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210b. Burstin’ Your Bubble

One day, SpongeBob tries his driving test again for the umpteenth time. And as usual, he is sucking balls. But he’s sucking more than usual this time. He’s sucking complete ass at the driving test. Like, he fucking sucks. He’s doing a complete horseshit job. His absolute nadir to date, which is saying A LOT. He’s recklessly driving like a drunk, ramming people off the road, likely hitting many pedestrians in the process (tho who gives a shit about them), and here’s the worst crime of them all: NO FRONT LICENSE PLATE! :o  Puff Mama cannot take this level of shit driving, and is about to have a heart attack. The Funky Cops notice the complete lack of license plate, as they chase after the out of control boat. SpongeBob smokes some fresh bubbles to help calm himself down, which distract the Funky Cops. However, this backfires when these bubbles distract SpongeBob’s attention span, making the boat crash right into Drug Funnie’s Dank Doughnuts. Puff Mama tells SpongeBob point blank he’s a lost cause, and that he’ll never get his license. She walks off angrily since it’s her time of the month, and SpongeBob walks off sadly. The Funky Cops catch up, seeing the damage. They decide to eat some doughnuts and worry about the mass destruction SpongeBob caused another time, while doing funky dance moves.

SpongeBob walks around, noticing how everyone is showing off their big, fancy...boats, while he still doesn’t have one. Skodwarde passes by in his Pimp God Boat with several strippers, making SpongeBob jealous. Larry is showing off his boat too, and flexing his muscles, gathering the attraction of hot mermaids. He then goes past Mr. K’s house, seeing him using his thicc ass to sexually wash his own boat:


The old man’s sexy ass brings a few girls to the yard, wanting in on some of that hot action. SpongeBob keeps heading home, and sees even Patrick showing off his boat, which was likely stolen. But still, when Patrick of all people has a boat before you, you know it’s over, man. SpongeBob sighs, disappointed he’ll never have the boat or ass to get the bitches like Skod, Larry and Krabs can. He gets out his bubbles again, and begins to smoke them once more to cheer him up. He makes many beautiful bubble sculptures, such as a dildo, a doughnut, a jellyfish, and a giraffe. He wishes he could be as good at driving as he is at blowing bubbles. Then, SpongeBob gets an idea in his pants! He realizes he hasn’t had an original episode about bubble blowing in ages, so he decides to do something creative and blow (pause): a bubble boat! SpongeBob says he no longer needs to try for a license when he has this baby, finally putting an end to this repetitive Boating School episode formula. He takes his bubble boat for a ride around town like a pimp, attracting the eyes of many. Many are impressed by this new mode of transportation, called it the best idea in history since porn. The God of Supremacy Orange Cop, being the prick he is, tries to put a stop to this charade by telling SpongeBob he needs a license, but SpongeBob disagrees. God of Supremacy Orange Cop is okay with that, letting bubble boats become the new hip trend in Bikini Bottom.

Soon, everyone in Bikini Bottom hops on the bandwagon and has their own cool ass bubble boat. SpongeBob gives any lucky customer wanting a bubble boat special “bubble jobs”, if you feel me. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Even Skodwarde is impressed, as his Pimp God Boat is upgraded into the Pimp Bubble Boat. Bubble boats are in, and old boats are out. Unfortunately, Puff Mama didn’t quite get the memo, since she’s still trying to drive an old school boat, holding up traffic, annoying many bubble boaters. Puff Mama doesn’t quite flow with these bubble boats, finding them nonsensical. She gets many nasty signals from the bubble boaters, such as the double bird and “can you go any slower?”. She gets pulled over by the God of Supremacy Orange Cop, who tells her those types of boats are not hip anymore, and that she needs to get with the groove by going to Bubble Cruisin’ School. Her teacher is Mr. SquarePants himself, much to her dismay.

SpongeBob shows Puff Mama the ropes of driving a bubble boat. At first, Puff Mama fucking sucks at it, finally getting to experience evil irony that “The Summer Blowjobs” failed to do. But after encouragement from SpongeBob...she finally does it. She becomes a wild carefree puff mama, mastering the art of bubble boating. SpongeBob is proud of her, and tells her she is ready to go free. Puff Mama then does...THE DOUBLE BOOST!

However, Skodwarde is excited at how he can fuck this beautiful moment up, so he uses god powers to make Puff Mama end her double boost prematurely, forcing her to go onto a highway. She ends up burstin' her bubble (lol), and inflates, floating around the highway like a sex balloon. Many other bubble boaters crash into her, forming a giant orgy pileup. Puff Mama then floats up to the surface with everyone, and everyone pops, as they fall back to the surface. SpongeBob spams his bubbles, saving everyone. Unfortunately, due to this shitstorm, the God of Supremacy Orange Cop returns and declares that all bubble boats are now illegal. SpongeBob sadly accepts this, realizing perhaps now was not the time for vehicles to evolve. He then says he’ll have to get his license after all and that he’ll see Puff Mama tomorrow at Boating School. Puff Mama inflates herself and flies away. Of course, the outlawing of bubble boats doesn’t stop SpongeBob and Skodwarde from making their own shady underground bubble boat business, trying to continue the sacred art of bubble boating. 


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211b. The Trouble with Dildos

This episode will be brought to you in part by the Dick Chorus. It's a dildo episode, what did you expect?

One day, Neptune, god of the sea, was busy combating the kraken that he himself had unleashed to stop Perseus, but that's a story for some other movie. He brandishes his dildo and, after embedding it with some of his god power, transformed it into a giant rubber fist with which to fist the Kraken into submission. SpongeBob walks smack dab into the plot as he is busy pleasuring himself with his own dildo and walking to work at the same time. This causes him to inadvertently switch dildos with Neptune, who is left perpetually pleasureless until the Kraken's mother shows up and turns the tide by violently fucking Neptune twice over. She then makes her son move in with his Aunty and uncle in Bel-Air.

SpongeBob pleasures himself with Neptune's dildo on his way to work and feels a godly sensation rush through him as he steps through the doors into the establishment, where the customers have all resorted to cannibalism due to SpongeBob not keeping up with his perfect employee attendance record like he does in other episodes. Like, my fucking god. It's just a fucking sandwich. Skodwarde has had it up to here with this episode's plot as I have already and deuces himself to the town of some better show, Elwood City to be exact, where he proceeds to join Mr. Ratburn's garage rock band (Yes, there's an episode where Mr. Ratburn is legit the frontman for a garage rock band) as their rapist. 

Meanwhile, back here where the plot is, SpongeBob is uncharacteristically bitching out and feeling the pressures of his job come crashing down onto him, having to somehow serve like what, 10-20 customers in a timely fashion when he's already served like thousands of anchovies simultaneously single-handedly in the first episode. However, SpongeBob's bitching invokes Neptune's dildo to relieve his stress, using god powers to do his job for him. Something Skodwarde could've easily done for all these years, yet he wouldn't despite all his omnipotence. SpongeBob gets a fucking Sorcerer's Apprentice thing going on up in here, but we here at Skodwarde don't wanna be paid a visit by the Mouse, so we have him get a Sausage Party thing going instead. Food is happily letting themselves be consumed to the keep the circle of life goin- GOD FUCKING DAMN IT! STOP TRYING TO GET SUED!

Things really start to get Sausage Party up in here when SpongeBob's pleasure turns the food against the consumers and it is now the consumers' turn to be consumed by the consumee. Mr. Krabs bitches on about how "all me money is getting killed out there!" SpongeBob, officially unamused by Krabs' shtick for the first time in his godforsaken life, uses his god powers to make Krabs pay everybody money in order to perform sex acts on them. Krabs giddily splurges his money like a teen girl with her first credit card and gets a circle jerk going all around town as he cries that he can't stop, which just turns everybody on even more. When some of them want things to get a lot more violent, Krabs happily pays them even more to do it on him. By the time this episode is over, there'll be two cum buckets in Bikini Bottom.

Neptune's dildo has pleasured SpongeBob to the point that all the god power goes to his dick, and then it blows up. And out of SpongeBob's blown pee pee hole, Spengbab emerges. The Dick Chorus, being the chorus of dicks that they are, encourage Spengbab to use his god powers to unleash his vivd imagination upon Bikini Bottom because they're dicks li'dat. Spengbab decrees that as their new god, all families shall take turns in raping their firstborn child before slitting said child's throat from ear to ear where they all will then be subjected to fuck its corpse twice as hard, after which he will then bathe in the blood, sweat and tears that will surely be shed. Once Spengbab is done fucking with the townsfolk, he shifts his attention toward Nickelodeon, using his god powers to make The Fairly Oddparents jump over how many sharks before finally sending to an unmarked and well deserved grave on Nicktoons along with countless others. However, Spengbab's reach couldn't topple over The Loud House so he uses his god powers to make the show's creator a complete creep, to the point where he is completely bombarded with sexual harassment allegations.

Spengbab then uses his god powers to forcefully insert Patrick into the plot so that he can make his fantasy of being able to jizz out ice cream come true, but things quickly turn south when the grim realities of anatomy come into effect and Patrick forcefully jizzes out three whole scoops of some ungodly red and white ice cream complete with the the cone covered in strawberry flavored blood. Patrick cries that this isn't what he signed up for and tells Spengbab to go fuck himself. Spengbab likes that idea, so much that he uses his god powers to make Patrick do just that (use this as reference https://youtu.be/Mtu3D471gK8 ), complete with the ice cream cone jizz going straight up his asshole. So if you thought brain freeze was bad hoho! Oh, and right next to Patrick, being forced to violently fist his own butt by shoving his entire arm three quarters in it is Flatts in a cameo, his fate from his last appearance in Salsa Fillercus finally being revealed. 

Spengbab: Your butt, it hungers for more...

Flatts' arm is then consumed whole by his butt, along with the rest his flat body, rolling himself up into a ball of crumpled butthole and scales.

Meanwhile, Neptune finally realizes that he's been using the wrong fucking dildo this whole time, so he sets out to reclaim his old one. His search immediately alerts him enough to notice how fucked up Bikini Bottom has now become. He deduces that godly forces are at play here so he sets out to find the source of it all. Neptune confronts Spengbab and, rather uncharacteristically from his Clash of Triton portrayal, seeks to restore the town back to normal. He is both outmatched and outclassed by Spengbab in short order and he, too, finds himself subjected to Spengbab's will. Later that day, Neptune would find his son, Triton and apologizes to him for what he's about to do. He assures his son that it's what god wants and he proceeds to rape Triton, slit his throat ear to ear and fucks his son's corpse twice as hard all in that order.

Skodwarde finally returns from his guest spot on Arthur to find that the town is in the exact same state as when he left it. People were going crazy cannibalistic over Krabby Patties not being made in a timely manner and SpongeBob is uncharacteristically losing his shit behind the grill. Skodwarde resumes his post behind the register and asks if anything happened while he was gone. SpongeBob fills him in on everything. He tells him about how he accidentally took Neptune's dildo by mistake. Then he informs him how Neptune's dildo usually doesn't work when in the anatomy of a mere mortal but since he has the dormant power of a god within him, the dildo brought the god out of him. SpongeBob goes into crude detail about the tortures Spengbab put the town through before telling Skodwarde how he was finally stopped by Skolliam, who, as SpongeBob bluntly puts it, "is like you, but a whole lot better in bed!".

Skodwarde is not amused by such an assertion, but he does find it rather disturbing that Skolliam is taking it upon himself to actively take part in episodes that don't involve him. Skodwarde spends the rest of his day pondering over this grim detail as the Dick Chorus looks on from outside the restaurant. They narrate these developments over to Skolliam in his house, that's just like Skodwarde's but it's better in bed. He commends them for their work, saying that they've each earned themselves a spanking. The Dick Chorus unmasks, revealing themselves to be regular members of Skolliam's entourage. They proudly accept their spankings as the camera pans out to reveal transcripts for "The Episodes of Revelation" on a podium.

In a post-credits scene, the lunch rush at the Krusty Krab is interrupted when lawsuits rain down over the restaurant. Skodwarde, SpongeBob and Krabs head outside as the restaurant is forced to fold around them. They are greeted by a dark, hooded figure with what looks to be two circular noise reading apparatuses on his head.

Skodwarde: WHO ARE YOU??!!?!?



TBC in "Mouse Cunt Hunt"...or not, it may just be an ep based off the SBM meme :troll:

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212a. The Incredible Shrinking Skod

One day, we open at the Krusty Krab once again. A woman files a complaint to Skodwarde that her Krabby Patty tastes like shit. And she is right, because it is shit. It's literally made of shit. The woman is pissed, demanding to know what the hell the meaning of this is. Skodwarde reminds her that "we serve shit here, ma'am", and reads a porn magazine. SpongeBob looks at the patty, terrified by its shittiness. SpongeBob is very confused, since he made the patty without shit in it. Skodwarde laughs, revealing he did it for the lulz because the premise of this one isn't interesting him, so he had to spice it up somehow. The woman throws the shit patty in Skodwarde's face, annoying him. Mr. Krabs feels a lawsuit in his wallet, so he storms out of his office, telling Mr. Skodwarde that he better stop fucking around or he's getting the belt. Skodwarde sarcastically replies "aye aye, captain", giving the authoritarian dictator boss a subtle Nazi salute with his tentacle. Mr. Krabs tells him "that was terrible", and heads back into his office. SpongeBob gets back to flipping 'dem patties, making the customer a brand spankin' new batch that hopefully won't be ruined. Skodwarde ain't letting authoritarian dictator old man Krabs ruin his fun though, so he hatches a genius idea in his pants to further fuck with SpongeBob. He uses his god powers of naughtiness to make the grill's temperature really, really...hot.

As SpongeBob keeps cookin', he gets really...sweaty. Too sweaty. Within seconds, the heat makes SpongeBob shrink like a son of a bitch! :o Yup, we're doing the "character shrinks" plot again, you know, just like in "Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy IV: The Incredible Shrinking Study of Wumbo". As you can tell, we're kinda running low on ideas, but it's fine! Oh yeah, and SpongeBob also loses all of his clothes, making him naked. We'll let you have fun with that imagery from there. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) However, Skodwarde finds SpongeBob's plot extremely boring, so he wants to do a shrinking of his own. Also, a rabid line of krustomers approaches, and Skodwarde ain't in the mood for this shit. Skodwarde uses god powers to shrink himself! The customers then wonder where the dude in the boat has gone man, because the dude in the boat isn't in the boat, man. The tiny Skodwarde sneaks his way out of the angry and confused mob of customers. He's finally a free man, and wants to experiment around with his new life as a tiny man. He has decided to take...a day off. (wow we're ripping off Skod's Day Off too, smh) Meanwhile, the tiny SpongeBob is fooling around, sliding on butter across the grill, which incinerates within seconds and really burns his feet, but it's all good. Anyways, SpongeBob climbs his way down the grill, and finds a poison sea urchin under it. It wants to fuck him, and charges at him like one hungry urchin thot. SpongeBob gets in some whacky and hilarious Tom & Jerry antics with it. SpongeBob lures the sea urchin to the soda machine (which...is in the kitchen now, I guess? cool), and causes the nasty ass urchin to get washed down into the drain, likely killing it (...maybe). Unfortunately, as you can tell, SpongeBob's plot isn't particularly very interesting, so let's see what Skodwarde is up to!

The tiny Skodwarde smugly walks down the big road, happy to get away from that shit sty. Now that he's tiny, he can still fuck around with people incognito, invisible to the naked eyes. He sees Fred up ahead smoking a joint, and also sees his leg is not injured. Skodwarde approaches his leg, and uses his god powers to form a hammer (That's what I want, a damn hammer!). He swings it, letting out a mighty blow against Fred's leg. Fred yells his iconic "MY LEG!" and runs off in pain. Skodwarde laughs, saying other people's misery is the only thing keeping him happy anymore, as depressing as that sounds. Suddenly, the same poison sea urchin SpongeBob defeated comes jumping out of a nearby sewer vent. It sees Skodwarde, and is hungry for him too. The thot urchin leaps at him, but Skodwarde smites the nasty urchin with his god powers, killing it for real this time (F). He then enjoys the wonders of things little people can do. Skodwarde is actually enjoying this tiny life, feeling like he has peace for the first time in a while. He then sees the Cum Bucket nearby, realizing Plankton is tiny too, and realizes he has brethren he can fuck with. :hands:  He goes inside, seeing Plankton having cybersex with Karen in the open. Both look at him awkwardly, especially Karen, given the events of "Karen Gets the Boot". :funny: They both stop, and Plankton asks what the blimey hell Skodwarde is doing here, or why he is tiny all of a sudden, though Plankton is more curious about the second question. Before he answers, Plankton decides to measure Skodwarde with a ruler. Both gasp when Plankton realizes he's actually taller than Skodwarde! Skodwarde ain't happy with that, so he makes himself grow a few inches higher with his god powers, and rubs it in Plankton's face, annoying him. Skodwarde explains he shrunk himself just like SpongeBob to see what it's like to be tiny, and he says he's surprisingly enjoying it. Plankton tells him being tiny isn't all that fun, and wants to have a gentlemanly civilized conversation with him discussing his miserable life. Skodwarde decides to stay and listen since he has nothing better to do, plus he could act as a nice therapist for the guy, who knows. Karen makes the two cups of tea, as Skodwarde hears Plankton out.

Back at the Krusty Krab, Mr. Krabs hears the angry krustomers from outside his office, who are sounding like an angry group of protesters. Mr. Krabs is ready to use his belt and stop this uprising like the authoritarian dictator he is. When he steps out of the office, he sees the angry group waiting at the cashier boat, wondering where Skodwarde and SpongeBob are. Mr. Krabs pops a boner in anger, making his way through the crowd of angry savages. Scott is off to the side going "whatever". Mr. Krabs asks him where the FUCK Skodwarde and SpongeBob are. Scott replies they probably took the day off or something, or decided to play "really tiny midget", whichever you prefer. Mr. Krabs gives a good laugh, reassuring him that nobody has taken a day off at the Krusty Krab since the Cum Famine of '59. And if they really are off fucking around, Krabs tells Scott ominously he's got a special surprise for them in store when they return... ;) 

Suddenly, SpongeBob tries to sneak out of the kitchen, but one of the kids there mistakes him for a toy. The kid picks up SpongeBob's naked body, who feels violated. The kid shows the "toy" to his mom, but the mom panics, thinking it's an urchin. SpongeBob leaps out of the boy's hands, running around. The mom tells Mr. Krabs she's going to sue his greedy motherfuckin ass if he doesn't get that pest out of here. Mr. Krabs sighs, since he's getting too old for this bullshit. He grabs his belt and begins to whack SpongeBob with it, thinking he's an urchin. He manages to grab SpongeBob and walks out of the Krusty Krab. He flings SpongeBob into the Cum Bucket. He goes flying through the doors, seeing Skodwarde and Plankton having tea. Plankton decides to measure himself compared to SpongeBob, and laughs when he sees he's taller than SpongeBob, and SpongeBob can't hax his growth like Skod did. Plankton does a victory dance, happy he has an accomplishment for once, no matter how small it is (hehe). He says he won't steal the formula for once, as he'd like to further talk about the tiny life with the two. The two agree, as they have a pretty chill conversation together. Plankton continues to tell them about the depressing woes and miserable life he goes through as a tiny being, which makes Skod and SpongeBob both kind of sad.

Later, Skod and SpongeBob leave the Cum Bucket, surprisingly impressed with how cool Plankton can be when he isn't trying to steal the formuler. However, Plankton's depressing stories have made Skodwarde bored of these tiny shenanigans. SpongeBob agrees, saying he wants to go back to normal too after all the bullshit he went through. Skodwarde also accepts the tiny life wouldn't have worked out anyways, as he's always been a man, a big, STRONG, man! Skodwarde makes both their normal sizes again (and also gives SpongeBob clothes), as they head back to the Krusty Krab. The customers are still angry animals, so SpongeBob cooks em up a ton of patties (without any shit this time, thankfully) and their rages are calmed. However, Mr. Krabs is NOT happy about Skodwarde and SpongeBob goofing off from work to play really tiny midget. Daddy Krabs grabs his belt, ready to beat the shit out of them with it for their punishment. Skodwarde and SpongeBob both gulp nervously. Skodwarde shrinks both of them again, as they run out of the Krusty Krab. Daddy Krabs chases after the two pipsqueaks with his belt. And yes, even jjs is surprised he wrote this much for such a bare bones episode.

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208b. Krusty Cakery

The Krusty Krab had been temporarily transformed into a bakery, using the ingredients from Krabby Patties to make confectious delights. Why? Because Krabs is the type of business owner that likes fixing what isn't broken (taking tips from Facebook and YouTube, I see). Surprisingly, the citizens of Bikini Bottom settled and grew to tolerate condiment cupcakes and meat-filled donuts. However, business was still down and Krabs wasn't ready to back out of this venture yet, much to Skodwarde's chagrin.

"Mr. Krabs, can't we just stick with the concept of this restaurant for once?" Skodwarde sighed.

"Have a roll, Mr. Skodwarde" Mr. Krabs said, shoving a bun in Skodwarde's mouth to shut him up.

A call comes in, requesting catering for a large children's birthday party at a mansion. Krabs happily takes them up on their bad decision.

The next day, it was time to deliver a cake that would give the patty cake song a new meaning. It was stuffed with cheese, kelp fries, and salad dressing as the frosting. When the Krusty Krew arrived, the mother of the birthday boy took one look at it and scoffed out:

"I thought this was a REAL bakery! This is the last time I rely on the public for catering advice!". 

Krabs, desperately trying to salvage the situation, sees Patrick at the party and wheels the cake over to him. "Here's your order, sir! You sure have a special palate". 

Krabs runs back to the lady and tells her that they have her cake back at the store and it's getting the finishing touches. She seems satisfied by this, but says he'll have to watch over her kid and the other guests until it arrives. Krabs yells at Skodwarde and Spongebob to produce a cake from thin air or face the consequences.

Skodwarde does just that with his God powers.....after they've already left the party. He tells Spongebob they are going to hold onto the new cake until Krabs learns a lesson. >:) 

Patrick has been put into slave labor in order to pay for his free cake, and is sending various kids into the sun with his balloon animals. RIP. No way a cartoon character could ever survive a vaguely doomed situation like that.

The birthday boy in particular (who is ignoring the demise of his friends I guess) only has one desire in life....

This goes on until Krabs has entirely gone deaf and can't hear the boy anymore. Krabs takes out his belt and swats the kid with it, like a real papa would. The kid is so touched by this parental gesture that he doesn't have Mr. Krabs arrested and patiently waits for his cake.

Skodwarde returns upset that Mr. Krabs has never spanked him like that and everyone left shares a slice of cake. The mother even invites Krabs back to babysit since she isn't home a lot. However, Krabs has a better idea. The Krusty Cakery will become a Krusty Daycare.

Skodwarde thinks that's a terrible idea for a reboot. Krabs tells him to suck it up and get through it anyways for loyalty to the franchise.

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Thx to jjs who co-wrote this

213b. Found & Lost!

One day, this episode starts off at the Krusty Krab yet a-fucking-again. What is the Krusty Krew up to this time, you may be wondering? Well, Skod is being a lazy fuck and sleeping on the job, because even he knows this show is running out of ideas and that the premise of this one ain’t too hot. Krabs is jerking off to money (again), and SpongeBob is cooking up some good shit when he suddenly hears an obnoxious crying child somewhere. A snobby little bitch ass kid is bitching and moaning that he lost his porn magazine, and boy his crying could give the kid from “Krusty Cakery” a run for his money. Skodwarde puts in his earplugs, but the kid keeps crying, annoying the crap out of every krustomer inside.

Krabs tells SpongeBob and Skodwarde to look for the kid’s porn magazine in the Krusty Krab’s “Found and Lost”...which exists now, I guess. Cool. The two are very annoyed, not just because of the kid or the fact this location is appearing for the first time (both good points), but also because of Krabs’ terrible backwards title. Suddenly, Skodwarde realizes one of his own porn magazines is missing! He deduces that the snotty boy stole his magazine, which in turn, he lost in the Found and Lost! Great detective skills Skod, those will come in handy next season. ( ;) ) But yeah, Skodwarde is pissed and about to smite the brat with his god powers, but alas, we at the Skodwarde staff do not condone child abuse, so he restrains himself. Skodwarde and SpongeBob venture into the great Found and Lost, taking a hidden path beneath the kitchen. They go into a large ass basement, where Krabs keeps some sex toys, porn, drugs, and some junk people have lost at the Krusty Krab over the years, but those aren’t important obviously. SpongeBob looks high and low for the porn magazine, while Skodwarde just decides to dick around on his Discord app (yay self-promotion). SpongeBob sees some interesting legendary treasures across the shelves, including: the Holy Grail, a Bible, a Quran, King Neptune’s Dildo, Gary’s Crack Ball, Patrick’s Secret Box, the Idiot Box, The Glass Wipe, a Goofy Goober costume, the Goofy Goober guitar, and the #1 beer drinking hat (damn, look at all these episode and movie callbacks).

SpongeBob then finds a cool magic snowglobe with a miniature Bikini Bottom town inside, and he shakes it. It causes an earthquake inside, likely killing the bottomites, but who gives a shit since it’s probably not real...or is it? He then says “Rosebud” and drops it, shattering the globe. Suddenly, some creepy weirdos come out of the shadows, who are a bunch of elderly people looking like sexual predators. They reveal they’ve been trapped in the Found and Lost for 69 years. Meanwhile, back upstairs, the kid keeps crying like a fuckin’ bitch, and Krabs can’t take it anymore. The Krusty Krab then begins to lose business, so Krabs also cries like a fuckin’ bitch. Back downstairs, the creepy old folk tell SpongeBob and Skodwarde they “love the young people”. :) Skodwarde then notices one of them holding his porn magazine. Skodwarde snatches it like a ninja, but this ends up pissing off the old folk. SpongeBob and Skodwarde get into a Scooby-Doo chase with them. Skodwarde, feeling, this episode has nothing else to offer, along with the fact he does not condone predators, decides to end the chase right here by killing one of the folk who is trying to make an advance on him with his godly smite. (!)

The gang stops chasing SpongeBob and Skodwarde, revealing that they aren’t really old folk or predators. They’re actually just actors who dick around in the Found and Lost for the lulz, and weren’t actually trapped there for 69 years. SpongeBob asks who Skodwarde killed then if they were actors, and the gang reveals that was an actual legit creep named Harvey Weinstein that lurks the area for any fresh young people. Skodwarde is proud he brought another Hollywood sicko down. He then takes a look at the recovered porn magazine and realizes it sucks, so he decides the kid can keep it. SpongeBob goes back upstairs and hands it to the kid, who is happy. But the kid says that the magazine is “boring” and wants a new one. Krabs and SpongeBob kick the brat the fuck out, truly giving justice today.

Skodwarde is still in the Found and Lost all alone, looking around for shit he can do. Skodwarde then sees Mr. K’s stash of drugs and hatches a genius idea. Skodwarde then decides to get hopped on Krabs’ drugs with the actors. He sees so many crazy things, and has one hell of a fine acid trip. Unfortunately, nobody will care about this because nobody cares about this episode! This episode will be lost in a lost and found (haha get it) somewhere in the future. See you next time, folks.

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214a. God Coupon

One day, Patrick wants to go to a porn store using a free coupon. Unfortunately, Skodwarde finds this plot to be extremely boring, stale and dead air, as if it Al Jean had taken over. Skodwarde then sees Scott riding home on his pedicab, and hears Scott saying how he "wishes he could be a god like Skod" (nope, no FOP coming for him here). Skodwarde is shocked to hear this, so he teleports outside right in front of Scott, who makes his pedicab come to a grinding halt. Skodwarde is curious as to why Scott wants to be a god, as this both peeps his curiosity and also lowkey pisses him off. Scott tells him he's sad he hasn't had his own focus episode in a while, and also would like to know what it's like to have god powers, just for one day. Skodwarde is intrigued by Scott's desire, and smelling a potentially fun plot, decides to use his god powers to create a God Coupon. He hands it to Scott, which will allow Scott to have Skod's god powers for 24 hours. 

Scott happily thanks Skodwarde, and uses the God Coupon to give him the powers. Scott uses his newfound god powers to do good things for society, such as: ending wars, giving homeless people homes and jobs, fixing the illegal immigration problem, and moar. But soon enough, Scott starts to let the god powers go to his head. He begins to take over Bikini Bottom, destroying several buildings and even making his own badass pimp castle. Skodwarde is furious by this, so he demands Scott put an end to this charade. The two proceed to have a godly battle, which is more intense than your average DBZ fight. After some senseless violence and a filler arc, the two are able to stop fighting and make amends. Scott realizes he abused his powers, and resigns the God Coupon. Scott becomes a normie again, as SpongeBob and Patrick are happy he's back to normal. He takes SpongeBob, Patrick and Skodwarde on a pedicab ride through town, as the four enjoy it. And yes, Patrick did get to go to the porn store and get something nice with his own free coupon. As you can tell, this was probably a lot more interesting than the actual episode. All's well that ends well, folks. 

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215a. [redacted] Friends

Our episode kicks off with our good friend, Patchy the Butt Pirate, and his parrot, Latrine, apparently rowing themselves to Bikini Atoll all the way from Encino, California. He should really think about entering the Olympics. He gives us all a friendly reminder why he's looked so down upon on this show. Toilet is harassing the local kids, which Patchy, of all people, gets after him/her for. Can can't help it because he/she is a redacted. Patchy goes on a very enlightening speech condemning his/her's redacted actions before taking out a comically large spyglass, that took up most of this episode's budget, in order to, ya know, spy on the Skodwarde cast and jerk off to them.

Our real episode begins in what seems to be Jellyfish Fields minus the jellyfish, where the entire main cast are gathered around for Sandy's birfday. And if you remember from Salsa Fillercus, the main cast now includes everyone except Plankton (but for the sake of sanity, lets just focus on the main main cast of Hunka Hunka Larry, Skodwarde, SpongeBob, Patrick, Puff Mama, Mr. Krabs, his darling daughter Pole, Scott and Bubble Bath at this point). Skodwarde is contractually obligated to attend, so don't wrack your mind too much around how out of character this is for him. Pathulu eats the entire birfday cake...then eats a knuckle sandwich from Sandy for being such a fat fucking bastard. SpongeBob assures everyone that he made a spare one just in case Patrick decided to be a fat fucking bastard today. Skodwarde asks if there's nuts in it, informing everyone that he's allergic to nuts. SpongeBob quells his fears by declaring that it is indeedly nut-free, unless he means testicles. Skodwarde laughs off that notion before somberly looking down at the surgical scars where his testicles had once been and using his god powers to shove his plate off to the side. He then leaves to have a moment with his thongs.

Now I know what you all must be thinking; if he had no nuts this whole time, then where did all the jizz come from when he would jizz himself? Well, I'll leave that to the conspiracy theorists.

Sandy couldn't ask for a better cast of critters to be in a spinoff with (except maybe The Squirrelly Adventures of Sandy Cheeks). It's really starting to feel like Tex-Ass all up in here. Krabs and Puff Mama are shown to be just milking Krusty Lust nostalgics and Kruff shippers everywhere while Hunka Hunka Larry, Scott and Bubble Bath are doing the things that make them such endearing characters. Pole's just there doing pole things. We should probably overhaul the cast billings for the eleventh season.

Meanwhile, Patchy is still up there, jerking, when he spots what he believes to be a murder taking place in the next field over, so he and Outhouse have themselves a Disturbia-inspired adventure, but hopefully they die.

Back at the party, a cosmic turn of events happens when a pasty ass-like object emerges from the confines of a nearby undersea volcano and it floats through the sky like some Majora's Mask shit. Everybody but Sandy are immediately attracted towards it, Krabs even dumping Puff Mama right then and there once it catches his attention. The moon's light shines down on the party and it begins to have a strange effect. What could it do? Turn everybody into gods? Nah, we've had enough of that plot point in God Coupon and other episodes I'm sure. The partygoers caught in the moonlight suddenly start redacting on kids, eventually spreading over to the main main cast. Sandy is unaffected by it tho. Sandy watches in horror as the main main cast do unspeakable redacted things. Skodwarde returns, having made peace with his nut problem, and Sandy immediately shudders at the thought of what a redacted with god powers might do. She desperately tries to shield Skodwarde from the moon's light, but her efforts are in vain when Skodwarde stops giving a fuck and he casually leaves her designated shaded area.

Now officially redacted, Skodwarde uses his god powers to shut down the whole show and proceeds to literally hold it hostage. Having just celebrated Sandy's birfday, everyone decides that she's much too old for them and they leave her be. In dire straits, Sandy butt dials the one character who can prove to be even higher than a god. The French Narrator (who is totally not the Cyclops from the Skodwarde Movie btw) answers her call, high as a kite and wondering if he's hallucinating any of this because a talking squirrel is just too weeeeeiiiiird. He realizes that he's talking to Sandy Cheeks when she reminds him of that romantic evening they spent together in Monaco. Frenchy offers her anything he can to help her current situation. Sandy wants to know just what the fuck is up with that floating Ron Weasley looking freckle pale ass in the sky. Disappointed, Frenchy puts the engagement ring away and informs Sandy that what she's witnessing is Steven's Moon. The emergence of Steven's Moon is a terrible event that happens out of nowhere and it causes anything that gets bathed in its light to devolve into a predatory, pedophilic and psychopathic state. He theorizes that Sandy's air suit must double as plot armor, which saved her back in Salsa Fillercus and is what's saving her from exposure to Steven's Moon. Sandy asks if there's anything she can do to put a stop to it, but Frenchy informs her that her best option is to just wait it out. She asks how long, to which he replies, "maybe about a weekend." With no other choice, Sandy takes the characters that matter to her the most and keeps them safe at her Tree Dome.

With The Jackoff Crew, the two salesman who tried to sell SpongeBob sex in "Jellyfish Holocaust (ok, they weren't actually in that, but if i could write that ep again, I'd fix that mistake in a heartbeat), Heart Man and the sexual deviant who is Skodwarde's version of The Con Man in "Sexual Chocolate With These Nuts" all safe and sound in her Tree Dome, Sandy proceeds to wait it out. Two days pass and the events of Steven's Moon is on the verge of finally being put behind her. However, Skodwarde lays siege to the tree dome and slaps her in the face with a message as to why he decided to take down the show in the first place, citing her "immature and wily reactions to these events fc20d7ba75499df5113b2b3f94b87730.jpg " as the second main reason behind saving his own foreskin, of course. 

This gives an opening for the rest of the main main cast to storm in, as well. Patrick is posing as a pediatrician going by the trustworthy name of Mr. Dr. Professor Patrick, Puff Mama is teaching a high school English class now, Scott is working as a Scuber driver now and is using the job to get kids where he wants them, Krabs is doing sinister callbacks to Krabby Land while threatening to cut her with his claws, Bubble Bath has already gone through the trouble of doxxing her, SpongeBob has just found out what sex is and is writing creepy fanfics about it and I can't come up with anything clever for Pole. She's lying about being in jail when she's really partying with friends, I guess. Skodwarde proceeds to use his god powers to forcibly remove Sandy's plot armor. With more terrible acts happening than she can handle, Sandy butt dials Frenchy again. Frenchy narrates that Sandy has the power within her to stop all of this. Sandy has an epiphany, and in a moment of clarity, remembers that she too has god powers! Having had trouble tapping into her god powers before, Sandy digs deep inside herself to fully tap in to all that power. The skies darken and the weather takes a crazy turn for the worse as Sandy once again ascends to become Hurricane Sandy. Using her hurricane force winds, she has her god powers shift the clouds in order to redact Steven's Moon, thus shielding Bikini Bottom from its evil and returning everyone back to normal. Goddamn, I just realized she is using her god powers in a way that matches her gimmick.

Sandy keeps the storm up until Steven's Moon finally gets drowned out and thrown into real butt-pounding jail. Sandy descends back to her mortal form and is pleased to see that everyone is back to what is considered to be normal in the Skodwarde universe. Her celebration is cut short when a red pill emerges from the very same undersea volcano now and it too ascends into the sky. Everyone doesn't swallow it. Everyone except for Sandy, that is. And doing so causes her to devolve into a teenaged Fortnite fangirl who's way into edgy things and fantasizes about some white Lunchable-loving dude who's older than her and she's never even met. Frenchy tries to propose to Sandy once again, but back pedals tf away from ever wanting to do that again.

And thus, our episode ends with Patchy and Commode not dead yet, and being hailed as heroes for their Disturbia-inspired exploits. The French Narrator jumpscares the shit out of Patchy in order to prepare him for the bigger jumpscare that is to come, Luke's Document.  The French Narrator leaves them to their fate as the red pill rises out of the ocean shoves itself down their throats. Patchy transforms into a Puerto Rican that's dedicated to forum activity and doing strange things with fish, while Potty turns into an even more callous Sonic fan who orgasms at the very thought of the Skodified version of Ink Lemonade being posted soon.

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213a. Skod-away

One day, SpongeBob and Mrs. Puff are driving around in a graveyard because why the fuck not. SpongeBob continues to pay Mrs. Puff to teach him how to do something he's clearly not well-equipped to do so they might as well shake it up every now and then. Despite that, Mrs. Puff gets bored, anyway, so she decides to take them to the only remaining payphone on the planet to call a replacement instructor. That payphone turns out to be right outside the Bikini Bottom Jail, and right after Mrs. Puff goes into the booth, Skodwarde jumps over the wall that's around the prison and into SpongeBob's car. SpongeBob is surprised to find Skodwarde, who has spent the last several months imprisoned for theft, murder, and basically every sex crime imaginable, in his car, and Skodwarde is surprised to find SpongeBob waiting outside instead of his getaway driver, but with the prison alarms blaring, he gets impatient and tells SpongeBob to floor it. They drive away, and Mrs. Puff, who is just coming out of the phone booth, panics when she sees the tire tracks where SpongeBob once was. Skodwarde's getaway driver, Asshole Dan, pulls up in front of the prison a few moments later, and Mrs. Puff jumps into the car with him, telling him to follow SpongeBob and Skodwarde, which Dan happily does due to Skodwarde owing him money.

Police cars start tailing SpongeBob and Skodwarde, so Skodwarde tells SpongeBob to drive even more like a madman than usual. SpongeBob does this, causing millions of dollars of propety damage and killing hundreds of civilians, but they do eventually lose the cops, to Skodwarde's relief. As Dan and Mrs. Puff survey the damage SpongeBob has done, Mrs. Puff feels that she's failed as a teacher, and Dan tries to cheer her up by telling her that if she was his teacher, he'd wanna bang her. They fuck in the backseat of the car after that, of course, and we return to SpongeBob and Skodwarde, who are now in front of a store in the middle of nowhere. SpongeBob and Skodwarde walk into the store, and Skodwarde immediately blurts out, "Any porn in the store?" There is no porn in the store, so Skodwarde buys one of the fitness magazines on display in the hopes that there will be some pages of half-naked fish in there for him to jerk off to later that night.

After Dan and Mrs. Puff are done with their crash course in sex ed, they continue looking for SpongeBob and Skodwarde, and they manage to find the two before the hordes of policemen specifically trained to catch criminals because that's the power of love or some shit I don't know. Dan honks his horn, and Skodwarde thinks it's the po-po behind him, so he orders SpongeBob to speed up. SpongeBob does that, speeding right off a cliff that conveniently drops them right in front of the Bikini Bottom Jail again, just in time for the police cars that should have been all over the city looking for them to surround them, the police chief ecstatic that his strategy of doing nothing and waiting for the criminals to come to them while they ate donuts and masturbated finally worked. The police brought Skodwarde back into the prison and confiscated SpongeBob's car due to it being connected to a crime and due to the policemen being assholes.

Speaking of assholes, let's check in with Asshole Dan and Mrs. Puff again. Oh, they're fucking in the backseat of their car again. Let's check in with Skodwarde. Well, what do you know? He was able to smuggle the magazine into his prison cell and he was able to find a half-naked fish in it! I'm sure he'll have fun with that. Let's check in with SpongeBob. He's walking 15 miles to his house because he doesn't have a car anymore. I'd feel sorry for him if I gave a shit. Episode over. Do something else with your lives.

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210a. Death Insurance

One morning, Gary kicks Spongebob out of his bed because he is having a lady snail over to have sexual relations with. Spongebob drags his ass downstairs and turns on the tube. Infomercials are playing, which is a relief for Spongebob since at least it's not daytime television. A short desperate looking fish appears on the screen, peddling life insurance. It ensures the buyer that their life is in his hands (exact wording). Spongebob, who is not sure what diseases are spreading on his bed sheet, signs a contract for it through his TV (which should be the first sign it's a magical scam). Spongebob realizes how moldy Patrick's rock is, so he takes one out for Patrick too to prevent airborne pathogens. Patrick, who has presumably been waiting next to Spongebob's mailbox all night like a creep, knocks on the door. Spongebob, knowing he's protected from rapists, answers it in his underwear. Patrick finds this level of confidence extremely hot. Spongebob explains Patrick can now have that confidence too.

Skodwarde is busy making duck lips in his mirror, either getting ready to illegally breed seahorses or do a porn shoot. Before he can get to the former, which sounds more original, he hears Spongebob and Patrick throwing bombs at each other. Not one to miss a bomb fight, he gets inbetween them and asks why he wasn't invited. Spongebob and Patrick tell him they would have if he had life insurance. They also think his godly hair is a sea spider, prompting Skodwarde to set the dumbasses straight and use his god powers to have a bunch of real sea spiders drop onto them so they can tell the difference. Unfortunately, the spiders are super fucking venomous and bite Spongebob and Patrick, giving them 30 minutes to live.

The Grim Reaper shows up laughing, revealing it was he that had made the infomercial, as a way to tempt suckers into getting themselves killed faster. He thanks Skodwarde for the help, as he was going to offer Spongebob and Patrick a death obstacle course called the Sushi Maker to play on instead. Skodwarde is nobody's pawn and doesn't want the Reaper to share credit in the demise of Spongebob/Patrick, so he makes a bet with the Reaper. If Skodwarde can complete the Sushi Maker without dying, he'll cure Spongebob and Patrick and move onto some other saps. The Reaper agrees, hoping to get a 3 for 1 deal on souls.

Skodwarde thinks it will be a cinch to win, until the Reaper points out that the Sushi Maker is god-proof. Skodwarde is actually not invincible. But it's too late, Skodwarde has already jumped! Underwater lava, springs, a conveyor belt of spikes, a coral wheel, and a hard bell all bring Skodwarde to his last breathe. The Reaper stands over him triumphant. Is this the end for Skodwarde? No wait, could it be....

"DRIVING'S HARD!". A fish with about as much as prowess at driving as MDPP (sober or drunk) swerves in and runs over the Grim Reaper. Skodwarde uses his last ounce of strength to grab the fallen scythe and zap his strength back. He then zaps the poison out of Spongebob and Patrick. He grabs their contracts and shoves them up the Reaper's ass, before transporting the Grim Reaper away into a daytime talk show with JCM in a cameo as the host.

Epilogue: Spongebob goes home to find a litter of baby snails have overtaken his house, Patrick discovers his passion for being a mailman, Skodwarde goes to his underground seahorse fighting match, and Hayden and jjsthekid become responsible citizens with driver's licenses' whilst MDPP's license is permanently suspended.

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215b. Don't Save Patrick

*the events of Don't Wake Patrick canonically play out, good night everybody and RIP Spongebob*

French Narrator: Wait, what's this? We have a viewer besides whoever is reading this thread not quite as satisfied.....

Skodwarde pondered what he had just spied on his neighbors doing. Whenever he couldn't sleep, he would check out sketchy and unusual night-time behavior in Bikini Bottom on GodTube. It almost always lulled him right to sleep, but something about this result was picking at him. He had seen almost the whole town tormented, but that pink idiot always sidestepped the abuse. It was like the universe was playing favorites. Skodwarde decided tonight would be the night that changed that. He uses his god remote to rewind 7 minutes into the past, and before Patrick can make it to Spongebob's house, Skodwarde goes outside and turns Patrick away, so that Spongebob won't interfere with Patrick's fatal night on the town.

Patrick is hit by multiple cars, is traced down and arrested the next day for breaking into a married couple's home, eats a pot of chum and develops massive heart burn, and goes on a Glove World ride called the cock breaker (starfish cocks take extra long to grow back too). 

Skodwarde sleeps like a baby, knowing that now all is right with the world.

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Welp, here we go. The final season of Skodwarde, Season 11, officially begins now! (even though two Season 10 episodes aren't out but ssh, we'll deal with that later)

216a. Cave Dwelling Skod

One day, Skodwarde is at his house, thinking and pondering to himself of how to start the season premiere for his final season. So he decides to start it off with one of the most mundane things possible: he goes for a walk! Yup, that's how we're starting off the final season, really amazing, eh? But not to worry. During Skodwarde's mundane walk, SpongeBob and Patrick also decide to go for a mundane walk. Skodwarde tries to get the fuck away from them, as he goes running like Usain Bolt (oh yeah that joke's back I guess) into some creepy forest. SpongeBob and Patrick also follow him, as the three stumble upon an old, abandoned cave! The Three Stooges decide to explore around the cave, as Patrick gets his tongue stuck on some ice like a dumbass. Skodwarde laughs at him, as SpongeBob then melts the ice with some convenient hot chocolate (which SpongeBob took with him for a walk for some reason), freeing Patrick's tongue. However, inside of the ice is a caveman version of Skodwarde! Skodwarde looks at this curiously, wondering if this means we're about to get some LORE (damn son). Indeed, it turns out this is a piece of Skodwarde lore! The Three Stooges have stumbled upon one of Skodwarde's ancient ancestors, who was a caveman god that got frozen in ice for like a billion years like Aang. And that's all the lore you're getting! The caveman Skodwarde thaws out of the melting ice, as he looks around at the setting curiously, making incomprehensible caveman grunting noises. Skodwarde is most pleased by this discovery, as he decides he'll try to train this caveman Skod into becoming his perfect apprentice. SpongeBob and Patrick decide to name him "Skoddy Skoddy", excited to meet their new friend.

However, Skodwarde doesn't want them tainting his apprentice, so he teleports himself and Skoddy Skoddy out of there, telling both to fuck off. In a subversion of expectations, SpongeBob and Patrick go back to mundane walking, meaning they have politely fucked off from this episode unlike the one it is based on (damn, originality?). Skodwarde decides to show Skoddy Skoddy what he's been missing in life, trying to get him adjusted to modern society. He shows him around town, as Skoddy Skoddy curiously looks at the people in wonder. He then pulls out his godly club and begins to beat a random civilian to a pulp. Skodwarde is excited by this needless violence and tells him to keep pounding harder, as he records this and laughs. Before Skoddy Skoddy can deliver the final blow, he then gets distracted by a boatmobile passing by. Skoddy Skoddy hijacks the boat GTA style, dragging the driver out. Skoddy Skoddy goes on a wild rampage, barely controlling the boat, as he causes lots of death and chaos throughout the city, while Skodwarde records this on camera, pleased with his apprentice. After lots of road rage, Skodwarde meets back up with Skoddy Skoddy and decides to show him beer. Skodwarde cracks open the can of beer, sharing it with Skoddy Skoddy, as he loves it. The two then go "Yup" like Hank Hill and his pals would after sipping beer. The two decide to get into  more nautical nonsense together, causing lots of mayhem throughout Bikini Bottom. Skodwarde truly is enjoying his new apprentice...no, not just apprentice, a friend.

However, Skoddy Skoddy begins to mimic exactly what Skodwarde is doing perhaps too much. Skoddy Skoddy becomes Skodwarde so much that people start to mistake him for Skodwarde, as the police begin to hunt him down. While Skodwarde is busy reading Mein Kampf for the who knows how manyth time, Skoddy Skoddy robs a bank and makes a break for it. The God of Supremacy Orange Cop then arrives at the scene of the crime, seeing Skodwarde is the only one standing there outside the broken bank. Skodwarde insists he wasn't the robber, but the GOSOC tells him to cut the bullshit, since he's the only Skod that could've done it, and he knows he's been on a rampage all day. Skodwarde tries to tell him that it's a caveman Skod doing it, but the GOSOC thinks he's stoned and doesn't believe him. The GOSOC then puts Skodwarde in magic handcuffs that cripple his god powers, much to his surprise. Skodwarde is then thrown in jail with several creepy prisoners, as he hopes he can find a way out before he "drops the doubloons" in the shower. Meanwhile at the Krusty Krab, Mr. Krabs realizes he needs a new cashier! So he puts Patrick in charge, and as you expect, he does a terrible job. Moving on to something more interesting, Skoddy Skoddy breaks into the prison and beats up some guards with his godly club, freeing Skodwarde. Skodwarde is happy that his apprentice came back for him, as the two share a brotherly hug. However, the police try to shoot the crap out of Skoddy Skoddy, so he runs for it. Skodwarde chases after him, as he sees Perch Perkins outside the prison. He tells the readers that Skodwarde was not the insane criminal today, but it was an ancient caveman pretending to be Skodwarde. He also reports that Skoddy Skoddy has been spotted causing a ruckus at Drug Funnie's Dank Doughnuts. Skodwarde thanks Perch for the information, so he uses his god powers to speed up the episode and teleport both of them outside. Skoddy Skoddy is on top of Drug Funnie's, ripping up the roof in a rage, as the customers flee. Skodwarde tries to reason with Skoddy Skoddy, realizing he's scared because there's no other god like him to talk to (although there is technically Skolliam but he's not related to Skoddy Skoddy so shh). SpongeBob, Patrick and Mr. Krabs also show up outside because we need a whole episode cast gathering, and Mr. Krabs yells at Skodwarde, telling him that he better get back to work or Krabs will send him back to jail. Skodwarde gives a heartfelt speech to Skoddy Skoddy that resolves the whole conflict, telling him that he needs to calm down and all that and insert inspirational movie quotes here. Skoddy Skoddy then comes to his senses and comes down, as the crowd cheers. Perch Perkins narrates to the audience that Skoddy Skoddy has turned over a new leaf, but is still wanted by the police. Skoddy Skoddy hits Perch Perkins in the head with his godly club, as he falls to the ground and tells everyone he may have a concussion, but nobody gives a shit.

Mr. Krabs is surprised this conflict wasn't resolved with more violence or innuendos, and Skodwarde is surprised by that too. Unfortunately, Skodwarde also accepts that Skoddy Skoddy has long overstayed his welcome and it's time for him to end (oh the irony). He realizes that Skoddy Skoddy is too unstable and strange to be his apprentice. He tells Skoddy Skoddy that his ancient ways are too outdated in modern society, and he's also too damn old. But he also tells him there's a better place he can be, away from the rest of society. Skodwarde he gives him tickets to a spot where he can peacefully live in paradise forever. Skodwarde bids farewell to Skoddy Skoddy, hoping he has a great new life. Skoddy Skoddy is then seen living out a nice luxurious life in the Bahamas, as he dances on a beach and this blasts in the background:



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216b. The Clam Kings

One day, it’s really boring in Bikini Bottom. There is absolutely nothing interesting going on, not even any clever sex or drug jokes. That’s how boring it is. Skodwarde ponders of something interesting to do, while coming to the grim realization once again that this is his last season, and he really needs to do something to garner interest. He then sees a clam fly by in the nice, beautiful sky. This gives Skodwarde a brilliant idea: control the incoming flock of clams and have them cause chaos in Bikini Bottom for the lulz. Both Skodwarde himself and the show’s staff know we don’t really have a better idea for this episode, so sure, why not? Skodwarde uses his god powers to gain control of the incoming clam horde. All of the clams soon fall under his control, even the wild man eating clam in his backyard! Skodwarde sits back and laugh as the clams fuck around throughout Bikini Bottom.

Meanwhile, Skolliam exits his fancy house and gets shit on by a clam overhead, making him furious. Skolliam sees the clams invading the city, making him wish he could command these clams to do his bidding. He then realizes he can, so he uses his own god powers to control some of them. Skolliam begins to command some of his own clams, causing his own seeds of chaos throughout the city. Skolliam laughs at this, as he has not had the joys of his own god shenanigans in a long time. However, Skolliam realizes that some of the clams are attacking his clams, and come to the conclusion that Skodwarde is controlling the other half. Of course, this means war, so Skolliam makes his clam army attack Skodwarde’s, causing even moar chaos. Skolliam then makes his clams grab him and fly him to wherever Skodwarde is now, prepared to confront him.

Meanwhile, SpongeBob and Patrick are also dealing with the rabid clams, trying to calm them down. The two eventually decide to try to raise some of them...oh wait, we’ve done that plot before quite a few times. Uh...how about they become clam whisperers? Yeah, sure, let’s do that. Patrick falls asleep in some drool or whatever and clocks out of the episode, leaving SpongeBob all alone. SpongeBob has some whacky hijinks with trying to raise the clams, making them become civilized members of society, getting them their masters degrees, and also get successful jobs. This goes on while Skodwarde and Skolliam’s clam forces continue to stir the pot and make a shitstorm in Bikini Bottom.

Skolliam confronts Skodwarde, who tells him he will be the Clam King and make the clams his bitches. The two decide to have a pissing contest with their god powers, but while they were doing their contest, they suddenly realize all of their clams are gone. It turns out SpongeBob successfully converted all the clams away from their Skod/Skolliam religions, as they have now gone upon their own independent lives (so I guess this ep was a metaphor for religion, sure, why not). The clams are all seen back in the wilds, living blissful life with the animals of nature. Mystery (from My Pretty Sea Whore) also makes a cameo in the wilderness, who is living there because she’s fallen on hard times, oops. Patrick wakes up in a puddle of drool, wondering if he missed anything of importance while he was passed out, and they all tell him "not really". However, Skolliam tells Skodwarde that this is not over, and that he will best him someday...possible ominous foreshadowing.


Edited by jjsthekid
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217a. Prick Returns (feat Dr. Dre & Snoop)

It’s been over two years since Plankton remembered he had a detached penis named (Cum) Spot. The reasons besides the fact that the staff just didn’t give a fuck to continue on his infamous legacy, was that Sheldon Jamestown Plankton was forced to put his beloved cock on a sex offender list after (Cum) Spot was caught floating in a children’s public pool like a stool. Below is real footage of the pure pain (Cum) Spot had to endure during his two long years of jailtime and heartache.



The author then remembered something about the plot. Plankton was visiting his beloved (Cum) Spot in jail cell number sixty..........eight. The owner slipped (Cum) Spot a cherry pie bomb in order for him to bust the cell wide open. But being literally just detached genitalia, he wasn’t able to escape the cell at all. Plankton’s dumb ass watched in horror as it exploded into a million pieces. But then! Plankton realized, (Cum) Spot was now thousands of little dicks! Over enjoyed he then did the most logical thing next. He took them all to the dog pound to be put to sleep, because fuck all that hard work. He could could barely keep his ass watching one of his dicks without it mayhem happening. He wasn’t about to let his dick forum member uh detached dick, get into trouble with the law again. 

After a humorous visual gag of Plankton carrying all 1,000,0000 little penises across Bikini Bottom and old ladies fainting or arousal they thought they no longer had, they arrived finally to the Bikini Bottom Pet Clinic. 

“999,999 highest doses of letal injections for my pets please!” 

“AY Snoop, what do we got here? It’s an all you can eat lima bean buffet.” 

“No it ain’t Dre. Fuck this shizzle. Green speck, I suggest put yo dick back in your microscopic pants because short stuff there ain’t no bitches in this pound who want it.” 




“Yo Snoop, I ain’t even on this track. What you fuckin’ pullin, man.”

Plankton couldn’t believe it.. Dialogue in the middle of a usual no-dialogue styled writing?! This was too much for him. He decided to just take all the dicks and leave but.

“Bitch I SAID put them poor dicks down before I bust one in yo ass.” 

“Listen to Dre, his last hit was I Need a Doctor, so he needs all the screen time he can get after that massive bomb.”

Plankton was gonna have none of this dialogue drama. But he couldn’t leave either. The author barely remembered the episode’s source material nor did she know how to end it. That is until.. 

“I’ll take all yo dicks. Courtesy of the East Side.”



Plankton was in awe! His favorite east coast late 90’s rapper! He could finally tell his conspiracist chum Kenny the Cat down at the Bag ‘N Mart that Biggie, 2-Pac and any other hip-hop references Cha can shove down this sentence others still existed. Biggie and his 999,999 Plankton penises then lived happily ever after on a golden yacht. But to this day, you can still find the original (Cum) Spot, usually hanging out in childrens pools and ladies hot houses. The End .

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212b. Passion of the Skod III: Quantum War - Under My Wing? (feat. Kanye West, Andy Sandberg, Justin Timberlake, & The Fucking President)
(Alternatively, Bikini Nine-Nine, or Breaking Pat, or Skodwarde 2016: Rise of the Wall or The Last Fist Bump or R.I.P Chowder)

As always, it was a normal day in Bikini Bottom.  (Cum) Spot was chilling in a hot lady’s house. Skodwarde was playing cards with Moar Krabs and Pathulu. All the undersea residents were living life, doing loud, hyper-exaggerated cartoony bullshit, screaming for no reason, as you would expect from a Season 11 episode. But Skodwarde couldn’t shake the feeling there was something wrong. Big Booty Beluga Whales 16 was playing in the background, but it wasn’t as nasty as the previous editions. The fish weren’t being as loud and annoying as they possibly could’ve been. Something was off. Then, it hit him.

Season 10 wasn’t finished. Something (probably some black kid) was fucking holding up the completion of the entrance to the cartoony bullshit era. And it had been almost an entire fuckin’ year.

Skodwarde uses his God Powers to return to the past and add one last segment to that mediocre season of animated television, so the transition can finally be complete. He arrives in the past, at roughly segment 212b, and peers into Patrick’s house, curious to see what his annoying bitch neighbors get up to when an episode isn’t happening. He sees SpongeBob and Patrick holding hands and walking to Patrick’s bedroom.

They made their way to the bedroom and sat on the bed, completely made of sand. Patrick stroked Spongebob’s face.

“SpongeBob, I want you to know you don’t have to do this,” Patrick said. SpongeBob placed his hand on Patrick’s and stared at him longingly.

“I’m ready.”

Skodwarde turns around and vomits blood before realizing he has to make some shit happen in the plot before these two have the most tame and vanilla sex of all time. However, he’s running out of ideas (time travel really be takin’ a lot out of you. Quantum physics and shit like that) so he gives up on trying to create something cohesive and just builds a giant sex arena in the backyard and throws a box of dildos at Patrick’s rock.

Sponge and Pat come out and ask what the fuck’s going on. Skodwarde replies that he’s built a giant sex arena and they have to use the mysterious box of dildos to create some new sexual activity or some shit. When they ask why, Skod just shrugs.

“It’s Season 11 10. Shit just kinda happens.”

Then Sandy literally just fucking appears out of thin air for no reason. Yeah, I don’t know. They all walk to the arena. But all the while, someone is watching them. Someone that likes sports. Someone white.

So they’re all in the arena, performing all sorts of unspeakable sexual shit on each other. Skodwarde is officiating the event with... I don’t know, post-Twitter rant Kanye West (is it really a Nuggets episode without a rapper cameo? haha #drake #youarehidingachild), and is enjoying the depraved shit going on, and pushes it further. However, once Sandy sees SpongeBob attempt to penetrate Patrick with a pineapple made from concrete, she realizes that the game is nothing but a ploy for Skodwarde to watch SpongeBob and Patrick hurt themselves! Through sex. ? She begins to tell Skodwarde off, but just then, he arrives.

SBC’s very own Trophy.

It’s taken him years, and all of his strength and brainpower, but he’s done it. Through the best possible technology available to humans, Trophy has genetically engineered his body to be able to breathe and speak underwater, replacing his lungs with electronic water filters, and his entire body with robotics. He’s got on a jersey for some sports team. His fuckin legs have hydraulics and shit. It’s kinda badass.

But none of the Skod crew know who the fuck he is. Trophy announces that he’s someone who really fucking hates what’s happened in the last 11 minutes and has made it his mission to destroy Sportz? from existence.

“What’s Sportz?” Sandy asks, in her insufferable hillbilly hick bitch voice.

“Sportz is the scum of the earth, you fucking slutbag,” Trophy sneers. Sandy blushes at such a compliment.

“You’re all part of a juvenile dirty retelling of SpongeBob episodes. But I’m here to make sure this one never happens, one way or another. Because it’s terrible. How does it feel to be aware of your own fictional existence?”

“lmao is this fuckin chowder now” Skodwarde laughs. R.I.P Chowder by the way. Anyway, so Skod asks Trophy how he plans to stop this episode from ever existing, and Trophy replies that he’s become a God, much like Skodwarde, through ancient mystical means unbeknownst to anyone else (he actually applied on Gods.com, a site where you just send in an application, and boom, you’re a God! But they don’t know that) and is now the God of Time. And with a snap of his fingers, he can erase this moment in time and replace it with any other episode that Nuggets has promised was coming and then never write.

Everyone gasps, and Trophy grins and snaps his fingers, erasing this moment from time forever, replacing it with something else. Everything starts to go white.

“Hey y’all? I don’t feel so good...” Sandy mutters. Patrick slaps her in the face and tells her to shut the fuck up.

PSA: we respect women here at Skodwarde. Just not Sandy. Fuck Sandy.

And then, everything vanishes.
174c. Breaking Pat


Skodwarde wakes up. He notices that things feel distinctly mediocre, but compared to the horrendous times directly preceding this mediocrity, they feel great in comparison. Then, Skod realizes.

He’s back in Season 8. And he’s in an RV with a LOT of chemical equipment. Just to be sure, he looks out the window and sees the Krusty Krab in the distance - now it’s confirmed. Definitely Season 8.

Suddenly, Patrick rushes in with acclaimed underwater West Coast rapper Snoop SeaD-O-Double G, a whole bag of meth, and the bloody body of a fish.

“Skodwarde?? Thank Neptune you’re here!” Patrick yells.

“What’s up, nizzle?” Snoop says.

Skodwarde asks what the fuck is happening. Patrick tells Skodwarde that this is Breaking Pat, the long-awaited follow-up to the Nuggets-penned classic, Skeets! Now he and Snoop are selling meth, but it’s gone south, and they need Skod’s God powers to help. Skodwarde starts helping them with the body, then drops it and questions why he’s been dropped back into Season 8. Snoop Dogg frowns.

“Aw, damn it, my nizzle. You figured it out. Fo shizzle."

Snoop reaches up and pulls down on his face, revealing it to be a mask, with Trophy underneath. Skodwarde and Patrick gasp.

“Trophy? But it was such a good impression!”

Trophy grimaces and snaps his fingers again. Everything goes white.
191c. The Rise of a Wall - Skodwarde 2016

Skodwarde wakes up. He’s in the Oval Office, and Donald Trump is sitting next to him, smiling, waving at the paparazzi and reporters with cameras in front of his desk. Things feel light, loose, and genuinely consistently funny for the first time in more than 8 years.

Skodwarde’s back in Season 9B.

And at the White House. He turns to Trump.

“Yo Orange Bitchass. What’s going on?”

“Hello Mr. Skodwarde the God. We won the election by a horrendous depressing landslide due to a lapse in judgement from the American public, and now we’re just doing a little press before we get back to the job. But it’s us who’s doing most of the work, right?  Not the immigrants!” Trump laughs and grins at the cameras. Skodwarde just kind of stares off into the distance, bewildered. Trump elbows him in the ribs.

“You better look alive for these cameras, Little God,” Trump whispers angrily. “This is the long-awaited follow-up to the Nuggets-penned classic, Skod Plus One (Dick)! Even Roger Ebert’s ghost is here!”

“Ok what the FUCK is going on right now.” Skod asks. The paparazzi gasps. One journalist raises his hand.

“Sir, if Skodwarde comes from the ocean, isn’t he technically an immigrant?” Trump starts stuttering.

“Well, uh…. You see… Uhhhh. Y’know what? Fuck you. And fuck Jim Acosta.” Trump groans and pulls his face off. It’s Trophy. The paparazzi gasps again.

“This is really not going the way I wanted it to,” he sighs, snapping again. Everything goes white.
199c. Bikini Nine-Nine!

Skodwarde wakes up, again. It’s still Season 9B. But the good times are almost over. Now Skodwarde’s in a police station in a police uniform. Mr. Krabs and Andy Samberg walk in.

“Hello boys-”

“HI I’M ANDY!” Andy interrupts. Mr. Krabs glares.

“Alright. Today here at the… Krusty… Police Station. We’re arresting this guy for tax fraud!”

Justin Timberlake walks in in handcuffs. He looks at Skodwarde and glares. Skodwarde waves.

“That’s right boys, this is a two-for-one special! The long-awaited follow up to TWO Nuggets-penned classics, Hello Justin Timberlake and Thots! So now-”

Skodwarde groans.


Andy Samberg sighs and pulls off his face. It’s Trophy.


“Take me home.”

Trophy snaps. Everything gets white (like cum hahaha xD).


Skodwarde wakes up, back with everyone in the sex arena. Trophy sits in the bleachers, doing a bunch of math equations and shit. Skodwarde floats to him over the cum-stained arena full of dildos (and you already know that shit smell terrible) and Trophy looks up. 

"I'm sorry Skod. I have to destroy it. It's terrible. Truly the worst." Skodwarde raises a tentacle and summons his God powers. 

"The thing about that, Trophy, is this." Trophy looks up hopefully. 

"It’s really not that fuckin bad lmao." Trophy screams, but then Skodwarde uses his powers to send him rushing up to the shore, where he'll hopefully see a surgeon to return his robot body back to normal. Feeling the overlong runtime of yet another Skodwarde episode that has barely anything to do with the episode it's parodying start to come to an end, Skodwarde turned to the arena. 

SpongeBob was shoving as many dildos as possible into his pores. Patrick was nervously petting a Whirly Dick , and good ol' Sandy was strapped to the bed as a gang of six big, muscular, black fish approached with KY jelly. And in the distance, loud, overdrawn, hyper-exaggerated cartoony bullshit could be faintly heard. Skodwarde looked upon this, and saw it was good. 

All was slutty, and all was well.   




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Another 4 years have passed, and thus I return!

214b. Out of Filter

It was another listless day at the Krusty Krab as SpongeBob was busy paying for microtransactions on “Clash of Skode” and Mr. Krabs was orgasiming to his first dollar again. In the loneliest corner of the restaurant, Skodwarde was selling off framed copies of his dick pics, but no one was initially interested. Skodwarde, using his hypnotic charms, called customers over. Larry the Lobster was the first to answer these calls.

“Oh… OH MY GOD!” Larry began. “It’s too beautiful!” Larry began orgasiming all over the restaurant floor before collapsing through, presumably to China.

Another fish walked over and began convulsing and speaking in tongues due to his amazement. He then left to begin a spiritual journey towards perfection.

Eugene heard the commotion and came out to see what the hell was going on.

“Mr. Skodwarde! Ya can’t be sellin’ your pornography on my property!” Eugene exclaimed. "It's making my customers go insane too!"

“But Mr. Krabs, Skod’s dick ain’t just porn. It’s art!” SpongeBob exclaimed. “It evokes emotion and inspires! And also if the interest appreciation continues at the rate it’s on, which of course is not by any means a given, it could be worth a lot of money in a few years.”

Eugene didn’t hear anything the yellow thing said besides “a lot of money in a few years” and immediately sold Pearl and $300 worth of shellfish to Skodwarde for every dick pic he had in a frame. “I love me art as much as I love me monies!”

“Who said art?” As if the script called for it at this exact moment, a random SJW fish dropped into the Krusty Krab and spouted the glory of the Last Jedi to all before the other characters caught notice of him.

“What my luck, a man who will give me my monies right now!” Eugene called the man over. “Mr. SJW Art Appraiser sir!”

SJW Art Appraiser fish sighed. “It's actually… oh wait, that’s right for once! What you got?”

“Only some of the finest art you’ll ever see!” Eugene began. “Behold… the dick pics of a God!”

The SJW Art Appraiser studied the dick pics for several moments before finally speaking again. “Yeah these are good, but art? Nah, this is worth at best a starbucks gift card… a used one.”

“You gotta be kidding me! You tellin me there’s no way this shit’s gonna get me anything!?” Eugene screamed.

“Well, it is always said that some art is never truly appreciated in the artist’s own time.” SJW Fish said. “Look at Van Gogh; no one knew the guy or his art, then he cut off his ear and eventually disappeared, and now everyone knows the name. Maybe then it’ll be seen in a different light.”

Mr. Krabs at that moment had a nasty idea… but then he realized Skodwarde didn’t have any ears. “Hmm if I can’t cut off his ears, then I’ll just kill him and then profit off him! Mwhaha this is your best idea yet Eugene!”

Skodwarde was in the corner of the store again, now using Pearl as a prop in more of his art pieces. “Mr. Skodwarde, I have a very important task for you!” Eugene said. “I’m sending you to the North Pole for a delivery to… errr, Santa! Yeah that’s it Santa…. Good job Eugene, sold it there.”

“Mr. Krabs why are you talking to yourself again?” SpongeBob asked.

The scene shifts to the North Pole as Skodwarde is unable to find any signs of Santa Claus. Instead out of the ground rises a sea dragon! Skodwarde presents him with the krabby patty as a peace offering.

“I’m vegan you jerk!” the Sea Dragon screeches. Skodwarde then uses his god powers to freeze the sea dragon in place and send him back into the ocean where he belonged!

“Hey Skod, I came to… oh you don’t need help this time!” SpongeBob said as he disappeared into the screen as quickly as he reappeared.

Back at the Krusty Krab, Eugene gets off the phone with his sex worker to realize that his plan failed so he sends Skodwarde to Rock Bottom Bottom for another delivery. Upon walking into the town, the residents are so shocked by receiving screen time that they revert into horrific, feral beasts. SpongeBob unnecessarily walks into the scene again.

“Hey Skod need h-“ Skod throws SpongeBob (and the food) to the beasts and escapes. As soon as Skod leaves, the residents return to normal and throw a LMFAO dance party which SpongeBob stays for.

Eugene is continuing negotiations with the sex worker when Skodwarde returns once more. Eugene orders Skodwarde to complete a delivery to Mars, but Skodwarde gets lazy and just teleports it there with his god powers instead. The SJW Art Appraiser, who just stayed around loitering, taunts Eugene with a million dollar offer in his hand and then puts it back in his doge coin stock.

Eugene finally loses his shit.

“What the hell Mr. Skodwarde! Your dick pics are useless to me as long as you and your genitals are still around!”

Mr. Krabs then pulls out a scalpel and begins to chase Skodwarde around in circles like an old timey cartoon. In reality Skod just let him get close and then teleported to the other side of the room and would continue to do so until Krabs’ old heart gave out. However, Skodwarde takes a quick look at instafish during this chase and sees a brand new filter taking the site by storm, making his previous dick pics worthless. He then incinerates them with a dash of his god breath, ensuring no money would be spent on it.

“Wow what a waste of time.” SJW fish said. “This place didn’t even serve white fish flappachino!”

Eugene screams in horror and agony so loudly the roof collapses on top of him, flattening him into the ground. He is splattered into the most uncomforting pose ever.

“I’ll give you one million doge coin for it!” SJW Fish offered Skodwarde. He accepted the offer and used it buy more photoshop to enhance his dick pics even more.

“And I helped!” SpongeBob said randomly. Except he really didn’t.

Edited by jjsthekid
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219a. CSI: Bikini Botttom Volume III - Skod Noire

One day, we open at the Krusty Krab again, but there’s an ominous, mysterious feel in the air, as if some shit is gonna go down. And you best bet shit is indeed gonna go down. After a work shift with some nautical nonsense involving bad music, typical naughtiness, Krabs being an asshole again, and feuding with Bubblebath outside a porn store, Skodwarde heads on home. Skodwarde is about to read his beloved copy of Mein Kampf again, but he comes to an unfortunate realization: It’s gone missing! :o In order to get his precious (and dangerously problematic) book back, Skodwarde calls upon the help of…no, not Horatio Caine because CSI isn’t relevant anymore, but Detective Cole Phelps, giving us our official Skodwarde x LA Noire crossover! (even though the game isn’t relevant anymore and jjs crafted this idea over a year ago when he played it but shh) Yup, we had to shoehorn in one last crossover before the ending. The episode then proceeds to go black and white because we need to do something innovative for once. Skodwarde begins to monologue about how the world has lost color thanks to no Mein Kampf, so he must restore balance to the universe or whatever.

Skod and Cole (has a nice ring to it) then spot their first suspect: SpongeBob. Skodwarde begins to interrogate SpongeBob, asking him if he did anything to Mein Kampf. SpongeBob think he’s playing some roleplaying game, but Skodwarde slaps him, telling him this is the real shit. SpongeBob denies taking the book, saying that he’d never touch Nazi propaganda and also has an alibi of visiting his sweet grandma earlier, as he shows the kiss he got. But Cole highly doubts this:


Skodwarde believes it though knowing SpongeBob better, and cools the wild animal that is Cole Phelps down. SpongeBob teams up with Skod and Cole in order to get his book back, which Skod and Cole reluctantly agree to, still having his eye on the sponge. The three amigos search for the new suspect. Meanwhile, Skolliam is spying on Skodwarde from the distance (yes, this plot line is still happening). Skolliam catches wind of Mein Kampf going missing, and sees an opportunity. He decides he’s gonna go Roy Earle on this shit and gonna beat Skodwarde to the case. With the power of that book in his hands, he’d be unstoppable. Skodwarde, Cole and SpongeBob storm right into Mr. Krabs’ office, interrupting one of his money loving sessions. They begin to “interrogate” him, which in SpongeBob’s definition, means to pamper him, as SpongeBob begins to give Mr. Krabs a glorious makeover. This annoys Skod and Cole, as Cole goes bad cop on Krabs, asking him the real pressing questions. Krabs tells them he doesn’t know what the fuck they’re talking about because he’s been in his office money loving all day. They realize he’s telling the truth when they see his money, and go on their way, leaving him be.

Skodwarde retraces his steps, and remembers his feud with Bubblebath outside the porn store. The three head there, but Skolliam crosses paths with them, as he laughs. He smugly tells Skodwarde he’s gonna crack this case first, and have Mein Kampf’s knowledge for himself. Cole Phelps notices how Skolliam looks a lot like Roy Earle, and isn’t amused with this crossover. He tells Skolliam he’ll punch him in the face if he crosses paths again. Skolliam wishes them a nice day, and goes on his way. Cole says to Skodwarde that guy is a real douche, to which he tells him he knows by now. The three continue on their way, making it to the porn store where Bubblebath was. They look inside to see he’s still in there, so they casually walk in to meet him. Bubblebath then runs off in a panic, as the three chase after him. After a funny Scooby-Doo chase sequence, they catch Bubblebath. SpongeBob asks him where Mein Kampf is, but Bubblebath is confused, insisting he’s been in the porn store all day. Cole asks him why he ran off like a bitch, and Bubblebath says he didn’t want them to see his collection of rule 34. Cole tells them there’s nothing to see here, as they make their way out of the store. The three decade there’s only one suspect left, so they decide to interrogate Patrick next. 

The interrogation goes about as well as you expect, with Patrick thinking the three are speaking another language or some shit. Cole goes all in on Patrick, asking him where he was at specific times, but they all amount to Patrick not fitting the culprit portfolio. Skodwarde thinks to himself, and accepts Patrick isn’t the culprit. Cole suggests that the culprit could be Skolliam, thinking he may be “pretending” to look for the book. SpongeBob concurs and proceeds to smoke a pipe detective style. Skodwarde however doubts it’s Skolliam, because he knows his rival isn’t clever enough for that. Skodwarde then sees Patrick smoking some pot, and hatches an idea in his brain. He starts figure out who the culprit likely is. He tells Cole and SpongeBob to come with them, as they head to Downtown.

Skodwarde, Cole and SpongeBob break into a familiar house (without a warrant cause they are loose cannon cops), and go into the basement, seeing the culprits in action. It turns out the ones responsible for the theft of Mein Kampf…were actually Skodwarde’s fellow Nazi Squid Cult! (oh yeah they still exist) They were planning to use the book to perform a satanic ritual that would allow them to see Hitler’s ghost. The leader apologizes for taking it from Skodwarde without asking, as Skodwarde happily reunites with his book. Color is restored to the world, either due to the book or the lazy animators getting off their asses. Skod, Cole and SpongeBob all give themselves some jolly pats on the back, happy the mystery is solved. However, Skolliam comes barging in, and is pissed he’s been beaten to the punch. He still wants the book though, so he opens fire on the whole room, as the cultists panic, with one getting shot (damn son). A bullet is about to hit SpongeBob, but Cole Phelps bravely jumps in the way, taking the hit and sacrificing himself. Skodwarde then BTFOs Skolliam with his god powers, sending him flying away, as Skolliam still angrily vows he’ll get revenge. SpongeBob is honored Cole sacrificed himself for him after they started off on bad terms, calling it “like poetry” or something. Skodwarde and friends will never forget the brave sacrifice Cole Phelps made, not just for them, but for his country. Skodwarde then goes back to reading Mein Kampf for the we seriously don't know how manyth time at this point, as it was just another whacky Skodwarde adventure. So yeah, there’s our conclusion to the lil CSI trilogy that was started waaaay back in Season 6. Probably wasn’t worth the wait at all, but oh well! Now then, here’s a funeral to honor the brave hero Cole Phelps:



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219b. Teacher’s Bitches


One day, Mr. Krabs was driving under the influence like a dumbass, and giving off lots of road rage. Plankton is seen driving in a tiny car, and is also under the influence. The two proceed to get into a cock contest to see who the better racer is, and end up crashing into each other, causing a giant pileup, but thankfully nobody died. The Funky Cops arrive onto this wild scene, seeing the amount of wrecked vehicles. The Funky Cops slap Plankton and Krabs with tickets and order them to attend Puff Mama’s Boating School together, much to the two’s frustration. Krabs angrily walks in there, seeing Skodwarde is also in there, because his Pimp God Boat got pulled over by the God of Supremacy Orange Cop. Krabs tries to grab the best seat, but Plankton tries to beat him to it, as the two have yet another cock contest. Puff Mama then tells both of them to sit down and shut the fuck up. Puff Mama tells Krabs and Plankton they better behave their asses, or she’s going to make both of them her bitches. Krabs and Plankton then sit their asses down and say they’ll behave, while Skodwarde laughs at their misery, but Puff Mama tells him he better watch his ass too.

Puff Mama then shows a video on driving safety using a really outdated projector. It shows SpongeBob doing a shitty job as usual, and he ends up crashing into the camera, sending him to fly right through the projection screen, landing into his seat (mindfuck). He apologizes for being late, while Plankton groans, annoyed he now has three imbeciles to deal with. SpongeBob then shows them the Good Noodle chart (yay callbacks). Plankton tells him to eat shit and that he doesn’t care, but quickly changes his mind when Krabs decides to make a cock contest out of getting the most stickers. Plankton and Krabs then make attempts to seduce and please Puff Mama with the best food and toys, if you catch my drift. Skodwarde also wants in on this action, as even though he doesn’t really care for her, he wants to piss both Krabs and Plankton off and make this cock contest a love rectangle, cause why not.

After that sexy nautical nonsense, it’s time to go on the testing track! Puff Mama tells them they must pull forward slowly carefully, and then set their cars to Wumbo. But Plankton ignores her and kicks his into MAXIMUM OVERDRIVIE, fucking the test up. Puff Mama gives him a beating, so the four try again. Krabs tries to be a show off and proceeds to drive up the lighthouse, as Plankton and Skodwarde follow behind. All three fall off and smash onto the ground, creating a pileup. SpongeBob’s boat then backs itself up, lightly tapping into the wreckage, which causes an atomic explosion. Plankton is seen waking up in a hospital bed, wondering where he is. Dr. House tells him that there were “complications” putting their body parts back together. It is revealed in a twist ending similar to SkodBob TesticlePants that Krabs, Plankton, Skodwarde and SpongeBob have all been sewn together into one ugly ass abomination. Krabs, Plankton and Skodwarde scream while SpongeBob lets out a creepy laugh, enjoying this. All’s well that ends well.  



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220a. Larry the Main Character

One day, Bubblebath makes his obligatory return from obscurity with a food order that pretty much guarantees a side order of boogers and cum. This causes Mr. Krabs' character to wear a lot thinner than usual, to the point of insanity at this rate. SpongeBob duly notes that the Skod version of Plankton Paranoia isn't scheduled for this season and fears that good ole Mr. Krabs is getting worn and tired out. Skodwarde perishes the thought as his eyes remained glued to Mein Kampf. Moar Krabs surfaces, as he usually does when Krabs is at his worst, but before he can allow himself to sink any lower, a certain character voiced by a certain Mr. Lawrence arrives just in time...only to get stepped on by the superior character voiced by Mr. Lawrence, Hunka Hunka Larry! The live studio audience breaks out in applause and audibly busts a collective nut at this living, breathing breath of fresh air. This causes Skodwarde to blurt out "but this isn't a live show" as Larry takes the plot in a more interesting direction by pacifying Moar Krabs through sheer pec power alone.

Using his pec powers, Larry manages to convince everyone that it's best that Mr. Krabs leaves the show. Mr. Krabs promptly gets scrapped and thrown into obscurity, leaving Larry free to take his spot on the cast billing. Larry then proceeds to take charge of the Krusty Krab, promising to usher in a new era of Krusty Krab episodes that doesn't just revolve around the same old shit over and over again. Everyone rejoices as change immediately begins to take affect for the first couple of minutes. Larry cops Pole's original idea by placing sal-ads back on the menu, but he does tea dirty by replacing it with protein shakes and a healthy dose of character growth hormones. Larry is looking to whip everyone into top form with these changes. He easily strips Mein Kampf out of Skodwarde's grasp and replaces it with a 100 lb dumbell that improves growth, stating that if Skodwarde put that much focus on strengthening his character then this show wouldn't be ending. He makes sure that every character must go through hoops and hurdles in order to strengthen them to their peak so that once they reach their peak, they can proceed to hit their peaks with even more peaks. He wants to see peaks for days. He wants them all to prove that they're fit to still be apart of the gun show, The Hunka Hunka Larry Show. But once those first couple of minutes are up, everyone is already longing for a return to form.

The likes of Bubblebath and Patrick are proving Larry's point that one note, one ab of flab characters like these two useless fatasses is exactly what's wrong with this show. They contribute nothing and they face immediate write offs if they don't show immediate improvement with some ab crunches meant to improve their core value. Larry rips SpongeBob for having biceps that are about as flat as his one dimensional character before placing him in the arm cruncher. He urges everyone to better define themselves by claiming that he's seen NPCs with more definition. He monologues that when he first started off on this show, he was about as throw away, one dimensional and directionless as they come. He was just the typical musclehead, a one-shot foil for Sandy's affections when he doesn't even find her anywhere near fuckable. He only fucks with fleshed out characters, not some bitch whose only defining trait is that she's from Texas. Hunka Hunka Larry has worked his tailfin off for years to make the most of any and all screen time given, carefully and meticulously crafting his own little character arc that's gone far under the radar for far too long. While they have been making the same sex jokes over and over, Larry established that he was adopted. While they were busy reading the book of a deplorable dictator more times than they could count, Larry was getting a body shamed by Bubble Buddy. While they were scrambling for ratings, jumping every shark possible, Larry betted on himself and became an entrepreneur, starting up his own business. Larry is real, Larry is relatable. Every character was promoted to the main cast in "Salsa Fillercus" not out of necessity but out of sheer desperation and without proper planning. For years, he's seen potential squandered, plot threads and development go on underutilized and now, he has seen enough.  When they told Hunka Hunka that he was gonna have a sendoff episode, Larry thought why did his story have to end here? When Skodwarde ends, Larry can finally begin! But every good show needs to leave its fan base wanting more, so he wants everyone built up to the point where they each could potentially star in their own spinoff. The Hunka Hunka Larry Extended Universe starts here! The Life of Larry the Krab can not be Larry's lasting legacy on here! It will not!! He's not even a crab!

Officially unamused, Skodwarde asks Larry how it's like having his show spun off from Skodwarde. Larry proclaims he's the goddamn Fonzie-Steve Urkel king in this motherfucker, Skodwarde's world has always revolved around Hunka Hunka. Just look at his top billing in "[redacted] Friends" as proof. Skodwarde channels his inner Hitler to rally the others in solidarity against Larry's hostile takeover of the show. SpongeBob backs Skodwarde up, much to Skodwarde's annoyance. And in a shocking display of character growth, Bubblebath steps up to take the charge right alongside them. The tumultuous relationship between the three finally coming full circle from their humble beginnings in "Pickles". This unforeseen development catches Larry a bit off guard, but he responds by calling in his two bros formerly known as Frank the Goldfish and Don the Whale, Frank and Don. Much like Larry, they too have transcended past having their species be their only defining trait. Larry revels that Frank and Don's development is what Living Like Larry can do for you before engaging Skodwarde and company in combat.

While Skodwarde confronts Larry, Bubblebath has his bubble ass handed to him by Don before dooming the whale to a fate that's just as bad as being written off; being put under Bubblebath's tongue. SpongeBob insults Frank, saying that he's nothing more than the "Gold Team Rules!" guy. And upon realizing that even his growth in character can't shake off the Gold Team stigma, Frank gets the fuck outta there ala Fry Cook Games. All the while, Skodwarde is using his god powers to pull out every running joke and gag from the show to counter Larry with, but Larry's superior conditioning and writing allows his pec powers to cancel out god powers. SpongeBob and Bubblebath intervene but are nearly thrown into obscurity for their troubles. Larry pounds down on Skodwarde's chest to prevent him from dying long enough see the post-Skodwarde era usher in. Larry rips Skodwarde apart, saying that from creation, Skodwarde always had his god powers to rely on. They made him complacent, content with his own mediocre existence. Larry built himself up, grew in power organically as any good main character should. Larry always finds ways to grow and improve, that is what defines his character. Skodwarde on the other hand, his character is broken. Larry proceeds to literally rip Skodwarde apart through sheer manpower before throwing what's left into obscurity.


As Skodwarde sinks deeper and deeper into obscurity, he looks back on the last eight years and concludes that despite all of this, it was a pretty damn good run while it lasted. Eight years ago, if anyone thought a squid nazi could ever make it this far, they'd be thrown in the gas chamber. It was then that Skodwarde realized that that was it. That was what defined him. Aside from his phenomenal cosmic powers, his pride as a nazi has been the one constant that's helped him carry through this entire story. Yeah, that's it! His character may be broken and flawed, but that's what makes him endearing. That's what keeps the same three readers coming back to see his story through til the end. A squid nazi with god powers and the entire world as his oyster. This has been the journey thus far and Skod be damned if this is how the journey ends now. Once again with renewed vigor, Skodwarde activates his Nazi Rage, raising his god power and development up exponentially high.

Before the post-Skodwarde era that Larry envisioned could be ushered in, Skodwarde duck walks his way out of obscurity. Skodwarde heils Hitler before deciding to have himself a development holocaust. A holy shit, god battle! ensues as Skodwarde and Larry battle for the fate of this spinoff all God of War style and shit, sending each other flying miles away with punches and all dat good shit. Skodwarde is soon overwhelmed by Larry's well coordinated, continuity tactics. Larry tightens his claws around Skodwarde's neck and asks what Skodwarde's last line will be, to which Skodwarde responds, "fuck your character arc." With Hunka Hunka close enough, Skodwarde nazi salutes Larry and blindsides him with a point blank heilkai in the face. This causes Larry to completely fade away into oblivion, thus putting an abrupt end to his story arc as whatever was left of him gets scrapped. Skodwarde sheds a brief tear, not really wanting to have to do that to somebody as cool as Hunka Hunka Larry. Once those feelings subside, he throws more salt onto the wound. Using his god powers to undo all the character growth and development that Larry spearheaded throughout the episode (except for his Nazi Rage cuz why not keep that shit), returning things to the way it was when the episode first began. Or did it?

Conspicuous in his absence was Mr. Krabs, who had yet to return from obscurity. And any attempts Skodwarde made to retrieve their boss using his god powers were being blocked. Since phenomenal cosmic power alone won't be able to solve this problem, SpongeBob plans to consult with Sandy to see if she's been tinkering with any plot devices that could help. Meanwhile, Skodwarde's greatest enemy yet may already be at his doorstep.

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Majority of this episode's budget went towards the purchase of the episode it was based on (which also included Sanitation Insanity) after my previous recording of it on my DVR got lost and the streaming sites were being complete ass on my phone. I hope you all appreciate the things I do for you. Please support the official release!

Previously on Skodwarde.

In a post-credits scene, the lunch rush at the Krusty Krab is interrupted when lawsuits rain down over the restaurant. Skodwarde, SpongeBob and Krabs head outside as the restaurant is forced to fold around them. They are greeted by a dark, hooded figure with what looks to be two circular noise reading apparatuses on his head.

Skodwarde: WHO ARE YOU??!!?!?


TBC in "Mouse Cunt Hunt"...or not, it may just be an ep based off the SBM meme :troll:



220b. Skodwarde + Bunnies! An Off-the-Wall Kingdom Battle Spells the End for the Show!!

One day, Skodwarde was just having one of his French narrator fantasies with his wooden male sex doll. He very passionately and frenchily describes the lewd acts that he is about to perform on it, which involves the use of both carrots and eggplants, but silly he, he forgot to pick them out from his garden, which serves only that purpose. He heads outside to fetch the sexual instruments that he requires (in full Frenchy role play garb out in broad daylight, mind you) only to find out that perhaps his single most powerful enemy thus far has now taken refuge in his garden. A sea bunny wrestles a carrot clean out of Skodwarde's grasp, dragging the god down into the dirt along with it. Skodwarde was pretty unsure as he laid eyes on the s-tier enemy for the very first time. The sea bunny proceeds to yank the half-assed French mustache right off from Skodwarde's face and through the power of zany cartoony bullshit, fashions both hairs into strings for its...ahem


"ukulele", according to the subtitles on my Xbone. Skodwarde tries to use his god powers on it, but the bunny's very existence causes them to backfire, turning Skodwarde into a plant in his own garden. The growing process takes a while, but a head of Skodwarde eventually manages to sprout out after a few others had already wilted beforehand. Patrick sees the new phallic-looking plant that Skodwarde's growing so he takes a bite of his nose out of impulse. The newly ripe Skodwarde gives Patrick indigestion so he fucks back off to his rock as Skodwarde does realize that this means war

Skodwarde uses his god powers to slap on his schutzstaffel uniform that he uses for his "World War II Nazi Victory" fantasy and he wages all out war on the sea bunny by unloading a barnitzke machine gun all over his garden. He succeeds in destroying everything but the bunny, whose crazy cartoony bullshit power kept the bullets from making contact. Time to bust out the big guns as Skodwarde conjures up the nazi wet dream that was the "sun gun". Harnessing the power of the sun, Skodwarde focuses Sunny D from space down onto his garden below. And he still manages to miss the bunny. He re-focuses the sun gun as he guides the rays manually to hit his intended target, but the bunny remains one hop ahead, managing to trick Skodwarde into blasting his Easter Island head home in the process. Skodwarde's house visibly suffers quite horribly as Skodwarde rushes inside just to save his wooden male sex doll, which goes about as well as you'd expect when you mix wood with fire.

Realizing that perhaps a lesson should've been learnt when the nazis lost World War II, Skodwarde decides that war isn't the answer. He then uses his god powers to slap on his carrot costume for you-don't-wanna-know-what in order to lure the bunny into a well laid trap, a trap that was so well laid that Skodwarde fell for it instead. The bunny eats his hung ass, forcing Skodwarde into relenting and calling the animal popo. Animal Control arrives (with Patrick already locked up in what is probably a reference to a previous episode) and is about as helpful as you'd expect, catching the bunny almost instantly. Skodwarde is relieved that it's finally over, until SpongeBob decides to be the biggest bane he's ever been of Skodwarde's existence, saying that the bunny has its rights. He offers to take the bunny in as his own and raise it to be big and strong. Skodwarde shudders at the thought, but this development ends up saving the bunny from the incinerator. Jeez Lou-fucking-ise, son!

Skodwarde wants SpongeBob to promise that the bunny will stop fucking with him, but it seems he still hasn't learn his lesson 11 seasons later. SpongeBob tries to feed the newly rechristened Bunny Wunny snailpo, but Bunny Wunny knows the running joke with that brand so he knows the deal with that shit. SpongeBob blasts off to the grocery story to get some vegetables, leaving Bunny Wunny free to do some zany cartoony bullshit. SpongeBob returns to find Bunny Wunny eating everything in the house (including Old Man Jenkins), so SpongeBob decides to coat everything in hot sauce which is just....why? This goes about as well as you'd expect with zany cartoony bullshit involved. Things get zanier, cartoonier and even more bullshitty when SpongeBob finds Patrick stuck between his gap, again. Patrick is next to step up to the challenge of Bunny Wunny, and he begins by giving him chase into the walls of SpongeBob's house. Things go about as bad as you'd expect with Patrick involved. So some zany, cartoony bullshit later, the walls eventually come to life and they take Patrick to their leader. SpongeBob honestly couldn't give a shit, heading off to buy a female bunny so he can lure Bunny Wunny out with it. Bunny Wunny is personally sick of the whole "haha multiplying" stereotype that people always associate with his kind, so he has at her anyway. I'll just let my Xbox subtitles explain what happens next.


And just like that, overpopulation starts to occur. Following their primal instincts, the bunnies go back to fucking with Skodwarde, who's currently out putting his fantasies to rest right next to his hopes and dreams. Giving absolutely no fucks for the proceedings, the bunnies interrupts just as the burial is about to occur. SpongeBob pops out of the casket through, you've guessed; zany, cartoony bullshit. And in yet another obligatory callback to a previous episode, busts out his reef blower and goes all


SpongeBob gets to sucking as many bunnies as he can until his reef blower reaches its absolute limit, and with plenty more bunnies still on the loose. Fueled by the display of disrespect shown here at the funeral for his fantasies, Skodwarde goes into a Nazi Rage. Summoning me mallet in hand, Skodwarde wants Bunny Wunny to "bring milk for me lawyer!!?!!???!" Bunny Wunny evolves into his second evolved form, Trix Wunny, and engages Skodwarde in an off-the-wall battle that could spell the end of the show! After some nautical nonsense involving banging and boinging, Skodwarde begins to get the upper hand so Bunny Wunny goes even further beyond, taking on his final evolution, Big Wungus. Big Wungus absolutely bodies the shit out of Skodwarde despite his new power-up and mallet.

SpongeBob sees this and decides to empty his mind. The little versions of him inside his head purge his mind of everything except for anything having to do with the words "zany", "cartoony" and "bullshit". This process allows SpongeBob to go well beyond his limits, attaining a level of bullshit that can only be described as, Ultra Bullshit. And to add on to that bullshit, why not make him more powerful than Spengbab for good measure. And that mothafucka was pretty dope, making Neptune do that shit to his kid and shit. Ultra Bullshit SpongeBob zanily sucks the rest of the bunnies into his reef blower in a very cartoony fashion without a problem, finally gaining the attention of Big Wungus. Skodwarde is in utter disbelief over how despite being the most broken character on this show, SpongeBob always finds a way to out-bullshit him every time. It's almost like he was always meant to be the main character instead or something. Big Wungus tosses Skodwarde aside like a used condom and proceeds to engage Ultra Bullshit SpongeBob in an off-the-wall battle that, this time, really COULD spell the end for the show. Skodwarde still can't get over it. How SpongeBob continues finding ways to out-bullshit him, the main character with the OG god powers. He did it against Flats the Fucker, not to mention the many times his attempts on SpongeBob's life has backfired, and now he's doing it again here. Well you know what, SpongeBob can have his ultra bullshit. That ain't how Skodwarde rolls, no siree bob! If Skodwarde's making his own breakthrough, it's gonna be on his own terms. No recycling whatsoever! Skodwarde's unbridled rage and resentment towards both Bunny Wunny and SpongeBob builds up until it reaches its breaking point. Skodwarde has a mental break right out of his shell, evolving himself into a much higher being.

Skodwarde is a bunny now(!) as Bunny Skodwarde makes his long awaited debut on the show. Yayyy. Bunny Skodwarde joins Ultra Bullshit SpongeBob in walloping Big Wungus, giving him a taste of his own bunny medicine. But Big Wungus has one more zany trick up his sleeve, transforming into his perfect form; Skodwarde Bunny Wunny. All three eventually reach an impasse, neither of them capable of breaking past the bullshit barrier even further in just a single episode. So they all decide to break their diets and supersize those fried oyster skins. Ultra Bullshit SpongeBob returns home, still not giving a shit about what the fuck happened to Patrick, and Bunny Skodwarde and Skodwarde Bunny Wunny do what bunnies do on the Discovery Channel, splitting Skodwarde's house smack dab in half from the boinging. From that moment on, they bury the hatchet and become good friends with benefits. Thus, a new fantasy for Skodwarde is born. Along with a whole litter  of skod-bunny abominations.


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