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We have a fan! Job well done, Skod Krew. And in honor of our new fan, a new episode written by your's truly.

36a. Graveyard Shift

One night, Skodwarde was closing up the Krusty Krab after a long of day of work. Spongebob was balancing his spatuler on his nose again while Mr. Krabs was still feeling the after effects from the Squeaky Boots episode in the commode. As Skodwarde flipped the Open sign to Close, some illiterate guy shows up and asks for a Krabby Patty. Skodwarde tells him to go fuck himself, but Mr. Krabs, seeing a potential profit in this, exercises his authority and decides to make the Krusty Krab open 24 hours a day. Skodwarde opposes this, but old man Krabs is not listening to opinions today and berates the squid nazi in front of everyone, leaving some people feeling awkward while some felt horrified and left. Krabs make his leave, claiming to have a life, something his employees apparently do not have. Spongebob is overjoyed while Skodwarde is left to supersize those fried oyster skins.

After about an hour of business, the Krusty Krab empties out due to the drama that had transpired an hour earlier. Spongebob mops the roof, scaring Skodwarde, so he uses his god powers to conjure up a story that will traumatized the little square dude. Skodwarde begins to tell the tale of the Hash Slinging Slasher, who's name Spongebob can't quite comprehend. The Hash Slinging Slasher was this one dude who used to work at the Krusty Krab as a fry cook. One day, he took a little too much toke and got the munchies. While making himself a Krabby Patty, he accidentally cut off his own hand in his inebriated state, prompting him to replace his lost limb with a rubber fist. He got off work and got ran over by a bus. Ever since his death, the Krusty Krab would be plagued with bad lighting and phone service before finally, the bus who ran him over would return (so now we have ghost bus) and drop him off to his old stomping grounds, making sure to look both ways this time because he watched Goku's Road Safety video in the afterlife, before walking up to the establishment's door and pounding his rubber fist against the glass, making the door swing open for him to enter and pummel the inhabitants with his rubber fist for a hand.

Spongebob had a little too much of his own arms to chew by this point and shat a brick (haha square humor). Skodwarde felt non unsurely fulfilled that his story scared Spongebob shitless, but had to reveal his ruse once Spongebob's constant screaming got on his nerves 10seconds later. After a few more hours, the lights began to flicker and calls were being dropped, things that never occurred at the restaurant before. Skodwarde then noticed that the walls were starting to ooze green shit, but quickly realized that that always happens. Skodwarde begins to question whether or not his story was coming true, but Spongebob shrugs it off in a special reversal of roles. Suddenly, a stray bus stopped in front of the Krusty Krab and dropped somebody off. Spongebob, thinking this is Skodwarde's doing, accuses Skodwarde of orchestrating this all using his god powers. Scathing accusations that Skodwarde adamantly denies. Spongebob and Skodwarde realizes they're dealing with the real deal and brace themselves for the worst when the "Slasher" pounds at the glass with his rubber fist, opening the door and stepping out of the shadows, revealing himself to be CDCB (playing himself) with a spatula in hand tucked in his sleeve, not a rubber fist. He reveals that he is here for a job and that he called but hung up because he was too nervous so he decided to come in personally at 3 AM. Skodwarde and Spongebob are relieved at these turn ofmevents, but it still did not explain who was flickering the lights.

The camera pans out to Nosferatu (played by JCM in a cameo), who was flicking the light switch all along in his own little corner of the restaurant. Skodwarde, Spongebob and CD are all like, "Nosferatuuu." as JCM just smiles and winks back at them. Skodwarde is not amused and uses his pew pew eye lazors to disintegrate Nosferatu into dust. Skodwarde calls it a night and uses his god powers to place a burning bag of Mr. krabs' own money on his doorstep while Spongebob and CDCB have some Bikini Bottom Adventures...at night. Also, Patrick got up to try out his new rubber fist at 3 AM.

I'll get to 36b later.

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In the mean time....

37. Procrastination / I'm With Stupid


In the 1930s in Foshan, a hub of southern Chinese martial arts, where various schools actively recruit disciples and compete against each other. Although the Wing Chun master OMJ is the most skilled martial artist in Foshan, he is unassuming and keeps a low profile. As an independently wealthy man, he feels no need to accept any disciples and instead spends his days training, meeting with friends, and spending time with his family. However, his wife is often resentful of the time he spends training and discussing martial arts with friends and colleagues. Though not a professional martial artist, OMJ is respected in Foshan due to the abilities he displays in friendly, closed-door competitions with local masters. OMJ's reputation is further enhanced when he defeats an aggressive, rude, highly skilled Northern master, Jin Shanzhao, thus upholding the regional pride of fellow Southern stylists and others in Foshan.

The Japanese invasion in 1937 adversely affects the life of everyone in Foshan. OMJ's house is claimed by the Japanese and used as their Foshan headquarters. OMJ and his family lose their wealth and are forced to move into a decrepit house. Desperate to support his family, OMJ accepts work as a coolie at a coal mine. The Japanese general Miura, who is a master of karate, establishes an arena where Chinese martial artists compete with his military trainees. The Chinese earn a bag of rice for every Japanese opponent they defeat. OMJ at first declines to participate in the matches. However, when his friend Lin goes missing, he agrees to take part in order to investigate. He is enraged when he sees a fellow Foshan master (Master Liu) mercilessly executed for picking up a bag of rice from a prior victory after giving up in a second match against three karatekas. He also comes to understand that Lin was killed in an earlier fight. To further complicate matters, OMJ learns that Li Zhao, a former police officer and OMJ's acquaintance, is now working as a translator for the Japanese. Barely able to contain his rage, OMJ demands a match with ten Karatekas at once. Despite having not practiced Wing Chun since the invasion began (in order to conserve what little food his family had to survive), he proceeds to mercilessly crush each of them with a brutal yet efficient barrage of his martial art mastery, showing barely any of the restraint he exhibited in previous engagements. His skill arouses the interest of Miura, who seeks to learn more about OMJ and see him fight again.

OMJ visits his friend Chow Ching-chuen, who owns and runs a cotton mill in Foshan. Chow tells OMJ that a highway robbery gang led by Jin Shanzhao is harassing his workers and extorting money from them. OMJ trains the workers in Wing Chun for self defence. Meanwhile, Miura grows impatient when OMJ does not return to the arena and sends men to find OMJ. These men harass OMJ's family, and OMJ incapacitates them. OMJ and his family then go into hiding at Li Zhao's house. Meanwhile, the robbers return to the cotton mill to demand money. The workers fight back using the techniques that OMJ taught them. Just then, OMJ appears and defeats Jin Shanzhao, warning him never to harass the workers again.

The Japanese soldiers eventually find OMJ at the cotton mill. Miura tells OMJ that his life will be spared if agrees to instruct the Japanese soldiers in martial arts. OMJ refuses and challenges Miura to a match, which Miura accepts, both because of his love for martial arts and because refusing the challenge would be a humiliation to the Japanese. The match between OMJ and Miura is held in public in Foshan's square. OMJ defeats Miura in the fight.

As the beaten general lies down after his defeat, OMJ looks over to the crowd and hears the Chinese cheering him; within the crowd, he spots his wife and child with Chow. Just then, Miura's deputy Sato shoots OMJ. This sparks a scuffle between the Chinese audience and the Japanese soldiers. During the scuffle (Li and Sato got into a scuffle after Sato shot OMJ). Li Zhao kills Sato with Sato's own gun. OMJ is taken away amidst the chaos. It is revealed that he survives and escapes toHong Kong with his family. There, OMJ establishes a Wing Chun school, where his students come to include Bruce Lee....OMJ wakes up and realizes that he has procrastinated on the Krusty Lust episode of Skodwarde with this parody of Ip Man.

I'm With Stupid:

Skodwarde kept hearing this infernal racket coming on from outside his house. He woke up to two people shouting "Where's Patrick?" He hoped that Patrick would soon realize that he has company. But the shouting never stopped. As he was eating breakfast, "Where's Patrick?". When he was showering, "Where's Patrick?". When he was masturbating, "Where's Patrick?". All this infernal noise needed to stop, so Skodwarde went outside to figure out what they wanted. These two starfish appeared to be Patrick's parents and they were shouting at the wrong house. Skodwarde directed the parents, who were in town visiting for Starfish Day, to Patrick's house. However, as soon as Patrick opened his rock, he realized that the person who was in house was not his mom or his dad. It was....Imposter SOF! Imposter SOF stroked his mustache as he realized that his plan was sabotaged. Skodwarde figured that this unnecessary crossover needed to end a horrible death. As Imposter SOF pulled out me...I mean his mallet, Skodwarde pulled out his clarinet and played it terribly. Imposter SOF could not take the horrible noise for much longer as he receded to Post Fiction and the signature chatbox where he belonged, which is as far away from the spin-off section as possible. Oh and SpongeBob was learning how to pretend to play dumb....by holding a movie marathon of all the Friedberg/Seltzer spoof movies.

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That was like the best thing I've ever laid eyes on.

Regardless, I hope I get the privilege of writing a new episode soon!

I'll tell you what. I will give you the Season 3 premiere.
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And now, without further ado, 36b. If you wanna see the unkut version not meant for theaters, PM me on Tuesday.

36b. Krusty Lust

One day, Skodwarde actually found himself having a day off from work so he decided to spend the day playing some Guitar Hero World Tour (don't ask). He selected to play "Fat Bottomed Girls" by Queen and proceeded to use his god powers to jam out with all the instruments as well as providing some karaoke. However, once he hit the chorus, his god powers began to take flow out fans meld in with the Star Power he had just activated, creating a sort of chain reaction that began to flood over Bikini Botom in god-like fashion. Meanwhile, at the Krusty Krab, Mrs. puff decided to have some lunch at the establishment, but she is brought into another painful flashback when Spongebob came to greet her while she was eating, telling him to "BRAKE". After being snapped back into reality, she tells Spongebob to fuck off and let her finish her meal in peace.

Skodwarde's musical flow began to overtake the Krusty Krab, causing all the male fish to become infatuated with Puff Bubba. Spongebob, however, was not affected since he's a self-confessed asexual. Puff found herself surrounded by testosterone. Mr. Krabs began tom question Spongebob about her and what happened to Mr. puff, but Spongebob said she doesnt like talking about it. Spongebob questions Mr. Krabs about Mrs. Krabs, but he nervously changed subjects on the playful sponge.

Meanwhile, Skodwarde's lust spell swept through the Chum Bucket. Plankton, who was still helping to console Karen after rape in "Welcome to the Chum Bucket", ditches her, saying he's going out to pick up some holographic meat loaf. Plankton heads to the Krusty Krab to enact a scheme to steal the secret formula but couldn't keep his eyes off Puff. Feeling conflicted, he took out his ray gun saying,"Plankton says bud as noches!" before he did a drive-by on the Krusty Krab, killing the guys surrounding Puff. Krabs sends Spongebob to deal with Plankton while he woos Mrs. puff. Spongebob proceeds to simply step on Plankton while Krabs manages to pick up Puff with his "big meaty claws".

Meanwhile, in Davey Jones' Locker, Skodwarde's lust spell reaches the Flying Ductman, who makes Mrs. puff's soul the next for his to take. In the meantime, Krabs take Puff out on a date and they "go Dutch" since Krabs is such a cheapskate. Krabs gets to first base but doesn't make it all the way home. Suddenly, the Flying Ductman plods in before grabbing his trusty dirty old rape sock, saying "I've cum for you, Puff!" Krabs says that she's Harold Flower and that's the last we see the Ductman for this episode. Mr. Krabs, feeling sexually frustrated, tackles Puff to his bed before covering her in chili. Krabs puts on "In A Gadda Da Vida" by Iron Butterfly" on his record player before getting himself ready for some lovin. Spongebob, who has been spying on them the whole time on Mr. krabs' orders, decides to intervene before things go too far, jumping through the window and promptly cockblocking Mr. Krabs with a karate kick to the crotch. Krabs beats at Spongebob with his big meaty claws but Spongebob blocks each blow before kicking Krabs in the crotch again. With Krabs defeated, Spongebob goes to help Puff up on to wake up in his own bed, apparently from a dream.

Spongebob begins to tell Gary about his dream and that he was an asexual in it. Spongebob proceeded to spend the rest of the night eating some Seanut Butter and fapped to some more anemone porn as the camera pans out Skodwarde, looking out from his next door window feeling non-unsurely fulfilled at the mindfuck he just put Spongebob through.

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38. Sailor Mouth/Artist Unknown

Sailor Mouth:

SpongeBob and Patrick discover "Krabs is a motherfucker" graffitied onto the Krusty Krab dumpster. Although SpongeBob is unsure of its meaning, Patrick assures him that it is a "sentence enhancer" that will make them sound "fancy". The two repeat the word "motherfucker" incessantly throughout the Krusty Krab, including over the loudspeaker, offending many of the Krusty Krab patrons uncensored. However, the two regret their utterings after Mr. Krabs informs them that the word is highly inappropriate, being number eleven in a list of thirteen bad words total.

Later, SpongeBob tries to win a game of "Eels and Escalators" to Patrick, but Patrick wins much to SpongeBob's dismay and he calls Patrick a motherfucker. Patrick races to the Krusty Krab to tell Mr. Krabs, but SpongeBob tries to stop him. Patrick reminds SpongeBob of the word he used, actually saying it himself, so SpongeBob runs to tell on him. They both make it to the Krusty Krab and they are surprised to see Mr. Krabs is fucking both of their mothers in a good ole fashion threesome. SpongeBob and Patrick are surprised to see that the dumpster did not lie and decide that they are going to go fuck Mr. Krabs mother.

Mr. Krabs chases after SpongeBob and Patrick and stubs his toe on a pebble and says the other twelve bad words. As he is crying, he realizes that SpongeBob and Patrick have increased their lead to Mama Krabs house. As soon as Mr. Krabs gets home, he hears his mother orgasm and swear like a sailor as SpongeBob and Patrick are double teaming on Mama Krabs. As soon as they both jizz on her, she faints and falls to the ground. Mr. Krabs cries over his mother and tells them that next time they should go fuck each other's mothers. SpongeBob and Patrick take Mr. Krabs advice and go fuck each other's mothers.

Skodwarde, who was a witness to all this, decides to sell the rights to this episode to comedy rap group The Lonely Island in a get rich quick scheme. The scheme is a success as Skodwarde wastes the money made on cocaine and hookers. Winning!

Artist Unknown:

Skodwarde one day gets a job to be an art teacher at the Rec Center. He is very excited thinking that one day he'll get to become famous for his art if trying to bring Nazism to Bikini Bottom doesn’t work. But all his students asks if the class is a cooking class, which it is not. They leave, making SpongeBob the only student. SpongeBob somehow learned that Skodwarde is teaching art. Skodwarde tries to yell to everybody that the class was a cooking class so he won't have SpongeBob as a student, but fails. Skodwarde says to SpongeBob that he doesn't have any talent but Skodwarde has all the talent. Skodwarde makes a poorly drawn swastika to show SpongeBob what to do. But SpongeBob however makes a perfect swastika. Skodwarde says the swastika wasn't right. SpongeBob draws a cross, and erases it making another perfect swastika. Skodwarde forbids it again and crumples the paper. SpongeBob then crumples it again on his own, making an origami of him and Skodwarde having anal sex with Skodwarde being the receiver. Skodwarde rips it after he forbids it. SpongeBob thinking that Skodwarde forbade it because he wasn't the sender, then makes a puzzle out of the ripped paper shreds, of him and Skodwarde playing anal together with Skodwarde being the sender this time. Jealous that SpongeBob has all the good ideas, Skodwarde forbids it again. Skodwarde then tries to teach SpongeBob the art of sculpting statues. Skodwarde uses a hammer and a nail and hits his block of marble, but instead of making a statue, it just broke into dust. SpongeBob does the same thing, but he made a replica of Michelangelo's David statue. Skodwarde forbids it again saying that it's not art unless it takes more time. He also says he got the penis wrong. Skodwarde then places a nose like his own where the penis is on the statue and calls it "art".

SpongeBob breaks down and apologizes for arrogantly shunning Skodwarde’s lessons. Crying, he proceeds to leave the room but the door suddenly flies open, knocking SpongeBob out of the window and into a garbage truck on its way to the dump. The person entering the door is Monty P. Moneybanks (special guest star Danny DeVito cuz….eh why not) — a world famous art collector. Ecstatic, Skodwarde insists that Moneybanks makes a role for his (Skodwarde's) art (Skodwarde in Ripose and Bold and Brash), which are terrible. Moneybanks then sees the statue that SpongeBob had just created, and he proclaims it to be the greatest piece of art in the world. He said that he will bestow fame and fortune upon the artist responsible, and Skodwarde takes credit. Skodwarde attempts to carry the statue out to Moneybanks’ car. However, the statue is too tall to fit through the door, and Skodwarde accidentally knocks the statue’s head off, where it shatters to dust. Moneybanks says it shouldn’t be a problem for Skodwarde to make another statue. Moneybanks agrees to come back tomorrow, and Skodwarde must desperately find SpongeBob at the dump.

Skodwarde convinces SpongeBob to give art another chance, but SpongeBob believes he is a disgrace, but he later agrees to Skodwarde's request. However, the sponge then decides to follow art “by the book”, and he loses all of his innate talents; he can’t even draw a perfect swastika anymore. Skodwarde tells him to forget about the book, but SpongeBob’s talents are still lost. When SpongeBob tries to sculpt a new statue, his block of marble is reduced to a pile of dust with one strike of the chisel, and he adds a Skodwarde-like nose to the dust and proclaims it art — much to the dismay of Skodwarde. Skodwarde then becomes very angry and starts to use his god powers to destroy the room. SpongeBob then retreats back to the dump. In the process of messing around with things, Moneybanks arrives again. He shockingly asks, “Who is responsible for this?”. Skodwarde says that the janitor is responsible and then storms out of the room. Unknown to Skodwarde, while he was destroying several blocks of marble, he inadvertently recreated SpongeBob’s version of David without even knowing it. After passing down credit to the janitor, Moneybanks tells the janitor he is the greatest artist who has ever lived as he proceeds to fondle the statue’s penis because...that joke had to be made since it was wide open and predictable.

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And here's something we hope you'll really like. A banner made by the one and only jjsthekid!


I love it. Although Skodwarde and Squidward look a little too similar....xP
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Here's a new side project, similar to Skodwarde's Short Shorts, but based on those "(insert name here) interrupt squid ward's bath" videos.

1. Charlie Sheen Drops By Skodwarde's House

One night, Spongebob and Patrick were out looking for Gary with Patrick shaking his balls to draw the snail out. The excess noise were getting on Skodwarde's, who was in the bath tub fondling himself, nerves. Suddenly the door to his bathroom busted open and in came Charlie Sheen with a bloody nose. He stumbled inside, commenting that this isn't his beach house. Skodwarde proceeded to give him some Tiger Blood from his cellar and sealed the Sheen Man's fate and career as we know it.

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2. The RACB drops by Skodwarde's House

One night, Spongebob and Patrick were out looking for Gary with Patrick shaking his balls to draw the snail out. The excess noise were getting on Skodwarde's, who was in the bath tub fondling himself, nerves. Suddenly, Skodwarde's bathroom door swung open and in came the Rebellion Against Cyber Bulliers led by ACSBehemothHellcat, armed with his Sony camcorder. He was flagged by WorldTravel and DarrisXTMRage. ACS began recording Skodwarde in his bathtub and shot out some scathing accusations that Skodwarde's show condones and promotes bullying. WorldTravel proceeded to blurt out some homophobic slurs while Darris asked for something to bend, taking Skodwarde's dildo and bending it in half. ACS tosses some pornographic pictures into Skodwarde's Family Album and begins to demean him for it. They grab hold of Skodwarde's rubber sucky and began playing hot potato with it, all while recording Skodwarde's reaction. Skodwarde was not amused and entered Rage Mode, bending Darris in half, sending WorldTravel flying around the world, and using ACS' camcorder to give the RACB leader a painful colonoscopy. Skodwarde then spent the rest of his time bathing in their blood.

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3. The Mud Man drops by Skodwarde's House

One night, Spongebob and Patrick were out looking for Gary with Patrick shaking his balls to draw the snail out. The excess noise were getting on Skodwarde's, who was in the bath tub fondling himself, nerves. Suddenly, Skodwarde's bathroom door swung open and in came the Mud Man, bearing the gift of mud. He told Skodwarde how he was trying to atone for his past misdeeds by righting all the wrongs he committed in life in order to get good karma before offering the squid nazi a mud pie. Skodwarde was taken aback by this gesture of kindness and they proceeded to shoot out muddy rocks and pew pew eye lazors to cement their friendship. They then discovered they could create fireballs by combining their muddy rocks and eye lazors together and used their newfound combo move on Spongebob and Patrick. They promised to follow each other's Tumblrs before Mud Man pointed out that Skodwarde had god powers and that Mud Man was made out of mud before deciding to go on from there. Skodwarde spent the rest of his night jamming out to "Muddy Man" in his bathtub.

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4. Chris Hansen drops by Skodwarde's House

One night, Spongebob and Patrick were out looking for Gary with Patrick shaking his balls to draw the snail out. The excess noise were getting on Skodwarde's, who was in the bath tub fondling himself, nerves. Suddenly, Skodwarde's bathroom door swung open and in came Chris Hansen. He asked Skodwarde to take a seat, take a seat right over there but Skodwarde was already sitting in his bathtub, making Hansen's order redundant. Hansen asked if he could talk to Skodwarde for a minute and proceeded to question the squid nazi about his assortment of sex toys that litters the floor. Starting to feel outwitted, Skodwarde used his god powers to Jedi mind trick Hansen into heading on over to the Krusty Kreep spinoff a few pages back. Feeling non-unsurely fulfilled, Skodwarde began to send some racy text messages to Pole, sending her a picture of his nose and passing it off as his penis.

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Got a lil something something in store for y'all for the lack of Kraka today. Clappy can take the finale if he has time.

39a. Jellyfish Holocaust

One day, Spongebob once again found himself in the tall grass of Jellyfish Fields when he came face to face with a shiny jellyfish. This rare blue jellyfish proved to be more than a match for our resident jellyfish hunter (if the title of this ep were still Jellyfish Hunter, this is the part where some ppl ar like that "ZOMG! There it is, he said it!"). Most of Spongebob's moves were ineffective with the shiny jellyfish zapping the playful sponge with a critical before escaping. Spongebob then vowed to catch this elusive jellyfish with his Master Net next time and despite not even catching it, he proceeded to nickname it "No Name".

Later that day, Spongebob was on his lunch break at the Krusty Krab. He then proceeded to smother his Krabby patty with some of his special jellyfish jelly and nomed on it. Adam Richman (played by himself), who was back in town to take on the dreaded Bucket of Chum Challenge, having to eat 69 full buckets of chum in 90 minutes or less, inquired Spongebob about his sandwich asked for some jelly to put on his own patty to warm him up. He took a bite and was so much in awe at it's delicious taste that he broke out in song and gave all of Spongebob's jelly away to the rest of the customers in the establishment. Mr. Krabs witnessed this display of crooning at it's finest and inquired Spongebob about the sandwich as well before asking him to catch some jellyfish to help with the manufacturing of his newly trademarked product. Spongebob refused, saying some shit about not falling victim to "the machine". Krabs was desperate to get this new sandwich out to the masses, so he tried to enlist Skodwarde's help.

Skodwarde declined his offer at first, but after looking back at episodes "Jellyfishing", "Jellyfish Jam", and "Nature Pants", he quickly changed his mind. Skodwarde set out to Jellyfish Fields and proceeded to use his god powers to gas a good portion of it, along with a good majority of the jellyfish population that resided in it. After bringing them back and milking them all for what they're worth, Mr. Krabs had hit the jackpot with his new sandwich and proceeded to dub it "The Skod Sandwich". But as the popularity increased, his jelly supplies sharply decreases at an alarming rate. Not wanting to lose out possible sponsorship deals with Shaq, Apolo Ohno, and Michael Phelps, Krabs transforms into Moar KARBS and sent Skodwarde out on another mission, but to this time wants the Jellyfish back alive. Skodwarde does indeed bring some back alive, but he has Moar Krabs place them in a disguised gas chamber to execute them later. He leaves Moar Krabs to torture those poor unfortunate souls while Skodwarde beams off to eradicate the entire jellyfish population off the face of the earth, starting with old nemesis, Queen Jellyfish.

After assassinating the jelly matriarch, Skodwarde set his sights on the entire race. Using his god powers to have "Livin In The Sunlight, Lovin In The Moonlight" by Tiny Tim play in the background, Skodwarde proceeded to use his pew pew eyelazors to annihilate jellyfish one by one. The jellyfish tried fighting back, but Skodwarde would quickly overwhelm them with an Ultima before applying some of Kevin's Ointment on himself. Using his god powers to conjure up a machete and chainsaw, he uses these tools of destruction to cut the jellyfish population down a few pegs. Skodwarde was going all Rambo on their jelly asses.

Meanwhile, back at Spongebob's house, Spongebob found a Krabby patty with blue jelly and proceeded to eat it before going to the bathroom for about 45 minutes. When he was finished pooping that corn, he answered his ringing phone to hear some guy asking him about his favorite horror movie. Spongebob replied with Jaws, making the guy on the other line hang up on him. Spongebob then found himself face to face with "No Name" (voiced by Clint Eastwood) who proceeded to call Spongebob a "Gook" before vacuum packing him into a jar as only Clint can, but not before placing a call for 911. No Name proceeded to take Spongebob to Moar Krabs' "concentration camp", where he extracts concentrated jelly from the tortured jellyfish he has left in his supply. Spongebob sees the horrors that these poor jellyfish are being put through thanks to his sandwich. No Name then points Spongebob towards the nearly decimated Jellyfish Fields, now a mass grave of jellyfish, nearly making Spongebob shit a brick (haha more square humor). Spongebob offers to help No Name put a stop to this madness and they proceeded to break into the concentration camp by breaking through a window.

Moar Krabs was preoccupied with torturing his prisoners by making them listen to "Physical" by Olivia Newton-John while watching him work that exercise bike to help out his buns and thighs (JAH BOONS UND TIES). Spongebob confronts Moar Krabs about the matter, but Moar Krabs replies that he needs Moar money and if he wants Moar money, he needs more jelly. Spongebob threatens to break open the gas chamber with a blunt object but Moar Krabs refutes that the gas chamber won't open unless he says "MOAR" but the gas chamber surprisingly didn't open, even after the previous times Krabs said the word a few minutes ago.

Skodwarde suddenly beamed into the camp and revealed his true colors as being gray before revealing his double-cross. He tells Moar Krabs that he intends on eradicating the jellyfish population entirely and that the last batch in the gas chamber are what's left to execute. Spongebob is shocked at this turn of events and vows to bring Skodwarde down. No Name gets in Spongebob's way, telling him to leave Skodwarde to him. Moar Krabs tries to make a hasty escape on his exercise bike, failing to realize that it's stationery. Spongebob proceeded to karate kick him off the bike and down to floor. Moar Krabs tried fighting the sponge off with his big meaty claws, but Spongebob managed to block all his attacks before nailing him with a devastating Karate Chop between the eyes, knocking Moar Krabs out.

Skodwarde is face to face with No Name and they stand off for a good five minutes at High Noon. Skodwarde proceeded to shoot out an eye LAZOR simultaneously as No Name uses his special Zap! attack. The LAZOR misses No Name, but No Name saps Skodwarde square in the chest, shocking him into submission. Spongebob proceeded to use the blunt object from earlier to miraculously break open the gas chamber, setting the remaining living jellyfish free to retreat back to Jellyfish Fields. Spongebob and No Name share a moment before No Name willingly allows himself to get caught in Spongebob's Master Net, allowing Spongebob to rename him "Friend". They shake hands, but Friend zaps and breaks Spongebob's hand while doing so, reassuring the playful sponge that they'll see each other again in the near future.

Skodwarde rises up from his temporary setback and uses Ragnarok to rain piercing beams of light down on the new allies. No Name pushes Spongebob out of the beams' path and is soon engulfed in an explosion of light, not only making the shiny jellyfish faint, but killing him as well. Spongebob is distraught but before he could do anything about it, the Bikini Bottom Police that Friend called earlier arrives just in time to arrest Skodwarde and Moar Krabs for their crimes. Spongebob soon finds it in his heart to forgive Skod and Krabs for their misdeeds like he always does, Skodwarde uses his god powers to get slapped on the wrist, and Moar Krabs is forced to relinquish his newfound fortune after being hit with a class-action lawsuit by PETA and the WWF (not the wrestling company). The jellyfish are currently hard at work to rebuild their once great population and hope to one day get off the endangered species list.


39b. The Fry Cook Games


One day, Mr Krabs enters Spongebob to represent the Krusty Krab in the Fry Cook Games. Not pleased about being snubbed, Skodwarde is once again hard at work to sabotage the Krusty Krabs' chances and makes a few bets on the side. Patrick streaks onto the field, prompting Spongebob to chastise him that nit isn't easy being floppy, which Patrick promptly josses by flipping over a rock. Patrick vows to enter the Fry Cook Games to once again prove Spongebob wrong. Spongebob flips him off before trying to push the ground again. Suddenly, word comes in that a last minute entrant has entered the fray. The announcer hypes things up at a catastrophic level, prompting some audience members to flee while some suffer heart attacks. Suddenly, a huge guy breaks through the entrance tunnel before revealing that he was merely giving the real entrant a piggy back ride. The entrant turns out to be Patrick Star, representing the Chum Bucket! Spongebob confronts him on the matter before whacking each other with some more blunt objects. Plankton and Krabs break them up before telling them to save it for the Games.

After some nautical nonsense involving cannonballs, high dives, ice skating, fish stick jokes, and a "sword fight", Spongebob and Patrick find themselves in the final rounds of the Bun Wrestling competition. Krabs preps Spongebob up by telling him that Patrick is a "fatty patty" before shooting him up with bullshark testosterone. Plankton preps Patrick up by telling him that he'll "eat lightinin' and crap thunder cuz Plankton lugs ya!" before shooting him up with some bullshark testosterone of his own. The meet each other in the ring, revealing their new sexy, brawny physiques. Special guest referee Mills Lane recites the rules of the match before telling them to get it on.

The bell rings and the two combatants charge at each other, getting into a scuffle before realizing they're only beating themselves up. The get up and make things rig by grappling each other. Their strength is even, making it hard for either one of them to gain momentum. Patrick decides to play dirty by kicking Spongebob in the groin before letting out a loud "WOO!" to boos from the crowd. Patrick beats Spongebob to the ground before throwing Spongbob into the corner post. Patrick goes to ram him but Spongebob flails his feet up in time to kick Patrick square in the face, knocking a few of his teeth out to some cheers. Spongebob grabs Patrick from behind and nails Patrick with a German Suplex before setting him up for another German Suplex and another for about a minute straight. With Patrick laid out, Spongebob heads up top to nail his patented Square Splash but before he could make contact, Patrick put his knees up in the air, driving them into Spongebob's chest as he landed. As Spongebob weighed in agony, Patrick grabs himself a steel chair before nailing Spongebob with a headshot before really laying it into his back. He then sets up a table and prepares to body slam Spongebob through it, but Spongebob manages to counter out and slide off Patrick before hitting a DDT on the starfish. Spongebob takes off his tie and proceeds to choke Patrick out with it but is forced to stop before Mills Lane could disqualify him with a five count. Mills Lane grabs the tie out of Spongebob's tie and tosses it out of the ring. While Spongebob is distracted Patrick recuperates in time to nail Spongbob with a bulldog from behind. Patrick grabs one of Spongebob's braces and uses it to cut into Spongebob's forehead, blading him and causing him to bleed. Despite the agony, Spongebob pounds into Patrick's stomach before catching him with his trademark Rock Bottom finishing maneuver. Spongebob places Patrick on the table before heading up top again, finally putting Patrick through the table with his patented Square Splash. He goes for the pin, but Patrick kicks out right before the 3. Spongebob picks Patrick up but find themselves struggling to grapple each other again.

Skodwarde is not amused and uses his god powers to make a yellow dildo to fall out Patrick's trunks and a pink dildo to fall out of Spongebob's. They both realize that they do care about each other before modifying their grapple hold into a warm hugging embrace. The crowd are left in tears at this heartwarming moment. Spongebob and Patrick leave the ring together, sending their match into a double disqualification, although they would later test positive for steroids anyway. They walk off into the sunset as Krabs and Plankton tells them to get the fuck back here and kill each other before Patrick reveals to Spongebob that his name is not Rick.

The talking dog from the Shell Shack would later win the Fry Cook Games, winning Skodwarde his bet.

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Here's the long-awaited Storm Racer/Skodwarde crossover written by me.

5. The Undersea Force drops by Skodwarde's House

One night, Spongebob and Patrick were out looking for Gary with Patrick shaking his balls to draw the snail out. The excess noise were getting on Skodwarde's, who was in the bath tub fondling himself, nerves. Suddenly, Skodwarde's bathroom door swung open and in came the Undersea Force with Nathan leading the pack. Skodwarde was not amused by their sudden appearance, nor was there past meeting canon in Skodwarde's universe. Nathan asks for Skodwarde's assistance in taking down the dreaded Machine Empire led by the cruel King Cog (Why is he a King and not an Emperor?) Skodwarde could had cared less and went back to fondling himself. Suddenly, Skodwarde's dildo spang to life and attempted to to attack the Undersea Force from behind. It gave them a run for their money before Skodwarde blasted it with an eye lazor. The dildo turned out to be a spy for the Machine Empire. Not pleased at the lost of his most cherished sex toy, Skodwarde joined the Undersea Force in their rage against the machine.

Skodwarde beamed them up into their stronghold and raised some perpetual hell. The Undersea Force called forth their megazord while Skodwarde used his god powers to conjure up his Skodtron, decimating wave after wave of machine soldiers. King Cog grew to new heights and confronted his adversaries. The Skodtron and Undersea Force combined their powers into a Hadouken/Kamehameha combo, destroying the cog king and what was left of his empire. They returned back to Bikini Bottom where Skodwarde treated them to some Vietnamese. Skodwarde spent the rest of his night skyping with Lord Zedd and Rita Repulsa.

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6. Skodwarde drops by Squidward's House

Long ago in the Macroverse I, *beep*, the shape shifting master of darkness, unleashed an unspeakable evil! But, a foolish Turtle, wielding god powers, stepped forth to oppose me. Before the final blow was struck, I used my god powers to rip open a hole in the Turtle and flung him into implosion! I would then be flung into a portal in time, landing in a distant dimension where my evil will soon be law! After I crashed, I waited and I planned, waiting for when the time will be right for me to unleash my evil yet again in this pathetic place known as...Bikini Bottom...After the untimely demise of a young fish known as Adrian Mellon, I awoke. Free to corrupt the world and all who inhabit it.

One night, Spongebob and Patrick were out looking for Gary with Patrick shaking his belly to draw the snail out. The excess noise were getting on Squidward's, who was in the bath tub spoiling himself, nerves. Suddenly, an ominous light began toe emanate from his bath water. Squidward went to get up and leave, but the light began blazing, overcoming him in a bright flash. Squidward was soon engulfed and consumed by the Deadlights. As the lights died down, a figure rose from the bath tub. It was Skodwarde, who took on Squidward's form as his own. Skodwarde would later pass himself off as Squidward's nazi cousin and went on from there, corrupting Bikini Bottom in his god-like presence, seeping out vices and stirring shit up where he went in his quest to assert his superior might.

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40. Skod on Strike/Sandy, SpongeBob, Skodwarde, and the Worm

Skod on Strike:

Mr. Krabs is in his office at the Krusty Krab counting the day’s profits. He realizes that profits are up $300.00 from the previous month and that he needs to start running a tighter shift so he can keep affording hookers. He scolds Skodwarde for giving a customer a handjob and even yells at him for wasting time reading Mein Kampf. Mr. Krabs then gives Skodwarde and SpongeBob their paychecks. However, Skodwarde is immediately and extremely furious to discover that they have actually received bills; Mr. Krabs as part of his plan to make a tighter shift is charging them for all non-work activity, including standing, breathing, talking, fucking, and even existing. Mr. Krabs says that anytime if he catches them goofing off or doing non-work activities, he will charge them for it. SpongeBob goes along with Mr. Krabs' scheme, and he attempts to give his money back to Mr. Krabs. Skodwarde convinces SpongeBob that the two of them should go on strike in order to get better benefits and treatment. SpongeBob is happy to go on strike, but he doesn’t even know what that means. He approaches Mr. Krabs and happily tells him that they are going on strike. However, they end up getting fired instead, and SpongeBob is crying excessively while they stand outside of the Krusty Krab.

Skodwarde angrily tells SpongeBob that they need to go on strike to get their jobs back. Skodwarde tries to teach SpongeBob how to strike. First, he tells him to throw his hat on the ground and stomp on it, but SpongeBob can’t since he keeps his vibrator in the hat. Skodwarde throws SpongeBob’s hat on the ground, but he ends up getting a ticket for soliciting sexual crimes. Skodwarde then tries to show SpongeBob how to make a picket sign, but SpongeBob keeps getting it wrong. His first attempt at making a picket sign turns out to resemble a picket fence, and his second one shows a person picking his nose. He then accidentally makes a sign that says "Krusty Krab is funfair" instead of unfair, and a slew of customers run inside for the Krusty Krab "funfair". Skodwarde tells SpongeBob that he’s a terrible striker, and he tells SpongeBob to go stand behind Pole. He gets on a megaphone and harangues an approaching crowd on the misdeeds of the Krusty Krab, but the audience doesn’t really know what he’s talking about. The crowd decides that their support is making them hungry, and they go eat at the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs taunts them over how "successful" their striking is, and this turns SpongeBob against him.

SpongeBob has been finally absorbed by Skodwarde into the striking cause, but he takes things too far. SpongeBob tells an unconcerned Mr. Krabs that they will stay on strike to get what they deserve even if it takes forever, but the thought of being united with SpongeBob forever frightens Skodwarde. He realizes he has to end the strike in order to get rid of his alliance with SpongeBob. He goes to rush to the Krusty Krab, but Mr. Krabs is already at Skodwarde’s door begging him to take his job back since the teenagers he hired to replace him and SpongeBob are driving him crazy. To make matters worse, they won't leave him alone. Realizing he has the upper-hand, Skodwarde begins negotiating with Mr. Krabs late into the night in the bedroom. However, SpongeBob, not knowing this and thinking that he and Skodwarde are still on strike, feels the need to impress Skodwarde by destroying the Krusty Krab — reducing it to a pile of rubble. The next morning, Skodwarde and Mr. Krabs approach the now-demolished Krusty Krab with SpongeBob still there. But Skodwarde is shocked instead of impressed (unknown to SpongeBob), and Mr. Krabs doesn’t even realize that the building is destroyed until he makes his way to where his office used to be. Then in anger he falls to pieces. In order to pay off the damages to the Krusty Krab, Mr. Krabs forces them into working for him forever. Skodwarde is frightened about the fact that he must work at the Krusty Krab (and with SpongeBob) forever, obviously. On the other hand, SpongeBob is excited about this.

An "eternity" later, SpongeBob and Skodwarde are still working at the Krusty Krab. They are now animated skeletons providing handjobs to customers to make money for the skeleton of Mr. Krabs.


Sandy, SpongeBob, Skodwarde, and the Worm:

Skodwarde is sound asleep at night after overdosing on NyQuil when a giant creature rumbles toward him and devours half of his house. When he wakes up, he is frightened to see SpongeBob who came to pick up the vibrator from the previous episode. SpongeBob said that they were approached by a fictional Alaskan bull worm a Giant pink monster, and SpongeBob decides to alert the town the next morning. The bull worm is a giant pink worm that has an insatiable appetite towards eating everything.


When the citizens are making suggestions on how to get rid of the worm, Patrick says they should push the whole town to another location, but Skodwade says that’s a terrible idea. Sandy Cheeks appears and tells the townspeople that she will capture the bull worm, because it ate her tail when she had her back turned. Calling the bull worm a coward, she says she will seek revenge. However, SpongeBob is concerned about Sandy’s safety, and he tries to talk her out of it while the rest of the town cheers for her. Skodwarde, who finds Sandy incredibly lulzy, decides to follow SpongeBob and Sandy. In the meantime, they take up Patrick’s idea and move the whole town by pushing it.

Sandy tells SpongeBob that she’s too tough since she’s from Texas and that SpongeBob is just scared. She insists that she’s going to catch the bull worm, and she pushes her way through a protesting SpongeBob. SpongeBob repeatedly attempts to talk Sandy out of it, but Sandy flat-out refuses to listen to him, positive that she can handle the worm. She goes into what she thinks is a cave where the bull worm is, and a fight ensues off-screen. Sandy is cheerful that she’s winning, while Skodwarde is laughing his ass off and decides to tell her that the creature she’s wrangling is really just the worm’s tongue. She ties up the tongue in a knot, but looks up to see the rest of the massive bull worm over her.


The Alaskan bull worm starts to chase Sandy, Skodwarde, and SpongeBob, but SpongeBob is arguing for Sandy to admit that he was right all along, even though they’re inches away from being devoured. She admits that she was wrong, and the two of them manage to jump on top of the bull worm. Skodwarde realizes that he can use his god powers to get rid of the worm. He proceeds to do so and freezes the worm. He then uses his god powers to throw the worm off the cliff. However, at the bottom of the cliff, the townspeople finally rest the town in its new location after pushing. Just as they do that, the worm falls and crushes the relocated town killing all the citizens of Bikini Bottom.

How is that for a cliffhanger? Everyone except three of the major characters are dead. And to think Game of Thrones got so much praise for killing off one of the main characters. Suck it HBO! Unfortunately, the networks decided that they can’t continue the series with only Skodwarde, SpongeBob, and Sandy, so they magically revive everyone else and act like the events from the last episode did not happen, so the series can move forward as scheduled with everyone intact and not dead.

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