Clappy vs Billboard Hot 100

[CyanideFishbone]

I was joking around

[Burgerpants]

I was joking around

So I guess

[CyanideFishbone]

So I guess

XD

[Clappy]

Time to do a special review for our dear friend Wumbo.  It's a new segment for my Billboard Hot 100 thread called:

 

Song vs Song

 

And what better person to victimize than the lady Wumbo adores the most.

 

 

 

.....nah I'd rather leave Fancy unreviewed...for now.  It's too boring for me to give a full review for.  I am one of the few who don't think the song is that bad, but it's just too boring to actually take seriously.  If you've heard one rap track about bragging, you've heard them all these days.  Instead, I want to focus on the other record setting artist this week and personal Todd Phillips from SBM favorite: Ariana Grande.

 

 

Yes.  This past week, both Iggy and Ariana made Billboard history by being the first artists since Adele to have three tracks in Billboard's Top 10.  The 2014 Billboard hit charts have been dominated by both of these ladies and I think when the year end list is all said and done, we will be seeing at least 1/10 of the Top 100 featuring at least one of the two ladies.  They've been that inescapable.  Iggy, I'll discuss more in depth about another day since I'll probably have to come to terms about how I feel about her sooner or later, but today I want to discuss Ariana Grande.  I've made it perfectly clear that I think the girl has massive potential as a singer.  She was far and away the most talented from the cast of Victorious and she is miles above Miley, Demi, Selena, and everyone else to come off Disney Channel, that it's not even close.  I hope she keeps up all the momentum she has picked up this year because I think Ariana Grande has so much potential to be the face of pop music in the future along the likes of Lady Gaga, Beyonce, and Katy Perry in the present.  Today, I want to talk about her two current hits right now in the Top 10.  One was one of the biggest hits of the summer, the other is her current rising future smash.  This is:

 

"Problem" vs "Break Free"

 

Spoiler

 

Ok so this review won't be entirely Iggy free.

 

But first I have to say, the reinvention of Ariana Grande for this song is genius.  While I did rank The Way as high as #6 during my Best of 2013 chart last year, I was waiting for a single where she can really let her vocals be highlighted.  Then she had that single with....."Right There".  That is the best Ariana Grande song I've ever heard and it would have probably been in my Top 3 last year had it actually became a hit.  But now we have Problem which was one of the biggest songs of the summer and rightfully so.  Ariana's vocals are highlighted once again here as this song manages to mix 90s pop and current R&B to a great result.  I love everything about this from Ariana's sultry vibes, to Big Sean pulling off his best Ying Yang Twins whisper, to the fantastic sax arrangement that puts Talk Dirty's to shame, and hell, I can even manage Iggy's guest verse because she just makes her presence felt.   But if I can give one complaint that keeps this from being the best Ariana song....I feel that Ariana tends to over sing at points where I don't think she should have.  I'm talking about that ending.  Not only "I realize that I got"....but also the "whoa babe".  But I'm not knocking that complaint too badly.  This will more than likely make my Top 10 list and if it doesn't, then at least honorable mention.  This is definitely one of the highlights this lackluster 2014 has given us.

 

So yeah, I love Problem.  Big whoop, wanna fight about it?  Well....I know I'm not going to gain any fans for what I'm about to say next, but it's official....

 

Spoiler

 

I can't pretend anymore.  I hate Break Free.

 

This is the most unoriginal thing Ariana has ever done...and that's including Sam & Cat.  This song is so cliche filled that it's going to spontaneously combust faster than that robot Ariana killed with her rocket boobies in that music video.  I mean this doesn't even try to differentiate itself from every other song in existence.  She does nothing to make her presence felt and is pretty much nothing more than a house artist.  You could have given this song to anyone else and feature Zedd, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference.  It's that bland and that boring.  I'm not even blaming Zedd for this because I actually like Zedd.  He at least tries to breathe some life into this song with his production.  Even if it tends to overpower Ariana's singing, I feel like he wants to break free more so than Ariana does.

 

If you want it, take it
I should've said it before

 

Even though I shouldn't wanna have it, I gotta take it...oh wait....that's Problem.  Let me just get this out of the way now, but more often than not, I feel like this an EDM version of Problem because god knows how many times I feel like this is the same subject matter that was just previously dealt with better in Problem.

 

I only wanna die alive

 

...you want to die....alive...huh?

 

This is the part when I say I don't want ya

I'm stronger than I've been before

 

And you know what they say, what doesn't kill makes you stronger. Amirite Kelly Clarkson?

 

This is the part when I break free
'Cause I can't resist it no more

 

Well hey, I will give her credit for being a Motion City Soundtrack fan since She (I Can't Resist) was Jesse Johnson's solo single.

 

On the highway to hell

 

I'm on the highway to hell, right AC/DC?

 

Don't wanna hear you lie tonight
Now that I've become who I really are

 

I've become who I really...did she or any of the writers even look over the lyrics for this?  I mean not only do I feel like I've heard every single lyric mentioned in the past, but at times the grammatical errors are so noticeable it makes me wonder if any of the multiple writers for this bothered to run spell check.

 

http://www.slate.com/blogs/browbeat/2014/08/07/ariana_grande_fought_songwriter_max_martin_about_poor_grammar_in_single.html

 

Oh...so this was Max Martin's fault.  Ariana tried to change it to proper grammar.  Still inexcusable, although it's nice to know that someone involved with this knew about how bad the grammar was.

 

Oh and don't even get me started on the music video.  As much as I love low budget science fiction flicks, I honestly can't take Ariana Grande seriously in this.  They try way too hard to make her come off as a sex symbol, which is not something I can even consider the girl who I watched grow up on Victorious.  She is not there yet and she will probably grow into one of these days, but her attractiveness comes off as cute.  Not sexy.  I don't want to see her scantily clad.  She is breaking free from a past lover....not her clothes.

 

Even before the music video, I hated this.  The video really doesn't make me like it anymore than I did before I saw it, but it really doesn't help improve my thoughts.  Break Free is just a mess.  I respect that Ariana wants to diversify herself as an artist, but this song is just an insult to my intelligence.  I know she is a lot better than this and her next single "Best Mistake" is a good sign to know that there are better tracks out there coming soon from Ariana Grande, but god I can't stand this.  I know I won't be able to break free from this song for the next couple of months, but it won't change the fact that I am still a fan of Ariana Grande and wish nothing but the best for her in the future.

[Ron]

it's a guilty pleasure, I love Fancy. i really like Iggy Azalea overall lol

[Wumbo]

I don't really hate "Break Free", but it does kind of sound like a less impressive "Problem" rehash.

[Clappy]

it's a guilty pleasure, I love Fancy. i really like Iggy Azalea overall lol

You should listen to Work.  Probably the best Iggy Azalea song to me.  Her new one Black Widow is actually not bad....except for the bad writing/acting in the music video prior to the song.

[Clappy]

I don't really hate "Break Free", but it does kind of sound like a less impressive "Problem" rehash.

Even with the rehashing of Problem, I feel that Break Free is an absolute cliche of every single girl powered anthem that does absolutely nothing that everyone else has done before.  It makes me feel absolutely nothing.  I hate it.

[Ron]

You should listen to Work.  Probably the best Iggy Azalea song to me.  Her new one Black Widow is actually not bad....except for the bad writing/acting in the music video prior to the song.

 

i've had work since it first came out haha 

 

I love Impossible is Nothing as well. 

[Young Nug]

i really like Iggy Azalea overall lol

smh iggy trash

[Ron]

smh iggy trash

 

shut up bitch get out

[Wumbo]

but tvguy iggy really is awful and the more you listen the more you learn

[Doctor Sex]

but iggy is bangin and isnt that all that matters

[President Squidward]

Problem

[Clappy]

No way would I avoid this song for much longer. Is this the worst Nicki Minaj song ever? Find out my thoughts this weekend.

[Clappy]

One weekend later and no review.  Wumbo would probably kill me...if he was around to do so.

 

Nicki Minaj - "Anaconda"

 

Spoiler

 

Nicki Minaj has a big butt and she cannot lie.

You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get....

 

 

....quite annoyed with this awful sampling of Baby Got Back.  Like nearly half of this song is just Nicki using that Sir Mix-a-Lot sample.  It's popularity doesn't come from the artist herself.  It's from the sample.  That's the only explanation for this being Nicki's (tied) highest charting single to date.  I mean the argument I constantly hear for this is that Nicki Minaj takes this song back for the ladies.....excuse me?  How in the hell does such claims even be made?  She just rips off a well-known "shake your booty" song to make her own "shake your booty" song. And I'm not usually one to call a song a rip-off when it's sampling another song, because a lot of songs use sampling to enhance a certain sound that they liked in the original work, and I can get with that. With this? Nothing is done with the beatwork that enhances the music, they just layer annoying, unnecessary sounds over the sample so much, it makes you just want to go listen to the original. All of these sounds just get on my nerves....especially this one:

 

 

 

The lyrics in this range from corny to terrible:

 

By the way, what he say?
He can tell I ain't missing no meals
Come through and fuck 'em in my automobile
Let him eat it with his grills,

 

You let him eat you out with grills in his mouth?  That sounds painful...and non hygenic.

 

Because he don't like 'em boney, he want something he can grab
So I pulled up in the Jag, and i hit 'em with the jab like...
Dun-d-d-dun-dun-d-d-dun-dun

 

D-d-d-d-d-dumb.

 

This dude named Michael used to ride motorcycles
Dick bigger than a tower, I ain't talking about Eiffel's

 

So which tower is it then?  Sears?  Empire State Building?  World Trade?

 

He toss my salad like his name Romaine

 

You almost had me here until it follows up with...

 

And when we done, I make him buy me Balmain

 

Now that's some...how does Nicki Minaj put it?

 

Dumb shit.

 

Yeah that.

 

Otherwise, it's just Nicki Minaj saying that she had sex for drugs, new clothes, and other fine things.  How is that "taking it back for the ladies"?  That's just giving the impression that Nicki Minaj uses her body to get what she wants.  I mean that's the impression that she wants me to get from this, is it not?.  I don't buy it for a second coming from Nicki Minaj because she has represented this case time and time again with the non-shameless promotion of her body.

 

 

Which brings me to this point.  I come off often under the impression that Nicki Minaj is the worst artist in existence.  I would like to counter that by saying, she is not the worst.  She is just the biggest waste of potential.  The talent is there.  I've seen it time and time again.  For example:

 

 

One of my favorite songs off Kanye West's MBDTF....and Nicki Minaj fucking owns Kanye West on his own track.  That's rare for one of my favorite artists of all time to have a guest artist that single handedly steals the track....or at least to me.  But yeah, right here is a perfect example of how talented Nicki Minaj is.  But time and time again, I am often disappointed or simply pissed off with how she wastes away her potential.  Especially when she does straight up pop music.  I've hated every single pure pop song Nicki Minaj has ever done from:
 

-Your Love

-Super Bass

-Fly

-Starships

-Pound The Alarm

-Va Va Voom

 

Just to name a few.  I think the only one I liked was Marilyn Monroe, but that wasn't a radio single unfortunately.  As a matter of fact, the only radio single I can think of that I ever liked by her was Moment For Life and that was because I actually believed her.  She came off as entirely believable in that.  But the point of all this retrospect on Nicki Minaj's career is this.  The talent is there, but she constantly flounders it so much that it just pisses me off.

 

I don't know how much I hate this.  As you can read from that list above, Nicki Minaj has done much worse.  This is just more of the same pandering crap to keep her relevant because being a good rapper apparently isn't enough? I mean this woman is a household name, yet her label doesn't have nearly enough faith in her as an artist to NOT have her shaking her ass just to keep people watching.  I mean if I wanted to watch the same music video on mute for five minutes, I would have just watched Big Sean's Ass (Remix).  For that reason alone, this is probably going to rank up there when I do my year end countdown of the worst hit singles of 2014.  In a year full of ass anthems, I've heard much worse, but this is just once again Nicki Minaj wasting away whatever potential she has left with awful choice in material.

[SG19]

I actually like Fly and Super Bass is a guilty pleasure. This song, however, would probably be hard for me to enjoy. Still, nothing can top the badness of Stupid Hoe.

[CyanideFishbone]

I actually like Fly and Super Bass is a guilty pleasure. This song, however, would probably be hard for me to enjoy. Still, nothing can top the badness of Stupid Hoe.

YOU A STUPI HOE YOU A STUPI HOE HOE

 

sorry couldn't resist

[FAS]

This song is honestly worst than any other songs. :/ It gave me a headache right out the bat when I first heard this.

[Clappy]

This song is honestly worst than any other songs. :/

Oh I can find one worse on the radio right now:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sq17NCjKlQM