Wumbo Ranks Billboard Year-End Hot 100 Charts! (Ahhh, the deed is done.)

[fortnitefan12]

>vanilla ice's remake of play that funky music 

EWEWEWEWEWEW GET THAT SHIT AWAY FROM ME

I've never heard of most of these songs, but I guess that's a good thing lmao. Good list :3

[Wumbo]

OH!

 

Welcome back to One Hit Wonderland, where we take a look at bands and artists- wait, what the hell am I doing?

Ahem. Welcome back to Wumbo's Top 10s, where we take a look at the top hit songs of any given Billboard year. Sorry for the confusion earlier. It just seems like this year had a lot of memorable flashes in the pan that have that one or two songs that stick with you. This didn't necessarily make the year good or bad in any way, but it was certainly a fun one to look at as I traversed genre to genre. And in doing so, I found ten songs which I couldn't leave behind in the dust. Ten songs which bring me glee every time I hear them. Here they are!

Wumbo's Top 10 Hits of 1991

Spoiler

 

In a sea of frankly forgettable names in pop music, we did in fact have a few superstars in our hands in 1991. One of those stars was consistently on the rise, churning out #1 singles left and right. Here's one of them.

10. "I Don't Wanna Cry" - Mariah Carey

 

It almost feels pointless to talk about how great a singer Mariah Carey is. Whether you love her or hate her, you can't deny that the girl has some serious pipes. But even so, you might be put off by her being constantly at full volume. Well, then maybe this is the Mariah song for you. A song where she turns it down a notch, allowing for the mood to encapsulate the song and only belting when necessary. It's definitely refreshing to hear so much control in her voice, especially at such an early time in her career.

Mariah Carey basically came out of the gate knowing how to be a superstar, and songs like this definitely show why she is one. She's one of the lasting stars of 1991 for a reason. She has the longevity in her pure talent and star quality. Nothing against Whitney Houston, but this is definitely my flavour of powerful female ballad singers. Mimi is a goddess.

 

 

Spoiler

 

I was expecting this one to be higher.

9. "Freedom 90" - George Michael

 

I'm not sure why it's not, actually. I was certainly expecting this song to rank higher than the song of the same name by freakin' Wham! back in '85. But... what can I say? I found eight songs I liked better than this one. That's not to take away from this song at all, which is awesome.

George Michael was just a presence of cool ever since exiting Wham!, and this song is the epitome of that, basically airing his grievances with the music industry and his desire to branch away from who he used to be. Basically a pseudo-"coming out" anthem, though certainly not the explicit point of this song.

Basically, George Michael is a new man with new music, and you're gonna love it. If this song is any indication, his assertions are correct. You got to give what you take, and he certainly gives us some worthwhile tunes while taking all our attention. I'd also be remiss not to mention this video, which is quite possibly one of my favourite videos ever, and not just because of the simple reasons you'd think either. Pretty ladies aside, I think this video is a master of matching video to sound. It completely matches the mood and theme of the song, and only serves to enhance it. Didn't I say that about my last #9 song? Whatever. Seems like a theme from me now. The point is that this song is fucking great, and is probably one of the best representations of George Michael as an artist.

 

 

Spoiler

 

 

Yeah... it's all right, but isn't there something these guys could do that feels a little... bouncier? Something more lively and upbeat? Something that's not just a simple ballad?

8. "Motownphilly" - Boyz II Men

 

Well damn, I guess there is.

Not that I don't appreciate Boyz II Men's attempts at slower, softer music - they certainly have a talent for it. But there's definitely a part of me that wishes they pursued their new jack swing side more. Maybe this is a bit cheesy, but you know what? It still has force behind it, with the thumping beat and every member giving it their all as far as performance goes.

I fucking love this song. It's got such swagger and groove that new jack swing was notorious for. If we need a revival of any genre, it's this one. Bring it on.

 

 

Spoiler

 

This one goes out to one of my very favourite bands of the 80s. A band that relentlessly pursued sexy-sounding, wonderful music that just made you all happy inside. That band is INXS, and here was their last big hit.

7. "Disappear" - INXS

 

INXS's X album, released in 1990, was their last album to garner any buzz for its songs in the US. This was their last Billboard Top 10 hit, peaking at #8. It just managed to squeak into the Year-End list, and I'm so happy it did, because once again, everything great about this band is here. Their slickness powered by the sex bomb that is Michael Hutchence. It really is a shame that INXS isn't up there with Prince and Madonna as some of the best-remembered sexy music acts of the 80's. Nay, a crime.

Their steam ran out after this single, and unfortunately we lost Michael Hutchence in 1997 to suicide, but as far as swan songs (swan hits?) go, this is a damn good one. Love INXS. Always will.

 

 

Spoiler

 

I mean, it's not like I don't want to hear Mariah belt. She is good at it, you know.

6. "Emotions" - Mariah Carey

 

If you don't really pay attention to trends, you might miss just how ubiquitous Mariah Carey's music was through the 90's, especially the earlier half of the decade. With performances like these, it's not hard to see why. Not much to say here, honestly. Just a completely pure love jam with Mariah at the front. What more do you need? Nothing, that's what.

Oh yeah, this was also one of the tracks from her infamous New Year's performance not long ago.

 

*sigh* It really is a shame how Mariah's diva personality can fully encapsulate her genuine talent these days. I honestly prefer to just leave it all in the past and focus on the fact that this girl can fucking sing. And she has so much fun doing it. Holy fucking shit, just listen to the euphoria on this song, especially with those high notes. Mariah is a goddess. I will not hear any different emotions on the matter. Case closed.

 

 

Spoiler

 

Many of the... let's not mince words here, crappier acts from the 80's found it difficult to transfer their music to the 90's. The turn of a decade comes and you become instantly dated. Kinda sad, really. However, the truly great artists found a way to adapt their sound to the changing trends and continued to thrive. Enter Prince & the New Power Generation.

5. "Cream" - Prince and The New Power Generation

 

Okay, normally this is where I'd say "enjoy this one while it lasts, people!", except... this video has been on YouTube for over five years, and has amassed over 25 million views! Uh... what gives? Of all the Prince songs, this is the one that gets an undisputed pass for YouTube? Oh well, not complaining here, because this is honestly one of his best.

After the admittedly too-long intro to this video, we finally get into the song, which is just the perfect translation of Prince's sound into 90s aesthetic. I imagine having a new backing band helps. The New Power Generation definitely helps to find an oft-maligned specimen of 90s funk in their music, which really works with being slick yet swanky. I just love how after the turn of the decade, Prince was still able to get a #1 single out of the deal. Then he changed his name to a symbol, and everything else is history. Well, rest in peace, the former artist known as Prince. Songs like this are definitely what help strengthen your legacy.

 

 

Spoiler

 

When I think of 1991, I think of some of my favourite rock albums of all time. Blood Sugar Sex Magik, Nevermind, Metallica, and so on. A lot of the songs off of these albums didn't really hit year-end until '92, if at all. But there was one album in this bunch that was released just early enough in the year for its songs to make a massive impact. And that album was R.E.M.'s Out of Time.

 

Looking back, I would honestly say I prefer this album to their 1992 effort Automatic for the People. Not that that album is bad by any means; it's fucking fantastic, actually. But while that album always kind of felt like The Michael Stipe Show to me, this album I feel showcases the band a bit more properly. And it was the album that affirmatively pushed this alternative band into the mainstream, with this song.

4. "Losing My Religion" - R.E.M.

 

Far and away R.E.M.'s most popular song, and this just seems weird to me. But honestly, I think this song paved the way for a lot of alternative acts to cross over, if briefly. It was definitely ballsy to release such an unconventional song to the masses as a lead-off single. But if there was any year to do it, it would be 1991.

The song barely has a functioning chorus. I wouldn't say it meanders, but it certainly doesn't have much of a structure behind the backing beat. Stipe just kinda goes off in all directions with this one, which definitely works to the song's benefit. Losing one's religion refers to losing sanity more than anything, which is what I definitely get from hearing this song. It's a delightful, surprisingly pop-friendly display of madness,

I love everything about this track. It never gets old for me. Something about R.E.M. just makes me feel like I'm more sophisticated when I listen, like it's that accessible sort of deep music. I get to hear well-crafted songs without wading too deep into the ether of pretention. And that suits me just fine. Rock on, R.E.M.

 

 

Spoiler

 

And what, pray tell, could top this fantastic list of songs I've already compiled? The madness of R.E.M., the smoothness of Prince, the personality of George Michael? Well... I... oh, screw it, just play it.

3. "Good Vibrations" - Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch ft. Loleatta Holloway

 

Eheh... at the end of the day, I am stupid. Relentlessly stupid. I honestly don't know why you guys listen to me. As such, I have stupid opinions such as genuinely believing that this song is indeed better than all the songs I've listed. Why?

Basically all the credit I have to give to this song bypasses Marky Mark, who honestly kind of operates as a Vanilla Ice with slightly more edge. I'm sorry, diehard Mark Wahlberg fans, but it's the truth. But everything beyond that is fucking fantastic. Loleatta Holloway is a dynamite performer on the chorus, honestly blasting any other chorus girl this year out of the water. And this beat is something that Vanilla Ice wished he could have stole. The Funky Bunch truly is funky. Even if they do have a member called "Hector the Booty Inspector"...

I... I don't claim to be highbrow. Sometimes all you need to captivate me is a great beat and great chorus. That's what this song gives me, and I love it. Feel the vibration!

 

 

Spoiler

 

Of course, if I'm going to give it up for a great beat you can dance to, I need look no further than the deee-grooviest band of all. Whatever that means.

2. "Groove Is in the Heart" - Deee-Lite

 

Well remembered as one of the greatest one-hit wonders of all time, Deee-Lite are both deee-groovy and deee-gorgeous. And no, I don't fully know what either of those terms mean. It doesn't matter. All I really need to know is that I love this song.

I just love when artists from different genres and even radically different eras can collaborate and it sounds this goddamn good. This is retro, dated 90s in the best way. And yet there's still nothing that really sounded like this, was there? Perhaps people were looking for their groove in other places. As Todd once eloquently said, the butt. Or maybe they were picking other Dr. Seuss books to groove to other than...

http://ytcropper.com/cropped/et595da8694b030

What? I don't pretend to understand it. I just go along for the joyride. And what a joyous ride it is. Every moment of this song punches, from the many samples used to the Bootsy Collins-provided slide whistle to all the other random, wacky, wonderful sounds in this powerhouse of a song. Groove is in your heart. And if you didn't know before, you certainly do now. Deee-groovy!

 

 

Spoiler

 

So, what topped my list of weird, wacky, wonderful songs? Well, despite all these songs being completely amazing in their own way, there was only one song that I thought perfectly conveyed the driving force it so desperately needed to get across for the song to work. And that song is about female masturbation. Oh yeah. Here we go.

1. "I Touch Myself" - Divinyls

 

Divinyls are one of those bands I keep meaning to explore, but never really do. I hope I do someday, because if this song and Todd's OHW episode are any indication, I really need this band in my life.

This groove is infectious. Groove may be in your heart when it comes to Deee-Lite, but as far as this song is concerned, groove is practically everywhere. The guitar work, the rhythm, and Christina Amphlett's performance all convey the feeling the song was meant to get across perfectly. It's sexy, it's naughty, it's fun, and it's a masterpiece in pop music. I really mean that. I honestly do.

Sadly, Christina Amphlett passed away in 2013  due to breast cancer. Her work to raise awareness through her legacy has been astounding, and it's definitely sad to see one of the most underrated frontwomen in music get taken away so soon. I hope I can accurately convey just how much this song rocks by placing it at the very top. And I don't want anybody else.

 

Full List:

Spoiler

 

1. "I Touch Myself" - Divinyls

2. "Groove Is in the Heart" - Deee-Lite

3. "Good Vibrations" - Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch ft. Loleatta Holloway

4. "Losing My Religion" - R.E.M.

5. "Cream" - Prince and The New Power Generation

6. "Emotions" - Mariah Carey

7. "Disappear" - INXS

8. "Motownphilly" - Boyz II Men

9. "Freedom 90" - George Michael

10. "I Don't Wanna Cry" - Mariah Carey

11. "It Ain't Over 'til It's Over" - Lenny Kravitz

12. "Crazy" - Seal

13. "Love Will Never Do (Without You)" - Janet Jackson

14. "Power of Love/Love Power" - Luther Vandross

15. "Someday" - Mariah Carey

16. "I'm Your Baby Tonight" - Whitney Houston

17. "Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)" - C+C Music Factory

18. "Joyride" - Roxette

19. "Hole Hearted" - Extreme

20. "All This Time" - Sting

21. "All the Man That I Need" - Whitney Houston

22. "Unbelievable" - EMF

23. "Summertime" - DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince

24. "Right Here, Right Now" - Jesus Jones

25. "O.P.P." - Naughty by Nature

26. "Where Does My Heart Beat Now" - Celine Dion

27. "Now That We Found Love" - Heavy D & the Boyz

28. "P.A.S.S.I.O.N." - Rythm Syndicate

29. "Silent Lucidity" - Queensrÿche

30. "Do Anything" - Natural Selection

31. "3 a.m. Eternal" - The KLF

32. "Love Takes Time" - Mariah Carey

33. "The One and Only"- Chesney Hawkes

34. "Sensitivity" - Ralph Tresvant

35. "Fading Like a Flower (Every Time You Leave)" - Roxette

36. "Shiny Happy People" - R.E.M.

37. "Love of a Lifetime" - Firehouse

38. "Romantic" - Karyn White

39. "I Like the Way (The Kissing Game)" - Hi-Five

40. "Wind of Change" - Scorpions

41. "This House" - Tracie Spencer

42. "The First Time" - Surface

43. "Can't Stop This Thing We Started" - Bryan Adams

44. "Something to Talk About" - Bonnie Raitt

45. "Round and Round" - Tevin Campbell

46. "Cry for Help" - Rick Astley

47. "Around the Way Girl" - LL Cool J

48. "Things That Make You Go Hmmm..." - C+C Music Factory

49. "More Than Words" - Extreme

50. "Miles Away" - Winger

51. "The Motown Song" - Rod Stewart

52. "Do You Want Me" - Salt-n-Pepa

53. "I Saw Red" - Warrant

54. "I'll Give All My Love to You" - Keith Sweat

55. "Here We Go" - C+C Music Factory

56. "Sadeness (Part I)" - Enigma

57. "Strike It Up" - Black Box

58. "Get Here" - Oleta Adams

59. "I Can't Wait Another Minute" - Hi-Five

60. "Rush Rush" - Paula Abdul

61. "Signs" - Tesla

62. "Everybody Plays the Fool" - Aaron Neville

63. "Real Real Real" - Jesus Jones

64. "Temptation" - Corina

65. "(Everything I Do) I Do It for You" - Bryan Adams

66. "Too Many Walls" - Cathy Dennis

67. "Time, Love, and Tenderness" - Michael Bolton

68. "Show Me the Way" - Styx  

69. "After the Rain" - Nelson

70. "High Enough" - Damn Yankees

71. "The Promise of a New Day" - Paula Abdul

72. "Tom's Diner" - DNA ft. Suzanne Vega

73. "Just Another Dream" - Cathy Dennis

74. "Rhythm of My Heart" - Rod Stewart

75. "Wicked Game" - Chris Isaak

76. "Impulsive" - Wilson Phillips

77. "Iesha" - Another Bad Creation

78. "Place in This World" - Michael W. Smith

79. "I Adore Mi Amor" - Color Me Badd

80. "I'm Not In Love" - Will to Power

81. "Coming Out of the Dark" - Gloria Estefan

82. "I've Been Thinking About You" - Londonbeat

83. "Touch Me (All Night Long)" - Cathy Dennis

84. "I'll Be There" - The Escape Club

85. "Piece of My Heart" - Tara Kemp

86. "Something to Believe In" - Poison

87. "Love is a Wonderful Thing" - Michael Bolton

88. "Because I Love You (The Postman Song)" - Stevie B

89. "I Wanna Sex You Up" - Color Me Badd

90. "You're in Love" - Wilson Phillips

91. "Every Heartbeat" - Amy Grant

92. "Hold You Tight" - Tara Kemp

93. "From a Distance" - Bette Midler

94. "Justify My Love" - Madonna

95. "Baby Baby" - Amy Grant

96. "Here I Am (Come and Take Me)" - UB40

97. "Rico Suave" - Gerardo

98. "Play That Funky Music" - Vanilla Ice

99. "One More Try" - Timmy T

100. "The Way You Do the Things You Do" - UB40

 

 

[kylie]

MARIAH!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

[Joe Biden]

Thoughts on?:

Shiny Happy People

Unbelievable

Iesha

Signs

Something to Talk About

I Wanna Sex You Up

Show Me the Way

Hole Hearted

Sadeness (Part I)

Because I Love You (The Postman Song)

 

that's all i'm gonna say because comparing full rankings would be real awkward for me

[Katniss]

Man, these are some great 90s tracks. Especially Groove is in the Heart. I haven't stopped being in love with it ever since Todd covered it on OHW. <3

Your thoughts on:

I'm Your Baby Tonight

O.P.P.

Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)

[Steel Sponge]

Thoughts on:

Crazy

Wicked Game

High Enough

Time, Love, and Tenderness

Round and Round

Wind of Change

The Motown Song

Do You Want Me

All This Time

Someday

[4EverGreen]

Thoughts on "You're In Love; Tom's Diner; The Promise of a New Day; After the Rain; Everything I Do, I Do it for You (only at #65?!  SERIOUSLY?!); Rush, Rush; Love Will Never Do Without You;" and "It Ain't Over 'Til It's Over" when you have an opportunity, please.

[Wumbo]

OKAY SORRY Y'ALL GOT MAJOR SIDETRACKED BUT HERE WE GO

"Shiny Happy People": This song can absolutely be regarded as a failure. I think as for as a satire goes, it kinda fails because there's no real point to its saccharin unless you know what the song's really about. I'm not saying it needs to be spelled out, but Poe's law exists for a reason. That said, I think the song actually works as simply a catchy pop song, so it made my top half.

"Unbelievable": That hook and beat are killer. The rest is alright, could have used a bit more pep in the guy's voice.

"Iesha": By all accounts this song is bad. But I hesitate to put it on my worst list because.. well, it's kids who don't know any better. I just feel sorry for them moreso than hate the song.

"Signs": Joining "Funkytown" on a list of songs that absolutely did not need a hair metal cover. This one at least makes a little more sense, but honestly sounds worse and does more disservice to the original in my opinion.

"Something to Talk About": The definition of "alright".

"I Wanna Sex You Up": Can't stand Color Me Badd, but gotta give 'em credit for at least trying harder than everyone else on my worst list.

"Show Me the Way": Blech. What a milquetoast song.

"Hole Hearted": This is the Extreme song I preferred this year. It's just got more of a punch to it than the bigger hit, "More Than Words". Honestly, I think there's a lot to like about it.

"Sadeness (Part I)": I like to think I can differentiate music that sucks from music that isn't for me enough to be fair in my rankings. This I'd chalk up to music that isn't for me.

"Because I Love you (The Postman Song)": Like I said, this song absolutely blows, but I still believe Stevie B is trying in the vocals. Not exceptionally hard, mind you, but the effort is there, unlike Timmy T.

"I'm Your Baby Tonight": The only song on Todd's list I really disagreed with. I think Whitney transitions well into this style of music, and I like hearing her try things other than ballads.

"O.P.P.": I just love that these guys took a bubblegum pop song like "ABC" and turned it into this wonderful monstrosity. I honestly love the shit out of this song, but it didn't feel right in my Top 10. I'm not sure where it fits into the rap scene, though given 1991's rap scene, that may be a good thing. 

"Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)": Classic dance song, that hook alone is worthy of the Top 20.

"Crazy": Haven't really dove into Seal's work before, but I do like the flavour he constantly brings to 90s pop.

"Wicked Game": Good god, what a whiny-sounding song.

"High Enough": Oh darn, Damn Yankees really tried to be a thing. They did.

"Time, Love, and Tenderness": I appreciate Michael Bolton as the punchline of bad music he is. I think that softens me towards even his suckiest music. It also helps that he seems like a genuinely nice, great guy.

"Round and Round": I remember this one being decent, but that's about it.

"Wind of Change": The Scorpions almost sound like a parody band at points, or like the B-movie equivalent of a band. They certainly have their hits to be proud of, and this is one of them, but... oof. Don't listen to the album this comes off of.

"The Motown Song": Not as bad as I thought it would be, but... it's still Rod Stewart with a song called "The Motown Song".

"Do You Want Me": This song always came off as kind of abrasive to me, but I wonder how much of that is tied to the gender of this artist. If these were guys, would I be fine with it?

"All This Time": Sting proves to be a very talented artist, with or without The Police.

"Someday": Still a killer Mariah Carey song, just I liked the other two better.

"You're in Love": Wilson Phillips: Still suck in '91.

"Tom's Diner": I honestly find this song insufferable, not least because it's such an earworm. Kinda like Kylie Minogue's "Can't Get You Out of My Head", which is a prophetic title if I've ever heard one.

"The Promise of a New Day": Boring.

"After the Rain": Nelson is a C-list hair metal band at best.

"(Everything I Do) I Do It For You": Schmaltzy, lame, and tedious. This should have been lower, honestly.

"Rush Rush": Slightly less boring but still boring.

"Love Will Never Do (Without You)": The more Janet Jackson tries to sound like her brother, the more I like her.

"It Ain't Over 'Til It's Over": Surprisingly one of my favourite Kravitz songs. Proof that not everything at a more lowkey pace has to be boring.

Now then! What shall be my chosen year to hopefully complete by the end of this month? Why, it's...

2003

Yeah, right about thurr will do just fine. Top and Bottom 10 coming... sometime.

[Burgerpants]

I know I said the exact same thing to Fred when he did his list, but I urge you to read up on what the hell the dudes behind 3 a.m. Eternal did throughout their career. Truly the stuff of legends.

(On a side note, holy shit was this year full of filthy, disgusting hair metal ballads. Thank god this trend disappeared fast the next year)

[Joe Biden]

2003 was quite a nostalgic year for me music-wise. Not sure how well it holds up for me now but I can't wait to see if it still does.

 

.....and holy shit, I did not know that "Signs" was a cover. Scratch my original reasoning, it deserves the spot it's in right now.

[President Squidward]

OMLJ told me that you were going to cover 2003 so I came here as fast as I could  

[Sweat]

6 hours ago, This is a username. Enjoy it. said:

OMLJ told me that you were going to cover 2003 so I came here as fast as I could  

lol i haven't heard "OMLJ" since 2014

[Steel Sponge]

and don't you tell me not to worry 'bout Bin Laaaawwden.

With all seriousness, I'm crossing my fingers that the song I referenced above is #1 on your bottom 10 or any closer to that.

Edited July 15, 2017 by Steel Sponge

[President Squidward]

11 hours ago, Halibut said:

lol i haven't heard "OMLJ" since 2014

I would've said "Fred" but I don't know if people would understand who I was talking about here.

[Katniss]

7 minutes ago, This is a username. Enjoy it. said:

I would've said "Fred" but I don't know if people would understand who I was talking about here.

Everyone calls him Fred so I think we would've understood  

Can't wait for the best/worst lists. The early 2000s were an interesting time  

Edited July 16, 2017 by Katniss

[Wumbo]

Ight, so this ain't 2003, but I'm gonna add something to this thread to keep them on the front page keep the hype going and encourage music discussion. Weekly polls! Most of them will be song v songs but if my mood strikes otherwise they could be just about anything. I actually do a lot of song v songs with my friends so they could very well end up here as well. So let's get things started with a battle of the '90s British rock anthems! It's...

"Creep" by Radiohead

vs.

"Wonderwall" by Oasis

Vote away!

[Katniss]

[Joe Biden]

AND AFTER ALLLLLLLLL

 

YOU'RE MY

[Wumbo]

I might have to vote Wonder Ball over either of these two songs

[Rebel the Wolfgirl]

Creep