Wumbo Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 Hey, nice quick takes. I actually like "The Monster" more and more each time I hear it. It's more than "Holy Grail" with a pulse; Eminem actually gives legitimate reasons for his struggles with fame and details them immaculately, and Rihanna for once fucking delivers on the hook, a lot better than, might I add, Justin "Cry Me a River" Timberlake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clappy Posted February 16, 2014 Author Share Posted February 16, 2014 Hey, nice quick takes. I actually like "The Monster" more and more each time I hear it. It's more than "Holy Grail" with a pulse; Eminem actually gives legitimate reasons for his struggles with fame and details them immaculately, and Rihanna for once fucking delivers on the hook, a lot better than, might I add, Justin "Cry Me a River" Timberlake. I still like The Monster, but Eminem has some rather cartoony moments in his lyrics for this that make the song hard to take seriously like his yodeling and the random Russel Wilson hashtag rap for example. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wumbo Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Haha yeah, the yodeling is admittedly kind of weird. But I've never really had a problem with hashtag rap tbh, except when you don't even know what the guy's saying (lookin' at Gudda Gudda). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Burgerpants Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 (lookin' at Gudda Gudda). GROCERY BAG But seriously, the song sucks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clappy Posted March 10, 2014 Author Share Posted March 10, 2014 Well I've already given my thoughts on most of the Top 20 songs in America and some up and coming songs... ...is this seriously a song? What the hell is this? This is the equivalent of someone shitting into a microphone, blasting it into a speaker, and calling it music. Is this suppose to be a joke? I don't get the joke. Yes selfies are popular to make fun of. This does a horrible job at trying to make fun of the selfie phenomenon while also being irritating to listen to. PEOPLE STOP DOWNLOADING THIS AND STOP WATCHING THE VIDEO. Anyway, I think it's time to jump back into yesteryear and do another Top 10/Bottom 10 songs list. What year will I choose this time? How about the year I was born?1989 Worst list coming in a couple days. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
101 Dalmatian Street Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 Oh yes, 1989, considerably the year of Milli Vanilli. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clappy Posted March 10, 2014 Author Share Posted March 10, 2014 Oh yes, 1989, considerably the year of Milli Vanilli.Oh I have a few things to say about Milli Vanilli, even though one of the songs on the year end list already appeared on my Worst Songs of All Time list. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Burgerpants Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 OH GEE, I WONDER IF THERE WILL BE MILLI VANILLI DOMINATING THE LIST Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweat Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 Well I've already given my thoughts on most of the Top 20 songs in America and some up and coming songs... ...is this seriously a song? What the hell is this? This is the equivalent of someone shitting into a microphone, blasting it into a speaker, and calling it music. Is this suppose to be a joke? I don't get the joke. Yes selfies are popular to make fun of. This does a horrible job at trying to make fun of the selfie phenomenon while also being irritating to listen to. PEOPLE STOP DOWNLOADING THIS AND STOP WATCHING THE VIDEO. Anyway, I think it's time to jump back into yesteryear and do another Top 10/Bottom 10 songs list. What year will I choose this time? How about the year I was born?1989 Worst list coming in a couple days. What song did you post because I can't see it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clappy Posted March 10, 2014 Author Share Posted March 10, 2014 What song did you post because I can't see it.#Selfie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wumbo Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 Dat Funky Cold Medina tho. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
President Squidward Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 #Selfie Hahahahahahahahahaha I'm not counting that as a song. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clappy Posted March 11, 2014 Author Share Posted March 11, 2014 OH GEE, I WONDER IF THERE WILL BE MILLI VANILLI DOMINATING THE LIST You know I'm just gonna get this out of the way now since I kinda wanted to save it for a surprise, but I changed my mind. My thoughts on Milli Vanilli? They were fucking awful. And not just any type of awful. Probably one of the worst musical artists of all time to me. They are definitely high up there. Probably even Top 5 Worst Artists I've Ever Heard. Hell, even though I included three Nickelback songs in my Bottom 50, I don't hate them nearly as much as I hate Milli Vanilli. I don't like a single song of theirs and I've voiced my opinions about them briefly in my Worst Song Ever thread for Baby Don't Forget My Number. They are a bunch of lip syncing hacks and even before they were obviously exposed for what they were, they were incredibly untalented at even being just lip syncing hacks. If I had to do an actual countdown with them in it, all four of their hit songs would be in my Bottom 10. I'll get to where exactly they would be if I decided to include them in my countdown when I reveal it in a few days, but I think it's obvious which song of theirs would probably be number one. I will say this though, at least two more of them would have made my Bottom 5. But yeah, I don't want to constantly repeat how much I despise them when there are other awful songs from 1989 to get to because this was the late 80s, which was an incredibly boring set of years for pop music. You think my thoughts about 2010 were harsh? While I found that to be my least favorite year of music ever and probably still stand by that statement, at least that stuff was all kinds of interesting bad and just incredibly terrible bad. The late 80s consisted of some of the most incredibly dulldrum adult contemporary boring bad music. 1989 definitely lived up to that billing and I would love to share my thoughts on that, so that's why I'm going to make this Worst Songs list: THE TOP 10 WORST HIT SONGS OF 1989 (MINUS ANYTHING FROM MILLI VANILLI) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweat Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 After this, make a song of the worst songs of 2005 minus Nickelback 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Burgerpants Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 After this, make a song of the worst songs of 2005 minus Nickelback Dude. Even without them, there's TONS of fish in the sea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clappy Posted March 13, 2014 Author Share Posted March 13, 2014 So let's get this thing started. Now not only did I choose 1989 because it was my birth year, but I wanted to take a dive into one of the time frames where mainstream music was considered to be "weak". Now I sit here looking at this list and think to myself, why would a year that has artists like Michael Jackson, Madonna, Cher, Guns N'Roses, Poison, Prince, and so many more recognizable names in the music industry be considered weak? Well what we weren't reminded of was that the late 80s were a rough couple years for Billboard. Sure they had their memorable hits for the decade but you had a lot of crap to go through that were unjustifiably called "hit songs". Ohai Milli Vanilli. Btw, since you guys already know how much I loathe them, want to know which Milli Vanilli songs would rank where if I made this an actual countdown of the worst songs of 1989? 1. Baby Don't Forget My Number 4. Girl I'm Gonna Miss You (probably should be the worst Milli Vanilli song ever, but I find comedic value in how bad this is) 5. Girl You Know It's True 9. Blame It On The Rain Now that we got that out of the way, let's get this over with. HONORABLE MENTIONS "Soldier of Love" - Donny Osmond I'm sorry, but this song would have worked so much better for anyone else...but Donny Osmond. I don't picture Donny Osmond being a fiery rebel who is willing to do whatever it takes to win his love interest over. I mean hell, the story behind this song is that the studios were afraid that the music buying public was terrified of selling this song because Donny Osmond is the singer behind it. So they played this song as "sung by unnamed mystery artist" and it gained a huge following so once they released the video, they revealed that this unnamed mystery singer as Donny Osmond. Should have sticked with the original strategy studio execs. "Walk on Water" - Eddie Money I just don't like Eddie Money. The only song I can defend of his is "Take Me Home Tonight" which is so much better than everything else he ever did, it's not even funny. Sorry guys. I am especially sick of this song after hearing it on infinite loop at work. I mean it could be worse. It could be "Two Tickets to Paradise". "Keep On Movin'" - Soul II Soul You know for a song called Keep On Movin...I'm not moving. It's just boring. Boring...boring...boring. At least the musical accompaniment is keeping my attention. But god, the singers...they are just...so boring. The lyrics. Boring. Boring...boring...monotonous...boring...you get the hint? "Secret Rendezvous" - Karyn White Ok if you say so Karyn White. You are attractive enough to cheat with. Only if you knew what a rendezvous was, then I would respect this song so much better. But I don't even think you know what such a thing is according to these lyrics. Rendezvous do have to end at some point stupid. "Hangin' Tough" - New Kids on the Block BAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! You have to be kidding me right? New Kids on the Block...you guys are too stupid to not be taken as serious as you guys try to come off as here. "Don't Rush Me" - Taylor Dayne You know, I can't think of a bigger no name artist who surprisingly had multiple hits than Taylor Dayne. Like do you guys recognize this name at all? Be honest. Honey, I'll be your shelter is one of the most boringly bad songs that never made my countdown and it's only fitting that I have another Taylor Dayne song for consideration on another countdown. Boring. "Close My Eyes Forever" - Ozzy Osbourne and Lita Ford Definitely more interesting than another surprising duet on here, but man...this is incredibly disappointing taking one of the more interesting artists of all time in Ozzy Osbourne and giving him such boring material like this. Ozzy deserves so much better and I give him credit for at least trying to redeem this here. THE TOP 10 WORST HIT SONGS OF 1989 (MINUS MILLI VANILLI) 10. "Heaven Help Me" - Deon Estus Spoiler Heaven help Deon Estus enunciate his fucking voice. God his voice is way too soft for his own good. I mean this guy is a bass player for a reason. His singing voice just isn't that great. Now who is he the bass player? For Wham! I hate Wham as most of you know. So of course Deon Estus is going to have George Michael sing back up here and believe it or not...I actually think George Michael does a better job here than Deon. Doesn't redeem this song at all from being boring adult contemporary crap here. I think the South Park writers have a good point btw about replacing heaven and Jesus with other lyrics to make a popular adult contemporary Christian song. I now have a song in mind next time I hear that joke thanks to this. 9. "Baby I Love Your Way/Freebird Medley" - Will To Power Spoiler You know, I feel bad for artists who get stuck in one hit wonderdom....but not when an artist covers another song. But man, Will To Power is special. Not only did they cover one song. They covered two. To be honest, Baby I Love Your Way wasn't too bad. It was karaoke at times, but the girl did ok. But man, when the guy here did Freebird....he did awful. His voice was way too nasally and Freebird is just not a song that should be performed this badly. As a matter of fact...WHY THESE TWO SONGS TOGETHER!?! These songs have absolutely nothing in common. You know what's even more embarrassing? This was the number #9 on the year end chart. That's like having Glee covers be on Billboard's year end charts. It may be a dream come true for 70s, but I would never want that to happen. Get this medley shit off my radio and stop touching classic songs I adore Will To Power. Good riddance. 8. "Eternal Flame" - The Bangles Spoiler God if there was one genre that was done to death this year it was boring love ballads. And here is an example of a bad song happening to an interesting band. I mean if you told me the band who did "Walk Like An Egyptian" and "Manic Monday" created this piece of shit, than I would tell you that you must be off your rocker. If I can give this song any credit, it charted blocked one of Milli Vanilli's hits. But that does not excuse this song from boring me to tears. For a song about love's eternal flame, one would expect passion and fire. Not new wave shit. 7. "Lost in Your Eyes" - Debbie Gibson Spoiler You were 18. You were too young to be singing a song like this. Plus wasn't this a song that drove your two stalkers insane and involved you handing out restraining orders to both of them? How ironic in hindsight. But as for me? No, I'm sorry. I like my Debbie Gibson with the fun upbeat songs. Not this incredibly boring adult contemporary shit that stunk up the charts in the second half of the decade. God I seriously hate this genre if you haven't looked back at my past reviews. 6. "Look Away" - Chicago Spoiler You know, maybe I was a little hard on Chicago during my Worst Song Countdown. Chicago is not as awful a band as I make them out to be. Just because a lead singer is unbearable, doesn't mean the band themselves suck. I can't stand Chad Kroeger for the life of me, but Nickelback still sucks because they kept releasing the same unbearable awful shit single after single, year after year. Now let's do the same comparison to Chicago. I absolutely loathe Peter Cetera's voice (see my comments about Glory of Love in that worst song countdown), but that doesn't mean the band themselves are still awful...at least until they started out the same boring easy listening soft rock ballads that were very popular during this time period. How in the hell did this become number one of 1989? How does this differentiate from anything else they released in the late 80s? IT DOESN'T. Oh trust me Chicago. I'm looking away....because I feel like my eyes are deceiving me about this being the number one song of 1989. 5. "Wind Beneath My Wings" - Bette Midler Spoiler Dear. God. If I could ever stop hearing this song for the rest of my life, I would be the happiest person alive. This song has been done to death and I'm absolutely sick of it. Don't believe me? Artists that have covered this song include: Gary Morris, Kerry Ellis, Lee Greenwood, B.J. Thomas, Willie Nelson, Kenny Rogers, Patti LaBelle, Captain and Tennille, Joe Longthorne, Eddie & Gerald Levert, John Tesh, Judy Collins, Shirley Bassey, RyanDan, Israel Kamakawiwoʻole, Sonata Arctica, Chyi Yu, Perry Como, Donald Braswell II, Sergio Franchi, Steven Houghton and Celine Dion. While it expresses a lovely sentiment: “you’re my hero, you’re everything I would like to be, whatever I am capable of doing is because of you.” If anyone ever said that to me, I’d be moved beyond measure. Unless they said it by dedicating this damn song on the radio. Almost everybody who sings it does it at a lugubrious dirge-like tempo. If you really love me, you won’t bore me to death. Bette Midler's version probably bores me the most with her meh vocals. She did this song better at this year's Oscars, but that's really not saying much. Saying this song is the best of anything is just beating an already dead bush into the ground even more. 4. "She Wants To Dance With Me" - Rick Astley Spoiler Please tell me I'm being rick rolled here. You are telling me that Rick Astley is more than Never Gonna Give You Up? Unfortunately he was and his deep voice just does not work with a fun upbeat song like this one. I mean I just can't help but think that this song would work much better with a guy who actually knows how to have fun like George Michael...or hell even Prince. Yeah I can see Prince pulling this off so much better since Prince was sex on legs. Rick Astley...yeah I don't think anyone wants to actually dance with you...except maybe Elastic. 3. "My Heart Can't Tell You No" - Rod Stewart Spoiler Oh dear god Rod. I didn't expect to have to say anything negative about you here. Ever. But I can't resist. Guys, this was when Rod Stewart's career started to become awful. As, I read one of the past comments for this video on YouTube, I think I found the perfect description for it: "Beginning of Rod Stewart: The Sell Out Years" And you know, this comment rang so true. I mean listen to all the songs on my worst list. All of them are either boring adult contemporary ballads or cheesy soft rock. This is a mixture of both and it's just disgustingly commercial. It's like Rod Stewart sold his soul for a Top 5 hit song. It's just incredibly awful. But is it the worst adult contemporary ballad/soft rock shit on here? Nope, those honors belong to: 2. "After All" - Cher and Peter Cetera Spoiler Oh just fuck me. Fuck me...so hard. God I hate you so much Peter Cetera. But of course, I expect this amount of massive hatred for this untalented asshole. Let me focus my attention on Cher here. Cher, I have a serious love-hate relationship with you. You have all the talent in the world and I seriously recognize it since I have one of your songs on my best list. I respect the longevity of your career despite me saying some negative things about it with your song "Believe" on my 1999 list. But my god, when you are off...you are so far off the mark. Like it doesn't even sound like you are trying here. I mean I expect that from Peter Cetera and his voice that makes my ears bleed, but you sound like you are trying to escape this boring love ballad badly. You deserve so much better than this Cher. Peter Cetera, go fuck yourself. The song itself does nothing to differentiate itself from any other boring love ballad on this list. Except waste the massive talent that is Cher. But surprisingly, the number one song on here wasn't soft rock. Nor was it an adult contemporary ballad. No. The deserving song on this Milli Vanilli-less worst list is: 1. "Batdance" - Prince Spoiler https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HmcKakTOdZI Seriously? What the fuck is this Prince? You of all people are better than absolute shit like this. Like my god. This is pretty unbearable. Like the first time I gave this a listen, I kept hitting fast forward trying to find the actual song. I mean this is so fucking stupid. It's so fucking stupid that I have to rank this ahead of all the boring shit above. I mean at least they are trying to make music there. Here? Not so much. This is just crap. I get that it is meant to be tied in to 1989's Batman which was a great film. Apparently Prince had a song to tie in with the movie "Dance with the Devil" but he felt it was way too dark. So instead...we get this clunking pile of shit. I mean seriously. This is not a song. This is awful. This is atrocious. This is garbage. I can't show my hatred for this song anymore if I tried. Prince I can give you all the credit in the world for coming up with some of the best pop music in the 1980s. You are one of the people who dominated this decade. But I can't forgive you for something as god awful as the Batdance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wumbo Posted March 13, 2014 Share Posted March 13, 2014 I've, uh, actually never heard any of these songs except "Wind Beneath My Wings". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clappy Posted March 13, 2014 Author Share Posted March 13, 2014 I've, uh, actually never heard any of these songs except "Wind Beneath My Wings". You should feel glad you haven't heard of any of these songs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wumbo Posted March 13, 2014 Share Posted March 13, 2014 Most of them sound pretty boring, but "Batdance" intrigues me. Might have to check that one out. Btw, can't wait to see your Top 10! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clappy Posted March 13, 2014 Author Share Posted March 13, 2014 Most of them sound pretty boring, but "Batdance" intrigues me. Might have to check that one out. Btw, can't wait to see your Top 10! Oh yes. The recurring theme on my worst list for 1989 was boringly bad. There was a lot of that this year that I didn't even bother covering in honorable mentions because I already sound like I'm repeating myself with the worst list for 1989. My best list should come next week. Probably after I'm done with my two lit writings I have scheduled for this weekend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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