Best and Worst of Entertainment 2015: Take 2

[Katniss]

 

 

Kat’s Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2015

What a difference 12 months can make, huh? While 2014 was a crap year for music with some diamonds in the rough, 2015 was a gem of a year with some rotten apples in the bunch. Strap in tight, ‘cause we’re about to dive into the worst songs to grace the Billboard charts this year.

Before we dive into the top 10, first we gotta wade through some (dis)honorable mentions:

"Hit the Quan" - iLoveMemphis

One of the two dance craze songs to become popular this year, and y’all, the lyrics are not great. At all. His worst offense is rhyming crazy with itself...four times in a row. Not to mention that the production sounds crappy to me and iLoveMemphis’s voice isn’t exactly the most pleasing to listen to. This is one song that won’t have me tapping my feet to it.

 

"Marvin Gaye" - Charlie Puth ft. Meghan Trainor

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igNVdlXhKcI

How do you make one of the most noted soul singers of all time sound absolutely unsexy? Get these two pieces of white bread Charlie Puth and Meghan Trainor to sing a song with his name in the title. “Let’s Marvin Gaye and get it on”? I haven’t heard a line that was this much of a failed punchline since “call me Mr. Flinstone, I can make your bed rock.” Other lyrics aren’t much better--”it’s kama sutra show and tell”? What? Charlie Puth and Meghan Trainor don’t sound bad on the song, so at least it has that going for it, but they don't exactly have the chemistry to pull this song off.

"Somebody" - Natalie La Rose featuring Jeremih

I don't have a problem with modern pop songs taking inspiration from older pop songs. Harder. Better. Faster. Stronger is used excellently in Kanye West's Stronger, and even though it's not nearly as good as You Spin Me Round (Like a Record), Right Round by Flo Rida is fun. But this? Compared to the source material, it's just lame.

This song takes cues in the chorus from I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me) by Whitney Houston. But while that song is a fun, danceable 80s pop tune, Somebody is boring.

And we ain't gotta tell nobody, we ain't gotta tell nobody (nobody)

Jeremih sure does like being secret about his love affairs, doesn't he?

Natalie La Rose doesn't give me much of an impression as a singer and the beat is fairly unremarkable. It's not horrible but I've heard better party jams elsewhere.

And the club like, whoa

We'll be in the party in the club like, whoa

And the club like

We'll be in the city going down like, whoa

Aw yeah baby, I'm totally turned up now! *snores*

 

"Ayo" - Chris Brown and Tyga

 

Ah, Chris Brown and Tyga. Having the two of them on the same song isn’t exactly a recipe for success. While the beat is fun, the lyrics show what we already know, that “C-Breezy” and “T-Raww” are a couple of douchebags, and Chris Brown saying “rehabilitation only got me worried about fucking” is just gross, considering what happened with him violating a restraining order he got due to his anger management issues.

 

 

 

I can’t exactly call myself pleased to present the main list, but here we go anyway.

 

Spoiler

 

10. “Bitch Better Have My Money” - Rihanna

 

I have to admit that this song is somewhat of a guilty pleasure for me, and that’s the main reason why this isn’t higher on the list. But this song has its problems, believe me. Rihanna sounds like she’s barking at us, and I’m sorry, but I can’t take someone who sings “Brrap brrap brrap” very seriously. The majority of the song is Rihanna resorting to the typical tricks to try and make herself seem hard, and that distorted voice and breakdown just sounds weird I wouldn’t call myself a big fan of Rihanna but I know she can do better than this, even if I do find it so bad it’s good.

 

 

 

Spoiler

 

9. “The Hills” - The Weeknd

 

 

 

With some songs, you may dislike them at first listen yet come around to them after a while. But I'm sorry, I've heard this a few times and still can't completely get behind it.

 

That's the main thing I notice about this song. I know that sounding dark is part of the Weeknd's shtick, but I'm not a fan of the production on this, including that rough-sounding beginning and that shriek before the chorus. The song sounds like a mess to me.

And how about those lyrics?

I'm just tryna get you out the friend zone

'Cause you look even better than the photos

A reference to the friend zone? Really?

I just fucked two bitches 'fore I saw you

You gon' have to do it at my tempo

 

Aside from the chorus, The Weeknd sounds so dull. Doesn’t help that the production nearly drowns out his voice at points. I can see why other people would like this, but it’s not doing anything for me personally.

 

 

Spoiler

 

8. “Worth It” - Fifth Harmony featuring Kid Ink

I don’t know why Kid Ink is on this song since all he does is deliver the same verse repeatedly. Oh no, but that’s not even the best part. Because Kid Ink’s verse? It’s taken from a completely different song, called “Wit It”. Talk about lazy rapping.

Does Fifth Harmony make it up for it? Not really. I am not a fan of their vocals on this song from any of the girls. And for all their boasting in this song, they don’t exactly explain why they’re “worth it”.  

The best part of this song is the sax, because I’m a sucker for saxophones in pop music. Still, just like the sax couldn’t save Talk Dirty from being crap, it’s not enough to redeem Worth It either.

 

 

Spoiler

 

7. “Stitches” - Shawn Mendes

It’s easy to make fun of Canadian music. Just look at Nickelback and Justin Bieber, who have been punching bags for a while. But they're old hat by now. Bring on the new boy!

This song is riddled with cliches, from saying he’s “going under” to mentioning “a moth drawn to a flame”. He’s only 17 years old but he’s not selling me on his apparent feelings of heartbreak after being hurt by a girl. When Lorde was 17, she swayed me with a song criticizing the materialist attitude found in modern music, but you can’t convince me to empathize with you on a simple love song--congrats, Shawn Mendes. He comes off as whiny and melodramatic more than anything else. When Bieber was a teen, at least his songs could be laughably bad. Pardon the lame pun, but this offering from Shawn Mendes doesn’t have me in stitches.

 

 

Spoiler

 

6.  “Honey, I’m Good.” - Andy Grammer

A few years ago, I liked Keep Your Head Up. It was an okay song. But this full-on annoys me. The song talks about how Andy Grammer will be faithful to his wife--as long as he doesn’t stay and have drinks. He even mentions how this other girl has a nice butt and long legs...so much for being totally faithful, huh? It sounds more innocent and light than it really is. Mr. Grammer, when it comes to you and this song, I’m gonna have to pass.

 

 

Spoiler

 

5. “Post to Be” - Omarion featuring Chris Brown and Jhené Aiko

Okay, let’s start off with the fact that Omarion’s voice has been autotuned to hell and back and it sounds really obnoxious, as if he’s singing out of his nose. The “post to be” repetition gets old really quick, and I have to roll my eyes at the stupid justification for stealing “yo’ gurl”...it’s okay that Omarion took her because she wanted to be with him anyway! Ugh. Chris Brown doesn’t make things any better. As for Jhené Aiko, “he gotta eat the booty like groceries” is probably one of the worst lyrics I’ve heard this year. It’s ironic that DJ Mustard ISN’T one of the worst parts of the song, because I can dig this production. Just wish it was attached to a better song that didn’t have such smug lyrics.

 

Spoiler

 

4. “Only” - Nicki Minaj featuring Drake, Lil Wayne, and Chris Brown

I’m gonna cut to the chase and say this song sucks. Call this collaboration the Unholy Quartet because everyone on this is bad. Nicki’s lyrics are weak (don’t get me started on that stupid duct tape joke explanation), Chris Brown is underwhelming on the chorus, Drake sounds like a horny thirteen-year-old, and Lil Wayne isn’t even trying. The beat is bland. Mix them all together and you get this hot mess.

 

 

Spoiler

 

3. “Fight Song” - Rachel Platten

*yawn*

Oh, I’m sorry! Just got a little sleepy for a second. Wanna know why? Because this song is absolutely, positively, definitely boring. I’d never heard of Rachel Platten before Fight Song and now I wish I didn’t know her. I’m sick of hearing this song in commercials and on the radio. These lyrics are generic as crap. You say this is your fight song, but why? What problems have you faced? How have you risen above the struggle?

I'll play my fight song

And I don't really care if nobody else believes

Okay, then I’m sure you won’t mind me saying that Fight Song sucks at being a self-empowerment anthem.

Now this is a great empowering track. It crackles with energy and personality thanks to the production and Demi’s voice. Rachel Platten, time to look at your song compared to Confident and hang up your boxing gloves.

 

Spoiler

 

2. “Dear Future Husband” - Meghan Trainor

Dear Meghan Trainor,

Why. Won’t You. Go. Away?

All About That Bass was bad enough, but this year you just had to top yourself, didn’t you? The cutesy doo wop production can’t hide how awful the lyrics are. Basically she’s saying that she’s always right and the husband basically has to do everything she wants.

I'll be sleeping on the left side of the bed (hey)

Open doors for me and you might get some...kisses

Just stop, please.

Meghan Trainor talked a little bit about the inspiration for Dear Future Husband in this interview for Billboard :

On 12/20/2015 at 9:30 PM, Santa Kenma said:

 

on "Dear Future Husband," she lists requirements to a future beau, including "flowers every anniversary." "Girls need to be treated better. I never got that growing up," she says. "In high school, I didn't date awesome dudes."

 

 

I agree, girls should be treated well by their boyfriends. But that doesn’t give you the excuse to come across as an egotistical brat on your own song.  I worry for the man who actually does want to date Meghan in the future.

 

 

 

 

 

Spoiler

 

When I first heard this song, I instantly knew that it was one of the worst of the year, but I was wondering what could top it. Well, a few months have passed, and I haven’t found anything worse than this. I don’t understand how or why this became a hit.

And...YOU ALREADY KNOW WHO IT IIIIIIS!

 

 

 

“Watch Me” - Silentó

I didn’t have kind things to say about Hit the Quan, but at least that song had lyrics. Technically, this song has lyrics, but all they repetitively consist of is dance moves...that Silentó took from other dance crazes Soulja Boy, you ain't, kid. Because at least Soulja Boy was interesting. And came up with his own dance.

Silentó kinda reminds me of a little kid who desperately wants his mother’s attention so she can watch whatever silly stunt he has planned. “Ooh! Mommy! Look! Watch me do this! Mom! MOOOOM. Watch me!” I just talked about a Meghan Trainor song, and yet this manages to be the more annoying one. Quite a feat!

Watch Me peaked at number 3 on the charts, and placed at number 8 on the year-end list. So thanks a lot, American public. You did this. You are responsible for this.

Oh well, at least we can take comfort in the fact that this guy will rest on his laurels and not do anything else.

...Okay, I’m done.

 

 

 

Edited December 28, 2015 by Santa Kenma

[illiniguy34]

Kat, you are brave for having to endure this.

[Hayden]

I've heard everything but 4, 5, and 9 on this list. I was surprised that I just kind of heard most of these throughout the year without realizing they were new songs, and yes Kat you've knocked it out of the park, at least with the limited information I have.

I'm cautiously optimistic for your best list, perhaps there are things on it I will recognize and enjoy, or maybe I'll have heard none of them since they've been hidden on the radio behind all that forced crap in your junk pile ranking.

[Metal Snake]

I hate being that guy who says that song that everyone hates is not that bad, but I actually like Fight Song. Generic, I understand the criticism for, but I've heard music that's far more boring.

[70s]

Fight Song is a guilty pleasure for me. It's catchy, what can I say.

[Wumbo]

All hail 2015!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGflUbPQfW8

 

God, what a great year this was. I'm so happy to be done with the songs that didn't rock, because now I can talk about the ones that did. For the first time in a while, doing a current Year-End Top 10 has been difficult. I actually had to make some nasty cuts. But it's all worth it to bring you my Top 10. So let's do that. Here we go!

 

Wumbo's Top 10 Songs of 2015

 

 

Spoiler

 

 

 

I don't think there's enough words to describe how much I love Kanye West.

 

The man is a musical genius, and there's no one quite like him. But even so, every great artist can benefit from collaborations. And there was one collaboration this year that, I think, Kanye West needed more than anything.

 

10. "FourFiveSeconds" - Rihanna, Kanye West, and Paul McCartney

 

 

 

This song turned out to only be a brief blip on 2015's radar, but it was a strong enough blip that I still remember it today. This is a fantastic piece made by three of the biggest stars in the music business.

 

What I like best about this song is what the collaboration gives to all the performers, which is what a good collaboration should do: add to a performer's reputation through the assistance of the other performers. With this song, McCartney gives West and Rihanna some much-needed humility and dignity through his lasting influence and the stripped-down instrumentation he offers. In turn, Rihanna and West give McCartney the kind of 2015 recognition that makes teenagers today say, "Oh yeah, he was in the Rolling Stones or something, I think."

 

Nah, I kid. I'm pretty sure Paul McCartney's still a big name in music, even among the younger generation. But it's nice to see him actually appear on a hit song this year, and work with two of the biggest current stars in music. That's not to take away from either Rihanna's or Kanye West's performances either, both of whom do a miraculous job on the song, especially Rihanna.

 

 

 

You can keep your in-your-face, pop diva Rihanna. For me, Rihanna is at her best when she shows vulnerability, and that's definitely what you get from this song. Just the opening line alone provides a spectacular vocal delivery.

 

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/7542814

 

Worn-down, weary, but even so, powerful. That is Rihanna at her absolute best.

 

What more can I say? A fantastic collaboration for my countdown, and I'm just getting started. All hail 2015!

 

 

Spoiler

 

Ladies and gentlemen, your chosen star for 2015 pop music.

 

9. "Blank Space" - Taylor Swift

 

 

 

Taylor Swift over the years has been quite a hit-and-miss player in the game of pop music for me, but 1989 is a near-perfect album, and spoilers; you haven't seen the last of it on this list. The whole time during Taylor Swift's career, I was waiting for her to go full pop, and this is exactly what I wanted from her music. She finally sounds in her element.

 

And this new Taylor Swift has also allowed for her sharpest lyric-writing to date. This song is a lyrical masterpiece. Each line is clever, or evocative, or flowing, or a wonderful combination of the three.

 

You can make an argument that Taylor Swift wrote this song about herself, or about the supposed "character" that the media makes of her. But either way, I think it works, and I choose to believe that there's some middle ground to be had here. I think some of it is satire, but there's also a touch of self-awareness in there. It especially comes through in her vocal delivery.

 

In any case, Taylor Swift has proven that her music can be self-aware, and be wonderful while doing so. It makes me happy to see that Taylor doesn't feel she has to be a country singer anymore, and with that knowledge she's produced her best music to date. Rock on, Taylor Swift. Or, I guess... pop on.

 

 

Spoiler

 

Oh god Taylor Swift, why didn't you go pop sooner? You could have been on so many more of my best lists!

 

8. "Wildest Dreams" - Taylor Swift

 

 

 

Yes, I'm sorry that I have to repeat myself so soon, but damn. Just listen to this song and tell me that anything from any of Taylor Swift's other albums is better. Tell me that Taylor Swift doesn't sound the most comfortable that she's been in pop music.

 

Mostly, I'm glad that she decided to go pop because she's so good at pop music. Not only did she need pop, pop needed her. They're a match made in heaven.

 

A major complaint that Taylor Swift has gotten throughout her entire career has been her stagnancy in the subjects she writes about, namely, boys. Well, here she is, writing about the same stuff she  allegedly always does, only it's a zillion times better because it doesn't sound like the same stuff she always writes about. Also, I always kind of thought that criticism was unfair to her, so it's nice to see her making truly great pop music about the subjects of love and romance. What better way to stick it to your critics?

 

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/7542887

 

Oh yeah. Hmm. That song didn't hold up as well as I thought it would.

 

Well, we still have Taylor Swift releasing exceptional pop music, and I hope we get more to come in 2016. Suddenly, the dream of loving Taylor's music doesn't feel so wild anymore.

 

 

Spoiler

 

It's throwback time!

 

 

 

I stand by the 70s being the best time for Billboard music, but if the 80s had kept up the momentum they had at the beginning of the decade, it would definitely be a tougher decision. Early 80's music rocks my world. So I appreciate all the funk and soul callbacks that I've seen in recent years, but a song like this has definitely been missing from my pop radar.

 

7. "Shut Up and Dance" - Walk the Moon

 

 

 

I was really happy this year to learn that a band like Walk the Moon existed, if only to know that they made a song that could take me back to the early 80's, where hard-hitting but pop-sounding rock reigned king. I mean, I was never alive during that period, but you know what I mean.

 

There is just so much to love about this song, but I think my absolute favourite part is the buildup to the chorus. This definitely evokes the feel of early 80's rock music to me, and I eat it up like candy. But rest assured, the rest of the song is very good too. Buildup to a lackluster chorus would kind of suck, but this chorus will be in my head forever.

 

And it's so refreshing just to hear rock groups again! I realize we're in a completely different age of pop music now, but damn it, I miss when rock bands were mainstream. This band definitely brings back the feel of how much fun a pop rock song can be. Just let loose, shut up, and dance.

 

 

Spoiler

 

 

 

I think it's safe to say that The Weeknd has won over the public with his Canadian charms. I was kind of predicting The Weeknd's crossover popularity ever since he blew up here in Canada, and especially since he recorded a song for 50 Shades of Grey. But I've seen the reactions to his music on here, and they seem to be mixed. So in order to please the masses, I've decided to go with the hit that everyone seemed to love.

 

6. "The Hills" - The Weeknd

 

 

 

Oh... crap, this was the one that almost nobody liked. My mistake. Well, let's roll with it anyway!

 

I was one of the haters of the song when it first came out, and I was even more baffled when it became a #1 hit. This song? Really? How did this happen? But now that we've reached the end of the year and I've really had time to listen to this song, I look at the success of this song not as a weird anomaly, but a blessing.

 

I spoke earlier in my worst list about liking dark pop songs, and unlike Adam Levine, The Weeknd is right in his element here. The creepy synths and strings throughout the song plus the hard-hitting bass... this is how you do dark pop right.

 

If you do it wrong, it can be disastrous. Your song turns out to be a complete bore and a complete waste of time. But this song drips with emotion, attitude, and mood, and it keeps me hooked all the way through.

 

So I don't know if y'all still hate this song, and if you do, well, I can't do much to change your opinion. But if the reason you hate it is because it's unpleasant, well, that's the way it was intended to be. The Weeknd definitely knows what he's doing, and I consider this to be, in retrospect, one of the best, most introspective songs of the year. I've bought The Weeknd's album recently, and I can't wait to listen to it all the way through.

 

 

Spoiler

 

 

 

No.

 

NO.

 

Pitbull, get the fuck away from my best list. In a year as great as 2015, you have no place on here. Look, you seem like an alright guy. A bit of a doofus, but an alright guy. But your music has always been tolerable club jam at best and sleazy bastard anthem at worst. If you want access to my best list this year, you'd better dress your song up to impress!

 

5. "Time of Our Lives" - Pitbull and Ne-Yo

 

 

 

What can I say? Pitbull had an honest-to-god fantastic song this year. Not joking.

 

Seriously, there's something more to this song than what Pitbull usually brings to it. But first, let's look at the guest artist, Ne-Yo. This is a way, way better performance than he had on "Give Me Everything", where he just sounded depressed. This song, he carries the chorus so well that you wonder how Pitbull can do even better.

 

Well, Pitbull's at his worst, I think, when he's bragging about himself and how awesome he is, and how everybody wants to be Pitbull. He's at his best when he just wants to have fun and party. And by using this line:

 

This is the last twenty dollars I got

But I'ma have a good time, ballin' or not

 

You can tell pretty quickly which Pitbull we're getting here. Actually, has he ever written a song before about how little money he has? Fascinating.

 

A lot of this song is admittedly standard Pitbull, but by framing it in the context of looking poverty straight in the face and saying "fuck you", it takes on a completely different tone and it really works. This is a smart song. But for me, it all really comes together here:

 

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/7542963

 

That is fucking powerful, especially coming from Pitbull, once thought to be the shallowest man in music. Not anymore. And then it just goes back to that fun chorus. God damn, do I love this song. It's a fun song, but it gets extra credit due to the context it's placed in. And even in a year as great as 2015, I have no problem making room for Pitbull this time around. Dalé!

 

 

Spoiler

 

 

 

Demi Lovato's breakout from Disney stardom didn't exactly have the momentum I hoped it would. Unfortunately, she only had the one single, and basically sat out the rest of 2013 and 2014.

 

But make no mistake. I have a regret or two about my 2013 list, but I still love "Heart Attack" just as much as I did then. It's such a powerful, forceful, yet heartbreaking song. It actually reminds me a lot of Kelly Clarkson's "Behind These Hazel Eyes". But enough about songs I love from then. This is about songs I love now. And in 2015, I am so thankful to say that Demi is back and better than ever.

 

4. "Cool for the Summer" - Demi Lovato

 

 

 

"Cool for the Summer" is one of those rare pop songs that leaves me so awestruck that I'm kind of at a loss of what to say about it. It's just perfect. Every element just pumps up the song further into one of the best summer jams in quite some time.

 

The flow of the song, the buildup to the chorus, the verses, the chorus. Honestly, the song just kind of turns off my critic brain and causes me to gush. Everything put into the song, from the stellar vocals to the great instrumentation to the clever lyrics. Everything works.

 

 

 

Oh, and for the record, fuck anyone who even dares to compare this masterpiece to the godawful Katy Perry song about kissing a girl and liking it. I just listened to the two songs back-to-back, and Katy Perry is so far outclassed by Queen Demi that it's not even funny. Unlike Katy who turns the very concept of lesbianism into a coy joke designed to appeal to horny jackoffs, Demi's version actually sounds authentically smooth and sexy, because... oh, I don't know, she actually sounds like she enjoys having sex.

 

But to compare it to the Katy Perry version even in this way doesn't do the song the justice it deserves. As far as I'm concerned, "I Kissed a Girl" can rot in the crap barrel that was late 2000s pop sludge, but "Cool for the Summer" can be our new standard for same-sex themed summer jams. It definitely deserves to be. Demi puts her all into this song.

 

http://www.tubechop.com/watch/7543029

 

Look, I'm trying not to sound like a blubbering fanboy, but I just lose my mind whenever I hear that part. Or really, any part of this song. Demi, you stole my pop music heart this year. Just don't take another year-long break again! I don't know if I'll be able to handle it.

 

 

Spoiler

 

Oh god, the music of 2015 was so good. I'm going to say it now: I consider the Top 10, no, the Top 20 of my list this year to be better than anything on the year-end in 2014. And as we get to the Top 3, it gets to the point where I just have to let the music speak for itself. So everyone, welcome back the pop music MVP of 2015, Taylor goddamn Swift.

 

3. "Style" - Taylor Swift

 

 

 

"Style" is by a pretty sizable margin my favourite track off of Taylor Swift's 1989 album. A lot of the songs are great, but this one I feel captures the pop sensibilities of Taylor's music perfectly. And I hate to say it, but I don't think she'll ever release a song this good ever again.

 

With this song, Taylor Swift takes the ever-present concept in her music of mistrust, deceit, and basically immorality in romance. But instead of decrying it, she commends it - hell, she accepts to enter into the lifestyle. That's a bold move for any pop star, but especially Taylor Swift to take. But it really works! Because like I said, Taylor Swift is a great pop artist. We'll see what she has for us in 2016, but after the three songs I've described in my Top 10, I've never been more excited to hear a new Taylor Swift album. "Style" screams "take me home", and I think I just might.

 

 

Spoiler

 

All right, now here's the Weeknd song everybody loved. Enjoy.

 

2. "Can't Feel My Face" - The Weeknd

 

 

 

What can I say? At the end of the day, despite the new stuff that the pop world throws at me, I tend to be a traditionalist. And what's more traditional than channeling the King of Pop?

 

Yeah, about that. A lot of people hail The Weeknd as the next Michael Jackson, and I was skeptical at first, but after re-evaluation of this year, yeah. I can totally see it. Beauty Behind the Madness proved to be The Weeknd's break into the mainstream, and I think he has the potential to go farther with it, especially hearing his follow-up single.

 

 

 

I'm definitely excited for 2016's crop of music based on that alone. And I do hope The Weeknd sticks around, because he's distinctive. And not just because of his hair, either. He's created a name for himself through his musical decisions and his pop breakthrough. all I can say is, I want more.

 

 

Spoiler

 

2015 was truly a great year, and has restored my faith in popular music. It's been a year where old and new artists have come together to create a stellar Top 10, the best in a long time. Yet, if there's one thing I don't like about this Top 10... it's that it has a hell of a predictable number 1 song. The Martians made me do it.

 

1. "Uptown Funk!" - Mark Ronson ft. Bruno Mars

 

 

 

Surprise surprise. I like it when I can come up with a surprise for my #1 pick, but this year, I had to give it up for "Uptown Funk". Even in a year when pop music took a straight upturn, nothing could beat the power of the funk.

 

This song should immortalize Bruno Mars as a great artist, no matter how many missteps he's made over the course of his career. This is a modern pop masterpiece. The production on this is perfect. In fact, it's so perfect that Macklemore wanted a slice of the notoriety.

 

 

 

Points for trying, but there's just something Bruno has that Macklemore didn't, and there's a reason Bruno's song sits at #1 and Macklemore's barely cracked the year-end. Bruno Mars simply has the funk sensibilities that make this song work.

 

Of course, I gotta give it up to Mark Ronson too, because as I said, the production on this is perfect, and Bruno and Mark are a match made in music heaven. All I can say is, this year, uptown funked me up. SAY WHAAAAT?!

 

[Wumbo]

FULL LIST:

Spoiler

 

1. "Uptown Funk!" - Mark Ronson ft. Bruno Mars

2. "Can't Feel My Face" - The Weeknd

3. "Style" - Taylor Swift

4. "Cool for the Summer" - Demi Lovato

5. "Time of Our Lives" - Pitbull and Ne-Yo

6. "The Hills" - The Weeknd

7. "Shut Up and Dance" - Walk the Moon

8. "Wildest Dreams" - Taylor Swift

9. "Blank Space" - Taylor Swift

10. "FourFiveSeconds" - Rihanna, Kanye West, and Paul McCartney

11. "Love Me Harder" - Ariana Grande ft. The Weeknd

12. "Hey Mama" - David Guetta ft. Nicki Minaj, Bebe Rexha, and Afrojack

13. "Hello" - Adele

14. "Want to Want Me" - Jason Derulo

15. "Cheerleader" - OMI

16. "Lean On" - Major Lazer and DJ Snake ft. MØ

17. "Earned It" - The Weeknd

18. "Uma Thurman" - Fall Out Boy

19. "What Do You Mean?" - Justin Bieber

20. "Love Me Like You Do" - Ellie Goulding

21. "Ex's and Oh's" - Elle King

22. "Chandelier" - Sia

23. "Back to Back" - Drake

24. "Chains" - Nick Jonas

25. "Blessings" - Big Sean ft. Drake

26. "I Don't Fuck with You" - Big Sean ft. E-40

27. "The Heart Wants What It Wants" - Selena Gomez

28. "Sugar" - Maroon 5

29. "7/11" - Beyoncé

30. "All Eyes on You" - Meek Mill ft. Nicki Minaj and Chris Brown

31. "You Know You Like It" - DJ Snake ft. AlunaGeorge

32. "Take Me to Church" - Hozier

33. "Shake It Off" - Taylor Swift

34. "Drag Me Down" - One Direction

35. "Budapest" - George Ezra

36. "I Don't Mind" - Usher ft. Juicy J

37. "Bitch Better Have My Money" - Rihanna

38. "Riptide" - Vance Joy

39. "Tuesday" - ILoveMakonnen ft. Drake

40. "Downtown" - Macklemore and Ryan Lewis ft. Eric Nally, Melle Mel, Kool Moe Dee, and Grandmaster Caz

41. "Trap Queen" - Fetty Wap

42. "Here" - Alessia Cara

43. "Ghost" - Ella Henderson

44. "Don't" - Ed Sheeran

45. "She Knows" - Ne-Yo ft. Juicy J

46. "Lay Me Down" - Sam Smith

47. "Waves" - Mr Probz

48. "Night Changes" - One Direction

49. "House Party" - Sam Hunt

50. "El Perdón" - Nicky Jam and Enrique Iglesias

51. "Photograph" - Ed Sheeran

52. "Elastic Heart" - Sia

53. "Classic Man" - Jidenna ft. Roman GianArthur

54. "How Deep is your Love" - Calvin Harris and Disciples

55. "Heartbeat Song" - Kelly Clarkson

56. "Renegades" - X Ambassadors

57. "Girl Crush" - Little Big Town

58. "One Last Time" - Ariana Grande

59. "Slow Motion" - Trey Songz

60. "CoCo" - O.T. Genasis

61. "Truffle Butter" - Nicki Minaj ft. Drake and Lil Wayne

62. "Bang Bang" - Jessie J, Ariana Grande, and Nicki Minaj

63. "Take Your Time" - Sam Hunt

64. "Kick the Dust Up" - Luke Bryan

65. "Ayo" - Chris Brown and Tyga

66. "Hit the Quan" - iLoveMemphis

67. "Centuries" - Fall Out Boy

68. "Like I'm Gonna Lose You" - Meghan Trainor ft. John Legend

69. "Habits (Stay High)" - Tove Lo

70. "Post to Be" - Omarion ft. Chris Brown and Jhené Aiko

71. "The Hanging Tree" - James Newton ft. Jennifer Lawrence

72. "Locked Away" - R. City ft. Adam Levine

73. "Dear Future Husband" - Meghan Trainor

74. "See You Again" - Wiz Khalifa ft. Charlie Puth

75. "Jealous" - Nick Jonas

76. "Talking Body" - Tove Lo

77. "Flex (Ooh, Ooh, Ooh)" - Rich Homie Quan

78. "No Type" - Rae Sremmurd

79. "Marvin Gaye" - Charlie Puth ft. Meghan Trainor

80. "Lips Are Movin" - Meghan Trainor

81. "Bad Blood" - Taylor Swift ft. Kendrick Lamar

82. "I'm Not the Only One" - Sam Smith

83. "Somebody" - Natalie La Rose ft. Jeremih

84. "679" - Fetty Wap ft. Remy Boyz

85. "All About That Bass" - Meghan Trainor

86. "G.D.F.R." - Flo Rida ft. Sage the Gemini and Lookas

87. "Where Are Ü Now" - Skrillex and Diplo ft. Justin Bieber

88. "Stitches" - Shawn Mendes

89. "Nasty Freestyle" - T-Wayne

90. "My Way" - Fetty Wap ft. Monty

91. "Stay with Me" - Sam Smith

92."Animals" - Maroon 5

93. "Only" - Nicki Minaj ft. Drake, Lil Wayne, and Chris Brown

94. "Worth It" - Fifth Harmony ft. Kid Ink

95. "Good for You" - Selena Gomez ft. A$AP Rocky

96. "Fight Song" - Rachel Platten

97. "Hotline Bling" - Drake

98. "Thinking Out Loud" - Ed Sheeran

99. "Honey, I'm Good." - Andy Grammer

100. "Watch Me" - Silentó

 

[Sweat]

I'm just happy to know I'm not the only one who loved The Hills.

[JCM]

Before I start my list, here are my honorable mentions:

Once Upon a Time

As a show that's mostly meandered since its extraordinary first season, OUAT has returned to being consistently entertaining and engaging after finally reaching bottom with its Frozen storyline last year. The Author stuff from the last half of season four was admittedly ridiculous, but it answered questions that have been part of the show since the beginning, and the Dark Emma stuff in season five was great, but the Brave stuff dragged it down. Overall, OUAT has gone from being completely unwatchable to actually being pretty decent, and for a show that's been on as long as it has, that's pretty good.

Degrassi

This is another long-runner that recently ended on TeenNick, but not without one last season of drama-filled high school antics. I wish I could say I'll miss it, but I won't. (And I know it'll be back on Netflix, but let me have this.}

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart/Trevor Noah

Jon Stewart also ended a lengthy run this year, and it was everything I could have ever dreamed of. Well, not everything, but it was still pretty great. Trevor Noah has held down the fort pretty well, and with an election year coming up, I don't doubt he will only get better. This show is hard to judge with the others because it comes out with so many episodes a year and a third of those episodes is just them talking with a special guest, conversations that are often joke-free. Due to that, I'll limit TDS to being a very honorable mention, even though when it's on fire, it's really on fire.

The Late Show with Stephen Colbert

As a native of my state, I've always been proud of Colbert, and his new show looks really good from what I've seen of it, but I haven't been able to give it the attention I give The Daily Show due to it being longer and me just not having the free time to keep up with it. And even if I did, this show would probably have the same problems keeping TDS off the main list.

---

Now, here are my top ten shows of 2015:

10. Community

Despite major changes in the cast and a move from network television to online streaming, Dan Harmon's sitcom stayed as funny as ever in its sixth and final season. Community movie, here we come!

9. American Ninja Warrior

I've been watching this show for years, and despite an obstacle course more taxing and unforgivable than in years past, it also got something else it didn't have in years past: a finisher. Two of them, actually, and seeing the journeys and unforgettable stories that led up to those finishes made this my favorite reality show of the year by far.

8. Silicon Valley

Everything only gets worse for the Pied Piper crew in the second season of this HBO sitcom, and watching the team deal with their woes, many of them self-inflicted, provides for endlessly entertaining television.

7. Homestar Runner

If Nostalgia Critic counts, this is gonna motherflipping count. Homestar Runner came back with a few new shorts last year, and some more new shorts this year show that it isn't going anywhere and that it hasn't forgotten what made people fall in love with the web cartoon in the first place, with the same mix of clever and silly humor that has defined H*R for the past 15 years.

6. Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Peralta, Boyle, and the rest of the Nine-Nine had more wacky hijinks this year, capping it all off with an awesome Die Hard parody. There was also actual progression in the characters and the relationships between them, which is more than what you could say for most shows. B99 makes a mockery of the shows Fox has it sandwiched between this fall season, and I expect that to be true for years to come,

5. Nathan For You

It took a while for N4U to get going, but once it did, it really got going. This season featured Nathan creating a workout routine designed to entice people into performing free labor for a moving company, staging an elaborate play to let a bar exploit a smoking loophole, and putting kids in a soundproof box while porn stars had sex just inches away from them to prove a concept to a hotel owner. It got crazier and funnier than ever, and I can't wait to see what Nathan has in store for us next year.

4. South Park

South Park took the biggest risk of any show I watched this season, and it paid enormous dividends. They began teasing continuity in the series last year, but they're essentially torn the format apart and made SP into a serialized show this year, and it's all the better for it.

3. Better Call Saul

While Once Upon a Time and Degrassi are fun to watch as guilty pleasures with occasionally great moments, Better Call Saul is nothing but great moments, and I wouldn't expect anything less from the creators of Breaking Bad. Jimmy McGill is no Walter White yet, but with a few more years, his development into Saul Goodman could become just as interesting as Walter's development into Heisenberg,

2. Gravity Falls

Gravity Falls has always been a really good show, but it really upped the ante this year, with legitimately shocking twists as it builds up to what's certain to be one of the most memorable finales in children's television history.

1. Rick and Morty

While Gravity Falls' greatness has to exist within the boundaries of children's television, Rick and Morty's doesn't, and it takes full advantage of that. Season two of R&M featured some of its dirtiest moments but also some of its most emotionally moving, with Auto Erotic Assimilation and the season finale The Wedding Squanchers being particular standouts in that aspect. R&M has proven that it won't be your typical Adult Swim sitcom, as while it has a lot of hilarious absurdity, it remains at its core a show about a family, and that's what grounds the crazy sci-fi adventures and makes it my favorite show on television. Season Three will have a lot to live up to, but if anyone can do it, these guys can.

[Hayden]

 

Hayden's Honorable(ish) Mentions

Here's a nod to a few "meh" things that happened this year that weren't strong enough to make the cut but had a few redeeming qualities or none.

King of the Nerds, thank you TBS for introducing Ori to my eyes, even though it was a lackluster final season where one majority picked off all the fun people. Honestly don't care if the UK version chooses to continue itself or not because that also gave me few to root for. Not sure why such a low budget concept had to end so early.

Extant, Ethan was the only half compelling character you ever had and you wasted him before getting a much deserved plug pull. Even Under the Dome got 3 seasons. Pathetic display of what science fiction should not do.

Wander Over Yonder impressed me slightly with its new dedication to an arc, but I'd only call the "The Fremergency Fronfract" and "The Black Cube"  top level classics this year. Best of luck with renewal Wander, Disney is on a massacre lately.

Gumball, the official 5th best show on Cartoon Network right now (excluding all forms of TD and Pokemon). Season 3 lost me a little bit, but I'm getting back to enjoying the sly humor this series incorporates. In the comedy department it probably amuses me more often than the four that beat it.

Dragon Ball Super, great that Dragon Ball got revived and all, but I don't have the same nostalgia for it some others do. I'm a patient person, but yeah the show still has severe pacing problems. I can't decide if the current arc is going too fast or if people are right that it's gone too slow and should move onto non-movie content. Not understanding the language is also not helpful I suppose.

Unpopular opinion, but Girl Meets World can get uncomfortably preachy with its moral of the day lessons instead of properly developing its characters. I'll forgive the show because Farkle is at least consistent, but I hope high school in 2016 is a more authentic feeling with less love triangle pandering.

Harvey Beaks is a relatively cute and harmless show with a much needed lighter tone compared to all the immature crap that surrounds it on Nick. (Who knew a show from the creator of Chowder would be less wacky?). Its sweetness is enough for me to mention it, considering 2015 bore it to begin with. However the titular character's quirks carry it for me more than the side characters.

A to Z is something I doubt anyone will ultimately remember. but after the incredible How I Met Your Mother finale, it was nice to see Cristin Miloti in another project. While being a little bland, the romance moments were handled decently and I'm sad it ended at M and never reached Z. (Maybe if you order a show like this it should be guaranteed the full 26 allotment to make its title appropriate goshdamnit). 

I'm all for a good mystery, but Eye Candy was terribly uncreative and had some of the blandest characters I've ever sat through, I mean seriously what a stupid killer choice. Sorry Victoria Justice, better luck on Cooper Barrett.

Pretty Little Liars, thank you for finally solving your second mystery after three years of pointlessness. Too bad A was a transgender twist character we knew practically nothing about prior. You need a five year time jump, because the current present the show was in was laughable considering the ages of your actresses and that we never saw them in a school setting at all on a final stretch of what were technically graduation episodes. Pitiful plot holes too.

Hayden's Top 25 Television Shows of 2015

Will be up after this short break. 

 

[Hayden]

Hayden's Top 25 Television Shows of 2015 (25-11)

25. Two and a Half Men

Yes, you read that right. Every part of this show's normal run is still terrible, but for one single finale night in 2015, it did the best thing it could possibly do in my eyes....TROLL ITS ENTIRE SMALL MINDED AUDIENCE. I'm not sure if we'll ever see anything quite like this again, so it just barely makes the list for inspiring so much rage in Charlie Sheen fans. The hour also excelled at other self awareness jokes.

24. The Big Bang Theory

I'll just get Chuck Lorre's other show off this list very fast too. Season 8 was abysmal and Season 9 is only just starting to get the pieces back together. However the Sheldon/Amy relationship is one of the only sitcom relationships I've ever been mildly invested in. The writing to break them up might have been clumsy, but the writing to get them back together was successful enough to remind me that this limping ratings behemoth can have a heart when it peels back the layers of lazy writing. I'm not sure if Sheldon having sex was too soon or not, but the follow up in 2016 will make or break this ever getting another list spot.

23. The Walking Dead

Truth be told I hardly remember much about the 16 installments of Walking Dead that aired this year. I just remember Noah biting it too quickly, Alexandria introducing a fresh crop of characters (Aaron and Enid were fine additions I suppose), and Glenn having a fake-out dumpster death that made the entire internet declare Walking Dead jumped the shark. Oh and Morgan's the moral compass that makes all the psycho "they aren't thinking along the same lines that a badass like I would in said situation" fans angry because of his crazy philosophy of keeping people alive and imprisoning them instead of shooting first, no questions later. The hype rush mentality is engaging enough at least because there are so many opinions to sift through on it. It's addicting Sunday nonsense. I hope it kills off Daryl in 2016 and loses a certain viewer percentage though. Also never watch the spinoff series, it's not worth it.

22. American Dad

This needed to end up on the list somewhere considering I BINGE WATCHED 190 EPISODES (gradually through reruns) just to get up to date. So yeah this has more staying power than The Simpsons, but it also suffers from a lot of the same Family Guy problems. Francine sucks. The kids are poor unremarkable stereotypes again, but the dad's CIA job actually gives way to better plot ideas. Roger and Klaus are also more entertaining than Brian/Stewie...mainly Brian. Anyways TBS gave it a bunch more time on the air, so looks like even though I got to this party 10 years late...I'll be around for the next five. Oh and I got here just in time for Jeff to stop being dead CNF.

21. Doctor Who

Peter Capaldi still isn't working for me quite as much as the whimsical Doctors (10/11). His speech in series 9 episode 8 was powerful however. As was the billion year wall breaking to get to Gallifrey. Ashildr was introduced in a fairly boring episode, but I came around to her in "The Woman Who Lived" because the hour was more focused on giving attention to her new reality and moral dilemma. Next this series wrote Clara off (and potentially River but I doubt that). Clara is controversial somehow to the fanbase, but I'm going to miss that eye candy and "female Doctor". Unless we get a cool male companion. About time for that right? Series 10 please attempt that.

20. Star Vs. the Forces Of Evil

Disney's latest series edition which I might never have started if they didn't preview it on their main channel first. Star and Marco (Starco) give me Kim and Ron vibes for sure. I do think they are decent characters but I'm still not overly optimistic about the world around them. However I guess I've been spoiled with recent Disney animation, and thus the animation in Star threw me off because the lack of studio consistency. Same goes to some of the episodic plots, it was a little cluttered with what it wants to be. However as you can see in the scene up above, Star found a footing with its serious villain and backstory about monsters near the end of the first season. That is enough for me to return in 2016.

19. Man Seeking Woman

Here is another 2015 addition I've been rather hesitant on. If you've watched that clip (or it in general)....then yeah what the hell. That concept there probably stuck out more than anything else during the season. I feel like Man Seeking Woman got so caught up in its metaphors and how "unique" they were, that it forgot to give some actual substance to its leads. First off, Josh doesn't have many defining traits besides being the punching bag single guy. His "bro" friend is also annoying and one note. His more successful sister doesn't have much depth until her spotlight episode "Teacup". Though that was just a one off reversal of Josh's usual struggles (which I'll admit might have succeeded in mellowing out the condescension her character had for most of the season). The ex is also wildly unsympathetic, but maybe season 2 will drop her or give her a development episode. I'm going into the second season with an open mind because I haven't seen the first in months and I can't write something off with just 10 episodes to go by. It's no worse a series than Louie.

18. Regular Show

It's been an eventful year for the long running hit. The big movie came out.....but it was just average? I love the idea of exploring how Rigby and Mordecai wound up in the park, but even with 70 minutes it only touched the surface of this. The most powerful scene in the movie was when Rigby read his rejection letter aloud. The rest was like a standard supernatural plot that we've seen before. Season 6 did get the gunky RS Season 5 out of my mind, though I still think "Dumped at the Altar" tried to cram so many developments in that nothing really resonated quite as thorougly. It was Muscle Man's wedding, even if the internet hates the character. Season 7 also picked up the slack for that though. (Rigby development, Rigbeileen, Mordecai slowly inching back to Margaret after CJ). Mordecai and Rigby leaving the park after going through a little more growth is what I hope our endgame to be if Season 8 marks this.

17. Scream Queens

Yeah this needs to be chopped next. Excuse the pun. I don't love horror to begin with, but most of the time this series only gave us the same lame knife sticking deaths over and over again. That's why I focused on its comedy, and it was more or less ridiculous enough to make up for any problems that plagued it along the way. Until the finale and the killer reveal. The resolution was a slap in the face, as most of the hour was spent on another accusation game instead of any suspenseful action. For some reason the writing was stuck between giving Chanel depth and making her the worst human ever. Had a Grace twist happened it would have pulled so many plot threads together and had the Zayday/Chanel bonding scenes make sense. Instead it threw that away for a poorly built up "obvious answer"  and let just about every main character live with happy ever after endings, including said goddamn killer. I think it's on the verge of cancellation but "Summer Camp" might still come to reality. Hopefully it takes more risks if it does come back, because it had potential when it didn't run in circles and accomplish nothing.

16. Phineas and Ferb

The final year of Phineas and Ferb was 2015. Throughout its entirety we only got two average one hour specials and a half hour special that made Phineabella come to pass. Otherwise this would be ranked a lot higher. Phineas and Ferb, while formulaic, had more life and charisma in every episode than dozens of series I see that stick to the same premise. It had strong musical scores, witty humor, and a likeable cast of characters barring Candace. I'll really miss it, because this is Disney's biggest animation loss in years. That is, until February 2016.

15. Big Brother

Big Brother is usually my summer event. Ever since Season 14 I've checked its progress too much since it has live updates. Like in past years I latched onto one character to put all my hopes and dreams in. This character in Big Brother 17 was Johnny Mac. I made him my pool pick before the season and fan favorite edit for him began. Speaking of which, ROBBED. But I digress, I was happy he returned but consistently angry at all the scumbags around him. He fell short at final 4 due to Vanessa, but karma got her next. Big Brother masterminds are even worse than Survivor ones and her manipulative shtick got old fast. I'm sure Johnny Mac will be back for All Stars, and he's the first contestant I've ever subscribed to. Guess I have a thing for introverts.

14. Survivor

 

 

If this only released Worlds Apart it'd be a lot lower. So basically I hated Mike's march to victory, and the two characters I chose as "favorites" in that were Will and Shirin. That later turned out ironic.....you'll know what I mean if you're Clappy. Next, Cambodia brought back a collection of people I mainly knew. The elimination order was discouraging and I was basically over it even before the awful Final 3, where at least the right person won. I blame on this on the spoiled boot list and faulty editing. Woo saved everything from collapsing though, even if I'm furious with his pre-merge position. I hope he gets a third chance. Keith and Kimmi almost pulled a late game upset too which could've been fun. I guess I'll always be drawn to this show because it fits with my prediction addiction. Perhaps Kaoh Rong holds a winner I'll like more than the two this year.

13. Pokemon XY

Pokemon has sharply rebounded from the Unova saga. Brighter animation quality, better companions, better arcs, better battles, better shipping, better GOOMY. Plus Wobbuffet's back. I'm just really happy to see it back in a groove like back during the Hoenn days. All eyes on the future indeed, because Ash's first fully evolved water starter awaits. I'm probably just getting my hopes up, but maybe Kalos is the saga where Ash wins a league? In any case XY is handling the villain team and gyms well enough that I'll be satisfied with another top 4 placement or a top 2 placement so long as he uses a few reserves.

12. About a Boy

 

This is the last clip of the series. Plus the only one I could find. Basically this show only aired 14 episodes of season two aired on television.....AND THEN I HAD TO WAIT 6 MONTHS JUST TO FINISH THE LAST SIXONLINE. Basically my last straw with NBC. So yes, even though this season was bogged down with boring adult plots (more Marcus plots geez), my mission to finish it made it prevalent for most of the year. Marcus/Shea also reminded me of me/Kali for some reason. At least that had a happy conclusion in the show. Anyways I wish Season 3 happened to flesh out Shea and develop Will/Fiona but I'll take what I can get and am glad the final episodes got released at all with the ineptitude of the network.

11. Better Call Saul

Something about an aspiring lawyer struggling between right and wrong is infinitely more entertaining to me than Breaking Bad's concept. Jimmy is a relatable character and the actor has great line delivery to boot. I at least recognize Mike too even if I haven't seen all of the two's scenes from Breaking Bad. Anyways the reveal about Jimmy's brother is heartbreaking even if you can see it coming and I'm glad this drama strikes the right balance at every turn. I hope the Kettleman's and that guy who plays Vic on Orphan Black will be around for season two. February 15th, 2016 is shaping up to be one solid looking day.

Next Time: Hayden's Top 10 TV Series of 2015

[Clappy]

So time to talk about something I feel more comfortable critiquing about.  Music.  This year when it came to hit music, it was far more of an improvement over the past two years.  I look down the Billboard year end list and I definitely see far more quality material.  I’m not going to feel as forced to find hits for my best list this year which was a far cry from last year where I still stand by my choices, but I felt the pickings were far slimmer.  That being said, the stagnancy still left an impact over this year, but if delivered more quality hits because of it, then I’ll take this instead of the consistently boring hits of 2013 or the completely awful ones of 2014.  So while I still prefer 2011 as the best hit music decade of the 2010s, at least 2015 was a vast improvement.  Heck it was complicated to format a worst list.  In years past, I genuinely hated everything on my worst list 100%.  2015?  I’ll be honest and say that while I do not like the songs overall from worst to dishonorable mentions, they are not 100% terrible.  I can only say that I entirely loathe probably just my Bottom 5.  This was definitely the hardest worst list I’ve had to work on yet and as of this typing, it’s over 5500 words in length.  That’s easily the second longest worst list I’ve ever typed with 2014 being too long for it’s own good when it came to my explanations.  I’m genuinely proud of what I wrote this year, even if I’m late to the party and none of my choices are entirely original in comparison to what others before me have listed.  I hope that I at least offer a different perspective compared to what some of you have already read.  Let’s get this started shall we?

 

Dishonorable Mentions:

“Bad Blood” – Taylor Swift (featuring Kendrick Lamar)

Yeah I think that review I gave over the summer made me hit a critical nirvana.  The more I looked into finding out what this song was about Queen Taylor’s bad blood with Katy Perry, the more I really really really started to sour on this.  Who the hell honestly cares about stealing tour managers?  It’s a bitch move, but writing a song about it comes off even bitchier.  This is Taylor Swift Problems that only Taylor Swift would even relate to.  Not her listening audience.  If this is what it takes for Kendrick Lamar to FINALLY have a number one hit, so be it, but this is by MILES the worst song off of 1989 for Queen Taylor.  

“Thinking Out Loud/Photograph” – Ed Sheeran

Ed Sheeran should seriously just stick to writing about darker subject matters.  Both of these are just way too safe for their own good.  I may have lightened up as the year went on over Thinking Out Loud, but this song is just hidden insincerity and it's just for Ed to make millions and millions off of wedding songs that eat this shit up.  I like Photograph even less because it's just too boring that I couldn't even write a review about it for my Billboard thread.  I tried and I tried, but this song is just a waste of radio space.  Ed should just kept these memories to himself like he says in this song because his memories are ridiculously dull.

“Take Your Time” – Sam Hunt

The biggest song of country music in 2015…and I don’t see it.  It’s another one of those overly clichéd guy walks into a bar and tries to pick up desperate single women.  I don’t see the appeal of Sam Hunt either.  He was by far the biggest country star of 2015 but every song he’s released has ranged from bad to terrible.  Nothing special about the guy, but god what a fucking terrible music video.  It completely misses the point of the song entirely and makes it about domestic abuse.  Awful all the way around.  At least House Party for as stupid as it was had energy.  This was just boring uninteresting clichéd dreck.

“Locked Away” – R City (featuring Adam Levine)

This is more due to the fact that I legitimately hate 50% of this song.  The other 50% is just literal nothingness that doesn’t generate much of a reaction from me.  But Adam Levine’s part is just straight up awful.  You aren’t going to lose your millions and millions of loyal fans if you got locked away.  You’ll still have your endorsement deals and your spot on The Voice.  2015 and Adam Levine still keeps rising further and further on my hit list.  It’s Holy Grail all over again except with someone I respect far less than Justin Timberlake.

"Nasty Freestyle" - T-Wayne

Would 100% be on my Worst List if it wasn't for that one part that gets infinitely looped on Vine where it belongs.  It makes no damn sense to the point that it gives a song an identity.  An unintentionally hilarious one at that.  Which is far better than what the rest of the song provides because why should I care about a guy who takes his name from two rappers that aren't even all that relevant anymore?

“Where Are U Now” – Skrillex & Diplo (featuring Justin Bieber)

So I think I’ve been a little too hard on Justin Bieber’s new direction.  What Do You Mean has actually really grown on me (more on that in my next list) and Sorry has started to do the same.  But I still can’t stand this.  I absolutely hate the non-existent chorus.  Skrillex’s portion of the production is absolutely pathetic.  Meanwhile, Justin Bieber sounds absolutely pissy over how much he has sacrificed, yet where is she now when he needs her?  We don’t learn anything about this girl to really deem if Justin Bieber has any sort of right to be so whiny.  But I think the worst part about this is it’s just flat out boring and there is nothing worse for a song to be than just pathetically dull.  Who would have thought that could happen for a Skrillex/Justin Bieber collaboration.

“Lips Are Movin” – Meghan Trainor

I GAVE YOU BASS. – You guys have no idea how many times I have thought of this lyric in 2015.  But if all you can bring to the table is your ass, then your argument is immediately invalid.  To make this song even more awful is rehashing All About That Bass.  Sad thing is that it’s even better than it’s predecessor…somehow.

“All About that Bass” – Meghan Trainor

This was more due to completely disregarding this from my 2014 worst list.  This song blows.  Sure it’s nice to see a smash hit about body acceptance, but would you guys actually listen to this from someone who absolutely goes about the topic of body acceptance in the worst way imaginable?  She only is concerned about what guys like, so let’s be honest here.  Fellas.  Do you want to date a girl who refers to her ass as her boom boom?  Ladies.  Do you want to take body acceptance advice from a woman who calls girls skinny bitches?  I’ll let you decide but in my perspective, she is not an authority I would go to.

“The Hills” – The Weeknd

I’ve already written about this song on three separate occasions.  I have absolutely nothing new to say about this audio nightmare except I don’t hate it nearly as much as I did a few months ago, but this is more of a bore than anything else.  For a cheating song, I expect a little more passion.  That’s why I like the Eminem remix because at least it brings something to the table in comparison to The Weeknd who doesn’t bring anything new to the table.  It’s The Hills.  Bye.

“Earned It” – The Weeknd

Now this on the other hand, I still entirely loathe to the point that this was in heavy consideration for my worst list.  Still makes my skin crawl to listen to The Weeknd squeak about how this girl earned his genitals and talk about how it would be tragic if she didn’t.  Yeah I’m sorry, but you need to bring a more compelling argument to the table than saying she’s perfect and that she’s always worth it.  Because if that's the reason why she earned your dick, you can pretty much use that line on any female in existence.

“Worth It” – Fifth Harmony (featuring Kid Ink)

You know I’ll be honest.  This song is entirely worthless.  Out of all the Talk Dirty inspired clones, this was by far the worst to the point that this tops my dishonorable mentions.  Nothing redeemable about this ESPECIALLY Kid Ink’s verse (repeated constantly) which is by far one of the worst things he’s ever done…and that includes Show Me.  The one thing that keeps me from putting it on there is that prechorus before the girls keep telling every single guy out there that they are worth it.  That prechorus deserves to be on a much better song than this because it has swagger and gives off so much potential that a good song is coming out of this.  Everything else about this sucks massively.  I want to like Fifth Harmony.  I really do.  Sledgehammer would be a contender for my best list if it actually became a hit because it reminds me so much of why I love these female groups from the 90s.  But if the absolute laziness of this is a sign of things to come, it’s not worth it to try and hope for a better future for Fifth Harmony.  It really is not.

 

CLAPPY'S TOP 10 WORST HIT SONGS OF 2015

Spoiler

Hey you guys remember the first song I reviewed this year and how I re-ranked my 2014 Bottom 10 in terms of where I would place it?  Yeah, turns out…

10. “Jealous” – Nick Jonas

I guess you can say that I have softened on Jealous a lot.  That’s more due to Nick Jonas at least growing a personality this year to show that he does have potential to outgrow being type casted as one of the Jonas Brothers.  He’s fully shed that squeaky clean image The Jonas Brothers for me by trying to go the same route as Justin Timberlake did in his solo career.  Nick was able to do it far better in terms of songs as the year went on, but in terms of his personality…yeah I am finally able to be fully convinced by it nearly a year later.

But that doesn’t deny the fact that Jealous is still terrible.  When it comes to douchebag apology anthems, Justin Bieber has one out right now that at least has great production work to make it fun to listen to.  What does this have?  A limp beat and chipmunk audio clips.  Yeah I’d rather listen to Skrillex and Bieber, thanks.  More importantly though…it’s nearly a year later and I still cringe at “it’s my right to be hellish”.  That lyric justifies this song alone to be on this list.  Who the hell says that?  It’s one thing to be insecure, but its a complete 180 to pretty much imply that he resolves conflict in the most immature fashion possible.  That is just absolutely ugly in every sense possible and I don’t think anyone could have made that line work.  That should have been dropped entirely from the writing process.  Yeah I think I would rather accept Justin Bieber’s lousy attempt at apologizing over Nick Jonas threatening to be an abusive asshole.

 

Spoiler

You know it’s an actual shame for this next one…because it could have been completely redeemable by anyone else.  There is legitimately A LOT to like about this.  The production is really slick and ASAP Rocky has a damn great guest verse that is a huge breath of fresh air.  I’ve come around to liking the guy a lot and he’s my Most Improved Performer of 2015.  So why despite all my praise about nearly everything else is this song even on the worst list?  Well….

9. “Good For You” – Selena Gomez

This song entirely comes down to Selena Gomez and to me, she fails.  Badly.  What about Selena Gomez am I supposed to find sexy?  Her cooing?  This is nearly as lifeless as Come and Get It from the very start with Selena coming off as very disinterested and uninspired.  It really doesn’t help that these lyrics are Selena trying to make her sound more adult miserably.  Am I hearing her call herself a 14 karat…twice?  So you mean there are diamonds far more attractive than you?  Also does she even know what syncopate means?  Because I learned about that in band class in middle school.  You can’t syncopate your skin color to a heartbeat.  Syncopate means to displace beats in a song so that the strong beats become weaker.

Nitpicking lyrics aside, to me, my biggest complaint is that Selena still looks like a child and hearing her sing about how she wants to look good for YOU leaves me feeling very unclean and not in an aroused fashion.  More like this:

I think Selena is still suffering from her Disney image and she is trying way too hard to force herself into such a sultry adult song like this to the point that it’s incredibly unlistenable.  I may have given Ariana Grande a hard time about her trying to oversexualize herself, but at least I don’t see her as Cat Valentine from Victorious anymore.  Wizards of Waverley Place has been off the air for nearly four years now and Selena Gomez is still that to me and it hasn’t helped that she still looks like her because of her baby face.  Who knows, maybe someday Selena will finally shed past it, but I think trying to put too much adult themes in her music is just not a good decision because it just doesn’t work for her.  Who am I to question what a pop singer should or should not be singing about, but if she wants me to actually buy something like this, it should not feel this forced.  But hey I’ll give this song credit.  It’s the best thing I’ve heard off of Revival so far.  Her other two radio singles (so far) are much worse than this.  So good for you if you like this...I guess.

 

Spoiler

So while 2014 was the year country music was at its most ineptly stupid, 2015 was the year where the “bro country” fad finally started to die a slow painful death.  But it didn’t go down without a fight.  Or at least utterly embarrassing himself.

8. “Kick the Dust Up” – Luke Bryan

2015 was not a good year for Luke Bryan.  He may have had a number one album, but at what cost because the quality was by far his worst and that’s coming from my family and my fellow country music fans that I know online and off.  This is a prime example of how bad his new album is and this isn’t just because I left him off my worst list entirely in 2013 for probably his worst song to date.  Even with the song going to number one on the country charts, the song never got a proper music video.  Who exactly is this for?  This isn’t even real country music.  Sure it’s real country music subject matter, but who honestly would openly admit to going to a cornfield party?  Do those actually exist?  Because if so, no one…not even Luke Bryan sounds like he’s having a good time.  The production doesn’t help with remixing a simple country four note chord progression over honestly some of the worst percussion I’ve ever heard in a country music song in my life.

But what I think pisses me off about this the most is how smug it comes off as.  At least That’s My Kind of Night was just terribly over the top stupid.  Nothing about this sounds fun.  I mean I get that the nightlife is not nearly as cheap as it used to be, but Luke seriously brings no convincing arguments to the table to make me fully abandon spending a night criticizing music on a SpongeBob forum.  Go ahead and brag all you want about drinking bad moonshine and dustcroppers because trying to sell having fun in a cornfield is making me want to get turnt up at SBC Music instead.  I can definitely listen to far better country music there than I’m listening to right now.

 

Spoiler

This is my fight song.  It’s not very good.  Needs a few rewrites.  Someone had to rehash that Todd tweet.

7. “Fight Song” – Rachel Platten

A few rewrites is an understatement.  What an absolute mess lyric wise.  This song is just a literal rehash of nearly every single self-empowerment anthem of the past fifteen-twenty years.  It has absolutely no reason to exist.  But more importantly, if what you are fighting for is mainstream relevancy, then you have achieved it with possibly the most meaningless empowerment song in existence.  This song is for the people who don’t know what real problems are.  It’s genius adult contemporary audio filler if I’ve ever heard it. 

Hey ordinary female in their mid 20s.  Are you having a tough time fitting in?  Is everything not what you thought it would be after graduating college and suffocating in bankruptcy due to school loans?

THIS IS MY FIGHT SONG.  TAKE BACK MY LIFE SONG.

Hey young male who is down on his luck and has an unlucky love life.  Are you lost in this world and have no clue if you’ll ever figure it out in life?

PROVE I’M ALRIGHT SONG.

Hey young teenager who has failed a very important test in high school.  You think it’s the end of the world because you have one failure and don’t know if you’ll ever turn it around?

MY POWER’S TURNT UP.  STARTING RIGHT NOW ILL BE STRONG.

Seriously.  It’s almost fucking genius how meaningless it is.  That’s why it’s not any lower than this spot, but at the same time, as a hit pop song, it just flat out sucks.  Rachel Platten has absolutely no stage presence as a performer and….holy god she’s 34.  Wow.  I guess ANYONE could have done this song.  Good luck actually trying to get an identity this late in your career.

 

Spoiler

One of the biggest stories in the music industry this year was the defamation lawsuit by the family of Marvin Gaye against Robin Thicke and Pharrell over the sampling used in Blurred Lines.  Honestly, I feel kind of bad for Robin Thicke.  The guy just hasn’t been able to catch a break since Blurred Lines became the smash hit that it was.  With all of the protesting, his marriage falling apart, and not being able to find success hit wise afterwards, I think it will be an interesting episode of E: The True Hollywood Story one of these days.  But if that defamation lawsuit showed us anything, do not desecrate the legacy of Marvin Gaye….

6. “Marvin Gaye” – Charlie Puth (featuring Meghan Trainor)

So let me put this in perspective to the Gaye family.  You guys find Blurred Lines to be totally desecrating Marvin Gaye’s legacy because of one song sample.  Yet, you all are perfectly fine with Charlie Puth and Meghan Trainor white-ing up Marvin Gaye’s entire discography with one of the unsexiest songs I’ve ever heard?  You hear that sound?  That’s the sound of Marvin Gaye rolling over in his grave multiple times.

It’s not just making Marvin Gaye’s music come off as unsexy.  These two numbskulls sound like they’ve never had sex at all in their lives.  I haven’t heard people come off as novices about sex this poorly since Afternoon Delight.  Just like in Afternoon Delight, the music here is an absolute bore.  I have no problem with piano accompaniment.  Heck I think that’s why I like See You Again more than I should for Puth’s piano playing.  But then they borrow so heavily from black culture so poorly that I can’t help but look back at this and laugh at how awful it is.  Like this is spectacular levels of bad that it’s too hilarious to take seriously.  I mean they borrow the overused rap cliché of having guys screaming hey in the background like this is a DJ Mustard production.  What am I supposed to do with lines like “Karma sutra show and tell”, “I’m a dog without a bone”, and “I’m screaming mercy mercy please.”  That last one in particular, I think is these two trying to beg to not let this song become popular.  Too late there.

Once again, I reiterate.  What’s even more insulting to Marvin Gaye’s legacy?  A poor sampling choice or an entire song that misses the point of Marvin Gaye’s music?  I’ll let you decide Gaye family….or I can wait for you all to sue Nelly for doing both.

 

 

Spoiler

I’m done being a Chris Brown defender in the past when it comes to his music…post 2011.  These past few years have been tough with Chris Brown somehow finding ways to make himself come off as even more unbearable through his music.  I didn’t place Loyal on my worst list last year at all.  Sure hearing Chris Brown talk about unfaithful girls is just laughable because of his history, but that production made it a banger and I couldn’t come around to hating it at all.

5. “Ayo” – Chris Brown & Tyga

Hey…at least this isn’t the worst song off of Fan of a Fan.  But hey, that’s like saying the 1994 Fantastic Four was the best Fantastic Four movie adaptation.  What absolute audio garbage.  Seriously, there is ZERO difference between the production for this and Loyal.  I can’t be the only one who notices this, right?  That’s ridiculously lazy even for Chris Brown’s standards.

The subject matter is honestly reduce reuse recycle when it comes down to it.  This isn’t the worst example of rappers talking about how much better they have it than you, the listener, but it’s their egos that are driving me up a wall.  Exactly what have either of you two accomplished in your lives that make us appreciate that you can treat women like disposable trash…..oh wait….domestic abuse for Chris Brown and pedophilia for Tyga.  Yeah….does anyone else feel unclean listening to Chris Brown reference breaking restraining orders for his anger management issues or Tyga going on about how even he would fuck himself.  Yeah Tyga, I think you are literally the last rapper I want to hear discuss his sexual conquests.

It’s 2015 and rap music still can’t seem to grasp the simple concept that bragging about how rich and famous you are means absolutely nothing if you can’t tell the story of how you got there.  This isn’t the worst example of it in recent years, but this is definitely one of the most grating examples of douchebaggery.

 

Spoiler

Looking back at old prehistoric SBC posts….man was I way too hard on Nicki Minaj.  I mean WAY too hard on her.   WWWWAAAAAAAYYYYYY too hard.  Like seriously, what was so bad about her in retrospect?  A woman that raps and tries to leave a lasting impression on the music scene.  How dare she.  Yeah, I’ve grown to appreciate Nicki Minaj a lot more, but I’m still not a fan.  Primarily because she is definitely wasting her talent and trying to focus on crossover appeal in pop music when she doesn’t need to do that.  Just rap Nicki.

4. “Only” – Nicki Minaj (featuring Drake, Lil Wayne, and Chris Brown)

Not like this though.  Seriously with the talent involved, one would expect this to be nearly ten times better when everyone is on their A game, but I would be hard pressed to find a single more colossally disappointing than this.  You have arguably three of the biggest talents of the past five years at your disposal and THIS is the best you can do?  Phoned in is way too big of a compliment because I know that all three of these artists are wasting away their respective careers with a single this cheap and lazy.  When Chris Brown is the artist who has the most dignity in this track, you know that this song fucking blows.  Nicki is too busy setting up corny one liners.  She’s had some funny ones in the past, but every single one of these are cringeworthy.  I don’t know what’s worse the overcriticized duct tape punch line or fucking with chickens unless they cutlet…oh wait, then you have Drake saying shit like:

I never fucked Nicki cause she got a man
But when that's over then I'm first in line

Umm, yeah Drake.  Meek Mill already beat you to that….because at least Meek Mill doesn’t sound like he’s staring at tits for the first time in life.  Seriously what the hell Drake?  You aren’t even trying here. You may have had far better songs in 2015, but this is by far your lamest and that’s coming from somebody who is fully convinced that you come off as stupid in your songs at times on purpose.  Then last but not least, Lil Wayne.  He sounds like he’s half asleep while doing this.  But once you are able to decipher what he’s actually saying, it’s literally nothing new that he hasn’t said before talking about how gross having sex with him must be and that he’s literally shit. 2015 was a very bad year for Lil Wayne with his legal troubles within Young Money infinitely delaying Tha Carter V, but the least he can do is still act like he at least gives a damn about his career.  These last three years are the kind of shit that makes me point out why Lil Wayne is no longer anywhere near being the self-appointed best rapper alive.

I think the one thing that saves this song from going a spot lower, like I said earlier, is that Chris Brown is somehow the only tolerable part of the song….because it’s Chris Brown being a terrible person.  But at least he’s not somehow trying to sugar coat it.  He’s as terrible as he says he is and at least that’s something compared to everyone else being absolutely nothing.

 

Spoiler

Like I said above.  At least it’s something compared to being ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

3. “Stitches” – Shawn Mendes

Everything about this song is STILL straight up nothing.  I'm BEYOND sick of this.  The production is dull, the singing is horrendously boring, and the lyrics are chalk full of cliches that I swear I was back in the 1970s with all this kitsch.  Words cutting deeper than knives, asking to be brought back to life, bleeding until he can't breathe, falling onto his knees...if he is going to use lines like these, the least he can do is sing them as over the top as possible.  Because here they come off as just meaningless and everything about it is fake and makes me want to punch Shawn Mendes right in the face more than he is already doing to himself in the music video.

But Clappy.  It’s just a silly harmless pop song that is not meant to be taken seriously.  He’s only seventeen and sounds sincere, even if it’s cheesy.

Yes skeptical reader, but at least other white guy with acoustic guitar songs can do a good job covering up their shortcomings by at least trying to sound sincere.  But I don't buy it when it comes to teenagers like Shawn Mendes, who don't have nearly as much life experience to know what love really is and what heartbreak actually feels like.  At least when Justin Bieber was this young, he was awful in a hilariously interesting fashion.  This is just a stale bland horrible in every sense of the word imaginable and I hope Shawn Mendes fades into obscurity incredibly soon because everything else I've heard from him is just as bad, if not worse than this.  Way to go Canada.  You imported someone who is less interesting than Justin Bieber.

 

Spoiler

So let’s talk about vine rap.  That god awful trend that felt like was on an infinite loop year round.  Just like the videos that don’t stop playing, more and more kept popping up.  But here’s the thing…it’s not the worst fad ever.  Music history has shown that we’ve gone through far stupider trends in, but I’ll be hard pressed to find a novelty song that’s more of a blatant waste of my time than this:

2. “Watch Me” – Silento

SURPRISE!  It didn’t end up as my number one.  But this still reeks of number two.  Calling it the second worst of anything is still a huge disservice to it because it’s existence is utterly pointless.  How am I supposed to watch you when all I ever do is hear you on the radio?  Why are you on the radio in the first place?  Why are you name checking some of the worst dance fads of the past decade?  Why did we make this flash in the pan famous?  People, are we really that stupid of a society that we make guys like Silento famous for listing off dances like they are Pokemon cards that he has collected?  If you want to watch someone whip, go on YouTube and learn how to do it yourself.  If you want to watch someone nae nae, go on YouTube and learn how to do it yourself.  Actually give the credit to the dumbasses that made these dances famous and not the dumbass who wants you to watch him like the whiny little kid he is.  Out of all my years of doing these worst lists, I’ve never wanted an artist to just be done after one bad song like this guy.  Silento.  As untalented of a hack as everyone says he is.

Yeah I’m kinda surprised that after putting in weeks of work on ranking every last one of these that Silento would be instantly shamed to number one.  You can ask everyone that I’ve talked music with on the forums, chat, etc. that there was by far nothing worse than Silento telling me that I already know what it is.  But after deeply thinking about it….yeah the song is trash, but it’s a flash in the pan sort of trash that I’ll look back and think to myself that I can’t believe we actually made this popular.  I mean looking back at all sorts of music history, there are plenty of flash in the pans that we stare back at rolling our eyes over.  We will move on from Silento just like we moved on from Soulja Boy, Milli Vanilli, and so many other artists we deemed the worst things ever.  They will be forgotten.  My number one artist sadly won’t…and you already know who it iiiiisssss:

 

Spoiler

1. “Dear Future Husband” – Meghan Trainor

If I’ll remember ANYTHING about the bad pop music of 2015, my first thought will always be the beginning of when I absolutely started to loathe Meghan Trainor as an artist.  What else can I say about this utter abomination that I haven’t previously stated in my review?  It’s a wretched nightmare.  Everything about it is just fathomable levels of terrible that I can write a Top 10 Worst List over this song in general.    

CLAPPY'S TOP 10 WORST PARTS OF DEAR FUTURE HUSBAND

10. The bubblegum production that is trying to deceive what this song is actually about.

9. Here’s a few things you’ll need to know….um your definition of “a few” and mine are entirely different.

8. The fact that she automatically thinks she deserves to be taken on a date.  You list off 99 problems as to why you are undateable and that’s most certainly one.

7. Automatically assuming that I will want her to cook for me just because she has a 9 to 5 job.  That’s perfectly fine but nobody asked you to cook for me…oh great you don’t know how to cook either.  I guess I’ll go eat my Lunchables since that’s at least whiter than this song and I can assemble it myself.

6.  To continue with that, she says she can’t cook, but she can write a hook.  Every single song I’ve heard you on Meghan Trainor, your hooks suck as bad as you say your “cooking” is.

5. Don’t have a dirty mind….yet she constantly offers sexual favors as part of the benefits to being Mr. Meghan Trainor.  So I can accept you having a dirty mind?  Ok.

4.  All the doo-wop sing rapping.  Oh my god I never want to hear it from Meghan Trainor ever again and this pushed me over the edge in my limitations for it.

3.  Accepting the fact that she’s crazy.  Let me go ahead and saw off my testicles while I’m at it.

2. The fact that Meghan Trainor is never wrong....BULL FUCKING SHIT.

1. Seeing her family far more than yours?  That’s batshit insane and is making me hit the No button repeatedly.

I can’t even begin to wonder how she’s been able to sustain her career for a whole year.  A song like this should have halted her career in the tracks.  This isn’t even subtle or with a nudge nudge wink wink I’m just joking sort of vibe.  Meghan Trainor sounds legitimately serious about every demand that comes from her mouth about her future husband and what he has to do to get her “special loving” or for her to buy you groceries and cook.  I’m sorry, but who actually is willing to give into this Meghtatorship?  Based off of the universal consensus, only elementary aged kids who sing this on the playground.  Because that’s the only sort of person who I consider to actually like a song like this.

But there is one thing that I didn’t really get to touch upon that I feel needs to be stated because of what I’ve read on Tumblr about people saying this song is a representation of feminism.  That has to be a joke.  This song is to feminism as Donald Trump is to politics in the perspective that Donald Trump knows nothing about actual politics.  Meghan Trainor clearly has no clue what modern feminism actually is.  She’s proven to be too dumb in her music for me to actually believe otherwise.  Anyone who actually thinks this song actually is a sane person’s view of feminism needs to get their collective minds check and go to the same looney bin that the future Mr. Trainor is presently checking into.  Have fun seeing Meghan Trainor’s family more than yours.

Yours truly,

Clappy

 

[WhoBibbles]

Spoiler

I'm not a music follower but I read everyone of your lists and tbh I was expecting Clappy's #1 worst to be Watch Me but damn, what a twist, lol.

 

What really caught my attention the most is Fight Song, are those really the actual lyrics? "This is my fight song". I don't mind 4th wall breaks on songs but that just sounds too lazy.

 

But who am I kidding? I'm not a music critic, lol.

Enough with the spoiler, I enjoyed reading all of your music lists. You guys are awesome

[Sweat]

57 minutes ago, Clappy said:

So time to talk about something I feel more comfortable critiquing about.  Music.  This year when it came to hit music, it was far more of an improvement over the past two years.  I look down the Billboard year end list and I definitely see far more quality material.  I’m not going to feel as forced to find hits for my best list this year which was a far cry from last year where I still stand by my choices, but I felt the pickings were far slimmer.  That being said, the stagnancy still left an impact over this year, but if delivered more quality hits because of it, then I’ll take this instead of the consistently boring hits of 2013 or the completely awful ones of 2014.  So while I still prefer 2011 as the best hit music decade of the 2010s, at least 2015 was a vast improvement.  Heck it was complicated to format a worst list.  In years past, I genuinely hated everything on my worst list 100%.  2015?  I’ll be honest and say that while I do not like the songs overall from worst to dishonorable mentions, they are not 100% terrible.  I can only say that I entirely loathe probably just my Bottom 5.  This was definitely the hardest worst list I’ve had to work on yet and as of this typing, it’s over 5500 words in length.  That’s easily the second longest worst list I’ve ever typed with 2014 being too long for it’s own good when it came to my explanations.  I’m genuinely proud of what I wrote this year, even if I’m late to the party and none of my choices are entirely original in comparison to what others before me have listed.  I hope that I at least offer a different perspective compared to what some of you have already read.  Let’s get this started shall we?

 

 

 

Dishonorable Mentions:

 

“Bad Blood” – Taylor Swift (featuring Kendrick Lamar)

 

Yeah I think that review I gave over the summer made me hit a critical nirvana.  The more I looked into finding out what this song was about Queen Taylor’s bad blood with Katy Perry, the more I really really really started to sour on this.  Who the hell honestly cares about stealing tour managers?  It’s a bitch move, but writing a song about it comes off even bitchier.  This is Taylor Swift Problems that only Taylor Swift would even relate to.  Not her listening audience.  If this is what it takes for Kendrick Lamar to FINALLY have a number one hit, so be it, but this is by MILES the worst song off of 1989 for Queen Taylor.  

 

“Thinking Out Loud/Photograph” – Ed Sheeran

 

Ed Sheeran should seriously just stick to writing about darker subject matters.  Both of these are just way too safe for their own good.  I may have lightened up as the year went on over Thinking Out Loud, but this song is just hidden insincerity and it's just for Ed to make millions and millions off of wedding songs that eat this shit up.  I like Photograph even less because it's just too boring that I couldn't even write a review about it for my Billboard thread.  I tried and I tried, but this song is just a waste of radio space.  Ed should just kept these memories to himself like he says in this song because his memories are ridiculously dull.

“Take Your Time” – Sam Hunt

 

The biggest song of country music in 2015…and I don’t see it.  It’s another one of those overly clichéd guy walks into a bar and tries to pick up desperate single women.  I don’t see the appeal of Sam Hunt either.  He was by far the biggest country star of 2015 but every song he’s released has ranged from bad to terrible.  Nothing special about the guy, but god what a fucking terrible music video.  It completely misses the point of the song entirely and makes it about domestic abuse.  Awful all the way around.  At least House Party for as stupid as it was had energy.  This was just boring uninteresting clichéd dreck.

 

“Locked Away” – R City (featuring Adam Levine)

 

This is more due to the fact that I legitimately hate 50% of this song.  The other 50% is just literal nothingness that doesn’t generate much of a reaction from me.  But Adam Levine’s part is just straight up awful.  You aren’t going to lose your millions and millions of loyal fans if you got locked away.  You’ll still have your endorsement deals and your spot on The Voice.  2015 and Adam Levine still keeps rising further and further on my hit list.  It’s Holy Grail all over again except with someone I respect far less than Justin Timberlake.

 

"Nasty Freestyle" - T-Wayne

Would 100% be on my Worst List if it wasn't for that one part that gets infinitely looped on Vine where it belongs.  It makes no damn sense to the point that it gives a song an identity.  An unintentionally hilarious one at that.  Which is far better than what the rest of the song provides because why should I care about a guy who takes his name from two rappers that aren't even all that relevant anymore?

“Where Are U Now” – Skrillex & Diplo (featuring Justin Bieber)

 

So I think I’ve been a little too hard on Justin Bieber’s new direction.  What Do You Mean has actually really grown on me (more on that in my next list) and Sorry has started to do the same.  But I still can’t stand this.  I absolutely hate the non-existent chorus.  Skrillex’s portion of the production is absolutely pathetic.  Meanwhile, Justin Bieber sounds absolutely pissy over how much he has sacrificed, yet where is she now when he needs her?  We don’t learn anything about this girl to really deem if Justin Bieber has any sort of right to be so whiny.  But I think the worst part about this is it’s just flat out boring and there is nothing worse for a song to be than just pathetically dull.  Who would have thought that could happen for a Skrillex/Justin Bieber collaboration.

 

“Lips Are Movin” – Meghan Trainor

 

I GAVE YOU BASS. – You guys have no idea how many times I have thought of this lyric in 2015.  But if all you can bring to the table is your ass, then your argument is immediately invalid.  To make this song even more awful is rehashing All About That Bass.  Sad thing is that it’s even better than it’s predecessor…somehow.

 

“All About that Bass” – Meghan Trainor

 

This was more due to completely disregarding this from my 2014 worst list.  This song blows.  Sure it’s nice to see a smash hit about body acceptance, but would you guys actually listen to this from someone who absolutely goes about the topic of body acceptance in the worst way imaginable?  She only is concerned about what guys like, so let’s be honest here.  Fellas.  Do you want to date a girl who refers to her ass as her boom boom?  Ladies.  Do you want to take body acceptance advice from a woman who calls girls skinny bitches?  I’ll let you decide but in my perspective, she is not an authority I would go to.

 

“The Hills” – The Weeknd

 

I’ve already written about this song on three separate occasions.  I have absolutely nothing new to say about this audio nightmare except I don’t hate it nearly as much as I did a few months ago, but this is more of a bore than anything else.  For a cheating song, I expect a little more passion.  That’s why I like the Eminem remix because at least it brings something to the table in comparison to The Weeknd who doesn’t bring anything new to the table.  It’s The Hills.  Bye.

 

“Earned It” – The Weeknd

 

Now this on the other hand, I still entirely loathe to the point that this was in heavy consideration for my worst list.  Still makes my skin crawl to listen to The Weeknd squeak about how this girl earned his genitals and talk about how it would be tragic if she didn’t.  Yeah I’m sorry, but you need to bring a more compelling argument to the table than saying she’s perfect and that she’s always worth it.  Because if that's the reason why she earned your dick, you can pretty much use that line on any female in existence.

 

“Worth It” – Fifth Harmony (featuring Kid Ink)

 

You know I’ll be honest.  This song is entirely worthless.  Out of all the Talk Dirty inspired clones, this was by far the worst to the point that this tops my dishonorable mentions.  Nothing redeemable about this ESPECIALLY Kid Ink’s verse (repeated constantly) which is by far one of the worst things he’s ever done…and that includes Show Me.  The one thing that keeps me from putting it on there is that prechorus before the girls keep telling every single guy out there that they are worth it.  That prechorus deserves to be on a much better song than this because it has swagger and gives off so much potential that a good song is coming out of this.  Everything else about this sucks massively.  I want to like Fifth Harmony.  I really do.  Sledgehammer would be a contender for my best list if it actually became a hit because it reminds me so much of why I love these female groups from the 90s.  But if the absolute laziness of this is a sign of things to come, it’s not worth it to try and hope for a better future for Fifth Harmony.  It really is not.

 

 

 

CLAPPY'S TOP 10 WORST HIT SONGS OF 2015

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Hey you guys remember the first song I reviewed this year and how I re-ranked my 2014 Bottom 10 in terms of where I would place it?  Yeah, turns out…

 

10. “Jealous” – Nick Jonas

I guess you can say that I have softened on Jealous a lot.  That’s more due to Nick Jonas at least growing a personality this year to show that he does have potential to outgrow being type casted as one of the Jonas Brothers.  He’s fully shed that squeaky clean image The Jonas Brothers for me by trying to go the same route as Justin Timberlake did in his solo career.  Nick was able to do it far better in terms of songs as the year went on, but in terms of his personality…yeah I am finally able to be fully convinced by it nearly a year later.

 

 

But that doesn’t deny the fact that Jealous is still terrible.  When it comes to douchebag apology anthems, Justin Bieber has one out right now that at least has great production work to make it fun to listen to.  What does this have?  A limp beat and chipmunk audio clips.  Yeah I’d rather listen to Skrillex and Bieber, thanks.  More importantly though…it’s nearly a year later and I still cringe at “it’s my right to be hellish”.  That lyric justifies this song alone to be on this list.  Who the hell says that?  It’s one thing to be insecure, but it’s a complete 180 to pretty much imply that he resolves conflict in the most immature fashion possible.  That is just absolutely ugly in every sense possible and I don’t think anyone could have made that line work.  That should have been dropped entirely from the writing process.  Yeah I think I would rather accept Justin Bieber’s lousy attempt at apologizing over Nick Jonas threatening to be an abusive asshole.

 

 

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You know it’s an actual shame for this next one…because it could have been completely redeemable by anyone else.  There is legitimately A LOT to like about this.  The production is really slick and ASAP Rocky has a damn great guest verse that is a huge breath of fresh air.  I’ve come around to liking the guy a lot and he’s my Most Improved Performer of 2015.  So why despite all my praise about nearly everything else is this song even on the worst list?  Well….

 

9. “Good For You” – Selena Gomez

 

 

This song entirely comes down to Selena Gomez and to me, she fails.  Badly.  What about Selena Gomez am I supposed to find sexy?  Her cooing?  This is nearly as lifeless as Come and Get It from the very start with Selena coming off as very disinterested and uninspired.  It really doesn’t help that these lyrics are Selena trying to make her sound more adult miserably.  Am I hearing her call herself a 14 karat…twice?  So you mean there are diamonds far more attractive than you?  Also does she even know what syncopate means?  Because I learned about that in band class in middle school.  You can’t syncopate your skin color to a heartbeat.  Syncopate means to displace beats in a song so that the strong beats become weaker.

 

Nitpicking lyrics aside, to me, my biggest complaint is that Selena still looks like a child and hearing her sing about how she wants to look good for YOU leaves me feeling very unclean and not in an aroused fashion.  More like this:

 

 

I think Selena is still suffering from her Disney image and she is trying way too hard to force herself into such a sultry adult song like this to the point that it’s incredibly unlistenable.  I may have given Ariana Grande a hard time about her trying to oversexualize herself, but at least I don’t see her as Cat Valentine from Victorious anymore.  Wizards of Waverley Place has been off the air for nearly four years now and Selena Gomez is still that to me and it hasn’t helped that she still looks like her because of her baby face.  Who knows, maybe someday Selena will finally shed past it, but I think trying to put too much adult themes in her music is just not a good decision because it just doesn’t work for her.  Who am I to question what a pop singer should or should not be singing about, but if she wants me to actually buy something like this, it should not feel this forced.  But hey I’ll give this song credit.  It’s the best thing I’ve heard off of Revival so far.  Her other two radio singles (so far) are much worse than this.  So good for you if you like this...I guess.

 

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So while 2014 was the year country music was at its most ineptly stupid, 2015 was the year where the “bro country” fad finally started to die a slow painful death.  But it didn’t go down without a fight.  Or at least utterly embarrassing himself.

 

8. “Kick the Dust Up” – Luke Bryan

2015 was not a good year for Luke Bryan.  He may have had a number one album, but at what cost because the quality was by far his worst and that’s coming from my family and my fellow country music fans that I know online and off.  This is a prime example of how bad his new album is and this isn’t just because I left him off my worst list entirely in 2013 for probably his worst song to date.  Even with the song going to number one on the country charts, the song never got a proper music video.  Who exactly is this for?  This isn’t even real country music.  Sure it’s real country music subject matter, but who honestly would openly admit to going to a cornfield party?  Do those actually exist?  Because if so, no one…not even Luke Bryan sounds like he’s having a good time.  The production doesn’t help with remixing a simple country four note chord progression over honestly some of the worst percussion I’ve ever heard in a country music song in my life.

 

 

But what I think pisses me off about this the most is how smug it comes off as.  At least That’s My Kind of Night was just terribly over the top stupid.  Nothing about this sounds fun.  I mean I get that the nightlife is not nearly as cheap as it used to be, but Luke seriously brings no convincing arguments to the table to make me fully abandon spending a night criticizing music on a SpongeBob forum.  Go ahead and brag all you want about drinking bad moonshine and dustcroppers because trying to sell having fun in a cornfield is making me want to get turnt up at SBC Music instead.  I can definitely listen to far better country music there than I’m listening to right now.

 

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This is my fight song.  It’s not very good.  Needs a few rewrites.  Someone had to rehash that Todd tweet.

 

7. “Fight Song” – Rachel Platten

 

 

A few rewrites is an understatement.  What an absolute mess lyric wise.  This song is just a literal rehash of nearly every single self-empowerment anthem of the past fifteen-twenty years.  It has absolutely no reason to exist.  But more importantly, if what you are fighting for is mainstream relevancy, then you have achieved it with possibly the most meaningless empowerment song in existence.  This song is for the people who don’t know what real problems are.  It’s genius adult contemporary audio filler if I’ve ever heard it. 

 

Hey ordinary female in their mid 20s.  Are you having a tough time fitting in?  Is everything not what you thought it would be after graduating college and suffocating in bankruptcy due to school loans?

 

THIS IS MY FIGHT SONG.  TAKE BACK MY LIFE SONG.

 

Hey young male who is down on his luck and has an unlucky love life.  Are you lost in this world and have no clue if you’ll ever figure it out in life?

 

PROVE I’M ALRIGHT SONG.

 

Hey young teenager who has failed a very important test in high school.  You think it’s the end of the world because you have one failure and don’t know if you’ll ever turn it around?

 

MY POWER’S TURNT UP.  STARTING RIGHT NOW I’LL BE STRONG.

 

Seriously.  It’s almost fucking genius how meaningless it is.  That’s why it’s not any lower than this spot, but at the same time, as a hit pop song, it just flat out sucks.  Rachel Platten has absolutely no stage presence as a performer and….holy god she’s 34.  Wow.  I guess ANYONE could have done this song.  Good luck actually trying to get an identity this late in your career.

 

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One of the biggest stories in the music industry this year was the defamation lawsuit by the family of Marvin Gaye against Robin Thicke and Pharrell over the sampling used in Blurred Lines.  Honestly, I feel kind of bad for Robin Thicke.  The guy just hasn’t been able to catch a break since Blurred Lines became the smash hit that it was.  With all of the protesting, his marriage falling apart, and not being able to find success hit wise afterwards, I think it will be an interesting episode of E: The True Hollywood Story one of these days.  But if that defamation lawsuit showed us anything, do not desecrate the legacy of Marvin Gaye….

 

6. “Marvin Gaye” – Charlie Puth (featuring Meghan Trainor)

 

 

So let me put this in perspective to the Gaye family.  You guys find Blurred Lines to be totally desecrating Marvin Gaye’s legacy because of one song sample.  Yet, you all are perfectly fine with Charlie Puth and Meghan Trainor white-ing up Marvin Gaye’s entire discography with one of the unsexiest songs I’ve ever heard?  You hear that sound?  That’s the sound of Marvin Gaye rolling over in his grave multiple times.

 

It’s not just making Marvin Gaye’s music come off as unsexy.  These two numbskulls sound like they’ve never had sex at all in their lives.  I haven’t heard people come off as novices about sex this poorly since Afternoon Delight.  Just like in Afternoon Delight, the music here is an absolute bore.  I have no problem with piano accompaniment.  Heck I think that’s why I like See You Again more than I should for Puth’s piano playing.  But then they borrow so heavily from black culture so poorly that I can’t help but look back at this and laugh at how awful it is.  Like this is spectacular levels of bad that it’s too hilarious to take seriously.  I mean they borrow the overused rap cliché of having guys screaming hey in the background like this is a DJ Mustard production.  What am I supposed to do with lines like “Karma sutra show and tell”, “I’m a dog without a bone”, and “I’m screaming mercy mercy please.”  That last one in particular, I think is these two trying to beg to not let this song become popular.  Too late there.

 

Once again, I reiterate.  What’s even more insulting to Marvin Gaye’s legacy?  A poor sampling choice or an entire song that misses the point of Marvin Gaye’s music?  I’ll let you decide Gaye family….or I can wait for you all to sue Nelly for doing both.

 

 

 

 

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I’m done being a Chris Brown defender in the past when it comes to his music…post 2011.  These past few years have been tough with Chris Brown somehow finding ways to make himself come off as even more unbearable through his music.  I didn’t place Loyal on my worst list last year at all.  Sure hearing Chris Brown talk about unfaithful girls is just laughable because of his history, but that production made it a banger and I couldn’t come around to hating it at all.

5. “Ayo” – Chris Brown & Tyga

Hey…at least this isn’t the worst song off of Fan of a Fan.  But hey, that’s like saying the 1994 Fantastic Four was the best Fantastic Four movie adaptation.  What absolute audio garbage.  Seriously, there is ZERO difference between the production for this and Loyal.  I can’t be the only one who notices this, right?  That’s ridiculously lazy even for Chris Brown’s standards.

The subject matter is honestly reduce reuse recycle when it comes down to it.  This isn’t the worst example of rappers talking about how much better they have it than you, the listener, but it’s their egos that are driving me up a wall.  Exactly what have either of you two accomplished in your lives that make us appreciate that you can treat women like disposable trash…..oh wait….domestic abuse for Chris Brown and pedophilia for Tyga.  Yeah….does anyone else feel unclean listening to Chris Brown reference breaking restraining orders for his anger management issues or Tyga going on about how even he would fuck himself.  Yeah Tyga, I think you are literally the last rapper I want to hear discuss his sexual conquests.

It’s 2015 and rap music still can’t seem to grasp the simple concept that bragging about how rich and famous you are means absolutely nothing if you can’t tell the story of how you got there.  This isn’t the worst example of it in recent years, but this is definitely one of the most grating examples of douchebaggery.

 

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Looking back at old prehistoric SBC posts….man was I way too hard on Nicki Minaj.  I mean WAY too hard on her.   WWWWAAAAAAAYYYYYY too hard.  Like seriously, what was so bad about her in retrospect?  A woman that raps and tries to leave a lasting impression on the music scene.  How dare she.  Yeah, I’ve grown to appreciate Nicki Minaj a lot more, but I’m still not a fan.  Primarily because she is definitely wasting her talent and trying to focus on crossover appeal in pop music when she doesn’t need to do that.  Just rap Nicki.

 

4. “Only” – Nicki Minaj (featuring Drake, Lil Wayne, and Chris Brown)

 

 

Not like this though.  Seriously with the talent involved, one would expect this to be nearly ten times better when everyone is on their A game, but I would be hard pressed to find a single more colossally disappointing than this.  You have arguably three of the biggest talents of the past five years at your disposal and THIS is the best you can do?  Phoned in is way too big of a compliment because I know that all three of these artists are wasting away their respective careers with a single this cheap and lazy.  When Chris Brown is the artist who has the most dignity in this track, you know that this song fucking blows.  Nicki is too busy setting up corny one liners.  She’s had some funny ones in the past, but every single one of these are cringeworthy.  I don’t know what’s worse the overcriticized duct tape punch line or fucking with chickens unless they cutlet…oh wait, then you have Drake saying shit like:

 

I never fucked Nicki cause she got a man
But when that's over then I'm first in line

 

Umm, yeah Drake.  Meek Mill already beat you to that….because at least Meek Mill doesn’t sound like he’s staring at tits for the first time in life.  Seriously what the hell Drake?  You aren’t even trying here. You may have had far better songs in 2015, but this is by far your lamest and that’s coming from somebody who is fully convinced that you come off as stupid in your songs at times on purpose.  Then last but not least, Lil Wayne.  He sounds like he’s half asleep while doing this.  But once you are able to decipher what he’s actually saying, it’s literally nothing new that he hasn’t said before talking about how gross having sex with him must be and that he’s literally shit. 2015 was a very bad year for Lil Wayne with his legal troubles within Young Money infinitely delaying Tha Carter V, but the least he can do is still act like he at least gives a damn about his career.  These last three years are the kind of shit that makes me point out why Lil Wayne is no longer anywhere near being the self-appointed best rapper alive.

 

I think the one thing that saves this song from going a spot lower, like I said earlier, is that Chris Brown is somehow the only tolerable part of the song….because it’s Chris Brown being a terrible person.  But at least he’s not somehow trying to sugar coat it.  He’s as terrible as he says he is and at least that’s something compared to everyone else being absolutely nothing.

 

 

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Like I said above.  At least it’s something compared to being ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

3. “Stitches” – Shawn Mendes

Everything about this song is STILL straight up nothing.  I'm BEYOND sick of this.  The production is dull, the singing is horrendously boring, and the lyrics are chalk full of cliches that I swear I was back in the 1970s with all this kitsch.  Words cutting deeper than knives, asking to be brought back to life, bleeding until he can't breathe, falling onto his knees...if he is going to use lines like these, the least he can do is sing them as over the top as possible.  Because here they come off as just meaningless and everything about it is fake and makes me want to punch Shawn Mendes right in the face more than he is already doing to himself in the music video.

But Clappy.  It’s just a silly harmless pop song that is not meant to be taken seriously.  He’s only seventeen and sounds sincere, even if it’s cheesy.

Yes skeptical reader, but at least other white guy with acoustic guitar songs can do a good job covering up their shortcomings by at least trying to sound sincere.  But I don't buy it when it comes to teenagers like Shawn Mendes, who don't have nearly as much life experience to know what love really is and what heartbreak actually feels like.  At least when Justin Bieber was this young, he was awful in a hilariously interesting fashion.  This is just a stale bland horrible in every sense of the word imaginable and I hope Shawn Mendes fades into obscurity incredibly soon because everything else I've heard from him is just as bad, if not worse than this.  Way to go Canada.  You imported someone who is less interesting than Justin Bieber.

 

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So let’s talk about vine rap.  That god awful trend that felt like was on an infinite loop year round.  Just like the videos that don’t stop playing, more and more kept popping up.  But here’s the thing…it’s not the worst fad ever.  Music history has shown that we’ve gone through far stupider trends in, but I’ll be hard pressed to find a novelty song that’s more of a blatant waste of my time than this:

2. “Watch Me” – Silento

SURPRISE!  It didn’t end up as my number one.  But this still reeks of number two.  Calling it the second worst of anything is still a huge disservice to it because it’s existence is utterly pointless.  How am I supposed to watch you when all I ever do is hear you on the radio?  Why are you on the radio in the first place?  Why are you name checking some of the worst dance fads of the past decade?  Why did we make this flash in the pan famous?  People, are we really that stupid of a society that we make guys like Silento famous for listing off dances like they are Pokemon cards that he has collected?  If you want to watch someone whip, go on YouTube and learn how to do it yourself.  If you want to watch someone nae nae, go on YouTube and learn how to do it yourself.  Actually give the credit to the dumbasses that made these dances famous and not the dumbass who wants you to watch him like the whiny little kid he is.  Out of all my years of doing these worst lists, I’ve never wanted an artist to just be done after one bad song like this guy.  Silento.  As untalented of a hack as everyone says he is.

Yeah I’m kinda surprised that after putting in weeks of work on ranking every last one of these that Silento would be instantly shamed to number one.  You can ask everyone that I’ve talked music with on the forums, chat, etc. that there was by far nothing worse than Silento telling me that I already know what it is.  But after deeply thinking about it….yeah the song is trash, but it’s a flash in the pan sort of trash that I’ll look back and think to myself that I can’t believe we actually made this popular.  I mean looking back at all sorts of music history, there are plenty of flash in the pans that we stare back at rolling our eyes over.  We will move on from Silento just like we moved on from Soulja Boy, Milli Vanilli, and so many other artists we deemed the worst things ever.  They will be forgotten.  My number one artist sadly won’t…and you already know who it iiiiisssss:

 

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1. “Dear Future Husband” – Meghan Trainor

If I’ll remember ANYTHING about the bad pop music of 2015, my first thought will always be the beginning of when I absolutely started to loathe Meghan Trainor as an artist.  What else can I say about this utter abomination that I haven’t previously stated in my review?  It’s a wretched nightmare.  Everything about it is just fathomable levels of terrible that I can write a Top 10 Worst List over this song in general.    

 

 

CLAPPY'S TOP 10 WORST PARTS OF DEAR FUTURE HUSBAND

10. The bubblegum production that is trying to deceive what this song is actually about.

 

9. Here’s a few things you’ll need to know….um your definition of “a few” and mine are entirely different.

 

8. The fact that she automatically thinks she deserves to be taken on a date.  You list off 99 problems as to why you are undateable and that’s most certainly one.

 

7. Automatically assuming that I will want her to cook for me just because she has a 9 to 5 job.  That’s perfectly fine but nobody asked you to cook for me…oh great you don’t know how to cook either.  I guess I’ll go eat my Lunchables since that’s at least whiter than this song and I can assemble it myself.

 

6.  To continue with that, she says she can’t cook, but she can write a hook.  Every single song I’ve heard you on Meghan Trainor, your hooks suck as bad as you say your “cooking” is.

 

5. Don’t have a dirty mind….yet she constantly offers sexual favors as part of the benefits to being Mr. Meghan Trainor.  So I can accept you having a dirty mind?  Ok.

 

4.  All the doo-wop sing rapping.  Oh my god I never want to hear it from Meghan Trainor ever again and this pushed me over the edge in my limitations for it.

 

3.  Accepting the fact that she’s crazy.  Let me go ahead and saw off my testicles while I’m at it.

 

2. The fact that Meghan Trainor is never wrong....BULL FUCKING SHIT.

 

1. Seeing her family far more than yours?  That’s batshit insane and is making me hit the No button repeatedly.

 

I can’t even begin to wonder how she’s been able to sustain her career for a whole year.  A song like this should have halted her career in the tracks.  This isn’t even subtle or with a nudge nudge wink wink I’m just joking sort of vibe.  Meghan Trainor sounds legitimately serious about every demand that comes from her mouth about her future husband and what he has to do to get her “special loving” or for her to buy you groceries and cook.  I’m sorry, but who actually is willing to give into this Meghtatorship?  Based off of the universal consensus, only elementary aged kids who sing this on the playground.  Because that’s the only sort of person who I consider to actually like a song like this.

 

But there is one thing that I didn’t really get to touch upon that I feel needs to be stated because of what I’ve read on Tumblr about people saying this song is a representation of feminism.  That has to be a joke.  This song is to feminism as Donald Trump is to politics in the perspective that Donald Trump knows nothing about actual politics.  Meghan Trainor clearly has no clue what modern feminism actually is.  She’s proven to be too dumb in her music for me to actually believe otherwise.  Anyone who actually thinks this song actually is a sane person’s view of feminism needs to get their collective minds check and go to the same looney bin that the future Mr. Trainor is presently checking into.  Have fun seeing Meghan Trainor’s family more than yours.

 

Yours truly,

 

Clappy

 

 

If this post was only that TheDoubleAgent reference and nothing else, I'd still press 'like'

[SG19]

Luke Bryan lost both of his siblings and a brother-in-law. Even if his music isn't great, I can't help but feel sorry for him.

[Spikeywikey]

Top 5 favorite movies

1. Atticus Institute

2. Night Lights

3. Project Almanac

4. The Lazarus Project

5.Exists

[Clappy]

17 hours ago, Spikeywikey said:

Top 5 favorite movies

1. Atticus Institute

2. Night Lights

3. Project Almanac

4. The Lazarus Project

5.Exists

You should have seen It Follows.  Best horror movie of 2015 tbh.

[Katniss]

Kat's Top 10 Best Hit Songs of 2015

This best list was a bit difficult to make. I really enjoyed a lot of songs and narrowing the main list to only 10 wasn’t easy. And that’s good! Like I said before, 2015 was a pretty good year for music. So stand back and maybe grab an umbrella because I’m ready to gush over my favorite songs to make Billboard’s year-end chart.

Let's get the party started with some honorable mentions:

“Lean On” - Major Lazer & DJ Snake, featuring MØ

What I love the most about this is the production. It’s bouncy and fun, with its mix of house and reggaeton vibes. MØ’s vocals aren’t the best but still listenable, and the lyrics are a simple, sweet tale of young love. Lean On is a song that allows me to get lost in the music and enjoy the journey I take.

 

“Love Me Harder” - Ariana Grande featuring The Weeknd

I’m so glad this song made the year-end chart for 2015 because I want to talk about how much I love it. It’s so dark and sexy. This is hands down my favorite vocal performance from Ariana out of all the radio singles she’s had so far. She outshines The Weeknd on here, though don’t get me wrong, he puts in a good performance too. If Ariana did more songs like this, she would only secure the special place she has in my heart as one of my favorite pop singers today.

“Good For You” - Selena Gomez featuring A$AP Rocky

The song didn’t leave much of an impression on me at first glance, but I started to love it the more I listened to it. For me, Selena Gomez pulls off being sultry on the track and mixes well with A$AP Rocky’s decent lyrics and flow. In addition, the production is a haunting-sounding slow jam with a really cool hip hop beat. It’s good for me, good for me, uh huh.

“FourFiveSeconds” - Rihanna, Kanye West, & Paul McCartney

All three artists on this track combine to make something really rad. The crack in Rihanna’s voice during her verse is oddly endearing, Kanye’s got some solid vocals as well, and Paul McCartney plays a mean guitar. It’s interesting how the lyrics describe two people about to rage, yet everything about this song feels so calm, but the dissonance works. This song may not be an infectious earworm but it does manage to put a smile on my face.

“Blank Space” - Taylor Swift

This song was genius. The media likes to spin all sorts of tales about Taylor and her love life, so why shouldn’t she have fun and create a character of herself based on the rumors? The end result is very entertaining, with great lyrics (“darling I’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream” is my favorite) and Taylor clearly having fun acting out this persona. 1989 was a treat of an album, and spoiler alert, but this definitely isn’t the last we’ll see of Ms. Swift in regards to my favorite songs of the year.

“Downtown” - Macklemore & Ryan Lewis featuring Eric Nally, Melle Mel, Kool Moe Dee, and Grandmaster Caz

 

This song is a mess, I will admit, sounding like a bunch of different songs mixed into one package. Macklemore offers up some silly lines, and the song kinda feels like Thrift Shop, except it’s talking about buying a moped rather than inexpensive clothes. Still, I enjoy it. Eric Nally’s chorus is pretty awesome, I like the inclusion of classic rappers on a guest verse, and Macklemore has a solid flow. It might not be totally cohesive but it’s still a good jam.

 

But the fun has only just begun, my friends. On to the main list!

 

Spoiler

 

10. “Shut Up and Dance” - Walk the Moon

Though I’d heard of the band Walk the Moon previously from their 2012 song Anna Sun, this is the single that gave the band a smash hit on the mainstream charts, and what a good choice for a hit this is. It’s a funky, upbeat pop rock song with a sound throwing back to the 80s. The lyrics are fun and the song is full of energy, especially that chorus. It really does make you wanna shut up and dance!

 

 

Spoiler

 

9.  “Chains” - Nick Jonas

Oh, Nick Jonas. Last year, Jealous was a misfire on your part, but you managed to win me back. Levels is fun, but my favorite of your released singles would have to be Chains. The production is minimalist with a nice set of kick drums, lending a dark atmosphere that fits with the dark nature of the song, regarding Nick Jonas dealing with a complicated, powerful love for a woman. Not to mention I just love the way Nick's voice sounds on this song. He's got good pipes, for sure. Keep up the good work, my JoBro.

 

 

Spoiler

 

8.  “Love Me Like You Do” - Ellie Goulding

I am not a fan of 50 Shades of Grey. It’s a terribly-written book that was adapted into a movie that was probably terrible as well.  Still, if there’s something good to come out of this phenomenon, it’s this song. I think it’s simply lovely. Ellie’s voice is as beautiful and ethereal as ever, and the lyrics are passionate and romantic. It’s a soaring power ballad with a powerful explosion of a chorus. Ellie has been one of my favorite singers for a while and this is another winner for her in my book.

 

 

 

 

Spoiler

 

7.  “Uptown Funk” - Mark Ronson featuring Bruno Mars

This song still brings the funk. You can practically feel Bruno Mars’s swaggering confidence through his delivery and lyrics, in a way that makes him seem cool rather than an annoying brag rapper. The synth, bass, and horns are killer on this song and turns it into a sweet throwback-style jam. While I don’t love the song as much as I used to, it’s still tons of fun and one of my favorites from Bruno Mars. Hot damn!

 

 

Spoiler

 

6. “Ex’s & Oh’s” - Elle King

Remember Willow Smith and Whip My Hair? Yeah...some people shouldn’t get a singing career handed to them just because their parents are famous.

Elle King, on the other hand, deserves the notoriety she got this year thanks to this song. Believe it or not, she’s Rob Schneider’s daughter. I know, I’m surprised as you are that an offspring of his actually has talent. But also pleased, because Ex’s & Oh’s is pretty dang good. Elle has a fantastic voice, smoky with tons of attitude and a tinge of bluesy influence. The song itself is a rollicking rock tune painting Elle as a “love ‘em and leave ‘em” type of gal, being quite careless with her relationships, while the ex-boyfriends always seem to come back. Even if the song is probably about a fictional girl, I still highly enjoy Elle telling the story through her music. Looking forward to what else she’s got in store because I see oodles of potential in this lady.

 

 

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5. “Cool For the Summer” - Demi Lovato

Even though Cheerleader by OMI was named by Billboard as Song of the Summer for 2015, Demi’s song is my preferred summer jam. Yes, it’s about bi-curious experimentation between the female narrator and another girl, and it crackles with intensity and more maturity than Katy Perry certainly showed on I Kissed A Girl. Demi’s vocals are as strong as ever, there’s a great buildup and chorus...this song is so cool, for lack of a better word.

 

 

 

 

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4. “Wildest Dreams” - Taylor Swift

Taylor Swift’s love songs started off as stuff of wide-eyed fantasies, which makes sense because she was a teenager who hadn’t really experienced the feeling of falling of love. But as she’s matured, so has her songwriting. If Blank Space was a good piece of satire, then Wildest Dreams is a finely written love song. It’s about a whirlwind romance, and Swift is keen enough to realize that things can’t always be this way--”nothing lasts forever”, after all--but she still hopes her lover will remember her in some way. I’ve noticed some critics compare this song to Lana Del Rey’s typical style, and while I suppose I can see where they’re coming from, I’m not going to knock Taylor for this supposed appropriation of Lana. This song simply works, from the dreamy instrumentation to Taylor’s shift in vocal range throughout the song. If this song is a dream, it’s certainly a beautiful one.

 

 

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3.  “Uma Thurman” - Fall Out Boy

You wouldn’t think a song that samples the theme to a 1960s sitcom would be awesome, but Uma Thurman totally is. The sampling of The Munsters’ theme song adds a sweet surf rock vibe to the song. There’s also some pretty cool piano chords and clapping drums. So instrumentally, this song has got it going on, though I also dig the lyrics a lot. Nothing wrong with a guy wanting to sing about loving a powerful, dominant woman, you know? This song is vibrant, badass, and even a little sexy. Did Fall Out Boy save rock and roll like the title of their 2013 album says? I can’t entirely say that but it’s good all the same that this song was rocking the airwaves this year.

 

 

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2.  “Style” - Taylor Swift

I’m a person who often likes to attach certain feelings and images to certain songs. To me, Style feels like a leisurely car ride you take on a summer day, in a convertible with the top down and a slight breeze. It’s as close as Taylor has gotten so far to making a perfect pop song. The chorus is catchy and I know I’ve said before that she’s done some fine writing on 1989, but the lyrics really stand out to me. I can practically see the images flashing in my mind as this classic, red-lipped girl and her James Dean-esque bad boy engage in high highs and low lows of a relationship, circling back to each other because there’s something that always draws them back. And oh man,the bridge of this song gives me chills thanks to Taylor’s vocals.

When I went to see Taylor Swift perform live in October, this was one of the songs I was most excited to hear. It’s simply magical. I hope this is one pop song that truly never goes out of style.

 

 

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Some songs draw you in instantly and don’t let you go. With my #1 choice, the production, vocals, lyrics---everything about it melded into a wonderful mix of a song that satisfied my ears. 

 

 

1. “Can’t Feel My Face” - The Weeknd

When I believed this song was simply about The Weeknd talking about his girl, I loved it. And when I found out that this song was personifying drug addiction as being like a woman’s love, I became even more fascinated with it. I’m someone who loves deeper and hidden meanings, whether they be in literature, film, or music, and the way it’s done in this song is great. You can see it as The Weeknd being so dependent on this drug that’s turning him into a mess yet he loves the way it feels, or you can see it as the Weeknd being deep in love with this girl, or maybe even both if you want to.

In any case, he sings with such feeling that whatever meaning you attach to the lyrics, you can really get a sense of the emotions he attaches to his subject matter. And yes, I will mention what other people have said and note The Weeknd is projecting some serious Michael Jackson vibes--not that it’s a bad thing, mind you. He does it in a way that seems to pay homage to the King of Pop rather than come across as a rip-off.

What more can I say? I love this song. It’s a fantastic piece of work and I’m proud to call it my favorite song of 2015.

 

 

Edited January 6, 2016 by katnisslovestacos

[Minty Car]

Here I go again. I consider myself more well versed in music, but this year wasn't my finest in keeping up with it. But hey, I'll try anyways at looking up to date enough

Brady's Top 10 songs of 2015

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10. The Hills (The Weeknd) - 

At least here on SBC, this song is disliked by everyone and their mother. Quite honestly, I don't see it. It's got a heavy vibe to it that I like a lot to go along with his vocals that works in a nice harmony, although it doesn't feel like a natural Weeknd song. It's nowhere near my favorite song (hell not even my favorite Weeknd song as you'll see) but hey, I still think it's jammin', so the 10 spot fits.

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9. Cheerleader (OMI) -

Sometimes all a song needs to be successful for me is that it's gotta be ear candy, and that's what Cheerleader is at heart. It's a reggae song about finding his right girl. ("his cheerleader") There's really not much else to say about this song, which is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing in that it can be easily accessible, but a curse in that it's not gonna give ya the depth of the other songs on this list. So number 9 fits this song.

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8. FourFiveSeconds (Rihanna, Kanye West and Paul McCartney) -

The credits listing for this song is fa! fabulous, and the song should be a smash. And honestly, it's really dang good. But there's something about the dissonance that kinda holds it back from being a top 5 or better song for me. It's still awesome in a good field of music, but fantastic it is not, slipping right in at number 8.

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7. Ex's and Oh's (Ellie King) - 

The first time I heard I thought it was country and almost switched the station, but thank goodness I didn't. It's more or less a southern pop song with rocking overtones but it's a really damn good one. We'll see what Ellie does in the future, but this was a really damn good start I'd say to her career by stepping into spot number 7.

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6.  Can't Feel My Face (The Weekend) - 

Oh yes, the good Weeknd song now But quite seriously, this sounds more like a natural area for the Weeknd and it shows. Opposed to the broad moodiness of The Hated Hills, this song is more upbeat and fast tempo, feeling less like a broody ballad and more like a late 90s/early 00's pop song. Truthfully though, this song lost it's appeal for me rather quickly. Still I can appreciate the production of the song irregardless, fitting right in at number 6.

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5. Uptown Funk (Mark Ronson ft. Bruno Mars) - 

I would go on a limb and say Bruno Mars is my favorite pop artist along with Taylor Swift. (coming soon enough ) His songs are easy to fall in love with, especially the upbeat and playful ones, and this one is no exception. Everything on this song is pitch for pitch what a great Bruno Mars song is, and that alone is reason enough to crack this lost and even make it this deep in at number 5.

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4. Lean On (Major Lazer) - 

Random story: About 4-5 years ago, went on a trip with my family to the Caribbean. On the last night we went to this bar house and the locals there were raving about this great American group that was performing there. The band? Major Lazer. *Cues "I knew them before they were mainstream" chants* Actually talking about the song now, it's main asset is an infectious beat and it pretty much is that plus the occasional lyric. But quite honestly, that's all it needs to be great. The four spot may be a tad high for this for a lot of you, but like I've said before, being catchy is the most important aspect to a song for me, and this was the earworm of the year for me.

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3. Style (Taylor Swift) -

When I was younger, I used to say Taylor Swift's music was a guilty pleasure of mine. Nowadays I see that as a huge disservice to her as an artist. She's so much more than the typical country/pop star I thought she was when I first heard, but her songs have much deeper meaning to them and her ex boyfriends.1989 is a fantastic album all together and Style is the culmination of all the best of her style. The lyrics are imaginative and descriptive without becoming pandering and the song is just composed perfectly. I expect more excellence from her in the future, but this is without a doubt her crowning achievement to this point by getting into the number 3 spot in this list.

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2. Shut Up and Dance With Me (Walk the Moon) - 

As diverse as I consider myself to be musically, I will always be a rock person at heart. It's been the genre I'm most comfortable with and I can't imagine that changing any day soon. Which makes me gleeful that such a good rock song not only charted, but basically smashed into the mainstream. The catchy riffs and laid back lyrics just flow in sync perfectly while also encouraging you to get up and dance. It's been a real long time since a great mainstream rock song came out, so I got my eye on Walk the Moon for sure. In another year, this would be my no doubt number 1. But it was barely beat out by...

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1. Uma Thurman (Fall Out Boy) -

Without a doubt, I knew this was gonna be a favorite of mine the first time I heard it, and I've only warmed up to it ever since. Fall Out Boy has never been a band I would say with pride that I like, but they hit the mark here. It's got some guitars rockin, pianos chiming and bangin' drums, and yet it never hits the dissonance that bothered me as I listened to "FourFiveSeconds", but rather hits the perfect harmony of being in sync. While any of these songs could have been my favorite of the year (Yes, even the Hills...) this one was the one that always sounded fresh each and every time I heard it, and that makes it the only real choice for number 1 in 2015. Hopefully you enjoyed the list and I'll see you all in 2017 for the best of 2016! 

 

[Clappy]

Glad to see Fa joining in on the action.

Sorry for the eternal delays.  My travel schedule has gotten me all out of sorts.  My best list should be posted before I go away again in a few days and my movie lists will come with due time as well.  I will finish these before 2017.