Wumbo Ranks Billboard Year-End Hot 100 Charts! (Ahhh, the deed is done.)

[Burgerpants]

.

[Katniss]

The Boy Is Mine is so boring. How was that the #2 hit of the year?

[Joe Biden]

Was sort of expecting "Cruel Summer" and "Foolish Games / You Were Meant For Me" to be on this list, but it's still a pretty decent list.

[Clappy]

Oh man I almost mistook Savage Garden as Soundgarden when reading this list, but thank goodness I stopped and pressed play.  Almost forgot this song of nothingness existed.  Man the back half of the 90s had such boring dreck to counteract the weird and wonderful songs people actually remembered from this decade.

[Wumbo]

Yippie yi yo, let's giddy up and go, because have I got a great batch of songs for y'all! Despite 1998's shortcomings, it did manage to provide enough hits that I loved to make a pretty solid Top 10 list. Let's take a look-see and a... listen-hear. Eh, good enough. It's time for...

Wumbo's Top 10 Songs of 1998

Spoiler

 

 

Say what you will about Aerosmith's later output, they know how to get themselves out of a slump each time. Whether it's collaborating with a rap group or starring on American Idol, Aerosmith has managed to keep a rocky but lasting career going for over 40 years. So somewhere along the line, you knew a sellout ballad had to come along. Everyone get your soft spots out, 'cause you're gonna need 'em.

10. "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" - Aerosmith

 

Yeah, yeah, say whatever you want. This is the song that even diehard Aerosmith fans don't like. It is the sellout to end all sellouts. But you know what? This is the Aerosmith song that, more than ever, I grew up with. It came out right around the time where my tiny little child brain could start to process music. And it's held a spot in my heart ever since then.

And is it their best song? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA OH GOD NO. But I don't think it's nearly as bad as everyone makes it out to be. For a soft-rock ballad, I think it still rocks pretty hard, and a lot of that does have to do with Steven Tyler giving a 10/10 performance as always. Is it wrong to say that the end still kind of gives me chills? Probably.

And you know what? Liv Tyler starred in the movie which produced the soundtrack bearing this song. And it was the moment when Steven Tyler sat down and watched the movie that he agreed to perform it. Now that's just being a good dad, and it does help add some much-needed depth to the performance. Look, you can disagree with me all you want, but the fact is, when it comes to this song, I don't want to miss a thing. Now please, don't leave yet. I promise it gets better.

 

Spoiler

 

 

Oh god, the rap scene this year was so shitty. All the P Diddys and the Master Ps and the Mases. Just an abysmal turnout. Thankfully, amidst all the shit, there were some diamonds. It's good to know that even in the darkest times, you can rely on old friends to restore your faith.

9. "Dangerous" - Busta Rhymes

 

It's been a while, Busta! How ya been?

Evidently with this song, still kickin' it and making late 90s rap that much more bearable. I wish I could have been, like, a music coach in the late 90's, show this to some of the other artists of the day, and say "See?! This is how you do energy, and flow, and lyrical dexterity! Now stop making crap and study the shit out of Busta Rhymes!"

Hearing Busta Busta in the midst of all the nonsense 1998 rap had to offer was like a breath of fresh air. Personality is a big factor of hip hop, and Busta's definitely got that in spades. Not to mention:

This is serious
We could make you delirious
You should have a healthy fear of us
'Cause too much of us is dangerous

Can we stop to appreciate that he's quoting a PSA warning kids about prescription pills?

 

I dare P. Diddy or Mase or Master P to do something that bewilderingly awesome. Busta takes the lines and melds them into the song so well. It's a wonderful track that displays what rap could have been like in '98. But believe it or not, there are even more shining rap stars to come!

 

Spoiler

 

 

I wonder if the people of 1996 knew how lucky they were that they got to experience the Fugees firsthand when they were at their peak. Unfortunately, we will probably never get another Fugees album, but 1998 thankfully left us some parting gifts. Here's one of them.

8. "Gone till November" - Wyclef Jean

 

In this song, Wyclef trades his Fugee rapping for some singing. And while technically I don't think he's that great of a singer, the emotion and the mood definitely gets through, helped by the instrumentation. Not to mention that it must have been great to hear the Fugees embark on solo careers shortly after their breakup. This is definitely a departure from that Fugees sound, but it still holds up on its own. I'd rather see some Fugees joints on the charts, but you take what you can get, and Wyclef gave us a pretty damn good solo effort with a lot of heart put into it. And then roughly ten years later, he sings a song about Shakira's ass. Sounds about right.

 

Spoiler

 

It's time to make some amends.

 

Celine, I'm sorry that I've been so cruel to you over the years of doing these lists. I don't mean to be. I actually do think that you're talented and it does show up in your music. It just happens to not be music that suits me. You can get behind that sentiment, can't you?

Well, I will admit that '96 was a bit of a rough year for me and you... but what do you want me to do about it?

Oh dear. She made me do it!

7. "My Heart Will Go On" - Celine Dion

 

It's weird, actually. This seems to be the Celine Dion song that everyone hates, but this song has always been quintessentially Celine Dion to me. It's almost like people just hate Celine Dion, but hell, we all know that can't be true, right?

I'm pushing my luck? All right.

Nah, fuck it. I can't front. I have the right to be a sap once in a while, and what better song to gush over than this one? I mean, it's the theme to Titanic, pretty much. You're supposed to get all teary-eyed!

The problem I've always had with Celine Dion songs is that despite her oversinging, she's always felt strangely restricted. But I feel that the sparing instrumentation gives her room to breathe, which is what she's needed her whole career. And the crescendo at the end gives her room to belt, which is even more important. Finally we have a song that undoubtedly works with Celine Dion's voice!

So why does everyone hate it? Well, obviously I'm not the one to answer that question. If someone were to tell me this song sounds unbelievably dated and corny, I wouldn't disagree. But god dammit, it still works. It's a testament to Celine Dion's strengths as an artist more than anything, and I will not hear any different.

 

Spoiler

 

I can imagine that if you were a pop music listener in the late 90's, you would get sick of adult alternative radio hits pretty quickly. I can't say I'd blame anyone for this sentiment, but sometimes even the most overdone of formats can completely blow me away with how sincere and heartfelt the performance is. Here's an example of that.

6. "Kiss the Rain" - Billie Myers

 

I've always maintained that unless your voice sounds like a rusty doorhinge falling on a cat being force-fed to a woodchipper, the sentiment of the voice counts as much as the quality. And honestly, sometimes I don't feel like I can determine what makes a good voice or not. But I can tell a bullshit performance from the genuine article. This is the genuine article.

Man, right from the very first "hello" it just grabs me. I'm not sure how the sentiment of kissing rain really works in real life, but even if I don't quite understand it literally I can get behind it as a sentiment. And that's what's always been important to me in music; if you can just create the mood you're going for. Man, does this song do a ridiculously good job of that. For anyone who's been in a long-distance relationship, and communication is tight, and you're feeling hopeless, this song just captures all those feelings into a tight little pop song bottle. It's a great song, and I'm happy to have heard it. I only wish Billie Myers had even more hits to enjoy.

 

Spoiler

 

Sometimes I wish I could get a gauge on how SBC feels about a band that isn't often discussed. It won't change my ranking in any way, of course, but it's still good to know how much vitriol to prepare myself for. Like, if I dared to put a Nickelback song on my best list, I'd know to put my shields up first.

What I'm trying to say is, I really love Third Eye Blind and I hope you all do, too.

5. "How's It Going to Be" - Third Eye Blind

 

Say what you will about this band, but I haven't heard a song by them where they don't throw every ounce of their souls into the instrumentation, and the melody, and the lyrics, and the vocal performance. Particularly, Third Eye Blind knows how to capture frustration really well. And that's what this song is about. Just a cavalcade of negative emotions after a breakup goes sour. And it's all performed beautifully.

The song is pretty tightly performed, which you wouldn't really expect for a topic with so many messy emotions. But with the performance of Stephan Jenkins on vocals, it really comes together smoothly. So, how's it gonna be? From my vantage point, pretty damn great.

 

Spoiler

 

Okay, I may have understated the rap scene in 1998. But as far as the big big hits go, it was a pretty dismal scene. Understandable, with the deaths of two of the biggest stars of the era still on the loom, but disappointing. I mean, isn't there any big rap hit this year that the community can be proud of? Isn't there a respectable song out there by a respectable rap star that still holds up today? Who could be the saviour of 1998's rap music scene?

I... I don't really want to take responsibility for this list anymore.

4. "Gettin' Jiggy wit It" - Will Smith

 

*sigh* I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry... I'm so, so, sorry.

I've got an explanation for why this song is on here, but... damn. I really gotta work to defend it.

Well... seriously, listen to that funky guitar line! that's taken from Sister Sledge's "He's The Greatest Dancer", and I'd argue it's used even better here than it was there, as a constant backline for will Smith's fun-lovin' and funky fresh personality.

No, he's not a great lyricist by any means. In fact, this song has one of the worst lyrics I've ever heard.

You got a
Prada
Bag with a lotta
Stuff in it

Really, "stuff in it"? That's what you built up your mangled rhyme scheme to? Why not enchiladas? It'd make as much sense and it'd rhyme!

But even one of the worst lyrics of all time can't front the awesome backing beat and just the amount of fun that Will conveys through his song. In a world where rap music tries so hard to be gangsta and fails, it's nice to just see goofy ol' Uncle Will making a nice little song for the kids. I mean, as long as you don't tell them what "getting jiggy" actually means.

See, kids? That's what "getting jiggy" is! It's just a silly dance move! Look at Will, gettin' all jiggy wit it! Ugh, I feel dirty. You're a bad influence, Mr. Smith.

 

Spoiler

 

I'm just going to assume that you all like Third Eye Blind now that I've shown you the way, and now I can put this song on my list without fear of repercussions! Yay!

3. "Semi-Charmed Life" - Third Eye Blind

 

Okay you know what, I'm just going to assume that you all like Third Eye blind of the basis of "who the hell doesn't like this song?" This is exactly the kind of music I expected more of from the late 90's, and I'm glad I at least got a taste of it.

But as Stephan Jenkins said, this song isn't just sunshiny for sunshine's sake. If you listen to the lyrics, it's actually a song about doing crystal meth. Seriously. It's literally in the song's lyrics.

Doing crystal meth will lift you up until you break

Exactly that.

But even if you ignore the drug references, there still remains a great summer song to just jam out to. It's almost involuntary that way. I hear this song and I immediately have to start jamming. I mean, how can you not appreciate such happy moments as "the sky was gold, it was rose, I was taking sips of it through my nose"... okay, how has the fact that this song is about drugs slipped past so many people?!

Well, I listened to it back then and I'll still listen to it today. Bad messages be damned! But you're a bad influence, Mr. Jenkins.

 

Spoiler

 

You didn't think "Gettin' Jiggy wit It" was going to be my favourite rap song of the year, did you?

Well... maybe you did, but the fact is, it's not! I still have some kind of dignified stance to uphold, damn it. Anyway, back to Fugees!

 

If there was a Ringo of the Fugees, it was undoubtedly Pras Michel. Not that he was a bad MC by any means, but compared to Wyclef's rambling and L-Boogie's straight up fire spitting, he kind of sits at the kid's table. So it's not really surprising that for his only solo hit, he basically tried to reunite the Fugees with new members. The result? Probably one of the best jams to ever come from a Fugees member. That Pras is one crafty guy, I tells ya.

2. "Ghetto Supastar (That Is What You Are)" - Pras Michel ft. Il' Dirty Bastard and Mýa

 

This was definitely the closest we came to getting a Fugees hit this year, but to be fair it also carries a completely different feel than the Fugees ever did. Mýa especially is just killin' it on that chorus, interpolating the chorus of "Islands in the Stream" and adapting it to fit the song. Her syrupy sweet vocals are just the perfect counter to Pras and ODB. In fact, everything about this song is perfect. Everyone complements each other, possibly even better than the Fugees ever did. With the Fugees, it always sort of felt like there was a Lauryn and Wyclef hierarchy, but Pras holds his own here and melds well with the guest performers, as well as that awesome bassline that keeps thumpin' throughout the song.

See, this is everything a good rap song - no, just a good sing in general - should be. Great beat, interesting performers, and a great ensemble that all comes together for one amazing track. Ghetto superstars, they are. I guess that's a compliment?

 

Spoiler

 

There comes a time when every critic has to sit back and embrace his roots. And that's exactly what I must do here. While I love "Ghetto Supastar", and it easily has the makings of a #1 pick, I had to give it up to Canada for this one. And oh, what a tangled, wonderful web of a song it is.

1. "One Week" - Barenaked Ladies

 

There was nothing else I could do, guys. The song is just too amazing.

I can usually understand someone's point of view if they dislike a song, but if you told me you disliked "One Week", I might have to slap your stupid face before hearing your stupid explanation. This is musically marvelous. It's powerful, fast-paced, well-written, fucking ad-libbed, and has an always-great performance by all members of the group, especially the two vocalists.

I really miss the Barenaked Ladies, and they really haven't been the same ever since Steven Page left the group (the guy singing on the chorus). The 90's were definitely a magical time, if for no other reason than it had the Barenaked Ladies, one of Canada's best offerings down south, at their prime. God bless this song and all the wacky, wonderful lyrics it possesses. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to have a drumstick so my brain stops tickin'.

 

Full list:

Spoiler

 

1. "One Week" - Barenaked Ladies

2. "Ghetto Supastar (That Is What You Are)" - Pras Michel ft. Ol' Dirty Bastard and Mýa

3. "Semi-Charmed Life" - Third Eye Blind

4. "Gettin' Jiggy wit It" - Will Smith

5. "How's It Going to Be" - Third Eye Blind

6. "Kiss the Rain" - Billie Myers

7. "My Heart Will Go On" - Celine Dion

8. "Gone till November" - Wyclef Jean

9. "Dangerous" - Busta Rhymes

10. "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" - Aerosmith

11. "Tubthumping" - Chumbawamba

12. "I Do" - Lisa Loeb

13. "Turn It Up (Remix)/Fire It Up" - Busta Rhymes

14. "Too Close" - Next

15. "Father" - LL Cool J

16. "The Mummers' Dance" - Loreena McKennitt

17. "Still Not a Player" - Big Pun ft. Joe

18. "Money, Power & Respect" - The LOX ft. DMX and Lil' Kim

19. "Bitter Sweet Symphony" - The Verve

20. "Thinkin' Bout It" - Gerald LeVert

21. "Nobody's Supposed to Be Here" - Deborah Cox

22. "Westside" - TQ

23. "When the Lights Go Out" - Five

24. "A Rose Is Still a Rose" - Aretha Franklin

25. "All Cried Out" - Allure ft. 112

26. "Sex and Candy" - Marcy Playground

27. "Spice Up Your Life" - Spice Girls 

28. "Frozen" - Madonna

29. "4 Seasons of Loneliness" - Boyz II Men

30. "Make It Hot" - Nicole ft. Missy Elliot and Mocha

31. "Nice & Slow" - Usher

32. "The One I Gave My Heart To" - Aaliyah

33. "You Make Me Wanna" - Usher

34. "How Deep is Your Love" - Dru Hill ft. Redman

35. "Because of You" - 98 Degrees

36. "The Arms of the One Who Loves You" - Xscape

37. "Come with Me" - Puff Daddy ft. Jimmy Page

38. "Everybody (Backstreet's Back)" - Backstreet Boys

39. "Butta Love" - Next

40. "My Body" - LSG

41. "Swing My Way" - K.P. & Envyi

42. "Show Me Love" - Robyn

43. "I Want You Back" - 'N Sync

44. "Ray of Light" - Madonna

45. "Sock it 2 Me" - Missy Elliott ft. Da Brat

46. "Lookin' at Me" - Mase ft. Puff Daddy

47. "Romeo and Juliet" - Sylk E. Fine ft. Chill

48. "The Party Continues" - Jermaine Dupri ft. Da Brat and Usher

49. "Foolish Games"/"You Were Meant for Me" - Jewel

50. "Friend of Mine" - Kelly Price ft. R. Kelly and Ron Isley

51. "My All" - Mariah Carey

52. "A Song for Mama" - Boyz II Men

53. "I'll Be" - Edwin McCain

54. "Candle in the Wind 1997" - Elton John

55. "Victory" - Puff Daddy ft. The Notorious B.I.G. and Busta Rhymes

56. "Do for Love" - 2Pac ft. Eric Williams

57. "All for You" - Sister Hazel

58. "It's All About Me" - Mýa and Sisqo

59. "Adia" - Sarah McLachlan

60. "Make 'Em Say Uhh!" - Master P ft. Fiend, Silkk the Shocker, Mia X and Mystikal

61. "Looking Through Your Eyes" - LeAnn Rimes

62. "Too Much" - Spice Girls

63. "My Way" - Usher

64. "Raise the Roof" - Luke ft. No Good But So Good

65. "Daydreamin'" - Tatyana Ali

66. "Heaven" - Nu Flavor

67. "I Don't Want to Wait" - Paula Cole

68. "You're Still the One" - Shania Twain

69. "I Will Come to You" - Hanson

70. "Love You Down" - INOJ

71. "Touch It" - Monifah

72. "I Get Lonely" - Janet Jackson ft. Blackstreet

73. "Never Ever" - All Saints

74. "Lately" - Divine

75. "We're Not Making Love No More" - Dru Hill

76. "Feel So Good" - Mase ft. Kelly Price

77. "Quit Playing Games (With My Heart)" - Backstreet Boys

78. "I Still Love You" - Next

79. "What You Want" - Mase ft. Total

80. "How Do I Live" - LeAnn Rimes

81. "Been Around the World" - Puff Daddy ft. The Notorious B.I.G. and Mase

82. "Say It" - Voices of Theory

83. "My Love is the Shhh!" - Somethin' for the People ft. Trina & Tamara

84. "They Don't Know" - Jon B.

85. "I Don't Ever Want to See You Again" - Uncle Sam

86. "Together Again" - Janet

87. "This Kiss" - Faith Hill

88. "No, No, No" - Destiny's Child

89. "Deja Vu (Uptown Baby)" - Lord Tariq and Peter Gunz

90. "Cruel Summer" - Ace of Base

91. "I Got the Hook Up" - Master P ft. Sons of Funk

92. "Let's Ride" - Montell Jordan ft. Master P and Silkk the Shocker

93. "Time After Time" - INOJ

94. "Are You Jimmy Ray?" - Jimmy Ray

95. "Crush" - Jennifer Paige

96. "All My Life" - K-Ci & JoJo

97. "Body Bumpin' (Yippie-Yi-Yo)" - Public Announcement

98. "The First Night" - Monica

99. "The Boy Is Mine" - Brandy and Monica

100. "Truly Madly Deeply" - Savage Garden

 

[Katniss]

Aw, Tubthumping just missed the top 10.

How did I miss that Semi-Charmed Life is about drugs? Guess I wasn't paying attention to the lyrics  

 

[Steel Sponge]

Gotta get in tune with Sailor Moon, 'cause that cartoon has got the boom anime babes.

The one band that perplexes me on how big they've been at one point in time is Savage Garden. "Truly Madly Deeply" is just a really uninteresting, powerless song, so I can very much say that I'm glad to see it as your #1 worst pick. Given the sound from most of their music, the duo name even sounds ironic, 'cause that's not what I think about when I see a name like "Savage Garden." Also joining in with the majority who never saw the praise/charm for Brandy and Monica. I never really gained anything when I heard some of their songs for the first time. Good lists as always.

And I also like to hear your thoughts on:

-Bitter Sweet Symphony
-Sex and Candy
-Sock It 2 Me
-Because of You
-I Do
-Nobody's Supposed to Be Here

Edited March 4, 2016 by Steel Sponge

[Joe Biden]

I WISH YOU COULD STEP BACK FROM THE LEDGE, MY FRIEND

Next year's charts.

 

Anyway, thoughts on:

- I GET KNOCKED DOWN

- Spice Up Your Life

- Come With Me

- Everybody (Backstreet's Back)

- Double Jewel

- I'll Be

- Candle in the Wind 1997

- All for You

- I Don't Wanna Wait

- You're Still the One

 

And last, but not least:

- It's a cruel (CRUEL) Cruel Cover by Ace of Base

 

Spoiler

Also, I don't know if I'm the only one who thinks this, but Savage Garden sounds like the name for an early '80s soft rock band like Air Supply to me.

 

[Sweat]

Opinions on:

Too Close
Nice and Slow
You Make Me Wanna
I Want You Back
Ray of Light
Quit Playing Games (With My Heart)

[CyanideFishbone]

Thoughts on Tubthumping and Sex And Candy?

[Wumbo]

Holy suggestions, Batman! Y'all must have enjoyed 1998 more than I did.

Bitter Sweet Symphony: Always had a thing for this song, it's definitely iconic. Didn't make my list because it's a tad too slow, but I still have it on my iPod and will listen to it for years to come.

Sex and Candy: Honestly, I do like the song, but I feel like it could have played up more of the sexy side and less of the ugly side. This cover fixes basically every problem I have with the song and is a million times better.

Sock it 2 Me: Always happy to see Missy Elliott, but this isn't exactly one of her stronger offerings. It's good, but not nearly as memorable as a song like "The Rain" or "Lose Control".

Because of You: Eh, it's a good enough boy band ballad that it squeaked into the top half of my list.

I Do: Sunshiny pop song that I found really enjoyable to listen to in spite of myself.

Nobody's Supposed to Be Here: Really well performed ballad that stands above some of the more mediocre ones for that reason.

Tubthumping: Ooh, I wish this could have made the list, but alas, Aerosmith won me over. This is definitely a great song though, it's got the makings of a jock jam and a party jam all in one. It just pumps you up.

Spice Up Your Life: Definitely one of the Spice's stupider songs, but I enjoyed it all the same. There's this great burst of energy that the song exhibits.

Come with Me: Jimmy Page can save a shitty artist like no other, man.

Backstreet's Back: Oh my god this fucking song. I think it walks right up to that line of goofy-funny and goofy-insufferable, and thankfully doesn't cross it. But it comes damn close.

Double Jewel: First off, I hate hate haaaate the stupid a-side/b-side format that Billboard inexplicably chose to incorporate in the late 90's, I assume to confirm to everyone that they didn't have a clue what they were doing. It makes my job that much harder because I still haven't figured out a perfect way to incorporate these entries. I've settled on making sort of an average score between the two songs and ranking them that way.

ANYWAY, both Jewel songs were just kind of okay, so I think they ended up in about the right spot.

I'll Be: Insufferable when I'm in the wrong mood, passable when I'm in a good mood.

Candle in the Wind 1997: Well... look, it's a very nice song. But as far as stacking up with the songs above it goes in terms of musical quality, it really doesn't.

All for You: Blues Traveler Sister Hazel made a decent enough song this year. I just don't think, musically, it really amounts to much or pays off in any sort of way. Sort of stays in one key the whole way through.

I Don't Want to Wait: I've always kind of found this song lowkey insufferable but I guess when it comes down to it it doesn't do anything offensively wrong enough that it deserves to be any lower than it is.

You're Still the One: I wish Shania Twain brought her fun side this year, that's all I'm gonna say.

Cruel Summer: Dangerously close to joining "Time After Time" on the wall of shame for 90s songs that ruin 80s songs. It's Ace of Base, what can you expect?

Too Close: So close!

Nice and Slow: By this point Usher definitely hasn't reached the amount of swagger that he would go to cultivate, but you can see the makings of a future superstar here.

You Make Me Wanna: Slightly less so here, but still a good song.

I Want You Back: Basically Five did everything better than this song with "When the Lights Go Out", so for god's sake just listen to that instead.

Ray of Light: Well, I'll definitely take it over a slow Madonna ballad any day (except "Frozen" lol), but it's clear that Madonna's peak period was not the late 90's.

(Quit Playing Games) With My Heart: I take it all back, "Backstreet's Back" is wonderful in every way. At least it is compared to this. Yeesh.

[Wumbo]

And with that all said and done, I present to you my next year for March, which I SWEAR I will get out on time this time around. Was 1998 not recent enough for you? Well, how about another foray into the next decade? Let's take a look at...

2001

The year of Lifehouse, Staind and Creed. Buttrock enthusiasts, this is the year for you. Top and Bottom 10 by the end of the month.

[Katniss]

I'm sorry Ms. Jackson but I don't think you're ready for this jelly  

[Joe Biden]

WITH AAAAAAAAARMS WIDE OPON

 

Sorry, just had to do that.

[Wumbo]

There was a certain "late-90's leftovers" aesthetic that the early 2000s displayed, and I don't think any year displayed it more prominently than 2001.

I don't think 2001 was a bad year, but it was certainly very samey-sounding. You could easily confuse one song with another, and who would even care? Jennifer Lopez versus Willa Ford versus Mýa - hell, even Pink this year could easily have been Christina Aguilera masquerading.

But despite all that, I honestly did find a lot to like about this year. Sure, it has the same sort of sound looming through all of it, but it's a sound I like! This year feels very summery to me, all laidback and happy-like. It's also a hugely nostalgic year for me. I was around five-sixish in 2001, and let me tell you, I remember a hell of a lot more of these songs than I thought I would. But with memory does come regret, and that's what we have to start off with. Here are...

Wumbo's Bottom 10 Songs of 2001

Spoiler

 

 

 

My relationship with Madonna's charting music has been... complicated, to say the least. I've liked a good number of her songs, but I've also actively disliked a good number of them. But I just want to set the record straight that overall I very much do respect Madonna as an artist. It's hard to stay relevant through the decades when pop music is such a fleeting medium, but she's managed to at least stay in the public eye, even to this day.

 

Now, the early 2000s bring on an interesting point in Madonna's career: the point where, musically, she just lost her goddamn mind.

 

No, we're not quite at that point yet, but I'd still like someone to explain what the hell happened here.

10. "Don't Tell Me" - Madonna

 

Critics have praised Madonna's Music album for being "experimental". And if I had no idea what "experimental" meant and listened to the album, I would stay away from anything described as "experimental" from then on like the plague. This song is just one example of the album's madness. It combines hip hop, trap, and country elements in the most bizarre, disjointed way and it almost makes the song sound like a demo version of itself. There must have been a way to do this better, other than cutting out random elements of the track at random times. It sounds like a record player skipping.

And honestly, beyond that, there's not much to grab on. The lyrics I guess are okay, they sort of take on this defiant "don't-tell-me-what-to-do" stance which suits Madonna well. but the way it's presented just makes the message come off weak. Maybe this could have worked as a bombastic pop song or something, but the way Madonna's handling the music just makes you forget about the message and instead just focus on the dis-dis-dis-disjointed composition. It's a weird song for sure, and I don't think much of it pays off. But again... at least she doesn't rap.

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/7410815

Ugh, I still get shivers.

Don't tell me to stop

Well, maybe someone should have, Madonna. Maybe someone should have.

 

Spoiler

 

 

Ah, reality tv singing competitions. They're like grade school talent shows; they might be fun to watch for a bit, but sooner or later you end up feeling bad for everyone involved.

But make no mistake, for this entry we're not talking about American Idol, which wasn't a thing until 2002. We're talking about the granddaddy of the show format, Popstars! The granddaddy which... started in 1999. Christ, I just made myself feel super-old. Can we start that over?

All right, anyway, Popstars began in New Zealand and soon branched out to many other different countries. Not many of its finalists became actual stars, but we did in fact get one group out of the whole deal to chart on the year-end this year. And boy oh boy... what an intro to reality TV singers this must have been.

9. "Get Over Yourself" - Eden's Crush

 

You remember how I said that a lot of the pop music this year sounded the same? This is basically the quintessential 2001 song in that sense, and no others. Seriously, does anyone remember this?

But hey, it was pretty damn popular in 2001, being one of the few singles that year to sell over half a million copies. 2001 must have been the year of buyer's remorse, because this song offers basically nothing, except vapid vacuous lyrics and boring instrumentation with shrill oversinging... oh hey, is that a Pussycat Doll?

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/7825355

You read that right, people. This was Nicole Scherzinger's first foray into the world of being a parody of pop music without any self-awareness. She would go on to contribute to the pop music world further by making her own crappy singing competition shows with their own crappy winners. And the cycle therein continues. Yippee.

When I see a song like this on the pop charts, I think of struggling artists who can't even notch one hit watching this on music video rotation and crying their career away. This song makes people cry in that sense, and probably many others. Goodbye.

 

Spoiler

 

 

Seriously, will there ever be a more musically talented set of kids than the Jackson 5? I challenge anyone to come up with a better example. The Jackson 5 were dynamic, provoking, and most of all, didn't sound like wannabes. They were just a perfect group that fit in perfectly with their era.

The one downside to the Jackson 5, however, is that they set a huge precedent for any child music stars in the future. Not only by having a key one of its members break out into a successful solo career (hint: it wasn't Jermaine), but also by setting the standard for child performers in general. What's an up-and-coming tot to do? Seems like the logical decision would be to use their music as an influence. This year, one aspiring young rapper did just that. His name... is Lil' Romeo.

8. "My Baby" - Lil' Romeo

 

Obviously, the formula didn't seem to work for him. Maybe it's because a fucking kid doesn't belong in fucking gangsta rap.

Yeah, okay, Kris Kross made it work, but that's because they were fun and bouncy in their music. This little shit uses his song to shoot down a girl from being his girlfriend, which... dude, you are way the hell too young to have enough clout to shut down people like that. I'm sorry, I'm not going to take swagger seriously from an 11-year-old kid dancing in his daddy's clothes. Say, who is his dad, anyway? There must be some kind of nepotism going on here...

 

You... you've got to be kidding me.

Well, the talentless beget the talentless, I suppose. Wait a minute. That's him at the end of the video too, isn't it?

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/7826528

Oh god, I hate that grunt.

All right, so if this song was just Lil' Romeo bragging about how great he is, I'd find it pretty annoying, but I would probably leave it off the worst list. But the girl singing on this track takes this from "annoying-but-forgettable" territory to "this-was-not-meant-for-public-consumption-and-I-instantly-feel-bad-for-everyone-involved" territory. Seriously, she cannot carry a note. The Kidz Bop kids have more skills than her. It's really kind of sad to witness. Maybe she was just  put there to make Lil' Romeo look better? Well, mission accomplished, but if so it's a dick move.

Even so, I can't put this any higher because it's still kids, not adults who should know better. But I couldn't leave it off the list entirely because... oh, god, just listen to this.

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/7826587

Eugh. Also, why is this song called "My Baby" if Lil' Romeo is talking about how he doesn't need a girlfriend? I smell shady marketing. With Master P as the patriarch, anything's possible. Uuuuuhhh.

 

Spoiler

 

Man, oh man... the reality show influences this year had... if this doesn't teach you that reality TV is set to rot your brain, what will?

7. "All or Nothing" - O-Town

 

There were way too many mediocre ballads this year, but the most mediocre, and by extension worst of them all has to go to this one. I just don't have a single stake in this band. All I can do is listen to them and think, "Hey, wait a minute. This isn't the Backstreet Boys or Lonestar. Why am I listening to this? Who are these guys?"

Well, hypothetical self, I'll tell you. O-Town are a group of young boys who were formed with the help of the MTV reality TV show Making the Band, a show which also produced such "worthwhile" acts as Danity Kane, Donnie Klang, Day26... okay, for real, was there a letter D fetish going on with this show or something?

Anyway, O-Town were the first winners of this show and by far the blandest. They weren't anything more than 'N Sync Lite, and given what 'N Sync was putting out this year, that certainly says a lot. There's not much more to say here, really. Just a completely worthless group that was rightly forgotten. Now quick, guys! Change the key of your last chorus! That'll let your song sink in!

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/7826640

Fucking most overused, hackiest tactic in songwriting during this time period. Perfect for one of the most cookie-cutter bands of their time. Next

 

Spoiler

 

Actually, maybe this was the most 2001-sounding song of the year. It's certainly one of the most annoying.

6. "He Loves U Not" - Dream

 

In terms of straight-up pop music, 2001 was probably one of the worst years. Everything about the pop scene just skewed to younger audiences and featured younger performers, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, until you remember that teenagers are horrible. And then you listen to this song and all your bad memories come flooding back.

It's like this song was trying to be the most annoying song of the year. As if the wretched performances from the group and the butchered autotune effects weren't enough, you also have this headache-inducing drum beat which was... I guess trying to give the song an edge? News flash: A Britney Spears wannabe will always be a Britney Spears wannabe, and you've got four of them here. No amount of "rock n' roll" production is going to change that.

All this song does is take me back to one of the worst times of anyone's life, high school. Don't kid yourself, kids, high school was a pain and you know it, partly because of attitudes from smarmy, stuck-up teenagers like this. You need a certain amount of clout and tact to pull this kind of attitude off, and I can safely say that not a single member of this group has it. They're all just little girls wearing grown-up clothing, and it's a waste of time to listen to. So, thanks, 2001, for bringing back those thought-to-be-long-dead memories. Now let's graduate from this shit and move on.

Spoiler

 

Speaking of graduation, a graduation ceremony is something that has been held in high regard for quite some time in history. It's a very special time in one's life where they can celebrate all of the accomplishments they made over the course of their journey. And in 2001, a new song entered the pantheon for staples to play at one's graduation. And boy, do I wish it hadn't.

5. "Here's to the Night" - Eve 6

 

In what I'm going to call the "Every Breath You Take" effect, this song has been grossly misinterpreted to be a song of celebration, but you know, if you actually listened to the lyrics, you'd see that it's about a one night stand instead. Not that it really matters what this song's about, because it's straight up garbage either way.

There was a metric fuckton of dirgey rock music this year, but this song tries to disguise the fact that it's completely joyless with some wistful violins in the background, which, combined with the chorus, I guess tricked people into thinking that it was a song of celebration and looking back on memories. But even if it was, it would still be complete dogshit. And while I sometimes struggle to pinpoint exactly what doesn't work in a song, this can be summed up with one point: this guy's voice is awful here.

He's singing like he just got injected with novocaine after drinking a quart of rum. And whatever anyone might bring to this song, he takes away. Not that there was much brought to begin with. It's a crappy miserable-sounding song through and through. I'm not sure if it's survived over the years, but I sincerely hope not, especially since we can definitely use happier tunes to play at our graduation.

 

At least this is more upbeat than "Here's to the Night". Rock on, Third Eye Blind. Eve 6? Here's to irrelevance.

 

Spoiler

 

 

Y'all can go get nuked if you don't like DMX. He was definitely one of the defining rappers of the early 2000s, and one of the few that still holds up today. Unfortunately, I don't have any DMX to show you, so here's his novocaine-laden cousin, Ja Rule.

Maan, I was waaay too easy on Ja Rule in 2002's list. I won't make the same mistake here.

4. "Put It on Me" - Ja Rule ft. Lil' Mo and Vita

 

Few artists' successes in the early 2000s straight up piss me off more than Ja Rule's. With DMX on the scene, he comes off as such an annoying, unnecessary presence on the pop charts. I guess what makes this song so much more annoying is the fact that he's roped, from what I can tell, two very talented female artists into performing with him. I mean, I don't like "Always on Time". Not at all. But I'm not exactly crying over Ashanti's "artistic integrity" being sullied by her association with Ja Rule. These two artists, Lil' Mo and Vita, meanwhile, seem to be at least halfway talented and still have the tasks of pretending to be romantic interests for Ja Rule. That alone deserves some recognition, because that cannot be easy.

 

Vita appeared on another Ja Rule song in 2002, which was also terrible. I regret that I don't know much more about her. I only wish Lil' Mo got a better shake of the deal, because her vocals are both the best and worst part of this song. The best, because she actually sounds like a competent artist, and the worst, because when Ja Rule's voice splices in, you're reminded of who she's working with, and you get depressed.

I just really don't need to hear someone promising to "put it on" Ja Rule. It's gross, and if I were in this scenario I'd want to stay as far away from that croaking bulldog as possible. But instead, I had to listen to this song, it made me upset, so now it appears on the list. Sorry, Ja Rule. Your time for scrutiny has come. And now it's gone, because I'd rather not waste any more time on this waste of breath. Next.

 

Spoiler

 

 

Since the dawn of time, there has always been the question: what if my partner is cheating on me? What do I do? How do I get revenge? TLC up there say "cheat back" (with one notable exception), but isn't there another way? Sure, TLC makes their proposition seem appealing, but what if there was a less conniving way to get back at your cheating pig of a partner? And what if it was presented in a more wishy-washy manner? And what if the song was so unforgivably bland that we never heard from this artist again? Ladies and gentlemen, Blu Cantrell.

3. "Hit 'Em Up Style (Oops!)" - Blu Cantrell

 

This song is just... lame. Like, ungodly lame. Usually one-hit wonders are at least memorable, but this easily has to be the most boring one-hit wonder song of all time. It feels like filler.

And the saddest part of this song is that, from the sources I've gathered, this is actually a way more personal song than you'd initially think. This isn't just a coy suggestion, this is an actual revenge fantasy that Blu Cantrell actually considered. And with that in mind... seriously? Your big plan to get back at your cheating boyfriend is to spend his money? It kind of seems like a weak revenge fantasy to me, if I'm being honest.

I mean, it's a song. It can be a work of fiction. You're allowed to go wild with the fantasy. Scratch his records, take a sledgehammer to his house, poison his tea. But... no. Your idea of revenge amounts to spending money at the mall. ...what am I supposed to do with this? It's like writing a song about being angry about your boss, so you double-staple his reports to waste the staples. It just doesn't translate into an interesting song. So, if Blu Cantrell's not going to write us a proper revenge fantasy, then allow me to write one of my own.

Hey ladies!
When your man wanna get buck wild
Just go back and FUCKING SET HIS KITCHEN ON FIRE

Unstable? Maybe. But wouldn't you much rather hear a song like that than a song like this? Maybe if it was played more like the revenge is petty, but no. She seems genuinely proud and even smug that she's thought of this wonderful idea to get back at the dirty rotten cheaters of the world, and is keen to share it with you all. I ain't sayin' she a gold digger... because that notion would even be more interesting than what's happening here. Hopefully your plan can help provide for you, Blu, because after this song no one wanted to hit you up "style", whatever the hell that means.

 

Spoiler

 

There are many different reasons why a song might make it on this list. Sometimes the lyrics are bad, sometimes the message is bad, sometimes the vocal performances are bad. But sometimes, the main reason for a song getting on this list is that is just plain sounds awful, all the way through. Here's one of those songs.

2. "Peaches & Cream" - 112

 

This song won a Grammy. Holy crap, does that make absolutely no sense to me. This song sounds like audio diarrhea. Unfocused, annoying, fuzzy, and just plain bad. And it's a shame, because I think 112 are normally a very talented group. But the production on this just ruins everything. It sounds so disjointed. I have no idea what the hell I'm listening to here.

I guess the real tragedy is that I can see this song working for someone, but it sure as hell doesn't work for me. Maybe someday I'll come around to it, but I was turned off by it almost immediately. Hopefully I'll be able to eat peaches and cream again without thinking of this song. Blech.

 

Spoiler

 

 

You could easily make an argument that I've been too easy on the scourge of music genres known as post-grunge. And there is a lot to hate about it, for sure. It's whiny, annoying, and generally miserable. But you could also make the argument that I've simply been saving up my full rage to unleash on this one song in particular. Are you ready? Because here we go. The worst song of 2001.

1. "It's Been Awhile" - Staind

 

Straight up, this is one of the most miserable, unlistenable songs I've ever heard. As someone who can tolerate post-grunge crap better than most, this is where I draw the line. This makes my skin crawl.

Staind have always had this aura of being wannabes even within their genre. We never gave them another real hit after this, and it's easy to see why. Even for post-grunge, this is dirgey and unpleasant to listen to. Seriously, why would anyone listen to this?

And I know what some of you may be thinking: "Wumbo, it's a song about drug addiction and depression. Of course it's gonna sound like that." Phooey, I say. Somber topics don't excuse bad songs. Listen to this:

 

This is a blink-182 song about depression and suicide. I love the shit out of it. Wanna know why? Because it actually sounds like well-made music and not the audio vomit that I'm listening to right now. And if I could listen to that, then what reason do I have to listen to this? This whiny, miserable pile of dogshit. The worst song of 2001, and I decree that it die a death in the depths of my memory after this list is through. Which it is. So there. Staind who?

 

[Katniss]

Never knew that Master P was Lil' Romeo's dad. Uhhhh.

Oh Ja Rule, what a blight you are on the music scene of the early 2000s.

 

[Clappy]

I always seem to hear Hit 'em Up Style on my satellite radio Pop 2K stations.  I really wish I wouldn't because it's such a bland boring slog of a song.

And lmao @ Staind.  Such an awful awful band in general.  For the longest time, I always thought they had just one song until I did my Bottom 50 list and realized more radio numetal white noise was actually them.

Good list as always.

[Joe Biden]

IT SPIN AWHILE

 

Also, don't forget that Lil' Romeo had his own show.

 

A fucking Nickelodeon show.

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romeo!

[fortnitefan12]

I actually kind of like Its Been Awhile by Staind. Sure, it's not of the best post-grunge songs, but I like it.

[Wumbo]

Okay, so we've determined that the bad stuff of 2001 was pretty damn bad. But on the other side of the debate, the good stuff was pretty damn good! And this isn't just my nostalgia talking either (at least I'd like to think it's not). I think that when 2001 knocked out a home run, it knocked it out of the park. So let's take a look at a few of these game-changing runs. It's...

Wumbo's Top 10 Songs of 2001

Spoiler

 

 

You gotta respect Jay-Z, even if not all of his hits have knocked it out of the park. There's something so admirable about a guy who's lasted this long with a respectable rap career when many of his companions have either burnt out, sold out, or just plain died. Now 2001 was a particularly great year for Jay, as he saw the release of his album The Blueprint, one of his most critically revered albums. So naturally I had to pick at least one song from it to put on this list. And even more naturally, I went with the one that I'll probably still be jammin' to long after we're through.

10. "Izzo (H.O.V.A.)" - Jay-Z

 

Jay-Z's best quality on his best songs is his ability to rock a great hook while telling deep, intricate stories about his personal life pre-rap career. Sometimes it's hard to look at a rapper and imagine a hard life that they've had behind them, especially one as successful as Jay-Z, who probably now wipes his feet on gold-plated welcome mats. But the great thing about him is that his raps bring him back down to earth and tell his pre-rapping story, which is honestly a hell of a lot more interesting.

And the hook does what it has to do. It aptly hooks you in so that you listen to the verses, and it's a big part of why I keep coming back to the song the way I do. Oh man, this is how you sample The Jackson 5 correctly. With Kanye West behind the wheel, though, what can you expect but perfection?

Bottom line: Jay-Z is a great artist who knows how to run the gamut from catchy hooks to intricate storytelling. That's more than enough to deserve a spot on my best list. Hov!

 

Spoiler

 

Man... I try to keep things good and moral on my top 10 list, but sometimes you just gotta let the unrepentant assholes have their moment in the sun. I don't know how this song got on my list. All I can tell you is... it wasn't me.

9. "It Wasn't Me" - Shaggy ft. Rikrok

 

I can't help it, y'all. I love this song so goddamn much. It's a treasure of 2001, and you know you're singing along to the chorus as you're listening to this. I would if I could sing, but I'm certainly jamming.

The big joke that comes with this song is that nobody can ever understand what the hell Shaggy's saying. I'd be lying if I said I knew all the words to this song, but does it really matter what he's saying? It's all about the mood this song conveys and the time it takes me back to. I loved this song then, and I still love it. Gives off those laidback vibes that...

But if she pack a gun you know you better run fast

All right Shaggy, I liked it better when I didn't know what you were saying.

Another thing: people always look at this song and decry it as a promotion of being a scumbag, but they always seem to forget about the third verse done by Rikrok, where he decides to shoo off this so-called "playa" and simply apologize to his girlfriend. Now that's romantic, right? ...Okay, I get that the mood might be killed by the gun thing.

Regardless, whatever the story, it still makes for a catchy summer jam that you can bob your head to. And if you get caught on camera doing it, well... you know what to say.

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/7833226

 

Spoiler

 

 

I think one of the hardest things for a critic to do is to admit his or her own shortcomings. It's true. We're not perfect, and sometimes we don't see the light of something that's shrouded in darkness for us. That has been my case for the longest time with Beyoncé and especially Destiny's Child.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AqeIiF0DlTg

It happens, y'know? You hear so much crap from a group and you write 'em off entirely. Well, folks, today's the day I pay my dues to Queen Bey's starting point, because I loved each and every one of Destiny's Child's hits in 2001, which was probably their most successful year anyway. And with that, I present to you my favourite of the bunch.

8. "Independent Women" - Destiny's Child

 

Yeah, the Destiny's Child song on the goddamn Charlie's Angels soundtrack gets the mention. Have I lost my mind? I'd like to think not, but regardless of what you think, hear me out.

Straight up, I just love the way this song is produced. It's slick, it hits hard, and it works really well with Destiny's Child's performances. And the song goes into many different directions vocally, so it's great to have a backing beat that helps to tie it all together.

The lyrics are pretty great too. One of my least favourite Destiny's Child songs is "Bills, Bills, Bills" and for all intents and purposes this is the exact opposite of that, showing that Bey and the gang don't need no man to buy things for them, delivered in the smackdown that only Queen Bey can provide. Yeah, the Angels references are beyond awkward, but it's a small price to pay for an overall great song. Or, to put it another way, YAAAAS BEY SLAYYYY

 

Spoiler

 

 

This is "Shiny Happy People" by R.E.M., considered to both be one of the band's most successful and least successful songs. Most successful because, well, it was one of their only actual Billboard hits, and least successful because it completely failed to get the intended message of the song across, was seen as a complete sellout track by R.E.M. fans, and later vilified by the band itself. The song was intended to be a parody of a happy, catchy pop song to bring up the false narratives that oppressive countries bestow upon their people and visitors to the country. The message did not make it through, and for that the song can absolutely be seen as a failure.

But on the other hand, there's this one song that was on the year-end chart this year that I think mirrors this song, and I really loved it. But maybe that's just my massive Gwen Stefani crush talkin'. Who knows?

7. "South Side" - Moby ft. Gwen Stefani

 

Okay, but if I can be real for a second, my love for this song has much more to do with Moby than with Stefani. Her vocals knock it out of the park as usual, and definitely add to the song's aesthetic, but it's Moby who really brings it all home with a masterful production and some poignant lyrics that I think get overlooked, and really give the song a creepy undertone. Moby's gone on record as saying that the song plays out as a half-criticism of electronica culture and the desensitization that can come with it. But much like "Shiny Happy People", the message still plays out like a fun song to dance to.

Honestly, though, this song works much better than "Shiny Happy People", because it follows up its lyrics with a thrilling production that does sound rather happy at parts but also sounds menacing in other places. "Shiny Happy People" is just way too immersed in its parody to ever be taken seriously as commentary. This song works on that level, and it's the intricacy of the production that really does it. Every moment of this song has the potential to give me chills. It's just a great track.

...all right, fine.

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/7833342

There. Got that obligatory reference out of the way. Now sit back and feel the vibes.

 

Spoiler

 

 

Boring!

With all the flexing that rappers did in 2001, the thing I looked for most in rap music were artists willing to shake things up. Artists who weren't afraid to have a little fun with their craft. So when I get a track that features not one, but two of these great artists, I eat it up like a double-decker ice cream cake. Misdemeanor and Luda, take it away.

6. "One Minute Man" - Missy Elliott ft. Ludacris

 

Hearing one of these artists in this year was a breath of fresh air. Two of them on the same track just completely blew me away with its freshness. This is a track that oozes star power.

"One Minute Man" takes the gender politics of your typical rap song and flips them upside down, something that Missy Elliott always succeeds at. Seriously, it's songs like these that show why we desperately need more female voices in the rap community. I just want to hear more songs chiding guys for premature ejaculation! Maybe there's something wrong with me, but you have to admit you don't get this flavour of topic very often.

And then there's Ludacris, who flips the song itself on its head by bragging about his sexual prowess. Cooperation breeds the greatest music, doesn't it? Another rapper, Trina, appears on the video version of this song, and while she's not quite as interesting, she still holds her own, and besides, it's still Missy and Luda on the same track. What more do you need? R-r-r-REMIX?

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/7833384

God, I love Missy Elliott so much. Keep it freaky, girl.

 

Spoiler

 

 

I freely admit to having nostalgia bias towards 3 Doors Down. I heard their songs endlessly on the radio as a kid, and I have no shame admitting that a lot of their songs still stick with me, as mediocre as some of them might be. Regardless, this is not one of those songs. I legitimately think this song is as great today as it was when I was a kid. Even the okay bands can have one fireball of a song within them. Here you go.

5. "Kryptonite" - 3 Doors Down

 

Even with people who don't like 3 Doors Down, you can usually get them to at least admit that they like this one song. And why shouldn't they? By a country mile this is 3 Doors Down's best song, having all the energy and flow that they unfortunately left with this album. Just listen to those drums and that opening riff. This is definitely a rock song worth rocking out to. It's got a fast pace and a fun atmosphere, but the lyrics and the instrumentation still give it a hard edge with tough questions asked and some interesting allusions to Superman.

If I go crazy then will you still call me Superman?

People forget that Superman doesn't always have to fulfill an all-around perfect guy archetype in media. The idea of a superhero in general is crazy, as is Superman's ability to get taken down by a rock.

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/7833428

Yes, thank you, Kryptonite.

And the song is actually deeper than you might realize. On the surface, it's a song about love, and devotion, and being there for someone. But Brad Arnold takes an interesting angle, especially with the Superman analogy. "If I'm alive and well, will you be there holding my hand?" That's something that doesn't get asked a lot in songs, but it is important to bring up. People tend to remember the sickness part of the "sickness and health" wedding vows, but if your partner's doing well, will you be supportive? Will you do your best to elevate them further? That's honestly a pretty neat take on the idea of devotion, and I appreciate it. But let's face it, the song primarily exists so you can rock out and air drum to it. And for that purpose, it fulfills its job perfectly. Rock on. Not rock like Kryptonite, but you get me.

 

Spoiler

 

You know, you can fill your songs with all sorts of interesting elements, and that's great. But sometimes, very rarely, an artist can perfect the technique of "less is more". And I can't think of any artist in recent memory that has done this better than Alicia Keys. And I can't think of any song more suitable to show that talent than this one.

4. "Fallin'" - Alicia Keys

 

When I think of the quintessential Alicia Keys song, I and many others think of this song. It's the perfect proclamation of Alicia's talents, and proves that you don't necessarily need an extravagant idea or an entire orchestra of instruments to get big emotions across. Love is complicated. That's the message of the song here, and that's all it needs to be, and that's all I want from it.

What happens is you get a showcase for Alicia's talents as a vocalist and as a performer, and when all the elements of the song come together in the end to create that big final chorus, it really does tug at the heartstrings. So while generally I appreciate the big and bombastic, "Fallin'" is a great reminder of times when it's really not needed. Just a piano, some drums, and some raw, talented vocals. Alicia Keys, man.

 

Spoiler

 

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/7834001

Okay, I've tried to keep things classy when doing these pop song reviews, but... just give me this one break, alright?

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/7834010

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/7834018

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/7834023

GOD. DAAAMN.

 

All right, all right, I'm a pig. But still, god damn. Now, back to the music.

3. "Let Me Blow Ya Mind" - Eve ft. Gwen Stefani

 

Because this incredibly sexy video fortunately also comes with an incredibly sexy song, courtesy of Eve, Gwen Stefani, and one of those classic beats from Dr. Dre. And no, I'm not talking about the headphones. This beat is on fire as usual.

That's not to take anything away from Eve and Gwen Stefani though, who kill it on the verses and chorus, respectively. Eve delivers a confident, spitfire rap verse each time, and Gwen cools it down with a sweet, sultry chorus. It's just the perfect combination.

This song was the first winner of the Grammy award for "Best Rap/Sung Collaboration". And while that's a laughable Grammy category given how many songs in rap follow that formula, this song still deserves it. Both Eve and Gwen work off of each other great, forming a tremendous duo on this song. Quite frankly, it blows my mind. Okay, one more:

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/7834065

God damn.

 

Spoiler

 

Whoo! Okay, after all that, maybe it's time to take things down a notch. And I don't usually do this, especially so high in a countdown, but I feel like this song deserves it. It's... mellow, man. Chill.

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/7834083

Feel that guitar, man. Don't you just love it?

2. "If You're Gone" - Matchbox Twenty

 

I want the record to show that I absolutely love Matchbox Twenty. True, they're on the softer side of alt-rock most of the time, but I think they really make their sound work. There's a lot of soul and passion built up in this song, through the instrumentation and through Rob Thomas's voice that sounds permanently on the verge of cracking. In a good way. Emotional cracking. Y'get it? Y'get it.

Rob Thomas penned this song shortly after meeting the woman who he would soon marry. Putting that into context, it really does turn into a nice, but regretful and unsure love letter. Again, love is complicated. So many powerful emotions can be drawn from one simple idea. And Rob Thomas and the crew deliver those emotions masterfully. Smooth.

 

Spoiler

 

 

The early part of the decade honestly exploded with creativity in the mainstream rap scene. I guess people got really, really tired of Puff Daddy being the face of rap music, which... yeah, doesn't really make sense, does it? So the rap game opened up to all these artists who were either bubbling under the mainstream or just stepping into the art form. And of all these artists and all these great songs, there's only one that stands above them all in sheer creativity, dexterity, production and performance.

1. "Ms. Jackson" - Outkast

 

Very rarely do we get songs like "Ms. Jackson" anymore, and that's a damn shame. You just don't hear rappers looking to branch out into new topics like this, in such creative and innovative ways. It's a stroke of genius for Outkast to split up the different emotions and situations that can be present in everyday lives between the two rappers. Big Boi comes on first and delivers a passionate, anger-filled diatribe about his troubles with his baby mama, and then André 3000 comes on the second verse to deliver a more regretful and apologetic verse, which balances out the tones nicely. It's just an insanely well-put-together song with just enough pop sensibilities to score it a place on the charts at all. It's the kind of pop song that we're blessed to have in our lexicon, and it's the kind of pop song that should be studied more to discover how we can do better. But from my vantage point, with songs like these, I think 2001 did just fine for itself. Thank you and goodnight, y'all.