Clappy vs Billboard Hot 100

[101 Dalmatian Street]

The year we made Secondhand Serenade and Saving Abel a thing.

[Clappy]

Hey remember when I said I was going to do a Best/Worst Countdown of 2008?  Well that's going to hit the back burner for a little bit as I have to tackle a huge stinker today folks.  Not in the Top 10 yet, but looks like it's on it's way there because the charts are stagnant enough that this will probably slip in there at some point.  Anyway, let's talk about someone I have yet to address full on in this chart's existence.  New up and coming superstar *groans*....Meghan Trainor.

 

 

She has already had two smashes in the past year.  One about her "bass" and one about your lips.  She's dissecting the human body with hit after hit....and poorly might I add.  I'm going out on the record and saying that I don't entirely hate "All About That Bass".  I do believe that there is a good message in that song about body acceptance that makes it genuine.  It's just a shame that behind the positive message there is a mix of mean girl bullshit and poorly constructed lyrics.  As for "Lips Are Movin'"....I don't entirely hate that one either.  It's actually a lot catchier than "All About That Bass" which makes me like it a wee bit more, but it heavily exposes that Meghan Trainor is a one trick pony since it's pretty much the same damn song audio wise and god knows how many references to her "bass" once again.  It made me start to wonder if Meghan Trainor is seriously this stupid.  It's one thing to tell women to accept their bodies, but it's another thing entirely point out you gave this cheating guy "bass" as your biggest contribution to your relationship with him.  Oh and another thing about all her songs, it's never her fault for anything.  She can't possibly be this stupid and self centered, right?

 

 

 

Meghan Trainor - "Dear Future Husband"

 

Spoiler

 

 

I stand corrected.  She is.

 

But before I go into detail as to why this song is the bane of my existence, let's do a quick poll.  Gentlemen, do you want to date Meghan Trainor?  Well apparently, she has a few requests.

 

Take me on a date she deserves it.

 

Sounds easy enough, but are you expecting me to pay for everything because I'm the man.

 

Tell her she’s beautiful every night

 

Doesn't seem too hard.  But can you throw me a compliment?  That would be nice too.

 

Give her flowers on every anniversary

 

I have no problem with flowers, but EVERY anniversary?  I'm not made of money you know.  And what exactly are you going to be getting me for my anniversary now that you mentioned it?

 

Not home baking apple pies.

 

We both work 9 to 5 jobs, I get that, but what is this the 1950s?  I don't expect you to make apple pies.  But don't say "I don't know how to cook" as an excuse to get out of making food.  Any fool can cook if they practice.  I have no problem cooking some nights, but I at least expect to take on full responsibility when you just pointed out that WE BOTH WORK 9 TO 5.

 

Lower expectations about getting physical and not to have a dirty mind

 

I know that relationships aren't all about sex, but there has to be some sort of two way street where we can meet in the middle and respect each other's opinions about sex.

 

Put her family above yours

 

Fuck you.  What if my parents were on their death bed and all your parents want you to do is go out to lunch with them?  This might be a deal breaker.

 

Accept all of her irrational behavior without complaint.

 

Ok this is definitely a deal breaker.  All your previous songs were about accepting your behavior.  The one thing I've learned from any of your songs is that you are who you are and it's never your fault.  But you can't accept the guy's faults and irrational behavior?  You're a bitch.

 

Never attempt to win a fight

 

So even if she is obviously wrong, I shouldn't attempt to win a fight?  YOU ARE EXPOSING EVERYTHING WRONG WITH THIS ONE SIDED RELATIONSHIP.  Even if it's more to the fact that all you are going to offer in this relationship is

 

Buying groceries

 

Sounds like the guy in this relationship is going to lose if that's all we get out of it.  So guys I'll let you decide.  Check yes or no if you are Future Husband material for this psychopathic bitch.  This isn't a relationship.  This is a dictatorship.  Even worse, a Meghtatorship.  It's one thing to have a few requests about what your ideal image of a future husband is, but it's another thing entirely to have them meet every single one of your demands and all they get in exchange is groceries and sometimes sexual favors.

 

Guys, this song is a literal garbage pile of horrible retrograde gender stereotypes and it sets feminism back one hundred years.  What's even worse is the sickly, candy-colored childlike aesthetic of the whole thing trying to hide the masochist lyrics.  And even worse is that this another recycling of the production from your other two hits.    I get that Meghan Trainor is a "doo-wop/ragtime" artist and most of the production sounds for these songs are same-soundy, but at least provide a good voice to go along with it because at least artists like Amy Winehouse had a damn good voice to back it up.  You sound the same in every single freaking song and don't seem bothered by it.  At least TRY to make yourself sound different because all this does is further back up the point that you can't sing.

 

This is clearly a song for little girls. Little girls who are going to be singing this aggressively hetero-normative message at the tops of their lungs on the playground, in the grocery store, on a million Facebook videos, in Starbucks while you’re drinking a hangover coffee.  I hate to rehash status comments from my status, but Meghan Trainor is seriously one of the dumbest artists we have in music these days and makes a terrible influence with just this song alone.  Welcome to the shit list Meghan Trainor because this is not only my least favorite song of the year, but this is in contention for my worst song of the decade.  

 

Dear Future Husband is a letter from hell that I hope never gets delivered.

[Katniss]

Damn Clappy. The beatdown you gave this song was amazing.

[Clappy]

Damn Clappy. The beatdown you gave this song was amazing.

I was inspired.

[Clappy]

Well after much delay, I finally have my lists completed for 2008. Guys, I'm going to be honest. This one was tough. I was afraid 2008 was going to suck after watching Wumbo revisit 2007. And for the most part....it was a slight improvement. But man, so much of this chart is mediocre which is really disappointing because back in 2008, I liked more than half of these songs. I mean let me put it to you this way. The top artist of 2008 was Chris Brown, who not only was featured on too many songs to even count, but was a part of 1/3 of Billboard's Top 10 songs of 2008. I'm not a hater of Chris Brown as an artist by any means, but come on Billboard….that’s just cruel. And the charts don’t stink because of Chris Brown’s old songs not aging well. A majority of the songs I liked back then have not aged well.

Oh and on an unrelated note, I do have another retract I want to make. David Archuelta song “Crush” was already ranked on my Bottom 50 Worst Songs countdown. I don’t want to deal with that song again. Want repetitive commentary? It’s like a cheesy bad adult contemporary song from the 80s-90s that you would find on an infomercial except it’s aimed at kids. Hated it when it was on my soundtrack from hell at my old job and I really don’t want to critique it ever again. So it’s not going to be on here, but if it was, it would probably be #2. I found a song that’s so much worse that if I ever decided to revisit that countdown, let me just say there it would be a lot of reshuffling. Not just because I’ve found worse songs in the two years I’ve been doing this.

Ugh, well enough small talk. Let's do this. Put on your apple bottom jeans. Boots with the fur. Let's get this started.



CLAPPY'S TOP 10 WORST HIT SONGS OF 2008!!!!!



#10

Spoiler

 

 

Oh man, feels like just yesteryear when Hannah Montana lifted the Disney Channel into another stratosphere. God I hated this show. Chalk full of bad acting, bad writing, just....bad. However, contrary to popular opinion, it wasn't the worst sitcom Disney Channel has ever done. If there was one thing that Hannah Montana did right, it's songs actually worked in the atmosphere of the show because they were ABOUT the show. Much more effective than forced songs in shows afterwards like Shake It Up, Jessie, Live and Maddie, etc. You get what I'm saying? Hannah Montana isn't the worst thing ever....

10. "See You Again" - Miley Cyrus

 

But I'll be damned if I have to defend Miley Cyrus as a singer back then. At least modern Miley has personality. 2008 Miley was a product of the Disney corporation in such a bad way. Where the singers weren't allowed to have personalities and just make the Mouse House money. Now this song in particular...holy god. This song was written about teenage romance and it's glaringly aimed at teenagers. Teenage romance is some of the most whiny bullshit and I can't tolerate it. Like this is why teenagers scare the living shit out of me. But this is worse than a normal song about teenage romance. This is a Disney-fied version of teenage romance making no sense and it puts this romance in such a stupid light. Like these lyrics are almost Come and Get It bland. Revisiting that song made me realize that Come and Get It should have stayed my number one worst song of 2013 instead of The Fox. Selena Gomez sounds boring and uninterested. Miley on the other hand in this sounds generic and uninterested.

I knew you were something special
When you spoke my name
Now I can't wait to see you again

Gasp. He said your name. You two totally have a connection now.

Oh and while we're at it the worst lyric in the whole song is this.

Felt like I couldn't breathe
You asked what's wrong with me
My best friend Leslie said "Oh she's just being Miley"

Not only is it just a terrible rhyme scheme, but in hindsight, I would love to see her best friend Leslie has to say about Miley present day. But yeah, you can tell Miley seems completely unmotivated in singing this. At least in her other song that charted this year "7 Things", she comes to life since the song is about her rocky relationship with Nick Jonas back then. I would much rather listen to that than disinterested piece of crap.

#9

Spoiler

WEEZY F BABY!

 

God….A Milli. Where do I begin? I hate this production. It’s so frustrating. It’s so annoying. It’s so….genius. Yes the production work turns up the irritation levels to 11, but guys, I love this song. This is one of Lil Wayne’s best songs hands down as every time I think I hate this, I hear the lyrics and it’s inescapable. One of the best earworms in recent memory. But not everything Lil Wayne did this year was the shit. Some of it was just….shit.

9. "Lollipop" - Lil Wayne (featuring Static)

 

I’m probably not going to make friends for this, especially the artist featured in this Static died two weeks before this was released….but this song is just frustrating. After much reflection over this, I think I’ve learned that Lil Wayne is far more tolerable when he is bragging about how rich and awesome he is. Because that’s when he actually comes up with at worst tolerable rhyme schemes and decent flow. Now Lil Wayne at his worst is when he either goes in depth about what we humans call love or when he brags about his sexual exploits. Proof? How To Love is bad. Bitches Love Me is gross. And this is just…a mess. What’s worse is that this could have been salvageable. Static isn’t that bad in his parts, he is, dare I say it, ok. However, Lil Wayne is terrible in his parts. Whoever told Lil Wayne to overabuse autotune in this should be taken into the back of an alley. Not adding to the matters are the laughable guitar riffs that have no reason to belonging in a song about Lil Wayne bragging about his sexual exploits. Seriously though, this is a bad T-Pain song disguised as a Lil Wayne R&B song. Lil Wayne shouldn’t have had a multi-week number one that was big as it was by trying to be T-Pain. But hey not to worry guys, Lil Wayne overabuses the guitar riffs and autotune even worse as the years go by:



Ugh, why does that album exist.

#8

Spoiler

……….you all knew this was coming at some point. Sorry...

8. “Sorry” - Buckcherry

 

It didn’t have to be this way Buckcherry. Sure lead singer Josh Todd has never had that great of a voice, but even then, Buckcherry was at least interesting. This is one of the more hollow songs I’ve ever heard. For a song about relationship problems, you have to at least dive into the dysfunction so we can see why you’re sorry. All we get is he’s sorry he’s bad and all the THINGS he said to her. You know what THINGS, I’m talking about. THINGS. The generic phrase that means absolutely nothing but is implied that it means everything.

But yeah what especially doesn't work is that Josh can't even sound like he is sincerely sorry about anything. If you are going to confess how apologetic you are for all these things you did, at least convey it better....or learn a thing or two about human emotions. This is laughably bad in every way, shape, and form.

#7

Spoiler

So yeah…Chris Brown.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmjdaBaZe8Y

I use to always defend this guy for being not as bad as everyone makes him out to be….and you know what, I still stand by that. As I’ve said before, Chris Brown can be a massive guilty pleasure. The guy does have a good voice and if you give him the right material, he can transform it into a catchy pop song. His music brings off much more personality than the millions of other carbon copies out there (looking at you eternal Clappy punching bag Jason DeRulo).

That being said, I can defend his music all I want…..but can it stand the test of Father Time? Not always….

7. “Kiss Kiss” – Chris Brown (featuring T-Pain)

 

I use to like this song for being something different with Chris Brown doing T-Pain’s shtick and T-Pain doing Chris Brown’s. I’ve never understood the appeal of T-Pain. Never have and never will. He was a guy that relied heavily on autotune to cover up his MANY weaknesses as an artist. So listening to him do clean vocals for a change was a blessing….or at least I thought it was.

Listening to this now has showed that this song hasn’t aged well….at all. T-Pain’s voice is awful. I actually prefer him WITH autotune rather than him trying to emulate Lil John or any other hype man. Chris Brown meanwhile makes my ears bleed every time he uses autotune. At least when he doesn’t use it, which is like maybe 1/3 of the song, it’s more tolerable. But that’s the problem. This would have been a lot better if Chris and T-Pain actually knew their roles and shut their damn mouths. But yeah, that chorus is primarily the main reason this is atrocious in 2015 and the main reason it warrants a spot on here period.

#6

Spoiler

Going through and making this list was a lot of hard work. I just don’t choose songs because it gives me good material. No, I just pick songs based on how terrible they are. I mean I could have easily made this list 10-1 rappers abusing autotune. It’s so easy to make fun of because it hides the fact they don’t have talent LOL. But guys, we can have it both ways. You don’t need to be a rapper in 2008 to not have talent to not take advantage of autotune.

6. “Crank That” – Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UFIYGkROII

Nearly a decade later and I still can’t believe Soulja Boy was a thing. While it would only take two years until he realizes that he’s a laughingstock that no one should take seriously, that first year or two was just painfully bad. This has not gotten any better, but that would imply this had anything to brag about it in the first place. It’s an overly complicated dance that would only get popular due to people YouTubing how to even do this dance.

Spoiler

Spoiler

Including myself back then….I’m not ashamed.

The fact of the matter is that Crank That has inexplicably left an impact on hip hop dance crazes. Tons of imitators are still flying around the music industry, especially on Vine (which I will get to talking about this subject one of these days) and while they are all stupid amounts of garbage, you can’t knock down the king of stupid garbage.


#5

Spoiler

Do you want to know who one of the biggest names in pop was the latter half of the 2000s?



For those of you who don’t know….or just chose to forgot he existed, this is Akon. From 2005-2010, his music was inescapable. Every time you heard a “Konvict”, off pitch cooing, or “call me” in the background, that was Akon. I can’t stand him. He’s a disgusting piece of waste and a terrible human being. I’m glad he was featured in that piece of waste/worst song of the decade Sexy Bitch. I haven’t heard from him since then and while David Guetta came out unscathed, his career/momentum effectively died off. But while Akon didn’t have any major hits in 2008, he did something worse. He rubbed street cred on other artists that didn’t deserve it.

5. “Dangerous” – Kardinal Offishall (featuring Akon)

 

Wow. I’m impressed Akon. You took a song and turned it into nothing. But I don’t entirely blame you, despite how you’re not even trying on the chorus.

Girl I can notice but to
Notice you
Noticin' me

Wow, I’m speechless. The most generic pickup line ever. You forgot to ask if she’s from Tennessee to make it even more generic.

No, it’s not all his fault. I am also looking at you Kardinal Offishall. You are a poor man’s Flo Rida, which is really bad considering that Flo Rida is known for being the most successful artist that has no distinct personality. At least Low, as bad as it is, is memorable with T-Pain’s insanely catchy chorus. All Kardinal throws into the mix is how he likes to party, how attractive these girls are, and all the basic sex and club clichés that this song turns into a cliché about party anthems. But wait a minute Clappy, this song is called Dangerous, so he’s explaining about the chick he wants to fuck. Well that’s true, but we learn nothing about this chick….I mean chicks. Akon how can this chick be dangerous if we don’t even know which one Kardinal or you are talking about? God this song may be nothing, but it sure is one thing.

Stupid.

#4

Spoiler

Well my readers, allow me to do recycled commentary on a song that most of the male gender would agree is hot garbage.

4. “I’m Yours” – Jason Mraz

 

What a steaming hot pile of garbage. This song sucked when I first heard and it honestly keeps getting worse every time I hear it. This song is inescapable because it’s so simplistic and safe that any dumbass can sing it. Even worse, it altered Jason Mraz’s career forever. He went from being an interesting artist to being one of the most generic singers alive. Some guys can pull off the white guy with acoustic guitar persona like Jack Johnson, but this is a perfect example of Jason Mraz trying to pull off the same swagger and fails miserably.

Everything about this song is just shit. I can’t even tell the difference from the beginning to the end. It’s that generic and meaningless of a song. I don’t know who’s Jason Mraz’s yours but it’s certainly not this critic on a SpongeBob forum.

#3

Spoiler

Hey let’s take the Wayback Machine all the way back to this:

Spoiler

Why yes everyone that is Kim Kardashian. 2008 was not a good year for her. She released a sex tape with that dumbass to her left. Did you guys know that dumbass made a song about it?

3. “Sexy Can I” – Ray J (featuring Yung Berg)

 

Yeah there is no other explanation as to how this song became huge. Because there is no way this song became popular because it was a work of art. This song is trash plain and simple. I don’t want to know how Ray J picked up Kim Kardashian because it is certainly implied that Kim has no standards if that was Ray J’s best line because this is almost dangerously near Sexy Bitch territory in terms of horrible pickup moves. Not to mention listening how he fucked her is disgustingly unsexy. Dude I already watched the sex tape. I don’t want that image in my head again anytime soon.
I’m not going to even acknowledge Yung Berg because that would imply Yung Berg left an impression.


#2

Spoiler

Now we go from talking about porn to actually watching it. Guys I warn you. If you think racy videos on SBC Music is bad, you ain't seen nothing yet.

2. “Addicted” – Saving Abel

 

This is the epitome of tasteless trash. Nickelback sure left a lasting impact on horrible carbon copies trying to imitate them. 2007 had Hinder and 2008 had Saving Abel. Somehow Jared Weeks takes Chad Kroeger’s butt rock to a whole new level by leaving zero impression on me whatsoever. At least Chad can make me cringe with his vocals. Jared Weeks….let’s just say that his vocals are weak.

And I haven’t even touched the video. This video makes Blurred Lines look classy. I have no intentions to watch this jackass get in a three way with two models anytime soon. Especially listening to him talk about rolling around in between the sheets….EEWWW. How is that “taking it slow” you dumbass. If you want better nu-metal, I highly check looking elsewhere. Hell I would rather listen to Staind telling me it’s been awhile than listening to Saving Abel wanting to make you turn away from all the bullshit they can take when you’re loving them. Go fuck yourselves.

#1

Spoiler

You know, every one of you commentators on here share the same punching bags:

-Jason DeRulo

-Jeremih

-Chris Brown

-Flo Rida

-Pitbull

-Peter Cetera

-Chad Kroeger

-Maroon 5

-Meghan Trainor

-Nostalgia Critic....oh wait.

I could go on and on. I feel like I see the same shit a different day when it comes to talking about them. I’m of course including myself. I’ve made my fair share of jabs at most of these targets more than once. But hell, I can find redeeming songs from a majority of these artists. All I’m saying is that we need a new target. And I can’t believe no one has made fun of this ass clown yet.



Yes Chris Griffin….that’s enough.

1. “Say” – John Mayer

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQtGqmi2O2U

I hate John Mayer. Have I mentioned this before? Because I really, really cannot fucking stand John Mayer. His music blows. It’s just not because he goes through women faster than you can wait on the world to change. He is smarmy and full of himself. I sincerely believe that “He lists John Mayer as his favorite music on Facebook”. He’s that cocky of a douchebag. I mean for crying out loud, he has an album called “Try”. The jokes are right there because he stopped trying years ago. Yet the Grammys still eat this guy up. They gave him a Grammy for a song that might have just been the equivalent to Nickelback’s “If Everyone Cared” in terms of astoundingly awful.

But no, let’s talk about this shit piece. He wrote it for and inspired by 2007-2008 mediocre dramedy The Bucket List. Which is about two cancer patients going on an adventure around the world. Incredibly sappy movie that wastes away the talents of Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. But let’s get to this. This song is so bad, that even John Mayer has said in the past.

I felt a little soul-less in the initial composition, writing just a terribly simple song.

Are you fucking kidding me? This is a terribly simplistic song if I’ve ever heard one. He repeats the same damn lyrics at least 40 times.

Say what you (FUCKING) need to say.

WELL GO AHEAD. SAY SOMETHING YOU SPINELESS BASTARD. YOU’VE ALREADY IMPLIED THAT YOU HAVE THINGS TO SAY…SAY IT.

God I really can’t fucking stand this piece of inane bullshit. John Mayer is one of the worst artists alive and someone who shouldn’t still have a career today.

[101 Dalmatian Street]

Ah yes, even I hate that John Mayer song! So incredibly boring...

[Clappy]

Note:  Something happened with the video player for all of the list.  It's been fixed if you haven't heard the songs before....or have any interest in hearing them to begin with.

[Katniss]

10.  At least Party in the USA is a fun song. What is this? 

 

9. UGHHHHH. Lil Wayne's autotune is atrocious, not to mention those less-than-stellar lyrics.

 

8. It's fairly meh in my book, nothing outstandingly bad about it.

 

7. You know, I'm glad my iPod broke, because this is one of the songs that 2008 Katniss had on it. And I played it A LOT. It's so dumb now. "That lovey dovey kiss kiss?" Are you sure this song isn't for Disney Channel?

 

6. Gool ol' Soulja Boy. This is definitely one of his stinkers. Another dumb song based on a dumb dance craze.

 

5. Never heard this one but Akon sucks. The only time I've tolerated him was on The Sweet Escape and that was because he didn't exactly have a lot to do on the song.

 

4. This song annoyed me so much when it came out, to the point where I actually got angry whenever it played on the radio. It's so freaking bland, boring, etc. Hate to pull out an NC reference but:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ovcUgFxV_GQ

 

3. I've always thought this song was sooo stupid. That's how you get a girl, Ray J? 'Cause I'm not interested.

 

2. I'm ashamed to say that when this song first came out, I liked it. I wasn't thinking about the lyrics, I just thought the singer sounded good. But after seeing the video and taking a closer look at the lyrics nowadays...yuck. This is gross.

 

1. Okay, I like some of John Mayer's stuff, but this song is so boring.

[SG19]

I didn't know Sexy Can I was about Kim Kardashian. This explains a lot.

[Burgerpants]

Confession time: A Milli is a guilty pleasure of mine

[Clappy]

Confession time: A Milli is a guilty pleasure of mine

You think that confession is deep?  Wait until I post the best list.

[CyanideFishbone]

Yay another person that uses the term "laughably bad". I personally think all Buckcherry sucks, but that's just me. And yeah, Saving Abel blows loads. Mainly because I can't stand Jared Weeks's voice. 

[President Squidward]

Is it bad that I don't know any of these songs from 2008?

[SG19]

Is it bad that I don't know any of these songs from 2008?

Considering how you seem to enjoy talking about how great the 2000's were, yes.

[Wumbo]

Kardinal Offishall's actually bigger in Canada than he is there (he was born here). He does tend to go into the generic party jam side of rapping, but he's also had a few bangers.

[Clappy]

You know, I think this thread has lost it's initial purpose awhile back.  While I'm still working on my Top 10 list for 2008 and will have that posted within the next week or so, I want to revisit Page 1.  What did I say in that first post?

 

Depending on how much the chart varies, I'm gonna insert my two cents on what's popular.

 

And what songs have I reviewed so far this year?

 

-Take Me to Church

-Earned It

-Trap Queen

-Dear Future Husband

 

That's only three songs that have been in the Top 10 so far this year and based off how much stagnancy we've been through in 2015, all four will end up on the year end list for 2015 at this rate.  But I was reviewing from top to bottom when I first started this thread despite how I feel about it.  So I'm going to do an initial throwback and start from the tippy top.  Our current Song of the Summer frontrunner:

 

"See You Again" - Wiz Khalifa (featuring Charlie Puth)

 

Spoiler

 

The number one song for ten of the past eleven weeks just won't let go of it's stranglehold of the top of the charts.  This is great news because I love movie soundtracks.  Music and movies are my two passions in life and I always enjoy seeing soundtrack songs top the Billboard charts.  Soundtrack songs in particular being this dominant is a lost art since you look back at the 70s, 80s, and 90s and see a multitude of movie soundtracks having hit songs.  It's not as common from the 2000s, but I feel it's been making somewhat of a resurgence the past few years with hits like "Cups", "Let It Go", and very odd "The Hanging Tree".  Hell, this year alone spawned 2 Top 5 hits from the freaking 50 Shades of Grey soundtrack.  For a soundtrack song to be successful in the modern age, you have to diversify it and make it both associated with the movie and be able to stand out on it's own.  That's why as much as I like "Let It Go", I couldn't put in my Best List last year because I couldn't listen to the song without disassociating it from Frozen.  However, both songs from the 50 Shades of Grey soundtrack were able to stand out without thinking of 50 Shades for better (Love Me Like You Do) and for worse (Earned It).

 

But now here's the real test.  Is See You Again able to do the same?  That's easy, yes.  I saw Furious 7.  Twice.  It was definitely the second best of the Fast and Furious movies with awesome action sequences, a compelling story, a great villain in Jason Statham, and a very memorable last performance from Paul Walker.  I don't know where it will rank on my Best Movies of 2015 list, but it's definitely for consideration.  It also had this very memorable ending sequence that brought a tear to my eye watching Vin Diesel and Paul Walker ride off together in the sunset as Vin Diesel's character Dominic Toretto preach about how he will always remember Paul Walker's character Brian O'Conner and all the adventures they had together and how he will always be like a brother to him.  It's really a touching sequence as they have a very moving montage of the franchise that as a fan, does move me.  It made me tear up both times I saw it knowing that things will be different now.

 

 

Sorry for the shitty quality.  Copyright laws and stuff.

 

In context to the movie, the song works.  It's a moving tribute song that honors Paul Walker.  I get why it's number one because there are tons of Fast and Furious fans out there and a lot of them know that the movie franchise is moving forward without one of it's two stars.  But like all the movie songs before it, I have to treat it fairly and judge how it holds up on it's own as a tribute song....and well....

 

Ok we got to point out the elephant in the room: it's a Wiz Khalifa song.  I get on Nicki Minaj and Drake often for being wasted potential at times, but they remind me why they are talented performers with songs that I do like.  Wiz Khalifa, I know he has talent in there somewhere.  I do like Black and Yellow as silly as it is.  Young, Wild, and Free is a fun stoner anthem.  But here's the thing, most of those songs I liked from him were four-five years ago.  He has done nothing good since.  Every guest spot he has done ranges from mediocre-bad and he also released the unforgivable putrid shit that was this:

 

 

I feel like Wiz has lost that talent he once had because I haven't heard anything good from him in years.  But enough about the past few years?  How does he do with a soundtrack song?  Well this definitely has some of his more tolerable moments by referencing cars and quoting lines from Dom Toretto about "family".  Good job, you know about the Fast and Furious franchise.  Probably due to the fact that you also did soundtrack music for Fast and Furious 6 where you had a song referencing the same subject material.  But as a tribute song....do you even care about Paul Walker dying?  I know that's a bold harsh question, but I don't see anything showing that you care about his death.  I mean every single line that even comes remotely close to thinking it could be about Paul Walker are lines I heard Vin Diesel quote in interviews about Paul Walker or lines from the Fast and Furious movies.  I hate to sound like a dick, but that's lazy.  Maybe Universal should have thought more carefully about picking a rapper who actually knew Paul Walker very well:

 

 

Hell I don't care which one.  Tyreese and Ludacris were both great friends with Paul outside of the F&F franchise.  Both were really close and actually paid tribute to him and his family after he died.  I mean does Wiz really have anything to say about Paul Walker?

 

Source MTV:

 

“To have the responsibility to do the Paul Walker record was really dope.

 

*breathes in and out*

 

....ok that footnote aside, Wiz isn't the only one responsible for this song.  There's also Charlie Puth.  Honestly, he's the best part of the song.  It's certainly his part of the song that moved me to tears with that chorus.  I don't know if he had a real emotional connection with Paul Walker either, probably not, but at least he knows how to make the audience feel an emotional connection that this song could be about Paul Walker.  Maybe because he knows how to craft his lyrics unlike some people.  I'll give this guy a pass despite the fact that I feel his part could have been replaced by anyone and make it sound better than Wiz Khalifa.  Why haven't I heard of this Charlie Puth guy before, has he done anything else?

 

 

...why do I have a bad feeling I'll be having to review this in the future?

 

So in the end, how do I feel about this?  Eh.  It has no right being number one for 10 fucking weeks (blame Billboard stagnancy for that), but I like this better when it works in context with the movie.  I can't hate this because it did strike a chord with me being a big fan of the Fast and Furious movies.  But as a song, this is as mediocre as it can get.  Wiz Khalifa does nothing with this and while Charlie Puth and that chorus are the best part, a trained monkey that knows how to play the piano could have replaced him and I couldn't tell the difference.  There have been far better tribute songs than this and while it's not Wind Beneath My Wings bad, there are far more deserving songs that should be higher than this on the charts:

 

 

Now here's a summer anthem I can stand behind.

[Wumbo]

I honestly think that Charlie Puth's part is worse than Khalifa's. The chorus sounds like it could have been sung by Sam Smith.

[Ron]

I honestly think that Charlie Puth's part is worse than Khalifa's. The chorus sounds like it could have been sung by Sam Smith.

 

D: 

 

I think Charlie Puth's original is better tbh... especially considering Puth essentially wrote the entire song and then got put as a feature on it.

[Clappy]

Well, back down the countdown we go.  What song prevented See You Again from (possibly) 11 weeks at number one?  How about the current queen of pop?

 

Taylor Swift - "Bad Blood"

 

Spoiler

 

Guys, you have to admit.  While most of the big names in pop are off recording, touring, acting, doing anything non-music related, Taylor Swift has taken the grasp as the biggest name in pop music right now.  1989 is still in the Top 5 as it's nearing a year of release, her music videos are getting close to a billion views for Shake it Off and Blank Space, she is one of the few artists in chart history to ever dethrone herself from the top with another one of her songs.  With the charts being super stagnant for the past year, Taylor Swift is arguably the only pop star that matters atm.  Her star shines brighter than all of her competitors right now and until we get new stuff from the likes of Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, Rihanna whenever her new album actually drops, or maybe the likes of a surprise return from Adele, or hell, I think we've put Miley Cyrus into this conversation now, we live in a Taylor Swift world folks.  Accept it until someone else actually steps up.

 

Which brings us to her present single.  I've made it known here in the past that I love Shake It Off.  But you know what I love more than Shake It Off?  Blank Space.  Blank Space is great and one of the best songs of Taylor Swift's career as it points out that Taylor Swift does date a lot of guys and just self-depreciates herself in such a fascinating perspective.  How could she possibly top that with her next single?  Well in my honest opinion, she does just that with Style.  Style is my favorite Taylor Swift song.  It's everything Blank Space is except it has far greater production and has such a fantastic hook.  It proves that being young and reckless is all a part of growing up and humanizes Taylor Swift with the rest of us.  I fucking love this song.  So let's see if Taylor Swift can outdo herself again with her newest single Bad Blood.

 

*one listen through later*

 

.....well I can assure you guys this.  Lightning didn't strike again.

 

Let me start with this.  After listening to 1989 in it's entirety, it's a good album.  There are tons of strong songs and it changes my opinion on Taylor Swift entirely as it secures what most of us have thought all along.  Taylor Swift makes the transition to pure pop with flying colors since she's always been a pop star disguised as a country artist.  There are some weak tracks on this album though and the original Bad Blood is definitely one of them.  The audio production drags for a song that's suppose to be about anger, rage, and just being straight up pissed off.  The original Bad Blood is a 4/10 song.  So I will give the remix credit for fixing the problems of the original.  The audio production is a massive kick in the ass and Taylor Swift gives off a much more believable performance of being enraged and showing that there is bad blood instead of bored blood.

 

But even then, the production wasn't the only problem with Bad Blood.  For those who don't know, Taylor did write Bad Blood about a famous celebrity.  It doesn't take too much effort to go to Google and find out who those lyrics are directed towards:

 

 

So might I ask, what did Katy Perry do to piss off Taylor Swift so much?  Well that took a little bit more research to figure out what Katy Perry did to Taylor Swift.

 

In 2012, Katy Perry started to date Taylor Swift's ex John Mayer

 

.....that can't be it.  That just can't be.  That fucking douche isn't worth any buddy's time or trouble.  I can't accept this as the reason to write such a catty song.  She had to have done something else.

 

In 2014, Taylor appeared to take a swipe at Katy in a Rolling Stone interview a few months later.

 

She said: "For years, I was never sure if we were friends or not. She would come up to me at awards shows and say something and walk away, and I would think, 'Are we friends, or did she just give me the harshest insult of my life?'" Then last year, the other star apparently crossed a line, according to Swift. "She did something so horrible, I was like, 'Oh, we're just straight-up enemies.' And it wasn't even about a guy!"

 

Taylor said: "She did something so horrible. I was like, 'Oh, we're just straight-up enemies.' And it wasn't even about a guy! It had to do with business.

She basically tried to sabotage an entire arena tour. She tried to hire a bunch of people out from under me."

 

"And I'm surprisingly non-confrontational – you would not believe how much I hate conflict. So now I have to avoid her. It's awkward, and I don't like it."

 

......

 

BULL.  SHIT.  BULL.  FUCKING.  SHIT.

 

I would have rather it been about John Mayer rather than public relations shit.  You're Taylor fucking Swift.  You could have found new people with the snap of a finger to your record label.  I get that what Katy Perry did would have been considered "a bitch move", but like you haven't done similar things in your past.  My god, I don't care about this.  I really don't.  And non-confrontational?  Are you fucking kidding me?  You confront your haters often through writing songs about them.  You are one of the least non-confrontational celebrities I've ever seen.  

 

This is another reason I wasn't fond of the original.  Such catty (pun intended) drama that gives me zero reason to actually care about this stupid song.  I mean songs taking jabs at other singers can be done right.  I mean look no further than my number one song from 2014.

 

 

Don't works because Ed Sheeran doesn't often give us this deep of an insight into his personal life, so when he sounds legitimately pissed off about someone fucking with his love, you want to listen to every single aspect as to where this went wrong.  Bad Blood is just another mean spirited song from someone who has written one too many revenge songs about people who have done her wrong.

 

With all the negativity I've written about Bad Blood though, I don't hate the remix.  I much prefer the remix over the original because at least Taylor Swift sounds more believable here than she has ever sounded in the remix that she is pissed off.  Not to mention the production works alongside it in giving that woman scorned aspect and then of course we have Kendrick Lamar.  Yes, let's all point out the obvious that Katy Perry also remixed her fourth radio single from her most successful album with a rapper previously.

 

 

You know for someone who she has bad blood with, she has no problem recycling her career moves.  Anyway, Kendrick Lamar is a huge saving grace for this song.  He slays every part he's on and his flow works wonders with this production.  I fucking love it and even though I'd much rather see Kendrick's first number one not be on a featured track, I'll take every aspect of this as a positive career move for him.  You can even say that Kendrick steals this song from Taylor because I feel that he's more the star of this than she is.  Oh and of course, the music video for this helps out a lot too because this is one of the best music videos of the year.  Feels like Taylor Swift is one of the only artists out there who actually tries to make major event music videos anymore, which is a welcome blessing in my eyes because I love event videos more often than hate them.

 

So in the end, do I hate Bad Blood?  No, not even close.  I don't like this though.  It's a middle of the road track for me.  The flaws are glaringly obvious, but I'm of the unpopular opinion that the remix helps this to a 5.5 or 6/10 song compared to being a 4/10.  Taylor Swift has far better songs on 1989 that should have become radio singles that I would have preferred to listen to over this.  But at least the remix helps breathe some life into such a drag of a song like this one.  And definitely a smart move to get one of the best rappers today working as your featured collaborator.  At least Taylor Swift has good musical taste.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t6Ikw9SCY0k

[Wumbo]

bad blood remix still ugly af but good review claps