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Steel Sponge

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Everything posted by Steel Sponge

  1. Can I offer you an egg in this trying time?
  2. 6. And Now… A Romance Plot That No One Asked For (Guru Gakuto; Episodes 9 & 10) …You’ve already read the title. If you thought this spin-off wasn’t going to get any worse at this point, let this be a sign that things are only going to keep going downhill from here. It’s been awhile hasn’t it? Going over the usual formalities, I’m Chemist Bob, this is my Catastrophic Creations Cinema, and we’re picking up where we left off with Guru Gakuto. Especially since it is the year 2022 now, which is the year that this spin-off is set in, I have more of an incentive to continue my riffs. 9. Daters Gonna Date Guru Gakuto – an action-adventure series about a group of young travelers, based on the seven deadly sins, in search of Gakuto while fighting against the evil forces of DoodleBob and Horacio, built around the theme of war and the repercussions of war – now a romance drama. You can still tell that this episode was being written in 2011 when the title references a long gone internet meme. Does this mean that we’ll be seeing arrow to the knee jokes later on? It starts with the continuation of the whirlpool scenario. “No, what do we do?!” Sierra said in fear. “One choice would be stay here. One choice would be get out of here!” Mason exclaimed. So the only options are to die or not to die. That’s some skilled deductive reasoning, dude. “Dumbass, we ought to be hit by that thing anyways,” said Vivian. She knows exactly what I’m thinking about. “I wouldn’t,” the Doodle Wizard said to himself. Doodle Wizard: Oh no, anything but the raging whirlpool! Oh wait, I forgot, I’m magic! Have a nice death, suckers! The whirlpool was getting close. Everybody but the Doodle Wizard shouted in horror. Once again, I got to give Doodle Wizard credit for his apathy in such a dire situation. In a moment, the lair was disintegrated while the area was totally flooded, whilst it was raining outside.'' And to their misfortune, it was not the right season to discuss the secret formula after having gargled with vanilla pudding. “That was so scary…ugh, I can’t…breathe, too much pressure...from the whirlpool! Am I bleeding…no, AM I DYING?!” Mason said dramatically. Comedy gold. “We’re not dead, we have pebbles of lives,” Vivian pointed out. Vivian: The whirlpool has reduced my bones to glass and my skin to paper, but we’re wearing immortality around our necks, so stop whining. “Oh yeah...but what happened to the Doodle Wizard?” Sierra asked. I presume he’s left the scene to submit his application to the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. “I don’t know, I guess he’s meant to disappear like that,” said Jason. I know, right? It’s like he’s some sort of magician…or something. “Look at the bright side…uh, never mind.” Thanks Jason, I appreciate your optimism…or your lack thereof. The others were seen afloat on a piece of wood destroyed from the lair. A clap of thunder appeared. Thunder, feel the thunder! (*Clap, clap, clap*) Lightning and the thunder! “Theo and Rick, wherever they are, we better find them!” Sierra said, stroking swiftly. “Weren’t they inside that concentration facility hours ago, but the bad news is…our jet is abandoned, and we’re way far from Massachusetts,” said Kaan. Kaan: I know your other brethren are still out there, missing, but I’m more worried about my jet! “And where do we happen to be?” Vivian asked. “New Orleans…Louisiana,” Kaan said dramatically. Fitting since this was the location of the carnage that Hurricane Katrina wrought. Yep, it’s totally not symbolic of Hurricane Katrina at all. Also, I want to take the moment to appreciate the line “Kaan said dramatically.” Just how dramatic are we talking here? “I had a GPS in my pocket, can’t believe I still have it.” Kaan: I could’ve brought back the jet, but this GPS is our #1 priority! “That horrible no-good Horacio,” David thought. “Since when did that area have a waterfall?” He asked. “What did you say? I can’t hear you over the roar of that waterfall!” Jonah said aloud. Once again, they shouted in horror. And that gives us another reason not to go chasing waterfalls. TLC approves this message. The scene goes to Rick and Theo, still with Kaiden. It looks like we’re still not quite done with this, but I suppose you got to build up to Guru Gakuto’s next arc where Rick and Theo must save Sierra from being sent to the Shadow Realm, if that’s what the spin-off is now gravitating towards. “Wow, didn’t see that coming. Johnny Test: That’s my line! Is that right, Rick?” Theo questioned. “Yeah, but is everyone else okay? Because I can seriously hear their screaming,” said Rick. “Well, at least the whirlpool out of nowhere never caught up to us.” Spoiler alert: The whirlpool catches up to them. Kaiden then gets up after his defeat. “I have admitted loss…not by a long shot, because I still cannot be stopped! Kaiden exclaimed. Kaiden: This children’s card game that I lost fair and square in doesn’t decide who wins, I does! ”Oh sure, and I bet you can’t live without your virtual reality card collection,” Rick said, holding it up. With that, Rick was still taunting Kaiden with it, until he throws it off, as Kaiden jumps down for it. Kaiden: “Must…risk…life….for…cards!” “Woah, is Kaiden alright?” Theo questioned. Well, so far, the worst thing that’s ever happened to him was his cards getting wet and later himself. “Yeah, yeah, he’s fine, I can see him moving…he’s also close to New Orleans,” Rick examined. “So…when’s lunch?” Theo asked again. Don’t worry about it, the nearest underwater equivalent to Popeye’s shouldn’t be too far away. “You know, we better get back to our group, we can’t stand in this zip-line all day,” said Rick, If you’re going to try and keep doing these riffs, you shouldn’t be stuck adopting the spin-off’s stupidity. and pulled the floating spot down to where New Orleans was. “Also, if thunder occurs, you’re my shield,” he added. Then who will be your mirror, your sword, and your missionaries in a foreign field? In a few minutes, Rick and Theo find the rest of the group. Rick and Theo found them after falling in quicksand. “Rick, where have you been? I have been worried sick…literally, about you!” Sierra said with excitement. “So, what was up with that whirlpool?” Theo asked. “Horacio created it with some kind of control, Or Horacio is an airbender, but I’ll go with your answer. it came, and flooded this place, me and David were there, thank you very much,” Kaan answered. Rick: “Where’s my best day ever, thank you very much!?” “Okay, now what? I’m cold, I’m wet, and I feel like hitting something! Now I accept something else worse to happen!” Rick said. Then I hope you learn to accept it, if that’s what you mean. And it happened, Now is not the time for jokes, story. apparently, it wasn’t that much of a situation. A soaked and damaged Kaiden appeared in front of Sierra and co. Once again, all but Rick screamed in horror. Kaiden: How would you all like to come with me to Duelist Kingdom? “Isn’t that the guy that captured you and Theo?” Sierra asked Rick. “Respectively,” Rick replied. If that’s your definition of ‘respect,’ then I don’t believe you. With that, Sierra knocks out Kaiden, out of anger from the recent capture. Sierra: Being cured gives me super strength! Holy shit, it really does! “As usual, he should be okay…and we won’t be seeing him from point on,” said Theo. Honestly, I hope we never see more of him. Then, all of a sudden (out of nowhere), Thanks for the heads-up. torpedoes were shot down from mid-air, the source was Horacio, inside Kaan’s jet. “Ugh, if any other unfortunate thing is going to happen right now, I SWEAR I’D-“Rick said with anger, it was interrupted by another torpedo. Horacio: I dare you to finish that sentence! “Aw man, its Horacio again!” David said with awe. Horacio is back!? I’m in awe! “Of course, but this is just temporary, with the whole raining, thunder, and all,” said Horacio. “Well, unless you all survive, this is the last experience for all of you, adios,” Horacio finished and flew off. “Aw man, that was my jet!” Kaan added. I’m afraid to inform this to you Kaan, but your jet dumped you for Horacio. This is a trap, I knew it,” said Mason. Get new material, funny man! After that, another torpedo was shot, “And it happens that we’re still aware that Horacio is still firing those torpedoes!” Do less fourth wall breaking and more trying to escape, if I could just make a suggestion. Sierra and co. still screamed, unfortunately, from the torpedo effect, Sierra falls overboard. Kaan jumps down and comes to rescue her. Guru Gakuto, recreating tired female character stereotypes since 2011. “I’m scared,” said Jonah. ”Me too, I’m lucky I know how to swim, and don’t worry, we’re all going to be okay,” said Kaan, Vivian was huddling with him afterwards. “You’re pretty warm and brave too, I like that,” said Vivian. Well, so much for that serious, heartfelt moment, huh? As long as Vivian still has her Pebble of Life, we still have to endure jokes about her being horny towards some Austrian dude. For a few minutes, Sierra and co. noticed the sun was about to come up, as they were the exiting the boundaries of New Orleans. “I see light; I also see a bright side!” Jason said. Nah, I’m pretty sure it’s the bright side that found you. “So Kaan, what does it say on your GPS?” Sierra asked. “We’ve reached the near seas in Houston, Texas,” said Kaan. Houston is going to be having a lot of problems it seems, and this story is one of them. “I’m glad all that is over, so what could our stop in Texas prove that Gakuto is here?” Mason asked. Just find a sign that reads “Gakuto was here” and you’ll find him eventually. “I don’t know, he obviously can’t be here, so maybe we’ll wait until we have another utility vehicle,” said Kaan. The day that Horacio took Kaan’s jet will be the day that Horacio’s life reaches its expiration date. “Hmm…how about we ask somebody for help?” Sierra suggested. Yes, finally, some more common sense in this spin-off! “Good idea, let’s ask that hot chick over there,” Rick said walked up to her. No! So of course, in these desperate times, resort to sexual harassment. Screw you, Rick. “Hot girl…what?” Sierra said, after realizing what Rick said. Sean Connery: That’s what I said to your mother last night, ha, ha, ha! “So, whoever you are, my name is Rick, and I’m with a group of others, as them and myself happen to be lost, and we don’t have any means of transportation, and I’m asking if you have anything to do with that,” he explained. If only if talking to girls didn’t stifle his grammar. “My name is Savannah; it’s a pleasure to meet you. But I’m not sure if I have any support for you and your friends,” Savannah greeted. At least she has more common sense than these seven young travelers if she knows not to trust some random strangers from the get-go. I sure hope that I don’t jinx myself later again. ”Of course it is, and we happen to be a family, even David and Kaan,” Sierra said to Savannah. “You know, if a date is alright, would it be at that restaurant nearby?” Rick suggested. “Would it be okay if I brought them over?” Rick: Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but I’m feeling really horny right now, so go on a date with me, maybe. “It’s a date, though, it would seem crowded if you do that,” Savannah replied, and left with Rick. You…you just met this guy, he’s asking for a date with you at the very start of the conversation, and you’re saying yes! “Am I the only one who finds something suspicious about that Savannah person?” Sierra questioned. “We’re going to that date, and I volunteer Vivian and Kaan to do some undercover work.” OR…you should be focusing on finding Gakuto while you have the chance and while you’re all not being hunted down by Horacio or DoodleBob at the moment. How can you call yourself the leader when you’re letting your lustful, incestuous fantasies of Rick shift your priorities? Besides, Rick did say that you and your other adoptive siblings are invited anyway. “Why me, I never agreed to this, Yeah, WHY get Vivian roped into this? Yep, I think this is the very point of the episode where I call myself done. you’re just saying that out of my liking over Kaan,” Vivian said. “Oh, I see what you’re trying to do.” “Oh yeah, isn’t spying unhealthy for development of your relationship, even if Savannah barely even knows us?” Jason thought. Here we go with Jason asking the real question. “Can we have lunch there?” Theo asked. …And here’s Theo asking the realest question. “Just do it, Vivian! You with Kaan at that restaurant sums up as a date!” Sierra commanded. A problematic date, if I might unfortunately add. “Uh, thanks…the rest of you guys are going to be hiding around, right?” Vivian said. The Pebble of Life seems to grant one sole purpose, so I don’t think it comes with Stealth Mode. The scene goes to the restaurant, as we see Rick and Savannah come inside. It was at least four in the afternoon. It took less than ten minutes for Rick and Savannah to know each other and hook up, so it must’ve only taken them an hour to arrange their date. “Remember the plan Vivian, you just go inside with Kaan, and make sure your table is close to Rick’s table,” Sierra instructed. “You’re jealous, aren’t you?” Jonah said to Sierra. “What are you talking about? I am definitely not jealous about Rick,” Sierra replied. Vivian and Kaan were on the case. I find the lack of nuance in this spin-off very disturbing. The scene goes to the inside of the restaurant, with Rick and Savannah. “Wow, this place is kind of fancy,” Rick thought. Yep, and it’s just enough to have a good time,” said Savannah. ”And you should know that I’m mostly here to see if you have some kind of transportation,” Rick replied. Rick really is letting his skewered priorities show. Come on dude, you’re the one who pressured her to go on a date with you. After that, the next shot goes to Vivian and Kaan that were two tables away from Rick and Savannah. It’s so weird to imagine the thought of there being a film camera when reading a story. I wonder who the author got to film Guru Gakuto anyway. “Well, we didn’t get a table next to them, but I think this is close enough,” said Kaan. The closest table adjacent to Rick and Savannah was given to Jessica Simp. “So, since this is partially a date, tell me about you, being around with a supermodel is fascinating,” said Vivian. “Wait, I think I hear something.” The shot goes back to Rick and Savannah. Cameraman: Oh, is it time to show Rick and Savannah? Okay, um, allow to me just move this thing a bit… “You know, my parents run the Pizza Castle business in this area, nothing else much. We’re getting a bit close, and I thought you could meet them for once,” Savannah said to Rick. Does her dad happen to be Mario by any chance? “Agreed, maybe I can use the delivery truck if they have spares,” Rick thought. “So, is there anything suspicious about Savannah yet?” Vivian said to Kaan. There’s nothing as far as I can tell. “Am I the only one who feels set up because Sierra was jealous? Because apparently, Savannah seems to be a really nice person, Kaan responded. “They won’t notice we were here if we sneak out this restaurant.” I’m sorry Mason, but it looks like you’ve just gotten replaced as the embodiment of Envy. Before they were going to do so, they got the bills. “Oh man, 100 dollars?!” Vivian said with shock. “I tried to tell you to not to order the expensive looking ones on the menu,” said Kaan. “Let’s just get out of here, so Savannah will barely even know we’d be invited to see her parents.” Kaan – Encouraging others to dine and dash since 2011. Before the two were about to exit, an emergency siren came on. “Oh crap, too bad we don’t have money,” said Vivian. And thus ends the Gakuto kids’ quest to find their adoptive father. The day that Vivian and Kaan didn’t pay their bill was the day that they all paid the price for their crime. “Wait a minute, Vivian and Kaan, what do you both think you’re doing here?” Rick asked. Eating a meal, a succulent Chinese meal? First there was a raging whirlpool activated from controls, causing drastic events in Louisiana. Second, they arrived in Texas. Leave it to the author to recap one of the most important details, folks. Third, one person knows it pays, especially when it comes to interfering. And the other knows it pays, because they can get arrested for not doing so. To be continued... Well, that was certainly a weird note to end an episode on. We’re treated first thing to a devastating whirlpool and it ends with Vivian and Kaan getting themselves in a bit of a downsie-wownsie by getting caught for dine and dashing, as well as for spying on Rick and Savannah. Just when I thought that this spin-off was pivoting towards a clearer direction with its narrative, it just keeps going south. Anyway... RANDOM CHARACTER SPOTLIGHT OF THE EPISODE KAAN'S JET: What we know about it so far: It is, or now was, the main method of transport for the kids of Gakuto, piloted by Kaan. It is now in the hands of DoodleBob, Horacio, and their evil organization to stifle these main characters from finding Gakuto. Information I could add about it: Rumor has it that Kaan and his jet have been together ever since the former earned a license to fly. Considering that the jet seems to have competition with Vivian's affections towards Kaan, this may be the reason why she has an irritational hatred for aircrafts in general. Will we be seeing it again?: As far as I'm concerned, this tragic breakup between an Austrian pool table cloth player and his beloved aircraft foretells that they may never be reunited, but there's also the possibility that Horacio will dump the jet not long after taking possession of it. --TAKE A BREAK FROM CBC3 AS I PESTER YOU TO PURCHASE THIS NIFTY FEATURE CALLED STEELIFY PREMIUM, WHICH CAN ALLOW YOU TO SKIP ADS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ...NOW BACK TO THE RIFFING--- 10. Stopped in the Name of Love Please don’t tell me this is a reference to the R. Kelly song with a slightly different name. If it’s so, then this is a nod that hasn’t aged well. Although considering this spin-off’s weird inconsistent episode title theme in referencing old-school R&B songs, I should assume that this is a reference to The Supremes song with an otherwise similar title. “What are me and Kaan doing here? I don’t know, dating, odd coincidence isn’t it,” Vivian said, lying. First line of the episode and it seems we’ve already reached the pinnacle of its writing quality. “You are spying on me and Rick? How dare you two little, nasty, brutal, frantic, inquisitive, semi-futile, butt-ins! Hell with you two douchebags!” Savannah exclaimed. Hey now, no need to get all flowery with your insults. “See, now we have so much in common. But seriously, get out of here! We don’t want your company!” Rick said. …Calmly. Vivian rolls her eyes, and then she and Kaan get out of the restaurant. “My family members plus Kaan and that other extra, they are extremely different, am I right?” He said to Savannah. And your point is…? “You’re still coming to my house?” Savannah asked back. “Let’s make it tonight at eight, and I’ll see you later,” Rick replied, and leaves. At five in the afternoon, the next scene shows Sierra and co. after Rick, Vivian, and Kaan came back. “Yep, these two are in deep shit, right?” Rick said about Vivian and Kaan. Well yes, but mostly Sierra for pretty much setting them up to nose in on your date. “I see Savannah has totally started overshadowing your ego,” Sierra thought. You’re also one to talk when it comes to inflated egos. “Savannah is not that kind of girl, just leave her alone!” Rick said. Mad respect for women by the same person who landed a date with someone that he barely even knew in less than one day. “That exactly, when your love instincts came, Savannah was all starting to be like you and all,” said Kaan. …And your point is…? “And Sierra happens to be revived from Lust, and she’s more likely revived from jealousy now,” Rick pointed out. That makes half sense since Mason is the one with the pebble of Envy. But proceed. “Jealous? Please, I’m nothing like that,” said Sierra. “You do realize we haven’t gotten our suspicions over Savannah figured out, AND we need a back-up for Kaan’s plane!” “Whatever, but no matter what, I’m going to Savannah’s house and meet her parents,” said Rick. “Wow, you’re so lucky,” Mason complimented. I wouldn’t call meeting someone by forcing them to go out with you ‘lucky,’ but okay. “We ought to come to; we can’t handle you treating us like outcasts!” Sierra said to Rick. “And come to think you had a crush on me,” Rick replied. Thanks, ‘cause I still don’t want to think about that. “You’re lucky I’m not the bad type,” Sierra replied, and held both of Rick’s arms. “We’re going to wherever her house is, and we won’t be slipped out of your arms.” With that, the rest held on to Rick. “If you don’t let go of me, I swear I’ll-“Rick said to himself, he cut himself off, courtesy of Sierra. What happened? Did Sierra just kick Rick in the balls or what? Sierra and co. were still dragging Rick to Savannah’s house, until they finally found it, informed by Rick. You got to give them credit for their tight adoptive sibling bond for being able to literally drag one of their own around without complaining. “We made it to her house,” said Rick. “Now, do me a favor, and don’t do anything embarrassing during my first long-distance relationship attempt.” “Long-distance relationship…” Sierra said with shock, and twitched several times. I’d like to know what happened that made this one of her trigger words. Rick rings the doorbell, and Savannah appears at the door. Riveting scene descriptions. “Rick! My sweet really did come! With your family and those extras,” Savannah said, referring to David and Kaan. ‘Extras’ is a very bold way of describing both characters. They didn’t provide much to this story, let alone this episode, but they’re there anyway. “I know Savannah, I brought those two meddling idiots, you know how complicated life is,” said Rick. “Why is that girl red in the face…like she can’t breathe?” Savannah asked. She’s working her way towards getting a new talent agent by trying to do a facial impression of the Kool Aid Man. “Woah, you’re right, but I have no idea,” Rick replied, referring to Sierra with a red face, holding her frustration. “Take it easy Sierra; you are revived with Lust after all.” After that, Sierra and co. came inside Savannah’s house, and her parents appeared. “Rick and company, these are my parents,” she introduced. ”It’s a pleasure to meet them Savannah,” said Jason. “As a very important house guest, what are we going to do tonight?” Rick asked. The same thing she does every night, Rick – try to take over the world. “Savannah was thinking some movie and popcorn for starters, she also has an interest in some scary fables,” Savannah’s dad said. Fables…? You mean the series of graphic novels…or the type of stories written by Aesop? What’s so scary about the latter though, is it because it teaches them certain topics such as morality? Don’t use words without knowing what they actually mean! “Besides, I bet you have some food, because when it comes to Theo, he’s the greedy type, not to be confused with Jonah,” said Mason. “Sure, he can help himself with whatever’s in the fridge,” Savannah’s mother said. If he eats out the entire fridge, don’t think you’re not going to live to regret this act of patronage later. “YAY, FOOD!” Theo said with joy and went inside the kitchen. “If you guys want to know, I have an older brother, but I don’t know where he is right now,” said Savannah, as the movie started, while grabbing some popcorn. Ah yes, the typical sudden missing family member reveal cliché, just when we weren’t even asking for it. “So, um…what is he like?” Jason questioned. I’m guessing he’s dead. “Well, I always remember him about being stuck-up with being leader,” said Savannah. “This is also a pretty good movie.” Plot twist: They were watching Sierra Burgess is a Loser. “Yeah, I know Savannah, and I keep forgetting, but I guess I remember now…you want to come with us after this?” Rick asked. Let’s be frank for one moment: What pair of teenagers actually talk like this when they enter a relationship? I know the author has an excuse in not being a conversationalist and having never been in a relationship before, but that’s never an excuse not to shy away from writing a realistic romantic plot. In fact, why are we still focusing on this when this spin-off is about a group of kids searching for their missing father? Still noticing Rick was still oblivious about the whole travel situation, Sierra gave a facepalm. Sierra is pissed that Rick is dragging the story longer than it needs to. “Aw Rick, I’d absolutely love to! But I have to tell my parents, and make sure I’m far away from those assholes,” Savannah replied, referring to Vivian and Kaan again. “They were inside that restaurant for a reason, and I can assure you-!” Sierra was about to say, but was interrupted by Savannah’s parents. Just leave it to Sierra for “taking responsibility” for setting up her adoptive siblings for a pointless stakeout like any self-respecting team leader would. “Since your friends are getting closer, maybe they can stay for another day Savannah,” her dad suggested. “Thanks father, because I was about to get to the exciting part,” said Savannah. After the movie was finished, Sierra and co. were gathered around with Savannah to hear what she has to say. If this is the ‘exciting part’ that we’re supposed to be anticipating, then I hope it is such. “Once upon a time, several houses were rumored to be a target of a mysterious kidnapper,” Savannah said. “He was like any other, but nobody knew who he was, and in at least 20 minutes, the person the mysterious kidnapper feasts its eyes on…can disappear real easy. Nobody knows where the kidnapper is or what it’s doing either, it’s a huge mystery,” she finished. Spookiest fable I’ve ever heard, ten outta ten. “A mysterious kidnapper, are you kidding me?” Vivian said with disbelief. “I almost heard a tale like that, except it doesn’t involve a kidnapper, and it proven to be a lie!” You just saw your brethren get captured and sent to a military base camp twice. What doesn’t sound unbelievable to you? “Thank you Vivian,” Savannah said sarcastically. “Yeah, I tell stories like these, I’m involved with that.” If you tell creepypastas as a profession, then you might consider finding a new day job. “And you’re going to make us believe that “it” is going to show up in your house?” Mason questioned. “Oh I never said that,” said Savannah. And then it showed up in her house. The next scene shows Horacio in another location, but it was unknown. No, this isn’t the proper time for a scene transition! “They’re hiding…again, in Texas,” said Horacio after looking at his computer. “Obviously, they can’t hide forever, and I don’t even have to worry about this other bitch. Even Horacio isn’t interesting in this forced romantic subplot. He knows how to stay committed to his own character. Let’s see…what should be my late night plot,” he said to himself. “Yep, I was thinking another raid.” That’s some expert critical thinking for a less-than-nuanced villain. After that, somebody appears in front of Horacio. He had a black hat, with a green trench coat. “And do what? Waste every unit of your weapons to execute the group?” He said, about Sierra and co. “Doesn’t matter, as for you, your quest is to cover my tracks,” Horacio replied. “At some point, I will be in Switzerland to create another mega weapon.” Why of all places though, so that he could build a weapon of mass destruction made out of chocolate? “Fine thing, I’ll be awaiting your results…” he said. “As an assistant to my party, you always want the royal pain, do you Trent? Oh man, the Total Drama contestant must have fallen off hard enough after all these years to get roped into this guy’s affairs. I’ve been involved with this in the first place, so get your ass to Texas, and follow them, without a trace!” Horacio commanded. “Whatever…” Trent replied, and left. He’s just as motivated as I am towards reading this spin-off. Meanwhile at Savannah’s house… “Ugh, I can’t believe we still don’t have any progress,” said Sierra, “No offense Savannah, but you’re slowing us down from searching for Gakuto, it’s kind of your fault.” You’re wrong actually, it’s no one’s fault except the story itself. “I was just expressing my character with a small fable,” said Savannah. By ‘fable’ you mean what barely even resembles a creepypasta, and by ‘character’ you mean your lack thereof. “Still, there’s no such thing as some “mysterious kidnapper,” said Vivian. The door opened up, revealing the “mysterious kidnapper.” Sierra and co. cover in fear, as the guy at the door turns out to be a worn out Kaiden. Oh no, they better assemble Exodia as fast as possible if they’re going to ward him off. “You see, we’re totally scared now,” said Vivian, sarcastically. “You all don’t know my brother, but-“Savannah said, but then Rick breaks it up. Oh no, it’s worse than I thought! Her brother is revealed to be the Neo-Nazi! “Back it up, Kaiden is your brother? But that’s okay, because there’s an angel in your family, and that’s you Savannah,” said Rick, I’m sure Savannah will accept your backhanded compliment very well. “I’ve met him before, I wonder what we should do with him.” “That lovesick little…” Sierra mumbled, and says to herself, “What am I doing? I like Rick, but I’m too focused on this mission,” then she openly says, “Tell us more.” Sure, let’s hear more about him. Leave it up to the main protagonist to keep the spin-off focused on its central plot as much as she could manage. “Kaiden’s my brother, and that’s it, Glad we had this talk. he should also stay and rest here,” said Savannah, “What are we doing again?” Nothing that is relevant to this story, as far as I can tell. “I’ll give you a hint, it has to do with air travel,” Sierra replied. “Oh, I just realized. There’s a carnival in town and we should go. Does that sound like fun?” Savannah said. It’s all fun and games until the carnival turns out to be tens of hundreds of hooks encompassing the area. “I’d just love to, though burning down a carnival is what I want to do before or after we find Gakuto,” said Rick. Whoa, slow down there. “No, for one thing that has to get away, why does it have to be carnival?” Sierra said. I’m confused by the way you speak, but I get what you mean. “Relax Sierra, what harm could be done from that?” Kaan said. Continuously dragging this story to unnecessary filler is one thing I’d point out. “By the time we get there, I had the slightest story about a mysterious killer at late night festivals,” Savannah added. Then Sierra and co. arrived at the carnival. “So what should we do first Savannah? There are always the bumper boats,” said Rick. This sounds inappropriate out of context, so I hope this next stage of this romance plot doesn’t lean towards that route. “How about we ride the Ferris Wheel?” Savannah suggested. “It won’t be a date,” Sierra noted. “I got it handled Sierra,” said Rick, “The Ferris Wheel…that sounds like fun.” Then we cut to a person behind a wall for no apparent reason. Now that’s a solid way to introduce us to a new character. “It’s Savannah, what is she doing with that other guy?” The mysterious guy wondered. “Justin, what’s the big deal? And why are we hiding like this?” His friend asked. Steel: Okay, so if none of you have noticed by now, this character’s name is indeed derived from the irl name of SBC’s siterunner himself, Jjs. Of course, he’s later referred to as ‘Jordan,’ but before I go out of my way to edit out every other mention of ‘Justin’ in the original posts, I’ll have you folks be introduced to the character as Justin for the sake of consistency. Of course, this isn’t the only time I’ve done something like this as I’ve tried using my own name for one of my Sub-Tropical Academy characters only to then regret it shortly after and remove every mention of the original name. In retrospect, I could’ve chosen a better character to attach the name to, but I know Jjs wouldn’t care at all to remember the type of character that I have had used his name for, and you’ll understand my concerning tone as this spin-off continues on... “We’ve been hiding since Savannah decided to show up late with somebody else. The big deal is, I think she’s cheating on me,” said Justin. Wow…shocker. Still though, what the heck is going on in this episode? “So you’re going to that Ferris Wheel to rouse up more trouble?” His friend replied. “That my friend…is what I’m going to do,” Justin replied. He walks always cunningly, with his friend confused. There’s a ‘this will not end well,’ joke waiting to be used, but I refuse to be predictable. By the time Sierra and co. was at the Ferris Wheel, Sierra, Rick, and Savannah argue about which spot Rick should share, Kickin’ in the front seat, sittin’ in the back seat… while Vivian had her cart with Mason, Jason had his cart with Jonah, Kaan had his spot with David, and Theo doesn’t have another spot yet. Then, Justin rushes over. These scene descriptions are making my head hurt. “Reserve my spot with that girl over there,” Justin says, referring to Savannah at the attendant. “Why would I do that?” The attendant said. Justin thinks for a moment and says, “Actually, I’ll reserve with the other chick,” he was referring to Sierra. “Why would I do that?” The attendant said. “I’m sticking with you Rick, no matter what,” said Sierra. “Actually, your spot is already taken,” said Justin, and runs off with Sierra to their cart. Yeah, just tell that to some stranger that you don’t even know. That will convince them that you’re not here just to act as a plot device. “I guess that means I’m riding with you,” Rick said to Savannah. “What am I, chopped liver?” Theo said. If you were, you’d be trying to eat yourself. He then takes the same cart with Rick and Savannah by request. The Ferris Wheel first shows Sierra with Justin. “So…who are you?” Sierra asked. “I’m Justin, what about you?” Justin said. “I’m Sierra,” she replied. “Do you have anything to do with Savannah?” He asked. Yeah, this dialogue is boring af, so I’m skimming through most of it. “Barely, it’s mostly Rick. He’s always hanging out with her since he had a crush on her…and all I wanted to do is get advantage to find somebody special: Gakuto, he went missing…” Sierra replied. “Of course…Savannah is a liar.” Shocking reveal, huh? Let’s be real though, this romance plot has never really been fun or exciting to begin with and this little bombshell isn’t going to make it more thrilling. “What are you talking about? Savannah totally deceived you, or something?” “Of course she did, it looks like I have to reason with those two.” Justin then jumps to where Rick, Theo, and Savannah were, as the people on the ground (and Sierra) were surprised. If your plan was going to get on the same car as Savannah to get back at her for this sudden infidelity revelation, you could’ve thought this more through. “So you’re just going to talk to me like that? I don’t like being alone,” said Sierra. I thought you’d be more concerned about him jumping into Rick and Savannah’s car like a maniac. When Justin finds Rick, Theo and Savannah, he turns to Rick and says, “I see you’ve gotten into a relationship. Is it your first time?” No, wait, I think this may actually be the most ironically hilarious moment of the episode. “What the hell is this?” Rick said, obviously confused. The feeling is mutual. “I’m Justin, and I’m here to tell you that Savannah is not what she seems to be: she’s a cheater,” said Justin. Since her brother is Kaiden, I could be convinced that he meant that she cheated in a children’s card game tournament. “Savannah is totally not a liar, she’s different like me, and you should accept that!” Rick replied. I’m not sure how to feel about that “compliment,” but sure, let’s go with that defense. Once again, I have to remind myself that writing romance stories has never been the author’s forte. “You don’t get it? I can sense when one person is lying, and I know it is Savannah. So, truthfully, she doesn’t like you, and she kind of cheated on me. ‘Kind of?’ If you’re confident that you’re being cheated on, you can be blunt about it. Because you stumbled in the way for some reason,” Justin replied. So…um…is Savannah going to do something about this, or are we just going to keep watching two bros having a cockfight? “Savannah lied to me…like when she tells me her scary fables?” I’m sure Aesop has quite a scary fable for Savannah to learn about this episode is through. Rick said, but changes his attitude, “I still like her. Lies are nothing to me.” You barely even got to know both Savannah and Justin. How stupid can you be? “So you would expect a carnival killer coming this way, after listening to what she says?” For a sudden, tanks and helicopters arrived, with DoodleBob leading. Blame It On the Rain? Heh, blame it on DoodleBob! “Orphans, number two of the most predictable things in my book,” he mumbled. I have several questions…one of them being what the number one most predictable thing is to him. “Alright everybody, we’re looking for a group…involved with the search of Gakuto,” said DoodleBob, “And right now, the other leader, Horacio, is on holiday.” “Ugh, they always have to follow us…” said Rick. Once again, I am skimming through some more dialogue since there’s not much that’s riff-worthy with these next few scenes. Because of the hold of the cart, it snaps and suspends to the ground, with the four. “What is that?” Justin said about DoodleBob. “That’s not important now. Now go with Savannah and hide,” said Rick. The other carnival guests scream and run away in fear, while Sierra and the others left the ride, and confront DoodleBob. “You know, you can’t kill them,” Kaan said, referring to the seven. This isn’t the proper time to fight your allies’ battles. “Worth a shot,” said DoodleBob, and brings out a machine gun, Holy crap, he’s really taking his job seriously. along with the others, but with slightly smaller ones in comparison. Did he bring a bunch of glocks with him too? Kaan and David were protected as they were behind the seven. “There’s a helicopter. We need to get DoodleBob and his minions off-guard for a moment,” said Rick. While DoodleBob and the others we’re Never thought I’d see a rare sight where the author confuses ‘were’ with ‘we’re,’ but he’re we are. still wasting bullets against them, Rick jumps and get a hold of the helicopter, by pushing the pilot off. It’s okay guys, the pilot was a doodle. Unfortunately, there was one helicopter behind, and snags David. Of course, it’s not Guru Gakuto without at least one character getting captured or kidnapped. “Let me go!” David said. “This kid will be useful,” said DoodleBob. Before Rick was going to tell the others to get on his helicopter, Rick uses the controls to damage DoodleBob’s tank, along with the others. I like how the story has me assume that a character like Rick with no experience in piloting an aircraft could just pilot a helicopter no problem. Before things started blowing up, DoodleBob and his minions escaped in the helicopter that had David. “You guys are lucky…always lucky,” said DoodleBob, before he leaves. Mason: Hey, that’s my line! Sierra and co. then got on Rick’s helicopter. “Wait…we need to bring Savannah, she did say she wanted to go with us,” said Rick. “That’s because you asked her,” said Kaan. Where in this episode did she say that specifically? I could go all the way back and see if I missed something, but I prefer to not to waste any more time and let myself be gaslighted anyway. Kaan then flies the copter, while Rick sees Savannah and notices Justin left somehow. Savannah just smiles, when Rick gave her the offer to come along. The helicopter continues to fly away, while we then see Justin on a motorcycle… Helicopters were too mainstream for him. One white lie must have turn into one disaster, Well, things didn’t escalate until DoodleBob showed up, but let’s go with that, I guess. and right now...one member joins, and one member is lost. With the way that the episode rushed itself to the end, I wouldn’t have assumed that Savannah joined up with the group after going through quite an emotional rollercoaster. Looks like the next few episodes are going to give us some closure on Savannah’s actions, but I know already that I’m not going to enjoy it. To be continued... So this is how this romance-driven two-parter ends, not with a bang, not with a whimper, but with an a-pull, and not a very satisfying one at that. I could fathom that the author had his utter disappointment with Total Drama World Tour in mind while writing this particular episode, and yet ended up writing something with a message against unfaithfulness that’s even less nuanced and more inconspicuous than the animated show in question had done prior. You could say it ended up influencing how this plot was written despite the author’s intent. There’s now three episodes left of this season to cover, and I can already tell you that I’m not looking forward to them. I am, although, confident that the spin-off should start becoming more focused on the main narrative now that I’ve gotten this far into it. It has to. The story so far has gotten mostly nowhere, running around in a directionless circle. RANDOM CHARACTER SPOTLIGHT OF THE EPISODE THE FERRIS WHEEL OPERATOR: What we know about it so far: Even though he is referred to as an 'attendant,' he sustains quite an important job in the oceanwide carnival business in giving customers their preferred cars (and having to deal with some teen angst-related B.S. on a semi-regular basis). Information I could add about him: With DoodleBob declaring war on the world with Doodle Darkness, it seems as though that his person is stuck with this dead-end job to put food on the table, which is such a pity. Will we be seeing it again?: While we're most likely never going to see more of him, this guy seems to have better and bigger dreams ahead of him, which he may as well be chasing after this spin-off's story concludes.
  3. What you're looking at right now is an audio-visual representation of the music that my local classic hits stations play on a frequent basis, as well as an audio-visual representation of what I end up listening to on a frequent basis whenever I tune to these stations. Been a while since I done one of these. The main goal is to listen to all 100 "unique" songs on this playlist, 6 1/2 hours (or more if you don't have Premium) straight without stopping.
  4. breaking news ajr still sucks

     

    1. President Squidward

      President Squidward

      THIS IS A CERTIFIED AUDACY CLASSIC

  5. Discuss one of the best videos of all time.
  6. The top 20 SB songs countdown has been officially cancelled due to a lack of lists & votes, as well as due to a perceived lack of interest. While I would've given this one last reminder before the planned deadline, the other reminders that I've made before did little to promote the creation of more lists, and so I have decided to end this on my own accord.
  7. Do you know what my favorite thing to do is in Minecrap? I love building bricks with Minecrap. Building bricks with Minecrap is the best thing and the most amount of fun you can have while playing an app. I understand why all the kids are playing this game these days. It's because they like to build brown bricks with Minecrap. I also like to build brown bricks with Minecrap. It's the most fun you can possibly have.

  8. Man, Splinter didn't have to go that hard on the national anthem.

  9. I say this as a very loyal Muse fan - this sucks:

     

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. President Squidward

      President Squidward

      God when I first heard this song on my Spotify, I angrily got made for how loud it was in its mixing. Its also shit I agree lmao, and I've been able to tolerate and even like muse past 2009.

    3. President Squidward

      President Squidward

      *mad but you know what I mean lol

    4. Steel Sponge

      Steel Sponge

      the will of the people the weirder the people the wilma the people the will of the peep hole oh my god please stop muse, you're so much better than this.

  10. and i'm kanye west

  11. Pointless but also mind-blowing fact: Did you know that the production work for the two most recent albums by Machine Gun Kelly, who has been constantly accused of "ripping off blink-182," are both spearheaded by Travis Barker, who is...wait for it, the drummer for blink-182? 

    1. President Squidward

      President Squidward

      People don't know this? Lmao

    2. Steel Sponge

      Steel Sponge

      I think most of them actually do but they also don't have the heart to admit that their top 5/10/20/50 drummer of all-time is a one-trick pony as a pop-punk producer, and with the general public still bludgeoning their opinion of MGK being "the worst thing ever," it makes sense that they'd just scapegoat him for even reasons that aren't logically true.

  12. I'll be now issuing a deadline on this, while there's been a lack of new submissions since the last update I've made. You all now have until July 17th to submit your top 10 list. If I still don't get enough list submissions after the deadline, then I'll have to pull the pin on this.
  13. We Forgive You Germany. I already regret this decision, but I'm still committing to it.
  14. 7. Huina (Crossroads) To Koamalu’s own surprise, he was back in the dreamscape with the familiar voice yet unfamiliar being. While most of the blurs still haven’t faded out, Koamalu was beginning to make out an image of the individual beside him. “Hello again, I have something more to share with you,” the voice spoke. “But why am I back here...when Enakai’s dimension is supposed to interfere with it?” Koamalu asked. “It seems that you have stepped out of the dimension,” the voice responded. “I don’t see any other reason than that.” “Well, if I’m back outside of that cave, then I need to wake up right now and regroup with SpongeBob before the Lava King notices me and I’m made into a statue!” Koamalu said in a panicked tone. “Can you at least talk with me like you’re not made of stone? Unless you’re awakened or an interloper enters into our connection, nothing is stopping us from communicating.” Listening to the advice from the voice, Koamalu keeps his composure before hearing what she needed to say. “I can’t survey what happens in the conscious world while in the world of dreams, so I can’t tell you where you are or how you are, but I can at least tell you that our connection would be lost if your life gave out.” “So, even though I’m not in Enakai’s dimension right now…I’m not dead?” As the body was still blurred to Koamalu when he asked the question, the voice answered him with a reassuring tone in its voice. “Is this all you needed to tell me?” “No. You may not believe me now, but Enakai truly is not your real family as he’s taken you under his care for his own personal needs. He’s secluded you in his own material world where our powers couldn’t intersect because of a foretelling about you in which he believed that the multiverse would plunge into chaos because of your curiosity.” “What does that mean?” “If you haven’t noticed yet Koamalu, this journey of self-discovery that you’ve been paving and as well as your own personality have both been defined by your strong sense of curiosity. It’s because of a vision of the future that Enakai saw that discouraged your curious mind.” “But what if the dreadful future that he saw is happening right now? His world, the Lava King’s world, SpongeBob’s world – all of them have merged because I was brought to the very world that…Enakai himself transported me to. Oh, none of this is making sense!” “Who knows? Enakai could be wrong. You’d never know until you face him head-on.” “What about my family, then? I still need to know whether or not I did have one.” “That’s why I’ve been telling you to ask Enakai these questions since he very much knows, and you’re better off knowing about the truth he’s been hiding from him, and not from me, since I don’t want to take any responsibility for how you may feel.” “If what you’re saying is that the truth will hurt more than I could ever think it could, then I should thank you for warning me. Whatever it may be, I think I can handle what Enakai will say, even if I had trusted him for so long.” “Life is not without crossroads, Koamalu. The decisions you make will always be yours and yours alone. If you worry about the future, you’re falling into Enakai’s own trap.” “Yeah, I guess I understand that. I need to wake back up, go back to Enakai’s dimension, and return to SpongeBob before he gets himself into serious trouble. He must be looking all over the cave right now for me and doesn’t realize that I somehow left. Although, there’s one more thing I need to ask you – your name, and what kind of person you are.” “If you wish to know, despite that the lives of you and your friend may be in grave danger, I’ll be blunt. I am-“ Just like that, Koamalu was cut off from his connection once again as he was awakened. What he saw in front of him, when looking around, was the star-coated sky with the still-growing blackhole in the center, some more Bikini Bottom citizens turned to statues, Bikini Bottom citizens with torches, with Mr. Krabs, Sandy, and Larry being amongst the crowd, and then of course there was Patrick. He looked neither angry nor satisfied, but he had the expression that told him that he’s been waiting for him to get up…and that he somehow was involved in dragging him out of Enakai’s cave. Koamalu could also make the assumption that a day had passed during the merged worlds from when he was in Enakai’s dimension. “Oh good, you’re awake now,” Patrick spoke. “What’s going on?” Koamalu asked with bewilderment. “How did I even get back here?” “We’ve tried to trust ye, but we have no choice but to use you as a sacrifice for the Lava King,” Mr. Krabs explained. “It was my idea!” Patrick added. Koamalu, who was lying down on the sand, pulled his body upwards and picked himself up. He was trying to shuffle away while the Bikini Bottomites citizens crowded closer to him. “Ever since you and SpongeBob have gone away, I’ve been piled up with extra work around the kitchen!” Mr. Krabs said. “You’ve brought us bad luck since you stepped foot on our world!” “I’m sorry dude, and I know that we’ve sparked a little bit of a friendship,” Larry was saying, “but it’s for your own good. We’ve collectively decided on this.” “I didn’t agree to this,” Sandy chimed in. “This critter is still a valuable asset to fixing Bikini Bottom back to the way it was, so I would’ve done things rationally…and scientifically, even if he’s part of the reason why I was forced to cease my research .” “How did you even find me and drag me out of such a dangerous place?” Koamalu asked directly towards Patrick, “and why didn’t you take SpongeBob? If you were there, you’d know that I was with him the whole time!” “Dangerous? I saw no danger,” Patrick responded. “Besides, the Lava King only told me to bring you to him. He promised me he would also bring me back SpongeBob right here once I did.” “That is right, he’s brought me what I’ve asked,” the Lava King uttered as he slid straight towards Koamalu, prompting for the island inhabitants to step back from his direction. He turned to Patrick and then said, “As for the pink starfish, I could reward you, but I’m afraid that I’ve…changed my mind. This is still the territory that I have claimed for myself, so I still make the rules here.” “What?” Patrick said in an astonished tone. “That’s not fair!” “I knew I was right to ask someone as dumb as you for this request,” Lava King jeered. “You were so disobedient with me before, but I’m surprised I managed to talk you into bringing me this scrawny fellow who’s supposed to suppress what I’ve worked to build. While I’ll deal with the sponge later, I might as well put him to the rest right now and make him into another one of my statues, since he has been rejecting me from the first day that I’ve conquered.” The Lava King then shot magma from his otherwise molten arms. Koamalu countered the attack by using his powers to conjure a metal shield large enough to repel it. “Oh, so you have been learning,” the Lava King remarked towards Koamalu. While he still had the chance, he retreated back inside Enakai’s cavern and therefore avoiding the Lava King’s punishment. Before he knew Koamalu had escaped, the Lava King tried to stop him by releasing more spurts of magma. The internal anger that he felt from losing his target made him flare up and release more molten lava from his body until he tried to calm himself down. “So, is there anyone else who’d like to be another one of my statues, or are you all now convinced in pledging your loyalty to me?” the Lava King demanded, but all the island inhabitants who’ve watched the frenzy were motionless and gave no response. “Is nobody going to answer? Fine, if that’s how it’s going to be, then you’ll all receive your punishment tomorrow since the dragon has burned me out. You can either show your loyalty to me before then, or you can send your last prayers.” The Lava King made his usual exit by sinking into the floor and giving the unaffected island inhabitants hot feet before he dissolved completely. A day has passed and more of the Bikini Bottomites who defied the Lava King have met their fate by being turned to stone. Patrick, Sandy, Mr. Krabs, and Larry, saw themselves congregated together, having accepted their imminent outcomes. “You know Patrick, I’ve always thought that you were stupid, but this is your dang fault,” Sandy spoke. “Because of your selfishness, things have escalated further.” “Well, SpongeBob couldn’t spare any time to hang out with me because he’s always with that guy…whatever his name is!” Patrick responded. “I knew I should’ve gone in that cave for SpongeBob instead.” “Is this what this is all about?” Sandy asked. “You were around when Neptune and Amphitrite showed up to entrust SpongeBob and the little critter into using their powers to try and restore Bikini Bottom, so it’s not his fault that SpongeBob got hog-tied into this.” “Why should I understand what SpongeBob sees in that guy whose name my head can’t even pronounce?” Patrick argued. “He just came here out of nowhere and messed things up!” “Let’s not hold this all against the little guy,” Larry chimed in. “If Sally Acorn’s invention hadn’t brought the Lava King and that other eel dude into our world, we wouldn’t be in this terrible situation.” “Oh, so now y’all are blaming this on me?” Sandy shot back. “I never suspected that my invention would cause any of this, but I still took responsibility into my own two tinkering hands. That’s why I’ve been trying to fix this mess myself! Also, I don’t know how many more times I have to remind y’all about this, my name is Sandy Cheeks!” “You’ve been spending time all your time alone doing all this confusing science stuff, so what do you know about what I’ve had to go through?” Patrick continued towards Sandy. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Sandy asked. “Did y’all think that I had nothing better to do than hang around with you…Preston?” “Who’s Preston? At least I know my own name!” As Sandy, Patrick, and Larry continued to bicker, Mr. Krabs exclaimed, “Silence! All this fighting is getting us nowhere!” “Well, what can we do now?” Sandy responded. “You’re the one that forced me to stop doing my work!” “Yes, and that’s why I think you should all pin this down on me,” Mr. Krabs continued. “I got roped into doing contract work with the Lava King so I wouldn’t end up a statue like Squidward, and I had to keep that as me own little, burdened secret up until now. It’s also because I tried to maintain me trust with him that I became his enforcer. I’m really the most selfish person here.” “That explains everything,” Sandy replied, “so why don’t we all agree that this Lava King ruined everything for us?” “What about SpongeBob replacing me as his best friend?” Patrick argued. “What about your invention?” Larry argued. “What about me?” Mr. Krabs argued. At that moment, the row of heads of the Mirage Tiki People emitted a white glow to indicate their sentience. “No, one of you said it right before,” one of the voices of the Tikis spoke. “It is unwise to deflect blame on someone else and to put every ounce of pity on yourself. It does appear that you’ve all made some mistakes since the dimensions merged and it’s best to admit to those mistakes, what they may be.” “What did I do?” Larry asked. “I’ve been supporting SpongeBob and the other guy for their quest and didn’t do anything wrong the past several days.” “That sounds exactly like the tone someone would have when they did something they regretted,” Sandy remarked. “Okay, so I admit that maybe I’ve been trying to make myself seem cooler when SpongeBob and that sea dragon got lent powers by Neptune and Amphitrite to be in-charge of such an important job,” Larry confessed, “so I’ve tried to put myself in this position where I could be able to be viewed just as rewarding, since I was being nice enough to help the two of them out. I was also trying to impress you, Sadie- I mean Sandy, because it’s been a long time since we’ve done anything together and I thought that you stopped caring about me when I realized how much more focused you were on doing all this science stuff.” “Sandy Cheeks,” another voice from the Tikis spoke, “is there something you have to say?” “I have to admit, I’ve been so darn worked up, that I’ve been secluding myself from everyone, including SpongeBob,” Sandy confessed. “I know I’ve been spending most of my time in Bikini Bottom doing all kinds of sports, but that was when I wasn’t so worried about having to make a successful invention each year. Science has always been another passion of mine, and I thought that people would appreciate and remember me more if I shared my brilliant inventions with them, but now I realize that because I’ve been spending so much time by myself, it feels like even everyone’s forgotten my name. When the worlds collided, I gave myself the golden opportunity to try and be this savior that Bikini Bottom needed in these hardships, so I pushed myself into inventing a solution. I didn’t believe in hope or faith while I have tried to prove that science could work such a miracle. I didn’t want to have to put all my trust in SpongeBob and that critter from another world, but now I have no other choice than to trust them.” “I might as well be the next to confess,” said Mr. Krabs. “I’ve been caring more about keeping meself alive than helping everyone else when I made that deal with the Lava King. I may have been able to admit that I was wrong for that all I did while I was still trying to keep me secret, but the hardest thing for me to admit is that I’ve acted like a real tightwad before towards SpongeBob and Squidward. They are me employees after all, and as a boss, I have to treat them like so, and I’ve used me experience from managing the Krusty Krab to earn the Lava King’s trust, and I failed to help others in the process. SpongeBob is the most selfless soul in Bikini Bottom, so I guess it is no wonder our highnesses trusted him with their powers, so I owe that yellow feller a lot. We should all just admit we were all selfish in our own ways and wait until the Lava King gives us our punishment. All we can do now is hope for the best from SpongeBob and his other shipmate.” Patrick was still reluctant to speak of his wrongs. “Patrick, would you now be willing to confess to your own mistakes?” One of the voices of the Mirage Tiki People uttered. “No way, that guy who’s been following SpongeBob around is the one who should be apologizing,” Patrick contended. “We’re not asking for you to understand, but you should at least listen when we tell you that Koamalu has been taking responsibility for the crisis,” one of the Tikis said. “It so also happens that Koamalu is one of SpongeBob’s biggest priorities right now. If Koamalu was to suddenly have his life taken away, how do you think your friend SpongeBob would feel, and how would that make you feel?” For once during his time on the merged world, based on the question provided to him, Patrick thought hard. “So, what you’re saying is…I was being a bad friend to SpongeBob?” Patrick questioned. “I guess I’ll admit that I was so mean to him and to um…um…Koala Lou? It’s just…I never thought that I should’ve listened to SpongeBob because I’ve always been used to him listening to everything that I say. You know what, whoever that voice is in my head, you’re right, I should go and apologize to SpongeBob and Cocoa Malleus right now!” In act of confidence, Patrick went through the entrance to Enakai’s dimension, leaving the other three alone. “Patrick!” Sandy, Mr. Krabs, and Larry called out. “He’s a goner,” Mr. Krabs remarked. “So are we, though,” Larry added. “Koamalu…so that’s his name, huh? I’ll remember that for when he and SpongeBob restore Bikini Bottom.” “Just like you’ll remember my name next time,” Sandy quipped towards the lobster. Larry chuckled and replied, “I won’t forget about you, Sandy.” “You’re right though, I’m putting a lot of my faith in SpongeBob and Koamalu,” Sandy replied. “I hope SpongeBob and that Koamalu kid can put up a good fight against that no-good Lava King,” Mr. Krabs remarked. Back inside Enakai’s dimension, Koamalu was looking all around the labyrinth for SpongeBob and vice versa. They used their respective powers to ward off the creatures lurking in the caverns until the duo were eventually together again after bumping into one another. “SpongeBob, are you okay?” Koamalu asked. “Of course I am!” SpongeBob responded in his most reassuring tone. “Where have you been? The one moment I take my eyes off you, you just disappeared!” Koamalu, not wanting to bring up Patrick to him, replied to the sea sponge while scratching the back of his head, “I think I just came back outside while…sleepwalking, but I have some important news to share with you.” “What’s that?” “It’s not good news though. More people on the island are turning into statues, the blackhole in the sky is growing more in size, and…I just escaped from the Lava King when he was about to make me into another one of his stone statues.” “Is that all?” “I’ve also been learning more about Enakai, and how he’s been controlling my life because of some vision of the future that he saw, in which it involved me, and I’m going to get to the bottom of things right now! If I could defend myself from the Lava King, then I’m sure I’ll be okay talking to Enakai.” Suddenly, the structure of the cave shifted all around SpongeBob and Koamalu, preceded by a strong magnitude. The tremor warped the two immense power-bearers right in front of the unagi himself. Koamalu faced Enakai with a sense of pride and courage. Having seen the unagi up close for the first time, SpongeBob was too intimidated to move as close as his sea dragon friend already had. “I sensed your presence for a while, Koamalu,” Enakai spoke. “Before I could start answering these burning questions you have, I insist you reiterate to me what you’ve been told about our bond.”
  15. So...how about that ugly movie Sonic cameo, huh? really crazy stuff.
  16. 6. Ohana (Family) After a long night of slaying lava creatures alongside his partner, SpongeBob, Koamalu was in another deep slumber. Each night his dreaming was becoming more lucid, although he’s been experiencing the same dream as before where he saw himself in a vibrant background with a variety of different flashing colors and the sound of a voice unfamiliar to him, but with different fragments of his memories being revealed to him. Things still appeared to be a blur to the sleeping sea dragon. While we can now remember the voice calling to him, he still couldn’t make out the face of this character that he’s been communicating with. “It’s so nice to be speaking with you again, Koamalu.” The voice spoke, feminine in tone. “But I still don’t know who you are and why I’ve been hearing your voice…” Koamalu said. “I’ve been telling you, this will all make more sense the more that we meet,” the voice continued. “I only have the power to enter your dreams and provide you more lost memories about yourself a few at a time. Now tell me, Koamalu, what do you see?” Mental images of Enakai began to fill Koamalu’s mind and so he responded to the voice after a brief silence, “I see Enakai again. He’s been in my life for the longest time, but I’ve been thinking that’s been hiding something from me as well, and I need to know what it is that he’s hiding from me.” “I wouldn’t get your head wrapped too much around that. I do have one question to ask, though. What does Enakai mean to you?” The voice inquired. “He’s the one person that I know that I’ve considered as family. I trust him because there’s no else that I know to trust until I met other people like SpongeBob. Although, after regaining memories about myself, and they all had little to do with Enakai…my mind’s been in a blur.” “I understand how you feel. Have ever thought about where you really came from.” Koamalu thought hard on that question for a moment and responded with a firm “No.” “Have you ever thought about where Enakai came from?” “I’ve been realizing that he’s from a world that’s different from my own. Where I come from is something that I’d really want to know, and why we became family.” “I’m sure you’ll find out those answers by talking to him if you can reach the pocket dimension that he houses in. I won’t be able to lend some more information to you there since time doesn’t move in those realms, and I should warn you about how Enakai’s dimension disregards the passage of time since time can still move freely where you are now.” “Can you at least tell me more about Enakai now before I enter his dimension?” “You and your friend are pursuing the Lava King, who came from the past, correct? Enakai exists from the future. These two are connected to you because-“ Before Koamalu could be able to hear the rest of the explanation, he reappeared inside Sandy’s lodging with SpongeBob after a rude awakening from Mr. Krabs, who was outside the hut, yelling for him, SpongeBob, and Sandy to step out. “Come on out and get to work, all of you slackers!” Mr. Krabs exclaimed. “SpongeBob, Sandy, and…the other feller, whatshisname, the Lava King needs ye!” “What’s going on? It must be very important,” the half-asleep SpongeBob said. Sandy walked out of her hut to approach Mr. Krabs with cracks in her eyes, and fired back at him, saying, “Well, I’m not coming out! I’m in the middle of reaching a scientific breakthrough!” “I don’t care, the Lava King needs ye to help build this island in his image,” Mr. Krabs replied. “It’s his orders, so you’ll have to do what he says.” “Since when did you care about that good-for-nothing tyrant?” Sandy asked. “I ain’t postponing my work to follow his rules!” “You don’t want to turn into stone do ye? Well, neither would I, so get your captain’s quarters out of here and quit worrying about your fancy science project!” “Oh, I know how it is, huh. The Lava King suddenly decided to make you the boss of all of us, but I’m more worried about not being able to find a solution to this problem than I am about turning into stone!” As Sandy continued to protest, Mr. Krabs dragged away from the hut by the tail with his pinchers. “Hey, let me go! Don’t forget, I know karate!” SpongeBob and Koamalu saw the commotion between the two creatures as they stepped out of the hut. “Golly, Mr. Krabs isn’t acting like himself,” SpongeBob remarked. “What about Sandy?” Koamalu asked. “I know Sandy can get aggressive sometimes, but it’s clear that she’s been overworking herself, so she could use some time away from her science,” SpongeBob replied. It wasn’t long until Sandy used her karate skills to flip Mr. Krabs over before he touched down onto the ground. While the crustacean was too stunned to get up, Sandy walked over to SpongeBob and said, “SpongeBob, the Lava King is pushing us to do his dirty work, but somehow, Mr. Krabs is involved with this scheme of his, so now I’m unable to continue inventing a solution to this space-time disruption! King Neptune gave you and that other critter some sort of powers, so surely you can use that to do something about all this!” “We’re trying Sandy, but we aren’t quite at the point where we can fix this problem,” SpongeBob responded. “It’s that we just need some more time is all.” “Well, can’t you see that we’re running out of time!?” Sandy argued. “That hole in the sky is going to keep expanding until it wipes us out!” “I must go back…to sleep…I need to know more….about Enakai…” Koamalu said drowsily, his head slumping against SpongeBob’s. “We’ll have to talk about this later, Sandy,” SpongeBob finished before pulling Koamalu straight towards the cafeteria hut. “Just give us a few days and we might be able to bring Bikini Bottom back to the way it was.” SpongeBob and Koamalu started their usual daily shift in serving soup to the other inhabitants. However, Koamalu was dozing off more and more during these work shifts, so SpongeBob had to push a little effort into making him look like he’s working whenever the Lava King was around to survey them. Taking notice of the news about the Lava King tightening up his rules, the Bikini Bottom citizens looked unhappier when SpongeBob gave each of them their helpings for the day, Sandy especially. “I know you’re mad, but you need a break from the science for once,” said SpongeBob. When he presented the squirrel with her bowl of soup, she chugged it down her throat in less than 10 seconds. “How can I relax when the darn Lava King is going to even prevent me from continuing my work?” Sandy responded. “I’ve been committed to figuring out a solution, and so far, I haven’t gotten close!” “That’s why you got to trust me and Koamalu, Sandy Squirrel,” SpongeBob replied. “It’s ‘Cheeks’,” the squirrel corrected with a stern tone. “Yes, right, my apologies. I’ve been hard at work too, so I haven’t been thinking certain things straight. Look, I know you may not take a liking towards him, but Koamalu is going to be the key towards bringing us back to Bikini Bottom.” When SpongeBob saw the ground beneath him get warm, he stood on the counter until the lava subsided, signaling the end of his and Koamalu’s shift. The burning hot sensation of the floor beneath the sleeping sea dragon woke him up. “You can go back to your work now that the Lava King is off the clock for now.” As he returned to the kitchen, he said to Koamalu, “Our shift is done, good work there, buddy!” “Don’t mention it, lad,” Mr. Krabs chimed in. “I’ve been dealing with this for a while now.” “I was referring to Koamalu, Mr. Krabs,” SpongeBob clarified. “Don’t think I didn’t notice that feller sleeping on the job,” Mr. Krabs replied. “I could’ve notified the Lava King about him if it weren’t for the two of ye sticking together, being fated to save Bikini Bottom and all.” “I wouldn’t allow for Koamalu to become a statue when he’s important to this mission that I’ve been trusted with. Besides, you’ve been behaving differently, from when I saw you yelling at Sandy and the others to do some work for the Lava King. I sure hope he hasn’t done anything to Patrick.” “Oh no, I haven’t noticed anybody else turning into statues. This is all part of me own job in ensuring that everyone is safe.” Mr. Krabs lied, as he abstained from mentioning what happened to Plankton earlier. SpongeBob and Koamalu both gave Mr. Krabs a look of skepticism. SpongeBob breaks the awkward silence by then saying to Mr. Krabs, “Okay, I trust you. We’ll see you later, okay? Koamalu and I will be off to do some more Totem God stuff.” As SpongeBob and Koamalu exited the cafeteria hut, they were confronted by Patrick, who wore a frantic and exasperated look on his face. “Oh Patrick, it’s good to see that you’re still alive and well,” said SpongeBob. “How come you don’t you want to play with me anymore, SpongeBob!?” Patrick exclaimed. “Come on! Let’s do something together right now! You can’t just replace me as your best friend with this…weird guy.” “I would never replace you as a best friend,” SpongeBob reassured. “I’m just really tied up right now, so I was just leaving with Koamalu to go and-“ “Why is it you always want to hang around with him all of a sudden?” Patrick inquired. He turned around to look at Koamalu in the eye. He began to speak directly towards the sea dragon while his anger built up. “You, this is your fault, all of it! If you hadn’t showed up, I wouldn’t be losing my best friend and be told to do something that I can’t do by some giant volcano! I may not understand a lot of things, and I may not understand you or know who you are, but I think I understand that you don’t belong here! So why don’t you just get out of here…you….you big dummy!?” Patrick’s harsh words stunned both Koamalu and as well as SpongeBob, Patrick’s own self-proclaimed best friend. SpongeBob broke the silence and said to Koamalu, “I’m so sorry about Patrick. I can try to reason with him-“ “No, it’s fine,” Koamalu interrupted in a quiet yet sincere tone. “Patrick is right. I don’t belong in this world, since I’m not from here.” Before he continued to speak, he turned his head for a moment to view the cave in the distance that he recognized as the dimension where Enakai resided in. He looked back and then said, “I take responsibility for what happen to your own world. Enakai is my responsibility too, so…I think I’m better off facing him by myself.” Without warning, SpongeBob saw as Koamalu tapped over to the cave and went through it. “No, wait!” SpongeBob called out. “...Thanks a lot Patrick. I have to go and get him out now.” “So? He most likely would’ve been lost there anyway,” Patrick heckled. “Now that he’s not here, I do can whatever I want with you now, right?” “Our world is in peril and all you care about is yourself!” SpongeBob snapped, as he was about to unleash a part of the powers against him. “Do you realize what you just did to Koamalu? If you could just let us help, then maybe we can have fun together like we usually do, but now is not the time!” When he finished speaking, he used his powers without restraint to freeze Patrick, covering him in a wall of ice. Some of the Bikini Bottom citizens who have observed this quarrel crowded up and looked at SpongeBob with discontent. SpongeBob realized his mistake and immediately conjured heat to thaw out Patrick from his state and ran up to the cave entrance housing Enakai’s dimension before Patrick could say something. When SpongeBob entered Enakai’s cove, it was like a labyrinth inside, so in a cosmic sort of sense, he figured that Patrick was right in assuming that Koamalu would get lost in place like this, much like he is now. Small serpent-like creatures that resembled Enakai’s image, akin to the Lava King’s creatures, emerged in front of SpongeBob, prompting for the sea sponge to conjure whirlwind magic to ward them off every few times they showed up to guard the domain. After what felt like hours having passed to him, SpongeBob would find Koamalu, who was curled up and sitting around idly half-asleep. “I found you, Koamalu, and you’re unharmed! Do you have any idea how much of a relief it was for me to find you?” “But what if Enakai found you already?” Koamalu questioned. “No, I thought you went looking for him.” SpongeBob replied. “Of course I did, I was just resting.” Koamalu replied. “I’m still sorry about Patrick. I rushed over to you here because I had a squabble with him, and I ended up using the powers lend to me without control, so…I guess we’re even. We’re both fugitives for the time being, huh?” Though Koamalu was too tired to be conversing with SpongeBob, talking to him had made him feel better about himself. “I know this is a weird question to ask, but since we’ve known each other for a while, I’ve been wondering if you have any family, if you remember having any family.” “I don’t think so. I would’ve called Enakai family if I still didn’t know much of him, but now that I am learning more about him, I’m trying to not to think about it. He’s keeping some things from me, I can tell. ” “That’s a shame. Maybe you’ll remember sooner than later.” Both Koamalu and SpongeBob began to sleep within in their little cubicle. Koamalu remember the voice’s warnings about the rules of Enakai’s dimension as he hasn’t been able to see himself return to his realm of dreams while keeping his eyes shut. He couldn’t forget his very previous meeting with the said voice, from when he napped during his shift, although it was very brief. “You do have family, Koamalu, though you were taken from it. I could tell you more, but I don’t think you’d be able to handle the truth hidden about yourself just yet. From what I can tell you, the Lava King and Enakai are connected to you because they both wanted to raise you in their own way and of course, Enakai was able to take custody of you. While the Lava King is an entity from the past and Enakai from the future, you could say that I’m in-between those lanes. I am a Totem God just like you, whereas I categorize myself as a dream weaver. I’ve talked with you before, but it seems that Enakai had wiped out most of it and I was blocked off from accessing your dreamscape until the worlds collided. Before you return to the real world, I needed to let you know that I would’ve taken you in as my family and raised you with love and care if neither Enakai nor the Lava King interfered…” Back outside the cave entrance, the island was close to going dusk. Patrick was still beside the cave waiting for SpongeBob to come back, and he stood there until he was confronted by the Lava King. “I couldn’t help but notice that you may be…missing someone who is important to you,” the Lava King spoke. “How do you know?” Patrick questioned. “Just a guess,” the Lava King replied, although lying. “Say, I could be turning you into a statue right now, but I figured I could spare you if you agree to do one…very easy job for me.” “What kind of job are you talking about?” “Bring me Koamalu and only Koamalu. I’ll be willing to return the favor by bringing your sponge friend back from Enakai’s dimension as well.” Patrick wasn’t smart enough to understand anything that the Lava King was saying, but he agreed to the offer without much hesitation.
  17. You caught me. Wait, what's that? I think it's your honor!

  18. 32. Indiana Jones and the Shrine of the Silver Monkey This was just a story that I wrote purely out of boredom, (and to potentially bring me out of my writer's slump) in 6-7 hours after one day of goofing around on DALL-E mini (a website that creates 9 AI-generated images based on what you type), and as you can tell, this story just wrote itself after I tried generating images for "Indiana Jones on the Legends of the Hidden Temple trying to assemble the shrine of the silver monkey," which ended up giving me a free writing prompt. To add to the whole AI-generated tone of this story, I processed this story through an AI-writing program called DeepStory. Any text written by the AI is bolded while my own written text is unbolded, (so if you're reading this Jjs, and you need to know what bodies of text to count towards my Festival word count, take all this into account). Indiana Jones and the Shrine of the Silver Monkey The room was dark, at first, with just the moon and the shadows of the two women. Then, each element of the room was reinforced with wine, cigarette smoke, and the voices of Indy. It was another long, arduous day of pursuing the Nazis when Indiana Jones stumbled across a hidden temple while out in the wilds. The signpost read 'Olmec's Temple.' Indiana Jones, still followed by Nazis, walks up to the temple and enters. Camera moves through the various rooms of the temple. When the Nazis tried to enter the temple, the Olmecs moved out of the way and closed the gates. Indiana Jones has heard stories about a treasure named 'the Jewel-Encrusted Banana of Kingston Kongregatus," and so he thought at this very moment of time, and given the current circumstances he's found himself in, that he'd search around the temple and look for said treasure. One of the Olmecs turns around, revealing an Olmec Priest standing in the doorway with a stick that is stuck in the temple's center. Indiana Jones steps back, but the Priest doesn't relent. Instead, the Priest began to pursue the archaeologist adventurer. It was one of Olmec's temple guards. Cornered now, Indy reached for inside his satchel when he took out one of the treasures that he recovered from one of his previous adventures that he recognized as belonging to this temple - a small pendant. The Olmec Priest left Indy Jones alone after he gave up the pendant. Indiana continued on his quest as usual. When a shot was fired from a rifle into the temple walls, the Priest rushed Indiana and had him dead to rights. The Priest quickly stepped out of the temple, and called for the remaining Olmecs to run away. Once the firing has stopped, so did the disturbance engulfing the atmosphere of the temple. Indy took out his whip, swinging it straight across his line of trajectory to ward off any suspecting intruders. There were none, however, but what appeared in front of Indiana Jones now was something that he had feared most: snakes. He quickly found the snake as it moved towards him. Indiana Jones confused at this revelation, began to laugh with a smile that, like old times, got him killed with laughter. The laughter ceased when he noticed something peculiar about the snake's skin. It showed a streak of silver, a color in which Indy had never recognized in snakes before. Wanting to leave the nesting grounds of these venomous reptiles, Indiana Jones trudged on forward through Olmec's temple. Without a map or any means of a navigational source in his utility, Indiana Jones wandered aimlessly around the temple before the stumbled across something that caught his eye: The shrine of the silver monkey, as it was written in ancient typography. "This must be where the treasure is confined," he thought. As Indy stepped aside, a stone wall behind him seemed to explode. A door that seemed like a piece of ancient time stood in his way. This door had not yet been illuminated with the mid-day sun. Ignoring this brief disturbance, Indy stepped inside the main entrance as it was straight ahead. It was then that he saw the monkey statue - three pieces, all of them unattached. "I have to assemble all three pieces of the monkey statue," Indiana Jones said to himself. He took a few steps back and now saw a long corridor - with a piece of stone statues blocking the way. This wall went all the way to the end of the corridor where he once again bumped into the stone wall, except this one exploded. "I've had enough of all these exploding stone walls!" Indiana Jones spoke. As he expected, no response echoed from inside the confines of the shrine. Indy took out his whip and hurled it towards an entanglement of vines. With his whip wrapped around the vines, Indy swung across the corridor and saw himself centered in front of the disassembled silver monkey statue. It was so big that it made the corridor seem tiny. "I'm gonna hafta put the monkey back together!" Indiana Jones cried. With as much ease as he could muster, he assembled the three pieces of the silver monkey. Indy stood as he waited for something to occur, good or bad. While watching over the silver monkey statue, a clock of stone was formed within one of the walls. It read "3:00" and while the numbers have yet moved, worry was still building up inside of Indiana Jones. He kept his composure while he waited for something else to happen, and what happened took him by surprise. What surmised to Indy was the voice of Olmec echoing all across the temple uttered, "You could start by exiting the shrine of the silver monkey by going through the barracuda-infested moat. Head south from the shrine where you'll then go into the Pit of Despair. Find the exit from there and you'll be able to enter the Observatory whilst being observed by a group of iguanas. You must solve the puzzle that shall open a passageway that will take you up into the Troubled Bridge. Cross it without taking notice of a certain jaguar. Continue north and you'll find yourself inside the Dark Forest, where you'll be under the watchful eye of a group of chittering monkeys. Find the key hidden inside the hollows of one of the trees, but one wrong move will summon the spirit of a temple guard. The next room you will be led to is the Dungeon, where you'll find 'Jewel-Encrusted Banana of Kingston Kongregatus.' The next room you'll wind up in will be the Quicksand Bog, where you'll find a group of parrots circling about. Finally, after making it through that room, you'll make your way into the Room of the Secret Password. Shout out loud the right password to the door and you'll be able to return to the starting point. But be careful of the snakes that lurk inside the room." Just the mention of snakes was enough to make Indy's heart run out of anxiety. "Once you clear the last room, you'll now run down the stairway and race through the gates before the temple closes you in The choices are yours and yours alone. However, the only way to make it out of the temple is to retrieve the 'Jewel-Encrusted Banana of Kingston Kongregatus.' With the treasure in your hands, the gates will open back up and the temple guards will vanish. Make it through the exit in three minutes and you'll be rewarded. Run out of time and you'll suffer a fate worse than death." The sole thing on Indy's mind now was to escape. Despite being under the pressure of finding the artifact and leaving unscathed within the limit of three minutes, he was compelled to. Suddenly, something else occurred within the shrine. Oh no, the moment he dreaded when the worst was just about to come his way, shit had hit the fan once again. On the wall adjacent to the stone clock was the glowing face of what appeared to have the appearance of a silver monkey phased through and looked at Indiana Jones. The spirit of the silver monkey then said to him, "You need to get out of here before there are too many devils waiting to strike." Indy was flabbergasted. "That is, unless, you're so willing to bestow me your body and combine us into the greatest force of protection against anyone who dares take the 'Jewel-Encrusted Banana of Kingston Kongregatus." Indiana Jones was still unsure of how to respond to this celestial being, but he then took up the confidence to say to the silver monkey spirit, "Silver Monkey." I will die! Just the two of us. Perhaps, after this love confession, we could combine our power and, as a pair, really make sure that those and the rest of them who were not faithful to the shrine are punished. These, of course, were the words Indy had only said in his head, contemplating a way out of his current situation with the silver monkey spirit. He continued saying to the spirit, “There's no question about it now. You're the greatest of the immortals. You're a god among men. You're a noble warrior who's fought your way for justice, fairness and equality. So my gratitude is owed to you. Unfortunately, you are not human, and therefore, I have zero interest in your offer. If you'd be so humble and kind, you let me out of this temple." The silver monkey spirit responded, "i make the rules here, as does Olmec. It won't work that way. Try and escape now if you must, i doubt you will make it out. Within the next three minutes, unless you manage to get out of this dominion, you are my treasure." The timer on the stone clock started counting down now, much to Indy's despair. Before Indiana Jones started to bolt from the shrine, the silver monkey spirit concluded, "This is where your life ends, Dr. Henry Walton Jr., at least for the moment." The door then opened and two immortals stepped out. They were the two main mastiffs of Sererar, Aztaman and Kuato Man of the Moon. You know these death leviers mean serious business. With no more time waste, Indy warded off the mastiffs with his whip and started making his way out of the corridor. However, the floor of the corridor crumbled underneath Indiana Jones's feet as he forced to hang mid-air from the ceiling vines as the room revealed the barracuda-infested moat. Another peculiarity that Indiana Jones noticed was the blue-colored fish scales that these barracudas possessed. He swung across the moat until he reached the floor between the exit from the shrine and the infested waters. He ran out of the shrine and stumbled into the Pit of Despair. He pulled himself to the ground, only to be grabbed by five death leviers who immediately dove in for the kill. Upon hearing the screams of being tugged to the surface, the death levy then kneeled to take Indy down for the kill. Indy grabbed onto a long vine and kicked his legs with enough force to get the mastiff to release its grip on the archaeological explorer. The mastiff then fell to its death while the others stopped dead in their tracks as Indy passed the long gap between them and the pit. Indiana Jones now made his way towards the Observatory. He was greeted by an ancient sorceress who had appeared behind him and she said, "Indiana, I can tell you have the artifact, but are you ready for what is about to happen?" Indy, being empty-handed of the treasure he sought, could tell that this sorceress was an illusion, or rather one of the temple guards. He rummaged through his satchel to see if he had another of the pendants that the Olmec Priest had a fondness towards. He only had one left and presented it to the sorceress before she vanished. Still trying to figure out his way through the Observatory room, he had forgotten about the iguanas and so his eyes met with a group of them, all of which had orange-colored skin. The iguanas immediately took interest in his well-being. They crawled up his body to make sure he was okay, alive. He smiled to them and said, "Well, thank you guys. You don't know how close you came to getting me, but I must go." These weren't the words that the reptiles wanted to hear, however. Their eyes all glowed the same bright red as the Olmec head statue and prepared to gang up on the adventurer. "Shit, shit, shit!" Indiana Jones said in a panicked tone and rushed his way towards solving the puzzle and now entering the Troubled Bridge. The time that Indy had now to escape the temple was now cut down in half, so he had to hurry. Beside the Troubled Bridge, Indy met face to face with another exotically-colored animal, this time being a jaguar, as Olmec described, and it was colored red. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Indiana Jones said under his breath. As the two beings saw each other eye to eye, Indiana Jones had the presence of the other carnivore grab his arm and punch the being, who was being made of hardened skin before his "self", couldn't help itself. In a self-inflicted martial arts-type of move, Indy Jones then spun the jaguar around like Bruce Lee. Lifting the animal over his shoulders, he threw it down from the bridge, and so the adventurer continued forth into the Dark Forest. The Dark Forest was exactly as it was described, dark. Cautious of the warnings given to him by Olmec, Indiana Jones quietly darted through the forest to find the key to the next room. As soon as he found it, he was about to be confronted by Sererar, Aztaman, and Kuato Man of the Moon. He stopped in his tracks upon seeing the hideous shadow-like presence that the three giants cast. The three immortals ran off to alert. The main doors of Sererar were the only way out of the temple. Now, when Indy Jones tried to make his quick escape from the forest, he was ambushed by a group of green-colored monkeys. They caught the alligator from down the mountain and threw it against the stone wall to keep him at bay. Indy didn't have time to spare for a bunch of green monkeys, let alone one alligator, so he hurriedly unlocked the passage to the next room. To his satisfaction, it was the Dungeon, where the 'Jewel-Encrusted Banana of Kingston Kongregatus' was settled in. Now he just has to find it so that the temple guards would disappear and Sererar's doors could open up. Indiana Jones and the rest of his search party crept through the forest in safety when suddenly, the ground started to shake! Then a huge hail of dirt and stones struck the ground just a few feet in front of them. Then a thunderous sound echoed throughout the Dungeon. That brief tremor had warned Indiana Jones that the temple is going to close in on him if he doesn't make it out on time. He spotted the 'Jewel-Encrusted Banana of Kingston Kongregatus' and ran towards it. Suddenly, as Indy Jones made his final dash towards his prize, a gigantic rock appeared out of nowhere and tried to stop him. Indy Jones dispatched of the creature with a few lucky thrusts. Indiana Jones spoke, "It’d be one of those days" and make his way into the next room as the boulder blocked the way back. No matter, the only way is out, he thought, while forty seconds remained for him to escape the temple. Now that Sererar’s door remained open for him to pass through, once he reached it, Indy gave himself some renewed confidence. Indiana Jones had now entered the Quicksand Bog and the boulder was starting to turn to ice. Sermanar, Aztaman, and Kuato Man of the Moon had gone to the far-away point of the pixilated landscape to secure their belongings. Now it was time to tread through the quicksand as quickly as the archaeologist adventurer could manage. From up above, he saw a group of parrots with purple-coated feathers squawking and flying around in a circle. The parrots chanted, "The treasure's in here! The treasure's in here! The treasure's in here! ," causing the mounds of sand below to billow upwards. A moment later, Indiana Jones stepped into the water and was engulfed in a mudslide as a result of the combination of both materials. He was already past the Quicksand Bog and entered one of the remaining obstacles: the Room of the Secret Password. Indiana Jones, of course, wasn't so sure of what the password could be to open the door back to the place he entered the temple from. He had thirty seconds left to escape the temple, so it was a life or death situation he was facing. In his attempts at guessing the password, Indiana Jones shouted out loud to the door what he presumed could be the password, "Hey, it's me, I've been stuck here forever, aren't I?" It didn't work. To make matters worse, the purple parrots from before had escaped the Quicksand Bog and they were now circling above his head. Indy simultaneously tried to swat them away while trying to guess another password, in which he guessed, "Do you know the date today?" As he had guessed wrong, they turned their attention back on him, flapping their wings and shouting, "No! It's the last day of the Golden Age of Chiron!" Because of the pressure Indy was under, he desperately shouted out to the door, "Let me out! Let me out!" The purple parrots continued with their mocking and mimicked "Let me out! Let me out!" However, the talkative birds then uttered, "Have you met Chiron?" What a name! It really has a connection with the Amazon, when the Amazon discovers a transatlantic letter she receives has a surprising meaning for him. Immediately, the purple birds started the countdown. There was no time to be pondering about Chiron now, Indiana Jones thought. "Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one!" And with that, they screamed, "Release the spring ball!" There was nothing he could do but give in to the demon birds' wishes, so Indiana Jones squatted until he heard something that he didn't expect. The door opened up for him, as "Release the spring ball" turned out to be the password. Judging by the parrots counting down prematurely, Indiana Jones could fathom that he still had time to exit the temple with the treasure intact. He left the room, but not before flipping the bird to the purple birds and leaving them alone. Looking at the stone clock, Indy saw that he had no more than five seconds left to make it past the gate. He dashed his way towards the exit, but to his misfortune, the three minutes had run out before he could reach the exit, with the light in the tunnel being closed up right in front of Indiana Jones. He had no choice but to scream, especially as the silver snakes came to crowd the room. Then, Sererar, Aztaman, and Kuato Man of the Moon appeared behind Indy and they pinned him against one of the walls of the temple. The spirit of the silver monkey appeared once more, its face phasing through the wall far north from Indy, who could now only watch as they laughed before he witnessed his fate through a grueling transformation process. Indiana Jones saw as he was slowly going through the transformation that the blue monkeys from the island of Havana had undergone. When the spell ended, the monkey's face, now it had two heads, which one Indy Jones picked up. The One with the good side was possessed by the silver monkey spirit. The immense power invested in the spirit allowed for it to spread through Indiana Jones. The two faces merged as he and the spirit now became one with each other and with the wall. While Indy's fedora stayed on top of his head, his limbs and torso had vanished while his face merged with that of the silver monkey. Taking a glimpse of this stone-headed Lovecraftian horror right in front of them, one of the Olmec entities, Aztaman, commented, "How funny you look. Not to say that I have any disrespect towards you, for you are our honorable silver monkey." Sererar chimed in with, "What a piece of work! We should take you back to our island to be displayed in our museum of the strange and odd." Indy heard them but he was all too aware that there was a great light over his head, the bridge that enclosed the top of Olmec's temple opened up to reveal an alien spacecraft overhead, waiting to transport what formerly resembled Indiana Jones to the desired location spot. Kuato Man of the Moon finished by saying, "Any good news on your progress? This seems to be the end of the road. By now you will be finding a doorway to another place of where your soul has gone. Our world, our fore fathers, the gods, and our ancestors have all turned to dust, all of the past forgotten. Finally, our freedom is upon us. Now is the time for our revenge on you, Jonesy boy." Kuato Man of the Moon then teleported Indy away before the job could be completed in the silver monkey spirit's behalf. The silver Indiana Jones monkey stone head was transported to the very island that Sererar had brought up. The new Indiana Jones was unable to scream, muffle, or revolt, since the body was all made up of stone, and now that the silver monkey spirit's mind had consolidated with his as well. Kuato Man of the Moon says, "I think that now is the perfect time for you to move on, Jonesy boy." Indiana Jones began to make a muffled sound as he listened to his surroundings, which inside was a vision of a nightmare in full swing. Suddenly, the alien spaceship, with Sererar and Aztaman inside it, came back to get Kuato Man of the Moon. For what they intend to do next, the transmuted Indiana Jones was unable to think an answer to. "Let me have some fun, why don't ya? Fine, we'll go back and focus on our next objective, but the silver monkey won't be forgotten." As it seemed for Indiana Jones, this was the end of his old life for him. On the upside of things, he didn't have to deal with snakes anymore. On the other hand, there was no more treasure hunting, no more spelunking into the unknown, no spouting out witty remarks in any form or way he'd so please, and no more stopping the Nazis. This was his fate that Olmec forewarned. He was no longer Indiana Jones, the treasure hunting archaeologist extraordinaire. He had now become monkey, defender of the silver monkey shrine. And so, his adventures have come to a tragic, abrupt end. … … … Indiana Jones, suffering from a serious case of hangover, eventually comes to the cave that must once have been his ancestral home. Indiana Jones stops, inside the cave, looking at the starry sky. He recovers a day later and returns home to New Jersey and looks up a story titled "Indiana Jones and the Shrine of the Silver Monkey," and he thought to himself "Who would write this fever dream-induced crap anyway?" And then, randomly, he finds a newspaper in a public place. It's a New York tabloid entitled "Grab Our Pants And Strap on Your Own Ass." Indiana Jones reads the story and gets his heart pounding.
  19. hello it is i, chemist bob, back again in the flesh.

  20. Hey Dhar Mann Fam! Always remember: What happens in the dark always comes to light. Reconnect. Kingdom Hearts.

  21. Last year, I was inspired to host a handful of personal album track rankings for any respective music artist I chose or was chosen to cover on Discord. That was due to me feeling the need to take part in who was the biggest conversation at the time: Taylor Swift. Folklore was being considered by many to be AOTY for 2020, which prompted for me to start exploring the rest of Taylor’s albums, and come the release of her sister album, Evermore, not too long after. It was at this moment that I went ahead and came of age as part of the Swiftie crowd. So the story goes, I hop on trends when I see more folks engaging in them, but this is what got me into making these music artists album run-throughs, and it was what got me more involved in the music discussion than I ever was. When music discussion on Discord dwindled by 2022, I had to cut my extended plans short for this side-project short, and in the span of one year and three months, I had gone in-depth listening to albums by 22 different music artists (well, three of which were movie soundtrack-based). Even though I may be late to join in on this milestone celebration of annual year-end lists that Claps had arranged since all these years (like I always am), I decided to go forward with the idea of compiling my last two yearly lists to be based on my experience listening and ranking these albums and tracks from these particular 22 music artists, and these particular acts only: So, where do I begin by retroactively discussing these marathons that I’ve done over the course of 2021? For sure, I’ve had some folks agreeing with my takes, but there were a lot of times that they didn’t too. So the first list will be concerning those hot takes of mine. To make things fair, I will be doing a one song per artist rule, and my choices are factored on the reactions themselves that I’ve garnered and on my own viewpoint on the song’s general consensus versus my opinion. With all that said, this is… Steel’s Top 10 Controversial Music Takes of 2021 That’s one-half of these lists out of the way. Expect the last one to come around later next month, and it’ll surely be the one that I’ll be more proud of doing.
  22. unbaked cookie dough

  23. Just dropping in for a monthly update. One month in and I've seen a few submissions to date. So far, I've gotten three. There's still no set deadline, but depending on how this pans out after one more month, expect there to be one soon.
  24. Speaking as someone who had already written a LOtHT-themed season for UWS, I'll just sprinkle in some motivation and say that I can already ensure that yours will turn out better than mine did.
  25. It's finally happening now.
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