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Wumbo
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Posts posted by Wumbo
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I mean yes it is sad but not for the reasons you think grandpa
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On 6/7/2025 at 2:50 AM, 4EverGreen said:
It's SAD that LITERALLY the only song I recognized on that WHOLE list was Luke Combs' version of "Fast Car". Remember when Billboard Artists USED to be able to put out songs that people could ACTUALLY remember and enjoy? "Pepperidge Farm remembers."
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well here ya go
Spoiler1. “Pink Pony Club” – Chappell Roan
2. “euphoria” – Kendrick Lamar
3. “Not Like Us” – Kendrick Lamar
4. “Good Luck, Babe!” – Chappell Roan
5. “HOT TO GO!” – Chappell Roan
6. “Bed Chem” – Sabrina Carpenter
7. “Wildflower” – Billie Eilish
8. “Redrum” – 21 Savage
9. “Austin (Boots Stop Workin’)” – Dasha
10. “Espresso” – Sabrina Carpenter
11. “We Can’t Be Friends (Wait for Your Love)” – Ariana Grande
12. “Too Sweet” – Hozier
13. “Wanna Be” – GloRilla, Megan Thee Stallion
14. “Die With a Smile” – Lady Gaga ft. Bruno Mars
15. “Sticky” – Tyler, The Creator ft. GloRilla, Sexyy Red & Lil Wayne
16. “Big Dawgs” – Hanumankind, Kalmi
17. “Agora Hills” – Doja Cat
18. “tv off” – Kendrick Lamar, Lefty Gunplay
19. “Cruel Summer” – Taylor Swift
20. “Lunch” – Billie Eilish
21. “No One Noticed” – The Marías
22. “squabble up” – Kendrick Lamar
23. “Like That” – Future ft. Metro Boomin and Kendrick Lamar
24. “Pink Skies” – Zach Bryan
25. “luther” – Kendrick Lamar, SZA
26. “Snooze” - SZA
27. “Paint the Town Red” – Doja Cat
28. “Down Bad” – Taylor Swift
29. “Water” – Tyla
30. “Yeah Glo!” – GloRilla
31. “Like Him” – Tyler, The Creator ft. Lola Young
32. “Birds of a Feather” – Billie Eilish
33. “KEHLANI (REMIX)” – Jordan Adetunji ft. Kehlani
34. “White Horse”- Chris Stapleton
35. “Rich Baby Daddy” – Drake ft. Sexyy Red, SZA
36. “Is It Over Now? (Taylor’s Version) (From the Vault)” – Taylor Swift
37. “Si Antes Te Hubiera Conocido” – KAROL G
38. “I Love You, I’m Sorry” – Gracie Abrams
39. “TGIF” - GloRilla
40. “Taste” – Sabrina Carpenter
41. “La Patrulla” – Peso Pluma, Neton Vega
42. “Band4Band” – Central Cee ft. Lil Baby
43. “FTCU” – Nicki Minaj
44. “Bellakeo” – Peso Pluma, Anitta
45. “Praise Jah In The Moonlight” – YG Marley
46. “Get In With Me” – BossMan Dlow
47. “Texas Hold ‘Em” – Beyoncé
48. “Surround Sound” – JID ft. 21 Savage & Bsby Tate
49. “WHATCHU KNO ABOUT ME” – GloRilla ft. Sexyy Red
50. “APT.” – ROSÉ, Bruno Mars
51. “Stick Season” – Noah Kahan
52. “I Remember Everything” – Zach Bryan ft. Kacey Musgraves
53. “28” – Zach Bryan
54. “Saturn” – SZA
55. “Made for Me” – Muni Long
56. “My Love Mine All Mine” - Mitski
57. “Pour Me a Drink” – Post Malone, Blake Shelton
58. “Greedy” – Tate McRae
59. “Fast Car” – Luke Combs
60. “Please Please Please” – Sabrina Carpenter
61. “La Diabla” – Xavi
62. “La Víctima” - Xavi
63. “I Like The Way You Kiss Me” – Artemas
64. “A Bar Song (Tipsy)” – Shaboozey
65. “Ain’t No Love In Oklahoma” – Luke Combs
66. “Million Dollar Baby” – Tommy Richman
67. “That’s So True” – Gracie Abrams
68. “I Can Do It With a Broken Heart” – Taylor Swift
69. “Whatever She Wants” – Bryson Tiller
70. “Never Lose Me” – Flo Milli
71. “Get It Sexyy” – Sexyy Red
72. “High Road” – Koe Wetzel, Jessie Murph
73. “Sailor Song” – Gigi Perez
74. “End of Beginning” - Djo
75. “Gata Only” – FloyyMenor, Cris MJ
76. “Timeless” – The Weeknd, Playboi Carti
77. “act ii: date @ 8 (remix)” – 4batz ft. Drake
78. “I Am Not Okay” – Jelly Roll
79. “FE!N” – Travis Scott ft. Playboi Carti
80. “Pretty Little Poison” – Warren Zeiders
81. “Where The Wild Things Are” – Luke Combs
82. “Houdini” – Eminem
83. “Whiskey Whiskey” – Moneybagg Yo ft. Morgan Wallen
84. “Tu Boda” – Oscar Maydon x Fuerda Regida
85. “Love Somebody” – Morgan Wallen
86. “Last Night” – Morgan Wallen
87. “Lovin On Me” – Jack Harlow
88. “Type Shit” – Future, Metro Boomin, Travis Scott, Playboi Carti
89. “Wild Ones” – Jessie Murph, Jelly Roll
90. “yes, and?” – Ariana Grande
91. “Beautiful Things” – Benson Boone
92. “I Had Some Help” – Morgan Wallen ft. Post Malone
93. “Lies Lies Lies” – Morgan Wallen
94. “Lose Control” – Teddy Swims
95. “Thinkin’ Bout Me” – Morgan Wallen
96. “Who” – Jimin
97. “Miles On It” – Marshmello ft. Kane Brown
98. “Fortnight” – Taylor Swift ft. Post Malone
99. “Cowgirls” – Morgan Wallen ft. ERNEST
100. “Carnival” – ¥$ ft. Rich the Kid and Playboi Carti
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Hi, I'm the Rap Critic. You don't have to like my opinion, but I... wait, what the fuck am I doing?
Hey! It's me, Wumbo. I used to review music on here. You all seemed to like that, so thanks to the Powers That Be (Zaid's King Neptune Request), i'm back at it again, here to give you my Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2024! Or, Bottom 10 Hits of 2024, as it were to be titled like the others.
And because no bottom is complete without a top (you're on a SpongeBob forum, stop snickering), I will also be giving you my top 10 Hits of 2024! When? I don't know! But it is definitely coming! God, 2024 was such a great year for music! I can't wait to...
Well... that's not a 2024 hit.
Yeah, as you've probably heard, Billboard year-end charts are more fucked up than ever since they suddenly decided that Christmas songs of all things count! So I'm probably going to have to find another method to determine what actually constitutes a "hit" in 2024. We're going to focus on the real hits of the year. That means no Christmas songs, no songs from August of 2023, just the hit songs that we all remember from 2024!
That's right. Every entry on both lists is going to be the Hawk Tuah remix.
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Patrick walks into Mrs. Puff's Boating School to vote for Obama
Patrick: Good afternoon, good sir. I would like to cast a vote for one Barack Obama.
Fish Attendant: Okay, sir. Do you have a Voter ID Card?
Patrick: nervously sweats A-a what?
Fish Attendant: A Voter Id Card. Sir, I can't let you vote without a Voter ID Card.
Patrick: Uh... yeah! It's in... my other pants. I'll be right back. rushes out
Time passes, Patrick returns with shorts coloured inversely to his usual shorts
Patrick: All right sir, I believe everything is in order. hands Fish Attendant a card
Fish Attendant: Sir?
Patrick: Yes?
Fish Attendant: Sir, this is a baseball card of a player who doesn't exist, with "baseball" spelled wrong.
Patrick: ...Yes?
Fish Attendant: Sir, if you want to vote for Obama, you need a Registered Voter Card. Are you registered to vote?
Patrick: thinks back to earlier that week
SpongeBob: passing Patrick's house See you later, Patrick! I'm going to go register to vote.
Patrick: watching TV I won't keep you waiting.
The television screen shows a test pattern. Cut back to present
Patrick: Panics, runs out SPONGEBOB!
Cut to SpongeBob's pineapple, SpongeBob and Gary are playing chess
SpongeBob: Now, Gary, I do think you'll regret that move later. I'm about to take your pawn.
Gary: Makes a move to knock out Spongebob's queen Meow.
SpongeBob: Checkmate?! Aww, best 42 of 83?
Patrick: banging at SpongeBob's door SPONGEBOB!
SpongeBob: Yeeees, who is it?
Patrick: Knocks down SpongeBob's door SpongeBob, I need to register to vote!
SpongeBob: Well, why didn't you say so, Patrick? Gosh, I would have thought you'd have that all taken care of.
Patrick: SpongeBob, there comes a time in every man's life where he admits he needs some help. So... will you admit to me that you need me to help you help me register to vote?
SpongeBob: Sure thing, buddy. What are friends for?
Patrick: I know!
Cut to Barg'N Mart. SpongeBob and Patrick are holding up the checkout line.
Cashier: For the last time, this is not how you register to vote!!
SpongeBob: Excuse me sir, I'll have you know I was here last week and you said I was registered to vote!
Cashier: YES! You wouldn't stop asking. I wanted you OUT OF HERE!
Old Man Jenkins: Come on now, while we're young!
SpongeBob: looks sheepishly at cashier Do you at least have one of those buttons?
Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick being kicked out of Barg'N Mart. SpongeBob gets up and dusts himself off.
SpongeBob: Well, looks like I'm not registered to vote either.
Patrick: Well, who do we both know that knows their way around a system of politics that is so intricate so as to stump the brightest of minds?
SpongeBob and Patrick have a joint idea. Their lightbulbs merge to form a lightbulb with a big nose.
To be continued, maybe, I don't know, have a great day
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8 hours ago, HawkbitAlpha said:
As I said before, I hate to harp on this theme, but in the year of our Lord 2022, we need another rap song about violence, sex, materialism, and so on about as much as we need another country song about beer,
scarecrowsgirls, and trucks. Both of them should be legally considered a type of grain. Now, I could probably cook up some sociological hypothesis for why this kind of rap music is what makes the biggest hits (in a nutshell: its core audience is a population for whom, much like the music, the process of getting anywhere has generally been slow as well), but that doesn't mean I would start liking it regardless.you fucking serious with this shit dude lmfao
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Mercury - Act 1
Wumbo's Review
SpoilerWell, say this about this album… it’s not boring. I’m not entirely sure what it is, but it’s certainly not boring.
The whole reason I suggested we turn this one album review into an entire look at Imagine Dragons’ discography is so I could get some much-needed context to understand just what the hell was happening with this album. Because… oh boy, if there is any context to be gained from this endeavor, it is sorely needed. So what did I get? Well… all I can figure is that Imagine Dragons were tired of being called dull and bland. Because they try everything in their power to shed that label with this album. But rather than a cry of triumph, Mercury - Act 1 (please god let there be no Act 2) feels more like a cry for help than anything.
I mean it. All you have to do is look at these damn titles. “No Time for Toxic People”? Is Dan Reynolds subtweeting someone who dissed him on Instagram in a song title? Is this the future of rock and roll? “No Time for Toxic People”? Ay caramba.
But it goes beyond the song titles. More than a few of these songs sound like Dan Reynolds going through something bad, and, well, it’s the end of 2021 and we’re still in a pandemic, so I guess I can’t fault him if he is. But songs like “Cutthroat” have me deeply concerned more than anything. This is not Imagine Dragons. This is imaginedragons.exe has stopped working, abort the mission and turn off your computer. When I said this album got interesting, it was in all the worst ways. This was a lead single. I know, I know, I say that every time now, but this one really has no business being released in general, let alone as a single. It’s certainly not catchy, or listenable, or anything that would make anyone want to check out the band further. All I can figure is that releasing this as your co-lead single is a statement that, once again, reads as a cry for help rather than the assumed roar of triumph.
And you just make your way through the album and in even the somewhat normal-sounding songs there’s this undercurrent of uneasiness. Dan Reynolds does not sound happy and the album certainly isn’t happy even when it tries for the facade. The song “Monday” is probably the happiest the album has to offer, yet it still equates a love with the universally acknowledged worst day of the week!
So, how to rank and rate this album? I guess I can give it credit for trying something new and getting across some real, if uncomfortable, emotion. That alone should probably rank it above the last two albums for me. But man, this is something that definitely did not pan out in practice. It’s a colossal mess of an album and it’s borderline unlistenable. And even though I always maintain that boring is the worst you can be, I gotta draw a line somewhere. And it’s here. This album is not to be listened to, or admired. It is to be viewed as a cautionary tale. If you’re going to break the mold of indie rock and try something new, you still need to make sure you’re putting out good product. Otherwise, you get Mercury - Act 1. And with that, my play is over.
Rating: 2/10
“Best” Track: “Dull Knives”
Clappy's Review
SpoilerI…I don’t know what to say.
One thing is for certain. Imagine Dragons certainly listened to the backlash. I can for sure say that this album absolutely is not boring. So that’s already one step in the right direction. But what we got is…okay I know this is going to sound really fucking weird, but Wumbo said this in our chat and it stuck with me. This is if “The Room” was made into an album.
Literally not one song sounds like the next. There are some utterly bizarre production style choices and approaches on how to perform some of these songs that absolutely had me laughing. And some of these tracks are just way too out utterly bizarre for me to take seriously. I thought we all agreed with Garfield that Monday’s are the worst day of the week, yet here’s Dan Reynolds not only singing happily about his girl but says she’s his Monday. What sort of backhanded compliment is this? Wumbo also pointed out “No Time For Toxic People”, which yes that’s Dan’s okay boomer moment right there. But on another song, “#1”, we have Dan singing about how he needs his safe space. Is most of this album just Dan looking through his social media apps? Is this what he did during his hiatus? How do you do fellow kids!?
But that’s not all. This track listing is just baffling levels of bad. They have a self empowerment anthem called “It’s Okay” (How many more times are we going to overuse this song title!?) only to have it followed up with a track called “Dull Knives”. Way to read the room guys. And wait there’s more. You have like four tracks about how Dan is coping with his depression back to back to back to back, only for that to be followed up by the single “Follow You”, which is about how he’s clearly just going to stalk this girl who broke his heart (or at least that’s my impression). And clearly Dan is positive that all this stalking will win her over because he states on the album closer that “one day, he’ll be that one thing that makes her happy”. That’s nice, how’s your sex life Dan?
As amusing and fascinating as so many of these songs are, make no mistake. Like a good 90% of these songs that I’ve mentioned are absolutely god awful. Which amazes me because a good portion of this album is executive produced by the legendary Rick Rubin. I refuse to believe that Rubin had any involvement in this because so much of this sounds like ass. And I haven’t even gotten to the most “ass sounding” song on this album, “Cutthroat”, which Rubin produced solely. Which remember when I called “I Bet My Life” the worst song Imagine Dragons has ever recorded? This might be a really close second. It would be first if I didn’t think this was done on purpose to make it as unlistenable as humanly possible. But you know what’s the most shocking thing of all? THIS was the co-lead single along with “Follow You”. What does that even say about your album that you have the clearly radio safe “Follow You” and all of its stupid humming and faux quirky mannerisms as a co-lead single with this fucking atrocity?
As stated above, Dan Reynolds was dealing with depression for a good couple years between albums and if this album was cathartic for him to find happiness again, I hope it provided him some a dose of seratonin. Because I do have to admit this was a real raw look into his emotions more so than ever before. But it’s abundantly clear that translating all this into an album experience was another thing entirely and this seriously did not work the way he probably thought it would. The only song that came remotely close to making it work was “Wrecked”, which I do legitimately think is the best single they’ve had in years. But that’s legitimately the only song I liked in a not remotely funny way.
I seriously had no clue what to expect when this project first started and I still have no clue how to comprehend this album. Like I would not be surprised to see this being viewed as a career killing album down the line. Maybe I’ll be wrong. After all, Imagine Dragons seem to be doing well for themselves on the alternative charts even if their Hot 100 hit parade days seem to be behind them. But if this is the first act, I really don’t see how we could possibly be getting a second or third one of these. Because listening to this was like listening to a band who has no real direction anymore and are just grasping for straws at this point.
Strangely enough, I do think people should check this album out if they are morbidly curious like myself. Believe it or not, this will be one of the more memorable albums I checked out this year. Just not for any remotely good reason.
Rating: 3/10
Best: “Wrecked”
Worst: “#1”, “Giants”, “It’s Ok”, “Follow You”, “Cutthroat”, “No Time For Toxic People”, “One Day”
Comedy Hour: “Monday”, “Dull Knives”, “Follow You”, “No Time For Toxic People”, “One Day”
*Yeah I know, this got the same score as the last two albums, but make no mistake. This might be the worst album they’ve ever done just because you can’t help but feel sorry for this band attempting to try again and churning out…well, this.
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Origins
Wumbo's Review
SpoilerIf you had some semblance of optimism left after Evolve and thought it was just a blip on the radar and Imagine Dragons would return to their roots and make the music we all know and love (?) from them, well… Origins is not going to provide you with the happiest of news, no.
I tell ya, five songs in, I was ready to write this album off entirely. It sounded like a dulled version of Evolve, which, the only thing that album had going for it was its risk-taking which only occasionally paid off, but still. It’s better than sitting through what is essentially the same song over and over again punctuated by Dan Reynolds’ awful, awful whine. I’m sorry, I'm sure he’s a nice guy, but he needs to know and exercise his limits as a singer. What he’s doing on songs like “Natural” are not good. Speaking of which, let’s talk about “Natural”, one of the worst songs on the album and, again, inexplicably the lead single. I guess it’s one of the most explosive songs on the album, so it makes some sense, but a big screechy voice doesn’t make for a good song. (Has it ever?) And this song is certainly a stinking turd right down to its core, and actually sets the tone for much of the album. Because you see, this album is about revolution, and changing the world around you. Or at least it would be if it wasn’t so samey-sounding and inoffensive. Again, except for that fucking voice. If your only weapon to stand out in a crowd is a voice that rivals Chad Kroeger’s for obnoxiousness, maybe you need to try something different!
But anyway, “Natural”. The whole song comes off as a diss track to… somebody, I’m sure, probably the entire cold world that everyone lives in. Whatever. I guess the point of this song is it sounds cold, and detached, and unlistenable? Again, great choice for a lead single! The worst songs on the album are like this, Imagine Dragons trying to convince you that they’re not another cog in the machine, maaaan, and they’re gonna stand up and revolutionize the system, and the way rock music works! All while sounding like the most cookie-cutter, nameless band imaginable. Okay, I take it back for one song. “Digital” is actually so kooky it kind of works. But most of the album is a pain to get through. At least Evolve was intentionally meaningless, and not trying to hook you in with clichéd platitudes about revolution in its boring music.
Is this a worse album than Evolve? I dunno, man. It’s certainly not markedly better. If anything, it’s just duller. Most of the songs register as a four or five out of ten and it’s an unmemorable listening experience at the end of the day. Pick your poison. Do you want a dull album that very occasionally impresses and semi-occasionally infuriates? Or a dull album with even less of a sway one way or the other? Whatever, give this bad album the same bad score. I’ll tell you this - this deep dive sure wouldn't have prepared me for what came next. So I guess this whole thing was pointless, except you get to watch the two of us suffer. Yay!
Rating: 4/10
Best Tracks: “Zero” (not joking), “Digital”
Clappy's Review
SpoilerI so badly just want to say, really? What’s the point of reviewing an album that doesn’t care about itself as much as either of us do? Then just tack on a score, share the best and worst songs, and just move on to the new album that Jjs wants to hear us talking about for his Christmas gift. But alas, here we go. Talking about Origins. Origin of what? Sucking?
No seriously. I just sat here staring at the screen of my iPad wondering what the fuck to even talk about with this album here. I mean this album was proof that maybe nobody truly gave a shit about that last album. Including the band themselves. Because they are coming off their most commercially successful year racking up four huge hits, including the tacked on lead single to this album, a successful tour year apparently, and huge cross-merchandising deals with even more major companies (shocker I know).
But with all that fame and glory, comes the skeptics. The more famous you get, the more people start to notice you and this was around the same time most of the backlash started to come out in full force. Especially after Imagine Dragons spectacularly bombed a college football halftime show. Where people on social media started questioning what do Imagine Dragon fans even look like.
Now I know I’m getting my timelines a little mixed up here, but all these results tie in around this album release, where the album underperformed in many ways. Not nearly as well in sales and in hit singles. So that begs the question. What the fuck is the point of this album to begin with?
Seriously. This project we are doing has admittedly helped me get better recognizing at least context and themes when it comes to fully critiquing albums. And I couldn’t even begin to fucking tell you what Dan Reynolds and company were trying to contextualize with this album. At least that last album, for as bad as that was, I could tell it was them trying to rack up the hit parade. Were they trying to do that again here? Because at least the hits from that last album actually had some sort of oomph to them. They had hooks and memorable choruses and elements that tried to get a reaction out of you.
Here? Just barely. Let’s talk about some of them. First you’ve got the big hit “Natural”, which sounds supremely unnatural. Hey Dan, scream shouting is not singing. Thanks. Otherwise, this isn’t nearly as forceful as “Radioactive”…the song that the Dragons are clearly trying to emulate. It doesn’t matter how many times they try to remake the success of that song. The point that they keep missing is that the former is a song that sounds like it’s about the nuclear apocalypse. That was a creative thought. Something this band has forgotten up to this point. But who cares, they got the ESPN deal out of it. So what else?
Speaking of Disney subsidiaries, Imagine Dragons made a soundtrack hit for the Disney classic, “Ralph Breaks the Internet”. And dear god this is the most phoned in crossover song Imagine Dragons has ever done. I guess this is them trying to make a self-empowerment anthem because those always sell. Well let me give you a heads up Dan. Calling yourself a zero doesn’t retroactively make somebody else feel special about themselves. This isn’t even empowering to you, thus who the fuck is this even for?
Yet that isn’t even the worst of the singles. That honor goes to “Machine”. Hearing Dan Reynolds screech that he’s not a part of the system is such a fucking joke when Imagine Dragons has been one of the biggest cogs in the commercialization of rock music for up to five years at this point. Get the fuck out of here with your faux fight the power cookie cutter crap.
Honestly the only single that I actually liked was “Bad Liar”. A song about Dan Reynolds separation from his ex-wife and you know what, that is one of the few songs on here that has any sort of legitimate passion. But even with that, I can still see the commercials or movie trailer fodder this song could be utilized for. Can’t have an Imagine Dragons single without that….haha fuck off.
Sorry that this review is so rambling and incohesive, but that’s perfect for this album. The structure makes no fucking sense and even with topic matters like separation and loneliness like above, the only topic on this album that has any sort of passion put into it. They are few and far between clearly what are Evolve rejects. After all, Dan Reynolds has said this is the sister album to that album. Fitting. Because they are both on the opposite spectrums of bad. I keep going back and forth which is worse, so I’m just going to cop out and say it depends on what sort of mood I’m in. Evolve sounds worse when it comes to music style and sound. Origins is as dull as watching paint dry. Both have their few highlights but they aren’t worth the listen in their entirety.
Rating: 3/10
Best: “Bad Liar”, “Real Life”
Worst: “Natural”, “Machine”, “Zero”, “Love”
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Evolve (2017)
Wumbo's Review
Spoiler"Good" news: I do not like Evolve! It's pretty bad! Bad news: It's bad! This album sucks! Why did anyone listen to it?
Okay, so what this album sounds like to me is Imagine Dragons simultaneously trying to keep up with the times and try something new to stand out from the crowd, and neither work. Imagine Dragons are who they are - a radio-friendly pop-rock band with an occasional song that has more effort put into it that makes you pause and say "hmm, that was actually pretty good". There are still two examples here - "Whatever It Takes", which has an impactful chorus if only to blunt the "WHIP WHIP" thing in the pre-chorus (which is at least funny rather than infuriating). The second one, "Mouth of the River", is an excellent song that is far and away the best on the album, up there with some of Night Visions' best.
But the bad stuff… oh boy, dear god.
Let's start with the choices for the two lead singles: "Believer" and "Thunder". "Believer" I guess makes sense in theory as it kind of sounds like this pump-up anthem if it was actually really badly done and sung by a castrated donkey doing a Chad Kroeger impression. But all I remember is hearing this song for the first time and thinking "Huh. So this is what Imagine Dragons are like now. Well, this sucks." It had me so far removed from the Night Visions era that I could barely remember a time when Imagine Dragons were good at that point.
And then there's "Thunder". Oh god, we need to talk about "Thunder".
When this song came out, I think my first reaction was "this is stupid" and not much more. "Believer" had jaded me so much to Imagine Dragons that I barely even cared at that point. Sure, it was an annoying-sounding chorus, but was it really much worse than most of the bad shit on the radio? Probably not, who cares, it'll pass by like most songs do.
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…
It's been four years and this song is fucking terrible.
Terrible in a profoundly baffling, confounding sort of way, like… why was this made. What were you trying to do. Okay, we know what they were trying to do, get an earworm that would cause people to pay attention, but… like this?! This isn't an earworm, it's a tapeworm, eating away at you until there's nothing left. "Thunder" offers nothing positive. This is not a song to listen to for any reason other than "fuck me, maybe if I listen to it one more time to finish it'll finally leave my head". Fuck. That.
*sigh* Okay, and then we get to the less offensive songs simply by lack of airplay: "Yesterday" and "Dancing in the Dark". "Yesterday" is the song I'd be willing to play devil's advocate for here if only because it is so unabashed in how awful it is. Like, there's no tease, there's no buildup to a sucky chorus, it just hits you over the head right away. Listening to this album has made me appreciate that sort of thing. "Dancing in the Dark" is disappointing because it's the last song on the album and man, what a fucking whimper to go out on. They could have chosen anything to end their big comeback album and their choice is a clusterfuck of radiating noise that can only be described as "experimental" by the most generous reviewer? You're not James Blake, Dan. Knock this shit off.
Beyond that… the album is mostly mediocre. Like I said, it's a combination of trying new things to obviously mixed results, and blending in. And the blending in just doesn't register anything with me whatsoever, other than maybe "This Dan Reynolds guy sounds a bit shrill." Overall, a colossal disappointment and a massive step back from Smoke + Mirrors, where they sounded mostly in their element. Here is a band stumbling and struggling to stay relevant. And commercial success doesn't equal critical success, as Imagine Dragons soon found out. This is around where the "Nickelback of the 2010s" comparisons started to come into fruition. Just an annoyance of a band that seemed to linger around with bad song after bad song. Not always warranted, but I can see how "Believer" and "Thunder" would leave a bad taste in anyone's mouth, as it did mine. Ugh. Talk about a misnomer for an album title.
Rating: 4/10
Best Tracks: "Whatever It Takes", "Mouth of the River"
Clappy's Review
SpoilerEvolve. The de-evolution of music.
What a stupid title for one of the stupidest albums I’ve come across in quite some time. I didn’t know it was possible to sellout your artistic integrity after only two albums, but my god did Imagine Dragons do just that. Yeah color me surprised that the band that has had their music appear in movie trailers, car commercials, tv shows, and every other advertisement possible; but this is a sellout in every possible sense and shape.
Like nearly every track I listened to, I zoned out and pictured some sort of product being attached to the song like a laptop, a smartphone, the new season of Grey’s Anatomy. You name it, Imagine Dragons has you with their trailer fodder of an album. But does that necessarily mean it’s a bad alb-
Yes. This is pretty fucking bad. Where to even start? “Believer” has made past worst of the year lists of mine, so I’m not going to acknowledge a song that has not gotten any better over the course of time. “Thunder” should have made a worst list in hindsight and I’m sorry it never did. Talk about a song sounding dated in only three years. Christ, what in the nine hells does Dan Reynolds sound like that!? And what is so thunderous about fucking chipmunk vocals and whatever the fuck this production is!? Get it out of my speakers!
At least “Whatever It Takes” is still pretty damn good. That should have made a best hit of the year list in hindsight. Or maybe I’m just saying that because it is surrounded by putrid piles of shit. Okay that’s not completely fair either because there is one other truly excellent song on here in “Mouth of the River”. And I can admit that this song stands up with some of their best. Like I might say this is a top five song in their entire discography.
But everything else is damn near hollow and soulless like Imagine Dragons is just waiting for Apple, Google, Dell, any car dealership, etc, to call them and ask for advertisement rights. Like I can’t tell you the difference between “Rise Up” or “I’ll Make It Up to You” or “I Don’t Know Why”.…honestly outside of production choices, what’s the difference? Maybe that’s why “Next to Me” might be the worst song of them all out of this bunch. Besides Dan Reynolds sounding absolutely bored on the chorus more so than usual, I can tell within seconds that this is why I hate how absolutely uninteresting Imagine Dragons have become.
Okay that’s not entirely fair. There is one spectacularly bad song on here that I actually kind of adore. Like this is the one song on the album that I can’t see any corporate company wanting to use to shill any product. That song is called “Yesterday”. Have you ever wanted to see Imagine Dragons try to be Queen while an organ keeps playing the same two to three keys over and over again? Or better yet, have kazoos sporadically appear for no fucking reason? Well boy, do I have a song for you all to listen to!
Otherwise, hard fucking pass.
Rating: 3/10
Best: “Whatever It Takes”, “Mouth of the River”
Worst: “Next to Me”, “Believer”, “Thunder”
Fascinating: “Yesterday”
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Smoke + Mirrors (2015)
Wumbo's Review
SpoilerSo, this is actually a really good album, and I like it a lot.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GrEJ0ccLDII
God damn it. This was not what I was expecting. This is the "I Bet My Life" album! "I Bet My Life"! By a large percentage, the worst Imagine Dragons song! This album is an improvement on the first one? What am I supposed to do from here??
Well, talk about it, I guess. While Night Visions is good, you could make the argument that even its best songs are a bit generic. They're probably still the best Imagine Dragons has ever come up with, but they don't really paint a vivid picture of Imagine Dragons as a band. This album feels very Imagine Dragons, but in the best possible way. It's the best iteration of their sound we've come to expect from them.
Yeah, it's a little more pop than their last album, but you know me, pop is not a dirty word. And as long as it's done well, I can definitely find it in myself to appreciate it. The majority of these songs are well crafted and even emotional at points! And even the ones that aren't, I can at least tell that they're trying to craft a sound that belongs to them. Except "I Bet My Life", that song still sucks and was the one I was dreading most. It's such an insipid, annoying excuse for a song that offers nothing to the listener except a headache. Imagine Dragons have a few songs like this, but this is the most glaring example to me, with that ear-wrenching chorus.
But some of them work really well, surprisingly so! There's this Mumford & Sons-esque track called "Trouble" where they actually do a better version of Mumford & Sons than most actual Mumford & Sons songs. There's this absolutely nuts track called "Friction" that may have replaced "Radioactive" as my guiltiest pleasure of theirs. And a few others that are just nice songs that still capture the "spirit" of what Imagine Dragons are all about! I think this album, save for… that song, has been a bit lost to time, but if you are genuinely curious what a good Imagine Dragons might sound like and you haven't heard this album yet… check it out! I'm not kidding.
Please don't make me like Evolve
Rating: 8/10
Best Tracks: "Smoke and Mirrors", "Dream", "Trouble", "Summer"
Clappy's Review
SpoilerTime for some blunt honesty here. I wrote this album off for the longest time. When I first heard this back in 2015, I was colossally disappointed. Mostly due to the singles, which I hated each and every one of them. “Shots” felt like adult alternative radio fluff and “Gold” felt like them trying to replicate the experimentation of “Radioactive” and failing miserably. But both of them are better in comparison to the god awful atrocity that is “I Bet My Life”…you know what that’s too nice. Radio white noise…nah still too nice. The empty vessel of hollow nothing…that’ll do. I don’t know if this opinion will ever change, but “I Bet My Life” is the worst song that Imagine Dragons has ever recorded. I mean I’ll be shocked if they release something worse than this. It’s just fucking horrendous in every element of making music.
Look I can write an entire thinkpiece about how bad that song is, but that will be tiring to go through. My point of highlighting the bad singles was that they left a bad impression on me to the point that I let it clout my judgment as I listened to the rest of the album the only other time. And back then, to me, it felt like every track was a half-assed ripoffs of other songs from Night Visions or “I Bet My Life Part 2” or “I Bet My Life Part 3”. This is admittedly not a good way to listen to an album. Letting yourself have predetermined opinions on it from their singles as well as letting them clout your better judgment is not giving a fair shake. I’ve gotten better about doing that as time went on, but I can’t think of a more prime example of me letting by better judgment get the best of me than Smoke + Mirrors. So I’m glad to give it a second chance.
…and I’m glad I did because this album is perfectly fine. Not as good as Night Visions to me, but this was better than I remembered it to be. Make no mistake, the singles are still awful. Outside of the titular track, the other five songs are a chore to get through. But once we get through those slogs, something amazing happens. The album comes to life. It all starts at “Friction”, which is a song so inexplicably weird to the point that I just fucking love it. It’s like a shot of adrenaline and quickly became added my to my workout playlist due to being that big of a banger. From that point forward, I started to get what Imagine Dragons were aiming to do here. For this one album, they are trying to take on arena rock. Which hell, I’m all for that. Imagine Dragons are a band based from Las Vegas and that city is well known for being a spectacle in itself that comes alive at night, I can absolutely see some of these songs going off at a a live concert experience.
You know who else became an arena rock band, except later in their careers? Coldplay. And you know what, I heavily like that era of Coldplay and some of these songs are very similar to later era Coldplay. Like I can picture Dan Reynolds trying to be Chris Martin belting out some of these admittedly corny, but charmingly endearing ballads.
So yeah, I was pleasantly surprised by this album. Sure you’ll have to get through a somewhat dull and tedious first third of the album, but I’m certain you all will like the other 66%. Damn pleasant surprise this was.
Rating: 7/10
Best: “Smoke + Mirrors”, “Friction”, “Trouble”, “Summer”, “Hopeless Opus”, “The Fall”
Worst: “Shots”, “Gold”, and of course….”AAAAAHHHHH AAAAHHH BET MY LIFE”
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It begins...
Night Visions (2012)
Wumbo's Review
SpoilerImagine Dragons' debut album came out at a time when "indie" rock was making a huge comeback in the mainstream, thanks in part to Glee. It made sense at the time. Anyway, I remember liking Imagine Dragons fair enough when they debuted. "It's Time" was a big inspirational-sounding anthem, "Radioactive" was and is still hilarious, and "Demons" was "Demons". But in starting this project, I knew I would have to re-evaluate Imagine Dragons from the very beginning, and see if their oldest work still holds up nearly ten years later. And you know what? In a few of these songs, they actually do sound like a real band!
Faint praise, I know, but I'll let you in on a little secret: the "indie" rock problems do not begin nor do they end with Imagine Dragons. There are so many bands in the past decade that have sounded like garbled, overly corporate mush that says nothing and makes you feel nothing. I'm talking about shit like Cage the Elephant, whose only musical idea in the past seven years appears to have been "slather my voice in reverb and hope that distracts from the fact that I can't actually sing". Seriously, listen to this song. What am I supposed to feel during this? Nothing, because it's a shitty song that sucks and only serves to eat up airplay on the radio and GOD DAMN IT WHY IS EVERY ROCK STATION LIKE THIS NOW AND- *deep breath*
Anyway, Imagine Dragons are kind of bad in a different way than most "indie" rock bands are, which is that performance-wise, they try way too hard. But in a way, it makes them weirdly endearing, and while I've certainly ribbed them in the past, I do have a grudging admiration for the gusto that Dan Reynolds has in his voice and performance. And if you put good music and good ideas behind it, you can actually get something that's worthwhile and emotional. That's what we got for a few of the songs in Night Visions. "Tiptoe" and "Hear Me" in particular were pleasant surprises, quite possibly the band's best songs I've heard thus far. ("Hear Me" was also apparently a single too, news to me.) They really unlock the potential for what this band could have been, and the first few singles do that too. While "Radioactive" feels like a punchline to me now, you can't deny the grandiosity and immensity of the song. "It's Time" is still a great lead single and a good introduction to the band. "Demons" sucks, but it doesn't suck in a way that signals the kind of troubling path Imagine Dragons went down as a band.
No, the single that bothers me the most here is "On Top of the World". This is a commercial-bait song without any bite or edge whatsoever. It should not be a song that any self-respecting rock group records. And yet, here it is, on their first album. Like I said, I could almost mistake Imagine Dragons for a real rock band with this album, but it's songs like that and "Underdog" that undermine my confidence in doing so. It looks like the seeds were planted from the beginning. Now it's just a matter of seeing how bad it gets. But Night Visions as a whole? It's not bad.
Rating: 7/10
Best Tracks: "Tiptoe", "It's Time", "Hear Me", "Bleeding Out"
Clappy's Review
SpoilerSo back in 2012, I found this album from this, at the time, relatively unknown band I heard from the soundtrack of “The Perks of Being a Wallflower” performing their first hit “It’s Time”. You now know them as Imagine Dragons. Who would have thought this band would become one of the defining rock bands of the past ten years? Certainly not me and that was before their follow-up single “Radioactive” became one of the longest running chart singles of all-time.
After one listen, I found myself thinking that there is something to these guys because outside of one song, I absolutely loved every single song on this album. It quickly became one of my favorite albums that I kept listening to on repeat over and over again. I thought to myself, “Boy I can’t wait to see where these guys go from here!”
…clearly I was dead wrong about how I forecasted their future. Look I’m not going to sit here and preach to you about how their career trajectory turned out, but I will say this. These guys are more influential than I realized on the sound of modern alternative rock. Wumbo pointed out above about Cage the Elephant, but that is only one of the MANY bands that are producing this overly corporatized commercialized garbage. Not too threatening to place in an advertisement, but way too watered down that any sort of meaning is immediately hammered out of it.
I say this now because I haven’t revisited “Night Visions” in a really long time ever since my positive feelings towards Imagine Dragons went straight out the window in the last seven or so years ago. Once Wumbo suggested we take this career dive one step further than their recent album, my immediate thought was, “Please let me still like Night Visions.”
And after relistening to it, I still think this is an excellent album. When only a few songs have soured on me in the very long time since listening to Night Visions, I’d say that holds up pretty well. You can tell throughout this album in particular that they have a defined sound and ideas and not trying to sell Apple’s latest iPhone. I mean you guys know the good singles mentioned above, but these deep cuts are actually really wonderful. I’m surprised “Tiptoe” in particular never got a single push because I could have seen this being a legitimate hit if the studio executive wanted to push it.
But let’s talk about the one song that I have always hated from this album, “Demons”. It was terrible back in 2012 and still is terrible now. By a country mile, the worst song from this album and one of the worst in their entire discography. That being said, “Demons” is the song that has influenced this band’s career trajectory. Every soulless meaningless hollow piece of trash that Imagine Dragons has released since feels partially inspired by this one song. Like it or not, “Demons” will probably be this act’s career defining song. And after noticing that years ago, it has made me sour on songs like “On Top of the World”. Which I’ve heard god knows how many times over the years for movie trailers, car commercials, etc. The first time listening to this, I thought “this is cute and happy go lucky”. Now, I never want to hear it ever again.
But I’ll still go up to bat for this album. It’s still a really good listen and worth checking out if you want to see what Imagine Dragons vision was for themselves before they started to sell themselves out to corporate America.
Rating: 8/10
Best: “Radioactive”, “Tiptoe”, “It’s Time”, “Amsterdam”, “Hear Me”, “Every Night”
Worst: “Demons”…..duh
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Hi everyone! Wumbo and Clappy here to present to you a Christmas present of horrendous proportions. You see, this all started when we learned beloved administrator jjsthekid had a dream that the two of us had reviewed Imagine Dragons' latest album. We decided to make that dream a reality and review it just for him. But when we listened to the album, we decided it was such an... experience that we needed further context. Enter this new Imagine Dragons project, where we will be reviewing all five of their full-length albums and once and for all answering the question: Who are Imagine Dragons, anyway? A generic, bland, rock-adjacent pop band? The confused ramblings of Dan Reynolds set to "music"? A forgotten gem? Maybe not that last one. But maybe something in between! So, starting December 20th and ending December 24th, we will try our best to piece together the career trajectory of Imagine Dragons, one album at a time. Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays!
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Spoiler
2. "I gotta drum up a marching band fast! Drum... ha ha... band humor."
Band Geeks - 331 points
20 of 30 lists. Highest Ranking: #2 - @4EverGreen, @NegiSpongie, @SpongeOddFan, and @dmandagiraffe
2019 Ranking: #1 (-1)
Season 2, written by C.H. Greenblatt, Aaron Springer, and Merriwether Williams
Plot: Squidward starts up a marching band to perform at the Bubble Bowl.
The other episode which seems it's been a fan favourite ever since its inception. And you know what? I can't blame anybody for it. This is a damn good episode no matter how you look at it, and it has quite possibly the most endearing and enduring moment of SpongeBob ever. Squidward finally wins. I've talked before about how Squidward abuse is a common form of discourse when discussing the series, and may be missing the point of the series entirely, which is that Squidward's job, generally, is to get crapped on. But no matter where you fall on the debate, you can't deny that it's great to see Squidward win as well, especially in such spectacular fashion with an epic song. People were mad that SpongeBob, and Stephen Hillenburg, didn't get as much of a shout-out during Super Bowl 2019 as some people apparently felt they were owed. Honestly, I think people just wanted to hear the "Band Geeks" song. You can't really blame 'em.
But this episode is so much more than one song, and one moment. It's chock-full of great character moments and jokes by bringing the whole town together to unite toward one goal. I love all the various ways townsfolk of every shape and size contribute to the band (the Plankton harmonica joke is still a classic). This is an episode which feels epic; it could easily be a season or even series finale. It's not hard to see how it's resonated so well with people, even after all this time. Fantastic. Sweet victory indeed.
Spoiler1. "You had to kill him. The boy cries ya a sweater of tears... and ya kill him. How are you gonna live with yourself?"
Dying for Pie - 363 points
22 of 30 lists. 4 #1 votes - @Wumbo, @Katniss, @ForgottenOne, & @Bob Carotte
2019 Ranking: #2 (+1)
Season 2, written by Aaron Springer, C.H. Greenblatt, and Merriwether Williams
Plot: Squidward accidentally gifts SpongeBob a bomb shaped like a pie.
Well, it took a decade, but at long last the CORRECT #1 episode takes its throne! "Dying for Pie" has been my favourite episode for quite some time now, and I've gushed about it so many times it's difficult to find new things to say about it. This is the greatest Squidward/SpongeBob story in existence. It's funny, heartwarming, tragic, and exciting. Squidward's shown that he really does have a heart underneath it all, but this is the episode where he really shows off how much he can care. The pie as a representation of Squidward's callousness on Employee Brotherhood day is great. I love Mr. Krabs' reaction to its explosion and when SpongeBob has allegedly eaten it. This is also an episode with a ton of great faces, much like "Just One Bite". You may have seen this image before:
"Dying for Pie" is the perfect blend of heart and humour, and always will be. It manages to be one of the funniest and one of the most touching episodes at the same time, which is very difficult to do! But the writers know when to get laughs, and when to slow things down to let the mood of the plot sink in. This is an episode where our favourite yellow friend might die. Of course he won't, but that doesn't mean we can't treat the situation with gravitas where needed. And of course, when you get to the big reveal - SpongeBob doesn't explode - it leads to the funniest moment of the show, with great banter between Squidward and SpongeBob. I marvel at the wit in the "explosion" debate, particularly when Squidward "explodes" at SpongeBob and SpongeBob commends him on it. Man, I've said enough about this episode over the years. I'm just happy it's finally reached that coveted #1 position, and I'm happy to have hosted the Top 50 list once again. Until next time!
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4. "Remember, no employee wants to be a Squidward!"
Krusty Krab Training Video - 266 points
14 of 30 lists. 3 #1 votes - @Less_SpongeBob, @CDCB, & @JCM
2019 Ranking: #5 (+1)
Season 3, written by Aaron Springer, C.H. Greenblatt, and Kent Osborne
Plot: An instructional video takes us through the ins and outs of the Krusty Krab.
Man, what can you even say about "Krusty Krab Training Video" at this point? Easily the most creative and innovative episode the show has ever done. It's also hilarious from start to finish - a delight whenever it comes on the screen. I really admire the writers for taking such an offbeat concept when it comes to the show and running with it. There has never been an episode even remotely close to "Krusty Krab Training Video" (except "Boat Smarts" but that one sucks) and there probably will never be. It is impossible to replicate the magic that this episode produces. Everything is perfect, but what really ties it all together is the tone of the narrator as he delivers his deadpan lines. Hilarious stuff. Ace performance the whole way through. Everyone knows how great this episode is, that's why it always appears high on these lists. Just go back and watch it again if you're unconvinced. It is a masterpiece.
Spoiler3. "You rub it on your skin, and it makes you live forever!"
Chocolate with Nuts - 328 points
21 of 30 lists. 3 #1 votes - @NegiSpongie, @SpongeOddFan, & @dmandagiraffe
2019 Ranking: #3 (=)
Season 3, written by Paul Tibbitt, Kaz, Kent Osborne, and Merriwether Williams
Plot: SpongeBob and Patrick sell chocolate bars.
The Top 4 is pretty predictable at this point, with beloved episodes making their rounds again. So here's "Chocolate with Nuts", an episode that feels like one of two permanent fan favourites. And it's hard not to see why when you re-watch the episode and see just how many funny moments they were able to squeeze into this premise. Helping SpongeBob and Patrick out along the way are the various townsfolk they meet door to door, particularly Tom, the shady salesman, and Mary and her mother, but everyone seems to get at least one great moment. Memorable one-liners like "BACK UP JACK" from Incidental 37B keeps the episode going. I love the determined nature of SpongeBob as he tries in vain to find ways to sell candy bars. Finally, "It's my only night to be fancy!" is one of the funniest and saddest Squidward lines ever. It's just enjoyable throughout, a real crowd pleaser with a sweet tooth.
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Spoiler
6. "That's it! Squidward, this ship belongs to the Red Baron!"
Shanghaied - 249 points
14 of 30 lists. 1 #1 vote - @hippythehippo
2019 Ranking: #6 (=)
Season 2, written by Aaron Springer, C.H. Greenblatt, and Merriwether Williams
Plot: SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward board The Flying Dutchman's ship.
The Flying Dutchman is such an exciting character, and after his first arrival in "Scaredy Pants", it seemed only natural we should eventually dedicate an episode to exploring his ship. SpongeBob and Patrick definitely bring the laughs throughout with their constant annoyance of Squidward and the Dutchman alike. And the atmosphere of the Dutchman's ship is so cool and creepy; I love how everything glows in that green, ghostly light like he does. Another notable thing about this episode is that it has three separate endings, each of which are hilarious in their own way. The one that gets commonly shown is the SpongeBob ending, but my favourite is the simplicity and stupidity of Squidward's ending. An action-packed, fun episode that frequently finds its place in the Top 10, and for good reason. It earns every minute of its elongated screentime.
Spoiler5. "Two giant paint bubbles!"
Wet Painters - 259 points
15 of 30 lists. 1 #1 vote - @kev
2019 Ranking: #9 (+4)
Season 3, written by C.H. Greenblatt, Kaz, and Mark O'Hare
Plot: SpongeBob and Patrick paint the inside of Mr. Krabs' house.
A lot of great episodes of SpongeBob curiously take place in one location. This one has SpongeBob and Patrick almost entirely confined to Mr. Krabs' house, which is the best setting for probably the tensest, most stress-filled episode of SpongeBob ever written. In a good way! And funny, too! I love how the stakes are simultaneously so ridiculous and so high, due to Mr. Krabs' seemingly impossible demands. Every minute of this episode is exciting, from when they first try to open the paint cans, to the slow attempts to actually painting the house, to the eventual paint on the dollar and how they can get rid of it before Krabs comes home, lest their rear ends be mounted on his fireplace. Of course, Mr. Krabs reveals he was just messing with them at the end, but he gets his just deserts. This episode has a ton of laughs and memorable moments. It gets a lot of mileage out of this frankly ridiculous storyline. But that's what makes kid's cartoons so great, right? Making a whole lot of something out of a whole lot of nothing. SpongeBob and Patrick carry this episode to the very end, and Mr. Krabs is there to add that extra level of tension. Fantastic stuff.
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8. "SpongeBob, it's not camping if you're ten feet from your house."
Squid Gets Mauled - 223 points
13 of 30 lists. 1 #1 vote - @Clappy
2019 Ranking: #8 (=)
Season 3, written by Jay Lender, Sam Henderson, and Merriwether Williams
Plot: SpongeBob and Patrick go camping on the front lawn, much to Squidward's dismay.
Well, I've already talked about late Season 3 episodes that get retconned into being Not That Good because of what came afterwards. This is probably the most infamous example of them all, because of dreaded Squidward Abuse. Squid Abuse has to be the most overused, hackneyed criticism of the show. Yes, maybe some episodes go a bit over the top. But if you really think about it, so what? Squidward is typically the antagonist of this children's cartoon series. He is going to be the butt of most jokes and the recipient of most pain. Now, if you want to argue whether certain episodes are funny or not, then we can get talking. But hating an episode solely for "Squidward abuse" is like hating an episode for SpongeBob Happiness. Maybe you just don't like the show anymore? That's fine! Go find something else to do.
God, sorry. It's just... this episode gets criticized as the harbinger of Squidward abuse because of the final scene in which he gets attacked repeatedly by the sea bear. And thus, it's frequently ruffled a few feathers here as we get into revisionist criticism of Season 3's latter episodes. But... it still frequently appears in the Top 10, so it must be doing something right, right? Of course it is. It's funny as hell. But let's address the "Squidward abuse" first. Firstly, Squidward gets himself into this situation through repeated actions, such as taking SpongeBob's innocent comment to heart and spending time with them outside in the first place, and not heeding their warnings about sea bears. You see, if he took their advice to begin with and didn't flout it, he wouldn't have gotten into that mess. Second, the scene is just plain funny. Classic line after classic line here. "I should have warned you about crawling!" "Pretend to be somebody else!" "That was an oval!" Why are you getting angry at a farce for being a farce?
I'm sorry this write-up has turned into an angry defense of this episode rather than a celebration. It's just that the narratives around these episodes have gotten so ridiculous to a point, and I admit I got sucked in too at some points. But we gotta draw the line here. Squid Gets Ma-... er, Camping Episode is hilarious and fun, and has a good storyline with a classic SpongeBob song. And if you don't like it, well, have fun inside!
Spoiler7. "I can't believe anybody would celebrate a holiday where a jolly prowler breaks into your house and leaves gifts."
Christmas Who? - 240 points
14 of 30 lists. 1 #1 vote - @OWM
2019 Ranking: #4 (-3)
Season 2, written by Walt Dohrn, Paul Tibbitt, and Doug Lawrence
Plot: SpongeBob spreads the joy of Christmas to everyone in Bikini Bottom.
This is not only my favourite Christmas episode of SpongeBob and my favourite SpongeBob special, it's also one of my favourite Christmas specials, period. That's how special this episode is. SpongeBob is the perfect ambassador of Christmas to Bikini Bottom; I can't think of anyone more suited for the job. His relentless optimism and hope make him the prime candidate, and it makes the episode all the more heartbreaking when Santa doesn't show and Squidward gets proven right. And of course, as in all the great Christmas specials, evil Squidward has a change of heart when he sees SpongeBob's gift and decides to make it up to him. Awww. This has everything you could possibly need in a Christmas special. A great song, in fact the greatest song of the series, don't at me, a healthy dose of Christmas cheer, snow, a heartwarming and magical ending, and Patchy the Pirate, of course! I could totally get this being someone's favourite episode ever - it's that good, and it actually was my favourite for a year. This is the episode that always gets me in that Christmas spirit through its optimism and sweet character moments. As magical as a genie!
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Spoiler
10. "We've been smeckledorfed!"
Nasty Patty - 202 points
14 of 30 lists. Highest Ranking: #3 - @hippythehippo & @kev
2019 Ranking: #15 (+5)
Season 3, written by Paul Tibbitt, Kaz, & Mark O'Hare
Plot: SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs create a tainted Krabby Patty.
This is definitely one of the darkest episodes of SpongeBob. The mood is set right away with it being a daaaark and stormy night... until it's not, of course, and the scene shifts to a perfectly normal day at the Krusty Krab. Yeah, I'm happy to see this episode get the attention it deserves. I think this is its first time ever placing in a Top 10. It combines the incredibly gruesome story of SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs killing a man with great humour and character moments to make it palatable. I love the ever-growing uneasiness of the episode as the police appear to be hotter on SpongeBob and Krabs' trail. I love the increasingly flimsy excuses and staged conversations used to delay that suspicion. And I love the poor health inspector, who has to get knocked around like ten times in this episode. Remember, budding restaurants! If you want to pass a health inspection but aren't sure how, just maim the health inspector until he provides you with a passing grade! Yes, they are all idiots, aren't they? Wouldn't have it any other way.
Spoiler9. "It's the apocalypse! Office products falling from the sky!"
Have You Seen This Snail? - 222 points
14 of 30 lists. Highest Ranking: #2 - @Less_SpongeBob & @CakeCup
2019 Ranking: #14 (+5)
Season 4, written by Aaron Springer and Paul Tibbitt
Plot: Gary runs away when Spongebob neglects to feed him.
Ah, yes. Another staple episode on this list, if not in the Top 10, then at least the Top 20. What is there left to say about Have You Seen This Snail? It's an episode well worth its runtime as Gary runs away and we get to see just how much SpongeBob loves and cares for his pet. He moves heaven and earth to try to get Gary to come back home as he realizes the huge mistake he made. It's a heartbreaking journey best summed up by that image above. We get to see what Gary's journey is like as well, as he nearly gets overstuffed by his temporary new owner, adding a bit more action and urgency to the plot. It's a classic episode, one of the best Season 4 has to offer. It has enough emotion and laughs to make for an always thoughtful sitting.
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Honourable Mentions
SpoilerSpoiler59. My Pretty Seahorse
54 points, 4 of 30 lists. Highest Ranking: #4 - @jjsthekid
2019 Ranking: N/A (New!)
Spoiler58. Employee of the Month
55 points, 5 of 30 lists. Highest Ranking: #10 - @Coffee_lover
2019 Ranking: #58 (=)
SpoilerSpoiler56. Suction Cup Symphony
58 points, 4 of 30 lists. 1 #1 vote - @Coffee_lover
2019 Ranking: N/A (New!)
SpoilerSpoiler54. Mimic Madness
61 points, 4 of 30 lists. Highest Ranking: #2 - @ForgottenOne
2019 Ranking: #54 (=)
Spoiler53. The Fry Cook Games
61 points, 5 of 30 lists. Highest Ranking: #5 - @Wumbo
2019 Ranking: #44 (-9, fell off Top 50
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Spoiler52. Naughty Nautical Neighbors
61 points, 6 of 30 lists. Highest Ranking: #8 - @sbl & @Aquatic Konquest
2019 Ranking: N/A (New!)
Spoiler51. Snowball Effect
63 points, 7 of 30 lists. Highest Ranking: #3 - @E.V.I.L.
2019 Ranking: #22 (-29, fell off Top 50)
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12. "Try one of those radioactive sludge-balls you call food? Next I suppose you'll want me to go square-dancing with Patrick!"
There I am Gary there I am!
Just One Bite - 189 points
14 of 30 lists. Highest Ranking: #3 - @WinterArcanine
2019 Ranking: #12 (=)
Season 3, written by Jay Lender, Sam Harrison, and Merriwether Williams
Plot: SpongeBob tries to get Squidward to eat a Krabby Patty.
Messing with the status quo, huh? Well, "status quo", anyway, because Squidward has eaten Krabby Patties in the past, however involuntarily. This episode is on my list for one reason and one reason only: it is an absolute goldmine for screencaps and funny faces. The one above you can see, as well as SpongeBob's "you like Krabby Patties" face, Squidward's "unsure" face, the list goes on. Props to the storyboard artists and animators here, just brilliant work. It's also a well plotted episode. Anything that involves sneaking around and keeping secrets is sure to be fun; throw a little inappropriate gasoline into the mix and it's a roller coaster. I love how Squidward provides his own undoing here through his pride, and then has to sneak around in myriad ways to get another Krabby Patty without SpongeBob noticing. Great, well-rounded character, that Squidward. A classic episode with lots to enjoy. Does this look unsure to you?
Spoiler11. "Ow! I burnt my hand!... at night."
Graveyard Shift - 200 points
15 of 30 lists. Highest Ranking: #5 - @JCM & @kev
2019 Ranking: #11 (=)
Season 2, written by Doug Lawrence, Jay Lender, and Dan Povenmire
Plot: SpongeBob and Squidward work the night shift at the Krusty Krab.
Spooky episodes are the best ones for atmosphere, and this one oozes frightening and unnerving atmosphere just as the walls of the Krusty Krab ooze green slime. A wonderful little ghost story told by Squidward slowly gets realized as he and SpongeBob work further into the Krusty Krab's first night shift. It reaches a point where it becomes too much to be a series of coincidences... until it is, of course. And these types of plots are always contrived to some extent, but the explanation is so silly that it doesn't matter. It also helps that they lampshade it with Nosferatu at the end. Squidward and Spongebob so consistently make a good pairing, as evidenced by these last two episodes and many others on this list. They bounce off each other so well in so many different ways, and their contrasting personalities can make any episode entertaining. This one, with its spook factor, certainly fits the bill as well. It's funny, it's intriguing, it's creepy, and it rocks.
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14. "Here you go. It's alphabet soup. I made it special."
Can You Spare a Dime? - 160 points
9 of 30 lists. 1 #1 vote - @sbl
2019 Ranking: #7 (-7)
Season 3, written by Jay Lender, Sam Henderson, and Merriwether Williams
Plot: Squidward loses his job and is down on his luck, so SpongeBob invites him into his home.
I love episodes where the facade of SpongeBob cracks like this one. SpongeBob is usually a pretty easygoing and helpful guy. But even he has his limits, and Squidward stomps all over them in this episode. Then we get to see how SpongeBob reacts to such adversity. With a heaping helping of passive aggression, it turns out! Actually, this episode is surprisingly sour all around for SpongeBob. No one really seems happy, or seems to get along with anyone else. If it wasn't so damned funny, I'd imagine it would actually be a pretty unpleasant affair to sit through. But it is funny, and that's what matters here. SpongeBob's passive aggression is hilarious, as are Squidward's whiny neediness and Mr. Krabs' stubbornness. It may not be a very fun episode for the SpongeBob characters, but it's definitely a fun one for most of us.
Spoiler13. "You just sprinkle it over anything you say, and Wham-O! You've got yourself a spicy sentence sandwich!"
Sailor Mouth - 179 points
9 of 30 lists. Highest Ranking: #3 - @Bob Carotte & @The Helpful Mexican
2019 Ranking: #17 (+4)
Season 2, written by Walt Dohrn, Paul Tibbitt, and Merriwether Williams
Plot: SpongeBob learns a bad new word.
"Sailor Mouth" is one of those episodes that you're amazed the writers got away with. I think a big part of it is the use of all the funny sound effects in place of the swear words, whatever they may be. What also helps is it kind of works as a moral tale, with Mr. Krabs as the teacher on which words are bad. SpongeBob and Patrick don't mean any harm using *dolphin noise*, it's all in good fun until they figure out what it means. That's what keeps the episode going and what makes it so endearing. Its childlike innocence, culminating in an explosion of swear words from - you guessed it - Mr. Krabs himself. A totally fun episode that always holds up upon rewatch, if only to hear all the creative and funny sounds used to mask the naughty language. And I know it goes thematically with the episode, but how they snuck a George Carlin reference in there I'll never understand. Fantastic.
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16. "Everything is chrome in the future!"
SB-129 - 153 points
12 of 30 lists. Highest Ranking: #2 - @WhoBob
2019 Ranking: #16 (=)
Season 1, written by Aaron Springer, Erik Wiese, and Doug Lawrence
Plot: Squidward freezes himself into the future and experiences complications with a time machine.
You can't really call "SB-129" the first experimental episode of SpongeBob, as "Reef Blower", a silent short, was literally in the first airing. But man, is it a weird one. And that's what I, and I'm sure many others, love about it. It takes Squidward on this existential journey through time and existence and non-existence as he just tries to find a place to play his clarinet. It's definitely a ballsy move to do such a high-concept episode this early in the series, and it speaks to the brilliance of the writers that they were able to pull it off. This is one of the show's most memorable episodes for its plot alone. That word... alone. The depiction of "alone" and "nowhere" in this episode is haunting, and you can tell why Squidward would be perturbed by this, longing to even have SpongeBob and Patrick back. The fact that the episode all ends on the mindfuck of the century tells us that you don't want to mess around with time and space. You could end up alone like Squidward. Amazing episode, can't praise it enough.
Spoiler15. "Finland!"
Frankendoodle - 154 points
12 of 30 lists. Highest Ranking: #3 - @CDCB & @NegiSpongie
2019 Ranking: #10 (-5)
Season 2, written by Walt Dohrn, Paul Tibbitt, and Merriwether Williams
Plot: SpongeBob creates DoodleBob.
What separates man, or sponge, from God? Is it our ability to create? Then how do you explain the madness that is "Frankendoodle"? I love episodes of animated shows that play around with different media of art and animation. It's always so much fun to watch the artists' interpretations of what the characters' interpretations of art are. Such is the case with DoodleBob (and various other doodles such as the one above). It's a crude drawing of SpongeBob (as Patrick would be happy to point out to you) but it takes on life of its own thanks to the magic pencil. And what happens when your drawn creation attacks you and wishes to become the real you? Well, you have to erase it, of course! "Frankendoodle" is the perfect blend of comedy, intrigue, and action. It's a super exciting episode with a lot of laughs (mostly thanks to Patrick) and it also has that high-concept feel of creating and destroying life. But maybe I should take it easy. It's just a drawing.
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18. "Is that the cheese?"
Pizza Delivery - 144 points
13 of 30 lists. Highest Ranking: #3 - @CakeCup & @Katniss
2019 Ranking: #13 (-5)
Season 1, written by Sherm Cohen, Aaron Springer, and Peter Burns
Plot: SpongeBob and Squidward deliver a pizza.
Well, here's one that's certainly earned a long stay on these lists. You could argue that "Pizza Delivery" is the first excellent episode (I'd argue it's "Naughty Nautical Neighbors", but that's neither here nor there), one that truly realizes the true comedic and dramatic potential of SpongeBob, and one that can mine so many jokes and memorable moments from such a simple premise. SpongeBob's eccentricity is in full form here, as he babbles on about the pioneers while steadfastly refusing to give up delivering this pizza. The perfect pairing with this, of course, is Squidward, as his cynical nature contrasts perfectly with SpongeBob's optimism. And of course, there's the heartwarming moment at the end where Squidward sticks up for the little yellow guy, which I imagine is one of many reasons it so consistently makes people's lists. This is the first time we see Squidward show sympathy for SpongeBob, and it really helps to round out his character from just being a grumpy curmudgeon. "Pizza Delivery" is a sing of real growth and ambition from the series, and it all pays off.
Spoiler17. "And welcome back to championship boxing!"
Idiot Box - 145 points
10 of 30 lists. Highest Ranking: #2 - @OWM
2019 Ranking: #19 (+2)
Season 3, written by Paul Tibbitt, Kent Osborne, and Merriwether Williams
Plot: SpongeBob and Patrick have fun with a box.
If you had to pick one episode to best showcase SpongeBob and Squidward's contrasting outlooks on life, this would probably be the one. Even this image above nearly spells it out perfectly. SpongeBob can make a cardboard box sound appealing using imagination, Squidward can't even find enjoyment out of the TV he purchased. This episode is just a ton of fun, as episodes encircled around imagination should be. SpongeBob and Patrick go on many adventures within that box, and get a lot of laughs and good lines out of them. But what makes the episode so great is Squidward's mounting frustration at their fun, not believing that the "imagination" tells the whole story. Such is the cynicism of Squidward that drives many conflicts in SpongeBob. Of course, the funniest and saddest part is the end, where Squidward thinks he gets the box working, but turns out to just be down in the dumps instead. This is an essential episode of SpongeBob to watch. Such simplicity with a cardboard box - an episode that definitively proves less is more.
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Spoiler
20. "Hey, you guys wanna hear a bathroom joke?"
Something Smells - 137 points
10 of 30 lists. Highest Ranking: #5 - @Katniss & @Steel Sponge
2019 Ranking: #29 (+9)
Season 2, written by Aaron Springer, C.H. Greenblatt, and Merriwether Williams
Plot: SpongeBob develops bad breath after eating a rancid sundae.
This is a sneaky funny episode, but I'm not even sure it really has that many jokes, per se. I think other than the "Ugly Barnacle" thing and "Look at it!", it's a pretty unremarkable episode as far as memorable moments go. But the permeating storyline of SpongeBob (and later Patrick) believing that their ugliness is what is driving people away, and not the bad breath, is the comedy that drives the whole episode. Consistently great animation as well, I love all the myriad ways a random fish passerby bursts into flames or runs away whenever they catch a whiff of SpongeBob's breath. It's clearly an episode that resonates with people, to which I have to say you're all beautiful, and if not, you can still be ugly and proud. But this episode is still fun for lots of laughs.
Spoiler19. "We shall never deny a guest, even the most ridiculous request!"
Krusty Towers - 137 points
11 of 30 lists. Highest Ranking: #3 - @Clappy
2019 Ranking: #20 (+1)
Season 4, written by Luke Brookshier, Tom King, and Steven Banks
Plot: Mr. Krabs turns the Krusty Krab into a hotel.
When people used to praise select Season 4 or 5 episodes, they would do it under the caveat of "oh this feels like a classic/Season 3 episode". Which is fine and everything, but as a series moves on, it should be given room to evolve from where it was. This was one of the most acclaimed episodes of Season 4 from the time it came out, and lots of those comments came to fruition. While it's certainly as funny as any Season 3 episode, it still feels very much in line with Season 4's quick-paced and eccentric style of humour. All four main characters do a great job here in their own way. I love the shifting power dynamic when Squidward figures out how to game the system. Nice to see him on the winning side for a change, at least for a while. Patrick is the perfect element of chaos to put in any story, but particularly this one, as he requests a room full of cheese and has a suitcase full of rocks. SpongeBob somewhat takes a backseat but is good in a supporting role. And Krabs' scheme is hilarious throughout, particularly when it (figuratively and literally) blows up in his face. Still to this day, it is one of the funniest episodes of Season 4 and does a lot with an admittedly thin premise. It would be a ridiculous request to leave it off the list.
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SBC What If's
in SpongeBob's Library
Posted
Bwahahahaha! It’s HALLOWEEN, boils and ghouls! And you know what that means: it’s time for another One Hit Wonderland: Spooooktacular Edition!
*coughs* Sorry, I’ve been misinformed. I am now told that it is, in fact, June, and I’m supposed to be writing yet another hypothetical on the fate of the SpongeBob Community. Hey guys, Wumbo here. I don’t write anything anymore! I’m not quite sure why jjs wanted me to do this. But it’s okay, after the smashing success of my half-episode fart “SpongeBob and Patrick Vote for Obama” or whatever, I’m sure that nothing will go wrong with this hypothetical! So… sorry, let me get into the mood. *ahem*
Picture this. An online forum community dedicated to unhealthy worship. You got it? I know it’s a bit of a stretch, but stay with me here. This worship is not directed towards a TV show, a music artist, or even a celebrity! No, this worship centres around something much more sinister: an online reviewer. Not just any online reviewer, but one who keeps his mask mostly obscured in the shadows! And his name is Todd! Why, you might call him a “Todd in the Shadows” of some sort! Oh, most online forums centre around things that are at least somewhat in the mainstream. But to be second banana to the Nostalgia Critic? Well, that’s a special type of niche that only the wildest guesses could imagine. So imagine with me, if you will, the answer to this question…
Episode 27: Is SBC a Trainwreckord?
Wait, no, that’s not it. Sorry, let me try again…
Episode 27: What If… SBC Was a Todd in the Shadows Community?
The year is 2010. Clapmaster, who is a frequent user of the ThatGuyWithTheGlasses message board, grows weary of the board’s focus on The Nostalgia Critic. He wants to see his favourite reviewer, Todd in the Shadows, get more love. So he creates the TITS community, and after waving away dozens of horny, confused old men, he vows never to use the acronym again. Rather than only accepting members from the ThatGuyWithTheGlasses forum, as is common practice, Clapmaster allows anyone to join! Gradually, the forum increases in popularity with users like Wumbology, katnisslovestacos, and Old Man Mr. Meeseeks declaring their admiration for the hooded, shadowed pop music reviewer.
Things are harmonious until August 27, 2013, when a user named President Squidward joins. He suggests that there is more to TGWTG music reviewing than simply Todd in the Shadows. He suggests that the Todd in the Shadows Community merge with the upstart forum, Rap Critic Community. Well, oh, my, GOD, Clapmaster (now known as Clappy) can’t believe this and bans President Squidward on the spot. This leads to a lot of infighting on the Todd in the Shadows chatroom, until katniss hijacks the conversation by posting the song “Got an Itchy Leg” over and over again. Clappy scratches his leg and reluctantly agrees to allow President Squidward back into the forums and begins correspondence with the Rap Critic community. Unfortunately, the Rap Critic Community is still sore from the Accidental Racist review and the two forums remain separate, though some users join both forums out of curiosity. Butt What?
The Todd in the Shadows Community weathers the storm of #ChangeTheChannel, with tens of refugees from the Channel Awesome forums flocking to the community. The forum becomes rife with derogatory Nostalgia Critic memes. “A BAT CREDIT CARD” becomes the most-used phrase on the forums. The original members begin to fear that the Nostalgia Critic memes are overtaking the forum, and its members are losing touch with its original purpose, save for Wumbo, who gleefully participates in every meme until it’s distressingly unfunny. Wumbo, who is now an admin at this point, suggests that the community award the Noble Critic award to the user who has the best Doug Walker memes. This is the final straw, and Wumbo is banned from the community for five months. If only all online forum drama was this tame!
Upon Wumbo’s return, he brings to the community’s attention the existence of a subreddit dedicated to Todd in the Shadows. Rather than recruit members from the forum, the users of the Todd in the Shadows community make special note of their obsession with Trainwreckords. The Doug Walker memes quickly shift over to Trainwreckords memes. Occasional poster jjsthekid posts “Is Pink Floyd’s The Wall a Trainwreckord?” mere days before Doug Walker’s disastrous takedown of The Wall. He is forever awarded the Noble Critic award.
The Todd in the Shadows community still continues to this day, though with less frequency given Todd’s less frequent output. A Discord server is created to discuss various topics outside of Todd’s videos. In the tv and film channel, many users happen to express an affinity for SpongeBob SquarePants.
Did they deserve better? Hell no.