob's vast collection of anemone porn on VHS tapes. The Strangler would find himself spending 25 to life behind bars, becoming the Three Stooges' bitch in the process, subjecting him to slapstick for the duration of his prison sentence.

60b. Spanks A Lot

One day, Spongebob and Patrick head to the Palace of Spanks, Bikini Bottom's premiere sex shop and where most of the various sex toys seen on this show are supplied from. (Remember, if it's not from Palace of Spanks, consider yourself a royal fool). Once inside, Spongebob takes a moment to breathe in the fresh smell of novelty, cheaply made, plastic blunt objects, rubber fists, vibrators, and cum as far as the eye can see. Meanwhile, Patrick finds some sex wax but if you haven't figured it out by now, it's actually wax for your surfboard. No joke. Hehe, sounds like it could be a wood joke, but it ain't called "The Best For Your Stick" for nothin'. Any who, back to the story. Spongebob introduces Patrick to the store owner, Frank (played by Lou Reed in reference to his role as "Man with Strangle Glasses"), who is said to be a master of these sort of things. Spongebob asks Frank if he's ready to close up shop and leave Bikini Bottom, but Frank says he wouldn't know his way around the Gulf of Mexico, the Pacific, and the Caribbean so he'll just stay put here even though he's been thinking of leaving for about 35 years. Patrick doesn't get this obscure movie reference and asks for more sex wax. Frank offers Patrick some Sexlets, otherwise known as "Cum Gum", which enhances the male libido and provides greater performance. Patrick downs the entire pack, causing his head to explode (your interpretation) and says that he "isn't feeling it."

Spongebob asks Frank what he could buy for a dollar. Frank asks Spongebob if anyone ever gave him a Dutch oven before, Spongebob says no, to which Frank replies, "You want one?" And that's probably our first and hopefully last fart joke for this series. Frank does offer Spongebob the chance to be the first to test out a new sex spray. Frank tells Spongebob not to be frightened of it's manly yet invisible power, but warns him that it does stain clothes (which is redundant cuz who has sex with clothes on anyway?). Frank gives Spongebob the spray for a dollar anyway because I guess unlike Mrs. Puff, Frank has no bills. Gosh dangit, he's Lou Reed!

Spongebob and Patrick decide to test the spray out and get it on out in the open cuz they're rebels like that. They start stripping down, remembering that spray stains clothes. They fight over who will have the honors of being sprayed first by comparing penis sizes. Spongebob is carrying the bigger package so Patrick, out of spite, sprays him below the belt thus causing his gonads to disappear. Patrick taunts, "What package?!" as they start wrestling each other for the spray as some random onlookers pass by on a bus awkwardly around the sight of two naked guys wrestling out in broad daylight over a can of paint. Several bad puns later, the spray has been used up and they're both completely invisible to the naked eye (get it, cuz they're naked). Spongebob tosses the can aside, despite being so anal about littering just the episode before, before realizing that Lou Reed wasn't kidding about the spray's "manly yet invisible power". They ask some poor sap for the time but proceed to scare his balls off and they would in turn hi-jack a boat and drive of. The nerve of that guy and his driving balls. They concoct a plan to take advantage of this situation and snag themselves some tail fin for shit's and giggles.

They first hit up Sandy's place, who notices that she suddenly has acquired a bunch of portraits of Patrick before realizing that they're really her's (We here at Skodwarde aim to please all shippers out there) before hitting up Sandy's ass and causing her immense psychological trauma that forced her to use that escape pod to Texas (and Wanda said it was a bad idea). After some more undersea hi-jinx involving some panty raids, men/women dressing rooms, locker rooms, communal showers, Mama Krabs for some reason, some sweet revenge on Flats, toast and some spanks, everybody in Bikini start to fear for their behinds. Word of these events hit the tabloids and Shitter as the infamous "Bikini Bottom Goatse" take the town by storm, all except for Skodwarde, who doesn't do social media. That reason alone convinces Spongebob and Patrick to make Skodwarde their final victim.

Skodwarde prepares for the worse by using his god powers to do away with all the computers and wifi in his house, saying "I don't do social media!" When the lights go out, Skodwarde takes out his vibrator to defend himself against the otherworldly forces, but Spongebob and Patrick yank it from his hands and takes out the batteries, sending Skodwarde on the run. They take out their Blackberries and proceed to show Skodwarde all the Skodwarde vids on YouTube, subjecting him to his social media hell. Spongebob and Patrick then threaten to burn Skodwarde's only printed copy of Mein Kampf, which is a pretty dick move on their part. This is the last straw as Skodwarde shouts out, "ZOMBIE GOASTS LEAVE DIS PLACE!" before using his god powers to reveal the true identities of the Bikini Bottom Goatse, who don't realize what Skodwarde has done to them as they jiggle their dicks in his face. Skodwarde calls their bluff and Spongebob and Patrick try to look decent. Skodwarde tells the to "GTFO". Spongebob and Patrick do so, complimenting on Skodwarde for how well he took their joke, but they find themselves teleported into the Salty Suckn'Blow, where Skodwarde has used his god powers to draw a huge live audience to bear witness (haha bare) to the "Live Nude Spankers: starring the Bikini Bottom Goatse!" Spongebob and Patrick put on an exhibition to some "Sweet Jane" as Lou Reed tosses them the dollar Spongebob used to buy the spray earlier in the episode.

[Old Man Jenkins]

Since a good majority of Skod season one and an episode or two of season two weren't carried over during past SBC moves, potential new readers have been forced to start right off bat with a few randomly placed and guest written season one episodes and those hopefully loyal readers had to trek on over to the old Forumotion site to get their nostalgia fix in more ways than one. I plan on rectifying that right now with this birfday gift from me to my fans in this hootenanny of a marathon of those episodes we have come to enjoy and miss.

Spoiler

Episode 1. Help Wanted/Reef Blower/Tea at the Treedome

Spongebob wakes up early to get himself a job at the Krusty Krab. Skodwarde finds and summons anchovies to ruin his job interview. After Spongebob foils his plan to the tunes of Tiny Tim, Skodwarde flings Krabby Patties at Patrick with his god powers before finishing his shift and listens to Tiny Tim records at home.

Skodwarde woke up one day to find a shell causing a blemish on once flawless lawn, so he used his god powers to fling it onto Spongebob's perfect lawn. Spongebob takes notice of it and whips out his trusty reef blower to get rid of it. After some nautical nonsense involving god powers and reef blowers, Skodwarde uses his god powers to suck out the water dry. He puts it back after finding out he needs water then goes back inside to listen to more Tiny Tim records.

Skodwarde is lurking around Bikini Bottom one day when he finds a strange creature he has never seen before. Looking to cleanse Bikini Bottom, Skodwarde summons a giant clam to dispose of her. His plans are foiled when Spongebob intervenes. Sandy invites Spongebob over to her treehouse. Skodwarde arrives to stir shit up but is thwarted yet again. He heads back to his tiki to play some Rock Band.

Episode 2. Bubble Stand/Ripped Pants

One day, Spongebob opens up a bubble blowing booth for 25 cents a blow. Skodward takes offense to someone like Spongebob opening up business so close to home, so he challenges Spongebob to a bubble blowing contest. Spongebob uses a special technique to help with his blowing while Skodwarde uses his god powers to blow a bubble of gigantic proportions that carries his house off into the sky with him in it. Skodwarde then spends the rest of his day zumba dancing.

While at the beach, Skodwarde tosses sand onto some guy's buns, steals some girl's sunscreen, and left another guy to be buried alive in the sand and forgot him. Skodwarde spots Spongebob failing to impress Sandy and the guys at Muscle Beach so he uses his god powers to humiliate Spongebob even more by causing a rip in his pants. Things backfire when everybody else starts laughing and inflating Spongebob's ego. The tables start to turn when Spongebob's jokes get repetitive and out of hand, driving everybody to shun him. Skodwarde feels non-unsurely fulfilled until Spongebob and all the other people he humiliated start jamming out on the beach, winning back everyone's love and affection. Thwarted once again, Skodwarde proceeds to break his diet and decides to supersize those fried oyster skins.

Episode 3. Jellyfishing/Plankton!(Aka the one where Spongebob gets probed)

After a botched attempt on Spongebob's life leave him wheelchair-bound, Skodwarde wants nothing more than to be left alone. Spongebob and Patrick come over to make it up to him by teaching him how to jellyfish. Patrick tells Skodwarde to firmly grasp it, which Skodwarde does due to years of experience. After catching his first jellyfish, Skodwarde plots revenge by summoning an army of jellyfish to do his bidding. He sends them after Spongebob and Patrick but it backfires when Queen Jellyfish arrives to restore order to her underlings, further crippling Skodwarde. Skodwarde returns home from the hospital and proceeds to cry himself to sleep.

Things go bump in the night when Skodwarde is awaken from his beauty sleep to find Spongebob breaking into his second story bedroom, calls him a mediocre clarinet player before casually walking off from the second floor. Utterly pissed off, Skodwarde uses his god powers to deduce that Spongebob is being probed by the miniscule menace known as Plankton! Now having a common enemy, Skodwarde uses his god powers to painfully extract Plankton. After an epic battle involving science and god powers, Skodwarde steps on Plankton, non-unsurely crushing him in defeat. Spongebob then invites Skodwarde over for flapjacks.

Episode 4. Naughty Nautical Neighbors/Boating School

Skodwarde is interrupted while eating cake one day by Spongebob and Patrick's crazy antics. In retaliation, Skodwarde uses his god powers to blow talking bubbles of his own, driving a wedge in Spongebob and Patricks's friendship with false death threats toward each other. His plan backfires when Skodwarde finds himself in compromising situations that causes them to think that they're his friends. Skodwarde uses his god powers to go back in time undo the damage he caused. He then spends the rest of his day thinking about how he can use his new power to rid himself of Spongebob.

Trivia: Skodwarde discovers he can time travel

Spongebob is up bright and early for his umpteenth driving test. Patrick formulates a plan to probe Spongbob and control his actions, helping him to finally get his license. Skodwarde senses this and uses his god powers to interfere in the frequency, promptly exposing Spongebob's treachery and getting him into a fender bender. After finally having one of his plots work, Skodwarde begins telling the audience the moral of the story before the end credits roll.

Episode 5. Pizza Delivery/Home Sweet Pineapple

One day, Mr. Krabs invents the very first Krusty Krab Pizza and forces Both Spongebob and Skodwarde to deliver just one pizza. After spending a good two hours checking the tire pressure, they finally roll out. After some under hi-jinx involving god powers and gas, Skodwarde uses his god powers to drive a rock on over to their desired destination. After the customer slams teh door on his face, Skodwarde blasts the door open and says, "well this one's on the house." He then uses his god powers to conjure up a giant pizza and literally plops it down on the house. Skodwarde drops Spongebob at home before catching a drive-in movie.

One day, Skodwarde planned to drive Spongebob out of Bikini Bottom by summoning nematodes to devour his pineapple house. His plan suceeds and eagerly awaits Spongebob's moving day. Once that day arrived Skodwarde began dancing where the pineapple house once stood, but his god powers accidentally conjured it back with his crumping skills. Skodwarde, foiled once again, brings Mrs. Squarepants to his house for a conjugal.

Episode 6. Mermaidman & Barnacle Boy/ Pickles

One day, Spongebob and Patrick set out to find their longtime television idols, Mermaidman & Barnacle Boy. They are soon disappointed to find out that their idols are now senile old men. When all hope seems loss, Skodwarde arrives to stir shit up as usual. After using his god powers to destroy the meatloaf and brocoli lines, Mermaid & Barnacle Boy snaps out of their dementia and take action. They summon over sea creatures of the deep to hold Skodwarde back but he uses his god powers to cause all the elderly sea creatures to assplode. Skodwarde proceeds to fire his pew pew eye lazors at them while Mermaidman fires back some waterballs and Barnacle Bot shoots barnacles from his pants. After being fought back into a corner, Skodwarde swears vengeance profanely before using his ultimate technique, Ultima. Mermaidman manages to shield everybody in a water shield and Skodwarde teleports back to his house where he spends the rest of his day watching Hallmark movies. Mermaidman & Barnacle Boy takes Spongebob and Patrick out for some Vietnamese.

One day, a morbidly obese bass by the name of Bubblebath steps into the Krusty Krab and proceeds to order everything on the menu with extra pickles. Skodwarde sabotages the order by using his god powers to remove the pickles. When Bubblebath makes the complaint, he tosses Slodwarde off-screen and takes his dollar back from Mr. Krabs, refusing his offer for three glasses. While Mr. Krabs teaches Spongebob in the ways of the spatula, Skodwarde takes vengeance by using his god powers to place intricate items under Bubblebath's tongue. When the rematch comes to pass, Bubblebath is revealed to have the pickles under his tongue the whole time, along with car keys, sports illustrated, drugs, Osama, and somebody's virginity. Bubblebath flees the scene before stopping to catch his breath. Spongebob gets his job back and Skodwarde finishes up his shift before heading home to take a bubblebath.

Episode 7. Hall Monitor/Jellyfish Jam

One day, Skodwarde watches the news and tunes in on news break regarding an "Open Window Maniac" that is terrorizing Bikini Bottom all day. Judging from the artist's rendition, Skodwarde uses his god powers to deduce that Spongebob is the maniac. Skodwarde sets out to expose Spongebob but gets caught up in a stand off against Bikini Bottom PD. After some epic high noon action involving god powers and fire power, Skodwarde wastes the entire police force with an Ultima before heading back home to Tweet about the experience. Meanwhile, Spongebob is caught and Mrs. Puff gets arrested for it.

One day, Spongebob takes a stray jellyfish home and proceeds to teach it how to dougie. The noise and chaos keeps Skodwarde up all night, leaving him to wonder how Spongebob can have so much fun with a wild animal. An idea pops up in Skodwarde's head and he proceeds to summon another army of jellyfish once again to rain down on Spongebob's parade but it backfires when Spongebob literally leads a parade of jellyfish all the way back to Jellyfish Fields and leaves them there. Queen Jellyfish comes back to sting the shit out of Skodwarde after.

Trivia: There is no mention of god powers at all in "Jellyfish Jam"

Episode 8. Sandy's Rocket/Squeaky Boots

One day, Sandy finishes building her rocket and foolishly decides to show it off to Spongebob. Spongebob is left in awe at the thought of space travel and is even more excited when he forces Sandy to invite him along through guilt. Spongebob heads back and blabs everything to Patrick. Skodwarde uses his god powers to eavesdrop on their convo and uses his god powers to plant the idea in their heads to take Sandy's rocket out for a joyride. They blast off and Skodwarde celebrates his apparent victory by reading some Mein Kempf. When Spongebob and Patrick crash lands back in Bikini Bottom, they arm themselves with weapons to take on the Convenant. They blast through the entire town before coming across Skodwarde, who they think is the alien leader with alien powers. They charge into battle, shouting "death to Xenu" before blasting Skodward with their plasma rays but Skodwarde fires back with pew pew eye lazors. Spongebob and Patrick whip out a star saber and impact hammer while Skodwarde brandishes his double sided clarinet. After an epic battle involving advanced space age tech and god powers, Sandy interrupts the fight with her jet powered jet pack. She nags at all three of them to snap them back to their senses but is silenced when all three of them knocks her out with a blunt object. Spongebob and Patrick cuna in peace and Skodwarde takes Sandy to his tiki to show her his rocket. Spongebob and Patrick later strands themselves in Uranus.

One day, Skodwarde buys a pair of new boots for Mr. Krabs' daughter, Pole. But seeing as how her name is Pole, Skodwarde uses his god powers to cause the boots to be extra squeaky, irritatingr. Krabs to no end and leaving Pole to consult the fashion police. Mr. Krabs later gives the boots to Spongebob but it backfires when he wears them to work. Mr. Krabs naps and proceeds to devour th whole. Skodwarde finishes his shift fulfilled and heads home to read more Mein Kempf. Spongebob heads home to watch amoebe porn. Mr. Krabs spends the rest of his day taking the biggest most painful shit of his life.

Trivia: Skodwarde hates poles, Skodwarde has good taste in books.

Episode 9. Nature Pants/Opposite Day

One day, Spongebob looks back at the episodes "Jellyfishing" and "Jellyfish Jam" one day and makes a life-changing decision to live among the jellyfish at Jellyfish Fields. Skodwarde is overjoyed until he sees Spongebob undress and heads out streaking. Skodwarde uses his god powers to make life outdoors hell for Spongebob by conjuring up poisonous sea urchins and leeches to torment Spongebob. Skodwarde makes things personal when he brings a heartbroken Patrick into the equation and uses his god powers to summon Ole Reliable jellyfish net before sending Patrick out to fish for Spongebob. After a wild goose chase around Jellyfish Fields involving snide remarks, accusations, and heavy breathing, Patrick gives up when fails to jump up one inch above the ground. He breaks Ole Reliable, a clear metaphor that he's heartbroken and their friendship is over. Spongebob doesn't seem to care and proceeds to eat all the jelly in the hive he's hiding in. The jellyfish get pissed off and buzz him out of the fields. Spongebob takes the walk of shame back home only to be greeted with a Welcome Home party, with it all being an elaborate scheme by Patrick to help Spongebob get over his Jellyfish obsession and Skodwarde helped. Skodwarde, unaware of his part in the plan, heads home to watch the Tony Awards on his DVR. Spongebob later dreams of flying with the jellyfish, but that's an episode for another day.

Trivia: Featured song in this episode was "Burning For You" by Blue Oyster Cult, played during the climactic chase scene between Spongebob and Patrick.

One day, Skodwarde uses his god powers to make today Opposite Day in Bikini Bottom just to fuck with everybody but all backfires when Spongebob and Patrick among other people start acting like Skodwarde. Some how they all gain god powers by pretending to be Skodwarde and Bikini Bottom descends into celestial chaos. Skodwarde leaves his date to take out the pretenders in god-like fashion. After a collision of god powers, Skodwarde is left with nothing else to do but to time travel back in time to prevent himself from making today Opposite Day. When it's all said and done, Skodwarde proceeds to chase Spongebob and Patrick off with a bulldozer and shouting out "Happy Opposite Day!"

Trivia: Happy Oposite Day!

Episode 10: Culture Shock/F.U.N.

One day after watching America's Got Talent, Mr. Krabs came up with an idea to cash in on the talent craze by starting up a talent show of his own at the Krusty Krab, inviting over every Bikini Bottomite who thinks they got talent, which there are a lot of but lack any real talent. Skodwarde plans to use this as an opportunity to show off his dancing prowess and use it to blow everybody away...literally. Spongebob signs up as well without thinking about what his talent was, so he spends the rest of the day working on his dougie skills with the jellyfish at Jellyfish Fields. When the curtain comes calling, Skodwarde uses his god powers to sabotage everybody else's acts until it's finally his turn to perform. After leaving the crowd in awe with his crumping skills, Skodwarde uses his god powers to blow away half the studio audience. Spongebob's out next and Skodwarde works to sabotage his act but it only portrays Spongebob in a better light. When the results end up in a tie, Mr. Karbs cashes in on the popularity of ABDC and So You Think You Dance by announcing a tie-breaking dance battle for the title. After an epic dance battle involving god powers, pops, locks, and drops, Spongebob is declared the unanimous winner. Spongebob has roses thrown at him while Skodwarde spends the rest of his day beating off to the chicks on So You Think You Can Dance.

Featured Song: "Black and Yellow" by Whiz Khalifa

One day, Plankton tries to steal a Krabby Patty but Skodwarde crushes him in defeat at his feet before he could pose any real threat. After Spongebob takes credit and is declared the honorary rookie of the day, he is given the Jolly Good Rookie celebratory dance. While in mid-song, Spongebob begins to feel for the disgruntled Skodwarde and vows to become a better friend to the squid nazi. After singing the FUN song to Skodwarde, Skodwarde denies Spongebob's advances and heads home to watch The Boy in the Striped Pajamas on blu-ray. Spongebob makes takes Plankton to the theater where Plankton is almost raped by Bubblebath. Skodwarde finishes watching The Boy in the Striped Pajamas, shedding tears of joy at the conclusion.

Episode 11. MuscleBob BuffPants/Skodwarde, The Unfriendly Ghost

After a hard day's workout session involving sticks, marshmallows and stuffed animals, Spongebob checks himself out in the mirror with no real results. After being taunted by a shark version of Macho Man Randy Savage on the television, Spongebob decides to order a pair of Anchor Arms in order to compete in a strong man competition at Muscle Beach to impress Sandy and the guys. Skodwarde catches wind of this and decides to stir shit up as usual by using his god powers to switch out the Anchor Arms for steroids. Spongebob shoots it up anyway and almost immediately gets the results he desired. Spongebob soon uses up all his syringes and is practically the most tickest guy in Bikini Bottom. Spongebob blows away the competition and Sandy with his new physique and prowess but when he has to toss an anchor he can't throw, let alone lift off the ground, Spongebob over exerts himself to the point where his muscles all assplode. Skodwarde, feeling unsurely non-unfulfilled, spends the rest of his day lifting weights with his telekinesis. Meanwhile, Spongebob tests positive for steroids and is disqualified. Sandy, having overpowered the competition, is declared Mr. Iron Bottom.

One day, Spongebob and Patrick ventures into Skodwarde's house in order to retrieve their vibrator. After getting pass all of Skodwarde's deadly traps through undersea hi-jinx, they finally stumble into Skodwarde's room where their vibrator is located. They find a shrine dedicated to Skodwarde at the front of his bed and breaks it on impulse. They try to repair the statue but to no avail. Thinking they killed Skodwarde, they try to hide the body of evidence until Slodwarde prances in after having a beat-off session in his bathroom. He demands to know why they have trespassed onto sacred ground but they shower him with cries for forgiveness. Skodwarde uses his god powers to deduce what they have done to his shrine and decides to use it to his advantage. After declaring that he is now a ghost that is trapped in the realm of the living, he commands Spongebob and Patrick to bring him the blood of the inferior to satiate his eternal hunger in order to cross over to the other side. Spongedbob and Patrick gets right on that but not before planning out Slodwarde's funeral service, inviting over every citizen of Bikini Bottom to grieve. Skodwarde uses his god powers to lift up inanimate objects and forces them to bring him more blood. The funeral begins, and after realizing nobody bothered to come, Skodwarde confesses to Spongebob and Patrick, who simultaneously realizes that Skodwarde has no pubic hairs. Skodwarde shows them off his yard before spending the rest of his day beating off some more.

Episode 13: Scaredy Pants/I Was A Teenage Gary

One day, it was Halloween in Bikini Bottom and all the Bikini Bottomites were getting into the Halloween spirit, even Skodwarde, who decided to dress up as Adolf Hitler. Skodwarde scares Spongebob with his duck walk, causing everybodyto laugh and call Spongebob names such as pussy and chickenshit. Spongebob, humiliated once again, decides to put on his most scariest costume ever and scare all of Bikini Bottom. Meanwhile, Skodwarde bring the traditionalist that he is, uses his god powers to sneak razor blades into all the candy, lights all the Jack-o-lanterns ablaze, and raises all the corpses and ghosts from their graves, literally raising Hell over Bikini Bottom. Skodwarde also terrorizes Mr. Krabs in his home when he refuses to give out candy. Spongebob dresses up as a ghost and scares away everybody he sees, thinking Spongebob is a Klan member. When Spongebob enacts his revenge scheme with help from Patrick, he puts a rope around himself for Patrick to hoist him down but it backfires and everybody at the party thinks that Spongebob is going to lynch them, scaring everybody off. Skodwarde sends his army of the undead to rape Mr. Krabs and goes home to eat some Bon bons. Spongebob now has a conehead that causes Patrick to shit himself.

One day, Spongebob foolishly asks Skodwarde to watch over Gary while he attends a Jellyfish Convention. Skodwarde declines at first, but changes his mind once Spongebob says he'll be away for a week. Spongebob's instructions goes through one ear and out the other as Skodwarde spends the next seven days subjecting Gary to rigorous torture involving god powers, spikes, whips, blunt objects, and starvation. Spongebob returns and takes him back, oblivious to his condition until he realizes that Gary stays still in the bath, something he never did before. Sensing that something must be wrong, Spongebob calls the police to report Skodwarde for animal abuse. Skodwarde catches wind of this and uses his god powers to transform Spongebob into a snail in the most painful way possible to keep his mouth shut. Skodwarde proceeds to have good night's sleep until Spongebob starts stalking him inside his house. After an epic chase involving meowing and god powers, Skodwarde gets his just desserts and is turned into a snail himself. They spend the rest of the night meowing Ave Maria before Patrick flies a dildo at them.

Episode 15. Sleepy Time/SUDs

One night, Skodwarde decided to stir shit up as usual by using his god powers to invade people's dreams. Skodwarde first invades Patrick's, who is dreaming about riding a vibrating sex doll. The doll stops vibrating so he puts in another quarter to get it moving again. Skodwarde arrives on the scene and proceeds to use his god powers to drop Patrick's last quarter down a random storm, leaving the pink starfish to his fate. Skodwarde then invades the dreams of Pole, who is dreaming about giving Octavius Rex a blowjob. Skodwarde uses his god powers to make Rex to cum to hard, causing Pole to over fill and jizz through her blowhole. He leaves Pole to her fate and jumps on over to Mr. Krabs' noodle, where he is dreaming about gold digging. Skodwarde uses his god powers to summon a gigantic animated penis to rape Mr. Krabs and continued on his way. He invaded Sandy's dream next and raped her while skydiving before letting her plummet to the Earth below. Skodwarde set a course for Spongebob's dream but takes a wrong turn at alberquerqe and ends up in Gary's dream. Gary, still remembering what Skodwarde did to him in "I Was A Teenage Gary", uses his mind to take control of his dream, granting himself dream powers. After an epic battle involving god powers and dream powers, Gary manages to knock Skodwarde out with a blunt object, prompting Skodwarde to wake up and realize he was having a bad dream. He turns to see Gary at his bedside, who proceeds to spin a spinning top that doesn't stop spinning. Skodwarde realizes he's trapped in Dream World, and spends the rest of the night taking clarinets up the ass.

One day, Spongebob takes part in a late night conjugal with Patrick. Skodwarde here's the noise coming from next door and proceeds to use his god powers to infect Sponge with the SUDs, a sexually transmitted disease. Skodwarde watches his scheme unfold as Sandy finds out about this and fights with Spongebob over having unprotected sex with Patrick, who claims to be a certified Love Doctor. Patrick gives Spongebob a once over but it does no good, prompting Sandy to bring Spongebob to a real doctor. She beats Patrick to a bloody pulp and brings Spongebob to Dr. Gil Gilliam, who gives him the Sponge Treatment. Skodwarde infects Patrick with the suds too and he is given the painful Starfish Treatment. Skodwarde spends the rest of his day listening to some Lou Reed. Sandy subjects Spongebob to an intense BDSM session. Patrick also sues Dr. Gilliam, but settles for a quarter to kickstart his vibrating sex doll again.

Episode 16. Valentine's Day/The Paper

One day, it was Valentine's Day in Bikini Bottom, and Skodwarde decided to sir shit up as usual by using his god powers to play Cupid and force people to fall in love with each other. He matched up Mr. Krabs with Pole, Mrs. Puff with Plankton, and Bubblebath with Larry the Lobster. He stirred even more shit by making both Patrick and Sandy fall for Spongebob. When forced to make a decision, Spongebob chooses Sandy, leaving Patrick heartbroken. Patrick proceeds to go on a raping rampage across the boardwalk before being calmed down by the chocolate hot air balloon that Spongebob gives to him which was intended for Sandy. Sandy gets her panties in a twist and leaves Spongebob. Patrick gives Spongebob a ride home *wink wink*. Skodwarde is then zapped away by his secret admirer, Queen Jellyfish.

One day, Spongebob finds a stray piece of paper and proceeds to play Beethoven's Third on it. Skodwarde, fascinated by such a simple device, tries his hand at it but fails miserably, even with god powers. Skodwarde prooceeds to give Spongebob sexual favors to take the device and he finally obtains it, not finding it fun almost immediately afterwards. Patrick strolls along and uses the paper to wipe his ass before giving it back to Skodwarde. Skodwarde spends the rest of his day listening to some Butthole Surfers.

Episode 17. Arrgh!/Rock Bottom

One day, it was a slow day at the Krusty Krab, so Spongebob and Patrick invited Skodwarde and Mr. Krabs to play a sexual board game with them to pass the time. After 8 hours of awkward sexual confessionals, Mr. Krabs reveals why his name is Krabs before finally winning the game. Feeling the rush of excitement and momentum coming off of his win, he invites the boys to join him on a "treasure hunt" in search for some "booty". Skodwarde declines the offer and leaves the three on their own, but decides to stir some shit up as usual. He uses his god powers to make their "compasses" shift to the west, leading them to a lesbian club. Spongebob, Patrick, and Krabs are cock blocked while Skodwarde spends the rest of the night watching the Pirates of the Caribbean.

One day, Spongebob and Patrick had a fun time at Glove World and were looking to catch a bus back home. Skodwarde catches wind of this and uses his god powers to mess up the bus schedule. Spongebob and Patrick are picked up and literally hit Rock Bottom.Spongebob goes to check the bus schedule, but Patrick manages to catch the bus, not bothering to stop it and tell Spongebob until he rides right pass him. Spongebob is now stranded in enemy territory alone. After some undersea hi-jinx involving giving tongue to the locals and vending machines,one of the locals decides to blow into his ballon, providing Spongebob with ballon travel. As he flies off, Spongebob offends the guy by giving him a stereotypical Rock Bottom thank you. Meanwhile, Skodwarde uses his god powers to convince Patrick to go back for Spongebob and does so just as Spongebob flies on in. Spongebob leaves Patrick to his fate. Skodwarde spends the rest of his day playing some Super Nintendo. Patrick gets tongued by the Rock Bottomites.

Episode 19. Fools In April/Neptune's Dildo

One day, it was April's Fool Day in Bikini Bottom and Spongebob was pulling juvenile pranks up the yin yang. Everybody in town soon grew tired of his bad jokes. After Spongebob fools Skodwarde by offering free deals on AOL, Skodwarde decided to stir shit up. He used his god powers to construct an elaborate death trap for the playful sponge. Spongebob gets swung around the Krusty Krab before being turned into a sausage of all things. Everybody cheered Skodwarde on as Spongebob ran off in humiliation. Skodwarde didn't appreciated this, so he swung all of them around the Krusty Krab before turning them into sausages of all things. Skodwarde was then greeted by the celestial spirit of his mother, who gave him a congratulatory spanking before telling him, "you stink!" Spongebob spent the rest of his day watching more amoebe porn.

One day, Spongebob and Patrick visited a museum where they laid eyes on Neptune's golden dildo, which was lodged in a butt-shaped rock. Spongebob went to strike a pose next to it but unintentionally pulled it out of the butthole. Skodwarde, who was checking out the Holocaust exhibit, neared witness to the event as King Neptune blasted onto the scene using his god powers. Neptune Compared penis sizes with Larry the Lobster before demanding who found his dildo. Everybody points to Spongebob and Neptune just laughs it off before comparing penis sizes with Larry again. Patrick interrupted their convo to tell him about Spongebob but Neptune used his god powers to make Patrick talk out of his ass because all Neptune was hearing was bullshit. Neptune then challenged Spongebob to a salad tossing competition. Skodwarde and Mr. Krabs betted all their money on Neptune while Patrick told Spongebob that he'll eat lightning and crap thunder. Neptune used his god powers to toss that salad while Spongebob tossed one. Everybody was disgusted by Neptune's methods so Spongebob was declared the unimous victor. After losing his bet, Skodwarde challenged Neptune to a clash of the titans. Neptune wasn't interest until Skodwarde used his god powers to reveal that Neptune had no penis. Neptune fought Skodwarde with his Roman Lazor Beams while Skodwarde fired back with his pew pew eye lazors. Neptune released the Kraken and there were a lot of casualties. Skodwarde used his ultimate technique, Ultima, to wipe out the arena and Neptune's hair. Neptune made a hasty retreat while Skodwarde basked in his suremacist glory. Skodwarde then went home to watch the remake of Clash of the Titans but was disappoint.

Episode 20. Hooky/Mermaidman & Barnacle Boy II

One day, Spongebob and Skodwarde were working at the Krusty Krab as usual. All seemed well before Mr. Krabs came carving into the restaurant covered in sweat and a stain on his crotch. He blathered on about THE HOOKS for about a good 30 minutes before being calmed down by Spongebob, who wants to know what Krabs is talking about. Krabs proceeds to tell him about THE HOOKS. THE HOOKS are fishing hooks with provocative and scantily clad fish as bait known as "hookers". Krabs encountered a hooker and proceeded to pay money for sex before being snagged up mid-intercourse. Krabs said he managed to escape the grip and plummeted down on a bunch of school kids, "making it rain on them at the same time." Krabs warns Spongebob to stay away from THE HOOKS or else he'll be reeled up and made into tuna covered in his own "mayonaise". Krabs leaves to recuperate before Patrick enters the scene, telling Spongebob about the carnival that just came to town. Spongebob is reluctant at first, but Skodwarde uses his god powers to convince Spongebob to play hooky and go along with Patrock in order to get rid of him. Spongebob and Patrick leaves while Skodwarde heads home to play his kazoo. Patrick takes Spongebob through a shortcut that leads straight to THE HOOKS. Once there, the hookers entice them, and gives Patrick a ride. Spongebob cock blocks them before high tailing back to his home sweet pineapple saying, "Ah, home sweet pineapple". Spongebob takes a bus to the carnival. Skodwarde tosses out his kazoo. Patrick is then mailed over to his house vacuum-packed into a can of tuna, asking random passerbys for a can opener.

One day, Skodwarde was eating eating some cereal when a conch shell came crashing down into his bowl of cereal. With his breakfast ruined, he went out to get some breakfast at the local diner. Meanwhile, Spongebob was watching his favorite Saturday morning cartoon, "The New Adventures of Mermaidman & Barnacle Boy". Spongebob prepared for the even by eating his favorite cereal, "The New Adventures of Mermaidman & Barnacle Boy Brand Cereal" while wearing his official "The New Adventures of Mermaidman & Barnacle Boy Brand Dentures". A Real Live Fish Head popped up on the TV to announce the winner of some contest. Spongebob, having entered the contest, listens in. Springboob Squirepin is announced the winner as Spongebob goes to cry in a corner. Fish Head then announces that due to being arrested for child pornography, Springgboob couldn't claim the prize so Spongebob was announced the runner-up for his AMV. A conch shell was then delivered by Gary Coleman (too soon?) and Spongebob proceeded to blow on it on impulse but nothing happened. About 45 minutes later, Mermaidman and Barnacle Boy finally arrived on the scene. Spongebob then had them do his chores and give him a hand job. They then strike a deal with Spongebob to take him out on patrol with them in exchange for the shell, which Spongebob foolishly agreeing on the terms. After an afternoon involving attacking old men and painting the boat mobile black, they take Spongebob for breakfast at the local diner. Skodwarde catches sight of them and conjures up a Dirty Bubble to dispose of Mermaidman and Barnacle Boy right when they were about to ditch Spongebob, who was trying to fine The Butthole Surfers on the jukebox. Spongebob heads outside and pops the bubble with his erecting penis, excited at the thought of meeting the Dirty Bubble. Skodwarde bursts onto the scene to confront the senile duo. He proceeds to fire pew pew eye lazors at them while Mermaidman fires back with his waterballs and Barnacle Boy shoots off some barnacles from his pants. Once again backed into a corner, Skodwarde uses his god powers to cause the invisible boat mobile to assplode, using the distraction to make a hasty escape. Mermaidman and Barnacle Boy takes Spongebob for some more Vietnamese while Skodwarde plots some revenge plots for Skodwarde Season 2.

Episode 21. Your Shoes Untied/Skod's Day Off

One day, Skodwarde woke up and noticed the animation looks different than it did in previous episodes. He takes a look outside the window and takes in the changes for the new season. He could see that Spongebob was watching some Anemone Gone Wild and used his god powers to ruin Spongebob's happy time by untying his shoes. Patrick comes barging into Spongebib's casa with a new pair of Sketchers, asking Spongebob how to tie his new laces. Spongebob forgets since his shoes has been tied since birth like his mother's tubes were tied. Spongebob heads out for some advice but no one in town seems to wear shoes. He meets up with an eel, but sadly she was only anneel and was no help. The Flying Dutchman barged in and taught Spongebob how to be naughty before telling Spongebob that he hasn't had sex in over 5000 years! Spongebob heads home unfulfilled and contemplates living life without his shoes. Right when Spongebob was gonna go hang himself, Gary came in with a new pair of Sketchers Z-Straps for Spongebob. With his plot foiled once again, Skodwarde tunes into some Zevo-3 on Nicktoons.

One day, after an a freak accident involving god powers, spare change, and Mr. Krabs, Skodwarde is left in charge of the Krusty Krab. Skodwarde could care less and decided to give himself the day off. He uses his god powers to summon over another driving rock and prepares to hit the town. Spongebob insists that he wants to come and decides to bring Sandy along for the ride. After undersea high-jinx involving god powers, police chases, carnival crashing, bubblebaths, saving Spongebob from drowning, and Sandy making out with a fish version of Charlie Sheen, Skodwarde and company races back to the Krusty Krab in order to get there before a fully recovered Mr. Krabs. Skodwarde streaks past Krabs, who suffers another heart attack. Spongebob drops Sandy back off at the Treedome before taking off to the Krusty Krab. They make it back and realizes that they forgot to switch the open sign to close. They spent the restbof the day breaking the fourth wall and satisfying the angry krustomers.

Episode 22. Something Smells/Bossy Boots

One day, Spongebob decided to celebrate Skodwarde's success at the Community Spin-Off Awards by throwing an ice cream sundae breakfast on Sunday morning. Skodwarde doesn't show up and uses his god powers to give Spongebob the "Ugly". Everybody was scared off by Spongebob except for Patrick, who loves Spongebob regardless. Skodwarde watches his plot unfold as Patrick proceeds to tell Spongebob the tale of the Ugly Barnacle, who was sooo ugly that everyone died. Spongebob contemplates suicide but is taken to the movies with Patrick, who wants everybody to look at his penis, whipping it out and saying "Look at it!" Patrick catches the Ugly as he too scares everybody out of the bathroom. Spongebob and Patrick come to terms with their ugliness before watching that new Winnie the Pooh movie together. Skodwarde, feeling unsurely fulfilled, also goes to see that new Winnie the Pooh movie but is given the Ugly when he is hugged by Spongebib and Patrick.

One day, Mr. Krabs placed Pole in charge of the Krusty Krab in order to make it marketable to the tweenage population. Pole puts some more junk in the trunk and gives the place a whole new paintjob, rebranding it as the "Kuddly Krab". Skodwarde is not amused at a pole being in charge of him, so he uses his god powers to make the rebranding a failure, taking away the Krabby Pattie and serving only salad and tea. Skodwarde proceeds to use his god powers to rip off his uniform in front of the children. Spongebob confronts Mt Krabs and is forced to fire Pole himself. Pole cared less and proceeded to take her friends to a Justin Beaver concert down by the lake. Skodwarde proceeded to spend the res of his day watching the Andy Milonakis Show.

[Wumbo]

Awesome episode, BrOMJ!

[Clappy]

That was awesome that you located the original episodes BrOMJ. And I apologize about procrastinating on the final episode.

58b. Plankton's Orgy

At the Krusty Krab, Mr. Krabs announces that today is the 25th anniversary of the first time Plankton attempted to steal his secret recipe. Suddenly, Dane Cook enters the restaurant, and Mr. Krabs pushes his employees aside, saying that he will handle this one. However, Dane Cook orders coral bits instead of a Krabby Patty, pays for them and leaves. Mr. Krabs is surprised that Dane Cook wasn't Plankton, but Plankton then suddenly jumps out of the dollar bill Dane Cook gave him. Mr. Krabs said he should have known that Dane Cook would have been evil enough to associate with the likes of Plankton. However, Plankton hadn't planned what to do next, not thinking he'd get this far, and is simply flushed down the toilet by Mr. Krabs.

He returns to the Cum Bucket, sulking to his computer wife Karen about his failures. She then suggests to hire some henchmen to help him. He first goes to the Salty Spitoon, but Flats fucks his butt. He then realizes that he has thousands of inbred relatives across the sea, and invites them all to come to the Cum Bucket, thinking they will all be evil geniuses like himself. However, when they arrive, he finds out they are all inbred rednecks, and comments that he's "been away from home longer than (he) thought."

He calls them to a meeting and gets them to agree to his plan in exchange for a giant orgy. However, the inbred rednecks wanted the sex up front, so they proceeded. After hours of humping and blowing all over the Cum Bucket, Plankton told his group to carry this over to the Krusty Krab.

Plankton's orgy then carried over to the Krusty Krab, getting customers involved and then proceeding to put Mr. Krabs and Skodwarde in a toilet. The planktons open the safe containing the Krabby Patty secret recipe. Before Plankton reads the recipe, Mr. Krabs pleads him not to read it, saying "There some things this world weren't meant to be seen by mortal eye!". Plankton reads it anyway. The ingredients turn out to be:

A pinch of semen
3 tsp. of chopped onions
A cup of lubricant
4 lb of grounded Plankton

Mr. Krabs says he warned him. Plankton is horrified by this, and runs away. The other plankton read it and run (except for one plankton, who can't read, but Mr. Krabs orders him to get out). Mr. Krabs and Skodwarde manage to escape from the toilet, and SpongeBob returns from his unassigned task, and asks what happened. Skodwarde asks if a Krabby Patty is actually made of plankton, semen, and lubricant. Mr. Krabs explains that the recipe is fake, but two out of the three ingredients ain’t bad, and the real one is hidden somewhere "No one, not even Plankton, would ever figure out". Skodwarde then guesses that it is under Mr. Krabs' mattress, and Mr. Krabs runs to his house, yelling "Curse you, Skodwarde!"

Skodwarde then proceeds to head home, get high, and await the upcoming movie that will be written by Clappy, OMJ, and Wumbo. He awaits as Clappy will write the first part of the movie, OMJ will write the second, and Wumbo the final part. (Had to write that in case Wumbo and OMJ forgot we PMed about this a few months ago )

[Old Man Jenkins]

And there goes Season 3. Best season yet! Can't wait to get started on the movie, but what's considered within the second part?

EDIT: Nermind my question, finally read the announcement in the Announcements thread

[SpongeOddFan]

awesome ep, OMJ

[Clappy]

awesome ep, OMJ

You are aware that I wrote the last ep and OMJ was just re-posting the previous ones from forumotion...right?

And glad you are aware of the Announcements thread OMJ. xP

[Old Man Jenkins]

A new mini series within a series that serves as filler/backstory that's also a parody. Here's Skodwarde and Skolliam hopping all over each other's dicks again in "Skod vs. Skol".

Episode 1. Battle of the (Skod) Bands

Back in the 60s, Skodwarde and Skolliam founded this band they called, "The Originals" but in an ironic turn of events, the name wasn't so original since another band went by it at the time, so they renamed themselves "The Unoriginals" because this was the 60s and everybody was going against and smoking the grain back then. They would later settle on "The Skin Heads", finding success with their R&B single "Gimme Some Deutsche" and amassing themselves quite a following amongst the neo-nazi population. They finally changed their name to Spinal Clap and enjoyed limited success with their flower power anthem "Listen To All The Lower People". The group would find their niche in heavy metal and everything is history there on in. The band would lose drummers as the years went by through some unforeseen circumstances involving spontaneous combustion (which happens hundreds of times each year, it's just not widely reported), a certain "garden accident" (which authorities said it was better left Unsolved) and even choking on an unknown person's vomit, each speculated to be Skodwarde and Skolliam's doing to boost record sales.

It's 1982, and Spinal Clap are going on tour to promote their new album, "Smell The Glove" (refuse to lampoon this since Glove is such an integral part of Spongebob universe). Oh, and Spongebob films the band every step of the way. Shows on the tour are being cancelled due to poor ticket sales and retailers are refusing to sell Smell The Glove due to it's blatantly sexist cover (Love Grenade by Ted Nugent, anyone?). Tensions escalate between the band and their manager, Nicolas Cage (played by himself), who seems to be in it only to help salvage his own movie career. Tensions grow between Skodwarde and Skolliam due to yoga enthusiast, Clara Tentacles, joining the band on their tour as Skolliam's groupie and starts sleeping her way through the band hierarchy and participating in band meetings and trying to get the band to go Punk since Punk was on the rise at the time. Let's just say Clara is like Pole, a baby back bitch. The band's record label, Polybius, decides to change the sexist album cover to an all-black cover without consulting Spinal Clap, a decision that does not fare well with the band's neo-nazi fan base, failing to draw crowds over for autograph sessions.

Skodwarde suggests staging a performance of "Spongehenge" (which in German is "Die SteinBobs", which translates to "The StoneBobs". Random tidbit, I know) but it ends up sucking majorly like the episode itself. The band places the blame on Nicolas Cage, who quits managing them to film roles for Fast Times at Ridgemont High and The Outsiders (as Brad's Bud and Man in Rumble Scene respectively) before securing himself a starring role in the hit 1983 teen film, Valley Girl (seriously, it's rated at 83 on Rotten Tomatoes). Things go south even more as the band starts playing in smaller and smaller venues and Skodwarde continues taking more of Skolliam and Clara's shit but reaches his breaking point when he uses his god powers to leave the band hanging in the middle of a show at Goofy Goobers'. The band are soon booked at Glove World as the second-bill behind a scheduled appearance by Jeffery Jellyfish. Without Skodwarde to provide the sonic to their boom, Skolliam and the remaining members are forced to experiment with New Wave music, a fate worse than...it's just turrble. Rebounding from riding the New Wave, Spinal Clap begin contemplating a musical production themed on the Nazi Pogroms, but Skodwarde miraculously returns, having learned to forgive and forget with his Nazi brethren, and suggests that Spinal Clap should hit up Japan since they were "our allies in WWII". Nicolas Cage returns from his Valley Girl success and agrees to arrange the Japan tour in order to capitalize on his newfound popularity, or so he believes. Spinal Clap enjoys much success in Japan, unleashing Godzilla onto the populace in the process. Skodwarde and Skolliam also use their god powers to cause their new drummer to spontaneously combust on stage to once again boost their record and merchandise sells in yen.

[Old Man Jenkins]

Skod vs. Skol Episode 2. MTV Cribs: Pineapple Fancy/Flying Feces

2a. One day, Spongebob's pineapple home is chosen over Skodwarde and Skolliam's humble commodes to be featured on MTV Cribs. Obviously not amused, Skodwarde and Skolliam decide to put their differences from their band days aside in order to make Spongebob's feature hell. The Skos of Chaos and Order are reunited once again with a common enemy in the little square dude, but one person stands in their way, Nicolas Cage! Cage, whose son found a mysterious set of numbers inside some can opener claims of knowing (There it is!) Skodwarde and Skolliam's plot to ruin Spongebob's episode of Cribs and that by doing so will cause the earth to ASSPLODE! Skolliam says he doesn't care because he's, quote-on-quote, "FILTHY FUCKING RICH!", claiming that he has amassed himself a fortune that's worth more than what Cage has made in his entire career. Skodwarde, on the other hand, can't give two shit's about the earth assploding because unlike Skolliam, he doesn't have a penny to his name due to his deadbeat boss at his dead end job.

They proceed to use the combined forces of their god powers to send Nicolas Cage back into submission. Skodwarde uses his god powers to conjure up the toy bunny that belongs to Cage's kid. He plainly tells Skodwarde to put the bunny back in the box. Skodwarde refuses to put the bunny back in the box, sending Cage into a rage dubbed "Cage Rage". Nicolas Cage proceeds to beat the two squid nazis shitless over a toy bunny of all things, asking them "why didn't ya just put the bunny back in the box?" before subjecting them both to watch "The Wicker Man", which pales in comparison to the original. Skodwarde and Skolliam beams their scotties outta there, free to continue their plan to ruin Spongebob's episode of Cribs. Cage resolves that he needs to get himself on the show to stop them, but his star power isn't as bright as it once was, so he undergoes plastic surgery to assume John Travolta's identity. Cage Travolta gets on the show easily, but Cage decides to ruin Travolta's image by fulfilling his life-long dream to fondle something he didn't have the star power to afford, masseuses but they turn out to be guys, making things even more scandalous.

Once that was over and done with, Cage gets himself on set at Spongebob's pineapple in order to avoid the cataclysmic events from happening but Skodwarde and Skolliam arrive on the scene to stir shit up and reveal Cage's true identity. John Malkovich makes a cameo and shouts out, "IT'S PO!!" Cage is arrested for trying to ruin John Travolta's good name, leaving Skod and Skol to continue their plan, claiming that the world will be gone in sixty seconds. Cage gets bailed out by Dog Chapman, brah, and decides to go with Christ before meeting up with Lisa Marie Presley to patch things up before the world assplodes in order to make some dough off the Presley name. Skodwarde and Skolliam successfully ruin Spongebob's Cribs episode and the whole world goes to shit for it. Skolliam goes behind Skodwarde's back and uses his god powers to bring the earth back to the way it was in order to make even more money off of being the guy who just saved the world, getting the best of Skodwarde once again. Meanwhile, Skodwarde spends the rest of the day not being rich and famous like Skolliam, Skolliam gets on MTV Cribs, and Nicolas Cage makes a deal with the devil in order to return to earth and exact vengeance on Skodwarde and Skolliam as...TEH RIDER...

2b. Monty P. Moneybanks, the most vain man in Bikini Bottom, makes a return appearance as he has an opening in the "Yokel Artists" section of his high and mighty Barnacle Bay Art Museum and Exhhibit, but there can only be one. Skodwarde and Skolliam both catch wind of this and they decide to stir shit up by each pulling something artistic out of their asses. Skolliam conjures up a replica of the Thinker made out of his own shit since all pieces on display in the Yokel Artists section are just that, shit. Skodwarde, on the other hand, has no artistic ability whatsoever so he starts breaking stuff in hopes of lightning striking twice with the whole Statue of David thing as shown in "Artist Unknown". He breaks everything in his house, but he's left with nothing. Skolliam ultimately is rewarded the open spot and has his piece (of shit) on display at the museum.

Skodwarde infiltrates the art gala in hopes of crashing the party to slight Skolliam. Moneybanks is telling all his party guests to push it to the max and continue rolling deep, baby, and to stay ALPHA! Whatever that means. After some nautical nonsense involving god powers and mud flinging, Skodwarde and Skolliam are commended by Moneybanks himself for the wide array of shit that now covers the museum's walls and awards them both the spot in the Yokel Section. Skodwarde and Skolliam won't settle on a tie, so they proceed to use their god powers to level the entire museum after an epic battle involving god powers. Skodwarde spends the rest of the night bathing in the blood of the museum goers while Skolliam bathes in his money.

[Clappy]

A group of nazis get tickets to The Skodwarde Movie from an original copy of Hitler’s diary entitled Mein Kampf. The nazis then sing the "Skodwarde Theme Song", enter a movie theater, exterminated everyone else in the movie theater, and sit down to watch the movie.

Paramount Pictures and The SpongeBob Community Presents:

THE SKODWARDE MOVIE

Starring: A bunch of voice actors and cameos from people who shouldn't be able to breathe underwater

Written by: OMJ, Clappy, and Wumbo

Directed by: The corpse of Ed Wood

The movie properly begins with an emergency situation at the Krusty Krab, complete with police helicopters and news reporters. Suddenly, Skodwarde, "the manager", arrives in a BMW. Mr. Krabs says that it started with a simple order, a Krabby Patty with cheese. "When the customer took a bite, NO CHEESE!" Mr. Krabs starts crying, leading to Skodwarde roundhouse kicking him. Skodwarde says leave it to him and enters the Krusty Krab and meets Tommy Chong (appearing as himself). Skodwarde then opens his suitcase, takes out a blunt, and tells Tommy Chong to smoke the weed and then try eating the krabby patty. The day is saved, and the crowd starts cheering for Skodwarde. Their cheering soon turned to everyone taking turns jacking off Skodwarde. Suddenly things started feeling sticky as Skodwarde woke up to himself feeling wet. Thus, revealing the opening scene to be a nocturnal emission or a wet dream depending on your interpretation of the word.

Skodwarde is extremely pissed, as today is the grand opening of "The Krusty Krab 2", and he's gonna probably be named the new manager and prepares himself for the day. Skodwarde proceeds to take a shower. As he washes himself, he suddenly starts to feel something long and hard go up his ass. It’s rather pleasing as he continues to scrub himself. Suddenly, he felt someone else washing himself as he turns around to see SpongeBob scrubbing him and wearing his new dildo. Skodwarde asks him what the hell he’s doing here as SpongeBob said that his message couldn’t wait until work since there is no shower there. SpongeBob then tells Skodwarde that he is going to be named the new manager and that he will mention Skodwarde in his acceptance speech. Skodwarde kicks SpongeBob out of his house as he proceeds to finish his morning routine while listening to SpongeBob and Patrick sing an infernal song about Goofy Goobers.

Plankton envies Mr. Krabs, and states he tried every plan in his cabinet from "A to Y". There are actually 26 letters of the alphabet, and Plankton doesn't notice it at first, but Karen, his computer wife, tells him. Plankton finds "Plan Z" in the back of the drawer. He masturbates to the plan and thinks it's his best plan yet. He goes outside, only to be stepped on by SpongeBob. He pulls Plankton off his shoe, and asks him if he's going to the 'grand opening ceremony.' Plankton replies, "No I am going to file a hate crime and then continue PLANNING TO RULE THE WORLD!!!! Ha, Ha, Ha!" SpongeBob doesn't understand what a hate crime is, wishes Plankton luck, then runs off again.

Meanwhile, Mr. Krabs is preparing the grand opening ceremony of the Krusty Krab 2, which is an exact replica of the original and is located directly next-door to it, the only difference being a giant glowing "2" sign. SpongeBob rushes up to the stage to accept his promotion, but Mr. Krabs announces that Skodwarde is the new manager instead, much to SpongeBob's shock. Mr. Krabs tells a heartbroken SpongeBob that he is too immature and childlike to handle the task, and SpongeBob sulks away, saying "I'm ready...depression." Patrick suddenly flies by, naked, with SpongeBob’s dildo in his butt, and crashes into the set, causing a fire.

Meanwhile, Plankton flies towards King Neptune's castle, as part of "Plan Z". Inside, Neptune is attempting to punish his royal “scepter” polisher for touching his penis, but is stopped by his intelligent daughter, Scarlett Johansson (appearing as herself). The brutish and tyrannical king tries to explain to his daughter that he must enforce his power as king in order to be respected, and that she will have to do the same when she is Queen. He begins to explain the importance of his penis, and as he talks, Plankton arrives and steals it. Neptune, who is a merman and should have no penis, but does because it is the Skodwarde movie, is horrified to discover that his penis is missing.

Meanwhile, SpongeBob and Patrick are at Goofy Goober Ice Cream Party Boat brooding over his loss. Skodwarde comes in and tells them that ice cream won’t help. They end up going to the Salty Spitoon and have over a dozen shots. The three become hammer drunk from all the tequila in their systems, and everyone ends up falling asleep in the restaurant, experiencing hangover-like symptoms the morning afterwards.

Meanwhile, Neptune arrives at the Krusty Krab after receiving evidence planted by Plankton of Mr. Krabs stealing his penis, which is a note, saying, I stole your penis. Signed, Eugene Krabs. Krabs denies stealing the penis, but a message then plays on the phone of a man thanking Mr. Krabs for giving him the penis and saying that he sold it to Shell City. This call is actually from Plankton. Neptune gets REALLY angry and plans to burn Mr. Krabs to a crisp and peel off his legs to eat the insides. But before doing that, Neptune asks if anyone has anything to say to defend Mr. Krabs, and a drunken SpongeBob arrives and bad-mouths Mr. Krabs for not giving him the manager job, saying, "I've worked for Mr. Krabs for many years, and always thought he was a great boss. I now realize that he's a GREAT BIG JERK!! I DESERVE THAT MANAGER JOB, but you didn't give it to me, because you said I'm a KID! WELL, I AM 100 PERCENT MAN, AND THIS MAN HAS GOT SOMETHING TO SAY TO YOU! [blows Mr. Krabs’s long penis] There! I think I made my point!"

Neptune burns Krabs, but Krabs plunges into a barrel filled with water. Upon realizing the severity of the situation, SpongeBob sobers up and stops Neptune from killing him. Scarlett convinces her father to give SpongeBob a chance to prove Krab's innocence, and he, Skodwarde (who is forced to go after initially passing) and Patrick agree to travel to the dreaded Shell City, and return with the penis. Before departing, Mr. Krabs is frozen solid and Scarlett, who Patrick starts getting “hard” for, gives the group a magical bag of crystal meth to return home with.

And that is the end of my portion of the Skodwarde movie. OMJ, your up next.