Jjs' Riffing Theater 3000

[Metal Snake]

Aww, I was looking forward to Killer Krab, but you guys actually did a good job. I wasn't expecting that lol

 

Thanks, and especially give credit to jjs and CDCB. I got most of my ideas for what to say from jjs' comments.

[So Sejima]

still better than BT

[Jjs Goodman]

Time to finish up this bad boy. Short run, I know, but maybe that's for the best.

 

Squidward's Childhood:

1. Pilot

 

2. House Fire

Spoiler

 

[Jjs: Welcome folks, to the next and last episode of the lulzfest that is Squidward's Childhood, featuring CDCB, Metal Snake, Maxwell, and Hayden!]
[Hayden: Happy to be here for no other reason than goodwill. I still get the 1000 doubloons, right?]

[Max: Thanks for having me. I can't wait to review this dump! Actually, I can.]

 

S1E2: House fire

Plot: Squidward and rick are playing around one night.

 

[Max: What a riveting opening.]

[Jjs: Are they playing babble like an idiot?]

[Hayden: Fooling around sounds better, even if it sounds dirty.]

[CDCB: *snickers* Playing around...]

[Metal Snake: With their favorite toys in their pants.]

 

They are making bets. Squidward bets rick $100 he can set a fart on fire.

 

[CDCB: Ah, one of the most infamous lines in spin-off history. Good times...]

[Jjs: Setting a fart on fire? Underwater? And this was the show that got "9.8 million viewers" (as Nathan said in the news topic)? Lulz.]

[Hayden: So Squidward has 100 dollars to bet but strives to get a dollar from a comic strip contest.]

[Metal Snake: Wow, these are the kind of kids who could actually learn something from South Park.]

[Max: Ladies and gentlemen, the grouchiest marine animal in the world, passing gas!]

 

Rick says "You`re on, noseboy!".

 

[Max: And who are you calling big nose, big nose?]

[Jjs: Noseboy? This show is hitting the money with its jokes.]

[CDCB: Rick doesn't even bother to capitalize his insults. He must not be serious.]

[Hayden: Brotherly love showcased through unoriginal insults.]

[Metal Snake: You dang nosy boys! Back in my day, we used friendlier insults like "dork" and "chickenwuss"!]

 

So, squidward successfully does it for half a second, but it sets a table on fire.

 

[Jjs: Half a second? Isn't that physically impossible?]

[Hayden: Rick gets 100 dollars since half a second is hardly observable.]

[CDCB:

Fireman: Firemen here! How did this happen!?
Squidward: Uh... I farted mr. flamey man.]

[Metal Snake: Squidward must be some kind of magician! Too bad he can only bend time and not the elements of nature.]

 

Squidwards mom comes down to see whats going on, and sees the fire as squidward and rick try to put it out.

 

[Jjs: Shouldn't it already have gone out? This is an underwater world (yes, I know SB does it sometimes too, but at least it's done comically and/or they acknowledge it). I wonder if the writers of this show were the same ones from Bikini Top.]

[Hayden: Nathan logic against 70s logic, which is worse?]

[CDCB: She "sees the fire" but doesn't freak out when she sees her children right next to it? What a mother.]

[Max: How did the table catch on fire after half a second? That's not easy to do.]

[Metal Snake: Why is she not surprised or concerned by this sight? "Oh, you kids and your crazy games that can get you and others hurt or killed!"]

 

She puts it out, and squidward and rick run to the bathroom.

 

[Jjs: How did she put it out? It should have gone out underwater already. Just another lulzy flaw in the show that got "9.8 million viewers".]

[CDCB: She put it out by farting on a block of ice.]

[Max: So the "house fire" was a table that caught on fire after half a second? Talk about plot change.]

[Hayden: I'm glad we got details as to how the situation resolved itself, and what, do Rick and Squidward need to go number 2 really badly or something?]

[Metal Snake: Man, the storytelling in this spin-off sucks, where are the descriptions? Why did Squidward and Rick flee to the bathroom? Was the way she put out the fire terrifying to them or something? Please, *Ron DeLite scream* ELABORATE!]

 

They lock the door. Squidwards mom, who is p***ed, tries to wait them out.

 

[Jjs: Doesn't she have a lock picker or something?]

[Hayden: Where's father Tentacles to bust that door down like a man?]

[CDCB: You're a cartoon character. Crash through the door, you m**on!]

[Metal Snake: I'll wait all fre***ng night if I have to!]

[Max: Haha, get it? She's p***ed, and people p*** in bathrooms! Geddit?]

 

On hour 3,

 

[CDCB: "rick bets squidward he can make a burp explode. Squidward burps and blows up the whole house and they go to fishy heaven."]

[Jjs: 3 hours in the bathroom? Are Squidward and Rick playing monopoly in there or what?]

[Hayden: I love how we skip directly to 3 hours later, ah time skips never get old. Oh wait, they do.]

[Max: What the heck were they doing for 3 hours? Taking dumps?]

[Metal Snake: Captain's log. Three hours locked in the restroom. Starting to get hungry. So is my brother. Worried if he plans on procuring food through...dubious methods.]

 

their mom wants tries to trick them into coming out with a chcolate bar.

 

[CDCB: I wants tries to make it through the rest of this abomination.]

[Jjs: A "chcolate bar"? Man, Hershey is getting hardcore, just by removing an o from chocolate!]

[Hayden: That's the best she can come up with after 3 hours?]

[Metal Snake: Partner would sacrifice everything just for a snack. Even more worried now.]

[Max: Did you say CHOCOLATE?]

 

Rick cant help himself, but squidward tries to keep him from giving up.

 

[Jjs: "Must...resist...eating...chcolate bar!"]

[Hayden: How do they think this will end? That if they stay in there long enough they'll never have to face their mother again?]

[Max: Guys, I think we're getting some character development here.]

[CDCB:

Don't stop, never give up!
Hold your head high and reach the top!] 

[Metal Snake: Hour by hour, sitting in the shower! Door's not opening! Until another round begins!]

 

On hour 5, their mom is STILL there.

 

[CDCB: Eww, pedophile.]

[Jjs: Does she not have a job?]

[Hayden: This mom sure has a life.]

[Metal Snake: Does this woman have the patience of an ascetic monk or does she get her sick kicks from imagining what her kids do in the bathroom?]

[Max: Yeah! Waiting outside a door for 5 hours! It's like going to Disneyland without the rides, scenery, merchandise, and that creepy mouse suit guy!]

 

She tries to get them out by saying she ordered chinese takeout.

 

[Jjs: Chinese food underwater? I'm not even going to explain on how many flaws that details...]

[Hayden: You already bribed them with food, try something else you unoriginal bitch. Does Rick take after you or what?]

 

Rick and squidward are shown with their ears plugged.

 

[Metal Snake: Don't listen to the deception within the Chinese proverbs!]

 

On hour 8, they are asleep.

 

[Jjs: TIME OUT! This story is filled with ridiculousness. Hiding in a bathroom for 8 hours because you set a fart on fire and it burned a table? A fire underwater? The mom having no job and can't even use a lock picker? I wonder if Nathan was on something when he wrote this, even higher than what 70s was on.]

[Hayden: I wonder who Nathan's dealer was, he sure got his money's worth.]

[CDCB: And since when have octopuses had ears to plug?]

[Metal Snake: I agree with jjs, this scenario has gone from laughably stupid to laugh-out-loud-ably stupid. If I were Squidward's Mom, I'd just raise up some money to repair/replace the table and forget about the whole thing. And when I was a kid, I'd rather endure punishment than the torture of waiting any day.]

 

Rick wakes up, and sees that its really quiet.

 

[Hayden: Oh good, maybe she went off to find a practical way to get them out.]

[Jjs: Nobody else is there? Not even their father? Speaking of which, I like how Squidward's father hasn't even been mentioned in either episode. Did he pass away? Is he still at work? Ah, just more plot holes in the show that got "9.8 million viewers!"]

[Max: I know there's a book where Squidward's dad is alive and well, and it looks like they got along well in that book. Thank goodness Nathan did the research! Add that to the fact the mom is named MRS. Tentacles!]

[CDCB: His dad probably left his wife to get away from the crappiness of this show.]

[Metal Snake: Huh, guess the monsters under my bed and in the dark weren't in the mood for making a stir tonight.]

 

He looks down the underway of the door, and notices hs mom is gone.

 

[Jjs: H(i)s mom? Shouldn't it be their mom?]

[Hayden: Squidward is adopted.]

[Max: no, it's hs mom! What does hs even mean?]

[Metal Snake: What does hs stand for? "His sexy"?]

 

He wakes up squidward, and they head out. As rick goes to his room, his mom jumps out of the closet.

 

[Jjs: What the hell? Does this mom have nothing better to do?]

[Hayden: What the fuck is wrong with this woman?]

[Max: What a life.]

[CDCB: Get a life, lady!]

[Metal Snake: HERE'S MOMMY!!! Seriously, is this woman some kind of a monster?]

 

She chases rick and squidward back into the bathroom.

 

[Jjs: ...If she chased them into the bathroom, isn't she technically in there with them?]

[CDCB: Now I'm scared.]

[Max: What a climax.]

[Hayden: Rather than intelligently and calmly persuade them, or just grab them, she instead scares the living daylights out of them and makes the situation continue.]

[Metal Snake: INFINITE LOOP WARNING!]

 

On hour 12, rick notices a passageway through the heating duct.

 

[Max: Twelve hours to find a heating duct. Smart.]

[Jjs: Wow, and they didn't even think of doing that before! ASS PULL POLICE!]

[CDCB: Won't Mrs. Tentacles see them?]

[Hayden: What? It's big enough to fit through? Where would they expect to go, to another room in their house?]

[Metal Snake: INFINITE LOOP AVERTED BY UNLIKELY HERO...bad writing. Seriously, that's the FIRST method of escape anyone would attempt if they were trapped in a bathroom and needed to leave undetected, not the last!]

 

He gets it off, and they climb through it. They look down, and see mrs. tentacles making breakfast.

 

[Jjs: Breakfast already? Were they in the bathroom the whole night?]

[CDCB: And how did Mrs. Tentacles get out anyway?]

[Hayden: I thought Mrs. Tentacles was too busy stalking the outside of the bathroom to do anything else.]

[Metal Snake: Bored out of my mind...no sleep...I must feed...]

 

Rick cant take it anymore, but the duct falls open, and rick and squidward fall out. They run back to the bathroom,

 

[Max: Jeez, do they have diarrhea? They must love the throne.]

[Jjs: Seriously, are they pussies or what? Just face up already.]

[Hayden: I'm sure that didn't seriously injure them or anything.]

[CDCB:  ]

 

 

but are stopped by Mrs. Tentacles.

 

[Metal Snake: INFINITE LOOP AVERTED BY ANOTHER UNLIKELY HERO...a poorly structured character.]

[Max: Oh no. Mrs. Tentacles is written with perfect grammar. The world is ending.]

 

She says its okay. She learned in the 12 hours they were in there, that they dont know any better.

 

[Jjs: "Hey kids, it's okay to lock yourself in the bathroom for 12 hours because you set a fart on fire and burned a table, you just didn't know any better!" What a wonderful moral. Tell your kids.]

[CDCB: Even if that moral made sense, I doubt it would take 12 hours to come to such a "realization" but who am I to argue with this bile?]

[Hayden: I demand you punish the little shits. It'd be the first intelligent thing you've done.]

[Metal Snake: You tasteless morsels aren't worth it...I've found a better source of food...BREAKFAST! MWA HA HA HA HA!]

 

She lets them off the hook, but says "If you ever do it again, Ill kick yor a**es".

 

[Jjs: ...Isn't that child abuse?]

[Max: Make fun of her, and she'll kick your a** you bit***s. What a kind mother.]

[Metal Snake: I'll go Chuck Norris on you little fools! And yes, I'll take the time in the slammer...*cracks knuckles and licks lips*]

[Hayden: Is this Nathan's mom expressed through Mrs. Tentacles?]

[CDCB:  ]

 

Squidward and rick agree, then eat breakfast.

 

[Jjs: Haha, what the fuck. After a very child abuse-esque threat, they just decide to eat breakfast? This spin-off is bad...hilariously bad, that is. As horrible as it is, it is at least "So Bad, It's Good" in a way. But before we conclude this lulzfest, here's a cancellation message from Nathan himself.]

[CDCB: Agreed, jjs. I actually enjoyed this... but only because it was so bad. Let's see if his cancellation message is any better.]

[Metal Snake: Yeah, heh heh...We better enjoy this meal to the fullest because I hear the food they serve in hospitals isn't exactly great...]

 

--

 

Attention. "Squidward schildhood" is officially getting cancelled.

 

[Jjs: Wait, how does this apply to Squidward's Childhood? Squidward Schildhood is a different show to my knowledge, except remove an apostrophe.]

[Hayden: I expected 3 seasons and a movie.]

[CDCB: Is Squidward Schildhood like the German dub or something?]

[Max: Think of the schildren. They've been cancelled.]

[Metal Snake: Two and a half years later, and you still don't have a sympathizing fanbase.  ]

 

Were throwing it off the air. The show was bad in the ratings, so Ive given up.

 

[Jjs: But you said the premiere had 9.8 million viewers!]

[CDCB: But who's to say he was telling the truth about it?]

[Hayden: Maybe it dropped to negative 9.8 million viewers in the 2nd episode.]

[Max: Don't worry. Nathan and his imaginary film crew "were" throwing it off in the first place.]

[Metal Snake: I can't believe how badly you got knocked out in the ratings after that amazing start! Wait, hold on...]

 

The crew is giving us our money back, and we are gonna produce a more mature show called "back in the navy". So, this show is going off the air. Its done! Its history.

 

[Jjs: And not a single fuck was given that day.]

[Max: Ooh! Is that "mr krabs adulthood" I hear? Sounds edgy. Thanks for having me, now I need to smack myself until I forget this existed.]

[CDCB: What, are you going to light the "crew's" money on fire too? Good riddance to this trash.]

[Hayden: Back in the Navy sure sounds mature and hardcore, can we riff that too? Anyways, this is Hayden signing off, good night and big balls. Oh wait, wrong outro.]

[Metal Snake: The show never got made because I spent the budget on making sure this show got a place in the history books. Well, thanks again jjs, and goodbye Nathan's spin-off. Not gonna miss you too much after you forgot Squidward's closing scene again...baby.]

 

 

Next victim:

Spoiler

SOF's Exciting Critic Corner

[Metal Snake]

Even funnier than the last one, and I can't wait to see the riff for SOF's Exciting Critic Corner. I remember when we riffed that in the Xat together, good times. XD

[Macseed]

Yay, an MST on an MST! This'll be good.

[Wumbo]

Riff Coral Drive if you like.

 

(Also don't mean to be needy but I've been itching for another riff)

[SpongeOddFan]

great riff, guys.

[So Sejima]

l'll be up for riffing the critic corner

[ClassicNickelodeon Fan 1]

lol Squidward's Childhood was a lulz fest. Awesome riff guys, I'll have to get in for riffing Critic Corner xD

[dragiiin123]

it was basically Malcome in the Middle

[Steel Sponge]

Really good riff. CDCB had me laughing most of the time. I also can't wait for the riffing of SECC.

[Jjs Goodman]

Time to start SOF's Exciting Critic Corner.

 

1. SBC Parallel Universe

 

Spoiler

[Jjs: Well everyone, the next victim is the proclaimed deadly, vile, infamous, horrifying, dreaded, feared, and considered the worst Literature ever....SOF's Exciting Critic Corner. Today for the first episode of this 13 episode ride, we have the man of steel himself, Steel, and the creator himself, SOF. Just for the record SOF, please don't take my riffs at the past version of you too seriously. Now then, is this show as horrible as remembered? Will SOF be brave enough to tear his past self apart? Let's find out...]

[Steel: Hello everyone, Steel Sponge is here to riff this episode of SECC today. Yeah, let's see how this infamous lit can perform, the way I remember it.]

[SOF: I'll be happy to tear my old self apart.  But yeah, let's get started.]

 

SOF: Hello folks, and welcome to the first ep of SECC! First things first, let's talk about what SECC is?

 

[Jjs: I don't know, it's not like the name of the series tells us.]

 

Well, I got the idea from Steel's review show “Woahwoah Reviews”.

 

[Jjs: Ah yes, that show existed.]

[Steel: Oh yes, Woahwoah Reviews, back when members like him were still relevant.]

[SOF: Oh hey, Critic SOF stole the idea from Steel.]

 

I thought it was funny and good, so it gave me an idea to make my own series itself but this is my own version of Nostalgia Critic.

 

[Jjs: Apparently a show being "funny" and "good" are two variables in making your own show. Also, the Nostalgia Critic is calling his lawyers as we speak.]

[SOF: NC should deal with Critic SOF, eh?]

 

Now don't get offended if I review your show, and I make some rude comment about it.

 

[Jjs: "Fuck you asshole, you dare make one snide comment about my show?!"]

[Steel: And you might as well not get offended if my riffs happen to suck.]

[SOF: "I'm ripping off Woahwoah Reviews."]

 

I am not making fun of your SO or Fanfic, I'm just acting like NC would.

 

[Jjs: "Excuse me if I am a douche, I'm just acting like Nostalgia Critic would."]

[steel: "Hello, I'm the Nostalgia SOF, I remember it so you don't have to."]

[SOF: "Fanfic"? It's Literature, damnit.]

 

Please don't take it too seriously commenting like “OMG!!!111 HOW DARE YOU MAKE FUN OF MY SHOW”.

 

[Jjs: "OMG!!!111 HOW DARE YOU MAKE FUN OF MY SHOW"]

[Steel: MAKING FUN OF PEEPOLEs GRAMMER IS SO MUCH FUNN!!111A]

 

Again, don't take it too seriously, just laugh at yourself, and be proud of it.

 

[SOF: Okay Critic SOF, we get it.]

[Jjs: "Oh hey, my shows are being torn to shreds by some Canadian dude, and I should just laugh at myself and be proud if they are shitty!"]

 

Now, what am I going to review today? Oh yeah, SBCPU.

 

[Jjs: Oh hey, that's one of my Lits. Thanks SOF...oh wait, I'm not sure if I should be excited or scared.]

[SOF: Neither, jjs. You should be happy that we're riffing.]

[Steel: Quite surprised Bikini Top didn't go first, but I bet the Spin-Off Lorax today would hate it now if the past SOF used to like it.]

 

SOF: The show has great storyline, good dialogue, very good setting, and funny humor.

 

[Jjs: Wait, how do you know what the setting is? Unless I somehow magically drew a concept of what SBCPU's areas looked like, I showed only SOF, and then he somehow wiped my memory, I don't know how he'd know such details.]

[SOF: I like to draw.]

[Steel: And that's the review. Show dismissed, bring out the dancing lobsters.

]

 

I loved to see the opposite versions of SBC users. Now let’s get started folks!

 

[Jjs: Slow down, SOF. I don't think we're ready.]

[SOF: Yes we are, we're just reading and waiting.]

SOF *narrating*: So the fanfic started with WB and his gang discussing the plan to spam up SBC but eventually got sucked into the portal. I loved how the plot went well, the humor was good, and I actually liked how WB acted with his gang. *laughs*

 

[Jjs *narrating*: So I'm going to skip a good quarter of details for episode 1, and just sum it up in one sentence. *laughs*]

[Steel: When we first left off our SO/Lit riffing heroes, they seem to be stuck in the middle of nothing but a wall of descriptive criticism.]

(The clip from episode 1 is shown)

 

"Will sharky poo ever get a clue?" said Clappy. "Hey, that rhymed."

 

SOF: I don't know to say but who knows what fucked up stuff will happen next?

 

[Jjs: Yeah, what fucking fucked up stuff will fucking happen next, fucking Critic SOF?]

[Steel: Definitely not the best choice for a clip...]

 

SOF *narrating*: Actually, the entire site turned into a black background and there is a strange portal...

 

[Jjs: Critic SOF, stop with the *narrating* tags already. I'm pretty sure we can figure out what you are doing.]

 

SOF: Wonder what that is?

 

[Jjs: It's a free Mosta.]

[Steel: Must be Chell joining the fun.]

[SOF: "There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call the Twilight Zone."]

"I see other users in there!" he exclaimed. -From ep 1 of SBCPU.

 

[Jjs: I'm pretty sure we all knew it was from episode 1. This show is questioning my intelligence.]

SOF *narrating*: So apparently, all of the SBCers got sucked into the portal in later eps to find themselves that they're stuck in a opposite world.

 

[Jjs: I thought this was a "Critic Corner", not a "Summarizing Corner".]

[SOF: Welcome to "SOF's Summarizing Corner".]

[Steel: Speaking of stuck, I'm practically "stuck" reading through this summary.]

(The clip from Episode 8 is shown)

 

[Jjs: We skip 6 episodes of importance? Okay then.]

[SOF: That was fast.]

Just then, it started to rain.

 

[Steel: RAIN! The most important factor of moving on to the review, of all important scenes!...I'm overreacting, aren't I?]

"Aw crap," said Drag. ~From ep 8 Whale Tales.

 

[Steel: "Oh SMACK ME!"]

[Jjs: I'm pretty sure we all knew it was from episode 8. This show is questioning my intelligence....huh, deja vu. Also, what did this clip have to do with anything?]

 

SOF *narrating*: So we come to ep 9 where we meet 70s’ opposite and his wife opposite as well, as they went to 80s' house to discuss what happened and then we cut to ep 10.

 

[Jjs: Wait, what? What's going on!? Why are they going to 80s' house? How about explaining what's going on, Mr. Critic? Seriously, if I was a new member who had never read SBC Parallel Universe before, I would honestly have no idea what the hell Critic SOF is talking about right now.]

[Steel: Too bad Sara wasn't real. I wonder how 80s feels about Bikini Top....or Bikini Bottom...Bikini Midsection? Screw it.]

 

SOF *narrating*: Hassan and the others look for the gold to get home inside of a cave but it appears some user who looks like a leprechaun lives there.

SOF: Makes sense to me.

 

[Jjs: Wow, a triple post. I guess they were too much for Critic SOF to put in one line. Wumbology is getting the spanker as we speak.]

[Steel: Ay, I'd be the leprechaun. Give me gold or I'll give your show a bad review!]

(The clip from Episode 10 is shown)

"Ye thieves fell for me trap!" he said.

"What the?" said Steel.

"I despise spam, but I use it to fool dopes like you!" he said. ~From ep 10.

SOF *narrating*: I guess that's Drag’s opposite. So anyways it appears they got pranked, leaving WB alone to call someone in ep 11, which we see is Captain52/NF as he is being sucked into opposite world.

 

[Jjs: *falls asleep due to lack of actual reviewing*]

[Steel: What? CDCB's fictional death wasn't important enough to summarize?]

 

So WB explained to him what happened, and they go to SBC to hack it in ep 17...again? So wait, are doing it all over it again? I guess we find out in ep 17 as they invade the site, renamed to UTC (United Trolls Community) until OMJ saves the day.

 

[Jjs: *zzzzzz*]

[Steel: So bored...can't focus.]

 

Luckily, he had plans to hack into their XAT. OMJ pretended to be registered user, and he hacked his way into becoming a Main Owner. Due to his hacking, WB & NF end up fighting with each other, and OMJ defeats them by calling the forumotion police, when suddenly at end of this ep...

 

[Jjs: *wakes up* Oh sorry, is anything happening? I fell asleep due to the constant summarizing. Sorry SOF, but if I wanted a recap on SBCPU, I would have just re-read the show.]

(The clip from Episode 17 is shown)

 

[Jjs: So Critic SOF skipped 6 episodes. Lovely.]

[Steel: On the bright side, we only have 9 episodes left, but I fear that I'm gonna run out of good jokes.]

[SOF: Looks like Critic SOF sure reviewed the "ENTIRE Season", eh?]

"Well, the forum is back to normal." OMJ said. "But hey...what is this?" he asks as he finds an odd silver watch on the ground.

"Hey FailBlubber, is this your watch?" asked OMJ.

 

[Steel: Ah, back when WhaleBlubber had it hard too.]

"What the shit? How did you get that? I did steal it from the cave before we were teleported away. I thought it looked kinda cool, so I took it. But I guess you can have it now.." Blubber said.

"So...whose is it?" asked OMJ.

"No idea," replied Blubber as he and the others were taken away in the forumotion vans.

OMJ then looked at the watch in wonder. ~End of ep 17.

 

[Jjs: I'm starting to wonder if I should riff the actual episodes being shown or continue riffing SOF's commentary, since it's just constant summarizing of the show in general.]

[Steel: Is this a review or some biography? Can this end anytime now?]

SOF *narrating*: So we come to ep 19 as this chapter focuses on jjs and Hassan who look for the last gem somewhere on the beach. You know this happens to be one of best epic battles I've ever seen read it (or imagine you are watching a Star Wars fight). *chuckles*

 

[Jjs: Wait. "I've ever seen read it"? So you saw and read the fight at the same time? Man, Critic SOF's good.]

[Steel: I'd totally imagine reading through this with some Anakin vs. Obi-Wan Kenobi. If only.]

(The clip is shown with Hassan and Massan fighting from Episode 19)

SOF: Now get this, you're about to see a shocking reveal near the end of this ep.

 

[Jjs: Is the reveal that Critic SOF is secretly the Nostalgia Critic's summarizing brother?]

[SOF: No, it's Christ.]

[Steel: IT WAS ALL A DREAM! Wait, wrong catch.]

(The clip is shown with thesuitelife44 from Episode 19)

 

[Jjs: You kind of just revealed what it was...]

"Well, well, well....old Massan got sunken, sadly," Massan's boss said.

He turned off the screens and sighed.

"But....he was a much better friend than 70s WAS TO ME!" said Massan's boss as he turned around his chair to reveal the face of thesuitelife44.~From end of ep 19.

 

[Jjs: Damnit Critic SOF, I thought you were the Summarizing Critic.]

[SOF: Damnit, I thought it was Christ!]

[Steel: thesuitelife44: So much ham.]

SOF: Got to admit, this ep is epic. I loved the battle with those two and the end sorta reminds me of SDMI (beware the spoiler).

 

[steel: Darn it spoiler, always being stuck in my self-conscious mind!]

[Jjs: We kind of can't beware the spoiler if you just said it not even less than a line above.]

 

I also realized that throughout the fanfic, it keeps changing its category from Comedy/Adventure to Action/Adventure, despite the fact the fanfic suddenly dropped the “Comedy” category from it. So it is most likely the creator must've changed the genre somehow to fit with the future episodes.

 

[Jjs: What does this actually have to do with the current episode? I think Critic SOF is grasping the straws at this point for material.]

[Steel: And perhaps unlike this review-show lit, it doesn't really change with its summarizing style.]

 

Moving onto the next ep as we get to yet another flashback ep, only this time it's thesuitelife44's story on how he found the opposite world.

SOF *narrating*: So it happens one night in Oct,

 

[SOF: Oct? What's Oct? Does it stand for Doctor Octopus? Does it stand for October? This is why abbreviations can be lazy.]

 

thesuitelife44 got into a fight with 70s. He disappears various times, but he returned in July 2010 and got promoted to mod on SBC (temporarily) but he mysteriously vanished. However, on Aug 7th,

 

[SOF: That's twice now we've had month abbreviations. I didn't know it was so hard to say the full name of a month.]

 

he built an invention to stop WB from attacking tv.com (which is too late). The machine started to malfunction and he was sucked into the opposite world, which is where he met Massan.

 

[Jjs: SOF's Narrating Corner: Where you get a recap in the voice of Tommy Wiseau of your favorite shows.]

[Steel: This could've used some Christopher Walken.]

(The clip from Episode 20 is shown)

Just then, a cloaked man appeared while he was sitting on a cliff

 

[Steel: Must be someone from the Hidden Underwater Triad.]

 

(who was really Massan).

 

[Steel: GOSH DARNIT MASSAN!]

 

"I see you are upset young man," Massan/Cloaked Man said.

"Yeah...but who are you?" he asked.

"If you join me...you will soon see," he said as he put his hand out.

 

[Jjs: Join the dark side...we have cookies!]

[Steel: THESE ARE MAGIC BEANS! Plant them on the ground and you will grow a villainous empire!]

He thought about it.

"I'm not too sure..." he said.

"You must join with me...I can help you get back to your world," Massan said.

"Alright, deal!" suitelife said happily. They shook hands. ~From ep 20

 

[Steel: Well, I guess that escalated rather quickly.]

SOF *narrating*: We get to the next ep where GBF is in it as we see thesuitelife44 ask GBF to have an alliance with him. We then come to ep 22 as jjs, Hassan & Steel are looking for GBF as Jss shows up, but Steel is easily scared of him. *chuckles* I loved how funny he is, just then Jss jumped into the trees to give his boss a signal.

 

[Jjs: Wow, only one line mentioning 21. *chuckles*]

[Steel: I ain't scared of anything!]

 

(The clip from Episode 22 is shown)

 

[Jjs: Critic SOF should open his own movie theater, he's good at snipping scenes from other shows.]

"They're coming for Goosey, boss." Jss said to thesuitelife.

"Good, and we'll lure them into the trap. Jss, lure them to the cliff," thesuitelife commanded.

"Yes, my lord," Jss said as he walked away.

"And we'll be waiting there," Goosey said as he was making buleprints for something.

"What's that?" asked thesuitelife.

"It's a plan for a model of a rocket to help us all get out of here, Phineas & Ferb style!" Goosey proudly said. ~From ep 22

SOF: *facepalm*: Isn't he too young to be a constructor?

 

[Steel: Yes, he gets that a lot.]

[Jjs: *facepalm* Does it really matter? It's a lit.]

[SOF: *facepalm* Really? You should realize this is a lit, right Critic SOF?]

Ex *cameo*: Yes, yes he is bitch.

SOF: Um Ex, what are you doing here..?

 

[Jjs: That's a good question, Critic SOF. Unless Ex was secretly tied up in your basement or he's on vacation in Canada, I'm not sure why he is suddenly a part of this.]

[Steel: Ex: SURPRISE TELEPORTATION!]

Ex: Let's just say I was bored, now I am getting the hell out of this so-called GBF building scene. kbai.
SOF: Right, thx for stopping by.
Ex: No problem brah, I loved how you called Gurgy as nickname, it's awesome. *leaves*

 

[Jjs: Apparently having Ex enter in out of nowhere and agree with you makes this funny...only on SOF's Exciting Critic Corner.]

[SOF: Makes no sense, Critic SOF.]

[Steel: And there goes our time consuming cameo from Ex.]

 

SOF: See, what did I tell you? Is Ex awesome cameo or what? Oops, I broke the 4th wall enough. Now, let’s get back onto the fucking review.

 

[Jjs: No, Ex isn't an awesome cameo, because he was forced into a story where he doesn't belong...hm, who does that remind me of...]

[Steel: Yes, let's get on with the fucking review, because I'm obviously wasting your fucking time while my roast beef should be fucking ready. I hate cursing, but it had to be done.]

SOF *narrating*: So we found out it was a trap, thesuitelife44 showed them that GBF was trapped in a cage, but it was an act.

 

[Jjs: That was the most incoherent thing I've ever read.]

[Steel: Cages, the old-fashioned cliche way of holding someone captive.]

(The clip from Episode 22 is shown)

Steel picked up a rock and threw it hard at Jss' armor, causing a small crack in the front.

 

[Steel: MY RIFFING GIVES ME SUPER STRENGTH!]

"Gah, you annoying little brats, that caused a vibration and crack in my armor!" Jss complained. ~Clip from ep 22

SOF: Isn’t it pointless to throw a rock at the knight? Hmm, that's a fail.

 

[Jjs: Well...unless Steel could magically pull a sword out of nowhere, then no, it wasn't really pointless if they had no other resources.]

[Steel: So my one surprise moment of awesome was pointless? Phooey.]

SOF *narrating*: So Steel has a plan to to take down Jss by jabbing a sword through his crack to put an end to Jss.

 

[Jjs: Wait, where did Steel get a sword from? I looked back at SBCPU, and I said Steel grabbed Jss's sword, not randomly pulling one out of thin air.]

[Steel:

Massan: I got a promotion!

GBF: I got blueprints for a rocket ship!

Steel: I got a rock...oh never mind, I got an all mighty powerful sword!]

 

His plan actually worked and he died by falling off a cliff. GBF is freed, but he is still in an alliance with thesuitelife44. We come to ep 23 where we continue on thesuitelife44's story as we found out more about his past story. So we see Massan welcomed him to his house, he asked him to teach him to get his revenge.

 

[Jjs: *Spoiler* The stories totally aren't fake, as that will be revealed in 24. But SOF should already know...shouldn't he?]

 

(The clip from Episode 23 is shown)

 

[steel: Three more episodes? I'm almost dying here...]

"Oh, you won't kill, but I will teach you to fight and to get revenge for how they treated you like shit," Massan said.

"Just like karate, sure," Suitelife replied. ~ from ep 23

 

[Jjs: Wow, that was a fast clip!]

SOF *narrating*: So Massan gave thesuitelife44 two challenges: Go through Massan's training and fighting against Jss & GBCB.

 

[Jjs: Who is GBCB? CDCB's opposite was GBGD, not GBCB. Stop twisting my story, Critic SOF!]

[SOF: I guess Critic SOF made a typo. ]

[Steel: It must be easy to mess with the initials of SBC members in a way.]

 

After much fights, Massan decided to give him a final challenge which he faced him in a sword vs electric whip fight. In the end thesuitelife44 became the leader of the gang by winning the duel. This brings us to next ep in present day as we see what SBCers were finally ready to go home but GBF vanished again, because GBF & thesuitelife44 are ready to destroy SBC.

 

[Jjs: I still like how the only time SOF ever criticized the show was on two ridiculous things that didn't even need to be criticized.]

[Steel: Where's the Nostalgia Critic mood in this review-show lit, really?]

(The clip from Episode 24 is shown)

"Goosey, it is time to destroy SBC!" Suitelife laughed.

 

[Steel: GBF:

]

"Wait, destroy?! I just wanted them to respect me, I didn't want to kill them!" Goosey pleaded.

"According to your past, they mocked you and taunted you, don't you think that is revenge-worthy?" Suitelife questioned.

"I guess..." Goosey sighed ~From ep 24

SOF *narrating*: So we found out SOF was spying on GBF, and then SOF and GBF begin to fight while thesuitelife44 activated a remote which revealed the opposites were robots. *chuckles* That kinda reminds me of Wishology and P&F movie

 

[Jjs: Wait, how does that remind you of Wishology and the P&F Movie? *chuckles*]

[Steel: I guess SOF must have forgotten about his appointment with the laughing gas before this review.]

 

so anyways we then saw that SBCers were fighting off the Robot-Opposite users which began to destroy the town as we continue to see GBF vs SOF fight scene. It ends by SOF kicking GBF down the hill.

 

[Jjs: Then, we see John fight Bill. They went to the town. Bill kicked John. Fight ended.]

"PLEASE STOP!" Goosey cried. "I'll do anything..."

 

[Jjs: Anything? Will you make this Critic Corner actually interesting?]

"You still betrayed us and insulted us Gurgy, and I am tired of you causing fights," SOF said one last time, and kicked Goosey down the hill, and into the Town Square. ~From near the end of ep 24.

SOF *narrating* : thesuitelife44 told the SBCers what happened, and his true identity is revealed. He reveals everything, which was suspenseful. The opposite world was really on an island, and suitelife44’s stories were fakes, just to throw the audience off track.

 

[Jjs *narrating*: Ah. All is right with the world.]

 

So we come to ep 25 Rumble on SBC, which is part 1 of the final 2 eps so far. We get to see the SBCers get home finally but it appears someone showed up...again.

 

[Jjs: Is it the Nostalgia Critic, ready to sue Critic SOF?]

(The clip from Episode 25 is shown)

The SBM users cleared the path, and Goosey appeared.

"It is I, Goosebumpsfan!" Goosey yelled.

 

[Jjs: Shit, I wanted to see NC sue Critic SOF. It'd be much more interesting than a recap of my literature, which I could just re-read without a show cheaply doing it.]

"Ugh, go away Gurgy," SOF said.

"It is time for my revenge against you guys!" Goosey laughed.

"Goosey, stop being a fucking prick and grow up," 70s said. "You're banished from here, and we've had it with you."

"CHARGE!" Goosey yelled. ~From ep 25

 

[Steel: Ah Goosey, back when he was the other reindeer back then in SBC.]

SOF *narrating*: SBC and SBM users began to fight calling SBC vs SBM war,

 

[Jjs: "Hello, is this SBC vs SBM War? No, this is Patrick."]

[Steel: Been there, done that.]

 

but just then, Hassan has an idea to put a bomb on top of the banner which will stun the war field, and put an end to it.

 

(The clip from Episode 25 is shown)

Hassan activated the bomb.

"We have 40 seconds, so you guys better start running. Gather up the SBC staff and run," Hassan said. ~From ep 25

SOF *narrating*: So the fight got interrupted due the bomb going off, but, SBCers and SBMers realized how pointless fight was, though GBF ordered them but in the end they disobey him.

 

[Jjs: ...What?]

[SOF: I got nothing. Looking back, I'm surprised I was sober while writing this.]

(The clip from Episode 25 is shown)

"This whole "war" was a waste of my time, and YOU caused it to begin with," 70s said.

"I am very disappointed in you Perry," ssj said.

 

[Jjs: I am disappointed in SOF for reviewing SBCPU like this.]

[SOF: I'm disappointed in you, Critic SOF.]

[Steel:

SOF: I am disappointed in you PerryGurgyGoosebumpsSpongey444ThePlatypus!

GBF: I am disappointed in you too.]

"Well..uhhh..." Goosey said as he tried to make an excuse.

"We warned you Goosey and gave you multiple chances. But you'll never realize we were in peace with SBM until this occurred," Clappy explained as he pulled out a SBM/SBC treaty.

"Yeah, no comment on this whole thing, and how immature it was," tvguy said ~From near end of ep 25

 

[Jjs: You know, I'm wondering if Critic SOF ever asked the creators' permissions before using all these scenes like that. If he asked me, he probably used the memory wiper, like with the SBCPU scenery. I better get the Copyright Infringement lawsuit ready.]

SOF *narrating*: They decide to give GBF a special punishment for him, which seems to be SOF apparently killing him.

 

[Jjs *narrating*: So, I get to kill GBF. *chuckles*]

[Steel: I might as well be one of the only few people here who thought that part of the lit was cruel. But it was fictional and all that jazz. Moving on...]

 

This leads us to final ep of SBCPU. SBCers will find a way to end thesuitelife44's plans and his island. However, he made another robot which was an opposite of Ex to lure them once again.

(The clip from Episode 26 is shown)
 

[Steel: Goodie, the Last Episode Resort.]

 

"So, where is the real Ex and how do we get back to the island?" Wumbo asked.

 

[Jjs: Simple - you don't. SOF will probably skip mentioning how you get back.]

"I still have my device with some energy to spare," Hassan said.

"I thought it was destroyed when you used it as a bomb?" Clappy asked.

"No, it just blasted lots of power, wearing the energy of this down. It has some stuff left to spare however, for 2 trips," Hassan said. ~From ep 26

SOF *narrating*: So the SBCers went back to the island to stop him

 

[Jjs: I called it! When did Hassan have a teleport device? DETAILS, MAN!]

 

while 70s and thesuitelife44 have a fight to the end, but it's too late. thesuitelife44 thinks he kills 70s, but turned around to reveal he destroyed 80s instead. Just then the Robot-Opposites stopped attacking the SBCers because of a virus Hassan uploaded.

(The final clip from Episode 26 is shown)

"NOOOO!" Suitelife echoed before he was frozen, and placed deep within the caves of the island. Even if he unfroze, he'd be dead from the blade. ~From the near the end of ep 26

 

SOF: Couldn't resist that part, nice way to put an end to him. *chuckles*

 

[Jjs: Welp, Nostalgia Critic is DEFINITELY suing Critic SOF.]

[Steel: An opportunity to use that NC joke? Genius! *end sarcasm*]

[SOF: Damnit, Critic SOF!]

 

SOF *narrating*: So SBCers are safe, and everything is back to normal for now.

 

[Jjs *narrating*: Wow, you summed all that up with just one cheerful line. Sadly Critic SOF, you neglected many things throughout the story. I'm not going to mention them though to avoid spoilers to people who haven't read SBCPU before.]

[Steel: Too bad I got bored out of my own mind to enjoy this review.]

SOF: And that's all for Season 1 of SBCPU! I hope you enjoyed it.

 

[Jjs: I enjoyed re-reading my show. However, what I didn't enjoy was the false title of "CRITIC Corner".]

 

The story was great, the dialogue was very good and we hope you liked my pilot of the show.

 

[Jjs: So the one time you seriously review it, that's all you can say. Thanks Critic SOF! I did like the pilot of your show...if it was under the name of a "Summarizing Corner".]

[SOF: Critic SOF claims this to be an "EXCITING" Critic Corner, what a misleading title. I'm not ready to tear my old self apart just yet, but I will eventually.]

[Steel: In which you already told us, very many dialogue boxes ago?]

 

Oh don't forget to buy SBCPU S1 DVD this Tuesday (if Doubloons are installed then)! I'm SOF signing out folks!

 

[Steel: And finally, this is the end of my riff, hope you enjoyed it. If not, that's just fine. Can't wait for the rest of these riffs.]

[Jjs: Shameless plug? This wasn't the worst episode of SECC, but sorry SOF...it wasn't that good either. It was just really dull and had no substance. I appreciate you reviewing SBCPU, but you sadly neglected so much from the story this feels like a watered-down "review". I know you wrote this a long time ago, but let's just pretend I'm talking to the 2011 one...if that makes any sense. My riffs probably weren't that good either since there wasn't a whole lot to riff. I am curious to see if the next few early episodes end up being worse than I remembered before we get to the downhill point of Episode 5 and beyond, though. Still, I thank Steel and the creator himself, SOF, for taking the time to riff this. Stay tuned for the rest of SECC's riffs!]

[SOF: You're welcome, I'll be back to riff my old self again soon. Until then, shame on my past self.]

[Jjs Goodman]

SOF's Exciting Critic Corner

1. SBC Parallel Universe

 

2. Eelz

 

Spoiler

Hey everyone, SOF is here to tell you what the next episode is that we're going to review.

 

[Jjs: Hey everyone, Jjs and CNF are here to tell you what the next episode is that we're going to riff.]

[CNF: Right you are, jjs! But gee, I thought we already knew considering, oh I don't know, THE TITLE OF THE EPISODE?]

 

Any guesses?

 

[Jjs: Well, the title says "Eelz", so it is probably not that. It better be Squidward's Childhood, or we riot!]

[CNF: Maybe it'll be a Screwy Squirrel cartoon! Uh, see any good ones lately?]

 

This one is lulzy series which was meant to be hilarious since his series is short.

 

[Jjs: Still hoping on Squidward's Childhood...]

[CNF: please be anything but eelz please be anything but eelz]

 

I'm going to talk about....EELZ!

 

[Jjs: Alright, time to riot.]

[CNF: I got the torches and cotton candy.]

THE MOST EPICNESSS OF LULZINESS OF DRAGIIIN EVER CREATED.

 

[Jjs: Sorry to correct you, but don't you mean closest to epicness? Something can't be more or most epic, it's a state of absolution, there's no comparitivity. (thank you Metal Snake, I now have a new running gag)]

[CNF: Flea On Dog With Blog says hi.]

 

SOF *panting*: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but I gotta do homage to Dragiiin123.

 

[Jjs *panting*: Wait, why are you panting? Were you running or playing a sport while reviewing this?]

[CNF: Gonna *pant* faint *pant* after *pant* writing *pant* this *pant* sentence. *pant*]

 

So anyways let's talk about Eelz.

 

[Jjs: NO! LET'S TALK ABOUT PATRICK SAYING "NO, THIS IS PATRICK!"]

[CNF: YEAH E MINOR ALRIGHT!]

The series plot was funny and I thought "Hey, I like his series".

 

[Jjs: So the plot sounded funny, and you automatically loved it. Oh boy.]

[CNF: Sounds like a personal problem.]

 

The plot seems very lulzy

 

[Jjs: Thanks for repeating yourself.]

[CNF: Totally wouldn't have guessed that till now.]

 

and I found the series was about Dan always dying in each episode.

 

[Jjs: Gee, what a brilliant observation.]

[CNF: Care to explain who Dan is for the people who haven't read this show?]

 

Drag had a very creative idea, but the episodes were very short (except for 8 I think).

 

[Jjs: A show Drag even admitted was only made for the lulz sure is creative.]

[CNF: I know, right.]

The dialogue was lulzy though.

 

[Jjs: How many "lulzy" things are in this show? Is the scenery lulzy? Are the characters lulzy? Is the acting lulzy? Is the opening lulzy? Is this review lulzy (answer: yes)?]

[CNF: WHY AM I ASKING YOU ALL THESE QUESTIONS? MERMAID MAN, WHERE ARE YOU?!]

 

I guess it would fun to write about the funniest Spin-Off that he ever made.

 

[Jjs: You're wrong, Critic SOF (not to mention that is a questionable statement, but I digress). The funniest Spin-Off ever made was Squidward's Childhood, yet it didn't even get a review.]

[CNF: Flea on dog pissed. Dog pissed too. Need to kill SOF for writing that sentence.]

 

And that's short review of Eelz.

 

[Jjs: THAT'S IT!? Is this supposed to be referencing Eelz itself or did you whore out your "this show is lulzy and funny" statements?]

[CNF: Well that was sure fast.]

 

What can I say the series was good, the dialogue was too lulzy and I enjoyed it.

 

[Jjs: "In other words, the show was so lulzy that I couldn't even write a long enough review for it."]

[CNF: This reminds me of some of my noobish reviews from other sites.]

 

Dragillin123, you made the most lulziest spin-off series ever,

 

[Jjs: Sorry to correct you, but don't you mean closest to lulziest? Something can't be more or most lulziest, it's a state of absolution, there's no comparitivity. Also, who is "Dragillin"?]

[CNF: I've seen lulzier tbh. *cough* Squidward's Childhood *cough* Oh sorry, my cough is bad today.]

 

so I present an award to you for most unitentionally funny spin-off ever! This is SOF signing off.

 

[Jjs: So it gets an award for being unintentionally funny? Lulz, just like this whole review. I'm not even going to dig too much into this one, I'm saving my energy for the rest. Thanks for being on board, CNF.]

[CNF: No problem jjs. This episode should just be renamed Lulz. Just take out the ees and plop in a L and a U and there you go, LULZ!]

 

[So Sejima]

that was... short

[dragiiin123]

eelz had no dialogue

eelz doesn't exist

[Metal Snake]

Good episodes, and thanks for using one of my quotes as a running gag.

 

 

[Jjs: Something can't be more or most lulzy, it's a state of absolution, there's no comparitivity.]

 

 

However, something can be more or most lulzy, that is logically and grammatically correct. More or most lulziEST was the error SOF made.

[So Sejima]

l cant believe l was going to riff this show until l realized l needed to fix my schedule

[Jjs Goodman]

SOF's Exciting Critic Corner

1. SBC Parallel Universe

2. Eelz

 

3. Underwater Survivor: SBC Style

 

Spoiler

[Jjs: Welcome Box! Are your critical claws ready for SECC?]

[Box: Of course!... I hope.]

 

SOF: Hey everyone, I honestly couldn’t decide what to review for 3, so I’ll draw from a box. 

 

[Jjs: Is this SOF's ADHD hour? I thought he already had decided what he was reviewing considering the title.]

[Box: SOF, drawing from my organs won't dictate what spin-off you will review tonight.]

 

*puts every single Spin-Off/Fan Fic on a card and puts in a box*

 

[Jjs: Well, someone has a lot of time on their hands.]

[Box: Father Time said "Let there be shit". And there was shit.]

 

Let's see.... Coral Drive, no... Adventures in the Underground City, not today. *picks card with Underwater Survivor: SBC Style* Oh, here’s a good one. Let’s get started.

 

[Jjs: Whoa, really? I wouldn't have guessed.]
[Box: ...And then Father Time was actually wrong, and then said "Fuck it", and then proceeded to get some leftover pizza from last night.]

SOF *narrating*: UWS SBC is a pure gold Spin-off series created by Steel Sponge (or Steel Phineas  ).

 

[Jjs *narrating*: A pure gold Spin-Off series? It better not be Fool's Gold!]

[Box: Those motherfuckin' theives, they stole me gold, they went to them thar hills with that and their "UWS SBC"!]

 

The main plot is about 17 SBC members (not everyone) competing in a challenge to win 500,000 doubloons, like TDI a bit.

 

[Jjs: "Not everyone"? Thanks Captain Obvious, I wouldn't have guessed considering it said "17 SBC members".]

[Box: I hope Crash and bernstein fan 1 and Spongebob fan 1 can make this spin-off's high standards.]

 

Although SBC and TDI fics have been done the death, this is one of the better ones.

 

[Jjs: Whatever you say, Spin-Off Lorax.]

Fun Fact: The original Underwater Survivor was from TV.com created by Bob_Ball.

 

[Jjs: Is this a review show or a documentary?]
[Box: Fun Fact: I kind of have to rush through this. Steel's lawyers anal probe anyone who touches his spin-offs.]

SOF *narrating*: Steel decided to revive UWS in a SBC version, and boy was it amazing. Let’s go on.

 

[Jjs: Redundancy of Redundancy Department would like to have a word with you SOF in that house which is a house on the street on this block, in this town.]

[Box: Well, SOF sure seems to like this spin-off. Maybe we'll get a quality review - oh wait I think we won't god darn it I need to go home]

 

SOF *narrating*: Lets see a clip from the first ep which introduces the contestants.

 

[Jjs: Oh goodie, another "review" filled with copyrighted footage!]

(Clip from Episode 1 plays)

“Wait a minute, jjs, 70sguy, SG, The Cartoon, I never thought this would be possible, but I never agreed to this,” said Bob_Ball.

 

[Jjs: I didn't agree to riffing this either, but much ado about nothing.]

”Actually you did, it’s in the contract, and I know 70s makes a ton of copies,” jjs replied.

 

[Jjs: Looks like someone else has a ton of time on their hands.]
[Box: "This contract obliges you to pass off all giant boulders and secret jungle orgies and jex as your responsibility, not mine."]

“So, how long will this be, three days, weeks…?” Bob_Ball questioned.

“Probably…8 weeks,” jjs answered. “At least you’re in a non-n00b paradise, Bob_Ball.”

[Box: We SBCers have gone so far, haven't we?]

_________

 

SOF: TDI reference anyone?

 

[Jjs: Nah, it was obviously a reference to Total Cartoon Island.]

 

SOF *narrating*: It is a bit, but I am still enjoying it.

 

[Jjs: I see SOF had double posting issues.]
[Box: I also see SOF gets really pissed whenever he sees a TDI reference.]

(Clip from Episode 1 plays)

“I wish that Candace fanboy…or whatever can just disappear,” Ex thought.

 

[Jjs: And this was worthy of being in a clip because...]
[Box: ]

 

__________

SOF: I have no comment, except there's 1 mistake there: THERE ISN’T FANBOYS.

 

[Jjs: What? First of all, if you have no comment, why did you just point out a "mistake"? Second of all, there is a such thing as fanboys. Not sure what you are trying to get at here. I think the Summarizing Critic needs to relax a bit.]

[Box: And third, why does he get so god damn angry when he sees this?]

 

Sheesh, GBF maybe but he misunderstood. Moving on.

 

[Jjs: What is this I don't even.]
[Box:  ]

 

SOF *narrating*: So....we get to first challenge, the three teams must race in the Industrial Park for a case. I’ll have to skip the race part as it will go on forever.

 

[Jjs: Oh thank god, it looks like Steel's lawyers got to SOF.]
[Box: Spec-tacular! Let's hope Viacom joins in the fun and slaps SOF with a cease and desist so we can end this shlock.]

SOF *narrating*: It turns out it was GBF who was voted off first. Now we jump to Episode 10 which features Atlantis where they have to sing a horrible song to power up the bus.

 

[Jjs: SKIPPING 8 EPISODES?! What kind of cheap "reviewing" is this?]

[Box: That's just lazy! 8 episodes is a pretty huge chunk of the season. Were the lawyers getting the anal probe ready?]

 

Any guesses on what it is?

 

[Jjs: To go with the "Nostalgia Critic" theme of this lit, here's my guess below.]

[Box: Spot on if I do say so myself. A++.]

 

Find out by watching this clip:

(The clip from Episode 10 plays)

“And that would be Rebecca Black’s infamous single, Friday,” jjs said, the contestants screamed with horror, except for Queen Malie, 4EverGreen, and The Cartoon.

 

[Jjs: Oh god, that song was relevant!]

”The Glee version,” 70s added.

 

[Jjs: OH GOD, that show exists!]
[Box: THE HORROR! THE HORROR!]

____________

 

SOF: Mhmm, the Glee version.

 

[Jjs: Nooo, I thought it was the Chipmunk version.]

SOF *narrating*: Anyways, after the singing challenge we go to tank wars *chuckles*.

 

[Jjs: That's all that you could mention for 10? Steel's lawyers sure dropped it hard on SOF. *chuckles*]

 

Anyways, moving onto Episode 12,

 

[Jjs: "Screw you Episode 11, you aren't important enough either."]

 

which is the second Aftermath where 5 lucky people from the Peanut Gallery and some contestants past eliminated will get a chance to be reinstated. (Heh, nice name Steel)

 

[Jjs: What name? If you are referring to the Peanut Gallery, Steel didn't invent that name to my knowledge.]
[Box: I hope it involves the Planters guy.]

Steel: Are you talking to me? If so thanks anyways. *leaves*

 

[Jjs: Wow, SOF somehow made Steel's cameo even more pointless than Ex's. I also better call the police that he's kidnapped yet another American and forced them onto his show.]

SOF *narrating*: Chris from TDI was guest star in this ep so he could ask questions for challenge, now let’s see who wins.

 

[Jjs *narrating*: Plot and details. Let's move on.]
[Box: "SOF: *yaaaaaaaaawn* alright let's just get this shit over with."]

(The clip from Episode 12 plays)

“Serebii,” said OMJ, but he unfortunately answered it after he failed his trick.

“I’m sorry OMJ. And it looks like we know who the winner is….Wumbology!” Chris announced. Confetti, balloons, and launched bubble gum appeared in celebration. 

_______


SOF *narrating*: Wumbo won the challenge that means he'll get a second chance in the game.

 

[Jjs: I think SOF is about to dethrone Jake as the King of Captain Obviouses.]

[Box: NOW FOR THE NEXT LINE! YO-HO!!]

 

Now we skip to Episode 24 which is the start of a 3-part season finale of UWS SBC. In Episode 24, the Aftermath Studio is hacked by the mysterious Hidden Underwater Triad.

 

[Jjs: STOP! Want to know what the biggest flaw of this episode is? It's not the lack of jokes or lack of reviewing - it's the pace. Seriously, you are reviewing this WAAAY too fast. If you are going to review a plot centric show like UWS: SBC, you need to review a lot more episodes, not just one, and then skip a ton. You don't even have to review every detail or use a clip, just give your thoughts briefly. I bet viewers barely understand what is going on due to this reviewing method.]
[Box: Normally, I'd enter my two cents on this... but, actually, jjs is spot on here.]

(The clip from Episode 24 plays)

 

[Jjs: Oh well, I tried to tell him.]

"So we have no Aftermath studio, now what?" Ex asked.

 

[Jjs: Use SOF's reviewing studio, since you are there with him, Ex.]

Just then, the Hidden Underwater Triad has teleported in front of them.

"I hope you weren't expecting our surprising appearance,"one of them said.

"Now we split up!" SOF said in panic.

 

[Jjs: Don't panic, SOF. You have a show to finish reviewing.]

___________


SOF *narrating*: So the two teams tries to avoid the HUT, which brings us to Episode 25, part two of the 3-parter.

 

[Jjs *narrating*: So in other words, let's get this over with before Steel's lawyers really go up my ass.]
[Box: And before the V of Doom comes to tell us some fantastic stories about YouTube for bedtime.]

(The clip from Episode 25 plays)

“And besides, how the hell did you survive and get in here anyway?” OMJ asked.

 

[Jjs: The same reason Steel and Ex are somehow in Canada with SOF.]

“You didn’t realize I can swim? Well, once I got a helmet from some emergency supplies hanging around the decks, I climbed in the hood and now I’m here,” Goosey explained.

“Okay then, well, once we figure out how to find the dock area of Los Angeles, whatever SOF and Webby said, we’re going to get out of this thing,” said Storytime.

Just then, Patrick suddenly appeared in the submarine. “Hey guys, what’s up?” He said.

“Now what are you doing here?” OMJ asked.

“To help you reach your destiny-nation,” said Patrick, “but I don’t know how.”

“OMJ, if you would pay attention to the radar, then you would know where you’re going,” said Jelly.

“Damn, I made a fool out of myself,” OMJ said to himself. 

 

[Jjs: *zzzzzz* So...much...summarizing...*zzzzz*]
[Box: I'm trying not to fall out of the window nearby this is so boring.]

_______

 

SOF: You bet. *narrating* As we reach the final race, CF and Clap were ready to race to victory when suddenly...

 

[Jjs: They had to fight the giant monkey man and save the 9th dimension? Also *narrating*, I think you *narrating*, misplaced your *narrating* tag.]
[Box: If not, did they have to fight the tiny monkey man and save the 8th dimension?]

(The clip from Episode 25 plays)

After that, the gates have opened, and the two were neck in neck. They reached the surface area, dropped their helmets and proceeded to run to the finish line which was about 15 yards away at their point.

“And the winner of Season 1 is....” said SOF.

 

[Jjs: NathanJR94, for creating the masterpiece known as Squidward's Childhood.]

So far, just by two inches, Clappy was in the lead. For all of a sudden, CF and Clappy stopped when they were being pulled away. Jjs then sees that a UFO was taking them away.

“Wow, did not see that coming,” said Jjs.

The UFO flies off after CF and Clappy were now inside the ship.

 

[Jjs: I bet it's SOF. He's probably abducting more people to force him on his "Critic Corner". How diabolical!]

[Box: The Horrors Of Critic Corner. A documentary coming to a documentary channel near you. Don't bring your kids!]

 

_______

SOF: It all comes down to final ep of UWS: SBC Season 1: TV.com Shadows.

 

[Jjs: Finally, we're almost done. Please, for Box and I's sakes, actually TRY to review something in a serious manner or we might fall asleep again.]
[Box: This is making JAAAAAAAAAAAACK ANGRY!]

(The clip from Episode 26 is shown)

“I have the responsibility of bringing you guys here,” said Captain52 in a master-computer-like voice.

 

[Jjs: Curses, I thought it was SOF who kidnapped them!]

“But that wasn’t a pleasant way of capturing us in the middle of the challenge,” said CF.

 

[Jjs: It wasn't pleasant for SOF to kidnap Ex and Steel, and force them into "jokes" on his show, either.]

“Yeah, but I’m going to call that a draw,” said Captain, “I have a challenge for you both, one challenge no former member from that certain website can really handle.”

“Well, what is it?” Clappy asked, “And what was really the point of capturing us?”

“The final challenge to be assigned is TV.com,” Captain continued. 

_________


SOF *narrating*: CF and Claps were trying to defeat Captain, but soon the rest of SBC came along to save the day as they went into the TV.com universe to help them stop Captain52.

 

[Jjs: Slow down, SOF. Breathe in and out. Too many words for one sentence.]

 

They found the way to defeat him with the remote and they all got sent back to Bikini Bottom.

 

[Jjs: Finally, this so-called review can en-]

 

(The clip from Episode 26 is shown)

 

[Jjs: God damnit.]
[Box: HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO MEEEEEE? I MADE MY MISTAKES-]

Jjs then gives the signal and CF and Clappy redo their run to the finish line, and it was neck in neck.

“And the winner is....” said 70s.

 

[Jjs: NathanJR94, for creating the masterpiece known as Squidward's Childhood.]

CF and Clappy we’re still sprinting. CF however tears the ribbon, making her first place.

“SHE DID IT; CF IS THE WINNER OF UWS SEASON 1!” Jjs exclaimed,

 

[Jjs: D'OH!]

 

“So CF, what are you going to do now, since you have won 500,000 doubloons?”

 

[Jjs: She should buy her own critic show to beat SOF's.]

“Let’s see, obviously that will go to the charity fund, but I’m going to use 20,000 of those doubloons to have a special party with you guys!” CF said.

 

[Jjs: Remember CF, you could use the rest for your own critic show! Just hope it's not a Summarizing Corner.]

 

__________


SOF: And that's it for UWS SBC S1. What can I say?

 

[Jjs: Nothing, because 99% of this "review" has been summarizing.]

[Box: "uhhhh, it's awesome! REALLY REALLY AWESOME! alright steel's lawyers i'll give you your monee"]

 

This was one of the best shows Steel ever made.

 

[Jjs: I see Steel's lawyers bribed you well. Did they offer you as many doubloons CF won?]

 

The show had gradually good dialogue, good character development and the writing was decent.

 

[Jjs: Did it have good scenery and good acting as well?]

 

I’m not going to incude the special because I’m low on time and folks, but it was a great special.

 

[Jjs: "Screw you important special that leads into Season 2. You're not worthy of my time, even though this review has fallen short as it is."]

[Box: "Now we cut to episode 9012! Yeah... not much to say, time for episode 9024!"]

 

I actually liked it as we got some spoilers for UWS SBC Season 2, which will be like the old school Nick show Legends of The Hidden Temples. This is SOF signing off folks!

 

[Jjs: Yeah yeah, in other words, let's get Steel's lawyers off my ass and give him a half-assed ass-kissing episode. I'm actually finding these earlier ones a lot worse than I remembered, which is funny, since I don't recall the show being that horrible until after episode 4, no offense SOF. Thanks for being here Box. Let's see what awaits us next time...]

[Box: Thank you, jjs. Apologies if this riff isn't up to my supreme standards, RCT is just waiting in the taskbar for me. SECC is complete crap like I predicted, see you all around the moon!]

[Jjs Goodman]

SOF's Exciting Critic Corner

1. SBC Parallel Universe

2. Eelz

3. Underwater Survivor: SBC Style

 

4. Robot Trout

Spoiler

[Jjs: Hello again, Wumbo! Are you ready to tackle SECC?]

[Wumbo: Well, I'm no football player, but I'll do my best.]

SOF: Hey everyone, today we're going to talk about Robot Trout, you see, it is based off of a show called Rocket Chicken.

 

[Jjs: What's Rocket Chicken? Is it the spin-off of Robot Chicken?]

[Wumbo: I think it's the crossover between Rocket Power and Robot Chicken. AKA the worst thing ever.]

 

Each episode has skits in it.

 

[Jjs: So much description.]

 

Now, you might wondering what the fuck is Robot Trout is?

 

[Jjs: You just told us. Robot Trout is clearly a question mark.]

[Wumbo: Look, swear words! I'm edgy!]

 

Basically, what I said about RT, but SBC style.

 

[Jjs: Redundancy of Redundancy Department would like to have a word with you SOF in that house which is a house on the street on this block, in this town.]

[Wumbo: Robot Trout is what you said about Robot Trout, but SBC style? How about the Start Making Some Goddamn Sense Department? Look, a swear word! My riff is EDGY!]

 

It is created by ExKizuna and it is considered his best show.

 

[JCM: Do you have hard statistics and facts or gags per minute ratios as to how hilarious it is?

Hayden: JCM, stop talking nonsense, you buffoon. 

Aquatic Nuggets: JCM, get out.

JCM: lol

Jjs: Hey look, if SOF can force people into a story where they don't belong, I guess I can too.]

 

We're going review first 13 eps of this show, so let's get started.
 

[Jjs: Hopefully Ex's lawyers didn't get up your ass like Steel's, because you better review ALL 13 this time.]

 

SOF *narrating*: This 1st ep featured Bikini Top as we see Jake was shouting to Heather (no not that Heather).

 

[Jjs: Haha, Bikini Top. Also, I'm pretty sure the Heather from TDI doesn't exist in this show...unless you are implying you kidnapped a cartoon character? SOF is an evil mastermind!]

 

(Clip from Episode 1 plays)

Heather: Jake..? What do you want?

 

[Jjs: I want this bland summarizing to end.]

Jake: HOLY SHIT, WHY? THIS IS THE SECOND TIME THIS WEEK I'VE COME TO YOUR HOUSE, AND OF COURSE, YOU DON'T HAVE A DOORBELL, SO I HAVE TO INTERRUPT A NICE MANATEE'S PERSONAL LIFE JUST TO THROW IT AT YOUR FUCKING DOOR. WHAT, DO YOU JUST SIT IN YOUR HOUSE BEING ALL LIKE "Oh hey, i'm Horehay-" 

 

[Wumbo: Here's what troubling about this: We are riffing a review of a parody of a show we already riffed. I think I need to lie down for a while.]
[Jjs: Riff-ception?]

 

_________

SOF: I loved how he shouted liked a maniac or maybe it's just crazy.

 

[Jjs: HE'S A MANIAC, MANIAC!]

[Wumbo: AND HE'S REVIEWING LIKE NO DECENT REVIEWER HAS EVER REVIEWED BEFORE]

SOF *narrating*: Next we jump to ep 4 as there is a favorite scene of mine.

 

[Jjs: NO! SOF, you said you'd review ALL 13, you liar! Did Ex's lawyers threaten to beat you up?]

[Wumbo: Shenanigans. Calling them once again.]

(Clip from Episode 4 plays)

We see Cody, Jon, and Phill from Jackfish, getting high.

 

[Jjs: SOF was probably pretty damn high when he wrote this "review".]

Cody: Duuude...Do we even need to get parodied? We do this all the tim-HOLY SHIT!

Giygas jumps through the window, and sucks in their pot. Then, he eats the three guys.

Phil, inside Giygas: Duuude...It's dark in here.

 

[Jjs: Uh oh, you might be in an Alaskan Bull Worm cave. Then again, that'd probably be more interesting than reading a summary of Robot Trout, when I could just re-read the show for myself. Huh...deja vu.]

________

SOF *narrating*: That's pretty lulzy because it's like how high they can go.

 

[Jjs: They probably were as high as you when writing this review.]

[Wumbo: The question is, how low can you go, SOF?]

 

Next we jump to ep 7 as we go to another favorite scene of mine from Robot Trout which reminds me of something..

 

[Jjs: SOF skipping episodes is turning into the time skips of Bikini Top. Is this favorite scene going to remind you to review all of the episodes in a serious manner, or say "Fuck it, Ex's lawyers bribed me with enough cash to give him an ass-kissing review"?]

(Clip from Episode 7 plays)

Killer: Derp da derp a-herp derp, who gonna die nao?

Killer man looks in a mirror.

Killer: ZOMG I should kill that man!

 

The killer stabs at the mirror with a knife he pulled from happerspace, but to no avail. Then the members of SBC that are still alive find the killer

OMJ: Hey dats the killer!

 

Deli: How do you know?

We see a zoom in on the killer's outfit to see the word "KILLER" written in red ink all over his black clothes

 

[Jjs: Hm...that's not suspicious at all!]

OMJ: Lucky guess. Let's unmask this bitch!

 

[Jjs: It's SOF, calling it right now!]

They all tackled him, and ripped off his mask, to reveal...Nathan!

Clappy: Wat.

 

[Jjs: My thoughts exactly. I wanted SOF as the killer, damnit.]

Nathan: I was sick and tired of all of the press this "ACS" bastard was getting! I wanted to be top noob-prick, but noooo, it just HAD to be ACS! I had to do it! He had to die! I wanted to light one of his farts on fire, like in my awesome spin off, but I went un-original!

 

[Jjs: Lighting a fart on fire is a work of Da Vinci.]

 

But you guys got suspicious. You all had to die! You all-

Dragiiin stomped on his head

Dragiin: Shuttup.

 

[Wumbo: Ya bucket of bolts.] 

________

SOF *narrating*: Moving onto another favorite scene from that same episode:

 

[Jjs: Another? I thought you only had one.]

[Wumbo: YOU ARE TEARING ME APART, SOF!]

(Clip from Episode 7 plays)

We see a girl running, from a guy wearing a red cloak and the Scream mask.

Scream Guy: You're stopping running now.

 

[Jjs: The girl is named "Stopping Running Now"?]

Then, the girl just blatantly turns around, and chuckles

Girl: Really, best you got? Okay, it worked with the whole "logging off" thing from before with that killing, but i'm STOPPING RUNNING NOW? Haha, you're such a joke!

 

[Jjs: He's as much of a joke as the so-called Nostalgia Critic of this show.]

Scream: Well, I..

 

[Jjs: am too cliche and a typical killer. Next!]

Girl: ANd what is up with the cloak? Oh, black ones too hard to find? ANYONE CAN SEE YOU IN THE PITCH BLACK DARKNESS IF YOU'RE FUCKING WEARING RED.

Scream: It was all I had!

Girl: And shouldn't you just kill me now? I'm talking to you, just standing here, LEAVING MYSELF WIDE OPEN. YOU'RE EVEN RESPONDING.

 

[Jjs: She's got a point, pal. It's like SOF trying to review this show.]

 

Ghostface wouldn't do this! You are a DISGRACE to killers everywhere!

 

[Jjs: Just like how Past SOF (which I'll refer to him as from now on as I'd rather not dignify him as a "critic") is a disgrace to reviewers everywhere.]

 

Like, god! Go back with the other failed horror movies/tv shows, GOD!

Scream Guy starts crying.

Scream Guy: I'M TELLING MY MOMMY! 

 

[Jjs: There, there. I know it's hard being summarized by a false critic. You know, I also just realized 95% of this episode has been copy and pasting scenes of Robot Trout.]

__________

SOF: Hahahaha! Did you see that?

 

[Jjs: No, because the clip above totally wasn't seen by everyone.]

[Wumbo: See what? Did I miss Waldo or something?]

 

That was a fucking hilarious episode

 

[Jjs: But you only showed us a clip from the episode. How do we know the rest of the episode is hilarious?]

[Wumbo: Well, I for one trust SOF's one-sentence review.]

 

and we skip to ep 13 for the best skit ever

 

[Jjs: Once again, so much for "ALL 13 episodes". It also seems like SOF is having a tough time deciding his favorite skit.]

[Wumbo: Is it going to be lulzy?]

 

(trust me it's BIG).

 

[Jjs: "That's what she said!"]

 

(Clip from Episode 13 plays)

Imposter SOF is running around, banging teh Mallet Of [Copyright] at random goons and thugs, in the Xat.

Imposter SOF: Oh! What! Take it!

Then Sbiscool came out, and Imposter SOF began to fight him. It got brutal. Sbiscool was throwing metal objects around, and SOF was banging Teh Mallet around. He started to do some major damage to Sbiscool.

Imposter: OH MY GAWWD! Where yo curleh mustache at!?

Sbiscool: *Stops dead in tracks*...What?

Imposter: *Stops as well* What's meh wrong, man?

Sbiscool: What...was that?

 

Imposter: Reference.

Sbiscool:...Oh.. K...

Imposter: What?

 

[Jjs: Oh my, I just woke up from a terrible dream. In it, SOF kept copy and pasting scenes from Robot Trout, and was blandly summarizing them, even though the point of this show is supposed to be a "Critic Corner". He kept pasting so many that not even the Nostalgia Critic would keep them running for this long. Wait a minute...you mean this isn't a dream? I'M AWAKE!? SHIT!]

Sbiscool: Sketch is ruined. I'm tired. Bed. Now.

 

[Jjs: I'm probably going to bed too, but mainly because all this summarizing is making me tired as hell.]

[Wumbo: Now, I think you're being a little harsh jjs. I mean, no one has a problem with the Nostalgia Critic when he plays 2-minute scenes and gives one, maybe two sentences of criticism if we're lucky. Oh, wait! It's because HE DOESN'T. It's a novel idea, I'm well aware, but usually I expect Critic Corners to have criticism as their main focus.]

Imposter: First I need to kill yo- 

________

SOF: You know, this was just great. 

 

[Jjs: You know, that was a lot of thought put into that opinion there.]

[Wumbo: Is that seriously all he says smh.]

SOF: Well that's it for Robot Trout! The show was pretty god damn hilarious, and it should win funniest spin-off award. SOF, signing off folks!

 

[Jjs: Before I end too, I'm going to call a new police squad - CONTRADICTION POLICE! I thought SOF said Eelz was the funniest spin-off ever. I guess that further shows how much Ex's lawyers bribed SOF. Seriously though, I love how all of the episode was just copy and pasting Robot Trout scenes and then a vague description of them. Thanks again Wumbo!]

[Wumbo: Yeah, I'd like to say no problem, but riffing this, I'm sure there are some brain cells that slipped out along the way, which could be a problem. Can't wait for the next installment of SOF's Bland Summarizing Corner.]

[Clappy]

I definitely want in on some of this action. I'll gladly be a part of the riffing again soon if possible.