Clappy's Top 50 Worst Songs of All Time List

[Sabre]

 

 

"Lisa, honey, if you really want to preserve his memory, I recommend getting a tattoo. It preserves the things you love"

 

 

""Starland Vocal Band"?! They suck!"

[Sweat]

 

"Lisa, honey, if you really want to preserve his memory, I recommend getting a tattoo. It preserves the things you love"

 

 

""Starland Vocal Band"?! They suck!"

I love that episode.

[Clappy]

Gonna only do one song tonight.  Sorry guys, but I was barely able to fit in SBC time today.

 

 

You know, this next one really pains me to have to do this to someone I actually have tons of respect for...as an entertainer.  I mean she has done far more good than bad in her career.  Hell, I just watched her in Spring Breakers.  She was pretty damn good and the movie in general was surprisingly good.  Elastic, since I know you've liked Harmony Korine's previous works, check that movie out.  As a singer, she has had plenty of guilty pleasures on the radio.  Also, Wizards of Waverly Place was a good Disney sitcom...before they tried too hard to stray into dramatic storylines instead of comedy.  But Selena Gomez....this is just inexcusable.

 

 

40. "Come and Get It" - Selena Gomez

 

 

 

Let me just get this out of the way right now.  Unless something more unbearable hits the radio this year (which is entirely possible since I heard that Flo Rida and Pitbull have a song together now...guarantee it's going to suck), THIS IS MY LEAST FAVORITE SONG OF 2013.  I mean where do I start?  Let me get the obvious out of the way.  Gee...it's like I've heard this song before.  It sounds like trashy pop music that is meant to be dance music and provide sexual innuendos.  Hmm, I wonder what crappy artist I can picture singing this exact same song?

 

 

 

You know what's even worse?  When I randomly searched "Rihanna Where Have You Been" to compare and contrast tribal themed music, I found the damn music video for "Come and Get It".

 

Selena.  It's not a compliment to be compared to Rihanna.  Rihanna is one of the most overrated pop artists of the past decade and I despise her.  I loathe her.  I can insert as many synonyms as I want about my hatred of Rihanna...and whenever I hear this song, I constantly picture Rihanna doing this.  Selena, you don't have to change your style to be someone you aren't and you actually have talent.  So please Selena Gomez.  I love you like a love song baby.  Everything just comes naturally.  Who says who says you aren't perfect...ok I actually don't care for that song of yours.  But Selena, you decided to choose this song, so I have no choice but to riff it.

 

Anyway about this song.  I can understand why Selena probably wanted to do this.  I wont argue that she’s entitled to break free of that squeaky clean image and as an adult and start owning her sexuality because she is definitely one beautiful young woman.  But dammit Selena, it’s the fact that you are singing quite proudly about being a total doormat with the notion that THAT is sexy.  THAT is not sexy.  For god's sake woman, you just left Disney Channel.  That fanbase still follows.  You want that young girl demographic to think that it's ok to defer yourself sexually to men?  I can probably insert some sexual innuendo right here, but I won't because I actually have respect for Selena Gomez.  I'm probably losing a lot of you with this, so let's just go straight to the lyrics.

 

You ain’t gotta worry, it’s an open invitation
I’ll be sittin’ right here, real patient
All day, all night, I’ll be waitin’ standby

 

I mean Jesus, if you want to go have sex that badly, buy yourself a vibrator. 

 

This love will be the death of me
But I know I'll die happily

 

JESUS CHRIST.  Premature thoughts of death at 21?  Damn girl, it's just sex.

I'll know, I'll know, I'll know
Because you love me so…

 

Once again Selena...no.  He just wants to fuck you.  Tonight, he's fucking you.

 

Maybe this is just my thought process on David Archuleta all over again, but there is a massive difference.  Selena actually has a full fledged career ahead of her.  David is just a one and done reality show competitor.  I can't think of a waste of potential on a song this badly in quiet sometime.  I mean in a year where there is nothing but boring adult contemporary songs and DJs trying to cash in and become the next David Guetta and Calvin Harris, this is probably the worst hit song of the bunch.  I'm getting absolutely sick of hearing it all the time, I'm sick of the over repetitive lyrics, I'm tired of the crappy tribal beat, and I'm absolutely sick of people trying to copy Rihanna since that's like acknowledging Rihanna has talent to begin with.

 

Oh and one more thing.  Selena, can you please tell me why you try to insert "na na na na na" into this?  I've noticed it's become a thing for you lately with that and Who Says.  Do I like it?  Na na na na na.

 

[Sauce Mama]

Sky rockets in flight. *PEEEEWWWWWWW*

[Sweat]

Well I thought the song was okay.

[Jellatine]

I actually thought the David Archuleta song was OK, and why oh WHY did you have to post that big Bieber face before I go to bed >__< ok, it's no news I hate that little ^&*@#.... but idk why you defend him so much, Claps :/

The Selena Gomez song is annoying but kind of, sort of bearable, but yes, sounds a lot like Rihanna which is NOT good, I'm with you there. Oh and that Will.i.am/Jennifer Lopez/...Mick Jagger song? wtf is up with that and why I never heard of it? It's sooo bad, to, it's a shame seeing Mick Jagger selling out like that >__< Escape by Enrique Iglesias, like I told you on Turntable the other night, I like it but in spanish, now idk which one came first, but something tells me the Spanish version did, which would explain the bad lyrics in English.

 

 

Don't get me wrong.  I heavily considered putting Revolution 9 on here.  It's absolutely awful and is hands down the worst Beatles song ever.  But then I realized something.  It's not music...or at least it's not to me.  I don't even think The Beatles were even trying with Revolution 9.  I blame that acid.  

Well, Revolution 9 was more of a sound experiment by John and Yoko rather than a song, none of the other Beatles had anything to do with it, specially not Paul, who was heavily against including this song in the White Album, but John got his way...so I take it as it is, an experiment, and I find it quite interesting, actually. 

[Clappy]

I actually thought the David Archuleta song was OK, and why oh WHY did you have to post that big Bieber face before I go to bed >__< ok, it's no news I hate that little ^&*@#.... but idk why you defend him so much, Claps :/

I defend him because he is really not that bad. Especially over the past year. The Biebs is not as horrendously awful as people make him out to be. I'm not a fan of his, but he really gets too much slack when there are far worst artists out there like:

39. "Baby, Don't Forget My Number" - Milli Vanilli

I really really wish I could forget that Milli Vanilli was a thing, but sadly they were one of the biggest acts in the early 90s...until they got caught lip syncing. I mean I know they were German and English wasn't even their second language, but that doesn't save them from recording this. How did this even reach number one on the Billboard charts that year? It was absolute gibberish. Seriously, this is horrendous funk...R&B....dance...whatever genre at it's absolute worst.

Baby don't be shy

When you're holding my hand

'Cause as time goes by

You got to understand

it's you

(can I dance with you)

Wait, so they want to dance? For a minute, I thought they were going to sweep her off her feet with their auotune?

I've been searching high

I've been searching low

wanna spend my life

with you

Oh so now they want to commit to a serious relationship with her after a night of dancing? They got some "smooth" moves.

I got the best for you

so when you're in doubt

babe, believe in someone

Baby call my line

Call me anytime

Oh so now they just want to hook up.

Seriously, you can't tell from listening to this song how much they want this girl they are fighting over. Is it a one time fling? Is it a serious commitment? I don't know, but they make sure to remind her to not forget their number. I think Beavis and Butthead summarized this song the best.

Fuck Milli Vanilli. I'm glad that this is one 90s trend that didn't stick around throughout that decade.

My condolences to the Rob Pilatus family though since he passed away in 1998.

[Metal Snake]

I actually thought the David Archuleta song was OK, and why oh WHY did you have to post that big Bieber face before I go to bed >__< ok, it's no news I hate that little ^&*@#.... but idk why you defend him so much, Claps :/

 

He's just a bad singer who helps produce bad music for teenage girls. I don't get the negative hype.

[Elastic Dawg]

He's just a bad singer who helps produce bad music for teenage girls. I don't get the negative hype.

Yeah, this. He's doing what he's been sent out to do: make disposable teen pop. Not something I care for, but it's made for money so I don't mind it. 

 

Oh, and lol @ Milli "That Doesn't Sync Up" Vanilli.

[Wumbo]

I hate Justin Bieber, not so much his music.

[Sweat]

I don't mind Justin Bieber, but his fans are psycho Barbie dolls. 

 

[Sauce Mama]

Is it bad that I've only heard of Milli Vanilli through a rap song?

[Clappy]

Ok now that I'm all caught up....there is one Justin Bieber song that is downright atrocious...and it's not Baby.  It's another song from the library of bad music of 2010.

 

38. Eenie Meenie - Sean Kingston & Justin Bieber

 

 

Do I even need to point out how bad this is?

 

The chorus is SHAWTY IS A EENIE MEENIE MINEY MOE LOVER!

 

Yes I've defended Justin Bieber constantly.  I understand all the hatred.  Doesn't mean I agree he is the worst thing to happen to music.  As for Sean Kingston, I've never been a fan of his.  I think he is one of the most overrated artists out there and he doesn't even look like he belongs in the entertainment business.

 

As for the song, the music is tolerable.  Not going to hate on the beat.  It's the only thing that saves this song.  But holy crap.  THESE LYRICS ARE DEATH.  Seven writers!?!?!?  Including Bieber and Kingston!?!?!  GGAAAHHHH!!!  I MEAN LOOK AT ALL THESE LYRICS!

 

Let me show you what you're missing, paradise
With me you're winning, girl, you don't have to roll the dice
Tell me what you're really here for
Them other guys? I can see right through ya

 

Can't make up your mind
Please don't waste my time
Not trying to rewind
I wish our hearts could come together as one

 

Eenie, meenie, miney, mo
Catch a bad chick by her toe
If she holla
If, if, if she holla, let her go

 

 

I mean the foundation of this song is over a fucking nursery rhyme.  Do I really need to bash this song anymore then it needs to be bashed?  I'm just going to put this out there that I understand Bieber's involvement.  He aims for this kind of demographic.  Meanwhile, Sean Kingston is....somehow relevant.  But this is just intolerably bad.  This is the only song I can't defend Justin Bieber for, primarily because it's more a Sean Kingston song...if there is such a thing as a Sean Kingston song.  

 

Somebody call 911 - Eenie Meenie should be fire burned on the dance floor....whoa.

[Elastic Dawg]

I hope i'm not the only one who loves scumbag Justin Bieber.

[Clappy]

37. "If I Were a Boy" - Beyonce & "If I Were a Boy" - Reba McEntire

 

 

 

AND

 

 

 

Pick your poison.  I honestly don't care.  Doesn't matter who sings it.  This song is just absolutely stupid no matter which version you choose.  These lyrics are just moronically sexist in both versions.  Both ladies talk about how only guys cheat, only guys have their friends stick up for them, guys are always the ones that take girls for granted, guys don't understand what it's like to get their lives destroyed by romance, not knowing what love is, guys are poor listeners, blah blah blah blah blah.  I swear it feels like a 13 year old wrote this song.  This just in.  GUYS AREN'T THE ONLY GENDER CAPABLE OF HAVING THESE TRAITS!  

 

I'll give Beyonce's version this.  At least that's an actual music video I'm watching.  Reba on the other hand just sings countrified versions of hit pop songs anymore.  I still remember how badly she botched up Kelly Clarkson's "Because of You" a few years before this and it hit #1 on country charts.  However, I'll give Reba this.  She wasn't behind any of these idiotic lyrics.

 

Hey ladies, I have absolutely no problem with female empowered songs.  But this?  This is just whiny and over-dramatic.  But what do I know.  I'm only a boy and Beyonce will keep writing female empowerment songs and they'll keep becoming hits.  Just please nothing more like this.

[Elastic Dawg]

The Beyonce version is superior if only for R. Kelly.

[Clappy]

The Beyonce version is superior if only for R. Kelly.

But R Kelly is a boy...isn't he? If so, then why be a part of this?

[Wumbo]

Beyoncé is the most overrated artist of all time, with Run the World (Girls) being her biggest offender.

[Sweat]

Beyoncé is the most overrated artist of all time, with Run the World (Girls) being her biggest offender.

Run the World (Girls) is the absolute worst song Beyonce has ever recorded.

[Clappy]

36. "Honey" - Bobby Goldsboro

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59BZxgohr9g

 

Hey Cloudy, remember how I said the oldest song was from 1968?  Well...here ya go.  This was one of two songs that I use to get tortured with when I was a younger kid.  Not until recently did I realize that this song was more....boring and unflattering.

 

Ok first my backstory.  As most of you know, I go to a lake house for two-three weeks every summer.  This house is kinda old fashioned.  We have a television station that only gets one local channel and one Canadian channel.  We just recently got wi-fi.  Oh and there is no such thing as a cd player up there.  We have a radio and a record player.  My mom loves to play with our record player where we have a lot of old fashion records.  This song was on one of the records and it was the only song on said record.  So my mom would play this song repeatedly every summer before we eventually got a radio.  She still plays this song every once in awhile when we are up there, but not as much so anymore.

 

Now...why do I hate this song?  First of all, listen to this guy.  Sure singers back in the late 60s weren't always the most charismatic, but this guy just comes off as very nasally and pitchy.  Bob Dylan he is not.  Oh and after doing some more research, this song wasn't inspired by a woman.  Nope.  He got inspiration from a tree in his front yard after he noticed how much it has grown in four years.  Writing a love song...about a tree.  I mean he could have written it about a dead pet even.  Really!?  A tree!?

 

Oh and my god, these lyrics are massively over sentimental to the point that it loses flattery over said....tree.

 

Came runnin' in all excited, slipped and almost hurt herself
And I laughed till I cried

 

Heh, she almost hurt herself over a tree.

 

She was always young at heart, kinda dumb and kinda smart and I loved her so

 

That's the most sincere inconsiderate moronic compliment ever.

 

That she'd been sittin' there and cryin'
Over some sad and silly late, late show

 

Johnny Carson was one funny guy.

 

 And honey, I miss you and I'm bein' good

And I'd love to be with you if only I could

 

Because I'd rather be with the tree in my front yard.  That's one hot oak tree.

 

 

 

35. "Can't Be Tamed" - Miley Cyrus

 

 

You guys really think Miley is a trainwreck?  Just because la da dee da dee, she likes to party.  Well let me bring you back this "gem" from 2010 when she tried to become a rebellious teenager and failed miserably.  I mean this music video...just so laughably bad.  If it was just this music video alone, I would actually like it because it's so bad, it's good...but nope.  Miley has to open her mouth and the shitty techno beat had to come ringing in.  As much as I like to defend Miley as not the trainwreck people make her out to be, I can't defend her singing.  She has one of the more unbearable voices in pop music today.  Her vocals are piercing and ear splitting.  Like as I type this out and listen to her singing about how she "can't be tamed", I feel like one of my ear drums is about to explode.

 

The main problem with this song is that Miley was at that age where she can't decide if she is not yet a girl, or not yet a woman.  So she has to come up with some song to show how rebellious she is and that she isn't Hannah Montana anymore.  Oh trust me Miley, you definitely have showed that you are neither a kid star, nor an adult. Oh and apparently half vulture as well.  Actually, you are trying your hardest to be early 2000s Britney Spears and you aren't that either.  That's implying that you actually tried to hide your vocals with heavy editing and autotune but yet again Miley, you failed to do that as well.  Seriously, I think Miley was having massive identity crisis with this song and it shows.  At least Miley's figured out what she really is now.

 

 

An overrated pop singer.  An unfortunately rich one at that.