Jjs Goodman Posted June 24, 2013 Author Share Posted June 24, 2013 he's only doing BT season 1 I might do Season 2 in the future, but I want to do some other shows first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClassicNickelodeon Fan 1 Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 I might do Season 2 in the future, but I want to do some other shows first. I'd love it if you could do Season 2 sometime. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
So Sejima Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 ok for now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Jjs Goodman Posted June 25, 2013 Author Popular Post Share Posted June 25, 2013 Here is what you may or may not have been waiting for. Special thanks to Ex, tvguy, and Hayden for co-riffing this bad boy. Warning: Long episode ahoy! Bikini Top - Season 1 S1E1 (1) - Pilot S1E2 (2) - Jex S1E3 (3) - Trapped S1E4 (4) - Crushed S1E5 (5) - Memories and Repercussions S1E6 (6) - Arianna and Naomi S1E7 (7) - Things Get Musical S1E8 (8) - Bad News Brenda S1E9 (9) - Turn of Events S1E10 (10) - Auditions S1E11 (11) - Funeral S1E12 (12) - Bikini Bottomites S1E13 (13) - Not a Winter Wonderland S1E14 (14) - Not a Holly Jolly Christmas, Either S1E15 (15) - Valentine's Day S1E16 (16) - Green Things: Money, and Jealousy S1E17 (17) - My Life Will Suck Without You S1E18 (18) - Life After You S1E19 (19) - That Kiss S1E20 (20) - Forever Young: Spoiler Previously on Bikini Top, dance, dance... dance! The Last Day of School Dance is quite eventful. Naomi meets Trevor, who she immediately makes a connection with. Bryan and Temperance continue to be the Golden Couple. Jackie's due date is rapidly approaching. Morgan shares with Jake that she still has feelings for them, then at the dance the two share a secret kiss. It doesn't go any further. Morgan is in a relationship with Liam. And Anna runs over a man... and keeps on driving. He's in a coma. [Jjs: Season finale time...and I’ve got quite the crew for it! Starring tvguy, Hayden, and ExKizuna, can the four of us take down the final Season 1 episode?] [Hayden: If we can't, who really can?] [Ex: Glad to be here with these wonderful people! Today is wonderful! This is wonderful! I love this show and i love-who am i kidding GET ME OUT OF HERE!] Tristan and Brenda are preparing for their wedding. [Jjs: I now announce you two Bland Man and Bland Wife. YOU MAY KISS THE BRIDE!] [Ex: It's Adam and EVE, not Adam and Cardboard Excuse For A Person Fish.] [Hayden: I love how in a show of undeveloped relationships, I'm supposed to care about the least developed of all's marriage.] The wedding planner and her crew are taking up the whole house, coming in and coming out, taking lovely decorations out of the house and into a wide, open field, where the ceremony will be held. [Jjs: Holy smokes, that’s the longest run-on sentence I’ve ever seen!] [tvguy: I'm glad that it's in a wide, open field, every wedding needs that.] Temperance is holding Alex, and she has a bad headache. [Jjs: Oh hey Alex, you exist.] "Mom, can't you hold her?" Temperance asked. [tvguy: Your mom’s getting ready to marry your stepdad, hold the damn baby. Lazy.] "Sorry dear, I'm getting ready, and helping the wedding planner," Brenda told her. [tvguy: I thought the point of hiring a wedding planner was so that they'd PLAN the wedding, Brenda.] [Jjs: Apparently, the poor wedding planner cannot have one line of dialogue or even a name.] "Well I'm gonna take a Tylenol then go see Bryan, can't you watch her while I do that?" Temperance asked desperately. [Jjs: I’m surprised these Tylenol pills haven’t dissolved underwater yet...but then I remembered this is Bikini Top.] [tvguy: Yeah, go get a Tylenol.] "Sorry, honey, I can't!" Brenda said. "It's my wedding day, and I need to prepare for it as fast as I can. [Jjs: You can probably prepare for it as fast as this show was written.] I'm getting married in three hours. So just take Alex with you to Bryan's house. He likes babies, doesn't he?" [tvguy: BRYAN WANTS TO FUCK YOUR DAUGHTER.] [Ex: Yeah, ma, he likes to eat them! He's a cannibal! I can't take him there please god, he'll want to play 'Iron Chef' again!] "Yeah, but..." Temperance objected. "This is just a little more important than you playing tonsil hockey with your boyfriend, Temps," Brenda said. [tvguy: sign me up for tonsil hockey, sounds swell.] [Jjs: Tonsil hockey? Who invented this fascinating new sport?] [Hayden: Ooh, can I play? But seriously, this girl can stay months away from her boyfriend while he's in a hospital, but not one day away on her mother's wedding. Wtf?] "This is just a one-time thing, so can you please just do it for me?" "Fine," Temperance said. "Thank you so much!" Brenda said. "I love you." "Love you too, Mom," Temperance said, and left the house with Alex in her arms. [tvguy: i hate both of you lol I'm gonna get Alex and throw him off the roof.] [Ex: I hate you, I hate you! I swear to god I hate you!...Oh my god, I love you!] (Theme plays) Jackie was getting ready for Brenda and Tristan's big day. Jake was about to come over. Morgan came in the room. She was already dressed, with her makeup all done, and her hair all fancy. [Jjs: Jjs got ready to riff this bad boy. Ex, Hayden, and tvguy joined in. Hayden came in the room. Brief sentences are nice.] [Ex: Hi.] [tvguy: WAIT THESE ARE THE GUYS THAT WERE GONNA HAVE JEX RIGHT.] [Hayden: Hayden was already dressed, with his makeup all done, and his hair all fancy.] "Need any help?" Morgan asked. [tvguy: I need help getting your bra off for Jex. ] "Not really," Jackie said. "Okay..." Morgan said. [Ex: Hooray for useless dialogue!] She started to walk out of the room. Last night she had kissed Jake, so it was extremely awkward to be around his pregnant girlfriend, who was living with her family. [tvguy: wait so they DID have jex? AWW YEAH JAKE. no but seriously what the fuck did i miss lol] "Did anything happen at the dance last night?" Jackie asked. "What?" Morgan asked. [Jjs: Morgan, do you need hearing aids?] "Did anything happen at the dance last night?" Jackie repeated. "I know you and Jake were talking outside, and he's been acting really weird since then. Did you guys get in a fight or something?" [Jjs: They just had a nice smooching behind your back.] [Hayden: Can you really blame Morgan though? She was following God's will by being a homewrecker.] "No, I really don't know what happened," Morgan lied. [tvguy: SECRETS SECRETS ARE NO FUN, SECRETS SECRETS HURT SOMEONE.] [Ex: So if she didn't add that she lied, would that mean she was telling the truth even though...she...and...WHAT?] [Jjs: Morgan better hope for her sake Jackie doesn’t find out, because I’m not in the mood for another drama plot. Plus, I don’t think Morgan can even hit a pregnant girl if they have a cat fight.] [Hayden: After the baby comes out she's fair game. But who knows when that will happen?] "Oh," Jackie said. She paused for a moment, then, she clutched her stomach and said, "OH!" [Jjs: OH, IT’S COMING!] [Hayden: Why, would you lookie there, a birth in the finale, a very unexpected route indeed 70s.] [tvguy: dat baby's ''comin' in hot'' (haha ex). damn 70s you're setting this up to be one cliche season finale.] "What is it?" Morgan asked. "Get your parents, and call Jake!" Jackie yelled. [tvguy: NOBODY PANIC! EVERYBODY CALM THE FUCK DOWN!] [Ex: I NEED A SMOKE AND A BEER!...Oh yeah and that baby thing.] "Why?" Morgan asked. [tvguy: why are all the characters so stupid.] [Jjs: Hm, her child is about to kick in, Morgan’s parents are Jackie’s only parents now, and Jake is her husband...I wonder why you’d call them indeed.] [Hayden: Morgan is pretty freaking thick. But 70s has demonstrated this before so no need to call the ass pull police for once.] "Tell Temperance and her family that I'm sorry, but I can't make it to the wedding," Jackie said. "The baby's coming!" [Jjs: That was a fast 9 months of nonsense.] [Hayden: I'm sure the wait wasn't worth it.] "Right now?" Morgan asked. [tvguy: Nah, two weeks and one day from now.] "Yes!" Jackie said. "Now for the love of God, get your parents to drive us to the hospital and call Jake and tell him to meet us there! Let's GO!" [Jjs: OOH LET’S GO! Steve walks warily down the street with the brim pulled way down low, ain’t no sound but the sound of his feet, machine guns ready to go....oh wait, I hope I’m not giving 70s any ideas by quoting Queen.] ~~~ ("No One's Gonna Love You" by Band of Horses plays) [Ex: Is that song about this show?] Guests are arriving. [Jjs: How many, may I ask? Are all 1,998 residents attending again?] Brenda, who is wearing a beautiful, expensive, elegant designer dress, is greeted by Tristan's mother Camille and his father Donovan. Tristan, who is wearing an incredibly fancy suit, is greeted by Brenda's mother Gertrude. [tvguy: okay but wait, are you SURE her dress is beautiful, expensive, elegant, and designer? or should I get more synonyms?] Bryan and Temperance arrive, and put Alex in her stroller. "Hey, I was wondering, have you talked to Temperance since last night?" Bryan asked Temperance. "She left in a hurry, and no one else has talked to her. She hasn't been taking anyone's calls." [Jjs: Whoa, there's two Temperances now?] [tvguy: Temperance can talk to herself? lol TEMPERANCEPTION.] [Hayden: I'm smart enough to know by context they're talking about Anna, but nice going 70s, you really looked this over well.] "Nope, haven't said a word to her," Temperance said. "I tried when you left my house last night, and the phone went straight to voicemail. I messaged her on Fishbook too, but no reply. I posted on her Wall, still nothing. It's like she's ignoring us for some reason. Did we do something wrong?" [Jjs: Yes, you did two things wrong. You keep referring to yourself in third person (unless there is truly another Temperance) and "Wall" is apparently a proper noun now. I think you might have to stay again with JCM for grammar class.] [Ex: Hey, it's perfectly sensible she hasn't talked to Temperance. I haven't talked to Dave in a month. Not after...The accident...] "I don't think so..." Bryan said. "Maybe she did something wrong and she doesn't want us to know about it." "What could she have done?" Temperance asked. "I have absolutely no clue," Bryan replied. "Figures..." Temperance laughed. [tvguy: you guys are the dumbest couple ever.] [Jjs: I’m sorry, but I cannot take this conversation seriously at all. Temperance talking to herself is just so goddamn lulzy.] [Hayden: I can't take it seriously because these "characters" just somehow predicted Anna did mess up instead of logically predicting she was too upset over her boyfriend's death to come to a wedding. Awful attempt at foreshadowing 70s.] Alex started crying. "Oh damn it," Temperance said. She picked her up. [Jjs: I think Alex is upset on how confusing this conversation was. I’d be crying too if Temperance was talking to herself.] [Ex: I hope she throws the baby out of the window. I mean it's a fish right shouldn't it be able to swim i swear i don't condone baby violence no put down the phone don't dial the police] [tvguy: alex is a girl?] ~~~ Anna was slowly getting ready for the wedding. She knew she would probably be the last one there, she may even miss their nupitials. She didn't care though. [Jjs: She didn’t care she spelled nuptials wrong, it seems.] [Hayden: SPELLING NAZIS UNITE!] A million thoughts were racing through her head. She had a dead boyfriend, and on top of that, she drank a bottle of vodka, ran someone over, kept driving, and now that person is in a coma. She had been crying all night. Her mother, Helen, walked in. [Jjs: Oh yeah, that cliffhanger happened. I wonder who she even ran over? Was the person so unimportant they can’t even be named?] [Hayden: Even if it turned out to be a main character it wouldn't be important.] "Hey," she said. "Hey," Anna sniffled. "Have you been crying?" Helen asked. [Ex: No, obviously not.] [Jjs: Nah, she was sniffling because she had a runny nose. She’s totally not still upset her boyfriend died.] [tvguy: No, see, she pisses from her eyeballs. (WHY ARE THESE CHARACTERS ASKING SO MANY STUPID QUESTIONS)] "A little," Anna replied. "Oh sweetie, why?" Helen asked. [Jjs: Either you have your memory loss issue or you are seriously stupid.] [Hayden: She's crying because she has you for a mother.] "Just... because," Anna said, and sniffled again. [Ex: I swear I didn't run a guy over and now regret it...Now here's my question. Does she actually care she ran the guy over, or just care that she kept driving and will probably get jailed? Because I wouldn't put it past these cardboard excuses of characters to not care about anybody besides themselves.] Helen ran her fin across her daughter's cheek delicately. "I know that you're going through an extremely tough time right now with Trey being gone, and if you ever need to talk, I'll always be there to talk to you." [Jjs: If you knew Trey was dead, why bother asking why she was upset? You basically answered your own question.] "Okay, Mom," Anna replied. "I will." "So do you want to tell me why you were home from the dance so early last night, and why you were bawling your eyes out then?" [Jjs: Alright, this is the last violin video, I swear.] "The dance just wasn't very much fun," Anna said. "There was no one to dance with." "That's because you're avoiding your friends," Helen said. "They've been calling the house, and probably your cell too. They're worried about you, and I am too." [Jjs: I’m more worried on the fact the person she ran over last night was so insignificant they couldn’t even get a name.] [tvguy: Helen is pretty much the Jesus of Bikini Top.] "There's no need to be worried," Anna assured her mother, who was very worried. [Jjs: There’s no need to be scared my friend, who was very scared.] [Hayden: I couldn't tell Helen was worried, thanks for the extra clarification.] "I'm totally f-fine, and I don't need you to be concerned about me. I don't like people being concerned about me. I can really just take care of myself, and you know that." [Ex: If she's just going to stutter once, then why stutter at all?] "Alright, honey," Helen said. "Have fun at the wedding." [Jjs: Have fun being reminded your boyfriend is gone.] ~~~ Naomi and Trevor arrived at the wedding. [Jjs: Wow, she’s practically become this guy’s boyfriend and they haven’t even known each other for more than a day.] [Hayden: Poor Trevor, one day and she's dragging him to a wedding, RUN NOW DUDE.] "Hey," Naomi said to Bryan and Temperance. "Hey, you guys," Bryan said. "Do you know why Jake, Jackie, and Morgan aren't here yet?" [Jjs: They are probably in a love triangle debate, if they aren’t still bothering with the birth plot.] "I have no idea," Naomi said. "Haven't heard from them," Trevor said. [Ex: Do you even...know them???] "That's because they barely know you at all. How about you tell them your name?" Naomi said. [Jjs: Sorry, I’m the new guy and don’t know a thing that’s going on.] "Oh, sorry, I'm Trevor," he said. "We briefly met last night. I'm Naomi's... boyfriend?" [tvguy: I thought you were 70s’s imaginary boyfriend lol] "Yes you are," Naomi said. [Ex: He's so much her boyfriend that he didn't even know. Love, everybody!] [Jjs: Hopefully he doesn’t get shot by Robbie.] [Hayden: How nice of Naomi to get around to telling her boyfriend that he's her boyfriend.] "And I'm sorry, I get comfortable in social situations. Sometimes too comfortable," Trevor apologized. "So yeah, sorry for that." [Jjs: You were so sorry that you had to say sorry twice.] [tvguy: so pretty much the same as Calvin, don’t sweat it, you guys should get some coffee sometimes.] [Hayden: I wish being too comfortable in social situations was my problem, or anyone's for that matter.] "It's okay," Temperance said. "Is this your sister?" Trevor asked. "Yeah, it's Alex, my mom adopted her," Temperance replied. [Jjs: I forgot Alex was here and had to look back to remember when she was brought to the wedding, that’s a good sign.][tvguy: A true Angelina Jolie.] "How old is she?" Trevor asked. [Ex: Because my motto is 'If her age is on the clock, she's old enough for the'-] "She'll be having her first birthday this summer," Temperance told him. [Ex: Buzzkill.] [Jjs: Again, time flies in this show.] [Hayden: Considering she was said to be 4 months old in February I call bull on a summer birthday.] "Oh," Trevor said. Suddenly, Naomi's phone started to ring. [tvguy: HOLY SHIT THAT SCARED ME... that ringing came out of nowhere ugh 70s don't do that to me again.] "Oh, hey Morgan," she said. [tvguy: oh, it’s Mor. me and Morgan are besties so I’m not scared anymore. what’s up girlfrianddd] On the other line, Morgan said, "Hey, I'm gonna be a little late-ish to the wedding, at least later than the rest of you guys will be, but I'm sure Brenda and Tristan will be okay with that anyways. And Jake and Jackie won't be able to make it there." [Jjs: That’s okay, take your time.] [tvguy: oh, that’s fine, are you on your rag?] "Oh," Naomi said. "Can I ask why?" [tvguy: RUDE, NAOMI.] [Ex: It's obviously not the baby what would give you that idea.] "Jackie went into labor," Morgan said. "The baby is coming!" [tvguy: OH WELL HOT DAMN DROP EVERYTHING.] "Wow!" Naomi said. "Tell her I said good luck, and to name her little girl after me." [Jjs: Here’s our child, Naomi! Naomi, meet Naomi!] [Hayden: How unselfish of a request by Naomi, maybe Naomi Jr. can snort coke too.] "Sure," Morgan laughed. "I'll be there in about twenty minutes. I'm on my way now." "'Kay, bye," Naomi said, and she shut the phone. She told her friends, "Jackie's baby is coming. Morgan's will be here soon, and Jake and Jackie aren't coming." [Ex: Wait, "Morgan'S will be here soon"? MORGAN HAD A BABY? DID NAOMI THREATEN MORGAN TO NAME IT AFTER HER AS WELL?] "Of course they're not coming," Temperance said. "They're gonna be parents!" [Jjs: I think you’re about to dethrone Jackie as the Queen of the Captain Obviouses.] [Ex: NAH, REALLY TEMP. WHAT GAVE YOU THE IDEA?] "Wow," Bryan said. "You're right, they're gonna be parents. That's... big." [tvguy: THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID] [Jjs: You had to repeat what your girlfriend said, no originality points for you.] "It's not big, it's huge," Temperance said. "They're in high school. I wonder if they'll be able to handle being parents. Do you think they'll be able to?" [Jjs: Yes, because Jake is the best character worthy of being a father.] "I don't know," Bryan said. "It's not impossible, but the odds are against them." [Jjs: That was the most contradicting sentence I’ve ever read. “It is not impossible for them to handle being parents, but the odds are against it.” Great support.] [Hayden: *wakes up* Huh? What? Sorry, I zoned out for a while over this lame attempt at a serious discussion over their friend's fatherhood.] "Don't forget that most couples who get married as teens rarely stay together," Trevor said. [Jjs: Do you have hard statistics and facts to prove it, as JCM would ask?] [Hayden: Or a gags per minute ratio to count how hilariously bad each episode of this show is?] [Ex: Man, everybody here are just big rays of freakin sunshine, ain't they?] "Who said anything about marriage?" Naomi asked him. [Ex: What are you? Nuts?] "Oh, sorry, I just assumed," Trevor said. [Jjs: Well, they are kind of already husband and wife, unless Jake cheats on her because he doesn’t want to risk having another mouth to feed, so therefore no Jex for him. Hopefully he uses his Jondom correctly if he does cheat on her, and decide to Jex it up with another out of nowhere character. Watch my prediction be right in the near future.] [Hayden: He totally hasn't already done that.] [tvguy: Naomi’s a cunt.] ~~~ Tori and Larry arrived at the hospital. "Hey, son!" Larry said. "How's Jackie doin' in there?" [tvguy: pushing a baby out of your vagina is known to be very pleasant.] "They say the baby is coming really soon..." Jake said, and gulped. "Remember when we were talking about adoption?" [Ex: Yeah man, I remember that! And the talk about abortion, selling it on the black market, sharing it with Bryan...] "Yeah, but you and Jackie decided against it," Tori said. "And it's a little too late now." [Jjs: “Hey, my girl is about to give birth, so let me consider adoption now right at the last minute.”] [Hayden: Since when is it too late for adoption?] "But I looked around, and in Bikini Top, you can just leave your baby at the hospital in the maternity ward, and they'll send it to a foster home," Jake said. [Jjs: In other words: Let’s ditch this kid, because I wanted Jex, not a baby.] "I had heard that," Tori said. "But why would you do that? I thought that you and Jackie decided that since it was your child, you would raise it." "I just don't think I can support a kid," Jake said. "Even with my job at the Smoothie Shack." [Jjs: With SpongeBob and Patrick working at the Smoothie Shack, your job probably won’t last long...is what I would be saying if they were still relevant.] [Hayden: Darn, I really thought that Smoothie Shack job would be able to support 10 kids. No, seriously, that must be where all Bikini Top's income is going.] [tvguy: ok hold up guys I thought the salary at the smoothie shack was enough to raise a kid.] "You need to talk to Jackie about this," Larry said. "Not us." [tvguy: well, she’s in labor, so you can see how that presents a bit of a problem. Jackass...] [Ex: Can you imagine if he just dropped the baby off and waited till later to tell Jackie?] ~~~ Morgan had been at the wedding for an hour. Everything was still being prepared hastily by the wedding planner and her crew. Anna finally arrived. [Jjs: Oh, thanks for telling us now the wedding planner is female. Was that so hard to do at the beginning?] "Hey, Anna!" Morgan said. "Hey," Anna said, and did something rare, and smiled. [tvguy: wow, she smiled?] "Wow. You smiled," Temperance said. [tvguy: LOOK EVERYONE WE’RE MAKING OBSERVATIONS] [Jjs: By God, she smiled, it must be the sign of the apocalypse!] "Hey, she's going through a load of stuff," Morgan said. [Ex: Oh, really? Wouldn't have guessed.] [tvguy: thanks for defending her, gandhi.] "I know," Temperance said. "She seems like she's in a good mood, so I thought it would be okay to tease her, I'm sorry, Morgan." [Jjs: Yes, teasing an emotionally depressed girl who lost her boyfriend is such a fun activity.] "Anyways, there's a reason I took so long to get here," Anna said. [Jjs: Did you hook up with one of the forgotten SpongeBob characters?] [Hayden: She can have Jex with Squidward. If she doesn't run him over with a car.] "What is it?" Naomi asked. "I need to talk to you three," Anna said. "About what?" Naomi asked. [Ex: Why is she only telling the girls? Wouldn't telling Bryan be a good idea since he was closest to Trey, thus probably easiest to talk to for her? Sexist fuck.] "It's a secret," Anna explained. [Hayden: Murder is a genuine secret. Too bad this scene is making it come off like it's gossip.] "Oh," Naomi said. The three followed Anna to her car, and she frowned. "I did something horrible last night," Anna said. [tvguy: did you fuck Trey? oh wait no haha he’s dead] "What is it, Anna?" Temperance asked. [Ex: Couldn't be worse than getting preg-] "I ran someone over," she admitted. [Ex: Never mind.] "WHAT?" Morgan asked. [Jjs: She ran over a random person who we don’t even know the name of, or even what they look like! THE HORROR!] "I left the dance, and there was a bottle of vodka in my car, and I drank the whole thing," Anna said. "Then while I was driving, I hit someone. I kept driving. Then I looked on the computer, and it said on the Internet that the guy is unidentified and he's in a coma. They suspect that it's a hit and run. I'm going to jail, aren't I?" [Jjs: Yup, you’ll be with Robbie in jail. Hope you don’t drop the soap either.] [tvguy: wait so you have a computer on your car and you went on the Internet and didn’t hit anybody, but you hit somebody from a lil vodka? haha what a fucking idiot.] "Wow..." Temperance sighed. "I don't know what to say about that," Naomi said. [Jjs: Well you just said something.] [Hayden: I don't know what to say either, this is likely the dumbest plot the show has had so far, and you know that's saying something.] "Yeah, sorry, I don't either," Morgan commented. [Jjs: You just said something too.] [tvguy: lol what the hell you guys are terrible friends. 70s, please kill off Girl-From-Twilight, Cunt Girl, and Moron. Anna shall hence forth be known as Lindsay Lohan.] "I'm screwed..." Anna said. [Jjs: Now you know to never drink and drive. I figured you would’ve learned after Naomi’s incident, but no, shame on you.] "I know what you could do!" Temperance said. "What?" Anna asked. [Jjs: Give the guy you ran over a huge apology with sprinkles on top, along with lots of gifts?] "The wedding won't happen for a few hours, so we can go to the hospital and see how the guy is doing, and we can visit Jackie while we're there," Temperance said. [Jjs: Man, what a convienent coincidence they are in the same hospital.] [Ex: How would that help AT ALL?] [tvguy: why the fuck would you go visit the guy you just ran over, Miss Twilight Rip Off?] [Hayden: What a fantastic idea, I'm sure this unnamed man will appreciate the girl who didn't stop to check if he was ok coming to visit him. Oh, and I love how they can ditch the wedding for this but not for their friend who's giving birth. That part is just an afterthought.] "Good idea," Morgan said. "Totally," Naomi agreed. "I don't know..." Anna said skeptically. [Ex: Continue not to! It's a horrible idea! It's already a hit and run, nothing you can do, you can't just go back on that or apologize.] "What do you have to lose?" Temperance asked. "Come on, it'll clear your conscience a bit," Naomi said. [tvguy: by visiting the guy you hit with you car? YEAH, CLEAR THAT CONSCIENCE RIGHT UP.] "Fine," Anna said. "Let's make it quick." [Ex: You guys are horrible friends and I hope you all die.] ~~~ ("Champagne Supernova" by Matt Pond PA plays throughout the scene) The baby was born. [Jjs: So, they can’t show her giving birth, but they can show a fish get crushed by a boulder.] [Hayden: What a beautifully detailed moment. The magic of child birth really emoted through that Matt Pond song.] "What are we gonna name it, Jake?" Jackie asked. [Ex: Name it 'Jake', that'd be hilarious.] "I think we need to talk," Jake said. "What is it?" Jackie asked. "I don't think I'm ready to be a father," he said. [Jjs: Well, I can’t blame you, I wouldn’t want you as my father either.] [tvguy: you say that AFTER you knock her up and have a kid? what the fuck is wrong with you.] "And I'm not ready to be a mother," Jackie said. "But what's your point?" [tvguy: THEN WHY THE HELL DID YOU HAVE A KID.] [Jjs: “In other words, let’s just say screw it now and put the damn thing up for adoption, because I couldn’t get an abortion. YOU HAD 9 MONTHS ASSHOLE, 9 MONTHS!”] [Hayden: Clearly Jake has no rational point. That 10,000 dollars will never run out and you two and your baby will live a debt free life.] "You just admitted you're not ready!" Jake said. "So let's just leave her here, and they can take her to the closest foster home." [Jjs: Maybe Tori and Larry have room for another adoption.] "I don't think so," Jackie said. [Ex: Exactly, how could they truly see if they're ready or not unless they try.] "Come on," Jake said. "Why not?" "Because I wouldn't feel right doing that, Jake," she said. "This is my baby, and I want to be the one to see her turn one, to see her get her driver's license, to see her graduate high school, to send her to college, to see her graduate college, to see her get married, and to see her have a child. Don't you want to see that?" [Jjs: I see a paragraph that loves the word “to”, perhaps too much.] [Ex: Sassy Jackie.] [tvguy: didn’t you just say you weren’t ready to do that.] "Wow," Jake said. "You're totally right. We... need to keep her, don't we?" [Jjs: I like how he only thinks of this when she does. Nah, don’t keep her, because that totally would not have been a waste of 9 months and some sweet Jex.] [Hayden: Wow, that moving paragraph totally changed my mind about this too. Despite common sense.] "Yeah, Jake, we really do," Jackie said. "So what should we name her?" Jake asked. "I was thinking Charlea," Jackie said. [Jjs: Charlea? What, is Jackie trying to be fancy like the French?] [Ex: Charlea? Well, Good Luck. (OH MY GOD I’M SO FUCKING FUNNY PRAISE ME)] "Where'd you get that from?" Jake asked. "It was my aunt's name," Jackie said. "The one who died from drug abuse." [Jjs: I guess her dying means she couldn’t even be named beforehand.] [Hayden: Naming her daughter after her drug abusing aunt, how beautiful.] [Ex: Why is her name attracting all the druggies? Sheesh, first Naomi, now the dead aunt. Name it Charlie, like Sheen.] [tvguy: was your aunt Buffy the Vampire Slayer.] "Oh yeah," Jake said. "You told me about her. Charlea it is." [tvguy: how do you say that. charlie? sharleea? am i saying that right.] "Do you think we can still make it to the wedding?" Jackie asked. [tvguy: what the fuck, didn’t you just have a kid?] "You still want to go to the wedding?" Jake asked. "Actually, no..." Jackie said. "I just want to stare at Charlea all day." [Jjs: Well, that’s not creepy.] [Hayden: Charlea will probably feel completely comfortable with that.] [tvguy: this bitch is bipolar af] [Ex: Then...Why'd she ask if she could make it?] Anna, Temperance, Naomi, and Morgan walked in. "Oh, she's so cute!" They all said. "What's her name?" Temperance asked. [Ex: It's Jake.] "Charlea," Jake said. [Ex: Buzzkill.] [tvguy: yeah we decided on that like seconds before you guys came in you could’ve maybe helped us pick something less dumb.] "Cute," Anna said. "Well I have some business to handle." [tvguy: that’s it? damn, Lindsay Lohan, heartless bitch...] "Oh..." Jake said. "Well... see ya," Jackie said. [Jjs: That was the shortest hospital visit I’ve ever seen!] Anna went to the receptionist, and asked where she could see "The hit and run victim from last night." [Jjs: Oh, so that’s his name? The Hit And Run Victim From Last Night’s parents must be fortune tellers then.] [Ex: Hi, can I see that guy I hit? I wanna apologize and see if that gets me out of being arrested.] "Oh, do you have a connection to Mr. Gables?" the receptionist asked. [tvguy: 70s is now stealing names from Gone with the Wind.] [Jjs: I’m surprised he hasn’t stolen any Glee names yet.] "Oh, yes," Anna said. "I'm his little sister." [Ex: You're such a good little sister that you didn't even remember his name. Lying cunt.] "Oh," the receptionist said. "Well I'm sorry to tell you that Hersht Gables died just 30 minutes ago." [tvguy: shit just got real, Lindsay Lohan.] [Jjs: As M. Night would say: What a twist! It’s funny, since I called that a few episodes ago, and as a joke, too. I have so many problems with this I don’t even know where to begin. First of all, Hersht had zero development like Gordan and Trey, other than “Oh, he does bad things for bad people for no reason, and he wants to protect Bryan for no reason, even though he killed his dad”. Therefore, one more death I couldn't care less about. Second, was Hersht just randomly out on the road for no reason? Did he just want to be run over? Was he just out for a midnight stroll and then BOOM! At this point, I would’ve just preferred the victim be named “The Hit And Run Victim From Last Night”.] [Hayden: ..........That's how you kill off the character that shot Bryan's father? Do I even need to riff this part? It speaks for itself. 70s, you are a jackass.] Anna couldn't believe it. She had killed someone. What she didn't know was that the person she killed was one of the only people who was keeping her friend Bryan Errin alive. [Jjs: At least now Hersht won’t have to work for someone with a ridiculous name.] [Hayden: Too bad we never saw how Hersht was apparently keeping Bryan alive.] [Ex: The guy’s name was Anastasia, right? Fantasia? THUMBELINA!] [tvguy: ok well good cuz now I know that and i have all the power in this story. (what the reader didn’t know was tvguy was the one keeping Anna from becoming a full-on lesbian for ExKizuna, Elias, and CNF1, who are secretly women).] ~~~ The girls got back, and it was nearly time. Temperance saw a familiar face. "Sis!" her older sister, Mikayla, said. [Ex: Was it necessary to say the sister was calling her sis...?] "Hey, Mikayla!" Temperance said, and she hugged her. [Jjs: HAY GURL!] "How are you doing?" Mikayla asked. "I'm okay," Temperance said. "You?" "Spectacular!" Mikayla said. [tvguy: I'M ALSO SPECTACULAR] "Wait, why are you being nice?" Naomi asked. "I thought you hated her for not coming into town for your father's funeral. I don't understand." [Jjs: Hey welcome back, Temperance’s sister. Temperance said she hated you.] [Ex: All I can say is "lmao". Seriously, that's awkward as hell.] [tvguy: Naomi seriously is a cuntface lol] "What?" Mikayla asked. "Oops..." Naomi blushed. [tvguy: BOOOOOOOOOOO!] [Jjs: Someone needs to think before opening their mouth.] [Hayden: Did Morgan's stupidity rub off on Naomi?] "Temperance, I didn't come to Dad's funeral because I knew that he had cheated on Mom, and I despised him with a burning passion," Mikayla explained. "Could we talk alone?" [Jjs: Did you despise him before or after the cheating though?] [tvguy: NOW HE’S RIPPING OFF THE INTERNET WHAT THE HELL, 70S!!?!] "Sure," Temperance said, and Anna, Morgan, and Naomi left. "What is it?" "I'm the one who told Mom that Dad was cheating on her," Mikayla said. [Jjs: *cue OOOOOH from laugh track*] [Ex: BULLSHIT MMMGURL TANEESHA HOLD MY WEAVE I'M GOIN ALL OUT ON THIS BISH SHE A BUSTA] "What?" Temperance asked. "How did you know?" [Jjs: Because her character is so bland, that she needs a reason to be important.] "Well, I was at the mall, and while I was leaving I saw Dad making out with this woman," she said. "And then... they both got in his car, and drove somewhere. Probably to some crappy motel to have crazy unprotected sex and cheat on Mom." [Jjs: You followed them all the way there? Did you hitch hike in the back of their boat (car)?] [Hayden: Where did she get that it was unprotected from, perhaps it was very protected? I would think he would want to make sure nothing like you or Temperance ever came into the world again.] [Ex: I thought it was Jex.] [tvguy: you must be smart as shit, Mikayla, they should hire you as an analyst at the police department.] "Wow..." Temperance said. "That's not all," Mikayla said. "I told him he needed to tell Mom about it the next day when he got home from work. And he bribed me with a bunch of designer clothes and spa treatments." [Jjs: Damn, he’s good.] [Hayden: Clever bastard, her one and only weakness.] "That's why you were all glam for your whole senior year..." Temperance said. [Jjs: Thanks to the power of bribery.] [Ex: Wait, she LISTENED to him? What a bitch!] [tvguy: ...did she say glam? seriously why did none of us call bullshit on 70s supposedly being married to a woman?] "Yeah," Mikayla said. "Is that all?" Temperance asked. "No," Mikayla replied. "Towards the end of senior year, I saw him with a different girl at the movie theater. I chose to ignore it. I saw him with another girl at the park. I saw him with another girl at the dealership when I was getting my boatmobile repaired one time." [Jjs: He’s a playa. I wonder how many of them he got pregnant though.] [Hayden: Hopefully none, this town needs population control.] [Ex: Swiggity swag, what's in the bag?] [tvguy: you’re just stalkin everybody aren’t you] "Wow," Temperance said. "That son of a bitch." "Totally," Mikayla said. "So I told Mom, and she talked to Dad about it. They patched things up somewhat, but they were fighting on and off and on and off and on and off CONSTANTLY, then Dad died two months later. And after all that I had no desire to go to his funeral, so I just stayed at college and didn't waste my time with that bastard." [Jjs: I wonder if he died because one of the girls he had sex with gave him an STD.] [Hayden: It will be revealed Jordin gave him one on purpose in another crappy twist because Temperance's father was part of Astenias's crime syndicate.] [tvguy: that’s what hiv does to ya. and he was underwater, probably got a yeast infection] "I wish you guys would have told me," Temperance said. "We didn't want to worry you with it," Mikayla said. "Now come on. It's time to see Mom marry someone that won't cheat on her." "I sure hope he won't," Temperance said. [Jjs: I bet he will though, because it’d make this show more edgier than it already is.] [Ex: ...or WILL SHE!? *dun dun duuuuun*] [Hayden: "We didn't want you to worry with it" Translation: "We didn't want you to know because we didn't want to have to deal with your feelings."] ~~~ "I now present to you... Mr. and Mrs. Tristan Hogan! Watch the married couple dance together for the first time now...." [Ex: Tristan Hogan? What about Hulk. Where's the Hulkster when you need him?] ("True Colors" by Cyndi Lauper begins playing) [tvguy: i’m not listening to that] Tristan and Brenda kiss, then begin to dance. They invite everyone to join in if they want. [Ex: I don't want to dance, I want to kiss your wife.] [tvguy: i dont want to i’m gonna sit in the corner and eat barbecue chips] Trevor asks Naomi to dance. She accepts, and the two dance together. Naomi is amazed by how good Trevor is at dancing. [Jjs: He’s so good that they didn’t even describe it.] [Hayden: 70s really expanded upon Trevor's character with that line, now I totally give a crap whether or not Trevor dies, such a good dancer should live forever.] The two didn't dance that much the previous night at the Last Day of School Dance, after a couple of songs they just talked. [Jjs: So what, Trevor just magically became a new Michael Jackson with those dance moves?] Liam arrives about halfway through the song, and asks Morgan to dance. She accepts right away, but not before the two share a hot, passionate lip-lock. [Jjs: Does 70s have to go in deep detail every time someone kisses? “They pressed their lips gently against each other, and they had a hot, sexy, passionate lip-lock kiss."] [Hayden: Kissing is the foundation of every relationship, so that's where 70s makes sure the most detail goes, smart guy I tell ya.] [Ex: Wait, wasn't Liam outed as an asshole by this point? or have i just not been keeping up. If I haven't, oh boohoo. If I have, CONSISTENCY!] [tvguy: 70s is basically writing subtle porn for himself.] Jake and Jackie arrive, and see that everyone is dancing. They hug, and start to dance. Everyone looks at them and smiles. [tvguy: everyone’s smiling at them? i’d be creeped out.] [Jjs: Wait, shouldn’t Jackie still be at the hospital for time to rest?] [Hayden: She's just hardcore like that. Sure, I just squeezed a new life out into the world, but I'm ready to dance all night.] Anna stands there, alone, crying. [Jjs: Wah wah wah.] [tvguy: lol lindsay lohan’s PMSing all over the dance floor] [Ex: NO YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE, WHEN NOTHING FEELS ALLLLLRIGHT. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE, TO BEEEE MEEEEEEEEEEE] [Hayden: Why the hell did she go back to the wedding, she just killed someone?] Bryan and Temperance dance. [Jjs: Apparently their dance wasn’t even worthy of being further mentioned.] [tvguy: CLAPPY+JELLY] ("True Colors" ends) "Thank you, everyone! Now, watch the newlyweds as they go to the limo to travel to Vacation Bottom for their romantic honeymoon!" [Jjs: Wait...who said that? The ghost of Hesht (aka The Hit And Run Victim From Last Night)? Also, wow, Vacation Bottom, so original.] Everyone clapped. [Jjs: The people commentating this aren’t clapping.] [Ex: *Claps* I do what I want.] [tvguy: YO CLAPPY THAT’S YOU] Temperance felt confident that her mother would be happy in her marriage. She really hoped so. She deserved it. [Jjs: And then her story would be dropped in the next season, thus was a bitter end.] ~~~ The next day, Anna got out of bed and yawned. She spotted a small pocketknife on her nightstand. Trey had left it there months ago. She got it, and cut her fin. She screamed out with pain, and ran to the sink to carefully wash out all the blood. [Jjs: Oh man, cutting herself. Holy shit, this show is so cool at being edgy.] [Ex: Okay, so she cuts herself (do fins even have veins in the spongebob world?), and then washes it out carefully and yells about it? Yeahhhhh, I don't think that was a good idea, Anna. And wasn't in good taste either, Calvin Reynolds.] [Hayden: Why exactly did Trey leave a pocketknife on her nightstand? Was it an anniversary gift? And wasn't the cutting supposed to make her feel good, not make her scream out in pain?] This wouldn't work. Hurting herself wouldn't make her feel any better after killing that Hersht Gables guy. She needed to do something more than that. Much more. [Jjs: Will she swallow a million painkillers and end up in a two month coma?] ~~~ ("Forever Young" by Youth Group plays throughout the first season's final end montage) [Jjs: Oh boy...useless line and cheesy cliffhanger, here we come!] [Ex: OH MAN LET'S GO LET'S GO!] Brenda and Tristan arrive at Vacation Bottom, and are greeted by a man named Don. [tvguy: oh my god rigby’s cousin!?!] [Jjs: ...Don you say? First Leo jumps underwater, and now Donatello. I wonder when Mikey and Raphael will too. Maybe they’ll become a part of more love drama plots in Season 2...oh fuck, I hope I didn’t give 70s any ideas.] [Hayden: This Don guy must have massive significance.] Temperance hears Alex crying. She's in for a long two and a half weeks while her mother and step-father are gone. She rolls her eyes, but gets Alex. [tvguy: what a great person you are Temperance.] [Jjs: Alex is still confused on the two Temperances conversation from earlier. That’d hurt my head too.] [Hayden: So they're leaving their daughter alone with a baby for two weeks while they are out on a honeymoon? So much for only having to deal with Alex for the wedding day. So much for getting a high score with Bryan playing tonsil hockey.] Naomi talks on the phone with Trevor for hours, until Veera screams at her for being on the phone for too long. Naomi says, "Sorry, she's a total bitch." [Jjs: Yup, what a bitch, yelling at me for being on the phone too long. Also, I’ll take this as our useless line.] [Hayden: We needed a reminder that Veera existed, otherwise Naomi and Trevor would have no conflict for next season and they'd be a bland couple. Oh wait....] Jackie hears Charlea crying, and gets up. Morgan tells her she's done enough for one day, and she goes to get Charlea. Jackie thanks her, and goes back to sleep immediately. [Ex: Here, I'll help you be a good parent by doing important things for you. Just sleep. It's fine it's not like Charlea's important or anything.] [tvguy: she tells herself that? FULL OF HERSELF.] Bryan remembers the year he's had, and sighs. [Jjs: He could only sum it up in a sigh. I guess all the bitching and sobbing he did took away all of his words.] [tvguy: aww nostalgia imma cry ;(] [Hayden: For the main character he sure had such a great impact on this finale.] Astenias learns of Hersht's death. [Jjs: He learned it so well he couldn’t even say anything.] [Ex: ASTENIAS! That was his name!] [tvguy: apenisfsf? awstenia2? 2412034? i’m sorry i can’t spell that. who the hell is he and why does Clark Gable’s death concern him? when will Temperance’s mom get her idiot helmet back? when will Lindsay Lohan run over Wumbology, who is known for his late night strolls along the Canadian coast? find out all on the next season of Bikini To-- oh my fucking god there’s still another line left. lol.] Anna goes to the police, and tells them everything. They take her to a juvenile detention center. [tvguy: wait for what lol. she doesn’t even go to court?] [Hayden: Are you kidding me?! Didn't Henry Riviera and the police want Hersht Gables dead or alive? They should be giving Anna the key to the fucking city right now. Or did 70s just forget that the police were trying to catch the man who killed their beloved Chief of Police because he made Hersht into the good guy protecting Bryan. Screw this, I'm glad you're taking a break from Bikini Top, anymore of this and I might start losing IQ points. But anyways, it's been an honor to riff alongside you all and I bid you adieu until our next rifftastic voyage.] [Jjs: Thank you so much for bringing that up Hayden - just another plot hole to the beloved "#1 Spin-Off"...and like Clappy said, it's clear that number 1 wasn't for quality. As for this spin-off, oh boy, where do I begin. The plot holes are really fucking annoying, the focus is jumbled, the characters are all flat, dull and not likable, and it just doesn't need to be a spin-off...seriously, what is the point of the SpongeBob characters so far? It has no real idea if it wants to be underwater or not, which is a problem. The teenage drama I understand is sadly the genre of the show, but it falls flat a lot and feels really forced. This season finale was considered the show's "best episode", but I thought it was pretty damn dull, just like most of this season. Now, I will give 70s credit where it is due and can tell some sort of effort was put into it, which I can admire compared to some other works we'll riff later on, but I think the "effort" went into the wrong areas. Sadly, effort does not always equal something good. I definitely don't think it's worthy of being the #1 Spin-Off, and while I'll admit it's not as horrible I was making it out to be earlier on, this season was overall pretty goddamn boring and bad. Thanks for your aid, Ex, Hayden, and tvguy. I might bother with Season 2 just to see the lulzy vampire plot I keep hearing about. But until then...goodbye, “Number 1 Spin-Off”. Next victim: Squidward's Childhood, coming soon!] [Ex: Yeah yeah it was fun thanks for having me yadda yadda brb killing myself that was horrible and way too long.] --- [Jjs: But before we close, here's a lulzy epilogue for the audience.] Good, huh? I want reviews. Sorry, I do. Don't kill me for asking. I'm not sure when the Season 2 premiere will be up. Depends if the reviews for this one are positive. [tvguy: lindsay lohan’s gonna run you over. she’s gonna get Prudence, Martie, and Nick and make them meet the characters from Bikini Top, which will instantly burn their eyes. then she’s gonna get Sara. AND THEN SHE’S GONNA MAKE YOU HAVE ANOTHER THREESOME WITH GUYS FROM WORK THAT SARA IS FOR SOME REASON FINE WITH. see, even your fake story about your own life sucked ass.] [Ex: hehe, you said “ass”] [Hayden: Sarah was such a cool fake girlfriend, I wish she was my fake girlfriend and let me have threesomes with my employees. And you people seriously gave this good reviews? YOU ARE THE REASON A 2ND SEASON SPAWNED?!] [Jjs: *cough* 70s just got owned. Thanks again, guys!] 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steel Sponge Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 Back then, everybody said BikinI Top was good, and now everybody says Bikini Top sucks. Cruel irony if I might add, but that's just coming from me, who only read probably half of Bikini Top S1 and hasn't read much of the commentary yet. Bikini Top itself was pretty forgettable, in my views, except the characters, the cliches, and Dylan and Dragiiin with their character war back in 2010. I've read Killer Krab before, so I'd be able to shed some light here. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
box Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 So, 70s wants a review eh.. well, I'll give him a review... ================ Bikini Top.. IF You Can Say That =================== Rating: .. where is it ============================================================== The SpongeBob Community's so-called "hit", Bikini Top is a fanfiction created by that70sguy following the adventures of a bunch of teenagers with more hormones than actual people such as Bryan, Jake, Trey, Temperance, Anna, you name it. Taking place in the town of "Bikini Top" (must be a popular place for prepubescent boys), more-so the local Smoothie Shack, this place is more dark than you'd think. Stephanie Meyer had her mouth wide-open just reading the first letter of this shlock. Every sentence is "dark", "edgy" and it's sort of like the Citizen Kane of the Community. Not one second passes without drama, not one. That might've been good if the writing had actually been entertaining and cohesive, but it is not. For one, it is soooo not SpongeBob. Why is it SpongeBob? The only thing keeping it in the Sponge's universe is horrible fish-titles like "Fishbook" or "Fishpod". Characters that are brought up seem never to appear again, situations are just plain boring and sometimes don't make sense, and the jokes that come up are completely unintentional. The town we see could just've been easily been a normal piece of literature. You didn't need to tarnish the SpongeBob universe as well. Even the writing is such rubbish the descriptive text is just plain horrible and is moreso for a laugh than everything else. One episode brings up "blended fruit" as descriptiveness for a smoothie. I almost gave up there. I'd review the plot here, but from what I've read (season 1) there is none. You know what? This show doesn't even deserve a proper review. This excuse for a fanfiction is deplorable in every way possible, 70s does not even add any interesting plots, they're all basically the same drama plots we've seen before but instead of at least being handled well are complete junk. Congrats, 70s. May the plothole be with you. ================================================================================= Great riffs, jjs and the guests, most of the time, I was chuckling quite a lot. It's great everyone is finally judging this garbage for what it is and I'm considering sending the review above to gleeforums... Maybe even hosting the spinoff on fanfiction.net. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
So Sejima Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 NOT THE TURTLES! TAKE THE SMURFS INSTEAD! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 thanks for the chance to guest write, jjs.;D 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Metal Snake Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 I actually thought Dylan's commentary was too brutal. Most of the riffing was funny though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpongeOddFan Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 Well, there went BT's legacy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 I actually thought Dylan's commentary was too brutal. Most of the riffing was funny though. That's what I wanted to do. :3 my style was a bit different from everyone else's. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragiiin123 Posted June 29, 2013 Share Posted June 29, 2013 it's like we're all playing follow the leader lol bikini top was bad but not like that one porno sailor moon fanfiction bad 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elastic Dawg Posted June 29, 2013 Share Posted June 29, 2013 it's like we're all playing follow the leader lol bikini top was bad but not like that one porno sailor moon fanfiction bad You say "porno sailor moon fanfic" like it's a bad thing. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragiiin123 Posted June 29, 2013 Share Posted June 29, 2013 You say "porno sailor moon fanfic" like it's a bad thing. no this one was like literally bad, like can't get off to it or anything 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elastic Dawg Posted June 29, 2013 Share Posted June 29, 2013 no this one was like literally bad, like can't get off to it or anything Bikini Top or Sailor Uranus? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Jjs Goodman Posted June 30, 2013 Author Popular Post Share Posted June 30, 2013 I know I said the next victim was "The Killer Krab", but I changed my mind. Instead I'll be doing Squidward's Childhood next. Here's the first episode, with Metal Snake and CDCB! 1. Pilot Spoiler [Jjs: Alright folks, after those 20 mind-numbing episodes of Bikini Top, I'm getting away from that show for a while. In the meantime, our next victim is the infamous Squidward's Childhood, by NathanJR94! Is it still as hilariously bad as before? Or does it somehow manage to out-worse Bikini Top? Find out on JRT3000, with guests Metal Snake and CDCB!] This is my show about the childhood of squidward tentacles prior to the events of spongebob. [Jjs: Holy shit, I thought a show called "Squidward's CHILDHOOD" would be about his adulthood! Thanks for the extra clarification, Nate.] [Metal Snake: Squidward was a child before the events of SpongeBob? And all this time I thought the reason he despised SpongeBob was because SpongeBob was a bad babysitter.] [CDCB: Guys, guys, guys… It’s a handbook for pumpkin farmers.] Season 1, episode 1: Pilot Synopsis: It begins with squidward getting up for school. He wakes up his brother, rick, with his normal wake-up call. [Jjs: Apparently Squidward and Rick couldn't even be capitalized.] Pouring goo on him. [Jjs: Where does he get the goo from? Does he just magically pull goo out of his ass each morning? I also like how it had to be its own separate sentence...I might need to call the Grammar Police on this show. *gets phone ready*] [Metal Snake: Well so far in this spin-off, we have names used as improper nouns, a sentence fragment, and a possible reference to masturbation. This is gonna be fun.] [CDCB: I love Nathan’s disregard on punctuation and complete sentences. Only a true genius could devise something so clever.] It then cuts to bikini bottom elementary school. [CDCB: The “goo” cuts to Bikini Bottom Elementary School? Must be some powerful stuff…] [Jjs: Fragments.] [Metal Snake: It then cuts? Was the spin-off desperate to greet us to another proper noun written in lowercase?] Squidward is in first grade. [CDCB: So is the guy who wrote this.] [Jjs: Fragments.] Hes the loner of the class. [CDCB: And Nathan’s the loner of his English class.] [Jjs: Fragments. So fun.] [Metal Snake: Ooh, I smell elementary school drama. Again, this is gonna be fun.] His teacher, mrs. fishington, assigns a project. [Jjs: Mrs. Fishington? That's about as creative as Principal Fish.] [Metal Snake: *sigh* What is with no one wanting to be imaginative with fish name puns? I wouldn't be amused if I found out anthropomorphic animals wrote stories about humans called Mr. Humanningman.] The students are gonna partner together to make a comic strip. The winner wins one dollar. [Jjs: One dollar for winning a school project? Man, I wish more school projects were like that.] [Metal Snake: One dollar? They're gonna bust their butts for a dollar? What, does this take place in the universe of Ed, Edd, n Eddy where 25 cents is a lot of money to a kid?] [CDCB: I should enter this contest. Maybe I can buy Nathan some talent with the prize money.] Squidwards hopes are high he will get partnered with his crush. [Jjs: Squidwards? Since when was there more than one Squidward in this show? Don't you dare pull a Bikini Top Ass Pull on us...] [Metal Snake: Does she like eating lunch by the dumpster too?] The class brain, farrah. [Jjs: Yay, more out of nowhere characters.] [Metal Snake: Hey, it's Farrah's undersea self, Farrah FAUCET! ...Get it...because they're under the sea which has water...and water comes from a faucet...*gets forty lashes* Okay, I'm not good with puns either, I'm a hypocrite!] [CDCB: Writing this spin-off isn’t Farrah to humanity… yeah, mine isn’t any better.] But, shes assigned with another smart kid, [Jjs: This "smart kid" couldn't even be named? Blasphemy!] [Metal Snake: His name's not really important. All he did after school was go on to win the Nobel Prize.] [CDCB: At least he has the talent Nathan will never have.] and squidward, unfortunately, is partnered with the class idiot, patrick. [Jjs: I like how Patrick is suddenly in first grade out of nowhere, just for plot's sake.] [Metal Snake: Wait a second, it was implied in "Jellyfishing" that Squidward hardly knew Patrick, how could they go back as far as grade school? Did Patrick mess with one of Sandy's inventions that altered the space-time continuum?] Then, at squidwards house after school, squidward is sitting there with a pencil and paper, brainstorming ideas. while patrick is sitting there drooling. [Jjs: This is a piece of art. It needs more Malcolm in the Middle role play though.] [Metal Snake: This is a beautiful representation of the inspiration Nathan had in writing this show. Absolutely nothing.] [CDCB: Why did Squidward even invite Patrick over if he considers him the class idiot?] Just when all hope seems lost, patrick gets an idea. [CDCB: “and then patrick vigerusly stuffed it into an envelope which smelled like boogers.”] [Jjs: Is it inflatable pants?] [Metal Snake: Then he forgot it.] A comic about a mentally retar*** starfish. [Jjs: That's the best idea since sliced bread!] [Metal Snake: A story about a self-insert? That's a brilliant idea! Writers everywhere are feeling stupid for not thinking of it first!] [CDCB: Making yourself a character doesn’t improve the spin-off, Nathan.] Squidward doesnt think that will work, but patrick jumps to it anyway. [Jjs: Is he having a sugar rush?] But, patrick is a TERRIBLE speller. He makes many errors, and squidward looks at it, and doesnt laugh at all. [Jjs: Oh, the irony. *calls the Grammar Police*] [Metal Snake: If irony were made of milk, we would all be wondering what to do about the world being overpopulated with cows.] [CDCB: I’m sure Squid would laugh if he understood the irony in all this.] Squidward shows it to his mom, but his mom bursts laughing. [CDCB: So he just takes the comic from Patrick… how sweet!] [Metal Snake: R.I.P. squidward's mom (Squidward's Mom?). Killed by son's shitty comic.] Squidward is puzzled at how it could be funny. At the dinner table later that night, squidward reads the comic strip, and the whole family laughs. Rick almost chokes. [Jjs: Apparently a comic about a mentally challenged starfish is comedy gold in their household. It's so funny it nearly made his brother choke to death.] [Metal Snake: Sorry tombstone carver, we don't have more work for you after all.] Squidwards hopes of winning seem to be getting higher and higher, as many more people laugh to it. [Jjs: "Squidwards hopes of winning"? More Squidwards again? Did Squidward invent a cloning device off-screen?] [Metal Snake: They laugh to it? Is it so unfunny that they have to make it feel better?] [CDCB: Plagiarism gets you nowhere, Squiddy.] At school the next day, squidward reads his comic strip to the class, and just as he predicted, he won. [CDCB: HIS comic?? But… how… what?!?] [Jjs: Man, that comic must be a gift from God.] [Metal Snake: *Teacher yawns* I'll just say you won so that I can end this stupid contest.] Not just the money, but the heart of farrah. [Jjs: So he won one dollar and a bland love interest? I don't know whether I find this "So Bad, It's Good" or worse than Bikini Top.] [Metal Snake: Awright, I got the money and the chick. Time to kick ass and chew bubblegum.] It ends with him doing a victory dance, [CDCB: Farrah’s heart ends and Squidward does a victory dance. What a morbid 1st grader.] then it rolls to the credits. [Jjs: I feel bad for the people hired to voice and write this. Overall, I don't know whether to laugh or cry. It's bordering the territory of "So Bad, It's Good" though, I'll give it that. Let's see if it can reach that territory in the next episode, which is also the last episode ever posted. See you next time, crew!] [Metal Snake: Hey, me and mah girl were going to ride our motorbike out of the closing screen asshole. Hope you realize what's good for you by next episode. See you later jjs, thanks for letting me riff!] [CDCB: Thanks for letting me riff too, jjs. This was honestly worse than I remembered. Here’s to (not) awaiting the next episode!] 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Posted June 30, 2013 Share Posted June 30, 2013 Aww, I was looking forward to Killer Krab, but you guys actually did a good job. I wasn't expecting that lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wumbo Posted June 30, 2013 Share Posted June 30, 2013 Wtf, The Killer Krab is the greatest thing ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jjs Goodman Posted June 30, 2013 Author Share Posted June 30, 2013 Wtf, The Killer Krab is the greatest thing ever. OMJ wanted me to riff it for the lulz. I tried, but it was hard for me to riff, so I just skipped to SC instead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragiiin123 Posted June 30, 2013 Share Posted June 30, 2013 the first episode was like avant garde poetry 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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