Jjs' Riffing Theater 3000

[Guest ssj4gogita4]

[Jjs Goodman]

Here's Episode 16...with a surprise guest you won't expect at all.

 

Bikini Top - Season 1

S1E1 (1) - Pilot

S1E2 (2) - Jex

S1E3 (3) - Trapped

S1E4 (4) - Crushed

S1E5 (5) - Memories and Repercussions

S1E6 (6) - Arianna and Naomi 

S1E7 (7) - Things Get Musical

S1E8 (8) - Bad News Brenda 

S1E9 (9) - Turn of Events

S1E10 (10) - Auditions

S1E11 (11) - Funeral

S1E12 (12) - Bikini Bottomites

S1E13 (13) - Not a Winter Wonderland

S1E14 (14) - Not a Holly Jolly Christmas, Either

S1E15 (15) - Valentine's Day

 

S1E16 (16) - Green Things: Money, and Jealousy:

 

Spoiler

Previously on Bikini Top... Bryan is let out of the hospital, with one condition: therapy. And he has to convince his mother, which also isn't easy. But once he does that, he has to win back Temperance after the incident in his bedroom. How? He sings their song, which is appropriately called "Our Song." And then there's Trey. Arianna has her cousin Robbie beat him up, and he does. His mother takes him to the hospital, because she thinks he has a broken nose. And Brenda and Tristan set a date for their wedding. Then, Tori notices that the family is in debt.

 

[Jjs: Hello SOF, my main Canadian man. Glad you could get into the riffing action. Interested in seeing your thoughts on this.]
[SOF: Great to be here, jjs. I have a great debt to pay SBC, so I'm getting into this action. Let's see how much unnecessary drama 70s can cram into this episode.]

Tori and Larry have determined the cause of their financial problems. Someone got into their bank account somehow.

 

[Jjs: It was Mr. Krabs! I told you guys he'd be wanting to dig his claws into the rich people of Bikini Top. They also must have some pretty shitty security at the bank too, considering it's a "small town of 2,000 people".]

 

They've decided that it is time to tell Jake and Bryan. It's breakfast, and the boys are about to go to school, so they decided to drop the bomb while they're having cereal.

 

[Jjs: Great, more terrorist scum.]
[SOF: "Drop the bomb"? Apologies to victims of the Boston Marathon.]

"We need to tell you something," Larry said.

"What is it?" Jake asked.

 

[SOF: Well for one, you're a poorly written character in a boring fan-fiction.]

"Well, we're having some problems," Larry told them.

"What type of problems?" Bryan asked.

 

[Jjs: Hot girl problems.]
[SOF: Jex problems?]

 

"Well, money issues," Tori replied. "It seems like someone got into our bank account, and now we're bankrupt. We're going to the insurance company to see if they can give us the money back, but it's not looking good right now. But there's no need to worry."

 

[Jjs: Yes, there's no need to worry when you just said it's not looking good right now. I spy a contradiction!]

[SOF: If everyone can shit random plot lines out of their ass in every episode, then I guess they can shit money out as well.]

"Um... oh," both of the boys said.

 

[SOF: Hooray for useless dialogue!]

(Theme plays)

The kids were at lunch when they saw Temperance walk in.

"What are you doing here?" Bryan asked her.

"Oh, I transferred to Bikini Top High School!" Temperance said. 

 

[Jjs: Gee, that totally wasn't done for the sake of advancing Bryan and Temperance's relationship.]

 

"The school on the reservation was getting old, and I wanted to spend more time with my friends, and my awesome boyfriend."

"Welcome to Bikini Top High," Morgan said.

"You'll hate it," Naomi smiled.

 

[Jjs: Welcome friend to our school, and you are going to hate it. Have a nice day!]
[SOF: I too would hate the first day of Bikini Top High knowing who is there.]

"I'm sure I will," Temperance laughed. "So, any new drama lately? Seems like our lives are full of it right now, for some reason."

 

[Jjs: The reason is to make this show "edgy" and "awesome like all teen dramas". Too bad it sucks eggs in high school (see what I did there) at it.]

[SOF: Clever, Jjs. If only 70s could take notes from this.]

"Well, money problems at our house," Jake said. "Someone got into the bank account. But my mom and dad supposedly have it under control."

 

[Jjs: We have it under control. We're going to catch the criminal, right Officer SOF? Also, let me guess, was the one who broke into the account one of the members of the Cliche Villain Circle (aka Hersht, Astenias, and whoever the fuck else was in it)? If so, SOF and I will arrest them right away for just how cliche they are.]
[sOF: Yes we will, Jjs. Unfortunately, I don't think 70s will considering he'll probably abandon this plot line.]

"And what if they don't?" Jackie asked, looking concerned.

 

[Jjs: Wait, shouldn't Jackie be out of school if she is pregnant?]
[SOF: She probably stayed to add more unnecessary drama.]

"Well, I'm sure they will," Jake said. "But if they don't, I think they'll have to ask for money from... my grandpa. My mom's dad. He hates my dad."

[SOF: I almost feel like caring. Nope, just me being tired. Can we move on?]

"Why?" Trey asked. He had a cast-type thing on his nose, since it was broken.

 

[Jjs: Thanks 70s for telling me Trey's nose is broken. I know you told us in the last chapter Robbie punched him in the nose and it broke, and his mother "suspected it was broken" (which is still lulzy as hell), but I love it being repeated again.]

"Well, Sir Broken Nose," Jake said,
 

[SOF: And the award for Worst Joke Ever goes to...]

[Jjs: Trey was knighted by the Queen of England as Sir Broken Nose, it's the only logical explanation.]

 

"my dad doesn't like Grandpa because he thinks he's some jackass rich guy who doesn't care about his family. And he's probably right. And Grandpa returns the hatred that Dad has for him. Isn't my family great?"

 

[Jjs: Your family is about as great as everyone else's in this show.]

"All families have problems," Temperance said.

 

[Jjs: Thanks, I couldn't tell from the thousands of parent drama plots in this show.]

[SOF: Well, at least 70s had the decency to point out how overused the parent drama plot line is.]

 

"And, my house is like, Wedding Land right now. It's insane. Tristan and my mom are having their wedding in the beginning of June, the day after school ends. And of course, all of you guys are invited."

 

[SOF: Oh yeah, Tristan and....who was her name again? They are so bland and barely used that I keep forgetting them after every episode.]

"So is your infamous sister coming?" Bryan asked.

"Yeah," Temperance said. "Mikayla is coming from Bikini Bottom University to come to the wedding. She says she can't wait to see us, but I don't want to see her."

 

[Jjs: Mikayla? 100 bucks says she's going to be whored out as Bland Love Interest #8, will be randomly slapped together with someone, and/or brawl with Temperance. I wonder if Temperance doesn't want to see her because she is ashamed of Mikayla having a less odd name than hers.]

[SOF: Mikayla? Come on 70s, we know you're grasping for names, but at least try.]

"You're right, apparently your family has problems, too..." Jake said.

 

[SOF: No shit? Otherwise Temperance wouldn't have brought up "all families have problems", making this statement POINTLESS!]

[Jjs: Really now, I couldn't tell from her being stressed about her mother and Tristan getting married. Thanks for being Captain Obvious, Jake. You'd be the king of them.]

"She doesn't like her sister very much," Bryan said.

 

[Jjs: I think you are about to get dethroned as King of Captain Obviouses, Jake.]

"Why don't you like her?" Anna asked.

"No, I guess I do..." Temperance said.

 

[SOF: Someone's feeling bipolar.]

[Jjs: Jeez, you change your opinions faster than how fast Speedy Gonzales can run.]
 

"No, you don't," Anna said. "I can tell."

"She didn't come to our dad's funeral, okay?" Temperance said.

 

[Jjs: That sounds like a reason to hate someone. Maybe she was busy, or on vacation?]

"Oh," Anna said. "Well wasn't your dad cheating on your mom? Maybe she knew that, and she just didn't want to go to the funeral because it was tough for her."

"Maybe," Temperance said. "Well, I'm gonna go get some pizza. Be back in a bit."

 

[Jjs: Pizza over smoothies in Bikini Top? What is this treachery?]
[SOF: The dialogue in this episode is making a Disney Channel sitcom look tolerable.]

"See ya!" everyone told her.

They all ate, and joked around.

 

[SOF: Let's joke around despite the fact one of our friends is pregnant and weird shit is going on.]

 

Then the conversation turned to Jackie.

"So how's pregnancy going for you?" Naomi asked Jackie.

 

[SOF: How do you think? Do you assume everything will just be gumdrops, sunny and dandy in her life when she will be giving birth soon!?]

"Well, it's pregnancy," Jackie said.

 

[Jjs: I think you might become the Queen of Captain Obviouses, right with your man Jake.]

[SOF: Did you also know that when it rains, people get wet?]

 

"It's not fun, and I'm really starting to show. Being five and a half months pregnant is no fun. At all. I keep growing out of all the clothes that Morgan's parents are buying me. It sucks. But at least I have this sexy man to stand by me." She kissed Jake lovingly, and smiled.
 

[SOF: Your first big mistake is putting any trust in Jake.]

It made Morgan sick. She wasn't proud of it, but she thought she still liked Jake. In fact, she still loved Jake. She hated still loving him. He got a girl pregnant. A girl she happened to be good friends with! This sucked. She needed to get over him right now. She hated jealousy so much.

 

[SOF: Oh hey, out of nowhere jealousy. Cool.]

[Jjs: So yeah, can we move on already?]

~~~

Tori and Larry were seeing if insurance would cover their losses from the person who stole all of their money from the bank account.

"I'm sorry," the insurance woman, Jillian, said. "We can't do that. But we can have the police search for the perpetrator, and send him to jail."

 

[Jjs: Hold on miss Jillian, you seem confident it's a guy, are you sure it's not a girl?]

"What good does that do?" Larry asked. "That bastard--"

"--or bitch--" Tori interrupted.

 

[Jjs: Someone's using common sense. I guess that pamphlet I linked them to may have helped...one of them at least.]

"--stole a crapload of my money! My family needs that money to pay the bills, and get food."

 

[SOF: You said earlier you weren't worried about it, so clearly you can just magically shit money out of your ass whenever, like how 70s is with these plots.]

"I apologize," Jillian said. "But I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

 

[Jjs: Yeah, take your vulgar language back into your drama plots, miss Jillian doesn't need it.]

"Great," Larry said. "You've been a great help. "Bye!"

 

[SOF: Great help? All she did was tell the police, which you guys could have done earlier, thus making this conversation entirely...POINTLESS!]

~~~

("Don't Trust Me" by 3OH!3 plays throughout the scene)

Arianna was in the hall at school. She was passing by Anna. She was going to hurt her emotionally, but she decided to do a combination of physical and emotional. She tripped her as she was walking, causing her binder to fly out of her hands, and her to fall on her face. Stupid klutz.

 

[Jjs: Wow, you're so badass, just as badass as your cousin.]

 

Arianna walked away, stepping on Anna's back with her high heels.

 

[Jjs: Wait, let me stop this scene for a second. Is there nobody else in the hallway to stop her or are they afraid of her? Even then, are there no teachers monitoring the hall?]

[SOF: I wouldn't want to be involved with this show either if I was one of them. I wouldn't blame them if they all just decided to walk off set during the episode.]

 

Anna tried her best not to cry, but it didn't work. She was crying. Ouch, that hurt.

 

[Jjs: Really now? I couldn't tell, considering you got tripped and stepped on.]

 

She was so humiliated. She was going to Principal Fish about it. She struggled getting up, but eventually did. She got to the office and told Principal Fish, and he called Arianna in.

 

[Jjs: Principal Fish? Wow, that's the most original name I've ever heard in history! Bravo 70s, you deserve an award for that name. It must have taken such thought and a long time to come up with that character's name. Screw it, Principal Fish should get his own spin-off, that's how awesome he is with his unique name. He is now (and will probably only be) my favorite character on this show.]
[SOF: See 70s, you don't need unnecessary drama to make compelling writing. Just introducing a random unoriginally named character can do wonders.]

"What is it?" she asked, and rolled her eyes.

"Is it true that you tripped Annabelle--"

"--ANNA!" Anna yelled. She hated when people used her whole name.

 

[Jjs: Hey, don't talk to Principal Fish like that. He's an awesome character, compared to you.]

"Is it true that you tripped Anna in the hall, then stepped on her back with your high heels?" Principal Fish asked Arianna.

"Uh-huh," Arianna said.

 

[SOF: Aha, a confession!]

"You two need to sort out your issues with each other," he said.

 

[Jjs: No, they need to have a WWE Wrestling match. I bet Arianna could kick Anna's ass like Robbie did to Trey. Man, he's so badass, breaking Trey's nose.]
[SOF: I'd love to see an Arianna vs. Anna match at WrestleMania 40.]

"I don't have a problem with her," Anna said. "I've been steering clear of her, but she randomly just tripped me in the hall, then hurt me!"

"Fine, fine..." Principal Fish said. "Arianna, you have detention today."

"Damn it!" Arianna said.

 

[Jjs: I like how her punishment history goes from a one month suspension to one measly detention. But oh well, I'll let it slide, because Principal Fish is the best character on this show.]

"And tomorrow," Principal Fish told her. "And I'll call your mother to tell her about your unacceptable behavior in our school. It's a place for learning, not being... mean."

 

[SOF: OH SHIT! You tell them Principal Fish.]

[Jjs: MY GOD! Can this get anymore dramatic?!]
 

"So can I leave?" Anna asked.

 

[SOF: I'd let you, but first, here's another line because 70s loves writing for length.]

"Sure," he told her. "You too, Arianna. Both of you get to class."

 

[SOF: Seriously, Principal Fish is the best character ever.]

~~~

Hersht was doing his best to find Astenias and lodge a complaint about him burning down the Errin household, but he was nowhere to be seen. It was horrible what he did.

 

[Jjs: Don't worry, it's going to be okay. I know it's horrible having a name like Hersht, not to mention being forced to serve a guy named Astenias Jurientia for absolutely no reason whatsoever. But don't worry, it's going to be okay, because 70s will probably kill you off with no prior build-up or development in a few episodes from now. At least when you die, you'll be away from this cliche drama. Don't be sad, one person will care if you die: Me (well, not really).]

 

But he had been watching Bryan, and at least since he nearly killed himself, he had been doing okay. That Jordin girl also watched him from time to time. She must have cared about what happened to him as well.

 

[Jjs: Seriously though, what plot importance does this entire scene contain? It can easily be shoved into another episode, thus making this entire scene...POINTLESS! Was 70s just trying to make this not be a filler? One measly scene related to the bad guy does not make it a "plot" important episode, and even then, I'm not even sure what the central plot of this show is supposed to be (one big problem if it isn't obvious by now).]

[SOF: Jjs is right...that was seriously an entire scene that had nothing to do with the episode at all, wtf. 70s' massive boner for writing just to make the episode longer is showing.]

~~~

("Viva la Vida" by Coldplay plays throughout the scene)

 

[Jjs: I just realized, Don't Trust Me was still playing throughout the Principal Fish and Cliche Villain Circle scenes, up until now. I like the consistency with these songs.]

[SOF: Time is everything to 70s. And he wants to use it to bore us as slowly as possible.]

 

Tori and Larry are discussing what to do about the money problems.

"We need to call my father," Tori said.

"No, I don't want Mitchell to come and give us a handout!" Larry said. "I can take care of my own family, and pay for my own things."

 

[Jjs: I am the god of this house, and can do anything without anybody's help!]

"I don't think we have a choice," Tori said.

 

[SOF: Like I said, just shit out money when in doubt.]

"Fine, call him," Larry said.

Tori picked up the phone.

"Hello?" Mitchell said on the other line.

 

[Jjs: Yeah, hey Mario. Let me get a large double olive, double-]

"Dad, do you want to come and visit?" Tori asked.

 

[Jjs: Screw you, I was trying to call Pizza Castle.]

"Why?" Mitchell asked.

"Honestly, it's way too much to tell you about on the phone," Tori explained. "But I would love it if you could come. Jake hasn't seen you in a while, and neither have I."

"Well, then I suppose I could come," Mitchell said.

"Great," Tori said.

"See you then," Mitchell told her.

"Bye Dad," Tori said.

"Bye."

 

[SOF: *wakes up* Did anything happen? Just a pointless conversation? Can we move on then?]

[Jjs: I know this has nothing to do with what just happened, but speaking of SpongeBob references, I kind of love how the SpongeBob characters dropped off the face of this show. I love 70s' consistency.]

~~~

The bell rang, signaling the end of the school day. Everyone left, and Trey was the last out of school because Mr. Hon held him late to talk to him about doing great on a test. When he left, he saw Robbie.

 

[Jjs: Go away Mr. Hon, your name is nowhere near as amazing as Principal Fish.]

"Arianna told me to kick your ass again," Robbie said.

 

[Jjs: Here comes Mr. Badass. I wonder what'll he do to beat up Trey this time. Kick him in the leg, or better yet, steal his lollipop?]
[SOF: Shit's going down.]

 

"You got her suspended, ya know that? She was gonna get detention, but the principal went with detention. And it's all your fault, you son of a bitch!"

 

[Jjs: Wait...what are you trying to prove? She got a detention either way.]

[SOF: I assume he means Principal Fish went with suspension, but with 70s it's hard to tell, considering it was never brought up before that the principal changed the punishment.]

"Wait, Arianna's telling you to do this?" Trey asked, confused. "And, it's not my fault she's suspended. Again. It's her fault for being a dumb bimbo and tripping my girlfriend Anna in the hall."

Robbie tried to beat up Trey, but this time Trey was the victor. He kneed him where the Sun don't shine, and punched him in the face repeatedly.

 

[Jjs: Man, Trey did so good they had to vaguely describe the fight scene!]
[SOF: KNEEEEL!!!!]

"FINE!" Robbie said. "I'll just leave ya alone for now, just stop with the punchin' and hurtin'!" He quickly drove away.

 

[Jjs: "Stop with the punchin' and hurtin'!"? When did Mr. Badass turn into Mr. Pussy? I thought he was the best fighter that ever lived!]

~~~

("Hallelujah" by Jeff Buckley plays throughout the end montage)

 

[Jjs: Here comes another useless montage, I bet it's going to have one useless line again. I'd also like to point out again that I love how Viva la Vida played for such a long time. I wonder if the artists are happy that their songs keep getting extended and played on a shitty teen drama.]

Bryan calls Temperance, and tries to calm her down about her sister. She feels better talking to him, and says she's over it. But she's really not.

 

[SOF: And the award for the Most Pointless Montage Line goes to...]
[Jjs: While I agree this line was a pointless attempt at character development, I bet the next one is even more pointless.]

Mitchell's limo parks in Tori and Larry Ward's driveway.

 

[Jjs: Not one, but TWO pointless lines in this montage in a row! 70s' boner for length writing really showed in this episode.]

Arianna realizes that she's not mad at Trey, she just still loves him. She's jealous of that skank, Anna!

 

[Jjs: Yeah, fuck that skank...and I know what you are thinking, well stop it. Get your minds out of the gutter.]

Jake reads a book about fatherhood, nervous after being reminded that Jackie was 5 and a half months pregnant. That meant the baby would be coming in about 3 and a half months. The thought of that scared poor Jake to death. He didn't know if he was ready for this.

 

[Jjs: The moral of this story is: If ya ain't ready to have a baby, then don't do your girl...or in Jake's case, don't be a whiny asshole craving for sex.]

Morgan looks at a picture of Jake, but stuffs it under her bed when Jackie walks in the room, crying. The two talk about her pregnancy, and Morgan assures her everything will be okay. She doesn't know what she's going to do with her mess of a life.

Robbie looks very upset. He does some thinking, and goes to where his father keeps his guns.

 

[Jjs: And for this episode's "super epic edgy cliffhanger", Mr. Badass (or now Mr. Pussy) is going hardcore now. I wonder if he properly knows how to use a gun. Thanks for riffing, my man SOF. Until next time, see ya!]

[SOF: You're welcome Jjs. Along the way, I think some sense was lost, but yeah, I'm definitely getting out of this. Have fun with the rest.]

 

[Metal Snake]

Good commentary yet again. Some of SOF's lines were off, but what do you expect (no offense, SOF)?

[SpongeOddFan]

Good commentary yet again. Some of SOF's lines were off, but what do you expect (no offense, SOF)?

well, i tried to do my best work.otherwise, thx MS

[Wumbo]

Jjs: Hello SOF, my main Canadian man.

:'(

 

Jk, good job SOF!

[Jjs Goodman]

:'(

 

Jk, good job SOF!

 

You're my MAIN Main Canadian Man.

[So Sejima]

Canadians AWAY! Go Canada and your hockey teams and stuff

[ExKizuna]

Canadians AWAY! Go Canada and your hockey teams and stuff

I think thats the best post i've ever read on SBC. Not sure yet though.

[Jjs Goodman]

Bikini Top - Season 1

S1E1 (1) - Pilot

S1E2 (2) - Jex

S1E3 (3) - Trapped

S1E4 (4) - Crushed

S1E5 (5) - Memories and Repercussions

S1E6 (6) - Arianna and Naomi

S1E7 (7) - Things Get Musical

S1E8 (8) - Bad News Brenda

S1E9 (9) - Turn of Events

S1E10 (10) - Auditions

S1E11 (11) - Funeral

S1E12 (12) - Bikini Bottomites

S1E13 (13) - Not a Winter Wonderland

S1E14 (14) - Not a Holly Jolly Christmas, Either

S1E15 (15) - Valentine's Day

S1E16 (16) - Green Things: Money, and Jealousy

S1E17 (17) - My Life Will Suck Without You:

 

Spoiler

Previously on Bikini Top... A lot happened. Some of it includes money troubles, grandpa coming to town, another fight between Robbie and Trey, another confrontation between Arianna and Anna, Arianna getting suspended, Morgan liking Jake again, Hersht and Jordin watching Bryan, Arianna realizing she has feelings for Trey, and Robbie getting a gun. What could happen now? Read this shocking, heartbreaking episode of Bikini Top now to find out.

[Jjs: Welcome Nuggets, the main man! How much worse do you think this show can get? Apparently someone is going to be killed off in this episode, according to 70s in the topic. Hm...will it be someone important? Nah, that would have actually required 70s to put any interesting development in these characters.]

[AN: Thanks, jjs, glad to be here and happy to riff it up! Someone’s getting killed? I hope it’s not a character I like- Oh, wait. I don’t like any of the characters.]

"Why do you want me here?" Mitchell asked.

[Jjs: I ask the same thing with this show.]

Larry and Tori explained everything.

[AN: That was quick.]

"Oh wow," Mitchell said. "There's one condition."

"What?" Tori asked.

"I want Larry to say I'm a good person," Mitchell said.

"I don't like that idea," Larry said.

[AN: I don’t like the idea of this show.]

[Jjs: *yawns* Oh sorry, is something important happening? The dialogue is making me fall asleep.]

"Well take it or leave it then," Mitchell said. "If you're not going to, I can just leave right now."

[AN: Can I leave too?]

[Jjs: Slam the door on your way out while you are at it.]

"Fine," Larry said. He hesitated. "Mitchell... you're a good person."

[Jjs: Yes, a bland out of nowhere character who is being used as a plot device certainly is a good person.]

[AN: ha, it’s funny because Mitchell is so bland he’s barely a character at all.]

"Good boy," Mitchell said. He patted Larry on the head.

[AN: Who pats someone on the head? When the fuck did Larry become a dog? What’s he gonna do next, roll over?]

"So you'll give us money?" Larry asked.

[AN: Say no say no say no, pleaseeee.]

"Of course," Mitchell replied.

[AN: fuuuuu-]

"Thank you, Daddy," Tori said.

"Yes, thank you," Larry said, sounding annoyed.

[Jjs: Note to self: If I hate my wife's dad and I need money from him, I'll tell him he's an awesome person. Thanks for the advice, 70s. I'll be sure to use it in the future!]

(Theme plays)

The whole gang is at Morgan's house. Her parents are having dinner, and all of her brothers and sisters are having sleepovers with friends. So it's just Bryan, Jake, Trey, Temperance, Morgan, Jackie, Naomi, and Anna, hanging out, eating some food.

[Jjs: It's just Red, Blue, Green, Yellow, Orange, Brown, Black, White, Violet, Purple, Maroon, Lavender...yeah, you get it.]

Despite all of the drama, all of them are having a lot of fun.

[Jjs: I'm not.]

[AN: I’m not having fun even when there’s no drama.]

Little did they know, their lives were about to get exponentially more dramatic, tragic, and complicated.

[Jjs: Oh goodie, we definitely need more of that.]

[AN: My life becomes exponentially more tragic every time I read another line.]

~~~

("Gives You Hell" by The All-American Rejects plays throughout the scene)

[Jjs: This show is giving me hell.]

Robbie was driving to Morgan's house with the gun in the seat next to him in his boatmobile.

[Jjs: I hope that gun is wearing a seatbelt.]

[AN: Ha, the gun is riding shotgun.]

He asked Arianna where Trey would be, and she said she heard Anna saying she was going to Morgan's house, so her boyfriend Trey would probably be there as well.

[Jjs: So, I'm going to Morgan's house where all her friends are, and I think Anna's boyfriend might be there! Also, how do they know which house is Morgan's?]

[AN: “Friends….At place…..boyfriend…must be there….. too!” Classic caveman logic.]

Arianna assumed Robbie was just going to hurt Trey more,

[Jjs: Really now, I wouldn't have guessed, considering you hired him to "beat up Trey" in the first place.]

but he was unfortunately going to do much more than that. Much more.

[Jjs: Is he going to make Trey have a reality check and see the horrors of this spin-off?]

[AN: He’s going to hold Trey at gunpoint and force him to….READ BIKINI TOP, NOOOOO]

~~~

("The Way We Get By" by Spoon plays throughout the scene)

[Jjs: Well, at least the previous song didn't drag on forever like in the past few episodes.]

[AN: hehe spoon]

The girls were going to make a lunch for the group. So the guys were just talking.

[Jjs: I think I have a great video to sum up this scene.]

"So, how's pre-fatherhood going?" Trey asked Jake. 

"Well... it sucks," Jake said. "I'm worried, and now that we're low on money, I think maybe I should get a job to support my baby."

[AN: Maybe? Nah, actually, don’t get a job and see what happens!]

"Maybe," Trey said. "But didn't Jackie's parents give her a bunch of money for Christmas?"

"Yeah," Jake said. "But still... I feel like I need to."

[Jjs: No no, that's not how you do it! Where's the beer and Hank Hill talk? I'd rather watch King of the Hill over this anyways.]

"I think the Smoothie Shack is hiring," Bryan told him.

[Jjs I....I'm not even going to bother.]

"I could work there," Jake said. "Plus, maybe I can get a discount on smoothies. Yum, right?"

[Jjs: Yum indeed, because apparently that's the only drink this town likes. Speaking of the Smoothie Shack, I wonder if SpongeBob and Patrick got their jobs there. Then again, they have pretty much dropped off this show, because 70s thought it was too much of an effort to properly put SpongeBob characters in this.]

[AN: I love how a Smoothie Shop is the first thing that comes to his mind when talking about jobs that’ll support his family.]

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, the girls were also talking.

[Jjs: I'll have my favorite KOTH gang sum this up again. Maybe the ladies will get it right.]

"So whatever happened to that whole play thing?" Anna asked Naomi.

"Oh, the lady who was running it left the school," Naomi said. "So no more play."

[Jjs: That was such an ass pull, seriously. It was so bad that I think I need to introduce a new running gag and police squad - the ASS PULL POLICE! I wonder how many we'll pick up in this episode. Anyways, at least now she won't have to star in a very pornographic play, though that probably would've been more interesting than the current plots.]

[AN: So she just randomly left. For no reason with no explanation given. Okay then.]

"Your mom must be pissed!" Morgan laughed.

"Yeah, she is," Naomi told her. "Not as funny as you might think. She's being a total bitch, and I don't know if I can take it anymore."

[Jjs: ASS PULL POLICE (2)! Since when was it ever brought up before Naomi's mom was mad about it, since we're just now hearing this? Then again, I pretty much forgot Naomi's mother existed up until now, so thanks for that ass pull. Man, the Ass Pull Police and Plot Hole Police might have to team up for this episode.]

"Well you can get through it," Morgan said. "You're strong."

[Jjs: Army strong.]

[AN: HEFTY HEFTY HEFTY]

"Yeah, because doing coke is the perfect way to deal with your problems..." Temperance said quietly. Then everyone looked at her.

[Jjs: Oh, that's a nice way to cheer up your friend.]

"What? It's the truth. Her mom didn't visit her once while she was in the hospital, or while she was in rehab for all of January!

[Jjs: ASS PULL POLICE (3)! I like how this is our first time hearing of Naomi ever going to rehab. I know it's reasonable she would, but I absolutely love how it was never mentioned before, not even once.]

And her mother stressing her out was the entire reason she was doing drugs and almost died in the first place. You know I'm right!"

[AN: No, you’re stupid.]

"She's right," Jackie said. "We decided that she was the reason."

"True," Morgan said. "But she's still her mother."

"I'm not living with my parents," Jackie said. "I'm living with you."

[Jjs: Um, and this applies to you how?]

"It's a little different, Jackie," Morgan said.

"That's true," Jackie said.

"Whatever," Naomi said. "Can we just forget it?"

"Sure," the other girls said.

[AN: In a room full of bitches, you can say “Forget it” and the bitches’ll stop bitching? I WISH]

~~~

Tori, Larry, and Mitchell were all having some wine, discussing things.

[Jjs: I wonder what these "things" are, will they be something worthy of my attention span?]

"So, Dad, we have something to tell you," Tori said.

[AN: “Dad, we’re all part of a really shitty story!”]

"What is it?" Mitchell asked.

"We adopted Bryan Errin," Larry told him.

[Jjs: Never mind.]

"He's the boy whose father was killed by the drug dealer? The one whose house was burned down by some mysterious arsonist?" Mitchell asked. "Why the hell did you adopt him? What do you have to do with this kid? How is he your problem?"

[Jjs: Why is this episode filled with ass pulls? Will this show ever end? Will my pizza be ready? Will the person who apparently gets killed off in this episode be of importance? Will this show get any worse? Will I ever take a break? As you can see pal, I have a lot of questions too, but I'm not being a douche about it.]

[AN: WHY AM I ASKING YOU ALL THESE QUESTIONS??]

"He's one of Jake's closest friends, Dad," Tori said. "And he's a very good kid. A very sweet kid. You'd really like him if you took the time to get to know him."

[Jjs: I kind of find this ironic, considering the events on the so-called "Christmas episode".]

"He's your father," Larry said. "He won't take the time to get to know anyone."

[AN: Just like Darth Vader!]

"Remember, I'm the one paying your damn bills..." Mitchell said, then left the room. "I'm going outside. I need some fresh air for a minute."

[Jjs: MAN, I PAY FOR YOUR DAMN BILLS, I DESERVE TO BE RESPECTED LIKE GOD!]

"Why do you do that, Larry?" Tori asked. "Why do you hate my father so much? He's not perfect, I know, but he is my father, Larry."

[Jjs: Why did you eat my pizza, Larry? You know that was for me, Larry?]

[AN: Why do you hate Satan, Larry? He’s evil, but he is still Satan, Larry.]

"I haven't liked the man since you walked yourself down the aisle at our wedding," Larry said. "He wasn't at his daughter's wedding, Tori! What does that say about him, your 'father'? What does that say about how much he cares about his family? To me it says he doesn't give a damn! That's what it says. You can think whatever you want about him, but I don't like the guy."

[Jjs: Maybe he hates you because of your bitching.]

"He wasn't there because there was an important client in WaterFalls that he had to see to," Tori said. "He just couldn't make it. He cares about his family. It wasn't his choice not to be there. If he could have been there, I'm positive he would have been. But at the time it simply wasn't possible, and that's that. It says nothing about how much he cares about his family, or his daughter."

[AN: It says nothing because that’s how much he cares about your family. ZING!]

"It says everything about how much he cares about his family, or his daughter!" Larry announced. "We changed the date of that wedding five times for Mitchell, but he still couldn't make it.

[Jjs: To be fair, if you had to change the date five times, that's some pretty fucking poor planning on your end.]

He doesn't care. Work is more important to him than his family, and I hate that it's that way to him."

"So what did I miss?" Mitchell said when he walked back into the home.

[Jjs: Oh nothing, your son-in-law just bashed you behind your back. Nothing of importance.]

[AN: You didn’t miss much, just a poor attempt at character development.]

"Nothing," Tori said.

"Nothing," Larry said.

[Jjs: Nothing at all...nothing at all! NOTHING AT ALL! Gah, stupid sexy Flanders!]

 

"Okay..." Mitchell said. He poured himself another glass of wine.

[AN: Wine just fixes everything in this show, doesn’t it?]

~~~

("If You Leave" by Nada Sur plays throughout the montage [not an end montage])

[Jjs: Thanks for telling me it's not an end montage, I couldn't tell considering there's still more of this episode left to riff.]

[AN: Thanks for the fyi 70s, I thought it was an opening montage.]

Robbie is outside the house, waiting for Trey to come out.

[Jjs: DUN DUN DUN.]

[AN: The suspense. It’s killing me. HA GET IT]

Arianna is thinking about going to see Trey at Morgan's house, and tell him she still loves him. Maybe he'll pick her. Nah, she decides against it.

[Jjs: So she still has feelings for Trey, but she just lets her "badass cousin" kill him anyway. No wonder why he dumped you.]

Brenda picks out a wedding dress.

[Jjs: Oh, you exist. And that's our useless montage line.]

Larry, Tori, and Mitchell talk some more.

Trey walks outside, and gapes when he sees Robbie with a gun. He tries to run, but is shot immediately.

[Jjs: Cool, Trey died. Oh wait...you're telling me I'm supposed to care? Lol. I would care, if Trey had any proper build-up or character prior. One of my biggest problems is that the characters are just bland, barely developed, unlikable, and there's really nothing ever explained about them (or nothing to explain at all), and as a result, it's hard to care if they get injured or killed. Trey has barely been important in the last few episodes anyways, so his death is about as "mind-blowing" as Gordan's.]

[AN: Robbie needs to get those anger issues checked, it ruins his character- Oh. Wait.]

~~~

"What was that?" Anna asked.

"Sounded like a gun!" Jake yelled.

[Jjs: I figured the loud shotgun sound would've gave it away, but this is Jake after all.]

[AN: Nah, Jake, sounded more like a sandwich to me.]

"Oh my God, oh my God, oh my GOD!" Anna shrieked.

[Jjs: Anna, we already played babble like an idiot.]

"Oh my God, Trey was out there."

[Jjs: No, he's over here.]

So Bryan, Jake, Anna, Temperance, Jackie, Morgan, and Naomi rushed outside to see if their friend was okay. They needed to be absolutely sure that he was unharmed. But he wasn't.

[Jjs: Nah, there was a large gun blast, and he's laying on the ground dead. I'm sure he's okay.]

[AN: Maybe he’ll come back to life through the power of LOVE and MAGIC.]

Anna checked for a pulse. "There's no pulse!" she yelled. "He's d-dead."

[Jjs: Wow, you care so much that your boyfriend died.]

[AN: I love how he made Anna stutter to show how utterly heartbroken she is.]

All of them started crying. Their hearts sank. How could it be? Who shot him?

[Jjs: It was the butler!]

"Who could have done it?" Bryan asked, wiping away tears.

[Jjs: I think Clappy's predicted theme song for this show will come in handy for this scene.]

[AN: I think we all know who did this.]

"He had this fight going on with this Robbie guy, Arianna's cousin," Anna said. "It was probably him. He was some psycho guy. Mentally unstable. REALLY mentally unstable."

"I'm calling the police," Morgan said.

"I'm going home," Anna said.

[Jjs: That's it? Your boyfriend gets shot, you tell us some vague backstory on Robbie and you're going home? Jesus christ people, Tommy Wiseau could seriously put more emotion in than these people.]

~~~

It had been a couple of days since Trey's death. The police just found Robbie.

"I got a gun!" he sneered.

[AN: Robbie should be a cop, he’s a loose cannon that doesn’t play by the rules.]

"So do we," the Chief of Police, Henry Riviera, said.

[Jjs: Oh hey...you.]

[AN: The police have guns? As JCM would say, “What a twist!”]

The police officers surrounding him pulled out their guns, prepared to shoot. "You're under the arrest for the murder of Trey Atkins."

[Jjs: His last name is Atkins? ASS PULL POLICE (4)! Does 70s have some problem with saying their last names right off the bat? It's about as out of nowhere as Naomi's last name being Duncan.]

~~~

("She Will Be Loved" by Maroon 5 plays throughout the end montage)

Robbie is taken to jail.

[Jjs: 20 years to life.]

[AN: Don’t drop the soap!]

Arianna is told that Robbie killed Trey, and she cries and cries. It was all her fault.

[Jjs: Of course, now you care when he dies.]

[AN: I don’t, though!]

Anna laid on her bed, thinking about Trey. She sobbed. She didn't believe he was gone. She didn't believe she would never see him again.

[Jjs: Unless you die too and meet him in the afterlife, then no, you won't see him again.]

[AN: I’m waiting for the magic and love to kick in.]

Bryan and Jake are in the living room, being comforted by Tori and Larry as they cry. Mitchell is outside, taking another walk.

Naomi is crying.

Jackie is crying.

Temperance is crying.

Everyone is crying.

[Jjs: Jjs and Nuggets are crying. No wait, they aren't because they couldn't care less about the character of Trey.]

[AN: I’m not crying, I’m laughing at how badly written this was. Thanks for the opportunity to riff, jjs!]

[So Sejima]

that was short

[SpongeOddFan]

short, sweet & to the point.

 

good commentary though.

[Jjs Goodman]

Bikini Top - Season 1

S1E1 (1) - Pilot

S1E2 (2) - Jex

S1E3 (3) - Trapped

S1E4 (4) - Crushed

S1E5 (5) - Memories and Repercussions

S1E6 (6) - Arianna and Naomi 

S1E7 (7) - Things Get Musical

S1E8 (8) - Bad News Brenda 

S1E9 (9) - Turn of Events

S1E10 (10) - Auditions

S1E11 (11) - Funeral

S1E12 (12) - Bikini Bottomites

S1E13 (13) - Not a Winter Wonderland

S1E14 (14) - Not a Holly Jolly Christmas, Either

S1E15 (15) - Valentine's Day

S1E16 (16) - Green Things: Money, and Jealousy

S1E17 (17) - My Life Will Suck Without You

 

S1E18 (18) - Life After You:

 

Spoiler

Previously on Bikini Top... Mitchell gives Tori and Larry the money. Jake decides to get a Smoothie Shack job. The girls discuss Naomi's mother. But the biggest shock is Robbie shooting and killing Trey. Robbie is arrested, and everyone is crying.

 

[Jjs: Welcome back, Box! Are you ready to tackle down another episode? We just have 3 more to go.]

[Box: Judging by how 70s' writing is as clever as Stephanie Meyer's tumor, we're in for a load here.]

 

Everyone is upset. Today is the day of Trey's funeral, and everyone is dreading it. So many tears are being shed, and so many memories are being remembered. Everyone is remembering times they had with Trey Atkins. Anna remembers their first kiss. She cries more.

 

[Jjs: Take it away, Mr. Krabs! Seems appropriate considering this is most definitely the theme song.]

 

(Theme plays)

Jackie was getting ready, but not for the funeral. Before the funeral, she was going to the OPGYN to find out the sex of the baby.

 

[Jjs: The...what?]

[Box: Is it... the Oxygen Pig Gabbro Yoyo No network?]

 

Jake was going with her, he was picking her up soon. She waited for a while, and soon he was there. His eyes were bloodshot from crying, as were Jackie's.

 

[Jjs: You might want to get those eyes checked out.]
[Box: I hope this doesn't turn into Bikini Death, the hyperrealistic scary internet spaghetti coming to theaters near you.]

("Some of Us" by Starsailor begins playing)

 

[Jjs: Some of us are hoping this episode isn't painfully bad like the past 17...that some of us being Box and I.]
[Box: And the entire internet or at least the part that doesn't consist of people that write Harry Potter fanfics involving the giant squid and Hogwarts having sex.]

"Let's get this over with," Jackie said, and sniffled.

 

[Jjs: Yup, I said the same thing before beginning this episode.]

"Yep," Jake agreed.

He drove to the doctor's office. They waited in the lobby, then Jackie's name was called. They walked in nervously. It was quick, and emotional. Both of them were crying now, but not because they were sad about Trey's death.

 

[Jjs: Did 70s eat too much sugar when he wrote this scene?]
[Box: No, he was smoking cocaine he got from some guys in Timbuktu, I bet.]

"It's a girl," the doctor said. "Congratulations."

 

[Jjs: It's a boy! It's a girl! It's a bird! It's a plane!]
[Box: It's Bikiniman!]

"Oh my God," Jake said.

"What, did you want a boy?" Jackie asked.

 

[Jjs: No, clearly he wanted a bagel.]

"No, I-I'm having a baby girl," Jake said. "We're having a baby girl."

 

[Jjs: Too bad she'll probably be useless like Temperance's adopted sister Alexandria...speaking of which, what happend to her? Oh well, I guess I can't trust this show to be consistant.]
[Box: Alexandria was present at my Whiny Bitch Awards ceremony. The girls from Jersey Shore were runner-up.]

"Great," Jackie said, and wiped away some tears. "Let's go. We have a funeral to go to."

 

~~~

("Show Me What I'm Looking For" by Carolina Liar begins playing)

 

[Jjs: I'm looking for some decency in this episode.]
[Box: I hope that someone will explain what the hell these songs are. Did Beckee become the music director?]

It was a beautiful funeral, if that doesn't sound horrible. Trey's parents were both there, crying, yet still thanking everyone who attended.

 

[Jjs: Thank you all for coming *sniff*, and we are very sad our son died. *sniff*]
[box: Funeral over, bring out the dancing lobsters.]

Trey's father Matthew stepped up to deliver the eulogy. "My son... he was a good boy. Not perfect, but I loved him nonetheless. No one is perfect. I know I'm not perfect, but that's besides the point. I loved him so much. He didn't deserve this, no one deserves this.

 

[Jjs: Not even...Squidward's house.]

 

 

The kid that killed my son, Robbie Jenkins, is in jail.

 

[Jjs: The writer seems to have a huge issue with telling us their last names beforehand. Also, hopefully Robbie dropped the soap.]

[Box: Did Old Man Jenkins' son become a gothic wannabe or something? This show is so unmemorable I can't remember.]

 

But I don't hate him for what he did. I think he is mentally unstable, and God loves everyone equally.

 

[Jjs: So, just because he's mentally unstable means it’s okay he killed your son.]

 

All that I want is for a nice funeral, and for everyone to have fond memories of my son, because that's what he deserves. I want all of you to remember Trey Atkins not as the boy who was shot by Robbie Jenkins, but as the boy who was brave. As the boy who was intelligent. As the boy who was funny. As the boy who I will miss.

 

[Jjs: As a bland character with no development. As a who was that character again? As a oh hey, it's the guy who dated Anna. As a Jjs is running out of jokes for this, but maybe Box can back him up. As a boy who didn't do much, but hey, here's another funeral episode because we have an extra episode slot open.]

[Box: As the boy this town will forget for some more jex plots and straws into coffee cups.]

 

There will always be an empty space in my heart. That empty place is where all my love for my only son was. And now he's gone. Rest in peace, son. You're with God now. Say hi to him, and your grandma as well." Matthew stepped off the stage, crying.

 

[Jjs: Well, at least he put in more emotion than how they reacted to Trey's death in the previous episode.]

This funeral was topping Gordan Errin's for being sad.

 

[Jjs: Yeah, screw Gordan. His funeral wasn't as sad, so let's completely forget he died.]

[Box: Gordan was a man who was the Chief Of Police

His life was forgettable as Alice her niece

In the 70s he was the underwater Grease.

A perfect tombstone. With pepperoni and cheese.]

 

They were both almost the same, and yet so different. Everyone was sadder this time around, for some reason. Especially the kids. Because they were there. Because they saw the bullet wound on one of their very best friends.

("Show Me What I'm Looking For" stops playing)

 

[Jjs: No! I still haven't found what I'm looking for! Curse you 70s!]
[Box: *record scratch*]

Temperance and Bryan were standing together, having some water.
 

[Jjs: Whoa, hold up here. Aren't they already having water? This show (supposedly) takes place underwater.]
[Box: ]

 

"So, how are you doing?" Temperance asked.

 

[Jjs: He's probably doing fine. His dad died recently, lost his house, had to move in with his best friend, was a douche to everyone on Christmas, swallowed a bunch of painkillers (and lived), and was in the hospital for over a month. I think he's doing GREAT! He's doing so grrreeaaat, that I'll let Tony the Tiger tell us as well.]

[Box: The Oscar Award for stupidest bitch goes to........... Temperance. Dear God.]

 

"Bad," Bryan said. "How about you?"

"Bad," Temperance replied. "Why do our damn lives suck so much?"

 

[Jjs: Because 70s wrote them that way?]

"I don't know," Bryan said. "Maybe it's karma. Did we do something wrong?"

 

[Jjs: No, your characters are just bad to begin with.]
[Box:]

 

 

"I don't think so," Temperance said. "And if we did, it was just some sort of mistake. And we're teenagers, with our hormones all over the place. Mistakes aren't uncommon at our age. They're actually extremely common.

 

[Jjs: They're pretty damn common in this show.]

[Box: "Hormones all over the place". That describes this piece of crap pretty well.]

 

And anyways, who the hell believes in karma?"

 

[Jjs: People.]
[Box: "And who believes in water?" spat Temperance.]

"I don't know," Bryan sighed. "I was just looking for some sort of excuse as to why Trey died. Why? I just don't even understand."

 

[Jjs: He died because Mr. Badass and his cousin Mrs. Bitch were conspiring against him.]
[Box: Thank God this show got cancelled after its second season.]

"Neither do I," Anna said. "So how's Anna doing?"

 

[Box: Wait. "Neither do I," Anna said. "So how's Anna doing?" She's curious as to how she feels?]

[Jjs: I can tell 70s proofread this well.]

"Not good," Bryan told her.

 

[Jjs: Gee, what gave it away?]

("Whataya Want From Me" by Adam Lambert begins playing)

[Box: I have a good song for you, Ghost Of 70s Past...

Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows,

Everything that's wonderful is what I feel when we're together,
Brighter than a lucky penny,
When you're near the rain cloud disappears, dear,
And I feel so fine just to know that you are mine.

My life is sunshine, lollipops and rainbows,
That's how this refrain goes, so come on, join in everybody!

Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows,
Everything that's wonderful is sure to come your way
When you're in love to stay.

Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows,
Everything that's wonderful is what I feel when we're together,
Brighter than a lucky penny,
When you're near the rain cloud disappears, dear,
And I feel so fine just to know that you are mine.

My life is sunshine, lollipops and rainbows,
That's how this refrain goes, so come on, join in everybody!

Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows,
Everything that's wonderful is sure to come your way
'Cause you're in love, you're in love,
And love is here to stay!]

 

Anna was in bad shape. Really bad shape. Ever since Trey died a week and a half ago,she's been a wreck.

 

[Jjs: He died a week and a half ago? What is it with the time skips in this show, seriously? Are the things that happen in between so redundant and dull that 70s couldn't even write them into episodes? Actually, maybe that's for the best.]

 

She tried to keep things positive.

 

[Box: G.I. Joe says don't take drugs!]

 

It was the middle of May. Almost the end of school. It didn't work. She was still crying her eyes out. Her boyfriend was gone. She walked up to Matthew Atkins.

"Your eulogy was beautiful," she said.

"Thank you, Anna," Matthew said. "So how are you doing?"

 

[Jjs: Hmm, her boyfriend just died. I wonder how she's doing? Seriously, do these people love asking the same questions over and over? 70s' boner for length is way too obvious again.]

[Box: Brighter than a lucky penny.]

 

"Terrible," Anna said. "Mr. Atkins, I'm doing terrible. You know what you said about that empty space in your heart? It's like that for me too, except maybe worse. I saw him, with that bullet wound. I heard the gunshot. It's just so... horrible. And you said you don't hate Robbie, but I sure as hell do. I mean, he killed Trey."

 

[Jjs: Seriously, is it just me Box or have all the characters been saying the exact same damn things? It's why I've been so bored during this episode.]
[Box: It's not just you. 70s is a madman.]

"I realize that," Matthew said. "But God has a plan for all of us. You know that."

 

[Jjs: Yes, because God is just going to bring Trey and Gordan back to life so you can all stop your whining. I want him to do things for me too, but he's a very busy man. He doesn't have time to listen to whiny teens on a cliche teen drama.]

"I don't know how I feel about all that religion stuff right now," Anna said. "With all the things that have been going on lately, I just really don't know."

 

[Jjs: Wait...while we are on the subject of religion, I'd just like to point out something: If this is underwater, shouldn't they be praising Poseidon/Neptune as their God? Just a big nitpick I've been wanting to point out for ages now.]
[Box: They're probably refusing to acknowledge his bald spot.]

"I understand," Matthew said. "You'll change your mind, I assure you."

Anna sniffled.

"You know, Trey did love you," Matthew told her.

 

[Jjs: A perfect relationship in this show? Nah, that's crazy talk!

]

 

"He talked about you all the time. About how great you were. How you were funny, pretty, smart, amazing. How he didn't deserve a girl that was as wonderful as you were. His mother and I were always having to listen to him talking and talking about you. Trey sure could talk, that's for sure. Especially about something he liked, like you."

"Thank you so much, Mr. Atkins," Anna said.

"You're welcome," Matthew said. "Thank you for coming."

 

[Jjs: *wakes up* Oh hey Box, is anything interesting actually happening? If not, I'm going back to sleep again.]
[Box: At the rate this spinoff is going, you'll be Sleeping Beauty.]

 

("Whataya Want From Me" stops playing)

Jake and Jackie were talking.

"Okay, we need to stop with the sadness," Jackie said. "Let's think of baby names for our little girl."

 

[Jjs: Yes, because deciding your baby's name is much more important than a funeral for one of your friends.]
[Box: Name her Quetzal The Great or something. Now how about you rant that nerd glasses are really cramping your style?]

("The Funeral" by Band of Horses begins playing)

[Box:  ]

 

"Hannah?" Jake suggested.

"Esther?" Jackie asked.

"Hope?" Jake said.

 

[Jjs: SPONGEBOB!]
[Box: ...'s picture from the Christmas party.]

"This isn't helping..." Jackie said.

 

[Jjs: I helped plenty, clearly I had the most original name.]

"Yep," Jake replied. "I miss Trey already."

"The eulogy was nice," Jackie said.

"Uh-huh," Jake said.

"So..." Jackie said.

"What am I gonna do without Trey?" Jake asked.

"Well, you have Bryan," Jackie said.

 

[Jjs: Man, this dialogue is making me so...sleepy...*zzzzzz*]
[Box: Here, take a sleeping pill. It'll end it faster.]

"You know that's not the same," Jake said. "I mean, Bryan's like my brother."

 

[Jjs: We're like brothers...only closer.]
[Box:   ]

 

"So because he's like your brother you can't talk to him, or be friends with him?" Jackie asked. "Sorry, but that doesn't make much sense to me."

 

[Jjs: This conversation doesn't make much sense to me. It's why I've been so close to falling asleep.]

"Nevermind..." Jake said. "I'm just gonna miss him. A lot."

"Me too," Jackie said. "He was a really good guy."

 

[Jjs: Yes, the guy who had barely any development or focus. Such a great guy.]

Nearby, Arianna was feeling horrible.

 

[Jjs: Yeah, you just killed your ex-boyfriend by hiring Mr. Badass. You should feel ashamed of yourself!]

[Box: I think the only happy actor in this show was the ceiling light from episode 6.]

 

She, like everyone else in Bikini Top, had been invited to Trey's funeral. She couldn't stop crying. Trey's death was completely her fault. She was the one who told Robbie to hurt Trey in the first place, and she knew Robbie wasn't mentally healthy. She went up to Trey's mother, Judy.

 

[Jjs: If she knew Robbie wasn't mentally healthy, why the hell did she think it was a bright idea to even consider asking him for help?]
[Box: And did every citizen (which is now 1,998) actually attend the funeral? Holy conch on a cracker.]

"I'm so sorry for your loss," Arianna told her, and blew her nose.

 

[Jjs: To quote one of Wumbo's riffs: "Booger imagery: High art."]
[Box: Monet is crying. It's SO BOOTIFUL!]

"Oh, it's okay Adrianna," Judy said.

 

[Jjs: Adrianna? When did Arianna get a d added to her name?]
[Box: 2004. She forgot it for years, though.]

"It's Arianna, Mrs. Atkins," Arianna corrected her.

 

[Jjs: Yeah, fuck her, she added a d to your name! A D, YOU ASSHOLE, A D!]

"Oh," Judy said. "I apologize."

 

[Jjs: I'll have OneRepublic take it away from here.]

 

"It's okay," Arianna said. "Me and Trey dated for a while, and I miss him. I really do. I'm so sorry that he's gone. I don't think I'll ever forget him."

 

[Jjs: I miss him even though I was responsible for his death. I'm sorry.]

"Neither will I," Judy said. "Thank you for coming."

After simply having that conversation with Judy, Arianna felt much better about Trey and his death. She still felt guilty, but not as guilty.

("The Funeral" stops playing)

 

[Jjs: Man, 70s sure is a rich man to get these extended editions of songs, not seen to anyone else!]

Soon, the funeral was over.

 

[Jjs: Wait, there was a funeral? To me it seemed like a bunch of boring conversations and characters repeating the same things.]
[Box: I actually thought the funeral was over a long time ago.]

"Thank you all for coming!" Matthew said.

"Yes, thank you," Judy said.

~~~

("Life After You" by Daughtry plays throughout the end montage)

 

[Box: FOR GOD'S SAKES, 70S, CAN'T YOU JUST PLAY SOMETHING YOU SUNG IN KINDERGARTEN?]

[Jjs: Alright...$100 for the one line of no importance. How much you bet, Box?]
[Box: All of my six dollars. All of it.]

Anna lays on her bed, and cries. She picks up her cell phone, and views all of the texts she had gotten from Trey before. Symbolically, she deleted Trey from her contacts. She also went onto his Fishbook page and logged in since she knew his password. She posted a new status: "I was killed by that bastard Robbie Jenkins."

 

[Jjs: Fishbook? What's next? FishSpace? FishTwitter? Man, these fish puns are killing me!]
[Box: Finterest. Instafish. Swimmit. Worst I could come up with.]

Bryan and Jake, whose eyes are bloodshot, decide to play video games. Jake shares the sex of the baby with Bryan.

 

[Jjs: I'll take that as our line of no importance.]
[Box: I felt like barfing earlier this morning, but now I think the vomit has started to riot and is swimming out as we speak.]

Matthew and Judy Atkins share a hug, and decide that they need to move away. They're going to move to New Kelp City, just to escape from memories of their son.

 

[Jjs: New Kelp City? Why is this show suddenly trying to be SpongeBob themed? Also, they better hope the Bubble Poppin' Boys aren't there.]
[Box: I'm pretty guilty to using it, but why is every gigantic city in SpongeBob fan-fiction nowadays New Kelp City?]

Jackie stares down at her stomach, and smiles. She was happy. It was great that she was happy. She hadn't been truly happy since Trey died.

 

[Jjs: So, now that Trey's funeral is over, that means to Jackie: "Screw him, he's dead, we mourned his loss, and I can be happy again!"]

Despite all of the wedding things in her house, Temperance still feels upset about Trey dying.

 

The camera holds on Trey's tombstone:

 

[Jjs: The camera is holding on Trey's tombstone? When did the cameraman's camera grow hands?]

"Trey Atkins: Friend, Boyfriend, Classmate, Friend. Rest in Peace."

 

[Box: I only wish we had Tim Curry as a transvestite who pops out of nowhere, that would really spice things up.]

[Jjs: That's all the tombstone could say about him? I think it forgot to add: "Truth be told, nobody really knew much about this character.” While this episode wasn't the worst of them all, it was still pretty damn boring, and also pretty unoriginal given we already had a funeral episode this season. Thanks for co-riffing again, Boxxy Brown!]

[Box: You're welcome, jjs, and it's always a pleasure. Hope you can survive a dog's hair follicle's fantasy of underseas for just a little longer!]

[Wumbo]

Every time you put that world's saddest song in there, it just cracks me right the fuck up.

[Metal Snake]

Great commentary, but I would've pressed harder on the "Robbie is mentally unhealthy" asspull issue. So Arianna's like Ice King from the "Hitman" episode of Adventure Time. If you think it through, this whole "ROBBIE WENT CRAZY AND KILLED TREY" issue is comical, not sad.

[Jjs Goodman]

Bikini Top - Season 1

S1E1 (1) - Pilot

S1E2 (2) - Jex

S1E3 (3) - Trapped

S1E4 (4) - Crushed

S1E5 (5) - Memories and Repercussions

S1E6 (6) - Arianna and Naomi 

S1E7 (7) - Things Get Musical

S1E8 (8) - Bad News Brenda 

S1E9 (9) - Turn of Events

S1E10 (10) - Auditions

S1E11 (11) - Funeral

S1E12 (12) - Bikini Bottomites

S1E13 (13) - Not a Winter Wonderland

S1E14 (14) - Not a Holly Jolly Christmas, Either

S1E15 (15) - Valentine's Day

S1E16 (16) - Green Things: Money, and Jealousy

S1E17 (17) - My Life Will Suck Without You

S1E18 (18) - Life After You

 

S1E19 (19) - That Kiss:

 

Spoiler

Previously on Bikini Top... Nearly everyone in Bikini Top attends Trey's funeral. It is an emotional event. Arianna feels guilty, and Anna feels very upset. Jake and Jackie learn that their baby is going to be a girl, and Jake tells Bryan. So it wasn't eventful, but it was sad. They're wasn't a dry eye in front of the computer screen. But in this episode... well, how about you read it?

 
[Jjs: Welcome to our special guest today - the Snark Knight JCM! Can he take on this episode with me? Will this episode be surprisingly good? Why am I asking YOU all these questions?]

[JCM: Thanks for the introduction, jjs! Nothing will give me greater pleasure than riffing this so-called "spin-off" about so-called "characters".]
 
("I Will Follow You Into the Dark" by Death Cab for Cutie plays throughout the scene)

Morgan was still jealous of Jackie. She knew she shouldn't be, she was a pregnant teenager. But she was a pregnant teenager who was pregnant with Jake's baby.
 
[Jjs: Redundancy of Redundancy Department would like to have a word with you Morgan in that house which is a house on the street on this block, in this town.]
[JCM: Mojo Jojo's got nothin' on you!]
 
Morgan hated still liking Jake, maybe even loving him.
 
[Jjs: You kind of missed your call. And didn't you already sleep with another guy, too? So you're both guilty of cheating on each other.]
 
She kept reminding herself that a girl had his bun in her oven, but it didn't help.
 
[Jjs: Seriously, am I the only one noticing how badly worded this is? Broken English, speak me no.]
 
He was so cute, and sweet, and funny.
 
[Jjs: He was so annoying, and bland, and grating, and a jerk, and let's keep running this sentence on.]
 
Maybe he had changed. He wasn't really like that when the two of them dated. Maybe his girlfriend being pregnant had changed Jake. But no, no, no, NO.
 
[JCM: (imitating Darth Vader) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-I'm done.]
[Jjs: But yes, yes, yes, YES. I don't get why you just can't move on, you already fucked a guy too, so you're both even.]
 
Jackie was Morgan's friend. She was living with her, for the love of God!
 
[Jjs: Oh yeah, I completely forgot Jackie was living with Morgan now, considering this is the first time it's been brought up in ages.]
 
Her phone started ringing. Her heart was racing. It was Jake.
 
"Hello?" she asked.

"Hey," he said. "So, today's the last day of school."
 
[JCM: Wow, really? She totally couldn't have figured that out by looking at a calendar!]

"Yeah," Morgan said. "What a year."
 
[Jjs: I know right, the year flew by so fast in this show!]

"That's for sure," Jake agreed. "At least it went by fast. But let's see, there's been death, teen pregnancy, comas, drug addiction, bridges collapsing, you hooking up with that random Leo douche..."
 
[Jjs:  ]

"His name was Liam," Morgan said.
 
[Jjs: Oh yeah, whatever happened to him? Did he join the SpongeBob characters and Alexandria in the Forgotten Character Zone?]

"Whatever..." Jake said jokingly. "My point is that this year has been crazy, and I remember what it was like before all this craziness."

"What was it like?" Morgan asked.

"You and me," Jake said.

"Oh," Morgan replied. "Well you and me are over. We have been for a long time. We were over even before we were really over, you know?"
 
[Jjs: Ah yes, all because of you being the President of the Celibacy Club. Speaking of which, is Morgan still even in that club considering she had Jex with Liam? I wonder who replaced her as president. I'm also surprised Morgan isn't pregnant, though having another girl pregnant is too risky for 70s...or is it?]
[JCM: "Well you and me are over." You get an F in grammar.]
 
"I guess so," Jake said. "But I miss it. Don't you?"
 
[Jjs: Miss you being a whiny bitch that kept pressuring your girlfriend for Jex? Of course! That was my favorite part to your already bad character.]

"Of c-course I do," Morgan said. "But it's in the past. And the past is the past so let's leave it in the past. Don't dig up the past, you know?"
 
[Jjs: Redundancy of Redundancy Department would like to have a word with you Morgan in that house which is a house on the street on this block, in this town.]
 
"You just said past a lot," Jake said.
 
[Jjs: Let's put the past in the past, where we can forget about the past, and let the past be the past! Oh shit, I think the Redundancy Department wants to talk to me now...]

"Yeah..." Morgan replied.

"Why?" Jake asked her.

"Jake... I still... like you, or love you," Morgan said.
 
[Jjs: *cue OOOOOOOH from laugh track*]

"I knew it!" Jake yelled. "Morgan, do you know how crazy this is?"
 
[JCM: It's between kind of crazy, crazy as a hoe, and just cray.]

"Yes," she said.

"Then why? Why are you doing this to me?" he asked her.
 
[Jjs: What is she doing? All she did was say she still liked you, unless that's code for "I'm going to fucking kill you, bury you in the ground, and dance Gangnam Style on your grave".]

"It's not like I can help it," she said. "Trust me, if I had the choice, I would like anyone else in the world, and not you. Definitely not you. I don't want to hurt Jackie at all, or you, or the baby. That's the last thing in the whole sea that I want to do. But I can't help it."

"What are we gonna do?" Jake asked.

 

[Jjs: Magic Conch Shell: Nothing.]

"I have no idea..." Morgan replied.

"Well, can we just forget it?" Jake asked.

"Forget what?" Morgan asked.
 
[JCM: Wow, you're either really good at this or just really stupid. I'm banking on the latter.]

"Your feelings for me," Jake said.

"I guess it can't hurt to try..." Morgan said.
 
[Jjs: I still like how Morgan forgot Liam existed. I guess her having sweet Jex with him meant nothing, poor Liam, even if he was a douche.]
 
(Theme plays)
 
[Jjs: Wait, the theme didn't play until now? Damn, that was one hell of a long intro!]
 
Jackie was actually kind of excited. It was the last day of school, and she was eight and a half months pregnant. She didn't have to go to school because of going into birth being a possibility, but she wanted to. She wanted sophomore year to be over. And she wanted to be there for the end, too. For the last bell of the year ringing. The excitement in the halls. It was all so... great. Then of course, there was the Last Day of School Dance. Not prom, Bikini Top High School hadn't had a prom since 1979, because of some incident.
 
[Jjs: Me boy, nobody has had a prom at the Bikini Top High School since the Chum Famine of '79.]
 
But the Last Day of School Dance was like Bikini Top's prom. It was fun, everyone dressed up in fancy,expensive clothes. And there was a Summer Queen and a Summer King. Jackie was really looking forward to it, and she was looking forward to being a junior next year with Temperance, and all of her other friends being seniors. But then she realized there was potentially a problem. Would Jake be going to college? If he was, how would the two of them be together?
 
[JCM: Does anyone care? Find out this and more after the next line break!]
[Jjs: Jake going to college? Is he going to the college for "How To Make Yourself a More Likable Character"?]
 
She decided not to think about that until it was totally necessary. It was time for school.

~~~

("New Divide" by Linkin Park plays throughout the scene)

"So, you called Morgan?" Bryan asked.

"Yeah," Jake replied.

"...And?"

"I was right," Jake said. "She still likes me. This sucks. What am I gonna do?"

"Well what did she say?" Bryan asked.
 
[Jjs: So...much...boring...dialogue.]

"She basically said she can ignore her feelings for me," Jake said. "But seriously, who can ignore this sexy man?" He laughed.
 
[Jjs: Jake, your ego is showing.]
[JCM: And unlike your penis, it's quite large.]

"Well, your ego is still there..." Bryan said.

"But seriously, it's not gonna work," Jake said, no longer laughing. "You can't just ignore all of your feelings from someone."
 
[JCM: That was one of the most incoherent sentences I ever read.]

"We'll see what happens," Bryan said.

"Sure..." Jake said. "So Grandpa left?"

"Yeah..." Bryan said. "Mitchell left like... two weeks ago. Where the hell have you been?"
 
[Jjs: Two weeks ago? I wonder if we're ever going to figure out who broke into his family's bank account, not that it's something I'm in awe to see resolved-oh wait, we already know who: The Cliche Villain Circle with your best pals Hersht, Astenias, and Jordin.]

"Just thinking," Jake said. "My baby girl is being born soon."

"So have you guys decided on a name yet?" Bryan asked him.

"No," Jake told him. "We're waiting until the birth to decide. We decided, well... Jackie decided, you know how girls are.... We decided that we'd just... know when she's born."

 

[Jjs: So her name is "Know When She's Born"? Great name!]

"That's kinda true," Bryan said. "That's what my mom and dad said they did with me. They said they just knew as soon as they saw me, that I was Bryan. They said it was just... me."

"I like the name Loretta," Jake said.

"Like Cleveland's wife from Family Guy?" Bryan teased.
 
[Jjs: So, Family Guy exists underwater now? Makes about as much sense as everything else in this show.]

"You're right, I've been watching too much TV lately," Jake said. "How about Summer?"

"That's a character from The O.C.," Bryan told him.

"Marissa?" Jake asked.

"Also from The O.C."
 
[Jjs: Next they'll be naming characters from Glee.]
[JCM: Shh! Don't give 70s any ideas!]

"Crap!" Jake said. "Um... how about Sandy?"
 
[Jjs: Also from the O.C...wait no, because that would require a reason for it to be underwater like everything else in this show. I would say it's the Sandy from SpongeBob, but that'd mean the SpongeBob characters in this show are still relevant.]

"We know someone named Sandy..." Bryan said. "That squirrel. I wonder how she's doing."
 
[Jjs: They're having fun giving up everything they did in Bikini Bottom for Bikini Top, I'm sure of it.]
 
~~~

Life was going well for the Bikini Bottomites. SpongeBob and Patrick were relaxing before they go apply for jobs at the Smoothie Shack, Squidward was taking music lessons before he went to try and make it big as a musician in Coralwood. Sandy was studying and performing experiments and she was going to apply for a job at Bikini Top High School over the summer. Right now the four of them were relaxing.
 
[Jjs: Oh hey, they exist again. Too bad I couldn't care less what happens to them, because they were just inserted into a story where they don't belong.]
[JCM: Let's put in Fairly OddParents characters next!]

"So, when are you guys planning on going to the Smoothie Shack?" Sandy asked. "I think I'll be going to the high school in mid-August or so."
 
"I don't know," SpongeBob said. "But being here is so much FUN! I miss Mr. Krabs and Gary and Mrs. Puff and... a lot of people though."
 
[Jjs: Quick SpongeBob, it's not too late to get away from this story and go back to where you belong!]

"You call EVERYONE from Bikini Bottom every day," Squidward said. "Way too much. How could you possibly miss them when you're in constant contact with them?"
 
[Jjs: EVERYONE? Holy shit, SpongeBob has a lot of time on his hands.]

"I just can," SpongeBob said.
 
[JCM: Good enough for me! "It just can" is how Bikini Top answers most of its irregularities, anyway!]

"Well SpongeBob, it really is getting ridiculous how much you talk to them," Sandy said. "It's running up our phone bill."
 
[Jjs: What bill? It's not like they have a house in Bikini Top at all, to our knowledge, unless this is another ass pull. If so, don't make me call the Ass Pull Police...]

"Fine," SpongeBob said. "I'll talk to them once a week...."

"How about once a month? Squidward asked.
 
[Jjs: July: Hello friends! August: Hello friends! September: Hello friends! October: Hello friends! November: Getting tired of me calling once a month? December: Happy Holidays! January: I give up, screw you all.]

"I can try..." SpongeBob said, seeming gloomy.

"It's so sunny!" Patrick yelled.

"How off-topic..." Squidward said.
 
[Jjs: Just like this entire scene.]

"That is weird how sunny it is," Sandy said. "It's Bikini Top, the weather is usually overcast here, but it's been beautiful out for about a month. And the forecast says it'll be staying like that for a while. Maybe it's a good sign, meaning good things are coming!"
 
[Jjs: For this show, not so much.]

~~~

The bell rings. Finally! The kids of Bikini Top High School run out of school, to get ready for that night's last day of school dance. Literally everyone there is cheerful and upbeat. There's not a single frowning face.
 
[Jjs: Except for JCM and I.]
[JCM: (holding his face in his hands and crying) Make it stop! Please!]

~~~

Sandy said good things are coming. And by the look of things, she's right. Any problems in Bikini Top have vanished temporarily, and the high schoolers are ready to celebrate the end of the school year.
 
[Jjs: I guess the Cliche Villain Circle went to another town to terrorize.]

Bryan and Jake were in their suits, ready to go to the Last Day of School Dance.

"You remember that Principal Fish said that anyone who went to an After-Dance Party would have to attend summer school, right?" Larry said.
 
[Jjs: YES, PRINCIPAL FISH! MY FAVORITE CHARACTER! Yeah, you tell those troublemakers, if they have any whacky teenage shenanigans at an after party, give them summer school.]

"Especially one with alcohol," Tori added.

"Or drugs," Larry said.

"Or some sort of creepy orgy!" Tori said.
 
[Jjs: You should have an orgy to settle these love problems.]
[JCM: It'd still be a better love story than Twilight.]

"That's just crossing the line, honey," Larry told her.

"Right..." Tori said.

"Anyways, we don't plan on going to a party," Jake said.
 
[Jjs: To be fair, the dance is technically a party.]

"Yeah," Bryan said. "Just the dance, then straight home."

~~~

("Sober" by P!nk )
 
[Jjs: I guess 70s couldn't even add "plays throughout this scene", because his record player broke.]

Anna was getting ready for the dance. Her mother wasn't home. She was working late. She had a beautiful dress on, some fancy make up, she had her hair extra curly. It was already really curly, but she got elegant, plentiful curls at the salon. But she still felt like this dance would feel inadequate without Trey being there. But she tried feeling good. Unsuccessfully. She opened up the cabinet, and grabbed a bottle of expensive vodka. She took it with her while she drove to the dance, just in case she couldn't handle seeing everyone with their dates, being happy, while she was so miserable.
 
[Jjs: To sum up this scene: But and She take over a paragraph of nonsense.]
[JCM: It seems like it's time for SUPER SENTENCE VARIETY to save the day!]

~~~

Morgan crawled out of Liam's bed. She can't believe she had sex with him again. But he was hot, and she was lonely and miserable. They had run into each other at school, and he flirted with her throughout the day, with sexual innuendo, jokes, and making small talk.
 
[Jjs: Welcome back, Liam. I hope you enjoy potentially being a father.]

As she was getting dressed, he tried to make conversation with her. "So listen... I know last time we had sex I said that it was just... sex, but honestly... it was more this time."
 
[Jjs: Was it Jex?]

"Really?" Morgan asked.

"Of course," Liam said. "I'd like to have a relationship with you. You're beautiful."
 
[Jjs: Let's be parents, because I think you are beautiful.]

"And...?" Morgan asked.

"And what?" he asked. "I said you're beautiful. Isn't that what chicks want?"
 
[JCM: Chicks also want to be called "chick".]
[Jjs: Chickens want to cross the road, thank you very much.]

"No," Morgan asked. "Because I'm not one of those girls who will be called beautiful, then will hop into bed or a relationship with some jackass."
 
[Jjs: *cue OOOOOOOHHHH from laugh track*]

"Well, all it took the first time we had sex was me saying your ass looked good in the pants you were wearing," Liam said. "Oh yeah, and that your eyes had be in a trance and that I could stare at your boobs all night."
 
[Jjs: "Your eyes had be in a trance"? No wonder why she's pissed at you, you can't even describe your sex experiences correctly.]

"Right," Morgan said. "You were a jackass then and you're a jackass now. Both times I slept with you have been giant mistakes, and I'm leaving." She slapped him, and left.
 
[Jjs: Ooooh, you go girl!]
[JCM: Wow, this drama was so intense that it put Jjs into sassy black woman mode!]

~~~

("We Used to Be Friends" by the Dandy Warhols can be heard from the dance)

Morgan was the last one to arrive at the dance. Jake was standing outside.

"Why are you late?" Jake asked.

"No reason," Morgan asked. "So where's Jackie?"

"Inside," Jake said.
 
[Jjs: Outside.]

"Without you?" Morgan asked.

"I needed some fresh air," Jake told her. "Just some time to think about everything that's happened, and everything that's going to happen."

"I know what you mean," Morgan said. "So about that talk we had on the phone today?"

"What about it?" Jake said.

"I don't think I can hide my feelings for you, or pretend they're not there, or just not do anything about them," she said. "I need to do something about them, and that's what I need to do right now. And we can just see what happens after that. No one will see. We're the only ones out here."
 
[Jjs: I like how the unlikable character gets all the bitches.]
[JCM: (eating popcorn) It's just like real life!]

"Well... okay," Jake said.

Morgan slowly leaned in, and pressed her lips against Jake's. It was the first time they had kissed in months, and it was the best kiss they had ever had. It lasted for more than ten seconds, and Morgan didn't want it to end. Jake, however, did. He loved Morgan, but he didn't think he loved her in that way anymore. He retreated from the lip-lock.
 
[Jjs: Oh yeah, work it baby.]

"So...?" Morgan asked.

"I'm sorry," Jake said. "That was a huge mistake, and we can't make it again. I need to go inside."
 
"Fine," Morgan said, and wiped away a tear.
 
[Jjs: It seems like this show can't stop having love triangles all over the place. Maybe Morgan should hook up with one of the SpongeBob characters if she gets that desperate. Then again, their characters have been butchered enough as it is.]

("We Used to Be Friends" stops playing)

"Now everyone, that was a fun dance with your friends, huh?" the DJ said.
 
[Jjs: Apparently the DJ couldn't even be named....unless he was born with the name "DJ", because his parents expected him to be one.]
[JCM: It's just like Principal Fish, only less creative!]
 
"Thank The Dandy Warhols for that. Now, here's the first song of many to dance to with your date. It's 'Nothing Like You and I' by The Perishers!" The song plays.

Bryan and Temperance dance together, both enjoying themselves.

Jake and Jackie dance together, Jake's mind on he and Morgan's kiss, and their friendship, and Jackie thinking about the upcoming birth of their child.
 
[JCM: "He and Morgan's kiss". Your F in grammar is officially an F-. See me after class.]

Morgan comes back into the gym, which is amazingly decorated because of large donations from the PTA. She sees Liam, who signals her to come over. She decides there's really no other option, so she goes over and dances with him reluctantly, but still manages to enjoy herself a bit.
 
[Jjs: So she goes from having sex with him again, to slapping him, and now to dancing with him. Does Morgan have some bipolar issue or what?]

Anna is standing in the corner, miserable. Death is on her mind, and all she can picture is going to her car and driving home to escape from the dance.
 
[Jjs: Don't worry Anna, maybe you can hook up with one of the useless SpongeBob characters, like I suggested to Morgan.]

Naomi is standing in the corner, just thinking about how lucky she is to be alive after her car accident. A boy comes up to her, and asks her to dance. She accepts.

"So, you're Naomi?" the boy asked.
 
[Jjs: No, I'm a girl standing here thinking about my drug addiction incident.]

"Yeah," she said. "This would be the part where you say your name too, in case you're lost."

"I'm Trevor," he said. "I heard a lot about you."
 
[Jjs: Time for Bland Love Interest #9!]

"Good or bad?" Naomi asked.
 
[Jjs: A little bit of this, and a little bit of that.]

"Honestly, a bit of both," Trevor told her. "But that doesn't make you sound like any less of an amazing girl." He began to lean in to kiss her. Naomi accepted.
 
[JCM: You can officially check "making out with someone you met three seconds ago" off your bucket list!]

"Don't rush this too much," Naomi laughed after the kiss was over, and they continued dancing. "You're great and everything, but yeah... not yet."

"Got it," Trevor said. "So, you haven't dated anyone in a while, have you?"

"I was actually dating this guy, Tate, a couple of weeks ago," Naomi said. "But it didn't work out. He was kind of a jerk."
 
[Jjs: ...Tate? This was...I don't even...ASS PULL POLICE!]
 
"Oh," Trevor said. "Well, I assure you, I'm not a jerk." He smiled.

"You have a nice smile," Naomi said, and she smiled as well.
 
[Jjs: So, he's automatically awesome because of his smile.]

"So do you," Trevor said.

The two of them danced together. But after about 20 seconds the song was over. They kept dancing together through a couple more songs.

"Now here's another song to feel free to dance to with your friends!" the DJ said. "It's 'Blah Blah Blah' by that whore... or, new, hit artist... Ke$ha!" The song plays.
 
[Jjs: I don't know whether to laugh or cry.]
[JCM: This DJ seems to hate Ke$ha a lot, yet he chooses to play it at the high school dance. Why, exactly? Oh, I forgot! He just can!]

Everyone was dancing but Anna. She decided to leave. She began walking to the door.
 
[Jjs: Jjs was getting bored. He talked in brief sentences. He then walked out of his house.]

"Hey Anna, where are you going?" Temperance asked.
 
[Jjs: Over there.]

"Yeah, you're welcome to dance with us," Jake told her.

"Totally!" Jackie said.

"Sorry, I don't think so," Anna said. "I just don't feel very well, I think I'm just gonna go."

"Don't do this," Morgan said. "You can just stay here with us."

"True," Anna said. "I CAN, but I WON'T. Now leave me alone. Bye!"
 
[Jjs: I WILL NOT!]

She ran out in tears.
 
[Jjs: Time for another hit song by Mr. Krabs and his World's Smallest Violin!]
 

"Should we be going after her?" Trevor asked.
 
[Jjs: Hm, should we? She's mentally depressed her boyfriend is dead and wants some time to cool off by herself...I say we go after her!]

"I don't think so..." Naomi said. "We just need to let her do what she needs to do. Her boyfriend just died a while ago, and she's having a tough time."
 
[JCM: You're telling this all to some guy you met a minute ago. Remind me never to tell you secrets.]

"Oh, she was dating Trey Atkins, wasn't she?" Trevor asked.
 
[Jjs: No, she was dating a Bland Undeveloped Character.]

"Yeah," Naomi told him.

"Then you're probably right," he said. "Everyone deals with death in her own way."
 
[Jjs: "Everyone deals with death in her own way"? Are you implying we're all women now? Well, time to change my gender!]

Anna was now in her boatmobile. She saw the vodka in the passenger's seat. She chugged it, and started driving home. Her driving was fine for a while, but then she hit something. She kept driving.
 
[Jjs: I wonder what she hit, was it someone of importance that will spawn into a cheesy cliffhanger?]
[JCM: Nope, it was a deer. Oh, well! They can try again next episode.]

~~~

"Thank you for coming to the Last Day of School Dance!" the DJ said. "I hope everyone had a lot of fun. Have an amazing summer!"
 
[JCM: "Except you, Ke$ha. I hope you have a terrible summer."]

Everyone left the dance.
 
[Jjs: Well, that was fast. It was so fast we didn't even see it!]
 
~~~

("That Kiss" by The Courteeners plays throughout the end montage)

While Jake is driving her home, Jackie notices strange behavior.
 
[Jjs: What's he doing? Is he secretly chanting "I love Morgan again, and I will kill Jackie"?]

Liam drops Morgan off at her house, and she kisses him.
 
[Jjs: Yup, so much for calling him a jackass, right?]

Naomi and Trevor are at the Smoothie Shack, talking, laughing, flirting. After a bit of talking, Naomi kisses Trevor, and invites him to be her 'Plus One' at Brenda and Tristan's wedding the next day.
 
[Jjs: So does everyone just decide to go to the Smoothie Shack after the dance? Also, the wedding is still relevant.]

Bryan and Temperance are laying on Bryan's bed.
 
[Jjs: *cue sexy music*]

Anna is on the computer, and goes to WJJY.com (Bikini Top's local news). She sees "John Doe found on 668 Oyster Avenue. Comatose. Hit and run suspected."
 

[JCM: It apparently wasn't a deer after all.]

[Jjs: Haha, called it. Thanks for helping, Snark Knight. I wonder what the last Season 1 episode has in store - more drama, twists, and a season finale cliffhanger? I guess we'll find out soon enough.]

[JCM: I'm sitting on the edge of my seat. Thanks for having me, jjs! I hope we can riff together again sometime.]

[So Sejima]

lol first a John Doe reference in NT and now BT. Besides that this spinoff is still bad, and is John Doe now a literature gag?

[Jjs Goodman]

lol first a John Doe reference in NT and now BT. Besides that this spinoff is still bad, and is John Doe now a literature gag?

 

John Doe means an unidentified body.

[So Sejima]

John Doe means an unidentified body.

oh I did not know that

[Metal Snake]

Wow, you're in the home stretch. If season 1 is this bad, how bad is season 2 (the supposed downhill point) going to be?

[So Sejima]

he's only doing BT season 1