Wumbo's Somewhat Informed Opinions on Music

[70s]

Emma Stone singing it tho <3

[Clappy]

Emma Stone singing it tho <3

In the shower <3

[SG19]

Can you critique Shadow Days and Too Close in your next installment?

[Wumbo]

Too Close - Alex Care

This is an awesome song. I love the guy's voice, I love the music, and the lyrics are good as well. At first I thought it was supposed to be a cover of Next's

from 1998, a song which I'm not particularly fond of, so I was pleasantly surprised when I found out it was an original song. And what an original song it is. It's a nice breath of fresh air in this declining industry called music.

Bottom Line: This song can never be too close to my ears.

Rating: 10/10

But I don't believe I've done Shadow Days. I'll include that one in my next installment.

[Wumbo]

Get ready for two bonus songs in this installment, ladies and gentlemen!

Your Body - Christina Aguilera

All you want to do is fuck my body. Gee, Xtina*, why don't you tell us how you really feel? Halfway through this song, I was sure this is just the umpteenth song featuring Sexy Lady #12 inspiring horny guys everywhere to pretend it's about them. But then it just gets weird with bad techno. If I had to pinpoint where this song just completely falls apart, I'd have to pick 2:47. Why is every artist doing this? Fucking hell. Is this really the same girl who gave us http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eAfyFTzZDMM?

*I've always hated this nickname. I realize what it's going for, but it's poor execution. It should be Xina. If not, why are you replacing Chris with X?

Bottom Line: All I wanna do is erase this song out of my head.

Rating: 2/10

Try - P!nk

Does anyone think that P!nk sounds similar to Lady Gaga in this song? I do. Regardless of whether you agree with me or not, this is still a fantastic song by a fantastic artist. God, I just love P!nk so much. She's had some

and some meh songs, but hell, songs like this would make me forgive any artist. Except maybe Chris Brown, but you all know how I feel about him.

Bottom Line: Keep trying, inferior artists, and someday you'll end up like this.

Rating: 9.5/10

Don't You Worry Child - Swedish House Mafia ft. John Martin

I haven't heard much of Swedish House Mafia, other than that "Save the World" song. But that song made me think that they were halfway decent. I'm assuming John Martin is doing all the vocals for this. He's got a decent vopice, but nothing too spectacular. Kind of like the rest of this song. Decent, but not too great. Hey, I'll accept it over utter trash. In a musical era like this, this review should be considered a huge compliment.

Bottom Line: Don't worry, I don't hate it, but I don't love it either.

Rating: 7/10

To the World - Kanye West and R. Kelly

I just want to say that one line about Mitt Romney in a song will spark an entire political debate in the comments section. ONLY IN YOUTUBE, PEOPLE. Anyway, back to the song. So, I guess the guy singing is R. Kelly, but it's kind of hard to tell through the sea of autotune. Eh, this song is just a'ight for me, dawg. Far better than many of Kanye West's attempts to produce music this year (did I mention how disappointed I am in him?), but that's not saying much, and I don't have much more to say about this song either.

Bottom Line: To the SBC world: This song's kinda dull.

Rating: 5.5/10

I Don't Like - Chief Keef ft. Lil Reese

It's too easy to make a pun on my review based on the title.

I DON'T LIKE this song. There, I did it! I can't even tell what the hell they're saying in this censored version. It really begs the question: are all those swear words necessary. Are you a rebellious 12-year-old? I have no idea what this song's about, but maybe it's self-referential? Darn, there I go again. Let's end this mediocre review to a bad song.

Bottom Line: Yeah, I don't like. Don't like at all.

Rating: 0/10

BONUS SONG #1: Shadow Days - John Mayer (as requested by SG)

With John Mayer, I find that people either love or hate him. Personally, I like him. I think he's got a nice voice, and his lyrics are usually solid (Body is a Wonderland notwithstanding). This song is no exception to what I'm used to with John Mayer. A nice little song that I wouldn't mind listening to again. It's great stuff, and if you haven't listened to John Mayer, you should.

Bottom Line: Yeah, I don't really know what a "Shadow Day" is, but I guess they're over.

Rating: 9/10

BONUS SONG #2: Animal - Neon Trees (as requested by jjs)

WAIT WAIT WHAT. I'VE BEEN SEARCHING FOR THIS SONG FOREVER!

Seriously, I never had any idea who did this song, or what it was called. Thank you, jjs, for helping me to see the light! Anyway, I love this song. I've seen a musical purist or two hate on Neon Trees, and I really don't know why. Does "purist" just mean "needlessly picky"? Probably. But this review isn't about them, it's about this song. This is just a great, catchy song. The only reason I'm cutting this review short is because, of course, hate is a lot more fun to write than love. But let the record show that this song rocks.

Bottom Line: What are you waiting for? Give it a listen!

Rating: 10/10

[Clappy]

I'm intrigued what your thoughts will be on the new Rihanna, Bruno Mars, and Kemoneysignha radio singles that debuted at I Heart Radio Fest recently.

[Wumbo]

If you don't know already, I'm a fan of Bruno Mars, and well... you know how I feel about the other two.

[Wumbo]

Begin Again - Taylor Swift

Oh good, another song about some boy who mistreated her and now she's met another guy! Taylor Swift in a nutshell. I can't wait to see who her latest flame will be, and who we can attribute this song to. Whatever, Taylor. You want to keep making songs like this, fine. Just know that I like you better when you don't write songs about your love life. At least this one isn't as annoying as "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together".

Bottom Line: Begin again, Swift. Try a different topic.

Rating: 4/10

Die Young - Ke$ha

The main problem i have with Ke$ha is that the thinks she can rap, but she really can't. Her singing (if that is her voice) is actually decent and I wouldn't mind Ke$ha if she didn't rap. She keeps the rapping to a minimum here, which is good. It makes for a pretty catchy song, to tell you the truth. Sure, it's a lot like a lot of pop songs today, but hey, as long as Ke$ha isn't making my ears bleed, I can tolerate it. Still not that great of a song, though.

Bottom Line: I hope Ke$ha doesn't die young, because she has so much more to prove.

Rating: 6.5/10

Diamonds - Rihanna

Considering it's Rihanna, actually not that bad of a song. Sure, her voice is still annoying, but at least the lyrics are decent and it doesn't have some shitty beat. Of course, this is only considering it's Rihanna. As you can imagine, my expectations for her aren't exactly high. And I don't grade bad artists on a curve, let me tell you. If she wants top marks, she must earn them, and she hasn't here.

Bottom Line: Doesn't exactly shine.

Rating: 6/10

Finally Found You - Enrique Iglesias ft. Sammy Adams

I used to like Enrique, but after his songs started losing meaning and started being about cheating and being promiscuous, I became less interested. This song at least doesn't have people cheating on their significant others while they're on vacation or whatever (I'm looking at you,

) or has the worst pickup line ever (please excuse me, I don't mean to be rude, but tonight I'm fucking you), so it's passable in my books. Not to make a pun off a terrible song, but I like it. It's catchy, and it's got a nice rap interlude by Sammy Adams. Overall decent song.

Bottom Line: Enrique has finally found his mojo again.

Rating: 8/10

Babel - Mumford & Sons

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uc4NvjzdHZ8

Mumford & Sons are one of the great new talents out there today, and they're part of the reason why I loathe it when people say they hate all of today's music. Really now? Try listening to some. I mean, listen to this song. It's a masterpiece. It's unique and it's awesome. There's really not much more I can say. If you don't like this song... well, have a nice day. Just know that I strongly disagree.

Bottom Line: This is what music should be.

Rating: 10/10

Bonus song: Your Love - Nicki Minaj (as requested by jjs)

As far as Nicki Minaj goes, this song is decent. Her rapping isn't even bad! Who knew she could... actually rap? It makes me scratch my head over why on Earth she doesn't rap like this more often, because it's actually decent. Still not a big fan of her lyrics, but it overall sounds decent, except for obvious autotune. I'm just surprised that she actually has rapping talent. It appears that Nicki Minaj is her own worst enemy when it comes to music, because she has the potential to sound like this, yet she usually

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdrqA93sW-8. It's baffling, really.

Bottom Line: I love this song.

Rating: 9/10

[dragiiin123]

yo dawg you should review little wings by mark gormley

[Wumbo]

Will do next week.

[Elastic Dawg]

yo dawg you should review little wings by mark gormley

Obviously he needs to do http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=87nkJquHnAU, too.

Oh, and review some Jan Terri while you're at it.

[Wumbo]

Oh man, the Jan Terri?

hLqvQUoxLFI

[SG19]

I feel this needs to be said since no one else will probably say it...

Perhaps Nicki Minaj is...you know, experimenting with various sounds or styles. Some artists do that.

[Wumbo]

I figure with all the requests, I'll just do them instead of Billboard songs.

Little Wings - Mark Gormley

So apparently this song is hated? Huh, it's not that bad of a song. His voice is different, for sure. But it's not bad, just a little out there. And the music is nice, too. You know what? Haters gonna hate, would listen again.

Bottom Line: It got by on a wing and a prayer, I guess? I'm really struggling with the puns.

Rating: 8/10

Without You - Mark Gormley

Hell, I like this song even better! I don't understand why this guy gets hate. I guess it's from people who can't appreciate a little diversity in the music industry. Well, you know what? I like Mark Gormley. He's unique, talented, and his songs are great. I don't know if he composes the music as well, but it's really well done. Thumbs up!

Bottom Line: Where would I be without dragiiin and Elastic?

Rating: 9/10

Losing You - Jan Terri

You must watch the video to get the full effect. This is a masterpiece in "so bad, it's good".

Video aside, this song is really, really bad. Neither the lyrics nor the singing are up to par. For example, this line here

But you weren't telling the truth, you were telling lies

is pretty stupid to begin with, but then she also sings it like this:

Budoo weren't tellinatroof, youretellin LIIIIEEEES

Now, the only reason I won't give it too bad of a mark is because it's at least hilariously bad, and not just bad. But still, I'm not giving it a 10/10 just because I got a couple laughs.

Bottom Line: My opinion is the only thing that matters. This song is bad.

Rating: 4/10

[Clappy]

Still waiting for you to do Bruno Mars new song.

[Wumbo]

Whoops, forgot about that one. What's it called?

[Clappy]

Whoops, forgot about that one. What's it called?

Locked Out of Heaven

[Wumbo]

I'm on it.

Locked Out of Heaven - Bruno Mars

As mentioned before, I think Bruno Mars is a great artist, and he's part of the reason why I still have faith in the music industry today. He's just got such an amazing voice, and he doesn't waste it on crappy songs. You could argue that "oh, this is just another song about sex", but what sets it apart from other songs like that is that the musical composition is just so unique. It's not my favourite Mars song, I'll admit, but it's a hell of a lot better than a lot of crap on the radio today.

Bottom Line: Bruno Mars' voice is heavenly.

Rating: 9/10

[dragiiin123]

do this tune wumby

[Wumbo]

Thanks for sitting through all-request week last week. And now back to your scheduled programming, featuring a request from dragiiin.

I Knew You Were Trouble - Taylor Swift

So Taylor Swift appears to have a new sound. Too bad she didn't update her lyrics as well. C'mon Taylor Swift. You keep falling for the same old shit. If you knew he was trouble when he walked in, why did you bother? Oh, I forgot. Your career depends on making shallow songs about boys, and you figured getting involved with this one would provide you with some "new" material. I give up, Taylor. I really do.

​Bottom Line: I knew this song would be trouble before I heard it.

Rating: 2/10

Skyfall - Adele

Ah, thank God for Adele and her comeback to music. This is a beautiful song, and there's really not much more to say. It's great from start to finish, heck, I think it just might have replaced Set Fire to the Rain as my favourite Adeler song. So, congrats on outdoing yourself Adele! It couldn't have been easy.

Bottom Line: This is how current music should sound.

Rating: 10/10

Live While We're Young - One Direction

One Direction is just very "whatever" for me now. Their music isn't great,. but I don't hate it, either. This song is pretty much a textbook example of my opinion on their music. It's somewhat catchy boy band music that will make all the 12 year old girls scream at some concert. And that's all it is. These guys will most likely go in the direction (har har) of Backstreet Boys, as they grow older and people stop caring about them. What I'm trying to say is, their 15 minutes should be up soon. So, live while you're famous, One Direction, because soon you'll be the next Boyzone. Who? Exactly.

Bottom Line: Inoffensive, but uninteresting. This is also my "favourite" One Direction song, if that adds anything.

Rating: 6/10

I Cry - Flo Rida

Oh look, another "whatever" artist. I'll give Flo Rida some credit: the chorus is damn catchy (even though it was probably lifted from God knows how many songs). But the rest of it is just generic Flo Rida, which is to say he raps about how awesome he is. He has a tattoo of Jimi Hendrix! He cares about the earthquakes in Japan! He... has a quarter million... on his necklace... um. Yeah. Good for you, Flo Rida. Each aspect of the Flo that there's only one of is illustrated in this song, which all combines together to create a self-absorbed buffoon. So, as I said, like all his other songs. Oh, and apparently he grew up in the projects, which he shoehorned in as a spoken intro to the song. Congratulations? So did many others. What's kind of funny is that he says this once and then it's pretty much never brought up again.

...

Did I mention he has a Jimi Hendrix tattoo? That's great! Because only Flo Rida has tattoos. And quarter million... necklaces... God, I've had enough.

Bottom Line: I cry just a little.

Rating: 3/10

Red - Taylor Swift

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=foPdS2t2jOo

I've already reviewed a Taylor Swift song in this post, so take it and apply it here, give or take a few points. So in this song, she's back to her old sound. This old sound reminds me of her many whiny songs, so I'll rank it even lower than her first one in this list.

Bottom Line: Look at the star. Look how she sings about you... oh, what a thing to do. And it was all... um, red.

Rating: 1/10

Bonus Song: Spotify Ad Theme/Various Tunes on Piano

This man.

Has mad piano skills.

Can't say I've heard these "ads" that he's parodying, but regardless, it's a very nice piece of music that he has here. A good way to end off the mostly bad list of songs.

Bottom Line: That hits the spot!

Rating: 9/10