Clappy's Top 50 Worst Songs of All Time List

[Sweat]

I would've put We Can't Stop on there too

[Clappy]

I would've put We Can't Stop on there too

We Can't Stop is a really stupid song, but I would be lying if I said it wasn't catchy.

[Elastic Dawg]

I really don't hate Beyonce. Her music is standard pop, but I mean, what's wrong with that? She's pretty hot, too, so that's always a plus.

[Wumbo]

I really don't hate Beyonce. Her music is standard pop, but I mean, what's wrong with that? She's pretty hot, too, so that's always a plus.

 

I don't mind standard pop, but that's not why I hate Beyoncé anyway. A lot of her songs are just male-bash, male-bash, male-bash to an almost cartoonish level. I think the climax is reached in "Run the World (Girls)", whose chorus consists of:

 

Girls, we run this motha (yeah!) [x4]

GIRLS!

 

Who run the world? Girls! [x4]

Who run this motha? Girls! [x4]

Who run the world? Girls! [x4]

 

Look, I'm no misogynist or anything. But I am a shitty music hater, and this and many other songs fit the bill. I will concede that she is smokin', though.

 

Also, can somebody please tell Miley that she was never able to sing?

[Clappy]

I'm probably going to get some hate for these next two, but I am willing to hear you guys point it out.  Plus the descriptions are going to be massively short since I have places to go after I post this.  I'll gladly expand my hatred if you guys really want me to.

 

 

34. "Kokomo" - The Beach Boys

 

 

Sorry OMJ, Jelly, and any other fans of this song.  But damn, this is just a massive joke.  I refuse to believe that this is The Beach Boys.  This is just the same easy listening crap that dominated the radio airwaves in the late 1980s.  Go listen to California Girls, I Get Around, Surfin' USA, and all these other amazing Beach Boy songs.  Not this boring, dull, uninspiring song.

 

 

 

 

33. "The Final Countdown" - Europe  

 

 

I really can't stand Europe.  I hate them so much.  From their incredibly uninspiring band name to Joey Tempest's incredibly bad vocals.  One of my least favorite bands of all time and their biggest hit is easily their worst hit in my eyes.  Oh and worst of all, I hate Rocky IV and that's how this song became so huge.  So many wrongs, no rights.  How did these guys stay relevant longer than they should have is beyond me.  Plus I hear this song almost every day at work and my disgust for it constantly grows.

[Burgerpants]

33:   (Destroys list)

[Clappy]

33:   (Destroys list)

OH NO YOU AIN'T!

[terminoob]

How dare you talk about "amazing" songs by The Beach Boys and not mention Spring Vacation.

[Clappy]

Damn that Enrique Iglesias.

Tonight he's fucking you.

[Sweat]

Tonight he's fucking you.

RAPE!!!!

[SG19]

Tonight he's fucking you.

He doesn't mean to be rude.

[Elastic Dawg]

What? No. That's not a sense of humor. That's being a douchebag. No one has ever had the thought of dressing like a hillbilly while meeting the Prime Minister of Canada because it'd be a funny thing to do. No one has ever said "Rape happens for a reason" because they thought it was so clever and witty and hilarious. No one has done any of the deplorable things this kid has done because it was just their "sense of humor".

He's a douchebag. Period. He's a terrible person. Period. He's gradually having his celebrity meltdown, and, yes, while some of it is hilarious to hear ("Did you hear Justin Bieber pissed in a bucket and yelled at a picture of Bill Clinton?" "No way that's hilarious"), that doesn't stop him from being a terrible person and people need to stop thinking it's cute and funny because people shouldn't be getting away with the crap he's getting away with.

 

I'm not laughing because it's "cute and funny", i'm laughing because...it's that one pop star with a squeaky clean image becoming a complete and utter misanthrope. It's something equally hilarious and mind-blowing, really.

 

Oh, and Claps, props for "Kokomo" (lame, poppy Jimmy Buffet-esque (EWWW) soft rock) and "The Final Countdown" (overrated 80s hair shit, which, quite honestly, is shit most of the time). 

[Clappy]

32. "Glory of Love" - Peter Cetera

 

 

Remember what I said about boring bad songs?  Look no further than this.  I mean it's the theme song for THE KARATE KID II.  You think this would be far more exciting for a movie about martial arts?  I mean here is the theme for the original Karate Kid:

 

 

That springs excitement!  This?  This brings me boredom.  Speaking of boredom, what the hell is with Peter Cetera's voice in this?  I swear this has to be one of the most autotuned songs ever.  You know the more I think about it, Chicago was a pretty overrated band as well.  They weren't any better without Peter Cetera and it pains me to see that this is what Peter Cetera became as a solo artist.  Boring bland adult contemporary shit.

 

Now there is a reason this explanation was so short.....because we got a very special song at 31.

 

 

 

 

31. "We Are the World 25 for Haiti" - So Many Celebrities

 

 

Now before you guys point out that this might be somewhat disrespectful to have a song that was re-recorded for an important cause on this list, let me say this right now.  I respect the meaning behind this.  Of course I am all for using music as a way to help raise funding for incidents and events that affect countries in need like Africa for the original and Haiti for the remake.  Even if it means we have to ask our celebrities to help raise funding for such causes.  Because celebrities out there want to help.  I know I just said they can be smug jackasses, but they do have hearts inside their bodies and feel for those in time of need.  

 

All that being said, that doesn't make an awful song any less awful.  "We are the world" "We are the children".....I'm sorry, but you couldn't have came up with a better set of lyrics than that?  The lyrics for this song are incredibly corny and there is a reason why these giant celebrity collaboration songs always get mocked in media/pop culture.  But the one thing that the original "We Are the World" had in 1985 was massive star power: Bruce Springsteen, Michael Jackson, Lionel Richie, Tina Turner, Billy Joel....AMAZING.  But one of the main problems with this version is that...the starpower isn't as strong.  I mean yeah we still got plenty of stars, but...eh screw it.  Here's who is on here (thanks Wikipedia there is no way I would have gotten everyone if I tried):

 

• Justin Bieber
• Nicole Scherzinger
• Jennifer Hudson
• Jennifer Nettles
• Josh Groban
• Tony Bennett
• Mary J. Blige
• Michael Jackson (borrowed stock footage from 1985)
• Janet Jackson
• Barbra Streisand
• Miley Cyrus
• Enrique Iglesias
• Jamie Foxx
• Wyclef Jean
• Adam Levine
• Pink
• BeBe Winans
• Usher
• Jeff Bridges (The Dude?  Really? xD)
• Celine Dion
• Orianthi
• Fergie
• Charice
• Nick Jonas
• Toni Braxton
• Mary Mary
• Isaac Slade
• Carlos Santana
• Lil Wayne
• Akon
• T-Pain
• LL Cool J 
• will.i.am 
• Snoop Dogg
• Nipsey Hussle
• Busta Rhymes
• Swizz Beatz 
• Kid Cudi 
• Mann
• Kanye West

An impressive list, but re-read that list twice for some major starpower missing.  Where is Justin Timberlake?  Where is Lady Gaga?  Where is Katy Perry?  Where is Taylor Swift?  Where is Beyonce?  Where is Jay-Z?  Hell, even Coldplay isn't on here and you'd expect a band like them to be on a star powered charity song like this.

 

Now a few notes about the song itself.  Starting off with Justin Bieber?  I'm just going to point out that you have so many artists on here and you picked to start off with the Biebs?  I bet termi and Wumbo have more to say about that than I will.  Is Barbara Streisand even relevant anymore?  Wyclef Jean...what the hell are you even doing?  He just goes so over the top that you can't help but laugh at him.  Lil Wayne can now say he has collaborated with every artist.  They replaced the star powered rock artist grouping on the original with one giant rap part?  I guess rap is quite popular these days, but ugh it's so hard to understand with so many guys rapping at once, it's just awkward.  Kanye, are you sure you are on the right song?  This song is called "We Are the World", not "I Am the World".  But holy crap, I have to repeat this again.  WYCLEF JEAN IS INSANE ON HERE.  Someone should seriously have told him to turn it down a couple notches.

 

Once again, I'll repeat myself.  I'm not against the message behind this.  I support charitable causes.  Which is why I don't have this song much higher than it probably deserves to be.  But it's just so hard to take the song itself seriously when we have spent such a long time mocking these giant mash ups.  I mean "I'm Fucking Ben Affleck" mocked the giant over collaboration "We Are the World" perfectly.  When you spend nearly 25 years mocking these kinds of songs, it's just so hard to take the song itself seriously when it gets remade like so.

 

 

Josh Groban can now say he's done this kind of song twice.  Is it bad that I think he sounded more passionate about Jimmy Kimmel fucking Ben Affleck?

[kev]

 I mean "I'm Fucking Ben Affleck" mocked the giant over collaboration "We Are the World" perfectly.  When you spend nearly 25 years mocking these kinds of songs, it's just so hard to take the song itself seriously when it gets remade like so.

 

 

Josh Groban can now say he's done this kind of song twice.  Is it bad that I think he sounded more passionate about Jimmy Kimmel fucking Ben Affleck?

 

And it's horrible parody?

 

[Sweat]

A charity song doesn't have any place in the top 20, but that piece of shit hit #2 on the hot 100 chart.

[Clappy]

Since it's a slow sick day

 

 

Coming up....R&B "love songs"

 

 

 

30. "Kiss Me Thru The Phone" - Soulja Boy Tell'em featuring Sammie (whoever the hell he is)

 

 

Another artist I have absolutely no respect for.  Soulja Boy often gets called one of the worst rappers alive and I definitely am not one to argue against that proclamation.  He is atrocious and just a parody of what rap music is turning into.  One big fat joke.  You know what's worse than his rapping?  When he tries to flatter a girl with a love song.  He is far worse when he is trying to swipe a girl off her feet.  It's just pathetic.  His first love song was called "Soulja Girl" and quite frankly, that song was atrocious.  It was another honorable mention that almost made the countdown.  But this one?  This is just so much worse.  Where to begin?  It's obnoxious synth track?  The lazy melody?  Or Soulja Boy's complete lack of decisive word choice?  I swear he says the same things in every song or every other R&B song to really try to make himself stand out:

 

-You my future wifey

 

-SouljaBoyTellEm

 

-you could be my bonnie, I could be your clyde

 

-I need you in my life yeah

 

-everytime I see ya my feelings get deeper

 

-I miss ya, I miss ya, I really wanna kiss you but I can't

 

I mean does he do anything to try and make him more diverse as an artist?  Nope because that would require actual effort, which Soulja Boy never shows or attempts to do.  I mean what other explanation would there be as to why he is trying to make kissing through phones as an elaborate symbol of love?

 

Btw can someone please tell me whose number this?

 

Six seven eight triple nine eight two one two
(678) 999-8212

 

Hopefully that's Soulja Boy himself.  Because I bet he got plenty of calls complaining about how atrocious he is.

 

 

29. "Break Up" - Mario featuring Sean Garrett and Gucci Mane

 

 

I'll be honest.  I had no clue of this song's existence until I started to watch Todd in the Shadows.  After finding out about him, I was curious as to what his least favorite song was.  Then I saw that this was up there and that he even did a review for it using the words "THIS IS THE WORST SONG I'VE EVER HEARD".  

 

Me?  I actually don't think it's the worst thing I've ever heard.  It's actually really fun to nitpick because it's that bad of a song.  Obviously I have heard much worse, but I can see why he thinks this so horrendous because this definitely is.  This is easily one of the laziest and dumbest R&B songs I have ever heard.  It's one of those bro douchey songs where the guys are too fucking stupid to realize why the girl would want to break up with any of them?  Need proof?

 

When I kiss you so good,
Why would you wanna break up?
When this loving is so good,
Why would you wanna break up?
When I hit that so good,
Why would you wanna break up?
When this feeling is so good,
Why would you wanna break up?

 

Loving you, loving you, loving you
When I'm, when I'm
Loving you, loving you
Why would you wanna break up?
Do anything for you
Why would you wanna break up?
See I been driving through your hood
Why would you wanna break up?

 

 

God I lost count how many times they repeat "Why would you wanna break up" in this damn song.  Oh and driving through your hood is definitely a good reason to not break up with you. #sarcasm

 

Yeah why would this girl want to break up with any of you?  Maybe it's because of things like this:

 

I know I be, (flirting with them girls)

 

AND

 

I know I be, said I'd be right back, but take to long.
I know I be, saying I be faithful but I don't

 

AND 

 

Making you them promises
Then breaking you're heart again
Telling you she wasn't, who she was

 

 

SEE!?  YOU JUST POINTED OUT WHY SHE WANTS TO BREAK UP!  YOU JUST ANSWERED YOUR OWN QUESTION YOU FUCKING IDIOTS!  NO ONE IS THIS OBLIVIOUS!

 

Oh and one more thing, you can blame some producer named Bangladash for this god awful synth beat.  He's the same asshole behind A Milli and Beyonce's Diva.  Trust me, Bangladash makes another appearance on here later on.

[Clappy]

Heh speaking of bro douchey

 

28. "Rico Suave" - Gerardo Mejia

 

 

 

You know Vanilla Ice, people often forget that there was a far worse one hit wonder rapper out there.  Ladies and gentleman, I don't know if you guys remember Gerardo, but this guy trailblazed latin rappers in the early 90s.  I'll give him credit.  He is Rico Suave and he was a ground breaker.  Too bad he wasn't all that talented and the more I listen to this song, the more laughably bad this is.  Also the spanish to english translations are laughable, you can find them here:

 

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090409204236AAQ51l7

 

 

The more I think about it, how did this guy become famous anyway?  He reminds me an awful lot like Jersey Shore's The Situation.  An uneducated douchebag who looks good with his shirt off and brags about how many women he gets.  I mean when you have guys like Vanilla Ice and Marky Mark Wahlberg doing a much better job at being rappers not taken seriously, you know you aren't going to have that long of a career.  Thankfully  Gerardo didn't and now is discovering music talent as a record agent.  You can thank  Gerardo for this guy being famous:

 

[Jellatine]

Oh...so many atrocities that I don't even know where to start...I actually knew that Break Up shit song...sigh... those are the kind of lyrics that make a girl cry...out of pure disappointment of what music has come to...and lmao Rico Suave, where the heck did that kid even come from? It's so annoying, talking.like.this.is.not rapping! gosh, makes me embarrassed to be latina...Can't Be Tamed, good God, who told Miley she can sing?? >.< Eenie Minie...as the song was playing and Justin Bieber started singing it took me a while to realize it was JB, I HONESTLY thought it was a female singer (not even joking cuz I wasn't looking at the video). I agree with everything you said about We Are the World, it's just...no. Wyclef Jean does a spot-on impersonation of Yoko Ono, tho. 

...and one last thing, I don't think I can forgive you for including Kokomo! It's relaxing, it's fun! the lyrics!...ok, the lyrics, specially the chorus are not more than listing places and cheesy words that rhyme with them, I'll give you THAT, but the verses are ok, describes what vacationing at the beach should feel like, and like I mentioned to you once, it makes me smile because I "know a little place like Kokomo" and I am from there and every time I hear that song it makes me wish I was there...so maybe I'm letting homesickness influence on my liking to it, but heck, I still don't see what's wrong with it, it's not boring, the chorus is upbeat and cool ;P

[Wumbo]

Eh, "Kiss Me Thru the Phone" isn't nearly Soulja Boy's worst to me (though it is bad, all of his songs are). That goes to "Pretty Boy Swag".

[Sweat]

Eh, "Kiss Me Thru the Phone" isn't nearly Soulja Boy's worst to me (though it is bad, all of his songs are). That goes to "Pretty Boy Swag".

Oh god, don't remind me of that song -.-