Wumbo Ranks Billboard Year-End Hot 100 Charts! (Ahhh, the deed is done.)

[Wumbo]

"Good" - good eh

"Run-Around" - Fun song, a harmonica always helps a song's chances of making the top 10. Close but no cigar.

"December" - I love Collective Soul, and this is probably one of their hardest-sounding songs to make the year-end. Just didn't have enough room for 'em.

"Roll to Me" - Fine, but there were more upbeat songs that did it for me better this year. Also, I sense wannabe Gin Blossoms in Del Amitri, and while wanting to be the Gin Blossoms isn't bad, I'll stick with the real deal.

"You Gotta Be" - Banalsville, blech.

Hootie and the Blowfish - Straight up, I don't get why this band gets so much hate. Or maybe not hate, but apathy. I really like them! I think Darius Rucker's an engaging frontman, and I think they've written some really great songs. "Only Wanna Be with You" had a good chance of making the top 10.

"Carnival" - Inoffensive Natalie Merchant song. The Natalie Merchant output in '95 was thankfully more merciful than it was in '96.

"Boombastic" - FRAUD! CAPITALIST!

"All I Wanna Do" - I like this song, but I gotta be in the right mood for it. If I'm in the wrong mood then it's the most annoying song in the universe. "Strong Enough" was a better '95 Sheryl Crow song.

"Misery" - Decent, I guess? I think I've already forgotten about it. Oh well.

"I'll Stand By You" - Not a huge fan of The Pretenders' slower songs, but Chrissie Hynde still manages to pull it through to the top half.

"You Don't Know How it Feels" - God dammit, I want to put Tom Petty on a best list! I wish his songs would get better than "pretty good".

[Katniss]

I must know your thoughts on Short Dick Man  

[Wumbo]

Right around the middle was the perfect placement for that song, at the end of the day. It's an annoying, stupid song, but also kind of has that level of being just catchy enough to tolerate.

[Wumbo]

Holy wow, it's hard to believe I made it through the year of 2015 still doing this. I've still got a long ways to go, but being able to keep this up for a year really raises my spirits! so it's a new year, with new years to cover. what have we for January?

1964

All right, the rise of The Beatles. Will they make either list? Find out by the end of the month!

[Joe Biden]

Holy shit, 9 Beatles songs on this year-end list.

 

Awwww, yeah, and House of the Rising Sun too.

[Katniss]

Oh, you really got me now, you got me so I don't know what I'm doing now~

This will be fun.

 

[Sweat]

Damn, Stan Getz and Astrud Gilberto out of all things on the list. I'm excited for this one!

 

also where'v you been on xat it's been like two weeks boi

[Wumbo]

1964 was a pretty good year for pop music. The early sixties were full of novelty songs that had great potential to run their course of being entertaining, but '64 was the year that a few lads from Liverpool crossed the border, started the British Invasion, and music started to take a turn for the...

 

 

 

 

Well, the less silly, let's say.

 

Now, '64 was one of those years that didn't have many outlandishly bad songs, so this part will be a bit of a slog to get through, for me and for you. But get through it we must, or risk not doing our duties as reviewer and reader! So let's venture on to...

 

Wumbo's Bottom 10 Songs of 1964

 

Spoiler

 

 

 

 

 

As I said, the start of the British Invasion was a main component of 1964's pop music scene. Bands like The Beatles and The Kinks made their lasting marks which would evolve into a much grander scene come the late 60's. Then there's the bands that just sort of... faded from public consciousness.

 

10. "Have I the Right?" - The Honeycombs

 

 

 

 

 

I guess this isn't really that bad of a song, but when you have The Beatles and the like to compare it to, I really don't think it holds up. The guitar's got this weird, preening tone that I just don't like at all. I also don't feel like the song builds up to much. The rhythm's nice, but it really doesn't amount to any sort of climactic moment in the song. It just kind of... keeps going through the motions.

 

I'm trying to figure out what that guitar reminds me of... the only thing I can say is that it just has this vague sound of something dying. Dying like my interest in this song. not really much more I can say about it, it's a song that's just kind of there. It all just feels too commonplace and doesn't have much of a groove to it. Not the worst song on a worst list by a long shot, but not one that I can think of a reason to listen to ever again. Next.

 

 

Spoiler

 

 

 

 

 

You know me, I like my surf rock. Damn, get a load of that groove and that rhythm. Who doesn't enjoy this stuff?

 

I think that there's a lot to be said for the mood music sets, and surf rock is just so much fun. It doesn't really need to be about anything, or even have any lyrics. It just has to rock.

 

But, you see... there's a time when even I have to step in and say "this is a stupid idea for a song".

 

9. "G.T.O." - Ronny & the Daytonas

 

 

 

 

 

It's pretty difficult to appreciate the grooving qualities of surf rock when it's all put on the backline for some dopey song about a car. Okay, I'm just gonna say this: songs about cars are fucking stupid. You can use your car as a metaphor for something...

 

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/7652132

 

...that's fine. But to dedicate your song to a car itself? ...no, I just can't get behind that. I'm sorry. And that's my big sticking point with this song; it's just not about something I feel is worth writing a song about. There's only so much you can write about a car. It goes fast. It has an engine. It goes on roads. I... I just don't know what to do with any of that.

 

Not helping matters is that unbearable whine during the chorus that sounds like a walrus getting its testicles chopped off. Is that the sound a G.T.O. makes when it starts up? Well, maybe the 60s had different ideals of cool cars, but I'm pretty sure owning a car like that today would get you laughed out onto the street.

 

I just... cars! What is there to say except... cars! Vroom-vroom on to the next one? Why not?

 

 

Spoiler

 

Like I said, the pop music world had started to evolve in 1964. So suffice to say, I had less patience for simpler songs such as this one.

 

8. "Chapel of Love" - The Dixie Cups

 

 

 

 

This list has a few songs that don't have anything necessarily bad about them, but just don't elicit any kind of reaction from me at all. This is one of those songs. It actually kind of baffles me how this got popular. In between The Supremes and the Four Tops, people wanted to listen to this?

 

I guess if either of those groups above are just too edgy for you. then you've got the soothing lull of this song to calm your nerves. But for me, I'll take either group above any day over this. This is a filler song for the radio. It's got no substance, and I don't really care to hear it ever again. It's the definition of a nothing song.

 

 

Spoiler

 

Okay, so you remember when Kenny G had a hit song in 1987 and Todd had one of his biggest and best freakouts ever? Well... instrumental music on the pop charts was a lot more commonplace in the earlier days of pop music. And some of it had less payoff than others.

 

7. "Java" - Al Hirt

 

 

 

 

I'm soooo bored.

 

In a world where lyrics don't necessarily matter, but usually exist on the pop charts, an instrumental comes off as more of a novelty. You have to be a Percy Faith or something; create a distinct mood that can be followed with your music. This is just a guy jamming on his trumpet, and it feels like, more than anything, background music.

 

I can't think of any reason to willingly listen to this at the forefront. There's nothing that this song offers to me. It almost plays off like a demo tape or an album sneak peek. There's no "wow" factor to the song because, as I said, it's just some dude playing on his trumpet. And if he wants to do that, by all means, but just don't count me interested. Sorry.

 

 

Spoiler

 

 

 

 

The psychedelic movement was a huge part of the late 60's that helped to define the decade's musical identity. Now, this movement found its roots in rock, jazz, and folk music. And regarding that last one, I'm not saying that you can't find remnants of songs like this in psych rock... I'm just happy it evolved into the music that it did.

 

6. "We'll Sing in the Sunshine" - Gale Garnett

 

 

 

 

Look, sometimes I feel a little guilty putting mellower songs like this on my Bottom list - it is my list, but sometimes I feel like I'm not giving a song or artist enough credit. No, for this one, let's look past the boring melody here. What's it about?

 

It appears to be about a fleeting romance that was never meant to last. Powerful subject for a song, no doubt. So what better way to strip a song of its power than play it in the mellowest tone possible?

 

That's what I have a hangup on when I put a song like this on my worst list. There is no reason for this song to be played as somber as it is. The mood could work, but instead of evoking any sort of emotion from me, it just makes me bored. Bored like the rest of the songs on this list. Ugh.

 

 

Spoiler

 

 

 

The King was undoubtedly a huge influence in pop music. So you'd have to imagine that if someone has a more successful time than him getting airplay from the same song, it'd have to be really good, right? Right?

 

5. "Suspicion" - Terry Stafford

 

 

 

Or maybe the song just sucks and it doesn't matter who sings it.

 

I can't really put my finger on exactly why this song doesn't work for me, but I suspect it's just an amalgamation of little things. The ooh-ing from the background singers is pretty annoying, and I get that emphasizing and isolating one word is a common trope in songwriting, but doing it to a word like "suspicion" just sounds... silly.

 

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/7653614

 

Eugh. Just... something about it doesn't work for me. You could substitute "toaster strudel" and it would sound just as good.

 

I'll say this, though: this version is indeed better than Elvis's version of the song, who sounds like he's being tazed in the kneecap whenever he sings the chorus.

 

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/7653618

 

But I think something about the melody is off and it couldn't really have worked with anybody. Love "Suspicious Minds", but just suspicion alone doesn't do it for me.

 

 

Spoiler

 

...

 

CARS!

 

CARS CARS CARS CARS CARS CARS!

 

4. "Hey Little Cobra" - The Rip Chords

 

 

 

I... I don't get it. I really don't. I don't get why they made songs about cars, I don't get why they made movies about cars, and I DON'T GET CARS! They're things that get you from one place to another. Why do people go nuts over what kind of model a car is? THEY'RE ALL JUST CARS.

 

But this song, this is a special car song. This is a car song that is not distinctive in any way whatsoever. I actually forgot how it went until I listened to it again. And I'm pretty sure that no one, even if you grew up with this song when it was popular, would remember how it goes.

 

And why would you? It's a spectacular nothing of a song, just like everything else on this list. God, I wish one of these songs would at least be interesting sort of bad. But no! Cars! Cars cars cars cars cars...

 

 

Spoiler

 

 

 

There's something about a musical, isn't there? The performances come off as so fraudulent and over-the-top, but yet they're so endearing and you can see the effort put into them. It really is a showman's ideal, combining theatrical acting with music with big orchestration... they're a joy to watch.

 

...Most of the time.

 

3. "People" - Barbra Streisand

 

 

 

 

I'm aware that this is technically a pitch-perfect performance, but this just bores me to tears. It's cheesy musical tripe in none of the fun ways. When I listen to musicals, I don't listen for songs like this. I listen for the exciting songs, damn it! This song just goes "people needing people like people and people", and maybe if I'd actually watched the musical, I would appreciate this song more in its context, but I doubt it. It's just a lame track throughout, and no appreciation of musicals is going to make me think otherwise.

 

 

Spoiler

 

 

 

The Beatles started their run in their home country in 1962, which would provide them with a fruitful career throughout the rest of the decade and successful solo careers afterwards. Such a run of success had to start somewhere. So, how did it all begin?

 

2. "Love Me Do" - The Beatles

 

 

 

Oh... oh yeah. That's how.

 

Look, I love The Beatles, and yes, it definitely feels weird to put them on a worst list before putting them on any sort of best list. But this song makes my skin crawl, I'm not gonna lie. Let's say that you've never heard of The Beatles, and you were told that they were one of the greatest, most influential bands in music history. Would this be a song you would picture from them? This corny, underwritten, piece of trash? "Love me do". Did Yoda help write this?

 

Look, I get it. All bands have gotta start somewhere, and sometimes those beginnings are not as refined as you'd expect them to be. But this is by a large margin my least favourite Beatles song, and with good reason. Even at their absolute most incomprehensible, The Beatles managed to add at least some realm of depth to their songs. This, though? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. You could replace all the lines with "do do do do" and it would sound just as meaningful. I guess in a way I respect it for bringing The Beatles into the public eye of consciousness, but there had to have been a stronger single to do it than this. Love this song, I don't.

 

 

 

 

Spoiler

 

I'll admit, I didn't have much fun writing this bottom 10. Most of these songs just don't have that much to grasp on. I don't hate these songs for being gross, or obnoxious, or misogynistic. I hate them mostly because they seem like leftovers from a much less interesting era of music. So, my #1 pick, like many picks of this year, isn't really distinctive in its badness, but I just feel like it represents my frustration with the bad songs of this year; an inability to just pack up and move on.

 

1. "Everybody Loves Somebody" - Dean Martin

 

 

 

This song, more than any song this year, I just feel didn't belong in 1964. I could tolerate it in an earlier year and it probably wouldn't make the bottom list, but I just couldn't think of anything I'd less like to listen to in 1964 than this song. And here's the thing: there's not much reasoning behind this pick. It's just boring in the way that a lot of the early 60's was boring to me. Look, I was born in 1995. Music like this just didn't exist at that time, or now. I can't connect with it like I can with more contemporary genres. So despite 1964's successes, there's just some backlog that did not translate over to the year of change, and so it ends up as the worst song of the year for me. And yeah, I know this song's a classic and one of the staple Dean Martin songs. But it's my list, and I get less out of this song than anything else on the year-end list. So, sorry to rag on a legend like this, but it wouldn't be an honest list if I didn't.

 

[Clappy]

True story but I had to sing Chapel of Love by myself in 4th grade for a celebration for my elementary school's anniversary.  That song became the bane of my existence because it was so boring and just felt like I was singing about nothing.

[Katniss]

You put a Beatles song on this list?! Prepare to fry.

...Just kidding.  I can see why you wouldn't care for this one. It sounds so blah. 

[Joe Biden]

The song "Cars" is more enjoyable than those songs about cars.

[Wumbo]

So, like I said, '64 was a turning point for pop music. Things got a little less silly and croony and a little more rock n' roll. While I wouldn't put it up there with the best years for pop or anything, it's certainly earned its place as an important year for pop music. So friends, let's see what, in fact, made this year so gosh darn important.

 

Wumbo's Top 10 Songs of 1964

 

Spoiler

 

 

 

The Supremes had been a thing since the late 50's, but their fame and fortune never really accumulated until that fateful year of '64, when they had a string of five straight singles which made it to #1. Here's one of them.

 

10. "Baby Love" - The Supremes

 

 

 

This is the second single, in fact, to reach #1 for The Supremes, and that was no sheer coincidence. After the astounding success of The Supremes' first single "Where Did Our Love Go", Berry Gordy insisted on making a soundalike follow-up single. And, well, because of the fact that it qualifies for this list at all, I think Gordy deserves recognition as a first-class moneymaker.

 

But to his credit, it is a very good song, and if you're going to rip off your first single, it may as well be "Where Did Our Love Go" (more on that later). It doesn't quite have the tightness that "Where Did Our Love Go" had, but it still has the success of a catchy groove and some very talented singers fronting the track. Nothing wrong with a silly love song if it sounds this good, I say. I love "Baby Love".

 

 

Spoiler

 

 

 

It's not as though I have anything inherently against straight-up pop music from the early 60s. I just wish it wasn't so keen on going into full-on novelty territory. I realize that pop music is recognized as being mostly dumb, especially from that era, but damn it, can't there be a group that makes a pop song without all the goofy novelty pretense? Something a little dark, even?

 

9. "Remember (Walking in the Sand)" - The Shangri-La's

 

 

 

See, was that so hard?

 

This song is damn powerful, especially with the context of pop music during that time. I mean, I love The Supremes, but sometimes I look for a little more emotional depth and less showmanship. And I get exactly that with The Shangri-La's and this song. Mary Weiss hits that perfect note between sweetness and desperation in her vocals, and the haunting melody really helps the track along as well. By the way, that piano riff in the beginning is played by a not-yet-famous Billy Joel, so that's pretty cool.

 

 

 

I'd also be remiss if I didn't bring up Aerosmith's cover of the song for their 1979 album Night in the Ruts. That album title is probably a more apt commentary for Aerosmith's late-70s career than they'd like to admit, but I think this cover holds up. It takes away the sweetness of Mary Weiss's voice, but also adds more of a rock edge to it. This isn't nearly the only cover version of this classic song, by the way, but it was probably the most successful. Regardless, I think the original holds up as the best of the bunch. The juxtaposition of the vocals and the melodies really work and create one hell of a wild ride in the pop world, a tune which I will probably remember while walkin' in the sand for years to come.

 

 

Spoiler

 

8. "Oh, Pretty Woman" - Roy Orbison

 

 

 

'64 turned out to be a great year for Roy Orbison, producing what is arguably his biggest hit with this song. This, I think, is probably the correct decision by the public. This is just a song filled with the aura of star power. And at the center of it is Orbison himself, a man dedicated to keeping his image as anti-famous as possible.

 

Orbison was a bit of an anomaly in the pop world, a singer who wasn't exactly blessed with dashing good looks or the personality to be a star. The sunglasses were a bit of a coping mechanism for him, and they became so synonymous with his image that many people assumed he was blind (which he wasn't). In any case, though, this song helped Orbison to solidify his superstar status, whether he wanted it or not. And it really is a kickass song. That guitar line is classic and Orbison's vocals are top-notch as always. I've always admired the desperation of the lyrics as well, only for the payoff at the end. It's a well-written and well-performed track.

 

 

 

...and it was also covered by a rock band. Go figure! (What the hell is going on in that video?)

 

 

Spoiler

 

 

 

I haven't talked much about Dusty Springfield on here, and that's to my detriment. Despite her not making any top 10 lists thus far, she's proven throughout her career to be a very versatile, talented artist, who can mold her image to fit a variety of different kinds of music. One of those varieties was just straight-up pop music.

 

7. "Wishin' and Hopin'" - Dusty Springfield

 

 

 

So, this song is basically a quick guide on how to get a man to love you, or, it was a Cosmopolitan article right before Cosmopolitan did this sort of thing. So... yeah, not gonna lie, some of the messages in this song come off a bit patriarchal.

 

Show him that you care just for him
Do the things he likes to do
Wear your hair just for him

 

Or you could wear your hair the way you wanted to!... just a thought.

 

But minor quibbles aside, this is just a fun song with a catchy beat and a great frontwoman in Dusty Springfield to carry it. I like how there are breaks in the rhythm for Dusty to let loose with her voice, but then the rest of the song remains as controlled as it needs to be. This was originally by Dionne Warwick, and in my opinion both ladies do a great job with it. But the Dusty Springfield one charted this year, so... that's the way I gotta go.

 

 

Spoiler

 

You didn't think that in the year of Beatlemania that the Fab Four would solely be represented on the bottom list, did you?

 

6. "Twist and Shout" - The Beatles

 

 

 

See, now this is what I mean when I say that "Love Me Do" is a shit Beatles song. Here's a song with lyrics almost as inane as the former, but it has a pulse, dammit. And a strong one at that.

 

This wasn't the first version of this song to be released, but in the year of '64 it definitely got made the most famous. (Rightfully so, definitely. Yeesh.) And let's give credit where credit is due: John Lennon recorded the vocals for this song with a bad cold, and it might just be some of the best vocal work in his career. He gives it his all in this recording. 90% of the song is him.

 

I'm one who prefers the later Beatles over the earlier Beatles any day, but songs like these show that their early work has merit as well just for being fun pop rock. Shake it up baby now!

 

 

Spoiler

 

 

 

I think one of my more controversial opinions over the course of this project is that I've never really understood why people like The Beach Boys so much. Actually, that's not true- I guess I don't understand why I myself don't see the appeal.

 

 

 

I should like these guys more than I do! It's surf rock, for God's sake! When have I had a bad thing to say about that?

 

Anyway, in my quest to find out why I'm not a big Beach Boys fan, I found what is probably my favourite Beach Boys song in 1964. Go figure.

 

5. "I Get Around" - The Beach Boys

 

 

 

Hell if I know why, but this song is fuckin' awesome.

 

I'm not sure what it is, really. I think there's something to the groove of this one, especially in the chorus. I'm not typically a fan of falsetto, which may be an underlying problem I have with this group, but even that works here. It's just a really fun song.

 

So I guess you could say that "I Get Around" has made me come around to The Beach Boys' music. You could say that... but it would sound really stupid. Not this song, though, this song is awesome.

 

 

Spoiler

 

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/7654656

 

One of the greatest opening notes of all time. Sucks ya right in, it does. Oh yeah, it's The Beatles again.

 

4. "A Hard Day's Night" - The Beatles

 

 

 

This song is a pop music marvel. I love every moment of it. And like I said, it all starts with that opening chord by Harrison on the guitar. Is it any wonder he's my favourite Beatle?

 

I should also mention, however, that the entire inspiration for this song, and the movie of the same name, came from none other than frequent Fab Four punchline Ringo Starr. He's the one who came up with the phrase "hard day's night", completely by accident when he remarked it was a hard day, then saw it was night. I mean, to be fair, what would you do in that situation?

 

It's actually kind of amazing that a song this good was made out of what is basically the equivalent of telling the usher "you too" when he says to enjoy the film. But that's the beauty of early Beatles: in the beginning days, it was all about making catchy pop songs, no matter how inane the source. So you can't go wrong by citing a Ringo Starr quote for these purposes.

 

Seeing how well-crafted these songs are, man... it just makes me hate that turd "Love Me Do" even more. I'm sorry, I should be off it by now. But seriously, the quality difference is astounding. There's so much to love about this song, from the opening to the guitar solo to Paul's vocals to John's vocals... I love every piece of it. It makes me feel alright. Owwww!

 

 

Spoiler

 

All right, so I ragged on "Wishin' and Hopin'" a bit for having slightly questionable morals. I mean, I know it was the 60's, but surely there could be more feminist-friendly songs than that, right?

 

3. "You Don't Own Me" - Lesley Gore

 

 

 

Well hot damn, ask and ye shall receive!

 

Considering the other songs released around this time, I find it simply astounding that a song this socially progressive was not only made, but made popular. This was still around the time when women were seen as secondary to men, meant to be submissive. So imagine the monocles that popped when a woman steps on stage and - gasp! - sings a song about wanting her freedom! Flubadubadubadubadub!

 

Well, fact is, the song was made, it rocked at the time, and it still rocks now. It's such a powerful number, not only because of the subject matter, but because Lesley Gore sells it through her vocals. This is a great performance, and it's nice to see a song this forward-thinking and gutsy in the year of 1964. You can't tell Lesley Gore what to do, but she sang this song, so you don't really have any right to, anyway.

 

Funny enough, this song was actually covered by Dusty Springfield later. It makes the song twice as awesome, I'd say. Redemption!

 

 

Spoiler

 

All right, so for those of you that have been paying close attention to my hint-dropping, here's your payoff!

 

2. "Where Did Our Love Go" - The Supremes

 

 

 

God damn it, I love The Supremes so much. I know I yearned for more emotionally connecting performances with the Shangri-La's, but sooner or later with 60's music it comes back to The Supremes and Diana Ross. There's just such a star quality to her. She's the queen of R&B melodies.

 

This isn't the first time I've praised The Supremes, and I'm gonna assume it won't be the last, either. I'm not finished with the 60s quite yet, friends! But for '64, let's just appreciate this wonderful song that started the hot streak of The Supremes for #1 hits. And this was definitely the song to do it. Simple, catchy, and beautifully performed. The Supremes, everyone!

 

 

Spoiler

 

All right, so my #1 pick this time around comes with a whole buttload of history. The song has its origins in traditional folk music; its beginning could be traced all the way back to the sixteenth century. That's a long time.

 

The first surviving recording of the song was made in 1933 and covered over the next twenty years by the likes of Woody Guthrie, Pete Seeger, even Andy Griffith. But today, the version that most people remember is the mega smash hit that was recorded in 1964 by The Animals. Ladies and gentlemen, witness literally centuries of music coming to fruition.

 

1. "The House of the Rising Sun" - The Animals

 

 

 

I want to make it unmistakably clear that I definitely don't pick songs for my top list based on their historical merit. I just found it fascinating that the origins of this song date back so far, especially since this song played a huge part in defining the music of the rest of the 60's, probably more so than any other hit song in '64.

 

It's always hard to pinpoint the single origin of a genre, but I think you'd be hard-pressed to find a song that set the tone for psychedelic rock more than this one. And it's just a masterpiece. You've got your organ and that chugging rhythm with the bass and drums, not to mention the guitar. But of course, really pulling it all together is lead singer Eric Burdon's stunning vocal performance. I don't think there's anyone that matched up to this performance in 1964. This is fantastic.

 

Sometimes it's hard to pick a #1 song out of a list of great ones. Not here. While I love all my Top 10 picks, the sheer history, influence, and raw performance that this song gives makes it a clear choice for the best hit song of 1964: the year that rock n' roll would forever change.

 

 

 

Full List:

 

Spoiler

 

1. "The House of the Rising Sun" - The Animals

2. "Where Did Our Love Go" - The Supremes

3. "You Don't Own Me" - Lesley Gore

4. "A Hard Day's Night" - The Beatles

5. "I Get Around" - The Beach Boys

6. "Twist and Shout" - The Beatles

7. "Wishin' and Hopin'" - Dusty Springfield

8. "Oh, Pretty Woman" - Roy Orbison

9. "Remember (Walking in the Sand)" - The Shangri-La's

10. "Baby Love" - The Supremes

11. "She Loves You" - The Beatles

12. "White on White" - Danny Williams

13. "Can't Buy Me Love" - The Beatles

14. "Walk On By" - Dionne Warwick

15. "Last Kiss" - J. Frank Wilson and the Cavaliers

16. "Come a Little Bit Closer" - Jay and the Americans

17. "The Shoop Shoop Song (It's in His Kiss)" - Betty Everett

18. "Anyone Who Had a Heart" - Dionne Warwick

19. "I Want to Hold Your Hand" - The Beatles

20. "Keep On Pushing" - The Impressions

21. "Do You Want to Know a Secret" - The Beatles

22. "Memphis" - Johnny Rivers

23. "Don't Let the Rain Come Down (Crooked Little Man)" - The Serendipity Singers

24. "It Hurts to Be in Love" - Gene Pitney

25. "The Way You Do the Things You Do" - The Temptations

26. "I Saw Her Standing There" - The Beatles

27. "Baby I Need Your Loving" - Four Tops

28. "Please Please Me" - The Beatles

29. "Out of Limits" - The Marketts

30. "Steal Away" - Jimmy Hughes

31. "It's Over" - Roy Orbison

32. "My Guy" - Mary Wells

33. "Bread and Butter" - The Newbeats

34. "The Shelter of Your Arms" - Sammy Davis, Jr.

35. "You Really Got Me" - The Kinks

36. "What Kind of Fool (Do You Think I Am)" - The Tams

37. "Surfin' Bird" - The Trashmen

38. "Bits and Pieces" - The Dave Clark Five

39. "Funny How Time Slips Away" - Joe Hinton

40. "(You Don't Know) How Glad I Am" - Nancy Wilson

41. "I'm So Proud" - The Impressions

42. "A Fool Never Learns" - Andy Williams

43. "Because" - The Dave Clark Five

44. "See the Funny Little Clown" - Bobby Goldsboro

45. "Leader of the Pack" - The Shangri-La's

46. "Money (That's What I Want)" - The Kingsmen

47. "Walk, Don't Run '64" - The Ventures

48. "Louie Louie" - The Kingsmen

49. "Do You Love Me" - The Dave Clark Five

50. "Glad All Over" - The Dave Clark Five

51. "Navy Blue" - Diane Renay

52. "Dang Me" - Roger Miller

53. "Cotton Candy" - Al Hirt

54. "Hi-Heel Sneakers" - Tommy Tucker

55. "Needles and Pins" - The Searchers

56. "Shangri-La" - Robert Maxwell

57. "There! I've Said It Again" - Bobby Vinton

58. "Bad to Me" - Billy J. Kramer & The Dakotas

59. "How Do You Do It?" - Gerry and the Pacemakers

60. "Haunted House" - Jumpin' Gene Simmons

61. "Don't Throw Your Love Away" - The Searchers

62. "The Door Is Still Open to My Heart" - Dean Martin

63. "The Girl from Ipanema" - Stan Getz & Astrud Gilberto

64. "Hello, Dolly!" - Louis Armstrong

65. "Under the Boardwalk" - The Drifters

66. "Can't You See That She's Mine" - The Dave Clark Five

67. "I Wanna Love Him So Bad" - The Jelly Beans

68. "For You" - Ricky Nelson

69. "Dawn (Go Away)" - The Four Seasons

70. "Chug-a-Lug" - Roger Miller

71. "Little Honda" - The Hondells

72. "I Love You More and More Every Day" - Al Martino

73. "(Just Like) Romeo and Juliet" - The Reflections

74. "Diane" - The Bachelors

75. "C'mon and Swim" - Bobby Freeman

76. "Ronnie" - The Four Seasons

77. "Let It Be Me" - Betty Everett & Jerry Butler

78. "Don't Let the Sun Catch You Crying" - Gerry and the Pacemakers

79. "A Summer Song" - Chad & Jeremy

80. "The Little Old Lady from Pasadena" - Jan and Dean

81. "Rag Doll" - The Four Seasons

82. "Do Wah Diddy Diddy" - Manfred Mann

83. "Dancing in the Street" - Martha and the Vandellas

84. "Little Children" - Billy J. Kramer & The Dakotas

85. "Dead Man's Curve" - Jan and Dean

86. "Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um" - Major Lance

87. "Love Me with All Your Heart" - Ray Charles Singers

88. "A World Without Love" - Peter and Gordon

89. "My Boy Lollipop" - Millie

90. "Today" - The New Christy Minstrels

91. "Have I The Right?" - The Honeycombs

92. "G.T.O." - Ronny & the Daytonas

93. "Chapel of Love" - The Dixie Cups

94. "Java" - Al Hirt

95. "We'll Sing in the Sunshine" - Gale Garnett

96. "Suspicion" - Terry Stafford

97. "Hey Little Cobra" - The Rip Chords

98. "People" - Barbra Streisand

99. "Love Me Do" - The Beatles

100. "Everybody Loves Somebody" - Dean Martin

 

[Sweat]

Why is "You Really Got Me" only at #35?

Also, what's your opinion on "surfin' bird" and why isn't it waaaay lower?

[Joe Biden]

FUCK YES HOUSE OF THE RISING SUN AT #1

 

Anyway, opinions on:

- The other Beatles songs

- Louie, Louie you gonna die

- Last Kiss

- The Shoop Shoop Song

[Wumbo]

You Really Got Me - In a battle between The Kinks and The Beatles, The Beatles wins out every time (well, except for... that... one... song...) Nothing wrong with "You Really Got Me", just didn't feel a need to place it any higher. It's a fine song.

Surfin' Bird - THE B-B-BIRD BIRD BIRD THE BIRD IS THE WORD... eh, as far as novelty songs go, it got me. It's a surf rock song, and at least it's not about a damn car.

Other Beatles songs - All are great except "Please Please Me" which I'd consider the least of the good Beatles songs this year. It's still good, but it's about where the songs stop being great.

Louie Louie - Stupid song, but catchy and harmless enough that I gave it a pass. Oh no, said we gotta go (and yes, "Brother Louie" is far superior).

Last Kiss - Listening to this song kind of makes me see why Clappy hates the Pearl Jam version. Not saying I agree, but this blows PJ out the water.

Shoop Shoop - Fun song, got a groovy beat and a catchy hook. Good pop song.

[Wumbo]

Aaaand moving right along... let's give a big, warm, February welcome to...

1998

My sister's birth year, and probably the birth year for some of you young'uns, too. Well, let's see how the music stacked up and determine just how jiggy the year was. You know the drill.

[Clappy]

1 hour ago, Wumbo said:

You know the drill.

Quit Playing Games (With The Drill)

[Joe Biden]

I DON'T WANNA WAIT

 

for this list to be posted because 1998 seems to be an interesting year for music. Plus, it was the year before I was born.

[Wumbo]

22 hours ago, Clappy said:

Quit Playing Games (With The Drill)

Now that takes me back to my childhood.

[Wumbo]

(its feb 32nd shhh)

1998 was a weird year, for sure.

 

 

 

In an era where I was expecting a lot of fun and enjoyment and happy party times, 1998 had way more boring R&B, terrible rap, and excruciating pop than I ever could have anticipated. But to its credit, it did end up having enough great songs so that I couldn't write it off as a terrible year or anything. In fact, going into the Top 50 I was worried, but it turns out there were a lot of great songs hidden in the latter half of the charts! Who knew? Not to say everything in the Top 50 was terrible (it wasn't) or that there wasn't bad stuff in the latter half (there was), but let me tell you, I'm used to putting stuff from the last few 10 songs in the middle of the list at best...  not, like, Top 20. But hey, I'm getting waaay ahead of myself. So I'm going to remind myself why this year is not completely redeemable with...

 

 

 

Wumbo's Bottom 10 Songs of 1998

 

 

 

Spoiler

 

Like I said, rap music spent a lot of time in the gutter this year.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Like, here's P. Diddy, or Puff Daddy, or Diddy, or Duffman or whatever the hell his name is right now. I don't like him! But the thing is, he isn't on my list this year because some of the rap this year was so bad that I actually had to re-consider my hatred for Puff Daddy. Sure, he sucks, he's completely devoid of personality, and he's a heartless commercial shill who makes far more money than he deserves. But despite all that, he does have a gimmick. That gimmick is making me think of much better songs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

It's not exactly a bad thing to do, either. Sure, I'd rather listen to "The Message" than that song any day of the week, but at least he can remind me that good music still exists. What I'm trying to get at here is, there are gimmicks you can have in the late 90's rap game that are so. Much. Worse.

 

 

 

10. "I Got the Hook Up" - Master P ft. Sons of Funk

 

 

 

 

 

 

Usually when I think an artist sucks, I can at least reluctantly see why someone else would like them. But Master P's success in the late 90's absolutely boggles me. Why, why, why was this guy popular? Were we really that desperate for thugs in 1998? Were we scrambling to find the next 2Pac, the next Eazy-E, the next Biggie? Because all you found was a moron who sounds like he's being injected with novocaine every time he makes that stupid "UUUUHHHHHHH" sound. Seriously, is he in pain?

 

 

 

Actually, when I listen to one of his songs I feel like groaning like he does, because the song gives me such pain. Maybe that's what he's going for. Maybe it's a subtle commentary on gangsta rap, how everyone tired of it by the late 90's and it was time to move onto something else. Maybe the "UUUUUHHHHHH"s are cries for help from the rap world, desperately trying to find a new trend to cling on while still being rooted in the trends that rap music has taken.

 

 

 

Or maybe I'm seeing a mountain where a molehill actually is. Forget it. Master P: He certainly makes me say "UUUUUHHHHH", but probably not in the context he intended. Next!

 

 

 

Spoiler

 

Now, let me paint a picture for you for a second. In a world where R&B is dominated by teen superstars in way over their heads, you create a nice R&B jam that has the potential to solidify your staying power not only through the rest of the 90's, but possibly into the next decade as well. Now I can't think of any possible way to ruin thOH YES I CAN

 

 

 

9. "Let's Ride" - Montell Jordan ft. Master P and Silkk the Shocker

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now I'll tell you why this is lower than the last song. With a Master P song, you know what you're gonna get. You're gonna get something that tries too hard to sound hardcore, makes use of a stupid gimmick, and sounds like trash. But when you know all this and you invite him onto your single anyway... well, that's just flat-out irresponsible.

 

 

 

Straight up, if Master P was not on this track, it would not have been on this list. Now, I may have oversold it in that opening paragraph. It's nothing special, but without Master P, it's nothing flat-out offensive either. But whatever sort of swagger this song musters, it all gets taken away when you hear that dying walrus noise at random intervals through the song. Seriously, what does Master P add to this? It's this kind of irresponsibility that turns a harmless song into a brain teaser of a musical decision. And I'm not sure I want to find out the answer to this one.

 

 

 

After this song, Montell Jordan has mostly stuck to writing for other artists and performing the hit people actually remember fondly anywhere he can. Somehow, I guess the public just isn't ready for another classic Montell Jordan and Master P collaboration. And whose fault is that, really? It's Master P's. It's always Master P's. Remember that. UUUUUUUUHHHHHH!

 

 

 

Spoiler

 

Okay, 90's. We need to have a talk.

 

 

 

 

 

Specifically, we need to talk about your adamant willingness to ruin classic 80's tunes with terrible covers. Now, I don't think anything's going to top that awful "Total Eclipse" cover from '95. But god damn if they ain't gonna try.

 

 

 

8. "Time After Time" - INOJ

 

 

 

 

 

 

Guys... I'm upset, and I think I need a hug.

 

 

 

These covers are just the worst. The. Worst. They're the equivalent of a club trying to take a song so obviously anti-pop and trying to add a dance beat to it, and it just does not fit at all. Did somebody seriously take a look at "Time After Time" and think "Hey, you know what this needs? A GarageBand dance beat! Yeah, we're geniuses."

 

 

 

They don't even try to change the rest of the melody to try and fit this new... for lack of a better term, let's call it an "artistic decision". It's the same song, just with a dance beat added and a much less emotive singer. Well... almost the same song, that is.

 

 

 

Secret stolen
All from deep inside
The 808's on time

 

...what?

 

The 808's on time

 

I'm sorry, were Cyndi Lauper's lyrics about love and devotion and being there not good enough for you? "The 808's on time"? What, did you not want us to forget about your out-of-place drum machine in this horrible, wretched cover? The 808's not even on time! It sounds terrible!

 

Fuck this. To all you people who go on about being 90's kids, I hope you're able to live with the notion that you can't appreciate a good thing when you hear it, and you can't wait for it to be completely beaten down into meaningless tripe. Because that's what this cover does. "808's on time." Get the fuck out of here with that.

 

 

 

Spoiler

 

7. "Are You Jimmy Ray?" - Jimmy Ray

 

 

I'm... gonna be honest, I have no idea what the hell this is. I can't make heads or tails of it. Who is this guy? Why was he ever popular? And most importantly, how many "Ray" puns can you make in one chorus before I want to reach through my computer screen and smack you?

 

This is one of those songs that's so laughably bad that normally I would leave it off the list, but holy god, the arrogance of this guy in the song just puts me off immediately. Who wants to know about you? Well, nobody apparently. Evidently, you didn't even want to know much more about yourself. Because you just kind of stopped making music after this. Mercifully so, might I add.

 

I could have possibly gotten behind this song if it were a different guy fronting the track. It's got a nice rockabilly-ish guitar sound going on there. But I just cannot figure out what the hell Jimmy Ray was going for here. George Michael? Vanilla Ice? Some awful combination of the two? God forbid.

 

Whatever it is, it sucks, and Simon Fuller thankfully didn't try to squeeze any more hits out of this guy, letting his career die a well-deserved death. And nobody ever wanted to know about Jimmy Ray again, if they ever did at all. Because really, who wants to know?

 

 

 

Spoiler

 

I'm not sure I really have much material for this one. But even as a kid, for whatever reason, I just could not stand this song. Not even a little. So... yeah, it's on the list. Enjoy?

 

6. "Crush" - Jennifer Paige

 

 

There's just something about this song that I can't quite put my finger on. I think it sounds way too somber to be a song about "just a little crush". Maybe that's the main problem. For a song about young love, it certainly doesn't sound like it. Actually, I'm not sure what it sounds like. It puts you in such a weird mood that you're not quite sure what to make of it.

 

I think the crux of why I dislike this song comes from the chorus, which is playing it too coy for my tastes, I think. I don't know, there's something about the way she sings "just... a little crush..." that irritates me. It's not a very strong backbone to build your song. I mean, say what you will about Jimmy Ray, I certainly have. At least he had conviction, however misguided, behind his lyrics. But this?

 

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/7752261

 

It feels really weak. And I think that's what gets to me the most, the limpness of the song. It's like a boiled vegetable without any seasoning. Or to put it another way, it sucks... a lil' too much...

 

 

 

Spoiler

 

 

One of the admittedly most disappointing things about the charts in the 90's is the stranglehold that R&B ballads had on the music scene. Now, a good chunk of these are well-sung by very talented artists. you got your Mariah Carey, your Boyz II Men, your LeVert, your Toni Braxton, and so forth. But even so, the well eventually has to run dry. And in 1998, I'm just gonna say it: we got one of the worst, most undeservedly popular R&B ballads of the bunch. Here you go.

 

5. "All My Life" - K-Ci & JoJo

 

 

Man, and it didn't need to be like this, either. The piano opening is very nice. This could have amounted to something. But it feels like every decision in this song made after this one was the wrong one. I don't think K-Ci or JoJo are particularly good singers, and they don't carry the love that this song is supposed to convey. I mean, right down to the chorus. Why does it end on a high note like that? It's little things like this that just make the song a touch more unbearable with each strange choice.

 

Like I said, you weren't short on R&B ballads in the 90's. For every song like this, you could probably find at least five songs of the same nature that did the job better. It's just a shame that we handed off success to these guys. We could have done so much better in '98.

 

 

 

Spoiler

 

I... once again, I'm left a little bit perplexed here. To put it another way, what the hell?

 

4. "Body Bumpin' (Yippie-Yi-Yo)" - Public Announcement

 

 

What was this year, exactly? These are some of the most strangely bad songs I've ever covered here, with just some of the oddest musical and lyrical choices. "Yippie-yi-yo, yippie-yi-yay"? I don't think those lyrics would be acceptable in an R&B sex jam even if you were doing the cowboy!

 

The only thing I can think of as to why this song is as weird as it is might be because it was just trying hard to stand out. And they made a valiant effort, because I definitely didn't forget the moronic lyrical choices. The fact that it's in the title helps some, too. But other than that, this song is also completely unremarkable. This group used to have R. Kelly in it, and despite how awful R. Kelly is as a person and how laughable his lyrical choices can be, he more often than not can sell a song on his voice alone. Maybe he would have been the perfect choice to sell "yippie-yi-yo, yippie-yi-yay" as something sexy. If he can write a saga starting from behind a closet door, anything's possible. Thankfully, Will Smith would kill Western slang in rap music for good a year later and we never got something like this again. Yippie-yi-yay to that. Now if only we could take hip hop slang out of country...

 

 

 

Spoiler

 

All right, it's a 90's year past 1994... time for my inevitable diatribe towards teen pop stars.

 

Okay, so, big year for Brandy and Monica! With their smash hit "The Boy is Mine", both can be said to have conquered the latter half of the 90's with their... um... charisma?

 

Look, nostalgically speaking, I'm truly a 2000s kid. So I can't say that I ever really understood the whole thing with either of these ladies. I guess I could tolerate Monica for some songs, but I've never liked a single Brandy song in my entire life. So, it's unfortunate that one of them took after the other, and got progressively more irritating.

 

3. "The First Night" - Monica

 

 

Straight fucking up, no bullshit, someone tell me what the point of this song is. Why would anyone listen to this? Look, if you don't want to fuck on the first date, that's fine! But I'm sorry, that's not a compelling topic for a song. There's not really even any reason for Monica not to do it on the first night. She keeps on saying that she wants to make a move and get down... but then she just says no, let's not do it because... gosh, don't want to come off as a harlot or something!

 

Actually, I wish she gave that much reason. Taking the song at face value, it's like she's superstitious about fucking on the first date. There's just no reason for her not to do it within the song, and all the reason for her to do it. And I'm not trying to pressure her or anything, but if you clearly want to bang, then just bang! It's like that damn Lady Antebellum song from a few years back. If you want to do it and there's no reason for you not to, then fucking do it!

 

I wanna get down, but not the first night

 

Why? One reason is all I ask, and I'll get off this soapbox.

 

Down to be open for some satisfaction
Didn't want to say yes, afraid of your reaction

 

Wh... What negative reaction could he give if he's waiting on an answer from you?! Do you think the guy's testing you or something? Gah, this song infuriates me! I need to move onto something else, fast.

 

 

 

Spoiler

 

2. "The Boy Is Mine" - Brandy and Monica

 

 

 

I once said that this song was a much better rendition of Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson's "The Girl is Mine". If I could eat words to hide their evidence, I'd have a five course meal of the time I said that.

 

Because this song is just... so bland, so soulless, so underwhelming that I think 1998 is at this point playing a game with me. There is no possible way that this was the #2 song of 1998. That's like having a paper shredder making noise be the #2 song of 1998. Except the paper shredder might get jammed, and then something interesting would happen.

 

How do you have a rivalry between two of the biggest stars of '98 sound this lifeless and devoid of personality? Well, it's simple when your two biggest stars are Brandy and Monica. The real question is, how did that end up happening?

 

I have nothing against teen stars on principle, but this is amateur hour at karaoke night. This is the tepid water from a school fountain of music. You get a taste and you feel a slight urge to retch, but you swallow it anyway because hey, what else are you offered? Then you're left with this awful taste in your mouth when it's over with. This is not music. This is dead air. And I'm done talking about these two space wasters on the pop charts, and I'm sure you're done hearing about them. Let's move on.

 

 

 

Spoiler

 

I'll admit, that last one legitimately pisses me off a bit. So much talent and fun and energy that was had in the late 90's, and we awarded the silver medal to that pile of nothing. But as much as I hate that song, and the artistry behind it, there was one song this year that has been a thorn piercing my side my entire life. And as I see "The Boy is Mine" up on the podium at #2, and it makes my blood boil, I step back and realize that it could have been worse.

 

That this song exists at all on the pop charts is bad enough, but at least it doesn't qualify for an Olympic Billboard medal. And if I'm going to get through this list without blowing a nerve in my brain, I have to remind myself of that and appreciate it. Because while it didn't place in the top 3... it was literally one step away. Ladies and gentlemen... the worst hit song of 1998.

 

1. "Truly Madly Deeply" - Savage Garden

 

 

Kill it. Fucking kill it.

 

This is the diametric opposite of what music should be. If you had to ask me to describe what music is not, my answer would be pretty close to this. This is insufferable.

 

I try not to let the success of a song bother me. It's just peripheral, it doesn't mean anything. But then I remember all those days as a kid when I heard this audio turd on the radio, and anything else like it, and I'm reminded that it does matter what the radio feeds us. Boredom succeeding festers more boredom. Reedy voices give way to more reedy voices. Elevator music makes way for more elevator music. And if I was looking at Billboard trends in 1998 and saw that this and "The Boy Is Mine" were frontrunners of the year, I would be terrified. This type of music is one step away from being brainwashed. I literally feel like I'm entering a cult when I listen to this, and that this is the music they would play to make you dumb and submissive.

 

Oh, that these guys were one-hit wonders. But nature is not merciful, and gave them another hit in 2000, which I'm not even going to link to because good god, you don't need two links to Savage Garden. You just need to know that while 1998 had some great music in it, and we'll get to it, it was also home to one of the most sterile, wretched songs of the decade, and for that, I can never really embrace the year fully. So, stay tuned for the next list, where I embrace it fully!