Wumbo Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 I WOKE UP IN THE MORNING HARD LIKE MORNING WOOD IN THE MORNING 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweat Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 I hate Tonight I'm Fucking You so much that it's not so bad it's good. I actually hate, hate, HATE the song. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wumbo Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 Oya, regarding Enrique Iglesias, while the two songs posted are abysmal, my least favourite by him is actually "I Like It". For some reason, I'm fine with "O.P.P.", but this just rubs me the wrong way. Maybe it's the Pitbull effect. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elastic Dawg Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 No love for "Revolution 9"? Blasphemeh!!! Probably my second favorite Beatles song (behind "Helter Skelter"). I liked the Enrique Iglesias dissection. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SG19 Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 will.i.am was cool when he made songs like this: 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clappy Posted August 6, 2013 Author Share Posted August 6, 2013 .....yes overplay lead to this being on here. 46. "Burn It To The Ground" - Nickelback Just fuck Nickelback. I hate them so fucking much. I hate to be like every single music fan out there, but they are seriously one of the worst musical acts of all time. I can't stand them. Especially Chad Kroeger. One of the biggest egostical douchebags in the music business and definitely one of the worst lead vocalists I've ever heard. And you know what's embarrassing despite how much I loathe these guys? I own one of their cds. Long story short, I use to love the song Photograph back when I didn't know any better and it led to me an impulse purchase to buy All The Right Reasons. It was then, I realized something. EVERY SINGLE FUCKING SONG IS PRETTY MUCH THE SAME THING. All of them have Chad Kroeger's vintage nasal while, same beat, borrow the same guitar strumming, etc. I could point out all of Nickelback's flaws...and I might just do that if I haven't done enough already because this won't be their only entry on this list. No worries about that btw, I only have like two other songs on here from them if I'm not mistaken. But enough about the band. Let's get to this song. Where do I start? Well when I first heard it, I actually thought it was mediocre. I didn't mind it compared to some of their other songs, then it happened. It's like the general public realized, "HEY, IT'S A NICKELBACK SONG THAT DOESN'T COMPLETELY SUCK! LET'S PLAY IT EVERYWHERE! LET'S USE IT IN COMMERCIALS! LET'S PUT IT IN MOVIE TRAILERS! LET'S PLAY IT DURING SPORTING EVENTS!" God I got sick of this song so quickly it wasn't even funny. Then the worst thing happened. You guys know how big of a wrestling fan I am. Well... GOD THOSE WERE THE WORST THREE YEARS OF RAW THEME MUSIC EVER. Seriously it became so unbearable to hear this theme every Monday night for that long of a time period. It was pure vintage hell. Oh and my dad loved this theme song so for at least 80% of those three years, I was forced to listen to that 40 seconds and then an additional 20-30 seconds as Michael Cole and Jerry The King Lawler welcomed us. So yeah, that's how a mediocre Nickelback song became absolutely frustrating fast. Awful song...and how dare I forget to point out the Chad Kroeger screech...what was it again? "Rrrrraaaaaaa" Whatever it is, don't do it ever again Chad. EVER! 45. "Crush" - David Archuleta Yeah remember when this guy was a brief teen idol? Sorry to bring back the nostalgia this abruptly. The YouTube comments indicate that many others have seem to forgot how he briefly existed as well. But yeah, this isn't out of spite that I hate this song. No, I hate this song out of disappointment for the artist. I was actually quite impressed by David Archuleta when he was on American Idol. I was rooting for him to beat David Cook (yeah remember how that guy briefly existed as well?) because David Cook reminded me way too much of another screechy whiny lead front man Chad Kroeger. Especially in the finale when David Archuleta performed John Lennon's "Imagine" so powerfully. It really moved me. Hell Archuleta did amazing on other covers of classic artists like Dan Fogelberg, Elton John, Billy Joel, etc. He was one of the more impressive contestants to come off American Idol in quite some time. Granted he may have lost in the end, but I thought he would have the far more successful career since he already won over not only the ladies, but a lot of other fans. Everyone eagerly awaited what he would do with his first single.... Then that happened. WHAT THE HELL!? YOU FUCKING SELL OUT. How did this not surprise me? Of course he would go for the obvious song aimed at the thirteen year old girls that overreacted. YEAH THOSE GIRLS. THIS SONG IS FOR THEM. You know what's even worse? IT'S FUCKING BORING. AND THIS PEAKED AT NUMBER TWO ON THE CHARTS? WHY? Sorry for that all caps thing but if those little girls are allowed to be over emotional, why can't I? All kidding aside, I should have known better than to think David wouldn't have gone down the easy listening route. I mean when it came to contestant's choice, he chose Chris Brown's "With You" to perform. Of course David would have aimed for the rather simplistic graphic. But why did he have to make this so boringly bad? I hung up the phone tonight Something happened for the first time Deep inside It was a rush What a rush First of all, it's like David instantly became attracted to this girl from her voice. Oh and you know what I hate? When artist's rhyme one word WITH THE SAME WORD. Why do I keep running from the truth? All I ever think about is you You got me hypnotized So mesmerized Are we ever going to actually learn anything about the person behind his "crush"? Do you ever think When you're all alone All that we could be? Where this thing could go? Am I crazy or falling in love? Is it real or just another crush? Do you catch a breath When I look at you? Are you holding back Like the way I do? 'Cause I'm trying, trying to walk away But I know this crush ain't going Away Going away Overthinking is always the way to go. But yeah, it's like David picked out every single cliche crush thought process in the book and made it into one of the more boring choruses you could come by. I know what you guys are thinking. "Clappy you are being way too harsh on David Archuleta, he's just a one hit wonder former American Idol contestant." Now let me counteract that statement with this: Yeah that's right. I just pulled out the Justin Bieber trump card. This kid constantly gets bashed for having Kidz Bop-ish music and having a bad singing voice. But you know what? I find him to be ok. Especially after this past year where he had two hit songs that I actually really enjoyed. So if you people can bash Justin Bieber for being a bad artist, why can't I bash someone who I once thought had the potential to be something special but ended up flaming out with a really bad song that was somehow a hit? Case dismissed. Bring out the dancing lobsters. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweat Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 Bring out the dancing lobsters. Okay. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clappy Posted August 6, 2013 Author Share Posted August 6, 2013 44. "Cool as Ice" - Vanilla Ice featuring Naomi Campbell So yeah I would be lying if I didn't say Ice Ice Baby wasn't a massive guilty pleasure. I mean you can only take someone whose name is Vanilla Ice so seriously. But damn, if you want to talk about one hit wonders, Vanilla Ice would be one of the biggest names out there. He became a huge star with that song and he was everywhere. That also translated to massive mainstream success. His album To the Extreme became the fastest selling hip hop album of all time, spending sixteen weeks at #1 on the Billboard 200 and selling eleven million copies. So with all this success, you knew someone in Hollywood would want to capitalize on Vanilla Ice's popularity....and then a movie happened. I don't know how many of you guys know this, but Vanilla Ice starred in a so bad, it's hilarious movie in 1991 called Cool as Ice. Here's the trailer, check this shit out. I bet Universal is regretting that decision because the movie flopped critically and financially is one of the biggest punchlines of 90s cinema. Might have to do a crap cinema installment on this someday, even though I found it unintentionally funny, but there is so many things to nitpick about it. Anyway, Cool as Ice wasn't just the name of the movie. It was the name of the crossover song tie in. And oh boy, is it as bad as you'd expect. I mean it samples three songs ("Movin'" by Brass Construction, "I Like Funky Music" by Uncle Louie,"Hot Pants (Bonus Beats)" by Bobby Byrd) and can't make any of them work. It's too bad Naomi Campbell was on this because that girl has a great voice...but not even her voice can save the lyrical wordsmith that is Vanilla Ice. It doesn't take a lot of time for me to climb And whem I'm going for mine, I'm like a monkey on a vine You got to be kidding me. Movin' with the speed of a thief on the run My mic is my gun and my posse's the one Ready for fun, but also for static Anything breaks and they're ready automatic Vanill...I mean Robert. You know that you are doing a theme song for a PG movie right? You aren't that dangerous. I'm the teacher, man, you're the student Close your ears if you feel you're prudent And can't deal with the lyrics I'm steppin' with But they're the lines the people are gettin' with The former rhyme scheme makes me laugh hard. The other, well like I previously stated, I hate lazy rhyme schemes. Roll into town with no windows down I'm on my bike and I'm headed for a mic You're on your bike and your windows down? NO SHIT. MOTORCYCLES DON'T HAVE WINDOWS DIPSHIT! So yeah, this song is horrendously bad and just like the movie, this theme song flopped massively on the charts too. Let's just say both of these were the beginning of the end of Hollywood's Vanilla Ice fad and I couldn't be happier. Slick, I'll trick like a magician On the microphone, I'm like a rap technician I call bullshit on that. Now before I get to this next song....I really wish I could have a do-over on my Top 10 worst songs of 2012. Because I would add this song coming up and another one on here too. I almost forgot about this one, but boy do my local radio stations have a fondness for this horrendous song. 43. "Pound The Alarm" - Nicki Minaj You know, it's way too easy to hate on Nicki Minaj. She busted out on the scene without really paying any dues whatsoever. I mean before she started to appear on every single song in 2010, what exactly was she known for? Oh yeah, this. BedRock is a pretty shitty song too. It's not on here, but man, was it another example of how bad 2010 music was. But yeah after her lines on here, which weren't all that impressive to begin with, Lil Wayne promoted the hell out of this chick and she became one of the most recognizable names in the music industry today. Now I will confess, every once in awhile, Nicki Minaj has a good song. I think Moment For Life is a good song as well as Marilyn Monroe. But I swear Minaj releases bad song after bad song after bad song, that it gets so easy to hate on her. Look no further than this obnoxious follow-up to the terrible shit song Starships. Ok first thing is first. Nicki....SLOW THE FUCK DOWN. I mean I know it's hard to comprehend rap music from time to time, but holy shit, someone must have hit fast forward on the track. I mean that opening rap sequence is all the rapping she does on this song and we get such "wonderful" gems like this: Skeeza, pleeza, I'm in Ibiza (whoa) Giuseppe Zannotti my own sneaker ....does this even need to be riffed? Pumps on and them little mini skirts is out I see some good girls, I'm a turn 'em out OUT WITH OUT! GGGAAAAHHHHH! Oh and don't forget. MUSIC. MAKES ME. HIGH. Um yeah, glad to know that we are now capable of smoking music. Thanks for that. But I think the worst part of this song is that awful, horrendous beat. I mean RedOne is one of the better producers out there right now and he can make decent club beats. Which is obvious with this song that's what Nicki Minaj was aiming for here, but she fails miserably. RedOne however, fails even worse than Minaj on this song. I mean be honest, can you dance to "WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH" or whatever the hell that beat breakdown is? This is one of the most obnoxious beats out there and while this song wasn't all that special to begin with, the freaking blasting sirens absolutely make this more than deserving to be on here alone. I may have been a bit light on the Minaj criticism here, but I'll save way more of that for later on because this isn't the only time she will have an appearance on here. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Metal Snake Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 I've found all these songs to be tolerable so far. I eagerly await the stuff that's supposed to be REALLY bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wumbo Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 Hotter and hotter, sexy and hotter. The words of a god damn poet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clappy Posted August 7, 2013 Author Share Posted August 7, 2013 This one's for the ladies. 42. "Summer Girl" - LFO No but seriously. What the hell is this? This was a song of the summer? I mean just because it's called "Summer Girl" doesn't mean it should be one of the biggest summer songs of the 90s. I mean this was a time period where N'Sync, Backstreet Boys, 98 Degrees....HELL EVEN HANSON. YOU HAVE FOUR HUGE BOY BANDS RIGHT THERE. WHY DO WE NEED THESE POSERS? Hell, even Eminem tore this song a new one in his LP "Marshall Mathers". Listen, I'm going to give this song some credit where it's due. The beat. That's it. The beat is nice. The music is relaxing. It's a fun song. But holy shit. The writing is atrocious. WHO LET THESE GUYS NEAR A PENCIL AND PAPER? New Kids On The block,had a bunch of hits Chinese food makes me sick. And I think it's fly when girls stop by for the summer,for the summer I like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch, I'd take her if I had one wish, But she's been gone since that summer.. Since that summer This shit is the chorus. And bask it all in as it creeps into your self conscious. Oh and please. Please don't make me post the verses. They are even worse. It's like a 80s and 90s pop culture reference party without their being an actual need for any of these references. I mean I found all of them out of boredom: Cherry Coke Macaulay Culkin NOT in Home Alone (what version were they even watching?) Alex P. Keaton New Edition Kevin Bacon in Footloose New Kids on the Block Beastie Boys Scooby snacks Larry Bird William Shakespeare Abercrombie and Fitch (constantly) Michael J Fox Cherry Pez "Paul Revere" Mr. Limpet Chinese Food pogo sticks Candy Girl, The Color Purple Fun Dip If I missed any let me know. Oh and one person I read reviewing this song on AOL once said it best: "Stream-of-consciousness writing might be better off left to slightly deeper thinkers." Rich Cronin, you definitely aren't one. 41. "Afternoon Delight" - Starland Vocal Band Oh god. Just no. I mean seriously. Just look at these clowns. Do they even look like they know how to have sex? Better yet, do they even know that having sex in the afternoon is just...incredibly unsexy? I am going to keep this one short and simple. The fact that these people even got their own program and even became famous for this piece of crap is just laughable. This has to be one of the worst #1 hit songs of all time. There are only two reasons this song is not higher. One because many people have since acknowledged how horrible this song is. And two, I have a fondness for the Anchorman version of this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RewPzVnrdb0 Come at me then Ron Burgundy. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elastic Dawg Posted August 7, 2013 Share Posted August 7, 2013 YES FUCK LFO YES! New Kids on the Block had a bunch of hits, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
terminoob Posted August 7, 2013 Share Posted August 7, 2013 Better yet, do they even know that having sex in the afternoon is just...incredibly unsexy? Know how to make it sexier? Wrap your arms around your partner right in the middle and yell "HUG ME BROTHA". 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clappy Posted August 7, 2013 Author Share Posted August 7, 2013 Know how to make it sexier? Wrap your arms around your partner right in the middle and yell "HUG ME BROTHA". Know how to make it sexier for Josh? Make that partner OPRAH! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
terminoob Posted August 7, 2013 Share Posted August 7, 2013 Know how to make it sexier for Josh? Make that partner OPRAH! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clappy Posted August 7, 2013 Author Share Posted August 7, 2013 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweat Posted August 7, 2013 Share Posted August 7, 2013 I kind of like New Kids on the Block's recent stuff actually. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elastic Dawg Posted August 7, 2013 Share Posted August 7, 2013 I kind of like New Kids on the Block's recent stuff actually. We're not talking about them, though. We were referring to a line from LFO's "Summertime Girls" (on this list). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Metal Snake Posted August 7, 2013 Share Posted August 7, 2013 William Shakespeare is from 80s and 90s pop culture? SWEET. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweat Posted August 7, 2013 Share Posted August 7, 2013 William Shakespeare is from 80s and 90s pop culture? SWEET. Not sweet. Definately NOT sweet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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