Clappy's Top 50 Worst Songs of All Time List

[Elastic Dawg]

I want Rico Suave's hair.

[Jellatine]

Eh, "Kiss Me Thru the Phone" isn't nearly Soulja Boy's worst to me (though it is bad, all of his songs are). That goes to "Pretty Boy Swag".

Just the name of that song alone is enough to make it one of the worst, and the asthmatic "singing", gawd no. 

[SG19]

32. "Glory of Love" - Peter Cetera

 

 

Remember what I said about boring bad songs?  Look no further than this.  I mean it's the theme song for THE KARATE KID II.  You think this would be far more exciting for a movie about martial arts?  I mean here is the theme for the original Karate Kid:

 

 

That springs excitement!  This?  This brings me boredom.  Speaking of boredom, what the hell is with Peter Cetera's voice in this?  I swear this has to be one of the most autotuned songs ever.  You know the more I think about it, Chicago was a pretty overrated band as well.  They weren't any better without Peter Cetera and it pains me to see that this is what Peter Cetera became as a solo artist.  Boring bland adult contemporary shit.

 

Now there is a reason this explanation was so short.....because we got a very special song at 31.

 

 

 

 

31. "We Are the World 25 for Haiti" - So Many Celebrities

 

 

Now before you guys point out that this might be somewhat disrespectful to have a song that was re-recorded for an important cause on this list, let me say this right now.  I respect the meaning behind this.  Of course I am all for using music as a way to help raise funding for incidents and events that affect countries in need like Africa for the original and Haiti for the remake.  Even if it means we have to ask our celebrities to help raise funding for such causes.  Because celebrities out there want to help.  I know I just said they can be smug jackasses, but they do have hearts inside their bodies and feel for those in time of need.  

 

All that being said, that doesn't make an awful song any less awful.  "We are the world" "We are the children".....I'm sorry, but you couldn't have came up with a better set of lyrics than that?  The lyrics for this song are incredibly corny and there is a reason why these giant celebrity collaboration songs always get mocked in media/pop culture.  But the one thing that the original "We Are the World" had in 1985 was massive star power: Bruce Springsteen, Michael Jackson, Lionel Richie, Tina Turner, Billy Joel....AMAZING.  But one of the main problems with this version is that...the starpower isn't as strong.  I mean yeah we still got plenty of stars, but...eh screw it.  Here's who is on here (thanks Wikipedia there is no way I would have gotten everyone if I tried):

 

• Justin Bieber
• Nicole Scherzinger
• Jennifer Hudson
• Jennifer Nettles
• Josh Groban
• Tony Bennett
• Mary J. Blige
• Michael Jackson (borrowed stock footage from 1985)
• Janet Jackson
• Barbra Streisand
• Miley Cyrus
• Enrique Iglesias
• Jamie Foxx
• Wyclef Jean
• Adam Levine
• Pink
• BeBe Winans
• Usher
• Jeff Bridges (The Dude?  Really? xD)
• Celine Dion
• Orianthi
• Fergie
• Charice
• Nick Jonas
• Toni Braxton
• Mary Mary
• Isaac Slade
• Carlos Santana
• Lil Wayne
• Akon
• T-Pain
• LL Cool J 
• will.i.am 
• Snoop Dogg
• Nipsey Hussle
• Busta Rhymes
• Swizz Beatz 
• Kid Cudi 
• Mann
• Kanye West

An impressive list, but re-read that list twice for some major starpower missing.  Where is Justin Timberlake?  Where is Lady Gaga?  Where is Katy Perry?  Where is Taylor Swift?  Where is Beyonce?  Where is Jay-Z?  Hell, even Coldplay isn't on here and you'd expect a band like them to be on a star powered charity song like this.

 

Now a few notes about the song itself.  Starting off with Justin Bieber?  I'm just going to point out that you have so many artists on here and you picked to start off with the Biebs?  I bet termi and Wumbo have more to say about that than I will.  Is Barbara Streisand even relevant anymore?  Wyclef Jean...what the hell are you even doing?  He just goes so over the top that you can't help but laugh at him.  Lil Wayne can now say he has collaborated with every artist.  They replaced the star powered rock artist grouping on the original with one giant rap part?  I guess rap is quite popular these days, but ugh it's so hard to understand with so many guys rapping at once, it's just awkward.  Kanye, are you sure you are on the right song?  This song is called "We Are the World", not "I Am the World".  But holy crap, I have to repeat this again.  WYCLEF JEAN IS INSANE ON HERE.  Someone should seriously have told him to turn it down a couple notches.

 

Once again, I'll repeat myself.  I'm not against the message behind this.  I support charitable causes.  Which is why I don't have this song much higher than it probably deserves to be.  But it's just so hard to take the song itself seriously when we have spent such a long time mocking these giant mash ups.  I mean "I'm Fucking Ben Affleck" mocked the giant over collaboration "We Are the World" perfectly.  When you spend nearly 25 years mocking these kinds of songs, it's just so hard to take the song itself seriously when it gets remade like so.

 

 

Josh Groban can now say he's done this kind of song twice.  Is it bad that I think he sounded more passionate about Jimmy Kimmel fucking Ben Affleck?

...there was no autotune in the 80's.

[Clappy]

Pretty Boy Swag is incredibly stupid, but I think when Soulja Boy tries to make "love songs" is when he is at his absolute worst.  But that's just me.

 

...there was no autotune in the 80's.

Yes there was.  It technically wasn't called autotune though.  It was pitch correction and it was essentially the same thing.  Either way, that is definitely not Peter Cetera's voice.

 

 

27. "If I Die Young" - The Band Perry

 

 

Guys I have a confession.  For the longest time before I diversified my music choice, I grew up listening to country music and I loved it a lot.  But let's fast forward to today.  I really hate the direction country is turning these days.  They are trying to skew to a much younger demographic and while they still have songs that are aimed for the older crowd, there are a hell of a lot of Taylor Swift carbon copies and this genre even has it's own Justin Bieber-One Direction in Hunter Hayes.  So yeah, now we have songs aimed for high schoolers and high school problems.  Sorry guys, but I liked it when country was more mature.  And that was when I was in early high school.  But alas, modern day country produced by far the worst country music song I've ever heard.  I know a lot of you will respectfully disagree with my thoughts, but god I got sick of this song after the first two minutes and it became immensely popular because of course it did.

 

Now I don't know if you guys notice this, but I'm going to let you in on a little secret:

 

Spoiler

This song isn't about pre-mature death.

 

Nope.  That's what I thought at first glance, but then...here comes the part that really made me get sick of this song and made me despise it.

 

A penny for my thoughts, oh, no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'

 

YOU WHINY LITTLE BRAT.  This song isn't about death.  This is about fantasizing about death and becoming the center of attention.  That's when this song turns into a funeral version of My Super Sweet 16.  I mean look at the chorus now that I've sparked this moment of revelation onto you.

 

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

 

See?  She's pre-planning her wardrobe.  I bet she will be rocking it at this funeral.  You know what makes this song even more bad?  These Perry's are at least in their 30s.  So that makes this song even more inexcusable that they are turning their death into a MTV reality show.  Hey if you guys want to talk like a high schooler, allow me to summarize my thoughts like a high schooler.

 

OMG.  THIS SONG IS SO EMO.  LIKE THIS GIRL TOTALLY WANTS POETRY WRITTEN ABOUT HER.  PRETTY RAINBOWS, EXPENSIVE SATIN, SENT AWAY ON A RIVER IN A BED OF ROSES.  MY DEATH IS GONNA BE BITCHIN'.

 

I'll just end this with at least Taylor Swift realizes that tackling a song about pre-mature death is stupid.  We need songs about 102394 ex-boyfriends instead.  I'd rather listen to one of those, hell even "Mine" instead of this piece of shit.

  

 

[SG19]

I disagree with the way you're interpreting this song, but I respect your opinion.

[Cha]

TLTS has the right attitude about this song.

[Clappy]

Gonna keep these next two short and sweet since I have to get ready to be out of the house for the rest of the day.

 

26. "Outside" - Staind

 

 

Yes Staind was more than just "It's Been Awhile".  Yes the guys actually had a band name.  Of course that message is for Elastic and Ex since they constantly tell me that.  This song is just a massive turn off from the get-go.  Pitch problems are always a problem with post-grunge rock and this is easily one of the most off pitch songs I've ever heard.  I just wish I could have been over there with my tuner and let them know that they are often way too flat and way too sharp.  It's just absolute pain to my ear drums every time I hear this.

 

25. "Sleazy" (Remix) - Ke$ha featuring Lil Wayne, Wiz Khalifa, T.I., & Andre 3000

 

 

Just shut the hell up Kemoneysignha.  Just shut the hell up.  This song was originally a failed single release from Kesha's Cannibal album, so what did they do?  They decided to grab four rappers and make a remix for hip hop stations.  Guess what?  That project failed even worse.  I don't even need to put any effort into mocking how bad this is.  The only saving grace is Andre 3000 who actually has some decent lines, but the former Outkast star can only save a song so much.  Everyone else falters badly.  Especially Miss Glitter and Wiz Khalifa.  Btw, speaking of Wiz.  STOP THE OBNOXIOUS LAUGHING.  YOU AREN'T FUNNY.

[Clappy]

TLTS has the right attitude about this song.

Thanks for bringing this to my attention.  I laughed pretty hard.

[Elastic Dawg]

I don't see the video for number 26 showing up, because StaFUCKYOUIACTUALLYREMEMBERTHISSONGTOOFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKKKKIHADNOIDEAITWASSTAINDWHYDOTHEYHAVEMORETHANONESONGWHATISLIFE?

[Wumbo]

Confession: "It's Been Awhile" is on my iPod.

[Clappy]

Back to this list.

24. "Like a G6" - Far East Movement featuring Dev and The Cataracs

Club music obviously.....can only take this shit so seriously, but HOW DID THIS BECOME MASSIVELY POPULAR!? EVERYTHING ABOUT IT IS AWFUL!

-The beat sucks

-The lyrics suck

-G6's are not actual airplanes

-They are partying with cough syrup (that's sizzurp btw)

-Sampling Dev's "Booty Bounce" song which is so laughably bad

-What exactly does the Far East Movement do for this song? Because they are the worst part.

Just another example of why 2010 was such an awful music year.

23. "What'cha Say" - Jason DeRulo

Oh my god. Jason DeRulo is one of the worst pop artists ever. That whole topic Ex and I made mocking him is one of my favorite topics on here ever. This guy is one of the biggest hacks out there. His constant song sampling, his overly autotuned voice, his constant need to say his own name.

DEAR GOD JUST SHUT UP! YOU ONLY SAY YOUR NAME BECAUSE YOU ARE SO FORGETTABLE.

Now I chose this song to put on here because not only is it his first hit, but it's also his worst. Yes worse than Don't Wanna Go Home (not by much, that almost made it on here), In My Head, oh and his new song The Other Side is pretty damn bad too. But yeah? Why is this song on here? Because it's just like Break Up by Mario in sense of a stupid break up song where the guy is too big of a dumbass to realize how fucked up his logic is.

But before I get into that, why sample Imogene Heap? I hope Jason was smart enough to realize that SHE IS BEING SARCASTIC IN HER SONG HIDE AND SEEK. Yeah it may not come off as such, but I was pointed out when Hide and Seek became popular by my indie music fan friend Spencer that the whole purpose behind Hide and Seek is Imogene being sarcastic hence the line "But you only meant well" which is obvious her thinking bullshit to the guy's excuse for cheating on her. But obviously Jason isn't that bright because he even sings along to Imogene when Jason is the one who cheated on the girl in the first place. FUCKING DUMBASS.

Cause when the roof caved in and the truth came out

I just didn't know what to do

But when I become a star we'll be living so large

I'll do anything for you

I swear, no other part of this song annoys more than this part. Let me dissect this for a minute. Cause when the truth caved in and the truth came out, I just didn't know what to do? How about admitting that you are a cheating jackass? Because it's quite obvious that you can't do that earlier when you were trying to think of why you cheated on her in the first place saying it was the other girl's fault.

Oh but no, when he becomes a star we'll be living so large, hence Jason thinks all will be forgiven then. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? YOU KNOW WHO IS KNOWN FOR CONSTANTLY CHEATING AND HAVING UNSTABLE RELATIONSHIPS? CELEBRITIES! PLUS YOU ARE TRYING TO BUY HER LOVE BACK WITH MONEY AND HOUSES AND CARS. MEANWHILE YOU CAN GO CHEAT ON HER SOME MORE WITH ALL THOSE FANGIRLS.

Girl, tell me whatcha say ah

I don't want you to leave me

Though you caught me cheatin'

THEN DON'T CHEAT ON HER IN THE FIRST PLACE ASSHOLE!

God this is the stupidest regretful cheating song I've ever heard. Take a page out of Usher's playbook next time kid because you'll never be as awesome as he is. Fuck you JJJJAAAAYYYYSSSOOONNNN DDDEEERRRRULLLLOO!

[Cha]

G7 > G6

http://youtube.com/watch?v=8nLH9VxEpBY

[Sweat]

G7 > G6

http://youtube.com/watch?v=8nLH9VxEpBY

You made my day twice, Cha.

[E.V.I.L.]

You made my day twice, Cha.

 

Forget days, she's made many SBC'ers lives

[Wumbo]

Mmm watcha saa-ay 

Oh, that you only meant well

 

OF COURSE I DIIID

 

The point. Derulo completely misses it.

 

Jason Derulo as a whole is a pretty wretched artist, but I actually don't mind "In My Head". But regardless of what you think of him, this song sucks.

[terminoob]

"When we drink we do it right gettin' slizzard"

[Clappy]

22. "Better Than Me" - Hinder

 

 

No that's no typo.  That's the video to Lips of an Angel.  Now that you've heard this song or know of it, let me now post their follow up single to this.

 

 

How ironic.  A song about cheating followed up by a self pity song about said cheating.  I really don't feel like absolutely repeating myself since I just pointed out how stupid Jason DeRulo above me is for just simply not getting it.  So let me just say this Austin Winkler.  Lead singer of Hinder.  Douchebag.

 

IF YOU MISS YOUR GIRLFRIEND, THEN YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE CHEATED ON HER WITH THE LIPS OF AN ANGEL CHICK.  SHE REALLY DOES DESERVE MUCH BETTER THAN YOU.

 

She also deserves much better than Austin Winkler because Elastic is right.  He really does try too hard to be Chad Kroeger.  Just like Hinder tries way too hard to be Nickelback....oh and speaking of Nickelback.

 

 

 

21. "Someday" - Nickelback

 

 

Welcome back Chad Kroeger and friends.

 

Hey readers!  Want to know how to make How You Remind Me an even worse song than it already is?

 

 

Re-release it as a different song called Someday.

 

IT'S THE SAME FUCKING SONG!

 

Yeah this was the first Nickelback song that made me realize that they really do make the same damn song constantly.

 

You know, if Nickelback can rehash already god awful songs, I'm going to rehash fellow users opinions on Nickelback:

 

 

 

I swear this is the last in my "oh my god shut up" series (for now...) but...oh my god shut up. You make the shittiest music imaginable and make millions of off the poor suckers who enjoy it. Stop whining. I'm pretty sure you made it as a wiseman, because selling shitty music like this to the dumb masses is admittedly a brilliant idea. That doesn't change anything, though...okay, 1 extra star. Also, Chad Kroeger kinda looks like Joan Osbourne with a beard. So that's pretty funny. that's another extra star. 2/10 still wouldn't bang

 

 

But yeah I'm surprised I have this Nickelback song so low.  You guys just wait because I'm not done with them yet.

[Wumbo]

I don't really think How You Remind Me and Someday sound that similar. At least not in comparison to other Nickelback songs. Still, the video with both songs made me laugh for some reason, so have a like.

 

Also, fucking Hinder.

[Sweat]

Lips of an Angel is a guilty pleasure of mine.

[Sabre]

I'm so glad I've haven't heard of most of these songs.