Clappy vs Billboard Hot 100

[Katniss]

Haven't listened to The Hills but oh how I love I Can't Feel My Face.

[Young Nug]

*walks into thread*

 

*sees The Hills slander*

 

*takes a hop and a skip back out*

 

why you gotta do this

[Sweat]

*walks into thread*

 

*sees The Hills slander*

 

*takes a hop and a skip back out*

 

why you gotta do this

He's Clappy.

[Young Nug]

He's Clappy.

am I clappy

[Katniss]

am I clappy

He's Clappy, he's Clappy, I'M Clappy! 

 

Any other Clappys I should know about?

[Wumbo]

Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof

[Sweat]

He's Clappy, he's Clappy, I'M Clappy! 

 

Any other Clappys I should know about?

You should change your name to Clapnisslovestacos for a few days 

[President Squidward]

Can't Feel My Face is alright, but not the best thing I've heard.

Still better than The Hills though, amirite

[kylie]

weeknd is trash 

[Clappy]

So with great power in this thread comes great responsibility. With Wumbo taking a hiatus from music reviewing, I want to a dedication review for a song I know he hates (and I do too) that is presently in the Top 10 as we speak.

NO! I am not reviewing this atrocity in this thread. Dance crazes I refuse to review any more just because they aren't worth giving the full review treatment too. But I will say this. Just because I'm not giving this full review treatment any time in the near future does not mean I have A LOT to say about Watch Me. I loathe this with a burning passion and when December rolls around, I will unleash hell on it.

So let's actually review a song. Besides..."that"....give me the worst song in the Top 10 right now.


Rachel Platten - "Fight Song"

Spoiler

...sigh...ok let's do this.

So who is Rachel Platten? She's one of those singer-songwriters along the lines of Colbie Caillat and Christina Perri minus the fact that those two were able to become relevant far quicker than her. Honestly, I've got nothing on her. She's been doing this for like nearly five-six years now and the only time any of her stuff has even come into the pop culture world is due to this:

Yeah, Pretty Little Liars. You know that show that nearly every teenager to college aged to young adult loves to watch that finally revealed who A is after all these damn years....not like I watch the show or anything....oh shut up. My sister watches it and I pay attention from time to time. This routine has been going for six damn years and the producers just now realize that they need to force a time jump because these actresses are hitting their 30s and are still in high school....ok I need to stop myself before you guys only comment on this thread due to me talking about Pretty Little Liars. But before I do, I will bring up that multiple Rachel Platten songs have been used on Pretty Little Liars over the year, but of course, her biggest one from the show has taken her success into another stratosphere. Also, she owes a lot of success due to this as well:

Boy it sure does help to have friends in such high places like Taylor Swift. The Taylor seal of approval skyrocketed this song majorly and it just further shows that Queen Taylor has a stranglehold over the pop music world that she can pick what gets to be a major hit.

So what is Fight Song about? It's about empowerment! Fighting for your rights to party! Overcoming struggle! Motivation! Believing in yourself! It can be whatever you want it to be! Because it's not aimed at a specific core area! I don't know why artists who do these sort of inspirational songs more often than not not specify what they are trying to empower. But hey, that's why adult contemporary stations adore these sorts of songs. Take a look at the first page of this thread as a key example of an inspirational song gone wrong. Roar didn't tell anything about what Katy Perry was overcoming and just came off as meaningless and just an absolute bore.

Now I don't know if this is as bad as Roar, which as I've admitted before I hate more and more every day, but it's pretty damn terrible. I can't really judge Rachel Platten's overall singer-songwriter persona since this is the only song I will probably ever listen to her's barring she gets another hit, but if this song is any indication, her song writing is definitely not up to par with Colbie Caillat, but just as bad, if not worse, than Christina Perri's. I hate the lyrics for this song so much. Probably some of the worst I'll find this year. So prepare for Clappy Taco vs the Lyrics once more:

Like a small boat
On the ocean
Sending big waves
Into motion

Horrible metaphor. Small boats don't make big waves. Just saying.

Like how a single word
Can make a heart open
I might only have one match
But I can make an explosion

Theoretically impossible unless you doused yourself in gasoline. Continue.

And all those things I didn't say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time?

...wrecking balls?



You know say what you want about Wrecking Ball, I've already shared my thoughts, but that song as boringly tediously dull as it is, at least defined it's artistic integrity as to what Miley was trying to go for. Compared to you, who is just fighting....everything.

This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song

Are you sure? Because just a few stanzas ago, you pretty much implied that you were an emotional basket case.

My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song

So starting right now you will be strong? I don't buy it.

And I don't really care if nobody else believes
'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me

A lot of fight for what? Relevancy? I sure as hell don't believe in you. ESPECIALLY when the second stanza is all about how people are concerned about her. Bull-fucking-shit.

As you guys can probably indicate, this song is just a lyrical mess. The Twitter-verse is not joking when it says that this song could have used a few rewrites. It has no idea what it's going for, what it's fighting, and I don't buy anything Rachel Platten is trying to motivate. She comes off as incredibly weak and the production sure as hell doesn't help. Remove those banging drums and it sounds like nearly every single empowerment song I've heard in the past decade including the always included "laugh" or "HUH" sound effect...I can never make out that damn noise no matter how many times I hear it.

Some of you guys probably like this song and feel some sort of empowerment with it, but I don't at all. I hate it. This is the kind of crap you give to American Idol or The Voice winners, not an actual pop radio smash hit for credibility.

[Katniss]

*wakes up from nap*

 

Sorry, I must've dozed off. But can you blame me? This song is so blah and the lyrics are quite generic. Only thing I want to fight is the boredom I'm feeling.

[Clappy]

So it's time for another song review. I see that there is a new number one that I missed since I last wrote a review and I should probably keep up with my current track record.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DK_0jXPuIr0

...PASS. Wow Justin Bieber has grown up to be such an uninteresting artist. I know this isn't six years ago when everyone considered him the worst thing to ever happen to music, but after listening to this multiple times, I think I might just pass out due to boredom. There is difference between trying to comeback from being such a fucking tool over the past two or three years, but at least try to make your music interesting dammit. This song is as lifeless as they come and yeah I know he got emotional over it at the VMAs. I like seeing artists cry after performing because it shows they struck a chord with themselves personally. But really? This?

Maybe someday I'll tackle the curious case of the career of Justin Bieber because this isn't the only song I haven't cared about from him this year, but I look at all the reviews I've written so far for this year. Can't Feel My Face was the only one that was positive. Which is a shame because while the 2015 bad stuff has just been horrendous or boring, I think the 2015 good stuff has been some of the best good stuff of this past decade. I honestly feel like being positive for a change instead of being a nitpicky douche. I'll be honest about the Top 10 right now. I only like 25% of the Top 10 right now and couldn't give two shits about the rest so let's look below the Top 10. I honestly feel like a major shake up is in the works and we could start seeing some new stuff enter soon and some of the new stuff that's coming I'm really excited about because I really like a couple of the songs that are rising fast up the charts. So it's the return of

QUICK TAKES:

Yeah last time I did this was in 2014 and was a massive clusterfuck because I literally went straight down the charts verbatim and gave a few sentences on what felt like the Top 30 at the time. But this time it's different. I'm only reviewing songs that I like that are not in the Top 10 and some of these will probably end up there if their momentum keeps going strong as they have been for the past few weeks on the Hot 100. So let's get this started with:

Spoiler

11. "Cool For the Summer" - Demi Lovato

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=il9nqWw9W3Y

I honestly don't know if this is going to even crack the Top 10 despite it's positioning. Because I can see that it's losing momentum since the summer ends next week and the sales are going down as well as streaming. If this cracks the Top 10, then I'll be happy for it because it's a vast improvement over anything Demi has done prior in her career to be honest because Demi actually sounds believable here far more than she has ever in her career. While I'm not as in love with this song as others around here, I really really do like it. Only major complaint is Demi saying "fuck it out". That sounds unbelievably forced as hell. Like really? Did the song really need pointless cursing just because?

Spoiler

12. "Wildest Dreams" - Taylor Swift

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdneKLhsWOQ

Let's forget that Taylor Swift ever released Bad Blood....please. Because I'm really getting sick of Bad Blood and my review keeps going downward every time I hear that damn song on the radio. At least Wildest Dreams is a step back in the right direction that Taylor was heading in before she released Bad Blood. I absolutely love this almost as much as I do Style. The story it tells is just absolutely fantastic and her singing in this is just absolutely enchanting. While I'm not as big of a fan as Lana Del Rey as so many others on the forums here, I think Taylor does a better Lana than Lana does, which is saying something. I'm pretty damn sure that this will crack the Top 10 next week.

Oh and as for the controversy surrounding the music video....

I DON'T CARE.

It's telling the tale of a Hollywood love story and what better continent than Africa which contains multiple Hollywood classics. Nowhere in the video do I think white colonial African fantasy and I guess I can see why some would think that after reading about it, you REALLY have to miss the point to have that affect your thoughts on the song. Ugh.

Spoiler

16. "Hotline Bling" - Drake

http://youtu.be/UPEJFyD--ck

...ok so I have some explaining to do. Yeah I can see why some people hate this. I mean if you judge the title, it should be shit. Right?

Well here's the thing, Drake has dominated hip-hop in 2015. He's the king of the genre right now to be honest with you guys. And this song is really good. I love when Drake goes into his lower register and this is a far better version of Just Hold On We're Going Home. Because here, you can actually tell that Drake does care about the fact that he's going home alone. Oh and can I say that I honestly love the sampling of Why Can't We Live Together? But yeah, you know how strong of a year this is for Drake? This isn't even his best from 2015. This will for sure be his biggest hit of the year and it's a pretty good hit at that.

Spoiler

22. "Downtown" - Macklemore & Ryan Lewis (featuring Eric Nally, Melle Mel, Kool Moe Dee, and Grandmaster Caz)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGhoLcsr8GA

Yeah I'm going to keep this one short because it's been three weeks now and I know how much this has been played at SBC Music or even mentioned around the forums. But that being said, this is still such a really fun great song. You can tell that this is heavily influenced from Uptown Funk and Thrift Shop, but that is not a bad thing at all. Sure I can see why some consider this is a mess of a song, but it's glorious in it. I absolutely love Macklemore and I can't wait for his follow up to The Heist because it's such a damn good album.

Spoiler

60. "Levels" - Nick Jonas

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=taViGR5VT1U

Ok this one will probably surprise you guys because I rung in the year bashing Jealous and while that is still an atrocity of a song, I was completely wrong about how Nick Jonas will do as a solo artist because surprisingly....he's really good. Chains was an improvement and was pretty good. Levels takes it one step further and is great. I just love the production for this and Nick Jonas absolutely sells it. The pop star world is looking for the next Justin Timberlake as always and I really think that Nick Jonas can possibly make an argument as being one of the better male vocalists we have out there right now. Sure he still needs some fine tuning, but this is a great example as to not let first impressions fool you. I hope Levels keeps on going up the charts.

Sure there are multiple more songs that I can really dive into and give more quick take analysis, but I wanted to highlight these five because I really do think that they have a chance of making it into the Top 10. Plus some of the other new releases that have come out over the past few weeks gives me hope that Fall 2015 will be a HUGE breath of fresh air compared to most of the stagnancy we've gotten in 2015. But the good stuff really has been pretty damn good and I think my Best List of 2015 will actually be a challenge for once compared to the past three years I've done this. I can't wait for December.

[kev]

Great reviews, Claps. I can't stand "Fight Song" too, its overplayed car commercial that airs EVERY SINGLE DAY.

[70s]

Only major complaint is Demi saying "fuck it out". That sounds unbelievably forced as hell. Like really? Did the song really need pointless cursing just because?

 

Just so you know the lyric is "Even if they judge / Fuck it / I'll do the time" which you could still call forced but at least makes more sense. I heard "fuck it out" the first time too though.

[Wumbo]

besides, "kiss one another" is the most awkward lyric of that song anyway

[Clappy]

Just so you know the lyric is "Even if they judge / Fuck it / I'll do the time" which you could still call forced but at least makes more sense. I heard "fuck it out" the first time too though.

I just Googled it and so many times prior I read people saying it was "fuck it out". Now lyric sites are saying it's "fuck it". Thanks for the clarification man. Still hate that line but still doesn't change my opinion of it being Demi's best song.

besides, "kiss one another" is the most awkward lyric of that song anyway

Don't tell your mother.

[Clappy]

Oh and one more thing I left out of that quick take of Levels:

Nick Jonas > Justin Bieber

I can't believe I'm saying this, but Nick Jonas is just an all around better performer and his music presently is just way better than the output we've gotten from Bieber this year....minus Jealous of course. I far more believe anything from Nick Jonas about the subject matters he sings about than Bieber does too while we're at it.

[Katniss]

<p>At least Nick Jonas has some energy behind him. Justin Bieber...what happened to you, man.</p>

[Clappy]

<p>At least Nick Jonas has some energy behind him. Justin Bieber...what happened to you, man.</p>

He says he cares about his music and that the two songs he has released this year are personal to him....

I honestly don't see it. At all. BOTH Where Are U Now and What Do You Mean are uninspired and as limp and lifeless as anything I've heard from pop music this year. Hideously dull.

[Wumbo]

Maybe now we're seeing the real, raw Justin Bieber and just how boring he can really be.