Wumbo Ranks Billboard Year-End Hot 100 Charts! (Ahhh, the deed is done.)

[Joe Biden]

Eh, Steel got more of the songs I was going to request (I don't blame him, I blame 1963 for not being more interesting enough) so I guess just thoughts on:

Pride and Joy

Da Doo Ron Ron

In Dreams

(You're the Devil) In Disguise

[Katniss]

Thoughts on My Boyfriend's Back? 

[Wumbo]

Ring of Fire: I'm sure many of you were expecting this to be on my Top 10... I like it okay. Honestly not my favourite Cash song by a long shot, but still a good song.

Sukiyaki: This was honestly just boring to me, it didn't do anything for me at all.

Surfin' USA: Enh... The Beach Boys.

Be My Baby: Wow, I put this one lower than I thought. I guess it's in that spot where all the songs just kinda mush together.

Pride and Joy: I love Marvin Gaye, but I gotta say it was slightly disappointing to see "Pride and Joy" and not hear Stevie Ray Vaughan.

Da Doo Ron Ron: Not as insufferable as when a Cassidy brother does it, but still pretty damn lame.

In Dreams: Roy Orbison always manages to knock out a good song.

(You're the Devil) In Disguise: Straight up don't even remember how this one goes.

My Boyfriend's Back: This song's pretty fun. I just like the idea of some jerk getting his comeuppance.

---

All right, so that was a hard year to get through. But i'm confident that the next year on the docket will be much easier...

1961

OH GOD DAMN IT

[Joe Biden]

I almost read that as 1981 or 1991 and got pretty disappointed.

 

also hey it's my dad's birth year that sure is something

[Wumbo]

so the writing process is going well

[4EverGreen]

2 hours ago, Wumbo said:

so the writing process is going well

NICE sarcasm!!!!

[Wumbo]

Alright! 1961! My god.

 

...I don't know, guys. Try as I might, I just can't get into these years of music. Something about how far gone they are from today just makes me feel distant from it all. That said, I do think that of all the years before 1964, this is one of the better ones. You'll see that represented by my best list. But for now... *sigh* let's get this one over with. You know the drill. It's...

Wumbo's Bottom 10 Songs of 1961

Spoiler

 

 

Chubby Checker is a man famous for mostly the song above, "The Twist". But as we all know, fame can come with a price. After the success of "The Twist", Chubby Checker said he felt dismayed by it, saying that no one took him seriously as an artist or believed he had real talent. Okay, first off... "The Twist" is awesome. You can't say a man has no talent when he makes a song that awesome. But second... for a guy that didn't want to be typecast as the dopey guy that makes dance tunes, he sure did make a lot of dopey, upbeat dance tunes! A lot of them came out this year.

Now, you might think that my worst list would include "Let's Twist Again", the most shameless and obvious of the Twist ripoffs. But... honestly, I'm almost charmed by just how lazy and pointless this song is. Can you imagine if artists tried this today? Lady Gaga could release "Poker Face II"...

 

...okay, you get my point. But I've gone on about Chubby Checker long enough that this entry must be one of his songs. Which one is it? Well... Chubby Checker's song success can be measured by the song itself, but also by the dance. And for the record, this is one of the stupidest dances I've ever seen.

10. "Pony Time" - Chubby Checker

 

Yeah, real talk. This is the song and video that should have worried Chubby Checker about nobody taking him seriously. The "pony"? "When I say 'gee', you turn to the left"? Who thought this was a good idea?

Well, it looks like Don Covay did, because he wrote and recorded this song originally with his group, The Goodtimers. Didn't really take off, so he got Chubby Checker to record it and it became Checker's second #1. ...I don't know, I guess people really wanted to do the "pony"! Why is beyond me, but I guess it's a simple enough dance to comprehend. Simple like a horse.

But the fact is, the dance looks stupid and you look stupid when you dance it. There's a reason people remember The Twist and not The Pony. When it comes to this song, I say "neigh".

 

 

Spoiler

 

*sigh* Again, I don't have much of a commentary on this one. It just bores me.

9. "Wings of a Dove" - Ferlin Husky

 

You'd think that with all my problems with modern-day country, I'd be willing to look back to country music in the early 60s and find some solace there. But it's just a different breed of bad: boring. I also can't stand this guy's voice. It just... ugh, it sounds stupid, but again, like a different breed of stupid. Like maybe country always had this drop of stupidity in it, it's just mutated over the years.

Okay, that's not fair. At the very least, the lyrics are more poetic then modern country, which goes moreso like this...

 

Oh God this is like the Donald Trump of country music. You don't know how it came to exist, but you just hope it goes away forever.

So, in the grand scheme of country music, this really isn't that bad, but I still don't care for it. It's just kinda dull and drab, and has this vague Christian element to it, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but really doesn't help matters for a song like this. I guess I should take solace in the fact that it can always be worse.

 

Always.

 

 

Spoiler

 

Gene McDaniels was a very talented and prolific musician who has written and recorded some thought-provoking and timeless songs.

At least that's what I feel like I have to say as a preamble, because one of his songs appeared on my list.

8. "A Hundred Pounds of Clay" - Gene McDaniels

 

Man, we were really religious in the early 60's, weren't we? At least I assume this is about God. I can't think of anybody else who would be making women out of clay for Gene McDaniels to canoodle with. In that sense, maybe the song isn't so religious after all. Unless they seal it.

I can't imagine that this is a particularly effective way in flattering your wife, either. Telling her that you're so grateful someone made her out of clay? Why clay? I thought Eve came from Adam's rib! God dammit Gene, learn your religion!

I mean, I guess it could mean that she's malleable and easily manipulated, but I'm not going to look further into the implications of that. I'm just going to sit back and call it what it is. A kinda dumb ass song. And that's something that no amount of clay can fix.

 

 

Spoiler

 

They say that it's good to follow tradition. So why is it that whenever I hear of a song classified under "traditional pop music", I shudder?

7. "Portrait of My Love" - Steve Lawrence

 

So. Damn. Boring.

I'm sorry for the people that like this music. I really am. I just can't find it in me to agree with you. It's so dull. I just feel like there's so many songs that cover the topic of love that we don't need to have songs like these. And I don't have much else to say on the matter, honestly, so let's just move on to something more interesting, shall we? Let's shall.

 

 

Spoiler

 

...

Rock and roll! I guess.

6. "The Mountain's High" - Dick and Dee Dee

 

I know I should appreciate the early stages of rock and roll as it paved the way for greater acts to come, but come on. I shouldn't have to sacrifice good taste for that. There were plenty of early great rock acts that were much better than this boring shit. Even as far as rock and roll duets go, we had Ike and Tina Turner. Yet people somehow wanted to listen to this more. Fuck me if I know the reason. (Is it racism? It's probably racism.)

No, instead we've got "Dick and Dee Dee", which sounds like a children's book title that middle schoolers laugh at. But their name's irrelevant. How's the song? Well, it's... not very good! you could probably guess that from my placing it on this list, but I was surprised how much I dislike this. I think the big thing I can't stand is Dick's voice. He sounds like the Care Bears guy.

 

Yeah, that guy! Only with a sore throat. Not exactly the figure of "rock and roll" I'd expect to hear. And the song's just not very interesting overall. Sorry. The mountain may be high, but my expectations should have been lower for Dick and Dee Dee.

...

*snicker*

 

 

Spoiler

 

All right, so the early 60s had no shortage of teen idols. You had your Elvis Presley, your Ricky Nelson, your... unmentionables. But regardless of what you think of any of these idols, you have to admit that they were marketed well. The girls just screamed whenever these boys took stage.

But you have to be careful when making a teen idol, because if you release a song this shitty and corny beforehand, you don't have much of a chance of picking up the pieces.

5. "Baby Sittin' Boogie" - Buzz Clifford

 

 

I mean, I guess I could see where this goes. The women like a family man, but is that really the image you want to give to a teen idol? Scandalous

But that's not my problem with the song. I'll tell you my problem with the song. A FUCKING BABY WANDERED IN AND RUINED THE TRACK!

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/8446450

Yeah, I have no idea. See, this is exactly the novelty crap that destroys my ability to take the early 60s pop music scene completely seriously. Not that we don't have our crappy novelty shit these days, but the distance of time plus the cheap gimmicks just makes for a uniquely painful experience for me.

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/8446463

I... is that even a baby on the track? How creepy would it be if some 46-year-old man was just making his best approximation of baby sounds into the microphone? As if this video needed help to be creepy.

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/8446469

Fuck, I'll never be well again. Jesus Christ, can't anyone make a normal video anymore?

But yes, this is everything that's wrong with early 60s pop. It's annoying, it's cutesy, it's got novelty the same way a demented Furby has novelty, and I don't want to hear another second of it. Goo goo go away.

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/8446474

GOD KILL IT WITH FIRE

 

 

Spoiler

 

I will say this, though, about that... baby song. Despite its many misgivings, it was at least a memorable brand of novelty. While that may also serve as a detriment to the song as I'd like to forget it as soon as possible...

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/8446469

KILL IT! KILL IT!

...I have to put it higher than something like this.

4. "The Boll Weevil Song" - Brook Benton

 

Why?

Okay, let me just start this one off by saying that I'm not an idiot, okay? I do my research before commenting on songs like these. So I know that this is technically a bit more than a novelty song like "Alley Oop". It's got its own history; you could argue that it helped shape rock history.

But... but... but... it's just... STUPID!

And worse than that, it's not even an enjoyable stupid. It's almost like a kid's song. I think even kids would go farther. At least they would say "hell"!

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/8446499

Brook, the year you did this performance was 1982. I'm pretty sure you could say the name of the big fiery Satan place by then.

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/8446505

I'm lookin' for a home too, Brook. A home away from songs like these. Next.

 

 

Spoiler

 

 

To say that Elvis Presley was one of the central figures of music in the 50's and 60's is an understatement. He's had countless hits, some better than others, but it's fair to say that he's remained a cultural staple and will for decades to come.

So, it's a curious thing when one of his songs only becomes big when someone else covers it. But then again, I'm surprised anyone could make this a hit.

3. "Wooden Heart" - Joe Dowell

 

So, Elvis originally sang this song in one of the movies in his mercilessly lengthy film career, G.I. Blues. It's about as good as you would imagine an Elvis movie to be. Here's where they play the song:

 

Okay, somehow the Elvis version is worse. Much worse. Damn accordions.

But this really isn't much of a song either way. It just kind of meanders with no real flow or purpose to its melody. Y'know, like many early 60's pop songs. But I think this one manages to go the extra mile in being unmemorable. Sort of an accomplishment in itself when you really think about it. And i try not to.

 

 

Spoiler

 

GYAAAAH OVERTLY CHRISTIAN MUSIC

2. "Michael" - The Highwaymen

 

Oh man, did I hit the nail on the head when I said that the early 1960s were really, really Christian. Not that it takes a scholar to figure that out, but damn. Here we are with what's basically a hymn. Well, maybe not so basic.

This song originally started out being sung by slaves as a spiritual, dating back to the 1800s. You'd never realize that from hearing this white-bread cover of it, though. I think that's my main problem with this song. The lyrics actually have depth and passion behind them, but it's sung with all the passion of chopping celery.

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/8446587

"duhnahnuhnuhnuhnuhnuh HALLELUJAH"

I don't get it. Why bother recording a song if you don't even want to record it to its full potential? This is just lazy and boring. That makes it worse than everything so far... but not as bad as what's next.

 

 

Spoiler

 

A bad instrumental is a story of sadness. If your music is bad and all you're offering is music with no lyrical content, there's nothing else to grasp onto. It's a sad shame of a song that results.

This is a bad instrumental.

1. "Wheels" - The String-A-Longs

 

Something about the tone of this song just pisses me off. I feel like all the wrong pitches are met, all the wrong notes are hit, all the wrong instruments used to create this thoroughly useless song.

And that's exactly what this is: A thoroughly useless song. I don't see any point in nattering on about something that gives me pretty much no content. but just know that I do consider this waste of a song to be the worst hit of 1961. Now let's use these wheels to roll on outta here.

 

[Joe Biden]

Not gonna lie. #5 gives me nightmares.

[Wumbo]

Ah, it's always good to refresh oneself with the good songs of a year after being exposed to the bad ones.

 

And why should this year be any different? After all, while 1961 isn't something I'd call my favourite year for music or anything, it did manage to convince me slightly that there may be more to the pre-Beatles era of pop music than meets the eye. I gotta say, of all the Top 10 lists I've done so far from this era, this is my favourite. We'll see what 1962 has to bring us (...eventually), but for now, please sit back and enjoy...

Wumbo's Top 10 Songs of 1961

Spoiler

 

 

Oh, Phil Spector! You hateful, toxic, beyond talented bastard!

It really is hard to talk about the wide scope of 1960s music without bringing up his name at least once. Like it or not, he was one of the defining sounds of the generation, working on some of the biggest hits of the 60s and cementing a position as a musical auteur. He also straight up fucking killed someone. So there ya go.

Um... yeah. Not exactly the happiest of stories when dealing with a superstar musician. But anyway, Phil Spector worked with The Drifters a lot, and when one of them broke away, he co-wrote one of his biggest hits.

10. "Spanish Harlem" - Ben E. King

 

Now, this, to me, is very distinctively early 60s pop. In fact, it seems exactly the type of song from this era that I would dislike. The instrumentation has kind of this cheesy feel, exactly the type to turn me off. But what brings me back to this song is Ben E. King's powerful voice, as well as the instrumental around the 2-minute mark. A song doesn't have to be perfect to make my Top 10, but it does at least need to have elements that cancel out ones that would normally turn me off. And Ben E. King's voice and some well-thought-out musical choices are enough to do that. All in all, a great song.

 

 

Spoiler

 

Oh yeah. I didn't just bring Ike & Tina Turner up in the last list for nothin'.

9. "It's Gonna Work Out Fine" - Ike & Tina Turner

 

Ike and Tina's relationship over the years has been... problematic, to say the least. I don't wish to gloss over that fact, but... damn it, it's hard not to when they've made such good music like this!

I'm not gonna lie, though. I'll admit that the song does become a bit uncomfortable when you remember the ways that Ike abused Tina, but if we can put it aside for a sec... damn, this song is masterful. Tina's vocals and Ike's production are just pitch-perfect. Seriously, that guitar sucks you right in right away. Damn good riff. And Tina's vocals... holy shit, she is just out of this world. It's not hard to see where a lot of screamers got their inspiration from. She is on fire, baby.

So maybe it didn't work out fine for Ike & Tina Turner. Like, seriously, Jesus Christ this poor woman holy shit. But you'd never guess it from listening to this song. Maybe that's not such a good thing, but it does account for great music all the same. I still feel a bit icky, though.

 

 

Spoiler

 

 

So, would you have guessed that this movie inspired an easy listening song in 1961? I certainly wouldn't have!

8. "Sad Movies (Make Me Cry)" - Sue Thompson

 

Inspiration can come from the oddest places. Did you know Aerosmith's "Walk This Way" was inspired by this scene in Young Frankenstein? Anyway...

It's pretty cool how John D. Loudermilk (what a name) took a quite literal story of a sad movie making someone cry and turned it into a story of love and lament. I love people who can find inspiration like that. And the song is performed just perfectly by Sue Thompson with just the right amount of heartbreak. Not too much so the subject matter becomes cheesy, but not so little that it's banal. Did you know she's 91 now? I sure didn't!

Sometimes a good story of heartbreak coming from an unlikely source paired with a singer who can carry the subject is all you need for a great song. That's what we've got here, and it really works. Sad songs don't necessarily make me cry, but this one tries its damndest. *sniff*

 

 

Spoiler

 

 

"One Mint Julep" is definitely a staple in American pop music. Its first version released in 1952, it tells the classic story of a few too many drinks and a conversation turning into marriage. A story I'm sure we denizens of the Internet can all relate to. Amiright, fellas? Lady fellas?

But how do you harness the potential of this song and maximize its popularity? Apparently, the answer is to take all the words out!

7. "One Mint Julep" - Ray Charles

 

Of course, it doesn't hurt to simply have one of the greatest musical minds of the period at the helm of the song. And once again, that's exactly what Ray Charles is. When people think of instrumental versions of songs with lyrics, their minds tend to jump to Muzak or some other watered-down version of the song. This, however, might be even better than the original. While the original had a story to go with it, this has an atmosphere that evokes the story. I've praised Ray Charles so many times in the past, and he's given me no reason to stop now. Great instrumental.

 

 

Spoiler

 

 

I've said in the past that I generally don't care for songs with corny expressions in them. But perhaps that's not exactly the reason I've disliked them. Maybe it's just the delivery. I discovered this while making this list, because I gotta tell ya, I absolutely love this song.

6. "Gee Whiz (Look at His Eyes)" - Carla Thomas

 

There it is. "Gee whiz", sung with all the power of "At Last". Maybe that's all I needed to come around to one of these expressions being viable within a song.

Holy fuck, do I love this woman's voice. She's somewhere in between Tina Turner and Etta James, and she hits that sweet spot of raspiness and power that completely works. And this song was written when she was 15! Firstly, that explains the "gee whiz", I guess. But secondly... this is a damn good song for a teenager to have written it! It's definitely got that adolescent vibe, admiring someone from afar "Call Me Maybe" style, but it works for the purposes of the song. All I can say is... gee whiz.

 

 

Spoiler

 

How do you know you've got a great song on your hands? Well, having it be re-recorded over 400 times out of admiration doesn't hurt! Here's "Stand By Me".

5. "Stand by Me" - Ben E. King

 

Now here's a song that needs absolutely no introduction. I gave it one anyway, but that's because I'm a first-class writer who happens to be the only one who can introduce this song properly. Bet you didn't know that, but it's true.

This song is known by everyone and their mother. It's one of the biggest cultural staples of American music. I think the secret lies in its simplicity (seriously, why do you really think it's been re-recorded so many times?) but also in its singer, Ben E. King.

 

I've heard many other versions of this song (again, over 400 times!) but in my opinion, none can compare to the original. Ben E. King was exactly the one to give this song the soul it needed. There are differing reports over whether he wanted to be the one to record it in the first place, but I think we can all agree that the world is a better place because he chose to. "Stand By Me". A song that needs no concluding statement. Except this one.

 

 

Spoiler

 

 

Man, movies always gotta find their way into the pop charts, don't they?

4. "Exodus" - Ferrante & Teicher

 

Okay, a little backstory here. This is the theme from the 1960 movie Exodus as performed by this piano-playin' duo you see here, Ferrante & Teicher. This is not the original version from the movie, however. Here is that:

 

Notice the slight change, namely, the lack of piano. Now, personally, I like this version a whole lot better. Which makes sense; it's the original soundtrack for the movie and it's a big, epic score that fits the movie. But I have to admit that I also really love what Ferrante & Teicher decided to do with it. Much like Ray Charles' "One Mint Julep", a unique interpretation of an already-existing piece of art. And while I may like the original better, I do appreciate this version a hell of a lot. It's just such a different and interesting take that I had to take notice. And take notice I did. Rock on, piano boys.

 

 

Spoiler

 

3. "Crying" - Roy Orbison

 

Shit, maybe this is the song that needs no introduction. I certainly couldn't give it one.

And really, how could I? It's perfect the way it is. Roy Orbison is perfect. You don't need me to tell you that. All you need to do is listen to the song. It's perfectly touching, heartbreaking, and beautiful. I don't intend to muck it up with my commentary. Yeah, the "first-class writer" thing was a bit of a white lie. Don't tell anyone. Next one.

 

 

Spoiler

 

 

Oh God, Captain and Tennille. Go away. Go away. Get the fuck out of here. Holy shit.

Now give me the good, original version of this song.

2. "Shop Around" - The Miracles

 

My God, there's seriously no comparison. Except to say that I love this and hate the Captain & Tennille version. Toni Tennille is no Smokey Robinson. Let's make that crystal clear.

There's a lot of examples of old-timey music that all sounds the same. The best groups of this period can take that sound and make it interesting enough that they do stand out. Smokey & the Miracles do just that with Smokey Robinson's amazing voice. It does stand out, and you do take notice of The Miracles as a result.

As for the song itself? Well, you can choose to take the advice it gives you or listen to what your own mama said. Myself, I just prefer to feel the groove. I bet there could be a dance made out of this song and it would be light-years better than "The Pony".

 

 

Spoiler

 

Well, it's a year before 1964 and Stevie Wonder is nowhere to be found. Looks like you da man once again, Mr. Charles!

1. "Hit the Road Jack" - Ray Charles

 

You know, Ray Charles wrote his own stuff well and good, but this year he had a knack for making cover songs his very own and taking them straight to the top. I can't even find the original but an a capella demo definitely needed a little help from the genius.

Like I said, I've talked about this man so many times. This year he wasn't really the only saving grace, but I think he still stands tall as the guy with the greatest hit of 1961. His songs just sound so stunningly different from everything else in that era, like they came from another world where more music like this was allowed on the pop charts. Which I'll admit, sounds like an eerily similar world to ours if they have pop charts like ours, but I digress.

Ray Charles will always rock. Forever. Period.

 

Full list:

Spoiler

 

1. "Hit the Road Jack" - Ray Charles

2. "Shop Around" - The Miracles

3. "Crying" - Roy Orbison

4. "Exodus" - Ferrante & Teicher

5. "Stand by Me" - Ben E. King

6. "Gee Whiz (Look at His Eyes)" - Carla Thomas

7. "One Mint Julep" - Ray Charles

8. "Sad Movies (Make Me Cry)" - Sue Thompson

9. "It's Gonna Work Out Fine" - Ike & Tina Turner

10. "Spanish Harlem" - Ben E. King

11. "Runaway" - Del Shannon

12. "Where the Boys Are" - Connie Francis

13. "I Fall to Pieces" - Patsy Cline

14. "Tossin' and Turnin'" - Bobby Lewis

15. "Dedicated to the One I Love" - The Shirelles

16. "Calendar Girl" - Neil Sedaka

17. "Don't Bet Money Honey" - Linda Scott

18. "Quarter to Three" - Gary U.S. Bonds

19. "Running Scared" - Roy Orbison

20. "Who Put the Bomp (in the Bomp, Bomp, Bomp)" - Barry Mann

21. "Apache" - Jørgen Ingmann

22. "I Like It Like That" - Chris Kenner

23. "Surrender" - Elvis Presley

24. "Asia Minor" - Kokomo

25. "Runaround Sue" - Dion

26. "Hurt" - Timi Yuro

27. "You Can Depend on Me" - Brenda Lee

28. "Let the Four Winds Blow" - Fats Domino

29. "Mama Said" - The Shirelles

30. "Are You Lonesome Tonight?" - Elvis Presley

31. "Hello Walls" - Faron Young

32. "Sea of Heartbreak" - Don Gibson

33. "Take Good Care of Her" - Adam Wade

34. "Baby Blue" - The Echoes

35. "More Money for You and Me" - The Four Preps

36. "The Writing on the Wall" - Adam Wade

37. "Yellow Bird" - Arthur Lyman

38. "I Love How You Love Me" - The Paris Sisters

39. "Hello Mary Lou" - Ricky Nelson

40. "Take Five" - The Dave Brubeck Quartet

41. "My Kind of Girl" - Matt Munro

42. "Will You Love Me Tomorrow" - The Shirelles

43. "Mexico" - Bob Moore

44. "School Is Out" - Gary U.S. Bonds

45. "Travelin' Man" - Ricky Nelson

46. "Ya Ya" - Lee Dorsey

47. "Bristol Stomp" - The Dovells

48. "Without You" - Johnny Tillotson

49. "The Way You Look Tonight" - The Lettermen

50. "Walk Right Back" - The Everly Brothers

51. "Daddy's Home" - Shep and the Limelites

52. "(I Don't Know Why) But I Do" - Clarence "Frogman" Henry

53. "Little Sister" - Elvis Presley

54. "My True Story" - The Jive Five

55. "Wonderland by Night" - Bert Kaempfert

56. "Raindrops" - Dee Clark

57. "Hats Off to Larry" - Del Shannon

58. "Pretty Little Angel Eyes" - Curtis Lee

59. "(Marie's the Name) His Latest Flame" - Elvis Presley

60. "One Track Mind" - Bobby Lewis

61. "Breakin' in a Brand New Broken Heart" - Connie Francis

62. "Calcutta" - Lawrence Welk

63. "There's a Moon Out Tonight" - The Capris

64. "Don't Worry" - Marty Robbins

65. "Good Time Baby" - Bobby Rydell

66. "Big Bad John" - Jimmy Dean

67. "San Antonio Rose" - Floyd Cramer

68. "Please Stay" - The Drifters

69. "Let's Twist Again" - Chubby Checker

70. "You Must Have Been a Beautiful Baby" - Bobby Darin

71. "Moody River" - Pat Boone

72. "I'm Gonna Knock on Your Door" - Eddie Hodges

73. "The Fly" - Chubby Checker

74. "Rubber Ball" - Bobby Vee

75. "Dum Dum" - Brenda Lee

76. "Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavour (On the Bedpost Overnight?)" - Lonnie Donegan

77. "Tonight My Love Tonight" - Paul Anka

78. "Those Oldies But Goodies" - Little Caesar & the Romans

79. "Angel Baby" - Rosie and the Originals

80. "Think Twice" - Brook Benton

81. "Missing You" - Ray Peterson

82. "This Time" - Troy Shondell

83. "Bless You" - Tony Orlando

84. "Last Night" - The Mar-Keys

85. "You Don't Know What You've Got (Until You Lose It)" - Ral Donner

86. "Blue Moon" - The Marcels

87. "I've Told Ev'ry Little Star" - Linda Scott

88. "Mother-In-Law" - Ernie K-Doe

89. "Take Good Care of My Baby" - Bobby Vee

90. "On the Rebound" - Floyd Cramer

91. "Pony Time" - Chubby Checker

92. "Wings of a Dove" - Ferlin Husky

93. "A Hundred Pounds of Clay" - Gene McDaniels

94. "Portrait of My Love" - Steve Lawrence

95. "The Mountain's High" - Dick and Dee Dee

96. "Baby Sittin' Boogie" - Buzz Clifford

97. "The Boll Weevil Song" - Brook Benton

98. "Wooden Heart" - Joe Dowell

99. "Michael" - The Highwaymen

100. "Wheels" - The String-A-Long

 

[Joe Biden]

Thoughts on:

Runaway

Surrender

Take Five (I'm actually gonna play this in jazz band this term)

Let's Twist Again

Tonight My Love Tonight

[Steel Sponge]

Thoughts on:

I Fall to Pieces
Travellin' Man
Runaround Sue

 

[4EverGreen]

When you have time, would you please tell me your thoughts on "Blue Moon, Travelin' Man, Are You Lonesome Tonight?, Runaround Sue, Calendar Girl, Dedicated to the One I Love, Tossin' and Turnin'," and "I Fall to Pieces?" Also, how about you make one of the next years you review be one of the years from the 1980's that you HAVEN'T yet reviewed? I think that would be interesting.

[Sweat]

5 hours ago, 4EverGreen said:

When you have time, would you please tell me your thoughts on "Blue Moon, Travelin' Man, Are You Lonesome Tonight?, Runaround Sue, Calendar Girl, Dedicated to the One I Love, Tossin' and Turnin'," and "I Fall to Pieces?" Also, how about you make one of the next years you review be one of the years from the 1980's that you HAVEN'T yet reviewed? I think that would be interesting.

The years he do are randomized, he can't "choose" which ones he does.

[Wumbo]

3 hours ago, Halibut said:

The years he do are randomized, he can't "choose" which ones he does.

Well, I mean I *can*, I just don't want to.  Bottom line is, the reason I chose to randomize it is precisely so I don't do all the years I or others find "interesting" first, and then end up with the "less interesting" years at the end. Stick around with me and we'll get to every year eventually!

Okay, so your requests!

"Runaway": Guy's got a bit of the Frankie Valli thing going on with his voice, so I'm surprised I like this as much as I do. I guess it's like "Spanish Harlem" in the sense that the good far outweighs the not-so-good.

"Surrender": Pretty good Elvis song.

"Take Five": I definitely appreciate a good jazz number just as much as the next guy. Just not one of my favourites of the year overall.

"Let's Twist Again": My respect for this song begins and ends at just how cheeky of an idea it is. I can't put it any higher than I did because it has absolutely no reason to exist. None.

"Tonight My Love Tonight": FUCK PAUL ANKA... but this one wasn't quite bad enough to make the Top 10. Still. Fuck Paul Anka.

"I Fall to Pieces": Patsy Cline's got a great voice on her for ballads, and this here's no exception.

"Travelin' Man": I tend to find Ricky Nelson's music for the most part to be exceptionally okay.

"Runaround Sue": Good song. I don't have much more to say.

"Blue Moon": It's got a good beat and you can dance to it admittedly, but damn if it doesn't annoy the piss out of me.

"Are You Lonesome Tonight?": This is a really nice ballad by Elvis. I wish he'd do these more often, honestly.

"Calendar Girl": This song is corny as all hell, but something about it still makes it work.

"Dedicated to the One I Love": The Shirelles aren't terribly remembered today I think, but they've managed to churn out some great music.

"Tossin' and Turnin'": The number 1 song of the year. I accept it, it's fun, it's catchy.

[Wumbo]

It's about that time again, my friends, my friends. What's Uncle Wumbo got cookin' for November?

1975

All right! Let's boogie on into a retrospective of this year. Top and Bottom 10, you know the drill.

[Joe Biden]

Ooh. The year of Ballroom Blitz. I'm excite.

[Katniss]

Sweet, back to the 70s! This should be fun. 

[4EverGreen]

I can't WAIT to see where "Bohemian Rhapsody" ranks on this list!

[Joe Biden]

3 minutes ago, 4EverGreen said:

I can't WAIT to see where "Bohemian Rhapsody" ranks on this list!

oop

[Wumbo]

The 1970s! Boy, I haven't beaten this decade into the ground just yet.

 

Interestingly enough, my random number generator seems to love the 70s for some reason. With this year done, I'll have covered every year from 1972 to 1977. That's probably the longest span of years I've done so far, not counting this decade. Well, how can I argue with a random number generator that puts the years in order of my best interest? What better way to wash out the lame pop of the early sixties than with a heavy dose of the best decade ever for music? Oh yeah. Here we go.

...With the worst ones again. Awkward.

Wumbo's Bottom 10 Songs of 1975

Spoiler

 

May as well get this one out of the way: FUCK PAUL ANKA

10. "I Don't Like to Sleep Alone" - Paul Anka

 

I sometimes wonder how much of my Paul Anka hatred these days is just hating for the sake of hating. Being a "hater", if you will.

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/8613148

Yeah. I mean, what's so bad about this song? Sure, there's nothing spectacular about it, but does it really deserve a spot on the Bottom 10 this year? I...

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/8613151

Wh... who are you?

I honestly was going to leave this song, and indeed Paul Anka, off my worst list this year, but then this female singer Odia Coates just comes out of nowhere at the end. Okay, not out of nowhere, she sings in the background throughout the song. But still, she gets two random lines to sing solo. Why? What's the significance? Did Paul Anka just want to remind us all that he is not, in fact, sleeping alone? Can you not make a song about loneliness without flexing? Jesus.

It's weird. I normally wouldn't think that a Paul Anka song with less Paul Anka would make things worse, and Odia Coates actually does have a nice voice, for the record. But this is still one of the stupidest decisions I've seen in a song. It doesn't even make sense with the lyrics. Listen to that part again.

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/8613151

If she leans on you... she'll lean on you? When you have a duet, the point is to show two different perspectives, not to just have two people singing parts of the same narrative. Christ, it's just incompetent, is what it is. And if you're going to make it a duet, then go all out. Maybe even less Paul Anka would have improved the song. Certainly couldn't hurt... even though it already kinda did. Moving on!

 

 

Spoiler

 

Whenever I do research on a song and find out that it won a Grammy, I feel for a brief second that maybe my critiques are off. Then I remember that these guys won Best New Artist in 1990...

 

...and my opinions are once again validated. Anyway, this song won a Grammy!

9. "(Hey Won't You Play) Another Somebody Done Somebody Wrong Song" - B.J. Thomas

 

Jesus. That Grammy must have been for longest fuckin' title. No, actually, it was for the best country song of the year. I wasn't really that impressed with any country music I heard this year, but we probably could have given this award to, I don't know, "I'm Not Lisa"? It'd be a more fitting winner than this borefest.

I have no idea why this won the Grammy award. I guess it's relatable, like it has that appeal of being a song with a tone of "hey, this kind of shit happens to everybody, so may as well sing a song about it". But that shouldn't qualify it for a Grammy award. But again, I don't really know what the qualifications for a Grammy award are.

 

I'm posting this clip every time it's relevant. Fuck the Grammys.

But yeah, not much else to say about the song itself. It's... pleasant, I guess, but I definitely look for more in songs than just that. And this song appears to have no real emotion going for it whatsoever. Guess this'll just be another raindrop to fall on B.J. Thomas's head. Oh well.

 

 

Spoiler

 

And this song wasn't even nominated for Best Country Song at the Grammys. I wonder, is that a strike against it? Regardless, it made this list, so there you go.

8. "Rhinestone Cowboy" - Glen Campbell

 

Every time I do one of these worst lists, I seem to find it hard to justify at least one of my picks. I mean, Ringo freakin' Starr had two hits this year. Two. And neither of them made this list. Yet this admittedly pleasant-sounding country song by a revered artist did. Why? How can I justify this? Well... Ringo Starr's songs are bad, like, really bad...

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/8616223

Is he trying to do a Jamaican accent there? Come on, Ringo! You're no Sting.

 

Yeah. Now there's a white guy who can effectuate a Jamaican accent to add flavour to his songs. ...I feel like I should find this band more problematic than I do. Not least because of the statutory rape songs.

But we're talking about Glen Campbell here instead, or at least trying to. What is there to say about this song? Well, honestly, not much. It's just boring and I get nothing out of listening to it. It feels like a song that was made to play in the background. With Ringo, his songs this year were terrible, but they at least left an impression. Plus, it's Ringo Starr. How much can you really hate him? A lot, but still.

So I don't really care how much people loved this song. I couldn't find any use out of it, and thus it sits on my Worst List. Sorry.

 

 

Spoiler

 

Now, this one should come as no surprise.

7. "Please Mr. Please" - Olivia Newton-John

 

Oh, Olivia. Will making fun of you ever get old? What with your constant environmental activism and love for animals and... raising of breast cancer awareness... and... Christ, I'm an asshole.

Well, I'm not talking about the 10 worst philanthropists of all time. I'm talking about the music. Oh boy, is it boring as always. I think this song could simply be saved if it wasn't being sung by Olivia Newton-John, who just, for me, takes all of the magic and emotion out of any set of lyrics.

Her singing just sounds so lifeless. Even in a year that wasn't exactly a banner year for country, this sticks out to me as being especially tired and lame. And it didn't have to be! It's a good premise for a heartbreak song, where some lonely girl at a bar wishes people not to play a certain song on the jukebox because it reminds her of her ex-lover. That's great! What's not great is the way it's presented and performed. I just can't find anything to do with this song as is. Please, Olivia, please, try harder. Or maybe stick to philanthropy.

 

 

Spoiler

 

*sigh* I like the 70's and all, but reviewing them time after time doesn't come without its issues. Especially with the worst lists. You basically end up ragging on the same artists you've ragged on many times before. Hence, the running jokes of "fuck Paul Anka" and the like. But I'm not going to put new artists on here just for the sake of it, alright? I'm gonna stick to my integrity.

...I just wish I had anything more to say about this kitsch clown.

6. "He Don't Love You (Like I Love You)" - Tony Orlando & Dawn

 

Ughhhhhh.

I hate saying that the 70's are my favourite decade and then having to deal with straight kitsch crap like this. Like, someone could take songs like these and make a solid case for the 70s being their least favourite decade! This isn't quite as intolerable as "Tie a Yellow Ribbon", but it's still ludicrously cheesy as hell and in none of the fun ways. Just the stiffest, whitest way possible.

I just can't see music like this being connected to any authentic emotion. All it is is a kitschy, paper-thin performance that is rightly forgotten now. 70's... what the hell were you doing sending this to #1? I don't get it. I really don't.

 

 

Spoiler

 

And speaking of artists I have very little left to say about... hello again, Helen Reddy! Are you Reddy for this one? Huh? Yeah... yeah.

5. "Angie Baby" - Helen Reddy

 

I really don't have much to say about this song in general, honestly, other than it sounds like complete ass. Like... I guess it's supposed to be dark-sounding??

Lovers appear in your room each night
And they whirl you across the floor
But they always seem to fade away
When your daddy taps on your door
Angie girl, are you all right
Tell the radio good-night
All alone once more, Angie baby

Yeah, okay, whatever. Look, if you really wanted to go this route, then for the love of god, make it darker-sounding than midnight at the lounge. Like, what the hell is this? Who wrote this piece of crap?

 

Oh God, it's that guy! "Underperformed Angel" or whatever. Guess I can't totally blame him; there's at least an interesting concept here, sort of this Matilda-like character but with a darker tone. It just wasn't performed up to snuff, it seems. Maybe next time you shouldn't hand off your songs to the poor man's Anne Murray. Yeah, I said it. Useless.

 

 

Spoiler

 

You know, I'm sick of talking about artists I've already covered in the 70s. Let's shake things up a bit! Let's do something different! We're going to look at a one-hit wonder. Oh yeah.

4. "Lovin' You" - Minnie Riperton

 

Legitimately, I think this is one of the hardest songs I've ever had to write about. Not because it's not bad in a noteworthy way, it most certainly is. But when I listen to this, my brain shuts off. I physically cannot type for at least 30 seconds after hearing this. It's... whoof, it's bad. I feel like I shouldn't even be listening to this, like I'm looking at her leaked nudes or something. Like, really? This was made for public consumption? It's one of the most annoying things I've ever heard!

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/8616595

Who told Minnie Riperton that screeching into the mic like a pained hawk was a good idea? Who told her that tone of voice was a good idea? Who told her any of this was a good idea? They all need a good smack on the wrist.

This melody was apparently sang to Maya Rudolph, Riperton's daughter and SNL alumnus, to distract her while Minnie and hubby hung out. You know, sometimes I get depressed about my own life, but after knowing that that was something Maya Rudolph went through as a child, I doubt I'll ever be able to complain again. God, no wonder she appeared in Grown Ups. After listening to that as a child, I guess you build up maximum tolerance to annoyance.

 

I tried to chop this clip and find one annoying part, but really, do I need to choose?

Anyway, yeah, the song. It sucks. Not even in a way that it's a bad pop hit, but more so that it sounds amateurish, like a warm up take where Minnie Riperton reaches the highest of her... range.

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/8616595

Yes, that. The lyrics suck too.

No one else can make me feel the colors that you bring

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/8616635

You'd think that with a song that goes "doo-doo-doo-doo" and "la-la-la-la-la" for half of it, they'd put thought into the rest of the lyrics. Well, it turns out you'd think wrong! They don't. It's just an ungodly awful mess. And that screech she does in the song pretty much mirrors my reaction to hearing it.

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/8616595

Yes, THAT.

 

 

Spoiler

 

1975 was thankfully mostly devoid of teen idols. You had a few Paul Anka songs here and there, sure, but for the most part I was able to, if not tolerate them, at least ignore them.

But you know, it can't be the 70s without at least one of these artists slipping through the cracks.

3. "Morning Side of the Mountain" - Donny & Marie Osmond

 

I swear to god, every time these doofuses perform, they look like animated mannequins.

If there's one act here I can't muster up any more words for, it's these two. I'm sure their music appeals to somebody, but it certainly ain't me. This is some of the whitest, blandest music I've ever heard and I'd be perfectly happy never hearing it again. I don't think much more needs to be said than that. On to the next one!

 

 

Spoiler

 

Man, country music could just release anything this year, huh?

2. "Third Rate Romance" - Amazing Rhythm Aces

 

I straight up, flat out, have no idea why this song exists. Like, who wants to hear a song about a mediocre love affair? Anyone? No! Love songs are meant to be passionate, and full of emotion, not... this.

And that'd be okay if it was played for laughs, like I presume "Breakfast at Tiffany's" was, but it's not. It's just this mediocre waste of a song that bears no repeated listening. It's like if someone made a song about eating breakfast.

 

Wow. And somehow that song was more interesting than this one. More like "third rate song". Though even that's being generous. Jesus.

 

 

Spoiler

 

Let's talk guilty pleasures.

A while back, I was challenged to make a Top 10 list of my biggest guilty pleasures. While this list may have come naturally to most people, it was nearly foreign to me. I mean, I know how most people define guilty pleasures...

 

Those insipid, brainless pop songs that are basically ear candy? Yeah, I don't qualify those. They serve their purpose. They're not meant to make you think, they're meant for you to have fun. And if pop music can't be fun, then what can it be?

No, for my list, I dug deep within my soul to find the guiltiest of guilty pleasures I could muster up. And a couple months later, I'd say most of them hold up! All but one. And if you've read that list and you've paid attention to this year, you already know what it is.

1. "Love Will Keep Us Together" - Captain & Tennille

 

I just can't take it anymore.

All the bad qualities of the 70's - the kitsch, the cheese, the overbearing whiteness, and the awful, awful voices - it always seems to come back to the Captain & Tennille. This is their third time topping the worst list of a year! They're like the anti-Ray Charles. Seems about right.

Honestly, I'm not surprised that I ended up loathing this song in the end. There's nothing new here that qualifies it as a guilty pleasure, it's just the same Captain & Tennille shit we get every year. I just can't help but feel that maybe, just maybe, there was better music we could have gotten than this? This can't possibly be the most-liked song of 1975. I never want to hear a single baby boomer complain about "the music today" again.

So, yeah. While not the worst Captain & Tennille song, it is still, in fact, a Captain & Tennille song. Thus it deserves its spot on the crap throne. Rock on, 1975. Captain & Tennille, sink your goddamn ship already.