Wumbo Ranks Billboard Year-End Hot 100 Charts! (Ahhh, the deed is done.)

[Sweat]

Where did you put White Rabbit on the ranking?

[Steel Sponge]

Where would you put?:

 

I Can See for Miles

Ain't No Mountain High Enough

I'm a Believer

Ruby Tuesday

Penny Lane

For What It's Worth

Here We Go Again

To Sir With Love

Snoopy Vs. the Red Baron

[Wumbo]

Where did you put White Rabbit on the ranking?

#34. "Somebody to Love" is my Jefferson Airplane go-to song, in all honesty. "White Rabbit"'s super-cool and all, but maybe a tad too slow.

 

Where would you put?:

 

I Can See for Miles

Ain't No Mountain High Enough

I'm a Believer

Ruby Tuesday

Penny Lane

For What It's Worth

Here We Go Again

To Sir With Love

Snoopy Vs. the Red Baron

 

"I Can See for Miles": #33. I think I may have understated all the great rock that came out this year, when The Who aren't enough to crack the Top 30. Man, I do like this song a lot though. Takes me back to my childhood.

 

"Ain't No Mountain High Enough": #56. I feel a little bad about this one. The song's fine, really. I just think I've heard it a few too many times. Damn American Idol.

 

"I'm a Believer": #71. I love The Monkees, but Smash Mouth honestly beats out the original for me. (Side note: "Daydream Believer" is a damn good song.)

 

"Ruby Tuesday": #25. It's nice to see the Stones mellow out sometimes, and they produce a solid tune here. Good stuff.

 

"Penny Lane": #31. I think I held a bit of a grudge against Beatles songs this year due to the lack of Sgt. Pepper, but this is still a solid tune. Not exactly the first Beatles song I think of when I think of classic Beatles songs, but it's earned its place in pop culture.

 

"For What it's Worth": #86. Ooh, I can feel the temperature rising already. FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH, I never really got into this song. It was always just "there" for me. Sure it's a protest song, but there are slews of better protest songs out there. Hell, even some performed partly by the same guy. (Side note: "Ohio" is one of the best songs of 1970 whether it made the charts or not.)

 

"Here We Go Again": #36. Ray Charles will always be "I Got a Woman" and "What'd I Say" to me, but his slower songs are good too.

 

"To Sir with Love": #90. Yeah, #1 most representative song of 1967 my butt.

 

"Snoopy vs. the Red Baron": #40. I don't know, this song's just got a kitsch appeal for me. It's cool to me that a pop song was made about the Peanuts comic strip. I wish I was alive back in the 60's when Peanuts was as big as it was.

[Guest]

#10-2-cool story bro

#1-duh

[Wumbo]

Okay guys, so I've done a lot of thinking and given these past two times where I've posted these lists last-minute, this schedule seriously isn't working out for me. I know it's only been three months, but I think my year-end rankings need to stop here. They really take a lot out of me, and I need to put my studies first right now.

 

I'm disappointed that I wasn't able to complete my goal or even really put a sizable dent in it, so as a compensation of sorts, here was my plan for the order of each year I was going to do. Man, it would have been a wild ride, but I have to know when to stop. So here's my list of the years I was planning to do in order (spoiler for length):

 

Spoiler

APRIL FOOLS BIATCHES

New year revealed tomorrow!

[Wumbo]

ALL RIGHT ALL RIGHT, so I'm back. Now then... we've spent a good three months in the 20th century. So what say we step into the 21st century once again? Yeah, get a little more recent. A little closer to music that I'm sure a lot of you grew up with. Don't step into the way-back machine just yet, but maybe step into the less advanced time machine, for we are going back to...

 

2007

 

Ah, yes. The year of Mims. So will I find that this year is hot cause it's fly, or ain't cause it's not? Well, you know the drill. Bottom 10 and Top 10. This one should be fun. Coming your way sometime this month!

[CyanideFishbone]

YOU CAN STAY UNDER MY UMB-RELLA-ELLA-ELLA-ELAA

[Steel Sponge]

COMIN FROM THE LIIIIPS OF AHN AHNGEL. HEARIN THOSE WORDS IT MAHKES MEH WEEEEEEAK.

 

 

(Also: Soulja Boy is your #1 worst. I'm calling it.)

[CyanideFishbone]

COMIN FROM THE LIIIIPS OF AHN AHNGEL. HEARIN THOSE WORDS IT MAHKES MEH WEEEEEEAK.

 

 

(Also: Soulja Boy is your #1 worst. I'm calling it.)

YOUUUUUU CRANK DAT SOULJA BOI!!11111

 

While that song is completely horrendous, Pretty Boy Swag is worse. They're both laughably bad though

[Guest]

Oh god. 2007. Pray for Wumbo.

[Burgerpants]

I'm gonna bet that T-Pain song is gonna go straight to the bottom.

[Joe Biden]

How is "Crank Dat (Soulja Boy)" #20 on this list and "Welcome to the Black Parade" and "Chasing Cars" are #59 and #61 respectively?

  This truly is a dark year for music.

[Steel Sponge]

How is "Crank Dat (Soulja Boy)" #20 on this list and "Welcome to the Black Parade" and "Chasing Cars" are #59 and #61 respectively?

  This truly is a dark year for music.

 

Because points system. Besides, "Chasing Cars" was also #29 in 2006.

[Joe Biden]

Besides, "Chasing Cars" was also #29 in 2006.

That is true.

 

 

Because points system.

WELL FUCK THA SYSTEM THEN

[Clappy]

Looking back at 1967, it was a pretty solid year and while I'll be honest and say that I don't have those charts memorized with familiarity, I definitely respect your choices for both your lists.

 

As for 2007?

 

More lyrics.

[Wumbo]

This year is hurting me.

 

Worst year ever.

 

Also I'm almost done, should have my lists ready to post by next week if not sooner.

[SG19]

Worse than 2010?

[Wumbo]

Oh god yeah far worse than 2010. I'd listen to Chris Brown's "Deuces" ten times over before listening to my Bottom 10 again.

[Steel Sponge]

For a year where I see a lot of bad stuff, I see a lot of good stuff too, so 2007 wasn't too bad IMO.

[Wumbo]

Oh, this year was bad. Monumentally bad, even. This is the worst year I've had to sit through thus far. In other words, this list is going to be "fun".

 

Now I've had problems with Billboard years in the past. 2010 was stupid, 1990 was lame, 2002 was boring. But this year just fucking blew me out of the water with how mind-numbingly bad it was. It seemed like every turn I took there was another song waiting to piss me off. This was a dark time for pop music, my friends. Even as a 12-year-old child, I found myself not enjoying this year of music. Not only was it bad, it also seemed dreary. Very few songs were fun, a lot of them were boring, and a fair chunk of them are straight-up unlistenable garbage.

 

In fact, in honour of how bad this year is, let's do quick commentary on a few runners-up. Yeah, remember when I did these for the best list? Not this time. Here are some bad, bad songs worth mention, and of course, if you don't want spoilers as to what didn't make the list, skip this part and scroll on down. But I feel like I have to do this, because this year was just crap. So here are some dishonourable mentions.

 

Spoiler

"Cyclone" - Baby Bash ft. T-Pain. Honestly, I don't have too much against T-Pain, and he's definitely not the reason this song is here. It's that skin-crawlingly repulsive beat combined with inane lyrics and a nobody performer on the forefront. Next.

 

"Make it Rain" - Fat Joe ft. Lil Wayne. Proof that Fat Joe and Lil Wayne should not have been relevant in 2007. (For that matter, Fat Joe shouldn't have been relevant in any year, but that's neither here nor there.)

 

"Wind it Up" - Gwen Stefani. Did anyone anywhere like this song? Thank God Stefani has so many better hits on her, because this sure as hell does not define her solo career, and for good reason. More like "Shut it Up".

 

"Smack That" - Akon ft. Eminem. Of all the Akon songs that charted this year (there, does "all the Akon songs that charted" give you a barometer of how bad the year is?) this one was by far the most intolerable, not least because it's yet another example of Eminem's disintegration into not caring about what kind of crap he belches out and calls it music. I'll say someone deserves a smacking for this.

 

"Rockstar" - Nickelback. You know Chad, rock stars don't have to sing about how they want to be rock stars, because they are rock stars. I mean... if you want to dispel myths that you make credible rock music, then I guess this is the most efficient way to do it. Well, that and shitty disco. (Seriously, the fuck?)

 

"If Everyone Cared" - Nickelback. Ooh, dangerously close to the bottom. We'll check in with the band that kept them off later, but this is the song I think of when I think of reasons to hate Nickelback. Sludgy bullshit about how Chad just wants to saaaave the wooorrrld by making everyone caaaare and nobody diiieeee and fuck fuck turn this off.

 

"Here (In Your Arms)" - Hellogoodbye. A year that doesn't have this in my Bottom 10 is a bad year indeed. Between the annoyingly autotuned chorus and the half-finished lyrics, this would have probably been my number one worst in almost any other year I've covered. But enough of this, let's get to the really bad stuff. (Hellogoodbye, what kind of a stupid band name is that anyway.)

 

Okay! God, what a bad year. If my dishonourable mentions weren't enough to convince you, here come the real baddies of 2007. They're so bad, so awful, and so repulsively insipid that I almost feel sorry for those preteens that grew up with this music. Oh wait, one of those was me! Never mind, I don't feel sorry for anyone but myself. Here are

 

Wumbo's Bottom 10 Songs of 2007

 

Spoiler

It takes a special kind of talent to be a worse rock band than Nickelback. Well done, Hinder.

 

10. "Better Than Me" - Hinder

 

 

Can I just ask one question? Who wanted a second hit from these guys? In what twisted universe do you look at the guys who made "Lips of an Angel" and think, "Yeah. These guys deserve to have another hit!" Because it sure as hell isn't any universe I want to be a part of.

 

But as long as I'm stuck here, I may as well comment on the follow-up to Hinder's monstrous hit. It seriously sucks, and I honestly think that the only reason Hinder aren't more reviled than Nickelback is because Nickelback stuck around while Hinder fizzled out after this hit. But... objectively, Hinder are a far worse rock band than Nickelback. The lead singer's voice is even more intolerable, the instrumentation is even more sludgy, and the lyrics are even more inane.

 

I really miss your hair in my face

And the way your innocence tastes

 

Innocence tastes...? How does innocence have a taste?!

 

Thankfully, after "Better Than Me", we realized that we deserved much better than Hinder and let them drop off the face of the earth. At the very least, the song is kind of an apology for their first one, so it's ranked rather low. But dear God. those vocals. That sound. These lyrics. It's too much to take. Hinder hinders the progression of music.

 

Spoiler

So Justin Timberlake's got his shtick of showing us all that he's cool, possibly too cool for music or showbiz. He's shown this multiple times in his music, and has also had seven different credits on this chart. They range from good to mediocre to collaborations with 50 Cent.

 

9. "Ayo Technology" - 50 Cent. ft. Justin Timberlake and Timbaland

 

 

Yeah, for those JT fans just waiting for him to come out with a song where he sings this:

 

Ayo, I'm tired of using technology

Why don't you sit down on top of me

 

Here you go, you weirdos.

 

I honestly think it's a good thing that this song didn't make it bigger, because while a huge chunk of JT's career is... basically being an asshole, let's get real here, he's at least revered for being smooth. This song is as smooth as crunchy peanut butter on multigrain bread with chunks of sandpaper. Well, I think it would taste good.

 

But what doesn't taste good is the taste this song leaves in your mouth, reducing Justin to a guy singing an inane chorus, and at least on "Carry Out", that was backed by a superbly infectious beat. Here... I think someone fell asleep on the synth machine.

 

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/5751239

 

Either that or we're enjoying a rigorous game of Pac-Man on speed.

 

But the real failings of this song come through with 50 Cent, who proves to be as dull and lifeless as ever. Not once does he give the impression that somebody didn't drug him with sleeping pills, and it makes the song drag from the very beginning. Ayo, I'm tired of hearing 50 Cent songs.

 

Spoiler

Natural disasters have always been a fascinating symbol in pop music. You've got your hurricanes, you've got your landslides, hell, even your cyclones, shitty as that one is. So I wonder what kind of song you would get from an artist who takes a natural disaster and applies it to his name?

 

8. "A Bay Bay" - Hurricane Chris

 

 

Oh. How profoundly disappointing.

 

And to be honest, that's a damn good way to describe rap music this year. People complain about rap music these days, but this year it reached an unmatchable low. There's so much crappy rap on here that I don't feel is even attempting to try. Like, honestly, what is this? Annoying, that's what it is. Right down to the irritating kid on the hook.

 

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/5751306

 

Yeah, that's what I want to hear: little kids holla'ing "A Bay Bay". By the way, if you're going to "holla" it, then do so. This is a half-assed holla if I've ever heard one.

 

While Hurricane Chris isn't the worst under-20 rapper to appear on here (more on that guy later), he's still pretty insufferable. He doesn't show much lyrical talent, and when you can't back up talent with the too-cool-for-you attitude you're trying to pull off, then you've failed, because I don't believe you. Hurricane Chris is about as believable as the kid on the track. This is just stupid. Next!

 

Spoiler

7. "This is Why I'm Hot" - Mims

 

 

This and the song to follow plague my mind as some of the worst rap songs I've ever heard on the radio, and they came out on the same year. We'll get to the next one when we get to it, but for now, let's look at how Mims' career as a rap star was thankfully short.

 

I think upon retrospect, everybody remembers how bad this song is and they're just in denial that they listened to it. It honestly baffles me that this guy became as popular as he did. This is such a simple, braindead song made by an artist who thinks he's better than you but really, really isn't. What, is it because it samples better rap songs for no good reason? Just... just listen to those! There was never any need for Mims in pop culture. He wasn't relevant then and he isn't now. And as a result, "This is Why I'm Hot" just leaves me feeling cold.

 

Spoiler

6. "We Fly High" - Jim Jones

 

 

People... we let this get popular. Seriously, where was the quality control this year?

 

I remember hearing this song on the radio for the first time. Just listening to it and thinking, "Wow. This is a hit. Huh. Some world." Thankfully, the song worked to disappear from my mind as I stuck to my rock stations from then on. But here it is, it's back, and it still sucks.

 

Look, I give 50 Cent crap for being dull and boring, and it's well deserved. But at least he sounds like he knows what he's doing when he's rapping. This is just pure garbage rapping, especially on that drugged-out chorus. What is up with bragging lyrics sounding so depressing?

 

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/5751405

 

Does anyone on that track sound like they are actually "flying high"? If the rappers can't get invested in their own song, then how am I supposed to? What a wasteland of rap music 2007 was. (More on that later.)

 

Spoiler

 

Hell yeah, I remember seeing Chris Daughtry go home on American Idol. Huuuge shocker all around. Everybody, including myself, was hyped to see a rock singer win American Idol. Instead, we got...

 

 

Well... you picked him, America.

 

But we're not here to talk about Taylor Hicks. We're here to talk about the man, Chris Daughtry. He released his first album after his American Idol loss. Then I grew up and realized it was mostly crap.

 

5. "It's Not Over" - Daughtry

 

 

It's almost as if the guy who covered a Creed song in his American Idol days would grow to disappoint me as I got older! Imagine the thought.

 

Now I'm going to hate on Daughtry for a bit, so let me just say I don't totally hate this band. I actually quite like "Home", the other single that charted this year, and "What I Want" is pretty solid as well. (I mean, that one has Slash helping out...) But Daughtry's debut album would always come back to its sludgy, un-fun lead-off single, "It's Not Over". This song bores me to tears.

 

I don't know, maybe Daughtry could have used Timbaland or something to pump up their awful love ballad, because they certainly aren't doing it themselves. This song is honestly a chore to listen to. And I can hear people saying, "Seriously, Wumbo? This is worse than If Everyone Cared and Better Than Me?" Yes, yes it is! There's absolutely nothing here of substance. The lyrics are tremendously vague, the instrumentation is bland as fuck, and nothing in the song works to liven things up, or hell, make it even more sad and dirgey! Maybe if it delved more into histrionics, it would have benefited. As is though, it's a lifeless song that should have spelled the end of Daughtry's post-Idol career.

 

Let it out, let it out

Don't get caught up in yourself

 

That's right, Chris. Just let it out. Seriously, let it out. I can barely tell what you're trying to emote.

 

Spoiler

HONEY WHY YOU CWALLLINNN MEEEHEEE SOOO LAAATE

 

We have "honey" to thank for this song's existence. Thanks for calling Austin Winkler so late, "honey". You inspired this piece of shit.

 

4. "Lips of an Angel" - Hinder

 

 

This song is about cheating with an ex-flame. It's presented as a love song. It sucks. Massively.

 

I know this may look like contradicting myself after what I just said in my breakdown of Daughtry's song, but... seriously now, there's only so much rock angst I can take and this definitely surpasses my allowed intake.

 

This song is... monumentally bad. I can't believe we let it get as popular as it did. Was it because the lead singer was charming?

 

 

Literally the first image I found searching "lips of an angel video" disproves that theory. So, what is it? What made Hinder such a big deal?

 

I can't begin to tell you. All I know is that allmusic called Extreme Behaviour one of 2005's worst albums and for good reason, if these are the two singles we're supposed to take from it. "Lips of an Angel" is the worse of the two due to its awful subject matter. I mean, if you want to make a song about cheating, fine. But don't present it as some kind of sappy love song. For god's sake, this played at my Grade 8 grad dance and I don't think anybody knew what this shit was about! The youth are impressionable people. Don't play this shit at Grade 8 grads. Thankfully, I don't think anyone does now, because who the fuck wants to listen to Hinder anymore, but still... show some respect for the children.

 

Seriously, that one late phone call sparked this song. Choose your calls wisely.

 

Spoiler

 

Hi, Fergie.

 

It gets hard to defend Fergie sometimes, but I do think she has legitimate talent. It's just that she squanders it with an awful personality seeping through and the trade-off of her beautiful vocals for this terrible annoying warbling. And oh boy, did 2007 ever give us a potent example of that.

 

3. "Fergalicious" - Fergie ft. will.i.am

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5T0utQ-XWGY

 

Yeah, it's Fergalicious. Surprised? You shouldn't be. This song still haunts me, and I can't believe it got as popular as it did. I just... okay, do you guys remember "Friday"?

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfVsfOSbJY0

 

Sure you do, it was everywhere. Everyone loved to hate it. Such an awful song... well, I put "Fergalicious" on par with that song. Actually, maybe even lower, because "Fergalicious" was made by a grown-ass woman. Explain this shit.

 

Fergalicious def

Fergalicious def

Fergalicious def

Def def def def def def def def def def def

 

That is intolerable and inexcusable. Of course, when you have will.i.am behind your hit, you're sort of bound to go wrong.

 

This is just such an ugly, unfinished mess. It's Fergie at her most wretched and most unlistenable. It's so disjointed, so clumsy and so stupid that I can't pass it by. God damn. Allow me to write a new definition for "Fergalicious": makes them boys go bleeeaaaaugh.

 

Spoiler

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KTJVlJ25S8c

 

It's been a... not so interesting career for Soulja Boy Tell 'Em. And all brainless dullards in pop music had to start somewhere.

 

2. "Crank Dat (Soulja Boy)" - Soulja Boy Tell 'Em

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UFIYGkROII

 

I don't understand.

 

This year, man. We let so much shit pass through the airwaves. And it's not even well-meaning shit. This is deliberate badness. And we still listened to it! What the fuck, people?

 

Look, I get that some people might enjoy this song for how bad it is, but don't count me among one of them. I have a limit, and if you're going to be this stupid and this arrogant, then you've surpassed that limit and become one of my most hated songs of an already terrible year.

 

What really gets me is that we seriously let Soulja Boy get even more hits after this piece of garbage, especially when he didn't even deserve this one. Christ, what an awful piece of shit. I mean, seriously. People bought this?! And they bought him as a credible rapper? I must be missing something in my attempts to understand society, because there's no way this song got popular solely based on how bad it is.

 

Is it the... dance craze? I don't even know how to do this dance, and no, I don't care to learn. I've expended enough energy on this song, and this artist. I... good lord, this almost won a Grammy?! I... wow, the sanctity of the Grammy Award has officially been destroyed. Well, this combined with the ceremonies they give every year, but holy god. This song represents more than just bad music. It represents bad music being actively forced down our throats. This is crap on a stick, plain and simple. But there was one song even worse...

 

Spoiler

You have to either be trying way too hard to be bad, or you're just on a level of not trying that I have yet to discover, to be worse than Soulja Boy Tell 'Em. Well, would you like to find out which rap group accomplished that? Look no further than Pet Shop Boys.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3j2NYZ8FKs

 

Wait, I think I have something wrong here... ah yes, here we go. Somebody please explain to me who made this popular.

 

1. "Party Like a Rockstar" - Shop Boyz

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82vpIsQ3lX8

 

I hate this shit so much.

 

This year, more than anything, I was tired of rappers partying and not sounding like it in the slightest. This was, for me, the most egregious example of that. It's so in my face with how unpleasant it is, especially in that chorus. It's actively trying to piss me off. I can feel it.

 

And it just keeps going. Party like a rock, party like a rock star, party like a rock, party like a rock star, party like a rock, party like a rock star... GAAAAH

 

Actually, I know what part pisses me off the most about this song. It's the part at the end of the chorus.

 

T-t-t-totally dude

 

Yeah, you're so "with it" and "cool". What, did you get your rap lingo from Crush the turtle?

 

This, more than anything, just proved to me how much the bad music of 2007 failed to try. Try to be good, be catchy, or even entertain. The bad music this year just failed on so many counts, and this is the crowning achievement of it all. Hallelujah, let's hope for some halfway decent songs in the Top 10. Seriously, fuck this year.