Best and Worst of Entertainment 2014 Edition

[SG19]

Glad I haven't been keeping up with new FOP.

[Wumbo]

Is Crocker still funny? He was the only worthwhile character left on that show.

[JCM]

My parents watch Lifetime movies all the time. I'm so glad I stopped joining them.

[SpongeOddFan]

Is Crocker still funny? He was the only worthwhile character left on that show.

i don't really think so it's starting to annoyed me since s7.

[Burgerpants]

I'm somewhat shocked by the absence of Season 26 of The Simpsons. It rivals Season 11 in badness. Seriously.

[Clappy]

After working on this list for nearly a week, my worst movie list will arrive when I come back online Wednesday.

[WhoBibbles]

Honestly, even though this year was rough for FOP, I don't think it was as horrible as Mr. Pickles or Breadwinners and It still makes great episodes from time to time. Breadwinners has grown on me (only %10) but it's still bad. Mr. Pickles is however lazy, uncreative, pepetitive, disgusting, cruel; overall a piece of shit. I've never seen such a lazily written show before. (Never seen Over Two Rainbows BTW) Seriously, I'd rather watch Turkish soup operas than Mr. Pickles. At least they have a plot. Can't wait for best and worst movies of 2014 and best TV shows of 2014.

[Clappy]

Took me long enough, but a few words before I begin.  2014 movies were uninspiring.  The huge blockbusters weren't as impressive as past years and the awards bait movies haven't been too impressive so far either that I've seen.  So with near perpetual lateness, I give to you readers

 

CLAPPY'S BOTTOM 10 MOVIES OF 2014

 

But not without a few dishonorable mentions:

 

A Million Ways to Die in the West

 

Hey guys, remember Ted?  How about we make Ted, but instead of being placed in Boston, we place it in the 1800s wild wild west?  Oh and instead of making me a foul mouthed teddy bear, how about we make a smart alec sheep farmer?  I, Seth MacFarlane, am a genius.

 

Yeah….sure you are Seth.  Sure you are.  Boy does he sure wish Ted 2 can come out real soon because this was a massive disappointment to nearly his entire fanbase.  Good cameos though, good cameos.

 

I, Frankenstein

 

The more I think about how bad this is, the more I think that this is impossible to be this bad.  Like this had to be some sort of dare to make the worst Frankenstein movie ever.  I’m almost sure of it.  Because we all know that Aaron Eckhart just doesn’t give a shit about anything anymore.  And Bill Nighy has lost his credibility as an actor a long time ago.  Oh and attaching Jai Courtney to anything means that the studio just doesn’t give a shit….no wait…you guys are telling me that Jai Courtney is going to be in like five huge blockbusters next year?  Fuck me…where was I?  Oh yeah….I’m convinced that this movie was made with the intention to be incredibly awful.  After hating on this earlier in the year, that was the mindset I came with while watching this.  It was pretty bad, but it made any sort of sting I had for this go away faster.

 

Let’s Be Cops

 

You would think a movie starring two members of the main cast of one of the best sitcoms on television would make this movie a lot funnier, right?  Well the key words in that last sentence are: you would think.  Because the final product sure was lacking in laughs.  Honestly, 20th Century Fox are geniuses for editing such great trailers because they nailed all the big laugh spots.  Everything else was underwhelming, but I’ll be damned to put this movie in my Bottom 10 because the chemistry between Jake Johnson and Damon Wayans Jr. saves this from being ranked any lower than it needs to be.  Also, the comedy spots they did get I still laughed at.  Never going to watch this again, but I can’t fault this comedy for being anything else but stupid.

 

Ride Along

 

I like Kevin Hart.  I like Ice Cube.  I did not like this.  Both of these guys are legitimately funny, yet their comedic presence is watered down by a bland script and clichés out the wazoo.

 

Hercules (2014)

 

Didn’t see The Legend of Hercules, but that looks even more terrible than the Hercules that I saw.  Sorry Rocky, but as good of an action star as you are, this was so cheesy.  I get that was exactly what they were going for, but there is only so much cheese one can take before it becomes mind numbing.  That’s exactly what this was.  Mind numbingly stupid.  But not stupid or bad enough to make this Bottom 10 worthy.

 

Need For Speed

 

Too fast, but not furious enough.  Jesse Pinkman deserves a movie better than this.

 

God’s Not Dead

 

Oh man.  So many bad Christian movies this year, which one to choose.  How about the one that has Kevin Sorbo being an over the top cartoon character about his beliefs?  Yeah sure let’s go with that one.  While this was definitely the worst of the endless stream of crap about religion, this avoided the Bottom 10 by being so damn funny.  If you love over the top acting, this is highly recommended, but while I praise it for its comedy, I still hate this.

 

Blended

 

While Adam Sandler has been in far worse over the past five years, this is easily the worst of his collaborations with Drew Barrymore.  It’s also the most forgettable.  I honestly forgot this existed after seeing it in theaters nearly six months ago.  It’s one thing to be Sandler levels of bad, but it’s even worse to be a forgettable Sandler movie.  Enjoy being in the same company as You Don’t Mess With the Zohan and Airheads…and if you just remembered those movies existed: you’re welcome.

 

 

10. The Amazing Spider-Man 2

 

Ugh this gets worse and worse every time I sit through it….which is only twice, but I just can’t believe how profoundly disappointing this was.  I mean my god, every scene with the villains was just so bad.  Sad thing is I don’t even blame the actors for that.  Dane DeHaan did a great job as Harry Osborn.  Paul Giamatti at least got my attention the whole four minutes he showed up.  Jamie Foxx….eh he did what he could I guess…because my god.  None of these villains were written well at all.  I mean I guess Harry had some sort of reason to go bad, but it was just so laughable to see him swear eternal vengeance.  The Rhino never had any real background, so why even bother including him than to rush production on Sinister Six?  Neither of these two were as bad as Electro though.  Holy shit was his reason for turning evil just stupid.  For as laughable as the villains were in the old trilogy, at least they had memorable moments.  These villains are absolutely forgettable.  None of them have any existing traits that are worth noting about.  Sure the actors give good effort into them, but they just don’t have anything they do that’s worth remembering.  Which is important when you have a fucking villain based movie coming out called Sinister Six.  At least do something to warrant reminding myself of each one.

 

It’s a shame they had to kill of Gwen Stacy though because she was great.  Every moment Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone shared together was wonderful.  That’s why I can’t rank this any lower than ten because that was some top notch screen time.  Like it’s the only parts of the movie that I could tolerate the same amount as I did when I first viewed it.  I also guess Andrew Garfield is far more believable as Spider-Man than Tobey Maguire, but I don’t think he really had as many instances for me to watch him grow as Spider-Man than I did the first Amazing installment. 

 

9. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

 

You know, this wasn’t as bad as I was expecting it to be.  It was still a really bad movie, but this is far from the worst thing ever like I was expecting.  Hell, at times you can find me actually laughing at this to be honest.  I don’t want another Turtles movie, but Michael Bay, you actually didn’t make this worse than Transformers 4.  For that reason alone, this shouldn’t be ranked any lower than this spot to be honest.

 

8. 300: Rise of an Empire

 

Man 300 seemed like such a long time ago.  I remember in high school me and a bunch of my friends attended the midnight release of this.  It was probably one of the highlights of my senior year of high school as we watched what was at the time one of the best action movies of the past decade.  300 doesn’t hold up nearly as well as the years go by, but at it’s time, 300 was a game changer and I still hold a lot of respect for it’s innovation and just being a fun movie to sit down and watch from time to time.  The sequel does not.

 

I don’t know what went wrong but the drop of quality is immediately noticeable from the get go.  In the first five minutes, we get scenes from 300, a bunch of girls running around topless, and gratuitous violence that seems to be worthless.  I mean I didn’t mind any of the following three things in the original 300, so what could have went wrong that made all of that not feel the same?  Well what worked in 300 was that Zack Snyder’s directing style.  Sure it’s been mocked to death over the years with all the slow-mo shots and zoom-ins on the violence, but at it’s time, we weren’t nearly as used to it as the way Snyder stylized it in 300.  The director of Rise of an Empire, Noam Murro, felt like he was going for more of the same, but it just didn’t feel like the way it did in 300.  It felt like a poor rip-off, which is what Rise of an Empire felt like in general.

 

Every scene in this movie just feels like a cheap knockoff that is entirely useless.  Hell, even the Greek lead Thermistocles feels like a poor man’s Gerard Butler.  Don’t worry guys, I don’t think we will ever see this Sullivan Stapleton guy leading B-action movies anytime soon.  I mean the only thing that this has going for it is Eva Green.  Eva Green’s character Artemisia is simply put, fantastic.  She is the only redeeming thing about this movie.  Her backstory, her acting, her chemistry with every character from Thermistocles to Xerxes, her…nudity, just everything about this role, Eva Green nails right out of the park.  I always felt like Eva Green is one of the most underutilized actresses working today and I can’t think of any movie where her potential really shines than it does here.  Which is why I can’t rank this any lower than #9 because even in a movie as shamelessly pointless as this one, I can’t hate it more so when I have so much respect for a movie stealing performance like the one Eva Green portrays.

 

7. This Is Where I Leave You

 

Now let’s rewind for a bit and take a look at how I praised actors/actresses for at least trying to savage movies that ended up being terrible.  Ok now that you have taken a few seconds to ponder, watch the trailer below:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fH0cEP0mvlU

 

Now that you’ve watched the trailer, think to yourself.  Wow, what a cast.  This has to be a good movie because the cast is just too talented.  Well you thought wrong.  Just nothing about this movie works.  It’s just squandered in mediocrity and doesn’t even try to get itself out.  It’s vastly over-cliched to the point that it doesn’t even try to differentiate itself as more than just a dramedy.  Which sucks because I know that Jason Bateman, Tina Fey, Jane Fonda, Adam Driver, Rose Byrne, Corey Stoll, Kathryn Hahn, Timothy Olyphant, Abigail Spencer, and god knows who else I’m forgetting are all capable actors and actresses who can put on believable performances.  But none of them just seem to want to actually try and play believable people.  It doesn’t help that the script for this freaking atrocious.  Like it wants to pass itself off as a comedy, but it just keeps piling on the unnecessary dysfunction element way too much.  Like every moment you think the dysfunction can’t get any worse, it does for no real reason than just to keep the movie running longer than it needs to.

 

6. The Penguins of Madagascar

 

The more I think about this, the more I hate it.  I have yet to see Planes 2 or The Nut Job and I’m all but sure if I watch the latter that will be the worst animated movie of 2014 for sure.  But for the time being, that honor goes to The Penguins of Madagascar.  By far the biggest disappointment I’ve sat through in 2014.  I expected everything else on this list to range from mediocre to bad the moment I saw the previews for it.  But I held out some sort of hope for this movie.  Primarily because the Penguins have easily been the best parts of the Madgascar franchise.  They are legitimately funny and are perfect parodies of international spies.  So the moment this spin-off got announced, I had my hopes up high.

 

One hour and a half later, I’m still left scratching my head.  How did 20th Century Fox and DreamWorks Animation fuck this up so badly?  The first 10-15 minutes were fantastic and everything I expected the movie to be.  Hell they even poked fun at the annoyance that was “Circus Afro” in Madagascar 3.  But god was everything else after that a massive disappointment.  John Malkovich did fine voice acting as the villain, but his character’s motivation for his evil acts was just lame.  The dissent between the penguins was forced.  Benedict Cumberbatch and his sidekick superhero squad were all one note and served no real purpose.  And the ending was so stupid.

 

I just can’t accept that this was the plan for the movie this whole time.  Part of me is wondering if 20th Century Fox just wanted to rush this into theaters as a cheap cash grab because they realized that the DreamWorks film they originally scheduled to this date Home was going to be a bust.  Well news flash; that film will probably still be a bust because the previews for it still suck.  Either way, Penguins of Madagascar just feels incomplete.  I think that is the best way I can summarize this movie in a nutshell because everything about it feels way too forced and just not finished.

 

5. The Interview

 

The following are actual tweets I saw on Twitter about this movie:

 

“OMG The Interview is so controversial.  Must see!”

 

“The Interview…..*thumbs up emoji* *dancing girl emoji*”

 

“I watched The Interview but only because Barack Obama told me to”

 

“The Interview is going to change the face of film releases”

 

Those are only some of the many tweets I saw about this movie.  While all of those tweets are true, emojis and everything, let’s be honest.  Does that mean the movie is any good?  I’ve already gone on the record after sitting through this for the hell of it, that it’s a complete waste of time.  Just because it wants to handle a serious subject matter in a comedic format doesn’t make it funny.  Especially when your two main characters are obnoxious as fuck the whole hour and a half.  I can defend the stupidity of Seth Rogen movies up to a point, more on that in my best movies of 2014 later, but holy crap.  Every time he and James Franco shared the screen together, it made me yawn or just groan.  These two have chemistry together, I’m not denying that.  But the material just wasn’t as good as it has been in the past.

 

Oh and about the whole controversial aspect.  Kim Jong Un should be offended for how bad this movie was instead of the fact that it exists.  I bet if he actually took the time to sit down and watch the movie, he would shake his head more so than want to hack a movie studio.  I get that movies are about freedom of expression and I’m not holding that against them.  But if you want to have this film be a lasting impact, make it a good movie dammit.

 

“Eminem’s cameo is the best part of The Interview”

 

Well that tweet is true.

 

4. Transcendence

 

You know, 2014 was the year that Christopher Nolan finally started to test my patience with him. Sure he made the best Batman trilogy, no doubts from me there.  Man of Steel, which Nolan executive produced, is starting to get worse and worse every time I watch it.  Nolan also had Interstellar this year which was….ok-ish….ok I can’t take it anymore.  Interstellar is the worst movie Nolan has directed in the past ten years.  Like it got unnecessarily overcomplicated for its own good.  Even though I think it’s the worst Nolan directorial effort of the past decade, it’s still a meh movie at best.  I don’t plan on watching it again anytime soon.

 

But that being said, Nolan is not the director of this turd.  Nolan, once again, was the executive producer behind this.  The director of this is Nolan’s right hand cinematographer of nearly every Nolan movie of the past ten years, Wally Pfister.  And while the visual style is as stunning as all Nolan products usually are, this comes with probably one of the worst scripts Nolan has ever been associated with.  It’s nearly every technology is evil movie of the past century, but without any sort of charm or passion.  This makes The Happening look like a work of art.  And yes, this will hopefully be the only time I ever compare a movie produced by Christopher Nolan with a M Night Shyamalan movie.

 

Oh and speaking of phoned in, this is definitely the worst Johnny Depp movie I’ve seen in my lifetime.  I have never seen him so unmotivated or so phoned in.  I’m fully convinced that all of his videographed scenes were coming from him live on Skype. 

 

3. Winter’s Tale

 

Oh ho ho ho.  So close to being so bad it’s good.  Like if there is any film on my worst list that I highly recommending going to see, it would be this one.  Like this one is fascinating in how awful it gets.  Don’t get me wrong though, this film’s inclusion on my worst list is entirely worthy of being considered one of the worst movies of 2014.  Every single sequence in this movie was just cringe worthy.  From Russell Crowe’s terri-bad acting to Colin Farrell’s phoned in performances to adding supernatural elements like a flying Pegasus or time traveling.  Oh and to top it all off, the worst use of cameo by an A-list box office mega star I’ve seen ever. 

 

Spoiler

It’s Will Smith as the Devil….Will fucking Smith as the devil.

 

But holy crap, did I not stop getting amused by this.  This is definitely high up there on my stupidly amusing terrible movies like The Room.

 

 

 

2. Transformers: Age of Extinction

 

I already reviewed this.  One of the few movies I actually reviewed this year is still one of the worst movies I’ve seen this year.  Hated this then, still hate it now.  So instead of acknowledging that this franchise just won’t end, how about I surprise you all with what was considered my worst movie of 2014?  What could be worse than my favorite punching bag Michael Bay?

 

1. The Other Woman

 

How about the penultimate “romantic comedy” that represents how awful this genre has gotten.  It’s no secret.  I’m a guy.  I’m supposed to hate chick flicks, right?  Well here’s the thing.  I don’t hate this genre as much as you all think I do.  As a matter of fact, I want to go on the record as saying that this genre is not the travesty that the male species makes it out to be.  Not at all.  I just hate how unbearable this genre has gotten.  Men are evil.  The girl is going to end up with the hot friend or brother.  How many clichés is enough?  Well here’s the thing.  Romantic comedies these days are missing one important element.  Comedy.  Hell, even Chris Rock acknowledges this perfectly in his newest film Top Five to the point that I hope Hollywood takes notice.  Because audiences are getting really sick of the crap they’ve been fed from this genre lately that romantic comedy box office hit a pretty noticeable low point this year.

 

And what is the highest grossing romantic comedy this year you may ask?  Well look no further than this.  What’s even more disappointing that based off the previews, this premise looked like it had potential.  It was three girls wanting to get revenge on a guy who did them wrong.  I actually have a soft spot in my heart for this cliché because more often than not, I love seeing douchebags get their come-uppance.  But here’s the thing.  For that to work, you have to make the revenge seekers likeable.  And boy oh boy, none of these girls are likeable at all.  You have Cameron Diaz, who plays the self-centered bitch who doesn’t know she’s a bitch.  The movie obviously wants to play her off as a successful business woman who got wronged, but honestly, she’s just unlikeable.  Which honestly, this year had so many critically reviled Cameron Diaz movies that I’m surprised she is still getting role after role to think that she isn’t even trying as an actress anymore.  Then you have Leslie Mann, who I actually like, play the most frustrating character of the movie.  Her role as the dumb bimbo whose husband has been cheating on her with multiple woman is just irritating.  I mean they go so far with the bimbo jokes to disgusting levels with gross out gags involving vomit and dog shit.  Leslie Mann deserves far better roles than this.  Oh and then we have Kate Upton…who should just stick to getting half-naked.

 

Like I can’t even describe how awful this movie is in its entirety.  I wanted to do a Crap Cinema on this really badly to emphasize how much I loathed every minute of this, but I couldn’t get my creative juice’s running.  This movie utterly wasted my time and is by far the worst “romantic comedy” I’ve seen in quite some time.

 

Sorry for the lack of trailers for this list, but not all of them carried over when I linked them.  Will edit this on here later.

[terminoob]

But Aaron Eckhart says "descend in pain" in I, Frankenstein. How could you not love that?

[Clappy]

But Aaron Eckhart says "descend in pain" in I, Frankenstein. How could you not love that?

Simple.  I don't.

[terminoob]

Simple.  I don't.

 

You're too hard to please. Did you hate Hansel being diabetic in Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, too?

[JCM]

I'm surprised that Rise of an Empire is on the list and not Sin City 2. Hollywood should just not make any more sequels to Frank Miller movies.

[PatBack]

lol FOP was always trash. Invader Zim is better.

[terminoob]

lol FOP was always trash. Invader Zim is better.

 

If you're that loose with your comparisons then you may as well be comparing The Big Bang Theory to Firefly.

[Clappy]

I'm surprised that Rise of an Empire is on the list and not Sin City 2. Hollywood should just not make any more sequels to Frank Miller movies.

Never saw Sin City 2.  The trailers looked good for it, but I read the reviews and yikes.

You're too hard to please. Did you hate Hansel being diabetic in Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, too?

I honestly don't even remember Witch Hunters, but that doesn't surprise me they would make Hansel diabetic to "modernize" it.

[Metal Snake]

lol FOP was always trash. Invader Zim is better.

 

You mean Danny Phantom? Fairly OddParents is nothing like Invader Zim. That's like comparing Dexter's Laboratory to Ben 10.

[PatBack]

You mean Danny Phantom?

Never seen it.

I compared it to IZ because they aired on the same day. Guess the meaning got muddled. In all humbleness, old FOP still isn't as bad as post-Sparky FOP.

[Clappy]

So now that I’ve eliminated every single worst list, time for me to do my best lists and just so Wumbo doesn’t dehydrate himself any further, I’m a man of my word.  First thing’s first I’m the realist is my best of list.  And guys, this would be where I would ramble about how embarrassing this list will be, I actually like doing the best lists despite how vague the descriptions are for why I like the pop music I like.  I’m not ashamed of anything that I consider good pop music.  Sometimes, these songs are just too good for words.  So even during the worst years of pop music, I just have to look and appreciate the positives for what they were.  Without further ado,

 

CLAPPY’S TOP 10 BEST HIT SONGS OF 2014

 

 

But like always….and to the point where Steel has started to do the same….I go over what just missed my list:

 

“No Mediocre” – T.I. (featuring Iggy Azalea)

 

…like I said, I’m not ashamed.  I don’t know why I consider this song good.  Maybe it’s because I’ve always liked when T.I. goes for Caribbean influence in his music.  He’s done this in the past with “Why You Wanna” and “You Know What It Is” for example and those were some of my favorite T.I. songs.  Also I have to give DJ Mustard for this being one of his best productions of 2014 because it helps make this song just as sexy as the music video for this.  And speaking of sexy, this is the (second) best radio single with Iggy doing a guest verse this year.  She pretty much steals the song for the most part from T.I. and it demands attention.

 

“Problem” – Ariana Grande (featuring Iggy Azalea)

 

….oh yeah, there was this (ohai Wumbo).  Now this was the best song of 2014 featuring Iggy Azalea.  I love nearly everything about this from the Big Sean whispering to the sultriness of Ariana Grande and Iggy’s guest verse, despite how corny it can get.  And while this was very close to making my best list, Ariana overpowering herself in the last 30-45 seconds still bugs me to the point that it keeps this song from being one of the best Ariana Grande songs to me.  But yeah, consider this song the unofficial #11 best hit song of 2014.

 

“American Kids” – Kenny Chesney

 

If you think having one country song on here is surprising enough, just you all wait.  Anyway, I really like this solely for the fact that this doesn’t sound like a normal Kenny Chesney song.  If there is one thing I have to note about past Kenny Chesney songs, it’s that all of his songs for the past decade have been primarily beach focused to the point that he is trying to dethrone Jimmy Buffett as the king of the Caribbean.  So yeah, all of that makes this Chesney song incredibly refreshing, even if it is Lumineers-Mumford & Sons light.  That reason alone should give me props to an artist I consider one-note.

 

“Pompeii” – Bastille

 

Dammit if I said that Todd in the Shadows ruined this for me with his reference to The Muppet Show.  I can’t take this song seriously anymore because of that.  I have that visual stuck in my mind every time I hear this now.  So yeah, if I close my eyes, I now see a bunch of puppets dancing around.  But in the end, it doesn't matter what some critic says.  This was one of the bright spots of the incredibly boring dreck that was the first half of 2014.

 

“Love Never Felt So Good” – Michael Jackson & Justin Timberlake

 

I like this song a lot and it’s a collaboration that I thought we would never see, but I’m really sick of the pop industry not letting Michael Jackson rest in peace.  It’s just really…stomach churning to be honest.  Michael Jackson is one of the greatest pop artists ever and Justin Timberlake is up there for me too, but please pop industry.  Stop milking a dead corpse for profit and greed.

 

“The Monster” – Eminem (featuring Rihanna)

 

Still consider this to be Jay-Z’s “Holy Grail” except with a pulse.  Which is by all technicalities a good thing, but what keeps this from my top 10 is just Eminem’s off putting word choices in this song and the offbeat yodeling…what the fuck is that?  All that being said, The Monster is one of the highlights off the best Eminem album of the past ten years...although you guys should know that by now since I've demanded you all to listen to it numerous of occasions....right?

 

“Come With Me Now” – KONGOS/”Sweater Weather” – The Neighborhood

 

Ah how refreshing it is to see both of these bands make the year end list, KONGOS more so because I saw them before this song made it big.  Don’t get me wrong, I love both of these songs and artists for giving the alt-rock genre some breath of light in 2014.  However, both songs have the same quirk that is keeping both of them from my Top 10.  They both end badly.  The breakdown in Come With Me Now is just way too forced, while Sweater Weather gets unnecessarily slow at the end.  I don’t think either song should have ended the way they did, but still great songs regardless.

 

“Turn Down For What” – DJ Snake & Lil Jon

 

SO CLOSE.  Yeah this song is another one that came so close to making the list.  It’s silliness really makes it great to be honest.  This song, unlike past EDM songs, actually has a pulse and demands your attention with it’s daftness and it’s twelve words repeated over and over again.  I’ve always stated it’s way too silly to take serious from the moment I heard it and the music video emphasizes that.  Hell the remix is even better than the original:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85zQwAx2mws

 

I mean it has Juicy J, 2 Chainz, and French Montana.  Three rappers I have a supremely hard time taking seriously.  But yeah, this song’s mind-numbingness is just so fascinating.

 

“Let It Go” – Idina Menzel

 

 

Yeah you heard me.  Frozen is still a great movie and this is still a great song…but I do agree that the fanbase for this overrated the movie and the song a lot.  This song doesn’t make it on the list because of the fanbase.  No, this song doesn’t make the list for not being a pop song.  I can’t listen to this song without thinking of Frozen.  For that reason alone, it doesn’t stand alone as a pop song.  More on that later.

 

“Shake it Off” – Taylor Swift

 

This was actually a lot closer to making the Top 10 then you would think.  While Problem was my #11, this was my #12.  Now why was this even considered in the first place?  Because its insanely catchy and just further proves that Taylor Swift belongs solely in pop music.  I’ve listened to more of 1989 than I should have in the first place and the album itself is just great.  Here’s to more T-Swizzle in 2015….and I think I’ll stop with the honorable mentions before I further embarrass myself.

 

 

#10

 

 

*gulps*

 

Remember Clappy, they are just members on a SpongeBob forum.  Don’t be afraid to admit what you like.  You know, you’re right voices in my head.  I’m not afraid to admit I love this.

 

10. “Drunk on a Plane” – Dierks Bentley

 

Spoiler

 

This song is hilarious and no one will tell me otherwise.  I mean it’s making fun of it’s own daftness.  This poor guy’s wife stood him up at the altar and he can’t get a refund for his own honeymoon tickets, so he goes on vacation by himself.  While on the airplane, the guy drinks heavily, becoming intoxicated, and parties with the other passengers on the plane.  I know what you all are thinking, it’s another obnoxious bro-country party song.  But this is way more than that.  If you all really listen, there's the underlying lonesomeness element, which is what makes it different than a lot of the other uptempo songs country music has released these past couple years.  This song’s particular smartness about it sets this apart from the sundry rowdy party and drinking songs that inundate country music today.  So thank you Dierks Bentley.  Thank you for showing some intelligence in the daft radio waves of present country music.

 

#9

 

Watch this one for Spanish:

Spoiler

 

OR

 

Watch this one for English

Spoiler

 

Pick your choice because either way this song is still great.

 

9. “Bailando” – Enrique Iglesias

 

Six months later and this song still is as absolutely refreshing compared to the smut that artists like Jason DeRulo, Chris Brown, Jeremih, etc. released over the course of 2014.  And this is coming from an artist who just three years ago pointed out that tonight he’s fucking you.  This is absolutely refreshing for Enrique Iglesias to making an enjoyable song about sex and love, but once again, it’s Enrique’s collaborators who steal the show here.  Sean Paul, you have been gravely missed my old friend.  I still don’t know which one is Descemer Bueno and which one is Gente de Zona, but it honestly doesn’t matter.  Both videos are fantastically choreographed and all of these guys just make this song come off like everyone involved is having a good time.  That’s all I ask for in my pop music.

 

#8

 

One thing that I missed from rap stations this past year was the big names.  I guess that was expected with most of the top names out there releasing their latest albums one year prior.  Maybe that’s why the shit that did it get immensely popular from rap music this year was far more boringly bad than anything else.  I mean it’s a bad state when producer DJ Mustard was probably the biggest name of 2014 when it comes to rap music.  I mean come on guys, how many songs can there be about bitches, money, and recreational drugs.  What about other topics like cars…ok we should all know where this is going…man am I anti-climatic.

 

8. “White Walls” – Macklemore & Ryan Lewis (featuring ScHoolboy Q and Hollis)

 

Spoiler

 

This technically barely qualified as a hit...or even a rap song, but even then, Macklemore’s presence this year was lacking compared to all of his hits he had last year.  But I’ll be damned if this makes the anticipation building for his next album even greater.  Sure everything from The Heist got overplayed to hell, but after finally admitting my appreciation for Macklemore late last year during my best list, I finally took a listen to the entire album and holy shit is The Heist as good as advertised.  I mean even rap songs about Cadillacs…or any cars for that matter, normally suck, but I feel like it’s the production work of Ryan Lewis that highlights how good this song truly is.  The act is called Macklemore & Ryan Lewis for a reason and Ryan Lewis’s production work goes greatly undermined often due to Macklemore’s rapping.  Don’t get me wrong, Macklemore still makes his presence felt as usual on here, but I think it’s Ryan Lewis who does the better job here.  Actually let me retrace my steps, it’s Hollis’ chorus and ScHoolboy Q’s guest verses that really shine here.  I doubt we’ll ever here from Hollis ever again but this song was proof that Q really does have some good rap verses in him.  Shame that Studio made me forget that for awhile.

 

#7

 

Ok time for the biggest backtrack of the year.  EDM isn’t as awful as I made it out to be.

 

7. “Rather Be” – Clean Bandit (featuring Jess Glynne)

 

Spoiler

 

This song has it’s flaws and they are definitely noticeable.  But even with it’s flaws, you can’t help but appreciate the song for just being so well put together.  Why hasn’t Jess Glynne broken out from this song yet?  She is more than just the regular bland house artist on EDM’s tracks past.  She deserves all the credit for it being as fantastic as it is….ok well not all of it.  But she definitely steals this song from the musicianship of Clean Bandit.  Clean Bandit’s production work on this is almost as fantastic as Jess Glynne’s vocals.  This is the kind of EDM that other crossover stations crave.  I wish that this will become as overplayed as Wake Me Up, a song that gets more overplayed as each day passes.  But if you think one backtrack is enough, just you guys keep waiting.

 

#6

 

 

Man does my opinion on Royals lessen by the day.  I still like the song for everything that it could have been and more, but I feel like my general consensus on how pretentious Lorde is and how much I enjoy her for her pretentiousness should have been saved for her follow-up.  I know I reviewed this next song earlier this year, but god does my opinion for this still stand supremely strong.

 

6. “Team” - Lorde

 

Spoiler

 

This is my favorite Lorde song by far and I don’t think she is going to outdo this anytime soon to be honest.  This is what Royals should have been and why my opinion on Royals is decreasing every time I hear it.  Lorde’s vocals here are so haunting and her presence is felt to the point that she is demanding your attention and succeeding.  I know she doesn’t like to throw her hands up in the air, but you’ll be hard pressed to find me not doing that listening to this.  So there.

 

#5

 

….number one song of 2014 people.  Deal with it!

 

5. “Happy” – Pharrell Williams

 

Spoiler

 

Overplay never killed this song for me.  Weird Al’s parody didn’t kill this for me either.  All the references to this song on this past season of The Voice nearly did…but even then, I just remember how much joy this song brings me every time I listen to this.  It’s simplistic.  It is mind numbing.  It is catchy.  It is wonderful.  You see Let It Go?  This is how you get taken seriously as a pop song.  This song doesn’t remind me at all of Despicable Me 2 despite being in the movie for like one minute.  This song makes me think of how happy I am for everything that I have in my life.  God bless you Pharrell for reminding me why it’s good to just be happy.    

 

#4

 

I really missed the big personalities in pop music this year.  They weren’t really there this year so maybe that’s why the top of the charts dragged for months upon months.  I don’t know, it’s just a theory, but I feel like the only personality that really cemented on the charts that mattered was Taylor Swift.  Sure you can make a case for Ariana Grande, but I don’t think she’s there just yet.  Same goes for Iggy Azalea, Meghan Trainor, and Jason De…god no, I hope not him.  But it was a total surprise that one of the biggest names in pop music of the past five years only had one song make the year end chart off her new album in 2014.

 

4. “Do What U Want” – Lady Gaga (featuring R Kelly)

 

Spoiler

 

I still don’t condone letting R Kelly do what he wants what he wants with my body.  But that rehashed joke aside, this is a fantastically crafted pop song and easily my favorite song from ARTPOP.  When Lady Gaga just does away with the theatrics, she just does what she does best: making damn good pop music.  Everything about this song just works about Gaga’s thoughts about her critics.  Even with R Kelly’s inclusion, I don’t give a fuck.  R Kelly has always been a massive guilty pleasure even with him being a child molester.  His inclusion on here makes this even better to be honest because I don’t care what the press thinks about his guest verse.  It just adds to the message of this song which is let the paparazzi do and think what they want about you.  I love you Lady Gaga, please come save pop music in 2015 with another new album.

 

#3

 

All year long I kept telling myself that this was going to be number one on my year end list, but alas it’s not.  That still shouldn’t take away from the greatness that is the first love of my life.

 

3. “Ain’t It Fun” – Paramore

 

Spoiler

 

While I don’t think any of their songs will ever replace That’s What You Get as my favorite Paramore song, Ain’t It Fun is definitely a close second.  For all of you who haven’t heard me repeat this story in the past, Paramore first started off as a funk rock band and I love how Ain’t It Fun is a throwback to their funk rock roots.  What really reaches me most abut this is that it really speaks to the recent college grad in me.  It’s not fun living in the real world dealing with debts, a bad job market, and being on my own a lot.  I know some of you are thinking that Paramore is selling out for their biggest hit yet, but let me just point out to you all that at least they still have their artistic integrity…isn’t that right Adam Levine?  God if only Maroon 5 wished they had half the passion that Paramore does.

 

#2

 

SURPRISE!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pB-5XG-DbAA

 

Haha had you guys going for a minute there, didn’t I?  Ugh, I don’t know what it is about Sam Smith, but something about him comes off as entirely fake.  Maybe it’s the fact that he ALWAYS talks about how emotional he is.  Maybe it’s the fact that he has probably the blandest name imaginable.  Or maybe it’s because his voice is HEAVILY processed to the point that he sounds like he was made in a factory.  I got sick of his biggest hit Stay With Me really fast that it almost made my honorable mentions on my worst list.  Aww boo hoo, you think your one night stand is wife material.  Slow down there tiger.  No one wants to hear you moan about how much you want her to stay with you.

 

2. “Latch” – Disclosure (featuring Sam Smith)

 

Spoiler

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=93ASUImTedo

 

What we want to hear is about the flirtation, the passion, the budding romance building up to the sex.  Holy god do I owe EDM a huge apology.  Isn’t it ironic that all my constant griping about this genre the past two years that I have not only one EDM song, but two on my top 10 list this year.  If only Calvin Harris or David Guetta were able to come up with production work this good.  No it’s not even the production on this that is fantastic.  It’s also the fact that the lyrics match up perfectly to the production.  And dear god does Sam Smith and his manufactured voice just work so well meshing with everything about this song.  I also have to give major props to the music video for this too.  It’s just as fantastic as the song itself.  I can’t even begin to thank Disclosure enough for renewing my interest in electronic dance music this year.  While their album wasn’t as fascinating as I found Latch to be, Disclosure is actually a damn good electro-pop group that you guys should all check out.

 

#1

 

For some reason I can’t locate this quote from my ask thread pages and pages ago, but I remember terminoob once asking me my thoughts on the artist for my number one song nearly a year ago.  Now what was my response?

 

I fucking hate him.

 

And I still stand true to those sentiments.  Because around this time last year, I definitely did fucking hate him.  His willowy sing voice singing about subject matters he had no reason to be singing about.  God were his hits on 2013’s charts some of the most boring genetic white guy acoustic guitar playing shit I’ve heard in quite some time.  I don’t entirely hate his kind of music, but it’s boring as fuck.  That being said, 2014 made me eat my words about this artist.  Because while one of my all time favorites in Justin Timberlake didn’t have as successful of a year in terms of hit music, this guy was probably the best Justin Timberlake of 2014.  His first single “Sing” was close to being one of my honorable mentions of 2014, but I didn’t find it to be memorable enough to warrant a spot for consideration.  But with all the heartbreak I went through towards the end of 2014, this song immediately cemented myself as my guaranteed best song of 2014.

 

1. “Don’t” – Ed Sheeran

 

Spoiler

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iD2rhdFRehU

 

Just like how Rock Your Body cemented Justin Timberlake to me as a compelling solo pop artist, Don’t cemented my thoughts that Ed Sheeran is evolving as an artist to a more believable pop act.  His story about how Ellie Goulding cheated on him with one of his friends is just so damn intriguing.  You can tell by the anger in his voice how distraught that made him and it’s just the perfect blow off song about not just for him, but for any guy (or girl for the matter) who has ever been wronged.  And to think that Ed Sheeran thought that this song would be too personal to gain any sort of radio airplay.  Boy am I glad that was proven wrong.  I’m actually glad I’ve been proven wrong about Ed Sheeran in general.  The guy always came off as charming in an offbeat way during any sort of interviews, but it wasn’t until this year that his music finally spoke to me.  I like this new Ed Sheeran so good riddance any hatred I’ve ever had for the man.  Welcome to my good graces sir and I expect more great music from you in the years to come.

[Steel Sponge]

2014 in pop music was to the point that I would have to make at least one embarrassing choice for a song that I liked, because most of the music on the year-end charts I found hard to appreciate. I do still like "Leave the Night On," even as a guilty pleasure, but looking back on "Drunk on a Plane," I KNEW that should've been my #10, and now don't remember why I decided to leave that out. Maybe I just didn't find it as funny. In other words, I liked "Drunk on a Plane," slightly more now in retrospect.

 

Also, what are your thoughts on "Chandelier?"

[Burgerpants]

 

Also, what are your thoughts on "Chandelier?"

#1 song for me