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Clappy's Top 50 Worst Songs of All Time List


Clappy

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Eh, I can appreciate "Rockstar" on some sort of level because I'm pretty sure zero of it is meant to be serious. And "A BATHROOM I CAN PLAY BAYSE-BAULL IIIN" is one of the most hilariously bad lyrics ever.

 

Kind of wish you had dug into that wretched Beyoncé song (and Beyoncé as an artist, for that matter) more, but yeah. I will never understand Beyoncé hype.

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Kind of wish you had dug into that wretched Beyoncé song (and Beyoncé as an artist, for that matter) more, but yeah. I will never understand Beyoncé hype.

I couldn't come up with anything that we haven't mocked previously about that song because when it first came out I think a lot of people already mocked how bad it was perfectly.  I tried though Wumbo, I tried. :P

 

 

 

5. "Just Lose It" - Eminem

 

Spoiler

 

 

Remember how I said earlier that after 8 Mile, Eminem just stopped trying?  Well I think this is the epitome of how bad it got for him.  This song...it's just painful how horrible this was.  It's quite clear that something sucked the talent right out of him and he became everything that haters made him out to be.  Witless, unfunny, and trying too hard to shock people.  Oh this song shocked people alright Marshall.  It shocked me how hard the mighty have fallen.

 

Alright Stop!.....Pajama time

 

MC Hammer reference?  Really?

 

What else could I possibly do to make noise?

I done touched on everything, but little boys

That's not a stab at Michael

 

Clearly Em, because no one believes you to be a child molester nor was that even the cleverest attempt at a Michael Jackson riff.

 

Like TP for my bunghole

 

I don't even think Beavis and Butt-head would laugh at that reference.

 

Give a little "poot poot", it's OK! *farts*

Oops my CD just skipped

And everyone just heard you let one rip

 

facepalm.jpg

 

 

Now this is the part where the rap breaks down

It gets real intense, no one makes a sound

Everything looks like it's 8 Mile now

 

Are you kidding me?  It was just a year ago when you had one of the best rap breakdowns I've ever heard with this:

 

Spoiler

 

Now you are comparing THIS to FUCKING 8 MILE?  YOU JUST LOST IT!

 

Spoiler

 

THAT PEE WEE HERMAN LAUGH IS PAINFUL!!!!!!!

 

Eminem made the right decision sitting out the rest of the decade and I don't know if he'll ever be as good as he once was, but at least his newer stuff isn't as bad as this.

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4. "Hey Soul Sister" - Train

 

Spoiler

 

This song.  It's painful how bad this is.  I can't think of a more painful set of lyrics.  Yeah these next few songs that follow this one all have bad lyrics.  But god, this is probably the most painful set of lyrics for a song I've ever seen.  Pat Monahan has just become one of the worst lyricists ever thanks to this song.  It's carried over into his other horrible songs "Drive By", "50 Ways to Say Goodbye", etc. after this song.  God out of all the 90s/early 2000s adult alternative bands, why did Train have to stick around?  Why not Lifehouse?  Five For Fighting?  I mean yeah neither of these "bands" are all that great, but good god where they a hell of a lot better than Train.  The only song of theirs I even remotely think is ok is "Drops of Jupiter" and that's pushing it.

 

But yeah, enough about how god awful Train is, let's primarily focus on this Train song.  I've already mentioned how excruciating the lyrics are, but I haven't showed off any of them yet.

 

Your lipstick stains on the front lobe of my left side brains

 

...Pat Monahan has multiple brains?  And this kiss stained his brain(s)?

 

I knew when we collided you're the one I have decided
Who's one of my kind

 

Dear god I seriously hope she isn't.  We don't need multiple Pat Monahans.

 

Hey soul sister, ain't that mister mister on the radio, stereo

 

You mean this Mr. Mister?

 

Spoiler

.

Who the hell dances to Mr. Mister?  Whoever it is, it's definitely not "soul sisters".

 

Spoiler
mandy-reinmuth-soul-sister-2160.jpg

 

 

I'm so obsessed
My heart is bound to beat right out my untrimmed chest

 

*shudders* Pat Monahan's chest hair.  That's the last thing I want to think of.

 

I believe in you, like a virgin, you're Madonna

 

Lil Wayne called.  He wants his obscure song reference metaphors back.  Oh and Madonna may have had that song, but she is definitely not a virgin.

 

The way you can cut a rug

 

Who the hell still says cut a rug, grandpa?

 

Watching you is the only drug I need

 

Overused line is overused line.

 

I'm so gangsta, I'm so thug

 

*breathes* CONGRATULATIONS!  THIS IS THE WORST LYRIC I HAVE EVER HEARD!

 

This lyric is so excruciatingly painful that I still twitch just typing about it because this is the whitest song to have that sort of line in.

 

This song is a hacktastical masterpiece and not in a good way either.  It's a page straight out of the acoustic guitar player song writing book.  Seriously you know who does this song better?

 

Spoiler

 

YEAH THAT'S RIGHT.  I JUST WENT THERE.  A SONG ALREADY ON MY WORST SONG COUNTDOWN DOES BETTER 80S REFERENCES, BETTER LYRICS, AND BETTER EVERYTHING THAN TRAIN.  SO IF THAT SONG IS HORRIBAD, THIS MAKES THIS SONG EXCRUCIATINGLY AWFUL.

 

I won't miss a single thing this song does....tonight.

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3. "Birthday Cake" - Rihanna (featuring Chris Brown)

 

Spoiler

 

It's about damn time a Rihanna song came on here.  I take back what I said earlier, sorry Beyonce.  At least you can sing. Rihanna is definitely the most overrated pop artist of all time.

 

I've already covered this song multiple times in the past so I'm not gonna go in too deep.  But I don't think I've justified how awfully tasteless this song is.  Especially because of....the incident.

 

Rihanna: Remember how you did it?  

 

Oh I think we all remember how he did it Rihanna.  I'd rather forget it to be honest.

 

Chris Brown: Girl I wanna fuck you right now (right now).  Been a long time, I’ve been missing your body

 

Of course it's been a long time.  Because you hit her.  Asshole.

 

Chris Brown: Give it to her in the worst way

 

Why do his managers allow him to do this to himself in his lyrics?  CHRIS, YOU ALREADY GAVE IT TO HER IN THE WORST WAY.  THE WORST WAY POSSIBLE.

 

And if the disturbing duet wasn't enough, we have Rihanna constantly repeating the word "cake" to death and then making so many disgustingly over the top sexual metaphors about licking icing and blowing candles.  God it's just absolutely gross especially since the guy she is singing to should be a convicted felon.

 

You know it's kind of hard to justify this song as only number three.  It's the most uncomfortable of any song left on this countdown.  Especially since number two is more of an unbelievably stupid song than anything else.

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Before I get to number two, I want to get this out of the way.  I am well aware that there are songs out there that become ridiculously popular out of nowhere.  Like some weird songs have charted like.

 

-Do The Bartman

-Anything from High School Musical (even though I kinda like the first, how did these songs chart musically?)

-Gangnam Style

-Amazing Grace

-Harlem Shake (in 2013 when the song came out in 1981)

-Never Gonna Give You Up (another 80s song that charted in the 2000s) 

-Convoy (some trucker anthem from the 1970s)

 

But one of the weirdest songs to ever chart and make an impact on pop music in the 1970s is my number 2 worst song of all time.

 

2. "Disco Duck" - Rick Dees (featuring One Creepy As Fuck Duck Puppet)

 

Spoiler

 

SERIOUSLY!  LOOK AT THIS SHIT!  HOW DID IT REACH #1 IN 1976?

 

I know what you guys are thinking like always.  But Clappy, this is just a harmless, even lulzy song.  WELL YOU GUYS TRY HAVING A FATHER WHO DID THIS AWFUL DUCK IMPERSONATION WHEN YOU WERE A KID THAT IT SOMEWHAT SCARED ME FOR LIFE.

 

I'm not making this shit up people.  Once I first became active on the internet at the age of 12 (yeah I was deprived as a kid), my dad showed me a picture of this...damn duck puppet.  He pretty much showed me that this song inspired his god awful duck voice.  I hate this song with a passion.  I mean it barely makes it over the three minute mark.  I assume Rick Dees also did the duck impersonation as well which makes it even worse.  Donald Duck at least sounds like a believable duck.  Disco, I'm assuming that's what the name of that thing is, sounds nothing like a duck at all.  I loathe what this song did to me.  It's so stupid.  It's existence is pointless.  This guy is a fucking hack and that duck can go burn in the fiery pits of hell.  I'd rather Disco Duck Hunt.

 

NES-Nintendo-Duck-Hunt-GUIZDP-SC2.png

 

Number 1 song is coming tomorrow.

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Time to reveal the worst song ever....and I can't think of a more deserving man than this guy

 

fred-durst-slayer.jpg

 

Fuck you Fred Durst.  Go eat a dick.

 

You know what the worst part is?  Limp Bizkit when they try to be good, they can actually surprise people.

 

Spoiler

 

But honestly a hell of a lot time, they are bad.

 

Spoiler

 

Really bad.

 

Spoiler

 

Even their new stuff still reeks of awfulness.

 

Spoiler

 

 

But none of that can come even close to touching this.

 

 

1. "Faith" - Limp Bizkit

 

Spoiler

 

This is by far one of the worst songs ever recorded and easily my least favorite cover of all time. A new metal/rap rock cover of George Michael’s “Faith” aka one of my honorable mentions that I was going to post but never got around to that honorable mention list. There was no absolutely no reason for this except making an already bad song even worse. And because of it, Fred Durst is a little richer, and we’re all, as a species, a little poorer.

 

Nothing much else left to say except that this song makes me sick to my stomach literally.  Not many songs can do that and it's the absolute most putrid thing I have ever heard....  

 

 

...well that's it....

 

Spoiler

 

OH WHO THE FUCK AM I KIDDING.  A LOT OF YOU ALREADY KNOW THAT I'M MISSING ONE SONG THAT I CONSTANTLY RANT ABOUT HOW BAD THIS IS.  THUS THIS DESERVES THE REAL TOP SPOT.

 

0. "Welcome To My Life" - Simple Plan

 

 

 

SHUT THE FUCK UP SIMPLE PLAN.  OH MY GOD SHUT UP.  I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE LIKE YOU.  BECAUSE I CAN ONLY WISH TO BE AS AWESOME AS YOU GUYS ARE AND MAKE MILLIONS OF DOLLARS BY SINGING WHINY SHIT LIKE THIS.  I DON'T GIVE A SHIT IF THIS IS ABOUT TEENAGE ANGST BECAUSE TEENAGERS AREN'T THIS OVERDRAMATIC ABOUT THEIR LIVES.  GROW THE HELL UP.  OF COURSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE BECAUSE I LIVE A NORMAL LIFE JUST LIKE MOST OF THE PEOPLE WHO LISTEN TO THIS. 

 

THE WORST PART ABOUT THIS IS THAT I HEAR THIS SONG ONCE AT LEAST ONCE A DAY NO MATTER WHAT.  I'M THAT UNFORTUNATE.  WELCOME TO MY LIFE.

 

 

 

And that's my countdown.  Feel free to post your thoughts.  Oh and I'm still probably gonna do that honorable mentions and other songs who deserve a few cents thrown their way. Even though I am late on getting to that.

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0. "Welcome To My Life" - Simple Plan

 

Ah, yes. The song that created Todd in the Shadows.

Anyway, for my opinions:

50: Never Heard

49: OH OH OH (Meh)

48: Never Heard

47: Switch the songs around, and I'd agree.

46: Never heard

45: Never Heard

44: Never Heard

43: Never Heard

42: Never Heard

41: THEY SUCK

40: It sucks. Need I say more?

39: PAPAPAPA PAPAPAPA BABY (One of the most annoying things i've heard, and that's not even the worst offender in MiVi...

38: Never heard.(And what is a "shawnty"?)

37: Never Heard

36:Never Heard

35:Never Heard

34: So the Beach Boys took a page from the book of Jimmy Buffet. So what?

33: I still cannot forgive you for this.

32: I AMM A MANN WHO WILL FIGHTT FOR YOURR HONORR. It sucks.

31: Never heard

30: Never Heard

29: Never Heard

28: AH YAY AH YAY YAY It's okay.

27: I If anyone dies young, They should've listened to Kesha's or fun.'s songs, NOT THIS.

26: Never Heard

25: Never Heard

24: Thumbs up for the Slizzard comment. This sucks.

23: Bad. Just... Bad.

22: NEver heard

21: Meh.

20:Never Heard

19:Never Heard

18: Never Heard

17:Never Heard

16:Never Heard

15:Never Heard

14: Never Heard

13:Never Heard

12:Never Heard

11:Never Heard

10: Just Plain Sexist. No Countdown.

9: Never Heard

8:Never Heard, But They Suck.

7: I just don't get the hate this song gets.

6: Never heard

5: You know, I thought it was intentional for Eminem to go this way. I mean how can you take the Pee-Wee laugh and The Poot-Poot seriously?

4: That might be Mister-Mister, but that's not a reason to right these lyrics.

3: CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE IS A LIE

2: Too stupid to hate.

1: OMG I HATE THIS SONG

0: (Read above)

I'm surprized that D4L's "Laffy Taffy" and Gwen Stefani's "Hollaback Girl" isn't on here.

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