Wumbo Ranks Billboard Year-End Hot 100 Charts! (Ahhh, the deed is done.)

[Wumbo]

thread discontinued

[Katniss]

thread discontinued

RIP

[Steel Sponge]

Good night, sweet prince.

[Sweat]

Aww man, why

[Clappy]

I'm not sold. Something is up and I want to know why you're being so sudden and vaguely mysterious about this out of love.

[Sweat]

I'm not sold. Something is up and I want to know why you're being so sudden and vaguely mysterious about this out of love.

He said on Xat that something happened irl that made him lose his motivation for this. He said he'll be taking a hiatus on SBC until about September.

[E.V.I.L.]

I hope things get better Wumbro. 

[Wumbo]

Okay, so this happened. I was hoping to get through 2015 without a major incident, but here we are. And I suppose I'd better explain myself.

 

I was going through a rough patch in late August. I felt like I wasn't amounting to anything and that anything I did didn't matter. I finally ended up opening up to my mom about my depression. With her help, I worked out plans for myself to better my attitude and my motivation. I'm now a lot happier than I ever was. The bouts of depression still come now and again, but I can fight them.

 

So with that said, it is with triumphant fanfare (I hope) that this project returns. I could just request everything to do with my episode to be deleted and to forget about the whole thing, but I'd rather leave this here as a reminder to myself not to give up on what I love doing. And I really do love doing this, and I'm happy to continue until the project is finished. 

 

So we'll be getting two years this month, to make up for the hiatus in August. 1960, plus another year to come later. Stay tuned!

[Wumbo]

1960! Where pop music was just getting its training wheels taken off. This would prove to be a long, long process until The Beatles eventually rolled around.

 

Look, I don't want to sound like some kind of reverse snob where I say all old music is garbage. Far from it. I can definitely see the merit in this era of music, and I can also acknowledge how different it is from mine. But the thing is, I didn't grow up in this era, my parents didn't grow up in this era, and as a result I have little or no connection to almost all of these songs. I'd say about 95% of these songs were ones I heard for the first time. But that's what this project is all about. Exploring new eras, even if they really are old. And as you should all know by now, the first step in exploring any new era is to point out what's wrong with it. So, sit back and enjoy...

 

Wumbo's Bottom 10 Songs of 1960

 

Spoiler

Like I said, I don't have any real sort of connection with the early 60's, as far as music goes. It's about as distant a pop chart can get for me. So you'll have to forgive me if I can't bring myself to understand why this would be the #2 song of the year.

 

10. "He'll Have to Go" - Jim Reeves

 

 

I tried to look at the songs of this year as a precursor to something. 55 years later, that seems like the fairest way to evaluate some of these songs. Looking at this one, I can't really imagine it being a precursor to anything other than... like, Alan from Two and a Half Men.

 

The guy just sounds pathetic on this track. And his weird crooning doesn't help either. It makes the song more emotionally distant, and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be feeling. I guess you're supposed to be feeling sorry for this guy, but if he doesn't sound particularly torn up about his situation, why should I?

 

This is supposed to be a country pop song, I guess, but I've heard more emotional country and more fun pop from this year, so as far as I'm concerned, it fails on both fronts. And it'll have to go.

 

(And before you ask, "He'll Have to Stay" is way, way better.)

 

Spoiler

Look, I'm not saying I outright disagree with Canadian music experts or whatever... I'm just saying, when you call Jack Scott "the greatest Canadian rock and roll singer of all time"... you might be underselling our country a bit.

 

 

I realize this whole music shebang is subjective, but if people are honestly going to tell me that this guy is the pinnacle of Canadian rock and roll voices, then I have to just shake my head. Sure, if you ignore the last 50 years or so, this guy might be the best singer we have to offer. And that's just sad, my friends.

 

 

9. "What in the World's Come Over You" - Jack Scott

 

 

It really does piss me off how rose-tinted people's glasses are when they listen to this stuff. (Is "glasses" an appropriate comparison point when it comes to music? Whatever, I'm overthinking it.) What really gets me are all the screaming girls in this video, telling me that, in fact, yes, they are attracted to his voice. I don't mean to be crude, but...

 

http://img6.bdbphotos.com/images/orig/j/w/jwgshionyd4zyn4h.jpg?djet1p5k

 

I think it's safe to say that he wasn't getting the ladies because of his looks.

 

But I'm not a half-assed style critic; I'm a half-assed music critic. And this, to me, is why I can't even begin to wonder how this guy is so well remembered. Music like this should just be left in its era, there to appease the throng of screaming teenage girls in the 60's, forever. I mean, people who didn't grow up with the boy band wars of the late 90's don't tend to appreciate the boy band wars of the late 90's. And with good reason! It was an embarrassing period of music, and I can only equate this to that. Jack Scott: A big, hot, steaming bowl of "whatever".

 

Spoiler

Okay, now this guy I'm sure you've heard of.

 

Yes, that's right! I'm putting the iconic, lovable, totally perfect Elvis Presley in my Bottom 10. May Neptune have mercy on my soul.

 

8. "It's Now or Never" - Elvis Presley

 

 

I'll keep this one short: I just really hate the beat on this song. It doesn't fit Elvis at all. I'm not even sure what's trying to be achieved with it. It sounds like a train whistle or something? Maybe he's leaving on a train, so that's why it's now or never? ...nah, that's stupid.

 

I have nothing against Elvis Presley. But to have this song be one of his best-selling singles is just endlessly baffling to me. Elvis is a much more dynamic and interesting performer than this song might lead you to believe.

 

Spoiler

All right, so there's this performer called Johnny Horton.

 

 

He performed throughout the 1950s making good ol' fashioned hoedown gee-whiz fun entertainment. And he was damn good at it! He had this fun atmosphere around him, perfect for what he was trying to do.

 

Then, starting in 1959, he started to make... uh, "historical" songs. And let's see if you can spot the problem.

 

7. "Sink the Bismarck" - Johnny Horton

 

 

*sigh* I don't get you, 1960. The Billboard charts aren't meant to be a showcase for Schoolhouse Rock doing World War II lessons. Actually... really listen to this.

 

 

This just sounds like an Irish Drinking Song from Whose Line! And at least those make me laugh! What's the point of this song? It sounds boring and it's a history lesson. It's a song that's more historical than musical.

 

 

Yeah. This is a Mr. Pryce-Jones song. I went there. But at least Arthur had the mercy to skip over that one. Clocking in at over three minutes, this is one of the longest songs on the 1960 chart, and good God, it feels like it. Tragically, Johnny Horton passed away in a car crash shortly after this song was released, but at least he has a legacy of great early country music to make up for his misfires. Ohhh, aye-dee-aye-dee-aye-dee-aye-dee-aye-dee-aye-dee-aye!

 

Spoiler

6. "Puppy Love" - Paul Anka

 

 

Okay, before I get into my utter distaste for Mr. Anka's music, I have to call to attention this stunning bit of insanity I discovered time and time again this year known as The Dick Clark Show.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owq7hgzna3E

 

What is he doing in a bed? Should I be deeply concerned?

 

Time and time again, I was introduced to the songs this year via YouTube clips of this show. It's some sort of variety show, and from what I can tell they've taken liberties with that definition of "variety" and translated it to straight-up insanity. I'm sure being from the time period would make this show make a lot more sense to me, as well as maybe sitting down and watching a full episode, but who's got that kind of time? Especially when you spend it ranking Billboard hits like I do!

 

Now, where was I? Oh yeah, "Puppy Love" sucks.

 

My problems with Paul Anka begin and end with "I hate this guy's fucking voice." This was the only song this year, however, that was irritating enough to land a spot in my Bottom 10. He just... really tries to achieve some sort of range with his simpering 5-year-old whine, and when Paul Anka's trying, that's when you should be truly concerned for your eardrums.

 

This song was written for Annette Funicello, whom Paul was seeing at the time, and... wow, did she ever deserve something better than this. They may have called it puppy love, but I call this song dogshit.

 

Spoiler

Now, this guy was by no stretch of the word a one-hit wonder. But I think that after you make a song as horribly wretched as this, it would be in everyone's best interest if you stopped making music immediately. Because... oh god, I don't know if I'm gonna break hearts with this one or not, but I could not stand this song from the first moment I heard it.

 

5. "Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini" - Brian Hyland

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICkWjdQuK7Q

 

This song is an offense to my intelligence. I feel like I'm getting dumber by listening to this. When I said I would view the songs of 1960 as precursors to the music to come, I didn't mean I would appreciate all of them. And there's nothing to appreciate about the song that paved the way for 70s novelty kitsch.

 

I'm not even sure I get the point of this song. If this girl is so embarrassed to be seen in the proclaimed "itsy... bitsy... teenie... weenie" well, you know what it is, then why wear it in the first place? Nobody's forcing you to dictate the future of swimwear fashion, lady, Wear what you're comfortable with.

 

The only thing I will give this song is that it was, in fact highly influential. ...To the bikini industry, as sales of bikinis skyrocketed after the release of this song. I'm not sure I really get that either; the song all but glorifies the bikini as ideal swimwear. But hey, maybe this is all just a tongue-in-cheek thing that everyone in 1960 understood and that I'm somehow missing.

 

Two, three, four, tell the people what she wore

 

No, it's just kitsch garbage. Moving on!

 

Spoiler

Okay... let's cut to the chase here.

 

1960 was... shall we say, a different time. A time in which being culturally insensitive and stereotypical was not only normalized, but could also make you into a big star. It's a time upon which we can look back and realize the mistakes made in society.

 

To put it another way, what the fuck was up with 1960 and Native Americans?

 

4. "Mr. Custer" - Larry Verne

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fe0q8Lq3L2Q

 

Ah yes, that's a good sign: have your song start out with Indian "whooping". I'm sure your song will be well remembered in that way.

 

The problem with this song isn't just that it's racist; it's also stupid and fucking annoying. This isn't even a song. It's just some idiot rambling to himself. It's honestly almost a marvel in this sense. Like... wow, if you needed any proof that 1960 was still a staggeringly backward society, look no further than this piece of trash.

 

I'm not even sure what else I can say here. I mean, for all the faults of this song, at least he isn't directly addressing Native Americans and targeting them that way...

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WmyV5Loz7H4

 

...leave that to the song's unfortunate sequel. Christ, who gave this guy a microphone?

 

Spoiler

Okay, I realize how weird this is going to look. I'm putting a tragic song about the death of a teenage girl higher on my bad list than whatever the hell that last thing was. But... look, boredom and vague annoyance always wins out. What can I say?

 

3. "Teen Angel" - Mark Dinning

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IE-AcC53OYY

 

Okay, so before I go on, this needs to be addressed: There is, in fact, an entire column on Wikipedia called "teenage tragedy song". This means that there are enough songs about this sort of thing to devote a whole category on Wikipedia. All I can say is... yeesh, lighten up, music!

 

I guess what really gets to me about this song is that it's not really about anything. It tells a story, sure. But it has no connection to real life and it doesn't sound like it does, either. And that's fine, if you make it interesting. But the composition is so bland that I can't invest in the song either way. At least "Mr. Custer" is so off-the wall insanely offensive that it provokes a reaction. This is trying to provoke one, but failing. Which as shown by my ranking, is the bigger crime.

 

I'm looking at some of the other songs in this sub-category and there are plenty that do the "teenage tragedy" thing way better than this. And that's a tragic sentence I thought I would never type, but here we stand. What a weird world to live in.

 

Spoiler

Okay, seriously, 1960. Did a Native American kick your dog or something?

 

2. "Running Bear" - Johnny Preston

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1PfrpcqLyzY

 

1960 was a vastly different time from today. Racist portrayals making it big on the pop charts, that sort of thing. But for the love of God, if you're going to be a racist schmuck, go all out with it. I don't even know what this song is supposed to be. You have the... I don't know, "Injun beat" that sounds like they lifted it from "What Made the Red Man Red".

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f7yE8TKUB_M

 

Yeah, here's a litmus test to see if your novelty song is racist: if your song reminds me of an interaction with the "red man" in Peter Pan, you might be stepping on some toes.

 

But then it inexplicably gets this jazzy tone added in the chorus and it's just like... what?! Who authorized that decision? How does any of this blend together?

 

Oh, and get this: this is listed right after "Teen Angel" on Wikipedia as another "teenage tragedy" song. And somehow this one fails even harder. Look at how the death is portrayed!

 

As their hands touched and their lips met
The raging river pulled them down
Now they'll always be together
In their happy hunting ground

 

Okay, Preston... there's a way to do this "teenage tragedy" thing tactfully. And all I'm saying is, if I can get more of an emotional response from blink-182 spilling apple juice in the hall, you might have failed to tell a relevant, meaningful story.

 

Christ, what the hell was that? You can't call your song a "teenage tragedy" if you treat the death like a punchline. Man, I was ready to deem this song more of a bore than an offensive piece of shit, but... yeah! This song is an offensive piece of shit! Run, run, far, far away from the confused mess that is "Running Bear".

 

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/6871868

 

That clip is still more dignified than this song.

 

Spoiler

1960 was an interesting year to look at, for sure. You see the minds of the past working to create inspiration for the future. Early rock, pop, soul, and country all woven into the mix. Unfortunately, one particular cultural trend did not survive. That is the trend of "songs about comic strip characters". And as my #1 worst hit will prove, it died a well-deserved death.

 

1. "Alley Oop" - The Hollywood Argyles

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz6IpmmYSXA

 

Okay, I have to assume that a part of this is just me missing something cultural from 1960. But the way I see it, Peanuts is a comic strip to write a song about. A few have. But... Alley Oop? Not only do I not believe that this is a comic strip to write a song about, I've never even heard of it.

 

But... you know, I'm always open to exploring new things. So if they can frame an interesting song about this character, then I suppose I can dig it. But the thing is, they don't. They really, really don't.

 

This song is as bland and dull as they come, and it certainly doesn't make me want to check out the comic strip. I think the absolute worst part of the song though is near the end, where the lead singer of the Hollywood Argyles goes all... "dad trying to be cool" on us.

 

Ride, daddy, ride

Get 'em, man

Like, hipsville

 

Okay, a few things:

 

-you are talking about a comic strip caveman. How about we leave the modern slang out of it?

 

-the way these lines are presented come off as so awkward that I'm not even sure this was modern slang for 1960.

 

-it literally comes out of nowhere, like, nobody asked for this.

 

-yet, people still bought this song.

 

1960, I don't get you fully. and maybe I never will. But at least I can safely judge you 55 years into the future. Alley oop that! ...hey, it's about as cool as that song.

[illiniguy34]

Nice list, b0ss!

[Katniss]

I don't know who would look back at these songs with fond nostalgia Nice list!

[Wumbo]

So, despite not knowing much about the year from experience, 1960 did crank out 10 hits that I loved. Here they are now!

 

Wumbo's Top 10 Songs of 1960

 

Spoiler

A lot of the songs on this list are songs that broke the mold of what pop music could be. Some of them so much so that they freaked out the unsuspecting DJs that had to play them. Let's see what sort of scandalous hits came the public's way in 1960.

 

10. "The Big Hurt" - Toni Fisher

 

 

Ooooh! Scandalous indeed!

 

No, but seriously, this caused a stir way back in 1960. However, you gotta respect what it did for the industry. You can thank this song for your rockin' Van Halen guitar solos sounding top notch, for example. (Well, you can thank Eddie too, but don't miss my point.) This song introduced flanging to the music industry, which is the process of mixing two identical signals together, but with a delayed effect. Because music recording wasn't exactly innovative back then, especially in pop music, this was an interesting change of pace, and one that would prove to be highly influential for introducing a new technique to the stage.

 

Also, doesn't it just sound awesome? It definitely stuck out in 1960's hits, and for good reason. It's an inventive piece of work.

 

Spoiler

I'm on the record as thinking that, despite the year overall being great, the big duets of 1983 were garbage...

 

 

Joe... buddy... what did they do to you?

 

Anyway, I thought I'd finally even the score a bit by posting duets from a year that handled them well. Here you go.

 

9. "Baby (You've Got What it Takes)" - Dinah Washington & Brook Benton

 

 

Wow! A duet with style, and flair, and interest! Gee, I wonder why 1983 didn't do that more often?

 

Anyway, this song goes to prove that some of the old stuff in fact holds up. It just has to be good and not...

 

 

...horribly dated.

 

The song's got that classic feel to it without being made to feel like you're listening to Grandma's radio station. It's got swing and some really talented voices behind it. Dinah Washington dubbed herself the "Queen of the Blues", and she can back that statement up with performances like these.

 

Spoiler

 

I admit, I'm not the hugest Everly Brothers fan. I appreciate what they've contributed to rock and roll, but the music itself doesn't do much for me. In my opinion, The Everly Brothers only really have one knockout smash song, and this is it.

 

8. "Cathy's Clown" - The Everly Brothers

 

 

I don't know, there's just something about this song, guys. I like how unapologetically bitchy it is, and that's not usually an attitude that I enjoy in music. I think the music really helps to balance out the overall attitude of the song. It's simple, and serves as a calm counterbalance to the subject matter.  

 

Again, some huge influences from this song. The Beatles, anyone? Yeah, the sound of their first album was heavily influenced by "Cathy's Clown". And I love seeing songs like that, where I can trace back history and look at the music in another way. Makes me feel like a big ol' nerd. God, I wish.

 

Spoiler

One of the greatest things I learned recently is that the creator of one of the most iconic and beautiful pieces of music of this era... was a Canadian.

 

 

It's a good day to be a Canadian.

 

7. "Theme from A Summer Place" - Percy Faith

 

Funny thing is, if I've got the idea of a "theme" right, this isn't even really the theme to A Summer Place. I suppose it's a theme from A Summer Place, which is what the title promises... ah, screw it, I'm ramblin'.

 

Anyway, Percy Faith is the man, man. If he was the beginning and end of easy listening, then that genre would easily be up there with some of the best. He proved that just because it's called easy listening, doesn't mean it has to be simple. That's where this beautifully orchestrated piece of work comes in. It's played as a love theme for the two main characters of the movie, and man, does it sound like it.

 

...okay, I'll do the reference:

 

 

 

That never gets old, either. Good man, that Jasper Beardley. But anyway, NEXT!

 

Spoiler

She sings Italian! German! Spanish! Anything to get your approval! It's the ever-moldable... Connie Francis!

 

And gosh, don't you just love her for it?

 

6. "Everybody's Somebody's Fool" - Connie Francis

 

 

In the early 60's, Connie Francis was a superstar. And it's easy to see why. Not only did she have a massive volume of hits, she had the personality to back 'em up. I jab at the multiple languages she sings, but really think about it. Could you do that? I certainly couldn't! Hell, I'm still trying to master French. Oh yeah... another language she sings.

 

Despite her many talents, though, I went for this song to make the cut. I just really like the subject matter; strangely enough, I like the idea of heartbreak being universal in music. It makes it feel like you're not alone. Everybody's somebody's fool, and I'm the fool continuing to do these lists. and lovin' em!

 

Spoiler

Now hold on to your hats guys, because as much as I love "Theme from A Summer Place", there was another theme this year that was even better. Hard to believe? Well, close your eyes and just listen.

 

5. "Theme from The Apartment" - Ferrante & Teicher

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxF69wON2oc

 

Much as I do love the Summer Place theme, I think this one just has more high points to hit, and more things to love. There's more variety in the composition, and as a result it makes you feel a lot of things. The Summer Place theme, while pretty and wonderful, is, ultimately, just pretty and wonderful. This one takes risks with its composition and isn't afraid to sound a little ugly at points. I love that!

 

Hats off to these guys for dethroning one of the most iconic pieces of music of the time, because I didn't think it could be done with another theme. But here we are, and here they stand. Ain't surprises wonderful? Surprisingly wonderful.

 

Spoiler

Chill out.

 

4. "Greenfields" - The Brothers Four

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46o1joHp7t0

 

The trends of early music weren't all bad, as I think I've shown here, and unfortunately, the group crooning thing that The Brothers Four did got swept away once the British Invasion rolled around.

 

However, I do think the guys had a great influence on that psychedelic feel that would soon come in the late 60's. It's not like they were getting high on drugs and singing about electrical bananas or anything. But all the same, there's an eerie calmness to their singing, and it can definitely trip you out if it catches you in the right mood. Apparently it caught me in a good enough mood to put it all the way up to number four. But it's definitely earned its spot.

 

Spoiler

The number one song in Billboard history is a stupid dance craze. But really, were you expecting anything different?

 

3. "The Twist" - Chubby Checker

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=im9XuJJXylw

 

What can I even say about "The Twist"? I can't get mad at it for being the #1 song in Billboard history. It deserves the title for all it offers to the pop scene and the way it was marketed.

 

Remember that Dick Clark Show I told you about? Between that and American Bandstand, this song gained enough momentum to crack the top 10 of 1960. And then there was the dance craze, making the song so popular that it resurfaced and topped the charts again in 1962. You gotta admit, that's pretty impressive for a silly lil' dance song!

 

You could argue how strange it is that this song of all things is what grabbed Billboard's heart. But I think it makes sense. A silly and fun pop song dominates. How can you argue with that? Do the twist!

 

Spoiler

Y'all ready for a tale out from the Old West? It's a good'un!

 

2. "El Paso" - Marty Robbins

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-zBzZJd-nfw

 

Okay, so I'm going to get this out of the way, first of all: Breaking Bad fans, hands up!

 

 

Yeah, I'd be lying if my fondness for the show didn't play a part in my fondness for this song. But to be fair, I'm sure the love could go the other way, too, because this is such a well-put-together narrative. The track keeps your interest for the whole deal, as you view the protagonist's journey right up to his death. Uh... yeah, spoilers. Sorry.

 

Man, this song is so good though, it doesn't really matter whether you know the ending or not. The composition, the sorytelling, the emotion. It's truly a masterpiece. One that could be bested by only one other song...

 

Spoiler

You know that feeling when you've got a lineup of good contestants for a talent show, and then one snot-nosed kid comes and steals the show, ruining it for everyone? Well, it's not a great metaphor, but in 1960, Ray Charles is that snot-nosed kid. And I love him for it.

 

1. "Georgia on My Mind" - Ray Charles

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fRgWBN8yt_E

 

Christ... what can I even say about Ray Charles? I hear other songs from this era that sound ahead of their time, but then Ray Charles comes along and puts those thoughts to rest, just being lightyears ahead of anyone in the business.

 

You listen to one song by him and just get lost in his world. Ray Charles had a way of captivating the listener, and it works every time. Man, I just lose my mind every time I hear this. What a class act. Ray Charles, man. Rock on forever.

 

Well, that's my lists for 1960! If you must know about songs that didn't make either, I'll warn you now that I'm 99% likely to say "eh"

[Joe Biden]

Thoughts on:

I'm Sorry

Money (That's What I Want)

Stairway to Heaven (just to hear you compare it to the Led Zeppelin song )

Only the Lonely

[Wumbo]

"I'm Sorry" - 74, honestly I could probably move around about 20 of these in the mid-to-low range and still be satisfied with the results. I just didn't see anything remarkable about this song. Give me "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" any day, even when it's nowhere near Christmas.

 

"Money (That's What I Want)" - 32, on the one hand I do admire the tenacity of this guy to just outright say "I like money", but on the other he might be playing his hand too openly.

 

"Stairway to Heaven" - 41, snooooze. Is it even really a contest whether this one or the Led Zeppelin version is better?

 

"Only the Lonely" - 23, love Roy Orbison's voice, but the song wasn't memorable enough for me to go any higher.

[Katniss]

Do you know what random year is next on the agenda?

[Wumbo]

Glad you asked, Kat! In fact, just as I promised, I have another year coming later this month! Make some noise for...

 

1966

 

Still in the sixties, it seems, but post-Beatles sixties so I can work with it easier. Top 10 and Bottom 10 coming sometime this month!

[Katniss]

The Sound of Silence, Good Vibrations, Paint it Black, These Boots Were Made For Walkin'...

 

[Burgerpants]

In retrospect, 1966 is probably one of the greatest years ever for music.

[Sweat]

In retrospect, 1966 is probably one of the greatest years ever for music.

That's pretty universally agreed, you're not even in the first million people to point it out

[CyanideFishbone]

God I love Good Vibrations and the Beach Boys in general, but my personal favorite Beach Boys song has to be "Sloop John B."