Steel Sponge Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 IMO, the best year for pop was 1984, but I can't wait to see what you have in mind for 1983. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweat Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 inb4 Sweet Dreams Are Made of This is in the top 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wumbo Posted January 1, 2015 Author Share Posted January 1, 2015 inb4 Sweet Dreams Are Made of This is in the top 10 Who am I to disagree 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Burgerpants Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 Calling it right now- 1999 is on the Top 10 and The Girl Is Mine is on the Bottom 10 (I mean hey, it was on your top 50 worst songs list from a while ago) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wumbo Posted January 1, 2015 Author Share Posted January 1, 2015 Hahaha I forgot about that song THE DOGGONE GIRL IS MINE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clappy Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 1983 was one of the last great years of pop music tbh. Oh and Billie Jean better be in your Top 10 or else. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweat Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 1983 was one of the last great years of pop music tbh. Oh and Billie Jean better be in your Top 10 or else. Every step he takes, you'll be watching him Sorry, but these 1983 song puns are glorious 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wumbo Posted January 8, 2015 Author Share Posted January 8, 2015 Mid-chart update: This year is way the fuck too good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpongebobViewer64 Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 Mid-chart update: This year is way the fuck too good. Well I guess that means more honorable mentions, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wumbo Posted January 8, 2015 Author Share Posted January 8, 2015 God damn, I think I may need to reveal my Top 30 or something just to give this year justice. Rest assured I will find 10 songs for my Bottom 10 though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clappy Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 God damn, I think I may need to reveal my Top 30 or something just to give this year justice. Rest assured I will find 10 songs for my Bottom 10 though.I wouldn't be against a Top 30. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wumbo Posted January 19, 2015 Author Share Posted January 19, 2015 Haha, you won't get away that easily. To the top of Page 1 with you! Yes, the 1983 list is finished. And man oh man, was it a killer year for pop music. Looking over the list, I can say definitively that I like at least two-thirds of the list, and love at least half. There was rock that rocked, pop that popped, dance that danced. As such, creating the Top 10 was nothing short of downright painful, and I may need to reveal some honourable mentions when I reveal it. Nevertheless, when a year is this good, the shit stinks that much harder, and make no mistake: no year is perfect. Want me to prove it? Well, let's not waste any more time and get to the bitchin' and the moanin', it's... Wumbo's Bottom 10 Songs of 1983 (no, "The doggone girl is mine" is not in the Bottom 10) Spoiler Contrary to what you might expect, there is no Lionel Richie in this Bottom 10. Why? Well, when you find someone that does Lionel Richie worse than Lionel Richie, you have to choose wisely. 10. "It Might Be You" - Stephen Bishop https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ILbe2DAs39M While we're on the subject, let's discuss Lionel Richie for a second. He's usually the go-to guy when people complain about schmaltzy, cheesy, and downright boring 80's ballads. But I'm a little softer on the guy than most. Sure, his music can be a little draining to listen to, but I think there's passion there. A little bit of funk trying to get out of a string of boredom. That's something that I don't get with this guy, or this song. No, this is exactly the kind of song that I would expect to hear on my grandma's favourite easy listening station. Is it an easy listen? Well, depends on who you ask. Myself, I have no patience for shit like this. So many quiet walks to take So many dreams to wake And we've so much love to make "So much love to make"... bullshit. You sound like you haven't gotten any in your entire life. Actually, all the lyrics play out in this clumsy fashion, like he doesn't know which direction to go. Is this a song about uncertainty? Love? Watching seabirds fly? Oh, Seinfeld. Always there to provide an interesting reference in the most boring of songs. Spoiler 9. "One on One" - Daryl Hall & John Oates I... my God, I don't like these guys. At all. It took a few listens to their music, but... yeah. I think Hall & Oates are awful. I don't get their appeal. I can't pinpoint what kind of music they're supposed to make, I loathe Daryl Hall's voice, I just can't get into any of their music. Hall & Oates had a few hits this year. One is an exception to my general opinion (more on that later), but this was definitely the worst of their 1983 hits. Daryl Hall fluctuates from a half-assed Sting to a dying swan with his vocals, and the music is just boring. And even within the song, the mood is hard to pin down. I think it's supposed to be a ballad, but the rhythm of Hall's vocals is so confusing that I'm not entirely sure. Sorry to any fans, but this song would lose to almost any other song on this list in one-on-one combat. Spoiler Okay, let me preface this one by saying this: I got nothing against Phil Collins. In fact, I think he gets way too much hate. The man made "In the Air Tonight" and brought Genesis to their glory days of arena rock. I think he deserves a little more respect. ...that said, what braindead monkey thought this was a good idea? 8. "You Can't Hurry Love" - Phil Collins When I saw the title of this song, I thought, "Oh, please be a coincidence. Please let this song not be Phil Collins butchering one of The Supremes' most recognizable, distinctive and enduring songs." Indeed, this is Phil Collins butchering that song. I just... what the... why... okay, let's look at the original song. The Supremes were a very pretty group. One that could harmonize with very pretty, uplifting songs. This song kicks ass for that very reason. The Supremes pull it off, with the right amount of harmonies and background vocals, with just a little bit of sex appeal. So... what does giving it to doddering Phil Collins accomplish? Nothing. Collins sucks everything out of what made the original song great, and adds nothing that makes him great to the mix. I don't mind Phil Collins' softer songs, but leave classic Motown jams out of the picture, please. ...or in other words, FUCK YOU PHIL COLLINS, FUCK YOU! (skip to 3:51 for the good stuff) Spoiler I don't think Styx are particularly critically acclaimed. They're kind of like the older brothers of Journey, I guess. They've got that 80's cheese, but they also try to pass themselves off as serious musicians. Whatever the critics say, here's what I think of Styx: Fuckin' awesome! These guys have too many jams to count. "Renegade". "Too Much Time on My Hands". "Blue Collar Man", "Lorelei", hell, "Come Sail Away"! So I'm excited. Which Styx song did the year-end of 1983 have to offer us? ...wait, isn't this my worst list? 7. "Mr. Roboto" - Styx ARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH I hate this song, I hate this song, I hate this song, I hate this stupid, banal, incomprehensible piece of dreck so much! This is one of those songs you either love to hate or just plain hate. I fall in the latter category. Again, I don't think that Styx had any particular critical buzz before this song, but whatever credibility they may have had was flushed down the toilet when they released this, and rightfully so. This is to Styx what "Moves Like Jagger" was to Maroon 5, except while "Moves Like Jagger" was fun, upbeat, and catchy, I don't know what the hell this is supposed to be. It's got too many dark parts to be upbeat, and if it was trying to be a dark song... You're wondering who I am (secret secret I've got a secret) Machine or mannequin (secret secret I've got a secret) With parts made in Japan (secret secret I've got a secret) I am the modern man (secret secret I've got a secret) ...well, let's not even consider that possibility. Kilroy was here, and thankfully he left. Spoiler 6. "Time (Clock of the Heart)" - Culture Club I'm one of those people that has no patience for Boy George's wailing outside of "Karma Chameleon" (and "Karma Chameleon" is in fact awesome, this is a verified fact). Just the way he sings is so whiny and unbearable. TAAAAAM won't give me TAAAAAM... Jesus, shut up. Also, while we're on the subject, what are these lyrics exactly? Time is like a clock in my heart Time is... like a clock... in my heart. And space is like an empty jar... in my left ankle. I don't know, just turn him off. God, it's like listening to a three-year-old whine for ice cream. Spoiler I think I said at one point that every song in the Top 10 this year was awesome. But as I progressed through the chart, I realized that there was one outlier that really didn't belong in that description. In fact, it was quite terrible. In fact, here it is. 5. "Baby, Come to Me" - Patti Austin and James Ingram 1983 was the year of many things, but unfortunately, one of those things was older artists doing boring duets. This is the first of a few to get on this list, and oh my god, it's such a chore to get through. I guess we needed some music to sustain the easy listening crowds out there, but does it have to sound so dreary? To his credit, James Ingram does his best to work with the boring music and he's easily the best part of this song. But that doesn't change the fact that it's boring as hell. Maybe if Patti Austin put a little more effort into her part, then it might have worked. But this sounds like a relationship where only one person is trying... except both people are supposed to be trying, and god damn it, why can't we make this work?! I've done nothing but good for you, and you just keep on pushing me away! Well maybe I don't need you and... sorry, sorry. Song's a waste. Next. Spoiler In keeping with the spirit of duets, here's two for two! 4. "You and I" - Eddie Rabbitt and Crystal Gayle Don't let the over-60s crowd get ahold of this list, I don't think it would be pretty. I really wish I had something to say about this, I do. But all I can think of is that it's even more boring than the last duet. Thankfully it was also less of a hit, but less of a hit on the Year-End chart is still a hit. I also don't feel any chemistry between the two singers, which is admittedly a problem with my #5 song as well, but more so with this one. I'm not really familiar with Crystal Gayle, but she is wretched here. I hope she doesn't sing like this all the time, because I wouldn't be able to fathom why she would have fans. Eddie Rabbitt should have called this song "Just You, Me, and Some Earplugs". Not that he does much to save this song either, but at least he sounds competently boring. Seriously, hit a note, Crystal Gayle. Any note. No, not that one... arrgh, my ears. Spoiler Okay, now this is a song I feel pretty uncomfortable putting on my Bottom 10. It's another duet, and it's pretty boring. So it deserves to be on here. But... it's Joe freakin' Cocker! 3. "Up Where We Belong" - Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes Actually, the more I think about it, the more right this feels because I loathe the idea of such an interesting artist being cast in the role of "boring adult contemporary duet". And Joe Cocker is still Joe Cocker-ing, and it just does not work here. It's like if Led Zeppelin did a hair metal ballad, or if James Brown covered a Brandy song. It's a mismatch, and that makes it easily the worst duet. But damn it, I still feel guilty. To make up for it, here's his cover of The Beatles' "With a Little Help from My Friends". https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_wG6Cgmgn5U Better than the original. I miss you, Joe Cocker. I just wish this song wasn't part of your legacy. Spoiler Now I was discussing the year in pop with Halibut, and I believe at one point he started rattling off a list of songs that were awesome from this year. Most of them, I agreed with. This one? Uh... not so much. 2. "Puttin' On the Ritz" - Taco https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OG3PnQ3tgzY I'm sorry, I absolutely loathe this. Okay, let's put the racially insensitive video aside and just focus on this song. Why doesn't it work? Well, maybe people in 1983 needed to stop shitting on classic music without knowing what made the original song so great. Okay, the Fred Astaire version may not be the original one, but it's the other one that people remember. And this version swung. I mean, to be fair, it wasn't spectacular, but it has its charms with the tap-dancing and the songs. What does Taco do to "improve" on it? They turn it into some dark, dreary 80s synth-driven song with a singer who has about as much charisma as Napoleon Dynamite. Maybe if you have to adjust a song to fit with the times so it makes sense for you to cover it, then it might be a bad idea to cover it in the first place. This is the type of song where you get two minutes in and it's felt like twelve. It never picks up, it never gets interesting, it's just the same bland garbage spewing at you until you can't take it anymore. Taco, why don't you go where death row inmates sit? If nothing else, maybe it'll add a spark to your music. Spoiler 1. "Do You Really Want to Hurt Me" - Culture Club https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2nXGPZaTKik Yes. ... ... Okay fine, it's my #1 song. More explanation is needed... no it's not! This is the song that makes people hate Culture Club. And the worst part of this being my #1 pick is that I can see why this might be someone's favourite song of the year. But I can't stomach a minute of this whiny, weaksauce song, complete with Boy George's usual unbearable vocals. You want me to give you TAAAAM, Boy George? Then spend some TAAAAM singing "Karma Chameleon". I already went into why I don't like Boy George, this is essentially Boy George's worst musical qualities turned up to eleven. And i'm done talking about the songs I hated. I'd rather talk about the songs I loved from this year. Coming soon! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweat Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 *Pulls out gun for #2* Okay, obviously exaggerating. I don't love the song, but I like it because of its sheer quirkiness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Burgerpants Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 -mr robotto -puttin on the ritz -doggone girl not on list (Picture on right) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elastic Dawg Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 >worst of >hall and oates 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wumbo Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 >worst of >hall and oates I'll redeem myself with my Top 10 <3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweat Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 I'll redeem myself with my Top 10 <3 That's only because every single song in the top 10 is predictable... or is it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wumbo Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 That's only because every single song in the top 10 is predictable... or is it? Well why don't you try and predict them then? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wumbo Posted January 21, 2015 Author Share Posted January 21, 2015 Yeah boy that's what I thought. Okay, so the good music of this year! Wowie wow wow. Ten songs to represent 1983... only ten songs... You know what? Screw it. Before we begin, here's an honourable mentions list of 25 songs that didn't make the cut, but are worth a mention in this grand year of music. Arranged alphabetically by song title, so if your favourite didn't make the Top 10, see if it ended up on the shortlist! (And even if not, I am still leaving out some great songs, but let's not go completely overboard.) Spoiler "Affair of the Heart" - Rick Springfield "Africa" - Toto "Allentown" - Billy Joel "Always Something There to Remind Me" - Naked Eyes "Beat It" - Michael Jackson "Dirty Laundry" - Don Henley "Every Breath You Take" - The Police "Gloria" - Laura Branigan "Goody Two-Shoes" - Adam Ant "Hungry Like the Wolf" - Duran Duran "Let's Dance" - David Bowie "Mickey" - Toni Basil "Our House" - Madness "Overkill" - Men at Work "Rock the Casbah" - The Clash "Sexual Healing" - Marvin Gaye "Shame on the Moon" - Bob Seger & The Silver Bullet Band "She Blinded Me with Science" - Thomas Dolby "She Works Hard for the Money" - Donna Summer "Solitaire" - Laura Branigan "Stand Back" - Stevie Nicks "Tell Her About It" - Billy Joel "Total Eclipse of the Heart" - Bonnie Tyler "Twilight Zone" - Golden Earring "1999" - Prince All right, that's enough. It's not really, but we have to get to the true prize songs of the year. The best of the best. Let's go! Wumbo's Top 10 Songs of 1983 Spoiler This one goes out to a special canine named after a bastardized religious figure. You know who you are. 10. "Maneater" - Daryl Hall & John Oates Yes, it's Daryl Hall & John Oates, back to start off my Top 10 list. There's a reason why this one remains one of their most popular and enduring songs: it kicks ass. No matter what I think of their other music, god damn, they pulled it together for this one. A tight beat, awesome sax solo, and just all around great production on the song to give it that creepy vibe. I can even appreciate Daryl Hall's vocals here. He definitely gets the job done this time around. The funny thing is if you had given this to someone else this year, I'll bet you they'd screw it up. Maybe not Michael Jackson (it was 1983, after all, the year where Mike could make no mistakes), but anyone else? Yeah. This song seems like it was made for Hall & Oates to jam, and I'm so glad they did. So, whoa-oh, here it comes to rest at the 10th-place spot. Spoiler 5 seconds and you're hooked. 9. "Back on the Chain Gang" - The Pretenders In a year full of upbeat, fun pop songs, this was probably the one that best balanced that upbeat quality and the grittier instruments of rock n' roll. I've always loved The Pretenders, but I think this song, and indeed their whole album, was their real shining moment as a band. I mean, just listen to it. It's perfectly crafted. The song was written in memorial of James Honeyman-Scott, who died of a drug overdose the previous year. It's just kind of uplifting to know that even in the darkness of tragedy, The Pretenders could still record songs like this to just brighten up your day. Ohhh, ohhh! Spoiler Oh, no, we gonna rock down to... 8. "Electric Avenue" - Eddy Grant And rock Eddy Grant did. Or reggae. Or... synth? Rock. Let's go with rock. It's in the lyrics. If you ever meet someone who doesn't like "Electric Avenue", let me know so I can meet them and have a detailed discussion to better understand their point of view. Or I could just kick their ass. How could you not like this song?! Not only is it a banger of a song all the way through, not only does Eddy Grant fucking sell his performance for all he's got, but it's also a surprisingly serious song about the Brixton Riot in 1981. Yeah, and Eddy Grant wasn't kidding when he said there was violence out in the street. On both sides of the riot between police officers and protesters, there were multitudes of injuries. But again, it's nice to know that performers like Eddy Grant can take these horrific circumstances and write songs not just to lift spirits, but to invoke change. Well, I'm assuming that's what he means by "take it higher". It's about weed, isn't it? Whatever, still an awesome song. SpoilerDid you know that you can judge the length of a relationship by the angle at which your significant other parks their car? 7. "Little Red Corvette" - Prince https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ut24KWNUN1I I like songs like "1999" just fine, but Prince is at his best when he's at his most desperate. And this is definitely Prince at some of his most desperate-sounding. It's a song about sex. Duh, it's Prince. But the song takes a dark angle musically, starting off with a slow synth buildup, which actually kind of fits the song's lyrics. Little red Corvette Baby you're much too fast Little red Corvette You need a love that's gonna last He doesn't want this one-night stand to be one night. He wants the relationship to last. It's kind of a sad song, really, to see Prince get this desperate about a one-night stand... oh, who am I kidding. He just wants the sex to last as long as possible. But it's still a great song, milking the car metaphors for all they're worth, and just having a great tone throughout, making it an easy pick for one of Prince's most enduring hits. Spoiler 6. "Billie Jean" - Michael Jackson Surprise! "Billie Jean" is indeed one of the best hit songs of 1983. I think the only real shock would be that it's not my #1 pick. Well, we'll get to the ones after, but let's talk about "Billie Jean", a kickass song from a kickass year. Throughout the 80's, Michael Jackson proved again and again and again that he deserved to be the biggest pop star in the world. It's astonishing how good Jackson's career was in the 80's, looking back. You can look at Madonna, or Prince, or... I don't know, Bon Jovi, and say that they were huge 80's stars. But they all pale in comparison to Jacko, and rightly so, because Jackson would not stop releasing songs like this. He had four songs this year, and I pick this one as the best. Lyrically, it's the most interesting. It tells a story of a woman who has claimed Michael Jackson as the father of her child. Nowadays, Maury could fix this problem, but back in 1983 Michael had to fend for himself. Thank God there was no Maury in 1983, because if there was, we might not have gotten this hard-hitting, tight, exciting banger of a song. Okay, we still would have, I don't think Jack would go on Maury. But it's food for thought. SpoilerOh, Eric, Eric, Eric... 5. "Down Under" - Men at Work Yep. This song beat "Billie Jean" in the race. Look, is anyone really surprised at this point? No, you know what? I'm going to defend this song. It's fun. It's catchy. It's upbeat. It's got this great flute... Oh, what? Really? Okay, this is ridiculous. They... they don't sound a thing alike. Does anybody hear this? All right, then... that's awkward. Um, I still like the song a lot. It's got this "Born in the Usa" faux-patriotism thing going on with the lyrics. But I never did see it as much of an uplifting song, despite its uptempo beat. You better run, you better take cover Not the happiest sentiment. Before I move on, also take a gander at this video, which is pure early 80's cheese. This is back when music videos followed the song's lyrics to a "T", and looking back on it now it's hilarious, but you also have to kind of admire the dedication put into it. These men were hard at work, is what i'm saying. SpoilerSometimes you just gotta give the people what they want. Who am I to disagree? 4. "Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)" - Eurythmics Okay, so I'm not one to bend to popular opinion, but it sounded just as cool the second time, right? Well, whatever. Popular or not, I fucking adore this song. In a year, nay, a decade full of synth riffs, this one here is easily one of the best. It's the one that can get stuck in your head for hours on end and you don't even care because it just sounds so freakin' cool. But that's not to take away at all from Annie Lennox's vocal performance, easily the best part of the song as she goes from creepy to soulful in an instant, sometimes even having the two mixed together. It's a masterpiece of a song, and one sure to give you sweet dreams of... I don't know, cows, judging by the video? Well, at least it can make the times when you're awake sweet. Rock on, Eurythmics. Spoiler Say, anyone hear about this movie called Flashdance? I hear it was pretty big. Or at least the songs from it were. Hmm, I wonder if one will... 3. "Flashdance... What a Feeling" - Irene Cara Whoa, where did that come from?! There's a reason that the songs from Flashdance endured and the film didn't. That reason is, by all accounts, the film blew, but the songs rocked. Now just listen to this song. Doesn't it just pump you up and make you wanna dance? If it had ended up in a better movie, maybe it would have had more justice, but you know, I think it did alright for itself. What a feeling it must be to be able to break out of your movie's hollow shell! If there's any song that deserved it, it was this one. Spoiler So, that "Flashdance" movie ended up being pretty influential on the charts in 1983, spawning a #3 hit of the year. But I guess that's the end for... 2. "Maniac" - Michael Sembello Oops, I did it again. Okay, so "Flashdance" was the song that finished off the movie. But as far as I'm concerned, "Maniac" is the song that made the movie. "Flashdance" is upbeat, and uplifting, and powerful, and that's all fine and good. But "Maniac" twists the psyche of the film into such a horrible distortion that you can't help but love it. It can cut you like a knife And cut like a knife it does. The song cuts right into your soul with its throbbing beat, wonky mechanically inspired intro, and these obscenely... well, maniacal lyrics. On the ice built iron sanity, it's a place most never seen! It's a hard warm place of mystery, touch it but can't hold it! Uh... dance? Dance? Boogie wonderland? The dark, harsh tone of this dance song is precisely what makes it one of the best. It's a kooky original, yet somehow it fits right in. That's good pop music, and nothing from this year could touch it. All except one, that is... Spoiler When I made this list, I worked out my top 10 pretty quickly. Honestly, the latter half of the list wasn't going to end up touching anything in the top 10. And right at the top of this list is a song that, even before ranking a single song, I knew was going to top my list. It's just too good. It's too interesting. It's too-rah-loo-rah-too-rah-loo-rye-ay... 1. "Come on Eileen" - Dexys Midnight Runners Even in a year as great as 1983, Dexys Midnight Runners stood head and shoulders above the rest of the crowd. I mean, you had your Michael Jackson, you had your Eurythmics, you had your Prince. These were not exactly deviations from popular music as we knew it in the early 80's. They were still amazing, and probably the highest-classed in their field. But they were ultimately what you might expect from the better pop music of the day. I wasn't around in 1983, but I wouldn't think that anyone would have seen Dexys Midnight Runners coming. And come around they did, in their doofy overalls and their wailing lead singer and their celtic vibes. And it was glorious. This is the type of song that comes around once and is never seen again. This is a song that defies eras and trends and logical sense. We will never have another "Come on Eileen", so let us come together and cherish this one, the best hit of 1983. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweat Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Where would you put Safety Dance? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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