Jump to content
  • Advertisement

Clappy vs Billboard Hot 100


Clappy

Recommended Posts

Yeah I had way too much fun critiquing music in my 50 Worst Songs Ever Thread that I'm gonna pull a Wumbo, Elastic, Halibut, and somewhat Jelly and review music.  Except I'm going to do something different.  Depending on how much the chart varies, I'm gonna insert my two cents on what's popular.  I don't want my thread to turn into too much like Wumbo's because his music review thread is perfect :P.  So without further ado, here is the inaugural edition:

 

Why not start with what finally ended Robin Thicke's blurred line of weeks topping the charts?

 

Katy Perry - "Roar"

 

Spoiler

 

First of all, I think it's safe to say no offense tvguy that Katy Perry is the biggest name in the pop music industry atm.  She has been dominating the charts over the past five years with 10 number one singles.  That is really damn impressive.  While I am indifferent about her as an artist, I have to give credit where credit is due.  She knows her target audience and she knows what they like.  That being said though, her music tends to come off as a bit...cheesy.  I'm sorry to all those who think that Katy Perry's music is magnificent, but if Lady Gaga is being compared to good Madonna music (Vogue), then Katy Perry reminds me of dumb Madonna music (Hung Up...thanks tvguy for pointing out my mistake xD).  I don't have a problem with dumb Katy Perry songs.  Hell, I love Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.) and Hot 'N Cold.  Even when Katy Perry tries to make power ballads like Firework, you can't help but think that she doesn't have the voice for it and that it would be suited for someone who can actually be believed to sing songs like that.  While she made it work with Wide Awake, that really didn't require her to hit the high notes.  It played perfectly with her voice range and that's why it's one of my favorite songs of last year.  Anyway, that leads us to this song.

 

If you don't listen to pop radio at work like I do, Katy Perry is going for a whole new identity with this album "Prism".  She doesn't want this to be "Teenage Dream 2.0".  She wants to go for a more adult sounding album.  Which obviously means, more power ballads.  Oh dear god no.

 

As for the first lead track from Prism, Katy Perry describes this track as: "A song about standing up for yourself, who can be the biggest bully in the equation is yourself and can get in your way and it's a song about speaking up for yourself and having the strength".   Erm...the strength to do what?  Roar?

 

I'm kidding, she is obviously referring to the fact that she wants people to be brave.  Do you know what that sounds like to me?

 

Spoiler

 

Guys, meet Sara Bareilles. You all probably know her from her massive song from 2007 "Love Song" or "I'M NOT GONNA WRITE YOU A LOVE SONG" as Elastic would probably say (no offense Elastic :P).  One of my favorite pop songs of the past decade.  Sara hasn't really had that much pop chart success since releasing that song, but she has become a mainstay regular on the adult pop charts. But for the Hot 100, "King of Anything" was the closest single to reach the Top 30 for Bareilles.  That was until "Brave" which peaked at 27 if I remember correctly back in May.

 

But anyway, please listen to "Brave" and then listen to "Roar".  Or better yet, listen to this:

 

Spoiler

 

Isn't it ironic that both song sounds like the exact same thing?  They both have the same piano rhythm.  They both have the same "stand up for yourself" meaning.  If I didn't know better, it would seem like Katy Perry ripped off Sara Bareilles.  Katy, I'm not going to say you plagiarized here, but how in the hell did you not realize that this song exists?  IT CAME OUT THE SAME DAMN YEAR!  Furthermore, it pisses me off that this tops the charts while Sara Bareilles can't even make the Top 20 for this song at least.

 

That aside, I can't say that I entirely hate this song.  I like the repeated refrain:

 

You held me down, but I got up
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, you hear that sound
Like thunder gonna shake the ground
You held me down, but I got up
Get ready cause I’ve had enough
I see it all, I see it now

 

I also like the 80s references in the chorus:

 

I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR

 

Oh and Katy Perry is stunningly gorgeous, so she will always have that going for her.

 

But this is far from a masterpiece.  Hell, this is probably one of her worst songs in my opinion.  I definitely can't wait to hear what else is from her new album "Prism", but if this is her lead single from the album, then I'm kinda concerned about how much better the rest of the album is.  Lead singles have the word "lead" for a reason.

 

 

Rating: 2/5

 

 

I'm gonna update this tomorrow going down the Hot 100 list for the week.  Not all the reviews are going to be this long, but I will definitely bring my "A-game" for each one.  Now what's number two again?

 

tumblr_mohnwi45iM1s6wnl8o1_400.gif

 

 

Oh fug me.

Edited by MLG Vanilluxe
  • Like 9
Link to comment
Share on other sites

then Katy Perry reminds me of dumb Madonna music (Girls Just Wanna Have Fun).  

 

Madonna doesn't sing Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, Cyndi Lauper does... xD

 

ftr, I love Katy Perry, I just prefer Gaga. she's probably my third favorite artist tho. I love the Roar video.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Madonna doesn't sing Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, Cyndi Lauper does... xD

 

Oh boy.  Well that's embarrassing.  I actually corrected myself when talking about this earlier today with my friend.  Can't believe I made the same mistake twice in one day. xD

 

OH.  I KNOW WHAT DUMB MADONNA SONG I MEANT TO SAY.  HUNG UP!

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I’m gonna try my best to review this next one as unbias as I can.  Overplay will not affect this review.  Dammit, it’s so hard though.

 

Robin Thicke (featuring T.I. & Pharrell) – “Blurred Lines”

 

Spoiler

 

Guys, I don’t hate this song.  At one point, I actually liked this song.  Hell, at one point I thought this was the best thing on the radio next to “Get Lucky”.  Yeah that was four months ago.  This is now.  Now it's one of the most played songs on the radio ever...seriously.  Back in July, "Blurred Lines" broke the record previously held by Mariah Carey's "We Belong Together" for largest radio audience for a song with 242.65 million listeners.  How did it get this successful?  It came literally out of nowhere.  A few months ago, Robin Thicke was an unsuccessful R&B crooner who was only known for one hit song seven years ago ("Lost Without You"), being married to Paula Patton (who's stunning), and being on a BET reality show about Hollywood husbands.  Now he's all over the place.  This song launched him into the stratosphere of the music industry.  Congratulations on being bigger than your father, Alan Thicke.  Jason Seaver would be so proud of you.

 

853579_1336548518617_203_248.jpg

 

Good god are the facial similarities between Robin and his father scary.

 

Anyway, back to the music. It's safe to say that I’ve heard this song enough times to further analyze my likes and dislikes pretty well.

 

Likes:

 

-The sampling of Marvin Gaye’s “Gotta Give It Up”.  While I complain about how lazy sampling can be, this is sampling at its best.  The beat to this song is ridiculously catchy and really good.  This is probably what made me fall in love with this song in the first place.

 

-Pharrell’s “woo”. 

 

-T.I.’s guest rap.  While it isn’t anything special, the song is better with it than without it (which I’ve heard on stations around here before, it definitely makes it more noticeably rapey).

 

-It’s a stupid fun song.  I like stupid fun songs as much as the next guy and this is definitely stupid…

 

Dislikes:

 

-…but you can only take stupid songs for so long.  Especially when they become overplayed.  This reminds me a lot of how I went from liking Katy Perry’s “California Gurlz” to hating it.  That was a really stupid fun song and so is this.  You can only tolerate the stupidity of a song so many times.

 

-The video.  It’s super boring.  I don’t care which version: rated or unrated.  I like models as much as the next guy, but at least make them seem like they are having a good time.  Because all they do is just walk or stand around Robin Thicke and company.  Oh and don’t get me started on the oversized text and the ugly Twitter hashtags.  #Lazy

 

-Just the general “rapey” vibe.  I was on the blurred line about the lyrics to begin with, but yeah thanks to overplay, I started to realize how “rapey” this song really was.  Stupid me.  Of course the “blurred line” is the line between consensual sex and rape.

 

-Sorry Robin, but while I do admire you trying your best to be a poor man’s Justin Timberlake, whoever told you to do this entire song in your lower register should be unemployed.

 

So yeah, while I don’t think Blurred Lines is that horrible, no way in hell should this be the song of the summer by technicality.  I don't care how many records this broke.  The fact that this was number one for twelve weeks is embarrassing when songs like “Radioactive”, “Treasure”, “Mirrors”, and especially “Get Lucky” got stuck behind it.  So what’s the final rating?  Let’s just say this is on the blurred line between good and bad…..#Mediocre.

 

Rating: 2.5/5

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was preparing to postpone #3 this week until it got an actual music video...and thankfully it came out today.  

 

 

Eminem - "Berzerk"

 

Spoiler

 

Oh man.  This song.  It's just.  Sssoooo ggoooooodd.

 

Where do I begin?  Growing up I was a huge fan of one Marshall Mathers.  His old school stuff is quite simply some of my favorite rap music of all time from "The Way I Am" and obviously "Lose Yourself" which is definitely up there on my favorite songs list.  Then of course, 8 Mile happened.  That movie was a shocking success, but what was even more shocking was what came after it.  I'd rather not go into too deep about how bad Eminem was in 2004 and 2005.  He just simply became what his critics always proclaimed him to be.  Obnoxious.  His songs with D-12 didn't help either and Eminem wisely sat out for the rest of the decade.  Around 2010, Eminem decided to head on the road to Recovery.  Recovery was....eh.  I use to like "Not Afraid", but that song became incredibly dull after multiple listens.  It's still ok though.  "Love the Way You Lie" was an improvement, but I think more of the credit was due to Rihanna.  She sold that song powerfully and is one of the best songs she has ever been a part of.  However, Eminem was definitely on his B-C level game and just fell flat in comparison.

 

I'd rather not go in to 2011 because that was probably one of the weakest years of Eminem's career with "No Love" and then his appearance on "I NEED A DOCTOR" which was laughably bad.  Oh and Bad Meets Evil.  I haven't heard that much from that album, but from my understanding it's very boring.  I can see that since "Lighters" is such a dull dull dull song.  Let's just fast forward to 2013.  Eminem has a new album coming out "The Marshall Mathers LP 2".  Now I don't know if making this a sequel to the original LP should increase or decrease my expectations because I'm tired of one of my favorite rappers ever messing with my emotions like this.  But remember what I pointed out a few posts ago about "lead singles"?  Well let me just say this now.  THIS LEAD SINGLE >>>>>>> EVERYTHING EMINEM HAS DONE POST 8 MILE.

 

I love this song.  It really does throw me back to time when Eminem was a huge chart topping success.  It's like he says in the song about throwing back to the Slim Shady days.  Not only that but this song definitely brings me back to the Beastie Boy days as well.  Want even further proof?  See that bearded man with Eminem for most of the video?  None other than Rick Rubin. <3  Also Kendrick Lamar is in it too, so that's always a plus.  Just this whole song and even the video reeks of 90s vintage-ness.  I am in love with it.

 

But yeah, I have already gone deep into the lyrics in the "Eminem" thread, but this song also brings me back to when Eminem would mock other celebrities and he definitely does plenty of that with shots at K-Fed, Lamar Odom, the Kardashians, just to name a few.  Also the sampling of "The Stroke" is magnificently done.  While I know Wumbo has a problem with the sounds, I personally have no problem with it.  It's suppose to be a wave your hand in the air party anthem and for a 40 year old, Eminem clearly shows he is not ready to fold his cards just yet.  He has a lot left in the tank and...dammit I just hyped myself up for his new cd.  DON'T LET ME DOWN AGAIN MARSHALL!  I CAN'T TAKE ANOTHER HEARTBREAK.

 

 

Rating: 4.5/5

 

Geez for someone who just wrote a love letter to Eminem, why is it not perfect?  Well I knocked off .5 points because while I do like the K-Fed bashing, mentioning him repeatedly throughout in the chorus does get a bit tiresome.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Here's the thing I have with "Berzerk": The Eminem I love has a consistent rapping style throughout each of his songs, whether he's doing the

or
persona. This song, while definitely not as bad, brings to mind "Just Lose It" for me, where as we all know, Eminem just lost it.

 

But like I said, I like the lyrics and while I think the production's a little unfocused, it's definitely better than

Eminem.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1- I like Roar a lot, it gets stuck in my head all the time, and even tho I was rooting for Gaga to get to #1 first, I gotta say this was a worthy adversary...but I didn't know about Brave, and that sort of makes me like Roar less, I hate it when artists rip other people's work without giving them any credit.

 

2- What can I say? I never hated Blurred Lines neither, I actually agree 100% with what you said, specially the part about this song holding up other better songs from topping the charts >.>

 

3- Hadn't heard it before but sounds good, definitely has that vibe that made Eminem famous in the first place. Also, is this guy ever gonna age a bit? xP

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'd rather forget that this happened.  We should all be ashamed that we let it happen.

 

Now what's #4 of this past week?

 

m4.gif

 

....of course it is.....

 

 

Miley Cyrus - "We Can't Stop"

 

Spoiler

 

 

Wow talk about haters gonna hate. As someone who is not Miley's biggest fan, I can admit that no matter what anyone thinks of her, there is one thing she can do successfully. Make catchy ear worms. And no matter how lousy the lyrics get "La da dee da dee", that simple techno beat is hypnotic enough to get the song stuck in my freaking head.

Don't get me wrong, the song still is not that good and someone needs to fire Miley's image stylist because her hair is still laughable and those "slutty clothes" are incredibly unappealing. I will also admit that the video could be a hell of a lot worse for a song about "hardcore partying". However, for someone who gets as much crap as she does, the song is still better than that obnoxious Party In The USA.

Oh and while we sit back here critiquing how much of a trainwreck she has become, she still makes a hell of a lot of money for someone who is a "hot mess", so she has that going for her.

Song - 4/10

Video - 3/10 (only because of the dancing slutty teddy bears)

Miley's twerking - 7/10

 

 

Oh Clappy of two months ago...you are so naive.

 

First of all?  I still stand by points of the Miley Cyrus criticism.  She is still making a shit ton of money despite how everyone finds her to be a massive mess personally.  She'll probably make more money than all of us combined as unfortunate as it is.  So there is nothing else we can do except sit back and mock her for it, when in reality, we are envious of the millions and millions she makes.

 

Now what does that mean for Miley the singer?  Oh I've never been fond of Miss Cyrus as an entertainer.  Not even during those Hannah Montana days.  I found her to be the least talented member of the cast....except Moises Arias.  God Rico was an obnoxious little brat and the actor portraying him didn't help me like the character either.  She has always been incredibly pitchy and an overall boring personality.  I don't think having a dual life helped since neither Miley or Hannah had much personality to begin with.  Then came "Party in the USA".  Obnoxious song.  Really catchy, yet obnoxious song.  Just in case you guys don't want to read the rest of this, that last sentence is foreshadowing to my thoughts of "We Can't Stop".

 

Once Miley left Disney for good, she released....her worst song she's ever done:

 

Spoiler

 

I've already covered that in my Worst 50 thread, so no need to repeat myself, but hey, it's kinda ironic though that the song is called Can't Be Tamed because that's where we are three years after that.

 

miley-cyrus-vma-4.jpg

 

So yeah, enough about Miley, let's focus on AAANNDDDD WWWEEEE CAN"T SSSTTTTTOOOOPPPP

 

We Can't Stop has to be one of the more obnoxious songs of this past year.  It's sad.  This song doesn't make me want to party.  It makes me feel sympathetic for Miley.  It's like she physically can't stop partying and is trying to use this song as a cry for help...but then I watched that VMA performance and realized Miley just wants to get into porn.  Anyway, why does this song think it's fun?  I seriously don't get it.  The tone is way too dreary, the video itself is obviously going for provocative, yet I find it sad and pathetic, and the lyrics make it sound like any ordinary party.  Nothing special.

 

Red cups and sweaty bodies everywhere

Hands in the air like we don't care

'Cause we came to have so much fun now

Bet somebody here might get some now

 

Wow Miley.  Thanks for describing every party in a nutshell.  Oh and she never explains her bet about somebody "getting some".  Care to explain more Miley?

 

So la da di da di

We like to party

Dancing with Molly*

Doing whatever we want

This is our house

This is our rules

And we can't stop

And we won't stop

 

Jesus, somebody tell Miley to lighten up something other than cocaine.

 

But yeah, you know what the worse part is?  I catch myself singing along to this when it's on the radio.  For someone as obnoxiously untalented as Miley Cyrus, she sure can make her songs turn into earworms.  They get stuck in your head no matter how bad these songs are.  I can tell you now that her newest single sure achieved that (future analysis on that coming soon) and so does this one.

 

This is an awful, obnoxious, yet catchy song.  I am ashamed.  I can't stop.  I won't stop.

 

Rating: 1.5/5 (or 3/10 if you want to compare this to my previous review)

 

Oh and to also compare with my previous review:

 

Video - 2/10

Twerking - 3/10

 

 

Please Miley...no more twerking...oh wait, you can't stop.

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I thought it was "Dancing with Miley".

 

I'll give more of my opinion when I make my eventual Top 10 Worst of 2013 (I'm almost certain this will make the cut), but this is the only "party" song I can recall that has actively depressed me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Now onto....oh wait it's a Wednesday.  That means the charts have changed.  How does the Top 10 shape up this week?

 

1. Katy Perry - "Roar"

2. Robin Thicke - "Blurred Lines"

 

Those two have been the top two songs for the past month.  Not in that exact order obviously, but I want something different.  Something that I did not expect to become a major hit.  Something absolutely different.....

 

3. Lorde - "Royals"

 

....REALLY!?  Wow, about time that song actually made a chart impact.  It's only been in the Top 5 of iTunes for the past month.

 

 

 

 

Lorde - "Royals"

 

Spoiler

 

That's the US version.  I prefer the other music video to this song.  It tells a much fuller story.

 

Spoiler

 

First off...

 

Dear Lady Gaga,

 

THIS IS ART POP.  THIS IS WHAT I EXPECT FROM YOUR NEW ALBUM.  DON'T DISAPPOINT ME.

 

Clappy

 

 

I would go deep into the background of Lorde, but here's the thing.  She doesn't have much of one.  She's a sixteen year old singer-songwriter...from New Zealand.  She is inspired by Lana Del Rey but also listens to a ton of hip-hop music, which influences her song writing.  But SHE'S ONLY SIXTEEN AND HAS WRITTEN A MUCH BETTER LANA DEL REY SONG THAN LANA DEL REY.  You know what's even more awesome?  She wrote this song in a half-hour.  That is talent.  You guys should seriously check out her Love Club EP.  I am not disappointed and I think this girl has a very bright future ahead of her.

 

Now what about "Royals"?  Just like with what I said about "Berzerk", "Royals" is one of my favorite songs on the radio right now.  It's just absolutely different from everything else and you know what?  Lorde points that out in her song too.

 

But every song's like gold teeth, grey goose, trippin' in the bathroom
Blood stains, ball gowns, trashin' the hotel room,
We don't care, we're driving Cadillacs in our dreams.
But everybody's like Cristal, Maybach, diamonds on your time piece.
Jet planes, islands, tigers on a gold leash.
We don't care, we aren't caught up in your love affair.

 

Did I mention she's sixteen?  Damn.  She just burned the four songs above me perfectly....and probably the next few songs coming up too.  Lorde stated in an interview that "All these references to expensive alcohol, beautiful clothes and beautiful cars – I was thinking, ‘This is so opulent, but it’s also bullshit.""

 

3osmxp.jpg

 

THANK YOU LORDE!  MUSIC THESE DAYS IS SO OPULENT!  IT IS BULLSHIT!  I LOVE YOU!

 

 

Oh and btw the chorus is absolutely haunting.

 

And we'll never be royals (royals).
It don't run in our blood,
That kind of lux just ain't for us.
We crave a different kind of buzz.
Let me be your ruler (ruler),
You can call me queen Bee
And baby I'll rule, I'll rule, I'll rule, I'll rule.
Let me live that fantasy.

 

 

Guys just typing this review is giving me goosebumps.  I'm not 100% sure that this is my favorite song of 2013, but don't be surprised if this makes my Top 10, hell possibly Top 5.   It's so damn good, I'm sincerely hoping that this jumps Robin Thicke.  Then takes down Katy Perry with her.  If Daft Punk can't reach #1, I hope this girl can.

 

 

Rating: 5/5 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Royals is one of my favorite songs of 2013, too.

 

BTW, my older brothers have completely different views on Eminem. One of them thinks he's a mama's boy douche while the other one thinks he's a piece of justice. To be completely honest, I think it's both.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Because it implements elements from other genres to create a new artistic sound: alternative, hip hop, pop, electronic, synthpop.

 

:P

 

good point haha 

 

although ARTPOP is slightly more literal. Like, the Seashell Girl she dressed up as from the VMAs was this: 

 

El%20nacimiento%20de%20Venus-Afrodita%20

 

hopefully that performance makes more sense now. :P

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...