Clappy vs Billboard Hot 100

[Wumbo]

Seriously, why don't people just listen to "Give Me One Reason" by Tracy Chapman? Same subject, thousand times better execution.

[Clappy]

If you haven't read yet, you can find my Top 10 Hit Songs of 2013 right over here:

http://www.thesbcommunity.com/forums/index.php?/topic/9990-best-and-worst-of-entertainment-2013-edition/page-2#entry517384

Time for another update from Clappy vs Billboard Hot 100. The thread that gives you thoughts on primarily just boring adult ballads or EDM songs.

Just give me something different for god's sake:

"Timber" - Pitbull (featuring Ke$ha)

Spoiler

Look up in the sky, it's a bird, it's a plane

Nah, it's just me, ain't a damn thing changed

Of course ain't a damn thing changed Pitbull. I feel like you've done this song before. Oh that's right.

It's nearly every single song you've released on the radio for the past three years!

Seriously, I feel like Pitbull keeps mentioning the same things in his songs:

Live in hotels, swing on planes

Blessed to say, money ain't a thing

Club jumping like LeBron now, Volí

Order me another round, homie

We about to clown. Why? 'Cause it's about to go down

Pitbull if you are going to rip yourself off this lazily, at least make it interesting. You always mention the places you travel, club hopping, dropping designers, talk about how much money you make. Just stop. At least try to do something different. I mean what's different in this? You use Kesha to sing the hook. Whoop-de-doo. You could use anyone on that part and Kesha really does nothing to differentiate herself here from Christina Aguilera on Feel This Moment. No Kesha doesn't oversing like Christina does, but Kesha doesn't make me want to get up and dance. But no, it's not Feel This Moment that this song reminds me most of.

I feel like Pitbull heard Avicii's "Wake Me Up" and decided that he wanted to do a western EDM/club party anthem. It's no coincidence that "Wake Me Up" and "Timber" feel like they are the same song and ironically both lose that novelty real quick after you hear it multiple times.

If I can give "Timber" one redeeming quality, it's that harmonica. I have to give the harmonica player far more credit than anyone else in this song because if it wasn't for him, then I would easily call this one of the laziest songs out there right now. Otherwise, this is just an incredibly stupid party song about twerking.

But what am I suppose to expect? It's Pitbull.

[Doctor Sex]

Pitbull honestly is my least favorite rapper out now

[Clappy]

Pitbull honestly is my least favorite rapper out now

I think calling Pitbull a rapper is becoming a stretch now.

[Doctor Sex]

I think calling Pitbull a rapper is becoming a stretch now.

He's like Daddy Yankee (Gasolina guy) but not funny

[Wumbo]

Yeah, I think when I reviewed this I called it a great Pitbull song if it wasn't for Pitbull.

[Clappy]

Well it's been a few weeks and this is long overdue.  I was waiting for a song to tear to pieces.  I almost did a full on review of "Let Her Go" by Passenger...but I couldn't think of anything else to say that I hadn't already said in my Bottom 10 except BORING.  That actually goes for my opinion on a good portion of the Top 10 on Billboard.  I just want something interesting.  Can someone please save me from this boredom?

 

 

"Team" - Lorde

 

Spoiler

 

Once again, Lorde has saved the day.

 

I know I'm going to get a mixed bag on this, but I've been far more impressed by Lorde than Lana Del Rey.  To the point where I can make this statement:

 

LORDE > LANA DEL REY

 

I'm not saying Lana Del Rey is a bad artist.  I do like some of her songs, like Summertime Sadness for example (not the EDM remix as pointed out pages back).  I just feel that for someone at Lorde's age to be THIS good is quite the impressive feet to me.  It definitely adds to my respect for her.

 

But yeah, this song is just an insanely catchy one.  It's a mixture of pop, rock, hip hop, and EDM.  Just like Royals, but I think this is one I can picture being played at clubs and parties.  Oh and btw, if I can just absolutely praise one line from this song over all the others:

 

I'm kinda over getting told to throw my hands up in the air

 

 

 

For the love of God, someone who finally gets it.  I feel like we are told to throw our hands up in the air in every other club anthem.  It's one of the most annoying song cliches next to girls being called "good girl" or "bad bitch".  The fact that Lorde mocks this line so perfectly by replying:

 

So there.

 

It just puts an absolutely large smile on my face.

 

Listen I get it when some people consider Lorde to be massively overrated and/or boring.  However, if you are a music nerd like me, you just learn to appreciate smartly written lyrics like this.  That's why I would say Team is probably my favorite song in the Top 10 right now.  I know I vastly praised Royals, but I feel like I wanted to like Royals more for what it could have been than what it was.  Team, I feel like is what I wanted Royals to be in it's subject matter.

 

So yeah, I give this song a massive thumbs up.

[Sauce Mama]

You should listen to Buzzcut Season by Lorde. So great.

[Sweat]

While this isn't my favorite song by Lorde, I still love the song and I love her.

 

Team Lorde

[Clappy]

You should listen to Buzzcut Season by Lorde. So great.

Agree whole heartedly. Should be her next single.

[Wumbo]

Far, far better song than "Royals". Is it enough to escape any scrutiny? We shall see...

[Clappy]

Far, far better song than "Royals". Is it enough to escape any scrutiny? We shall see...

You forgot to advertise your blogspot like this:

 

http://ericspopmusicreviews.blogspot.ca/

 

Come on, it's part of the advertising process my friend.

[SG19]

Far, far better song than "Royals". Is it enough to escape any scrutiny? We shall see...

Whaa? I thought you liked Royals.

[Wumbo]

Whaa? I thought you liked Royals.

I thought it was good, not great. This is great.

[Clappy]

I thought it was good, not great. This is great.

I don't know if it's possible but I find Royals very good, a little bit away from great. Yet I still justify it's spot on my Top 10 last year because I still feel like there were few great songs on the year end chart last year.

[Clappy]

You know. After months weeks of trying to put my finger around it, I think I've finally decided how I feel about our new number one song on Billboard.

"Dark Horse" - Katy Perry (featuring Juicy J)

Spoiler

And that decision is Katy Perry has entered the shit list. I'm done defending her music.

Let's go back to Page 1 of this thread, what did I say Katy Perry did best? She was excellent at making dumb fun music. That's what made me like Katy Perry. Then I also mentioned how Katy Perry wants to go in a new direction with her Prism album. I mentioned how I was scared about this album because Roar was such a bad song.

So far it turns out that I had every right to be scared because her follow-up to Roar was easily the worst Katy Perry radio song I've ever heard.

Spoiler

It's pronounced "UN-con-DI-tionally." It is not "un-condi-TION-ally." Nor is it "un-CON-ditionally." Christ Katy Perry. That pisses me off so much. That song was just so boringly bad that I can't believe it was professionally produced. It's a polished turd set of lyrics with an overcomposed production. It's amazingly awful. If it was on the 2013 year end list, I would have definitely had this in my Bottom 10...possibly even Bottom 5. Good thing it didn't because "un-condi-TION-ally" ended Katy Perry's streak of Top 10 hits by going as high as 14 and then falling. Thank you people for not making this a Top 10 hit.

So after months of this song being a Top 20 hit on iTunes, Katy Perry finally made a smart decision with releasing singles by making Dark Horse her next radio single. If it was that profitable for such a long period of time, she should have just made this her second single instead of trying and ultimately failing with "un-condi-TION-ally". Dark Horse has been an instant smash in the past month. Finally topping iTunes after sticking around for such a long period of time and then quickly gaining radio play by not only on pop stations, but urban stations. Katy Perry has a smash on her hands and I can see this being number one for quite awhile on Billboard. Wouldn't surprise me if this lasts a month or two. Especially since she hasn't even released the music video yet and that will most certainly help cement this as a long number one.

But does that mean the song is good? Well that's always the question. I have to give Dark Horse some props where it's due. It's different. You don't often hear that much "trap music" on pop radio. For those of you unaware of what I'm talking about; to quote one of the pages I found of Google, "trap music" is southern hip-hop with 808 sub-bass kick drums, double-time, triple-time and other faster time division hi-hats, layered synthesizers, and "cinematic" strings. It was created back in the 2000s and has somewhat seen a resurgence from artists using it in a couple of their songs like Kanye West, Waka Flocka Flame, and the most notable trap music hit by Chief Keef, "I Don't Like":

Anyway, Dark Horse incorporates trap music while Katy Perry seductively tries to warn a guy not to fall in love with her. It's a witchy kind of dark magic-ish song and you can tell especially by the chorus. Normally I don't mind these kinds of songs because when you have an artist as stunningly attractive as Katy Perry doing one of these kinds of songs, it brings more amusement and arousal. But then I finally realized last night. SHE HAS DONE THIS SONG BEFORE!

Spoiler

It all started to finally make sense to me. That's why I've had such a hard time figuring out how I feel about Dark Horse. I was in the same predicament a few years ago when she released "E.T." with Kanye West. I love Kanye, but my god he did not fit with this song at all. It was an intergalactic mess and probably my least favorite of the Katy Perry Teenage Dream singles. However, I find Dark Horse to be far worse than E.T. At least Katy Perry flaunted her seductiveness so much better there than here. Katy Perry sounds incredibly bored in the bridges asking this guy to make her your Aphrodite and it's a yes or a no, no maybe.

So you wanna play with magic

Boy, you should know what you're falling for

Yeah he's falling for a very unenthusiastic, yet seductive witch.

Baby do you dare to do this?

Cause I’m coming at you like a dark horse

You are coming at him like a dark horse? I thought he was the one who wants to hook up with you? YOU ARE CONTRADICTING YOURSELF!

Are you ready for, ready for

A perfect storm, perfect storm

Cause once you’re mine, once you’re mine

There’s no going back

You know all of this would make much more sense if it weren't for the first two lines of the chorus. I MEAN DAMMIT KATY PERRY, AM I HOOKING UP WITH YOU OR ARE YOU HOOKING UP WITH ME!? I mean half the song sounds like he wants to hook up with this witchy version of Katy Perry while witchy Katy Perry sounds unenthusiastic about this hook up but might want to have sex with him. I just don't get it no matter how many times I listen to it.

Oh and don't get me started on Juicy J's part

She’s a beast

I call her Karma (come back)

She eats your heart out

Like Jeffrey Dahmer (woo)

Oh comparing Katy Perry to Jeffrey Dahmer. That's a pleasant metaphor. *vomits*

Be careful

Try not to lead her on

Shawty’s heart was on steroids

Cause her love was so strong

But don't steroids make you get incredibly angry easily?

You may fall in love

When you meet her

If you get the chance you better keep her

Otherwise she'll eat your heart like Jeffrey Dahmer, amirite?

She's sweet as pie but if you break her heart

She'll turn cold as a freezer

And eat your heart like Jeffrey Dahmer.

That fairy tale ending with a knight in shining armor

She can be my Sleeping Beauty

I’m gon’ put her in a coma

Woo!

Or roofie her and rape her...isn't that right Rick Ross? She won't even know.

Damn I think I love her

Shawty so bad

I’m sprung and I don’t care

She ride me like a roller coaster

Turn the bedroom into a fair

Then she'll eat your heart out after sex...like Jeffrey Dahmer.

Her love is like a drug

I was tryna hit it and quit it

But lil' mama so dope

I messed around and got addicted

At least this line isn't laughable or just flat out bad. Just stupid. Like that Jeffrey Dahmer metaphor. God I just hate that Jeffrey Dahmer reference so much. It just throws out any chance of me saying anything redemptive about Juicy J's part. I don't think Juicy J gets this song either...just like me.

Listen, I want to give this song praise for trying something different, but the effort is just not that there for Katy Perry. Even if she does sound like a better singer on this than any of her other songs out there, it's because it's not challenging to go that high up in your vocal range like Katy Perry does here since her vocal range was already limited to begin with.

This song is just terrible. It's not as awful as Roar and especially not as awful as Unconditionally, but it's just E.T. version 2.0. Replace Kanye West with an obvious downgrade in Juicy J and replace aliens with witchcraft and you get Dark Horse. A song that has no idea whether Katy Perry is trying to seduce the guy or she just wants the guy to have freaky witchcraft sex with. Welcome to the shit list Katy Perry. At least you are the most attractive option on there. TOO BAD SHE'S A WITCH!

[Young Nug]

I usually love these Claps, but I don't think I've ever disagreed with so much in a single post before.

[Clappy]

I usually love these Claps, but I don't think I've ever disagreed with so much in a single post before.

Please explain to me what you disagree with. I welcome other's opinions.

[E.V.I.L.]

 

 

But as someone who has seen foxes before, let me tell you guys now that the only sound a fox makes is bark and howling.  At least Ylvis got one of them right:

 

A-oo-oo-oo-ooo!

Woo-oo-oo-ooo!

 

 

I realize this post is years old, but I'm slightly relieved that I'm not the only one who was angry that most of his noises sounded nothing like the actual noise of a fox.

[Young Nug]

Pretty much everything that wasn't "Perry's done this before with E.T" or anything that had to with Juicy J's verse (mostly)

 

For all the talk about the contradicting "why is she coming on to him I thought he was coming on to her", I'm pretty sure that entire complaint can be handwaved if you look at the song's concept as a mutual love, but the witch is just warning him that she's dangerous but "comes at him like a dark horse" anyway. J's verse wasn't even that bad aside from the Dahmer line, it was literally just a bunch of puns and one bad line does not a bad verse make.

 

Even if what I said didn't matter, those were just about the only complaints I could spot, and I don't think that a lyrical contradiction, a meh guest verse, and a (somewhat) similar theme to another track makes this a bad song, much less a "terrible" one. We're most likely different because I find lyrics the least important aspect of a song, but I think what I said still stands regardless. Katy makes dumb, fun music- I think this is one of those cases where you just turn your brain off and enjoy. I honestly wish Prism was more like this song and E.T- darker, more mature music like she said it was going to be originally- then what Prism eventually turned out as.

 

i think im one of the only people who liked kanye on et