Wumbo Ranks Billboard Year-End Hot 100 Charts! (Ahhh, the deed is done.)

[Clappy]

Lyrics

[Katniss]

Lyrics

Beautiful music and lyrics!

[Sweat]

Beautiful music and lyrics!

Beautiful music and lyrics are the two most essential things for beautiful music!

[Katniss]

Beautiful music and lyrics are the two most essential things for beautiful music!

I suppose the Department of Redundancy Department shall arrest me now

[Wumbo]

you're all silly <3

[Clappy]

you're all silly <3

Not lyrics. Lyrics are serious.

[Wumbo]

hey all

so this is most definitely not going to be ready tonight

So to make up for my perpetual lateness, after I'm done with 1966 and the year I've chosen for October (ooh mystery ooh ooh), I will also be providing you all with a commentary thought to be buried in the past, never to emerge! My commentary for my 1959 picks!

You can find the list somewhere in the middle of this thread if you want a preview/spoiler (check table of contents in first post), but yeah! Totally gonna be a thing. Once again, apologies, but school and life and stuff comes first.

[Katniss]

No worries man, real life comes first!

[Wumbo]

You know, I was expecting to be more familiar with 1966 than 1960, but I wasn't expecting it to be some spectacular year or anything. You'd have your Beatles and other classics, and the rest would be mediocre pop songs that everyone forgot in 1967.

 

...

 

This year rocks, guys.

 

I was amazed by how good this year was. We are no longer in the pre-Beatles era, folks. The British Invasion, soul music, psychedelic rock. It's all here, and it's all wonderful. Well... most of it, that is. As is the case with every other list, we gotta start with the bad before we get to the good. And make no mistake: there was some bad shit this year. So, as always, let's get it over with; here's...

 

Wumbo's Bottom 10 Songs of 1966

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aZglqkCRNt8

 

As a society, we are all vaguely familiar with the dance crazes of today. You've got the Dougie, the Whip, the Nae Nae... hmm, I feel inexplicable rage coming on after listing those last two.

 

Anyway, the point I'm trying to make here is that we haven't really had a good dance craze, and by extension a good dance craze song, since... geez, "Walk Like an Egyptian" maybe.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cv6tuzHUuuk

 

Yes, thank you. I will have some casual racism with my dance step!

 

Now, contrast that to the 60's, where the dance steps were all the rage. The Twist, The Mashed Potato, the.. Barefoot?

 

10. "Barefootin'" - Robert Parker

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=azIytXgdggA

 

Yeah, the Barefoot has certainly lasted through the ages! It's such a simple dance to do! Robert Parker even kindly explains it for us. First, you gotta take off your shoes. And then... uh... um...

 

Okay, this one's just as stupid as anything we have these days. It's not even catchy enough to be a good dancing song. Robert Parker stumbles over the lyrics like even he forgets what his dance is called.

 

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/6969708

 

That's a sad sight to see.

 

Okay, maybe we should look at the video for context. We've got the girl over there with her shoes off, so naturally she must be the one "barefootin'"... and apparently, what it takes to "barefoot" is you need to just perpetually look like you're slipping on ice.

 

Look, the reason The Twist caught on was because it was an easy dance to do, and it didn't make you look like a total idiot. This dance makes you look like a total idiot. And this song makes me feel like a fool for listening to it, even whilst barefoot myself. It's a lazy sort of day today, a day where I don't want to dance in my bare feet. Actually, I would never want to do that. Doesn't anyone worry about splinters? Sheesh.

 

All right, so I presume that you Americans have all heard of your most internationally famous blowhard.

 

 

No, the other one.

 

 

The... other, other one.

 

 

The blowhard I am referring to is Rush Limbaugh!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJK0Vem_Isc

 

Ah, Rush. When Donald Trump's too busy combing his toupée, Charlie Sheen is out partying with cocaine-laced wolverines, and Ann Coulter lodges her head stuck in her rear for the third time this week, we can always count on you to deliver your poorly thought out, biased, and unbelievably misogynistic point of view.

 

Now, Rush has got a radio show, and in that radio show he has something he likes to call a "feminist update", essentially a platform for him to rant about what the gold-durned feminazis are doing this week. And there's a song that opens up that segment. Surprise surprise, here it is.

 

9. "Born a Woman" - Sandy Posey

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXMap-Vyo2w

 

Look, here's a good rule of thumb: if your song is associated with Rush Limbaugh's radio show in any way, shape, or form, you can almost guarantee it won't make the best list. And to be fair, I definitely don't think the actual intent of this song is to subjugate women under men's control, like Limbaugher Cheese here apparently does. But it's still worth noting just how unfortunately perfect the song is for his show. It's... a bit uncomfortable to get through.

 

And if you're born a woman
You're born to be hurt
You're born to be stepped on
Lied to, cheated on
And treated like dirt

 

I get what she's trying to do. But taking these lyrics at face value, and putting in Limbaugh context, it makes the song a hell of a lot harder to stomach. Unfortunately, this song may have been ruined by Rush Limbaugh. ...Thanks, Obama?

 

The next band on this list is called Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs. Sam the Sham enjoys dressing up in turbans at his performances, despite having no ethnicity that would make that behaviour culturally sound. ...oh god, get me the aspirin.

 

8. "Li'l Red Riding Hood" - Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xNEYfIUDkh8

 

This isn't even a racist song like the unfortunate songs from 1960, but as far as I can tell it sounds the exact same. It's corny, it's creepy as fuck, and it has absolutely no charm whatsoever.

 

Like, good for you, Sam the Sham. You've successfully sexualized a classic fairy tale. Do you want a pat on the back or something? How about a restraining order? Yeah, let's go with that.

 

This is just a song that should have been left on the cutting board. I have no idea how it got so popular. Are that many people turned on by the "Little Red Riding Hood" story? Seek help. Please.

 

Also, side note, but what the fuck is wrong with old cartoons? This Betty Boop video is going to be in my nightmares for the next few days. I'll just count it as another strike against the song, because it sucks and it deserves as many strikes as it can get.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IkMFLUXTEwM

 

I really do appreciate Tommy James and the Shondells. They've given us a great number of pop hits in the late 60's, some of which were covered even more famously. But if you have a bad song, regardless of what I think about you as a whole, you gotta pay your dues in the slammer.

 

7. "Hanky Panky" - Tommy James and the Shondells

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bsgKZb9jQ1s

 

Okay, so... if I've got this song mapped out correctly... Tommy James has a baby... and she does the hanky panky. God, was this a dance craze too? Maybe I need to rethink my previous statement about dance crazes in the 60s being great.

 

Well, I gotta say, if this is a dance craze, I have virtually no information on it, other than... it exists! I'm sorry, this isn't something to base a song around, or a continuously repeated lyric.

 

There's not much to say about this one, it's just stupid. It was originally recorded by The Raindrops and they thought it was a stupid song too. I wish Tommy James had listened. Then I wouldn't have to tarnish his reputation by bringing this up.

 

Oh, for god's sake... why do bad songs happen to good artists?

 

6. "Cherish" - The Association

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6cavmIu5Auk

 

Okay, I'm going to be committing a deadly sin and talking smack about The Association, so let me start off by explaining why I chose this video: Larry Ramos' comments at the beginning are fucking awesome.

 

I don't know what I expected to hear before the song, but it sure wasn't this:

 

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/6969942

 

The year is 1966, and Larry Ramos has balls of steel. You can pretty much stop watching the video after that moment, because from then on... you have to listen to the song.

 

Look, I love The Association. "Never My Love" is one of my top pop tunes of the 60's. But like I said, sometimes bad songs just happen to good people. And unfortunately, this is a prime example of that.

 

I can't even really explain why I hate this song, but it just sounds like a mess to me. It sounds dated, muddled, and unfinished all at the same time. Not a good combo at all. I cherish The Association, but I don't cherish "Cherish" by The Association. Got that? Good. I'm done making fun of artists I like. Next song!

 

Okay, like I said, I'm done throwing shade to artists I like. Who's next up?

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FK62pW35GIw

 

Oh yeah, I remember these guys! Fuck these guys.

 

5. "See You in September" - The Happenings

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDWXm_73Jws

 

Okay, so I've done some research into The Happenings, and apparently their raison d'être was to be a cover band. "I Got Rhythm" was a sucky cover of a good song, and it looks like we've got the same deal here.

 

Someone in this group has a voice like a seal getting castrated (or maybe even Seal getting castrated), and he definitely brings the likability of the group down by a good margin. Looking into The Happenings, they appear to be very smug about their sucking at music as well.

 

From Wikipedia:

 

Bob Miranda of the Happenings recalls that he and the other members of the group considered the original version of "See You in September", which was "sort of a slow Cha-Cha [to be] a great song and kind of a bad record. We always looked for that. If you want to revise something and put your own sound to it, I think you should look for a great song that was not a great record."

 

...fuck you, dude! Who even has this mentality when covering songs? When other artists cover songs, they pay respects to the original artists! That's why they cover the damn songs in the first place! God damn it, these guys suck. And I wish they would stop happening to be on the year-end charts.

 

All right, look. I'm all for patriotism. Be proud of your country, you have the right to be, yada yada yada. But I do this for the music. And there are certain songs that just do not belong anywhere near a music chart, much less the #1 song of 1966.

 

4. "Ballad of the Green Berets" - SSgt. Barry Sadler

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5WJJVSE_BE

 

Like... wow, what the hell is even going on here? This is so starkly different in tone from everything else on the charts, and not in a good way. It sticks out like a sore thumb.

 

It's honestly just a boring song and it really doesn't deserve to be the #1 song of 1966. I guess context is important; the Vietnam War was happening and everything. But the song, man. The song doesn't hold up on its own, and that's a big flaw, I'm sorry.

 

Look, I'm just gonna move on quietly before I rustle some feathers...

 

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/6970198

 

...thank you, ending of video, for being simultaneously the most bizarre and most entertaining part of this entry.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tPgc7Y5u6EU

 

Heh. But seriously though.

 

3. "Born Free" - Roger Williams

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gHTjWuFSZ_s

 

Okay, before I get into this one, I have to make something abundantly clear: I LOVE the piano. I think it's one of the greatest instruments out there, and not just because ToddInTheShadows plays it, either. It's an instrument I hope to learn someday.

 

But see, not even a piano can save a perpetual bore like "Born Free". I've never liked this song, no matter who performs it. It's way too slow, and it's never sounded as happy or freeing as the lyrics promise. So, I'm sorry that a wonderful piano has to get lumped in with this song, but that's what you get when you make this incarnation popular.

 

I'm not saying that there's no room for silliness in pop songs. Far from it, I love when artists feel they don't have to take themselves too seriously. I'm just saying... there's a damn limit. And when you start out a song like this...

Do-doo-doo-wah shoo-be-doo-be
Do-doo-doo-wah shoo-be-doo-be

You're on my shitlist.

2. "Poor Side of Town" - Johnny Rivers

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwbeSgEEe5M

I just think the song is mediocre as a whole, but that first part of the song? Yeah, I won't lie, that is definitely enough for me to put it this low. Whenever I had to go back to listen to it to compare with other songs, this always stuck out to me. And I hated it. it was corny, unnecessary, somewhat spammy... hold on, where am I going with this?

Oh well. I honestly don't have much of a reason to hate this as much as I do, but the little reason I do have is enough for me. Do-doo-doo-do not start out a song this way.

All right, so despite having all of these songs on my Bottom 10 of 1966, I can honestly say this is one of the lesser bad lists I have. These songs, while I still hate them, are not godawful and probably wouldn't be on this list had the year not been as good as it was.

That is not the case with this song.

1. "Winchester Cathedral" - New Vaudeville Band

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wv_RfFmJ5nA

This bullshit beating out The Supremes for the number 1 spot is inexcusable. Proves there were idiots in every generation.

Look at that douchebag singing. He knows this song is garbage. And yet he consciously decides to reveal his face, and forever end up on my shitlist. Make no mistake, everything about this guy pisses me off. His awful suit, his gaping jaw, the fact that he won't put his damn hands down...

Wait a minute. That's not the song? I sat through all that shit and we haven't gotten to the actual SONG yet?

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/6977124

Well, it's good to know that my opinion is justified, because this sucks just as much, if not more.

And do you all want to know the really incredible thing about this song? No, wait. I'm waiting until you're all seated for this one. I'm not liable for any injuries from falling down out of pure contempt...

This shit won a Grammy. An honest-to-god Grammy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tf9V0hwJ6qk

This song is why that Simpsons clip was made. And to date, it is the only worthwhile thing to come out of this pile of trash. Other than that, fuck this song. It represents everything wrong with early pop music and kitsch, and it is more than deserving to be the absolute worst song of 1966. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to go worship at any cathedral but Winchester.

[Wumbo]

So, after sampling the not-so-good stuff of this year, it brings me great pleasure to now bring you the shining stars that make 1966 such a great year for music! This list was incredibly hard to narrow down, but in the end, only 10 can make it, and only 10 did. Let's see what those 10 are with...

 

Wumbo's Top 10 Songs of 1966

 

Unfortunately, summer is over and fall is on its way. Wait, what am I saying? I love fall.

 

 

Ah, fall. The crisp autumn breeze slowly drifting over the piles of rustling leaves, as a chill nips your nose while you saunter down the pathway drinking hot apple cider... what the hell am I doing? Back to summer!

 

10. "Summer in the City" - The Lovin' Spoonful

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U5bUmx-hk-c

 

While summer isn't my favourite season, if anyone were to make a case for it in 1966, it would be these jammin' gentlemen. Admittedly, The Lovin' Spoonful were a band I kind of left by the wayside when making my top 10 list this year, and for good reason. Their other hits were... fine, but they simply didn't match up to the top 10 material of '66. Except this one. This one slams, and jams, and honks. No, it literally honks. Hey, now you know you're in the city.

 

This song is just so much fun. You see the band performing and they look like they're having the time of their lives up there. And I can't blame them. This was the Spoonful's biggest hit this year, and for good reason. Probably one of the best summer jams of the 60's, from the beginning to the end.

 

Okay guys, I've got a surprise for you. You ready?

 

It's pre-80's Stevie Wonder!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=waRq6ZR7BNE

 

Haha, I treat my fanbase well.

 

9. "Uptight (Everything's Alright)" - Stevie Wonder

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wDbyOLzEyfk

 

Yeah, okay, so I'm getting a tad redundant with Stevie Wonder, but as soon as he starts sucking I'll stop putting him on my best lists. Wait until another 80's year rolls around.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QwOU3bnuU0k

 

Euuugh.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TZtiJN6yiik

 

Okay, I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to be talking about good songs right now! Let's get back to that, shall we?

 

And if you want a good song, look no further than this one. Ironically, before this single got released and made it big, everything was not alright and uptight for Stevie Wonder. In fact, he was on the verge of being dropped from his record label and losing his career. Dem awkward teenage years, man.

 

But then this song came out, Little Stevie Wonder was just Stevie Wonder, and a superstar was re-born. So not only can you thank this song for being a bright spark in a very talented man's career, you can also thank it for re-surging said man's career. And to think he was 16 when he recorded this? I mean, what were other artists doing when they were 16?

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ar7afdfBHj4

 

...Ouch, Alanis. I hope to see you again when '91 rolls around.

 

So, yeah. A child prodigy becomes a teen prodigy, who then becomes an adult prodigy. That's a success story if I've ever heard one. All right!

 

All the leaves are brown

And the sky is gray

 

What can I say? Fall wins over summer.

 

I've been for a walk

On a winter's day

 

...

 

Never mind.

 

8. "California Dreamin'" - The Mamas & the Papas

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-aK6JnyFmk

 

All right, so if it's not the seasonal topic, what exactly do I like about this song? Well, the harmonies. The Mamas & the Papas had some of the best harmonies in the business. I could listen to their voices blend together all night. It's heavenly, and people really don't do this that well anymore. Maybe good harmonization is what we're really listening from music. Also, actual music, but that's beside my point.

 

There's just something that sounds so eerily perfect about this song. It's simple, but the harmonies, as well as John Phillips' solo verse, really just nail it all the way through the song. It gives off such a relaxing tone, and is one of the quintessential songs you think of when you think of the 60's. Dream on.

 

Okay, so I wasn't alive in the 60's, but if I know one thing about the 60's, especially where music is concerned, I can sum it up in one word: druuuuugs.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J74ttSR8lEg

 

Drugs, drugs, drugs. Ask your mom or ask your dad (if they're old enough, they probably still have some of the good stuff).

 

Yep, everyone was coked-out, or high as a kite, or suffering from the crippling addiction of heroin in the 60's. But then... there's this song.

 

7. "Kicks" - Paul Revere & the Raiders

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IP8G4clUJBY

 

Aw, maaaan! Look at these squares tryin' to ruin our fun! They're probably workin' for the man, maaaan!... ugh, I suddenly feel the need to take a shower.

 

All right, '66 was just the beginning of the counterculture era, and here we have what is the first anti-drug song of that era. So, at the time, you can definitely understand why people might hate this. Yet, it was still a hit, so there ya go.

 

Actually, there's a great irony in the fact that this is probably one of the most anti-establishment songs of the late 60's in hindsight, simply because it's so ludicrously anti-late-60's. This is subject matter that schools would use to teach their children.

 

So if Paul Revere & the Raiders here are tryin' to kill my buzz, why do I like this song anyway? I mean, I'm no toker, but I can appreciate what drugs do for music.

 

Well, despite its message, "Kicks" kicks ass. That guitar lead-in is some amazing stuff; it sucks you right into the song. And Mark Lindsay is, and always has been, a great vocalist. I love the slight edge in his voice and how he doesn't sound like a conventional pretty boy while the conventional pop music plays in the background. And I do have to respect the song for saying "fuck what's popular" and instead write something coming from a very real place that has a lot of meaning... you're all toking up while I'm writing this, aren't you?

 

*sigh* Old habits die hard. *hits blunt* You know, I've had this long-standing question about Swiss cheese...

 

All right, enough clowning around with drugs. Let's get back to some good, old-fashioned Motown.

 

6. "Reach Out I'll Be There" - The Four Tops

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KnDm3qr1Knk

 

Motown's great as always, but to get on this list you need to go above and beyond. And that's exactly what The Four Tops do. Levi Stubb's vocals on this song are unbelievable. There is just so much passion and desperation emanating from one man. He, more than anything, makes this song stand out as a winner for me.

 

My top lists are all about bold decisions, and Levi Stubbs fronting the group as a baritone is definitely a bold decision in a world of Motown tenors. But it pays off and makes the band stand out. "Reach Out I'll Be There" just has this ridiculous amount of pulsating energy with every note, and it's such a delight to listen to. So why are you reading this? Listen for yourselves to see what I'm sayin'!

 

The year is 1964. A budding young duo of musicians, previously performing under pseudonyms, released a song under their names, Simon & Garfunkel. That song was called "The Sounds of Silence".

 

It was a massive flop.

 

Yeah, no kidding. The song was only famous for a while because it was a joke. People just laughed it up at the ridiculous opening line, "hello darkness my old friend". What a stupid line! These guys are stupid!

 

With all my Canadian power, I'd like to say the following: WTF, America.

 

5. "The Sound of Silence" - Simon & Garfunkel

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZGayaTPQ4I

 

So, the song was re-released in late 1965, given vocal overdubbing, and it became a hit. I... I got nothing. But whatever, at least people finally started appreciating the beauty of Simon & Garfunkel.

 

There's just something I can't really explain about this duo that really resonates with me, and I'm sure a lot of other people as well. I think it's that element of sincerity. When the duo performed together, it always felt like magic was happening, but it also felt very real and accessible. The jury's out on what this song's actually about, some say JFK, some say loneliness, but whatever it is, there's a feeling people get when they listen to Simon & Garfunkel's music. That feeling that two people know exactly what you're going through. This song comes to mind when I get depressed, and somehow despite being somber it manages to cheer me up. Such is the magic of Simon, Garfunkel, and silence.

 

Nothin' like the Stones to get me rollin'.

 

...

 

Christ, I don't even know what that means. But enjoy my #4 track all the same.

 

4. "Paint It, Black" - The Rolling Stones

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6d8eKvegLI

 

Damn it, I was waiting a long time to finally put the Stones on one of my top 10s, and I had three different opportunities to do it before this year. "Ruby Tuesday" was fine, "Angie" was good, "Emotional Rescue"...

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9iw_BE_X9sA

 

...I'd rather not.

 

But "Paint It, Black" has always been a Stones staple for me, and is one of their truly excellent songs. It's just a deliciously dark-sounding song, with the depressing lyrics, Mick Jagger's forceful delivery, the thumping beat, the menacing... sitar... hey, whatever. It grabs me.

 

A lot of people consider '68 through '72 the best stuff from the Stones, but I'm partial to this song because it involves experimentation with different instruments and it pays off wonderfully. I do have to laugh at this video, though. The throng of screaming girls for Mick Jagger is just funny to me.

 

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/6996128

 

"Moves like Jagger" indeed.

 

Anyway, that aside, this is up there with some of the Stones' best recordings for me. It just all comes together so well and makes for a wild ride. If only it didn't have that awkward comma in the title.

 

So I'm betting that the initial naysayers of Simon & Garfunkel felt pretty silly when "The Sound of Silence" not only became a hit, but the duo just kept on rocking. Example:

 

3. "I Am a Rock" - Simon & Garfunkel

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKY-smJ6aBQ

 

It was a tough decision to put this over the iconic "Sound of Silence" for sure, but looking at it from a fair standpoint, this song simply has more going on than "Silence". And I love the former to pieces, but when it comes to Simon & Garfunkel hits of '66, this one gets my top vote.

 

Unlike "silence", there's really no disputing what this song is about. It's about solitude, and being proud of it. It's also about solitude, and the melancholy that accompanies it. Deep, man.

 

"I Am a Rock" just kind of taps into that feeling we all have sometimes where we want to be emotionally distant from other people, but at the same time we can't keep our emotions bottled up forever. The melancholy guitar after each short chorus really sells that point, along with the last few lines.

 

And a rock feels no pain

And an island never cries

 

Those lines, more than anything, cinch the song for me and just really help to bring it home. "I Am a Rock" is just such a refreshing, honest song that I think a lot of people can relate to. It's Simon & Garfunkel at the top of their game.

 

So, I've been waiting to put The Rolling Stones on one of my top lists, and to put them right above a Simon & Garfunkel song seems like the highest praise I can give them to make up for leaving them off in previous years.

 

Whoa... deja vu.

 

2. "19th Nervous Breakdown" - The Rolling Stones

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_sf8XFkmUg

 

I swear, I didn't mean for my Top 5 to center around two artists. It certainly doesn't do much for all the other great artists releasing music this year. But this is an honest list, and I have to present it the way I truly feel. '66 belonged to The Stones and Simon & Garfunkel.

 

Anyway, let's get to why this song is so blisteringly insanely awesome. So much energy pulses from this song and it's a wild joyride all the way through. But let's get to what's really awesome about this song:

 

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/6996261

 

That is one of the greatest bass grooves I've ever heard. I could just listen to that on repeat for a few days.

 

It's a delightfully weird song. This upbeat and catchy anthem about having a mental breakdown, juxtaposed by that bass at the end justifying the subject matter. What a bunch of magnificent bastards these lads are.

 

Despite my love for both The Stones and Simon & Garfunkel, however, it is neither one of them that tops my list. What does? Well... won't you be possibly disappointed to know.

 

Better than The Four Tops. Better than Simon & Garfunkel. Better than the Stones. What could it possibly be?

 

Well, I'll give you a clue: Anyone want to go surfing?

 

Oh... no, it's not The Beach Boys. Oops. Now I've dug myself into a deeper rut. *sigh* Let's get this one over with. Commencing "WTF, Wumbo" in 3... 2...

 

1. "Wipe Out" - The Surfaris

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p13yZAjhU0M

 

What the hell am I doing.

 

All right, let me explain. The songs I have listed thus far have been iconic, extremely so. But this song is so iconic that it's permanently ingrained in our culture. Every time a movie character goes to a beach, it will be there. Every time summer vacation rolls around, this song will be here. Heck, it might even be a better summer promotion than "Summer in the City".

 

I'm aware it's a weird-ass choice, and I don't expect many people to agree with me. But its sheer prevalence in our society, combined with its fun atmosphere, combined with the fact that I'm just a sucker for surf rock, makes this one a definite winner in my books. So, if you think my choice was a wipe out, I just gotta get back up on the board and keep on surfin'.

[illiniguy34]

Well well well, nice choices!

[Katniss]

You got some rad choices on this best list, my man.

Now I shall ask for your opinion on the following:

Good Vibrations

Barbara Ann

We Can Work it Out

Wild Thing

Secret Agent Man

 

[Sweat]

Opinions On:

96 Tears

These Boots Are Made For Walkin'

Yellow Submarine

[Clappy]

Thoughts on Petula Clark?  My grandfather loves her music and while I don't have the year end list in front of me, I know My Love charted in 1966.

[Wumbo]

"Good Vibrations" - #80. Ha, this was the one I was most worried was going to pop up in your requests, and here it is right out of the gate. I just don't enjoy The Beach Boys as much as the rest of the world seems to. I mean, I get why people like this song. It's fun, it's catchy. But I just don't know. It's never registered higher for me than like a 4/10 song. Sorry everyone.

"Barbara Ann" - #54. This song is better, and probably my favourite Beach Boys song this year. I can't think of much to say, really. It's... decent

"We Can Work It Out" - #16. Yep, The Beatles get shafted once again. This was my favourite of their songs this year. Also, "Paperback Writer" was right behind this one at 17.

"Wild Thing" - #15. This song makes my heart sing, and makes everything groovy. I think I love it.

"Secret Agent Man" - #74. Was this a James Bond song or something? I can't remember. In any case, it just struck me as really corny. This is the "doo doo doo shoo wah dooby dooby" guy mentioned earlier, so I can't say I'm surprised.

"96 Tears" - #27. This was definitely a weird, unsettling one for me. And I like that.

"These Boots Are Made for Walkin'" - #14. Man, Nancy Sinatra walks all over Jessica Simpson's version, I'll say that much.

"Yellow Submarine" - #51. My least favourite of the Beatles tunes this year (dammit, Ringo), but it's not without its charm. I mean, it was written as a kids' song. I can't throw too much shade at it.

"My Love" - #84. No disrespect to your grandfather there, Claps. This music is just not for me, and it's not what I consider standout music for '66.

[Sweat]

Oh my @Good Vibrations

 

Seriously tho, I kinda get why you dislike it. Thank god you put Nancy Sinatra that high, I did not want to be the only one who liked that song.

[Wumbo]

All right, time to get out of the 60's for now. What year have we got coming up? Why, it's...

1972

So I've talked about the 70's being the best decade ever for music, yet so far I've only talked about one year. Will '72 live up to its decade's name? Let's find out this month!

Edited October 10, 2015 by Wumbo

[Wumbo]

The 70's, guys.

 

Is there anything more I can even say about this decade? I'm only two years in, but it's starting to feel like each year will be a wonderful blast from the past, complete with rock, soul, funk, pop, all that great music to make the 70's a truly remarkable decade.

 

But, as fate dictates, first I gotta give you the bad stuff. This is probably one of the lesser worst lists in terms of badness, but rest assured: compared to the rest of this year, these songs can all take a leap. So let's leap right into...

 

Wumbo's Bottom 10 Songs of 1972

 

All right, so for our first entry on the bottom list, we have to take a step back to the 1920's. Stay with me, I'm going somewhere with this.

 

That decade, a woman named Solomon Linda wrote a song called "Mbube", later performed in the 30's by The Evening Birds. This song has no lyrics that I'd expect you to recognize, but its melody may strike you as... hauntingly familiar. (What? It's October. Gotta spice things up somehow.)

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mrrQT4WkbNE

 

Yes, that melody you're listening to is the first version of "The Lion Sleeps Tonight". It became a huge hit in South Africa through the 1940's and rendered Linda a star in the same country. The melody was recorded and released by The Tokens in 1961 with the now-familiar lyrics, and "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" has become something of a cultural staple of music from then on.

 

And let me tell, you, that's a lot of history to get to a turd such as this. But I figure that a turd in context makes for better journalism, so there ya go.

 

10. "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" - Robert John

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7mDzwYcZiM

 

There's just something about the pop sensibilities of this version that sucks out any joy generated by past versions, especially the original. There's something so pure about "Mbube", and while I'm not the biggest fan of The Tokens' version, at least they didn't try to make this song kitschy. This guy covers songs like Blue Swede. (As a reminder, you should all hate Blue Swede.)

 

There's just little things done in this song that rank high on my piss-off-o-meter. For example, what is this?

 

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/7069446

 

There's something to be said for artists that are laissez-faire about their music, but for god's sake man, show some dignity, why don't ya? It feels like he recorded that part in the studio as a joke and somebody dared him to release it. And he did. And it sucked.

 

I should also mention that for reasons of which I'm not even quite sure, this guy's voice pisses me off way more than anybody else's cover that came before this. I think it's because it sounds so obviously put-on and phony, like Iggy Azalea's accent. Whatever. Kitschy and lame to the point of desecrating work that came before you? The 70s' worst in a nutshell.

 

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/7069446

 

Stop that.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDl3bdE3YQA

 

One-hit wonders. You love 'em or you hate 'em. But usually, you can find something to say about a good majority of them. That's what makes one-hit wonders so fascinating; their ability to be totally memorable and even influential, yet not having the ability to score another hit.

 

But then you get one-hit wonders such as these, and the mystery is really in how the band even managed to get that far.

 

9. "Brandy (You're a Fine Girl)" - Looking Glass

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-tRXewCAmU

 

This song is apparently huge. And that baffles me. I've never heard this song in my life. But it was a #1 hit in '72? How? Where did it come from?

 

Well, to be fair, I don't think this song is objectively terrible. If someone likes this song, I totally get it. But this guy's voice just doesn't do it for me. He sounds like someone who would influence Scott Stapp. Not that Scott Stapp isn't a glorious human being, but even diehard fanboys like me have to draw the line somewhere.

 

I don't want to be too hard on this song as it is by no means the worst thing I've ever heard. I just have trouble understanding why it was such a big hit. It inspired artists like Kiss. It was performed by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. It was used on a Simpsons episode, for God's sake! Why? How? Hell if I know. All I can say is, I don't buy into the hype.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NsLyI1_R01M

 

Aw, Neil. I... I really don't want to hate on you, man. I don't have it in me. I love "Sweet Caroline", always have. You're an iconic performer and I respect the hell out of ya. But... sometimes, you have the tendency to record songs on the sleepy side.

 

8. "Song Sung Blue" - Neil Diamond

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ighSddnnaPE

 

Look, it's a valiant effort. You were sad, and you wrote a song. I respect that. But I just can't take a mellow sad song. It doesn't do anything for me. If you're going to be sad, be torn up. Heartbroken. Be like this guy, in song form. Okay, do not be like that guy in song form, but do something interesting.

 

"Song Sung Blue" definitely isn't an offensively bad song, but I can't say it's one that I'd imagine many people would actively seek out or relate to. It's not a song that incites excitement, or passion. It's mellow music for mellow listeners. I have trouble finding reasons to give a damn about that. But at the very least, this placement gives Neil Diamond one more reason to be sorta, kinda sad.

 

I really didn't want to put this song on my list. Musically, it is by far the most appealing of the songs in this Bottom 10. But something just stuck with me. Something... very bad. Very bad indeed.

 

7. "I Gotcha" - Joe Tex

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MBiAHi0QLbQ

 

All right, so let's take a look at the lyrics of this song. The BEAUTIFUL WONDERFUL... actually, no.

 

I gotcha, uh huh, huh
You thought I didn't see ya now, didn't ya, uh huh, huh
You tried to sneak by me now, didn't ya, uh huh, huh
Now gimme what you promised me, give it here
Come on

 

Okay.

 

Maybe in '72 people could look past these lyrics and enjoy the beat, but this is 2015. And these lyrics just sound disgustingly entitled and.. well... uh...

 

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/7069643

 

Yeah, that. Exactly that.

 

And hell, I liked this song the first time I heard it. What's not to like? It's funky, it's cool, it's...

 

You promised me it would be just us two, yeah
I'd be the only man kissin' on you, yeah
Now, kiss me
Hold it a long time, hold it
Don't turn it a-loose, now hold it
A little bit longer, now hold it
Come on

 

Good God, did I walk into the mind of a serial killer?

 

I think this is one of those cases where hindsight can just ruin a song for you. I'm sure the song's intention was not to be this... rapey, but the way it sounds today just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Joe Tex, I gotcha a restraining order. Which is sort of a moot point now, because you're dead. Huh. Well, this song is still massively uncomfortable.

 

Okay, so the last few songs probably wouldn't make it on a worst list of many other years I've covered. Now, are you guys ready to take a journey into the insufferably stupid? I know I am!

 

6. "How Do You Do" - Mouth & MacNeal

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYNMKZ90jtA

 

Okay, first things first: "Mouth"?

 

Well, "Mouth" is the beardy guy in the video, full stage name Big Mouth. He joined up with "MacNeal" and together they recorded this awful pile of moldy cheese.

 

Thing is, I could forgive this song if it wasn't for this:

 

How do you do
Mm Mm
I thought
Wa-na Na-na Na-na
Just me and you
And then we can
Na-na Na-na
Just like before
And you will say
Na-na Na-na
Please give me more
And you will think
Na-na Na-na

 

Look, if you forgot to write the rest of your chorus, just own up to it. It's a lot less of a painful scenario than actually recording what you did.

 

And okay, I get that the "na-na-na" is code for sex more often than not, tee-hee, ho-ho. But they just keep repeating it! It's like a joke that someone thinks is so funny they repeat it over and over, but in truth, it wasn't even very funny the first time.

 

The very least I can say for Mouth & MacNeal is that they sound like they're having fun. Exponentially more fun than I'm having with this song, but I can't hold that against them. That awful chorus, though? Definitely. Na-na-na-not my idea of a good time.

 

All right, so I permit my R&B to get a little cheesy, if the mood is right. You can do it right, or you can do it wrong. These guys... oh my god, I couldn't listen to this song without rainbows spilling from my ears. Death rainbows. I'm... not sure where I'm going with this. I don't like this song.

 

5. "Betcha By Golly, Wow" - The Stylistics

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=alvEUFJtMw8

 

To be honest, this one mainly just comes down to the title for me. "Betcha by golly, wow"? Did Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz write this song?

 

And that one lyric just makes everything about the song worse. I could probably dig it if they didn't make that choice - hell, I was up for it until that line was said. But that one line just instantly made this guy's voice annoying, this music sappy, and this song unlistenable. Apparently Prince did a cover version of this song in 1996 while he was in his rebellious teen phase 20 years too late. I honestly can't imagine why one of the most provocative stars of the 80's wanted to record this cheeseball of a song, but hey, at least that one's nowhere to be found on YouTube!

 

"Betcha By Golly, Wow". The four words that instantly kill a boner.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RR89JVJqBYg

 

Hello again, Paul Anka.

 

No, he doesn't show up anywhere on the year-end this year, and I suppose he's not completely to blame for this entry being terrible. But I just can't imagine anyone singing "Puppy Love" in a way that would please me... but god love this little boy, he tried.

 

4. "Puppy Love" - Donny Osmond

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMrcnqKSbw8

 

It's honestly kind of hard to watch this. He looks so uncomfortable and out-of-place on that stage. Also... if you sound like an 8-year-old, then yes. It is "puppy love". I don't really see how you have a case here.

 

Look, I don't want to be too hard on Donny. Really, this song just doesn't do anything for me no matter who sings it. It's just too overdramatic for its subject matter. It's like writing a heart-wrenching song about somebody calling you "four-eyes". The sheer grandiose put into the performance makes it ridiculous and unrelatable. There. I'm done talking about this song. Now, stay off my radar!

 

There are certain songs that I think only get popular because the artist's extended family buys like a thousand copies each. At least, that's the explanation I choose to give for this one.

 

3. "Brand New Key" - Melanie

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3FPn5noN_qs

 

I straight up do not understand the appeal of this song. It's kitsch to the extreme, which I guess puts it in the context of the decade. But... god damn, this is in the top ten of the year. People listened to only eight songs more often than this one in 1972? How? I can barely make it through one listen!

 

Everything annoys me about this song. The dopey production, the irritating voice, these insipid lyrics, the... background singers that come in during the second chorus for no reason. This song is a mess, and if you don't mind, I'd like to just skate on over to the next one. It's songs like this that make it hard to defend the 70's as my favourite decade of music.

 

I honestly don't even know if I have anything to say. I'm just... disappointed.

 

2. "Coconut" - Harry Nilsson

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aA9OqUuA6a0

 

There's just something... defective about this song being popular. I enjoy a good novelty song as much as anybody, but the good ones are so few and far between. And friends, this is not one of them.

 

I think it's that stupid accent he's putting on more than anything. Like, I don't know, I guess he's trying to give the song a more "island" feel, but it just comes off as an annoying white guy doing annoying white things. Being an annoying white guy myself, I know what I'm talking about.

 

But there's just no substance to this song, either. I get that novelty songs aren't really the go-to example of fine songwriting, but is it too much to ask that the story doesn't end halfway through the song? At least "Escape", while also being a horrible novelty song, told a full story! This one just feels like you hit some acid halfway through because it just repeats itself. And it's not a particularly engaging vignette, either.

 

She puts a lime in a coconut, drinks it, gets sick, calls the doctor, and the doctor gives her the same advice. This is the song equivalent of the "did you set it to Wumbo" moment. And I refuse to associate with this song on any sort of deeper level than that.

 

Okay, so some of you will no doubt remember my "WORST SONGS EVAR!!11" list, in which I was a stupid white boy complaining about the current state of hippity hop for 50 songs. But other songs snuck their way onto my list as well, believe it or not. And while not many of them survive to this day as being some of the worst songs I've ever heard, this one still has a spot reserved for it in the realms of complete suckage.

 

1. "A Horse with No Name" - America

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSAJ0l4OBHM

 

I guarantee you that there is a better folk rock song to listen to than this one. Because all folk rock songs are better than this one. This song blows.

 

Some people have chalked this song's stomach-churningly bad lyrics up to drugs, and... well, yeah I guess I can see it. But these guys must have been taking the most boring drugs imaginable. This isn't some coked-up nonsense about lucy in the sky with diamonds or anything; this is just bad, lazy songwriting, drugs or no.

 

If your song sucks, re-write it. Don't blame it on drugs and ship it out to record dealers. That's just the worst step you can take. Apparently people compared this to Neil Young, which is probably the most insulting thing anyone's ever said about Neil Young in his 70 years of existence.

 

The heat was hot, there were plants and birds and rocks and things, and deserts are fun. Thank you, America. Now go back to your own country.

[Steel Sponge]

Good list. Disagree with Coconut being #2 though.

[Sweat]

America actually held a free concert here where I live a few months ago, I wouldn't be surprised if they just played A Horse With No Name 20 times in a row.