Clappy vs Billboard Hot 100

[Clappy]

Man... I just don't get Nickelback hate. Beyond Chad Kroeger's tolerate-it-or-loathe-it voice, they're not that bad of a group IMO.

Well if you want me to elaborate more, I gladly will.  Why don't we take a look at that quote you agreed with me on in my Applause review about artist progression.

 

You know how I constantly say that pretty much all Nickelback songs sound the same to me?  It's because they keep releasing the same generic bullshit that continues to get incredibly popular.  Yet, they never evolve as an artist.  They just keep doing the same post grunge songs over and over again.  Chad Kroeger never changes that loathsome voice.  They never take risks as a band, which is something all artists need to do at some point or another, otherwise they'll get stale.  And guess what?  They never want to try anything different.  I have never been impressed by them since "How You Remind Me", their first single, became the biggest song of 2002.  At one point I liked Photograph and to me, it's still their best song and the only one that I think is at least decent.  Otherwise, if you've heard one Nickelback song, you've heard them all.  The lack of progression is just glaring and while everyone continues to overplay their music on the radio, it just starts to stick out like a sore thumb that this is just as bad as their last song because it is their last song production wise.  As a matter of fact, as every album passes by, I feel like Nickelback is degressing if that's even possible.  They went from at least making somewhat serious post-grunge rock music to stupid partying songs as the years go by.  I mean if you want proof of that, listen to their first album then go down the list because it becomes incredibly noticeable how the quality drastically drops in their Dark Horse album.  Oh and Nickelback also pulls the One Direction strategy of releasing nearly every single song from each album.  I can't even begin to explain how lazy that is, especially when they continue to get major radio attention.

 

A summarized term for my hatred of Nickelback is the old expression "one trick pony".  I think Nickelback is the biggest one trick pony in the music industry and how they are immensely popular just really pisses me off.

 

Fun fact btw: Chad Kroger doesn’t care about his haters. I heard in an interview he did with a local rock station around here that he knows there are people that loathe his music.  Yet being the egomaniac that he is (and I've read enough entertainment magazines to know how egotistical he really is), he takes the criticism, and keeps on playing the same damn stuff over and over again.  

[Clappy]

I'll gladly take comments about Nickelback because I love to debate about them since I loathe them while others don't understand the universal hatred of Nickelback.  I'll gladly share my reasoning some more.  In the meantime, I'm gonna start sharing the best songs of 2006.  Because overall, I consider 2006 one of the better years of mainstream radio for as long as I've been alive.  So without further ado here is the first half of:

 

 

Clappy's Top 10 Best Hit Songs of 2006

 

 

 

10. "Stupid Girls" - P!nk

 

Spoiler

 

I'll be honest.  I don't think Pink is underrated.  I think she is overrated.  Normally it seems like she either releases: angry songs or over the top sentimental songs.  It gets really redundant and rarely do I like her songs because I feel like they are the same thing more often than not.  However, this is neither of the two types I mentioned.  This is absolutely amazing.  She perfectly riffs on girl celebrities and other skanks that try to imitate Paris Hilton, Nicole Ritchie, Jessica Simpson, etc.  In a time frame where these stupid girls constantly made the tabloids for stupid shit, this was the perfect parody song that mocked them perfectly.  I wish I had more of this Pink than normal Pink.

 

 

Ok I know I hate Beyonce and have said some unforgivable things about her, but damn she is hot.  She always has that going for her.

 

 

9. "Check On It" - Beyonce (featuring Slim Thug)

 

Spoiler

 

Now this is the kind of Beyonce song I can appreciate.  The ones where she talks about how hot she is and allows the guys to come check her out.  Hell I don't even mind the irrelevant rapper who guest spotted on this because he is appreciating how hot Beyonce is.  Not only that, but Swizz Beatz is one of the more underappreciated producers in the business.  He produced some of my favorite rap songs during the latter half of the 2000s.  Someone should give this man some more work because he should be utilized so much better.  As for Beyonce....just keep working it.  

 

 

Oh and speaking of how sex sells.

 

8. "SexyBack" - Justin Timberlake

 

Spoiler

 

 

Guilty as charged.  Massive guilty pleasure alert.  Oh man oh man, Justin Timberlake.  My man crush.  He just doesn't bring sexy back.  He brings it and then some.  I swear this song was nearly everywhere in 2006 and for a good reason.  It was good riddance to childhood Justin of 2002 and welcome grown man Justin 2006.  This is how you make the transition from childhood to adult.  This help secured Justin Timberlake's position as the Prince of Pop.  If this song didn't make Justin the ruler of all pop music that year, then the song coming up later definitely did.  Either way, get your sexy yo.  Go ahead be gone with it.

 

7. "Dani California" - Red Hot Chili Peppers

 

Spoiler

 

Come on.  They're the Red Hot Chili Peppers.  Do I really need to explain how awesome these guys are?  Plus this is like a Turntable anthem.  Whenever it gets played, nearly everyone head bops.  Anyway, I don't care how many hiatuses they take.  When they come back, they don't disappoint.  These guys are the kings of funk rock and no matter how many people try to burst onto the scene to try and out funk rock the Chili Peppers, they can't do it.  Oh and this song is a homage to one of the best places on Earth.  California.  Man do I wish I can go there someday.

 

6. Blue October - "Hate Me"

 

Spoiler

 

See?  I don't hate all post grunge rock.  Sometimes, a well written song like this takes me off guard.  True story about this song.  It really hits me hard when I hear it.  2006 had some lowpoints for me.  I lost my first dog to kidney failure and a classmate I was friendish with committed suicide due to the heavy amount of drugs he took.  Coincidentally enough, Blue October came out with this song around the same time frame as the latter happened.  I can't help but think of how unfortunate that was that he took his life so young every time I hear this.  This is such a good song.  These guys really sell this story of a man who is recovering from alcohol addiction and how he is allowing everyone to hate him for the pain he brought onto them.  But of course, it's the latter part where he leaves them abruptly that made me tear up for awhile as I think of Kevin and how he left us the way he did.

[Sweat]

I can only imagine the top five.

[Clappy]

I can only imagine the top five.

You can, eh?

 

 

5. "Dance, Dance" - Fall Out Boy

 

Spoiler

 

You know, I like Fall Out Boy.  Yeah sure, they can be over the top cheesy at times and trust me.  When Fall Out Boy gets cheesy, it can completely mess up a song for me.  Thnks Fr Th Mmrs is an example of that because of the goofy vowel removal in the title and too much monkey overload in said music video.  You know, sometimes I just wish Fall Out Boy would stop with the unnecessary odd song titles, the weird music videos, and just provide us with fun upbeat music....and look no further than here for an example of great Fall Out Boy.  They cut the pretentious bullshit and just let go asking for us to dance, dance.  You know what Pete Wentz, I'll take you up on that offer.  I always dance, dance to this song and it's definitely one of my "get hype" songs before my workouts.  So yeah, more of this Fall Out Boy please.

 

 

4. "Crazy" - Gnarls Barkley

 

Spoiler

 

Ohai Cee Lo.  Cee Lo, you are crazy.  Crazy retro.  When you are crazy retro, you are at your absolute best.  Obviously his best was the Grammy award winning Fuck You, but this was another Grammy award winning single that almost came close to dethroing SexyBack as most overplayed song on the radio in Summer 2006.  Either way, I just love this.  This is a throwback to the soul and R&B of yesteryear.  But you can play this song on any station.  Hell, I heard this on my local country station, which is probably the most massive wtf song to appear between songs about beer and cowgirls.  But yeah, I am a sucker for artists who break the usual mold and when done right, they earn high marks by me.  So thank you Gnarls Barkley, I don't recall what happened to the other guy from the group, but you brough Cee Lo Green into our lives and I appreciate that.

 

 

 

Now these next three songs, super close all of them.  Much higher than the other seven songs in terms of how much I love them.  Really tough because any one of these can be the best of any other year.  So without further ado.

 

 

3. "Feel Good Inc." - Gorillaz (featuring De La Soul)

 

Spoiler

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pw8PpYBiDsc

 

Now if any of these songs technically don't deserve to be on this list, it's this one and the next.  This song was released in summer 2005, but thanks to multiple Grammy nominations, it made it onto the Billboard charts in this said year and charted in the high 90s on the year end 2006 chart.  So because of that technicality, I'll allow it.  God, Gorillaz was just one hell of a band.  Nearly every song I heard from them stateside is amazing and if I had to choose just one song to suggest to someone who has never heard of Gorillaz, I would choose this one.  It defines their alternative hip-hop style perfectly.  This became a dance anthem at nearly all my high school dances and tailgates as this just set the mood perfectly for that feel good mentality.  And that's where Gorillaz succeeds at and this is the song that describes all their music during that time frame.  Feel Good music.  

 

 

2. "Gold Digger" - Kanye West (featuring Jamie Foxx)

 

Spoiler

 

Just like the song before this, this technically came out in 2005 as well, but thanks to multiple Grammy nominations in the hip-hop categories, Kanye West finally got his first crossover hit because this started to appear all over pop radio as well.  It also gave Kanye his first number one on Billboard making the jump from 19 to 1.  This was also the first song that made me fall in love with Mr. West.  It made me get not only this album, but his first album which I never heard before this.  So this song was a major stepping stone on Kanye's path to being my personal favorite rapper. Kanye delivers this masterpiece narrative in which he critically depicts the disastrous life of a man married to a woman who manipulates him for financial gain. However, he proves that this can be taken in both ways since another story arises within the third verse, which illustrates a once destitute black male who earns a fortune and decides to leave a loyal, unselfish girlfriend for a white girl.  So gold diggers can go both ways.  That's the best part about this song.  It doesn't matter if you are a guy or a girl.  You can possibly get burned by someone leaving your ass for someone richer.

 

 

Which leads me to my number one.  It takes a lot to dethrone Mr. West.  And by a lot, I mean my personal favorite Justin Timberlake song.

 

 

1. "My Love" - Justin Timberlake (featuring T.I.)

 

Spoiler

 

Now here is a song that made it much higher in the 2007 year end charts because this song was just getting started in the fall of 2006.  But I'm putting it on this one.  Man, where do I begin with this?  Why don't we do a comparison to one of my least favorite Justin Timberlake songs:

 

Spoiler

 

Cry Me a River is just a whiny mess.  It sounds like it is being performed by a whiny brat who can't get over the fact that Britney Spears broke up with him.

 

Then four years later, we get this maturation of Timberlake.  We can see that he actually appreciates the woman of his life.  Some say that this is just a creative way for women to go to bed with Timberlake and I respond with this....SO WHAT?

 

I can see us holding hands

Walking on the beach, our toes in the sand

I can see us on the countryside

Sitting on the grass, laying side by side

You could be my baby, let me make you my lady

Girl, you amaze me

Ain't gotta do nothing crazy

See, all I want you to do is be my love

 

If I was a women, I would swoon over this in a heartbeat.  And that's what R&B is and that's why this song is beyond good.  T.I. also comes in later with a really good verse about respecting women.  That's something I've always liked about T.I.  He may have some really cheesy songs (for example "Ball") but at least he respects women and doesn't make them out to be objects for sex (Blurred Lines withstanding, and even then T.I.'s verse isn't as rapey).  But this song is by far more about how high on his A game Justin Timberlake is here.  While "What Goes Around..." is a super close #2 on my favorite Timberlake song list, ain't no other song can take the #1 spot than My Love.  

[Wumbo]

Nickelback's just not something for me to get angry about, though. It's like getting angry over Melba toast. Sure it's bland, but it's not awful.

 

And everybody has critics. I hate Beyoncé, but I don't expect her to change just because I hate most of her music.

[Sweat]

I will just confess right now:

 

The Reason, How You Remind Me, American Idiot, Bad Day, and I'm Yours are some of my favorite songs of the 2000s.

[Wumbo]

I'm nawt a perrfect PEEEERRRRRSUUUUUUN

[Clappy]

I will just confess right now:

The Reason, How You Remind Me, American Idiot, Bad Day, and I'm Yours are some of my favorite songs of the 2000s.

The Reason - Meh. It's harmless but kinda boring.

How You Remind Me - Bad, but Nickelback has done worse. Much worse.

American Idiot - Love.

Bad Day - My thoughts are above.

I'm Yours - Oh dear god no.

[SG19]

You don't like Jason Mraz?

[Wumbo]

Nothing wrong with Jason Mraz pre-"I'm Yours", which is the biggest sellout track I have ever seen

[Wumbo]

Looks like we were both right and wrong.

[SpongeOddFan]

Looks like we were both right and wrong.

...god damnit

[Clappy]

...god damnit

What exactly are you damning? Royals is a great song even if it is getting played a lot. This song will still probably end up in my Top 10 of the year.

Anyway, going to bring this thread back to life this afternoon with a review of Drake's "Just Hold On We're Going Home" since I did that Top/Bottom 10 of 2006 to avoid reviewing that, but it has only risen on the charts since then.

[Wumbo]

You're a good boy and you know it.

[Clappy]

Time for another edition of the only topic Dylan ever keeps up with anymore.

 

Drake (featuring Majid Jordan...who? Is he even in this song?) - "Hold On, We're Going Home"

 

What the hell has happened to Drake?  It's like he is starting to take a page from his mentor Lil Wayne's book and stop trying.  Yeah I know he just won a Grammy for Best Hip-Hop/R&B album this past year, but did he really deserve it?  No.  Yes "Take Care" was a great song, but you know this is the same album that produced songs like "The Motto", "Crew Love", "Hell Ya Fucking Right", and "Make Me Proud".  All incredibly overrated generic crap...and the song that made YOLO a thing.  The Grammy should have gone to Frank Ocean, but I digress.  Either way, my point is that Drake has stopped trying.  The man has released an album every year since he started on the scene in 2009.  We give artists like Chris Brown, Rihanna, Lil Wayne, and others a hard time constantly for doing this and telling them to go take a break and come up with better material.  Drake, I'm starting to have the same sentiments towards you.  Especially since everything I've heard from your most recent album has been crap.  Hi Started From The Bottom!  You're probably going to have a spot on my Bottom 10 of 2013.

 

But here is the thing  Unlike all those artists that I mentioned above, you can tell through Drake's music that he is scared of being forgotten.  Proof?

 

Spoiler

 

Spoiler

 

Spoiler

 

Hell you can even tell those sentiments in...*groans*

 

Spoiler

 

Yeah, with that being said.  Drake.  At least put effort into your music.  People remember great music.  Not releasing nearly every song from your album and coming up with generic songs for said album.

 

Anyway, onto Drake's latest Top 5 hit "Hold On, We're Going Home".

 

Spoiler

 

OH!  It's one of those music videos.  You know.  A music video that has absolutely nothing to do with the song.  Yeah let's just ignore it and not judge the song based off the video.  Basically, Drake's girl gets stolen by mobsters and Drake with a bunch of other rappers who can't act (ASAP Rocky, what do you think you're doing?) decide to go rescue her and we get a big shoot out where the bad guys die and Drake takes the girl home.

 

So yeah, now that we got that out of the way, how about we critique the song?

 

Well for starters, I have to give Drake credit.  He is a really good R&B singer.  I wish he did more of this than rapping.  Because as a rapper, his skills are subpar.  Sure he has some good rap songs, but more often that not lately, I find myself cringing at his rap music than praising it (aka mostly every Drake rap song released post 2011).  Once again, Drake sings quite well in this song.  The production for this song is quite good too.  I remember hearing on the radio when this debuted, Drake mentioned how he was going for a 80s Michael Jackson R&B throwback with this song.  I can tell every time I hear this that Drake was inspired by Michael Jackson with this song.  

 

However, that doesn't mean it's a good song.  Of course it all comes down to the story and the lyrics a song gives off.  Don't let the music video mislead you, this is a song about Drake going to the club with his buddies, spotting a girl, and being quite impressed by her "features".

 

I got my eyes on you, you're everything that I see
I want your hot love and emotion endlessly

 

Tonight Drake's fucking you.  Even though he hasn't spoken two words to you yet.

 

I can't get over you
You left your mark on me
I want your hot love and emotion endlessly

 

You haven't even spoken to her and she has already left a mark on you?  Just go ahead and talk to her already.  Give her your best pick-up line.

 

Cause you're a good girl and you know it

 

 

You're a good girl and you know it?  Really?  I've heard some really stupid pick-up lines.

 

-"BABY YOU'RE A SONG, YOU MAKE ME WANT TO ROLL MY WINDOWS DOWN AND CRUISE" - Cruise by Florida Georgia Line

 

-"IT'S ALRIGHT, I'M NOT DANGEROUS" - Fine China by Chris Brown (lulz)

 

-"GIVE ME THAT BUBBLE YUM BUM" - Can't Believe It by Flo Rida

 

-"YOU AND ME BABY MAKING LOVE LIKE GORILLAS" - Gorilla by Bruno Mars

 

To name a few this year and of course, the granddaddy worst of them all to me

 

-"DAMN YOU'S A SEXY BITCH" - Sexy Bitch Chick by Akon

 

I don't know why Drake thinks going up to a girl and saying "you're a good girl and you know it" would automatically lead to the girl going home with Drake?  I'm 100% positive saying that should lead to Drake getting pepper sprayed.  Either this girl is incredibly insecure about herself or knows that she is a good girl so she should be allowed to make Drake that one mistake.  Anyway let's go to the refrain:

 

Just hold on we're going home
Just hold on we're going home
It's hard to do these things alone

 

It's not hard to have sex by yourself.  It's called masturbation.
 

Just hold on we're going home (home)

 

Then of course we get the same set of lyrics all over again in repetitive nature.  What's funny is that every time I hear "you left your mark on me" during the second bridge, I feel like Drake just caught an STD and that's the mark she left on him.

 

But yeah, not much to see here folks.  Behind the nice calm 80s throwback production is just another generic R&B song.  Drake notes that it is featuring Majid Jordan, but honestly who gives a shit.  You can't tell who he is in this song anyway.  He's probably the second voice in this part:

 

You're the girl
You're the one
Gave you everything I love
I think there's something, baby
I think there's something, baby

 

But it's overpowered by Drake's voice and the production.  It kind of reminds of the song "We Are Young" and how it was featuring Janelle Monae, but you could barely hear her singing "carry me home tonight" over all the other stuff going on in the song.

 

I wouldn't call this song awful.  It's just mediocre.  It will probably be forgotten about by this time next year and when it sporadically airs on the radio, we'll just be like "oh yeah...this song."  Sorry Drake, but if you don't want to be forgotten, take time and put more effort into your music.   Otherwise, you will be forgotten.

 

 

2/5

 

I think I'm giving the production way too much credit here with this score.

[Wumbo]

"It's not hard to have sex by yourself. It's called masturbation." LOL.

[Clappy]

So since I'll be online tomorrow for sure and it's a week day, prepare for another Top 10/Worst 10 hit song list from a certain year.  What year will it be this time?  Prepare to get wild and crazy because, to quote Prince, we're going to party like it's:

 

 

1999

[Sweat]

This will be interesting and that's a fact.

[Wumbo]

Ah, 1999. The year where we let Len become a thing.

[Elastic Dawg]

I'm about a week late, but RE: Nickelback: they're not bad musicians (same could be said for Coldplay and Dream Theater, two other talented-but-boring artists I can't stand), but there's nothing remotely interesting about their music. It's the same post-grunge crap that's been plaguing the radio for well-over a decade now. I think it's cool that Chad Kroeger doesn't give a shit about haters, though. He does what he loves and there's nothing wrong with that, regardless of whether I think it fucking sucks or not. 

 

Can't wait for 1999. Better have some Smash Mouth up in this bitch.